March 2014
The Pastor’s Ponderings Pastor David’s cell phone—765-330-4170 and email address —fleeneda@gmail.com The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. -Psalm 51:19 My heart broke during our final meal together. After a monthand-a-half of separation, we met in a neutral place - a local cafe in Rogers Park, Chicago. As we sat and ate, we both knew that our marriage, not quite three years old, was over. There wasn't much to say, other than the "how-are-yous" and "how is work". At one point, I said, "It's over, isn't it?" She replied with a simple, "Yes." Though our divorce turned out to be relatively simple, we still lashed out at each other with anger from time to time, me perhaps more than her. My broken heart spurred me to irrational thoughts and actions. What I realized later was that I was mourning a death. When we mourn, we can do crazy things. We can find ourselves laughing one moment and drowning under tears the next. We can be calm one moment, and shivering with fury the next. Our hearts can oscillate between love and hate; guilt and fear;
shame and self-vindication. Grief has no clear path. And in the aftermath of grief, we take our bruised, battered heart and try to patch it over the best we can. We might try to patch ourselves up in unhealthy ways - in inappropriate relationships, in alcohol, or in lashing out at others. Even the healthy measures we may take can seem insufficient to dull the pain. Friends can only empathize with you so much. Therapists can only serve as support for an hour a week. Only when I hit bottom did I realize that God had been caring for my broken heart the entire time. The love of my congregation, the offers of temporary free housing, and the support of a group of alsodivorced men in the congregation showed God's presence to me when I felt nothing but absence. When I could not pray, the Body of Christ prayed for me and for her. When I could not take another step, God gave me the strength to crawl. God likes broken hearts. It sounds cruel, but it is not. When we are humbled by life's failures and disappointments, we can sense God close at hand. This is one of the paradoxes of the Christian faith. God
is often a "hidden" God, not revealed in the means and ways we expect to find him, but in their opposites. Jesus, for example, came into his kingdom and glory NOT at the resurrection, but when he was put to death on the cross. It is only in failure and death that we can see life's promises begin to sprout. God can use broken hearts for amazing things. God takes the shards left behind, and remakes it. He remakes us. Our broken, shattered lives and hearts become the building blocks of a stronger, more Christ-like person. It's tough to grow when everything goes well and you experience repeated triumph. It's in the low moments that renewal and re-creation happen. Lent is a season of re-creation. In this season of the church year, we take a close look at ourselves and our brokenness. If we have the courage to look, we might be amazed at what God is doing with our brokenness. We might be amazed at what God's grace can do through us and for others. God grant us the courage to look within ourselves to see his healing, re-creating work amid the brokenness of our lives. See you in church! Pr. David