DC Life Magazine June 2012

DC LIFE June 2012

Photo: Qi An

Cultural Fusion for Social Change

Ar ticles | News | Hea lth | Lifestyle | Food

Contents 10 Product Spotlight: VibrAcoustic Technology Kohler Co. introduces sound therapy to their bath line.

12 Health & Happiness Keryl Pesce, founder of Happy Bitch, shares her newfound perspective and strength.

16 Recipe Box Enjoy the summer with these five refreshing green drinks.

20 Five Smoking Commandments

32 Signature Summer Styles

Chef Ted Reader shares his tasty tips.

Mutsa Meda sends our bags packing with these updated summer looks.

22 Career Corner 38 It’s in the Bag Liam Hickey advises about a succesful interview day.

Peek into this month’s product finds.

27 Events Review: Girl Scouts Rock the Mall 40 Definitely DC Leslie Morton and Jessica Farley describe this year’s annual event at the National Mall.

Rebecca Hession shares the top five tourist stops in the city.

44 He Said She Said Columnist Jason Daygamer interviews two relationship experts and asks them about the art of flirting.

48 Summer Survival An interview with Rachel Sussman, author of The Breakup Bible and a licensed psychotherapist.

54 Events Gallery Images from recent events in the Washington, D.C. area.

ON THE COVER | QI AN/PHOTOGRAPHY; NATIONAL MALL, WASHINGTON, DC/LOCATION GENERAL INQUIRIES & COMMENTS | COMMENTS@DCLIFEMAGAZINE.COM DCLIFEMAGAZINE.COM | FACEBOOK.COM/DCLIFEMAGAZINE | TWITTER.COM/DCLIFEMAGAZINE

FROM THE EDITOR Publisher: Mestizo Media Group, Inc General Manager: Eugene O. Smith, Jr. Managing Editor: Gigi Smith Contributors: Jennifer Jordan Harrell, Jason (The Daygamer), Mutsa Meda, Miguel “Chapi D” Oyola, Jr., Leslie Morton, Andy Schuber, Liam Hickey, Jessica Farley, Qi An, Rebecca Hession, Sarah Worley

Advertising Sales DC Life Magazine P.O. Box 272 Dumfries, VA 22026 Phone: 877-275-5569

Subscription Inquiries Please address all requests to Mestizo Media Group, Inc. at subscriptions@mestizomedia.com. Subscriptions are available at $48/year or $70 for two years.

Copyright © 2012 by DC Life Magazine TA: Mestizo Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved

W

elcome to the June issue of DC Life Magazine. June is a month of remembrance, travel and new destinations.

We want to invite you to our great Nation’s Capital and give you a glimpse of what you’ll find here when you visit.

Rebecca Hession shares 5 places you surely want to put on your itinerary when coming to D.C., and photographer Qi An shows us her visual perspective, by capturing the diversity and majesty of this great city.

As always we appreciate your continued support and trust that you will continue to spread the word about our unique publication, as we continue our quest to showcase “Cultural Fusion for Social-Change”.

Thank you.

Eugene Smith / Editor In Chief

Advertisement

Living in Good Vibrations Adding to the wave of its recent technology innovations, Kohler Co. introduces VibrAcoustic technology on all nine models of their popular Underscore bath line. VibroAcoustic is a technology-based sound therapy defined as hearing and feeling sound vibrations through the body. Focused on complete body relaxation, the new Underscore VibrAcoustic baths are engineered to ease tension and stress.

Additionally, the quality of the sound system is so good that it can be used as a stand-alone audio solution for the entire bathroom. The bather can stream music and podcasts through the bath from a mobile device via hardwire connection or wirelessly with a Bluetooth receiver. The VibrAcoustic technology is controlled by an intuitive full-color touch screen user interface.

“KOHLER VibrAcoustic technology truly is a multi-dimensional experience. It’s like going to a rock concert - you can hear and feel the music and vibrations throughout your body,” says Ann Roever, business director for Kohler bathing products. “With

8 DC Life Magazine

four original compositions to choose from and the ability to play your own music, it’s an experience that can fit any mood.”

The four experiences are original compositions that integrate music, vibration and lighting in order to encourage the bather’s breathing rate to align with the beats or chord structures.

These VibrAcoustic experiences envelop the bather in a multisensory environment. These original compositions were created in collaboration with a renowned sound therapist and are choreographed uniquely for this bath to optimize the vibroacoustic effect, in which the body is led into a state of complete relaxation. In addition, two massaging beat experiences add even more physical vibration that can be adjusted to the desired level of intensity to personalize the bathing experience.

Six transducers producing music/vibrations are strategically placed surrounding the bath allowing the bather to not only hear but also feel the music streaming in from one of the four preset VibrAcoustic experiences. The transducers are located

both below the water for the vibration experience and above the water for the audio. A newly designed touch screen user interface allows bathers full control of their experience and the option of listening to a favorite play list from their mobile device, internet radio or home computer by simply plugging your device into the amplifier or streaming wirelessly with any Bluetooth receiver.

Chromatherapy lighting is synchronized with the four preset VibrAcoustic experiences and will also align itself with the rhythm of outside music. The four lights in the bath cycle through eight different colors and myriad color combinations and patterns. A color dial even allows bathers to choose a particular hue of each color.

The acrylic Underscore bath is available in nine sizes ranging from 60-by-30 inches to 72-by-42 inches, including a 48-by48-inch cube-shaped model, and is available in five colors with both drop-in and undermount installation to ensure a natural fit with other design elements in the bathroom. The Underscore

baths’ simple, crisp design lines perfectly complement granite, stone or tile. Underscore baths feature a slotted overflow that creates a deeper-than-normal soaking experience.

In comparison to overflow drains found on traditional baths that are round and positioned lower, limiting the water depth, the large, slotted overflow drain positioned near the Underscore bath rim maximizes the level of water in the bath for a true soaking experience.

MSRP: Price ranges from $1,055.70 for the 60-by-30inch VibrAcoustic bath to $4,634.55 for the 72-by-36-inch Underscore VibrAcoustic bath with Chromotherapy.

For more information go to: http://www.us.kohler.com/us/VibrAcoustic™-Hydrotherapy/ content/CNT2400525.htm

DC Life Magazine 9

Health

In Health & Happiness Happiness expert Keryl Pesce says all blame is useless.

All blame is useless. Whether aimed at a person or circumstance, all it does is keep you in a holding pattern of being unhappy and feeling like a victim. It serves no positive purpose, other than to temporarily alleviate the feeling of failure.

Blame may feel good at the time we do it. We rationalize our unhappiness or lack of accomplishment by pointing the crooked finger of blame on other people or circumstances.

We think we’re taking the pressure off ourselves by believing we’re not responsible. But the relief is false, temporary and a happiness killer. It leaves us feeling powerless over the state of our lives when the exact opposite is true.

Here are a couple guarantees for you: 1 – Keep blaming other people or circumstances for your lack of happiness an you will stay unhappy.

2 – Choose to accept responsibility for the state of your life and happiness and you will live happier. It empowers you to ask the right questions and take smarter action.

3 – Unfair situations and challenges are a part of life. Every one of us will lie awake at night at some point in our lives and ask “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” The longer you keep asking the wrong questions, the longer you will suffer.

4 – The quality of your life and happiness is not determined by what happens to you. It is determined by how you respond to what happens to you. So quit asking “Why me?” and start 10 DC Life Magazine

asking “What’s next? What do I want and how can I respond in a way that will get me closer to what I want?”

5 – The happiest people you see have not lived a life free of challenge. The only difference is they ditched blame and chose empowering responses to the negative events in their lives.

Sometimes small shifts in how we think can have a massive effect on the quality of our lives. You have the power to live your happiest life. Switch from focusing on what is wrong with your life and what is out of your control to change and focus on what you do want, where you want to get to and how you can respond and make choices to get you there.

Keryl Pesce is a happiness expert and is the author of “Happy Bitch – The girlfriend’s straight-up guide to losing the baggage and finding the fun, fabulous you inside.” She is co-host of the weekly talk radio show “Happy Hour” and is co-founder of Happy Bitch wine.

“Happy Bitch” is available for $19.95 on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and is available for Kindle. For more information, please visit www.happybitchbook.com.

Following the release of her book, she and attorney Jonna Spilbor (regular legal analyst for Fox News and MSNBC), began a weekly talk-radio show called “Happy Hour” designed to entertain and dish advice for women. Their show airs Thursdays, 9-11pm EST on Mix 97.7FM in New York. See their website for more information: www.HappyBitches.com.

Recipe Box

Sandwich2.0

GreenBrideGuide Toasts to Summer with Five Refreshing Green Cocktail Recipes GreenBrideGuide is ready to celebrate the summer and is offering ideas for five delicious green cocktail recipes. All the organic and local ingredients you need are fresh, ripe and ready for summer and found at GreenBrideGuide GreenBrideGuide, the nation’s No. 1 green wedding resource has relationships with 1,300 green businesses across the country, was launched in 2009 by environmental lawyer Kate L. Harrison after her book The Green Bride Guide: How To Plan An Earth-Friendly Wedding On Any Budget became a best-seller in the wedding category. (Sourcebooks, 2008)

Watermelon Sangria 1 bottle of organic or fair trade red wine 1 cup of 4 Copas tequila 1/2 a cup of fresh squeezed orange juice 1/4 cup of fresh squeezed organic lime juice 1/2 a cup of brown organic sugar Sliced watermelon to taste Serve in a hollowed out watermelon for the perfect summer wedding or cocktail party!

Kiwi Fruit Cocktail 2 cups of ice 3 large ripe kiwi fruits, peeled 3 oz Papagayo Organic White Rum 1 lime, finely grated rind and juiced 10 oz water (for lime syrup) 14 DC Life Magazine

Au Bon Pain Reinvents their Menu Au Bon Pain, the international café bakery and a leader in the fast casual restaurant category specializing in serving delicious foods with warm hospitality, announced today the introduction of 11 reinvented sandwiches that bring this American staple, and all of its layers, to a whole new level. After months of perfecting a new “Sandwich2.0 Method,” Au Bon Pain is now officially unveiling the newly crafted sandwich line, the creation of Executive Chef Stefano Cordova.

“This is one of the biggest changes our menu has seen,” said Maria Feicht, Au Bon Pain’s Chief Branding Officer. “Chef Cordova has transformed our sandwich menu by combining ingredients to create distinctively delicious new flavors and by completely reinventing the way we construct our sandwiches.”

3 tbs organic sugar 1lime, finely grated rind and juiced (for lime syrup)

Organic vodka or rum Mint leaves Ice

Make a syrup by combining water, sugar, rind and juice in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil and stir regularly. Simmer uncovered for 5 minutes. Cool. Pour into a heatproof container and chill. Place the chilled syrup, rum, ice cubes, kiwi fruit and extra lime juice into a blender. Serve immediately.

Blend 2 cups of strawberries in a food processor until smooth and strain. Mix together pureed strawberries, tea, desired amount of sugar to taste, and lemon juice. Chill. Before serving add vodka or rum to taste. Decorate and serve with a fresh strawberry (stem removed), ice and a sprig of mint. Serves 4.

Pink Lemonade Jello Shots This clever no-waste recipe is perfect for a summer party!

12 whole organic lemons 1 cup pink lemonade 2 packages plain gelatin 1 cup 360 Vodka

Elderflower Spritzer The perfect drink for a garden party!

Cut the lemons in half. Scoop out the insides. Add the lemonade to a saucepan, sprinkle the gelatin over the juice. Let it sit for 2 minutes. Heat the lemonade over low heat, stirring, until the gelatin has dissolved, about 5 minutes. Stir in the organic vodka. Pour into the lemon halves and refrigerate for 4 hours.

Spiked Strawberry Iced Tea 2 cups local or organic strawberries plus extra for decoration 32 fluid ounces of brewed fair trade tea chilled 1/3 cup organic white sugar 1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice 1/2 punnet of fresh strawberries

1 oz Saint germain 8 oz Seltzer Flower ice cubes This light and elegant drink is perfect for a hot day and is a breeze to make.

Just add 1 oz of Elderflower liquor to seltzer and serve. For the greenest version make your own seltzer (it is better for the environment and only costs 17 cents a liter!) Serve over flower-filled ice cubes with organic orchids, nasturtiums, pansies, or snapdragons inside.

The Green Bride Guide is the leading online resource for eco-friendly wedding ideas, product and services. For further information on the Green Bride Guide™ go to www.greenbrideguide.com.

The new Au Bon Pain sandwiches have been redesigned to reflect the role sandwiches often play in America: a complete meal.

Au Bon Pain sandwiches have been reevaluated and rebuilt from scratch to ensure that each one has the traditional components of a main course, including delicious, fresh baked breads, fresh vegetables and quality proteins, like antibiotic-free turkey and black angus roast beef, as well as bright and bold dressings. Designed for the last bite to be as scrumptious as the first, Cordova compares the new sandwich building method to architecture.

“With each layer, we achieve the right balance of flavors and textures made from quality ingredients, turning the simple sandwich into a very satisfying meal,” said Chef Cordova. “Everything is factored in – the size and texture of the bread, the sharpness of the cheese, the density of the protein, the acidity of the spread and the crunch of the vegetable – to make every bite perfect. This ideal balance is what we’ve achieved with our new ‘Sandwich2.0 Method,’ and it’s the basis of how we carefully craft all of our new sandwiches.”

The 11 new sandwiches along with their ingredients are: • Napa Chicken with Avocado – a wrap with all natural chicken, fresh avocado, romaine, tomatoes, cucumbers, lemon aioli and lemon dressing • Grilled Chicken Avocado – toasted baguette with all natural chicken, fresh avocado, applewood smoked bacon, tomatoes, mesclun, Dijon and bleu cheese dressing • Turkey & Swiss – a multigrain baguette with antibiotic-free turkey, Swiss, tomatoes and honey pecan spread • Black Angus Roast Beef & Herb Cheese – a multigrain baguette with blank angus roast beef, herbed cheese, arugula and tomatoes • Black Angus Roast Beef & Cheddar – ciabatta bread with blank angus roast beef, cheddar cheese, tomatoes, mesclun, mayo and Dijon • Black Forest Ham & Cheddar – a multigrain baguette with black forest ham, cheddar cheese, tomatoes and honey mustard • Chipotle Black Bean Burger with Avocado – ciabatta bread with a black bean burger, chipotle cheddar, caramelized onions, tomatoes and chipotle mayo • Grilled Chicken - ciabatta bread with all natural chicken, tomatoes, mesclun and lemon aioli • Mediterranean – a wrap with hummus, feta, field greens, tomatoes, kalamata olives, cucumbers and sun-dried tomato spread • Southwest Tuna – a wrap with tuna salad, chipotle cheddar, romaine, tomatoes and chipotle mayo • The Veggie – a multigrain baguette with grilled eggplant, roasted red peppers, fresh mozzarella, arugula and lemon aioli In addition to the 11 new sandwiches, Au Bon Pain regularly introduces special menu items as seasonal ingredients become available. An expat from Rome, Cordova is no stranger to the art of combining fresh, seasonal ingredients, particularly in the form of a sandwich. In fact, he was one of the first chefs to introduce the panino and the signature Italian panini press, which makes the toasty sandwiches, to America more than 25 years ago. Chef Cordova has over 30 years of food service experience, preparing foods for prestigious palates at events like the Olympics, PGA Tournaments and International Tennis events. His passion for creating delicious food by layering quality, flavorful ingredients, inspired the new Au Bon Pain “Sandwich2.0 Method.”

For more information on the new menu or to find an Au Bon Pain location, visit AuBonPain.com.

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Five

Meat Smoking Commandments

Chef Ted Reader’s brings on the smoke and the flavor with these tasty tidbits Meat smoking is becoming very popular in local restaurants this season, and Chef Ted Reader has come up with these five easy tips from his new book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Smoking Foods, to help you get rolling the first time you fire up your smoker, and every time to follow.

1.

Be prepared: As we have always been taught, proper and thorough preparation is very important, especially to be successful in meat smoking. Assuming you already have a smoker, the first step would be the food preparation. Your final result out of the smoker will only be as good as the ingredients you put into it, and it is important to always buy goodquality ingredients – or the best you can afford. Before bringing your food out to the smoker, a fire will need to be created to prepare the smoke. You’ll need to prepare your smoker ahead of time, keeping in mind how long your meat will take to smoke, and what fuel sources you will need during the process.

2.

Be patient: Timing is crucial, that’s all there is to it. Waiting for foods to smoke, and tending the fire to main18 DC Life Magazine

tain a consistent temperature can be tedious, but are important to successful smoking. If you have the perseverance to wait it out, you’ll discover the art of creating truly delicious foods.

3.

No peeking: Do you remember baking cookies, and being yelled at by your mother to stop opening the oven? It’s easier said than done, but meat smoking follows the same guidelines. A seemingly-harmless 30 second peek could add approximately 20 minutes to your smoking time. The less you peek, the sooner you eat!

4. Practice makes perfect: “Every time you smoke, it’s a chance to improve on what you did last time and create new flavours that will make you and your guests deliciously happy” exclaims Ted Reader, in his new book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Smoking Foods. Perhaps try challenging yourself by timing how long it takes for charcoal to reach its perfect white-hot temperature. Keeping track of what you have done will only help make you a better smoker, so try keeping notes and set goals to improve each time you cook.

5. Have fun! It takes the right combination of ingredients, time and patience to infuse wonderfully smoky flavours. A job well done is only measured by how tasty the food is and how much fun you had while preparing your meal. “The sweet smell of smoke, tending the fire, and smoking food to delicious perfection—that’s what it’s all about!” says Ted. Loaded with over 60 mouthwatering recipes, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Smoking Foods has everything you need to know for preparing tender meats, sensational side dishes, and other delicious foods to become a master smoker.

Ted Reader is an award-winning chef and food entertainer, who’s parlayed his passion for food into a culinary tour de force that includes more than a dozen cookbooks, shelves of food products, live culinary performances, TV and radio cooking shows and appearances as well as culinary demonstrations, a catering company and teaching.

Career Corner in 20–30 seconds, which is about one paragraph. If the interviewer asks a follow-up question, you will already have the example in your head, so you can ad lib at that point. The hardest part is thinking of the examples in the first place.

It’s just like dating. You have interesting stories to tell, right? At least, you think they’re interesting. What if they other person doesn’t? You need lots of stories and lots of practice telling them. More important, you need to build your confidence in who you are and your experience. This process helps you do that.

Practice out loud. If you don’t practice out loud, it’s not real practice. Record your answers and play them back. Yes, your voice sounds weird to you, but listen from an observer’s standpoint. How is your tone of voice? … energy level? … clarity? Recite your responses again … and again … and again.

This part will benefit you for all future interviews.

Interview Prep: You’ve Got Homework

By Liam Hickey You’re off to a good start. You picked up a few hot leads through networking and sent your freshly rewritten résumé to your new contacts. One of them is a hiring manager who wants to interview you. It’s homework time.

Homework is critical for any successful interview. It demonstrates that you are prepared, professional, and genuinely interested in the work. This is a process that takes time. Dedicate time to do it well.

Research the person. If you took notes after initially meeting this contact, pull them out. Anything you can remember from the conversation will help, including the names of professional specialties, pets, birthdays, favorite sports, or other details. This gives you material to reconnect on a personal level and lighten the mood during an interview. (It also shows how you pay 20 DC Life Magazine

attention.) Next, type the person’s name and company into Google, LinkedIn, and Facebook. You may find some interesting details, like recent projects or awards.

Research the company. On the Web site, read the “About” page, then look for press releases. If you have specific keywords to use, search for those in the list of headlines and through the Web site’s Search field. Otherwise, look through the last two to three months of headlines for recent news.

If you discussed a particular area of the company or product, look for a specific page on that. Next, search for the company name on Google for information from other sources.

Research industry trends. You may have spoken the manager about some particulars in the industry, or perhaps you came across interesting news articles involving this company. Make sure you know the basics, so you can

ask your contact intelligent questions.

It makes you look somewhat knowledgeable and interested to learn more. It also makes the interviewer feel like an expert, which is an ego boost.

Remember last month’s lesson: people act based on how you make them feel.

Make them feel good, and they will want to keep you around.

Write down questions.

You will think of them as you conduct your research.

Sprinkle them into the interview conversation. (This means your interview is a dialogue, not simply Q&A). For the first interview, keep the questions professionally focused. Wait until a second interview, if there is one, to ask about benefits, dress code, and the like.

Practice interview questions. Look up some typical ones on the Internet. Think about how you would answer each one, and write down your responses. You should be able to answer each question

Practice with someone. Different people ask questions in different ways or ask for different details. When you practice interviewing with different people, you will be more ready for whatever question comes up in an interview.

Review your résumé. You need to know it backwards and

forwards. In one (or more) of your mock interviews, try interviewing without your résumé in hand as a test (but give it to your mock interviewer). Read your résumé out loud (again), just in case you missed a typo. Print out five to ten copies on a laser printer using quality résumé paper. You may interview with several people, and save one for yourself. Be ready.

Prepare other handouts. These include your list of professional references and any relevant work samples you have. Make several copies. Print your list of professional references on the same quality résumé paper as above. If you are assembling a portfolio, ask for layout ideas at an office supply store or from a friend who works in marketing. Since these handouts don’t change much, they will also benefit you for future interviews.

That’s it. You know how to prepare for your interviews so you will come out on top. Now, make it happen!

Liam Hickey works as a career consultant, writer, and editor.

For years, he has helped others find career opportunities, write résumés, and prepare for interviews. From this, he has written a book on job searching and started his own business for career coaching. He can be reached at willpower.careers@ gmail.com.

Girl Scouts Rock the Mall

By Leslie Morton They came form far away….the Southwest and the North… coastal towns and big cities…all ascending on the Nations’ Capital… with one common goal...to ROCK The MALL! Vender booths, concessions, Rock Alley sponsor tents, and the Dove Real Beauty booth were packed with scouts who were busy dancing, singing, and trading homemade keepsakes with their new found friends from other towns, cities, counties, and states, and countries.

Over 250,000 girls across the country gathered in the District on June 9th to celebrate the 100 year Anniversary and Sing Along of the Girl Scouts, in partnership with The Dove Corporation. Some had never flown in a plane. Many had never viewed the White House in person. Others stood in awe of the Washington Monument and the Jefferson Memorial. Connie Lindsey, Chairman of the National Board of Girl Scouts said it best: ‘This is our largest gathering in Girl Scout history. We are making history and you are a part of it!’ Mrs. Lindsey also went on to say that all women should use this example of friendship and goodwill as an empowerment tool in their daily lives. ‘Just look what can happen when we all work together’, said Lindsey. Anna Marie Chavez, CEO of The Girl Scouts of America, added that the event and the success of Girls Scouting would not be possible without volunteers.

“Girl Scouting is made up of 98% volunteers, so you can see why it is so important to us that everyone keep giving of their time. It truly makes a difference in the lives of so many. One person can make a difference in the life of another.”

Actress, recording artist, song writer and fashion designer Mandy Moore joined the conversation and shared her commitment to

the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. ‘Real women make such an impact on these girls, the community, and the world. All girls need positive role models. Today, we are celebrating a few of these remarkable women who make a positive difference.’ Featured were: Toni Blackman, a musician who became the first Hip Hop Cultural talent to travel with the U.S. Senate Department to help girls and women in war-affected countries find the voice through music; Jane Chen, creator of a life saving incubator for vulnerable babies in developing countries; Melanie Matchett-Wood, a mathematician, who at age 16 was the first American girl to make the U.S. International Olympiad Team; and Lydia Villa-Komaroff, a molecular biologist and one of the first Latina women to hold a PhD. from MIT. Moore also drew from her personal past. “I stood 5’10’ when I was 14 years old. My Mom told me to stand tall, hold my shoulders back and always be proud of who and what I am. I never have forgotten that. It helped me become the woman that I am, so you see, our words have power. Real women make a huge impact on the lives of young girls every day.”

Jess Weiner, best selling author of ‘A Very Hungry Girl’, and ‘Life Doesn’t Begin Five Pounds From Now’, serves as Dove’s Global Self-Esteem Ambassador. Weiner stated statistics that show over 60% of girls in this nation who feel poorly about their looks or abilities often disconnect from normal daily activities. ‘Girls are in constant need of new examples- good examples. They must be lifted up, and we, as women, can do more. We can all help in a multitude of realms. Never underestimate your role or what you can contribute. Be positive, volunteer, give of your time, and never stop helping. Every positive word you can give makes a big difference.” And what a difference it made. Hugs, high-fives, smiles, and goodbye tears were all a part of what turned out to be the ‘Rock’ party of the year.

DC Life Magazine 25

Women Who Should Be Famous As Recognized by Dove and Girl Scouts By: Jessica Farley Being a girl is no easy feat. And, in a world of media-bombardment, false advertisement, and unrealistic expectations, being a self-confident and empowered girl is becoming an even lessattainable feat.

That’s where The Dove Corporation - along with a helping hand from over 250,000 Girl Scouts - comes into play.

On Saturday June 9, The Girl Scouts celebrated their 100th anniversary with their “Rock The Mall” event, a sing-a-long tradition that has celebrated the Girl Scouts’ anniversaries every five years for the past fifteen years. The Girl Scouts were in partnership with The Dove Corporation, specifically their “Movement for Self-Esteem.” At the event, Dove awarded four deserving women the title of “Women Who Should Be Famous” as a new part of their campaign, with help from accomplished singer, songwriter, designer, and actress Mandy Moore. The campaign works to celebrate strong female role models, as well as provide all women with the opportunity to empower and to mentor the next generation of women to come.

Introduced to the stage were four remarkable real women who

should be famous, based on the incredible work they are doing in philanthropy, science, music and math.

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Toni Blackman, a musician who was the first Hip Hop Cultural Envoy to travel with the U.S. State Department to help women and girls in war-affected countries find their voice through music Jane Chen, creator of an infant warmer for vulnerable babies in developing countries and co-founder and CEO of Embrace, a nonprofit organization named after the device to help save as many of the 20 million babies born premature or with low birth weight each year Melanie Matchett-Wood, a mathematician at the University of Wisconsin and, at age 16, the first American woman to make the U.S. International Mathematical Olympiad Team Lydia Villa-Komaroff, a molecular biologist, pioneer in the field of science and one of the first Latina women to hold a Ph.D. from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT).

I had the great fortune to sit down with each of these accomplished and admirable women, all of whom were humbled and appreciative of this tremendous honor. Some of the women

discussed the empowering role models they had as young girls.

For Villa-Komaroff, this was one of her great aunts, who exuded confidence and uniqueness through her vibrant wardrobe and jewelry and signature red hair. For Chen, inspiration came from her older sister, whom she described as “one of the most ambitious, hard-working people I know.”

Blackman spoke of the importance of “the affirmation and reaffirmation of confidence in young girls, [as it is] too often neglected.” She also dished on her “I Rhyme Like A Girl Workshops,” where she helps young women build self-esteem and confidence through the art of improvisation and freestyle rapping. Blackman also discussed the great importance of Dove’s campaign for Real Beauty, which she personally defined as “looking in the mirror and appreciating your own uniqueness, recognizing what’s special about you, and loving yourself.”

The women also discussed the most rewarding experiences of being nominated as one of the “Women Who Should be Famous.”

For Matchett-Wood, the greatest part of the experience was simple, yet profound. “I loved meeting so many strong, interesting, successful women,” she explained. For Villa-Komaroff , the

experience was all about “meeting and inspiring young girls.” And, for Chen, the most rewarding part of the experience was simply “realizing the impact I can have on others.”

Some of the women, like Matchett-Wood, were able to easily relate to the struggles of being a young girl. “[It was] helpful to have an ambition at a young age; I was too busy worrying about a goal to worry about other things,” said Matchett-Wood.

The women were acknowledged on stage by a role-model in her own right, Mandy Moore. She explained the importance of the campaign, saying “It is so important to honor real, tangible women and to broaden the definition of what a role model is.” Moore also touched on the importance of “using technology in a more positive way [for young girls],” citing Dove’s online “Self-Esteem Tool Kit” (organized by Dove Global Self-Esteem Ambassador Jess Weiner) as a terrific resource.

With women like these being recognized and celebrated, it might just get a little easier to be a girl.

DC Life Magazine 27

Fashion

Signature Summer Style “Anyone can get dressed up and glamorous, but it is how people dress in their days off that are the most intriguing.”

—Alexander Wang

Fiesta Planning on shaking it to samba music on the beaches of Rio? Are you looking forward to a reggae jam session as the sun sets over the horizon in Jamaica?

These tropical getaways are the perfect destinations for living it up! Vibrant colors and bold prints will help you blend in effortlessly.

By Mutsa Meda The long awaited arrival of June is upon us at last. In the month of May, temperatures steadily rose, the air became increasingly saturated with moisture, and light showers and thunderstorms became a weekly occurrence. These signs not only indicated the coming of the hot season, but also the busy travel season. You’ve been working hard all year, so taking some time off and escaping on a getaway complete with stunning blue waters, warm sandy beaches and a few piña coladas sounds like the perfect reward, doesn’t it?

So you have your passport ready, you’ve booked your flight, filled up the gas tank, planned your activities, and chosen an amazing hotel or cozy bed and breakfast at your fabulous destination. The only large task left to check off on the list is the packing. The local culture and weather of your destination will ultimately dictate what you will wear for the duration of the vacation. But whether you’re planning a trip to the shores of the Caribbean Islands, the white sands of South Beach, the tranquil cays of the Mediterranean, or the Hawaiian archipelago, we’ve found a few exciting summer looks that will suit whatever is on your itinerary.

30 DC Life Magazine

Nautical If your holiday plans include lounging on a yacht in the South of France, or island hopping on a Bahamian cruise, why not look the part of an ocean aficionado?

Key trends to try out include navy blues, stripes and pops of red.

DC Life Magazine 31

Minimalist Some like it hot, but others like it cool, calm and sleek. Minimalism is great for a more relaxed beach retreat, and with trends like angular one-piece suits, this style is anything but tame!

Vintage Retro chic clothing is ideal to pack for a road trip across California or attendance at a summer music festival. Flowing, airy fabrics and earthy jewelry are the perfect pieces to incorporate into your look!

DC Life Magazine 33

It ’s in the Bag!

We’ve rounded up the latest product trends into our overnight bag to bring along for wherever our feet will take us this month.

Take a look!

For those windy evenings...

Vintage scarf, jcrew.com Tune into your own world. iBeats Chrome Headphones, beatsbydre.com

Take everything with you in style!Leather tote bag, ninewest.com

Get your bacon fix anytime! Maple Bacon chocolate bar, chuaochocolatier.com

Fashionable and water resistant!

Rubr watch, rubrwatchnation. com Keep track your traveling needs!

OrbitziPhone app, iTunes.com

Keep your pout moist and tinted.

Burt’s Bees tinted lip balm, burtsbees.com

36 DC Life Magazine

Learn the latest tricks and tips!

My New iPad, 3rd Edition, No Starch Press; nostarch.com

Five Places Most Worth Visiting in Washington,

D.C.

By Rebecca Hession Being the capital of the country, the District of Columbia hosts millions of tourists each year, including school field trips, families from across the United States, and international travelers. Each tourist, regardless of where they are coming from, shares the same goal: to see the most and the best that the District has to offer. Unfortunately, they all have a limited amount of time to explore the unlimited array of activities that the city fosters. To avoid confusion and the stress of sightseeing choices, here is a list which guarantees a tourist a distinct glimpse of the DMV area, while accounting for different tastes, in order to leave his or her tourist-y appetite well satisfied (and to avoid crying children, sullen teenagers, and puzzled adults). So strap on your fanny pack and wear your camera around your neck proudly because these are: The FIVE Places You Need to See in D.C. First, it is nearly impossible to miss the SEGWAY TOURS that people take of the National Mall. Even though it attracts onlookers, it is the easiest and fastest way to view the monuments; after all, 38 DC Life Magazine

guest can see an octopus feeding, meet a nakedmole rat at the Small Mammal House, and come face to face with a great ape! the Mall is almost two miles long, and in certain weather conditions, can be a very hardy trek for newcomers. On a typical tour, a group on Segways can see everything from the Capitol building, the White House, and even as far as the Lincoln Memorial. It is more or less multistop shot at seeing the most famous and historical buildings in D.C. and fully embodies the spirit of everything you learned in your American history classes.

City Segway Tours offers $75 for three hours, and make sure you book at least four days in advance!

Hands down the second must-see is the SMITHSONIAN NATIONAL ZOOLOGICAL PARK, which houses some of the most famous faces in the world: Mei Xiang and Tian Tian, the resident giant pandas on loan from China until 2012. Not only is the zoo a fun place for the children, it is in the edges of Rock Creek Park, a beautiful nature-teemed area of D.C. and near Adams Morgan. Be warned, however, for walking for extended periods of time is essential here, but well worth it. The National Zoo is one of the most famous attractions our capital has to offer, and is not just a zoo that you can see in any other city. With a free park admission a

One of the most chilling acts a person can attend, civilian and military alike, is the CHANGING OF THE GUARD AT THE TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER at Arlington National Cemetery. The tomb itself encases the remains of soldiers who died in combat that are still waiting to be reunited with their identities, and laid to rest. A disciplined sentinel is always at post, guarding the fallen heroes; when the sentinel is released every hour (or half hour during the summer months), a solemn and sharply executed ceremony occurs.

It is a sight to see as the audience holds their breath at the military precision. The tomb itself is also in close proximity to other important D.C. sites, such as John F. Kennedy’s burial site and the accompanying Eternal Flame, the Iwo Jima Marine Corps Memorial, and the Arlington House, which has one of the most breathtaking views of the city (accompanied by the thousands of white headstones dotting forefront). Walking around Arlington National Cemetery can sometimes be a wheeze-inducing march, but they offer a trolley for a small fee (at $8.75 for adults, $4.50 for children) to escort guests around the high points of the property. It is a high-point of the DMV area, and a remembrance of the brave men and women who served our country.

DC Life Magazine 39

For fashionistas, historians, and wide-eyed children alike, there is nothing more awe-inducing than the SMITHSONIAN NATIONAL MUSEUM OF AMERICAN HISTORY. Under its expansive roof lay Dorothy’s Ruby Slippers, the new Girl Scouts of America exhibition, and the collection of gowns donated by America’s First Ladies.

This museum is our American culture poured into one building: our triumphs and our falls, the growth of our nation, and the pop-culture that has originated throughout the decades. Jason Wu’s design of Michelle Obama’s Inaugural Ball white gown is on display, as well as Star Wars’ memorabilia including a lifesized C-3P0. As with most Smithsonian Museums, the admission is free, and it is interactive and informative for its guests. The National History Museum is living history before a visitor’s eyes, making it a cannot-be-missed spot for any tourist.

The last important destination on this list is a visit to view the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, which is under strict surveillance in the National Archives building on Constitution Avenue. This faded sheet of thick paper holds the foundation of the nation, and is a necessary trip for anyone passing through the District, citizen or international tourist. The Archives also hosts the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, but photography is extremely restricted in the Rotunda. No pictures are permitted, particularly near the Declaration due to its increased fading, but merely seeing the document is satisfying enough. Arrive early, for it is not uncommon for a line to form outside of the building to see a true national treasure!

40 DC Life Magazine

DC Life Magazine 41

Dating & Relationships instrument. It’s a way of being. Not only an external practice such as learning to be absurd, silly, and playful with others... literally practicing being fun. You also have an internal practice of validating yourself (patting yourself on the back) after each interaction no matter what the immediate outcome. The whole secret is to detach from the outcome, and learn to simply love the process Are there certain mindsets (other than confidence) that help you try to instill in clients to make them better flirts? What are they?

He doesn’t need a mindset at all. He needs to get into the present moment, a playful state, a timeless state. That’s what happens when people flirt, they actually leave the confines of their minds.

They stop worrying about the future and dwelling on the past.

They feel light and easy in that moment, and this makes them want to be around the other person more.

He-Said She-Said

What are some verbal signals men can send to women to show they are interested? What are some verbal signals women can send to men to show they are interested?

Verbal signals: at one point in every conversation we must be clear and direct in order to further the relationship beyond this moment. The way to do that is through validation. Simply state what it is you like about the person. It can start as an external thing like “I like you’re style or even simpler I like something specific your wearing ( hat, shoes, bracelet, etc.) and move into more personality based compliments as simple as “you’re cool” or “you’re fun” or even deeper compliments about someone nature or essence. The more specific, the better. When delivered in the moment and in person with true sincerity it almost always lands.

The short answer is just tell people what you think is nice about them and don’t expect anything in return.

Flirting - Are there different protocols between men and women?

This month’s column is about flirting, and includes flirting-related interviews with Rachel DeAlto and John Keegan. I heard John speak on 2 occasions and was impressed both times.

I’d like to recommend a couple of books (I recommend to dating clients) that are helpful in improving your flirting abilities, Superflirt and Superdate by Tracey Cox. Both books include pictures of the body language signals involved in flirting.

-Jason Daygamer.net Please send questions and comments to the column at dating.column@gmail. com.

He Said John Keegan is a New York City-based dating coach who has been features in various publications including New York Times, New York, and MarieClaire. His website is called The Awaked Lifestyle.

How does your coaching style differ from other dating coaches?

Rather than giving quick tips and fixes, I work with people over time to create a long lasting transformation. My focus is two fold: I focus on eliminating limiting beliefs that are stopping people from living they life they want AND instilling positive beliefs that help them take action to create the social/dating/relationship goals they desire.

How would you define flirting?

Stepping out on a limb and being vulnerable for a moment. Being light and playful while grounded in sincerity.

Flirting is a perpetual improvisation of boy meets girl.

How is flirting different for men than it is for women?

Once one gets into “the flirt” it takes on an improvisational element. The boy is often

42 DC Life Magazine

the initiator of the flirt. But as with any great improvisation the secret is to say yes. It’s the women’s job to say yes.

How do you help your clients become more confident and competent at flirting?

I teach people that being social and connecting to others is not only something you practice and rehearse, but it is an actual “practice,” much like yoga, meditation, or playing a musical

What are some physical/body language signals men can send to women to show they are interested? What are some physical/body signals women can send to men to show they are interested?

For men: It’s important not to be to imposing when first approaching women. Always give them space to participate in the interaction on their own terms . At the same time be relaxed in front of her.

If she’s seated sit down and be on her level. It will make everyone more comfortable.

For her: Direct eye contact and smiling will let a man feel its safe to approach. Also, relaxing around him and not giving signals like she is going to walk away or she’s in a hurry. Most men will read the slightest signal that she wants to leave as such and exit the interaction. Touching him when either a joke or compliment is exchanged is also effective at building rapport. Also, I think the most important thing one can do is to hug during or at the end of each interaction. It validates the experience and begins the physical relationship.

How can one become a more social person?

Look at being social not as a means to an end, but rather as an end unto itself. Stop looking for results and start enjoying the process, the joy of getting to know other people. Treat people as an end unto themselves, not as a means to an end. Treat the moment that you’re SHARING with them as an end unto itself, and not as a means to an end. Make it fun and enjoyable by giving compliments with the pure intention of making others feel good, but expecting nothing (not even a smile) in return.

What advice would you give someone who (unintentionally) says inappropriate things to people they are interested in of the

opposite sex.

Typically if people are saying inappropriate things it means they are coming from a place of insecurity at which point they decide to knock the other people down to their level so they can exercise some kind of power. These people should work on letting go of fear based thinking and know that putting other people down to get want you want (approval, phone numbers, kisses, love connection) is no way to get what you want.

What advice do you have for shy people who want to meet people and flirt? Does this differ if the client is male or female?

Being social is something you actually practice. Both men and women have to learn to play their part. There’s many ways to improve yourself! But there is truly only one way to become better at being social and flirting and that is by doing it!

How would you help a client who can’t tell when people are interested or disinterested in him/her?

I teach people to become more aware of their surroundings and the people in it. When you make interacting with people part of your everyday you tune into other people and what they are trying to communicate.

General guidelines are: if someone is responding to your questions, asking their own questions, looking at you, smiling at you, complimenting you, it’s a sign that they are interested.

Interested in what? Knowing more. And it is your job to see how much the two of you want to know...

What advice would you give a man who is anxious about approaching women he does not already know?

It’s your job to approach women you do not know.

It’s a good job.

Remind yourself that your intentions are good!

Remove any agenda and just initiate conversations for the sake of initiating them.

Validate yourself for initiating each conversation no matter what the outcome.

Any flirting tips for internet daters?

Take the time that you spend on the Internet looking at profiles or building one and go outside of your house and put yourself in situations where real life connections might occur.

Do you believe that “the man should lead”?

Yes! I think the man should look at the whole of his life experience and all his friends’ life experience and realize no one is doing his job for him. He should own that and make himself masterful at connecting with women.

What I have discovered through experience is that is seems to be the man’s part to initiate the conversation and help guide it to a place where both the man and women feel like they know something about each other. It’s her part to reciprocate. Women that are good at their job help make it easy and are never lacking in men to date.

What do you think about women approaching men and women asking men for phone numbers or dates?

I think it’s great! If there is a genuine connection. She can validate him (say something to him that she finds unique about him ) and perhaps suggest an event that they may have in common. Then exchange numbers as a way of firming up the next meeting.

Any flirting tips for speed dating?

Know yourself and know what you like. Be as light as a feather and as deep as ten thousand oceans ; ) DC Life Magazine 43

How important is who you have with you when you are out meeting people?

Making being social, meeting people and flirting a part of your everyday life is a practice. You don’t need to have anybody with you to say hi to someone while you stand on a street corner or are in line at the supermarket, or to give someone a compliment on a park bench. In fact, relying on others in this area is often another excuse not to change.

Any tips for who to have with you?

The only social proof you need is the pleasure of your own company!

I asked John to make up his own question and here it is: Do you believe in Love at first site?

Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time!

She Said Rachel DeAlto is a flirting/relationship expert who has flirting product, FlipMe flirt cards. Her radio show is available here.

Tell me about “Flip me” and why you felt a need to create this product/service?

FlipMe was created to prevent missed connections and allow women to take their own initiative to meet people that they are interested in. Dating and flirting is all about having fun and taking chances – FlipMe flirt cards represent that.

What is the craziest Flip Me success story you have heard?

There hasn’t been anything too crazy (yet!), but we have heard many times that the cards are in fact washable. One guy had it in his jeans through 2 washes and was still able to connect – they

talking to men he is interested in?

Men looking for a relationship are looking for someone that complements him. Be yourself, but keep in mind that he is probably going to be interested in someone who is nice and nurturing. Save the debates for the second date.

are still dating  You feel that privacy is a large issue issue with women (as far as giving their information out). At what point, should women give their phone # out? Is this before or after going on a date with a person?

If you want to meet people who you might be interested in, what are appropriate places?

Meetup groups, networking events, speed dating, any sort of class involving an activity you enjoy (painting/photograph/cooking), and of course ONLINE!

Privacy and security is a huge issue with women. I have met and talked with thousands of women who have had stories (some hysterical, some a little scary) about giving out their personal information to the wrong person. I think after you have a conversation and get to know someone at least a bit, giving your information is fine. However, giving your phone number or business card to someone you see on the subway or at a store in passing might not be the best idea.

If you want to meet people who you might be interested in, why does it matter who you have with you? How? I always tell singles to go out with their single friends, the flirtier the better. Married or partnered friends are not in the same mindset.

Are you alright with women giving a man they are interested in their phone #? If not, what do you think of Google Voice as a way of giving a man a phone # (that works) without giving out your personal #?

I think giving your number is fine if you feel comfortable – we have women write their numbers on the FlipMe cards all the time. The codes and website are meant to be a layer of protection, but not always necessary.

Do you feel that men should lead in certain aspects of a relationship, and how?

In the beginning, yes. Men need to lead the pursuit and do the majority of the calling, texting, emailing, planning, etc. After you are in a committed relationship, it can level out.

In general, how can a man or women tell who is interested in them?

If they are paying attention to you, looking to see you again, and giving the right body signals, they are interested. Listen to their words and watch their body and you will know.

Now I want to get into actual flirting.

Are there differences in the way men and women flirt? What are they?

Yes! Men are wired to be more aggressive and are looking for action and results. Men often flirt with a purpose and if they don’t reach their goal, they move on. Women typically are a bit subtler and tend to enjoy the dance a bit more.

What body language signals can a woman give that shows she wants a particular man to approach her or that she is in general open to being approached? Any advice for helping women

who are not approached in public?

If you are not being approached, it is almost always due to your body language sending the wrong signals. Most importantly is eye contact and a smile. If you see a guy that you want to talk to, make eye contact, smile, and keep eye contact for four seconds. It is a pretty foolproof method!

What can a woman say to show a guy that she is interested without seeming too aggressive?

I believe a little cat and mouse is necessary. Guys are biologically wired to pursue and hunt. If you come on too strong, or act too masculine, it can turn him off. Make the eye contact, smile, use a little bit of touch, but let him do the hard work. I am all for women going after what they want and even making the first move, but they also need to let the guys chase a bit.

What body language signals can men give to show when they are interested a woman?

If a man is interested in a woman, he needs to keep his body open.

Never cross your arms, and stay turned towards the object of your affection. Use a subtle touch to really get your point across – ie. a touch on the shoulder, elbow or knee.

What can a man say to show a woman that he is interested?

Ask for a number or a date! If a guy is interested he should be doing all it takes to see the woman again.

What qualities should a man highlight about himself when talking to women he is interested in?

Be yourself but definitely highlight the positives! Don’t brag or be obnoxious, but it is ok to talk about the things that make you who you are.

What qualities should a woman highlight about herself when

44 DC Life Magazine

How do you let down a man or woman if you are not interested in them? You can give a different answer for men and women if necessary.

Directly but politely. Assuming this is during a scenario where you just met them, simply excuse yourself from the conversation and say “It was great to meet you”. If they continue to pursue, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying that you just aren’t interested.

What are good ways of asking a man or woman if they are single?

A good way to find out if someone is single is to ask them out!

You can cut to the chase by saying “If you are not attached I would love to grab a drink sometime”.

Is there a good way of asking someone’s age?

Not really but it has to come out eventually. Some people are more sensitive to the question than others. Its probably not necessary during the first conversation if you think there is a possibility that they will get offended.

What is a good way of asking a man or woman out on a date? Are you ok with women asking men out?

Start with coffee or a drink. Its always a lot less pressure to say “Hey, let’s grab a cup of coffee” than dinner. I am 100% ok with women asking men out – as mentioned above she needs to let him do the follow-up pursuits, but letting him know she is interested and asking him to grab a drink is completely acceptable (and encouraged!)

If you are shy, is there a good way to build confidence for flirting?

Is this different for men and women?

Practice practice practice. If you are not a huge flirt, it may take a couple tries before you begin to feel comfortable. Test your skills out on people that you aren’t completely interested in so your nerves are lowered. After you begin to have positive results, your confidence will build naturally!

Summer Survival After a Breakup

By Jason Daygamer

Rachel Sussman, LCSW, is author of The Breakup Bible and a licensed psychotherapist. Below is my interview with her.

What do you think are the main reasons couples breakup?

There are many reasons why couples breakup, but the top 10 ones are: Infidelity, financial and/or career difficulties, addictions, disagreement over commitment, sexual problems, life crisis, emotional or physical abuse, parenting stress, incompatibility/ growing apart, and what I call “dirty fighting” (repeated nagging, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and anger).

It’s important to have awareness of these reasons to ensure that your relationship doesn’t fall into any of these common pitfalls.

What are some warning signs that you are heading towards a breakup (or divorce)?

There has been a shift or a change in a pattern in your relationship. I.e., less sex, more arguing, less communication, less intimacy, spending less time together.

What are some ways people can give relationships a better chance for 46 DC Life Magazine

success from the beginning?

One way is to know if someone is the right fit for you within the first three months of dating, and to walk away before you get in too deep if the relationship isn’t good. You can do this by developing better assessment tools (or what I call “radar”) when you are newly dating someone. Be aware of “red flags”. I always say, “People will reveal pretty much everything you need to know about them in 5 dates.” You just have to pay attention, be careful to not drink too much, get into bed too soon, and don’t gloss over something if it doesn’t add up. Also, the more you have in common the better the chance for success. Opposites may attract, but the odds aren’t great that those relationships can last. On the other hand, if you are with the right person, get off on the right foot by discussing life goals, treating each other with kindness and respect, cherishing each other, nurturing the relationship, having fun, and being aware of the reasons why couple breakup.

How can people improve their relationship communications skills?

I regularly see couples that are good together in many ways, yet their relationships ends because they are poor communicators. Anyone can learn how to be a better communicator if they

follow a few simple rules: If something is bothering you that you’d like to discuss with your partner, here are a few suggestions to turn you into a master communicator: Pick your battle – Think before speaking. Are you sure it’s worth bringing this topic up? And if so, what result are you looking for?

Choose your moment – Good timing is really important.

Ask yourself when might be an effective time to begin this discussion? Don’t start in if your partner is exhausted or in a bad mood, or if you are rushing to get somewhere.

Use “I” statements instead of blaming ones – Speak about how you feel. For example, “It hurts my feelings when you say you don’t like to spend time with my friends” as opposed to “You are so antisocial and don’t like anyone, what’s wrong with you?”

After you’ve said your piece, sit back quietly and listen. Don’t interrupt – It is rude and will frustrate your partner.

Be mindful not to be defensive – Take a deep breath and relax.

Behaving in a defensive manner accomplishes nothing positive, and worse, it will aggravate the situation and can cause an escalation.

Validate what your partner has said even if you don’t agree.

This is a great skill to acquire and it really works well. You can do this by simply repeating back what he or she has said. For example, “I hear that you are saying you do like my friends, but

you don’t like to stay out late during the week because it tires you. Is that correct?” This will keep the dialogue going in the right direction.

What are some suggestions to help breakup or divorce amicably?

Unfortunately the definition of the word “breakup” doesn’t necessarily connote peace, love and understanding. Still, I always instruct my audience to take the high road (especially if kids are involved). You can be kind and respectful to your partner, even at the end of a committed relationship. Be mature and tell your partner why you are ending the relationship. Talk in “I” statements (as opposed to blaming statements). And don’t make poor choices such as getting involved with another partner before your current romance is officially over. You will feel so much better about yourself and your circumstances if you breakup honorably and gracefully.

Why is your book geared towards women? Do men not need the support?

Of course men need support, but you can’t be all things to all people. Men and women deal very differently with their emotions. They also heal in diverse ways. My research uncovered that women prefer to be in a healing circle with women after a breakup, and that’s exactly what I strived to create with “The Breakup Bible.” But stay tuned, there could be

a book for men down the pike.

How can your friends/family support your after a bad breakup?

Building a support system is crucial after a breakup and I give lots of suggestions on how to do so in “The Breakup Bible”.

Family and friends can provide support by validating your experience, offering a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen to your narrative (talking is important!).

They can also help combat loneliness by including you in activities and socializing.

And, they can offer humor and hope.

Tell us a bit about your three-phase process of Healing, Understanding, and Transformation.

Recovering from a breakup is like running a marathon as opposed to a sprint.

You can recover, but it takes time and hard work. My three phases of Healing, Understanding, and Transformation shape the book in a building-block style that lets the reader move through the process at her own pace.

The main concept behind Healing is that recovery takes time and it can’t be rushed. You must settle into your breakup and start taking excellent care of yourself. You have to build a support system, learn how to navigate your emotions, and if kids are involved, learn how to communicate effectively with your ex.

Understanding why you picked your ex as your lover, how you behaved during the course of your relationship, and how you mourned your breakup, is the lynch pin to a full and healthy recovery.

The explanation and examination of this crucial healing phase is eliminated from all other breakup books on the market. If you press “fast forward” and don’t take the time to fully comprehend these factors, you are endangering yourself to repeat the same patterns and make similar mistakes in all future relationships. You may also be setting yourself up for a life of continual heartache, isolation, depression and disappointment. Skipping this phase and

avoiding this revealing work is the main reason why a large percentage of women don’t ever recover from a breakup or divorce. I teach my readers about this through an exercise called, “Creating Your Personal Love Map.” Also, concepts such as taking accountability, letting go, and forgiveness are explored.

In Transformation, the reader is finally out of the depths of her despair. She is now instructed that the past must be left behind, and it’s time to begin building a new life for herself. Many concepts are explored such as rebuilding self esteem, career exploration, volunteerism, expanding your mind, challenging your body, getting a makeover, and finally, dating again. Transformation is a fun section and I give excellent dating advice too.

"Reco verin g from a breakup is like run n in g a ma ra thon a s opposed to a sprin t. You can reco ver, but it takes tim e an d ha rd work."

How can someone get over an ex more quickly?

By Reading “the Breakup Bible” and following all of the exercises! It is also helpful if you do not spy on or inquire about your ex. Delete his phone number, de friend him on facebook, take down his photos today.

Do you get clients who ask you how to get their ex back, and does that bother you?

No, it doesn’t bother me at all. I have a lot of empathy for people going through a breakup – it’s a very very painful event.

If you didn’t end the relationship, it is

perfectly normal to want to attempt to get your ex back. Of course my job is to explore the entire relationship with my clients. Often during this process they will realize on their own, over time, that the relationship was broken and needed to end. Once that realization occurs, they will move toward acceptance. That is a powerful moment.

If someone is repeating a destructive pattern in their relationships, how do you get them to recognize and correct it?

This is an excellent question and it is discussed in detail in my “Understanding” phase. You can break destructive patterns by creating and interpreting your “Personal Love Map” – my unique and proven exercise which will help you understand why you picked your ex as your lover, how you behaved during the course of your relationship, and how you mourned your breakup. This is the lynch pin to a full and healthy recovery. These patterns can be broken and once that occurs, it’s thrilling for me to witness people going forward to create much healthier relationships.

What advice do you have for managing separations or divorces that involve kids?

After an agreement to divorce has been reached, effectively communicate the circumstances to your children along with your ex.

Describe the impending divorce as a unified decision made by adults.

Explain the difference between adult love and the love that a parent has for a child. Two very different types of love.

Adult love – sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn’t.

Love for a child – Unconditional. It lasts forever. “We will always love you. We will always be your parents.”

Assure your children that they will be safe.

Commit to putting your children’s needs first and settling them in. “Your welfare comes first.”

“We will always talk over decisions DC Life Magazine 49

together that will impact your life.”

“Our family is changing, but we are still a family.”

Delay dating.

Agree to be excellent co-parents.

Your children didn’t ask for this. You are obliged to be the best parents you can be.

Commit to taking the high road and rising above petty concerns.

Just because you’re ending your marriage contract doesn’t mean you’re ending your contract to be excellent parents.

Make a commitment with your ex to never say a bad word about each other to your children.

Your child is made up of 50% of each parent. If a parent badmouths the other, the child will experience it as a psychological blow to themselves. “If you hate my dad, you must hate me too.”

Badmouthing an ex is very dangerous to your child’s self-worth.

Put an excellent support system in place for your children.

Inform your children’s school and their teachers of the situation.

Many schools now offer support groups for children of divorce.

Find out what other resources are available to help your kids through what will be a tough time.

Socialize with other divorced families to show your kids that they are not strange or different.

Do you have any last words of advice for our readers who want to move forward from a breakup or divorce?

Make peace with the concept that full recovery takes time and cannot be rushed.

Validate yourself. You are not alone.

Millions of people have gone through difficult breakups and divorces and have fully recovered. In time, you will too.

Hold on to hope. If you want to recover, and put in the time to do so, you will.

Do not run from your feelings. Take the time to sit with and explore them.

Build and excellent support system and use it regularly.

Commit to fully cutting ties with your ex if you can. It will accelerate your healing.

Do not spy on or inquire about your ex.

Delete his phone number, de friend him on facebook, take down his photos.

Total recovery requires and honest inventory of your relationship and life history. Pledge to acquire a full understanding about why your relationship actually ended. It will help you build a higher “EQ” (emotional intelligence) and allow you to have enhanced relationships in the future.

Take accountability. You have to understand the part you played in the breakup (even if miniscule) so you do not repeat any negative patterns in future relationships.

Don’t date until you are fully recovered.

Urban Corps Dance Battle at Artisphere

Images of the Urban Corps Dance Battle at Artisphere in Arlington, Virginia on May 25, 2012.

Photography by Miguel “Chapi D” Oyola, Jr.

DC Life Magazine 53

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