David Magazine | Atlanta Issue 630 by David Magazine, INC

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david atlanta magazine 1874 Piedmont Avenue 390-C Atlanta, GA 30324 Mon-Fri 9:30am-5:00pm Phone: 404.418.8901 Fax: 404.418.8901 ext. 7 www.davidatlanta.com mail@davidatlanta.com

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26 February 9, 2011

14 brent star 20 momma mona 36 datebook 38 la tijera carolina 44 worst cook 50 vagitarian 62 atlanta a-z 68 dating diet 70 frugal 72 la nota rosa seen@

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guides 76

52 horoscopes 54 bartab nightlife guides 56 directory 74 adult classifieds 78 bitchsession

Brian Sawyer Matt Neumann Jeff Jackson Jesse Hancock Tony Smithy Les Bouska

contributors

Katie Stover David Muller Luis Chiruco Jesse Hancock Lydia Lunch Tony Smithey Mary Beth Morrison

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Opinions expressed by any writer appearing in this publication are not necessarily those of the staff, management, advertisers, organizations or persons appearing in this magazine. No Part of this publication may be reproduced by any means: electronic, mechanical, photocopy recording or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. The mention, appearance or likeness of any person, business, organization, or event in this publication is in no way to be taken as any identification of the sexual, social or political orientation of such persons, businesses, events organizations, staff, shareholders or owners of such. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, errors or changes in information, events and schedules in ads, features or calendars. DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE reserves the right to reject or cancel any advertisement submitted. All copy, text, graphics, photo’s and illustrations in submitted ads are published with the understanding that the person and business’ submitting such are fully authorized and have secured proper consent for the use of images, graphics, pictures, names, logos and testimonials used in such ads and that DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE may lawfully publish the same. By submitting such materials, the advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold blameless DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE from any liability resulting from the publication of any such materials or images.

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The Brent Star Report BRING IT ON!

hild this has been a rough week. Ok, first of all, it’s so KILLING over there in miss Egypt that we have to hear about it every damn day! You know, there’s a lesson in everything though. That been said, sometimes you got to stand up for yourself and YOU have to sometimes be the one to demand a better way of living! Personally, I think the top to one of those Pyramids came off and those evil ‘mummy’ spirits leaked out letting those kids over there HAVE IT! But mean while, back to planet midtown. David invited me to see a musical and…wait…did you just say “who is David?”....don’t worry ‘bout all that, stay out of mine. So, anyway, I went with him to see BRING IT ON, THE MUSICAL at the Alliance theatre and honey let me tell you, it exceeded my expectations and then some! I was skeptical at first thinking, “They made a musical out of THAT movie? Killing”. I did like the movie, but I LOVE this. It’s very RENT up and down but with a splash of High School Musical and a sprinkle of Glee. Unlike the movie though, this musical includes a ‘tranny’. This scene stealing role, the character LaCienaga, was played by a brilliant performer by the name of Gregory Haney. It’s a juicy role I must say, and somewhat reminiscent of “Angel “from RENT. Mr. Haney gave us fierce stage presence complete with some hot dance moves. Remember Gabriella Union’s two side kicks in the movie version?... un huh, Gregory played one of those whores. The overall plot is the exact same as the movie…um including all that cheerleading. Whew!. But it was way more fun in person to see those bitches do formations all the way to the damn ceiling honey and dropping like flies! I gagged! And then…I gagged some more! It was very cirque du soleil at times is all I’m saying.. Another brilliant performer was Joh Rua, who played the nerdy guy all about the big girl. He only had a few lines, but he also stole some scenes with his delivery. And speaking of the big girl (Bridget, played by Ryann Redmond), all I have to say is if history would repeat itself, she would move on to star in HAIRSPRAY then have her own tv talk show. She worked the hell out of her role and had the nerve to belt out one of her numbers like a white Jennifer Holiday. But what I like also is despite the fact that this musical is filled with scene stealers and powerhouse performers, the two main characters earned their starring rights. Speaking

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of Gabrielle Union, her part was played by Arian DeBose who played her role as if you look up Diva in a Wikipedia, you would see her face. There were also some cute eye candy in this musical. There were two Justin Timberlakes and an extra order of Shai Labeouf type actors in this combo musical. I’m just saying. David crazy ass said they need to cut one or two of those slow songs (in which I thought were needed, so we as an audience can catch our breath!). Folks, all I’m saying is please go reward yourself by treating yourself to a Broadway bound super fabulous musical at the Alliance before they leave child. It runs through Feb. 20 (and call me, I’ll go see it again with you!). Seriously, BRING IT ON!

A Moment in Black History

Sylvester was the original drag superstar. She was one of America’s Disco Queen! She was at the top and by herself. There were no RuPaul drag races, no Ellen, no Modern Family, and no Eddie Long, just….Sylvester. Her top hits include You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real), Dance (Disco Heat), they were both recorded in 1978 and Do You wanna Funk in 1982 (Child now days the kids ain’t so polite, they just ask Do you wanna Fuck!). Anyway, he also sang YOU ARE MY FRIEND before one of his very close friends, Patti La Belle, made her version (you should see local entertainers Niesha Dupree and Alica Kelly do their version of this song as they play the roles of Sylvester back up singers, miss Martha Wash and Izora Rhodes who later became The Weather Girls (um, not Niesha and Alica, but Izora and Martha). Sylvester was a legend, he busted down doors and left them wide open for anyone who dare to be different in a world where you’re the only one. Sylvester, you truly were a friend, and I thank you. Until next week, don’t read the girls, instead read The Brent Star Report! Where to catch Brent Star: Mondays at Einsteins (with RuPaul’s contestants Nicole Paige Brooks of season 2 and Mariah Paris Balenciaga of season 3), Saturdays at Tijuana Garage Thursdays and Sundays once a month at Burkharts and everywhere else that pays! www.facebook.com/Mr.BrentStar davidatlanta 15

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Ask Momma Mona QUESTION

WORKPLACE BULLYING: A READER’S STORY Dear Momma Mona,

You had written about workplace bullying a few weeks before and this second time you wrote about it, I actually went to the WBI website you recommended and see that I have been a victim! While it has already been almost a whole year since I was fired from my job, I’m just now realizing and identifying what happened. It is, for the most part, a very subtle thing that confuses you, then it gets harder to perform because of the confusion. Because I now know the importance of educating others on this insidious work pattern, here’s my story. I was the top sales performer for two years straight plus I created several training programs for my company and won awards two years in a row for those, plus hefty bonuses. In retrospect, that second year I noticed that a corporate manager two levels up from me had started pulling away from me. I made a verbal mistake about the number of contacts I had in my database while in a corporate meeting and she bounced on it as if it were the worst thing a sales person could do. Well, part of it was because we had a new software program and I had not had the Internet connection at my site to familiarize myself with it ---- because this corporate manager dragged her feet in getting it to me! Even after this faux pas, she still did not get me any IT support, she just went on and on to corporate about this horrible lack of knowledge (I found out about this later). My job went downhill from there, although I only slid to 2nd in sales. This manager avoided me and worked with my supervisor, who then began avoiding me. Together they excluded me from meetings, met with me only to pick at my work, took away sales tools that had worked well for me, championed everyone but me at company-wide sales meetings, excluded me from any acknowledgements of success in front of corporate leaders, and then started to overtly attack me in private meetings, trying to frustrate and get me to react. Five months before I was fired, I was transferred to another area and it was stressed that this was a huge demotion for me (with a smile on her face).

ANSWER

By that time, I was pretty worn out. I was still confused as to why I was being treated this way when my work was actually exemplary. Also, corporate leaders who used to praise me now ignored me, too! I tried to Dear Been There, Done That,

Yep. You were definitely bullied at work. Sometimes it’s the power hungry manager who has that tendency to go after targets for the sheer joy of doing so, as well as a way to make sure no one usurps her/ him. This seems to describe your bully. Of course, the workplace culture allowed this manager the opportunity to become such a petty tyrant, and hence, shares the blame. There is proposed legislation to include workplace bullying alongside sexual and racial harassment in several states now. The US is way behind Europe and other industrialized countries with

view my transfer as a positive with less pressure, less distance from home, and possibly a break from the two managers who obviously needed me out of their way. In fact, I took a 3-day vacation before starting at the new location just to clear my head.

I felt a little renewed at the new location because I did not have to deal on a daily basis with the weird behaviors from those two. My new manager was easygoing, but did start out treating me as if I knew nothing about sales even though I had won the last two years corporate awards. Oh well.

My reprieve did not last long because the corporate manager began stripping me of my sales tools and placing time intensive work demands on me. It was not unusual for me to work 55+ hours a week just to hit minimum requirements. My new manager had even slipped and made a comment about the fact that the corporate manager had it in for me. Without going into details that would perhaps identify me and the company I worked for, this corporate manager found an opportunity to go in for the kill and did, and did so in such a delighted way! I was still shocked. Embarrassed, shamed, hurt, confused, and financially scared. This was the first time I had ever been fired from a job and I wasn’t sure what the repercussions might be for obtaining another job. This corporate manager had been ruthless in her preoccupation to get rid of me and in trying to tear me down, humiliate me, and I really think she wanted the pleasure of drawing some tears, which I’m proud to say that did not happen. To make a long story short, this experience really knocked me down! It did help to find out later that this corporate manager had targeted and treated others similarly, but they had left before they could be fired. Also, I found out about some of the lies this manager had used to justify her actions. I must say, she is good at this. How scary, though. I’m still trying to figure out how I could have done things differently because I do not want anything like this to happen again. It won’t. I think if I had known about the concept of workplace bullying before all this started, I would have had some tools to work with. This is why I am sharing now. Been There, Done That

workplace bullying legislation to protect its workers. I think it is a matter of bringing the subject to light and one way of doing so is for people like you to share their experiences so that others will at least have a concept of the problem so that they will be able to better handle it if and when it happens to them.

Bravo to you for sharing! Also, my best in dealing with the emotional and psychological identity work required to heal the wounds that inherently resulted from this horrible experience. I hope you are doing well and have a new and better job to boot! Momma Mona

Share YOUR thoughts and experiences with other David readers! MommaMona@DavidAtlanta.com 20 davidatlanta

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‘Idol’ Crooner Comes To Town

By Jesse A. Hancock

process was kind of like trying on clothes in a store. You can look at it on a mannequin and think it looks nice, but when you put it on you might not look like the mannequin. Some of these were songs that I didn’t like when I looked at them on the rack, but the record label or executive producer wanted me to try them on. And I was like, ‘Oh wow, that does fit me.’ We kind of narrowed the list down based on if they sat right with my voice and if I felt comfortable singing them.

t has been eight years since Clay and Ruben battled it out on Fox’s American Idol. The show has undergone quite a few changes since then, most recently bringing in judges Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler while surprisingly saying goodbye to the feisty Simon Cowell. Even though Clay Aiken did not win the title, he has gone on to be one of the most popular and controversial contestants ever, winning numerous awards and accolades while being relentlessly targeted by the tabloids. Thrust into fame quickly, Clay has gone on to perform on Broadway, write a best selling memoir, start a Foundation to help kids with disabilities, and star on several television shows, including Live with Regis and Kelly and a Celebrity Edition of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? In 2008 he publicly told the world in an interview in People magazine that he is gay, confirming years of media speculation. A month before that he announced on his personal blog that he had just fathered a son, Parker Foster Aiken, in North Carolina with a surrogate mother, Jaymes Foster, the sister of record producer David Foster. Putting a lot the past behind him, Clay is now happier than ever and touring in February and March in conjunction with PBS to support his album, Tried and True, to go along with his DVD, Clay Aiken: Tried and True – Live. Clay will be performing songs from his new album and more at the Cobb Energy Centre on Wednesday Feb. 16, 2011 at 8:00 p.m. Tickets are available online at ticketmaster.com. David: There are lots of great classics on Tried and True How did you choose the songs, and what are your favorite songs to perform? Clay: I knew for years I wanted to do kind of a ‘crooner album,’ a throwback to the 50’s and 60’s. I grew up listening to that mostly because my mom listened to it. At the time that was what I was subjected to, but I realized I loved it when I got older, and that’s where I feel vocally I’m most comfortable and at home. We committed mostly to doing love songs and picking songs that were about the singers and were melodious. We listed about 150 songs that were hits in those two decades. I literally took them into the shower, into the garage, or I sang them in the foyer in the house just a capella. I figured out which ones worked. This

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David: What can the audience expect at your show? Clay: With most of the tours I’ve done, I don’t really know the answer to that question until about the third show, unless we have a lot of choreography and dancers and props like we have had in past shows. I just go in on the first show and wing it. In the second show I use what worked well in the first and change some things. By the third or fourth show I have a nice plan. In this show some of the songs are big band while others are more orchestral. Some are very string heavy. We initially thought about touring with an actual big band or orchestra, but that it is so restrictive. You have to follow a set list every night and wait in between songs for the players to change the music and tune. It can be a shackle. These songs for me are much more relaxed and romantic, and I really want to feel connected to the audience more. I wanted to have the freedom and flexibility to change things up and talk to the audience a little bit. So we decided to take the regular band that I use and supplement the sounds as needed. We’re going to do a few gimmicky things because I like to break it up with some . . . irreverence. We’ll probably do a medley of songs that are current or not necessarily expected to be sung by me or as a big band song. Whether that be ‘Baby Got Back’ as a big band song or Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face,’ who knows? Then the reason we kind of killed a lot of the excess production is so we can make it more intimate. I do like talking to the audience when I’m given the opportunity. We may even take requests if I’m brave enough to try that. David: Have you been to the Cobb Energy Centre where you are performing? Clay: Yes, I came down and saw ‘Spamalot’ maybe a year ago. A friend of mine who was with me in ‘Spamalot’ on Broadway was on that tour. It’s a gorgeous venue. David: What do you like best about touring? What are the most difficult challenges? Clay: The challenges at this point are minimal for me. This is my eighth or ninth tour. I really enjoy it. I like sleeping on the bus, haha. I like hanging out with people on the bus. It’s fun for me. There is very little about it that is not fun for me. I’ve done some tours in the past that have been so labor intensive as far as putting the show up onstage. They became more stressful. And I’ve done some that were much more low-key and drama free. I’m looking forward to that on this tour. The most fun part is that I get to do what I love to do. I’m getting paid to sing. For most singers like me, there are fewer days out of the year that I get to perform than days that I do. At some point we go into the studio to record, and that can be tedious. Then there are times when I’m not really doing anything much but talking to the press. No offense, but that is less fun to me than singing. David: You’ve released two Christmas albums and four other albums. Which is your favorite or most memorable and why? Clay: That’s impossible to answer. I can answer that question and you’d think I was really just BS-ing you. Every single one of them has significance. I’m supposed to tell you that my favorite album is this current one, but in truth they all have a really special place for me. My first album . . . I mean seriously, I was so excited and giddy about the whole process. Everything was

new and it was an incredibly interesting time. I love Christmas music, so making that first album was great as well as the second. I’d put out three more Christmas albums if there were enough songs. I think I’ve sung them all. I also loved working with Walter Afanasieff, who worked on Mariah Carey’s albums, and that was a great experience. The next album was ‘A Thousand Different Ways,’ and we did songs from the 70s and 80s, maybe one or two from the 90s. That is a period of music that I grew up listening to. I always say I was born too late. If I had been born two decades earlier, I could have been singing in the 80s instead of the 00s. That’s when people were really singing and blowing it out. People today don’t sing as much; they are all auto tuning. Back in the 80s even the rock bands singing hair power ballads were singing. That album was great for me. We changed up some of the songs significantly and made them our own, and I loved that. The next album was when I was in New York working on ‘Spamalot.’ It had its significance. This new album is really special to me because it was songs that were like slipping into an old shoe for me musically. The songs were that crooner style that I’ve felt for years I’ve wanted to record. David: It seems like this crooner genre of music is perfect for you, a lot like Michael Buble and Harry Connick, Jr. Clay: I love Buble, and he’s a friend of mine. I just absolutely adore him as a friend and as a musician. He’s incredibly talented. He’s so good! My concern with doing this album is that I wanted to do songs from that era, but I didn’t want to encroach on his territory for several reasons. For one, he is the best there is right now on that Rat-Packy sound. And also because I’m not that Rat-Packy. We have a Rat-Packy song on the album, and it’s my least favorite. I’m not cool enough for that. Andy Williams and Johnny Mathis sang real crooner type songs. That is an area that Buble would be incredible in but has not really tried. We try to do a little bit of the Buble thing in my show but with a Clay Aiken style. David: Do you keep in touch with anyone from season 2 of American Idol? You all seemed so close back then. Clay: Ruben (Studdard) and I are still very close. We just did a tour together last summer and are working on a few upcoming things together. I talk to him at least once a week, sometimes more. There are a few others, like Julia Damato, who I’ll catch when I’m on tour and try to see. We’ve all kind of gone our separate ways. It has been eight years since that season. Carmen (Rasmussen) is married now. Josh (Gracin) may have 35 kids by now. I’m also Facebook friends with Trenyce. People have moved to L.A. or back to their hometowns. I’ve always said I’d love to do a family reunion one day. Kimberly (Locke) is making hits and has a restaurant in New York.

I’ve always been outspoken against bullying. As someone who went through it, I was fortunately strong enough to be able to turn that experience into something relatively positive and know not to bully other people. David: Your have worked with special needs children in the past and are now working to speak out against bullying. How active are you and why is it important to you? Clay: Well I have a foundation for kids with disabilities, The National Inclusion Project, which I started immediately after my experience on Idol. I started it with a family I used to work with whose son has autism. We continue to try to expand our program for kids with disabilities into programs that are already established. We work with programs that do not necessarily include kids with disabilities, like camps, that don’t have the necessary funding. We’re in about 40 states. I also started working with GLSEN, the Gay and Lesbian Student Education Network. I’ve been ‘out’ for years but not publicly until the People Magazine article in 2008. At that time I decided I didn’t want to become the mouthpiece for all things gay, but I did feel it was important to try to lift my voice to something. Being a teacher and working with kids for so many years, GLSEN was a natural fit for me. They work to make sure kids have safe school environments and have supports in their educational environments, which I think is extremely important. So I started working with them on the gay anti-bullying thing. I’ve always been outspoken against bullying. As someone who went through it, I was fortunately strong enough to be able to turn that experience into something relatively positive and know not to bully other people. A lot of kids are not able to do that or don’t have a support system. It’s amazing. It seems like more and more society has just become the most bullying society in history. At this point we really believe that it’s ok to talk crap about other people to their faces or behind their backs, however, and we actually seek entertainment from it. There are news sources or blogs that make millions of dollars off talking smack about people, and we as a society embrace it for some reason. If we are doing that as adults or young adults, how are we telling kids in the same breath not to bully? We have to get better at it as a society in general. Track List from Clay’s new album, Tried and True Can’t Take My Eyes Off You What Kind of Fool Am I? It’s Only Make Believe Misty Mack the Knife It’s Impossible Unchained Melody Suspicious Minds Crying There’s a Kind of Hush Moon River

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Carolina Sandoval Biografia

arolina Sandoval es una de las figuras más impactantes de los últimos tiempos en la televisión hispana, su peculiar y única manera de trasmitir las noticias le han dado el calificativo de ‘La Venenosa’ en el programa de ‘LA TIJERA” que conduce junto a otros periodistas cada dia en horario de 6pm por Telefutura, la cadena hermana de Univisión.

CAROLINA, LA VENENOSA, como se le conoce por decir “al pan pan y al vino vino”, ha entrevistado a diversas figuras del espectáculo, como Emilio Estefan, Tito el Bambino, Lupillo Rivera, entre otros, y también ha tenido broncas con celebridades que no le han gustado que La Sandoval es diga la verdad sobre ellos, CAROLINA es considerara la periodista más sexy de la televisión tanto así que la revista Carolina Sandoval, nació en Venezuela, un 24 de People en Español la ha propuesto para ser parte noviembre bajo el signo de Sagitario, su picardía, de los 50 MAS BELLOS DE PEOPLE, honor la gracia al hablar, al preguntarlo todo y a la vez que la Sandoval recibe con buen humor y una decir sin pelos en la lengua, lo que pensada, gran sonrisa llena de agradecimientos. Ella le dio desde pequeña, esa llamarada que un misma se describe en su bog que visitan cientos buen periodista necesita. Ya de adolescente la de miles de personas como: Sandoval entra en la escuela de periodismo de su país, donde se gradúa con honores y luego Simplemente Carolina Sandoval, comienza a trabajar en diversos periódicos y con sus propias palabras explica en Caracas hasta que logra ser corresponsal el porqué quiere el contacto con de la cadena de televisión más importante de las personas “En éste lugar de Valenzuela RCT, trasmitiendo uno que otro escape no pretendo hacer nada reportaje hacia Estados Unidos. Por las razones obvias que ocurrieron a nivel político en su país y por la censura de expresión, Carolina emprende el rumbo hacia tierras de libertad, Estados Unidos sería el puerto donde ella podría desarrollar todos sus sueños e inquietudes. Llego a Miami solo con unos portafolios de trabajo periodístico y muchas ganas de trabajar. Logro colocarse en programas de entretenimientos como INFRAGANTI de Mega tv, pero su gran sueño era entrar a la cadena #1 de habla hispana , Univisión. Tras muchos intentos, por fin llego su momento y CAROLINA SANDOVAL es invitada a participar en varios debates sobre celebridades en ESCANDALO TV programa que conduce principalmente Charytin , siendo así como su fuerte y simpática personalidad, roba la atención de los productores y es contratada para formar parte del recién comenzado programa “LA TIJERA” que ya lleva dos años al aire.

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que no esté creado, dicho o escrito. Comunicarme es como mi ida al psicólogo gratis. Les advierto, voy a escribir sobre los ricos y famosos: sus tristezas y excentricidades; el mundo del entretenimiento me parece fascinante desde todo punto de vista. Claro está, encontrarán a una periodista que se afecta con todo lo que ocurre en distintos ámbitos del acontecer diario y pues ni modo me seguiré expresando. Entonces dicho ésto “No se lo digas a nadie”. Para mas información de Carolina Sandoval visita : www. Sarasotooneidol.com

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What’s Cooking?

By Jesse A. Hancock

Local Banker Competing For TV Title Worst Cooks in America Food Network Sundays at 9:00 p.m. Also available on Comcast On Demand Being told you are a horrible cook isn’t so bad. Just ask Carlos Manuel, 28, a local assistant bank manager. When his sister nominated him to be on the Food Network’s “Worst Cooks in America,” he never thought he’d be cooking in front of thousands of viewers every week. Self-described as a “true mama’s boy,” Carlos says he never really learned to cook because his mother prepared all his meals when he was growing up in Lansing, Michigan. As an adult he says he has been too busy or not interested in learning to cook. After earning a degree in telecommunications from Michigan State University, he moved to Atlanta in 2005.

“I wanted to get away from the small town feel and see what a big city was like,” said Manuel. “Lansing is such a little town, where everybody knows everybody. I have like 400 family members there, so everywhere you go there is always someone you know. I wanted to get out there on my own and have a fresh start.” Last year he went to an all-day casting call here in Atlanta to be on the show after his sister nominated him as a bad cook. He had to go through numerous interviews, prepare a dish and present it. From that, the producers started narrowing down the applicants to find the worst of the worst. He was the only Atlantan selected, but there is another contestant from Newnan, Georgia, Kat Rose. “My sister and her family live here in Atlanta,” said Manuel. “At times I have watched her kids for her, but she would always stop at McDonald’s before dropping them off with me because she knows how bad I cook. I accidentally almost choked my niece one time when I tried to bake marshmallows and cookies. I didn’t know that marshmallow hardens and turns really tough like taffy. After that point I never made food for them again.” 44 davidatlanta

Although the show has finished taping, the winner will not be announced until the end of the season. The winner gets $25,000, but don’t ask Carlos to tell you who won. He will tell you that he has been sworn to secrecy. David Magazine: For those who have not seen it, what is the premise of the show?

cook something for 30 seconds you can ruin the whole dish. With the sauces and things that we cooked, if you screwed up one thing your dish was gone. Underneath all that pressure it was really difficult to make a perfect dish. That’s why on the show you see us all panicking and sweating and running around like crazy people.

Carlos: The producers recruited sixteen of us belowaverage cooks, people with very little cooking experience, and they paired us up with two top chefs, Chef Anne Burrell and Chef Robert Irvine. Each chef has a team of contestants, a blue team and a red team. For each of the eight episodes the chefs give a demonstration to try to teach their teams how to cook. We watch and take notes before trying to recreate each dish. The best of the worst stays while one person from each team goes home each week. We hope to move on to the end, where we will get the chance to cook a meal for three world-renowned food critics who will then judge to see who is the best of the worst.

David Magazine: Do you have a favorite celebrity chef?

Carlos: It’s really hard when we take notes because we have to watch for technique, and we have to see how they are cutting things, how small and how big. When we are watching the demonstration, it’s very basic, but there is an instructional board that we can go up to in order to look at the steps that are written down, kind of like a recipe on the side of a box. Sometimes they take that away, and we have to go by memory. That’s difficult, especially when there is so much going on, aside from the lights and the cameras in your face. Each week there is a different theme. In one challenge we went to a farm and used fresh ingredients and herbs. We were outside cooking omelets. We have also cooked fish, pork, and chicken.

David Magazine: What do you like to do when you have free time?

David Magazine: How difficult is it to cook on camera?

David Magazine: How do you feel about being labeled one of the “worst” cooks in America?

Carlos: After this experience I truly appreciate the art of cooking. When chefs cook, they make it look a lot easier than it is, especially the type of food that we worked with. It is really difficult because if you over-

Carlos: Yes, my favorite is Alton Brown. He takes kind of a scientific approach to cooking. He’s very specific and breaks it all down as far as why things cook the way they do or where they come from and why we eat them this or that way. He’s really cool. He’s definitely someone I’d like to meet.

David Magazine: What do you like to cook for your partner as a special meal?

Carlos: I’m a steak kind of guy. I like to eat. I love to prepare a nice well-seasoned steak, a big piece of meat! I’d make spinach as the side and molten chocolate cake for dessert, with a little ice cream on the side. Carlos: I’m pretty busy. I work hard every day and took some time off to do this show, but I’d like to do some volunteer work with children. It’s important to take a risk every now and then to make sure you’re happy and make other people happy in the process. I have fourteen nieces and nephews. I’m the baby of the family, so I’ve pretty much had my share of being around children and don’t want any of my own right now, but I have a soft spot for children with disabilities and the Children’s Hospital. That’s something that I’ve always wanted to do. I’m hoping that even though I’m not going to become a big time celebrity from being on a reality show, I’d like to use what little notoriety I gain to do what I can to work with children with disabilities or LGBT children who come from minority families like myself, whose parents may not understand where they are coming from. They have a difficult time adapting to their lifestyle because their family just doesn’t know any different way. Just being

themselves around their family can be very difficult. I’d like to be a mentor for those children. David Magazine: What’s on your website?

Carlos: It’s www.carloslmanuel.com. I have cooking videos and information about the show, and since a close friend of mine has Lupus, I have some information and links about Lupus. She asked me to wear a purple wristband on the show to promote awareness because I know a lot of people don’t know much about the disease. I try to wear some purple in every outfit on the show to pay homage to my good friend. I want to start putting up different organizations on the website and volunteer opportunities that they have. Overall, I want it to become a central location where organizations can post pictures or ask for volunteers. David Magazine: How old would you choose to be if you could be any age and why?

Carlos: I’d like to be about 34. At that age most people are done with all the craziness and know where they are going with their career. Many have a set path and are done with that experimenting phase and know who they want to be. David Magazine: What else would you like David Magazine readers to know about you or your experience on the show?

Carlos: I think the Food Network really represented the LGBT community well on the show. They never asked or made anyone do anything they didn’t want to do. We have a woman on the show who goes by the name Georg. Her name is really Georgann, and she is a lesbian. She is married and has a baby. The fact that they just presented her as someone who is married with a baby and didn’t make a big deal out of it was really cool, in my opinion. They didn’t stick to any stereotypes that people see every day, which is also great. It kind of opens the door for others to see that we are all just everyday people. We don’t have to be presented as flamboyant or crazy or out of this world. They let us all be ourselves. A lot of reality shows today have so many stereotypical LGBT people. It was refreshing in my opinion. davidatlanta 45

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The Vagitarian

ith Valentine’s day just around the corner, there are two things on

everyone’s minds; finding a valentine,

and sex. Yes, sex. Valentine’s day is the day

that everything could go drastically wrong, or

perfectly right. Here are some things to keep in

mind for all you ladies as February 14th rapidly approaches.

Labido- a person’s sex drive or desire to have sex. Every woman is different. Sex drive varies

enormously in women. In fact, some women don’t have any interest in sex at all. It is

important to know and understand and respect your partner’s sex drive and needs in order to have a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Since the dawn of the 21st century, women

have become more easily aroused by sexual

stimuli, and the percentage of women who have little interest in sex has declined. This increase in sexual interest is most likely due to the

change and influence of media. More women

By Katie Stover

sex, here are some facts and tips to jump start

your labido and help satisfy you or your partner. Unlike men, who can usually easily reach

orgasm from the moment they reach puberty,

women spend a couple of years experimenting

with their sexual feelings and body before they eventually learn how to orgasm regularly and reliably.

Women usually get distracted by being

discouraged about how long it can take to

climax. Relaxation is the single most important thing that a woman needs in order to reach

orgasm. Take your time. Relax. The average

woman takes 15 to 40 minutes to orgasm. There is no need to be in a hurry.

process and that it take time to really get to

know and understand what your body craves and needs in order to be satisfied.

Most of the disinterest comes from not knowing how to orgasm, or having never experienced

one before. For those of you who have not yet

experienced an orgasm, or have little interest in

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below. Slowly move from her breasts, to her

vagina. Just as you took your time up top, take your time below. Listen to her breathing, and

pay attention to the way her body responds to

your touch. Continue with the foreplay until she is relaxed, comfortable, confident, and begging for it.

First stop-- clit. Second stop-- G-spot. Women are more likely to orgasm with clitoral

stimulation than vaginal, but if done right, anything is possible. A woman’s G-spot is

located approximately 2 inches up the front wall of the vagina. When aroused, this area swells.

fingers or a sex toy. While you slowly penetrate and massage her inside, try rubbing her clit

Women who are self-conscious about the way

combination of clitoral and vaginal stimulation

goes a long way. Let your lady know that you

amazing orgasm. For those of you who choose

and she will become more confident and

pubic bone in a circle or up and down against

that they look are less likely to orgasm. Flattery

is sure to get her on her way to reaching an

like the way she looks naked, or “down there”,

to penetrate her with a strap, try moving your

sexually assertive.

her clitoris while you are inside her. You’ll get

Boobs are fun, so why not play with them?

and slowing them down. Be observant and look for the signs that she is close to climaxing: a) Change in the color of her labia (due to increased blood flow).

b) Swelling of the labia and clitoris. c) Muscular contractions. d) Increase in heart rate. The combination of these “signs” is what will

allow her to reach orgasm. If you notice any of

them, don’t stop! An orgasm is right around the corner.

Try massaging this area gently using your

with your fingers or kissing or licking it. The

are enjoying sex, because they are encouraged to, but research shows that enjoying sex is a

flowing and start to lubricate things down

your ab workout in while you satisfy her too!

Incorporate touching her breasts into foreplay.

When it comes to oral sex, slow and steady wins

parts of a woman’s breast are the areas that

Don’t attack her vagina. Take the time to gently

itself. As you tenderly rub her breasts, her

outer lips of her vagina. Gradually work your

sensory receptors will become ready for

your tongue. Pay attention to her hips. Once you

Contrary to popular belief, the most sensitive

the race. It is important to ease into oral sex.

surround the areola and nipple, not the nipple

kiss her inner thighs, and then the inner and

nipples will become flushed with blood and

way inside and use firm, broad strokes with

stimulation. Your foreplay will get the blood

have made your way in, try speeding things up

After she has successfully reached an orgasm, comfort her. There is nothing like spooning after your body has let go and experienced

the ultimate satisfaction. Let her know how beautiful she is and how much you enjoyed

pleasuring her. Knowing that you are interested and enjoyed divulging so much of your energy and concentration on her, will increase her

sexual interest and make her want to return the favor.

If all else fails, light a few candles, buy her

some flowers, and introduce her to Mr.Luther

Vandross. If you can’t get it started, Luther will! Questions? Comments? Email me at stover@davidatlanta.com

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Horoscopes

ARIES Your enthusiasm is contagious right now — even though at least some of your people have no idea what you’re so excited about! Your great energy is all they need to see to climb on board and help out!

TAURUS Try not to worry too much when that one colleague or friend keeps teasing you — they are just bored and trying to stir something up. If you keep cool, they are sure to move on to someone else.

ONE AND TWO BEDROOM HOMES SAGITTARIUS Someone needs to hear from you. They might not even know how to reach you, so it’s a good idea for you to send out feelers to your entire network just to see what’s going on with them. CAPRICORN Sometimes the best-laid plans go awry, and all you can do is pick up the pieces. That’s easier for you than it is for others, so lead the way when things start to go south. You may be able to avoid something even worse!

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GEMINI You’ve got high ideals, and you need to make sure that you’re sticking to them. Now is a good time for you to step up and tell the world what you will and won’t take from it — loud and proud!

AQUARIUS Your enthusiasm is contagious right now — even though at least some of your people have no idea what you’re so excited about! Your great energy is all they need to see to climb on board and help out!

CANCER It may seem like you’ve landed on the planet of the robots this week — everyone seems cold, aloof and almost unemotional. It’s all relative, though, and you may find that as you chill out, they start to heat up.

PISCES Your big dreams are making life much more interesting lately— maybe more interesting than real life. That’s okay, because you should find inspiration to help you plan for a better future.

LEO Little fights can flare up into full-scale epic warfare if you’re not paying attention, so make sure your eyes and ears are open. Things may need to change if you want this relationship to work.

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MODERN UPSCALE INTERIORS Exclusive resident website featuring online bill pay and discounts to local businesses and restaurants Landscaped courtyards and resort style pool

VIRGO You’ve got your routines, and you’re fine with that — but sometimes, life gets in the way. You should expect a disruption — though not a bad one — to occur before noon that leads you down a new path.

Amazing city views of Buckhead Skyline SPIN ROOM

LIBRA You can’t let the week slip past without trying something new and daring. It could be an outfit, a pick-up line or even a new restaurant, as long as you’ve been toying with the notion for a while now. SCORPIO Someone at home — your partner, a roomie or even a pet — is acting out and keeping you from enjoying the peace and quiet you deserve. You could ride it out, or you could show them how you feel.

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RESORT STYLE POOL 415 Armour Drive, NE Atlanta, Georgia 30324 APARTMENTS ATLANTA

53 davidatlanta

404.575.3000

Fax 404.575.3054 www.heightsarmour.com

THE WORTHING COMPANIES

T H U R S DAY

3 Legged Cowboy - Family Poker 7:30pm Amsterdam - Showtunes 9pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - 1/2 Price Appetizers 11am-8pm-Blake’s Wild Card Show11pm Burkharts - Family Feud 11:30pm Club 91 - Swagg Tuesday’s The Eagle - Rock Music-Free Pool with Tony Felix’s - Smirnoff Martini Night Friends on Ponce - Let’s Make A Deal Heretic - Time Warp 70s 80s 90s Music with Paul-Dance Floor Open 10pm Las Margaritas - Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30pm LeBuzz - Talent Search & Karaoke Mary’s - CJ Hosting Mary-Oke @ 10pm Mixx - Texas Hold’em Poker 7:30 - 10pm Model T - Always a Party! Wyatt, Gary & Elvis serve up their Best! Oscar’s - Show Tunes & Glee 8pm Swinging Richards - $5 Cover After Midnight Woofs - Free WII from 4:00 till close - Industry Night!! 3 Legged Cowboy - Intermediate 2 Step @ 8-9 Amsterdam - Get L.I.T. All Day Specials Bellissima - Karaoke 8pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - FEATHERS & FLESH BURLESQUE REVUE 11pm Burkharts - Karaoke 10:30pm Club 91 - The Main Event Cabaret & Talent Show Followed By DJ Rick The Eagle - 80s Music with Travis-Tim’s Black Jack Friends on Ponce - 3D Thursdays Disco & Dazzle with Diva Jasen Heretic - Boys Night Out-Mandatory Dress Code Party Or Go Shirtless-DJ Lydia Prim 10pm Las Margaritas - Karaoke 8pm LeBuzz - Hump Night & New Entertainer Showcase Mary’s - DJ Yes Sir Spins Rock 9pm Mixx - Texas Hold’em Poker 7:30 - 10pm Model T - Karaoke 9PM Oscar’s - Wicked Wednesdays 80s Music Videos 8pm Tripps - Taco Buffet 5pm Swinging Richards - 2-4-1 VIP Room Woofs - Woofs House Trivia starts at 8:00pm 3 Legged Cowboy - Dance Lessons @ 8-9 - Ladies Night Amsterdam - Rita’s & Smirnoff Tini’s Special Bellissima - ‘The Midtown Comedy Show’ / Open Mic at 9pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Texas Hold’Em Poker 7pm-The Shawnna Factor Show 11pm Burkharts - Princess Charles’ Fashionistas Show 11:30pm Club 91 - Customer Appreciation FREE ALL NIGHT The Eagle - Karaoke with Mikey-Tim’s Black Jack Felix’s - Karaoke with Brett & Tyler 10pm Friends on Ponce - HOT NIGHTS With Jasen and Donnie Heretic - AZUCA-Latin Night Hot Latin Tribal Beats with DJ Karlitos 10pm Las Margarita’s - Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30PM LeBuzz - Ladies Night Shows Mary’s - Themed Parties Reto DJ’s Swinging Richards - 2-4-1 Door & 2-4-1 VIP Room Tripps - Karaoke with Darlene 9pm Midtown W – Chris Coleman Presents “Indulge” 9pm-Midnight Mixx - Karaoke 9pm-1am Kamikaze Karaoke Contest 11-Midnight Model T - Robert & Michael serve up their Best! Woofs - Meet and Greet for “Gathering Time”! Daily Food Specials 54 davidatlanta

F R I DAY S AT U R DAY

Amsterdam - Video Request Night - Industry Night 9pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Drag On The Edge Show 11pm Burkharts - Karaoke 10:30pm The Eagle - Comedy TV-Free Pool with Tony Felix’s - Free Pool Friends on Ponce - Afternoons with Jasen 2pm Frogs - $1 Tacos 6-9pm Heretic - S.I.N. Night with Brian - Dance Floor Open 10pm Jungle - Stars of the Century Show 11pm Las Margaritas -Dragamundo (formerly Dragamaki) with Bubba D. Licious and guests LeBuzz - Man Dance Cabaret - GOGO Dancers - Drink Specials 8pm Mary’s - Open 5pm - DJ Va Jay Jay Spins Mixx - Live Pianist 9pm - 1am Model T - Service Industry Night! Discounted Drinks! Woofs - Texas Hold’em 8pm

S U N DAY

W E D N E S DAY

T U E S DAY

M O N DAY

Bartab Nightlife Guide

3 Legged Cowboy - Sugar Baby’s Trailer Park Revue-10pm Amsterdam - DJ Dance Party Bellissima - Live DJ Entertainment BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Kitty LeClaw’s Meow Mix Show 11pm Burkharts - Best Drag Shows In Atlanta 11:30pm Club 91 - It’s Bingo Bitch Hosted by: Auntie Snickers Chaparral - Got Leche? 10pm - Hot Latino Dancers The Eagle - Club Nights-DJ Dance Party Felix’s - Bartenders Ray & Cory - Serve it up! Friends on Ponce - Happy Time With Daniel and Terry Heretic - Special Guest DJs-Dance Party 10pm Jungle - Dragnique Talent Search Competition. Doors Open 9:30pm. Dance Party Follows LeBuzz - Dance Party & Show Mary’s - Open 5pm - Boys Room Party - Themed Party - Love DJ Mixx - High Energy Music Videos 9pm-1am Model T - Poker Night 9pm Swinging Richards - Open 6:30pm - $10 - Hot Naked Men and Big Cocktails Tripps Bar - Laser Show Dance Party with DJ Steve Lynch Woofs - Great Food, Drink & Good Times 3 Legged Cowboy - Dance Lessons @ 8-9 Amsterdam - High Energy Videos 9pm Bellissima - Live DJ Entertainment BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Jealouse’s Daring Divas Show 11pm Burkharts - Best Drag Shows In Atlanta 11:30pm Club 91 - RT Parties brings you Klimaxx Dance Party with Miss Sophia (go go dancers) DJ Maestro, DJ Rick, DJ Scrilla spinning on two floors all night The Eagle - Club Nights-DJ Dance Party Felix’s - Karaoke with Brett & Tyler 10pm Friends on Ponce - Open @ Noon with Bob Brewer Heretic - Special Guest DJs-Dance Party 10pm Jungle - Special Guest DJs Dance Party LeBuzz - Saturday Night Fever Show Mary’s - Dance Party Hot Mess 9PM Differnt DJ Every Week Mixx- Dance Party 10pm - 3am Model T - Free Tacos! All The Fixins! 3:30 pm to gone! Sanctuary - Sextasy Latino Night, Divas Show and DJ Dance Party Swinging Richards - Open 6:30pm - $10 Tripps - Cookout 2pm Woofs - Great Food, Drink & Good Times Amsterdam - Sunday Brunch 11:30am - 3pm Showtunes with a Twist 7pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Sunday Brunch 12-3-DJ’s Bill Berdeaux & Daryl Cox Spin All Night Burkharts - Sunday Spectacular Show 9pm Club 91 - Lions Den Legendary Sunday’s DJ Sedrick & DJ Brooks Felix’s - Bloody Mary & Mimosa Wallet Pleasers Las Margaritas - All You Can Eat Brunch 11AM-3PM Model T - Sunday Dinner 3pm Tripps - Complimentary Buffet 3pm-Karaoke 7pm Woofs - Great Food, Drink & Good Times

See Guide on Page 62 for Locations

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Gay Atlanta Guide 1. Amsterdam 502 Amsterdam Ave. 404-892-2227 myspace.com/amsterdamatlanta

20. Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave. 404-624-4411 www.marysatlanta.com

PRIVATE SOCIAL CLUBS 40. Eros 2219 Faulkner Rd. 404-287-4482

2. Bellissima 560-B Amsterdam Ave. 404-917-0220 myspace.com/bellissima_lounge

21. Mixx 1492 Piedmont Rd. 404-228-4372

41. Manifest 2103 Faulkner Rd. 404-549-2815

22. Model-T 699 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-872-2209 www.modeltatlanta.com

Atlanta Tourist Spots

3. Blake’s on the Park 227 10th St. 404-892-5786 myspace.com/blakesonthepark 4. BJ Roosters 2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-634-5895 www.bjroostersatl.com 5. Bulldogs 893 Peachtree St. 404-872-3025 6. Burkhart’s 1492-F Piedmont Rd. 404-872-4403 www.burkharts.com 7. Chaparral 2715 Buford Hwy. 678-886-3205 8. Club Europe 4001 Presidential Pkwy. 770-452-1240 www.thelionsdenatlanta.com 9. Club Opera 1150-B Crescent Ave. 404-872-1150 www.operaatlanta.com 10. Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-873-2453 www.atlantaeagle.com 11. Felix’s 1510-G Piedmont Rd. 404-249-7899 12. Friends On Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-817-3820 www.friendsonponce-atl.com 13. Gilbert’s 219 10th St. 404-872-8012 www.gilbertscafe.com 14. Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-325-3061 www.hereticatlanta.com 15.HOBNOB 1551 Piedmont Ave. 404-968-2288 16. Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St. 404-875-6634 www.joesatlanta.com 17. Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd. 404-844-8800 jungleclubatlanta.com 18. LeBuzz 585 Franklin Rd. (Marietta) 770-424-1337 www.thenewlebuzz.com 19. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-873-4464 www.lasmargaritasatl.com 56 davidatlanta

23. My Sisters Room 1271 Glenwood Ave. SE 678-705-4585 24. New Order 1544 Piedmont Rd. 404-874-8247 25. Opus 1 1086 Alco St. 404-634-6478

A. Atlanta Botanical Gardens B. Atlanta History Center C. Atlantic Station D. Centennial Olympic Park E. CNN - Atlanta F. Fox Theater G. Georgia Aquarium H. Georgia State Capitol I. High Museum of Art J. Margaret Mitchell House K. The Atlanta Opera and The Atlanta Ballet L. The Atlanta Symphony Orchestra M. Virginia-Highlands N. World of Coca-Cola O. Zoo Atlanta

26. Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave. NE www.oscarsatlanta.com 27. Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr. 404-352-0532 www.swingingrichards.com 28. 3 Legged Cowboy 931 Monroe Dr. 404-876-0001 www.3leggedcowboy.net 29. Tripps 1931 Piedmont Cir. 404-724-0067 30. Woofs 2425 Piedmont Rd. 404-869-9422 www.woofsatlanta.com 31. 91 91 Broad Street SW 404.581.0577 www.91below.com GYMS/SPAS/BATHS 32. FLEX 76 - 4th St. NW 404-815-0456 33. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd. NW 404-486-0506 34. Workout Anytime 2140 Peachtree Rd. 404-351-3264 RETAIL/BOOKS/DVDS 35. Atlanta Leather Company 2070 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-320-8989 36. Brushstrokes/Capulets 1510 Piedmont Ave. 404-876-6567 37. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Rd. 404.873.2264 www.boynextdoor.biz 38. Outwrite Bookstore & Cafe 991 Piedmont Ave. 404-607-0082 39. Poster Hut 2175 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-633-7491 davidatlanta 57

CLUB ARGOS 1923 Walton Way-706-481-8829www.clubargos.net THE FILLING STATION @ The Parliament Resort 1258 Gordon Highway-706-828-7400 www.gayaugusta.com/thefillingstation

MACON

KAOS 2780 Riverside Drive – 478-621-0662 www.kaosmacon.com SYNERGY 425 Cherry Street – 478-755-9383

SAVANNAH

BLAINE’S 13 East Perry Street-912-233-6765 www.blainesbar.com CHUCK’S BAR 305 West River Street-912-232-1005 CLUB ONE 1 Jefferson Street-912-232-0200 www.clubone-online.com UNADILLA The Lumberyard @ Lumberjacks Resort 50 Highway 230-1-877-888-1688 www.lumberjackscampground.com

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TE N N E S S E E

AUGUSTA

CHATTANOOGA

A L A B A MA

GEORGIA

Out of Town Directory BIRMINGHAM THE QUEST 416 24th Street South-205-251-4313 www.the-quest-club.com OUR PLACE 2115 8th Avenue S. 205-715-0077 JOE’S ON SEVENTH 2627 7th Avenue South- 205-321-2812 www.joesonseventh.com

IMAGES 6005 Lee Highway-423-855-8210 www.mirage-complex.com CHUCK’S 27 W. Main Street- 423-265-5405 ALLAN GOLD’S 1100 McCallie Avenue-423-629-8080f

DOTHAN

CLUB IMAGINATION 4129 Ross Clark Circle 334-792-6555

MONTGOMERY

CLUB 322 322 N. Lawrence Street - 334-263-4322

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Wednesday FEB 16th

Brian Sharp Presents

APD Gay Police

Meet N Greet The Atlanta

Eagle

from 8-9pm Please come out!

Everyone is Welcome!

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Atlanta A to Z

By David C. Muller

EPISODE THIRTY-FIVE:

“K is for Krispy Kreme” Once upon a time Luke went to a palm reader in Gwinnett County. The palm reader told him, “You must move to Atlanta, Luke, for you will find love there.”

At midnight on Tuesday, Luke and his best friend, Gregory, drove over to the Krispy Kreme on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Across the street from the bright red and green neon lights, Luke spotted the gray brick building that was the Eagle. Luke poked Greg in the arm and pointed, “I met a guy there once. His name was Edward. We had sex and then I found out he was a drag queen called ‘Enigma.’” “You went out with a drag queen?” Greg found that hard to believe, he said, “I find that hard to believe.” Luke laughed in hindsight, “I wonder what happened to him.” Luke and Greg were the only customers in the Krispy Kreme that night and, behind the counter, there stood a tiny woman dressed in a tight-fitting red shirt and a skimpy white apron, her hair was long and black and she had big giant tits. “Hi, welcome to Krispy Kreme.” She wore a name tag that said ‘Lil’ Kim.’ “Can I take your order?” Luke looked up at the menu; he saw pictures of coffee beans and a clock. He scanned his eyes over the many donuts on display; all of them trademarked: Caramel Kreme Crunch, Maple Iced Glazed, Glazed Blueberry, Glazed Sour Cream on top of and next to doughnuts filled with cinnamon and apple, doughnuts of powdered cake and covered in chocolate, cinnamon twists and apple fritters. “My God,” said Luke, “I’m overwhelmed by the selection. What do you recommend?” “Do you want a chocolate doughnut 62 davidatlanta

with sprinkles or a pink donut?” Lil’ Kim rolled her eyes, “You can’t expect me to make the decision for you. I just work here.” Luke turned to his friend and said, “Greg?” Greg stepped up to the counter, “Which donut is your featured donut?” “Our featured donut,” Lil’ Kim rolled her eyes again yet she remained stationery behind the cash register, “is our special Dark Chocolate Kreme Doughnut.” “Ooo,” Gregory salivated, “that sounds fattening. What’s it made of?” “Our featured donut,” Lil’ Kim pushed a strand of long, smooth dark black hair from her face, “It has a rich, dark chocolate kreme filling and it’s dipped in a delicious dark chocolate icing and drizzled with milk chocolate.” Lil’ Kim arched her back in a yawn, “Do you want one?” Luke oogled the pendulous breasts of Lil’ Kim, he said, “My goodness, for a short little thing, you’ve got the biggest pair of boobs I’ve seen on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’” “The dark chocolate in our featured doughnut,” Lil’ Kim rolled her eyes, “will do a rumba on your tongue.” “You know what else, Lil’ Kim?” Luke said, “I think you are the very first female character we’ve ever had in this series.” Luke turned to Gregory, “Do you know of any other woman characters we’ve had on this show?” Gregory cocked his head to look up at the fluorescent light in contemplation, “I can’t think of any girls we’ve had. I think just about every character in this drama has been a guy so far. I think you’re right, Luke. I don’t think we’ve ever had any female characters. It would thus

appear,” Greg looked straight at Lil’ Kim, “that you’re the very first bitch to appear here on these pages.” “Oh hell no,” Lil’ Kim rolled her head around on her neck. “You did not just call me a bitch.” “Don’t get pissed off at me!” Gregory held up his hands in spontaneous defense, “I didn’t write this dialog.” “Don’t come all up in here and call me a bitch, you fat ass.” Lil’ Kim shook her hips, “You gonna order a doughnut or what?” “You know,” said Luke, “I think my friend is right. I think you are the very first girl we’ve ever had in this series.” Luke offered a weak smile, “Congratulations.” “How long has this series been going on?” Lil’ Kim asked, “How long have you been doing this?” “Since June.” Luke said, “I moved back to Atlanta in June.” “Since June?” Lil’ Kim made an angry face, “You’ve been fuckin’ around Midtown Atlanta since June and you ain’t ever had a woman show up on these pages? Homo please!” Lil’ Kim scoffed, “That is scandalous! It’s just downright wrong.” “I know,” Luke nodded. “I agree with you. That’s what I think.” “You know what I heard?” Gregory nodded, “I remember hearing back during Christmas that there’s a new subplot coming up this season on this series.” “A new subplot? Oh-la-la,” Lil’ Kim started to twist and dance behind the cash register, “In the words of that has been Paris Hilton: that sounds hot.” “Do you know what it’s about?” Luke asked, “Do have any idea what this new subplot will include? Are we going to get Bruce Springsteen to guest star?” “I didn’t hear anything about Bruce Springsteen.” Lil’ Kim asked, “What did you hear?” “Yes, Greg. What did you know about this new subplot?” Luke said, “You must tell us.” “I don’t know much, but I do know one thing.” Greg nodded his head seriously, “It will include lesbians.” “Lesbians!” Luke gasped, “Oh God no!” “Coochie coochie coochie coo!” Lil’ Kim sparkled with anticipation, “I like me some lesbians!” “Oh God, Greg!” Luke sighed and shook his head, “They’re bringing in a lesbian next week?” “Not one lesbian, Luke.” Greg said, “But seven of them.” “Seven? Are you joking, Greg?” Luke raised both his eyebrows, “Seven lesbians?”

Tune in next week for the first installment of “DYKE vs. DYKE” in EPISODE THIRTY-SIX: “L is for Lesbians” “ATLANTA A to Z” would LOVE to hear from you! QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS: We welcome your feedback! Send us an email at: AtlantaAtoZ@DavidAtlanta.com AND AtlantaAtoZ@Gmail.com

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Ghetto Fabulous

his month, I’m not writing about myself. I don’t want to come off as conceited, even though I have nothing to be conceited about. I mean, hello, I live with my dad, and that’s not cool after the age of 30, especially when your dad goes in your room without permission, only to stumble upon your spankerchief, because he nothing else going on. Mind you, it was an accident, he states. He wasn’t snooping. He was merely vacuuming the sheets on my bed. “Please Dad. I’m not shedding.” “No, but you sure are staining things,” he replies. And if that’s not mortifying enough, he begins a speed round of 21 questions, beginning with, “Anthony, are you having enough sex?” “Of course not. I have a boyfriend….” But seriously, who stops jacking off even if they are having enough sex? I mean, yes, masturbating can seem a tad superfluous in between consistent, sexual encounters, but it’s super fun. I have nothing for which to be ashamed. In fact, my efforts should be applauded. Masturbating keeps me smiling and disease-free. Plus, it’s convenient, and I can avoid petty banter afterward. But that isn’t enough for dad. No, he thinks I’m sick – that I’m isolating, building up walls in order to keep from getting hurt in my relationship. Therefore, he wants me to start doing that sort of dirty thing outside of the home. Then maybe, I’ll have to screw my boyfriend. The problem is: my boyfriend and I are trying to find other things to base our relationship on other than sex. Too bad, he’s out of town. So fine! I’m taking dad’s advice, and I’m going out. Of course, I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going somewhere. So I call my friend Doug, and at midnight, he agrees to see a movie as long as we agree to skip the movie and get drunk, which seems like a splendid idea. That is, until we opt to attend a keg party in the ghetto instead. Granted, it’s one of those ‘bring your own drink, because no one can afford to share’ parties. But it seriously rocks, because we’re already drunk, and we don’t know better. I figure that’s why I tell him about my dad finding my handkerchief; my inhibitions are down. Still, he fails to react. Why? Well, you see, he’s the calm, collected type, and he’s already had his fair share of drama for the night. It appears, he was in a fight with a love interest earlier. According to Doug, the guy was insensitive; he didn’t care that Doug had just found out his best friend had been in a car accident. Instead, he got angry at Doug for being sad about it. Therefore,

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Doug broke up with him. No big deal. There’s already another guy texting. “Want to get pile-drived tonight?” Mr. Text writes. “Not really,” Doug replies. You see, he’s too consumed with hanging out with me, and according to him, the key to having a lot of sex is to completely ignore the person who wants to have sex with you. The problem is: lately, Doug seems to be ignoring most everything, including important things, like the fact there’s a gang of men charging at us from the darkness as we drunkenly sway along the road in search of the party. “Oh God, we’re going to get killed,” I mutter. Doug is nonchalant, sipping his vodka from a stadium cup as if it were chamomile tea. “What?” he questions – his blue eyes, so serene. “Um, HELLO. We’re about to get jumped,” I say. Yet, he acts as if he doesn’t care if he dies, or about anything else. Luckily, the gang bypasses us to vandalize the Christmas decorations on a nearby yard, consisting of plastic, glowing elves and blow-up snowmen. Pop, pop, pop, that’s all I hear. Meanwhile the party is nowhere to be found, and Doug is verbally listing off the things Mr. Text plans to do to him later tonight. “He’s going to slam me in a wall. He’s going to choke me with his snake. Oh and he’s going to disrespect me orally and anally. Reading the list, Doug yawns as we trek to my house. “Damn, I just don’t know if I want to have sex tonight.” “WHAT?” I question. “Don’t you want sex, like all the time?” “No,” he says. “Do you?” And I think normally, no. Yet, since I’ve reunited with my boyfriend, sex seems to be my primary focus. At work, I’m typing, and voila, I’m hard. At the market, I spy a ripe banana, and boom, my mind wanders. It’s all-consuming, every second of every day, and it only seems to be getting worse, to the point where I feel guilty for being a slut. “Yes, I want it all the time,” I admit. To which, Doug downs additional vodka. “That’s because you’re with someone you trust,” he says. “I forgot how to trust when my ex fiancée cheated on me two weeks before our wedding.” I can’t help but fall silent, since this is the first I’ve heard of this. “Sorry to hear,” I finally manage. “No problem,” he says, trudging along. “It helps to hear there are guys out there like you, guys with handkerchiefs who feel slutty even if they’re only cheating with themselves.” 69 davidatlanta

The Frugal Faggot

e are a little over a month into 2011 and if you are anything like me you have already broken quite a few of those items on your resolution list. I have yet to fully quit smoking, my trips to the gym have not been as regular as I had hoped and I have already had one of those massive hangovers I swore up and down I would avoid. The only resolution it seems I can ever stick to is finding ways to enjoy my life as cheaply as possible. Challenge #1: Go Orange The banking industry is seeking ways to make up their losses due to the recent government legislation limiting and in some cases barring exorbitant fees. At the beginning of this year the AJC reported that Bank of America would use Georgia as a test market for its new checking accounts which will charge a $9.00 monthly fee for the most basic of accounts. Unlike now there will be no way to avoid this fee. Banking experts state that other banks will be sure to follow. Without much overhead, online banking offers many perks that these brick and mortar banks are unable to match. In addition to my Bank of America account, I use ING as an additional savings and checking account. Let me tell you why: Savings Accounts: With no minimum balance and no monthly fees, ING savings accounts beat the offering by any bank. Additionally the 1.10% APY interest earned is more than 20 times the interest rate offered by Bank of America. Checking Account: S**t happens. We all know that just when you think life is finally going your way something shoves a bowl of lemons into your lap. Funny thing is people say make lemonade but sugar costs money and it is usually in these times when we don’t have the money we need. Overdraft fees are ridiculous. With an ING checking account you receive a debit card but do not incur overdraft fees as you know them. ING charges a small interest rate based upon the amount you overdraft and how long the balance stays in overdraft. For example, if you unexpectedly had to overdraft $168.00 and that balance remained negative for the two weeks until you received your next paycheck, your overdraft charge would be roughly .50. Yes, that is FIFTY CENTS. Compare that to the compounded $36.00 overdraft fees from your bank. I will admit that not having a banking center in Atlanta can be a slight hardship but with direct deposit and access to your money at over 100 ATM’s in Metro Atlanta, Orange is the color to go. 70 davidatlanta

My father has always said I had better find a way to reconcile my champagne tastes with my beer budget. It made college really tough. I didn’t want to live off a diet of Ramen Noodles and Easy Mac, nor did I want to miss out on having a social life. I thought if I could just get through those four years the world would be waiting with its arms outstretched to pay me every penny I knew I was worth....... boy was I wrong! Taking a page from Beyonce’s book my alter ego was born -- The Frugal Faggot. You see having fun and being fabulous does not have to cost you a fortune!!

In an age of such economic flux, money matters more than ever. Across the board deal sites such as Groupon are popping up like it’s the Baby Boom Redux. In a sea of savings it can sometimes be difficult to sift through all of these sites to find true value (or savings). This column will serve as a way to help make sense of savings. Week after week I will tackle various aspects of social life and show you how you can do what you want to do – on a budget but first, this week I propose a challenge.

Starting small and making changes to your life can leave a lot of extra money in your pocket at the end of 2011.

this Valentine’s Day, but the I have scoured the Metro Atlanta region to present dating opportunities that won’t run through your bank account.

As Valentine’s Day looms on the horizon, I have recently been left pondering the holiday. I think we can all agree that February 14th hinges on the theme of love.I am often left to wonder why we feel the need to express our love on this one day with roses --which inevitably have been marked up 200% for this special occasion, candy --which only rots our teeth and adds unwanted pounds to our waistlines and cards --which we often mistakenly think can express our feelings better than we can. The history of Valentine’s Day is often debated, but I venture to claim it’s just a corporate holiday designed to rake in additional sales and profits. Cynic? I don’t believe so! I just hold steadfast to the belief that there are 364 other days in the year that are just as important when it comes to maintaining and nurturing our relationships.

I think most people aspire to have companionship in their lives. Sure, we all have our friends but what we really want is someone to share our thoughts, our hopes, our successes and our failures with. A person that when you come home after a rotten day, knows exactly what to do to make you feel better. We find that person by dating. I have several friends who use the terms “dating” and “hooking-up” interchangeably and others who have a cookie-cutter date pattern and visit the same three spots on all dates. Dating should be exciting and adaptive and should reflect the interests and personalities of the parties involved. Zocalo only worked that one time and if we have to be honest, it was probably more the tequila than the date.

They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. Doesn’t that make dating expensive? After asking several friends about their best date, I found that most of my friends’ best dates didn’t cost an exorbitant sum of money. In fact, my favorite response described a cost-free run through the rain and a further explanation of how he “will never run in the rain again because it will never be THAT rain.” I’ll spare your hair ladies – I’m not advising you run through the rain

When it comes to a date, the first thought that comes to mind is the traditional dinner and a movie. While I do not see the point of sitting silently in a dark theater for two hours with someone you obviously want to know more about, the dinner part offers up exciting opportunity for conversation. There are several ways to knock a few bucks off your dining expenses when going out. First, for those with an iPhone or a Droid phone, Scoutmob is a must have app. This app presents deals on your phone that you can call up when visiting an establishment that often saves you 50% off your bill for one visit. A few of the restaurants currently participating in Scoutmob include Gilbert’s Cafe and Bar in Midtown, D.B.A Barbecue in Virginia Highlands and Pure Taqueria in Inman Park. With restaurants added daily, Scoutmob is a must-have app for the cost-conscious dater.

If a movie is really where your date is headed, skip the giant cineplex (and $11.00 ticket) and drive over to the Starlite Six Drive-In Theater on Moreland Avenue. With three giant screens in the winter and six in the summer you can see two new release movies for $7.00 per person. Additionally, you can bring your own snacks (if you really want to impress, you can even grill) and a bottle of wine to enjoy while snuggling up to your date in the car. If the snack bar is more your speed, be sure to visit their website prior to going for some great coupons. Just remember though, admission and snack bar purchases are cash only. In addition to the dinner-and-a-movie date routine, Atlanta offers many area attractions that make for a great date. For starters, the High Museum has teamed with Bank of America to offer BOA customers free entry to the museum the first full weekend of every month. This saves you the $18.00 admission. I’m not necessarily advising you to rush out and open a BOA account, but if you already have one, milk it. The Atlanta and Fulton County Public library has teamed with the Atlanta Zoo to offer a free pass, which can

Have a great date idea? Email it to me frugalfag@gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on the David Magazine Website. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @thefrugalfaggot, if you have any questions you can email frugalfag@gmail.com and do not forget to start checking the David Magazine website for a daily deal roundup blog. be checked out just like a library book, which admits four to the zoo for free. Each branch has one pass available so be sure to check with your local branch before heading over.

Several neighborhoods offer a unique way to spend your evenings with art strolls during the month. The Downtown ArtsWalk takes place the first Thursday of each month from 5-8 p.m. and if you are worried about parking, there are several free options. The United Way parking garage offers free parking and from 6-9 you can get free parking at the Lanier parking garage behind the library (just be sure to get your ticket stamped at the front desk). Castleberry Hill also offers its own Arts Stroll the second Friday of each month from 7-10 p.m. Looking for a fun date designed to test the boundaries of a first date? Look no further than Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll Trivia at Jacks Pizza and Wings in Olde Fourth Ward. I must admit, I went with a group and learned some very interesting things, not only about those in my group but about some acts too risqué to mention in print. Be sure to visit Restaurant.com to purchase your $25.00 gift certificate for only $10.00. Nature Enthusiast? Looking for something fun and active for a weekend? The mountains of North Georgia offer many places for scenic hikes, waterfalls and picnics. Just a short drive away, Amicalola Falls offers a beautiful waterfall, hiking trails, and picnic grounds. If you’re feeling a little more adventurous, then truck up to Black Rock Mountain State Park and rent a backcountry camp site and hike to the top of the mountain to enjoy amazing views. Dating does not have to be monotonous nor does it have to be expensive. Be creative. Use your imagination and really think about the person you are going out with when planning your date. I cannot promise a prince, but I can promise some extra pennies in your pocket.

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La Nota Rosa

by Luis Chiruco

MEDIA NARANJA E

l otro día oí en la radio que todos y cada uno de nosotros tenemos 5 o 6 almas gemelas (o medias naranjas, o cómo se quieran llamar) por todo el mundo. Y digo yo, ¿y por qué no 10 o 20 o sólo 3?... Qué fácil es hacer afirmaciones tan indemostrables como ésta. A ver, ¿dónde y con quién han hecho la estadística? Yo creo que se trata más bien una leyenda urbana, como la de la mujer de la curva, o como la licenciatura en Finanzas de la pelitenida. Algo que o te lo crees o no, y punto.

hace ruido, si será adicta al chocolate, si dormirá hacia el lado izquierdo, si se reirá con facilidad, si se vestirá como yo, si le gustará el mar, los gatos y Mafalda, si tendrá la misma necesidad que yo de hablar con su madre todos los días, si habrá estado enNew york o en París (que son dos de mis lugares preferidos... bueno, lo mismo viven allí), si será tímido, romántico enfermizo o miedoso, si le gustará la tortilla de patatas, si cantará en el coche, o si tendrá un nota rosa.....

Después de escuchar ésto, empecé a fantasear en cómo será mi media naranja, si tendrá mis mismas costumbres, si le gustará el mismo tipo de pelis que a mí, si llorará por las mismas cosas, si le gustará el verano, si hoy cenará pollito como yo, si le molestará la gente que grita y

Esto, que así a simple vista suena hasta bonito, me produce un poco de mal rollo también...así que me voy a cenar, esperando que mi media naranja se haya convertido en zumo...got leche....chicos agregenme en facebook asi me pueden mandar mensajes y sugerencias...facebook.com/djchiruco.

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Protect Your Monster

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by Richard Marshall

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Bitch Session Would you leave the keys in the car with it running and let the salesman figure out on his own that you don’t want the car? Then why would you treat a potential boyfriend with any less respect? You’re measured more by the way you treat the ones you don’t want than the one you do.

I may have a gut, but what’s up with your face? It’s a hell of a lot cheaper for me to get a gym membership than for you to get plastic surgery.

Why do people put on their non-picture profiles that they are “very good looking” and then when they unlock their pics they are not? Whose opinion are Don’t hate. My outfit costs more than your monthly you going by? rent. Our relationship is not the same if you take away the physical part. Stop telling me it is. If you love Do people EVER do nice your ex, be with him. Quit jerking me around.

things without expecting something in return?

Why do so many queens judge poz guys who collect disability checks when they live rent free in their parents’ basement and they’re 30, and you call We talked online for a week before you found out me a lazy? I am a smoker. Now you won’t even talk to me? I The SAG Awards were fun. Who DOESN’T love may smoke, but I look better than you. Betty White? I wonder if she is getting so much notoriety because of the energy she has at her age? Girls just want to have fun, so WTF is wrong with Atlanta bars? RuPaul’s Drag Race is back and those new bitches are even fiercer than in the first two seasons. Good Four guys, five baskets of wings and you all wonder luck Phoenix and Mariah! why no one talked to any of you tonight? Give it up, please. You are pushing 50 and 300 pounds, and we all know you wear a toupee. Accept life. If you’re under 25, stop pretending to be a man. You’re still a boy or “boi.”

Let’s just skip Valentine’s Day this year. Who needs that stress? I know it’s morbid, but I often think about what it would be like if someone just died mid speech at these award shows.

No, I don’t need to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times. Don’t get so bitchy with me for trying to interact with you when you are Don’t you just love how forehead sweat can totally “busy.” You are not that special. ruin a hairstyle? If I send you my number on Adam 4 Adam, please OMG don’t own a big ass car unless you know how don’t send me back yours and expect a response. to drive and park it.

Gotta Bitch?

? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitc ch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? ? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitc ch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch? Bitch?

Text it to 404.969.BTCH(2824) 78 davidatlanta

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