CHILDHOOD ISSUE... by ZOE JENKIN

double THE CHILDHOOD ISSUE

SMASH HITS

LIVE

KICKING

POGS & SHAG BANDS

FRESH PRINCE

SALT N PEPA

TROLLS & GREMLINS

DREAM PHONE JASON

DONOVAN

SUPER MODELS WITH TITS WHAT ARE YOUR M E M O R I E S ?

C HI LD HO D O

ISSUE

WE ARE TAKING A WELL OVERDUE TRIP ALL THE WAY BACK TO... ER WELL ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO. NOW WE ARE OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE SO-CALLED NAUGHTIES, IT IS APPARENTLY VALID TO CALL CLOTHES FROM THE 1990’S VINTAGE, AND TO REMINISCE ABOUT OUR SCHOOL DAYS WITH ROSE TINTED DEIRDRE’S ON.THIS ISSUE IS DEDICATED TO ALL THINGS FROM OUR CHILDHOOD. BIG THANKS TO SOME VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE FOR MAKING THIS ISSUE AND OUR LAUNCH PARTY HAPPEN... ANNA MCGUIRE, JENY DOUGLAS, ISLINGTON MILL, DOMINIC THE SOUND MAN, JUICY DJS, CONTORT YOURSELF, THE COOLNESS, ME & YU, ELLIS SCOTT, JADE FRENCH, THE MANCHESTER MAC STORE + LOTS MORE.

THE 1980’S WAS SAID TO BE THE DECADE THAT STYLE FORGOT...

WI S H L IS T

THIS HAS NOW BEEN OBLITERATED BY THE FIRST (OF NO DOUBT MANY,)

90’S NOSTALGIA MOMENTS

WHICH

HAVE LEAKED INTO OUR

WARDROBES THIS SEASON. THE CLASHING COLOURS, CROPPED TOPS, CYCLING SHORTS

AND FLOOR LENGTH HIPPY DRESSES OF

OUR CHILDHOOD

ARE BACK... HERE IS THIS MONTH’S

WISHLIST

House of Holland : wdbj womens strapped jean - £335 // Alexander Wang // 3s10608 mirte laced boot -canvas - $550 // SEE BY CHLOÉ Two Kan oversized cotton tote - £67 // MARKUS LUPFER Floral lace shorts - £85 // BARBIE BY CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN Dolly Forever Barbie by Christian Louboutin - £100 // OSCAR DE LA RENTA 22-karat gold-plated bib necklace - £577.28 // ALEXANDER MCQUEEN Lace-embroidered satin dress £3,295

christopher shannon zip bib - £149.00 // martine rose silk front shirt - £229.00 // acne desert high 3 shoes - £315.00 // nigel cabourn mandalay outer packaway coat - £499.00 // alexander mcqueen metal jacquard pant - £989.00 // chronicles of never corpus callosum eyewear - £179.00

ON A DAR

R ! THE

GABRIELLA MARINA GONZALEZ PHOTOS COURTESY OF SOPHIE PIANTADOSI

Gabriella Marina Gonzalez is firmly on our radar this month after we spotted her pieces at a pop-up shop at a fashion week party which was bursting with the cool, the rad and the fabulous. She was born in Manhattan but moved when she was very young because her parents, “ Were living in an A.I.D.S epidemic and were tired of bringing there three year old daughter to there close friends funerals” and so she grew up in Miami. Gabriella has been sewing since she was very young. It must be in the blood because her grandmother was a seamstress and her father was a fashion designer. Art and design was all around her and she was encouraged to be creative while growing up. She believes it was most likely because it was apparent at an early age that she “Did not care about multiplication as much as I cared about dreaming.” Gabriella decided to leave Miami for London when she was just 18 to continue her studies is Fashion Design. One of Gabriella’s main objectives is that she does not want to lure people into her brand by subliminally advertising it as something which needs to be consumed because they are told it will make all there dreams come true or help them play the part they want in glamours circles in society. One the contrary her goal is to create clothing that becomes a treasure in the closets of the wearer that they will have for the rest of there lives. A n item hat makes them feel like it was made just for them. A worthwhile keep sake with all the qualities of luxury without the guilt.

CO N ST E L Y T S EA L

RALPH MACCHIO

VINTAGE TIGER TEE BY POP - £15

SHIRT BY FRED PERRY - £99

HAT BY TOPMAN - £16

SHORTS BY ACNE - £99

SCARF BY DIANE VON FURSTENBERG - £40

SHIRT BY LEE - £48

BLOSSOM

ALL AVAILABLE FROM TOPSHOP - thanks topshop!

E SI GN R E

Definately not Grey... Louise is the designer that we are loving at the moment, not only for her latest epic collection filled with muppet coloured faux fur, purple tops hats and hippie raver inspired prints but also for her ability to make her models actually smile and dance around to early 90’s music. She manages to showcase directional, creative looks, without the added dose of pretentious designer bollocks which usually goes hand-inhand with the latest “It-designer”. We want to wear her clothes, be at her parties and her to be our new BFF.

LOUISE GRAY

PROFI LE

Louise Gray is a hand embroiderer who first studied at The Glasgow School of Art and went on to graduate with an MA from Central Saint Martins College in London. Immediately following her graduation she was selected by Fashion East, and showed three seasons there. Louise has spent the last three seasons building a label based on brightly hued, boldly textured garments whose shapes are simple and where movement and embellishment take center stage. Employing a wide range of materials nothing is quite what it seems in Grayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work. Contrast is key and Gray reworks traditional stitches and embroidery techniques to create modern folk details and trompe lâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;eoile effects. Now everyone can have a small piece of Louise Gray styling with her capsule collection available at asos.com now.

W I N TH A E K E WHAT WOULD YOU WEAR TO: B&Q TO PURCHASE SOME DIY EQUIPMENT? Well the surroundings ofcourse! - I’ve often left the house in a tarpaulin and plumbing fixtures, although I’m more of a Homebase kinda girl, you know where you are with Homebase!. A POSH CHELSEA RESTAURANT WITH THE OTHER HALF? My beloved hair jackets I make, I’m not the shy type and seeing as it’s Chelsea we might as well go to town on the look! MEET CHER IN VEGAS? My Lisa Stansfield tour tshirt from 1993 teamed with tinsel wig or two - Ive never been a fan of Cher and this is the best way to rub her face it in. TO NIP DOWN TO SOMERFIELD FOR A LOAF? My XXXL Pappa Lazzaroo tshirt that I bought of a League of Gentlemen geek site. (for the record I only do Tesco.com love Value Hairspray) IF YOU TOP & TAILING A DOUBLE BED WITH WHIGFIELD? My House of Blueeyes SS10 tie dye oversized tshirt with my face on it. I love the House of Blueeyes and Whigfield loves a bit of tie dye! FOR A JOB INTERVIEW? My ‘Dawn French for Evans’ circa 1990’s Size 32 (i know!!!) black suit with tudor collar and high waist - what was Dawn thinking? IF U WENT ON BLIND DATE WITH CILLA BLACK? Ive got a gorge’ black sequined suit with gold chains layered on the jacket - I’d need to out sequin her for sure!

R E W H T E A DROB

SCOTTEE

. . . F O

JOB ENVY ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ELLIS SCOTT

Hey Ellis! So tell us, what is your actual job title? I’m a free lance fashion, reportage and portrait photographer But what do you actually do day-to-day? In a week I will generally shoot 2 or 3 times in the studio or on location for a fashion or portrait spread. When I’m not doing that I’ll be managing my studio and retouching and editing the shoots. I will also go out and "network" or just party about 5 days a week. Taking photos of drunk people falling over and putting them on my blog. How old are you by the way? I’m 25 How old were you when you got your first ever jo, and what was it? my first job for a magazine was for marmalade magazine and it was a fashion spread with a stylist called Alex Carle. I had done shoots for magazines before this but I didn't really feel that I was doing what I wanted in them. It was the first time i was allowed to do what i wanted and not what i was told. And i was 21 or 22 i think How did u get from there to where you are today? Networking allot going to the right partys with the right people. But my biggest opportunity was when nicola formichetti asked me to be involved with the Alexander McQueen mc q myspace campaign. I ended up shooting half the campaign and my images were the images most used. Form that nicola asked me to work for dazed allowing my work to be published regularly with allot of creative control. I started working for more and more magazines after being with dazed for just over a year. I still shoot for dazed and dazed Japan now. What's the best bit about your job? The best part of my job is getting to make beautiful people look ridiculous and take photos of it. honestly it's a great job I spend my life doing what I love being paid (not well) for it and spending all my time with friends.

And what is the worst? The worst is the general rubbish shoots that are required to make money and survive. There are also hours of mined numbing retouching especially for me, because I only shoot on film I spend on average 6 hours a day just trying to get rid of dust on negatives. Are there any common misconceptions about your job or is it all true? People still believe that especially fashion photography is filled with very pretentious people. It’s not there are many people like that in the industry however the majority of people are creative people wanting to create something that people will love to see and wear What advice would you give to anyone wanting to do this? Don’t listen to people saying you have to have a distinct style too early. This will just pidgin hole you and stop you from becoming a great photographer. No great photographer launched their career before they were 30 every photographer that does end up burning out early. You will have to compromise, all shoots are a collaboration between at least 5 people so don't forget that you will need to repay favours, allot, to other people. What moment made you realise this was the job for you? When I realised I was rubbish at everything else. But I think it truly hit home when a friend of mine in Japan sent me a photo of my McQueen image printed 30 foot tall on the side of a big department store in Tokyo What do you want to be doing in 10 years? The same as I’m doing now but on a much larger scale. If I could be any one it would be nick knight and his career so there I guess.

HOT CHILD IN THE CITY Photography & Styling: EMILIE MULER

MAGPIE EYES VINTAGE STYLING BY JENY DOUGLAS FROM “JENY & AMBER VINTAGE” PHOTOGRAPHY: JENSEN MYA CHADWICK MODEL: ELLA CHAMPS LINNEY

BUBBLES Re worked spotty pinafore: & Blouse: St Annes Hospice Shoes: Office SWINGS Dress: & Peticoat:Stylists own Shoes: Office LOLLY Jacket: Ryan Vintage Peticoat: Stylists own Shoes: Save the children charity shop HEART BALLOONS Dress: Manchester Vintage Fair Tights :Emillio Cavalini from TK Maxx Shoes: Ebay UMBERELLA Dress: & Blouse: Renewal Vintage At Urban Outfitters Shoes: Save the children charity shop (topshop) Umbrella: Urban Outfitters TREE Dress: Butterwick Hospice Tights:H&M Shoes:Topshop TEA Dress: Reworked Laura Ashley by & Tights: House of holland Shoes:Topshop

Oh! You Pretty Thing...

PHOTOGRAPHY: SI MILLER STYLING: ZOE JENKIN STYLIST’S ASSISTANT: KATHY LO MODEL: JENNY

MAXI JERSEY DRESS - TOPSHOP UNIQUE PATENT BOOTS - DR MARTEN WIRED EAR HEADBAND - TOPSHOP

STUDDED JUMPER - ASHISH GIANT BOW - LUELLA PINK SOCKS - AMERICAN APPAREL

CREAM SILK BLOUSE - ACNE GREEN KNITTED LEGGINGS - H&M GLASSES - VINTAGE LINDA FARROW

VINTAGE STUDDED LEATHER JACKET - BEYOND RETRO MINI MOUSE TIGHTS - MODEL’S OWN PATENT BOOTS - DR MARTENS

BLACK EMBROIDERED DRESS - BEYOND RETRO FAUX FUR COAT - REISS FUR SCARF WORN AS SHRUG - CAMDEN MAREKT BLACK SUEDE WEDGES - TOPSHOP FELT BOWLER HAT - H&M

VINTAGE BOX HAT - BEYOND RETRO VINTAGE DUNGEREES - BEYOND RETRO SILK EMBROIDERED BLOUSE - VANESSA BRUNO

JENNY WEARS VINTAGE HOLE TEE - STYLIST’S OWN & LEOPARD FUR HAT - PORTOBELLO MARKET, BOOTS AND TIGHTS AS BEFORE

AWAY DAYS PHOTOGRAPHY: DAVE SCHOFIELD STYLING TEAM: CHARLOTTE LIGHTFOOT EMMA MENDONCA HAYLEY MCCABE CARA HADFIELD CLOTHING ALL AVAILABLE FROM MICROZINE

HERE SHE COMES NOW Photographer: Ellis Scott Stylist: Kylie Griffiths Stylistâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Assistant: Amanda Arber Makeup and hair: Zoe Kortisas Model: Kirstie Fleck

Kirstie wears playsuit from Beyond Retro

Kirstie wears dress from Rokit and boots by Dr. Martens

Kirstie wears hat, top and shorts all by American Apparel and bag by Moschino

Kirstie wears army jacket from Rokit, slip from Beyond Retro and boots by Dr. Marten

Kirstie wears hat, t-shirt and dungarees from Rokit, boots by Dr. Martens

Kirstie wears top from Beyond Retro and ring modelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own

GIRLS

WORDS BY JADE FRENCH

S On the Radar picked Girls for the Childhood Issue to explore how formative years can shape the later ones. And no one has had as interesting yet sad a childhood than Girls lead Christopher Owens. It’s hard to know if understanding the origins of Girls impacts on understanding their album ‘Album’. Growing up in the Children of God cult, escaping to live as a punk and then being taken under the wing of a millionaire, recording an album whilst taking every kinda pill you can doesn’t happen to every person. Owens has had an extraordinary life, which one imagines it’d be hard to get away from creatively. It’s a testament to the power of the bands album that the origins don’t overpower but rather flavour the album meaning that without knowing the back-story the band you might pick up on the melancholy tingeing or you might take it at face value. Either way there is an album of depth and groove to explore. Owens voice lilts and hiccups over the evocative lyrics as rolling fifties guitar flies in the air. There’s the bitterly slowed down lament in the form of ‘Hellhole Ratrace’ which sucks in the listener with it’s downtempo beat and words ‘And I don’t want to cry / My whole life through’ steadily become stronger, building a crescendo of soundscape and potency.

ON THE RADAR Then there is ‘Lust for Life’ which begins the album, setting the tone filled with hopes and wishes reminiscent of Skee-Lo…‘Oh I wish I had a boyfriend’ / ‘I wish I had a suntan’ / ‘I wish I had a pizza and a bottle of wine’… And settled amongst these flimsy acquisitions is ‘I wish I had a father/ maybe then I would have turned out fine’… Just another example of how Girls can pull the rug from under your feet lyrically. All set against the back-drop of sunny, laid back San Francisco. So maybe Girls are a paradox. They’re called Girls but are boys. They have this surfey-sunny vibe but are steeped in sad beginnings. They seem a little blasé yet obviously have worked fucking hard. Throw in their lo-fi videos, artistic temperament and stylistic appearance and you have yourself the newest rock’n’roll band of the summer!

Fed up looking at flyers with unfathomable music policies that look like they’re written in snakes tongue? Wobble this, Future that...shut your trap? I’m falling asleep just thinking about it. For you did the finest moments in life involve dreams of GRINDIN’ up on a popular boy at the school disco to FREAK’N YOU? When you’re on the dancefloor do you shake that BIG OLE BUTT? Was it you who said ‘When I grow up I want to be like Lil’ Kim?’ If yes then guys, throw your meticulously preserved Wu Wear vest on and girls, don that Baby Phat puffa jacket and apply lashings of LIP GLOSS. We’re going to Juicy to do the OOCHIE WALLY and dance like Yayo... What is Juicy you say? It’s an All Party and No Bullshit clubnight poppin off every second and fourth Wednesday at Subspace. We all know MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS, that’s probably why the door tax is criminally cheap and you don’t need to be SIPPIN’ ON SOME SIZZURP ‘cos it’s a mere £1.50 for a bottles of beer or vodka and mixer. All you GREEDY BITCHES will be sinking drinks so quick before you can say HELL YEAH it’ll be ONE TO THE NEXT ONE! You might think I’m chatting doodoo, like those folk who said JESUS WALKS over water but I kid you not. Plus, you don’t need to tell the Juicy DJs to PUMP UP THE VOLUME because whether you think the WEST COAST ROCKS or you’re bang on that NEW YORK SHIT, the Juicy DJs have a hefty music policy of classic hip hop, old school bangers and maybe a few slow jamz that’ll get your throwing them LIGHTERS UP and keep the dancefloor jam packed right through from the pm to the am. By the end of the night they’ll have you HEADSPRUNG and screaming GIMME SOME MORE ‘til your lungs fall out. Whoever said HIP HOP IS DEAD was pulling your leg. So what you waiting for? THE WORLD IS YOURS and staying at home would quite frankly be FOOLISH.

WORDS BY NATALIE ESQUIRE

So after all the good things we heard about this new phenominon of a night which is taking over Manchester (and soon the world!) we caught up with the DJ’s and asked them to make Double a playlist. So here it is yo.... Juicy is all about the big bangers that make the whole club put their hands in the air, blow their horns, and smash something. Here are some of our favourite anthems that turn ballers into players, housewives into hos:

1 - Montell Jordan - This Is How We Do It 2 - Gangstarr - Full Clip 3 - Kelis and Andre 3000 - Millionaire 4 - M.O.P. - Ante Up 5 - Wu Tang Clan - Gravel Pit 6 - Amerie - 1 Thing 7 - Hudson Mohawke - Ooooooops Oh My remix 8 - Nas - Nas Is Like 9 - Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray 10 - Dr Dre - Next Episode 11 - Pharoah Monch - Simon Says 12 - Lil Kim - Put Your Lighters Up 13 - Dizzee Rascal - Jus A Rascal 14 - Dead Prez - Hip Hop 15 - The Pharcyde - Passing Me By 16 - Snoop Dogg - What’s My Name? (Snoop Dogg) 17 - Ludacris - Area Codes 18 - Biggie - Hypnotize 19 - Blackstreet - No Diggity 20 - R Kelly - Bump and Grind

PLAYLIST And to fuel that JUICY fire, here are some of their upcoming parties and appearances in Manchester. Mar 15 - Hit & Run vs Juicy @ Area 51 (Jakwob, James Blake, Chimpo, Rich Reason, Juicy DJs & more) Mar 24 - Juicy Timbaland vs Neptunes Showdown @ Subspace Mar 26 - Juicy presents APPLES & ONIONS @ The Corner April 4 - Juicy DJs at The House Party @ Ruby Lounge April 14 - Juicy Easter “Palm Gunday” @ Subspace April 28 - Juicy Jay Z vs Nas “Beef Stew” @ Subspace May 02 - Juicy “Nuthin’ But A She Thing” Bank Holiday special @ Deaf Institute JUICY - ALL PARTY, NO BULLSHIT

www.juicy-club.co.uk

A FAMILIAR VOICE IN

U N F A M I L I A R S U R R O U N D I N G S . . .

“I was moved in with her, temporarily, just until things were patched, ‘Til this was patched and ‘til that was patched, Until I became at 3,4,5,6,7,8, 9 and 10, The patch that held Lily Scott, Who held me and like them 4, I became one more.”

So it is he sets out to address his woes and misdemeanours with I’m New Here. “Being blessed is just not being able to float on air, I’m saying if you’ve gotta pay for things you’ve done wrong, I got a big bill coming, at the end of the day,” GSH laughs. Songs like ‘Me and The Devil’ address his spells in prison and his drug addiction. The music is far from friendly as Scott-Heron attempts to tackle the issues head on, shirking nothing and apologizing for even less in his handling of the problems. His brutal honesty is what makes him endearing, in the same way it did Johnny Cash. He doesn’t run from the issues that plague him, with ‘Running’ being the most direct example. His mind is still as razor sharp as it was when he released the unfathomable Small Talk at 125th and Lennox in 1970, even if his voice is not. In fact, it’s this croaky, weathered version of his baritone delivery that really makes you believe what he’s saying.

WORDS BY JOSH GARVEY

These are some of the insights offered by the incomparable Gil Scott-Heron during ‘On Coming From A Broken Home (Part 1)’, the opening salvo from his new album I’m New Here. It seems like a strange album title for a man so well versed as GSH. How can someone who has seen just about everything, be new to anything? Well the man has spent the worst part of the last ten years incarcerated for various drug charges. During that period he has been virtually forgotten, aside from a brief appearance alongside Blackalicious and a respect laden shout out from LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy on ‘Losing My Edge’.

ALBUM OF THE MONTH ‘New York is Killing Me’ sees GSH confess rather frankly that the city that never sleeps has a constrictor like hold on him, a hold that is detrimental to his health. “Bunch of doctors coming round, and New York was killing me, got to go back home and take it slow in Jackson, Tennessee,” stresses ScottHeron. The album closes by coming “full circle” with ‘On Coming From A Broken Home (Part 2)’, again with Kanye West’s ‘Flashing Lights’ – an obvious ode to old chipmunk cheeks’ sampling of GSH in the past – providing the backing track. I’m New Here is obviously a very personal album, as are all GSH LP’s. This one deviates from the norm though in the sense that it addresses his personal problems, not his problem with the world he lives in but the problem with the world he has created for himself.

“Turn around, turn around, turn around, and you may come full circle, and be new here, again” he laments, almost as if he is singing to himself in the mirror. The album is so cathartic. The audience is the proverbial priest and he is attending confession.

It’s a return to form for an artist who has been nothing but sorely missed over the years, not just for his output but also the input he has in other artists’ lives and opinions. Let’s face it, there would not really be Hip-Hop without GSH. The king is not dead, long live the king.

Further religious implications are evident on “Your Soul and Mine” as our sage host profess lyrical on the battle for a man’s soul. Again, it all appears to cut close to the bone.

“My life has been guided by women, But because of them, I am a man, God Bless you Momma, And thank you.”

THE XX

Keeping with the shy vibe, a white sheet shields the stage from prying eyes and as the lights go down it becomes apparent as to why it’s there. The opening chords from Romy MadleyCroft’s guitar are accompanied by her shadow which is cast onto the sheet as a result of the lights behind it. As the other two members lick off their contributions, so to their shadows appear. The roar from the crowd is intense and goes completely against the hushed appreciation that blanketed the band during their last Manchester outing at The Deaf Institute. That performance was never going to be mimicked and it was always going to be a natural progression for a band whose music was always destined for bigger things. Despite the upgrade in size the songs still bring a gentle, happy sway from those in attendance. If anything, they are appreciated more as Jamie Smith’s shin shaking rumblings on songs like ‘Fantasy’ drown out the hyena chatter from the habitual bint who “heard them on Radio 1 just this week”. ‘Shelter’ brings a different kind of rumbling to the table, as the gentle murmur from the crowd’s sing-a-long accompanies Oliver Sim’s bass after its brief hiatus during the aforementioned ‘Fantasy’. The band’s excellent eye for a cover song is in force again with Kyla’s ‘Do You Mind’ and Womack & Womack’s ‘Teardrops’ being given the treatment. The latter’s guitars are more reserved live than the studio version. There’s no need for flair here as Croft’s talent and introspective demeanour shines through. ‘VCR’ brings with it the familial chimes of appreciation that walk in hand in hand with a current single.

WORDS BYJOSH GARVEY

The Academy 2 is sold out. That’s not entirely rare. What is rare is that unlike the attention seeking Mumford & Sons, The xx chose to keep it intimate rather than upgrade to the morbidly large Academy 1.

LIVE REVIEW The verbal and instrumental sparring on ‘Basic Space’ both retain the distant familiarity that Sims and Croft seem to excel in. Before it gets to “nicey nice” Smith’s contraptions bowl in and wipe the floor with them both; leaving Croft’s guitars to whimper to fade. A refrained menace lurks throughout ‘Infinity’ and rears it seismic horns as Smith grins demonically in the background. Not to be outdone, Sims drops his bass and proceeds to smash the bejeezus out of the percussion cymbal. His hulking frame flashes black and white in the epileptic lighting, making for a striking visual. This display of showmanship and focus on the visual as well as the musical negates the worry that The xx’s sentimental music would be unable to translate to larger venues. The words “stars” and “shine” in the same hook tend to evoke memories of when Chris Martin wasn’t a dilbert. Fortunately this time round, The xx show us that those words together can still resonate during ‘Stars’. Smith’s apocalyptic vibrations bring a nervous quiet, with the crowd wondering if the bricks and mortar can withstand the onslaught. In fairness, they make Pompeii seem like a wet fart. The gathered masses are left to their own devices as the band leave the stage to their remix of Florence & The Machine’s cover of ‘You’ve Got The Love’. The enraptured applause and hollering suggest the irony of the songs title may not be lost on them.

AN ODE

o T 90‘s BANDS ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::BY JADE FRENCH

Whose childhood wasn’t spent cutting lyrics out of Smash Hits and pasting them on their walls so they could learn the lyrics to “Umm Bop” before they went to sleep whilst simultaneously giving their 5ive poster a chaste kiss goodnight and crimping their hair? Just mine? Embarrassingly true revelations aside there must be a place in hearts everywhere for the bubblegum pop of yesteryears. The days when denim on denim was the look of choice, the days when women yelled ‘Girl Power’ without irony… You know, the days when Jazzy Jeff still had the Fresh Prince on board. Whether your flava was lo-fi hip hop or sugary girl groups the 1990s had one thing in common… awful, awful judgement. So, we run through the bands who made childhood bearable, who made us first question our sexuality or who just simply deserve to be remembered. 5ive – Schoolgirl crushes on Rich and Abs were commonplace. Single consonant band member ‘J’ was the badass one (you know he brought the ‘5’ to 5ive). Grandmaster Flash - Absolute legend. Keeping the kids on the straight and narrow whilst maintaining ultimate credibility. SO DON’T DO IT! Gina G - You know as soon as the Macarena hit the school disco then “Ooh, ahh just a little bit” was just seconds away. You could never master that repetitive dance routine but that didn’t stop you craning your neck to the left to copy the girl who had perfected the dance in her bedroom mirror (bitch). Spice Girls - Scary, Sporty, Baby, Ginger and Posh. The gang. The girls. The hilarious fact they made a movie in which Meat Loaf had a part. Mousse T and that ‘Sex on the Beach’ song - So Horney and having sex on beaches… the 1960s message of free love had a 90s makeover leading to

many a primary school banning trips to Southport. Hanson - I don’t care what anyone says - they’re still kinda hot. B*Witched - The band that made you speak to your friends in an awful faux-Irish lilt. They were also slightly hypocritical - one moment telling you C’est la Vie and the next blaming everything on the Weather Man. TLC - Teaching girls self respect - they didn’t want no scrubs and you didn’t want them either. RIP Left Eye. Ludacris - The antithesis to the girl power groups he wanted to lick, lick, lick, lick you from your head to your toes. Destiny’s Child - What does Bootylicious actually mean? Why did ‘8 Days of Christmas’ happen? Who cares - DC 4eva (but not really because of Beyonce’s solo career- how selfish). All Saints - The darker version of Spice Girls… They also did that song ‘Pure Shores’ which featured in a film with Leo Di Caprio - the ultimate 90s heart throb. If those bloody Appleton sisters got to meet Leo then karma does not exist. So Solid Crew - Bringing the grime scene to a level even the whitest, middle class 12 year old kids could understand. “Twenty-one-seconds-T-T-T”. Craig David (UK Sensation) Hahahahhahahahhahahahahhaha.

A1 - The best curtains of the 90s surely has to go to Ben from A1. East 17 - The Facts: Bad boy pop group rappers, Essex postcode, Brain Harvey ran himself over with his own car , collabs with Wycliffe Jean. The Lessons: Baked potatoes and driving do not mix.

C HI LD HO D O

YOU KNOW YOU WERE A 90’S KID IF...

1. You can sing the rap to “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”. 2. You remember when it was actually worth getting up on a Saturday morning to watch Live and Kicking and cartoons. 3. You remember reading and watching “Goosebumps”. 4. You took plastic cartoon lunchboxes to school which had a flask filled with orange squash. 5. You remember the craze of YoYo’s and Tamagotchis (and the subsequent banning of them in school). 6. You still get the urge to say “Naaaaaat” after every sentence. Not. 7. Go go Power Rangers! 8. You collected Pokémon cards. 9. You played and/or collected Pogs. 10. You watched the original Postman Pat, Fireman Sam and Ninja Turtles (back in the day when they were ‘Hero’ Turtles). 11. You remember when the new Beenie Babies were always sold out. 12. You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears but at the corners of your eyes. 13. You know the Macarena by heart and Saturday Night too. 14. “Talk to the hand”. 15. You thought that Brain from “Pinkey and the Brain” actually could take over the world.

16. You remember Bum Bags, they weren’t even cool then. 17. You always wanted to be on Fun House. And if you are male fancied Mel and her twin sister. 18. You collected Tazos. 19. Spice Girls. ‘Nuff said. 20. “Clarissa Explains It All” and “Saved By The Bell” were your favourite shows. 21. You wore as many shag bands as you could fit on your arm. And it someone snapped one... uh oh. 22. You remember Robbie leaving and Take That splitting up. And cried about it for weeks. 23. You wanted lights in your trainers like the cool kids. 24. Nintendo was replaced by Super Nintendo. 25. Computer screens were black (or green) with white writing. 26. Disney, Coke and MacDonalds ruled the world. 27. You had a Nokia 3310 (or really wanted one). 28. Michael Jackson was weird but still respected for his music. 29. All the boys had their hair in ‘curtains’. 30. We didn’t realise how weird and frankly inappropriate the concept of the Chuckle Brothers were.

31. “Wax on, Wax off.” 32. You wore Addidas 3 stripe joggers or poppers. 33. Nike Air Max and Reebok Classics were ‘must have’ trainers (and Kickers for school). 34. Girls thought blue mascara looked good. 35. Girls thought hair mascara looked good. 36. You had scrunchies in every colour and hair bands with your name on it in glitter. 37. You bought Smash Hits Magazine for the song lyrics. 38. Everyone owned something from NafNaf or Fruit Of The Loom (probably in grey). 39. Tammy Girl was where we got our cool clothes. 40. Good Saturday evening telly consisted of “Gladiators”, “Catchphrase” and “Noel’s House Party”. 41. You loved CKone. 42. It’s PJ and Duncan not Ant and Dec. 43. Chris Evans presented everything. 44. You had at least one Troll. 45. You had / wanted / hated Furbys. 46. You remember that “Hooch” was the original alcopop. 47. You taped the Pepsi Chart Show. 48. “I know you are, you said you are, but what am I then?” was the answer to all insults. 49. You shouted “LEG IT!” when running away from something. 50. You wore jelly shoes.

50. You wore jelly shoes. 51. You loved “Knightmare” and “The Crystal Maze” (which are now repeated on Challege TV!). 52. You were always singing the theme tune to “Round The Twist”. 53. They will ALWAYS be Opal Fruits, not Starbursts. 54. You had a million gel pens. 55. You watched “The Poddington Peas”. 56. You remember classic Levi’s ads such as “Spaceman” and “Flat Eric”. 57. “If you like a lot of chocolate on your buscuit join our Club”. 58. You remember the craze of Sratch and Sniff. 59. You remember Sony Walkmans. 60. You know who Alf is. 61. You waited for 7.30pm on BBC1 every friday to watch TOTP. 62. You wanted to / tried to make Tracey Island. 63. ‘It’ was the ultimate playground game followed by Stuck In The Mud. And catch one kiss one. 64. When videos were everything and when DVDs got released they were not cool. 65. You would write Yes and No on both sides of a rubber then flip it to answer questions.

The 90s was all boy-band fever and girl power… But who was the best?

THE BOYZ The Hair: CURTAINS - the ultimate hairstyleas worn by Ben from A1, Leo DiCaprio (early years) and every boy you ever had a crush on circa 1992-1997. The Show: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES - When your little brother got the whole set of Raphael and the boys- it didn’t matter what sex you were secretly there were plots in the pipeline to covert those action figures. The Idol: MACULNEY CULKIN - Who didn’t try and set up some home made burglar alarms when this kid hit the scene. Plus and minus points for Michael Jackson relationship. The Label: TOMMY HILFIGER – Knew how to dress a male… The Clothes: THE FLEECE - Whilst some plumped for the padded lumberjack jacket look most others fell in love with the fleece- all the boys in primary school were kitted out to fight the cold English weather- the balaclava, fleece and body-warmer were just some of that kit. Many also had Action Man flasks… Jealous!

THE GURRRRLZ The Hair: BANDANAS and BUTTERFLY CLIPS - Hair wasn’t just hair, you could opt for a denim bandana, some sparkly butterfly clips or you could braid, you could see how many bobbles could possibly fit in your boyish crew cut or grab a velvet headband and go. Or all of the above. The Show: POWERPUFF GIRLS - Similar to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in that your younger sister probably had the whole set including Buttercup and it didn’t matter what

BOYZ vs GURRRLZ BY JADE FRENCH

sex you were secretly there were plots in the pipeline to covert those action figures. The Idol: BRITNEY SPEARS - Sexualising the younger generations probably started here with the video for Hit Me Baby One More Time. Well done Britters! The Label: TAMMY GIRL - Where else would you find day-glo headbands and that pair of cord flares that everyone seemed to own. The Clothes: SKIRT/PANT COMBO - A short lived fashion which saw the trouser-skirt (skousers?) appear, possible from the sarong family.

One of the best things about childhood was it’s ability to create a bubble of memory around the medium of TV. You cast your mind back over the good old days of television before 3D animation occurred and cartoons were drawn a bit cack-handedly but with love. Here’s a brief run-down of some television shows that should have made an impact… All hail Nickelodeon! CATDOG- One wanted to chill out and read and the other wanted to chase the postman. Hahahah. THE SECRET WORLD OF ALEX MAC- She could turn into slime… or water… or liquid. Either way she could wriggle under doors and eavesdrop with ease- which she did… incessantly. SAVED BY THE BELL- Screech, AC Slater, Kelly, Zac- what a gang! Although it went downhill once the crows feet and saggy skin became more evident and they kept Screech on the show when ‘The New Years’ followed. ‘It’s alllriiight cos I’m saved by the bell’. SISTER SISTER- The hilarity which followed these two twins around was pretty unbelievable. Tia and Temara also had a hard life too like in the episode where they met their real dad and he told them he couldn’t marry their mum because he was white- hard hitting racial controversy coupled with CALIFORNIA DREAMS- Being in a band and the plights of being a teen preHighschool Musical HANG TIME- Basketball and the plights of being a teen in school pre-One Tree Hill. ROUND THE TWIST- The single most annoyingly catchy theme tune ever. 11

CARTOONS BY JADE FRENCH

THE RACOONS- Strange pink things with long noses being friends with racoons as they try and get the rich, mean uncle to correct his wrongs or something. DOUG- Patty and Doug were a match made in heaven- although some people must have hoped it’d end up being a Doug and Skeeter relationship. ROKOS MODERN LIFE- Freaky animation with a real funky theme tune. HEY ARNOLD!- Move it football head… True love. THE SMURFS- Gargamel really needed to get a life and let the Smurfs do their own thing… and Papa Smurf really needed to stop lusting after Smurfette… SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH- How we all wished we could point, be dressed and go. Salem the cat looked so realistic until you watched back and realised he was a puppet with really bad facial expressions. CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL – Why didn’t she put locks on her windows? I know I would if my best friend insisted on climbing a ladder into my room every night.

BEFORE THE iPHONE... THERE WAS... WORDS BY LAURA HAVLIN

D R EA M PHO N E

About 13 years ago Dreamphone was the must have item for the discerning ten year old. Unfortunately, if your parents were like mine and they thought there was something distinctly unsavoury about pretend, American, overly forward teenage boys calling your daughter to drop them cryptic clues about who they might be, then you looked forward to going round to your slightly cooler friend’s house to read risqué teen girls mags a la Mizz and Sugar, and playing with the coveted Dreamphone. The premise of Dreamphone is to listen to phone call clues about what the guy who likes you isn’t into, where he doesn’t hang out and what he is not wearing until you can whittle down to your secret admirer. It’s kind of like Guess Who but if Joseph with the Ginger hair and glasses had been watching you for some time. Nearly all of the twenty-four guys look like chiselled pubescent variants of Zack Morris and sound like a younger, studlier, more stalkerish Stephen Hawkings. American, risqué, and slightly inappropriately targeted; it was the Nickelodeon of board games. The game was not only super fun because it let me pretend that boys fancied me but taught me lots of useful facts like being vague and cryptic is just the male’s natural way. Dusting off an old Dreamphone set and cracking it out for the first time in over a decade however did present some fairly creepy findings, most disturbingly of which was the robotic voice which told me he wasn’t wearing any jeans – somewhat unsettling since this is a game aimed for children as young as 9. In retrospect, it explains a lot.

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