INSPIRATION | HEALTH | RELATIONSHIP | BEAUTY | PARENTING | FASHION
FLASHYWINGS DISCOVER THE QUEEN IN YOU
IN-LAWS
HELPFUL TIPS FOR A SINGLE MOTHER
ISSUE THREE www.flashywingsministry.co.uk
PLANNING YOUR WEDDING
BEAUTY FOR
ASHES
9Hard Truth about Weight Loss
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
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W
EDITOR’S MESSAGE elcome
EDITORIAL TEAM CHIEF EDITOR QUEEN ENEFOLA EKUERHARE
CONTRIBUTORS PHADERA FLASH
Flashy Wings Magazine has come up with yet another treasure box. We have put together some amazing articles with different flavours, in order to reach out to women from all walks of life. Our magazine is unique because of its richness in value. We encourage women not to stop at dreaming but to bring the dream alive and take their dreams to the furthest point. Flashy Wings Magazine believes in inspiring, educating, motivating women towards ‘DISCOVERING THE QUEEN IN YOU’. We are all about celebrating the beauty of womanhood. I hope you enjoy reading our magazine.
ANGELA OSIGBESAN BETH W. ORENSTEIN JENNY MARKSON CHARLES EKUERHARE
FLASHY WINGS MINISTRY INFORMATION www.flashywingsministry.co.uk www.flashywingsyouthministry.co.uk flashy.wings@yahoo.com info@flashywingsministry.co.uk +44 7506 519 594. St Giles parish hall, 81 Camberwell church street, London SE5 8RB.
DESIGNER AND PUBLISHER
QUEEN ENEFOLA EKUERHARE FLASHY WINGS EDITOR AND COORDINATOR
. n e e u Q
FLASHY WINGS ONLINE MAGAZINE
Is an inspirational, motivational, encouraging, educative website which celebrates the beauty of womanhood, It is interactive and provides the opportunity to share experiences, motivate, teach and inspire women and ultimately stir them towards discovering the Queen in them. A gift to every woman!!! You can’t miss out, go to www.flashywingsministry.co.uk Please visit the website every Friday to read weekly edition. Remember to add your comments we value your contributions, please share this site with your friends.
+44(0) 7923 505 926 INFO@TRINITYMULTIMEDIASTUDIOS.CO.UK It is our desire as a ministry to reach out to a lot of women through this medium; there is a great task ahead of us, with God on our side and your financial support we will be able to bless many women. If you want to help sponsor our magazine (No donation is too small) please contact us on. Flashy.wings@yahoo.com info@flashywingsministry.co.uk +44750 651 9594 Advertise with flashy wings magazine, this is an opportunity to expand your vision, don’t wait make the call now page 2
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
FLASHY WINGS YOUTH MINISTRY DISCOVER THE QUEEN IN YOU
Flashy Wings Youth Ministry is an online magazine that is designed to cater for the needs of young ladies from the ages of (15-23). In today's society where the dignity of womanhood is gradually fading away, the magazine is equipped to encourage, motivate, inspire, and educate young ladies, to blossom, flourish, and celebrate their youthfulness. You can’t miss out go to: www.flashywingsyouthministry.co.uk It is an interactive forum the blog section is active and we encourage your comments and contributions. There is joy in sharing.
CONTENTS Relationship.......................................................... .....04 The In-Laws
Featured Article.......................................................07 Does God Change HIs Mind?
Inspirational Woman....................................... ....08 Echoes for Freedom
Woman of Excellence..................................... ....11 Featured Article.......................................................12 Planning your wedding
Health & Beauty......................................................14 9 Hard Truth about weight lose
Pearls of Wisdom............................................... ....16 Featured Article
Parenting....................................................................18 Helpful Tips for a single mother
Featured Article.......................................................20 Beauty for Ashes
Relationship.......................................................... ....21 Queen Ekuerhares’s couples’ Tip: A -Z for Marriage
Fashion.................................................................... .....22 Picking the Right evening dress
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Discovering the Queen in You
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MARRIAGE ZONE
In-Laws
WHEN IT COMES TO THE WORLD OF MARRIAGE, WOMEN HAVE DIFFERENT JOURNEYS. WHILE SOME HAVE A SMOOTH AND JOLLY RIDE, OTHERS GO THROUGH THE TOUGH AND NARROW ROUTES. SOME RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT ONLY FEW WOMEN ARE HAPPY WITH THEIR IN-LAWS. RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING, THEY HAVE BEEN THIS TUSSLE BETWEEN WIVES AND IN-LAWS ESPECIALLY WITH A MOTHERIN-LAW AND SISTER IN-LAWS. THE TRUTH IS THAT THE RELATIONSHIP CAN BE BETTER. HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL TIPS AND ADVICE TO HELP WOMEN HAVE A HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR IN-LAWS. WRITTEN BY QUEEN EKUERHARE
STUDY THEM: The mistakes most wives make is lack of wisdom at the initial stage of marriage. When someone comes to a new place, the wise thing to do is to study the people and the place before letting their guard down. Even animals understand and apply this principle. You don’t just assume your inlaws love you just because they are smiling or hate you because they are cold. While some people love to pretend and smile at you with a dark heart, some might look cold because they want to earn your trust. A woman should be observant until she can understand her in-laws. In that way, she will not be disappointed or surprised at them. Understanding people is the key to having a healthy relationship.
BE YOURSELF, DON’T PRETEND: There is nothing as destructive as being fake. It will just be a matter of time for people to discover who you are, ‘a leopard cannot change its spots’. Wives should be themselves. It is okay to show your In-laws your real self whether you are outgoing, quiet, bold, friendly etc, provided you are not out of control. They might not approve of your character or personality. But once they know and get to understand you as a person, then they will accept you the way you are. However, this does not justify wicked and unruly behaviour. Some women may pretend because they want to fit into their in-laws’ expectations of an ideal wife. But honestly ‘the real you is the best you’. page 4
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
BE OPEN MINDED TOWARDS THEM: There have been stories of ladies wishing their mother in-laws dead before they meet their future husbands. Some already get into the marriage with prejudice towards their in-laws, maybe due to their own mother’s experience or horror stories they have heard about in-laws. It is true that a lot of women have suffered terribly at the hands of their in-laws. But that does not mean that everyone suffers the same fate. There is no gain in being unnecessarily suspicious and close minded towards your in-laws. If they give you kisses and warm embraces, accept it with joy and gladness. The danger of being paranoid is that you miss out on the beautiful things of life, and can never see anything good because your judgment is beclouded. Learn to relax and accept love from your in-laws.
COMPROMISE WHEN THERE IS A NEED TO: It is true that some in-laws are busybodies. They might step beyond their boundaries sometimes, not because they are evil people, they just let loose at times. Women should learn to accommodate their in-laws’ shortcomings. There is beauty in having a large heart. Most relationships thrive on compromise. Some ladies think that
compromising is a sign of weakness or timidity. As a matter of fact, it is a sign of strength and maturity. This does not mean that a woman should take more than she can handle. Compromising is a way of someone acknowledging their imperfections along side of others and being ready to find a common ground.
PRAY FOR THEM: Whether you are happy or unhappy with your in-laws it is important to pray for them. Some situations are beyond our control but a woman can ask God to heal the relationship between her and are in-laws. If a woman has a good relationship with her inlaws, she should keep praying that God will continually strengthen the love. Prayer is a way of asking God to take control and lead the way.
BE MINDFUL OF THE INFORMATION YOU GIVE ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE: Sometimes women are advised not to take their marriage issues to their in-laws except when the problem is getting beyond repair. As much as there are many good inlaws that are very supportive towards the marriage, some are very disruptive. Some families don’t find fault with themselves.
marriage. The Bible says ‘A man will leave his father and mother and cling to his wife the two shall become one’ If in-laws take advantage of their daughter in-laws it is absolute wickedness. It is important for a woman to respect and honour her in-laws. But on no account should she allow them to use, abuse or maltreat her. Everyone deserves the right to be happy. Some ladies are vulnerable and timid so they allow such unkind treatment. Such women have to make their in-laws know that they came from a family where they are cherished and loved. It is not asking too much to be treated fairly, even if they do not like her.
RESPECT THEM EVEN IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH THEM:
When some wives report their husband misbehavior, they might take sides with him or even pretend to be supportive. Some might start using the information against the woman and also use it as a means to disrespect her. To be on the safe and neutral side, wives should speak to someone mature or experienced that will represent both husband and wife in an unbiased manner. That is, unless the issue has gotten to the point where the in-laws have to intervene. However, it is also important to note that some women have established a wonderful relationship with their in-laws and they can run to them for help. In that case they can go to them, in as much as the in-laws are caring, the women should also be mindful of making such incidents a recurring event. This approach should be cautiously used so that the woman or marriage will not be taken for granted.
IN TIMES OF DISAGREEMENTS, YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD BE THE ONE TO SPEAK: In-laws can be very impolite at times, especially mother in-laws vs. daughter inlaws. If a woman feels her in-laws have disrespected her in anyway, she should control herself and communicate her annoyance to her husband. Let the husband
do the talking. The reasons are as follows (a) the man is the head of the house, it is his right to protect his home, (b) the man will be able to deal with his family because he knows them better, (c) people will easily forgive their own, rather than a stranger, (some in-laws see their daughter-in-law as an outsider) (d) it shows that the husband respects and adores his wife; therefore, he will not allow anyone to intimidate her. Often, when women stand up to their inlaws, most husbands do not appreciate it because it undermines their authority. Or rather, it makes them torn between their wife and family. Men find such a position very uncomfortable. But in some cases, some men are very passive and act as if they are afraid of their family. So the wife suffers at the hands of her in-laws. If this happens repeatedly without any meaningful intervention from the husband, then the woman can speak her mind or stand her ground. There is nothing wrong with defending herself.
DON’T ALLOW THEM TO TREAT YOU INHUMANELY: Some in-laws actually see their daughterin-laws as a slave or household property. This is very common with some cultures. Some will say things like, ‘you are not just married to your husband, you are married to the entire family’. As a matter of fact, this goes against the biblical standard of
In every relationship, people are meant to have their differences. The problem is not usually about our differences, it is about being tolerant. Being too opinionated and seeing things from just our own point of view is inflexibility. When interacting with in-laws, women should try and see where they are coming from; even if you do not agree with them, you can respectfully disagree.
AVOID GIVING THEM CHANCES TO INTERFERE IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE: Some in-laws will take the arm if they are given a finger. Some families are very controlling and domineering. Even if their son is a full grown husband and a father, they still want to control his life. Women married to such men find such interference distressing, especially if the man is obliging to his family’s will. However, some women are responsible for such interference due to how they present issues or organize their family structure. Every family has their own little family confidentialities. Most times it is something that should stay within the family. It is not everything that the extended family should know. In this way, boundaries are drawn. However, women should note the difference between interference and support. That’s because some in-laws want to be supportive and caring. In some cases, such attempts can be too much in the face. But when such care is driven by love rather than by control, the woman can be open minded and compromise. In that way, she enjoys their love. But interference is an excessive need for control that should be stopped because it is destructive to a home.
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IF THEY ARE DIFFICULT IN-LAWS KEEP THEM AT ARM’S LENGTH: Just as we have good people, there are also evil people. Some women might end up in a family that is wrong for them. It is one of the realities of life. Some families have a very dark history and issues. Most times women get to know that after their marriage. If a woman is married into a family where they are difficult and unaccommodating, the wisest thing she can do is to distant herself. She will still be part of the family. But you may have heard the phrase ‘dine with the foe with a long spoon’. There is no point fighting and quarrelling with them, it is ‘too much of familiarity that causes contention’. When a woman does not make herself easily available, the family does not have anything to say. However, that does not mean a woman should not show her difficult in-laws love and support. Staying away is a way of protecting herself and her family to avoid hurt.
AVOID PARTAKING IN ANY FAMILY TRADITIONS THAT ARE AGAINST HER FAITH: There are some families that practice traditions that are not pleasing to God. Sometimes they might insist that their daughter in-law partake as a compulsory rite. But the bible has instructed us that nothing should separate us from the love of God. It is better to obey God than any family traditions that do not glorify Him.
BE KIND AND HELPFUL TO THEM: Kindness goes a long way. Some women are very unkind and hateful towards their in-laws. Some do not see themselves as part of the family; their relationship with their in-laws is like that of a stranger. Some women are naturally very mean and would even manipulate their husbands from helping their family members. They forget that before they existed in the man’s life, he had a family. Loving and honouring your in-laws is a key thing and should be taken seriously.
HUSBANDS AND WIVES SHOULD AGREE ON WHAT ROLE THEIR FAMILIES SHOULD PLAY: The reason why some couples quarrel and fight over in-law matters is because they don’t have a unifying agreement on the roles of in-laws, such as budgets, settling crises, support, etc. Couples should know where their families come in. Some men do not clear matters with their wife before enlisting the help of their family. The wife is always the last to know. Some even confide in their mother rather than their wife. Arguably, some men have bad wives. But in some cases that might not be so, some husbands just have a wrong mentality about marriage. Deep in their heart, they see their wife as a stranger and family as family. Some even basically act as if they are married to their mothers. Such an arrangement does not benefit the interest of a marriage. In-laws’ roles should be defined by couples.
laws, it will be very helpful. When a woman plays a good hostess, she also makes her husband happy and he feels honoured.
DON’T DISRESPECT YOUR HUSBAND IN FRONT OF THEM: Some women are out of control. The worst thing a wife can do is to disrespect her husband before his family. If a woman is not happy with her husband, she can control herself until the in-laws are gone before she expresses herself. Disrespecting or over-ruling a man before his family undermines his authority. It is humiliating and does not reflect well on the wife.
SEND THEM GIFTS: Women should send their in-laws gifts that they can afford, just a token of love to show that she cares. Life is about sharing.
DON’T PLEASE THEM TO DISPLEASE YOURSELF: In-laws do have their own expectations and demands. That does not mean that a wife should displease herself to please them. Some couples carry their in-laws burden on their shoulders even at the detriment of their own personal needs. It is good to help and support in-laws, but don’t let it get to that point when you can’t support yourself. Some in-laws capitalise on a couple’s generosity so they milk them. Couple’s should not make themselves ‘the golden goose that lays the golden egg’. Some in-laws will take advantage, not mindful of the fact that the process of laying an egg is very painful and stressful. Displeasing yourself for others is not wise. But you can remain open-minded even if it means that you inconvenience yourselves at times.
USE A PEACEFUL APPROACH RATHER THAN WAR APPROACH: In the history of mankind, peace has proven to be more effective than war. Family disputes can be very destructive; some can last for generations. In families, there are going to be quarrels every now and then. But a wife should always encourage peace. War is not helpful to anyone; it brings about strive and bitterness.
DON’T POISON YOUR HUSBAND’S MIND AGAINST THEM: Some women get into a family and destroy their happiness. In as much as they are good in-laws, there are also bad wives. Some women turn their husband’s heart against his family. They poison the man’s mind to hinder him from helping or relating to members of his family. They do not even allow in-laws to visit their home. Such women usually do not have peace in their life because they are not peacemakers. Life is too short for anyone to promote hate.
I hope this article will help women to make wiser and healthier choices in relating to their In-laws, if a woman still finds it difficult to forgive or love her BE A GOOD HOSTESS: in-laws, just give it all to the Lord, “Jesus say Come to Occasionally in-laws will visit; some will stay a little longer. Be me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will a good hostess instead of complaining and wearing heavy face. give you rest” (Matthew 11:28) He is able to touch Learn to enjoy their company, even if they are demanding. It is your heart and heal you, and give you the spirit of just for a while. One of the commandments of a good wife is to love. page 6
show hospitality. If a woman can have a large heart towards in-
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
DOES GOD CHANGE HIS MIND?
God is not a man that he should lie nor a son of man, that he should change his mind...
[numbers23:19(NIV)]
There are countless times when we pray and wholeheartedly believe we have heard from God. The message is later confirmed and we act upon that word.
or delayed which may be the result of the plan of the enemy. It could be due to our own shortcomings, whether it be the effect of un-forgiveness, lack of faith or wrong motives.
Whilst we stand and be still our thoughts become distorted. We think God has changed his mind or maybe he did not mean that. We barrage ourselves with questions and thoughts surrounding the initial word and confirmation.
Hannah continued in prayer. She trusted God’s word. It was not until she promised to give her son back to God that her prayer came to fruition. Her heart was right and her prayer fell in line with God’s will.
Our pray session journeys into a new vein. ‘This is God’s word,’ we echo. The original word we received no longer exists! We now enter the world of pray hopping. Do we really believe God has changed his mind? Hannah, the mother of the faithful prophet Samuel, was barren. She prayed without ceasing for her child. She stood and held onto God’s promise. Deuteronomy 7:14 God is no respecter of persons. If he could do it for Sarah and Rebekah, He can do it for Hannah and anyone else for that matter. Our prayers are always answered. Nonetheless, they are often hindered
In conclusion, God does not change his mind. He means what He says, He wants us to trust Him at His word and to wait for Him to move. When God speaks to you the instruction is for you. Do not stop God’s blessing by listening to someone else’s interpretation, especially if it is contrary to the conviction you hold within your heart. Sarah tired of waiting for Gods’ promise to materialize. She gave Abraham her interpretation: hence the birth of Ishmael. Genesis 16:2 God’s word was given to you. Be sure to obey, wait, trust and praise Him. Written by Phadera Flash
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Inspirational Woman
ECHOES FOR F CORETTA SCOTT KING WAS AN AMERICAN CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST AND THE WIFE OF CIVIL RIGHTS LEADER MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. SHE ESTABLISHED A DISTINGUISHED CAREER IN ACTIVISM IN HER OWN RIGHT. WORKING SIDE-BY-SIDE WITH HER HUSBAND, SHE TOOK PART IN THE MONTGOMERY BUS BOYCOTT AND WORKED TO PASS THE CIVIL RIGHTS ACT. AFTER KING'S DEATH, SHE FOUNDED THE CENTER FOR NONVIOLENT SOCIAL CHANGE IN ATLANTA.
PROFILE
Civil rights activist. Born on April 27, 1927 in Marion, Alabama. Although best known as the wife of 1960s civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr., Coretta Scott King established a distinguished career in activism in her own right. Working side-by-side with her husband throughout the 1950s and 1960s, King took part in the Montgomery Bus Boycott of 1955 and worked to pass the 1964 Civil Rights Act. Her memoir, My Life with Martin Luther King, Jr., was published in 1969. Following her husband's assassination in 1968, she continued their work, founding the Martin Luther King, Jr. Center for Nonviolent Social Change in Atlanta, GA. She served as the center's president and chief executive officer from its inception. In 1980, a 23 acre site around King's birthplace was designated for use by the King Center. The following year, a museum complex was dedicated on the site. Coretta also was behind the fifteen-year fight to have her husband's birthday instituted as a national holiday — President Ronald Reagan finally signed the bill in 1983. In 1995, Coretta passed the reins of the King Center over to her son, Dexter, but she remains in the public eye. She wrote regular articles on social issues and published a syndicated column. She had been a regular commentator on CNN since 1980. In 1997, she called for a retrial for her husband's alleged assassin, James Earl Ray. Ray died in prison before the trial could be effected. Coretta and Martin Luther King, Jr. had four children: Martin Luther King III, who now serves as president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC); Yolanda, an actress; Bernice, a lawyer and Baptist minister; and Dexter; who runs the King Library and Archive. King suffered a heart attack and stroke in August 2005; she died on January 30, 2006. Written by Bio True Story http://www.biography.com/people/coretta-scott-king-9542067 page 8
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
CORETTA SCOTT
KING
1927-2006
n
R FREEDOM
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FLASHY WINGS MESSAGE
Thoughts, Reflections of Coretta King Story Bed of thorns Coretta was a woman that endured real pain at her
prime, her husband, civil right activist Martin Luther King, was assassinated in cold blood. Ladies in as much as we want to take the positive side of life, it is important to note that life is not just a bed of roses, it can also feel like a bed of thorns. One way or the other in your life time, you will feel pain that words cannot express. There are two ways of managing pain, it is either you let your pains swallow you or you swallow your pains. Coretta did swallow hers and did not let it get in her way. That enabled her to continue where her husband stopped, so that his death would not be in vain.
SELFLESSNESS VS SELFISHNESS
After her husband’s death, Coretta was not afraid to go on with the struggle, even when she stood the risk of being assassinated as well. She understood that her dream and her husband’s for black people to be free from segregation was greater than their lives. It shows that Coretta is an embodiment of selflessness. The difference between selfish and selfless people is a thin line. Selfish people dream for themselves, selfless people dream for others.
THE WAY OF PEACE
Coretta's campaign was against violence of any kind, because she had the wisdom to understand that sometimes swords and guns do not really solve problems. There is greater strength in using the peace approach. And that yielded her more positive results. Ladies, we can apply this in our personal lives and in our dealings with people, that the way of peace is more effective and efficient than the way of war and violence.
NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER
Coretta was a very fulfilled woman when she died, because she was blessed to see that her dreams and her husband’s were actualising. She was honoured a number of times and known to be one of the world most famous women in history. Even with all the troubles of life, Coretta refused to retreat or surrender. Ladies, when you are faced with the hard knocks of life, remember this words ‘no retreat, no surrender’.
Written by Flashy Wings Ministry
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FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
‘Finally… sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such thing.’ Philippians 4:8 (NIVUK)
Woman of
Excellence Have you ever tried to achieve something, and you hear that inner voice within you, saying, ‘don’t give up, do you very best, put all you’ve got into this’? That is the prompting of excellence. Most times, motivation and goodwill are not enough to take your dreams to the furthest point. To give your dream that face lift or extra factor you will need one important tool that is Excellence. There have been many misconceptions about the word excellence. It not just about getting all round distinctions in you exams, or being so perfect in what you do. Excellence is far deeper than that. A woman of excellence is someone who is ready to learn until she perfects her life calling. She does not give in to her emotions because she understands that human feelings are a mirage. She believes that passion is greater than talent; the fire of passion can ignite one to any height. A woman of excellence is a woman who will gradually progress from good to better and finally to the best. She is willing to make the sacrifice until she reaches her desired result. She knows that dreams without hard work and devotion are fantasies. She understands that no lazy person has ever made history. Only determined minds are achievers. She knows that disappointment and setbacks are part of the road to success. Rather than stopping her, she uses them as an opportunity to boost herself. Giving up is never an option, her eyes are on the winning line. A woman of excellence does not just join the bandwagon (popular opinion). She thinks about changes, adding spices and new flavour to things. She pays attention to details; for her, every little matter counts. She is willing to go
the extra mile no one else dares, not afraid of being a pacesetter. A woman of excellence knows perfection is impossible, but satisfaction is attainable. Her mind is like a factory busy with drives, executing them and achieving goals. She gets tired and gives in to defects at times. When she rises again, she sees such a time as a temporary diversion. A woman of excellence understands that her strength is limited, so she looks up to the Lord to renew her strength. She is a woman of dramatic faith and passionate about prayer, and delves deep into the word of God. “This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.” Titus 3:8 (NIVUK) A woman of excellence enlivens our imagination. People ponder at her level of creativity, and the energy that flows through her like a waterfall. She is not a magician, but her touch in everything she does seems wondrous. She is not a genius, just a determined, devoted, and disciplined individual. When we look at the life of the woman of excellence, we can see that she is not perfect. Neither is she a genius or a know it all. But her willingness to go the extra mile is what makes her a woman of excellence. When we reflect upon our lives, we should see that our better can be best. The problem is not with our failures, mistakes, horrible past and weaknesses. The problem is with our conscious inability to rise above our odds. We can take a step of faith to move forward, that is what makes us WOMEN OF EXCELLENCE!!
Written by Flashy Wings Ministry
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Discovering the Queen in You
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PLANNING YOUR WEDDING SINGLE ZONE
Written by Queen Ekuerhare
DON’T PUT YOURSELF UNDER PRESSURE:
Don’t make too much fuss about the wedding. Just do what you can do; putting yourself under pressure is not healthy for your entire well-being. Don’t try to overdo or under do things. If there is something you cannot afford, don’t kill yourself over it. Just get the essential things you need for the wedding. Some ladies put pressure on the groom which can have a negative effect even after the wedding. Try to be supportive and helpful. Some people put themselves under severe pressure so that on the wedding day they lose their excitement and the whole occasion is undermined. That can be very dangerous because some go into the marriage with feelings of resentment. No one wants to start their married life on the wrong foot.
DON’T PUT ALL YOUR SAVINGS IN THE WEDDING:
Couples just think about the wedding day, and forget about the marriage. People have made this mistake in the past; they put all their savings into the wedding. After the honeymoon, they are faced with the reality of coping with their bills. Some put everything they have, believing that invited guests will give cash gifts to them and they can replace what they have spent. That is not wise. You can’t rely on decisions made under probability or assumptions. It is important to keep some money aside that will help the couple to settle down and give them time to recover from all the expenses of their wedding.
DON’T COMPARE YOUR WEDDING WITH ANOTHER:
A wedding is not a contest, it is foolishness to compare your wedding with some else’s. Some ladies want to put on a show that they cannot afford just because they want to outdo a friend. Such women are small minded. There is nothing as good as ‘being yourself’ and being original. However, there is nothing wrong with getting inspiration from someone else’s wedding on how to organise your own.
Planning a wedding can be a very exciting and stressful time, especially for the bride, who is trying to make her childhood fantasy a reality. However ladies should learn to do things in moderation because the wedding is just for one or two days, marriage is for life. Be yourself; you can put together a nice wedding ‘not for show or shame’. page 12
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
KEEP THINGS SIMPLE, NOT COMPLICATED:
Often people put unnecessary burdens on themselves. A wedding is not the end of the world. Yes, it is supposed to be once in a lifetime. But that doesn’t mean you should drain yourself. If you can’t afford a nice ring, get an inexpensive one. You can always renew your vows few years on when you can afford an expensive one. If you can’t afford a wedding grown, you can always hire one from the bridal shop. If you can’t afford a big honeymoon by the seaside, do the honeymoon in your house. There will be a lot of time for that in the future. Don’t make a big deal out of everything. Most married people look back at their wedding and they realise that some of the money they spent was just unnecessary. Keep things nice and simple.
DON’T ASK PEOPLE:
I have seen situations when people are planning a wedding and they are relying on a rich relative, friend or parents to sponsor the wedding. That is okay if the people have promised to take care of the wedding. But it is presumptuous to think someone should pay for it because they are rich. It means wanting someone else to take responsibility for their own duty. Naturally, when you are getting married, family and friends are willing to support you. But don’t put anyone under any financial strain. They should freely volunteer to help. That is why I advise couples to save some reasonable amount of money before planning a wedding. Sometimes when you ask people for help, they might do it with some strings attached or use it as an opportunity to disrespect you. So to keep your dignity and selfrespect, plan and pay for your own wedding. Any help should be a bonus.
COMFORTABLE HOME:
There have been situations where a woman gets married and has to start her married life staying in her husband’s family home. Sometimes such an arrangement is cultural. However, most women find it very stressful, having to cope with their new status and dealing with in-laws. I do understand that some men see this arrangement as temporary. It helps to save money for a move to an apartment of their own. But personally, I believe couples should have their own space, particularly as newlyweds. The home does not necessary have to be posh or luxurious. It should be something they can afford. It can even be a single room, provided it is comfortable. On a lighter note, I have seen couples that started off in a small single room, but years later end up living in a big house with many rooms. A comfortable home should be a number one priority during a wedding plan.
KEEP EXPECTATIONS REASONABLE:
A lot of ladies get carried away and they start coming up with unrealistic ideas. Such a move usually irritates the groom, because most men just want to get the whole wedding ceremony off their chest. They are not ready for unnecessary details. Women are more particular, which is a good thing and men do understand that. But in as much as you want your day to be fun, colourful, and beautiful, do things sensibly.
WORK ACCORDING TO YOUR BUDGET PLAN:
Weddings are financial demanding, however ‘cut your coat according to your size.’ Sometimes there is too much hype about the whole wedding thing. A lot of couples go into marriage in debt. That alone can cause future marital crisis. Come clean with each other. Make a budget on what you can afford and how much you both are willing to put on the table
and stick to it. There is no point trying to prove a point to anyone. If people are putting pressure on you, then suggest that they pay for it. You can only give what you have.
UNREALISTIC FAIRYTALE FANTASIES:
This is the mistake a lot of ladies make. They can’t differentiate between fantasy and reality. Some ladies have a very wide imagination about their wedding day. They are so interested in making their dreams come true that they are not mindful of the realties before them. Some watch films on royal weddings or read celebrity wedding magazines. They expect their wedding to be just that. Meanwhile, she and her fiancé are just normal people on modest salaries. Such ladies should learn to be realistic and mature.
EXTERNAL EXPECTATIONS:
In planning for a wedding, others may be involved in the planning i.e. families, friends, etc. Everyone has their own picture of a perfect wedding, and wants their ideas to be represented. This may cause confusion. As the saying goes ‘too many cooks spoil the food.’ In such a situation, take any useful advice and disregard the rest. It is your wedding day. Some in-laws might complain about finance. They may say that your budget is too small. You can clearly and carefully explain to them what you can afford. However, let the budget be reasonable to do a wedding. I have seen some people come up with a wedding budget that cannot even buy the balloons for the decorations. External pressure usually causes friction between the couple. Some parents might want an elaborate wedding to show off to friends that they had a grand ceremony. Meanwhile, they are not ready to contribute substantially to the cost. Do not allow anyone to use you to feed their ego. Stay within your means. Taking a stand together also shows the unity between the couple, and their capability of dealing with external influences in marriage.
KEEP YOURSELF INFORMED:
When planning a wedding, there may be changes and adjustments to be made. It is important that couples should keep themselves informed of new or alternative arrangements. In that way, they can know each other’s views and opinions. If one party is dissatisfied they should speak out.
Communication is an essential part of planning a wedding – and preparation for a good married life.
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Discovering the Queen in You
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9
Hard Truths About Weight Loss Hard Truth No. 1: Your Body Works Against You
It’s not your imagination. When you try to here are reasons why you have a lose weight, you’re not only fighting your hard time shedding those extra cravings, but also your own body. When you lose body fat, you decrease the hormone pounds, but if you arm yourself with knowledge, you can overcome Leptin, which signals your brain that you’re full, and you increase the hormone Gherall the obstacles. lin, which stimulates hunger, Australian You don’t need us to tell you that researchers found. losing weight — and keeping it off — is hard. About 80 percent of The bad news is that this hormone imbalpeople who lose weight gain it all ance continues long after dieters succeed at back, and sometimes more, within a weight loss, making it even harder for them to keep the pounds off. But if you try to cut year, experts say. But understanding why weight loss is so difficult too many calories for weight loss, your body can help you stop beating yourself will go into hibernation mode so that you don’t starve, and your metabolism will slow, up over every little setback, and Sarah Dolven, MD, an endocrinologist in increase your chances of success. Charleston, S.C. explains. Forget the gimmicks, and come to terms with these difficult weight- It’s also important to realize that once you loss lessons. reach your weight-loss goal and start eating
T
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FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
a little more again, the pounds can come back pretty quickly, so it’s smart to increase your calories gradually.
Hard Truth No. 2: There Are No Quick Fixes Wishing you were 30 pounds lighter in time for your high school reunion next month will not make it so, and there are no magic pills or miracle cures that can make it happen. “When you’re trying to lose weight, it’s hard to be patient,” says Mark Pettus, MD, chief of medicine at St. Peter’s Hospital in Albany. But you have to be patient because quick starvation diets can wreak havoc on your metabolism, damaging your weightloss efforts for the long term. As you start your diet, remember that slow and steady weight loss is the easiest to maintain, Pettus says, and aim for one to two pounds of fat loss each week.
You don’t need us to tell you that losing weight — and keeping it off — is hard. About 80 percent of people who lose weight gain it all back, and sometimes more, within a year, experts say. But understanding why weight loss is so difficult can help you stop beating yourself up over every little setback, and increase your chances of success. Forget the gimmicks, and come to terms with these difficult weight-loss lessons.
Hard Truth No. 3: Exercise Can't Conquer All Yes, exercise helps you lose weight and keep it off — the National Weight Control Registry reports that people who maintain their weight loss exercise for at least 60 minutes most days — but it’s nearly impossible to lose weight from exercise alone, Pettus says. Just do the math: A 135-pound person biking 60 minutes at 12 miles an hour will burn 369 calories. You can put all that back on with just a postworkout protein bar. To lose a pound of fat, you have to burn 3,500 calories more than you consume, so you can see how hard it is to exercise your way through a poor diet. Instead, you have to watch what you eat and exercise, Pettus says. If there’s any “magic” to dieting, it’s in that combination.
Hard Truth No. 4: Diet Supplements Don't Work
ets, and over-the-counter supplement were not linked to weight loss. So what worked? Portion control, regular exercise, and group support. As Dolven says, "nothing replaces a low-calorie diet and exercise for weight loss."
Hard Truth No. 5: Fad Diets Don't Work Grapefruit, Maple syrup, Cabbage, and Apple-cider vinegar Juice. All these “miracle” diets are supposed to help you melt pounds and trigger fat burning. The hard fact: Not only is it hard to lose weight on fad diets, but also they can be so restrictive that they’re almost impossible to follow, and they can damage your metabolism. When it comes to weight loss, Dolven warns that if it seems to be too good to be true, it probably is. Not to belabor the point, she says, “but the key to weight loss is to be diligent about eating quality calories and staying physically active.”
Hard Truth No. 6: One Diet Doesn't Fit All Everybody is unique, so the diet that works for your friend, your coworker, your mother, or your sister might not work for you. When looking at how best to lose weight, consider your health and family history, your metabolism, your activity level, your age, your gender, and your likes and dislikes. When you’re dieting, it’s important to allow yourself some foods that you enjoy, Dolven says, or else you’ll feel deprived and be less likely to stick with an overall healthy eating plan. For weight-loss success, tailor your diet to your body and accept that one diet won’t work for everyone.
Those little pills that claim to supercharge your metabolism are tempting, but there’s little evidence that they work. After a review of thousands of dieters, researchers at Beth Israwl Deaconess Medical Center in Boston found that liquid diets, fad di-
Hard Truth No. 7: Building Muscle Is Hard Work
sleek and svelte. Unfortunately, many dieters skip strength training when in reality, it’s one of the most important components if your weight-loss plan. Schedule it into your routine two to three times a week, along with at least three 30-minute cardio sessions.
Hard Truth No. 8: He Can Eat More Than She Can It doesn’t seem fair, but men can eat more than women and still lose weight. That’s because men tend to naturally burn more calories than woman, thanks to their larger size, muscle mass, and elevated levels of the hormone testosterone, which promotes muscle growth. Plus, the male body is genetically designed for more muscle and less fat than the female body because men do not have to store the energy required to bear children. Once you come to terms with this fact and start eating less than your male partner or friends, the scale will thank you.
Hard Truth No. 9: It's Not a Diet, It's a Lifestyle Change If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you have to change your behaviour not just until you reach your goal weight, but for the months and years to follow. That’s because as soon as you stop your “diet,” you’re likely to gain back the pounds you worked so hard to shed. To be successful at weight loss, you need to make lifestyle changes, healthy food choices at most every meal, and exercise almost every day for a minimum of 30 minutes a session (60 is even better). Getting to your healthy weight and staying there really has to be a way of life for the long haul, Dolven says By Beth W. Orenstein Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH
Because a pound of muscle burns more calories at rest than a pound of fat, an increased muscle mass is the key to a revved metabolism — plus it helps you look more
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
page 15
INSPIRATION
OTHERS ARE COUNTING ON
YOU
A
group of Canadian missionaries visited a small village in Africa after hearing a heartrending story of how the villagers were dying from a common illness. They decided to educate the people and they built a small primary school. In the classroom, the missionaries discovered one particular girl who was very intelligent and was ahead of the rest of the class. They learnt that she was the daughter of a poor village fisherman, and they told the chief of the village that they will sponsor Bahiya’s education. As years went by, Bahiya, was ready to go to university. She had a scholarship to study medicine in one of the top universities in Canada. The day she was leaving, the village people were celebrating - singing and dancing. The reason for this was that should Bahiya succeed, she was going to be the first doctor the village had ever produced.
a very fat wage to start and a scholarship for further studies. All looked promising and doors of opportunity would now be open to her to make a name for herself in the world of medicine. On her way home she remembered how hopeful the villagers were when she was leaving for university. In a split second she told herself “the offer is very good but for me it is a distraction and deviation from my original goal”. She refused the offer. Nine days later she returned home to her village. The people were very happy and they said “we knew you would never fail your community”. The chief looked at her and said “a girl left us with a glimpse of hope; a woman came back with hope”. Tears rolled down from Bahiya’s eyes and she said “these are not tears of regret but tears of joy”.
Pearls
In a world of pain and hopelessness you might be that pencil in God’s hand that He will use to bring hope and joy to other people. It is very important to know your calling in life. In this way when distraction comes like an appetising dish you will know that this is a way of hindering your progress in life and keeping you from your destiny.
After spending six years in medical school, Bahiya did extremely well and was one of the best in her class. Three days after graduation she was made an offer to work in one of the largest Canadian hospitals, with Written by FlashyWings Ministries
Pearls of Wisdom
page 16
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
Judge Not!
I
can almost remember it as if it was yesterday. I was sixteen and in love with my childhood sweetheart Tony. We met at secondary school when we were both fourteen. We got on like a house on fire, our chemistry was so wonderful. We spent most of our time together, doing homework and course work. We even studied for our exams together and passed with flying colours. Our graduation ceremony was so wonderful with each of our year groups collecting their certificates and badges of honour respectively. Following this, we all proceeded to the after party and dance. It was the early hours of the morning around 1:30 am. Instead of going home, we headed for the hotel room. One thing led to another. A few weeks later, I found out that I was two weeks pregnant. When I told Tony I was sure I was going to lose him, I thought he was going to abandon me. But he said he loved me and this would not separate us. My mother was very angry and unsupportive. She insisted that I should give up my baby for adoption as she didn’t believe in abortion. My father was also unhappy with my pregnancy but was more understanding and supportive. I put my education temporarily on hold to raise up my baby. Tony and I eventually got married when we were both 21. Some of my friends and their parents unfairly judged me and passed unwanted comments to me and asked why I was throwing my life away. They said a baby was going to hold me back. Some even said I should get an abortion and not marry because I was far too young. It is now fifteen years later and our son is at university studying to become a doctor. All those who judged me are surprised that my marriage to Tony is growing from strength to strength and we both achieved our educational goals. Unfortunately a couple of our friends who judged us had their own relationships and marriages broken down.
PEARLS:
No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. But we have to make the most of each situation and pray to God to help us. Do not judge others because you do not know what’s around the corner that will cause others to judge you!
THE BENEFITS OF
WAITING
A
man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
PEARLS
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.
by Angela Osigbesan
Written by Rose Vanner
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
page 17
Written by Queen Ekuerhare
Helpful Tips for a Single Mother
BE FAIR AND FIRM:
Children more often take mothers for granted than fathers. It might be due to the fact that mothers are more emotional and affectionate by nature than fathers. In a situation where there is no father in the house, the mother has to play both roles, which is very difficult. Single mothers have no choice: they just have to fill the missing gap. In such a situation, one has to apply the carrot and stick theory. Mothers should be fair, and also should be firm when they have to. In that that way, they can create the balance.
DISCIPLINE IS IMPORTANT:
Some mother’s see discipline as a very harsh and primitive act. Others see it as the father’s job and not the mother’s. If a single mother believes in such ideology she might be setting herself up for bigger problems. There is nothing wrong with disciplining children, provided it is done in moderation. It is a way to maintain law and order and good behavior. Kids need boundaries, otherwise they will be out of control. Parents that do not discipline their children end up with regrets, because the end is always fatal.
IF DADDY IS UNAVAILABLE OR IRRESPONSIBLE, LOOK FOR A GOOD MALE ROLE MODEL TO ENCOURAGE THE CHILDREN (i.e. uncle, brother,
friend etc) - Most times when children get to a certain age, they start asking questions. They start wondering why all their classmates’ dads come to school but not pagetheir own dad. Some fathers will not be FLASHYWINGS 18 Discovering the Queen in You
part of their children’s life. They will walk away without a trace. In some cases, they might be dead. If a single mother is under the pressure of the children needing their dad, a constant good male role model in their lives can be helpful. Sometimes kids are fine with substitutes; what they cannot take is unavailability.
DON’T STOP DAD FROM VISITING EXCEPT WHEN IT’S ADVISED OTHERWISE- Some
women separate from their partners. As a result of that, they want to punish him by stopping him from seeing the kids. Such a vindictive nature does not help at all. Single mums should remember that what transpires between them and their partner is their problem not the kids’. It is good for dad to have access to the children except if his presence is detrimental to them. This would be true if advice is given for him to stay away from the children i.e. police, judge, social worker etc. But if that is not the case, the children should feel free to relate to dad.
AVOID PASSING AGGRESSION ON TO THE KIDS:
When a woman is left alone to take care of the children, especially if the man treated her badly, it can be depressing. Some mothers end up taking out their anger on the kids. As a result, they become destructive mothers. Children from such homes can grow up with anger and depression issues. Mothers should always remember that it is not the children’s fault. Love conquers all hate. Choosing to love your kids no matter what is the best attitude to
posses. However, some single mothers will need professional help to tackle their anger issues.
IGNORE ANY NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR PARENTING SKILLS:
Some married women do not understand what it means to be a single mother. Unfortunately, some churches and cultures are very uneducated with ways of dealing with single mums. As a result, when a single mother has kids that are behaving badly, instead of people lending a helping hand, they are quick to point an accusing finger to the fact that there is no father in the house. But what about children that have both parents and are still misbehaving? I do agree that the absence of fatherhood has caused a lot of problems in family breakdown and society. At the same time, some single mothers have achieved raising successful kids. They should not accept the negative remarks by people about their parenting skills but should work hard and do the best for their children.
PRAY AND STUDY THE WORD:
When a woman is bringing up children all by herself it can be very challenging and stressful, everyone needs divine intervention to make life easy, praying and asking God for direction and guidance is very important, single mums can feel all alone at times, if they believe that God is with them it can be very comforting. The bible has every solution to our problems and every answer to our questions, praying and applying the word (bible) is very useful and important in overcoming challenges.
THAN STARTING A NEW RETAKE USEFUL ADVICE AND HELP FROM OTHER RESPONSI- LATIONSHIP- Single mothers have BLE PARENTS: every right to be happy, but at the same
There is no perfect parenting’. Some women try so hard to create perfect kids. The more they try, the less they see. Single mothers might need a bit of help at times. It’s not because they are not good mothers, but having to play the roles of both parents can be hard. If a single mum has responsible adults advising her on parenting, she should learn from them. Some women are so used to being alone that they turn themselves into independent single mums. They turn down help and advice. They just want to do everything all by themselves. Such an attitude towards life is not helpful or healthy. It is alright to ask for help.
BE AROUND SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT CAN HELP TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN WHILE YOU TAKE TIME OUT: Everyone needs a break to chill
out. Single mums have to realize that taking a break to relax the mind is one of the secrets of being a good mother. Most women that end up staying with kids round the clock end up becoming moody, grumpy and stressed. They scream all day until they are worn out. They should learn to take time out alone to enjoy themselves and should not feel guilty about it. They need to take care of themselves to be able to care for their children. It is important to be around family or friends that understand and are willing to support and help.
IF YOU WANT TO START A NEW RELATIONSHIP, MAKE SURE THE MAN LOVES AND ACCEPTS THE CHILDREN AND THAT THE KIDS LOVE HIM TOO - This is the challenge most
single mothers have to deal with. Some men want the mother but do not want the kids. Funny enough, some women will choose the man over the children. Every single mother should know that she comes with a package. The man has to want her and the kids. Any man that does not want the kids should not have anything to do with a single mum. Also, a mother should not let any man come between her and her children especially if the kids are in their formative years. If a woman wants to start a new relationship, the feelings should be mutual between the man and the kids.
IF THE KIDS ARE TOO YOUNG IT MIGHT BE BETTER TO FOCUS ON THEM, RATHER
time, children’s happiness and well being come first. If the children are very young, it is better for the woman to focus on them. Many times, when a single mother is trying to mingle a relationship and parenting with very young kids, it can have a very devastating effect. The woman might be trying to please the man at the children’s detriment or she might be so focused on the kids that she has no time for the man. However, some are blessed to meet a man that is willing to love them and their children, but this is usually a rare opportunity. Personally, I would advise single mums with little kids to wait until the children have grown a bit and can understand more. In that way, she can enjoy peace.
FIND A PATTERN THAT WORKS FOR YOU
Single mothers find themselves always multitasking because they have do everything to meet the children’s needs. Some will over-work themselves just to prove that they are capable of raising a family, father or no father. It is important for the mums to know their strength and do things according to their own abilities. In that way, they can measure up to the challenges. They should find out what works for them. Trying to copy or compare parenting skills with a mother that has a husband or partner available is a big mistake. Everyone has their own way of doing things.
PUT THINGS IN ORDER OF PRIORITY
Single mums have a lot of needs to meet. Sometimes they can feel all alone. If they cannot provide all their children’s needs, they should not feel bad or guilty. They should put things in order of priority. In that way, they can meet basic needs and will not be vulnerable to money temptations.
FIND WAYS OF MANAGING PRESSURE AND ANGER
Some researchers have discovered that a lot of single mothers have anger issues. Well, this is not a surprise because these women have to carry a lot of responsibilities. If care is not taken, it can tear one apart. Single mums can suffer emotional, financial, physiological and other problems. There is no way someone can go through all these experiences without having anger or resentments. Finding a way to cool off and relax would help.
BRING FUN AND LAUGHTER TO THE HOUSE
Happiness is a choice. Because of their difficult situation, single mothers can go through hard times that can affect their entire being. Yet, they should focus more on the bright side of life and good days to come, rather than just surrendering to their troubles. They should try and create an enjoyable home full of laughter and love. In that way, the kids would not feel the absence of their father and that can also help them in their development. It means they can grow up secure and loved. Make the house a home.
DON’T LIE TO THE KIDS ABOUT THEIR FATHER
Some single mothers lie to their children about their father or say nasty and exaggerated things about him. It is okay to be unhappy with the father of your kids, but passing the bitterness unto them can be destructive. Also, it can boomerang on the mum later in the future. No matter how ugly and messy the story is, tell the children the truth at the right time when they can understand. It is not good to poison children’s minds. They should be taught love for hate, forgiveness for bitterness, etc. That is more rewarding and fruitful than bringing them up to hate and resent their father.
LEAD BY EXAMPLE
When it comes to parenting. it should be ‘do as I do’ not ‘do as I say’. The mother provides the best example for the kids. If a single mother is living her life in a way that is not helpful for the children that will prove harmful. Some have different partners coming over to sleep. They are into a lot of drinking, smoking and drugs. They live their life the way they want to, not mindful of the kids. This is the worst thing that can happen to a child when the two adults that are supposed to guide and direct are not accountable. Single mothers have a lot of work to do to guide the kids.
MAKE THE KIDS UNDERSTAND THAT YOU GET TIRED SOMETIMES
Sometimes mothers are carried away and want to be super women. The truth is that we are human. Some single mums feel guilty and want to compensate for the father by over-working themselves to make the children happy. It is good to work hard but over-doing things is not wise. The kids should know mummy gets tired at times. Mums can engage children in discussions to make them know that mum every now and then gets exhausted.
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
page 19
Beauty ASHES for
Mary was the product of a brief encounter behind a wooden shed. Her father is still unknown and her mother was a drunk and an outcast. She taught Mary the only thing she knew to do: To use her body to get whatever she wants. In the village, Mary had a reputation as mean, rude and unpleasant. He grew up as a carpenter’s boy. Adored by many, hated by a few. He fed the hungry, helped the weak, fought injustice and prejudice. One day Mary was caught in the very act of adultery. By law, she deserved to die. Death by stoning is the punishment. Many volunteered to be the executioner. Let’s ask the carpenter someone suggested. He looked at her with compassion and love and said to them, ‘Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone.’ When her accusers heard this, they slipped away one after the other. Until they were left alone. ‘Where are your accusers?’ He asked. ‘Didn’t even one of them condemn you?’ ‘No Lord,’ she said. And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I. Go and sin no more’. HE GIVES BEAUTY FOR ASHES JOYOUS BLESSINGS INSTEAD OF MOURNING PEACE FOR DESPAIR. JESUS LOVES YOU
GOD LOVES THE PEOPLE OF THIS WORLD SO MUCH THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON (JESUS CHRIST). SO THAT ANYONE WHO BELIEVES AND PLACES THEIR TRUST IN HIM SHALL NOT COME TO ETERNAL DESTRUCTION, BUT SHALL INHERIT ETERNAL LIFE OF PEACE, LOVE AND JOY. (John 3:16)
Written by Charles Ekuerhare President Harvest Outreach Ministry www.harvestoutreachministry.co.uk page 20
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
QUEEN EKUERHARE’S
A-Z OF MARRIAGE Five A words that can destroy your marriage Abuse, Accuse, Anger, Augmentative, Aggression Five B words that can destroy your marriage Bitterness, Bullying, Blame, Belittling, Betrayal Five C words that can destroy your marriage Carelessness, Cold, Competitive, Controlling, Criticizing Five D words that can destroy your marriage Defensive, Destructive, Disobedient, Deceptive, Difficult Five E words that can destroy your marriage Egocentric, Emotionless, Elusive, Edgy, Excessive Five F words that can destroy your marriage Frustration, Forceful, False, Failing, Fear Five G words that can destroy your marriage Gloominess, Guilt’s, Grumpy, Godless, Greedy Five H words that can destroy your marriage Hatred, Hopeless, Heartbroken, Heavy, Hostile Five I words that can destroy your marriage Impulsive, Insecurity, Irrational, Ineffective, Intimidating Five J words that can destroy your marriage Joyless, Jealousy, Judgmental, Joblessness, Jaded Five K words that can destroy your marriage Knowledge less, Kill, Kept apart, keep away, Kicked Five L words that can destroy your marriage Laziness, Loveless, Lust, Lies, Laidback Five M words that can destroy your marriage Miserable, Manipulative, Misunderstanding, Mistakes, Mistreated Five N words that can destroy your marriage Nagging, Negative, Needy, Nasty, Neurotic Five O words that can destroy your marriage Oppressive, Opinionated, Obsessive, Overwhelmed Five P words that can destroy your marriage Provocation, Pressure, Pride, Pessimistic, Paranoid Five Q words that can destroy your marriage Quarrelsome, Questionable, Quit, Quickened, Quiver Five R words that can destroy your marriage Regrets, Resentful, Revenge, Rejection, Ridiculous Five S words that can destroy your marriage Sadness, Spiteful, Selfish, Suspicious, Stress Five T words that can destroy your marriage Tension, Troublesome, Threat, Teasing, Terrified Five U words that can destroy your marriage Unattractive, Unproductive, Unromantic, Unappreciative, Unforgiving Five V words that can destroy your marriage Vindictive, Vanity, Violation, Violence, Vulnerability Five W words that can destroy your marriage Wayward, Wasteful, Wicked, Witless, War Five X words that can destroy your marriage None Found Five Y words that can destroy your marriage Yucky, Yelling, Yank, Yeast, Yeasty Five Z words that can destroy your marriage None Found
Five A words that can help your marriage Appreciation, Acceptance, Approachable, Assessable, Accountable Five B words that can help your marriage Believe, Balance, Blossom, Blissful, Better Five C words that can help your marriage Communication, Correction, Caring, Caution, Compromise Five D words that can help your marriage Dedication, Discipline, Diplomacy, Determination, Diligence Five E words that can help your marriage Encouragement, Endurance, Education, Efficiency, Excellence Five F words that can help your marriage Faithfulness, Fruitfulness, Forgiveness, Fulfillment, Fairness Five G words that can help your marriage Generosity, Gratefulness, Godliness, Gentleness, Goodness Five H words that can help your marriage Humility, Humor, Happiness, Helpful, Hardworking Five I words that can help your marriage Inspirational, Innovative, Improvement, Intelligence, Integrity Five J words that can help your marriage Joyous, Jolly, Jovial, Justice, Joined Five K words that can help your marriage Kindness, Keenness, Kiss, Knitted, Knowledgeable Five L words that can help your marriage Lovable, Loyal, Lavish, Liberty, Learning Five M words that can help your marriage Motivation, Maturity, Merciful, Management, Meekness Five N words that can help your marriage Noble, Nice, Negotiation, Newly, Needed Five O words that can help your marriage Openness, Obedience, Orderliness, Obligation, Opportunity Five P words that can help your marriage Passionate, Purity, Peaceable, Polite, Positive Five Q words that can help your marriage Quality, Quietness, Question, Quickness, Quotable, Five R words that can help your marriage Receptive, Respectful, Reciprocating, Reliable, Romantic Five S words that can help your marriage Sincerity, Sociable, Sensible, Steadiness, Supportive Five T words that can help your marriage Teachable, Thankful, Truthful, Trustworthy, Thoughtful Five U words that can help your marriage Understanding, Ungrudging, Unconditional, Unity, Uplifting Five V words that can help your marriage Valuable, Vibrant, Virtuous, Victorious, Vacation Five W words that can help your marriage Wisdom, Warmth, wholesome, Workable, Willing Five X words that can help your marriage None found Five Y words that can help your marriage Yielding, Yearning, Yes, Yours, Yippee Five Z words that can help your marriage Zealous, Zest, Zappy, Zinger, Zenith
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
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If you have been invited to a formal night out, you will wish to look your best. The key to looking great is to find evening dresses that complement your shape. This is true regardless of your dress size. From Coast beautiful evening dresses to D&G dresses, there is a perfect evening dress to suit every shape and style, so long as you take the time to find it. PEAR SHAPES
If you fall into the pear shape category, you will find yourself in good company. Pear shapes tend to possess wider thighs and hips. A-line dresses are ideal for this body shape as they effectively skim over the thighs and hips. Dresses with broad necklines and fine detailing around the top half can help to draw the eyes away from the lower body and help to balance out the body as a whole.
APPLE SHAPES
If you have a tendency to carry weight around your waist, your body shape is described as being apple shaped. Women with this body shape are blessed with slim legs and arms. Empire line evening dresses in short and long lengths are the best dresses for apple shapes. The high waist of empire line dresses mean that the fabric of the dress skims over the stomach area. If you are an apple shape, you should avoid choosing evening dresses that draw attention to the waist. Dresses with belts, sashes or detail around the waist area should therefore be avoided.
HOURGLASS SHAPES
The hourglass shape is characterised by a large bust, a tiny waist and large hips and thighs. If you fall into this category, evening dresses that highlight your tiny waist
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will make the most of your body shape. Dresses with straight skirts tend to also look flattering on this body type.
ATHLETIC BODY SHAPES
Women with athletic body shapes tend to have toned hips and thighs and a waist which is in proportion with their small bust. Mini dresses look great on athletic body types, as do halter-neck dresses. If you have an athletic body shape and desire a more feminine look, select evening dresses with puffy, flared or ruffled skirts.
the heel height with care. Once you have determined the type of body shape you possess, it is easy to find the right style of evening dress for your needs. Once you have chosen your preferred style of dress, selecting a dress in a colour that complements your skin tone, eye and hair colour will perfect your overall look. Â
Written by Jenny Markson
PETITES
Petites should adhere to the rules of their body shape. Styles that look particularly good on petites include fitted, tailored evening dresses and kneelength empire line dresses. Dresses featuring vertical or diagonal stripes will suit this body type, as will dresses featuring embellished detail. Dresses in a single colour are perfect for petites. Teaming dresses with nude coloured heeled shoes will help to make the legs appear longer. However, heels that are too high can seem out of proportion on petite body shapes, so choose
PICKING THE RIGHT EVENING DRESS TO SUIT YOUR SHAPE... FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
flashywings ministry
Meeting Venue St Giles’ Parish Hall 81 Camberwell Church Street. London SE5 8RB Flashy wings has got a forum specially designed for women, Our meeting is a time of sharing, laughter, learning, relaxation and love. A me time for every woman, please Pop in for a treat. Flashy Wings meetings will be held every fortnight on Friday at 7pm to 8.30pm Go to our website on Event page to find meeting calendar.
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www.flashywingsministry.co.uk FLASHYWINGS page 23 Discovering the Queen in You
FLASHY WINGS MINISTRY DISCOVERING THE QUEEN IN YOU
Flashy Wings is a non-denominational Christian ministry celebrating the lives of women. It is our vision and mission to reach out to women from all walks of life, whether married or single. The aim of the ministry is to bring about transformation and to celebrate the beauty of womanhood.
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MEETING VENUE: St Giles parish hall, 81 Camberwell church street, London SE5 8RB. Email: info@Flashywingsministry.co.uk Telephone: +44 7506 519 594 Website: www.flashywingsministry.co.uk All Rights Reserved page 24
FLASHYWINGS
Discovering the Queen in You
2013