Downsized Living Fall 2012 by Downsized Living: The Magazine for the New America

DOWNSIZED

Living THE MAGAZINE FOR THE NEW AMERICA

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Vol. 2, No. 1 â&#x20AC;˘ Fall 2012

FAS HIO N A B LE B US H E S FO R SLEEP ING I N PA RKS

FALL ELECTION Mitt Romney Explains Why His Massachusetts Health Plan Would Never Work for America

DINING Delightful Thanksgiving Recipes: Hot Dog Stuffing, Twinkie Cake and More

ARTS & CRAFTS Contemporary Halloween Costumes for Kids

F R O M

T H E

This October marks the one-year anniversary of Downsized Living, and I am happy to say that this year, readership has nearly tripled. I also want to let you know that Downsized Living is always open to new contributors. Many who contact the magazine in order to subscribe also want to send in submissions. If you think you can write humor and parody, the news, unfortunately, provides an endless source of material. So go ahead; give it a shot.

E D I T O R

he economic news has been so depressing the past four years; it’s nice to be able to report something good for a change. One important news item that came up recently on the PBS NewsHour was the opening of Grameen America, an institution that could possibly help some of those affected by the economic downturn in the United States.

Also, if you click on “Subscribe” on the magazine’s website, you will receive e-mail notices when the new issue is online, as well as a list of recommended books, articles and blogs.

Grameen America is a division of Grameen Bank, which has been giving microloans to the poor in developing countries since 1983. Founded in Bangladesh by Muhammad Yunus, Grameen Bank has granted loans to millions of women to start their own businesses and lift themselves out of poverty. Mr. Yunus and the bank won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2006.

Because of the fall election, this issue features a satirical interview with Mitt Romney. In the interview, Mr. Romney explains, with striking insight, why his Massachusetts health plan would never work for the rest of the country. Subscriber and freelance writer Eileen Sembrot’s contribution, “Koch Brothers v. United States: What Will It Mean to You?” explores the potential consequences of the worst Supreme Court decision since Citizens United. And “iPadding the Bottom Line,” by Stan Sinberg, is a powerful examination of the working conditions at Apple’s Chinese subcontractors.

Recently Grameen Bank decided to turn its attention to the developed world and in 2008 opened offices in the United States. Grameen America has branches in eight cities including New York City, Oakland, Omaha and Indianapolis. Grameen America also has plans to expand into North Carolina and Puerto Rico.

I am also proud to debut the graphic designs of the fabulous Liz McDonald, a regular contributor to the magazine. Her talents are featured in “iPadding the Bottom Line,” “Contemporary Halloween Costumes for Kids” and “ads” for shopping cart covers and tent stakes. I would also like to introduce humorist and orchid breeder Molly Dugger Brennan, who offers funny and offbeat solutions to life in lean times in her column “Downsized Advice.”

The bank gives an average of $1,500 per loan and requires no collateral. Most of the loans go to women because they have a much better record of repayment. The NewsHour report detailed two women: one who started a laundry that was recently awarded a large government contract and another who started a successful decorations business. Granted, not everyone can become an entrepreneur, but Grameen America is a program that people here might benefit from, given the absence of any political will to do anything meaningful about unemployment. So if you or anyone you know are interested in a Grameen America loan, contact the organization at www.grameenamerica.org.

Most of all, I want to thank you, readers, for making Downsized Living’s first year a success. Don’t forget to vote, and have a very happy holiday season. 2

– Blair Adams

Volume 2, Number 1 • Fall 2012

FASHIONABLE BUSHES FOR SLEEPING IN PARKS

KOCH BROTHERS V. THE UNITED STATES: WHAT WILL IT MEAN TO YOU?

DOWNSIZED MARKETPLACE

ROMNEY ON OBAMACARE:

WHY HIS MASSACHUSETTS HEALTH PLAN WOULD NEVER WORK FOR AMERICA

iPADDING THE BOTTOM LINE

MY FAVORITE THANKSGIVING RECIPES

CONTEMPORARY HALLOWEEN COSTUMES FOR KIDS

DOWNSIZED ADVICE 3

FASHIONABLE BUSHES FOR SLEEPING IN PARKS by Blair Adams

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ou can camouflage your little hut in the park with green paint and branches all you want to, but the police seem to always have a way of finding it. Fortunately, many garden supply shops now sell attractive artificial bushes and shrubs that are excellent for sleeping in parks and are barely detectable.

Some shops sell extra-large shrubs that can accommodate small groups.

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live close to work and greatly reduce their expenses. Darryl McNulty, 35, a cashier at a Gap clothing outlet in Los Angeles, lives with his parents in Whittier, about 12 miles away, and sleeps in a local park. “It’s easy,” he says. “I just get to work early to brush my teeth in the bathroom; then I go home on weekends. I make twice as much as if I had a car and had to pay for gas. The only thing you really need to worry about is the dogs. Once this big Borzoi lifted his leg on me, but for the most part, it’s been great.” And because in some parts of the country parks are few and far between, these bushes are ideal for squatting in shopping malls, around office buildings and streets.

Live-in bushes are a good place to wind down after a hard day’s work.

“Nobody really notices” said Tom Ricci, 23, who recently graduated from the University of Virginia and is an intern at a consulting firm. “Although someone tried to water and fertilize me once.” In spite of the drawbacks, these nifty little bushes are swiftly becoming a creative path to upward mobility. “I’m going to use mine as a Christmas tree, come December,” said Mr. Ricci. “And this time I’ll be able to afford presents.”

Made of the same material as artificial turf, these abodes can stand up to virtually any weather condition and are also very light, making them easily transportable from place to place. That’s good news for many low-wage workers, who are now the fastest growing sector of the U.S. labor force. Many of these workers struggle with the high costs of transportation and housing, so these bushes are a low-cost option that allows them to 4

A F F A I R S

KO C H B R OT H E R S V. THE U NIT E D STAT ES: WHAT WI LL IT MEAN TO YOU?

I think the unemployment picture in real terms — including those no longer looking since most employers refuse to hire the unemployed — won’t change much at all. The reason is that many of the wealthy get most of their income from capital gains, which is already taxed at 15 percent. I don’t know why the Koch brothers even bothered.

by Eileen Sembrot

he impending Supreme Court decision, Koch Brothers v. United States, would cap taxes for the wealthiest Americans at 15 percent, possibly leading to dramatic cuts in public services and another significant rise in unemployment. What is your experience with unemployment now? Do you think the situation will get any worse? Downsized Living asked people in Denver, Colorado, what they think.

Darlene McGinnis Chicken Mascot

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Bill Malet Golf Ball Diver I don’t understand why unemployment is so high everywhere, even though the banks got another bailout in the latest crisis. But as for me, hey, I can’t complain. With more money at the top, there will be more golf courses. I guess trickle-down economics works!

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Karen Davidson Financial Analyst

A recruiting agency hired my son, Jimmy, last week. He’ll interview teenagers who’ll work as shoeshine boys and luggage carriers at the fancy hotels uptown. Jimmy said the teens are paid $3 an hour considering they also make tips. But you know how cheap some people can be. Last week one of them left a waitress $1 and wrote on the check, ‘Get a real job!’ My older son is working, though he hates the job. Entrapping all those poor people to buy marijuana from him so that the government can cut their benefits eats at him every day. But it’s either that or flipping burgers!

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N A T I O N A L

KOCH BROTHERS V. THE UNITED STATES, continued Ellie Bhattacharya Web Designer

I think it’s about time the government quit gouging everybody and left us alone.

So if you’re already down for the last count, what’s a little more unemployment? I think it’s outrageous that the president, apologizing to the banks for such slow economic growth the past eight years, allowed them to pay lavish bonuses to senior management.

“

– Rick Landry

Who can say what’s going to happen in the future? All I know is that a friend of mine just took a job for a wealthy businessman who wants a female at his apartment in Manhattan whenever he comes to visit. She’s having some trouble with the psychological effects of the work, so her employer added 80 mg. of Prozac to her daily wage. I thought that was pretty generous.

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Patricia Kunis Eyebrow Weaver

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Leo Clayton Sandwich Maker

Stan Sinberg/Crowden Satz

“

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I think it’s about time the government quit gouging everybody and left us alone. The Koch brothers ought to get the National Medal of Freedom if they win.

I think we’ll be just like the Greeks and the Spaniards — rioting and eating out of garbage cans. And just like in Europe, it won’t change a thing.

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Rick Landry Cashier

MARKETPLACE

These terrific products are going fast, so get ‘em while they last!

Liz McDonald

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R O M N E Y O N O B A M A C A R E : MITT ROMNEY EXPLAINS WHY HIS MASSACHUSETTS HEALTH PLAN WOULD NEVER WORK FOR AMERICA by Stan Sinberg

We’re here today interviewing Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Governor, thank you for your time. I’m glad to be here, as long as you’re asking me about issues I want to talk about and not about my taxes or “shiny objects” like foreign policy.

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Governor, you’ve vowed that on your first day as president, you would move to repeal the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare, even though it was modeled after the health care plan you enacted as governor of Massachusetts. Can you explain your position?

Mitt Romney believes President Obama’s health care plan would also encourage people to become alcoholics.

Of course. Obamacare is a socialistic government takeover that will lead to extreme health care rationing, like death camps and forced abortions. However, there are elements of Obamacare that I want to preserve and protect, like the part about “pre-existing conditions” as long as you’ve had continuous insurance coverage before you had that illness.

But you also oppose the plan on its merits? Of course! The reason that I oppose Obamacare is because my plan — Romneycare — was meant for Massachusetts. But every state is different. Massachusetts isn’t Mississippi. Mississippi isn’t Virginia. Virginia isn’t California, which isn’t France; although they do have a lot of “European” ideas out there in Berkeley. Do I make myself clear?

Again, governor, why are you opposed to Obamacare when you enacted a similar plan in Massachusetts that has been highly successful and popular?

Not exactly. My point is that what’s good for the goose isn’t necessarily good for the gander. People in Massachusetts take good care of themselves. Health is important. Have you been to Mississippi? There are lots of obese smokers

Well, first and most importantly, I’m against it because Obama is for it. If he says “stop,” I say “go.” If he says “potato,” I say “string bean.”

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ROMNEY ON OBAMACARE, continued with clogged arteries. Let’s just say “wide load” doesn’t only apply to big rigs! Maybe the people there like being sick, so who is the federal government to force them to go see a doctor?

i PADDI NG TH E B O T T O M L I N E by Stan Sinberg

I don’t believe Obamacare forces anyone to see a physician… You know, some people prefer waiting until they’re almost comatose and have to be wheeled into an emergency room for treatment with no resources to pay for it and then have health-care expenses go up for everyone else. They ought to have that choice. Who’s “they,” the indigent who visit emergency rooms or everyone else?

Liz McDonald/Stan Sinberg

Both! And for those with insurance, there are lonely, chronically ill folk out there whose entire lives revolve around arguing with their insurance companies over whether or not they were covered. Do you want to deprive these people of the only human contact they have? Well, not me! I’m a “people” person.

I just —

illions of Apple fans worldwide bought the iPad, enabling them to do almost anything. Unfortunately, the Chinese employees who make them can also do anything — as long as it’s work. Workers typically toiled 16 hour days, with one day off every two weeks — and slept in crowded dormitories on-site, so they could be summoned to work at a moment’s notice. In turn, they received wages that could barely buy an “Angry Birds” app. After a number of despondent workers killed themselves, it was reported that workers who were still alive (if you could call it living) were asked to sign “no suicide” pledges. (Anyone who committed suicide would be docked a day’s pay.) After the suicide penalty was exposed, Apple vowed to improve conditions and reduced the penalty to half a day’s pay. Now that’s progressive management!

And one more thing. Right now, there are a lot of people who know that if they get sick, it can mean economic ruin. So what does that mean? It means they are highly motivated to stay healthy! As soon as you give them universal health care — boom! They let themselves go, figuring they can just drink until they need a new liver, because they’re “covered.” As president, I am not going to endorse a health care plan that encourages people to drink themselves into a stupor. Has that happened in Massachusetts? No, but it would in Mississippi. Well, that’s about all the time we have, governor. Thank you. Thank you. 9

G HOT DOG STUFFING 1 pound all-beef hot dogs cut into 1/3 -inch pieces 1 pound pork-and-beef hot dogs cut into 1/3 - inch pieces 1 1/2 14 to 15-ounce loaves sourdough bread cut into 1/3 to 1/2 -inch cubes 2 tablespoons butter 1 14.1-ounce can of chestnuts 1 cup diced red bell pepper 2 cups chopped celery 2 cups chopped onions 1 cup dry white wine 1 1/2 cups low-salt chicken broth 1 1/2 cups pecan halves 1 teaspoon dried sage 1 /2 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1 /2 teaspoon black pepper

M Y F A V O R I T E T H A N KSGI VI NG RECI P E S by Blair Adams

‘ll never forget the cool, crisp Thanksgiving of 30 years ago at my stepmother’s parents’ house where, in a house full of aunts and uncles, kids and grandparents, my stepmother’s sister-in-law served her unforgettable hot dog stuffing. The taste of the hot dogs was strong and pungent, and it suffused the entire bird, almost overwhelming the taste of the turkey. It was a meal to remember and a tradition I have kept ever since.

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Arrange bread cubes on baking sheet and toast until cubes are golden brown, about 10 minutes. Place in large bowl and set aside.

Hot dog stuffing makes a perfect complement to candied yams with vinegar — another favorite recipe of mine — and is always a big hit with the kids. These recipes and the Twinkie cake my grandmother used to make have always made Thanksgivings at my house extra special. I have no doubt they will soon become a cherished addition to your holiday table.

Melt butter in a skillet over medium heat and sauté onions, bell pepper and celery until celery is soft and onions are translucent, about 5–10 minutes. Add wine, chestnuts and chicken broth and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to low and stir until the mixture thickens and the alcohol boils off. Add sage, pepper, nutmeg and stir. Add hot dog pieces and heat an additional 10 minutes, making sure the hot dogs are evenly coated. Combine with bread cubes and stir in pecan halves.

3. Fill turkey cavity with stuffing. Place excess in a buttered baking dish, cover with foil and bake along with turkey for 40 minutes.

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Makes 10-12 servings

Hot dog stuffing

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THANKSGIVING RECIPES, continued

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Twinkie cake

Candied yams with cider vinegar and bacon

CANDIED YAMS WITH CIDER VINEGAR AND BACON 1 /2 pound bacon 3 pounds yams or sweet potatoes 1 cup sugar 1 cup brown sugar 2 sticks sweet butter, cubed 1 1/2 cups cider vinegar

1. Place Twinkies in round baking dish. Pour pineapple and juice on top of Twinkies.

1. Fry bacon in skillet until crisp, then drain on paper towels. Set aside. 2.

2. Mix pudding according to package directions and let set until thick. 3. Mix together cream cheese, 1 cup of whipped cream and powdered sugar. Add to dish.

Place large pot of salted water on the stove to boil. Peel potatoes and cut into 1 1/2 -inch cubes. Place potatoes in boiling water. Add sugar, brown sugar and butter. Lower heat to medium and cook until potatoes are tender (about 30 minutes).

4. Spread pudding over mixture in dish. Top with can of whipped cream and a decorative cherry if desired. Place in refrigerator for at least one hour.

Makes 6-8 servings

3. When potatoes are tender and most of the water has boiled off, add vinegar. Crumble bacon into potatoes and serve.

Makes 8 servings

TWINKIE CAKE 1 13.5-ounce box of Twinkies (or enough to line baking dish) 1 8-ounce package cream cheese 1 cup plus 7-ounce can whipped cream 1 cup powdered sugar 1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple (in juice) 1 5.1-ounce box vanilla instant pudding

A R T S

C R A F T S

CONTEMPORARY H A L L O W E E N COSTUMES FOR KIDS by Blair Adams

hosts, witches and goblins are so passé! This Halloween has a more contemporary feel, and parents are dressing their little ones as creatures from the dark side. For the parents at least, these costumes hit a little bit closer to home.

Liz McDonald

At a party I went to, the kids loved dressing like grownups, throwing the ticker tape around and playing “Money Head.” Try it for a new twist on Halloween — I think your kids will get a kick out of it too.

D O W N S I Z E D

A D V I C E

by Molly Dugger Brennan

My husband and I have been arguing over whether the glass is half full or half empty. What’s the correct way to view the world? (P.S. We have a bet riding on your answer.) — Mrs. Pessimist

I dread going to my in-laws’ house for the holidays. The more wine that’s poured, the more they pick on me. What can I do? — Holiday Victim There are two ways to handle this situation short of divorce. One, drink more of their wine than they do, so you either don’t care about or can’t hear what they’re saying. Two, send a punching bag in your place while you stay home and watch old movies. I bet they won’t notice the difference.

Both are equally correct. I’m just impressed that you own a glass. My father-in-law needs to have gall bladder surgery immediately, but he does not have health insurance. We are at a loss as to what to do. Help! — Uninsured in Wichita Dress your father-in-law in a bear suit and take him to China. His gall bladder will be removed free of charge. The money spent for plane tickets and hotels will be much less than the $250,000 the operation would cost here, so you’ll still come out ahead. Note: I would give your father-in-law a few drinks first.

I was just fired from my job. Now after paying rent, I don’t have much left for anything else. I’m so hungry at times; I don’t know what to do. What do you suggest? — Skinny in Wisconsin Check the newspapers for upcoming funerals. Attend the service and the wake. Eat until you pop. If anyone asks how you knew the deceased, start sobbing and turn away.

I just love to entertain. Since I lost my job, I’m on such a tight budget I don’t see how I can throw parties like I used to. I don’t feel I’m being a proper hostess if I ask my guests to bring their own booze or a casserole. Is there any way I can entertain, be a good hostess and not blow my budget? — Martha Stewart Maybe

If funerals aren’t your cup of tea, become part of your local art scene. Art gallery openings are another terrific source of free food (and wine!). Most of the time the art isn’t anything to write home about, but don’t say anything mean — the artist is usually standing within earshot. Some people crash weddings, but that is so much harder to pull off because you will definitely have to engage in conversation, and there is often assigned seating. Art galleries and funerals are a hungry person’s best bet.

Go ahead and put out a lavish spread, just have it at an odd hour, such as 9 p.m. That way, most of your guests will have already eaten, and you can live off the leftover party fare for a month.