Self-care – Broken Dolls or Imago Dei

Dennis had been sitting by quietly and sadly. Although he did not want to sour the mood, he felt he had to say something. “Community outreach and engagement is often challenging and demanding work. What I know in myself is that compassion fatigue, burnout, and secondary traumatic stress are very real. And I have to admit that from my own experience and lack of self-awareness, the very care-seekers I was trying to assist became distrustful, resistant and hostile when they saw what was happening to me. I think they saw that I had lost faith in them.”

The others listened quietly and empathetically to Dennis’ confession. They had not known how to talk about this with him until now and were relieved that a crack had opened. Zachary spoke first. “Dennis, thank you for your honesty. We know you have been struggling with these things for a while now, and I have always felt we have much to learn from you. Could you say a bit more of what you have seen and learned because I am sure any one of us can burn out doing this work?” Dennis nodded. “OK. The main thing I have learned is that my burnout came from my starting point with care-seekers. For me, these were damaged people who had lots of problems. I saw them primarily as forgotten, overlooked and hurting. That is who they were for me, and I suppose I assumed that my work would be to help fix them, like some broken dolls. So, my burnout came from a lack of faith in others and a bit of my own arrogance, or lack of humility, that I knew what was best. And they could see it. Some were probably further undermined by my lack of faith, while others resisted it. In both cases, it made my work impossible. “But I am starting to see that each person in front of me is someone within whom God lives, someone in whom there is an Imago Dei. There is a drop of God in each of us, Zachary. I was blind to that. What do you think happens when you cannot see that in people?” So, my burnout came from a lack of faith in others and a bit of my own arrogance, or lack of humility, that I knew what was best.

“... our work is to support care-seekers to see themselves better, to have faith in themselves.”

“As we said earlier, you lose sight of their inner resilience or God-given resourcefulness. That’s what they can use to fix their lives.” Zachary’s mind was now racing from one conclusion to another. “So, I would say that our work is to support care-seekers to see themselves better, to have faith in themselves. And in seeing and believing in their inner resilience, they can draw on that to heal and develop themselves. And couldn’t you say that because we are all made in the image of God that having faith in ourselves and each other is also having faith in God? “But don’t forget the need to step away and take time for restoration. Remember the story of Jesus resting in the storm in Mark 4:35-41. The crowds were following Jesus, seeking his help and Jesus decided to rest and restore Himself. We also need to rest in our storms. The message from the Bible story is to find a balance between doing, being and rest.”

You are both the potter and clay

Lenny smiled. “Those are profound statements, Zachary. And I am glad you spoke about having faith in ourselves. Because this points to the same starting point that Dennis spoke about that we need to apply to ourselves. There are many references in the Bible to God as the potter and human beings as the clay. “But if we are made in the image of God, then you could say we are all potters and clay, re-shaping and healing each other and doing our best when we remain open and attentive to reshaping and healing ourselves.” Dennis looked at Lenny earnestly. “Yes, just as we help care-seekers work with themselves, to reshape and heal themselves, we have the same work to do with ourselves. And in doing that inner work, we learn what this work means for others and where we can best be of support.” Lenny leaned towards him. “We also have to remember that just because someone says it needs to be done doesn't mean you need to be the one that does it. As pastors, we must also trust the community, follow their energy, and tend to what the community feels called to. Church committees love having ideas. But then nobody wants to do it. So the pastors assume they should. We have to work with the energies that are there, hidden or not. As soon as we try to bring all the energy ourselves, it shows our lack of faith. That's another way to burn out.”

Lisa agreed. “Yes, when I worked in Cape Town, I had the opportunity to go into the informal settlements, where hundreds of people had to share communal toilets and outside water areas. I was dismayed by the dismal shacks and the dirt everywhere. It was clear that the conditions that people lived in were the result of social policies that disenfranchised them and failed to afford them their God-given human dignity. Yet in the midst of this God keeps God’s promise to never leave us or forsake us. We are provided with the gifts of wisdom and resilience that help us to survive and sometimes thrive. Once I was introduced to people living amid the squalor and impoverished surroundings, I was struck by their strength, resilience, and ability to build and care for their community. The people I thought I was there to help and uplift had already overcome much more than I would ever be faced with. At that moment, I realized that I still had more to learn from them about faith and resilience than I could ever bring.” The people I thought I was there to help and uplift had already overcome much more than I would ever be faced with.

The wisdom of ancient Sages

Lisa had enjoyed the breakfast meeting. It reminded her of her time in South Africa. Now, sitting at the desk in her home office, she thought about how it all began. The first time she visited South Africa was in 1990 on a Theological Study Fellowship with her denomination. She and her friend Kirsten had applied to the program together. The idea was to provide North American seminarians with the experience of studying theology in a nonwestern context—to learn about God, the church, and ministry from a different perspective. In South Africa, they lived at a seminary that was the training center for non-white ministers from four denominations. It was in a township outside Pietermaritzburg, a pretty university town with jacaranda trees that shed soft purple blossoms that coated cars and sidewalks in the spring. Under Apartheid, only white people could live in town. Black people lived in the township, and people of mixed descent designated as “colored” lived in another enclave. The seminary was one of the few integrated places, with white professors, a few white tourist students like them, and so-called “colored,” Indian descent, and black students all living together on campus.

This was at the time whenthe fight against Apartheid was a global concern. At the seminary, they studied Black and South African Liberation theologians,

Ubuntu’s essence is read the Kairos Document, and learned about grassroots faith-based deeply simple: I am movements like the Institute for Contextual Theology. She couldn’t imagine a more exciting place to learn about social justice, hope, and the power of because We are. spirit to drive transformation and liberation. But honestly, she had been less interested in studying and mainly just wanted to be there, immersing herself in the community and joining in with whatever people were doing. She wanted to learn to be in solidarity as a white person of privilege.

Ubuntu

(Zulu pronunciation: Over one of the breaks, she and Kirsten had been invited by one of their [ùɓúntʼù]) is a Nguni fellows, Shirilele (Sheer-i-lay-lay), to visit his home village with him. It Bantu term meaning was a long ride in their little beige Mazda to what was then known as the “humanity.” It is often Gazankulu homeland in the far northeastern part of the country, where translated as “I am because people of the Tsonga language group were segregated under Apartheid. we are” (also “I am because It had been a life-changing experience for the two friends and shaped how you are”), or “humanity they went into their pastoral work. She remembered that she had felt quite towards others.”] overwhelmed at times, but her friend Kirsten had been very focused on the political action part of the experience and had helped her be brave. Together they participated in marches and protests, helped write and distribute calls to action, and joined with community members to mobilize food and housing when fighting across political factions displaced thousands of people from their homes. She had felt anxious when Kirsten was arrested during a women’s protest but elated when they both got a chance to serve lunch to Nelson Mandela when he visited the township after being released from prison. There were so many ways to be active, to be political, and to be in the movement. Lisa smiled when she remembered how popular they had been at the seminary—two white American women eager to be part of everything—and they quickly got to know students from around the country. As they journeyed, they moved more deeply into the roots of the family, community and spiritual systems that hold black African society together and give it its unique vibrancy and power. Ubuntu’s essence is deeply simple: I am because We are.