August 2016
The Pastor’s Ponderings Pastor David’s cell phone—348-330-4170 and email address—fleeneda@gmail.com I set the alarm for 5 AM, and tried to go to sleep. But sleep didn’t come. As soon as I put my phone down and tried to go to sleep, unwelcome thoughts and feelings would assault my brain. “You aren’t reading fast enough!” “You’re not using this time well enough!” “You owe it to your congregation, your wife, and yourself to be productive!” To shut up such thoughts, I would turn over, pick up my phone, and work on a crossword or read the news. And of course, that made it harder to get to sleep. Eventually, around 11:30 or midnight, I would drop off. When 5 am rolled around, you can imagine what happened. More often than not, I wouldn’t make it to
the first prayer service of the day, Vigils. I stayed in bed until 5:50 or so, and got up for Lauds, the second service at 6 AM. I figured I should get up for that service, since the bells would be waking me up anyway! It wasn’t until close to the end of my retreat that I realized that all the problems and worries I thought I was leaving behind for a time were a part of me. I carried them with me to the monastery. The fears, the unwelcome thoughts and feelings, the perfectionism, were ingrained in myself. The difference was that the time in the monastery increased and deepened my connection to God in a way that made those unwelcome parts of myself bearable. I realized, once again, that grace isn’t just some abstract theological concept, but a concrete reality. Those
Zion’s 2016 Council Members Elder & President ...................................................................... Jody Stanley Elder & Vice-President ................................................................. Larry Hile Secretary ............................................................................... Barb Hardwick Deacons ................................................................................... Scott Clamme Drew Walker Allen Stallsmith Trustees .................................................................................... Chris Stroble Tom Armstrong Mark Prout Treasurer ................................................................................. Max Langdon Financial Secretaries .................................................................... Tiann Coy Kathy Sharp
thoughts and feelings are simply that – thoughts and feelings. They may or may not have any basis in reality. What is real is what God does each day for me (and for you). God picks me up again and sets me on the way, following Jesus. Every day is a second chance. Every day is an opportunity to embrace grace. That’s where prayer comes in. We don’t know what effects our prayers have on the world around us. But when I entered a community that regarded its primary work as prayer, I felt the effect that prayer had on me. Much of time, I’m stuck on myself and my issues. Inch by inch, psalm by psalm, I felt God free me from my self-obsessed rut, opening me to a wider world. The pattern of daily prayer, new friends, and fruitful conversations helped me to look outward, and not just think about me, me, me. I’m still struggling with these things. I still obsess unhealthily with me and my problems. I still struggle with unwelcome thoughts that tell me that I’m not doing enough. And as long as I live, I probably will struggle with these things. The difference is that now, I have faith that God is more real than such thoughts. St. Augustine’s House gave me the opportunity to experience that. At some point in the future, I would like to bring some of you with me on a short retreat there. I think that you might find it life-changing. With love, Pr. David