Connectivity and healing through the heart

Reflecting on the diary story: Connectivity and healing through the heart

The author offers the idea that simplicity can often bring the healing we desire. While the author has credentials, institutional backing, and training to rely on, she found healing and hope in the simple act of listening during the COVID-19 pandemic. For her, listening was powerful and yet so simple. It was not a huge process, requiring complex theory and practice. It meant just being there for the person, quiet, and listening. It's a bit like traveling the world to see all the beauty of great oceans, waterfalls, and rivers and then finding peace by the small creek behind one’s house. The connection we are looking for is right where we are. We have the very tools we need.

O Healing River

This reminds me of a song my grandma sang when I was upset. It was called “O Healing River.” As she sang, I could imagine the river healing people like water heals the earth. I would crawl onto her lap and let her rock me slowly as she hummed the song until I eventually fell asleep. Her song, presence and quiet holding were simple, but they soothed me. As a child, I loved playing in the rain. Water fascinated me. It reminded me of the healing river. Think of rivers, which over time, go where they want. When humans try to change the path of rivers or labor to harness their power, a significant amount of work goes into it. And yet, water can soothe so simply when we just let it flow, trickle, and rain down. As Jesus is often assumed to be a part of the Healing River, I am drawn to think about how Jesus showed up and listened. He had moments with people. In John 5: 1-9, Jesus heals the man at the pool of Bethesda after listening to his story about what was preventing him from being healed. He met people wherever they were - literally on the street, by the pool or in a tree. He made a connection in these moments. He listened to their concerns in ways that people were seen and heard. What if communities of faith did the same? How could we listen for healing? How could we speak of healing? Here are some of the words to the song I love… “O healing river, send down your waters. Send down your waters upon this land. Let the seed of freedom awake and flourish. Let the deep roots nourish, let the tall stalks rise. Let the seed of freedom awake and flourish [...] against the skies.”

What have you been through?

As I read through the diary, I realized that on the individual level, trauma is reflected and shaped by the environment and other factors. In the past, the focus in therapy used to be “what is wrong with you?” and then a new focus emerged, which was more empathetic and less victimizing, asking the question “what happened to you?” However, as I read through the story, I think a more hopeful and consoling framing might be “what have you been through?” This new framing links up with a few themes that came to me, firstly moving from judgment to curiosity (grace) to blessing from the other. Asking the question, what have you been through?, shows a level of empathy for and attentiveness to the other’s pain. It also hints at both movement and agency. It is less passive and more active. People get through things. When we work with people, we often ask, “when you were in that time… what helped you get through?”

Risking Connection

The ‘Risking Connection in Faith Communities curriculum’ (Jackson Day et al., 2006) taught me that another question that we can ask when someone is doing something that seems inappropriate, disruptive, or problematic is: How is this behavior helping them to 1) feel worthy of life, 2) manage their feelings, 3) feel a positive connection with people even when they are apart? These are three selfcapacities that we are all working on throughout our lives. According to Day (2006), considering how people are trying to work out these three things can help us know what to do when people are upset. And proactively building up these skills in each other can help us prevent crisis and reactivity in times of stress. Another theme was moving from being the helper or healer to one who is awakened and blessed by the person served. TC found that she was blessed, and a new love for people was awakened within her. So the shift in our thinking can go from “What’s wrong with you,” to “What have you been through”, to “What’s right with you,” and even to “How are you blessing me?” The next theme that I found is how companionship or accompaniment leads to healing through compassion and grace—abandoning the professional stance to be in the space of healing and humility. TC modeled this.

Finally, I learned from the story that sometimes a simple solution is more effective than a complex one, that listening with the heart is powerful and that we can all do it.