Downsized Living Winter 2012 by Downsized Living: The Magazine for the New America

DOWNSIZED

Living THE MAGAZINE FOR THE NEW AMERICA

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Vol. 1, No. 2 • Winter 2012

LIVING O N N OT H I N G : T HE R E T URN O F M I N IM A L IS M

T REN DS The 1 Percent Starts Its Own “Occupy” Movement PERSONAL FINANCE Mattress Banks D I N I N G Pizza: The Healthiest Vegetable Around

F R O M

T H E

E D I T O R

“The 1 Percent Starts Its Own ‘Occupy’ Movement,” is an award-winning humorist and regular contributor to MAD magazine. His work has also appeared in the Chicago Tribune, USA Today, the Los Angeles Times and The Wall Street Journal.

he current political climate has an upside: It is a prolific source of creativity. Newt Gingrich’s recent comment that elementary school children serve as school janitors to learn good work habits, and Michelle Bachmann’s insistence that unemployment would be wiped out if we eliminated the minimum wage, approach Dickensian genius. Such sentiments are the inspiration for the blend of comedy and tragedy found on the pages of Downsized Living.

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I think the mark of a good parody is that it is just believable enough not to be a spoof.

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The winter issue also includes a new “Take Action” tab at the top of the website. This tab has links to national charities that provide much-needed food and social services to those left high and dry by this recession: Feeding America, The Salvation Army, Catholic Charities USA, and the United Way. There are also links to MoveOn and Common Cause. Let’s face it; this recession, which Nobel Prize–winning economist Paul Krugman thinks is really a depression, is not going away any time soon. I urge you to contribute whatever you can, either in time or money, to the aforementioned causes.

In that respect, I have been very encouraged by the helpful and positive comments about Downsized Living from publishing industry professionals, friends and readers. One reader wrote, “I think the mark of a good parody is that it is just believable enough not to be a spoof. I read ‘Be Me for a Day’ [an article from the fall issue] aloud to my men’s group – sophisticated, educated middle-aged men – and then listened as they discussed it without questioning its reality! After I let on, one of them asked to take it with him to share with his college students.” This quarter I am proud to introduce two new contributors to the magazine, Liz McDonald and Stan Sinberg. Liz is a web and print designer who is new to humor writing. Her article “Society’s Most Pressing Problems Can Be Solved by Facebook” demonstrates a budding talent. Stan, who wrote

I would also like to thank all of those whose talents, support and feedback have been invaluable to the development of Downsized Living: my dear husband Theo, Dan Reich and Ellen Goldstein of Bullseye Creative Services, Marsha and Dennis Makemson and Andy Altman-Ohr. Warmest wishes to all in 2012. 2

– Blair Adams

Volume 1, Number 2 • Winter 2012

THE 1 PER CENT STARTS ITS OWN “OCCUPY” MOVEMENT

MATTRESS BANKS: THEY DON’T BOUNCE CHECKS

SHEILA BAIR TO WRITE CHILDREN’S BOOK ABOUT FINANCIAL DOWNTURN

PIZZA: THE HEALTHIEST VEGETABLE AROUND

LIVING ON NOTHING: THE RETURN OF MINIMALISM

SOCIETY’S MOST PRESSING PROBLEMS CAN BE SOLVED BY FACEBOOK

BANKERS’ NEW FASHION 3

P E R S O N A L

F I N A N C E

upper levels of its 15-foot ceiling. Customers are assigned a number and a space just like a storage facility, and they put their money in between the mattress and the box spring. Mattress and box spring units are separated by a platform.

M AT T R E S S B A N K S : THEY DON’T BOUNCE CHECKS

Customers have been mostly satisfied. Kristen Schandler of Las Vegas said, “Even though mattress banks pay no interest, with bank fees as high as $12 a month versus $2 or $3 at a mattress bank, I still come out ahead.” There are even rent-to-buy layaway plans at most banks, but for some banks, making money from such plans is far off in the indefinite future as long as the housing market remains weak.

by Marsha Makemson, Dennis Makemson and Blair Adams

uring the Great Depression, bank failures led some people to withdraw their money and stuff it under the mattress. Today, predatory lending, high fees and rampant foreclosures have turned people away from banks, leading them to do the same thing. In addition, high unemployment, low-wage jobs, the foreclosure crisis and resulting homelessness have meant that some people either don’t have mattresses or can’t afford to maintain a minimum balance anywhere. Fear of robbery has also forced those living in shelters to find new places to put their money. And for everyone, the interest that banks pay to depositors is so low, there is little point in depositing money in savings accounts.

Dream Ease in Cleveland, Ohio, looks something like a library, only with stacks of box springs and mattresses instead of books. Ladders on wheels allow depositors to stash their cash near the

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So mattress banks are moving in to fill the gap. Left with a substantial overstock by the housing bust in 2008, many mattress companies are converting their retail outlets into the proverbial safe place to keep your money. Dream Ease in Las Vegas offers several different plans. Customers can deposit their money in twin, double, queen and king size mattresses based on how much cash they have, and monthly fees, although they increase with mattress size, are considerably less than banks. Mattress banks have become so flooded with depositors fleeing commercial banks, they have been able to make a profit even with the modest fees they charge.

An old idea is undergoing a new revival.

“Lately we’ve had a lot of people who are keeping their money here simply as a protest,” said Kevin Harding of Sleep Craft in New York. “We’ve also been really big with Occupy Wall Street. When people storm the barricades with mattresses instead of rocks and bottles, I think it’s a sign of real progress.” 4

The bill also would allow tomato paste on pizzas to be counted as a vegetable, as it is now. The USDA had wanted to only count a half-cup of tomato paste or more as a vegetable, and a serving of pizza has less than that.

PIZZA: THE HEALTHIEST V E G E TA B L E A R O U N D

Nutritionists say the whole effort is reminiscent of the Reagan administration’s much-ridiculed attempt 30 years ago to classify ketchup as a vegetable to cut costs. This time around, food companies that produce frozen pizzas for schools, the salt industry and potato growers requested the changes and lobbied Congress.

by Mary Clare Jalonick, Associated Press

ho needs leafy greens and carrots when pizza and french fries will do? In an effort many nine-year-olds will cheer, Congress wants pizza and french fries to stay on school lunch lines and is fighting the Obama administration’s efforts to take unhealthy foods out of schools.

A group of retired generals advocating for healthier school lunches criticized the spending bill. The group, called Mission: Readiness, has called poor nutrition in school lunches a national security issue because obesity is the leading medical disqualifier for military service. “We are outraged that Congress is seriously considering language that would effectively categorize pizza as a vegetable in the school lunch program,” Amy Dawson Taggart, the director of the group, said in a letter to lawmakers before the final bill was released. “It doesn’t take an advanced degree in nutrition to call this a national disgrace.”

The final version of a spending bill released last November would unravel school lunch standards the Agriculture Department proposed earlier this year. These include limiting the use of potatoes on the lunch line, putting new restrictions on sodium and boosting the use of whole grains. The legislation would block or delay all of those efforts.

But school meals are subsidized by the federal government must include a certain amount of vegetables, and the USDA’s proposal could have pushed pizza-makers and potato growers out of the school lunch business.

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“This agreement ensures that nutrient-rich vegetables such as potatoes, corn and peas will remain part of a balanced, healthy diet in federally funded school meals and recognizes the significant amounts of potassium, fiber and vitamins A and C provided by tomato paste, ensuring that students may continue to enjoy healthy meals such as pizza and pasta,” said Kraig Naasz, president of the American Frozen Food Institute.

Good news, kids! The USDA has proposed that pizza be classified as a vegetable, enabling it to remain on school lunch menus. 5

Interior Design

The home of Jim and Carol Holland is one example that blurs the distinction between art and life. Jim is an artist who had a lucrative career as a graphic designer in San Francisco before he was laid off last May. Needing to cut their living expenses immediately, Jim and Carol packed up and moved to Grass Valley, California, a small town in the Sierra Nevada foothills. Jim, a fan of minimalism since his art school days, was still in love with the romance of the starving artist in a garret and saw his newly unemployed status as a chance to finally fulfill his dream. They took what was left of their savings, bought an old brick

LIVING ON NOTHING: THE RETURN OF M I N I M A L I S M by Blair Adams

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verything that’s old is new again, as the saying goes. Minimalism, an art movement popular in the ‘60s and spearheaded by such artists as Donald Judd and Dan Flavin, stripped painting down to simple, elementary colors and forms. It’s no accident that minimalism is undergoing a revival in these recessionary times, and its esthetic principles are being applied to all areas of life, from home decorating to cuisine.

Jim and Carol Holland outside their newly renovated home.

Perfect for these challenging times, minimalism shows how you can survive on almost nothing and still be on the cutting edge.

The living room couch makes creative use of straw.

Living Room

The straw couch is the highlight of the living room. When Jim and Carol needed to sell all their furniture, they had to come up with a solution to the problem of having no place to sit. Jim quickly fashioned a

storehouse and set out to remodel and redecorate it. With Carol, an elementary school teacher, also out of a job, Jim and Carol looked for ways they could stretch their weekly unemployment checks.

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So Jim ripped out the indoor plumbing, the central heating system and the appliances. With water available from a nearby creek, and the heating and cooking taken care of by a fireplace, they began to install their own fixtures. Though most of the rooms are Spartan with few items of furniture, Jim stands out for his radical remodeling and decorating innovations.

Omnibus I, one of Jim’s early works.

Art Many of Jim’s own works line the walls of the house. One of his favorites is simply an empty picture frame. “The emptiness in the center really makes a statement,” Jim said. “It’s a perfect metaphor for our times, morally, socially and intellectually.” And, as Jim observed, discarded pictures and picture frames are readily available from Dumpsters, especially at art supply stores, so anyone can have a minimalist interior that fits his or her taste. “If you really want to be on the cutting edge, you can even take this a step further and have nothing on the walls,” Jim said.

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couch out of straw and the dry grass he found growing wild around Grass Valley. Jim said, “It’s more Dada than anything else, but it’s useful. I like to pull out pieces of straw and pick my teeth.”

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The emptiness in the center really makes a statement. It’s a perfect metaphor for our times, morally, socially and intellectually. (continued next page)

minimalism, continued

LIVING ON NOTHING: THE RETURN OF M I N I M A L I S M

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Jim’s pure and simple esthetic extends to lighting. While recessed lighting may be the minimalist ideal, bare bulbs are a good alternative. They dominate every room in the house, especially in the guest bedroom, which Jim converted into a studio. The icky, eerie glow of these bulbs really brings out and complements the sparseness of the surroundings. “It’s important to remember,” Jim said, “that a concept such as minimalism encompasses the big picture. What people do in the house, what they eat, what they wear — l prefer paint-splattered clothes — is also a part of it. The residents have to be engaged in some type of creative activity; otherwise, it’s just a dump.”

The minimalist toilet is simple and easy to use.

Bathroom Fixtures

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The toilet in the master bathroom is the ultimate in minimalism—a simple hole in the floor. The hole leads to a composting bin down below. Composting toilets use no water, thus saving on water bills, and use sawdust or peat moss to promote aerobic decomposition. “It looks uncomfortable,” Jim said, “but it’s not. Sitting on the floor really helps you be in the moment and concentrate on what you’re doing. Some people sit on the throne and read. I just sit cross-legged on the floor and meditate.”

Innovative lighting accents Jim’s minimalist interiors.

Jim expects that the couple’s minimalist lifestyle will be taken to a whole new level once their unemployment checks run out. “Ideally, if you were a true minimalist, you wouldn’t have any kind of dwelling at all, you’d just live out in the woods naked. That’s not realistic for most people, including me,” he reflected. Nonetheless, minimalism remains the defining characteristic of his life and work said Jim, who also plans to take up professional fasting in homage to Franz Kafka’s short story “A Hunger Artist.”

Food A number of fine restaurants have opened serving this exciting new cuisine. For instance, Nada (nothing in Spanish) in New York has taken tapas preparation to a new level, serving Spain’s famous jamón serrano and innovative pasta dishes in classy, bite-sized portions.

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With the emergence of new nouvelle cuisine in late 2011, the minimalist movement extended itself to food and built on the precedent that nouvelle cuisine set over 40 years ago. Nouvelle cuisine was a method of French cooking invented in the ‘60s and ‘70s that emphasized light, fresh ingredients and an artistic, Japanese-influenced style of presentation. Unfortunately, as food writer Sudhir Kumar pointed out in FoodEditorials.com, “Many chefs and consumers alike did not grasp that lighter did not necessarily mean less,” and some chefs served microscopic, but very beautifully arranged portions that came to be seen as the epitome of fine dining.

Traditional jamón serrano is served with artistic flair.

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However, there have been detractors. At some restaurants, such as Four Leaves of Grass in Chicago, portions are often so tiny that customers need assistance finding them. “My God,” one customer complained, “I’d need an electron microscope to find my appetizer.” An even more radical movement, quantum dining, has portions sizes that have been compared to those of subatomic particles. But quantum dining is unlikely to gain a following, said Joe Hamilton, a food critic at The New York Times. “People still need subsistence. And as long as we’re in a recession, new nouvelle cuisine is here to stay.”

Pasta with manchego cheese and anchovy paste is Nada’s signature dish.

Now, however, what was initially a misinterpretation of a culinary movement has become the hottest trend in cooking since, well, nouvelle cuisine. Although a teaspoonful of prosciutto and three green beans would have been a joke a few years ago, in tough economic times, new nouvelle cuisine becomes an enlightened way to stretch your food dollar. Entrees usually cost $5 to $10, and diners like the idea that even on a limited budget, they can still eat out in style.

The 1 P ercent S tarts I ts O wn “Occupy” Movement by Stan Sinberg

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hile Occupy Wall Street has cast a lot of attention these past few months on the vast disparity in wealth between the “1 percent” and the “99 percent,” a new study reveals that just 13 percent of the top 1 percent control 78 percent of the 1 percent’s wealth. In response, an irate group of the 87 percent of the “bottom rung” of the 1 percent not in the top top tier has formed a new protest group objecting to this perceived injustice.

Occupy Tranquility protesters at a demonstration earlier this year.

Chanting “We are the 87 percent of the top 1 percent,” the protesters are demanding a more equitable distribution of the pie.

helicopters and parking outside the complex in stretch limousines. One demonstrator, Jonah Hook, shows up in his own personal submarine. “My house is ‘under water,’” he said. “Just not in the way a lot of the 99 percenters’ houses are under water.” Then Hook laughed, “Just kidding! I brought the sub because it’s better for waiting. I’m here for the long haul.” Another OT protester blasts Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone” 24/7 from his Mercedes-Benz sedan to drive the Tranquility residents crazy.

“Mind you, we’re not talking about the whole pie,” said Riley Lifer, an investment banker. “We’re not interested in those other 99 percent riffraff. We just think that the pie ‘crust’ should be evenly divided among the ‘upper crust’ and not tilted towards the ‘uber-crust.’” The prosperous protest consortium, known as “Occupy Tranquility,” is named after a $100 million 10,000 square-foot mountain estate overlooking Lake Tahoe, believed to be the most expensive piece of real estate in the U.S., and which contains, ironically or not, a grand staircase that’s a replica of the one on the RMS Titanic. Unlike their Occupy Wall Street counterparts who pitched tents in a park, the Occupy Tranquility demonstrators are protesting in opulent style, buzzing the mountain mega-estate in private jets, hovering above the private trout-stocked lake in

But members of “The Lucky 13 Percent” as the elite of the elite have come to call themselves, are fighting back. “Get a better government bailout!” one of the Lucky 13’ers yelled out to the protesters. “These whiners disgust me,” said Bing De La Rosa, a Tranquility resident. “Instead of flying around here protesting, why don’t they spend their time manipulating the stock market and then hiring a hotshot tax attorney to shelter their money offshore so that they don’t pay a single cent in taxes, like good, honest ultrarich people?”

“This is upper-upper class warfare, no doubt about it,” griped Bixby Candelabra, another Lucky 13’er. “Those plutocrats are nothing but a bunch of socialist billionaires.” But some members of the Occupy Tranquility group are hoping that their protests generate some sympathy for the plight of its cadre.

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Where is the outrage? This is not the America I grew up in.

SHEILA BAIR TO WRITE CHILDREN’S BOOK ABOUT FINANCIAL DOWNTURN by Blair Adams

“We’ve been unfairly maligned in the press,” complained underarm deodorant heiress Gertrude Fairweather. “The unmoneyed media lump all the 1 percent together, but the fact is that in the last 10 years, the gap between the ultra-ultra-ultra wealthy and the ultra-ultra-ultra-ultra wealthy has been growing at a record pace. But do you see any stories about this? No! Where is the outrage? This is not the America I grew up in.” Associated Press

The divide within the 1 percent has left many Republican politicians in a quandary. “It’s like seeing two of your children fighting,” said a congressman who wished to remain anonymous. “We love them both. We just want to see them come together, continue to fill our coffers and unite to heap disdain on the real enemy — the other 99 percent.”

Sheila Bair testifying before the House Financial Services Committee in 2009.

heila Bair, the former head of the FDIC, is writing a children’s book about the 2008 financial meltdown. The book, due out in early June, depicts credit-default swaps, collateralized debt obligations and other derivatives as monkeys, tigers and bears. The book is intended to familiarize the younger set with high finance.

Republican senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts has a possible solution to the infighting. “Next week I’m introducing legislation that raises the 1 percent’s share of the nation’s wealth from the current 40 percent to 44 percent, with the bulk of that increase going to the bottom 87 percent of the 1 percent. That should even it out a bit,” he said. But even before the senator was finished talking, Bixby Candelabra vigorously objected. “All I know is, if there’s money on the table, I want it,” he demanded.

“It’s important to teach kids about financial literacy and responsibility, she said. “Otherwise, crises such as 2008 will continue to recur.”

E Dr. Fasoldt cites Facebook’s track record for enacting social change after the incidence of child abuse plummeted following a worldwide Facebook initiative where users changed their profile pictures to cartoon characters. “Statistics don’t lie. The notion of changing profile pictures to cartoon characters originated in Greece and quickly spread around the world. In no time at all, hospitals and shelters stopped seeing abused children. Clearly, the effort that users put into this cause by substituting their own faces with cartoon faces translated into real and tangible gains for the children of the world,” he added.

Society’s Most Pressing Problems Can Be Solved by Facebook by Liz McDonald

s trend watchers have long suspected, Facebook users confronted with social, environmental and political issues who click “like” are having a positive impact on some of the world’s most pressing problems, such as the current economic downturn in the United States and Europe.

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Prior to Facebook, scientists, humanitarians and environmentalists from all walks of life had to rely on the government and venture capitalists to fund their research and social programs. With funding scarce, addressing these problems was slow, difficult and painstaking. Now, thanks to social media, things are starting to improve. “We were starting to see some forward momentum due to the user friendliness of the ‘like’ button, but then, once people went the extra mile and started changing their status updates, that’s when we began to feel like we could get a handle on some of our toughest social issues,” said Dr. Hubert Fasoldt, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago. “Clearly, the environmental degradation such as what we are seeing in the Gulf of Mexico following the British Petroleum disaster is going to take time to remediate through the use of the ‘like’ button, but in the area of poverty and unemployment, I think we are really starting to gain some traction.”

Dr. Hubert Fasoldt of the University of Chicago believes changing status updates on Facebook is the answer to many of the world’s problems.

Dr. Fasoldt and his graduate assistant Robin Hanley are eagerly waiting to see what Facebook users can do for the newly unemployed who are facing poverty and a lack of medical care for the first time. They theorize that with even less of a sacrifice than the cartoon characters initiative required, Facebook users could potentially “like” food right onto the tables of those who need it the most. Even more exciting, said Hanley, is what could happen if Facebook users went so far as to copy and paste a snippet of poignant written content into the “update status” field as a way of raising awareness. “I get chills just thinking about it,” Mr. Handley said.

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Terry Jones, a San Francisco–based employment counselor for multinational companies that have been forced into layoffs due to the down economy, frequently buoys his clients’ sinking spirits with stories of positive change brought about via Facebook initiatives. “I get where they are coming from. They are depressed and anxious. Their unemployment and health benefits eventually run out. But I remind them that it is only a matter of time before someone cuts and pastes a status update to raise awareness about the plight of the unemployed. Once it goes viral, it is pretty much a sure thing that something positive will happen. In a way, it is kind of like prayer, if you will,” he said.

Once it goes viral, it is pretty much a sure thing that something positive will happen.

Because of a status update that went viral, Leticia Weston now receives asthma medication.

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the idea of writing one of those little stories that people like to cut and paste as a status update on Facebook to raise awareness about different things. My story came from my heart, and people really empathized with my situation and wanted to help,” she said.

These positive stories from Facebook have not been lost on politicians or legislators, either. “Americans have always been problem solvers, and when life hands them lemons, they get busy and start making lemonade,” explained Speaker of the House John Boehner. “Through their use of the ‘like’ button, the American people have sent us a clear message: ‘Give us less government. We can take care of ourselves.’” Leticia Weston of South Kingstown, Rhode Island, had worked for American Power Consolidators as an administrative assistant for her entire adult working life when she was laid off a year and a half ago. Without her company-sponsored health benefits, she could not afford her asthma medication. “The rescue inhaler alone is crazy expensive, never mind the maintenance drug that I need to take every day just to breathe. Without those drugs, catching a cold could land me in the hospital. I looked for help all over the state and the answer was always ‘No.’ Then one day, I had

As luck would have it, Leticia’s status update went viral and landed on the desk of a marketing executive at the Pfizer Corporation in New York. Within days, the company had supplied her with the prescriptions she relies on. In return for their generosity, Leticia has allowed them to use her story in their annual report. “I’m still looking for a job, but at least I have a little breathing room,” she jokes. Spero.com, a social media marketing company based in Palo Alto, California, has also taken note of the positive trends that Facebook has ushered in. Mark Rich, marketing director at Spero.com, is currently working with programmers to finalize an app that will harness the power of Facebook, allowing businesses both large and small to simultaneously leverage their brand while bringing (continued next page) 13

FACEBOOK, continued

B A N K E R S’ NEW FASHION

about positive change. Code named MT1, the app is designed to tackle the problems of “high unemployment, home foreclosures, corporate misconduct, low-wage jobs, unplanned pregnancy and rickets with just one click,” in what a Spero. com press release describes as “a social game changer.”

by Blair Adams

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As Mr. Rich explained, “MT1 will engage the three secret weapons of Facebook: the ‘like’ button, the status update and the profile picture. So far, no one has invoked all three at once to enact profound social change. Corporations that use Facebook to reach their target audience are civic-minded, and they want to make the world a better place. All we have to do is give them the right tools.” Dr. Fasoldt and others like him in the social services remind us that without a safety net under them, the unemployed have nothing to lose by taking a page from Leticia’s book and resorting to writing their own status updates. “She did what she had to do. Without her medications, Leticia would surely have ended up having an asthmatic episode requiring medical intervention, which would have hastened her downward economic spiral. For many Americans, their only hope is that someone champions their plight and makes it go viral on Facebook,” he said.

he Occupy Wall Street protests have put investment bankers, hedge-fund managers and other Wall Street executives on the defensive, so they are taking increasingly painstaking, elaborate steps to avoid being recognized in public. Although these execs don’t want to be identified, anonymous sources have told Downsized Living that they have eschewed the usual business suits and ties in favor of more unconventional forms of dress. For some, wigs, hats and sunglasses still leave too much exposed, so many execs have opted for full-blown costumes, shown here by models. And the public reaction? “I don’t think anyone really notices,” said one source. “Every actor and his brother go to New York. People just think there’s a casting call somewhere.”

Mark Rich concurs with Dr. Fasoldt but added, “At the end of the day, if a corporation can help the individual the way Pfizer helped Ms. Weston, that’s even better. It’s a win-win situation.”

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