Long Beach
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Community
Inspiration
Lifestyle
Winter 2021
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CONTENTS LB INSIDER 5
Editor’s Note
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Dig In: Best Snacks to Eat for Diwali
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Where to Next: How to Solo Travel Like a Pro
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Mind Your Health: Grappling with Grief
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Report Card: Best Books for Cuffing Season
FEATURES 18
All You Need Is Loaf
BY LAUREN GALVAN A deeper look into the history and evolution of our favorite holiday treats.
Holiday Blues 20 BY JOY ROWDEN
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The holidays are a burden on those who come from low-income, divorced and estranged families.
Beyond the Cosmos
BY JOEY HARVEY A poem about loss, grief and identity.
Family Is Whomever You Choose
BY KELSEY BROWN Why some people spend the holiday season with those who make them feel loved, not just the ones with whom they share blood.
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WHO WE ARE · MEET THE TEAM
DIG MAG is the insider’s guide to Long
Beach for the CSULB community, inspiring readers to immerse themselves in the Long Beach lifestyle through in-the-know stories about the latest in food, arts, entertainment and culture; in-depth features about people and trends on the campus and in the city; poetry, fiction and literary journalism written by students; and beautiful photography and design. Published by the Department of Journalism and Public Relations at CSULB, it is produced entirely by students.
Editor-In-Chief Bella Arnold
Senior Editor Kelsey Brown
Features Editors Joseph Harvey Peter Villafañe
Art Director
Gabby Gobaton
Graphic Designers Natalie Barr Mijin Kim
Photo Editor Emily Chen
Photo Assistant Ahtziri Aguilar
Digital Director Vittina Ibañez
Online Editor Lauren Galvan
Assistant Online Editors Holly Alvarado Alicia Casey Laila Freeman
Multimedia Editor Reyn Ou
Videographer Abel Reyes
Social Media Editor Sabrina Gobaton
Assistant Social Media Editors Isabel Edmondson Niyah Maldonado
Faculty Advisers Robin Jones Gary Metzker Jennifer Newton
California State University, Long Beach, 1250 Bellflower Blvd., LA-4 203, Long Beach, CA 90840-4601 © DIG and 49er Publications Board 2021 DIG MAG is a publication of the DIG and 49er Publications Board.
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Online
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INSIDER · EDITOR’S NOTE
WINTER 2021
DEAR READER, The holidays are a funny time. No matter how hard I try to not get jumpscared by the excess of plastic trees or cacophony of Mariah Carey blaring through department store speakers, they always sneak up on me. To me, the holidays are usually outshined by post-finals hibernation, but the promise of drinking hot chocolate while gazing upon the lights in Long Beach’s Naples neighborhood always soothes my Grinch like daze every December. The holidays are more than just presents. It’s a chance to discover and honor culture. The holidays are about tradition, family and community. This issue is all about holidays across different cultures. Beyond that, what do the holidays mean? They’re more than just presents under a tree or annoyingly catchy songs. They’re about tradition, community, family and identity. Family is more than the leaves on a tree. We can choose our family. Jodi Picoult said it best, “It’s not gender that makes a family; it’s love.”
Identity is not just about boxes that you check on medical forms. Community binds us together and with that sense of belonging, we create memories and revel in old traditions. The holidays are a time to reflect and give back. As easy as it is to get distracted by the bells and whistles of the holiday season, it’s truly a time to celebrate identity, family, tradition and community, whatever that means to you. Whether your home is brimming with twinkle lights and smelling of baked goods or you take the time off to reflect on the year, I wish you rest and relaxation. Now, reader, I hope that this holiday season is full of joy, discovery, family and all the comfy socks that the season may bring. I hope you enjoy DIG MAG’s winter issue!
- Bella
Arnold
(EDITOR-IN-CHIEF)
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INSIDER · DIG IN
BEST SNACKS TO EAT FOR DIWALI STORY BY
SANJESH SINGH
The day known as the “Festival of Lights” also has delicious food you don’t want to miss out on.
Diwali, also known as the “Festival of Lights,” is a five-day event that’s one of the biggest holidays celebrated worldwide. It’s observed across multiple religions and cultures such as Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism and Jainism, among others. Common ways to celebrate the holiday include lighting diyas (lamps), decorating homes, doing puja (prayers), giving loved ones gifts and making a variety of sweets. When it comes to sweets, there is so much to indulge in. In my family, my mom, Ireen Devi, loves to make snacks for days
before we pray. After we complete our puja, we invite family members over to exchange sweets as a way to share blessings. “Diwali is the holiday of Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity,” Devi said. “We give to have our house full of love and happiness. When you give more, you receive more.” So how do you know what snack you want to eat? This list won’t cover the full scope of all the delicious goodies, but here are five options that will light your world.
BARFI Barfi (pronounced baar-fee) was one of my top mithais (sweets) growing up because of its sweet texture. My mom uses powdered milk, sugar and ghee (clarified butter) as key ingredients, and they’re usually cut up into squares or diamonds. They’re typically tan in color, but food coloring adds more personality. The blue ones were my favorite, though the taste doesn’t differ. Common ways to add more flavor to barfi include sprinkles, coconut shavings, chopped almonds and gram flour.
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WINTER 2021
GULAB JAMUN Gulab jamuns are a popular dessert option. The sphere shape and color is reminiscent of hush puppies, but the texture is smoother and softer, and the sweetness level is much higher. Milk powder or khoya, a dairy food made of dried milk, is the base ingredient. Once the dough is ready, the balls are deepfried in oil. Once they’re cooked properly, they’re coated in a syrup made of sugar, rose water and cardamom powder that elevates the sweetness, which makes you feel like you’re in heaven with each bite.
SAMOSA Samosas are triangular-shaped deep-fried pastries. The outside layer is a fried tortilla, and my mom stuffs them with boiled mashed potatoes, carrots and peas, among other vegetables. This dish is reminiscent of egg rolls, or lumpia. These pair best with chutney, a type of dipping sauce. For those who prefer a tangy sensation, imli (tamarind) chutney is another great option.
MURUKKU For lovers of crunchy food, murukkus are for you. Rice flour is the base ingredient, and my mom adds pea flour, ajwain and salt to partner with the crunchiness. They have to be molded into a spiral shape before being deep-frying to create their authentic look.
LADOO Ladoos (spelled a few different ways) have been my favorite sweet since I was a kid. It’s even a nickname someone has for me because of how I succumb to its taste. Suji ladoo is my favorite type. They’re made of semolina, powdered milk, sugar and cardamom powder that is combined with warm ghee. They’re small white balls that melt as soon as they hit your mouth, and the simplicity of the bite keeps you returning for more.
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INSIDER · WHERE TO NEXT?
HOW TO SOLO TRAVEL LIKE A PRO STORY AND PHOTOS BY
TESS KAZENOFF
Solo traveling can be scary, but with these tips, you’ll have the confidence to buy that plane ticket and get to exploring. OK, I have to confess; I never used to think I’d like solo traveling. I had every possible concern you could think of from worrying about safety to being lonely. As much as I loved and craved the adventure of exploring new countries, doing it alone was never even a consideration in my mind. It wasn’t until finding myself on my way to Chile alone accidentally (it’s a long story) that I realized not only was I capable of traveling alone, but I actually loved it! There’s something about the complete freedom of getting to dictate your days however you want that feels absolutely empowering, and it’s something everyone should experience at least once. But unlike me, you don’t need to do it by accident. “Everyone is capable,” said Jessica Frankos, California State University, Long Beach student and study abroad peer advisor. According to Frankos, traveling comes down to three things: planning, self-confidence and purpose.
There’s something about the complete freedom of getting to dictate your days that feels absolutely empowering.
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WINTER 2021
LEFT: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, a bucket list destination of mine, and it lived up to all my expectations of cultural immersion and stunning nature.
RESEARCH Maybe you have a dream destination already in mind. For Frankos, it’s Peru. She was in the middle of studying abroad in Costa Rica, with plans to explore Mexico City and Peru by bus, when the pandemic cut her trip short. “It has (left) a little hole in my heart,” Frankos said. “Going to Peru is still a must.” But if you’re not sure about that dream location, Frankos suggests looking into what cultures interest you. “South Korea is a very popular destination for students right now just because of how much pop culture we’re receiving from there,” Frankos said. “It's all about having an appreciation and that will help you be more engaged, be present, and really consume that culture.” Once you have a spot in mind, there are certain things you should research ahead of time, such as visa and vaccination requirements. Speaking of vaccinations, knowing the COVID-19 protocols (and knowing that they can change) is of course crucial. Countries across the world have varied widely in their approaches to tourism, with some countries like French Polynesia requiring four COVID-19 tests in total, as well as proof of vaccination, added Beth Grier, a vacation specialist for the tour operating company Travel2. Some countries like Australia may still have their borders completely closed. Check the U.S. Department of State website for your destination’s requirements. Grier predicts that vaccinations and testing will likely be part of the travel process for at least the next couple of years.
MIDDLE: I found Buenos Aires, Argentina to be one of the easiest places to explore solo. The extensive neighborhoods, enriching cultural experiences and great food made it impossible to get bored.
RIGHT: San Pedro de Atacama in Chile; a destination full of unforgettable natural landscapes and my first solo travel experience, was pretty seamless. I simply booked tours through my hostel and it took care of everything for me.
BUDGETING Travel doesn’t have to be expensive! Take it from me — one hostel I stayed at in Cambodia cost only $11 per night. There are plenty of ways to save money on your trip: 1. TRACK your flights on Hopper to get the best deal. The app will alert you when it’s the best time to buy. 2. STAY in hostels! Not only are they more affordable than most hotels or Airbnbs, they’re also the best way to meet people. Use Hostelworld to search for spots; just be sure to read the reviews before booking. 3. TRAVEL offseason, when flights, hotels and tours are usually cheaper. 4. VISIT countries where your money will go farther based on the current exchange rate. And as Frankos points out, study abroad is also a great option for students that doesn’t have to be expensive. “You can do it in a way where it's accessible,” Frankos said. “There are so many scholarships, and if you receive financial aid, all your financial aid will transfer over.”
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INSIDER · WHERE TO NEXT?
SAFETY
SELF-CONFIDENCE
Safety is usually people’s No. 1 concern about traveling alone. It was definitely one of mine. However, even if you’re not a Type A Capricorn like I am, there are plenty of steps you should and can take to ensure you have a safe experience while you’re away.
Personally, traveling solo upped my self-confidence immensely. Loneliness was one of my biggest concerns about solo traveling, but I found that it was even easier to meet people than on trips I’d gone on with a friend. Plus, I found out that it was actually nice getting to spend time by myself when I needed a break from socializing. Gaining this comfort with being by myself, along with trusting in my ability to meet people, gave me so much strength that I didn’t know I had before. “There's just a lot of personal growth that comes out of traveling by yourself because you're not reliant on problemsolving with someone else, you're just reliant on yourself and your own tools,” Frankos said. Being able to embrace the possible challenges and mishaps that arise through solo traveling is part of the experience, and working your way through them will only raise your confidence, as well as create memorable stories for later on. Throughout my travels, I’ve had everything happen from getting lost, to missing my flight, to losing my visa, and now I can look back and feel proud of how I handled those situations. “Once you discover that you were able to figure it out on your own, if you get lost and then you get unlost — even as crappy as that was — you're able to look back and be like, ‘Wow, I got myself through that with using my own resources, my own soft skills, my own cultural competency,’” Frankos said. If you’re ready to dip your toes into solo traveling, but aren’t ready to make the jump across an ocean yet, start small! There are plenty of places to explore in this area of the country, this coast and even within the state that will build up your confidence in traveling solo. Don’t underestimate the positive effect that taking this leap will have on you.
1. G et travel insurance: Your typical health insurance may not work during a medical emergency abroad. Especially since the pandemic, this can be even more crucial. Plus, you may want that security in case anything goes wrong with your flights, or anything happens to your belongings. I’ve used WorldNomad and can personally say it’s saved me hundreds of dollars. 2. H ave copies of everything: That includes your travel itinerary, emergency phone numbers and your passport. I also like to note any local hospitals and the nearest embassy, along with the international number for my bank and my travel insurance information. I make sure this is emailed to me, emailed to someone I trust and even printed. Basically, I want to make sure that I’ll be in as good a position as possible in case anything happens to my phone, wallet, or passport. 3. W hile you’re away, check in with someone at home every day. These are all preparing for worst-case scenarios, but having all these things taken care of ahead of time will allow you to de-stress and enjoy the experience more.
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WINTER 2021
PURPOSE For me, traveling is all about the experience of learning about the world and myself in the process. Traveling is an opportunity for cultural enrichment, to sightsee and hopefully relax and recharge a bit as well. Understanding what you hope to gain from your experience is integral, Frankos mentioned, and it’s a question she always asks her students. She chose to visit Costa Rica because it fit her academic needs as a study abroad program. “But also, I wanted to go because I wanted to learn the language, I wanted to get in touch with my Latin background,” Frankos said. Travel provides so much personal growth on top of having an adventure. For many people, such as Frankos and myself, travel completely shifts your perspective of the world. “(Travel) made me realize my privilege,” Frankos said. “It made me more confident, (improved) my soft skills and my ability to navigate through the world.” The experience of traveling — with all of its challenges and hiccups — is invaluable. Once you go and explore the world, you never come back home completely the same. And even if traveling isn’t completely for you, it’s always worth a try to venture out and experience something new. “We live in this little bubble and there's so much more out there, and you just get cultured and you appreciate what you have when you come home,” Grier said.
LEFT: Salvador, Brazil, is full of beautiful beaches, picturesque buildings and delicious food. It’s an amazing place to learn about Brazilian culture.
MIDDLE: Getting to see this iconic Rio de Janeiro view in Brazil made all my fears of traveling alone absolutely worth it.
RIGHT: Chile was the first country that I traveled to alone, and its insane natural beauty washed away any travel jitters that I had.
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INSIDER · MIND YOUR HEALTH
GRAPPLING WITH GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAYS STORY AND PHOTOS BY
MARISSA LOPEZ
The holidays are meant to be spent with those you love, but what do you do when they’re no longer around?
Grief is a feeling that is universal, yet so personal. There isn’t a handbook on how to cope with the loss of a loved one, just the infamous stages of grief that merely act as an outdated map leading you toward acceptance, the final stage of grieving. As Joan Didion said in her book, “The Year of Magical Thinking,” about her emotions following the death of her husband: “Grief, when it comes, is nothing we expect it to be.” This is something that I realized when processing the news that made my world stop spinning. I lost my grandmother on Christmas last year when she lost her short battle with COVID-19. She was admitted to the hospital and put on a ventilator in the span of two days. When my father delivered the news, my entire being was stuck in limbo. I had never lost someone so close to me. There were so many questions swimming around in my head. How do I do this? Where do I go from here? When will I stop feeling all of these feelings? I was hysterically searching the depths of the internet to try and find anything to help me feel better. I came across Didion’s
book and shed so many tears, I was on the brink of dehydration. The following day, I spoke with my therapist in the hopes of working through the beginning of the dreaded grieving process. Instead, I was met with the one thing nobody grieving ever wants to hear. “Well, at least she’s in a better place now.” After the bitter realization that my therapist wasn’t a magical being who could suddenly take my pain away, I devoted time to finding ways to heal. Nearly a year later, I have been endlessly preparing myself to face the holiday season and the heavy feelings I know it’ll bring. According to Dr. Suzanna So, assistant professor of education and counseling at California State University, Long Beach, reconstructing your holiday season while keeping the memories and traditions of your loved ones alive is a great tool for coping with grief. “The holidays are such a traditionally family-based thing,” So said. “That’s often why grief is harder during that time. It’s usually when people are getting together with friends or family and celebrating the relationships they have with each other.”
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INSIDER · MIND YOUR HEALTH
RIGHT: Memorializing your loved one is important. I found old holiday cards from my grandma a few days after she passed and decided to get a phrase she often wrote in my cards tattooed on my arm. It’s one of my most cherished tattoos, as it’s a daily reminder that gives me a sense of security that her words are with me forever.
“ There’s gonna be different things that work well for different people.” DR. SUZANNA SO, CSULB ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF EDUCATION AND COUNSELING
Use Resources on Campus
Prioritize Your Well-Being
Counseling and psychological services hosts many drop-in support spaces on Zoom. Every Wednesday from 12:30 to 2 p.m., CAPS hosts a space called “Grieving with Grace.” Another support space, “Thoughtful Thursday,” provides guidance on mindfulness and meditation that can be beneficial to personal growth and acceptance every Thursday from 11:30 a.m. until 12:30 p.m. Though these drop-in spaces are not available during school breaks, they can help you prepare for the holidays.
If you don’t feel ready to celebrate the holidays, remember that you hold the power to establish boundaries for yourself. “Remembering choice around this time is very important,” So said. “You have a choice when it comes to deciding what to do over the holidays. There is no harm in politely declining invitations to gatherings or events.”
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WINTER 2021
Remember that Grief Does Not Go Away Overnight
Reconstruct Traditions to Memorialize Your Loved One
Going Through Old Photos and Belongings Can Help
“Grief is like a wave,” So said. “It comes and goes, and there are certain times where the waves might be stronger and other times where the waves are a little lighter and people are able to deal with it and manage it pretty well.” Everybody works through things at their own pace, so don’t feel ashamed of your feelings, regardless of how long ago you experienced loss. Some days, I feel as though I’ve accepted my grandmother’s loss. However, other days I feel lost and angry. Emotions can be overwhelming, but the most important thing you can do is embrace your feelings and learn how to work through them in a healthy way.
The holidays are usually when traditional family recipes make an appearance at the dinner table. If your lost loved one usually made a certain dish, try to retrieve the recipe and make it in their honor. Doing things like lighting a candle or creating a place setting for them at the dinner table is a nice way to feel as though they are still present. If you have the means, donating to a charity close to your loved one in their name may offer solace to you and your family.
“The creation of a memory box has been helpful for many people just so they can compile different memories that they might have with someone,” So said. When my grandma passed away, my family and I sorted through her belongings and picked out things that we would like to keep. Having access to these tangible items can create a sense of connection. I try to keep the box closed as much as I can, so some of her pieces of clothing still have her scent on them. “There’s gonna be different things that work well for different people and so remembering that you have a choice when it comes to deciding what to do over the holidays is important,” So said. 15
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PHOTO BY: AHTZIRI AGUILAR EMILY CHEN
MODELS: MIJIN KIM NATALIE BARR BELLA ARNOLD VITTINA IBAÑEZ MIGUEL AVILA LILY BRENGLE
“A friend is one of the best things you can be and the greatest things you can have.”
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- SARAH VALDEZ
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FEATURE · ALL YOU NEED IS LOAF
ALL YOU NEED IS LOAF
STORY BY
LAUREN GALVAN
Ma d
v o e l . . . h t i w e
If you’ve ever wondered why certain types of bread continue to be the center of many holidays, here is a deeper look into the history and evolution of our favorite holiday treats.
CHALLAH
BRAID IN THE BLESSINGS A traditional Jewish holiday is not complete without a loaf of challah at the center of the table to bring everyone together. The braided bread that has been around for hundreds of years is most commonly present during the Sabbath, which is from Friday sundown to Sunday sundown. Baker Manley Gilardi, the owner of Yallah Challah, explained that although it’s somewhat outdated, the women of the house are usually the ones baking the bread to bring light and blessings throughout the process. “During the time that you are making the challah, you can pray for anything, whether someone is sick or you’re looking for that job that you are hoping is going to come your way,” Gilardi said. Growing up, challah was at every high holiday and Sabbath dinner in the Gilardi family. According to Gilardi, there is a blessing that is done over the bread where you thank God for the food that is about to nourish your body. When Gilardi decided to start her baking business, she chose to stray from the classic recipe. Not only does she make the bread with different toppings and infusions such as Oreo, lemon curd, and jalapeño, but they are entirely vegan. “Making challah is not a fast process. It takes a lot of time. The more you knead it, the more fluffy and soft it is,” Gilardi said. “It is definitely made with love.”
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WINTER 2021
! m u
Y
ROSCA DE REYES BREAD FIT FOR A KING... OR THREE
Dia de Los Reyes is a day dedicated to being with family and the excitement of possibly finding a baby baked into your slice of bread. The tradition of baking a loaf of bread in the shape of a crown is done every year on Jan. 6 for Dia de Los Reyes. The holiday is celebrated in Catholic and Christian households to honor the three kings who traveled by night to bring a gift to a newborn Jesus. “In Mexico, the tradition is that whoever gets the baby Jesus, then throws the next party, which is on another Catholic day, Candlemas,” Reina Prado said. “They are supposed to throw the party on Feb. 2.” Prado has been baking Roscas since 1997, after buying their first house and deciding to throw a Reyes party. That was the first time Prado had ever made the Rosca on their own, which proved to be a challenge. Because it is a very yeasty bread that needs to go through multiple rises, the Rosca de Reyes is a tricky bread to get right. “I was calling my grandmother and saying, ‘Help! The dough’s not rising,’” Prado said. “The Rosca still came out good, even though the last rise was a little more loose than I’m used to.” When Prado would sell their Roscas, they would do their own twist on the bread by making vegan options available. The pandemic made it too difficult for Prado to sell sweet pastries, like the Rosca; however, they still sell a few savory baked goods through their business, Good Mexican Girl.
“ In Mexico, the tradition is that whoever gets the baby Jesus, then throws the next party, which is on another Catholic day, Candlemas.” REINA PRADO OWNER, GOOD MEXICAN GIRL 19
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FEATURE · HOLIDAY BLUES
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WINTER 2021
LEFT: For Zana Bun’s family, celebrating holidays extravagantly was a culture shock.
H❆LIDAY
blues
STORY BY
JOY ROWDEN
Christmas is a burden on those who come from low-income, divorced and estranged families.
When I was 10 years old, my grandparents gave me $100 as a Christmas gift. It still haunts me that when my mother asked me if she could use it for groceries, I told her “no” out of frustration because it was not my job to provide. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. Though as a kid I was fascinated with HGTV’s show about people outrageously decorating their homes for Christmas, the holiday specials made me sad because I knew my mother would never have a house like that to decorate. My mother did her best to provide, but the holiday season was a burden on her. She was a poor, immigrant single mother of two. The holiday season can make any lowincome individual feel ashamed. We romanticize the holidays, but the holiday season is more of a burden than a celebration for many individuals. December is an expensive time of the year that can be unrealistic for those who come from low-
e romanticize the W holidays, but the holiday season is more of a burden than a celebration for many individuals. income, divorced, and estranged families. Zana Bun explained how her parents didn’t want to buy a Christmas tree because it was too expensive. “Because they immigrated here, the traditions and culture are different,” Bun said about her parents, who immigrated from Cambodia. “It was a [culture] shock.” 21
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FEATURE · HOLIDAY BLUES
RIGHT: Matthew Lozano has spent the holidays splitting his time between different holiday get-togethers since his parents’ divorce.
“ THEY TAUGHT ME [THE] VALUABLE LESSON THAT CHRISTMAS ISN’T JUST ABOUT THE GIFTS.” — ZANA BUN
STATISTICS SHOW
$998 money spent on holiday items in 2020
$36,955 average income of Californians per year
Despite her parents’ resistance to celebrating, Bun’s favorite holiday has always been Christmas. Instead of buying gifts, Bun’s parents wanted to save as much money as possible for other important things. “They taught me [the] valuable lesson that Christmas isn’t just about the gifts,” Bun said. “Now I appreciate their hard work. Being frugal and cheap got us to where we are now. If they didn’t save all that money they wouldn’t have had the money to invest in a business.” The holidays are an expense that many families struggle to afford. According to Investopedia, the average American individual spent $998 on holiday gifts and items in 2020. The US Census Bureau reported that the average Californian makes $36,955 per year. Holiday expenditures are not sustainable for low-income individuals during the holiday season. Oftentimes, divorce causes tension or animosity between the family, which can make holiday dinners uncomfortable. Children of divorced families have the added struggle of not being able to spend their holidays with both parents in the same room. Matthew Lozano, a former California State University, Long Beach student, was 5 years old when his parents divorced. Growing up, Lozano had to go back and forth between his parents for Christmas. As an adult, Lozano often feels pressured to please and visit his entire family during the holiday season. “It is really difficult to pick who to spend Christmas with,” Lozano said. “With a divorced family, I have to manage how much time I spend with my family. It is really horrible and stressful to always have to think about that time of the year. I want to make time for everyone, but it is hard.”
Lozano said that before the divorce, his father would spend all their money, which forced his mother to work overtime to afford Christmas gifts. After the divorce, he said that his mother struggled to do everything she could to make Lozano and his brothers happy at Christmas. The holidays are also emotionally and financially draining for those estranged from their family, for reasons like childhood abuse and neglect. Hunter Nelsen, a forensic science student at Santiago Canyon Community College, has been estranged from his parents since he was 19. “They kicked me out because I wanted to do my own thing,” Nelson said. “I didn’t agree with anything they stood for or told me.” Nelsen, 21, used to enjoy celebrating Christmas with his family. Now that he is estranged, Christmas is not special anymore. The last time Nelsen celebrated Christmas with his parents was in 2019. Since he became estranged, Nelsen has spent his holidays working. “You could feel the tension in the air, and when we spoke to each other, it was very short,” Nelsen said. “I would leave early in the morning and come back at night, so I wouldn’t have to talk to them.” Every December, I think about refusing my mother that $100. As an adult, I now understand her struggle and would easily give her that money. I cannot change the past, but I can hope to help brighten the holiday of someone who is struggling in the future. This year, I will not be spending the holidays with my family, but I plan to still do the small things like mailing Christmas cards to make them feel cared for, from a distance.
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FEATURE · BEYOND THE COSMOS
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WINTER 2021
BEYOND THE
C
O
S
M
O
S
A POEM BY
JOEY HARVEY
Grandma, What our last Conversation would have been. I’m spinning at 200 mph, and I can’t stop. For years I couldn’t stop, and no matter how far I’d extend my arms, I couldn’t find a grip. Until there was your hand, but now I find myself reaching for something that’s not there. You’re not there. I’m lost without your guidance, your kind and reassuring words that I could fall into I yearn to be wrapped in your arms that moved mountains and parted the waters like Moses. I’ve always believed that perfection within a person was unattainable, but you came close. You’ve always told me to have courage and always be kind, and now I’m asking you to be kind. Because it’s taking me a lot of courage to say this Call me Joni. I’m tired, I said. I’m tired of being instinctively perceived for what’s between my legs. I’m tired that my heart races because I can’t decide what bathroom to walk into. And I’m more than just tired grandma. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I feel like I’m bursting at the seams. The threads that bind my body were once spun into gold, but through time it’s unraveled. I’m unraveling. Is there a way that the vessel that I’ve grown into for 24 years isn’t mine? Is there a way that I can be seen beyond my biology or a binary? Grandma, can you see me. I’ve harbored so much of this for years, and I ask you not to tend to my wounds as you always would but to hold my hand as I mend these threads of gold into the person I wish you could’ve met. Embrace me as you once did to Joseph and Joey. Love me from beyond the cosmos.
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FEATURE · FAMILY IS WHOMEVER YOU CHOOSE
FAMILY IS WHOMEVER
YOU CHOOSE
STORY BY
KELSEY BROWN
Why some people spend the holiday season with the people who make them feel loved, not just those with whom they share blood.
RIGHT: Jessica Katz and Rachel Katz share a last name and spend the holidays together, despite not being blood-related.
Jessica Katz and Rachel Katz share a last name, but no DNA. They have known each other their whole lives. They were both supposed to be twins, but weren’t. As kids, they both were given the same stuffed bear. Oddly enough, Rachel has the same name as Jessica’s mom. “Even though we’re not blood-related, I treat her like she’s my sister,” Jessica said. Jessica, a freshman at California State University, Long Beach, explained that Rachel’s family has had such a constant presence in her life that they feel like her family. For Jessica, family isn’t just who you’re related to, but the people in life who are consistently there for you. Because Jessica’s father doesn’t have a great relationship with his family and her mother’s family is in Australia and New Zealand, Jessica doesn’t spend holidays with her extended family. “A lot of people don’t have the best relationship with their family, including me,” Jessica said. “I honestly have a better relationship with close friends.”
Instead, on holidays, Jessica gathers with friends and family friends she’s known her whole life. Half of Jessica’s family celebrates Hanukkah and the other half celebrates Christmas. She usually spends time with both family and friends. But Jessica appreciates the lightness that her friendships bring, compared to the familial baggage she’s accustomed to. Jessica explained that people shouldn’t feel obligated to be around their families during the holidays just because they’re blood-related. If someone’s family relations
“ With family, it can kind of feel like you’re forced in a way, where it’s like friends [are] a choice.” JESSICA KATZ
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FEATURE · FAMILY IS WHOMEVER YOU CHOOSE
LEFT: Vanessa Torres and Athena Vasquez
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face that she wants her family to see. Parents only get to see limited versions of their kids, Vasquez explained. “I only show them a portion of who I am,” Vasquez said. “With my chosen family, they get to see all of me, like just bare. And that’s what makes me feel so comfortable and makes me want to stay there. Because I can be myself fully.” Though Vasquez and Torres have been friends for around seven years, Vasquez says the pair isn’t very “touchy feely or sentimental.” Both women come from families that are gang-involved, where family isn’t overly affectionate. Instead, they use gestures of appreciation to show their love for one another. Vasquez may buy Torres coffee or Torres buys Vasquez, who is an English major, a notebook for writing.
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hurt them in any way, Jessica said they should find people who support them instead. “With family, it can kind of feel like you’re forced in a way, where it’s like friends [are] a choice,” Jessica said. Many people, like Jessica, are choosing to celebrate the holidays with friends, rather than family. Whether it be because of fundamental disagreements or toxicity, blood is no longer enough to be considered family. According to Karl Pillemer, who conducted a national survey on estrangement, 27% of Americans above the age of 18 had severed contact with a family member. For Athena Vasquez, a senior at Cal State Long Beach, choosing family allows her the ability to be herself “without any guards.” Vasquez and her best friend Vanessa Torres both don’t like attending family events and instead choose to spend holidays together. Where family can often make Vasquez feel misunderstood, she says, she doesn’t even have to try to feel good around her friends. “It feels like I have to put in actual effort to be half of myself,” Vasquez said about being with family. “When being fully myself is just so effortless.” With family, Vasquez said she is always too emotional, or too sensitive, or too picky— too much of everything. But with friends, she is exactly enough. Vasquez explained that her family gets to see a superficial side of her. Like many other young adults, she often puts on the
“ WITH MY CHOSEN FAMILY, THEY GET TO SEE ALL OF ME, LIKE JUST BARE. AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME FEEL SO COMFORTABLE AND MAKES ME WANT TO STAY THERE.” ATHENA VASQUEZ
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FEATURE · FAMILY IS WHOMEVER YOU CHOOSE
ABOVE AND LEFT: Vanessa Torres and Athena Vasquez like to spend time together during the holidays making memories rather than exchanging presents.
“ FAMILY IS SUPPOSED TO BE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.” ATHENA VASQUEZ
Torres typically invites Vasquez over for the holidays. The gestural love continues, as on Christmas, Torres’ family doesn’t believe in gift giving. Instead of something materialistic, they prefer to do something more sentimental, like taking someone out to eat. On Halloween nights you can find the duo eating Chinese or Thai food before binge watching horror films. On Thanksgiving, they order takeout and eat dinner together. If it’s a holiday, the two can be found together, enjoying each other’s company. “Family is supposed to be people who love you unconditionally,” Vasquez said. “Love is something that is unconditional, truly to the core. So many people love with conditions.” Though Vasquez said that many people don’t know real love, she is grateful to experience it with Torres. When talking about her best friend, Vasquez’s face lights up and words spill out her mouth with ease. “We get to be our true selves with people that we choose,” Vasquez said.
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INSIDER · REPORT CARD
BEST BOOKS FOR
CUFFING SEASON
A+
STORY BY
BELLA ARNOLD
BEACH READ by Emily Henry
The easiest way an author can weasel their way into my heart is by writing a book that makes me cry hard enough to the point where I feel like I am going to vomit at 1 a.m. while clutching a book light. Needless to say, “Beach Read” by Emily Henry delivers on that front. The New York Times bestselling author is the “it girl” of the literary world right now. This book takes on one of the most controversial rom-com tropes: enemies to lovers. In “Beach Read,” January Andrews deals with grief, loss, and being stuck in a literary rut until she comes across a former flame and newly acclaimed author, Augustus Everett. The two challenge each other to swap genres in an effort to get back into the writing flow.
THE FLATSHARE by Beth O’Leary: A
Beth O’Leary does not disappoint with her debut novel, “The Flatshare.” O’Leary wrote this book on the train in transit to her publishing job before becoming a fulltime author. In the book, Tiffy Moore finds herself in a less-than-ideal living situation, sharing a tiny apartment with a stranger. It’s the only thing that fits her limited budget, but at least her roommate, Leon Twomey, isn’t there at night because he’s a nurse working night shifts. Leon occupies the one-bedroom flat during the day while Tiffy’s at work, and in the evening, it’s Tiffy’s turn to make herself at home. Despite never actually crossing paths, the two can’t ignore the feeling that love is in the air. 32
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Feeling lonely and yearning for that special someone this holiday season? Want to make it worse? We’ve got you covered with a few of the best romantic comedy books to read during cuffing season.
A-
THE BROWN SISTERS TRILOGY by Talia Hibbert
To me, the worst part about finishing a good, standalone book is the absence I feel afterward. Luckily, readers of “Get a Life, Chloe Brown” by Talia Hibbert will never know that sorrow. The Brown sisters trilogy starts with “Get a Life, Chloe Brown” and follows Chloe Brown, the oldest of the Brown sisters, in her pursuit of adventure while battling a chronic illness. The next book in the trilogy, “Take a Hint, Dani Brown,” features the second Brown sister and Ph.D. student, Dani, as she navigates a viral tweet binding her to her work friend and former rugby star, Zafir Ansari. The trilogy is wrapped up in a disgustingly romantic bow with “Act Your Age, Eve Brown.” Eve, a “certified mess,” is no stranger to a sudden career switch. Thanks to some liberated doves, Eve finds herself in need of a new career when she stumbles into (literally) the uptight bed and breakfast owner Jacob Wayne. Though Hibbert released each book in accordance with the order of sisters, oldest to youngest, these books can be read out of order or as stand-alones, if you’re OK with very minor spoilers.
IT ENDS WITH US
THE HATING GAME
If you love multiple timelines and shedding enough tears to single-handedly pull California out of its drought, you’re going to love “It Ends with Us.” Colleen Hoover is a critically acclaimed New York Times bestselling author known for her other books “November 9,” “Ugly Love” and “Verity.” Hoover’s writing is honest and heartbreaking. However, this is not your typical romance. Though full of juicy, romantic moments, “It Ends with Us” also tackles issues like abuse, housing insecurity, and grief. This story follows Lily as she navigates her new, independent life in Boston. As she enters a new relationship, she rediscovers diary entries cataloging her first love. Trigger warning for assault.
To the die-hard Sally Thorne lovers, I’m sorry. Lucy Hutton and Joshua Templeman hate each other. No, not in the cutesy way that you say to a friend, while playfully shoving them. The publishing company executive assistants despise one another. When the opportunity opens for these workaholics to score a promotion, it’s not a matter of if one of them will win, but who will resign when they lose.
by Colleen Hoover: A
by Sally Thorne: C+
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INSIDER · STORY
Visit www.digmaglb.com to browse our selection of totes, stickers, buttons, and tumblers!
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