David Atlanta Vol. 17 Issue 52

Page 1

12.26.14 V.17 I.52

Ringing In

2015! Welcome to the New Year

Looking Back The Year for the Queer

PLUS:

Robbie Rogers Coming Out to Play






12.26.14 V.17 I.52

60

Contents 8 Note from the Editor 12 2014 Year in Review 16 New Years Eve Guide 22 New Years Drinking Game 26 NYE Beyond the Rainbow 30 Robbie Rogers 36 Seen@: Wish List Party 44 Seen@: Bulldogs 48 Seen@: 10th & Piedmont 52 Seen@: Santa Speedo Run 56 Seen@: Blake’s on the Park 60 Climbing Into Bed with a Porn Star 64 Datebook 66 the Scene 68 Bartab 70 Crossword 72 Fairyscopes 74 Favorite Bitch 76 Bitch Session

photo: Joseph Smileuske David Thompson Publisher david@davidatlanta.com

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CONTRIBUTORS

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The content of this Publication is for your general information and use only. It is subject to change without notice. The opinions expressed by any writer, advertiser, or other person appearing in the Magazine are not necessarily those of the Publication, its management or staff. The information and materials appearing in the Magazine are not guaranteed or warranted as to accuracy, timeliness, performance, completeness, or suitability of the information and materials found or offered for a particular purpose. It shall be your responsibility to ensure that any products, services, or information available through this Publication meets your specific requirements. The Publication is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, content of information, changes, events, and schedules. The Magazine contains information and material which is owned by or licensed to the Publication, including but not limited to articles, advertisement, design, layout, graphics, and logos. No part or portion of this Publication may be reproduced in any way without the prior written consent of the Publisher. Unauthorized use of this Publication may give rise to claims for damages and or criminal offenses. Your use of the information or materials in the Publication is strictly at your own risk. 6 // 12.26.2014



A Note from the

Editor

Moving Forward Well it’s the end of the year. It’s a time to celebrate as we progress into the beginning of 2015. Why is it that as one year ends and another begins that we start reflecting on changes we’d like to see in ourselves starting on the first of the next year? Why not any other day? I think it’s because as a society we can all join together in one final blowout. Leaving us feeling that we have sufficiently released the last of our bad habits, and can then move on towards a brighter and healthier future.

Soccer phenom, Robbie Rogers comments on homophobia in sports, his coming out epiphanies, and the professional athletes that have supported his brave decision.

In this issue, we give you everything you need to close out your year. Inside is a comprehensive guide to all the amazing parties and events leading up to 2015. The drinking game designed for horrible people that exploits the drunken follies of others. Plus, for those who are trying to find something different for this year, we give you some suggestions on the parties happening all around town (not just in Midtown).

Jonathan Bugg

8 // 12.26.2014

Last but not least, a 2014 queer year in review that highlights some of the LGBT headlines that rocked our world. Have a safe New Years, and I’ll see you all in 2015!





2014 IN REVIEW CONTRIBUTIONS BY MIKEY ROX AND JASON O’NEAL

T

his year the LGBT community laughed together, cried here are some of the most notable events that have made together, and celebrated together as news broke on 2014 such a special year for us (and kept us talking). issues important to us all. To refresh your memory, JANUARY World protests Russia’s anti-gay policies ahead of the 2014 Winter Olympics

photo:Corbis Images

JAN.

FEB.

As early as 2012, the ire of equal-rights advocates was drawn when the notoriously anti-gay Russian government blocked the establishment of Pride House – a designated sanctuary for LGBT athletes, volunteers and other visitors – at the 2014 Winter Olympics. The reason for the smackdown? A Russian judge ruled that “propaganda of non-traditional sexual relationships” would “undermine the security of Russian society.” Mmmkay, Felicia. By June 2013, Russian lawmakers passed a law to “impose fines for providing information about the gay community to minors,” and foreign citizens were being taken into custody for violating the bans. It all – pardon the pun – sort of snowballed from there. Thankfully, the world wasn’t taking any B.S. from Putin and his henchmen, and a show of solidarity for LGBT athletes (and the community as a whole) was displayed throughout the games across the globe.

MAR.

APR.

MAY

JUN.

FEBRUARY Michael Sam becomes first openly gay NFL player – then quickly gets the boot American football defensive end Michael Sam rocked the sports world when he publicly addressed his sexuality while still a player at the University of Missouri, an admission that spread like wildfire through mainstream media. An NFL draft contender nonetheless, Sam eventually became the first openly gay athlete drafted into the NFL as the 249th overall pick selected by the St. Louis Rams. Sam’s good fortune was short-lived, however, as the Rams cut the buzzed-about athlete at the end of training camp, and the Dallas Cowboys

photo:Joe Robbins / Getty Images North America

– who picked up Sam after his release from the Rams – sent him packing from the practice team after the first seven weeks of the season. Currently, Sam is a free agent who likely won’t ever play an NFL game – but at least he has a cute shoulder to cry on in boyfriend Vito Cammisano.


MAY Sam Smith comes out on his own terms The 22-year-old crooner comes out with an amazingly soulful album and also comes out by saying that he’d been in love with a man before. “I’ve never been in a relationship before,” Sam told The Fader. “I’ve only been in unrequited relationships where people haven’t loved me back. I guess I’m a bit attracted to that in a bad way. In the Lonely Hour is about a guy I fell in love with last year, and he didn’t love me back. I think I’m over it now, but I was in a very dark place. I kept feeling lonely in the fact that I hadn’t felt love before. I’ve felt the bad things. And what’s a more powerful emotion: pain or happiness?”

photo: Shirlaine Forrest/WireImage

Also coming out that month beautiful Robin Roberts, two time cancer survivor and anchor of Good Morning America, announced she’s lesbian and made a rare appearance at a GSA fundraiser in Utah with her longtime partner, Amber Laign.

NOVEMBER Country music had its own Coming Out Day – but nobody got the memo Country crooner Ty Herndon – who rose to the top of the charts in the mid-1990s – unexpectedly shook things up in Nashville and beyond when he came out in an interview in People magazine this past November to promote his aptly-titled new album, Lies I Told Myself. In the interview, Herndon, who was married twice before to women, came clean about his troubled past (his rap sheet is cray, y’all) and revealed that he’s been all booed up with a man named Matt for the past few years – all the while inspiring another country singer to breakthrough the closet doors the very same day. Fellow artist Billy Gilman, who you might remember as the 11-year-old who wowed the world with his debut single “One Voice” back in 2000, revealed his sexuality in a YouTube video, giving credit for his newfound confidence to Herndon. Country icons Ricky Scaggs and LeAnn Rimes have since publicly supported the duo, who will hopefully inspire other entertainers to step out from the shadows.

JUL.

AUG.

SEP.

OCTOBER Apple CEO, Tim Cook takes a stand “I’m proud to be gay”

OCT.

NOV.

DEC.

GAY MARRIAGE IN 2014 Nineteen more states license gay marriage, bringing total to 35 Since 2004 – when Massachusetts became the first state to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples – the fight for marriage equality steadily made progress, giving homosexual couples in certain states access to wedded bliss. Fast forward 10 years later and the campaign moves along at bullet speed, picking up 19 more states with legalized gay marriage on the books this year alone. As of press time, the total number of states that allow same-sex marriage stood at 35, and five more with stayed rulings will likely follow suit in the near future. At this rate, it won’t be long before the same-sex couples can say ‘I do’ all over the United States, and then go home and fight about who emptied the dishwasher last.

2014 has been incomparable where coming out is concerned; it seems LGBT icons everywhere are shattering the walls of the glass closet, giving us photo:Reuters reason to celebrate and someone for newer generations to look up to. Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, made headlines when he announced to the world he’s gay, which incensed Russian officials, prompting them to remove a mon- Unfortunately, Georgia hasn’t made the list of states that have ument to Steve Jobs from the city of St. Petersburg. marriage equality, but the battle is heating up, thanks to Lambda Legal.


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:holiday

The Parties to Be At This Year! BJ Roosters

Eagle

It’s a Cock-A-Doodle Ball Drop! Champagne toast at midnight The Eagle is offering up Three Cheers for New Years with and Absolut Peach Fizzy drink specials. Plus, there is no cover DJ Sean Mac. Join your brethren for a midnight champagne all night. toast, then a 1 a.m. free Jell-O-Shot, and then once again at 2 a.m. for a free house shot. No cover all night. 2043 Cheshire Bridge Rd. NE • www.bjroosters.com 306 Ponce De Leon Avenue NE • www.atlantaeagle.com

Blake’s

Friend’s On Ponce

Count down to the New Year at Blake’s with their third annual Balloon Money Drop with cash and prizes! Champagne Toast at midnight 227 10th Street NE • www.blakesontheparkatlanta.com

736 Ponce De Leon Avenue NE • www.friendsonponce-atl.com

Bulldogs

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1544 Piedmont Avenue NE • www.atlantahideaway.com

Join your friends at Bulldogs for a legendary New Years Eve Be one of the first 100 people and receive a free gift bag. Plus there’s a champagne toast at midnight, and the next day with DJ Super Blue and champagne toast at midnight. enjoy a New Years Day bloody Mary bar and lite-fair featuring 893 Peachtree Street NE traditional southern New Years food.

Rocking their way into the New Year with a champagne toast at midnight and tons of party favors! 1492 Piedmont Avenue NE • www.burkharts.com

Heretic

Annual Genesis White Party New Years Eve with DJ Kidd Madonny from Miami. Casual white attire requested. Doors open at 9 p.m. with $10 general admission and $15 VIP Lane Pass. At 6:30 a.m. join DJ Eddie Elias for a morning party until noon for $20. 2069 Cheshire Bridge Road NE • www.hereticatlanta.com



Jungle

Party like a Rock Star 9.0 with DJ Cindel from Chicago. It’s a benefit for Joining Hearts and you can get general admission and VIP tickets at www.jungleatl.com 2115 Faulkner Road NE • www.jungleatl.com

Lips

Masquerade Ball hosted by Mr. Charlie Brown and cast. Prefixe dinner with two seatings, champagne toast at midnight, masks, horns, and party favors galore! Come see the divas behind the masks. 3011 Buford Hwy. NE • www.lipsatl.com

Model T

Champagne toast at midnight, party favors 699 Ponce De Leon Avenue NE • www.modeltatlanta.com

Oscar’s

Party all night and enjoy a champagne toast at midnight with all your friends at Oscars. 1510 Piedmont Avenue NE • www.oscarsatlanta.com

Swinging Richard’s

What a crazy night they have planned. Open bar all night, free 15 minute VIP Rooms, midnight champagne toast, and free giveaways. Get your tickets at www.swingingrichards.com 1400 Northside Drive NW • www.swingingrichards.com

TEN Atlanta

Being almost in the epicenter of midtown has it advantages. The second annual New Years Eve Ball promises a midnight champagne toast followed by a balloon drop for cash and prizes. 990 Piedmont Avenue NE • www.tenatlanta.com

Woof’s

Come for the free champagne toast at midnight and enjoy your evening with your fuzzy friends at Woof’s. 2425 Piedmont Road NE • www.woofsatlanta.com

18 // 12.26.2014


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:leisure

The Drinking Game to Get the Party Started And Keep You On Your Toes

M

3. 4.

1.

5.

By Jonathan Bugg

any consider nights such as New Years Eve as Another common scene on nights such as these “amateur night.” Where all the folks who don’t is the person crying. Look for them in dark cornormally paint the town red, come to tear it up ners, or even on the shoulder of a friend. Be and throw it down. This often leads to some the first to spot one of these and you can dole pretty stereotypical, yet hilarious, behaviors. out shots for your friends. Assign them to shoot Cry Baby Not that we are trying to encourage an occurrence of some- Blues, made with strawberry vodka and blue curacao. thing along the lines of The Hangover, but here’s a drinking game you can play with your friends to take advantage of this Who can spot the already drunk bartender? It doesn’t always happen, but on a night such as year’s NYE frivolity, and the idiotic behavior of those misbethis, anything is possible. Other rare occurrenchaving in public. es are the tripping drag queen, the gay-guy fight Why don’t we call this one: Drinks Against Humanity, a (not girl fight….that would be too easy), and the sound drinking game for horrible people. equipment feed-back. The person in your party that spots one of these first is able to assign one shot, for one player. Here’s the rules: Here’s an optional game rule: For every drink glass that is dropped and broken, the whole You know that at some point during the night you’re going to see some poor girl fail over, or even spill group must take a shot. Make this one something simple like Fireball or chilled tequila. her cookies. The first person in your group that spots this fruit-fly tragedy gets to dole out shots to his group. Something along the lines of a Pink Panty Dropper Have a safe and Happy New Year! Be responsible don’t would be a great consequence for your friends missing this drink and drive. If you are at a house party stay there, if opportunity. not designate a driver or call for a free cab ride home.

2.

At midnight the last person to get a kiss from someone outside of your group must consume two of the nastiest .shots that your group can think of. Guessing that you have all just toasted with champagne, I would suggest making him drink two Sex with an Alligator. The syrupy-jaeger laced shot is bound to not mix well with the tartness of the champagne. 22 // 12.26.2014

The information on this page is not intended to resemble, mimic, or copy the fabulous card game for horrible people, Cards Against Humanity.


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:holiday

Dancing With the Stars Wednesday, Dec. 31 • 8 p.m. • Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre (2800 Cobb Galleria Parkway) • www.cobbenergycentre.com Take yourself completely out of the NYE loop and begin your evening with celebrities such as Alfonso Ribeiro from the popular ABC TV series. After the show, you still will have time to possibly hit another NYE hotspot. Third Annual White Trash Bash Wednesday, Dec. 31 • 5 p.m. • Proof and Provision at the Georgian Terrace (659 Peachtree St. NE) • www.proofandprovision.com Guests are invited to dress in their trashiest attire and swing by to enjoy free passed appetizers, beer cocktails and a themed playlist. There is no cover for this event and no reservations are needed. Q100 NYE Celebration 2015 Wednesday, Dec. 31 • 7:30 p.m. – 3 a.m. • The District (56 East Andrews Drive NW) • www.andrewsdistrict.com

The Road Less Traveled New Years Eve events a little beyond the Rainbow

S

o you feel like you have done it all and seen it all in Atlanta for New Year festivities? Wait a minute. Let us show you some things that you may not have thought of in your NYE plans. Get out of your comfort zone. Find a new tradition, or rediscover an old one that you had maybe forgotten. Cleopatra Egyptian Ball Wednesday, Dec. 31 • 9:30 p.m. – 1:30 a.m. • Fox Theatre (660 Peachtree Street NE) • www.atlantanightlife.com Walk like an Egyptian and Celebrate New Year’s Eve 2015 in style at the Fabulous Fox Theatre’s World Famous Egyptian Ballroom. Atlanta’s Best DJs will be spinning Top 40, house, and hip-hop mash-ups all night alongside a spectacular light show, with sexy Cleopatra’s, Egyptian Queens and Pharaoh’s mixing your favorite drinks at our premium open bars all night!

26 // 12.26.2014

Q100 presents Buckhead’s Biggest New Year’s Eve Celebration at the District. Q100’s DJ Johnny O will host and broadcast live at Andrews Entertainment District on New Year’s Eve. It will feature Buckhead’s only Ball Drop with a light show and confetti cannons for the Countdown in the Courtyard as well as party favors for all guests. Peach Drop at Underground Wednesday, Dec. 31 • 11 a.m. – 4 a.m. • Underground Atlanta (50 Upper Alabama St SW) • www.peachdrop.com Come celebrate the 26th annual Peach Drop, the largest New Year’s Eve gathering in the Southeast. Ring in 2015 at Underground Atlanta during a day filled with excitement and entertainment for the whole family! This one of the only events in Atlanta with fireworks, live music, confetti canons galore, and of course the giant peach slowly falling from the tower. The Downtown Countdown Wednesday, Dec. 31 • 8:30 p.m. – 2 a.m. • Hyatt Regency Atlanta (265 Peachtree Street NE) • www.downtowncountdown.net This is the tenth year for this downtown event. Enjoy open bar, dinner buffets, four bands, three DJs, four comedians, balloon drops, decorations, and more! One of the best parts about this NYE extravaganza is that you can stay in a room at the Hyatt after the celebration and safely avoid the dangerous NYE traffic altogether.


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:sports

while I was writing the book, I realized, “Gosh, I need to share things more often with people and talk about things and be open,” which doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m a very shy, quiet person, actually. The most rewarding thing for myself, I think, was to just realize that and try to work on it during this past year, and to continue to work on it. DA: In the book’s prologue, you say, “I’ve been uncomfortable with the shorthand versions of my life that I’ve seen and read.” What do you hope to clarify?

Game Changer

Out soccer star Robbie Rogers on sports homophobia, closeted players and ESPN’s ‘ridiculous’ locker room coverage By Chris Azzopardi

RR: When I came out, there weren’t details: all the struggle, why it took me so long and what was going on behind the scenes in the soccer locker room. And there are a lot of gay men and women around the world who know how tough it is – it’s very difficult to be closeted, and then to open up and be honest with people, and then to come to terms with yourself. So, I just wanted to add all the details of the story and talk about why it was so difficult for me. There were articles written like, “Oh, he’s out, he’s happy, he’s playing, everything’s good,” and it’s like, “No – there’s so much more to the story.”

DA: There’s an assumption that men’s sports are not welcoming ver since Robbie Rogers came out in early 2013, to LGBT athletes, or even threatened by them. Is the soccer player has been intent on changing this due to the fact that people didn’t know what sports culture the best way he knows how – by would happen until someone came out? being himself. RR: Yeah, that’s the big thing: People don’t know what’s Rogers shares his story in Coming Out to Play, a book co- gonna happen. People are afraid, obviously, that things might written with Eric Marcus (Breaking the Surface, co-authored change for them. I don’t necessarily think that the majority of with Greg Louganis) on the LA Galaxy player’s journey from athletes are homophobic, but I think there’s that mentality in closeted Catholic to barrier breaker. The first openly gay male the locker room. athlete to win a big-time team pro sports title in the U.S., Rogers talks being “sad” about the lack of out athletes, ho- From my experience, all the guys that I heard homophobic mophobia in sports and how stories on LGBT-focused locker things from growing up were the first ones to call me, text me room behavior set the gay community back. and support me (when I came out). Athletes themselves are not homophobic; the sports culture is. As an out professional David Atlanta: What was the most rewarding thing soccer player, people are sensitive. They know there’s a gay you learned about yourself while writing this book? guy in their locker room and they’re not saying homophobic things. Instead, we’re discussing marriage equality. But when Robbie Rogers: I learned a lot about myself writing this, but there isn’t an out soccer player – a guy that they know is gay I don’t know what the most rewarding is. When I wrote about – in the locker room, I’m sure things are being said that are my childhood, and just talking about how closeted I was, how homophobic. Again, I know it’s ridiculous for me to say, but things really scarred me and, obviously, being very afraid to it’s not necessarily because (players are) homophobic, but be open with people, I think I learned from all that that I need- they’re not educated to be sensitive to what they’re saying. ed to be more open with people and learn from all those expe- Someone might argue that that’s homophobic, but these guys riences. Without working through all those stories and writing are very loving and supportive of me, and I think if anyone in all that down, I don’t think I would’ve been as aware of it. So, the locker room did come out, (other players) would be very

photo: JB Lacroix for WireImage

E

30 // 12.26.2014


supportive of them. But it’s that lack of knowledge and educa- people that love me on my team, and I just think that everytion about the LGBT community, and about mental health and one deserves that. If (closeted athletes) could somehow find just being sensitive to other people, that I think is the issue. a way to (be out), they would really have so much support. So, I’m a little sad and a little surprised that people aren’t DA: ESPN recently reported on out NFL player willing to take that leap, but I’m not mad. It’s really difficult, Michael Sam’s showering habits, which they’ve and everyone has to come out at their own pace and at their since apologized for. What is your opinion on the own time, and I understand that. media’s focus of locker room behavior as it pertains to gay athletes? DA: Do you know a lot of gay sports players who aren’t out? RR: It’s absolutely ridiculous. I know that with (NBA player) Jason (Collins) and I there were no issues, but I think RR: Uh, I know a few. I don’t think they’re ever gonna sometimes ESPN or different media people get bored and come out. create stories for controversy or attention. I think that was one of those. DA: Ever? I’ve only spoken with Michael a few times, but I’m guessing his experience in the locker room was like Jason’s and mine, and that the guys were very supportive and proud to have an openly gay guy on their team who was changing things for the world. I haven’t really spoken to Michael about that much; I just know from my experience that’s the case, so, I mean, it’s ridiculous when people report that kind of stuff just to create a story to get comments on Yahoo or wherever else. That’s not gonna change things for the better.

RR: I mean, maybe once they’re done playing, but I just think their lives – I’m not sure. That’s a good question. I don’t know. But I do know a few. Sometimes people have been living a certain way for a long time and are afraid to make a change. DA: What coming out advice do you have for a closeted gay athlete?

RR: Speak with someone away from your team, your family DA: What if you were the topic of that report? and your friends – a therapist or someone – to just get those What would you have thought of it then? thoughts out. I know that when I kept it inside, it was not very healthy. That’s really the only advice I could give. It’s RR: Honestly? Laughable. I would just be like, “The locker tough to give advice on that subject. room and my teammates and myself are on the same page and everything is cool. I enjoy being on the team, and I think they enjoy having me on the team.” It’s just laughable. DA: Does this kind of reporting make you cautious about your locker room behavior? RR: No. I’m the same as everyone else in that locker room. I shower with the guys. I walk around naked. My experience in the locker room is the same as everyone else’s, and I don’t think it’s any different for any of the guys. They don’t act any differently around me. It’s just normal. DA: You said recently that you thought more athletes would come out after you did. RR: No, not just me – but there’s Jason Collins, and there are female athletes who are out, and then Michael. There was a number of athletes, and there was stuff going on around the world. I just thought it was about time more athletes feel comfortable to do it. Maybe it just really shows how the sports culture is just not very accepting to gay men and women being out. DA: Are you disappointed that more haven’t come out? RR: No, I remember how difficult it was for me, so I’m not disappointed in that way. I’m just surprised. I know what it’s like being on the other side and being supported and having davidatlanta.com // 31


photo: LA Galaxy

DA: When it comes to efforts being made for sports DA: On Facebook recently, you posted a shirtless inclusivity, how far do we still have to go? photo of you in bed with the book. How aware are you that some people aren’t just interested in you RR: I think there still needs to be progress, but I think the because of soccer? leagues are changing and the leagues want to have out athletes on their teams so that they can change that perception. RR: To be totally honest, yeah, I guess I’m starting to notice it But I think there needs to be a bit more work on changing more now. I mean, through social media. But when I’m out with sports culture, because they’re just waiting for athletes to friends at dinner or grabbing drinks and people come up to me, come out, and I think, first, they need to create an environ- I’m oblivious to whether (people are) hitting on me or trying to ment that’s more accepting. be nice to me. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference! DA: You’re producing a comedy for ABC called Men in Shorts that’s supposedly based on your life. But after reading your book, your story isn’t particularly humorous. In fact, it’s dark, sometimes tragic, and ultimately inspiring. It sounds more like a premium cable drama to me. With that said, how will your life story translate into an ABC sitcom? RR: The show, first off, is just inspired by my life. I have a huge family, and in the show there’s not a big family. And, yes, there’s a gay soccer player and he’s from LA, so there are a lot of similarities, but there are so many differences too.

DA: You say that you didn’t want to be the poster boy for gay athletes, but then you became that. How have you come to terms with being an accidental activist? RR: I know I talk about it in my book, but I came out for selfish reasons – for my happiness. I realized I needed to make a change. My goal wasn’t to be this person that wanted to change sports culture; it was really just to be happy with myself and my family and friends. I didn’t know what the reaction was going to be, and I didn’t realize how big the problem was. When I realized how many people related to my story and struggled growing up, it made me feel ridiculous and selfish. I was seeing what kind of difference I was making in people’s lives. With the book out, I’ve been getting tons of letters from people writing me their story and (telling me) how much they relate to my book. It was those reactions that made me want to embrace that role more.

Really what I’m doing is helping the writers in creating characters that are realistic, like, (what it’s like the) first time taking showers with the guys or being open to talking about my boyfriend. We’re trying to teach people through laughter and through comedy, and also talk about the sports world, but from a different point of view, obviously. It’s a total fishout-of-water concept. There are aspects taken from my life, DA: You’ve obviously been instrumental in changing but it’s not based on the book or based on the struggle that the tide for the LGBT community in many ways. How I went through. far do you plan on taking your newfound platform? DA: But there will be shower scenes?

RR: Good question. At the moment, I’m just living every day as it comes. I don’t think of it that way – I just do what I feel is RR: (Laughs) 100 percent shower scenes. I mean, it’s the right. I just think of myself as Robbie. I play soccer, and yes, I’m locker room, so it has to be realistic! gay. And I’m happy to be that person. 32 // 12.26.2014


© 2014 Morgan Stanley Smith Barney LLC. Member SIPC. CRC993956 09/14 Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. owns the certification marks CFP,® CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNERTM and federally registered CFP (with flame design) in the U.S., which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements.

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SPONSORED EDITORIAL

Immerse Yourself in Augusta Georgia Augusta Pride Festival is June 26-27, 2015 however; Augusta has plenty of things to do year-round. History comes alive at the Augusta Museum of History, the Augusta Canal Discovery Center and the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson. Southern weather makes visits to Phinizy Swamp or down the Augusta Canal National Heritage Area available year-round. Immerse yourself in art and culture at the Morris Museum of Art or at live performances at the historic Imperial Theatre or Le Chat Noir. Shop in locally owned boutiques and stores along Broad Street, in the historic Summerville neighborhood and in Surrey Center. Eat at Augusta’s best locally owned restaurants and enjoy classic Southern fare, tapas with an international twist, gourmet burgers and farm-to-table dishes. Come and visit Augusta Georgia prior to the 2015 Augusta Pride Festival.

42 // 12.26.2014



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Climbing In Bed With A

PORN STAR BY JOSEPH BROWNELL

O

ne not-so-silent night last month we asked our readers who their favorite porn stars were and the response was overwhelming. David Atlanta readers are passionate about their porn.

Whether you’re putting a bit more H-O in your holidays or just that it’s oh, so nice when they’re naughty on-screen, we reached to a selection of your faves to chat about their hottest holiday hook-ups, whether they’re on Santa’s naughty or nice list and what’s next in their careers. Wanna see more? Email editor@davidatlanta and share with us your favorite porn stars and we’ll try to climb into bed with them.

CockyBoys exclusive model

Tayte Hanson We’re not sure if it’s his electric blue eyes or the head full of hair just pleading to be pulled that put CockyBoys exclusive model Tayte Hanson on our readers’ radar but after researching a few of the New Mexico-born personal trainer and soonto-be-published author’s videos, we’re betting it’s his really nice pen. If you were sitting on Santa’s lap, would he say you’ve been naughty or nice this year? I suppose that depends on your definition of ‘naughty.’ If Santa is a liberal, I’d say I’ve been pretty nice; however, if he is conservative, I’m definitely just getting coal in the stocking. All in all, I hope my naughtiness gets overlooked for my advocacy and outreach – I do love having a stuffed stocking. What’s happened in Tayte’s world this year? A LOT! 2014 was the beginning of Tayte Hanson. I joined CockyBoys in April and it has been a whirlwind journey ever since. My two biggest highlights of the year would definitely be the commitment I made to myself to finish my first book by December and that I positioned myself with an HIV/AIDS awareness organization in order to make my voice heard. This year has been an incredible one and it amazes me as to what can be done with some wishes on stars and a whole lot of elbow grease.

photo: RJ Sebastian

awareness which are produced (and maybe even performed) by me, tons of life and fitness updates on my YouTube channel, and, hopefully, some touring for appearances! Can you share something fans might be surprised to know about you? I am a complete nerd in every traditional sense of the word.

What can fans look for in the coming year? Finally, think long and hard and spill the details A list may be easiest for this: Tons of work with CockyBoys about your hottest holiday hookup: including the final installments of Answered Prayers, my new book slated to be released in the spring, a handful of pro- I love cuddling during the holidays and it often leads to amazductions and galas set in NYC to raise money for HIV/AIDS ing sex. 60 // 12.26.2014


Killian James With his killer looks and jaw dropping body, one can see why Killian James is perfect for the adult industry. He left his career in accounting this year to pursue porn. Killian is an award winning Rentboy (The Hookies) for Best Bottom of 2014. He is also a new Randy Blue Porn Star and FabScout Model. If you were sitting on Santa’s lap, would he say you’ve been naughty or nice this year? I’ve been treating people very nice this year, but in the naughtiest ways possible. What’s happened in Killian’s world this year? A lot! I’m most of proud of winning Best Bottom at this year’s Hookies. I also became a porn star this year, and have enjoyed headlining nightclubs all over the states. I’m realizing this life can rock if you really want it to. What can fans look for in the coming year? More porn scenes, especially this spring! I’m also going to be focusing more of my energy towards developing a fragrance inspired by polygamy. But like I’ve said in the past, one never knows what’s on the horizon. Can you share something fans might be surprised to know about you? I don’t believe in giving gifts for Christmas. I find gift giving becomes a contest, and that’s not what this time of the year is about. Finally, think long and hard and spill the details about your hottest holiday hookup: Last year ,when an ex-boyfriend surprised me on my doorstep for Christmas. They say the best part of breaking up is when you’re making up and we had a lot of making up to do :) photo: Joseph Smileuske davidatlanta.com // 61


Adam Ramzi

He’s furry in all the right places and after cyber-stalking the gorgeous photos of Adam Ramzi, we could easily see why our readers might want to just dive into that beard. But don’t let that cocky smile fool you, Ramzi is as smart as he is sexy, having completed work on his master’s specializing in LGBT clinical psychology. If you were sitting on Santa’s lap, would he say you’ve been naughty or nice this year? He would tell me that I’ve been very nice, but he would touch me like I was naughty. I’ll pretend it’s weird but I’ll probably like it. What’s happened in Adam’s world this year? This year has actually been huge for me. I moved to San Francisco from Los Angeles, did lots of traveling, met some really important people, reconnected with others, and had some major new developments for me and my family. Things are really great! What can fans look for in the coming year?

photo: Ryan Edward Scott/ photointerdit.tumblr.com

There will be a few scenes coming out here and there, and I’ve also begun writing about my experiences for a column on thesword.com.

Nick Tiano

Last, but certainly not least, Nick Tiano’s been on our radar since catching his Jason Sparks debut. His near perfect ass and furry belly helped grab our attention; his wild stories kept it. If you were sitting on Santa’s lap, would he say you’ve been naughty or nice this year? Santa would probably say I’ve been very naughty this year. I’ve been to Vegas twice for porn shoots. I love Sin City! I’ve had sex with some incredibly beautiful men. I have started escorting this year as well. Santa would say I need clothes this year . . . I’ve been NAKED way too much. What’s happened in Nick’s world this year? I’ve traveled to Vegas twice this year. I’ve met some amazing people that I honestly thought I would never meet. I’ve had sex with Brad Kalvo, who I have had the biggest crush on for years. And one of my idols, who is a photographer, Dylan Rosser, asked me to be in his online magazine, the Male Form. Yes, it is me, and nothing but full frontal photography. Can you share something fans might be surprised to know about you? If I told my real age, no one ever believes me. I’ve run a marathon, a half-marathon, and been a part of several marathon relay teams. I’m a huge runner. 62 // 12.26.2014

photo: Bob Burkhardt Photography



Datebook The Santaland Diaries

Through Wednesday, Dec. 31 • 8 p.m. or Sunday’s at 6 p.m. • Horizon Theatre (1083 Austin Avenue) • Holiday Lights www.horizontheatre.com If your looking for that extra special holiday cheer, look no The outrageous holiday comedy, written by NPR comic genius further than the amazing holiday light displays that are there David Sedaris, stars Crumpet, a rebel without a Clause who for all to see all the way into January. Plus, since it’s after recounts the true-life tale of an out-of-work writer’s stint as a Christmas, the lines will be shorter. Macy’s Department Store elf. Holiday in Lights Through Monday, Jan. 19 • Centennial Olympic Park (265 Wynn Bullock: Revelations Through Thursday, Jan. 1 • High Museum of Art Park Avenue West NW) (1280 Peachtree Street NE) • www.high.org More than 100 black-and-white and color works by one of Holiday in the Park Through Sunday, Jan. 4 • Six Flags Over Georgia (275 the most significant photographers of the mid-20th century. Riverside Parkway SW) Garden Light Holiday Nights Through Saturday, Jan. 10 • Atlanta Botanical Gardens (1345 Piedmont Avenue NE)

This Week in Theaters: Unbroken: After a near-fatal plane crash in WWII, Olympian Louis Zamperini spends a harrowing 47 days in a raft with two fellow crewmen before he’s caught by the Japanese navy and sent to a prisoner-of-war camp. From its memorable opening scene forward, Unbroken is a gorgeously shot, well-acted, and assuredly directed WWII prestige picture.

St. Paul and the Broken Bones

Saturday, Dec. 27 • 9 p.m. • Fox Theatre – Egyptian Ballroom (660 Peachtree Street NE) • www.foxtheatre.org

Snow Show

Through Wednesday, Dec. 31 • On the hour between 6 p.m. – 9 p.m. • Atlantic Station (1380 Atlantic Drive NW) Experience a REAL snow fall in Central Park! 64 // 12.26.2014

American Sniper: Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle’s pinpoint accuracy saves countless lives on the battlefield and turns him into a legend. Back home to his wife and kids after four tours of duty, however, Chris finds that it is the war he can’t leave behind. For a listing of all the New Years Eve activities please go to page 16.


davidatlanta.com // 65


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Charles Allen Dr. NE

9th St. NE

B3 Peachtree St. NE

West Peachtree St. NW

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Spring St. NW

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Spring St. NW

14th St. NE

Monroe Dr. NE

theScene

4th St. NE

C1

B5

Ponce De Leon Ave. NE

Midtown Bars

B1 Amsterdam

502 Amsterdam Ave NE

B2 Blake's

227 10th St NE B3 Bulldogs 893 Peachtree St NE B4 Friends 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE B5 The Model T 699 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

66 // 12.26.2014

Dining

th D1 10 & Piedmont

D2 D3 D4 D5 D6

991 Piedmont Ave NE Einstein's 1077 Juniper St NE F.R.O.G.S 931 Monroe Cir NE G’s Midtown 219 10th St NE Henry’s 132 10th St NE Joe's on Juniper 1049 Juniper St NE

B4

Ponce De Leon Ave. NE

D7 La Hacienda

900 Monroe Dr NE D8 Ten Atlanta 990 Piedmont Ave NE

Clubs

C1 Atlanta Eagle

306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

Hair/Beauty H1 Helmet

970 Piedmont Ave NE

Fitness

F1 Urban Body Fitness

500 Amsterdam Ave NE

Spa/Bath S1 Flex Spa

76 4th St NW Billiards/Darts Dancers Drag Leather Non-Smoking Area Patio


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2585 Chantilly Dr R2 Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Rd

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2043 Cheshire Bridge Rd B2 Opus 1 1086 Alco St NE B3 Tripps 1931 Piedmont Cir NE B4 Woof's 2425 Piedmont Rd NE

Dining

D1 Las Margaritas

1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd

D2 Roxx

1824 Cheshire Bridge Rd

Clubs

2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd C2 Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd NE

Ansley

Dining

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F1 Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd NE

Spa/Bath S1 Club Eros

2219 Faulkner Rd NE S2 The Den 2135 Liddell Dr NE S3 Manifest 4 U 2103 Faulkner Rd NE

1492 Piedmont Ave NE

B2 Felix's

1510 Piedmont Ave NE B3 The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE B4 Mixx 1492 Piedmont Ave NE Oscar's B5 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

Not Shown

Bars Le Buzz 585 Franklin Rd SE Marietta, GA Mary's 1287 Glenwood Ave SE My Sister's Room 1271 Glenwood Ave SE Sister Louisa’s Church 466 Edgewood Ave SE

D1 Cowtippers

1600 Piedmont Ave NE

R1 Boy Next Door

1447 Piedmont Ave NE

R2 Brushstrokes/Pleasures 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

Hair/Beauty H1 Bubbles Salon

1579 Monroe Dr NE

Swinging Richard's 1400 Northside Dr NW Dining Lips Atlanta 3011 Buford Hwy NE Club Club Rush 2715 Buford Hwy NE Spa/Bath Qi Clay Sauna 130 Buford Hwy A-107 davidatlanta.com // 67


Bartab Monday

10TH & PIEDMONT Half Price Wine Bottles BLAKE’S Trivia at 10pm, Weekly guest hosts, $250 cash/prizes - LGBT Kickball Host Bar 7-9pm BURKHART’S Blue Monday Karaoke with Darlene at 10PM EAGLE Music Videos with Scotty FELIX’S  Free Pool All Day FRIENDS Texas Hold’em 8 pm G’S Half Price Wine Bottles HIDEAWAY  Industry Night 1/2 Off Well, Domestic, & Wine JUNGLE Stars of the Century Show 11pm MODEL T Monday Night Madness Free Pool - 10pm - 2am OSCAR’S Service Industry Night with Eric SWINGING RICHARDS Hip-Hop Night, Sponsored by Hennessy 8:30pm

Tuesday

BLAKE’S “Midtown Open Mic” with Belinda, Kyle and Nate 9:30 pm to Close - 1/2 priced burgers til 9pm BURKHART’S DRAG-EOKE with Angelica D’Paige at 10PM CLUB RUSH “Tipsy Tuesday” 18 & up Open until 4am EAGLE Tuesdays w/ Tony FELIX’S  Karaoke with Darlene - 10pm G’S Industry Night HIDEAWAY $2.00 Tooter Night JUNGLE We Are Family 9pm LAS MARGARITAS Cuban Night - $12.95 All You Can Eat Cuban Buffet & $5 Mojitos MODEL T Wii Tuesday Afternoons 2pm 9pm $2.50 beer / $3.0 well vodka OSCAR’S Show Tune Tuesday with Chad8 pm SWINGING RICHARDS 1/2 Price cover

got an upcoming event? calendar@davidatlanta.com

Thursday

BLAKE’S Texas Hold em Poker 7pm “I - Candy” Street level with Shawnna Brooks 11pm BURKHART’S DANCEFLOOR DIVAS with Phoenix (RuPaul’s Drag Race s3) at 11:30PM EAGLE Balls Deep Karaoke w/ Mikey FELIX’S Killer King Karaoke w/Tyler King 10pm FRIENDS  Texas Hold’em 8pm; Ladies Night 10 pm G’S Game Night with Mr. Brent Star HERETIC  3 Legged Cowboy Night 9pm Free dance lessons 8-9pm. No cover. HIDEAWAY  Bear-oake 9pm Draft Pitcher Specials LAS MARGARITAS Dirty South Trivia $5 Smirnoff & Cuervo Drinks. House Cash Prizes & $5 Wings LIPS ATLANTA Dinner with the Divas MODEL T Party Time with Michael - 9 pm OSCAR’S Twisted Thursday with Eric SWINGING RICHARDS 2-4-1 VIP & Entry TEN ATLANTA Decadence | A Night of Drinking and Debauchery w/Go-Go boys and music by DJ Daryl Cox

Friday

10TH & PIEDMONT Bites & Bubbles 5:007:15; 1st Friday- Popstars, Last Friday – Swank BLAKE’S 5-9pm TGIF w/ Robin & Lateasha “Deadly Vixens” 11pm - Bill Berdeaux spins til 3 am BURKHART’S FEMME FATALE with Destiny Brooks and Justice Taylor at 11PM CAMPAGNOLO Live Piano by Gay Men’s Chorus member Daniel Guillaro 10pm-1am CLUB RUSH “Got Leche” Free entry until 11pm 18 & up - Open until 4am EAGLE DJ Dance Party FELIX’S Pour It On Me Rock Party w/DJ Darlene and our Sexy Shot Bois- 10pm BLAKE’S “yoUVee” Glow-Go boys with FRIENDS Happy Time Friday Kelly & Ken 6 pm Neon 10p-1am - Rob Reum spins til 3 am HERETIC PUMP featuring Atlanta’s hottest BURKHART’S HUMPDAY KARAOKE with deejays - Occasional special events. No Darlene at 10PM cover b4 11 EAGLE Underwear Night with Tony HIDEAWAY  $5 Martini Smirnoff Vodka FRIENDS Hump Night with Regina Simms JUNGLE The Other Show with Edie CheezG’S Karaoke with DJ Audio Prism burger 9:30pm HERETIC  Pig Dance Black Out Party DJ LIPS ATLANTA Glitz & Glamour Las Vegas Stan Jackson 10pm-3am NO COVER Style HIDEAWAY Birdcage Bingo 8:30pm $3 Well MODEL T Friday Bagels - 10 am | Texas LIPS ATLANTA Bitchy Bingo Holdem Poker 8 pm MODEL T Party with Elvis - 9 pm OSCAR’S Music Video Night OSCAR’S Ruby Redd’s After Party - 10 pm SWINGING RICHARDS T-Shirt Review,$10 SWINGING RICHARDS 2-4-1 VIP Room TEN ATLANTA Music & Videos by DJ Daryl Cox 10pm

Wednesday

68 // 12.26.2014

Saturday

10TH & PIEDMONT Bellini Brunch BLAKE’S #thebritnthetit 1-9p - “Boys on Boxes” upstairs 12am to close - “Glitter Bomb” Drag 11pm - Shane V spins til close BURKHART’S SYNERGY with Shawnna Brooks and Monica Van Pelt at 11PM CAMPAGNOLO Legendary Musician Robert Ray on the piano 10pm-1am EAGLE DJ Dance Party FELIX’S Superstar Karaoke w/Diva Darlene and our Sexy Shot Bois - 10pm FRIENDS Free Pool with Bryan 2-6 pm; Let’s Make A Deal with Ken 6-10 pm G’S All you care to eat brunch HERETIC Varies. EARLY COUNTRY (8pm12:30am) & LATE NIGHT DANCE with Billboard DJ MIKE POPE @12:30-close. No cover except special events. HIDEAWAY $2.50 All Well Drinks JUNGLE Ruby’s Redd Light District 9pm; Club Night, Various Guest DJ’s LIPS ATLANTA Glitz & Glamour Las Vegas Style MODEL T Texas Holdem Poker - 3 pm | Party with the M&M Boiz - 9 pm OSCAR’S DJ Christopher Kind SWINGING RICHARDS T-Shirt Review $10 TEN ATLANTA Music & Videos by DJ Rob Reum 10pm

Sunday

10TH & PIEDMONT Bellini Brunch | Flashback Showgirls with Angelica D’Paige BLAKE’S Open at 1pm - Bloody Marys w Robin - High Energy w Bill Berdeaux “Cellblock Sunday” w Lateasha 8 pm CLUB RUSH Hip Hop and R&B - 18 & up Open until 4am FELIX’S  Bloody Mary & Mimosa’s All Day FRIENDS DJ hosts Sunday Delights 2 pm-closing G’S All you care to eat brunch | Karaoke with DJ Audio Prism HIDEAWAY The Armorettes 8pm Atlanta’s Favorite Bloody Mary Bar! 12:30 pm LIPS ATLANTA Gospel Brunch w/ Bubba D. Licious LAS MARGARITAS Papi’s $17.95 Unlimited Brunch & Choice of Mimosas, Sangrias, Bloody Maria’s, & Mojitos MODEL T Sunday Dinner with Ron 3:30 pm OSCAR’S Sunday Fun-day TEN ATLANTA Brunch 11am & music by DJ Rob Reum inside and DJ Robert Ansley on the patio 4pm


davidatlanta.com // 69


Solution on pg. 73

They Died in the Closet

Down

Across 1 Bankhead’s home, for short 5 Pesky kid 9 Fruit peel in a drink 14 Russian river 15 Luau dance 16 Path finder 17 Make a hole bigger 18 Exotica director Egoyan 19 Hostile state 20 Star of the 1925 silent version of Ben-Hur 23 “It’s ___ for Me to Say” (Mathis) 24 Jazz singer James 25 Tax preparer, for short 28 Hollywood Rock 31 Katharine of Sylvia Scarlett 33 White or rose alternative 34 Disney’s ___ and the Detectives 36 “Holy cow!” 37 Alan of And the Band Played On 70 // 12.26.2014

39 Said with a sneer 42 Shore opening 43 Elton John wears them 45 Constellation bear 47 Adjective for Abner 48 Norman Bates portrayer Anthony 51 Civil rights advocate Barbara 53 NFL gains 54 “___ I say ...” 56 Gaza Stripper assn. 57 Cross-dresser of the FBI 62 How sailors come 65 Lord of the Rings singer 66 Care beginning 67 Fruity-smelling compound 68 Six-pointer, sometimes 69 Cry of mock horror 70 It may arouse you in the sack 71 Collette of The Hours 72 “There Is Nothing Like a ___”

1 Perry Mason star Raymond 2 Kind of code or rug 3 Word to a dominatrix 4 Marc of pop music 5 Erik of the opera, and others 6 Station wagon, e.g. 7 “___ Paris” 8 Football great Joe 9 Word after conversion 10 Otis of Mayberry, for one 11 Dick’s running mate 12 Sch. for Rev. Spahr 13 Take a stab at 21 Narrow margin 22 No. 6 to P-town 25 Top of St. Peter’s 26 Conductor AndrÈ 27 Gay porn director Rainier 28 Gave a hand 29 Milk sources 30 Henry and June’s Anais 32 Flick it

33 Like Harvey Fierstein’s voice 35 Lucy of Charlie’s Angels 38 Comics outburst 40 Erving, to fans 41 Places for really deepthroating? 44 Pull it out and shoot it off 46 Alice’s Restaurant patron 49 Show agreement 50 Least foolish 52 Like The Bard’s star cross’d lovers 55 Holy, to Jose 57 Give a hoot, literally 58 Idol of porn 59 Don Diego de la ___ (Zorro) 60 Red rind contents 61 Sally who rode into space 62 Actress named Arthur 63 Big initials in fashion 64 B&O stop


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davidatlanta.com // 71


fairyscopes presented by: the armorettes

ARIES (Mar. 20 – Apr. 19): The prevailing tone is a mix of conflicting energies that might put some stress on your heart. It’s nothing you can’t handle. Tap into your aggressiveness and act boldly toward the object of your desire.

LEO (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22): You should enjoy a good mood, and you will find that things will go well for you in general. Perhaps the only sticky situation that could arise is from an aggressive approach in the department of love and romance.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 20): You may find yourself in the position of arbiter simply because you have the detached mind that people need to resolve disputes. Take an active role in the lives of those around you.

TAURUS (Apr. 20 – May 20): The key this week is action. There’s a great deal of force pressuring you to get the ball rolling. One of these forces may come from a romantic interest waiting for you to make the next move.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sep. 22): Circumstances of the week may result in some tricky situations for you. You could be caught between a rock and a hard place. The instinct to make war or peace with any given issue is making you restless.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 21 – Jan. 19): You may be tempted to shift into high gear this week, but you’re likely to be unsure where to focus your energy. Don’t retreat into a hole. Dress up and show off your outer as well as inner beauty.

GEMINI (May 21- Jun. 20): Ignite the fire in your heart and make it burn more brightly than before. Keep in mind that you may need to make compromises in order to be on the same page with your lover in the way you relate emotionally.

LIBRA (Sep. 23 – Oct. 22): Your romantic nature is piqued. If you’re single and looking for love, this is a good day to get out and ask someone to dance. Neaten up your appearance and wear a snazzy outfit, regardless of the situation.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): There’s apt to be tension between your heart and your general mood. There’s enough love to go around. Don’t feel like you need to be possessive in order to maintain others’ loyalty.

CANCER (Jun. 21- Jul. 22): There are a couple important issues that you may need to resolve. Take an active role in the department of love and romance. Feel free to be aggressive about having your needs met.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Forces may be pulling on you from all angles, and your challenge will be to maintain a healthy balance among all of them. Accomplish a great deal by directing your energies outward instead of inward.

PISCES (Feb. 19 – Mar. 19): You will discover that it’s easy to start up new projects this week, especially those involving creative or romantic elements. The tricky part will be follow-through. This is your specialty, so don’t worry about it.

72 // 12.26.2014


They Died in the Closet SOLUTION

davidatlanta.com // 73


Y

ou would think folks are busy sending out Christmas cards. But instead, they’re fillin’ my mailbox tighter than a plus-size-bitch in skinny jeans. This week’s Favorite Bitch floweth ovah! So grab a hot chocolate and cozy up with my good ole fashioned advice for an ultra modern world!

Grindr. I chatted with a top packing an 11” dick. I feel guilty but don’t think it’s wise to tell my boyfriend. What do you think? -Todd

Dear Lit Like A Menorah, Bitch, you are useless and I’m not giving yo’ ass any advice on how to keep ruining a motha fuckah’s Hannukkah! The only thing you’re good for this time of year is giving Rudolph a night off. Your coked-up shiny nose will definitely help Santa guide his sleigh tonight. NEXT!

Dear Miss Tiger, I received a new dildo for Christmas. I just can’t stop using it! The problem is I keep canceling on my friends and choose my dildo over them. What advice do you have for me? -Jared

Dear He Was Packin’ Dick But You’ll Be Packin’ Suitcases Once Your Man Finds Out Dear Miss Tiger, What A Whore You Are, My ex broke up with me because I did a few bumps of cocaine While Santa was sliding down chimneys, here you were slidduring the holidays. What’s the big fucking deal? He’s Jewish ing down eleven inches of random dick. That damn chimney and gets so neurotic sometimes. Just tell me how we can get shoot always leave a trail on Santa. Hopefully your trick’s back together, please! shoot doesn’t leave a trail on you ... a trail that leads to the -Donny motha fuckin’ free clinic. NEXT!

Dear Miss Tiger, Secret Santa is an annual event at my job. I ended up getting an Andrew Christian Jumper Thong. It’s hot and all, but do you think they know I’m gay? I’ve never told anyone there that I like guys. Help! -Anthony

Dear Frosty The Snowman Wants His Carrot Back, Speaking of snow, your friendships are about to melt away quicker than that dildo inside your second ring. And the clean-up won’t be as easy as rinsing your new dong. NEXT!

Dear Miss Tiger, My boyfriend and I decided to have some fun during sex. He Dear It May Be Secret Santa But Your Secret Is was fucking me with a candy cane and unfortunately it broke! OUT, Bitch! We tried getting it out but landed in the emergency room inAnd on that note ... NEXT! stead. A male doctor extracted it from my butt. As I was leaving the examining room, the doctor handed me a new candy Dear Miss Tiger, cane and wished me a happy holiday. Was that an insult? I went snowboarding and got a really bad case of heat rash -Diego from the overall bibs. It’s on my ass, balls and inner thighs. Normally I wouldn’t care but I’m dating someone new and em- Dear Pussy In Peril, barrassed to bottom right now. Any advice? Insult? That was a goddamn invitation, Hunty!!! -Patrick Dear Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire, Buy some Desitin, a bottle of Boy Butter and spread your ass like a holiday cheese ball on Ritz crackers. NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, I cheated on my boyfriend on Christmas Eve. He was away visiting his parents and I found myself bored and surfing 74 // 12.26.2014

Miss Tiger

Advice columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website: FavoriteBitch.com Facebook: /MissTiger Advice : ask@misstiger.com


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A man went to the moon and only took five pictures. Maybe you oughta cut down those 47 selfies for your trip to the bathroom, sweetheart.

You’re an easy-bake oven away from being a twelve year old girl.

That moment when that grade school math kicks in and you realize that he’s 17.

You know, “Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve” is pretty practical. Steve wouldn’t have eaten that apple because he had to bottom later.

No one ever said life was easy, but several people said you were. 76 // 12.26.2014

You take the dick that you receive! There are gays in East Atlanta who are starving!

Bitch, you ain’t chicken. You’ve already been plucked and fried. Like my gay mother says, “Don’t give these queens an inch ‘cause they’ll take nine.”

Remember when I asked for your opinion. Yeah, me neither.

Last night I experienced the déjå screw. Halfway through I realized I’ve been there before.

I can’t grow a beard, but I guess sitting on one is the next best thing.

Whose dick do I have to suck to get a dick to suck?

He’s more of an “off-brand artificial sweetener” sugar daddy.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I’m your tenth shot of tequila.

Sometimes I wonder what he has that I don’t. And then I realize, probably herpes.






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