TSA MARCH 2016 by dtech

MAR 2016 ISSUE 19

NEWS • INTERVIEWS • EVENTS

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CONTENTS WHAT’S ON IN MARCH

THE HUNTERIAN COMIC EXHIBITION 32

WHAT’S ON IN UNIVERSITY

WHAT WE WOULD ALL LOVE TO SEE IN A DC/MARVEL CROSS OVER 32

GLASGOW INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL – THE HIGHLIGHTS 10 GLASGOW’S BEST RESTUARANT TAKEOVER 10 THE NEWBIES TO LOOK OUT FOR AT THIS YEAR’S COMEDY FESTIVAL 13 HAVE A LAUGH – STAND UP AGAINST MND MARK NELSON ON THIS YEAR’S COMEDY FESTIVAL 15 HILARIOUS GLASWEGIAN SAYINGS 16 THOSE FUNNY FOLK FROM GLAGSOW 16 FIVE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS ABOUT GLASGOW 17 FUTURE FEATURE - KAI HUMPHRIES 18 THESE WOMEN AREN’T JUST PRETTY FACES, THEY’RE HILARIOUS 19

R-RATED SUPERHEROS

SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA, – FILMS THAT DIDN’T GET A NOM AT THIS YEAR’S OSCARS 33 NEW HELLFIRE CLUB’S PICK OF THE MONTH – THE RONAYNES 34

AN INTEVRIEW WITH YEARS & YEARS IT’S ALL ABOUT TECHNO – TOP EVENTS THIS MARCH 36

Mark Nelson PAGE 15

Future Feature with Kai Humphries PAGE 18

Years & Years PAGE 35

The Dark Knight v The Son of Krypton Special PAGE 27

GLASGOW’S BOOMING TECHNO SCENE 37 THE ULTIMATE GIG GUIDE FOR MARCH 38 AN INTERVIEW WITH WOLF ALICE 40 THE YELLOW MOVEMENT – WHEN DID IT START, WHERE IS IT GOING? 42 TOP GIGS OF THE MONTH THIS MARCH 43

GLASGOW SHORT FILM FESTIVAL KICKS OFF THIS MARCH 20

BE AN EARLY BIRD THIS FESTIVAL SEASON

A GLASWEGIAN FESTIVAL FOR BOOKS! AYE WRITE! 21

GAMES AND GADGETS PICK OF THE MONTH 46

GET IN TOUCH E: info@thestudentadvertiser.co.uk T: 0141 222 2202 The Student Advertiser, Suite 3.3, Station House, St Enoch Square, Glasgow G1 4DF

SEASON PREVIEW AT THE CONSERVATOIRE 21

THE FIVE ZOMBIE GAMES TO CURE YOUR WALKING DEAD CRAVINGS 47

TO ADVERTISE E: advertise@thestudentadvertiser.co.uk T: 0141 222 2202

CLYDE 1 RECRUITMENT FAIR MARKS ITS FIRST YEAR 22

ONE DAY – A KANYE WEST PRODUCTION

WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES FOR CANCER RESEARCH 22 MARVELLOUS MUM – TIPS FOR MOTHER’S DAY 23 CHILDREN IN HORROR IS HORRIFYING 25 TOP MOVIES IN MARCH

THE DARK KNIGHT V THE SON OF KRYPTON OUR LIST OF THE BEST SUPERHERO MOVIES (OF ALL TIME) 30 THE MOST UNLIKELY HERO TEAM-UPS IN MOVIES 30 THE GREATEST MARVEL TEAM UPS 31

WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM FORMULA ONE IN 2016? 52 5 SONGS TO LISTEN TO BEFORE THE START OF THE NEW FORMULA ONE SEASON 52 FORMULA E: A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT 52 SPEEDWAY SEASON SET TO GET UNDERWAY 53

FIND US thestudentadvertiserglasgow MANAGING DIRECTOR Mark Ferguson mark@thestudentadvertiser.co.uk EDITOR Katie Jones katie@thestudentadvertiser.co.uk ONLINE EDITOR Courtney Hendry c.hendry@tsaglasgow.com LGBTI EDITOR Jonny Stone j.stone@tsaglasgow.com

THE GLASGOW OM YOGA SHOW

GAMES & GADGETS EDITOR Aidan Scott a.scott@tsaglasgow.com

A THOUGHT ABOUT DRONE RACING 54 WRESTLING – IT’S REALLY NOT FAKE 55 ICW BARRAMANIA II AT THE BARROWLANDS THIS APRIL

NEWS • INTERVIEWS • EVENTS

INTERVIEWS WITH

WOLF ALICE MARK NELSON YEARS & YEARS TSA_265x85.pdf

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MAR 2016 ISSUE 19

GLASGOW COMEDY FESTIVAL SPECIAL

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WHAT’S ON

WHAT’S ON IN MARCH

All the best events taking place this March...

GLASGOW INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL Every year the Glasgow International Comedy festival pulls in some of the biggest names in comedy to entertain Glasgow as the event takes over the city for three hilarious weeks. Frankie Boyle, Reginald D Hunter, Adam Hills, Shappy Khorsandi and Omid Djalili are just some of the high profile acts who will be taking to the stage during the festival. Local acts are always given a chance to shine at the festival and it’s a great way for new talent to showcase their work, check out our feature on page 13 to read our pick of the up-and-coming Scottish talent to look out for.

I WILL SURVIVE Forget flowers and chocolates this Mother’s Day, instead treat your mum to a fun night out at Oran Mor as last year’s sell-out hit musical I Will Survive returns on 6 March. Actually no, scratch that – get her the flowers and chocolates too, the lovely lady deserves them! The ‘all singing, all dancing’ production proves that a broken heart is easily mended with a smashing night out and great friends. Your mum will love singing along to the hits from the 70s, 80s and 90s and you’ll head straight to the front of the favourite child race.

THE VILLAGE STORYTELLING FESTIVAL The Village Storytelling Centre is a Glasgow-based charity all about people and language. They support people to find their voice and to shape and share their own stories. To mark their 15th anniversary, they’re holding the first-ever Village Storytelling Festival, which brings exciting performances from some of the best UK storytellers to the city from the 22-26 March. Highlights include the Devil’s Violin show, Forbidden Door and Tim Ralphs and Cat Gerrard’s The Four Chambers of the Heart.

GLASGOW RESTAURANT FESTIVAL Glasgow’s first city-wide Restaurant Festival will take place 1–17 April, with top restaurants and chefs across the city lined up to takeover a vintage Spiegeltent in the Merchant City at Candleriggs Square. Open from 12 noon-10pm daily, live entertainment will complement your dining experience. Entry is free with tickets being released soon.

GOODNIGHT MISTER TOM Goodnight Mister Tom returns! The Olivier Award winning production of Michelle Magorian’s inspiring story is brought to life in this very special stage adaptation by David Wood. Set in World War II, Goodnight Mister Tom follows evacuee William Beech, who forges a heart warming friendship with the elderly gentleman who’s taken him in, Tom Oakley. Goodnight Mister Tom will be at Theatre Royal from 8-12 March.

BAILE AIR BHOIL: NITEWORKS & THE ELEPHANT SESSIONS Niteworks, a ‘Celtic and Electronic music fusion’ from the Isle of Skye, are heading to the QMU on 10 March for their first Glasgow gig since releasing their acclaimed debut album NW. The four-piece blend traditional music and the Gaelic language with electronic influences to create a contemporary, unique sound. On the night they’ll be joined by The Elephant Sessions, an award winning neo-trad quintet from the Highlands. The groups both easily demonstrate how traditional music can be used to create an exciting, new sound.

AYE WRITE FESTIVAL From the 10-20 March, Glasgow’s Book Festival returns for another 10 days of big-name events and interesting discussions, along with Wee Write! for the little ones and this year it has some exciting new features, including Aye Con! – a celebration of comic books, graphic novels and gaming. As usual, the festival also attracts plenty of famous faces. Headliners this year include the leaders of Scotland’s main political parties, as they share ‘The Books That Made Me’; Cosmopolitan agony Aunt, Irma Kurtz, discussing ‘My Life in Agony’; and Scottish author Christopher Brookmyre, who returns with his brand new thriller ‘Black Widow’. See full preview on page 21

As always, the festival offers plenty of unique events. This year’s include film screenings at Govanhill baths; discussions on comedy, women, feminism and more with Standard Issue; the role of satire, with the Sunday Herald; and our personal highlight, You Only Hurt The Ones You Love, a ‘comedy experiment’ in which participants pay whatever they like on the door (£0.01 upwards) to have 60 unbroken seconds to make a comedian laugh – succeed and you’ll take home all the total amount made from the door.

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

GLASGOW SHORT FILM FESTIVAL Described by Director Matt Lloyd as a “declaration of war on all boring films”, the 9th annual Glasgow Short Film Festival is set to be the boldest yet, as it’s filled with films which seek to transgress limits of morality, convention or expectation’. Aside from the Scottish Short Film and Audience Awards and the premiere of Lost Treasure, highlights of the festival, which runs from 16-20 March, include reworkings of Hollywood classics and Focus On Syria, a deeper collective truth about life ‘in the shadow of war’. See full preview on page 20.

BRITISH CHAMPS TIER 1 TRIPLE HEADER On 26 March, four brilliant roller-derby teams will come to Glasgow to play for the title of British Champion at the ARC health and fitness centre. There will be three games on the day with Glasgow’s ‘The Irn Bruisers’ taking to the track twice, opening and closing the event. The action packed day will also see Glasgow host the Newcastle and Royal Windsor’s bout. With four great teams, three action packed games and (back by popular demand) the famous cake stand, it’s set to be a brilliant day.

GLASGOW WORLD CUP GYMNASTICS Many of the world’s best gymnasts will blow us away on with their impressive performances at the Glasgow World Cup, when it returns to the Emirates Arena on 12 March. World Champion, Max Whitlock; fivetime Commonwealth Games Champion, Claudia Fragapane; and World Championships silver medal winner, Daniel Purvis, are all set to compete and the event is one of the last chances to see ‘the heroes’ of Glasgow’s World Championships perform before they head to the Rio 2016 Olympics.

NEW HELLFIRE CLUB CARNIVAL If you’re approached by a clown in Glasgow anytime soon, try not to freak out! It’s probably just one of the New Hellfire Club team handing out flyers, some of which have free tickets attached, for their Carnival of the Dark Acts event at Ivory Blacks on 31 March. The big circus themed event stars Joe Bone and The Dark Vibes, The Courtesans, Wolf Ruby, Theremin Hero, The Death Do Us Part Danger Show, and more. They’ll also have burlesque acts, crowd magic, knife throwers and other circus inspired surprises thrown in for good measure.

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WHAT’S ON

A NEW FESTIVAL IS LAUNCHING IN GLASGOW THIS MARCH BUILD YOUR OWN LEGO UNIVERSITY OF GLASGOW

MILLIONS HEAD TO SCOTLAND’S TOP TOURIST ATTRACTIONS

A University of Glasgow electrical engineering graduate, Peter Johnston, has created a LEGO version of the university’s main building, along with some of the best architectural sights of the city. Aside from the university building, the proposed Lego set includes the Kelvingrove Museum and Art Gallery, the Gallery of Modern Art (complete with the Duke of Wellington Statue and iconic traffic cone), the Finnieston Crane, a typical tenement flat, the Squinty Bridge (Clyde Arc) and the Glasgow Science Centre Tower, which Johnstone notes is ‘true to life, this one also doesn’t rotate’. The former student has submitted it to the Lego Ideas website and needs 1,000 supporters before the company will take it to the next stage, the current total supporters at the time of writing is 162. Johnston adds on the Lego Ideas website that the model would be, “a great addition to any home with a love for Glasgow or Scotland”, and he would love to see it as an addition to the Architecture series.

According to new research conducted by Glasgow Caledonian University’s Moffat Centre for Travel and Tourism, seven Scottish tourist attractions achieved more than one million visitors in 2015. Edinburgh Castle remains Scotland’s most popular attraction overall and visits to the top ten attractions increased by 5% in 2015, which followed a strong year for tourism in 2014 with the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, Ryder Cup and Homecoming 2014. Edinburgh’s museum and heritage offerings continue to attract record numbers of international and domestic visitors and Glasgow is breaking records as the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum and the Riverside Museum maintaining over a million visitors. Loch Lomond Shores, which has an ever growing range of offers extending well beyond retail, has now joined the ‘one-million club’ and the Helix and Falkirk Wheel provided a combined appeal to 1.3 million visitors in 2015.

DECLARATION is taking place at the Centre for Contemporary Arts (CCA) from 3-6 March and will feature 30 events which will include a mixture of film screenings, performances, debates, workshops and provocations. Each of

these events is inspired by one of the 30 articles in the 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights, with a focus on how human rights and the right to health come alive in Scotland today. The festival is the result of a partnership between NHS Health Scotland, the Mental Health Foundation, the Health and Social Care Alliance Scotland and the Centre for Health Policy at the University of Strathclyde. These organisations have come together as part of Scotland’s National Action Plan on Human Rights (SNAP). The SNAP themes of ‘Better Culture, Better Lives and Better World’ have shaped the programme and the event itself is part of an on-going commitment to the right to health and social care in Scotland. It also builds on the First Minister’s vow to ‘do even more, even better on incorporating human rights in Scotland’. Events from the festival include an event led by the People’s Health Movement on 4 March, which explores the meaning of the right to an adequate living standard; an interactive workshop, facilitated by Interfaith Scotland, that looks at a range of recent examples from British life when the freedom of thought and religion was in tension with other important freedoms; an evening of provocations, poetry, theatre, music and spoken word on 6 March, from several Scottish-based artists and activists who follow on from Poet Jenny Lindsay and performer Harry Giles’ exploration of the conflict between the right to work and the right to leisure and a summary event on 6 March which serves as an opportunity for the audience to discuss all of the themes explored during the DECLARATION festival with experts in human rights and health from across Scotland. Single event and day tickets, which are all free, are available from www.declarationfest. com/tickets.

GCU LAUNCHES SOCIAL INNOVATION PROJECT Glasgow Caledonian University (GCU) have launched ‘Common Good First’, a platform for community social innovation. The community-driven global network will work as a digital exchange of grassroots solutions to pressing social problems both in the UK and around the world. GCU have been working with the Centre for Social Entrepreneurship at the University of Johannesburg on a six-month pilot to identify community projects both in Glasgow and the Gauteng province in South Africa which can benefit from the platform by being brought to life through video, social media, the web and digital storytelling tools. Fear Free Life, a Johannesburg group working on crime prevention; Freedom Bakery, which provides prisoners with employability skills; Drumchapel’s G15 Youth Project and Soweto’s Kliptown Youth project are some of the youth and education initiatives that have been selected for the project.

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

THE CREATIVE CITY FESTIVAL CONTINUES INTO MARCH STRATHCLYDE UNIVERSITY RESEARCH FINDS GROWTH IN SCOTLAND IS SET TO SLOW FURTHER

Growth in Scotland is set to slow further with falling oil prices having a net negative impact on Scotland compared to the rest of the UK, according to the latest Economic Commentary from the University of Strathclyde’s Fraser of Allander Institute, sponsored by PwC. The Institute argues that the main positive influences on Scotland’s economic growth are that domestic demand is still growing, domestic inflation is close to zero, interest rates remain low and household demand is boosted by some pick up in wages and earnings and external demand for goods and services is being boosted by the continued resilience of the US economy and a gradual pick-up in growth in the Eurozone as the risks of deflation appear to recede. The low price of oil is producing a drag on Scottish growth, with the negative supply effect outweighing a positive demand effect – and this is being sustained by the longer than expected delay in the recovery of oil prices which is dampening overall investment expenditure. PHENOMENON OF ROGUE WAVES SIMULATED BY UNIVERSITY OF STRATHCLYDE SCIENTISTS USING LASER LIGHT.

The phenomenon of ‘rogue waves’ in oceans – which are capable of destroying ships – has been simulated by physicists at the University of Strathclyde, in models of laser light. University of Strathclyde scientists have simulated the phenomenon of ‘rogue waves’ in oceans, which are capable of destroying ships, in models of laser light. The brief duration of rogue waves, which are high walls of water which rise up swiftly and then vanish without a trace, and the vast scales involved means it’s been difficult to investigate and their origin remains under debate. However, the Strathclyde researchers from the university’s department of physics, have presented a new mechanism for studying the formation of rogue waves and have been able to recreate their emergence, the interaction of the underlying forces and their “annihilation” when they disappear using much smaller configurations and much shorter time scales. The researchers have noted that the model is universal and could be used to help devise methods to predict the occurrence of rogue waves, which could improve maritime safety.

After kicking off on February 29th, the Creative City Festival continues to run until 11 March with various events taking place across the different City of Glasgow campus, as well as other external venues across Glasgow. Students of City of Glasgow College have created and developed a variety of events from drama, to art, poetry, literature, music and more. Events on offer at the festival include ‘Mummy Issues’, a drag show and LGBT awareness event on 6 March; Greek comedy play, Lysistrata, on 8 March about one

woman’s mission to end the Peloponnesian War by persuading the women of Greece; a murder mystery evening on 9 March, solve the crime to win a prize; a comedy improv night, also on 9 March and ‘Scotland Say’s Action’, which is a film evening on 10 March, showcasing Sunshine on Leith and Braveheart. Developing and running a quality festival like this is a test of the student’s enterprise skills and would challenge even the most entrepreneurial of minds, so Bridge 2 Business have been in the college with the Scottish Institute for Enterprise (SIE), supporting the students with sessions on Event Planning using the business model canvas tool. Bridge 2 Business have also sponsored the event this year and all student event groups have been given the opportunity to apply for their Bridge 2 Business grant. This offers financial and mentoring support to student ideas. It also allows entrepreneurial young minds to gain skills, test their ideas and develop an insight into what it takes to succeed in enterprise with a small budget to manage. Tickets for the event are usually available on the door, however for advance ticket enquiries contact CreativeCity2016@gmail. com.

GET YOUR GAME ON! – TEST YOUR GAMING MIGHT BY PARTICIPATING IN COGC GAMECON The day is Tuesday, 8th of March. The time is 10am. Your mission is to thrash your competitors by taking part in GameCon. As part of this year’s Creative City, City of Glasgow College will be hosting GameCon. This event will allow keen and competitive gamers to come and battle it out with other gamers. Fifa 15, WWE 2K15, Need for Speed, Injustice: Gods Among Us and Star Wars: the Force Unleashed are just some of the games that will be playable on the day. Of course, Mario Kart will be on the big screen. Get on Rainbow Road and start practicing! Make yourself unstoppable and you could win a fantastic prize. So what prizes are available for the best gamers with the highest scores? Well, there’s a Starbucks gift hamper and a box of Thorntons chocolate. Tattoo studio Do or Die has also provided gift vouchers for winners. There will also be cash prizes and more. Max Norrie is one of the event’s organisers. Although he’s not sure how many people will attend GameCon, he knows that there won’t be a lack of passion at the event. “We are looking for highly competitive players as it will make the competition more and more exciting. I just hope people do not start throwing couches about.” Think about it, have you ever had a civil night with Mario Kart involved? If yes, you’re playing wrong. Expect intense, but fun, competition. GameCon will take place in the Students

CITY OF GLASGOW COLLEGE TO PROMOTE GENDER EQUALITY City of Glasgow College has been awarded a prestigious contract to promote gender equality in the engineering sector. Working in partnership with Equate Scotland, the collaboration will support the college’s pioneering work in promoting gender equality whilst reinforcing its commitment to supporting the development of a diverse Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) workforce. Over the next 12 months, the college will deliver over 25 work placements and internships for female trainees. The college has a view to support over 50 individual employers by developing vocational pathways for aspiring female engineers and a number of events have been planned in partnership with employers, educational institutes and third sector organisations to help achieve this. The partnership will be delivered through the College’s Industry Academy model which channels the college’s curriculum and staff expertise, along with external industry partner collaboration, to meet the needs of learners and employers.

GLASGOW STUDENTS ORGANISE GIG WITH UP-AND-COMING ACTS

Association in the Townhead Campus and entry for gamers is £5. On arranging the event, Max said, “The event was easy to arrange. We all decided on a time and date, prices and Ian [Gilmour, Student President] was very helpful with the venue. He has worked endlessly to get the consoles working to full potential etc. The difficult part was getting sponsored by companies and getting them to endorse the event. They get hundreds of requests every day so it was difficult to separate ourselves from the rest but we managed it with as previously mentioned, Starbucks etc.” So if this all goes well, maybe GameCon will become a yearly event for the college. And why would it not go well? It’s games and cool prizes. City of Glasgow College students, bag yourself a ticket and hop along to by Holly Fleming GameCon! Twitter: @hol7ly

h.fleming@tsaglasgow.com

Flying by Mirrors, The Cairds and The Snuts are to play legendary Glasgow venue Nice N Sleazy at a student run gig. The event, City Radio Live Presents: Common Indie, has been put together by seven HNC Radio students from City of Glasgow College, with the help of industry expert, Keren McKean. This enterprise, which is sponsored by The Studio tattoo and piercing parlour, will help the students develop their entrepreneurial skills whilst also widening their music business knowledge. Catriona Lauder, a member of the student group, said planning the gig has allowed her to consider other career options: “At the beginning of this course I was interested in going into the radio industry but after having this opportunity I’m now more interested in looking into event planning further.”

GLASGOW COMEDY FESTIVAL THE HIGHLIGHTS

of humour and appreciation for culture, it didn’t take long for the council to realise the potential benefits, and thus the GICF was born. This year looks set to be one of the best yet, with an array of funny people set to leave their imprint on the city’s funny bone. Warning: they may cause fits of uncontrollable laughter, with regular trips to the toilet being advised as cautionary.

Glasgow will be a hotbed of laughter this March, as comedians from all around the world descend on the city for 18 days of shenanigans, kicking off on March, 10. Yes, the Glasgow International Comedy Festival is upon us once again, celebrating its fourteenth year and taking place across 42 venues with a confirmed 420 shows set to take place. From some of the most well-established names on the scene, to the hottest up and comers, and the best local talent, there’s a lot of guaranteed laughs to be had. Whether with friends, family, significant others or even by your lonesome,

the variety of entertainment is so rich that there’s something for all audiences to enjoy. Throughout the years, the Glasgow International Comedy Festival has welcomed some of the best names in comedy, showcased some unique events and garnered a reputation as being one of the best events of its ilk on the planet. It’s Europe’s largest comedy festival, starting off initially as a pipedream by members of The Stand; the club has a ticklish reputation as being one of the best clubs in the UK, and combined with Glasgow’s brilliant sense

This year’s event promises a mixture of treats, with stand-up gigs, theatre shows and panel discussions just a few of the features being advertised. It all kicks off with a star studded opening weekend; featuring appearances from highly acclaimed comics such as the hysterical Dylan Moran, who has been one of the most beloved comedians on the circuit for over 20 years. In 1993 he won the “So You Think You’re Funny Award?’’ award at the Edinburgh Festival and has enjoyed a successful career ever since, whether on stage or on screen, having branched over into television and feature films, including the classic sitcom Black Books and the recent dark comedy Calvary. Moran’s appearance is hotly anticipated, and sure to be one of the best nights of pure entertainment one will ever experience. Renowned for his sharp wit, self-deprecating

WHAT’S ON

humour and drunkenly intelligent social commentary, he’s a one-of-a-kind act and a true master of the craft. In addition to Moran, there are a host of other spectacular stars billed to perform opening weekend. Romesh Ranganathan, Russell Kane and Ashleigh Storrie, whose shows will undoubtedly sell-out in no time. On top of seeing those hilarious comedians, there will also be a sketch show from the all-female, grassroots comedy movement Witserface and an appearance from Bob Slayer’s Blundabus for the younger attendees. So whether you’re looking for a traditional stand-up show, or something a bit different for the whole family to enjoy, the opening weekend isn’t short of options. The Festival will also once again host America Stands Up! This, as the name indicates, is to showcase some of the best stand-up attractions from the other side of the Atlantic. This year’s comedians include Marlena Rodriguez, one of the genius minds behind hit Netflix comedy series The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. However, as a stage comedian, she rides in on a wave of high praise, after being described as “sly, crazy, and sassy’’ by The New York Stage. Joining Marlena will be Sean Patton, whose live act has taken him to festivals all around the world, as well as working extensively with the likes of Amy Schumer, Jimmy Fallon and Conan O’Brien. His act has been critically acclaimed for turning the mundane into side-splitting hilarity, making every day

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Glasgow’s Comedy Festival is dripping with comical talent and events – and with the festival taking shape it seems nothing in Scotland’s best city can escape from it. Even your food will be funny with the Best Restaurant Takeover, which is taking place from Friday 11th March to Sunday 13th with shows beginning at 4:00pm and lasting until 8:45pm. Organised by comedian Bob Slayer, he and his big red BlundaBus which doubles as an impressive 45 capacity venue complete with bar and saloon will be marooned in Cangleriggs, Glasgow as part of Glasgow’s International Comedy Festival – hosting three nights of entertainment for families or people who’ve just missed the number 2 bus via Parkhead. Kicking off Friday 11th at 6:00pm the BlundaBus will host ComedyOpoly – a chance to play board games with comedians and has previously proved to be a fan favourite at Fringe Festivals. Following this Phil Kay will perform his show MegaBusy, described by The Herald as: “emotionally charged and visceral story telling.” Ending the night will be Bob Slayer’s, Never mind the Bus Stops; a storytelling show where anything can happen. Stories, gossip, the late night after show is not for the faint of heart

and is face to face intimate with one of the funniest men you’ll meet on a bus in Glasgow. For the kids, the 4:00pm show How to Drive a Bus will feature on Saturday and Sunday only, giving you a chance to catch a pint while comedians teach children how to operate several tonnes of machine. With The Skinny calling the experience: “The Future of the Fringe” and a reputation of being the wackiest and most gut busting pop-up comedy experience on four wheels you’d be daft to miss this stop!

by Connor Tollan Twitter:

@Mr_ConorTollan9

c.tollan@tsaglasgow.com

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

routine seem like larger than life theatrics. Capping it off for our American counterparts will be Dave Hill, a fearless comedian, writer and musician who frequently performs in prisons; in addition to the multitude of festivals and shows he’s booked for in safer environments. Furthermore, his writing credits include Adult Swim and Comedy Central, along with publications such as VICE and The New York Times. On March 14, the Kings Theatre will be hosting an extravaganza, with all proceeds made being donated towards Motor Neuron Disease Research. Gordon Aikman, a patient unfortunately suffering from MND is raising funds to try and find a cure for this disease so future patients can beat it; this brave man is seeing out his final days combatting the illness that’s killing him, while providing an entertaining night of comedy with a bill of fine UK talent confirmed to appear, including Scottish icon Fred MacAuley, alongside Larry Dean, Susie McCabe, Gary Little, Mark Nelson, Micky Bartlett and Scott Agnew. Furthermore, there’s a special mystery guest also set to attend who will be revealed on the night. Laughs are guaranteed, but the cause at hand goes far beyond spectacle and by attending and having fun, you could be helping research into treating MND reach a breakthrough. Headlining the festival will be some of the scene’s heavyweight performers. Reginald D. Hunter is one such enigma with prowess

set to touchdown in Glasgow for the event. Hunter is a household name in the UK – perhaps even more so than he is in his homeland across the pond. Having made a name for himself on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Road Show a few years ago, he’s since went on to appear on various television comedy shows and carve himself a niche as one of the most original and funniest comedians working today. Another popular name set to grace the stage is Mark Watson, whose wide body of work has seen him become a successful television personality, a radio presenter and novelist; his comedy work has translated over to a variety of mediums, and his show isn’t one you’ll want to miss. Others set to appear include Bridget Christie, Adam Hills, Paul Merton, Rob Delaney and more. The Glasgow International Comedy Festival runs from 10th-27th of March, and offers a diverse range of entertainment, from gigs to shows and activities. All lovers of comedy will want to mark some of these shows on their social calendar. Events such as this are what makes Glasgow one of the best cities in the world when it comes to culture, and the cheerful atmosphere will be a welcome distraction from work, studies and the mundane routines that make us need a good laugh. by Kieran Fisher Twitter:

@HairEverywhere_

k.fisher@tsaglasgow.com

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MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

GLASGOW INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL NEWBIES The Glasgow International Comedy Festival attracts some of the biggest – and funniest – performers to the city each year but it also serves as an opportunity for up-andcoming comedians to debut their work and showcase their talent. Here’s our pick of the five newcomers to check out at this year’s festival, get tickets whilst they are still cheap – we predict it won’t be long until they’re (deservedly) charging much more...

The recently married performer, known for his carefree style, resents adulthood, fears if there’s an after life, thinks he might not fit in and questions whether he’s still chasing his dream, or just too lazy to get a proper job. After his brilliant performance on Russell Howard’s Stand Up Central we think comedy should definitely be considered his ‘proper job’. When: 12 March 21:15 Where: Blackfriars Basement Price: £9/£7

you’ve not seen it yet) and now they are hitting the road for their debut Scottish show. In 2015, they crowdfunded to raise enough money to film a pilot for their new sitcom idea ‘Storydweller’. David Mitchell called the trio from Newcastle, “very funny indeed”. So catch them live now, before they secure their dream gig – their very own comedy series – and make it big. When: 19 March 21.30 Where: The Griffin Price: £5/£4

ROBIN GRAINGER – Robin Grainger has

Christopher is no stranger to the Glasgow comedy circuit and appeared at the festival last year in a joint show with Craig Johnstone. However, now he’s going it alone with his debut show, Sweetheart. The young Scottish comedian reached the finals of So You Think You’re Funny and Scottish Comedian of the Year in 2014 and was nominated for Best Newcomer at the Scottish Comedy Awards in 2015, so we’re pretty confident his debut show, described as “the stand-up equivalent of a fifties rock ‘n’ roll song; lovelorn, raw, and heavily influenced by far more talented black artists”, will be worth every penny. When: 17 March, 20:30 Where: The Hug and Pint Price: £5/£4

WITSHERFACE – This Glasgow based comedy collective of the best female comedy writers and performers in Glasgow provides opportunities for funny women to thrive and it’s proving an extremely popular concept as their debut sketch comedy show, Funny How, has been met with phenomenal demand, leading to extra tickets being released. It features fresh young talent from the city and plenty of famous faces including Karen Dunbar, Elaine McKenzie Ellis and Maureen Carr. Funny How will feature 56 fast fire sketches, with a meet and greet and Q&A after the show. When: 11/12 March 19:30 Where: Saint Luke’s Price: £7/£5

been a busy guy. In the past year, he’s been over to South Africa to perform a successful run of gigs, he had a sold out show at the Edinburgh Fringe, he was hand-picked to support Tom Stade on his theatre tour of the UK, he performed on BBC’s ‘4 Extra Stands Up’ and he headlined The Stand’s famous ‘Red Raw’ night – like we said, it’s been a busy year for Robin. Thankfully he’s had enough time to put together an hour’s worth of ‘funny and uplifting’ comedy and has described it as the best writing he’s ever done. Robin will also be donating the show proceeds towards a voluntary, locally funded counselling organisation close to his heart, making this the perfect opportunity to watch a confident young performer and support charity, consider it your good deed done for the day. When: 10 March 19.15 Where: Yesbar Price: £5/£4

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WHAT’S ON

HAVE A LAUGH

STAND UP AGAINST MND

MND patient and campaigner Gordon Aikman has enlisted a small army of comedians to help him raise money and combat the disease. One goal of Glasgow’s 2016 Comedy Festival is to raise half a million pounds to

help fight MND. What is MND? It’s a heavy one, for sure. Motor neurone disease attacks the nerves in the brain and spinal cord. This leads to messages to the muscles not sending. That, in turn, leads to weakness and wasting.

MND is savage and fatal – on average, MND kills six people every day. On the flip side, six other people receive their diagnosis. A third of people diagnosed with the disease die within a year. Half of people with MND die within two. At the moment, there is no cure. Robert Aikman was 29 when he found out he had MND, and is aware of the fact that he is dying fast. He knows that it may be too late for him, but he wants to make a change for the next generation. He has made a list of actions the Scottish Government can take to improve the care for MND patients and find the cure. Three of his seven actions have met their goals – the next actions on his list are paying carers a living wage. He also aims to see a double in research funding going towards the cure for MND. So here’s the goal – raise £500k during the event, Stand up for MND. Aikman raised £25,000 last year. He’s confident he’ll meet his target this year thanks to the help of so many fantastic comedians. “I’m delighted that so many amazing comedians are coming together to help fund a cure for MND,” said Aikman. “Last year’s show raised a bucket load of cash for MND research and I’m confident we can raise even more this year. “Every ticket gets us closer to that £500,000 fundraising target.” So who are these amazing comedians you ask? Well, the line up now consists of Fred MacAulay, the compére for this event. Larry

Dean, Susie McCabe, Gary Little and Scott Agnew will be performing alongside him. Ireland’s brightest new Star Mickey Bartlett will also be performing. Mark Neslon, the man considered to be the UK’s most exciting emerging comedy act will be there. A special comedy TV star will also be making an appearance, but you won’t know who that is until the night of the show. The compére, Fred MacAulay, said, “The show’s going to be a great laugh for a great cause. Every pound raised is progress towards a cure for this terrible disease so get your tickets now!” A person’s risk of getting MND in their lifetime is up to one in 300. That’s equal to one person in your average cinema screen. Iain McWhirter, Head of Fundraising and Volunteering at MND Scotland, said, “MND kills. Tragically, we still don’t know why people get it, how to prevent it or cure it. Through research we can understand the disease better and then defeat it once and for all. “Research is expensive so without fundraisers like this we wouldn’t be able to make nearly as much progress in tackling MND.” So on March 14th at 7.30pm head to Kings Theatre. Tickets are £21 and this is not an event to miss. All the funds raised will go to the fight against and the search for a cure for MND. by Holly Fleming Twitter:

@hol7ly h.fleming@tsaglasgow.com

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MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

The legend is back – the multi award winning Scottish comedian Mark Nelson is returning to Glasgow’s International Comedy Festival. Dark and brilliant, this man’s stand up show is not one to miss. Nelson started performing in 2005 but he wasted no time in earning the Scottish comedian of the year award in 2006. He’s considered to be one of the UK’s most exciting and significant comedy acts and on Saturday 12th of March he’ll be performing at the Stand in Glasgow. The event is for over 18’s only, because again, his brand of comedy is particularly dark. Tickets are £12 and concession is £10. You can buy tickets at glasgowcomedyfestival.com or call 0844 873 7353. ARE YOU EXCITED TO BE PLAYING AT THE FESTIVAL AGAIN? Yes always love playing the Glasgow Comedy Festival. COULD YOU TELL US ABOUT THE THINKING BEHIND YOUR NEW SHOW? My new show is gonna be all the thoughts I’ve come up with over the past 12 months. There’s never really a theme for anyone’s show in Glasgow unless it’s an act that is on tour. People are just there to hear someone be funny for an hour. HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH JOKES? WHERE DO YOU FIND THE INSPIRATION FOR THEM? IS IT A EASY PROCESS OR IS IT MORE TIME-CONSUMING? It is a question that is honestly impossible to answer. Things just come to you from what you observe in your own life, on the bus, in the news. I find it a difficult but ultimately rewarding process.

5 Minutes with....

MARK NELSON [ih2389] Soho The Student Advertiser Advert march 16.pdf

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YOU’RE PLAYING YOUR NEW SHOW TO GLASGOW AND THEN AT THE FRINGE IN EDINBURGH, ARE THERE ANY ADAPTATIONS YOU’LL MAKE TO IT BETWEEN THE TWO CITIES? Like I said earlier Glasgow always feels a bit looser and a lot freer than Edinburgh. Gigs feel a bit more spontaneous because you only have one night. The Glasgow show will be almost completely different to Edinburgh because there will have been another 5 months of development. BEING A SCOTTISH COMEDIAN, DO YOU PREFER PLAYING GIGS IN SCOTLAND COMPARED TO OTHER PLACES IN THE UK? IT MUST BE NICE NOT HAVING TO SLOW DOWN WHEN SPEAKING. The only difference there is now is that I get to sleep in my own bed. I love gigging everywhere in Britain and the slowing down thing is never really an issue because I am quite measured in my pace anyway.

YOU’RE PERFORMING AT THE STAND UP AGAINST MND EVENT, HOW AND WHY DID YOU GET INVOLVED? I was asked to do the event last year and so I’m absolutely honoured to be asked back. It is a wonderful cause. YOU RECENTLY PUT YOURSELF FORWARD IN ‘BOXING’ MATCH FOR A GOOD CAUSE, HOW DID YOU FIND IT? IS SUPPORTING CHARITY SOMETHING YOU’RE QUITE PASSIONATE ABOUT? I love doing charity events, it is the one thing that comedians can really give back. The boxing was honestly one of the best nights of my life. It was such an intense and terrifying experience but the camaraderie and atmosphere are things I have never experienced before in my life and it’s a night I will always remember. IN THE TIME OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, ARE THERE ANY OF YOUR JOKES THAT ARE SLIGHTLY TOO EDGY FOR SOME PEOPLE? People love to be offended now and love to show outrage because the world is generally a very arrogant place and people feel everyone should know their opinion on absolutely everything. I don’t even consider edgy to be a thing because it is just one person’s particular tolerance. Luckily there are enough sensible, intelligent people to realise and understand what jokes are. AND FINALLY, WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO ABOUT THE GICF? ARE THERE ANY OTHER COMEDIANS YOU’RE EXCITED TO SEE DURING THE FESTIVAL, EVEN JUST TO CATCH UP WITH? The thing I am most looking forward to apart from my own show of course, is the last night party. Last year it was in a private karaoke booth and I closed the evening with a beautiful version of Candle In The Wind.

by Cameron Paterson Twitter:

@PatersonCameron

WE READ IN AN INTERVIEW YOU DID LAST YEAR THAT YOU REGARDED THE STAND AS THE BEST COMEDY CLUB IN GLASGOW (WHICH WE’D TOTALLY AGREE WITH), IS THIS STILL HOW YOU FEEL AND ARE YOU EXCITED TO PERFORM THERE AGAIN? It is for me the perfect stand up venue and I still get a rush every time I do the room. IS THERE ANY SPECIAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS FESTIVAL AND A NORMAL COMEDY SHOW? There is always a different excitement about the city and the gigs around festival time which is brilliant.

c.paterson@tsaglasgow.com

MARK NELSON Quick Fire Round Edinburgh or Glasgow? Glasgow Would you rather have two missing fingers or two extra toes? 2 missing fingers. Shoes are expensive enough. What’s your favourite ever cartoon? MASK If you could only gig in one city for the rest of your career, what one would it be? New York

FEATURE

HILARIOUS GLASGWEGIAN SAYINGS Glasgow is a city world renowned for its dry, often very dark sense of humour. Nowhere is this better reflected than in the vocabulary of its 600,000 inhabitants: where a turn of phrase that may be originally misconstrued as grossly offensive anywhere else, is simply just a loving, affectionate, term of endearment. It’s this sharp sense of humour, combined with the city’s traditional industrial dialect that offers some of the best, and truly unique patter on these islands. by Daniel Smith @dannysmith1996 d.smith@tsaglasgow.com

THOSE FUNNY FOLK FROM GLASGOW

THE FIVE FUNNIEST CHARACTERS TO COME OUT OF GLASGOW

KEVIN BRIDGES The young comedian of only 29 continues to amuse and entertain audience members throughout Scotland. He made a name for himself during his appearance on BBC One’s Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow in 2009. Bridges was critically commended for his breakthrough performance that attracted 5 million viewers. His success has translated into countless appearances on prominent comedy shows, sold out events and 3 DVDs released so far. He is best known for his long running Chad Hogan joke. He comically explores Scottish youth culture by writing jokes about stereotypical Scottish people. Furthermore Kevin Bridges has been known to make political jokes regarding the 2014 Referendum and the current Tory Government’s systematic failures. The fact that he can relate to such a tremendous amount of Scottish people allows him to be able to consistently entertain whenever he tours the U.K. He is undoubtedly the funniest Glasgow based comedian in 2016 as his skills as a stand up comedian are unmatched.

FRANKIE BOYLE The ludicrously controversial Glasgow based comedian was a permanent panel member on Mock The Week where he was given the opportunity to express his pessimistic outlook on society and current affairs. His signature ginger beard isn’t as well known as his knack for black comedy. The infamous entertainer is fearless in terms of exploring a serious subject matter and shows no remorse when attacking celebrities or politicians. He once contributed his voice to the video game franchise Grand Theft Auto. He has gone through various controversies such as insulting those with mental disabilities, British aristocrats and targeting certain religious groups. However thousands of Scottish people still enjoy his outlandish humour and go to support him at his events. He will be performing at Glasgow’s International Comedy Festival between March 21st and 23rd. Tickets can be

acquired online for a reasonable £25. Hecklers beware, Boyle is brutal in his treatment of rude fans, that’s one of the reasons he is considered such a great and hilarious comedian.

BILLY CONNOLLY The multi-talented veteran performer is the Godfather of Glasgow comedy. Before he began his comedy career in the 1970s he was a welder in the industrial Glasgow shipyards. For four decades the legendary comedian has entertained audience members and inspired modern comedians such as Michael McIntyre, Peter Kay and the two comedians above him on the list. He has over 11 DVD’s released throughout his decorated career, appeared in the cinematic adaptation of The Hobbit and still to this day (at age 73) performs stand up comedy for loyal fans across the world.

GREG HEMPHILL Best known for his appearance on Scottish cult TV show Still Game as Victor McDade the 54 year old has shared a comedy partnership with the next comedian on this list. The character originally appeared in the hit Scottish comedy show Chewin The Fat along with his Still Game counterpart. The show was so popular that it resulted in live shows by the majority of the cast at the Hydro. Something that will please fans is the possibility of a 7th series that is going through preliminary discussions within the BBC. It has also been hinted by former cast members of a reunion series. A return will be welcomed for his character as he was at the heart of the show’s humour.

FORD JOHN KIERNAN Victor’s other half Jack Jarvis portrayed by the negative, stern and comical Ford John Kiernan. He starred alongside Greg Hemphill in Chewin The Fat and Still Game and established himself as a comedian during the 1990s. He was raised in Dennsitoun and wrote all of the episodes of Still Game with his partner in crime. by Billal Rahman billsblog2015.wordpress.com

@Billzinyourgaff

b.rahman@tsaglasgow.com

WHITEY Definition: The underappreciated art of projectile vomiting Example: “Tanned half a bottle of wine before going out and hit a whitey”. We’ve all been there: cold sweats, hands shaking, face chalk white. You’ve had too much of a good time, and the powers that be are now going to restore karmatic equilibrium via an absolutely massive dose of projectile vomiting.

EMPTY Definition: an empty house or flat used to facilitate parties Example: “Bill’s got an empty this week” Deep routed firmly into the national conscience by Glaswegian comic Kevin Bridges, nothing quite excites the youth of Scotland more than the prospect of an empty. For this is not just a regular “get-together”, this is an adolescent blowout free from the constraints of parents, police or public condemnation. A rouge state where almost anything goes, empties have become something of a national treasure.

YALDI Definition: Used to show excitement or joy Example: “Won £250 on a coupon. Yaldi! Usually screamed in moments of sheer jubilation, few words encapsulate the spirit of Glasgow better than the word Yaldi. Bet just came in? Yaldi! Found a tenner on the street? Yaldi! £1 Jagerbombs? Yaldi!

BAWBAG Definition: An annoying or irritating human being Example: “He was looking for a fight all night. Absolute bawbag”. Bawbag typifies everything that is wonderful with the Glaswegian vernacular. The pronunciation simply lends itself to typically natural aggression: even the most docile of individuals can sound relatively intimidating with the mention of this phrase. Brought to prominence in hit Scottish comedies Still Game and Chewin’ the Fat, Bawbag continues to be one of the most popular pieces of vocabulary in the city.

TAPS AFF Definition: To remove one’s t-shirt in the rare event of warm weather in Glasgow Example: “Set to be above 20 degrees the day: taps aff!” Occasionally, and I do mean occasionally, the city of Glasgow does, in rare moments, receive bouts of unusually warm weather. The rarity of such an occurrence appears to trigger a primitive instinct that resides deep within a large amount of Glasgow’s inhabitants; to grab a crate, head down to Glasgow Green, howl “taps aff” before removing all items of clothing north of the waist. Fortunately, despite global warming, the chances of it actually being warm enough in Glasgow to merit such behaviour is still incredibly slim.

MAD WI IT (USUALLY ABBREVIATED TO MWI) Definition: Mad with it; extreme inebriation Example: “Was so mwi last night I whitey’d on myself” Glasgow’s favourite past time: getting disgustingly mwi.

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

5 OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS ABOUT GLASGOW Glasgow is home to us all, and we cannot deny it is filled with some unusual and great sights. It is renowned for its culture and architecture, as well as it not only being our home, it was home of the 2014 Commonwealth games and not to mention the future home of the 2018 European Championships. Yes, Glasgow is great, we love Glasgow. But how much do you really know about it? In light of this month being Glasgow’s comedy festival, it’s time to put a funny twist on the knowledge of our dear city!

5. There HAS to be a cone on top of the head of the Duke of Wellington statue. If you live in Glasgow, then you know how important the ‘cone’ is. The cone needs to be on top of the Duke of Wellington’s head at ALL times and if it isn’t, then something must be wrong. There was even a petition not too long ago entitled, ‘keep the cone’ due to threats of the cone being permanently removed! This prank has been an ongoing joke within Glasgow’s generations since the 1980s, so much of a legacy it featured in the Top 10 Most Bizarre Monuments on Earth. 4. There is an eating challenge including of excessive amounts of a Scottish breakfast. In a café named The Brooklyn Café, located in the West of Scotland is the aptly named ‘The Breakfast Challenge’ which consists of black pudding, sausage, fried egg, scrambled egg, potato scones, beans, pancakes, hash browns – even some toast too. Not to mention you

have to wolf this all down in 30 minutes!

3. The street raver is now a part of our culture. Ah yes, this list wouldn’t be complete if the Glasgow street raver didn’t get a mention! Buskers wouldn’t have as much fun as they do standing out in Glasgow’s classic rainy, freezing and snowy weather if it wasn’t for this dance act. He simply walks about the Town Centre, dancing to everything and anything, and if there are no buskers in sight (very unlikely) he just sticks his headphones in and continues dancing his way up Buchanan Street! There is even a Facebook page dedicated to him called The Highland Silent Raver of Glasgow, not to mention numerous YouTube videos, he is Glasgow famous!

2. The tardis on Sauchiehall Street that was painted red and actually sells ice cream. There are two, but the funniest fact about both of them is the fact they sell ice cream

and about 50% of the population probably weren’t aware of this fact. Actually, the vendor will probably pop out randomly at any point, snow or rain, enticing us with ice cream despite our hands already being frozen. The tardis isn’t actually something Glasgow invented, but it’s become a sort of monument, as almost every visiting celebrity’s location can be pinpointed if they have either a massive red or blue police box behind them.

1. The Glasgow theatre renditions. The Pavilion Theatre seems to be the home of the funniest Glasgow takes on big box office hits all around the world, and this is one of the greatest things for us Glaswegians because we turn these things into ‘Glasgow’ versions and it only becomes what we can understand. One of the biggest movies of the 21st century was My Big Fat Greek Wedding which was taken by our amazing culture and turned into My Wee Fat Glesgae Wedding. And we also can’t forget taking The Real Housewives TV show and of course, it became The Real Housewives Fae Glesga. by Ashleigh Telfer @_ashleightelfer a.telfer@tsaglasgow.com

d Lib on Ingram Street has just become that extra bit special as a result of a 5 figure renovation which tasefully tips it’s hat to the premises previous life as a fire station. Along with it’s Hope Street sibling they’ve been providing Glasgow with glorious food and that special New York diner vibe since 1976 and for 2016 they’re continuing in some style. This is what a tasteful and imaginative renovation looks like – the stunning marble and oversized clock remain intact as you’d wish - on the Fire Station theme, photos of beautiful vintage fire extinguishers and Glasgow’s brave firefighters adorn the walls and the lighting glows with an ember like quality. A burnt wood motif features throughout the restaurant and ties it all together beautifully.

All in all it’s a cosy and classy choice for a date night or a group of close friends. The menu has been suitably tweaked to focus more on the burger side of things but all the old favourites are there, after all if it aint broke don’t fix it eh? Classic Angus Burgers with Mac’n’Cheese on the side? Who would say no? Especially when they’re cooked so fine. There’s plenty more choice besides (check out the menu on the website), the Brooklyn Beer battered haddock and chips is to die for. Ad Lib has some awesome deals for students 2-4-1 Gourmet Burgers when you download the free app and 10% off all other dishes on the a la carte menu. Also, show your app when you order you burger you’ll get a stamp on it’s built in loyalty card giving you your 6th burger free, how about that?

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FEATURE

So you want my job?

KAI HUMPHRIES Ex lifeguard, happy go lucky Geordie and up and coming comedian Go to his new show and whether you like it or not, Kai Humphries is going to teach you how to be happy... This banter loving Geordie is disarmingly friendly, funny and loveable – nowadays comedy seems to be so cynical so Kai Humphries’ optimistic material presents a refreshing way to have a laugh! MZA in association with Kaibosh presents the appropriately named show Kai Humphries: How to be happy in Glasgow this month and apparently it’ll make you feel like you’ve “been cuddled for an hour,” as described by Edinburgh’s Fringe’s ThreeWeeks. Ahead of Kai’s gig at the Stand on 11 March, we spoke to the comedian about how he went from the final stages of the fireman selection process to pursuing a career in comedy, his career highlight and his advice for any aspiring comedians. FIRST THINGS FIRST. TELL US YOUR FAVOURITE JOKE. I can’t because it doesn’t belong to me, then you’d be printing someone else’s joke under my name, haven’t you seen how much trouble Keith Chegwin got into for doing that? Oh, I could tell you my favourite practical joke... Next time you make someone a cup of tea, make it exactly to their liking, then crack an egg into a different (empty) cup, slowly pour the ready-made cup of tea into the new cup with the egg in, the hot tea will cause the egg to ever so slightly cook creating a membrane that keeps it at the bottom of the cup, your victim won’t know it’s there until he/she gets to the very bottom of his cuppa. Mwahahaha! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PERFORMING FOR? Just over 7 years now, unless you count the best man speech I did 2 years before my first gig, in which case it’s 9. Or if you’re counting my school play it’s about 20+ years.

However, if you count the “walk like an Egyptian” dance my mam used to force me to do to make my aunties laugh it’s coming up 30 years. SO YOU’RE A NATURAL ENTERTAINER – BUT WHEN DID IT FIRST OCCUR TO YOU THAT YOU SHOULD BE WORKING IN COMEDY? WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE THAT? I was a life guard / swimming teacher and had just had a reasonably successful run at becoming a fireman, getting through a number of stages of the selection process but not making the selection at the final interview, I was going to have another crack at that and in the meantime I was pursuing other coaching qualifications such as football and trampolining. However I went to a comedy show in 2008 and when I realised the guys on the stage were performing comedy as their full time job, I dropped everything. They do 20 minute shifts, that career path seemed like an absolute life hack.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF DANIEL SLOSS WHEN YOU FIRST MET DURING 2009’S FRINGE FESTIVAL? COULD YOU IMAGINE YOURSELF GIGGING WITH HIM FOR YEARS TO COME? I met him in a charity football match that Fringe, it was Comedians Vs Hibs under 17’s Girls. I’ll be honest, when I saw him, I thought he was playing for the opposition. He turned out to be a decent footballer and we smashed the girl’s team about 12-0, we bonded on our emphatic victory and the rest is history. IN MAY 2010 WHEN YOU MADE YOUR TV DEBUT ON COMEDY CENTRAL’S “THE COMEDY STORE”, DID YOU FEEL INTIMIDATED PERFORMING ALONGSIDE SOME OF THE BIGGEST NAMES IN COMEDY? As much as I idolised a lot of the comics on that recording, none of them were intimidating, just nice supportive people, there was 3 hours between soundcheck and record and some of them got on it, after my first pint I called it, then said no to a spliff. That took all the willpower in the world but I got smashed with them after the gig. One of the comedians I met that day was Tom Stade, we’re now close friends and have done a full festival run together in Australia, we also went on to make a 6 part Internet Sitcom together called M.U.F.F. IF YOU COULD PERFORM WITH ANY COMEDIAN, LIVING OR DEAD, WHO WOULD IT BE? Dave Chapelle, I met him after his gig in Adelaide, it was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen and he has such an aura about him. I’d love to work with him and just try to absorb some of whatever it is he has, to perform comedy with a fraction of the ease he does would be something.

AND COMING” COMEDIANS, WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES FOR THE FUTURE? I’m already regularly playing every club I ever wanted to play and have been all over the world, If I can continue doing this for the rest of my days I’d be very happy. I’m yet to gig in America or Canada, it would be nice to see how I go down there some day too. I run a chain of gigs with my brother Gav (the bloke I boxed) called Punch-Drunk Comedy, we have found a formula in which the events are more than just gigs, they’re each a community movement with local charities and businesses benefiting from the coming together of people with Love and Laughter being the focal point, our regular audiences even bring in bags of food to fill the local food banks. We have 3 monthly venues and have been running just over a year bringing the very best in world stand up to these small towns. I’d like to take this model and bring it to more towns and communities spreading the message of community as we go. They really are something special, if I don’t say so myself. Oh and I want to be super famous and rich beyond my wildest dreams. LAST THING’S LAST – TELL US A REALLY BAD JOKE. Donald Trump Humphries is coming to the Stand on Friday, 11th of March at 5:40pm. His show is for over 18’s only and tickets are £8 (£6 concession.) Buy tickets online at glasgowcomedyfestival.com or call 0844 873 7353.

MAKING YOUR TV DEBUT MUST HAVE BEEN A CAREER HIGHLIGHT, COULD YOU TELL US THE BEST AND WORST MOMENTS YOU’VE HAD IN YOUR CAREER SO FAR? The highlight was putting on a comedians boxing event with 20 of the circuit’s greatest comedians, hosted by Rhod Gilbert, in my home town of Blyth to 800 people. We raised over £30k for a boy who needs to go to the USA for life saving treatment. The room was rammed with people I’ve met from every aspect of my life from school, to jobs, to comedy and of course, family. I fought my own brother in the final fight of the evening and we put on quite a show. That was by far the highlight. The worst moment was a Christmas gig that was so horrendous it is now a suppressed memory that only a good psychiatrist could get the full details about from me. NOW THAT YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE “UP

by Holly Fleming Twitter:

@hol7ly

h.fleming@tsaglasgow.com

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

THESE WOMEN AREN’T JUST PRETTY FACES, THEY’RE HILARIOUS Do you think women are funny? I’d hope so. If not, Glasgow’s Comedy Festival has what it takes to change your mind this year. With a whole host of excellent acts, it looks like it’s going to be a very exciting and hilarious event. Debuting this year at Glasgow’s comedy festival is Woman Up – Glasgow’s first all-female improv troupe. From the 10th to the 12th of March this year, Jenny, Jen, Lisa, Marissa, Hannah, Flick and Eilidh will be starring at Avant Garde to perform short pieces and improv games on the spot from audience suggestions. Tickets are £6 for this event, and £5 for concession. For something a little bit more controversial, there’s Ashley Storrie and “other erotica.” At Blackfriars Basement on Friday 11th of March Storrie returns to Glasgow’s comedy festival to talk about sex, drugs and Star Trek. Get ready for stories about her dysfunctional family, tales of the damn difficult search for love, and her unique voice to poke fun at the worlds taboos. Tickets start from £7. On Monday, 14th of March Bridget Christie presents A Book for Her as we explore the reason as to why Bridget is sending her stained underpants to George Osbourne at HM Treasury every month. Christie is exploring social issues, and probably making a lot of fun of them too. This will be Christie’s 10th solo show and will be followed by a book signing. The show is at 8pm and tickets start at £13. Full of Craic! is part of Carina McLeod’s solo show and this is her third year running at the

HAVE YOU GOT THE GOLDEN TICKET? Three men, Scot’s Jimmy, Stu & Irishman Pat find themselves eating pleasantly one day within a mid-western American all you can eat buffet restaurant. They observe their fellow diners with a critical eye guided by table boy Jim Morrison. The lads are then reluctantly joined by newly married Englishman Percy Singer whom informs them of the sad news that his new wife has left him for another woman, but worse than this she has run off with his car, his baseball cards and his irreplaceable beanie baby collection. It’s then that one of the diners collapses with a heart attack. Paramedics are

then notified by a mysterious golden ticket, that in fact the person they thought was dead is not! The customer is revived and all is well! An atmosphere of relief and cheer overwhelms the other diners. All of whom except Pat, Stu and Jimmy... Based on real events, this is not for the faint of heart, no pun intended. This comedy full of mysterious intrigue will be at Glasgow’s shed for two nights only this April! This comedy comes to The Shed for two nights only; Friday the 22nd of April and Saturday the 23rd.

Comedy Festival. She was so close to selling out last year, with only 10 tickets left. In New York she recently debuted at Stand Up NY with the talented Bob Dibuono and the absolutely droll Jim Dailakis. She’s brining her unique Highland style of comedy back from the US to Glasgow, specifically, the Hug and Pint on Saturday 26th of March. Tickets are £8. Abigoliah Schamaun, AKA New York’s “Queen of Obscene” AKA Abigoliah Shamaun (it took me a while to pronounce it too, no worries) is returning to the Comedy Festival with a whole host of new stories and jokes. When it comes to things we may consider taboo, she is frank, straightforward and truthful. She is always interesting with stories some may refer to as “absolutely bizarre,” but she is honest, and we all appreciate honesty, don’t we? She made the top five of The List’s up-and-coming female comedians at Glasgow International Comedy Fest 2014 and ThreeWeeks described her as “not just funny, she’s hilarious.” Captivating and unapologetic, Schamaun’s show definitely sounds worth the £8/£10 per ticket. So those just a few of the women who are coming to Glasgow’s Comedy Festival to prove that the statement “women aren’t funny” is simply a huge lie. The comedy festival is jam packed with fantastic acts, men and women alike. This is not something to miss out on if you can help it! by Holly Fleming Twitter:

@hol7ly

h.fleming@tsaglasgow.com

WHAT’S ON

GLASGOW SHORT FILM FESTIVAL KICKS OFF IN MARCH

The Glasgow Short Film Festival will take place this year on 16th-20th March, Scotland’s largest competitive short film festival. This BAFTA-qualifying festival gives new and established Scottish and international film-makers an opportunity to showcase their work, each year, for industry delegates and the local audience – praising diverse forms of cinematic expression as they compete for the Festival’s prestigious awards. Celebrating its ninth year showcasing the very best in Scottish and international filmmaking talent, the festival will take place at the Festival Hub CCA on Sauchiehall Street, together with events at GFT, The Art School

and The Glue Factory. 26 new films by Scottish film-makers screen in competition to claim the Scottish Short Film and Audience Awards. As well as 34 films from across the world which compete to take home the prestigious Bill Douglas Award. This year’s programme is packed with films which seek to transgress limits of morality, convention or expectation. Highlights of the festival include; the world premiere of the lost 1956 film Lost Treasure – Dawn Cine Group’s lost 1956 project intended to tell the story of the Scottish Highlands and its people. GSFF commissioned musicians

Drew Wright (Wounded Knee) and Hamish Brown (Swimmer One) and filmmaker Minttu Mäntynen to work with this never-beforeseen footage to create a live performance. Post-punk icon Lydia Lunch introduces us to the Cinema of Transgression, underground 1980s movement, plus a live set alongside Brooklyn multi-instrumentalist Walter Weasel and a DJ set from Glasgow’s own JG Wilkes. For horror movie fans there will be showings of classic Universal horror movies, reduced to their core as single reel 16mm projections in The Sum of All Fears, including The Mummy and Hitchcock’s Frenzy. This is the first time these mini masterpieces have

PREGNANCY CHOICES IN GLASGOW Unplanned pregnancy: it’s sometimes not such an an easy thing to talk about to those closest to you. That’s where GPC come in, their fully trained volunteer advisers provide a listening and support service which is there for you if you or someone you know is experiencing or has experienced an unplanned pregnancy.

been screened publicly in the UK. Marking the fifth anniversary of the start of the Syrian conflict there will be a special focus on contemporary short work, produced both by those within the war-torn country and those in exile. A major retrospective of Berlin filmmaker Jan Soldat’s unique short works will be shown, capturing human sexuality, casual intimacy and domestic normality in his unique short works. Jan will also lead a documentary workshop exploring his fascinating practice. GSFF has teamed up with some of Scotland’s other top cultural bodies to showcase their talent including; Scottish Ballet with an exhilarating selection of dance on film; and the unveiling of Neu! Reekie!’s Anywhere But The Cities tour film – which features Scottish poets and musicians. There is something for everyone at the festival with a selection of the best familyfriendly shorts with a free drop-in animation workshop for young film-makers in addition to Short Stuff, a hand-picked selection of GSFF highlights for short film lovers with babies to watch in a bright, baby-friendly environment. Tickets for Lost Treasure are on sale now from glasgowfilm.org/gsff, by calling 0141 332 6535 or in person at the GFT Box Office. Tickets for all other GSFF events are on sale from Thursday 4th February. The full GSFF programme can be downloaded from www.glasgowfilm.org/ gsff. by Rhiannon Melrose Twitter:

@RhiannonAdele r.melrose@tsaglasgow.com

PREGNANT? Worried? Confused?

Their offices are located in the centre of Glasgow, just across from Glasgow Central Station. Most appointments can be made at times that are convenient to you and the adviser assigned to you.

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Everyone’s situation is different but you don’t have to deal with it alone. Nobody can explain the service better than those who’ve used it, this is what two of their clients have to say about the support they received.

CASE 1

CASE 2

You may remember me from last year when my Mum and I consulted you for some advice over my unplanned pregnancy. Sorry for taking so long to get back to you, however things have been chaotic since the birth of my beautiful baby girl. She arrived prematurely weighing just over 5 lbs. My partner and I are very proud parents and so thankful that we are blessed with such a lovely wee girl. Her grandparents and uncles are smitten with the new member of the family. Granny in particular was very proud to be alongside Dad at the birth. Both Mum and I would love to bring her up to meet all of you. Once again we are eternally grateful for the counsel you gave us during what was a very difficult time for all involved.’

You asked me to keep in touch and let you knew how I was. I apologise for not having done so sooner. I have returned to Canada and am finishing my Masters (as planned). I welcomed my daughter just before Christmas. She is a real treasure and I am desperately in love with her. I couldn’t be more proud or happy. I cannot imagine my life without her. So I just wanted to say a sincere thank you for taking the time to talk to me that day. You offered me unbiased support, at a time when I really needed it. I have attached a photo of my little angel for you.’

GPC staff met over several weeks and on many occasions with this student, her parents and her partner, helping them reach a decision they could all accept.

GPC Glasgow Pregnancy Choices

• Free pregnancy testing • Time to talk through all the options • Practical help and information • Post-abortion and miscarriage support

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T: 0141 248 2667 All our services are free and confidential We do not provide referrals for any medical treatments, including terminations.

Office: Suite 259/260 Central Chambers 93 Hope Street • Glasgow G2 6LD T: 0141 248 2667 • E: info@glasgowpregnancychoices.org Registered as Glasgow Pregnancy Choices Centre Registered in Scotland as a Charity No. SC029839

glasgowpregnancychoices.org

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

A Glaswegian festival for books? Aye Write! The Aye Write! festival will be catering to just about everyone this year – whether you’re into politics, cooking, comics, or anything! You’ll find something you’ll want to be part of at Glasgow’s book festival. It all began in 2005 – the first Aye Write! festival happened. Originally this festival occurred once every two years. Yet, in 2007, during its second year, we found out that it would become annual. The likes of Louise Welsh, Jackie Kay, John Burnside and Ian McEwan have taken part in the festival. So what about this year, then? Well the list of authors and politicians participating is long! Along with a bright list of participants, there will also be a brand new strand for those more inclined to all things nerdy. First of all, the leaders of the five biggest political parties in Scotland will be appearing to talk about “the books that made me.” Kezia Dugdale, leader of the Labour party, will be the first to discuss the books that shaped and entertained her. The Aberdeen born MSP will be kicking off “the books that made me” on Thursday, 10th of March at 6pm. Ruth Davidson of the Conservative party will be next on Saturday, 12th of March from 4:30pm. Expect science fiction in Patrick Harvey’s session, as that is his favourite genre! The Green party MSP will be appearing on Friday, 18th of March from 6pm. Following Harvey is Liberal Democrats leader Willie Rennie on Saturday, 19th of March from 4:30pm. Finally, SNP’s leader Nicola Sturgeon will be telling us about the reading habits of the first female First Minister. Join her on Sunday, 20th March from 7:30pm. Tickets for these events are £10 each. Scottish award winning comedian Brian “Limmy” Limond released his first book back in summer 2015. Pop in

for a bit of banter and chat with him about Daft Wee Stories. There will be short stories, long stories, stupid stories and thoughtful stories. Limmy will be reading some on Friday, 11th of March from 7:30pm. Perhaps he’ll even let you ask a question. Will he answer it? Who knows? So what about this mystery, brand new strand? This year Aye Write! will be presenting Aye Con for the first time. Maybe you’re more interested in comics, gaming and unsettling fiction? Aye Con is the place for you. The likes of Christopher Brookmyre, Kirsty Strain and Metaphrog are featuring along with many others. If you love reading and losing yourself in great stories, this broad and ambitious programme will accommodate you just fine. Time for a selfish moment – something I am extremely excited about is Irvine Welsh’s participation in Aye Write! The author of Trainspotting, Porno and Filth will be coming to the Glasgow Royal Concert Hall to talk about his new book, The Blade Artist. It’s been 20 years since Trainspotting and the infamous Francis Begbie is back to haunt your dreams once again. One may think that it looks like Begbie has finally found himself, working as a sculptor in California. Unfortunately he finds his past life once again all too easily while on a trip home for the funeral of his murdered son. Things go sour quickly – ultra-violence ensues. Tickets are £10 for this event on Tuesday, 5th of April. But ultra-violence isn’t for everyone now, is it? Especially not children. Fear not! Wee Write! will be here on Saturday, 5th of March for a full day of family fun. Author and illustrator of No Matter What, Stormy Weather, The Trouble

by Holly Fleming Twitter:

@hol7ly

h.fleming@tsaglasgow.com

with Dragons and the Witch Baby Series Debi Gliori will be appearing for an interactive music and art filled session. For the music part, the Scottish Chamber Orchestra is joining her. Tickets are £5 and this event starts at 10am. That is the first of many events in Wee Write! At Wee Write! you can also learn about space, time, and Daleks in the Science of Doctor Who at 3.30pm; listen to stories and join in with rhymes at the Play, Talk Read bus from 10am; the Roaming Storyteller who will be popping up every now and then throughout the

daywill entertain you too. Of course there are many more events for the wee ones; these are just a few! Aye Con, Wee Write!... 2016’s Aye Write! festival is looking so exciting with its long list of amazing writers. Mervyn King, Luke Wright, Graham Hancock and James Crawford will also be appearing to talk about their books. Yes, 2016’s Aye Write! promises a diverse mix of authors and I must say – any book lover who doesn’t go to any of these events will be missing out! Tickets are on sale on Aye Write!’s website – but hurry! They’re selling fast.

Season Preview: AT THE ROYAL CONSERVATOIRE OF SCOTLAND

Spring fever is gripping the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland this March and April, with a staggering 74 events taking place in just 60 days! There is so much to see and experience for all tastes, from jazz to opera, Shakespeare plays to piano and dance festivals! Here’s just a taste of what’s happening. Starting March off with a Russian flavour, the talented opera students of the RCS present two short, satirical one act comedy operas – Stravinsky’s Mavra and Walton’s The Bear (27 Feb – 5 Mar). Another easy introduction to opera is the popular Opera Scenes (17/18 Mar) – an entertaining and varied mix of short scenes with both wellknown favourites and a few new pieces thrown in. Tough weekend? Chill with a laidback, easy listening Monday evening Jazz session Blue Mondays (7 Mar, 18 Apr). It’s not Netflix, but it’s still sexy! Talking of sexy, RCS Musical Theatre students present the classic Cabaret (12 – 17 Mar). Head out to the Kit Kat Klub, the hottest cabaret club in seedy pre-war Berlin. The world outside may be descending into anarchy, but in here life is beautiful. This April is the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare’s death and RCS is marking the occasion with a whole host of the Bard’s best bits, including two of Shakespeare’s favourite plays – Much Ado About Nothing (4 – 9 Mar) and Hamlet (15 – 18 Mar) – and musical tributes to the Elizabethan legend.

Listen to the fantastic RCS Symphony Orchestra perform various Shakespeare themed pieces from Tchaikovsky, Sibelius and Prokofiev (24 Apr), or head along to a more low-key Monday lunchtime concert on 25 Apr lead by former Shakespeare’s Globe musician Jamie Akers. There’s even a jazzy “Swingin’ Shakespeare” Big Band performance 17 May! Other musical highlights include RCS voices and RCS Chamber Orchestra performing Bach’s St John Passion at Glasgow Cathedral (6 Mar), a piano and dance festival taking place 11-13 Mar, and a performance for BBC Radio 3 from one of the most talented and in-demand singer accompanists of the day, Malcolm Martineau (17 Mar). For something a bit different, check out the contemporary Red Note music ensemble playing great new musical works with a French flavour in Vive La Différence (3 Mar), or go on a time-travelling musical journey through the instruments and sounds of the past. From The Cave to The Rave (9 Apr) is a digital, musical archaeology project bringing to life instruments and music from the Romans, Celts and Ancient Greeks. This is the first concert of its kind in the UK and is sure to be something special. Visit rcs.ac.uk/boxoffice for the full list, and experience it all for less with a Tickets 26 card, giving you £5 tickets for any RCS event if you’re 26 or under. See rcs.ac.uk/ tickets26 for details.

WHAT’S ON

Clyde1 Recruitment Fair marks its first year This year sees the first Clyde 1 Recruitment Fair, a gathering of 15 reputable employers held at the Hard Rock Cafe, presumably to encourage the link between graduate employment and rock memorabilia. A range of expansive employers will be represented, including Santander and Pursuit Marketing. ‘The aim is to provide attendees to talk face to face with potential

new employers’, says Calum Morrison, recruitment fair organiser. “It’s unusual for job seekers to be able to talk on a one on one basis with businesses. Especially ones the size of our exhibitors. So far the response has been incredible and the businesses are very excited to meet potential candidates.” “We can get these businesses to the

correct people within our transmission area and hopefully find them people who will be a credit to their set up,” Morrison continued. “Students can expect a really busy event in an alternative city centre venue. There will be seventeen top organisations waiting to talk to them about the vacancies they have and what’s best is that it’s completely free, no forms to fill out, just a relaxed environment to see what opportunities are available.” Come along and see what new opportunities are waiting for you.

The Clyde 1 recruitment fair will take place on 16th March between 10:30am – 7:30pm at the Hard Rock Cafe, Buchanan Street, Glasgow. Employers to be represented at the fair: Quarriers, First Group, Royal Navy, Tesco Bank, Teleperformance, Golden Jubilee, HSBC, Royal Air Force, Golden Charter, Santander, Change, CMS, Pursuit Marketing, Kura and NHS 24.

by Holly Callender h.callender@tsaglasgow.com

WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES FOR CANCER RESEARCH

Clyde 1 Recruitment Fair will be held at Hard Rock Cafe Glasgow

Are you willing to give up the comfort of your own shoes, don someone else’s, and walk 1.4miles for a good cause? If the answer is yes, Cancer Support Scotland invites you to do just that. Put on a wacky pair of shoes, heels, flippers – you name it! Take a stroll around Glasgow’s beautiful botanic gardens for Cancer Support Scotland’s Heel Appeal. Participants are helping Cancer Support Scotland raise vital funds during this walk. The funds raised will go to providing important therapies to those affected by cancer. The day begins at 10am on Sunday, March 22nd – let’s hope it’s a sunny one. If not, what better way to prove one’s dedication to the cause than walking in the pouring rain, eh? At 10am, registry will begin at the Calman Centre, and there will also be time to get photos taken. Regular shoes can stay at the Calman Centre before the walk and collected at the Hilton Grosvenor. No-one expects you to walk around in your goofy footwear all day! The walk roughly takes 30 minutes in regular shoes, so those daringly dressed can expect a bit of a longer walk. Signs and balloons will align the route to keep the walkers on track. Also, volunteers will be cheering you on as you go, and will be there for some banter. Kick off your shoes as soon as you get to the Hilton Grosvenor – take your treat after your walk – a bacon roll and a cuppa! Not too bad a breakfast for late Sunday

morning, right? So, what about money? Participants should raise at least £30 in sponsorship. This money will go straight to those whose lives cancer has affected. Not just patients, but family and friends too. Cancer Support Scotland recommends using JustGiving as it’s the easiest way to raise funds. If that’s not the method for you, hand cash and cheque donations in at the Calman Centre before the event. £30 may not sound like a lot, but what will it actually do? Well, £25.26 will provide a counselling appointment for a patient to share their fears. £45.72 provides a relaxing complementary therapy session to someone who needs to escape their anxieties for a while. Finally,£260.22 provides a trained podiatrist to a cancer patient to help ease their pain and discomfort. Cancer Support Scotland wants you to share this event by sharing it on social media under #HeelAppeal. Take photos and talk about who you’re dedicating your walk to and why. Get the word going around for a good cause! So will you go through 30-60 minutes of discomfort for a wildly important cause this month? Think about it – nine walkers will raise the £260.22. Just nine. If that doesn’t show how little effort and money from one person can mean so much for a good cause, I don’t know what will. by Holly Fleming Twitter:

@hol7ly

h.fleming@tsaglasgow.com

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We Love To See You

SMILE

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

Marvellous Mum! Mother’s Day, the day every Mum deserves to put her feet up and get spoilt. Finding the perfect gift that says ‘Thank you Mum’ is no easy job. Thankfully, Buchanan Galleries has something that will please every Mother this year, from beautiful scented candles from the Isle of Skye Candle Company, indulgent chocolates from Kimble’s and sparkling jewellery from Pandora. With over 80 brands under one roof, it’s never been easier to treat your Mum this March 6!

Delicious Temptations

Put the sparkle in her eye

If mum is a bit of a whizz in the kitchen why not treat her to an inspiring new cookbook, such as Mrs Beeton’s Home Made Sweet Shop (£16.99) from Lakeland and let try her hand at chocolate honeycomb or delicious vanilla fudge. If she likes a glass of wine, gift your Mum wine glass charms (£8) from John Lewis, meaning she’ll never get mixed up between that glass of Merlot or the Shiraz again. No-one can be disappointed with a box of chocolates and Kimble’s has everything from traditional flavours, to chocolate truffles and Belgian chocolates (£4.50-£19.95) – something to suit every taste this Mother’s Day.

If you feel your Mother deserves something extra special this year, think of investing in a beautiful piece of jewellery. Alongside stunning charms, Pandora has a beautiful range of affordable jewellery, including Forever Pandora stud earrings (£45). The sparkling stones and minimalistic designs mean they can be worn every day and easily dressed up for evening. The gold tree locket by H. Samuel (£39.99) has a heartwarming engraved message of ‘Family, where life begins and love never ends’ – a message perfect for Mother’s Day and the rest of the year. Add to a cherished charm bracelet with Thomas Sabo’s ‘Best Mom’ love heart charm (£25.95) and make Mother’s Day an excuse to add a new charm every year.

Make her beauty shine

Preen, Polish and Pamper

Every Mother has that signature scent, the perfume they go to again and again. Have a snoop around Mum’s dressing table and make sure you know the name of her fragrance before visiting The Perfume Shop or The Fragrance Shop. If you’re feeling adventurous, sample a new scent such as Yves Saint Laurent’s Black Opium Nuit Blanche (£45). The white coffee accord top scent is lively yet sophisticated, leaving a bottom note of white musk which will last the day. If she prefers a fresher scent for spring, Marc Jacob’s Daisy Sorbet (£35) is perfect for the brighter days. The uplifting fruitiness of pink grapefruit and passionfruit is complemented by the violet wood and cedar, balancing out the sweetness for a lasting impression. Alternatively, treat her to a makeover by one of Buchanan Galleries top make up artists in bareMinerals and Boots, or in John Lewis’ luxury concessions like Bobbi Brown and Clinique, where she can pick a product personally tailored to work best for her.

Allow your Mum a few hours to herself this Mother’s Day and treat her to luxurious pampering. The beautifully packaged Arran Aromatics Bath Box (£20) is the perfect gift of indulgence. Including foam bath, a travel candle, soap, hand cream and cotton facecloth your Mum will emerge revitalised and refreshed from the lavender and tea tree aromas. Most Mums never stop and spend little time focusing on their wellbeing. Isle of Skye Candle Company understands the importance of scents for relaxation and recommends a Lemongrass scented candle (£10) to help energise the body and mind after a hard week. If she refuses to stay off her feet then treat your Mum to a room diffuser by Yankee Candle (£14.99 – £21.99). The flameless scent means she’s always coming home to beautiful fragrance – even if the rest of the place is a bombsight!

Last but not least… We’re all guilty of forgetting once in a while, but remember to pick up a card! Nothing says thank you better than a caring message and a few kind words will last a life time. Scribbler offers a quirky range of cards for any type of Mum. Praise her parenting skills with the ‘Thanks I turned out perfect’ message (£2.99) or show your gratitude with the ‘Mum, you’re better than chips’ card (£2.99). For a more elegant style, the ‘Bird cage hanging’ card (£3.50) from Clinton Cards will look lovely on the fireplace. The classic style of Clinton Cards ‘Wave of butterflies and flowers’ card is the perfect way to show your love.

Treat her, pamper her and love her this Mother’s Day with Buchanan Galleries’ fantastic range of retailers. Still stuck for ideas? Why not let mum choose her own gift with a simple Buchanan Galleries gift card. Not only will it be a stress-free shopping trip but mum will be spoilt for choice. With everything from top end beauty, glamorous jewellery and indulgent bath products, it’s a shopping haven!

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MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

CHILDREN IN HORROR IS HORRIFYING

The Other Side of the Door is in cinemas March 18

In Johannes Roberts’ striking new horror drama, The Other Side of the Door, when a couple’s eight-year-old son dies tragically in a car accident, he returns as a progressively evil spirit to haunt and destroy what remains of his family. The Other Side of the Door sets its drama in India, where Maria (The Walking Dead’s Sarah Wayne Callies) and Michael (Six Feet Under and Law & Order’s Jeremy Sisto), have settled to raise their children. Their idyllic lifestyle is shattered when Maria runs her car off the road and into a river. With her two children strapped into the back seat and time running out, she has to make a choice between saving one child or the other, and her son dies. Overwhelmed with grief, her Indian housekeeper tells her she can speak to him one last time if she sprinkles his ashes on the steps of a mystical temple in the woods of Southern India. Once there, she must lock herself inside and close the door behind her. There’s just one rule: Whatever she does, when his spirit appears, she mustn’t open the door. When she ignores the advice, quite literally all hell breaks loose. Some of the greatest movies in the horror genre have used children as their portal to a world of screams and thrills. The Exorcist, The Other, The Shining, Child’s Play, The Sixth Sense, Village of the Damned, The Omen, The Ring, Children of the Corn… when looking to maximize the terror, directors and writers lose the years to rack up the fears. For English director and writer Roberts, who made a name for himself on the thrillers Roadkill and Storage 24, it’s a child’s innocence that makes the use of children in horror such an effective device. “There’s something utterly terrifying about someone so pure and innocent actually being something evil,” he says from his home in London. “It’s a very frightening thing. There’s the basics of turning everything that you think you associate with good to evil.” Roberts believes the perfect example of children used in horror is the Stephen King book It, about a group of kids that have to fight an evil that lives within the city. “With It you see that the adults know nothing,” he says, “and through the children you see things that you forget about when you’re older. That reality – at

least what we call reality – shuts down our ability to see into this other world. It’s that that makes the naivety susceptible to the supernatural.” For The Other Side of the Door, Roberts worked closely with executive producer Alexandre Aja, best known as a member of the so-called ‘Splat Pack’ and the director and writer of High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes. Aja agrees with Roberts’ theory. “I think there is something very specific in children – their innocence – that makes you want to protect them from the world, from cataclysm, from war, from death,” he says from his home in Paris, France. “But the other side is you also have to protect the world from children, because somehow that innocence and youth can make them violent and dangerous. There is a reason why kid soldiers are so cruel: it’s because the boundaries are not there yet and they can be more extreme. I think we are all aware on a subconscious level of that duality in children. We know that they can be cruel and even more extreme than adults because they don’t have the same journey through life yet.” Sarah Wayne Callies, who worked closely with her child co-stars as Maria and is a mother of two herself, also understands that children often represent innocence and purity – and that there’s nothing more terrifying than the corruption of that innocence. “If you have an adult who’s possessed and horrible things happen to them, because we are all human and flawed an audience is going to be able to say, ‘They had it coming to them,’” she says. “It’s very hard to make that kind of argument for a child. When horrible things happen to children, it’s hard to do anything other than shake your fist at the sky and cry and say, ‘Why, God why?’ You don’t watch a child suffer, by and large, and go, ‘Yeah, that kid had it coming to him.’ We are hard-wired to want to protect children, because that’s how we survived the last few million years. So I think there’s something primal in our response to watching children suffer.” Jeremy Sisto plays Maria’s husband, Michael, who’s dealing not only with the loss of his son, but the spiraling depression of his wife and the haunting that’s invaded their lives. Like Callies, he believes it’s a child’s innocence that ramps up the horror.

“There’s something so pure about a child’s perspective on something – it’s uncomplicated,” he says. “The images in The Shining and The Omen... they hit you in a very deep, subconscious place, and having a child up on screen brings something personal to it.” However, while a child’s innocence, and the distortion of that innocence, is a key factor at play in the horror genre, there are other factors too. Children are not governed by society’s rules, so that makes them particularly unpredictable. Additionally, children are not supposed to be scary, so they subvert your expectations. And perhaps we all share a subconscious fear of kids, with their illogical minds and lack of reasoning leading them to say – and often do – almost anything. “What is very terrifying in horror is not being able to reason with something,”

agrees Roberts. “One of the first things that got me into horror was watching old Cowboy and Indian films back in the day. The Indians would always be totally savage, not human, basically, and that kind of thing always terrified me. That inability to reason with someone. And you can’t reason with a child in the way you can with an adult. I don’t know if it’s unpredictability, but a child is not bound by structures, morals and guidance that a grown-up would be guided by. Which is why psychopaths are so terrifying and why monsters are so terrifying: You don’t have that thing that binds you to society’s rules.” “Yes, they can adapt and change to a lot of different situations in a way that you don’t expect because they’re not yet conditioned by society,” adds Aja. “That’s one of the reasons they’re in our movie – they can be so scary.”

TOP HORROR MOVIES STARRING CHILDREN JOHANNES ROBERTS’ TOP FIVE

ALEXANDRE AJA’S TOP FIVE

PET CEMETERY (1989)

THE SHINING (1980)

I absolutely love this movie. I think it’s a very underrated film, beautifully cast, and it’s the first time I realized a movie could evoke more than just ‘Don’t go into the basement’ scares.

One of the best movies ever made about the human psyche. It’s an endless inspiration about who we are as humans and how to behave to each other. The child is on the good side and never really scary, but at the same time he’s the one that’s the catalyst, that focuses the natural elements. Without him I don’t think that Jack Torrance would access what he’s accessing.

CUJO (1983) The little boy in that is just a phenomenal actor, and again the movie is great in taking the things you feel safe around the most and turning them against you. It’s a terrifying concept.

THE EXORCIST (1973) Obviously an incredible movie, and the thing about good horror movies is what you can explore. I work a lot in this genre and it can get dismissed, but with horror you deal with themes that you couldn’t deal with in any other genre. The Exorcist is a great religious discussion, and if you did that as a straight movie people would switch off within five minutes.

WHO CAN KILL A CHILD (1976) It’s a great movie from the 70s about this couple that goes to a Spanish island, and when they arrive there are no more adults, only kids. They realize that the kids killed all the adults and they have to escape. The execution of this movie is way better than Children of the Corn.

THE EXORCIST (1973) The terror is coming from someone else living through that little girl, and to see the devil expressing itself through her is the most disturbing thing. One of the most shocking movies ever.

THE OMEN (1976)

CHILD’S PLAY (1988)

I don’t think The Omen is discussing too many deep themes, but it’s a great movie. I enjoyed all three of them; I love it when horror takes itself really seriously, and it does. It’s totally bonkers.

It pulls you back to your own childhood when you start having nightmares about your own thoughts, which is one of the most disturbing things.

THE ORPHANAGE (2007)

It’s a Japanese manga, which is an amazing feature film about a kid who has special powers. He’s radioactive and can destroy cities – one of the best, best, best sci-fi movies ever made. It’s about how you have to protect the world from some of the children that you create.

It’s a very well made ghost story with a twist at the end that is devastating. It’s a creaking door movie, has all the clichés in it, so it knows what it’s doing, knows how to scare you, but then it has a heart and depth. It’s a great piece of storytelling.

AKIRA (1988)

STILL SHOWING IN CINEMAS

MOVIES

PICK OF THE MONTH BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE

HOW TO BE SINGLE

It’s nothing we’ve not seen before but it does use the formula set by Sex and The City well enough to make us laugh and stay entertained for the full film. It’s the perfect easy Sunday afternoon flick but not particularly noteworthy.

DEADPOOL

The use of self parody is the key ingredient in this successful superhero-film-that-doesn’t-feel-likea-superhero-film. Reynold’s snarky fourth-wall breaking performance is absolutely brilliant and it’s no surprise a sequel was greenlit before the opening weekend.

ZOOLANDER 2

“Day Vs. Night. God Vs. Man. Son of Krypton Vs. Bat of Gotham!” Arguably the most anticipated superhero film of this year, Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice is now only less than a month away from release and I for one couldn’t be more excited for this film. However, if you are not convinced yet for the reason that you either didn’t perhaps like the polarising Man of Steel or don’t believe that a human could withstand Superman’s megaton punches, then fear not. You may yet be convinced otherwise. To some it may look like DC are trying to throw all their chips into the one bet. While that appears to be true, it seems to be handled with care, precision and a love for the source material. Now for those who may not know Dawn of Justice is a loose adaptation of Frank Miller’s 1980’s graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns. In this we see an older Bruce Wayne who has been out of the cowl for a good many years. Gotham is over-run and Superheroes other than Superman have been illigitimised by the very right wing American Government. Once more, Bruce is forced to dawn the Cape and cowl and take to the streets to protect those who live in fear. Later this all spirals into events that force the Government to pit Superman against Batman if he doesn’t relinquish his criminal punching crusade of justice. The two fight and it becomes one of the most controversial yet memorable comic book scenes from history. Our older Bruce Wayne in the film is played by none other than hardcore Batman fan, Ben Affleck while Superman is still played by the fantastic choice of British actor Henry Caville. So where do film and novel split off into their own world? Well for a start Wonder woman does not appear within the graphic novel. However, her role in the film while not currently disclosed will inevitably be the catalyst that brings both Clark and Bruce together to fight the greater evil; both Lex Luthor and Doomsday, both of which are not featured in the graphic novel either. Fear not though, for it makes perfect sense! (albeit a little hesitancy towards Doomsday’s appearance so early on) Lex, played by Jesse Eisenberg, as most will know despises Superman. He believes in humanity and its strength, so when an alien with unlimited power helped to wipe out half of his home city, you can be sure he stirs with a dark resentment of our favorite Kryptonian. Lex and Bruce are also businessmen and have been known to have worked together, of course before Bruce realises he is an absolute psychotic sociopath. Lex may push Bruce (presumably knowing he is the Dark Knight)

into fighting Superman; already blinded by rage of thousands of his employees dying during the Metropolis fight from Man of Steel as we see from the trailer in which one of his buildings falls over. So where does Doomsday fit into this all? Quick brush up on him for anyone who isn’t aware. Originally Doomsday was a prehistoric Kryptonian monster, buried deep below Krypton. When it inevitably ended up like popcorn in a microwave, he was awakened and arrived at Earth just like Clark. Superman fights him and well...dies. This all occurred in the 1992 comic storyline The Death of Superman. So is it too early for Doomsday? Yes. Do I like his design? Not really. He has massive spikes that grow out of him and more of a fantasy creature look to his face. I hate to say it but I agree when people compare our film counterpart of him to one of the Michael Bay Ninja Turtles. The similarities are uncanny. That being said, I suppose we need villain larger than life for our Holy Trinity to fight; Trinity being Batman, Superman and Wonder woman. You guys and girls, if like me, really just want to see Batman and Superman on screen together for the first time in history. There are few moments like this throughout our life-time. Just be thankful we are all alive to bare witness. What we really want though is for them to fight. I have waited years for a live action adaptation of The Dark Knight Returns and I couldn’t be happier about how this film is turning out. The casting is fantastic, the fight sequences from what we have seen look incredible, I mean unhinged older Batman that shows no mercy and slams heads off of the bloody floor? Yes please! As I said earlier, those who hated Man of Steel might not find solace within this next installment. This film is however going to address the destruction in the first film, the implications for Superman who is still becoming the hero he was born to be and the opening up of the DC universe as a whole. So be excited. Get your Superman or Batman clothing ready. Binge watch The Dark Knight Trilogy and Man of Steel and prepare for the greatest gladiator match of all time as Lex would say. Since my bias is towards Batman, I’ll leave you all with some very famous words from when the Bat beat the Man of Steel 30 years ago. “I want you to remember Clark, in all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember my hand at your throat. I want you to remember the one man who beat you.” by Ryan Connolly r.connolly@tsaglasgow.com

Book Corner Okay, we can admit there’s a few laughs, but it just feels like such a lazy movie thanks to the recycling of old jokes from the original. It’s not great, not even good, but if you enjoyed the original it’s probably worth a watch for the sense of nostalgia.

NOWHERE GIRL

ME BEFORE YOU

ZERO K

Despite years of researching horrific crimes and interviewing killers for her bestselling thrillers, Cady Martino isn’t ready to accept her sister’s death years earlier wasn’t a random attack as once thought. Cady must find her inner strength to deal with the deception and betrayal leading back to her childhood to solve her sister’s murder.

Set to hit the big screen in June, this novel by Jojo Moyes about two people with nothing in common, asks a difficult question – could you deal with breaking your own heart to make the person you love happy?

This new novel by Don DeLillo, his funniest and wisest in years, explores eternal life as an aging billionaire attempts to cure his sick wife by preserving her body at a secret compound until such time that medical advances can cure her.

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

THE DIVERGENT SERIES: ALLEGIANT The hole that has been left by the end of the Hunger Games franchise has likely left many fans with a void in their life when it comes to the female heroine teenage dystopian nightmare portion of their lives. Luckily, The Divergent Series is only half done at this point, and Allegiant is set not to disapoint. After the earth-shattering revelations of Insurgent, Tris must escape with Four and go beyond the wall enclosing Chicago. For the first time ever, they will leave the only city and family they have ever known in order to find a peaceful solution for their embroiled city. Once outside, old discoveries are quickly rendered meaningless with the revelation of shocking new truths. Tris and Four must quickly decide who they can trust as a ruthless battle ignites beyond the walls of Chicago which threatens all of humanity. In order to survive, Tris will be forced to make impossible choices about courage, allegiance, sacrifice and love. A lot relies on this third installment. Both films in the saga – Divergent and Insurgent – have done well at the box office to date, but neither has broken out to the level of Twilight or The Hunger Games. The fact that Insurgent really wasn’t very good didn’t help. Still, hopes are high that Allegiant can turn things around. Release date 10th March.

ANOMALISA

From Academy Award-winning filmmaker Charlie Kaufman comes a wonderful stopmotion adult animated film about a man struggling with his inability to connect with other people. Starring David Thewlis (Theory of Everything) and Jennifer Jason Leigh (The Hateful Eight). Michael Stone, husband, father and respected author of “How May I Help You Help Them?” is a man crippled by the mundanity of his life. On a business trip to Cincinnati, where he’s scheduled to speak at a convention of customer service professionals, he checks into the Fregoli Hotel. There, he is amazed to discover a possible escape from his desperation in the form of an unassuming Akron baked goods sales rep, Lisa, who may or may not be the love of his life. Release date 11th March.

MOVIES OF THE

MONTH

FIFTY SHADES OF BLACK From Marlon Wayans, and the director of A Haunted House, Fifty Shades Of Black is an outrageous comedy starring Marlon Wayans in the role of Mr. Black. The film is a parody of the 2015 erotic romantic drama film Fifty Shades of Grey. Released in America on 29th January, early reviews of the film have been largely negative, with the Rotten Tomatoes site’s consensus reading, “Wildly erratic even for a spoof movie, Fifty Shades of Black bears the unfortunate distinction of offering fewer laughs than the unintentionally funny film it’s trying to lampoon.” But you never know, we might like it over here. Release date 11th March.

10 CLOVERFIELD LANE

One of the biggest surprises of 2016 so far was the reveal that a Cloverfield sequel (of sorts) would finally be making its way to theatres. Even more surprising was the fact that the follow-up, entitled 10 Cloverfield Lane, would release just two months after its announcement – an almost unprecedented move for what could be a major blockbuster. Now, with the release date quickly approaching, Paramount Pictures shared another trailer during the mid-season premiere of The Walking Dead. There appear to be a few seconds of footage that we haven’t seen in previous trailers or TV spots, but the message remains the same – monsters appear no matter where you go. It’s still unclear how closely this movie will follow its predecessor, especially with neither director Matt Reeves nor writer Drew Goddard attached, but that scream at the end of the trailer should sound very familiar to fans of the first movie. Release date 18th March.

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING 2 Nia Vardalos and John Corbett return in this sequel to the hit rom-com. In 2002, My Big Fat Greek Wedding told the story of Fotoula “Toula” Portokalos (Nia Vardalos), a Greek-American woman who falls in love with a non-Greek upper middle class guy named Ian Miller (John Corbett). It went on to become the highest-grossing romantic comedy of all time, and fans have been clamouring for a sequel ever since. 14 years later, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 now picks up the story of Toula and Ian who, while dealing with their troubled teenage daughter, have another Greek wedding to cope with! Once again written by star Nia Vardalos, this rib-tickling sequel finds the cast reunited for another very big and very fat wedding. Among the newcomers are Mark Margolis, Rita Wilson, John Stamos, Elena Kampouris, Alex Wolff and Elena Kampouris as Paris Miller, Toula and Ian’s rebellious daughter. Release date 25th March.

By Ryan Connolly

THE TALE OF Name: Batman Height: 6’2” Weight: 210lbs P.O.B: Gotham City Secret Identity: Bruce Wayne

Powers/Abilities: No ‘Superpowers’ as such, almost superhuman through years of rigorous and intense training, mastered 127 different forms of Martial arts, completely unpredictable in combat, has the edge of being almost completely invisible, uses fear against opponents, one of the smartest humans in the world, utility belt with a huge array of gadgets that can change the outcome of any battle the Batman may be in. Weaknesses: God complexity – His own worst enemy. Fear is his greatest weapon. When his enemies see him as no more than a man, Batman loses his huge advantage of fear. Blinded by own pride and crusade of self righteousness. Magic – His suit was designed to stop bullets, not magic. Ranged attacks – Batman is most effective in hand to hand combat and stealth attacks. He is still only human and his suit can only protect against guns so much. BATMAN’S ROGUE GALLERY: Joker, Bane, Ra’s Al Ghul, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Penguin, Deathstroke, Scarecrow, Two face, Huge Strange, Black Mask

NOTABLE

PORTRAYALS IN FILM: Batman (1989), Batman Returns (1992), Batman Begins (2005), The Dark Knight (2008), The Dark Knight Rises (2012), Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) ORIGINS: Bruce Wayne was the son of Gotham Billionaires Thomas and Martha Wayne. On the way home from seeing the Mask of Zorro at the theatre, the trio were held at gunpoint by a criminal named Joe Chill. Chill in a flurry of panic shot both Thomas and Martha before making off with what he could. Bruce witnessed his parents die before him; one of the reasons why Batman refuses to use guns. That very night, young Bruce Wayne and heir to the family fortune swears to fight crime and bring justice to those who prey upon the weak and fearful, to turn fear against those who would use it on others. Bruce knew he would need more than just intense intellectual discipline; he would need to physically train for years and learn the psyche of the criminal mind itself, helping mould him into the man who would become the world’s greatest known detective. As if answering his contemplative state, a bat flies in through the window into his study. At that point, Bruce knew he would fashion his symbol to be that of a bat, both his suit and alter ego; thus becoming the Batman many years later. Batman uses his wealth and power to further his gadgetry and technical advantage, while his trusty batmobile gets him anywhere he needs to. By day, the eccentric playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne gives to charity, lives an extravagant lifestyle and broods in his own time. By night, he becomes the Dark Knight of Gotham, her protector, striking fear into the hearts of criminals.

The Batman has been gone for a decade, the world no longer has superheroes, all have been killed or banished and Superman is nothing more than a boy-scout lapdog for president Ronald Reagan. With commissioner Gordon retiring and crime at the highest point it has ever been at; Gotham needs its watchful protector back. Against both government and physical age limitations, Bruce dawns the cape once more to take back the streets. Just as things are going well, a new commissioner is appointed and wants the Batman brought to justice. The Joker also makes a return. With these issues still to deal with, Bruce faces one more adversary; one of his closest friends, the Man of Steel himself. Batman must fight Superman to prove that his will is more powerful than Superman’s physical strength.

After an evening of intense crime fighting, an exhausted Batman returns to Wayne manner only to have his ass handed to him by the physically enhanced Bane, someone who sees Batman as the vision from his nightmares as a child within Pena Duro prison. During his time here, Bane trained at the prison gym every day while serving out his father’s life sentence, and was given a classical education from one of the other older inmates of the prison. Becoming both physically and intellectually superior to most people. Establishing himself as ‘king’ of the prison, the prison chiefs used Bane for an experimental drug test known as ‘Venom’. The drug had killed all of its other test subjects thus far. Having almost died, Bane miraculously survived and became even more physically enhanced. Crippling Batman severely, Bane established himself the king of the Gotham criminal underbelly. Wayne who is out of the game, handed the mantle of the bat over to Jean Paul Valley, known as Azrael. With Azrael becoming increasingly violent in his methods, even resorting to killing foes, the Batman had to come back after recovering from a broken vertebrae to take on the ‘new’ Batman.

The graphic novel that both defined and re-defined both Batman and his closest ally; Jim Gordon. Both come into Gotham at around the same time, carrying their own weight and problems, making their mistakes and slowly forging their paths to become who they are years down the line. The Dark Knight and the Grey Knight. Over the course of the novel, they form an uneasy alliance which would be defined later on in the years to come. One of the best highlights of this novel is that there are almost no key villains. Selina makes an appearance but really it is about the characters, where they came from, how they meet, how their mistakes make them into the men that they become.

F THE TAPE

By William Frew

Name: Kal-El Height: 6’3 Weight: 235lbs P.O.B: Krypton Secret Identity: Clark Kent Powers: Flight, superhuman strength, x-ray vision, heat vision, cold breath, super speed, enhanced hearing, nigh invulnerability. Weaknesses: Kryptonite – Fragments of radiation from the planet Krypton. When Superman is exposed to Kryptonite it’s high band radiation levels causes severe physical pain and loss of powers, after a length of time this could even result in death. Red Sun Radiation – Natural in Krypton’s planetary system red solar radiation replaces the higher-yield yellow solar energy in Superman’s cells, robbing him of the fuel for his powers. On Krypton everyone lived as humans do on Earth, they walk, they aren’t super strong and they aren’t invulnerable to severe damage. Only when Superman or another Kryptonian enters our solar system are they fuelled with the yellow suns solar energy. Lead – This is the only material that Superman’s X-Ray vision cannot penetrate.

STORIES

SUPERMAN’S ROGUES GALLERY: Lex Luthor, General Zod, Bizzaro, Brainiac, Black Adam, Cyborg Superman MOVIES:

Superman 1-4, Superman Returns, Man of Steel, Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justic, Smallville.

PORTRAYALS IN FILM: Christopher Reeves 1978-87, Brandon Routh 2006, Henry Cavill 2013-present. Known as the biggest story ever, in which Superman finally meets his match and battles to protect the city that he loves from the monster known as Doomsday. By the battle’s end Doomsday is dead; however, Superman is fatally wounded and dies in the arms of Lois Lane.

ORIGINS: Superman was born Kal-El on the planet Krypton to Jor-El and Lara, they become aware of Krypton’s destruction so constructed a space craft to help Kal escape Krypton’s doom. The Space craft lands in a cornfield in Kansas-USA and is found by Johnathon and Martha Kent, they decide to adopt the alien baby and raise him as Clark Kent. It doesn’t take them too long to discover that Clark is very powerful, so they teach him how to control and use his powers for good. Clark, when he is older, creates the alter ego, Superman. To conceal his identity he styles his hair differently, wears glasses and baggy clothes to hide his physique. Clark moves to Metropolis to become a reporter for the Daily Planet, this is where he meets his love interest Lois Lane. She is also a reporter and covers stories regularly on Superman , whilst unaware that the man she writes about is in the same office as her every day.

It is set in the year 2020 where Superman and his generation of heroes from the Justice League days have been succeeded by a new generation of heroes whose ideals are more nihilistic, caring less about the people they’re supposed to protect and more about their own egos, and are found even clashing with each other as much as they do with the villains. It is when a major disaster happens when Superman decides to rein in the new generation of heroes in the hopes that they would reform and adopt his generation’s ideals of what being a superhero is about.

After receiving a fatal overdose of solar radiation from Lex Luthor, Superman went about completing several final tasks (including the creation of Earth-Q, the very universe in which the ‘real world’ exists) before flying into the sun to save it from poisoning by the tyrant star Solaris, repairing it from within. He left behind instructions to combine his genetic code with that of Lois Lane, siring a second Superman who would form the time-spanning Superman Squad that would defend this Earth for all time, led by the original Superman who emerged from the sun as a near-divine golden being.

FEATURE

OUR LIST OF THE BEST SUPERHERO MOVIES (OF ALL TIME) THE DARK KNIGHT Christopher Nolan’s realistic and gritty adaptation of the infamous D.C hero creates an almost perfect cinematic experience. After establishing the trilogy with Batman Begins Director Nolan and sensational actors Christian Bale and the deceased Heath Ledger, collaborate to deliver the greatest superhero movie of all time. It is unequivocally exceptional due to the directing, acting and overall plot. Unfortunately for fans, we might never witness a film this great again. Gary Oldman’s performance as Commissioner Gordon is severely underrated. While Bale brings the brutish and tormented attitude required to perform as Bruce Wayne. The best aspect of this film is the modern day return of the Joker, to the big screen. Heath Ledger’s Oscar victory was well deserved as he literally immersed himself within the role of an insane criminal mastermind. This film is highly respected and joins the likes of Godfather 2 and The Empire Strikes Back as the greatest sequels of all time

UNLIKELY HERO MOVIE TEAM-UPS Everyone loves a good flick where the hero defeats the bad guy and saves the world, or just triumphs over pretty much anything bad in their life. But what’s better is when we get a bunch of our favourites teaming up to double defeat evil and triumph.

But this list isn’t devoted to the best hero team ups, but more so the most unlikely ones that still manage to boss their cause. Pairing’s and team ups we never thought we would see, but ones we still root for anyway. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY – Okay so, this might not be the most surprising one, in terms of this, this was probably the one that was actually intentional. The most random of people were just accidentally thrown together, different species, different goals – it’s so random it works. Either way they save the planet.

DODGEBALL – A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY. This is an example of heroes that aren’t really the hero stereotype. As in, they do defeat the bad guy, but not someone who is trying to destroy the world bad guy. But they do prevail. What makes them so heroic is probably the fact that they are all underdogs, that make the best sense as a team.

THE GOONIES – What makes this better is probably the fact they are all kids and the relatable fact is that it’s hard fitting in, but they all manage to come together and not only make an awesome group of friends, but they save their town from getting demolished AND they stop a group of old cronies. In this group we have the cool, slick older brother Brand, his beauty queen, cheerleading love interest and her unimpressed, bored friend. Then we have Mikey, the asthma attacking inspiring 12-year-old, Mouth, well, that’s sort of self-explanatory, Chunk, the geeky, overweight, annoying one that always loves a good adventure, Data, the inventor and we honestly can’t forget Sloth because he really was part of the gang!

THE FIFTH ELEMENT – This was already unlikely from the beginning. Who would have known that a taxi cab driver and an all-powerful being would be the greatest team up to defeat all evil? Never mind the greatest, working couple in the entire galaxy. GHOSTBUSTERS – So we have three of the best scientists in New York and Winston who are probably the most unlikely of friends let alone heroes destined to capture ghosts. But regardless, it works and it certainly gets the job done, never mind the fact we couldn’t imagine ever calling anyone else after they burst onto the scene with their nuclear accelerators and boiler suits.

THE FACULTY – This team up may only have happened because they appeared to be the only ones aware that their school was being taken over by aliens. This alien-fighting, town saving team consists of the goth-like, loner girl, the jock, who consequently the goth girl has a crush on, his prissy, journalistic, pretentious girlfriend, the geek no one speaks to, who was also Frodo in Lord of the Rings, the new girl, and the popular-ish guy that manages to gain everyone’s attention, negative or positive due to seemingly repeating high school numerous times. Spoiler alert and major reason why this is the most unlikely of teams: one of the gang is actually an alien. by Ashleigh Telfer @_ashleightelfer a.telfer@tsaglasgow.com

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE Undoubtedly the greatest superhero team up film, although this may be subjected to change with the upcoming release of the highly anticipated Superman V Batman. Viewers get to witness Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk and Thor battle against an alien army. Tom Hiddleston’s portrayal of mythical Norse God Loki gives the film a strong villain to root against for the duration of the film. This is the pinnacle of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, as hardcore Marvel fans had been waiting a particularly long time for the Avengers to join forces. THE INCREDIBLES Disney and Pixar’s epic animated family superhero film melted the hearts of children and adults alike. Its playful humour, family antics and heroic theme all contributed to it becoming one of the greatest animations ever. One thing to look forward to is the 2019 release of the sequel, 15 years after the release of The Incredibles. So we have another three years to wait, don’t disappoint us Disney. It is most children’s dream to have a close family who are all blessed with super abilities. Although that will never be a reality, a sequel will ease the pain of imagination. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY No-one expected one of the most obscure comic books to be transformed into an entertaining and highly successful film, with a sequel on its way. If you analyse it in depth, you will see some comparisons with the Avengers, and realise this film is basically Avengers in space. However that doesn’t take away from the fact it’s a comedic film with a strong cast of misfit heroes who are forced together to achieve a common goal, albeit with different motives. The characters of this superhero space universe are inherently flawed, but that doesn’t stop them from being humorous heroes. DEADPOOL For the last decade, Ryan Reynolds has been trying to get this film produced. The obstacles are clearly out of the way, as his role as the wise cracking, sword swinging antihero paid off tremendously and literally. Deadpool managed to achieve the biggest box office opening weekend for the initial film in a superhero franchise. A sequel has already been green lit, so fans can expect more Ryan Reynolds breaking the fourth wall and interacting with loyal fans. by Billal Rahman billsblog2015.wordpress.com

@Billzinyourgaff

b.rahman@tsaglasgow.com

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

GREATEST MARVEL TEAM UPS Fans have debated the great question of comic geekdom for decades. Which is better? Marvel or DC? Well our opinion is that they have both given us great moments of utter escapism for years; whether that be the Nolan Dark Knight trilogy from DC or Marvel’s Avengers. With DC looking to take the crown of Comic book films this year with both Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad coming out later on, we want to take a look at some of the best Marvel team ups of all time that have ever graced the pages of a comic book!

SPIDERMAN AND VENOM It is no secret that these two are enemies, Spiderman and Venom have been at each other’s throats for several decades now. Venom is an alien symbiote that clings onto a human host, in doing so it enhances its own capabilities and that of the host, giving it similar powers to that of Spiderman. The Venom’s first host believe it or not was Spiderman, it clung on to him giving him a black suit and even further enhancing his abilities. When Spiderman finally separated from the symbiote it found itself a new host in Eddie Brock. Spiderman and Venom actually share a common enemy who goes by the name of Carnage, who is another symbiote form with no morals – It only seeks death and destruction. Spiderman and Venom are enemies until the end but you know it gets serious when they have to team up for the greater good.

SPIDERMAN AND DEADPOOL Yes the two funniest players in the comic book world have been in the same pages together. When Deadpool and Spidey team up we know we’re going to get a few chuckles. Everyone knows Spiderman as a witty web slinger who loves to take the mick out his enemies for his personal pleasure. Once he even defeated The Incredible Hulk by telling him a joke. Deadpool on the other hand is our

R-rated anti-hero who doesn’t think of the consequences, so when these two team up Spidey usually has to be the mature one, which we aren’t used to seeing. Deadpool loves to pick fights and entice Spiderman when they team up and it’s no surprise they come to disagreements, I personally find this hilarious because the roles have been reversed and in this case the shoe is on the other foot for Spidey.

THE HUNTERIAN COMIC EXHIBIT

CAPTAIN AMERICA AND BUCKY Steve Rodgers and James ‘Buchanan’ Barnes first met when the Captain was assigned a sidekick in Captain America#1. Resilient at first but Cap warmed to the idea when he could see Bucky could hold his own in battle, not only that they became best friends. Their bromance was torn apart when Cap believed Bucky perished when disarming a weapon launch by Baron Zemo, however years later Bucky returned as a deadly brainwashed mercenary; The Winter Soldier. After many battles Cap managed to snap Bucky out of it, yet again making him an ally. Due to the fact people die all the times in the comics Bucky has even taken up the mantle of Captain America when Steve Rodgers was killed. Will this happen in the films? Hopefully we’ll find out in the next couple of months when Captain America: Civil War hits out screens.

DEADPOOL AND CABLE This is a very strange relationship as both of them have very different personalities. Deadpool is our goofy loveable merc with the mouth who loves chimichangas, violence and pop culture. Then we have Cable aka Nathan Summers who is a serious military stiff. When these two are put in a situation it’s either extremely violent or crazy dangerous but it always ends up being hilarious. The thing that makes these two a fairly unique team is the complete contrast in their

behaviours, but also they’re BFFs. They first met when the merc was hired to take out Cable, however over the years their rivalries fizzled out and they became close friends who often teamed up. They bring the best out in each other, Deadpool loosens Cable up and makes him less of a killjoy whilst Cable encourages Wade making him want to do better with his abilities. Cable is secretly a cutie and even secretly hires Deadpool for jobs in order to keep his selfesteem up, that’s friendship right there. by William Frew Twitter: @Mr_Blonde94 Blog: frewflix.wordpress.com w.frew@tsaglasgow.com

A new exhibition opening at the Hunterian Art Gallery this March will reveal the world’s oldest comic. The Hunterian is one of the world’s leading University museums and one of Scotland’s greatest cultural assets. The Hunterian is also home to one of the most distinguished public art collections in Scotland and features the world’s largest permanent display of the work of James McNeill Whistler, the largest single holding of the work of Scottish artist, architect and designer Charles Rennie Mackintosh (1868 – 1928) and The Mackintosh House, the reassembled interiors from his Glasgow home. The Hunterian is holding the Comic Invention where comic fans and artists can see how it all began from the earliest stages of telling their stories through pictures with the likes of the oldest being Scooby Doo and Batman. They will also reveal new material relating to the history of comics, taking a deeper look in a much larger scale as it will be showcasing its best work from The Hunterian and beyond, from the ancient Egyptians to Hogarth as

well as some fine modern art. This is an extremely rare chance to see works by artists such as Rembrandt, Picasso, Hockney and Warhol alongside the first major display of original drawings by graphic artist Frank Quitely of DC Comics, the most in-demand graphic artist working in the industry today. The exhibition establishes Scotland as the birthplace of comics, highlighting a very important but little known work called The Glasgow Looking Glass of 1825. A must see for all comic fans at this exhibit will be a selection of artwork by Frank Quitely for Batman, New X Men and Superman as well as Roy Lichtenstein’s iconic In the Car and work from Turner Prize winner Martin Boyce, which will be on display for the very first time. Scots Makar Edwin Morgan’s scrapbooks will also be showing horror comics relating to the 1954 ‘Gorbals Vampire’ scandal. Comic Invention is at the Hunterian Art Gallery from 18 March until 17 July 2016. Admission is by Natalie Miller £5.00, £3.00 @nataliemiller_x concession.

n.miller@tsaglasgow.com

FEATURE

WHAT WE WOULD ALL LOVE TO SEE IN A Of course team ups is something we think of often but, I’d say personally a more common question is “Could he kick his ass?”

DC and Marvel are the two biggest comic book publications in the world, with universes that have simply leaped out the page and made their way onto the big screens, clothing stores and of course people’s hearts. We have taken a look at some of the DC/Marvel Cross over team ups and fights we’d love to see. Do you agree? Let us know at @TSA_Glasgow.

Superheroes have to give each other a hand from time to time when the fate of the world is at threat. Here are a few team ups I think we’d love to see! The Dark Knight is arguably the most popular hero in the world right now, with another film on the way. It’s even got to the point where Batman is celebrated as an icon, where you don’t need to necessarily be a comic book fan to like him. He is a serious, disciplined vigilante who fights in the name of justice after his parents were gunned down in an alley right in front of his eyes. Imagine this dark figure working with our Chimichanga loving Deadpool? Personally I think it’d be hilarious. Batman has a rule of no killing, whilst Deadpool doesn’t think twice about slicing and dicing his opponents like they’re kebabs. He wouldn’t hesitate to make a quip about it either.

Source: geektyrant.com

Source: Reddit.com

Source: comicvine.gamespot.com

Playboy millionaire philanthropist Tony Stark would kill for a chance to work with Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman being an Amazon warrior makes her quite formidable to her enemies with the abilities of flight, super strength and of course being gorgeous. Not only that she has an arsenal of a sword, shield and the lasso of truth. I believe the chemistry between this pair would be extremely hostile at first but they’d warm to each other, with Diana being serious and noble and Tony being a genius smart mouth who would likely try to seduce Diana eventually with his cunning charm. A genius in a billion dollar super suit and a warrior princess would be quite the team don’t you think?

Omg totally imagine the patriotism that would go down here. If Captain America; The most noble, loyal and respectful person to ever grace our comics met Superman. Supes isn’t too bad himself, he also sees the best in people and is also an American icon – Ironic him being an alien and all. These two are probably the most righteous people in comics, always doing their best for the greater of humanity, at times they may wobble from the path but always stick to their principles. They are the boy scouts of our comics and as young children these are the heroes we aspire to be, until of course we see Batman and think “He’s a cool, rich badass.”

Source: brionius.deviantart.com

Green Arrow and Hawkeye have both been in our comics for many decades, but they haven’t come to the limelight until recently when the Green Arrow got his own TV show and Hawkeye became an Avenger. Both of these characters are human and possess nearly identical skills – they’re archers. This would be a very interesting tussle, as both have been known to never miss. Both have different backgrounds, one learning his trade by joining the circus and the other being stranded on an island for five years.

This is a battle that could literally go on for days, it’s something that a lot of people would love to see though. The obstacle Supes has here is that the angrier Hulk gets the stronger he gets, so what would he have to do to beat him? There’s a theory throwing him into the sun could work but Hulk is known to be immortal. The Hulk would have a battle on his hands as Superman can fly, shoot laser beams, take a massive amount of damage and of course pack a mighty punch. This would be truly interesting.

Wolverine is known to be a loose cannon at times and carries a mantle of being an anti-hero in comic books, he doesn’t hesitate to slash someone in half with his metal claws. Logan has lived for centuries and possess the abilities of animal keen senses, enhanced physical capabilities and the power of regeneration. He was kidnapped and forced to be part of the Weapon X programme and was given an Adamantium skeleton making him near indestructible. Batman of course is human, but trained in nearly every form of martial art and in peak physical condition – he isn’t a man to be quarrelled with. Batman is known to beat anyone with preparation time with his genius intellect, gadgets and unlimited resources. But if he had to meet a blood lusted Wolverine in the streets of Gotham do you think he would be made mincemeat of? It would be an incredible battle between these two gladiators. by William Frew

Source: Pinterest.com

Twitter: @Mr_Blonde94 Blog: frewflix.wordpress.com w.frew@tsaglasgow.com

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

R-RATED SUPERHEROES

It’s not silly to say that comic books and graphic novels have become an essential cog in the pop culture engine in recent years. Most people you speak to will have certainly heard of the likes of Batman, Superman and the Joker, they probably could tell you a bit about them too. Since we’ve hit the 21st century we’ve went nuts for superheroes. The comic book industry alone is on fire being worth a staggering $870million, this is three times what it was worth in the year 2000. Our most beloved heroes have leaped out the pages into children’s hearts, our clothes and of course our cinema screens. There are characters out there though who have been kept away from the big screens for a long time or they have been simply dimmed down so that the film studios can market for a bigger audience, but due to demand, times are changing. Will Deadpool be the one to change this? Deadpool is a name that has been on everyone’s lips since the release of his solo film earlier this February. He is an unorthodox potty mouth you wouldn’t want your children to aspire to be. If you want your child to have a sense of pride, respect and responsibility I recommend you keep taking him to see Captain America. Deadpool was one of the first big Marvel players to get his own niche audience, of course there was also Blade at the return of the century but I firmly believe that Deadpool

is more in the limelight, having interacted with our heroes in comics many times. There of course have been other Graphic novel based movies which have been stamped with rated R status and fans have absolutely adored them. One of the biggest names in comic book writing today is Mark Millar, arguably he is one of the Gods of Olympus in the comic book world. So far Mark has had four rated R movies released based on his work, these being; Kick Ass 1&2, Wanted and Kingsman. All of these have received positive reception not only from comic book fans but members of the general public as well. Other rated R movies have been released by lesser known independent comic book publications, these being; The Crow, 300 and Dredd. These all being good movies which received great reception from comic book fans. Now that Marvel and DC comics are at the top of their game there really is more demand, especially from the groups of niche fans that love a bit of gore and wish that their heroes, anti-heroes and villains are represented just like they’ve been pulled from the page of comic. Accuracy really is the key to a comic book fans heart. The figures have been released for Deadpool and it’s poised to surpass The Passion of the Christ as the highest grossing rated R movie of all time. It has also been revealed Deadpool will get a sequel and Ryan Reynolds has stated that

the script is already underway. News has also been revealed that the script for the new Spawn movie is nearly completed, if anyone has read Spawn you will know that he definitely needs rated R status due to the fact he’s a complete bad ass. News is circulating the internet that Hugh Jackman will play Wolverine for the very last time in his new solo film, fans out there believe he needs to go out with a bang so they should rubber stamp him with rated R status, like he has been pulled straight from the books. Comic Wolverine wouldn’t hesitate to rip someone in half with his Adamantium claws if they severely pissed him off. The latest piece of news on the rated R front is that when Batman vs Superman hits shelves, there will be a special edition Blu Ray version-which will be rated R. The director Zack Snyder hasn’t hesitated making rated R flicks in the past with his adaptations of 300 and Watchmen, so why should Batman and Supes be any different? Comic books are growing into a massive Kracken which will conquer our shelves, clothing racks and cinema screens for the next decade and I don’t see it slowing down any time soon. Even if this monster sprouts another head which is rated R movies, I don’t think any comic by William Frew book fans will be Twitter: @Mr_Blonde94 complaining. Blog: frewflix.wordpress.com w.frew@tsaglasgow.com

SHOULDA, WOULDA, COULDA

Films that didn’t get an Oscar Nomination

The awards season is almost finished for another year, with the 88th Annual Academy Awards wrapping a neat bow on everything. It wouldn’t be silly to say that ‘Best Picture’ is one of the most coveted awards in the industry and if you manage to obtain one of these then you have indeed done well. Movies such as The Revenant, Spotlight and The Big Short were on everyone’s minds the other night for sure, with Spotlight taking the top prize, however what people are forgetting is that there were fantastic movies that weren’t even nominated. Jurassic World – One of the highest grossing films of last year (raking in $1.6bn) doesn’t always guarantee you a ticket to the Oscars. Jurassic World tells the Prehistoric tale of two young brothers going to ‘Jurassic World’ – an island resort filled with rides,

balloons and dinosaurs. It all seems to be a good holiday for the boys until the genetically engineered Indominus Rex escapes captivity. This beast is vicious and designed for hunting by having it’s genetic code altered using pieces of the Chameleon, T-Rex and Velociraptor; this Hybrid is truly haunting. The Island goes on lockdown and we see a raptor tamer and the park’s manager throw everything at this monster in a desperate attempt to save the residents of the park. This film stars Chris Pratt, Dallas Bryce Howard, Nick Robinson, TY Simpkins and Vincent D’Onofrio. The Hateful 8 – When Quentin Tarantino releases a movie it becomes an event, every movie lover will race to the cinema to see it. This year was was a little different though as

the film was leaked online prior to release which arguably hurt the movie. Hateful 8 is a western based in post-civil war Wyoming. While racing towards the town of Red Rock a bounty hunter John ‘The Hangman’ Routh and his fugitive prisoner encounter another bounty hunter Marcus Warren and a man claiming to be the new Sheriff of Red Rock. Whilst a deadly blizzard is on its way, this group of people take shelter in a cabin with four other miserable human beings. It doesn’t take too long to work out that not everyone will make it to Red Rock alive. This sees some of QT’s dynasty return with a line-up of Kurt Russell, Samuel L Jackson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Michael Madsen, Tim Roth and Channing Tatum. Creed – Another addition to the Rocky franchise where this time we see the legacy

of Apollo Creed being carried on. The illegitimate son of Apollo Creed is brought into the picture, telling us a story of the next generation of boxers. We see Adonis struggle with who he is as we see him attempt to become a boxing champion using his mother’s name, the world totally unaware he is the blood of one the best ever. He then crosses paths with the great Rocky Balboa and from that point on we see him become the man he was born to be under his guidance. This film stars Oscar Nominee Sylvester Stallone and Michael B Jordan. Star Wars: The Force Awakens – Arguably the biggest franchise in movie history released its seventh movie over Christmas and took the world by storm, becoming the highest domestic grossing movie of all time in America and third highest grossing in the world. The First Order has risen, they plan to take control of the galaxy under the iron fist of Supreme Leader Snoke. They plan to do this by using a planet sized space station which can obliterate entire star systems, not only that, they are also attempting to find a map which reveals the location of the last remaining Jedi – Luke Skywalker. We see a new generation of heroes come together to conquer evil and bring balance to the force. This fantastic movie stars Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac by William Frew and Andy Twitter: @Mr_Blonde94 Blog: frewflix.wordpress.com Serkis. w.frew@tsaglasgow.com

March PICK OF THE MONTH 34

It’s no great secret that Scotland’s music scene is a thing to be proud of. So we here at TSA have teamed up with Glasgow’s very own New Hellfire Club to bring you a monthly pick of who we think are doing epically well right now. Keep your eyes out for these up and coming bands. This is TSA and New Hellfire Club’s ‘Pick of the Month’.

THE RONAYNES This month TSA and NHC MUSIC managed to grab a quick chat with one of Glasgow’s fastest growing, and exciting new bands, The Ronaynes. We have been talking about them a lot online in the past few weeks, so we thought we would let them do some of the talking themselves for a change. So without further ado, here are The Ronaynes; HI FOLKS! WE’RE EXCITED TO GET YOU IN THIS ISSUE AS POTM, AND IT’S WELL DESERVED TOO. SO WHY DON’T YOU START US OFF BY TELLING US A BIT ABOUT YOURSELVES AND THE BAND? Jamie: I’m a guitarist and songwriter. Our band is trying to bring some rock n roll back. That’s my take on it anyway….real music. Debbie: I’m lead singer, and basically we’re singing about all the kind of issues that are surrounding us today. Jenny: I hit things with sticks. Mark M: I’m a bassist. Mark F: I play guitar. Mark F is our new guitarist. We want to give him a big welcome! He’s just been with us for a couple of weeks and can already play the full setlist! YOU GUYS HAVE COME ON IN LEAPS AND BOUNDS SINCE YOU EXPLODED ONTO THE SCENE RECENTLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY HAS BEEN THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN YOUR SUDDEN RISE? IS IT ALL HARD WORK, OR ARE THERE OTHER IMPORTANT FACTORS AT PLAY? Mark M: New bass player! Kidding! (laughs) Jamie: I would say hard work. Mark M: Hard work! Debs: A lot of dedication. Mark M: A lot of time in the studio together. Putting in the hours. Doing gig after gig after gig to get a lot of experience, no matter how dark and how shit the lighting and the soundguy and the rest of it was, we just went for it. It’s worth it! It seems to be paying off. We’re heading in the right direction. Jamie: We’re obsessed. WHAT’S COMING UP THIS YEAR THEN, ARE THERE ANY BIG GIGS

IN PARTNERSHIP WIITH

OR NEW RELEASES COMING UP ON THE NEAR HORIZON THAT YOU CAN SHARE WITH US? Debs: We have the launch of our single, Anonymous. That will hopefully be before summer. Then we’ll follow that up with the EP launch. We’ve got a good four gigs per month just now. We’re playing at The Vale, The Box, there’s the Homeless Affair gig at Anderston Shelter, and Broadcast. YOU’VE DONE A CRACKING AMOUNT OF GIGS IN 2015, AND A COUPLE IN 2016 TOO, TELL US WHAT YOUR PICK OF THE BUNCH WAS, AND WHY? Jenny: I think Stereo. Good sound, great place to play… Jamie: Aye it was good, but everybody liked our gig at Broadcast. Mark M: It was a good gig! Jamie: Everybody said that! But I agree, Stereo as well. WE ASK EVERYONE ON HERE, SO NEED TO ASK YOU GUYS TOO, WHO ARE YOUR OWN FAVOURITE INDEPENDENT BANDS ON THE LOCAL SCENE AT THE MOMENT? Jenny: Megalomatic. Jamie: I like Five Cousins and Glasvegas. Debs: Scarlett Randle. HOW DOES BEING IN A POPULAR BAND FIT IN WITH YOUR REAL LIVES AWAY FROM THE MUSIC AND THE VENUES, IS IT A HARD JUGGLING ACT TO PULL OFF,

MUSIC

DO YOU GET SICK OF THE RAT RACE SOMETIMES? (FROM PERSONAL BAND EXPERIENCE I CAN EMPATHISE WITH HOW HARD IT CAN BE TO FIT REAL LIFE AROUND THE MUSIC, RATHER THAN THE OTHER WAY AROUND) Jamie: It’s really hard. I don’t sleep at night for the band. I’m obsessed with it. I want to leave my work for this band, but it’s coming. Hard work always pays off. Debs: Yeah it’s hard! I work full-time and manage a house, and manage everybody in that house….. Mark M: Traffic. Roads. (For every practice and gig, Mark drives all the way down the M8 from Shotts, to Clydebank) Jenny: Yeah you got stuck every time Kevin Bridges was on at the SSE, didn’t you? Mark: Yep. Are you reading that, Kevin!??

THERE ARE A LOT OF GREAT YOUNG BANDS OUT THERE ON THE CUSP OF BREAKING THROUGH. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO THE ASPIRING MUSICIANS READING THIS? Mark M: Make sure you’ve got the right backup. Debs: Surround yourself with the right people, and it’s also about staying positive. Jamie: You have to fall in love with the music. Mark M: Patience. Jamie: Aye it is Patience Mark, that’s probably the biggest one. Jenny: Hard work, dedication. Mark M: Gordy says, “A few may hate it, and others may just love it”. Jamie: That’s it! FAMOUS LAST WORDS? What Mark just said!

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

AT THE END OF MARCH, YEARS AND YEARS ARE TAKING OVER GLASGOW’S O2 ACADEMY FOR TWO NIGHTS, DELIGHTING THEIR GLASWEGIAN FANS WHO CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THE INFECTIOUS ELECTRO-POP CREATING TRIO. HOWEVER, IT TURNS OUT YEARS AND YEARS ARE PRETTY FOND OF GLASGOW TOO, AS THE BAND’S BASS GUITARIST, MIKEY GOLDSWORTHY, NOTED GLASGOW CROWDS ‘ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE THE LOUDEST’. IN THIS LATEST INTERVIEW WITH MIKEY, HE TALKS ABOUT THEIR RECENT ‘REALLY GOOD’ GIG AT GLASGOWS O2 ABC, HOW THE PRODUCTION HAS BEEN STEPPED UP ON THE LATEST TOUR, NINTENDO 64 COMPETITIVENESS AND THEIR 2016 PLANS.

YOU HAD AN INCREDIBLE YEAR IN 2015 FROM THE BBC SOUND POLL TO SELLING OUT TWO DATES AT BRIXTON ACADEMY. WERE THERE ANY PARTICULAR HIGHLIGHTS? The BBC Sound Poll was one and of course Glastonbury. For me personally appearing on Jimmy Fallon was a big one. There was so much though, I literally can’t believe how much we did in one year. We’re still recovering. IT WAS A PRETTY FAST RISE IN THE PUBLIC EYE. FROM THE SOUND POLL, THEN YOUR DEBUT ALBUM DROPPED AND MOMENTUM JUST KEPT ON GOING. WHEN DID IT START TO FEEL LIKE ‘WE’RE A BIG BAND’? When we started out I was still a waiter working in restaurants, so once the BBC Sound Poll happened everything changed, but I did have a moment like that when we were playing the Jingle Bell Ball at the end of the year. Coldplay had gone on and then Little Mix and we had to wait behind this curtain before going on and then it went up and I just seen all these people filling the O2 Arena and I was like “O God, what have we done?” HAS THERE EVER BEEN A POINT WHEN YOU’VE BEEN IN THE CAR OR IN A SHOP AND YOUR TRACK HAS COME ON? There’s been an occasional time, sometimes

I’ll be in a taxi in London and it’ll come on. There was a time when we were at McDonalds in Sweden, which was a bit weird. IS IT A GREAT FEELING WHEN IT COMES ON? It can be embarrassing when the family puts it on or something, but it’s fine. YOU’VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR 4 BRITS, WHICH IS INSANE, IS THAT SOMETHING YOU’D ASPIRED TO WHEN YOU STARTED OUT? Just the four hahh.. No, not really. We first started doing it just for fun and then it sort of just swung that way. We never sat down and said “we want to get nominations for this or that”. It’s something that came about quite naturally.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING BIG PLANNED FOR THE TOUR? Yeah, we’re definitely going to step it up a bit. We’re going to try out some new songs. We’re going to start getting the production together soon and hope to beat Brixton, which is going to be difficult. ARE THERE ANY HOME COMFORTS YOU TAKE ON TOUR? We bought a Nintendo 64 for the bus and we all play Mario Kart and Golden Eye on it. DO YOU GET COMPETITIVE? WHO, OF YOU, THE GUYS IS THE BEST? A little bit actually. Dylan (drummer) is really good at Golden Eye and I’m pretty good at Fifa actually.

YOU’RE HEADING OUT ON A UK TOUR IN SPRING, ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO IT? Yeah. Absolutely. We love touring. We’ve had a bit of time off, so I’m getting a bit of cabin fever. I’m really looking forward to it starting now.

HAVE YOU BEGUN WORK ON A NEXT ALBUM YET? I IMAGINE BEING OUT ON THE ROAD ALL THE TIME MAKES IT HARD TO WRITE. No, not really yet. There’s probably not going to be anything coming out this year. After touring we’ll probably take some time to start writing. We don’t really write on the road, it’s definitely a separate thing.

ANY PARTICULAR SHOWS YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? Wembley obviously. Also, we’re going to be playing Birmingham on my Birthday, which is pretty cool.

WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT PLANNED FOR 2016? The touring is about it really. Some more things, will pop-up, like we’re going to tour with Ellie Goulding in America, which will be

crazy and festivals are starting to get worked out too. We are doing Coachella, which will be great, definitely hot. HOW DID THE BAND FORM? I moved over from Australia, me and Emre had met online and were just faffing around making music. I met Olly through a friend of mine at a party and we just starting rehearsing together and it took off from there. We were all in London at the time, Olly was acting, I was working in a restaurant and Emre was an architect. Emre, actually helped with the Brighton FC stadium, so hopefully they’ll get promoted to the Premier League. I’m a Liverpool fan and Sami Hypia was their manager, so I have a bit of a soft spot for them. HOW DO YOU COMPARE GLASGOW CROWDS TO OTHER CROWDS? I feel like the more north you go the louder the crowds get, like we stepped it up and Glasgow always seems to be the loudest. We played the ABC recently, which was really good and prior to that we played King Tuts. I remember that gig quite well. It’s like an entry to Glasgow. In the office they have the posters/flyers from past gigs and literally every band has been through there.

WHAT’S ON IN TECHNO

It’s all about Techno TOP EVENTS IN MARCH....

by Daniel Smith @dannysmith1996 d.smith@tsaglasgow.com

UNITY PRESENTS: EDIT SELECT (Stereo 5/3/16) Since the mid-nineties, Tony Scott has been producing and recording music under a wide variety of different alias. However, it is under the guise of Edit Select he’s found the most success. Renowned for his attention to detail and strict production process, the producer has had a wealth of success, remixing the likes of Speedy J, Chris Leibing and Slam, also collaborating with Dino Sabatini and Giorgio Gigli. He plays at Stereo on Saturday 5th of March with support from Unity residents Protic and Noé. RETURN TO MONO: DVS1 AND SLAM (Subclub 11/3/16) Slam’s monthly Friday night residency at Subclub returns with a bang. This time, they welcome Zak Khutoretsky aka DVS1. One of the most energetic and enthusiastic DJs on the Techno scene today, Zak continues to engross and encapsulate audiences the world over. Fans of Slam will recognise him from his legendary Slam radio set, recorded 11 hours deep into a set at Berghain. They join techno-heavyweights and Glasgow favourites Slam in the Subclub on Friday 11th March. ANIMAL FARM – ANTHONY PARASOLE + ABDULLA RASHIM (The Art School 12/3/16) Animal Farm have pretty much been at the forefront of the Glasgow underground for a matter of years now; that’s not to say they’ve gone completely unnoticed to the general public, guesting impressive performances at Pressure, Subclub and the T in the Park Slam Tent. On Saturday 12th of March, they give Scotland debuts to NYC house and techno veteran Anthony Parasole, and the dark, uncompromising broody sounds of Swedish producer Abdulla Rashim. Two different styles of music; one incredible night of tunes.

A LOVE FROM OUTER SPACE – TRANSMISSION – ANDREW WEATHERALL & SEAN JOHNSTON (The Flying Duck 5/3/16) If there’s one DJ in the British techno scene who needs no introduction, it’s Andrew Weatherall. A prominent figure dating all the way back to the Madchester scene, he continues to offer us his own, truly unique, brand of dance music. Not just confined to techno, this is a producer unashamed of his roots, often dropping tracks from his formative years in the north of England, offering a truly diverse club experience. He’s joined by former veteran Sean Johnston, the other half of his London based residency “A Love From Outer Space”. CODE PRESENTS: DEVELOPER + NICK M (La Cheetah 19/3/16) Code celebrate their 6th birthday by welcoming one of the most established and accomplished DJ’s in the game today: Developer. Emerging from the Los Angeles techno scene in the early 90s, the producer went from strength to strength culminating in the co-founding of the first techno distribution company on the west coast “Entity Music Distribution”. World renowned for his marathon sets and innovative programming skills, Developer continues to reinforce his title as one of the most interesting djs in the world today. He’s joined by code resident Nick M in the always intimate La Cheetah. PRESSURE (SWG3 27/3/16) Easter Sunday sees SWG3 play host to one of the best Pressure line ups in recent memory. UK techno tag team Blawan and Pariah present their monstrous live hardware act Karenn. The last few years have seen them delivering some of the most captivating, mind melting sets of their respective careers. They’re joined by techno don and Berghain resident Len Faki, unquestionably one of the most consistent performers in the game today. There’s also performances from Mathew Dear, Glasgow’s very own Slam, and Karotte.

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

Glasgow’s BOOMING Techno Scene

New kid on the block, Denis Sulta

When one ponders dance music hubs across the world, an endless plethora of different cities and styles enter the mind: Berlin, for that heavy, industrial raw techno; Ibiza, for that sun-kissed Balearic house or Rotterdam, for the unmistakable, pounding intensity of gabber. However, over the last 25 years, the city of Glasgow has blossomed into unquestionably one of the most dynamic and exciting destinations for dance music fans the world over, crafting its very own unique brand of techno; enthralling newcomers with the most passionate and intense crowds in the world, a passion and dedication reflected in the producers the city has spawned. With a modest population of just over 600,000, Glasgow has produced an abundance of world-class talent: from legends Optimo to the new kid on the block Denis Sulta. There’s also the two men who were instrumental in the scene’s formation: Stuart MacMilllan and Orde Meikle aka Slam. When Slam appeared on the scene back in the early 90’s, the dance music scene in Glasgow was a completely different entity; the majority of clubs were still routed firmly in the 80’s, with elitist door policies and strict dress codes. The music also refused to adapt with the times, tending to shun the new-forms of dance music arriving on these shores from Belgium, Detroit and even England. It wasn’t until the opening of Tin Pan Alley, a club on Mitchell Street Lane in 1989, that the city began to take note of the new exciting changes taking place in dance music. “It really was a special time”

recalls MacMillian. “It felt like a revolution in music. In that short space between 1988 and 1990 there were so many classic records written and recorded. Records that when played even now will still be recognized by kids who were infants when those records were released”. When the proverbial “Summer of Love” finally ended, Glasgow was a city infatuated with dance music. No longer were buses of music connoisseurs departing the city in search of acid house and techno, it was all right here. Venues and clubs all across the city began pandering to potential clubbers, offering some of the very best dance music nights in the country. As the times changed, the culture did, and Glasgow changed with it. From acid house, to happy hardcore, Glasgow was at the forefront of the underground, cementing its place as the destination for dance music in Scotland. Nowhere else was the city’s fixation with electronic music better reflected than within the hallowed walls of the city’s most revered dance music institution: Subclub. Nestled neatly underneath Jamaica Street with a capacity of around 500, and a precariously low celling, Subclub boasts an incredible intimacy that few other clubs in the world can match. Saturday night sees the club play host to the longest weekly house music residency on the planet: “Subculture”, with Harri and Domenic. Spanning the best part of two decades, resident djs Harri and Domenic continue to attract punters to their weekly residency, boasting an impressive knowledge of all

the genres that have passed throughout those speakers. Slam also continue to amaze and entertain clubbers, with their monthly Friday night residency, playing host to some of the biggest names in the techno scene today, including Len Faki, Laurent Garnier and Green Velvet. It also hosted one of the most legendary nights the city has ever seen. Every Sunday night from 1997 to 2010, Subclub was host to Optimo, a tag team duo consisting of JD Twitch and JG Wilkes. Part of its charm was that it abandoned the inherently pretentious element of dance music, a night where quite literally anything would go, as regular Will Croxford recalls: “There are two Optimos that stand out for me. Firstly, the night Keith and Jonnie recreated Apocalypse Now in the Sub Club. The night was unannounced and complete with trees, steel barrels, tank turrets and bamboo prison cells with actors playing bloodied POWs. They played a war soundtrack interspersed with sub machine gun and helicopter sound effects, together with loud explosions and pyrotechnics. By the end a lot of us had taken to crawling around the floor in the undergrowth trying to ambush our friends. The second night was Remembrance Sunday a few years back, and the last song they played was Johnny Cash’s cover of “We’ll Meet Again.” I remember the whole crowd still sweating from the past furious hour, hugging and singing along. An incredibly moving tribute to those lost to war. I think this is what Keith and Jonnie do best: They can create a moment in which nothing else matters”.

Out with Subclub, there is still an endless list of different locations for party-goers seeking dance music. From warehouse parties in the west end of the city at SWG3, to the even more intimate 200 capacity venue at La Cheetah. There’s also the truly unique Glasgow Art School; birthplace of anything weird and wonderful, including record label Numbers, which boasts an incredible amount of alternative talent, including Hudson Mohawke and SOPHIE. All of the profits raised from nights held are re-invested back into nurturing local talent. It’s a venue unafraid to be bold, to try new things, to be innovative, testament to the city it’s based in. There’s also The Berkley Suite, Stereo, and, a short train journey to Paisley away, the legendary Club 69. They key characteristic however, that really spurs the scene on, is unquestionably the crowds. Speak to any clubber, dj, producer, or artist, and chances are they will remember the night they played Glasgow. Scotland’s draconian licensing laws have unintentionally led to a condensed four-hour period between the hours of 11pm-3am where clubbers truly give it everything they’ve got. There’s also the outgoing nature and incredible friendliness of the natives; chances are you’ll be clutched in the sweaty embrace of a complete stranger as you both clamber aimlessly into the early hours of the next day. Glasgow lives and dies for the weekend, a truly unique clubbing destination. by Daniel Smith @ dannysmith1996 d.smith@tsaglasgow.com

The events listed below were correct and up to date at time of going to print but please check the venue’s own website prior to booking

Gig Guide: Music & Clubbing

Comedy

THU, 10 MAR Sean Hughes - Mumbo Jumbo Tron,

FRI, 11 MAR RETURN TO MONO feat DVSI, SLAM SUB CLUB, £12/14.00 WHAT HANNAH WANTS SWG3, £20.00 KAI HUMPHRIES - HOW TO BE HAPPY The Stand, TONY LAW - FRILLEMORPHESIS The Stand, THE FESTIVAL CLUB The Stand,

SAT, 12 MAR JAY FOREMAN’S DISGUSTING SONGS FOR REVOLTING CHILDREN The Stand, BROTHERS AND SISTERS... IT’S THE REVEREND OBADIAH STEPPENWOLFE III The Stand, MARK NELSON WITH SPECIAL GUEST MICKY BARTLETT The Stand, THE FESTIVAL CLUB The Stand,

SAT, 19 MAR

CARL HUTCHINSON - LEARNING THE ROPES The Stand,

BROTHERS AND SISTERS... IT’S THE REVEREND OBADIAH STEPPENWOLFE III The Stand,

TUE, 29 MAR

PAUL SINHA – POSTCARDS FROM THE Z-LIST The Stand, THE FESTIVAL CLUB The Stand, Canned Laughter Theatre Royal, Omid Djalili: Live 2016 Kings Theatre, Tom Stade: You’re Welcome Kings Theatre,

SUN, 20 MAR GUNGE! A SHOW WITH GUNGE IN IT The Stand, LLOYD LANGFORD: FUN AND SUSTENANCE (WORK IN PROGRESS) The Stand, RAYMOND MEARNS – LIVE AT THE STAND The Stand, Adam Hills - Clown Heart Kings Theatre,

MON, 21 MAR BILLY KIRKWOOD: NOT QUITE RIGHT SINCE THE ACCIDENT The Stand,

RED RAW The Stand,

Music & Clubbing

WED, 2 MAR 10 Pence Mix Bloc+, Free

THU, 3 MAR

WAKEY! WAKEY! STEREO, £13.50 BYRES ROAD BIG BAND THE FERRY, £8.00 SCOTT BRADLEE’S POSTMODERN , JUKEBOX O2 ACADEMY, £22.00 TRAGEDY AUDIO, £10.00 ICW FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHT CLUB THE GARAGE, £15.00

Struggle Bloc+, Free

FRI, 4 MAR

THE ALTERED HOURS HUG & PINT, £7.50 GRIMES O2 ABC, £17.00

MON, 7 MAR

HOLY WAVE NICE N SLEAZY, £7.00

Blochestra (Bloc’s own mini orchestra) Bloc+, Free

Fighting Caravans Bloc+, Free

SABATON & ALESTORM BARROWLAND, £19.00

SKINNY LIVING BROADCAST, £5.00

FIELD MUSIC CCA, £10.00

BLOSSOMS & THE VYRLL SOCIETY LIQUID ROOM edinburgh, £10.00

THE RIFLES ORAN MOR, SOLD OUT

COUNTRY TO COUNTRY CLYDE AUDITORIUM, £60.00

Bloc+Jam Open Mic Bloc+, Free

TUE, 8 MAR

JACK SAVORETTI O2 ABC, SOLD OUT

FLESHGOD APOCALYPSE & XERATH AUDIO, £12.00

JAMIE WOON O2 ABC, £15.00

UWS- EURO GIG BROADCAST, £5.00

YASHIN G2, £11.00

SUN, 13 MAR

BILL RYDER-JONES STEREO, £11.50 POSH - Student Theatre at Glasgow Cottiers, £9.50 Adults/£8.50 Concessions

WED, 9 MAR THE FEELING ORAN MOR, £18.50

Bloc+Jam Open Mic Bloc+, Free

MON, 14 MAR HECK THE CATHOUSE, £8.00 GABRIEL KAHANE HUG & PINT, £8.50 PAUL HEATON & JACKIE ABBOT O2 ACADEMY, SOLD OUT The Blas Collective (Celtic Connections glitterati) Bloc+, Free

TUE, 15 MAR

BEN ABRAHAM HUG & PINT, £7.00

HONEY LOCUST WOODEND BOWLING CLUB, £10.00

FRANKIE & THE HEARTSTRINGS BROADCAST, £8.00

MARIAH CAREY THE HYDRO, £45£75

RECKLESS LOVE & SANTA CRUZ THE CATHOUSE, £12.00

DEFEATER COTTIERS THEATRE, £12.00

Taribowest Bloc+, Free

EMMY THE GREAT STEREO, £14.00

POSH - Student Theatre at Glasgow Cottiers, £9.50 Adults/£8.50 Concessions

FRANKIE BALLARD KING TUTS, £13.50

Adam Hills - Clown Heart Kings Theatre,

ADY SULEIMAN STEREO, £7.00

TUE, 22 MAR

DECAPITATED & SYLOSIS THE GARAGE, £14.00

JOHN ROBINS - SPEAKEASY The Stand,

DARKSIDE PRESENTS: HARDCORE ITALIA CLASSIC GRAND, £25.00

BBC COMEDY PRESENTS - THE BEST OF RED RAW The Stand,

DIONNE ANDRE’S ABSOLUTE 80’S THE FERRY, £12.50

THU, 10 MAR

BOYCE AVENUE *RESCH FROM 14 OCT* O2 ABC, £27.50

Chief Commissioner Cameron Miekelson: Tomorrows Force Today Kings Theatre,

THE DREAMING SPIRES HUG & PINT, £12.00

OH WONDER ORAN MOR, £10.00

HAYDEN JAMES BROADCAST, £8.50

FOXES O2 ABC, £16.00

Defeater Cottiers, £13.50

BRENDON BURNS The Stand,

WED, 23 MAR

101% PANTERA + GUERILLA RADIO THE CATHOUSE, £10.00

JOHN OTWAY & WILD WILLY BARRETT THE FERRY, £13.50

WED, 16 MAR WOLF ALICE BARROWLAND, £17.50

Stand up Against MND Kings Theatre,

PATRICK MONAHAN – THE DISCO YEARS The Stand,

JAMES MORRISON O2 ACADEMY, SOLD OUT

Good Grief’s Goop Shop with Taupe + Peppermint Fiction Bloc+, Free

TUE, 15 MAR

Ardal O’Hanlon Kings Theatre,

Dirty Sirens (hip hop/grime) Bloc+, Free

POSH - Student Theatre at Glasgow Cottiers, £9.50 Adults/£8.50 Concessions

Broken Oak Duet Bloc+, Free

SUN, 13 MAR JAY FOREMAN’S DISGUSTING SONGS FOR REVOLTING CHILDREN The Stand, RICHARD GADD - WAITING FOR GADDOT The Stand, DAVID KAY The Stand, Dylan Moran Kings Theatre,

MON, 14 MAR

ISY SUTTIE – THE ACTUAL ONE The Stand,

THU, 24 MAR

STRIKER (CANADA) AUDIO, £8.00

THE CULT BARROWLAND, £29.50

Gerry Jablonski & The Electric Band Cottiers, £11.50

BBC COMEDY PRESENTS - THE BEST OF RED RAW The Stand,

SUSIE MCCABE - THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN HAPPINESS The Stand,

Canned Laughter Theatre Royal,

THE FESTIVAL CLUB The Stand,

OUTBURST GLASGOW featuring ,

Rob Delaney Kings Theatre,

Reginald D Hunter Kings Theatre,

WED, 16 MAR

FRI, 25 MAR

MARK SHERRY, DAVID FORBES, 2ND PHASE SWG3, £15.00

ANDY ZALTZMAN - SATIRIST FOR HIRE The Stand,

ARMIN VAN BUUREN O2 ACADEMY, £35/£40

DARREN CONNELL TROLLEYWOOD The Stand,

JO NEARY DOES ANIMALS AND MEN The Stand,

THE STRANGLERS O2 ACADEMY, SOLD OUT

Canned Laughter Theatre Royal,

FRED MACAULAY - LIFE The Stand,

CORAL O2 ABC, SOLD OUT

UNCLES Kings Theatre,

THE FESTIVAL CLUB The Stand,

TAYLOR DAVIS KING TUTS, £12.50

THU, 17 MAR

Julian Clary - The Joy of Mincing Kings Theatre,

A LOVE FROM OUTER SPACE SWG3, £9.00

ST PATRICK’S DAY IRISH COMEDY SPECIAL! The Stand,

SAT, 26 MAR

CORAL OFFICIAL AFTERSHOW/ DJ SET RECORD FACTORY, £4.00

THE FESTIVAL CLUB The Stand,

GARY DUNN’S FAMILY FEAST The Stand,

ROCKY VOTOLATO AUDIO, £8.00

Canned Laughter Theatre Royal, Grado : It’s Masel Kings Theatre,

FRI, 18 MAR DARREN CONNELL TROLLEYWOOD The Stand, ZOE LYONS - LIVE The Stand, THE FESTIVAL CLUB The Stand, Canned Laughter Theatre Royal,

BROTHERS AND SISTERS... IT’S THE REVEREND OBADIAH STEPPENWOLFE III The Stand,

SAT, 5 MAR ANDY FAIRWEATHER LOW THE FERRY, £19.50 ZIBRA THE ATTIC, £7.00

ANDREW ROACHFORD ORAN MOR, £16.00 BEARSDEN CHOIR Faure’s Requiem * Now at ST. ALOYSIUS, £15/13/5.00

AMERICA STANDS UP 2016 The Stand,

MARCH OF THE MODS O2 ABC, £13.50

THE FESTIVAL CLUB The Stand,

WE WERE HUNTED EP LAUNCH THE GARARE, £7.00

Paul Mertons Impro Chums Kings Theatre,

Deathkill4000 Bloc+, Free

Grado : It’s Masel Kings Theatre,

SUN, 27 MAR

SUN, 6 MAR

Jerry Sadowitz: ITS ALL BOLLOCKS Kings Theatre,

MARTIN MOR: AWAY GALLIVANTING The Stand,

MARCH OF THE MODS O2 ABC, £13.50

FRI, 11 MAR THE DOLLS DIXON BOWL CLUB dumbarton, £10.00 DOGTOOTH AUDIO, £5.00 NATHANIEL RATECLIFF *please note venue change O2 ABC1, SOLD OUT TRICOT BROADCAST, £7.00 FROM SORROW TO SERENITY CLASSIC GRAND, £6.00 TRAAMS KING TUTS, £7.00

JOEY CAPE AUDIO, £12.00

ROBYN SHERWELL HUG & PINT, £7.00

THU, 17 MAR STIFF LITTLE FINGERS BARROWLAND, SOLD OUT HRH AOR TOUR 2016 feat THE QUIREBOYS O2 ABC, £18/£25 Repeater with Lenin Death Mask Bloc+, Free

FRI, 18 MAR STEVEN JAMES ADAMS HUG & PINT, £9.00 FEROCIOUS DOG STEREO, £10.00

Enjoyable Moment Bloc+, Free

STRIKING MATCHES LA BELLE ANGELE edinburgh, £15.00

Academy of Performing Arts Showcase Websters, £13.50

WILLE & THE BANDITS AUDIO, £10.00

SAT, 12 MAR

ELLIE GOULDING THE HYDRO, £35.00

INTERNET *rescheduled from November 2015 O2 ABC2, £15.00

WILD IMAGE NICE N SLEAZY, £5.00

1994 MAKE THAT MOVE SWG3, £10/20.00 MACHINE HEAD O2 ACADEMY, £26.00 999 IVORY BLACKS, £9.00 THE BATHERS CCA, £10.00 WET, WET, WET THE HYDRO, £48.00 POND FLOYD *originally 13th Feb SMITHS HOTEL kirkintilloch, £10.00 Fantastic Man Bloc+, Free Lights The Art School,

SUGO - Italian Trash Disco Bloc+, Free

SAT, 19 MAR LONG MAY YOU RUN - A 70TH BIRTHDAY , TRONGATE RUM RIOTS CLASSIC GRAND, £6.00 THE FILTHY TONGUES O2 ABC2, £12.50 FRED EAGLESMITH ADMIRAL BAR, £13.00 THE WOLFE TONES BARROWLAND, £20.00

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

HALF MOON RUN QMU, £13.50 Monster Hospital Bloc+, Free

SUN, 20 MAR ANNA VON HAUSSWOLFF ELECTRIC CIRCUS, £10.00 WALKING ON CARS *rescheduled from 7 Feb KING TUTS, £8.00 RACHEL RIES WOODEND BOWLING CLUB, £10.00 Bloc+Jam Open Mic Bloc+, Free

MON, 21 MAR BURNING DOWN ALASKA CLASSIC GRAND, £8.00 DEAD PREZ AUDIO, £15.00 WET BROADCAST, £8.50 Blochestra (Bloc’s own mini orchestra) Bloc+, Free

TUE, 22 MAR MUSHROOMHEAD + American Head Charge CLASSIC GRAND, £17.50 JEFF ROSENSTOCK (FULL BAND) AUDIO, £8.00 REFUSED THE GARAGE, £20.00 ANTHONY TONER THE ADMIRAL BAR, £9.00 STRAIGHT NO CHASER ORAN MOR, £20.00 Painted Waves + Hiders Bloc+, Free East Dunbartonshire Schools Jazz Orchestra and East Dunbartonshire Schools Percussion Ensemble Cottiers, £13.50 Adults/£11.50 Concessions

WED, 23 MAR BLANCMANGE AUDIO, £15.00 WILKINSON O2 ABC, £16.50 BETHEL MUSIC O2 ACADEMY, £16.00 Elevant + Gultch Bloc+, Free

THU, 24 MAR UWS - EURO GIG NICE ‘N’ SLEAZY, £5.00

SAT, 26 MAR

WED, 9 MAR

HUE & CRY PAISLEY TOWN HALL, £25.00 NORTH OF THE WALL FESTIVAL featuring , …L†M Bloc+, Free

SUN, 27 MAR

SUN, 13 MAR

Gimme Shelter The Flying Duck,

Hash Tag The Garage,

Fresh Beat The Garage,

Jelly Baby O2 ABC,

Gorgon City Subclub,

Show- Moda Black Subclub,

MON, 14 MAR

FRI, 11 MAR

EDDIE ARGOS HUG & PINT, £9.00

Wrap It The Garage,

Bloc+Jam Open Mic Bloc+, Free

Common Sense: S-Type + Nightwave + Inkke + Bake + Ryan Martin + Mother + Cleoslaptra The Art School,

Hinterland - St Peter’s Seminary The Art School,

MON, 28 MAR

I Love The Garage The Garage,

TUE, 15 MAR Sunday Science The Garage,

WED, 16 MAR

Propoganda O2 ABC,

Bare Mondays The Garage,

CROSSFAITH KING TUTS, £12.00

Return to Mono Subclub,

MOONSPELL AUDIO, £16.00

Common People and 90’s Bingo The Flying Duck,

THU, 17 MAR

A-HA THE HYDRO, £55/39.50 The Blas Collective (Celtic Connections glitterati) Bloc+, Free

TUE, 29 MAR GORGUTS, PSYCROPTIC & more IVORY BLACKS, £15.00 YEARS & YEARS O2 ACADEMY, SOLD OUT Punk Rock Rammy with Tellison + Muncie Girls Bloc+, Free

WED, 30 MAR PRIMAL SCREAM O2 ABC, SOLD OUT YEARS & YEARS O2 ACADEMY, £23.00 MILK Pop Punk Karaoke hosted by So Many Animal Calls Bloc+, Free

THU, 31 MAR Stretched (Glasgow’s most innovative night) Bloc+, Free Dick Gaughan Cottiers, £18.00

Clubbing

THU, 3 MAR Hash Tag The Garage, Jelly Baby O2 ABC,

THE WONDER STUFF, WEDDING PRESENT O2 ABC, £20.00

FRI, 4 MAR

SUNSET SONS QMU, £12.00

Wrap It The Garage,

Dammit with The Murderburgers + The Kimberly Steaks + Lachance Bloc+, Free

Drag Night: Sycophantasy + Pearl Necklace The Art School,

The Last Laugh Cottiers, £13.50 Adults/£11.50 Concessions

Numbers - Jackmaster Subclub,

Propoganda O2 ABC,

SAT, 5 MAR Neverland The Garage,

YOU ARE THE REF an evening of football chat ,

Dense & Pika (Hotflush/ Drumcode) The Art School,

BIS KING TUTS, £8.00

Love Music O2 ABC,

ALICE IN VIDEOLAND IVORY BLACKS, £12.00

Subculture - Harri and Domenic Subclub,

PUDDLE OF MUDD LA BELLE ANGELE edinburgh, £18.00

A Love From Outer Space The Flying Duck,

CHARLIE & THE BHOYS BARROWLAND, £19.00

SUN, 6 MAR

SAOR & WINTERFYLLETH AUDIO, £10.00

Fresh Beat The Garage,

UK RAMONES THE CATHOUSE, £10.00

THU, 10 MAR

MR SCRUFF THE ADMIRAL, £12/13.00

AMORPHIS THE CATHOUSE, £20.00

FRI, 25 MAR

Love Music O2 ABC,

Bare Mondays The Garage,

RAVIOLI ME AWAY // SHAM GATE // BREAKFAST MUFF DJs // IDEAL MEXICO DJs The Flying Duck,

MON, 7 MAR I Love The Garage The Garage,

THE PHANTOM SINGLE LAUNCH BROADCAST, £6.00

TUE, 8 MAR

Shake Appeal Bloc+, Free

Sunday Science The Garage,

Hash Tag The Garage,

Harri and Domenic + Telford Subclub,

SUN, 20 MAR Fresh Beat The Garage,

MON, 21 MAR I Love The Garage The Garage,

TUE, 22 MAR Sunday Science The Garage,

WED, 23 MAR Bare Mondays The Garage,

THU, 24 MAR Hash Tag The Garage,

Jelly Baby O2 ABC,

Neverland The Garage,

FRI, 18 MAR

A Night With GK MACHINE The Flying Duck,

Animal Farm: Anthony Parasole + Abdulla Rashim The Art School,

Wrap It The Garage, Propoganda O2 ABC,

FRI, 25 MAR

Stay Fresh Subclub,

Wrap It The Garage,

SAT, 19 MAR

Propoganda O2 ABC,

Neverland The Garage,

Fans Only - Belle & Sebastian dance party The Flying Duck,

SAT, 12 MAR Night of the Jaguar: Leatherette The Art School, Love Music O2 ABC, Subculture - Marcus Worgull Subclub,

Kode9 & Novelist The Art School,

Sensu - Tuskegee Subclub,

NHC LIST OF TRUSTED PROMOTERS NHC MUSIC’s main remit in this musical world is to make life that much easier for the musicians and artists striving to make great music within it. That’s why we feel this list could help you. It’s a regularly updated list of ethically minded venues, promoters and bookers working throughout Scotland. These are people we would work with ourselves, and we guarantee you there will be no scammers, pay to play, or unethical business practices with the people and businesses on the list. So now you know who to safely work with, with your new college band in Glasgow and beyond! More names will be added monthly. PROMOTER AREA GENRES NHC MUSIC Glasgow All genres Promise The Moon Ayrshire All genres STG Promotions Glasgow All genres EVO4Promotions Glasgow All genres/acoustic Daily Dischord Aberdeen All genres Shock City Promotions Glasgow All genres Fortune Promotions Edinburgh All genres Alternative Promotions Glasgow Rock/Metal The Littlest Hobo Scotland Wide All genres Cadaver Concerts North Ayrshire Metal Cadaver Concerts Glasgow Alt rock Rip It Up Promotions Glasgow All genres Red Door Records Glasgow Americana/Roots/Blues Vagabond Social Club Glasgow Americana/Folk The Fallen Angels Club Glasgow All genres Sound And Vision Glasgow All genres Events For Charities Glasgow All genres Dundee Disco Dancer Dundee All genres Dave Ritchie Scotland Wide Metal/Rock Good Grief Glasgow Progressive/Math Rock/Ambient Noizy Indie Social Club Cumbernauld All genres Hashtag Management East Kilbride All genres Rusty Hip Collective Dundee All genres Cut Loose Promotions Glasgow All genres Critical Events Scotland Wide Metal/Hard Rock NDC Promotions / Events North Ayrshire All genres Scottish Tour Collective Scotland Wide All genres Black Reach Promotions Glasgow Metal/Hard Rock Traffic Cone Records Glasgow All genres Kstar Promotions Glasgow All genres Punk Rock Rammy Edinburgh/ Glasgow Punk

MUSIC

Wolf Alice

IT’S ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHEN YOU’RE MAKING A RECORD...PART OF ME WAS LIKE ‘GOD I HOPE THIS IS LIKE THE BIGGEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME

From North London, where grime is the scene to be in and the haze of guitars and drums aren’t what the kids are blasting from their phones Wolf Alice have prevailed – seemingly bringing their roots with them with their chameleon like ability to blend genres into a melting pot of fantastic, noisy, good old guitar music. But they weren’t always such a band. Wolf Alice began life as an acoustic act started by Ellie Rowsell and Joff Oddie, with previous members Sadie Cleary and George Barlett being drafted to make the acoustic twosome a fully-fledged band. Two years after their conception, they joined Theo Ellis (bass), and Joel Amey (drums, vocals) in 2012 to form the band in its current form. The North London kids have since taken over the charts and are paving their way to becoming one of the best bands the UK has to offer. Winners of two NME Awards (Best Track and Best Live Band) Wolf Alice are young, talented and finding their feet in a music world infested with disposable bands and forgettable singers, offering fans solid tracks like ‘Giant Peach’ and ‘Moaning Lisa Smile’. We spoke to their charismatic drummer, Joel Amey ahead of their Barrowlands gig on Wednesday 16th March: YOU’RE NO STRANGER TO GLASGOW HAVING PLAYED PACKED SHOWS IN ITS TOP VENUES BEFORE LIKE KING TUTS AND THE ABC, WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING FROM YOUR GIG IN THE BARROWLANDS? “Well, it’s like the venue in my head in Glasgow. It’s the one everyone knows about. Yknow, its like playing Brixton in London with the same sort of prestige behind it. I think the gig’s already sold out, which is just crazy that there’s just gonna be a sea of people and I’m

pumped. I had the same feeling when we played Oran Mor, and we had our first “here we, here we fucking go chant” so yeah we’re hoping for some of that.” CLASH DESCRIBED YOUR MUSIC AS “THE LOVECHILD OF FOLK AND GRUNGE” WHILE THE OBSERVER DESCRIBED YOU AS “AN ENGAGING STRAIN OF OFF-KILTER INDIE ROCK”. HOW DO YOU CREATE SUCH AN OFF CENTRE SOUND?

“I guess there are two ways of looking at it, I suppose, I don’t know if I’ve ever really believed in those two quotes. It’s because we’re all into so many different things and if there’s four strong songwriters who all listen to lots of different things instead of the same thing its just like a natural way of that happening. If all of you write things and are creative it just kind of goes different directions. But you also have a lot of common things so you find that happy medium. So I think with the next sets of songs, we have more confidence to do other kinds of things. I find some of the album, not one dimensional, but I know I can question if there is so much more. I think for the next one we’re gonna have more a mixture of rap or jazz sort of thing.” HAVE YOU DRAWN ANY INSPIRATIONS FROM OTHER ARTISTS THROUGHOUT DIFFERENT ERAS LIKE THE GRUNGE BANDS OF THE 90S TO CREATE YOUR UNIQUE SOUND? “Well we were all born in the 90s, so I guess you have that sort of certain sound you know growing up in the back of your mind. I think you’ll struggle to find

someone who doesn’t like Nirvana, and the fact is they just write melodic songs that are loud in the choruses and quiet in the verses – and that’s not just a grunge things; its just a song thing. So it was less of a conscious 90s influence because there were loads of great bands I love from then like PJ Harvey, I love Suede and I like Fatboy Slim for fucks sake! But that kind of stuff can be quite fun. As for inspirations, there’s only one decent guitar band that I think that will be remembered and that’s Nirvana if I’m honest. Just because they’re fucking geniuses.” YOU CHOSE DRENGE TO SUPPORT YOUR LAST UK TOUR, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO SEE A SMALLER BAND GAINING MUCH MORE RECOGNITION IN SUCH A SHORT TIME? “Drenge in my eyes are the bigger band! I can’t believe they even did support us because I’ve been a fan of them since the moment I saw them which is when we played a show for them when we were a very young band who kind of came out at the same time. I’d say they’ve had a bit of an influence because they’re such

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19 incredible players. Especially Rory [Rory Loveless, backing vocals, percussion] who is probably one of the best young drummers in the country. Just watching them every night was just a pleasure. They’re so loud and ‘Undertone’ was one of my favourite releases of last year hands down. I’m not even bias, I’m lucky that I get to hang out with them but I’d say that anyway because they’re just an incredible guitar band.” MY LOVE IS COOL REACHED NUMBER 2 IN THE UK CHARTS, DID YOU EXPECT SUCH A WELCOMING RESPONSE WHEN YOU WORKED ON THE ALBUM? “It’s one of those things when you’re making a record, part of you, maybe not everyone, but part of me was like ‘God I hope this is like the biggest album of all time’ but that was just in my head. You don’t think it’s actually gonna be, and obviously it hasn’t. So you don’t expect it to but part of that kid inside who always wanted to be in a band and be like the bands you love, would love it to go to number one! Even if it doesn’t it doesn’t really matter anyway. But if it happens it’ll be one of those pinch yourself moments. It just means people are appreciating it, and there’s no point in doing it if you don’t give a shit about it or you don’t value it. I mean if you value the album and to think other people like it just blew out minds.” BEATING INDIE TITANS THE LIBERTINES AND NME’S BEST BRITISH BAND, THE MACCABEES, YOU WON THE NME AWARD FOR BEST LIVE BAND AND BEST TRACK; HOW DOES IT FEEL TO

HAVE WON THESE REVERED AWARDS AGAINST OTHER FANTASTIC TALENT? “Yknow, without sounding like rude about the award because we’re so grateful! But awards shouldn’t mean anything in music, it’s not something that really needs to be awarded you know what I mean? You like it or you don’t like it but I’m not better than anyone else and vice-versa. But saying that, having won some is great! It’s just that thing, it doesn’t mean anything but the fact that you’re acknowledged for something is very touching. I wouldn’t say I’ve beat anyone because of someone’s opinion. It was voted for by the fans which is why it does feel so lovely. It was great to see bands like The Maccabees and The Foals be recognised because they’re such great dudes and we grew up listening to those bands, they’re just super sick guys.” ELLIS, YOU SUGGESTED THAT SKEPTA SHOULD HAVE WON BEST TRACK FOR HIS SINGLE, SHUTDOWN, ARE YOU A SKEPTA FAN? HAVE YOU SPOKEN SINCE THAT NIGHT? “Hugely! Yeah hugely. I think every couple of years, say ten years, someone comes around and puts a song out that hit as hard as ‘Shutdown’ did. Everyone fucking loves that tune, it’s just everything that’s good about British music is encapsulated; like the language, that rhythm. It’s a sound we love being in London and growing up grime has always been there and that’s why seeing it now getting wider recognition is just so sick. I remember watching JME play this tiny little venue when I was like fifteen. It was just like bang now it’s there, I mean even Kanye

West gives a shit about it. So cool.” A REVIEW PUBLISHED BY THE SCOTSMAN WAS HEAVILY CRITICAL OF YOUR LIVE PERFORMANCES, AS A BAND WHO “LIVE FOR LIVE MUSIC.” AND AS WINNERS OF AN AWARD FOR YOUR GIGS HOW DO YOU REACT TO CRITICS? “That Scotsman one? Yeah I saw that, it was pretty strange and like a brutal review. Really strange. I read it and was like ‘oh, shit’ because we just want everyone to have a good time but not everyone can. I liked that gig, it was a big of a strange time because we were just sort of learning how to play this album. We don’t use tracks, like at all so there’s no backing track so were trying to figure out how to put all these sounds on the record out with just the four of us live. So with this tour we’re gonna be a lot more locked in with the tracks because it was like an on the road learning curve. I had a really fun time at that show. With critics that’s just the way it goes, I’ve said much worse about us than that guy did.” AS A BAND YOU ARE ADVOCATES OF THE IMPORTANCE OF SMALL, INDEPENDENT VENUES – DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR SMALL BANDS WHO AIM TO START GIGGING? “Yeah, I think play as much as possible because that’s what we did. I mean we’re still not the best live band in the world but we were fucking shit when we started and we were shit for ages. We played and rehearsed and then we just decided ‘fuck’ this. If people come to the gigs and be like ‘oh it’s kind of cool they can’t even play their

instruments’ well no that’s not good I don’t want to be that band. So just rehearse like every day. The moment you see it as being something you’re taking professionally, not like a job but something you care about so much that if it can become your life then it is! You’ll be like ‘when’s it gonna happen’ but it’ll happen now if you’re willing to make it happen now. Then keep gigging gigging gigging and someone’s gonna see you and its about luck and a bit of hard work like anything. We used to wish we could get to the bit where it was out fulltime thing but we just let it happen and we had to really work hard for this to be worth it without being just another throwaway band.” FOLLOWING THE HUGE SUCCESS OF MY LOVE IS COOL, WHAT’S THE PLAN FOR THE NEXT BIG ALBUM? “Well, I think we can kind of talk about it. We are writing it now and we’ve got quite a lot of ideas and stuff on the go. There’s no set plan for when we’re recording but we wanna get it done this year. It would be nice to have it done this year. The last live show we have this year is Bestival so I wanna have shit loads of songs by then just to muckaround really.” END OF THE YEAR RELEASE THEN MAYBE? “Oh it wouldn’t come out this year I don’t think. But it would be nice, it’s our main focus at the moment and I don’t wanna say anything but it’s definitely our main focus and it would be nice to get something recorded this year for sure.”

by Connor Tollan Twitter:

@Mr_ConorTollan9

c.tollan@tsaglasgow.com

MUSIC

THE YELLOW MOVEMENT – Where did it start, where is it going?

Colonel Mustard and the Dijon 5

“Laugh until you no longer know what it is to hate, release your soul, determine your own fate, lose your self-consciousness, find anonymous awesomeness, in bottomless thoughtfulness, lose your inhibitions, forget the distractions, take non-violent direct action, be your own improvement, use your illusion.” These are the words of those behind the Yellow Movement – this is their manifesto, and they are proud of its positive message. But what is the Yellow Movement? David “Dijancer” Blair of Colonel Mustard and the Dijon 5 says that he believes it all started as a bit of a joke, actually. Colonel John Thomas McMustard exclaimed during a gig one day, “forget what the fashion houses of Paris, Milan, New York and London tell you, from now on Yellow is the new black.” And thus, the Yellow Movement was born. This all occurred a few years back, in 2012, and now the Yellow Movement, a collection of five unsigned bands, are basically a small festival. In case you’re wondering – no, John’s real name is not Colonel John Thomas McMustard. The band has taken on personas. Colonel Mustard and the Dijon 5 got its name after John and David encountered a gentleman under the influence of a certain type of mushroom. He, in his buzzed state of mind, announced that if he had a band he would call it “Colonel Mustard and the Dijon 5.” John, who has been friends with bandmate David since they were kids, decided it was the perfect band name. On how the Yellow Movement came about, Mark McGhee from the Girobabies

said, “I was in the middle of moving house when I was approached by the Men in Yellow. They said they needed me for something. Next thing, I blacked out and when I woke up I was standing on a stage in front of thousands of people in yellow T shirts at the Eden Festival. I’m still not sure what it’s all about but it is most definitely a thing now.” David said he wants to show young people that the “X-Factor road” isn’t the only way to get into music. He said he aims to give proof that hard work and motivation will achieve results – dreams are not unachievable. Mark said, “I think it was about making it a good movement and I think it’s been the best movement Glasgow has seen in the last year or so. No other movement comes close in the fun stakes.” This is why the Yellow Movement supports The Clutha Trust. The purpose of The Clutha Trust is to advance the arts, heritage, culture and science. This charity aims to help young people and people with disabilities and health problems. Loaves & Fishes Foodbank in East Kilbride also has the fundraising support of the Yellow Movement, along with Scottish Action for Refugees and the Scottish Association for Mental Health. Local charities, social enterprises, community radio stations like Sunny Govan (who have given the Movement their support) and other community groups doing positive things have received free tickets to Yellowland. Aha! What is Yellowland? David said it is the “culmination of all the work and

effort The Yellow Movement has put into everything thus far.” It is the concert on Saturday, 5th of March, at the Barrowlands. Playing Yellowland will of course be Colonel Mustard and the Dijon 5, the Girobabies, Jamie & Shoony, Have Mercy Las Vegas and the Twistettes. “For five unsigned bands to be headlining such an iconic venue as the Barrowland Ballroom and promoting it in our own way is a testament to what you can achieve if you dream big and work hard,” said David. Last year at the MugStock festival, there was no name for the second stage/ tent until David pitched “The Yellow Movement Stage” to directors. It was a brilliant idea! They loved it and the Yellow Movement Stage went ahead – it was extremely popular and attendance was through the roof. Since that success, the Movement has been approached by festivals looking to make their own Yellow Movement stages and tents, and they’re excited about making that happen. Needless to say, we’ll be seeing a lot of the Yellow Movement this year. David went on to say, “The potential for The Yellow Movement really is limitless. With every gig each band within it plays and with every event we organise that has The Yellow Movement stamp on it we can reach out to more people and get across what we’re all about. In many ways, it really is a self-organising system so it’s up to each individual band really how much energy they want to invest in it and how they want to promote themselves within it and The Movement as a whole.”

Well now Yellowland has sold over 1,000 tickets. Mark said, he is delighted to have sold that many! And he thinks they can sell out. “Most people are planning on just turning up as I doubt many people thought that it was possible for a few independent bands to achieve something as big as this. Whatever happens I’ll just be pleased to play the Barrowlands. The place will be packed. The venue is my favourite venue in the entire world. It was my first gig I went to and the last gig I went to. So many happy memories in that place. Selling out was never a main goal for me. I’m just happy we’re not playing to one man and a dog in such a massive space as that is a lot more pressure than a bustling Barrowlands.” So yes, you still have time to bag yourself a ticket for Yellowland, and a ticket for the super-secret after party Mark won’t reveal any details about! But he did say that it will take place in a “location like no other where we will have two floors of brilliant music and average dancing headlined by the legendary Reverend D. Wayne Love of Alabama 3 Fame.” Tickets are selling fast for this too! The Yellow Movement is a movement with fantastic intentions and people behind it. Take part in this welcoming community, listen to some good music and know that you are helping out a good cause! It’s going to be so exciting to see where this Movement goes – will it turn into an actual yearly festival in its own right? In the words of Colonel Mustard and the Dijon 5 – “Peace, by Holly Fleming love and Twitter: @hol7ly mustard.” h.fleming@tsaglasgow.com

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

GIGS OF THE MONTH A PREVIEW OF THE TOP GIGS GLASGOW HAS TO OFFER IN MARCH/APRIL

s w e i v e r P

YEARS & YEARS Since their debut album, Communion, topped the UK album charts Years and Years have become one of the most talked about young bands in the country. The trio were the recipients of the BBC Sound of 2015 award and have gained masses of fans thanks to their ridiculously catchy singles like ‘King’ (which went straight to Number One in the charts) and ‘Desire’ and it’s no surprise they had to announce a Spring tour due to the overwhelming demand – fans just can’t get enough of their energetic live performances.

JAMIE WOON Following the November release of his highly anticipated second album Making Time, Jamie Woon is hitting cities across the UK with his headline tour, including Glasgow on 6 March. So if your mum’s a big fan of the pretty handsome ‘electrosoul’ singer, what better Mother’s Day gift could you present than tickets to his 02 ABC gig? Although, if she’s not a huge fan, you better get a damn good gift to excuse patching her on Mother’s Day for the gig.

THE STRANGLERS For the first time ever, The Stranglers are set to play their ground-breaking album, Black and White, live, in all its entirety, almost 40 years after its release in 1978. The album was one of the most influential albums of the 70s and influenced countless other bands, along with gaining them masses of fans. Those fans, and the many others who continue to discover and love the ‘punkera iconoclasts’, are always eager to see them live and this March they won’t be disappointed as the band tour the UK with a stop at the 02 Academy on 5 March.

LANY/ELLIE GOULDING Whilst we love Ellie Goulding’s breathy tone and chart hits, we’re actually v. excited to see her support act, LANY. The dynamic trio, from Nashville, have been mixing their unique skills and varying musical influences to create some ridiculously cool tracks, including ‘I Loved You’. They’ve had a lot of support on Soundcloud and thanks to their latest support slot with Ellie, we bet it’s not long ‘till they’re out headling their own gigs.

THE 1975 One night wasn’t enough for Mancunian four-piece, The 1975. Oh no, they’ve went and bagged a three night stint at the 02 Academy from the 18-20 March. Their latest tour will follow the 26 February release of new album, I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It – what a mouthful.

WALKING ON CARS With intense lyrics covering topics from social challenges to financial tribulations, personal angst and troubling matters of the heart/soul/head, Walking on Cars are not your typical Irish rock/ pop band. The alt-rock five-piece released their debut single in 2012 which went to number one in the Irish iTunes chart and since then have continued to grow from strength to strength with their writing and performing. Catch them at King Tuts on 20 March.

CHVRCHES Since performing their debut gig at The Artschool in 2012, Chvrches have gone on to become of the most successful bands out of Glasgow in recent years, featuring on countless ‘ones to watch’ lists. Now they’re set to play their biggest hometown gig to date at the 13,000 capacity SSE Hydro on 2 April.

The band, who write, co-produce and play the instruments on all of their songs, are a remarkably modern group with a fresh voice in the industry and that’s what makes them so exciting. Their first arena tour kicks off in Inverness on 28 March before stopping off in Glasgow for not one, but two gigs at the 02 Academy on 29 and 30 March, the tour finishes on 8 April at Wembley Arena. Although band member Mikey Goldsworthy once described their tracks as music to make you “cry and dance”, we promise a Years and Years gig is not to be missed.

LIFESTYLE

HebCelt

Believe it or not the Scottish festival scene doesn’t just revolve around T in The Park, Wickerman (which is taking a year out in 2016) and Belladrum. Whilst these festivals are all indisputably brilliant in their own ways, there are plenty of smaller independent festivals that are just as worthy of your time, if not more. They all have their own unique quirks and also all have brilliant atmospheres, often better in fact as the people at these more intimate gigs are there because they genuinely love the music on offer – not because they’ve been convinced by pals it’ll be a great weekend and then they spend the full three days crying about the mud. So if you’re looking for something a bit different this year, check out one – or all – of our picks of the unique festivals Scotland has to offer and experience a cheap weekend (many still have early bird tickets on sale) full of tremendous music and gorgeous scenery.

EDEN FESTIVAL – After starting life as an area of Wickerman in 2002, Eden – a festival created by a council run music group with three members, who were all under 17 – took the plunge and branched out from the well established event to become a standalone, boutique festival. The leap of faith paid off as the event is now well respected in its own right as an acclaimed festival that’s eco-friendly and supportive of local businesses, artists and most importantly, musicians. This year there’s over 300 acts performing between 9 – 12 June across the nine stages, with King Charles, Gentlemen’s Dub Club and Congo Natty just some of the exciting acts to be announced so far, but the festival is about so much more than music. There’s an eclectic mix of sounds and environments to experience at the festival including ‘psychedelic tropical

dance tents’; the Healing Field, where the Eden Healing Team will be offering aromatherapy, crystal therapy, reiki, various massage techniques and other treatments (some of which will be free); the Vishnu Lounge, dubbed a ‘paradise on the fringes of Eden’ where you can chill out in the hammocks, lounge in bathtubs and enjoy the chai cafés; the cycle powered reggae stage, with a pedal-powered stage and café that celebrates all things sustainable; the exclusive, invite only boogie parlour; and so many more quirky areas that proves there really is something for everyone at this unique festival. Tier three tickets are still available online for £105, snap them up now before they rise to £115 in tier four.

HEBCELT – This four day not-forprofit Celtic music festival is held in Stornoway, against the unique backdrop of the Hebrides, making it the perfect place to celebrate Scottish music and Celtic culture. The music on offer incorporates contemporary traditional music with rock, indie-folk and world influences. In 2016, the festival is celebrating its 21st birthday and the guest list for the party is growing all the time. Acclaimed Scottish folk band Breabach are the latest act to join the line-up which features superstars Runrig, the Red Hot Chilli Pipers, Hayseed Dixie, Julie Fowlis, John McCusker, King Creosote and Astrid among others. HebCelt will be held from 13-16 July and the organisers are joining forces for the first time with Pitch Village to bring a pioneering style of camping to the festival. Tents will be provided – prepitched and fully-equipped – allowing festival goers the chance to pre-book accommodation for two to eight people. The festival attracts crowds from all over the world and draws in around 15,000

visitors – about twice the size of the population of Stornoway. The area is gorgeous and the island community always reach out and offer a welcoming hand to visitors, making this one of the most special experiences you’ll have all summer.

Weekend tickets for MugStock are £75, making MugStock one of the best value festivals out.

The early bird tickets sold out in record time but weekend tickets are still available for £87 or £74 for concessions.

KNOCKENGORROCH – Knockengorroch World Ceilidh 2016 returns to the hills of Scotland’s Southern Uplands from 26 – 29 May for another celebration of Celtic, roots and world music in Kirkcudbrightshire – a beautiful corner of Scotland.

MUGSTOCK – Scottish hip hop giants Stanley Odd are one of the first acts announced to play this year’s MugStock; a boutique festival taking place amid the stunning scenery of Mugdock Country Park, less than 10 miles from the centre of Glasgow, on the bank holiday weekend 29th – 31st July.

The festival began in summer 1998 and although it has gone from strength to strength in the years since, it remains true to its roots and continues to exist with sustainability, will never ‘sell out or go corporate’ and still lists ‘great music, arts and diversity’ as the primary motives behind the festival.

The boutique festival started last year and became one of the most talked about events of 2015. The unstoppable yellow clad army which is Colonel Mustard & the Dijon 5 also feature, headlining the new Chameleon Stage as part of a Yellow Movement (which you can read more about on page 42) takeover on the Saturday night alongside compatriots Mickey 9s and The Girobabies.

Although the festival is known for showcasing the best Scottish musicians, from all genres, it also seeks to promote multi-cultural genres and books the best in both Scottish and European talent to showcase Celtic and World music in both traditional and contemporary fields.

Exciting new additions for 2016 include an outdoor main stage arena and a dance tent bringing the total number of stages to six. The festival have promised more announcements soon including at least one more showstopping headliner and around 60 other acts. In the meantime, the festival is throwing a party: MugStock’s Springtime Shindig in the SWG3 Studio Warehouse, Glasgow on Saturday 9th April, 2pm – 2am. This all day gig looks set to be a mini festival in itself, with bands interspersed with other activities including Hula Hoop workshops, activities for children and the chance to help build a giant chameleon to be displayed at the Chameleon Stage of the festival.

Some of the recently announced acts for this year’s festival include Black Uhuru, who were the first reggae band to win a Grammy award and Niteworks, a fourpiece formed on the Isle of Skye, who fuse Gaelic language and traditional music with electronic influences to create a very unique sound. However, the festival has more than music to offer attendees with a silent disco, comedy, cabaret, children’s activities, heritage and arts workshops, a healing area and much more. Super advance tickets are still on sale with four day tickets available at £99 or £94 for concession tickets.

by Courtney Hendry Online Editor

@courtneysarahx

c.hendry@tsaglasgow.com

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

Quick Crossword ACROSS: 1. Overindulge (6) 4. Tone of voice (6) 8. Nip (5) 9. Allude to (7) 10. Rearrangement of letters (7) 11. Exhilarates (5) 12. Type of carpet (9) 17. More aged (5) 19. Accepted as true without proof (7) 22. Abnormally high temperature (5) 23. Dejection (6) 24. Tools used for boring holes (6) DOWN: 1. Tree of the willow family (6) 2. US state (7) 3. Old anaesthetic (5) 5. Satisfied (7) 6. Heather genus (5) 7. Underground passage (6) 9. Fleeting (9) 13. Sailor (7) 14. Taking away (7) 15. Type of drum (3-3) 16. Embelishes (6) 18. Narcotics (5) 20. More secure (5)

Sudoku 4

6 3 7 4

4 2

3 5

7 2

7 1 8

16 18

4 6 2 8

4 9

5 EVIL

15 17

8 6

3 9

5 7

EASY

1 7 6

2 6

6 21

4 8 6

1 23

7 8

2 9 4

Place 1-9 in each row, column and 3X3 box

March Horoscopes Aries

Aim to please! Service with a smile is your overarching theme this month, Aries. Lewis Carroll was onto something when he wrote: “One of the deep secrets of life is that all that is really worth the doing is what we do for others.” These words might ring especially true now, as a cluster of planets hover in Pisces, your mystical, compassionate serve-or-suffer twelfth house.

Taurus

Branch out and connect with your tribe, Taurus. March is filled with a parade of planets in Pisces, your eleventh house of teamwork, technology and togetherness. Whether it’s through social media or IRL, the spotlight is on your collaborations and alliances.

Gemini

Slay, Gemini, slay! You’re on a mission to turn your grandest goals into a tangible (and profitable) reality this month. The Sun is in imaginative Pisces until March 20, heating up your ambitious tenth house and spotlighting your career. is also a vibrant supermoon.

Cancer

Get out of your shell and explore new terrain, Crab! Until March 20, Pisces season is in full swing, emphasizing your ninth house of adventure, growth, and crosscultural connections. Have you been playing it small and safe as of late? Rather than dreaming of an expansive and exciting life, now’s the time to take action and broaden your horizons.

Leo

Lights, camera, action! The March skies pack enough dramatic twists and turns to keep even the most action-hungry Leos on their well-shod toes. Until March 20, Pisces season is in full, ferocious swing, spotlighting your eighth house of intimacy and joint ventures.

How does the cosmos affect your life? Horoscopes can show you how to have fun in love and build lasting relationships!

Virgo No person is an island, Virgo—not even your self-sufficient sign. Togetherness is one of March’s big themes, as Pisces season highlights your seventh house of one-on-one relationships until March 20. This is your annual time to ponder how you date, mate and relate to others, and the tension that can sometimes arise in your interpersonal spheres.

Sagittarius

This month, your domestic life could go through some changes, Sagittarius. What would it take to bring sacredness to your sanctuary: a move, redecorating, a new cast of characters?

Capricorn “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something,” opined Plato. Keep that in mind this month as the Sun moves through Pisces, your third house of communication, until March 20. What is it that truly inspires you to share, Capricorn? Maybe there’s a heartfelt or worldly message you’re longing to convey.

Libra

Get ready for a bustling, action-packed month, Libra. March will feature two change-making eclipses—one in YOUR sign—along with lots of planetary meetups that will shift your reality. There won’t be much time for rest, so you’ll want to stick closely to your priorities.

Aquarius The March 8 Pisces new moon will be a solar eclipse AND a potent supermoon, bringing bold beginnings. You could be offered a new job or role in your company, or you might be inspired to pursue whole new career path.

Scorpio

Pisces

Scorpio unleashed! That could be the theme of this wild and unscripted March, which will bring not one but TWO game-changing eclipses in some rather passionate parts of your chart. Sure you may have a reputation as one of the zodiac’s control freaks, but it will be hard to believe once the cosmic energy of March grabs hold of you.

Welcome to your new reality, Pisces. The starry skies are filled with planets in your sign all month, putting your passions and solo endeavors in the spotlight. This is your moment to shine, indeed! The Sun is in your sign until March 20 and chatty Mercury is here from March 5-21.

Crossword and Sudoku results from February’s issue 5 6 3 9 2 7 4 1 8

7 8 9 1 6 4 5 3 2

2 1 4 8 3 5 7 6 9

8 2 5 3 4 1 9 7 6

3 4 7 6 9 2 1 8 5

EVIL

EASY

1 9 6 7 5 8 3 2 4

9 3 1 4 8 6 2 5 7

4 5 8 2 7 3 6 9 1

6 7 2 5 1 9 8 4 3

9 5 2

6 3 1

4 8 7

1 9 4

3 7 8

2 6 5

5 1 6

8 4 9

7 2 3

4 3 1 8 6 7

7 8 2 4 9 5

6 9 5 2 1 3

5 6 8 3 7 2

2 1 4 6 5 9

3 7 9 1 4 8

8 2 7 9 3 4

1 5 3 7 2 6

9 4 6 5 8 1

GAMES & GADGETS

What’s On: Games & Gadgets

by Aidan Scott @bigaidan a.scott@tsaglasgow.com

PICK OF THE MONTH TOM CLANCY’S THE DIVISION (PS4, XBOX ONE, PC)

Games based on Tom Clancy’s novels tend to do well and the latest one to come along certainly hasn’t missed out on the pre-release hype. Tom Clancy’s The Division is set in a world that has succumbed to a virus spread by the touching of money (nothing like a hidden message to predict the fall of society.) As a result, society in cities like New York have collapsed and the American government has fallen. Enter the Division – a team of special agents trained to operate without orders and bring about the resurrection of

human society. Of course, in terms of gameplay this inevitably means there is a high body count and an arsenal of modifiable weaponry. The game is set in Manhattan and will feature online multiplayer. The aim of the story is to find the source of the virus and eliminate it. In doing so you will have to fight soldiers of various factions, including one made up of angry former sanitation workers. Players are able to carry three weapons, including explosives to be used on the

game’s explosive environments. You are also able to take cover during firefights in order to use the situations to your advantage. You are able to earn experience points which can then be used to upgrade your weapons and gear. As well as the game’s story mode, you’ll also be able to fight other players in the game’s multiplayer. This will give you access to high-end weaponry that can only be used in this mode. Tom Clancy’s The Division is released on March 8th.

Gadgets Galore RED 5’S CANDY GRABBER Mother’s Day is this month and while she may not want to share her presents with you, it’s always good to get something you can enjoy a bit further down the line. Take Red 5’s Candy Grabber for example, instead of getting your mum a box of chocolates, just fill this up with sweets. That way she can grab some whenever she wants and feel like she’s at the fair at the same time. Oh, and you can steal some when she’s not looking. You can get one for £29.95.

WALL CLIMBING CARS I always loved remote control cars as a kid but I think I might have enjoyed them even more if it could drive on walls. Red 5 are selling some Wall Climbing Cars that can drive on ceilings, walls and pretty much anywhere you want. If you want to relive your childhood, you can get one for £14.95.

Other games to look out for... EA SPORTS UFC 2 (PS4, XBOX ONE)

HITMAN (PS4, XBOX ONE, PC)

BONJOUR The UFC just keeps getting bigger and better and if you’re not already a fan, where have you been? Ronda Rousey has spent the last few years dominating the women’s side of the sport, until her defeat to Holly Holm at least. More recently, Conor McGregor has become the superstar the UFC has perhaps lacked in the last few years. Both fighters feature on the cover of EA Sports UFC 2 and are sure to entice some gamers to make the purchase. In the game’s career mode you will be able to play as a female fighter for the first time. Other features include an all new dynamic finishing system which will allow you to knock out your opponent in different ways based on the strength and momentum of your finishing move. EA Sports UFC 2 is released on March 17th.

The sixth release of the franchise, Hitman will be the first in the series to be released in episodic format. As always, the game will feature stealth-based gameplay where lead character Agent 47 is required to carry out assassinations (clue’s in the name). Players of the Hitman games are always given a fair amount of freedom in regards to how they carry out assassinations and this will be no different. You can go for public kills or make it appear as if the target died in some sort of completely unavoidable accident, it’s your choice. Upon launch, the game will feature the story’s prologue and a Paris map. By the end of May, the game’s remaining two cities of Sapienza and Marrakech will also be featured in the game. New content will then continue to be released every month. Hitman is released on March 11th.

An actual real functioning alarm might seem unnecessary these days considering the handy alarm function on our smartphones, but the new kickstarter funded ‘Bonjour’ by Holi is a smart alarm clock that can alert you to traffic, display your Facebook notifications (we all check them first thing, let’s not lie), update you on the weather and wake you up, obviously. It’s voice activated, connects with your home to help control heating and lighting and is so smart that it can check if traffic is likely to get in the way of your commute and wake you at an earlier or later time, so you can avoid it.

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

ambitious project to build a game offering everything DayZ had but with a few added bells and whistles like micro-transactions and hack support. However once the world began to move on from zombie games in 2014 the torch was passed on to Daybreak Studios who continued development. Now H1Z1 has been split into two games; Just Survive (traditional survival) and King of the Hill (basically Battle Royale). With The Walking Dead season six reliably slapping fans across the face every week, we figured you’d miss season six when it’s gone. But not to fear! TSA have been in the lab, working hard and looking at some of the very best zombie games on offer – here’s a list of five we think will satisfy your Walking Dead cravings once the series retires for another year:

H1Z1: (PC, PS4, XBOX ONE) A survival game which spawned from the deep pockets of Sony, H1Z1 started off as an

DYING LIGHT: (PC, PS4, XBOX ONE) Essentially Mirrors Edge with a zombie mod, Dying Light was announced by Warner Bros in 2014 to be the next generation of zombie games. Centred around parkour, it will have you running around the quarantined city of Harran like Dwight from The Office as you escape hordes of super-strong zombies of varying flavour. Following its release in early 2015, Polish developers Techland created an enhanced version as part of a downloadable content pack to critical

H1Z1

acclaim – with promises to put out more expansions in 2016.

ARMA 3 – EPOCH: (PC) Arma is a hyper-realism series taking gamers into combat scenarios like Afghanistan and rural Russia – but what’s made the super-serious-soldier series so popular is because it’s highly modable. In fact, DayZ started off in life as a mod for Arma2 before stepping up to becoming a standalone. Epoch uses the futuristic setting of 2035 to give players complete freedom in its massive environments, supplying hundreds of weapons, attachments and even more army toys like; APCs, helicopters and tanks to satisfy that childish side of you. While zombies are the main focus, much like The Walking Dead, the real danger is other people.

DEAD RISING 3: (XBOX ONE, PC) The Dead Rising series has a reputation of being completely mad, witty and a supplier

DYING LIGHT

ONLY ONE – A KANYE WEST PRODUCTION

With the much anticipated and rocky release of Waves/Swish/The Life of Pablo/ Whatever Else, Kanye has once again caught the world’s attention – further parading his genius in a series of Twitter rants teaching us all that this century’s most talented artist is still mad and clever enough to hype whatever project he’s throwing himself into. The undisputed king of ego is nothing short of ambitious, and after a long

career spent dominating the hip-hop genre with masterpiece album after masterpiece album he began to show an affinity for creative design, funding a creative company called DONDA while also working on shoes for Nike and eventually an entire fashion range for Adidas. Kanye’s other creative works and side businesses are things he speaks of often and are subject in most of his recent tracks – but the entrepreneur has since revealed

what other ventures he’d like to take DONDA on in his recent headline making Twitter rants, from medical research to a ‘luxury’ search engine (pimped out Google I presume) critic’s queries that Yeezy has run out of ideas are certainly anything but on sight. But what about video games? Can Mr West wake up gamers’ interest just as he did with designers and hip-hop purists and graduate from just a dreamer to a do-er? Well little did you know Mr West has already dipped his toe into the digital waters? ‘Power’ for starters was the soundtrack to THQ’s Saints Row: The Third, and when Kanye was just twelve years old he was already making games and then soundtracks for those games. But it was during The Life of Pablo launch week he debuted a trailer for Only One, his newest game based off the 2015 single of the same name. The track features former Beatle, Paul McCartney and is a heart tugging conversation between Kanye’s daughter, North and his mother

of hours of gory-horror fun. While the latest edition was somewhat disappointing, it’s not a bad game and is the only game in the series on current-gen consoles so far. Dead Rising 3 manages to earn its name however, still boasting its impressive crafting system, trademark humour (sex toy batons for example) and boss battles breaking the game up and introducing some of its more colourful characters.

RUST: (PC) While Facepunch Studios’ Rust may not be a zombie game per-se, it is a survival game throwing you into a world infested with another kind of feral-mammal: gamers. The key to Rust is to craft and maintain a base with its intuitive building mechanics, to find loot in cargo drops or to steal it from other camps in daring raids. There’s also a few woodland creatures around to use as target practice. by Connor Tollan Twitter:

@Mr_ConorTollan9

c.tollan@tsaglasgow.com

ARMA 3

Donda. And while this track is one of Kanye’s most personal and vulnerable ones, it is yet to make it onto his latest album. While not much else is known about it, Only One seems to be shaping up as a simple tapping mobile game – much like Doodle Jump without the aliens. You play as his late mother Donda West who passed in 2007, and your goal is to guide Donda upwards to the highest gates of heaven by following the light. However simple tapping games to play on the toilet during your union allocated five minute smoke break is a little low brow for the likes of Kanye – in a recent interview he is quoted as saying the game is hard to make which suggests there is a little more to Only One than has been revealed so far and leaves us with more questions than answers. We hope to see at least another trailer, or a launch date in the future but if history is anything to go by we can expect it whenever Kanye feels like it. No matter what, let’s just hope it’s not Flappy Bird.

by Connor Tollan Twitter:

@Mr_ConorTollan9

c.tollan@tsaglasgow.com

EMPLOYMENT

FULL TIME PAINTER THE STUDENT ADVERTISER

TO APPLY FOR ANY OF THESE VACANCIES, PLEASE VISIT

www.s1jobs.com/recruiterprofiles/tsa s1jobs.com have been at the heart of the jobs marketplace in Scotland for over 14 years and are very proud to partner with The Student Advertiser here to bring exclusive and relevant job vacancies to the readership. If you’re keen to apply for any particular vacancy, you must follow the established application route through the s1jobs.com website. As there’s usually over 4,000 live job vacancies on the site each week, we’ve collated all the vacancies noted here under a single online address, especially created for the readers of The Student Advertiser. Simply enter the address noted below into your web browser, it doesn’t matter if you’re using a mobile device or a static PC, the s1jobs.com website is fully mobile optimised ensuring you get the best experience possible. If you require any assistance, the customer service team at s1jobs will be keen to help on 0141 302 7510.

Salary: £11.00 per annum Agent: HAYS Skills: Construction/Trades/Property Location: Glasgow CSCS Painters required in the Glasgow area to work on a new build commercial project. The project is due to run for around 4-5 weeks with potential further work depending on site feedback. All applicants must be timeserved and have a valid CSCS card. The pay rate is £11 Umbrella. If available contact Martin Walsh on 0141 2123660. Hays Specialist Recruitment Limited acts as an employment agency for permanent recruitment and employment business for the supply of temporary workers. By applying for this job you accept the T&C’s, Privacy Policy and Disclaimers which can be found at hays.co.uk

MANAGEMENT ACCOUNTANT Agent: Escape Skills: Accountancy Location: Glasgow Our client is looking for an Management Accountant for temporary contract within a global manufacturing company on a full time basis. Duties include: Preparation of monthly management accounts Budgeting & Forecasting Project costing and analysis Maintenance of Fixed Assets Ideally you will have: PQ Qualification (ACCA, CIMA) or AAT Qualified Ability to critically analyse financial information Strong excel and systems knowledge If you are interested in this role and would like more information please send your CV and covering letter to Louise.Young@escaperecruitment.com.

MANAGEMENT ACCOUNTANT Salary: £29000 per annum Agent: Reed Accountancy Skills: Accountancy Location: Glasgow My client, a successful global organisation based in South Lanarkshire, are looking to grow their finance function by employing a new experienced Management Accountant. This is a full time permanent post with fantastic career progression. Daily duties will be inclusive of: Production of monthly management accounts Production of year end statutory accounts Balance sheet reconciliations Updating and maintaining the fixed asset register - inclusive of depreciation of disposals Variance analysis Journals Reporting A working knowledge of Agresso would be beneficial but is not essential. Please apply if interested. Reed Specialist Recruitment Limited is an employment agency and employment business.

QUANTITY SURVEYOR Salary: circa £25ph Agent: Hudson Construction & Property Skills: Construction/Trades/Property Location: Glasgow We have an opportunity for a Quantity Surveyor to join a team within Central Scotland for a QS role on a contract basis. The role will be for three months initially but there is strong potential for this to be extended. The role will involve working with pre-contract documentation. You will be pricing bills of quantities; pricing work from drawing and specifications and dealing with main contractors. For further information and to discuss this role further, please contact Tori Bell at Hudson on 0141 240 2445. Please note you will receive an automated response advising you that we have received your CV. Hudson is a leading provider of permanent recruitment, contract professionals and talent management solutions worldwide.

PAYROLLER TELESALES ADVISORS

PENSIONS ADMINISTRATOR SIPP

Salary: £15k + bonus per annum Agent: Hot House Energy Company Skills: Call/Contact Centres Location: Glasgow Due to the growth in the renewable energy market we are currently looking for Telesales Advisors to join our company. These individuals must be hard working, enthusiastic and have excellent time keeping. Experience is not essential as we offer full training. We have flexible working hours mornings, evening and weekends. Part time hours £10k + bonus. Full time hours 15k + bonus. For more information contact Karen on 01414336724, or send your CV to glrecruitment@hothouseenergy. co.uk.&iuml;&raquo;&iquest;

Salary: £100 per day Agent: Resource Solutions / Prudential Skills: Financial Services/Investment Location: Glasgow Pensions Administrator (x3) We are looking for candidates with Pensions experience to join a growing team. There are 3 opportunities available in different areas with great opportunities for learning and growth. These roles are temp to permanent or 6 month contracts. Experience:- Pensions & Financial services Brief overview of the role:- Reconciliations & reporting Dealing with penisons queries Fund transactions Please get in touch if you are interested!

BOOKKEEPER - TEMP TO PERM

LABOURER Salary: £7.28 - £8.00 per hour Agent: HAYS Skills: Construction/Trades/Property Location: Glasgow Labourers required for an immediate start in the Govan area of Glasgow for a minimum of 2 weeks work. You must have a valid CSCS card, Full PPE and checkable references for within the last 6 months. To apply call Stephen Henry direct on 0141 212 3660. Hays Specialist Recruitment Limited acts as an employment agency for permanent recruitment and employment business for the supply of temporary workers. By applying for this job you accept the T&C’s, Privacy Policy and Disclaimers which can be found at hays.co.uk

Salary: £18000 - £20000 per annum Agent: Reed Accountancy Skills: Accountancy Location: Glasgow Hi all I have an excellent opportunity for an experienced Bookkeeper to join a successful organisation in Glasgow. This is a temporary to permanent position. Daily duties will include: Accounts to trial balance All aspects of Purchase Ledger All aspects of Sales Ledger General Ledger Management reporting Ad hoc duties as required The successful candidate will be: Immediately available to start work Proficient in the use of SageLine50 Interested? Please apply without delay! Thank you. Reed Specialist Recruitment Limited is an employment agency and employment business.

Salary: £7.50 - £9.50 per annum Agent: Reed Accountancy Skills: Accountancy Location: Glasgow I have an excellent opportunity for an experienced Payroller to join a successful organisation in Glasgow. This is a full time temporary position and is an urgent requirement. Duties will include *Processing weekly and monthly payroll & dealing with payroll queries’ *Calculating travel allowances *Inputting timesheets *The deduction and submission of wage arrestments *Processing sub contract applications and payment certificates *Creating BACs files *Requesting and verifying VAT receipts/statements of reduction *Statement reconciliations *Any other ad hoc duties If you are interested please apply without delay as this is a position we are looking to fill immediately Reed Specialist Recruitment Limited is an employment agency and employment business.

FINANCE ASSISTANT Salary:

£18,000 - £20,000 dependant on experience Agent: Primestaff Skills: Accountancy Location: Glasgow Prime Commercial Staff are looking to recruit a Finance Assistant to join our City Centre based client on a permanent basis. Duties will include: - Process purchase and sales ledger transactions - Matching cash receipts Payment runs - Processing invoices - Bank reconciliations - Responding to adhoc finance queries The successful candidate will have a steady work history with previous experience of processing financial transactions. You will have good communication skills with the ability to

work as part of a small team, including with colleagues at various levels of seniority. Due to level of response expected, only suitable candidates will be contacted. All other CVs will be held on file for future positions.

FRONT END DEVELOPER Salary: £200.00 - £300.00 per day Agent: HAYS Skills: IT/Telecommunications Location: Glasgow Job Title: Front End Developer Job Type: Contract Contract Length: 3 months + Daily rate: £200 negotiable DOE Job Description: I am recruiting for a Front End Developer for my client, an innovative organisation in Glasgow City Centre. Due to expansion, this organisation requires an experienced front end developer to join them on a temporary basis to assist with project work. Key Skills Required: HTML 5 CSS 3 Javascript Experience with a .js framework would be beneficial. Hays Specialist Recruitment Limited acts as an employment agency for permanent recruitment and employment business for the supply of temporary workers. By applying for this job you accept the T&C’s, Privacy Policy and Disclaimers which can be found at hays.co.uk

TEST ANALYST Salary: £350.00 - £400.00 per day Agent: HAYS Skills: IT/Telecommunications Location: Glasgow Experienced test analyst required for exciting project for a leading asset management company based in central Glasgow. Recent testing experience within investment banking/asset management environments is essential to be considered for this role. Will have strong recent test analysis experience within WRAP/asset management/ transfer agency platforms dealing with all aspects of testing. Will be part of a small testing team working on a complex test programme to tight deliverables ensuring all aspects of the testing are delivered effectively. Role is to start asap. Hays Specialist Recruitment Limited acts as an employment agency for permanent recruitment and employment business for the supply of temporary workers. By applying for this job you accept the T&C’s, Privacy Policy and Disclaimers which can be found at hays.co.uk

FRENCH CUSTOMER SERVICE Salary: £16,500 Agent: Zebra Appointments Ltd. Skills: Call/Contact Centres Location: Glasgow French speaking Customer Advisor required for established client based in Glasgow city centre. This is a Full time permanent position, and the client is easily accessible by public transport. The role will involve providing first class service to existing customers. Through telephone and email contact you will handle enquires, process orders and resolve complaints. You will be the first point of contact for customers and provide a positive and professional impression. We are keen to speak to French speaking candidates who are immediately available for work. Previous experience of working within a Customer Service environment and computer literacy is essential for the role. In particular experience of working in a Call/Contact centre would be advantageous. Interested? Please apply below. Zebra Appointments are acting as both an employment business and agency in relation to this vacancy

TRAINEE FINANCIAL SERVICES ADMINISTRATOR Salary: £14000 - £16000 per annum Agent: Reed Insurance Skills: Financial Services/Investment Location: Glasgow A unique role has been created within a national company who work in outsourcing. This permanent role has been created in the company due to expansion. The successful candidate will be - Working directly with independent financial advisers ensuring that they are fully compliant and adhering to the FCA’s regulations. Ensure they have completed their CPD hours. Conduct research on the products, providers and services they currently use. This role also involves report writing and general administration task. The ideal candidate will be from a financial services background(preferably working within a financial advisers), who has whole of market product knowledge, is motivated, can manage their own workload, is good at relationship building and has experience of report writing. You will be rewarded with a competitive salary. Reed Specialist Recruitment Limited is an employment agency and employment business.

ELECTRICIAN Salary: £11ph Agent: Easy Recruit Skills: Construction/Trades/Property Location: Glasgow We are currently recruiting for a electrician for work in the Glasgow and surrounding areas. Your responsibilities will include: Complete electrical testing to required standards Diagnose faults, identify any parts required and carry out repairs to electrical appliances. To liaise with suppliers and contractors. The successful applicant will Be organised and a committed people’s person Be a team player with the ability to give excellent customer service to internal and external customers. Must be able to work alone and as part of a team. Good communication skills. Good organisational skills.

TO APPLY FOR ANY OF THESE VACANCIES, PLEASE VISIT WWW.S1JOBS.COM/RECRUITERPROFILES/TSA

FEBRUARY 2016, ISSUE 18

You will be travelling between client sites therefore transport is essential. This is a temporary position but may lead to permanent position for the right candidate. Easyrecruituk.com is acting as an employment business in relation to this vacancy.

INDUSTRIAL ELECTRICIAN Salary: £12.50 - £13.15 per hour Agent: Meridian Business Support Skills: Construction/Trades/Property Location: Glasgow Meridian Business Support are currently recruiting permanent Industrial Electricians for their client based in the South Side of Glasgow. This is a fantastic opportunity to join a dynamic organisation who are showing tremendous growth year on year with contracts throughout Scotland. Key essentials for the role are as follows :- You will have notable industrial electrical experience. Must have strong fault finding experience within an industrial environment. City & Guild 2391 qualified and able to produce condition reporting. 17th edition qualified. Have CSCS and all relevant site paperwork. If you are interested in the above position can you please send an updated copy of your CV to rmcewan@meridianbs.co.uk or call Ross McEwan on 0141 285 7905 for more details. Meridian Business Support is acting on behalf of our Client as a Recruitment Agency.

WEB DEVELOPER ASP .NET Salary: £30000.00 - £35000.00 per annum Agent: HAYS Skills: IT/Telecommunications Location: Glasgow My clients, a global financial institution, are looking for a web developer to join their Glasgow based team. The role will involve managing the IT systems for the organisation, creating web applications and websites. You will be involved in every aspect of the development lifecycle from design to delivery. The right person for the job will have a solid background in web development and will be comfortable working with the following technologies: .Net, SQL Server, ASP.Net, HTML, CSS & Javascript. Experience working within an agile/test driven environment would be desirable but is not essential. This role offers an excellent salary and benefits package, depending on experience. Hays Specialist Recruitment Limited acts as an employment agency for permanent recruitment and employment business for the supply of temporary workers. By applying for this job you accept the T&C’s, Privacy Policy and Disclaimers which can be found at hays.co.uk

STRUCTURAL/REVIT TECHNICIAN Salary: £25.00 - £28.00 per hour Agent: HAYS Skills: Engineering/Technical Location: Glasgow Job Title: Structural/REVIT Technician Job Location: Glasgow & Strathclyde Job Type: Freelance Due to a number of recent project wins, my client has an immediate requirement for a Structural Technician to assist for an initial period of 2-3 months. Working within a multi-disciplinary design team, you will offer drawing support on a number of education projects. The successful candidate will: -Be fully experienced in using AutoCAD to produce and amend structural drawings -Be experienced in working with reinforced concrete and structural steel -Have previous working experience of

REVIT -Be available for an immediate start Please apply with your most recent CV. Hays Specialist Recruitment Limited acts as an employment agency for permanent recruitment and employment business for the supply of temporary workers. By applying for this job you accept the T&C’s, Privacy Policy and Disclaimers which can be found at hays.co.uk

IFA SALES SUPPORT Salary:

£20,000 to £25,000 plus benefits and bonus Agent: JohnstonGreer Ltd Skills: Financial Services/Investment Location: Glasgow IFA Sales Support £20,000 to £25,000 plus benefits and bonus IFA Sales Support required by this fee based firm of Financial Planners that provides advice to HNW Private Clients across retirement planning, investments and taxation. You will be responsible for all new business processing, valuations, quotations, servicing of existing business, database management and platform work, whilst liaising externally with clients and providers and internally with IFAs and paraplanners. Applicants must have sales support experience within an advice environment plus excellent administration and communication skills. The firm offers an excellent range of benefits which includes pension and bonus. Please call Chris Johnston on 0141 353 9510 or email chris.johnston@johnstongreer.co.uk. JohnstonGreer is a recruitment agency covering Scotland & N.Ireland that specialises in the Actuarial, Life & Pension and Investment sectors. JohnstonGreer operates as an Employment Agency in providing permanent job seeking services.

TELEPHONE ORDER PROCESSOR Salary:

£15,500 increasing to £17k after probation Agent: Primestaff Skills: Customer Services Location: Glasgow Prime Commercial Staff are looking to recruit a Telephone Order Processor to join a thriving and friendly team on a permanent full time basis. The purpose of the role is to capture inbound and outbound orders and the main duties will include: - Processing customer orders via inbound and outbound calls (existing customers) Providing information and prices for all products - Cross/ upselling additional products - Updating customer information - Assisting with delivery and invoice queries The successful applicant will have a strong customer service background gained within an office/customer service/call centre environment and you will be able to demonstrate the ability to work to targets. You will be PC literate with a working knowledge of MS Word and Excel. You will also have excellent communication skills with the ability to build a rapport with your customers. Please note, due to level of response expected, only suitable candidates will be contacted. All other CVs will be held on file for future positions.

TELEPHONE ORDER PROCESSOR Salary:

£15,500 increasing to £17k after probation Agent: Primestaff Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow

Prime Commercial Staff are looking to recruit a Telephone Order Processor to join a thriving and friendly team on a permanent full time basis. The purpose of the role is to capture inbound and outbound orders and the main duties will include: - Processing customer orders via inbound and outbound calls (existing customers) Providing information and prices for all products - Cross/ upselling additional products - Updating customer information - Assisting with delivery and invoice queries The successful applicant will have a strong customer service background gained within an office/customer service/call centre environment and you will be able to demonstrate the ability to work to targets. You will be PC literate with a working knowledge of MS Word and Excel. You will also have excellent communication skills with the ability to build a rapport with your customers. Please note, due to level of response expected, only suitable candidates will be contacted. All other CVs will be held on file for future positions.

OFFICE ADMINISTRATOR Salary: £18,000 pro rata Agent: Bridgeall Ltd Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow Permanent Part time Office Administrator required for city centre company. 20 hours per week, salary £18,000pa pro rata. Articulate and enthusiastic individual required with excellent telephone manner and proficient in Excel. Main duties are: Answer incoming calls, take and relay messages. Welcome and take care of guests. Monitor and purchase office supplies, including stationery and kitchen provisions. Book travel and accommodation as requested. Ensuring holiday and absence records are up to date. Organise couriers as and when they are required. Filing. Organising staff events. Responsibility for Petty Cash. Arranging tea/coffee and any catering requirements for guests. Attending to incoming and outgoing mail. Maintaining and updating various internal documents/ forms. Arranging training for staff and maintaining training record. Monitoring staff time recording. Maintaining log of supplier invoices.

COLLECTIONS ADVISOR/AGENT Salary:

£21400 per annum + bonus + benefits

Agent: BrightPool Skills:

Call/Contact Centres

Location: Glasgow Collections Agent / Advisor Are you an experienced Collections Agent? Do you have experience of working in a telephone collections operation? Our client, a large financial services organisation, is looking to recruit a number of permanent Collections Agents with experience spanning the whole collections cycle to work in Glasgow city centre. Working pattern will be 37.5 hrs per week Monday to Thursday between 8am -9pm, Friday 8am -7pm and 1 in 4 Saturday 9am - 2pm. In order to be considered for this role you will have; Previously worked as a Collections Agent, ideally within Financial Services. Previously worked in a telephone Collections operation. The ability to communicate with people from all walks of life. The ability to negotiate a settlement that meets both the customers’ needs and the best interests of the company. Knowledge of TCF. Assessment centres will be held late August with successful applicants commencing in September. Salary : up to £21,400 + bonus + benefits

BUSINESS ANALYST Salary:

£ Competitive

Agent:

HR Consultancy

Skills:

Financial Services/Investment

Location: Glasgow I have a great opportunity for an experienced

DESKTOP ENGINEER Salary: £30000-40000 Agent: Hudson IT&T Skills: IT/Telecommunications Location: Glasgow Hudson IT have an opportunity for a Desktop Engineer (3rd Line, Active Directory, SCCM) for a permanent role based in Glasgow City Centre. Joining our global professional services company, you will provide development and support of the Desktop across multi-site offices. Your tasks will include: Responsible for application delivery across the full application lifecycle. Provide 3rd line support to a high standard of excellence. Develop and build relationships with key departments and individuals. Review, maintain and improve the desktop environment across all geographical regions. You will have: Knowledge\ Experience of application packaging in a multi-OS environment. Managing users and computers through Active Directory. SCCM 2007\2012: Creating\Deploying\ Reporting on applications and packages. Work with a ticket logging system to agreed SLAs. Experience supporting Windows Operating Systems: XP\Win7\Win8. For more information and to apply, please submit an up to date CV.

Business Analyst to join a leading Global Banking organisation in Glasgow. The role provides support to a range of functions and stakeholders across the firm. Applications are invited from experienced Business Analysts seeking a permanent opportunity to work on a range of projects. You will be heavily involved in capturing and documenting requirements and current processes. You will work with the business to translate new requirements into future functional processes to allow internal or external parties to develop a suitable solution. The role will involve you running and managing workshops, completing testing, designing business requirement documents. In particular the firm is seeking experience gained within an Investment Banking environment, particularly Middle Office or Fund Accounting. The role offers the successful individual and excellent opportunity to be involved in a range of projects and the business is offering a highly competitive salary and benefits package.

PART TIME EXPERIENCED SECRETARY Salary: £Excellent terms and conditions Agent: Aspin Estates Ltd Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow Experienced Secretary required, part-time for busy Property Company’s Office. 3 full days a week. Must be proficient in current Microsoft Office Software and possess good administrative skills. Excellent terms and conditions. Please send CV to: Aspin Estates Ltd, 5 Fitzroy Place, Glasgow, G3 7RH

TELESALES ADVISORS Salary: £15k + bonus per annum Agent: Hot House Energy Company Skills: Call/Contact Centres Location: Glasgow Due to the growth in the renewable energy market we are currently looking for Telesales Advisors to join our company. These individuals must be hard working, enthusiastic and have excellent time keeping. Experience is not essential as we offer full training. We have flexible working hours mornings, evening and weekends. Part time hours £10k + bonus. Full time hours 15k + bonus. For more information contact Karen on 01414336724, or send your CV to glrecruitment@hothouseenergy. co.uk.&iuml;&raquo;&iquest;

PART TIME ADMINISTRATOR Salary: £7.50 - £8.00 per annum Agent: Allstaff Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow

AllStaff Glasgow are delighted to be recruiting for a Part Time Administrator for our exclusive Glasgow based client. Candidates should be able to demonstrate a high wpm speed & accuracy. To apply for this role you MUST have excellent telephone communication skills, be experienced in all software packages with a particular interest & skills in Microsoft Word. The candidate will offer support to a wider team of staff & should be able to manage their own workload and will be expected to take on additional ad hoc duties. This is a temporary contract for 3 months. The hours of work will be 9am 5.30pm for Wed, Thurs & Friday of each week.

DILIGENCE TYPIST/ ADMINISTRATOR - PART TIME Salary: Dependent on experience Agent: Advanced Financial Strategies Ltd Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow (Part Time Position) Monday – Friday (20 Hours) Either 5 mornings per week: 9.00a.m. – 1.00 p.m. or 5 afternoons per week: 1.00 p.m. – 5 p.m. Advanced Financial Strategies Limited is a successful firm of Financial Planners and are currently recruiting for a Typist/ Administrator for their busy Paisley Office. Duties include audio and copy typing, answering telephone calls, scanning and general administration tasks. The candidate must have excellent keyboard skills and be proficient in the use of MS Word. Experience of other MS Office applications would be an advantage. A high standard of accuracy and literacy is required as attention to detail is fundamental. It is important to have good organisation and communication skills.

PART-TIME PAYROLL ASSISTANT Salary: £22000 - £23000 per annum Agent: Search Consultancy Skills: Accountancy Location: Glasgow Search Consultancy are looking to recruit a part-time Payroll Assistant to join a growing organisation based just outside Glasgow. This role will consist of working 3 or 4 days per week. The main duties: Processing payroll end to end . RTI submission. Pension administration. Liaise closely with Payroll Manager at all times. Processing SSP, SMP and SPP. Processing all P45’s, P46’s, P11D’s, P6’s and P35’s. Processing all year end duties. Dealing with payroll queries. The main requirements: End to end Payroll experience is essential. Able to work to deadlines. Excellent communication skills. Strong team player. Sage experience is preferred. To apply for this post, please email your CV to lisa.slipchuk@search. co.uk

WELCOME DESK RECEPTIONIST (PART TIME) Salary: Agent:

£16,975 (pro-rata) Glasgow Caledonian University Students’ Association Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow GCU Students’ Association exists to represent and enable GCU students to enhance all aspects of their student experience. We are looking for a motivated and friendly individual who has previous receptionist or administrative experience and enjoys working in a busy and noisy environment. This is a part time post working 9am to 5pm Wednesday to Friday during term time (46 weeks a year, normally August to June). Closing date for applications is Friday 7th August 2015 at 12 noon.

Applicants will be notified on Monday 10th August if they have been shortlisted for interview. Interviews will take place on Thursday 13th August 2015. More information about GCU Students’ Association and the vacancy is available from our website. CVs alone will not be considered. Glasgow Caledonian University Students’ Association is a registered Scottish charity, number SC022887

DUTCH CUSTOMER ADVISOR Salary: £16,500 pro-rata Agent: HR Consultancy Skills: Call/Contact Centres Location: Glasgow HR Consultancy has a unique and exciting role for a fluent Dutch speaking customer advisor to work a part time contract based in their modern city centre offices. Working part time between 9am - 5 pm Monday to Friday you will; Deal with inbound telephone and e-mail customer queries. Follow up the queries with the relevant administration. Manage your own workload and possess the ability to prioritise. To be considered for this role you will be; A fluent, native Dutch speaker with English fluency as a second language. Previous experience working in customer service roles is preferred. Ability to multi-task is a must . This role is for a fixed term contract of 3 months . If you would like to apply for this position please apply online or email Kathleen Duffy at kduffy@hrconsultancy.co.uk HR Consultancy acts as both an employment business and an employment agency.

TO APPLY FOR ANY OF THESE VACANCIES, PLEASE VISIT WWW.S1JOBS.COM/RECRUITERPROFILES/TSA

EMPLOYMENT

ASSISTANT ACCOUNTANT Salary: £Dependant on experience Agent: PRG Skills: Accountancy Location: Glasgow PRG are currently recruiting for a global organisation currently experiencing an exciting period of growth. The main duties of the role will include: &bull; Preparation of accounts to trial balance &bull; Assisting with the production of month end accounts &bull; Bank reconciliations This is an excellent opportunity to join a globally renowned organisation. To be considered for this role you must be able to demonstrate an ability to juggle multiple deadlines, be immediately available and have intermediate excel skills. You must have recent experience of the preparation of accounts to trial balance and exposure to monthly accounts production. Intermediate excel skills are essential. Ideally this role will be part time (3 days a week) but full time will also be considered. This in an urgent requirement, if you have the experience outlined above, please send your CV to lynnemacdonald@prgrecruitment.com

SALES MANAGER Salary: £15,000 - £20,000 plus commission Agent: Abbeycare Skills: Sales Location: Glasgow Abbeycare is a leading private residential detox and rehab treatment centre based in Scotland’s central belt. The company is looking to drive growth through a number of diverse sales and marketing opportunities and we are looking for a self motivated sales manager with the drive and passion to help meet our business objectives. Industry knowledge is not required, however a proven track record in developing networks and relationships with key corporate clients and medical professionals would be beneficia l, as would a knowledge of primary care. The person will be required to make face to face appointments and the role may suit someone on a full or part-time basis. This is a great opportunity for somebody with a strong sales background to develop their career within a growing business. Is this describing you? If so, get in touch and apply within. Location - across Scotland’s central belt. Basic salary plus attractive sales commission.

forms. Arranging training for staff and maintaining training record. Monitoring staff time recording. Maintaining log of supplier invoices.

DATA ENTRY Salary: £8.54 Agent: Pertemps Scotland Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow Our client, who is within the Public Sector and based in the east End of Glasgow, have a requirement for a Data Entry Officer . This is a temporary part time role, with a rate of pay of £8.54 per hour. Hours of work are Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 9am to 5pm. Duties: Creation of electronic records, and adding demographic referral details, check data is entered correctly into system. Update Daily Log with record created that day to ensure record creation is on plan to complete the specific team for that week. Check Record Creation Team Weekly Timetable on a regular basis. Ensure and promote a high level of confidentiality is maintained at all times when dealing with patient identifiable data. Fault reporting. Support and maintain manual and electronic communication systems. The successful candidate must have the following skills/experience: Competent in using Excel. Speed and accurate typing skills. Adhering to tight deadlines. If you wish to apply for this role, please submit your CV to contract.glasgow@pertemps.co.uk

CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE Salary: £16,990-£18,377 (pro rata) Agent: Tesco Bank Skills: Customer Services Location: Glasgow When it comes to customer service, you’re a natural. Customer Service Representatives, General Insurance Glasgow Salary £16,990-£18,377 pro rata Part Time Evening & weekend Opportunities Various shift patterns available including evenings and weekends Working between the hours of: 4pm – 9pm Monday to Friday and 9am – 5pm at weekends You understand that customers stay with companies that meet their needs – and meeting those needs comes naturally to you. It’s all about treating people how we’d like to be treated and making sure that we are here for our customers. Delivering a first class customer experience, you’ll identify the right products and solutions to match our customer’s requirements on inbound sales and service calls. We have an excellent opportunity for someone from a Customer Services background to join our team in Glasgow. You will have excellent communication skills and proven customer service experience, you’ll naturally go the extra mile, every time. In return, we will be as committed to you, as you are to our customers.

TRAINEE QUANTITY SURVEYOR Salary: £Competitive Agent: The Binnie-McKenzie Partnership Skills: Construction/Trades/Property Location: Glasgow The Binnie-McKenzie Partnership is a small, highly experienced and client focused construction cost consultancy, delivering best value advice and support to a wide range of clients in both the public and private sectors. Due to continued growth we are seeking a Trainee Quantity Surveyor who would be required to

study for a part time BSc degree in Quantity Surveying at Glasgow Caledonian University (this is in addition to the other post we are currently advertising). This position would ideally suit a school leaver with an interest in the construction industry and will require a minimum of three Highers (including Maths and English) to gain entry on the degree course. You must be able demonstrate that you have: An understanding of the construction industry. excellent communication and organisational skills. exceptional social and interpersonal skills. the ability to work professionally and diligently within strict deadlines. In return we will offer you a competitive salary, payment of course fees, contributory pension scheme, an enjoyable and rewarding working environment and the opportunity to develop both professionally and personally within a developing, dynamic company.

IFA SALES SUPPORT ROLE IN GLASGOW (SOUTH SIDE) Salary: £16000 - £20000 per annum Agent: Reed Insurance Skills: Financial Services/Investment Location: Glasgow A fantastic opportunity has arisen for a financial services sales support working in a busy IFA’s office in the South side of Glasgow. They will consider full and part time candidates for this role (advertised salary will be pro rata for part time) Successful candidates will have the following skills - Whole of market product knowledge. Organisation and attention to detail Good communication skills, both verbal and written Proven experience in a Financial Services environment, IFA preferable Proven track record in client/customer satisfaction Certificate in Financial Administration or equivalent or working towards this qualification. (this is negotiable and dependent on actual experience) Strong IT skills in core Microsoft Office systems You will be responsible for - Requesting quotations Contacting third parties to obtain client information. Preparing information packs for client meetings. Vetting new business applications and ensuring all the information is included. Chasing third parties to ensure new business cases are completed. You must have experience in financial services to be considered for this role. Reed Specialist Recruitment Limited is an employment agency and employment business.

be responsible for - Requesting quotations Contacting third parties to obtain client information. Preparing information packs for client meetings. Vetting new business applications and ensuring all the information is included. Chasing third parties to ensure new business cases are completed. You must have experience in financial services to be considered for this role. Reed Specialist Recruitment Limited is an employment agency and employment business.

PART-TIME BOOKKEEPER Salary: Depends on Experience Agent: HR Consultancy Skills: Accountancy Location: Glasgow HR Consultancy are currently looking for a Part-Time Bookkeeper to work for a prestigious organisation based in Glasgow City Centre (21 hours per week) Duties will mainly include but will not be restricted to: - Inputting sales and suppliers invoices utilising accounting package - Issuing creditors and debtors reports as and when required - Managing suppliers contacts details - Managing customers contacts details - Liaising with suppliers and customers in a credit control capacity Helping the CEO/ CFO prepare monthly, quarterly and yearly accounts. - PAYE, HMRC form completion and payment as and when required - VAT returns - Petty cash handling - General office and bookkeeping filing duties One of the main parts of the job is bank reconciliations for multiple bank accounts – some are generated from the accounting system but the others are manual in the true sense i.e. using a manual hand written cash book as the starting position. A large part of the role is dealing with last minute cheque requests, finding signatories in the building and phoning the bank to order currency etc. There is a big focus on manual bookkeeping. You must be confident in your abilities to do manual processes and maintain your own working system. &ensp;

TELEPHONIST/RECEPTIONIST (PART TIME) Salary: £19,902-£20,990 p.a. pro rata Agent: UNISON Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow SCOTLAND REGION Telephonist/Receptionist (Part Time) Ref: R7/91 £19,902-£20,990 p.a. pro rata 17.5 hours per week Alternative Wednesday, Thursday/ Friday Glasgow We are looking for a Telephonist/ Receptionist The main tasks are: Reception/handling telephone calls and enquiries. Photocopying/distribution of mailings/processing mail. Data processing/filing/ maintaining membership system. Word processing/ using IT systems. Applicants should have good oral and written communications skills, work in a team setting, knowledge of administrative systems and equipment and be familiar with IT systems. For further information and an application form please send an addressed A4 enveloped (no stamp required) to Mike J Kirby, Scottish Secretary, UNISON, 14 West Campbell Street, Glasgow G2 6RX or log on to www.unison.org.uk/jobs (please download and complete the general application form: only this application will be accepted) Closing date for applications: Wednesday 19 August 2015 at 5pm. Interviews will take place on Friday 4 September 2015 in Glasgow. .

GRADUATE GRADUATE - FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITIES Salary: £18000 per annum Agent: FPSG Connect Skills: Financial Services/Investment Location: Glasgow FPSG are keen to speak to Graduates with relevant degrees and previous experience within the financial services industry. Ideally you will have a Finance related degree and an academic knowledge of banking, funds, reconciliations, settlements or dividends. You should have: Minimum 2.1 degree in Mathematics, Economics, Risk Management, Banking & Finance or any other relative degree. Previous financial services data processing experience would be ideal but not essential. Strong knowledge of Excel. A hunger for success and willingness to work in finance. Contact Details: please submit your CV via the ‘apply here’ button.

GRADUATE RECRUITER Salary: £28000.00 - £30000.00 per annum Agent: Search Consultancy Skills: HR/Training/Recruitment Location: Glasgow Graduate Recruitment Consultant required for permanent position within a Glasgow Financial Company. Duties and responsibilities will include:- Lead in attraction activities Identify and update all vacancies within your designated area Work closely with university teams to attract the best candidates to the business Represent the company at recruitment events Manage the full recruitment process from attraction to offer management If you possess the above experience and would like to find out further information then please contact Evelyn Costello of Search HR on 0141 272 7732.

Location: Glasgow HR Consultancy is currently recruiting a number of Graduate level Financial Services Analyst roles for this prestigious city centre based Financial Services Client. These roles are initially contract based however could lead to longer term employment for the right individual based on your performance and attitude. To be considered for these roles you will be a recent graduate with a 2:1 or above in your Honours Degree in a relevant subject. If you are keen to consider a career within Financial Services please get in touch today by applying through the link. HR Consultancy acts as both an employment agency and an employment business.

GRADUATE CIVIL DESIGN ENGINEER Salary: DOE Agent: Hudson Construction & Property Skills: Engineering/Technical Location: Glasgow Are you a Graduate Civil Design Engineer with 2 – 4 years experience detailing groundworks and drainage packages for residential projects? This role offers a great opportunity for career progression, within a well established team, working on developments across the Scottish Central Belt. Our client is a highly reputable Housing Developer with a established place as one of the UK’s most successful private home builders. If you have the drive, skills and ambition to join this progressive organisation please forward your details to me at your earliest opportunity. Please note you will receive an automated response advising you that we have received your CV. Hudson is a leading provider of permanent recruitment, contract professionals and talent management solutions worldwide.

GRADUATE OPPORTUNITIES

GRADUATE CIVIL DESIGN ENGINEER

Salary: Agent: Skills:

Salary: DOE Agent: Hudson Construction & Property Skills: Construction/Trades/Property

Up to £90 per day HR Consultancy Financial Services/Investment

Location: Glasgow Are you a Graduate Civil Design Engineer with 2 – 4 years experience detailing groundworks and drainage packages for residential projects? This role offers a great opportunity for career progression, within a well established team, working on developments across the Scottish Central Belt. Our client is a highly reputable Housing Developer with a established place as one of the UK’s most successful private home builders. If you have the drive, skills and ambition to join this progressive organisation please forward your details to me at your earliest opportunity. Please note you will receive an automated response advising you that we have received your CV. Hudson is a leading provider of permanent recruitment, contract professionals and talent management solutions worldwide.

GRADUATE BID WRITER/COORDINATOR - HEAD OFFICE Agent: Gap Group Ltd Skills: Marketing/PR Location: Glasgow The Role: We have a rare and exciting opportunity for a Graduate Bid Co-ordinator/Writer to work in our Commercial Team, Head Office - Glasgow. The primary role of a Bid Co-ordinator/Writer will be to effectively administer the tender process, the pre-qualifications and tendering & commercial proposals processes for a wide range of current and potential customers. You will also be expected to provide analysis of critical business information and provision of high quality, relevant and timely reports to support business decision making. Applicants should have: Excellent attention to detail and organisational skills. Ability to work to tight deadlines and deal with customer requirements in a professional manner. Must have a good working knowledge of Microsoft Office packages. SQA Higher or equivalent in English & Maths is essential. High level of literacy and excellent writing skills (essential). Graduate in the Legal, Finance or Arts sector (preferred). So what next? If you think you fit the profile we would love to

hear from you. All you have to do is send us a copy of your CV highlighting your current package and salary expectations and we can take it from there.

ACCOUNT SERVICES MANAGEREDUCATION Agent: Escape Skills: Customer Services Location: Glasgow Our non profit making client, based in Glasgow city centre is looking for a Further Education Account Manager to join their Finance, Strategy and Corporate Services team. Reporting into the Account Services Manager the main purpose of this role is to form a partnership with stakeholders in order to maximise efficiencies and address change. Key responsibilities of this role are; working alongside specific partners to ensure they are aware of new changes in legislation and support . liaising with other service delivery teams to resolve service level issues and implement continuous improvement changes to procedures and practices . secure new and renewal contracts to the bursaries service and undertake annual service reviews . conduct provider review meetings identifying areas for improvement and communicating across the business . maintain and update critical information on any changes to the client profile . develop and build on existing internal and external relationships. Key attributes of the candidate are; excellent knowledge of the Education sector. experience of working within a client focused role. graduate level education preferred. excellent meeting facilitator and presenter. knowledge of the financial services Industry would be an advantage.

TO APPLY FOR ANY OF THESE VACANCIES, PLEASE VISIT WWW.S1JOBS.COM/RECRUITERPROFILES/TSA

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19 ACCOUNT SERVICES MANAGEREDUCATION Agent: Escape Skills: Financial Services/Investment Location: Glasgow Our non profit making client, based in Glasgow city centre is looking for a Further Education Account Manager to join their Finance, Strategy and Corporate Services team. Reporting into the Account Services Manager the main purpose of this role is to form a partnership with stakeholders in order to maximise efficiencies and address change. Key responsibilities of this role are; working alongside specific partners to ensure they are aware of new changes in legislation and support . liaising with other service delivery teams to resolve service level issues and implement continuous improvement changes to procedures and practices . secure new and renewal contracts to the bursaries service and undertake annual service reviews . conduct provider review meetings identifying areas for improvement and communicating across the business . maintain and update critical information on any changes to the client profile . develop and build on existing internal and external relationships. Key attributes of the candidate are; excellent knowledge of the Education sector. experience of working within a client focused role. graduate level education preferred. excellent meeting facilitator and presenter. knowledge of the financial services Industry would be an advantage.

GRADUATE BUSINESS EXECUTIVE Salary: £Competitive Agent: Screenmedia Design Limited Skills: Admin/Secretarial/PA Location: Glasgow Screenmedia is seeking a talented business graduate to join our award winning digital agency. Working within a fast paced and creative environment, you’ll be right at the heart of studio operations on a day to day basis, ensuring the financial and administrative functions of our business run smoothly. You should hold a degree (2:1 or above) in business administration, business management, finance or a related discipline and possess the following attributes: Exceptional written and verbal communication skills. Ability to work well under pressure and multi-task. Excellent computer skills, particularly in MS Office. Planning and time management capabilities whilst working to tight deadlines. Numerical literacy. Ability to work flexibly and react to changing operational demands. No two days are ever the same in the studio, but the broad duties and responsibilities of this role will include: Studio administration and management. Providing excellent support across all business areas. Business administration support for directors. Financial administration, expenditure tracking, purchase to pay and bookkeeping. Operational planning and admin. Ensuring our studio meets Health & Safety and Fire Safety regulations. HR

and recruitment support. Administrative support to the directors, including diary management and travel bookings. Assisting with the arrangements for in-house and external events. We’re looking for a talented, enthusiastic, and driven candidate to grab this role with both hands and make it their own. If you would like to join our award winning team please apply now or contact us for more information.

LECTURER - FIXED TERM Salary: £30,901 - £36,843 Agent: Glasgow Kelvin College Skills: Education Location: Glasgow Glasgow’s newest and most dynamic place of learning is committed to promoting Excellence in learning, supporting Progression opportunities and developing an Enterprising spirit in its students. Applications are invited from candidates who can demonstrate a commitment to the ethos and vision of the College and help shape and develop a Learning Organisation which best serves the communities of north east Glasgow and beyond Fixed Term Lecturer:- Chemistry (REF: FT/01/07/15) fixed term to June 2016, 35 hours per week Mathematics (REF: TL/16/07/15) You should possess a relevant HNC/D, Degree or post graduate qualification (SCQF Level 7 or above) or vocational equivalent. Alternatively possess suitable and relevant experience and/or training as an equivalent to formal qualifications. Experience in teaching and assessing is desirable but not essential however you should be willing to work towards a further education teaching qualification. A recruitment pack, which should be returned by Tuesday 11th August 2015, is available from the Human Resources Section – 0141 630 5000 ext 3369 or alternatively by email: recruitment@glasgowkelvin.ac.uk. Application packs can also be downloaded from the College website www. glasgowkelvin.ac.uk Glasgow Kelvin College - welcomes applications irrespective of age, disability, race, colour, nationality or ethnic origin, sex gender identity, sexual orientation, marital status, religion, political views or trade union membership; and supports flexible work practices. Disabled applicants who meet the essential job requirements will be interviewed. The above post(s) will be subject to the Protection of Vulnerable Groups Scheme and as such the successful candidate(s) will be required to make an application for membership under the scheme.

ACCOUNT MANAGER / PRODUCT MANAGER Salary: £DOE per annum Agent: Murray Recruitment Skills: Engineering/Technical Location: Glasgow Due to significant increase in production and continued growth, my client who are a leading, well-established and successful manufacturing organisation are currently recruiting for an experienced Account Manager to

join their state of the art manufacturing facility in the heart of Lanarkshire on a full time permanent basis. Job Purpose: Reporting to the Commercial Director, you will be responsible for ensuring focussed and first class customer service to a range of key international customers throughout my client’s portfolio. Key duties to include: Technical and Commercial Management of a customer accounts. Technical review and preparing tenders for new business. Managing project delivery. Liaising between internal Production, Quality departments and the customers . Development and maintenance of customer relationships . Produce and following up quotations. Preparation and management of progress reporting . Ensuring customer enquiries are processed and responded to within the required deadlines. Managing your own time effectively and planning your workload. Using ethical sales methods and relevant internal liaison in order to optimise quality of service, business growth and customer satisfaction. Essential requirements: Engineering/Technical Graduate. Customer Focused. Excellent communicator . Problem Solving. Ability to work under pressure. Able to plan and prioritise workload to meet deadlines. This is an excellent opportunity to join my client an award winning, well-established and successful manufacturing organisation, it offers a very attractive salary and benefits. Hours of work are Monday - Thursday 8.30am - 16.30pm and Friday 7am - 14.30pm To apply for this position please send an up-to-date CV stating your salary expectations to Lauren Murray at cv@ murrayrecruitment.co.uk

COMMERCIAL ANALYST Salary:

an excellent opportunity for an analyst or analytical/ business analytical to develop their career with a market leader in their field who are growing considerably and developing their business considerably. To be considered for this role you must have analytical background or relevant knowledge of market analysis with proven communication and numerate skills. Experience within the fashion/retailer sector is desirable but by no means essential. This is a fantastic opportunity for a driven, enthusiastic and forward thinking person to be part of a fast growing company. If you have a good eye for detail and a passion for marketing/analysis please apply for this position with a covering letter and CV to jennifer.telfer@ edenscott.com / @jentelfer

COMMERCIAL ANALYST Salary:

£20000 - £30000 per annum + DOE plus excellent benefits package Agent: Eden Scott Skills: Marketing/PR Location: Glasgow Eden Scott is working in partnership with a global retail company who are currently seeking a Loyalty Commercial Analyst to join their established Marketing Analytics team based in their head office in Glasgow. Reporting in to the Commercial Analyst Manager this role requires a skilled analyst, who is enthusiastic and driven to progress their career within the retail environment. Applying candidates should be highly analytical with excellent communication skills and a desire to progress their career. Key Responsibilities include: * Conduct customer analysis and campaign analysis, reporting back on your findings * Deliver and interpret for results for customer surveys * Conduct data selection for marketing campaigns * Feedback internally to relevant departments with campaign analysis Key Skills required: * Skilled in statistical data analysis and experience in statistical techniques * Commercially aware and experience in retail would be desirable * Graduate or equivalent in a numerate discipline would also be considered * Excellent communication skills and the ability to multi-task * Attention to detail and strong written and verbal presentation skills * Problem solving attitude and proactive personality is key This is an excellent opportunity for an analyst or analytical/ business analytical to develop their career with a market leader in their field who are growing considerably and developing their business considerably. To be considered for this role you must have analytical background or relevant knowledge of market analysis with proven communication and numerate skills. Experience within the fashion/retailer sector is desirable but by no means essential. This is a fantastic opportunity for a driven, enthusiastic and forward thinking person to be part of a fast growing company. If you have a good eye for detail and a passion for marketing/analysis please apply for this position with a covering letter and CV to jennifer.telfer@ edenscott.com / @jentelfer

VOLUNTEER SERVICE MANAGER - ADVOCACY IN A FORENSIC SETTING Salary: £23,000 - £27,000 p/a Agent: Circles Network Skills: Executive/Management Location: Glasgow To effectively lead the forensic advocacy project that provides Independent and Collective Advocacy for people using the services at Rowanbank Clinic and Leverndale Hospital and those who have made the transition into the community. The post-holder will lead on training, professionally developing and managing advocacy workers, administration teams and volunteers to deliver high quality advocacy services for people that will facilitate opportunities for inclusion, empowerment, advocacy and self-determination for people using the service within the legal and statutory framework of Forensic Mental Health Care. The Service Manager will also be responsible for directly delivering a small caseload of direct advocacy provision. Please email us your CV and complete an application form which can be found on our website.

MEDICAL DOCTOR Salary: COMPETITIVE Agent: Glasgow Memory Clinic Ltd Skills: Medical/Dental/Health Care Location: Glasgow Glasgow Memory Clinic Ltd is an independent research company which works with patients on treatments for Memory Impairment, Prodromal Alzheimer’s Disease, Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia as well as with healthy volunteers who are interested in helping to progress research in this area. We are considered one of the leading centres throughout Europe by those involved with our area of research. Due to our continued growth, we are seeking doctors with GP/ General Medicine/ Geriatrics/ Psychiatry background to assist with clinical activities focused on screening and monitoring subjects involved in our trials. We retain doctors both on an employed and locum basis. Further information about our Clinic can be found at www. glasgowmemoryclinic.co.uk . We are developing a group of leading doctors who have a keen interest in a career in research and an interest in helping us to develop and grow our successful clinic further. Our facilities and working environment, based in Bearsden, are excellent and our working hours are family friendly. We also offer great opportunities for a successful career in research. Please send our CV without delay to us.

VOLUNTEER BAKER Salary: Out of pocket expenses Agent: Quarriers Volunteer Centre Skills: Fundraising/Voluntary Location: Glasgow Quarriers Pollok Supported Living Services supports adults with learning disabilities. This is an exciting role for someone who enjoys baking. The Volunteer Baker would bake with some of the people we support offering a meaningful experience and, ultimately, a sense of achievement for everyone involved. REQUIRED SKILLS, QUALITIES & EXPERIENCE: Interest in baking. Good people person. Patient. Good communicator. WHERE & WHEN: This would take place in the Pollok area of Glasgow. Depending on the volunteers availability one day or evening each week TRAINING PROVIDED: Training for the role will include: Food hygiene. Health & Safety. Adult Protection. First Aid. Initially, the volunteer will work alongside experienced support workers until they are happy to undertake the role on their own. Supervision by managers will also be provided. SELECTION PROCEDURE: Application form, meeting with manager, references and PVG check. EXPENSES PROVIDED: All out of pocket expenses will be met. This will include travel costs as well as any materials needed for baking.

VOLUNTEER BEFRIENDERS BARLANARK AREA Salary: Out of pocket expenses Agent: Quarriers Volunteer Centre Skills: Fundraising/Voluntary Location: Glasgow Quarriers Calvay Service provides support to individuals in the East End of Glasgow with a learning disability to live in the community to have an independent, inclusive and fulfilling life. A volunteer befriender is needed to help individuals to access local activities and provide companionship. The purpose of this role is to spend time with individuals and to access social activities and to spend meaningful time together. The volunteer befriender will engage in a positive way with the individual and access activities the befriender and the individual will both enjoy. Required Skills, Qualities and Experience should include: Being fun, sociable and positive!. Watching football, listening to music, playing board games, home cooking, going out and about, playing pool, going to cinema. A person centred approach. Adaptability. Being a team player. This opportunity will take place in the Barlanark area of Glasgow. Good quality internal training will be provided as well as regular supervision. There will also be the opportunity of a taster session which will include

a getting to know you period with individual and staff. Please note that due the nature of the project, the age range for this role is 25-55. Selection procedure will include application form, informal meeting with managment and the individual, reference and PVG checks.

RELAXATION VOLUNTEER Salary:

All out of pocket expenses including travel and purchase of oils etc will be met. Agent: Quarriers Volunteer Centre Skills: Fundraising/Voluntary Location: Glasgow Quarriers Pollok Supported Living Services supports adults with learning disabilities In this exciting role the volunteer will provide de-stressing and relaxation therapies to the people we support The therapies can include massage / aromatherapy / relaxation therapies MAIN TASKS: The therapies will be required to provide one or more of the above types of relaxation therapies to the adults using the service. REQUIRED SKILLS, QUALITIES & EXPERIENCE: Recognised qualification in therapies is essential. Experience of undertaking these therapies. Patience, good humour, enjoys meeting new people and helping make a difference. The volunteer would need to have their own current insurance in place to undertake the activities. WHERE & WHEN: This would take place in the Pollok area which is the southside of Glasgow. We would be happy with as much time as you are willing to offer. TRAINING & SUPPORT PROVIDED: Training for the role will include: Adult protection and possibly safer handling. The volunteer will be assisted by experienced support staff and have regular supervision. SELECTION PROCEDURE: Application form, meeting with manager, references and PVG check There is disabled access at the service.

VOLUNTEER MOUNTAIN LEADER Salary: Out of pocket expenses Agent: Quarriers Volunteer Centre Skills: Fundraising/Voluntary Location: Glasgow Quarriers Stopover Project provides supported accommodation for young homeless people aged 16-25. We are looking for a Qualified Mountain Leader to assist staff in taking groups of people we support to go hill walking. MAIN TASKS The main task will be to assist staff and lead groups of young beginner’s mountain climbing. One member of staff has mountain leader training but not completed assessment as yet, this staff member will also be on each outing. REQUIRED SKILLS AND QUALITIES The volunteer must be Mountain

Leader Qualified. An understanding of young people’s behaviour. Patient and understanding. WHERE AND WHEN Central and West of Scotland COMMITMENT REQUIRED It would be good if the volunteer can commit to one full day per month, for at lest 6 months. TRAINING AND SUPPORT PROVIDED Induction to Quarriers. Supervision. Any other training needs/ requirements identified. MINIMUM AGE FOR ROLE The volunteer must be aged 25 or over, this is due to the nature of the role and service TRANSPORT Travel costs will be provided. Transport to the activity will also be provided. SELECTION PROCESS Volunteer application form, meeting with project staff, reference and PVG check. RESTRICTIONS The volunteer must be Mountain Leader Qualified

VOLUNTEER BEFRIENDER Salary: Out of pocket expenses Agent: Quarriers Volunteer Centre Skills: Fundraising/Voluntary Location: Glasgow We are looking for a volunteer befriender to attend activities with a 36-year-old man supported by Quarriers Fred Martin Service. The man is a resident at Northwoodside Road, a small house within Quarriers Fred Martin Service. It is shared by three adults who have learning disabilities. It is situated in the West End of Glasgow (Maryhill) and is surrounded with good transport links such as buses and the underground. It has plenty of pubs and cafes nearby. The role of the volunteer will be to befriend and form a relationship by spending time engaging in sociable activities that are enjoyed by both parties. Main tasks for this role will be to support a male on outings such as the cinema, cafes, walks and pubs. The volunteer will always be supported by a member of staff as the male involved has a 2:1 ratio of support while out and about in the community. The volunteer would need to have a sense of humour and be a sociable person. Preferably a male as the person being supported is strong and may need assistance when crossing roads, etc. The person would also need to be fit and active. This opportunity will take place out and about in the community for a couple of hours each week, with times arranged to suit both parties. Training provided will include strategies for crisis, intervention and protection course (SCIP). Travel expenses will be paid, and it would be advantegeous if the volunteer was a car driver. The volunteer will have access to the service’s car. The selection procedure includes application form, informal chat, references and PVG Disclosure.

TO APPLY FOR ANY OF THESE VACANCIES, PLEASE VISIT WWW.S1JOBS.COM/RECRUITERPROFILES/TSA

SPORTS

WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM FORMULA ONE IN 2016? The alarm clocks will be readied and the caffeine will be dolled out as Formula 1 is returning with its usual season-opening ‘flyaway’ races on 1820 March with the Australian Grand Prix. There are many things to get excited about for the 2016 season. Before you even see or hear about any cars, we have an unprecedented 21 race season set to take place from March to November, starting in Melbourne and again heading to Abu Dhabi at the end of the season, via a new race in Baku, the return of the German Grand Prix after a one-year absence, and some of the usual fan favourites such as Monaco, Silverstone, Spa and Monza. The current cars, are for the most part, a subtle evolution from 2015. Most new images of Formula 1 cars are really just a game of spot the difference between this year and last. Ferrari have made significant changes to their cars as they look to hunt down the series leaders Mercedes, while new team Haas and a transformed Manor team, who didn’t have 2015 cars, are bringing interesting solutions to the grid. Some of the new liveries on cars are also quite pleasing to the eye. Some liveries have evolved from their 2015 equivalents, while some liveries are eye-catchingly new, with Red Bull reverting to a largely blue car with hints of red and yellow, and Manor introducing a nice blue and orange number alongside the American stagger of a grey and red Haas. After two years of Mercedes

5 SONGS TO LISTEN TO BEFORE THE START OF THE NEW FORMULA ONE SEASON In Formula One, there is nothing better to get yourself revved up than hearing the sounds of an engine, be it V10, V8 or the current V6 hybrid power units, or the sound of tyre squeals or frustrated drivers. However, some pieces of music partner the sport very well and personifies the events of a season or the sport itself.

domination which has seen 32 race wins and 36 pole positions from 38 Grands Prix, many are hoping for a battle between the Silver Arrows and Ferrari at the front of the grid. However, to begin contemplating this you would need to start readying the finest of calculators after Mercedes did a total of 675 laps in the just first test of pre-season at the Circuit de Barcelona-Catalunya. To put it simply, this is the equivalent of just over 10 66-lap Spanish Grand Prix in the first four days of testing. You can expect us to also need to calculate the gap between the two come the first practice session in Melbourne. As well as this, an almighty midfield battle could occur in 2016, and it may be hard for teams to hold on to previous positions with rivals breathing down necks. Williams have finished in third in the Constructors’ Championship for the last two years, however, Force India could improve from a fifth place finish last year, and Red Bull will be looking to respond the opposition with their new TAG Heuer-badged Renault engines. With a move from Renault power units to Ferrari, Toro Rosso are expected to be battling around their sister team Red Bull. A high-profile dilemma was seen last year following the return of the partnership of McLaren and Honda, and many

will hope 2016 will see the upturn of McLaren and their champions Jenson Button and Fernando Alonso from a lowly ninth place finish in the Constructors’ Championship last year. Haas and Manor will look to upset the status quo, while Renault are returning to the sport as a team after a five-season absence as solely an engine/power unit manufacturer. Alongside Sauber, finding an early contender to lead the midfield may be as hard as finding a needle in a haystack, and they may have a job to keep their eighth place championship position of last year. Not only that, but in terms of drivers, the grid has changed. Former Sauber driver Esteban Gutierrez returns after a year out to drive for Haas, 2015 DTM champion Pascal Wehrlein joins an all-rookie line-up with Rio Haryanto at Manor, while former McLaren driver Kevin Magnussen returns to the sport alongside former GP2 champion Jolyon Palmer at Renault. With these changes and the possibility for close battling in 2016, the excitement levels are building. The first session of the new season begins on Friday 18 March at 2am GMT, with the race on Sunday 20 March at 5am GMT. by Cameron Paterson Twitter:

@PatersonCameron

With the possibility of a straight fight between the Mercedes and Ferrari cars in 2016, here are five songs you should listen to in preparation for what could be an amazing season ahead of the cars returning to the track in Melbourne from 18-20 March.

THE CHAIN – FLEETWOOD MAC The Chain is probably the most classic Formula One song anyone will remember. Used by the BBC from 1978 to 1997 and 2009 to 2015, and recently announced to also be used in Channel 4’s coverage from this year onward, the bass line is recognisable anywhere and is great in provoking goose bumps before the start of the build up to a Grand Prix.

JUST DRIVE – ALASTAIR GRIFFIN Just Drive was first introduced to Formula One fans by being used in the finale of the epic 2010 season, where any of four drivers could have been world champion. However, when Sky Sports came into broadcasting the sport in 2012 it because known as their theme tune and another song that gets the blood pumping before the talking begins at a Grand Prix.

ALWAYS NO. 1 – ALASTAIR GRIFFIN This was another song to be recently shown off by the BBC’s coverage as a season closer, in 2012. Of course, in Formula One, it is every driver’s ambition to always be number one.

c.paterson@tsaglasgow.com

GOODBYE KISS – KASABIAN

FORMULA E: A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT There are many forms and series of Motorsport, and many would forgive you if you didn’t have time to check what’s going on. Many people may be bored at the weekends, in need of something to do, and be unaware of some exciting sporting events taking place. If you find yourself in that predicament, you may want to be watching Formula E. There has been some criticism in the past because of the scheduling of the series and the fact it is on ITV4, a less mainstream channel than other potential rival broadcasters and could perhaps say it is in the shade. However, it is a great upcoming series to watch, with no doubt that it should blossom in coming years. You don’t have to look too far back for a great race to back this up, either. Just in the last round in Argentina,

Some songs resonate with the British public through the broadcasting of the sport, and these are probably perfect for those who know the sport and want to be reminded of some classic moments from years gone by. However, they are also perfect for anyone tuning in for the first time. The videos even often connect to suggested Formula One videos if watching on YouTube, for example.

on 6 February, some of the qualifying groups featured crashes, with a highprofile crash for championship leader Sebastien Buemi, who started the race from the back of the grid. The start of the race later in the evening was barnstorming. At the start of the race you can focus on the cars overtaking and battling for space on the race track and managing round the streets of Buenos Aires, not noticing the graphics. The first time you see the graphics it might say something like ‘Lap 3 of 35’. It won’t have felt at all like three minutes had gone by. The drivers having to switch cars halfway through the race brings a bit of chaos not seen in some four-wheel series. Even if you are a just fan of British Sport and always try to support a home participant, there are a strong amount of drivers in the series, with

Sam Bird winning the last ePrix. Many people have started watching motorsport by tuning into Formula One or other series and it spiralling into something more, but if you were starting to watch motorsport, this series may be a great stepping stone rather than anything else to get into the habit. In a time where things are given much criticism, it’s refreshing to watch a sport which has so much optimism around it. The next Formula E race is in Mexico on 12 March, which should be another sparkling occasion, especially considering the welcome back Formula One was given to the country near the end of last year. It shouldn’t be something that passes you by. by Cameron Paterson Twitter:

@PatersonCameron

c.paterson@tsaglasgow.com

This was used by the BBC as their 2011 season closing music. The song certainly resonates with the sport, the fact that engineers constantly have to say goodbye to their families to do this crazy job, the fact it always goes by faster than it should, and that every November we fans have to say goodbye. Not only that, but dominance can easily disappear in the sport and the fact that you can’t be complacent.

LIFT ME UP – MOBY This was used by ITV as their theme tune for the last few years of their coverage, and is best known for its chorus which is often mocked for being unrecognisable. For older Formula One fans of the last decade, it will have connotations of the classic 2008 title battle between Felipe Massa and Lewis Hamilton, and Fernando Alonso’s drives towards a championship win in 2006. Of course there are plenty other songs that could potentially be used. If you are a fan of Manor and their new signing Rio Haryanto, you may well be humming along to ‘Rio’ by Duran Duran, or if you’re a fan of Red Bull’s Daniel Ricciardo you may be listening to one of his favourite bands, Parkway Drive, but these are the five by Cameron Paterson you should have at the top of Twitter: @PatersonCameron your playlist this March.

c.paterson@tsaglasgow.com

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

SPEEDWAY SEASON SET TO GET UNDERWAY Another part of Glasgow’s sporting heart gets underway at the end of March as the Glasgow Tigers speedway team begin their 2016 season at the Peugeot Ashfield Stadium in Springburn. The spectacle, which begins at 3pm on most Sunday afternoons from March to October, allows fans of motorsport and spectators to enjoy a high-octane affair at the home of the only professional motorsport team in the West of the country. The stadium, which has seen a two million pound investment in the last year has evolved it into a great venue for speedway action. In this form of motorsport, matches last for 15 heats, with each heat including four high speed laps in a match up of seven-man teams from across the United Kingdom in racing with no brakes and 500cc engines and acceleration which is faster than a Formula One car. The team face fierce rivalry from their fellow Premier League teams, which include: Berwick Bandits, Edinburgh Monarchs, Ipswich Witches, Newcastle Diamonds, Peterborough Panthers, Plymouth Devils, Redcar Bears, Rye House Rockets, Scunthorpe Scorpions, Sheffield Tigers, Somerset Rebels and Workington Comets. The Tigers kick off the season with an ‘all-star’ pre-season friendly against the Coventry Bees from the Elite League on 27 March before their League Cup campaign begins a week later against Edinburgh Monarchs. Their Premier League campaign begins on 24 April, against the Redcar Bears, the first of 24 fixtures until the season itself ends in August, with the team hoping to finish in the top six of the league to advance to the playoffs for a chance to win the competition. Each team meets each other in home and away fixtures before the knockout games begin in the playoffs where the third place finisher plays the sixth place finisher, and fourth place finish plays fifth place in the quarter finals, before the first and second finishers play the winners of these games in

the semi finals. It’s not just any season for the team, with the Tigers celebrating a seventieth anniversary, but the team will be looking to target another push for silverware. It will be interesting to see whether Glasgow can improve from a 2015 season where they finished third in their league, having finished behind champions Edinburgh Monarchs and Somerset Rebels, but went on to lose in the Grand Final to Edinburgh over two legs. The Edinburgh team also stopped the team from triumphing in the League Cup final, again beating them over two legs. The last time the team won the series was five years ago, however, they have attempted to make improvements as they look to regain that crown again. The team have made some interesting rider choices for the new season, with Fernando ‘Coty’ Garcia, Nike Lunna, Richie Worrall, Danny Ayres and Ben Barker taking part, joining Aaron Summers and Richard Lawson from last year’s campaign. Lawson was the team’s number one and top averaging rider in the league in 2015, and Summers captained the outfit and showed spectacular form, so the continued contributions of riders may be key in their chances in this year’s competitions. Ahead of the friendly between Glasgow and Coventry, Coventry’s rider Chris Harris has stated his thoughts about the matchup: “You would never underestimate any standard of rider because on their home track, Glasgow have a very good team – they know the racing lines and where to put the bike – and I think it’s going to be a tough meeting for Coventry.” Despite Coventry being in the Elite League, and Glasgow potentially being underdogs for the friendly a positive result will surely spark some life into their season’s efforts. A continuation of last season’s efforts with their new team of riders could give the team some silverware to celebrate the year with. If you are tempted to head down to the stadium to see the action, student tickets for the first battle of the season are available for £13.50, and can be booked online or from their ticket by Cameron Paterson Twitter: office. @PatersonCameron

c.paterson@tsaglasgow.com

Back to back World Champion Gary Anderson

PREMIER LEAGUE DARTS – WHO’S ALL GOING? The arrows are once again returning to Glasgow as the Premier League Darts competition prepares to take place on 17th March at the SSE Hydro. In case you have missed the start of what is an enthralling contest, the picks for the 2016 competition were announced following the end of the World Championships in January. Now back-toback World Champion Gary Anderson, reigning Premier League champion, has been joined by fellow Scot, Peter Wright and Robert Thornton as the event comes back to Scotland, England, Northern Ireland, Ireland and enters Rotterdam in the Netherlands for the first time. The Scots have been joined by automatic picks Michael van Gerwen, Adrian Lewis and Phil Taylor, alongside James Wade, Raymond van Barneveld, Dave Chisnall and Michael Smith, making his debut in the competition. The competition began in Leeds on February 4th with the bottom two after nine weeks being knocked out of the competition, before the remaining eight players compete in the remaining six weeks to attempt to be in the four-man party at the finals at the O2 in London on May 19th. On the night, Anderson is due to play twice against both Lewis and Wright at the beginning and end of the night due to having a game in hand having missed the first week, with Thornton playing Wade, van Gerwen playing Taylor and van Barneveld playing Chisnall. Anderson was, and surely still is the favourite from a Glaswegian perspective, for the event following a phenomenal eighteen months and will be looking to gather

momentum for a 2016 where he is the closest challenger in the Order of Merit to Michael van Gerwen, the man he beat in a thrilling Premier League final last May. However, it has been another Scottish competitor, Peter Wright, who has taken the league by storm in the opening rounds, winning his first three matches and drawing the fourth to top the league table having never qualified for the play-offs before in his previous two seasons. Anderson had a troublesome start having been forced to miss the first week’s action due to illness, while Thornton had a similar fate in the second week. Both had two losses from their first two games, leaving themselves in the relegation zone after the third week in Dublin. Since then they have picked up points in the fourth week of action, which brings the hype back for the event. For once in the country it might not be wind threatening to remove roofs but the crowd itself with the atmosphere that can be promised, with probable chants of Gary Anderson and the Flower of Scotland to be expected. This will probably be supplemented with a few Saltires and the finest of Scottish costume, bringing a great atmosphere if you happen to have or purchase tickets, or even if you just watch on the television. If you needed any other persuasion to go or keep up with the action from the city, explayer and Sky Sports pundit Wayne Mardle himself recently said on Twitter that Glasgow was the best venue in the competition. It can’t be that bad a place to watch the action from.

by Cameron Paterson Twitter:

@PatersonCameron

c.paterson@tsaglasgow.com

SPORTS

THE OM YOGA SHOW COMES TO GLASGOW Connect your mind, body and soul at the OM Yoga show on 2nd and 3rd April at the SECC. It’s the event’s first time up in Scotland, after phenomenal success in London for over a decade. Expect free open yoga classes, intensive yoga workshops and a gathering of Scotland’s most experienced

yogis dishing out their expertise. Do not be deterred if you’ve never practiced yoga before. Simply an interest will be met with beginner’s advice and information. For those more experienced, every burning question you’ve had about the practice will be answered.

Over 100 exhibitors will be present covering everything yoga related. Seasonal Flow yoga will be offering information behind the journey of becoming a yoga teacher and yoga studios around the Glasgow area will be represented. That’s not all. If you’re in the midst of studying or worse, writing a dissertation, then make a beeline for the meditation workshop and let your stresses and worries escape you. If you’re unsure of your plans after graduation, then get your palm and tarot cards read for an in-depth psychological profile leading you to your ideal career. For health freaks, gain the body benefits of Yogi Tea, Coconoil and coconut water from their representatives. If you’re looking to invest in yoga gear, then pick from a selection of reputable stockists. Bikram (or hot) yoga is a popular work out amongst the celebrities, particularly Lady Gaga who swears by its detoxing abilities. Hot yoga pods will be set up in the main hall for anyone who’s wanting a sample lesson to see what all the fuss is about. A bargain at only a fiver. Gym buffs of the male variety are welcome to tone their upper body muscles at Broga, a yoga flow curated by American

football player and heavyweight champion Matthew Miller. Of course, women are also encouraged to attend. Vita Coco coconut water are hosting free yoga classes throughout both days, covering many types of yoga practice including a variation of sun salutation and one involving elements of aromatherapy. All classes are suitable for beginners. If you’re guilty of thinking you’re not flexible enough for yoga, then Donna Noble is out to prove you wrong in her workshop. She’ll be exploring the ways yoga can transform your life and grow your confidence. In another workshop, Heather Mason will divulge the stress combatting benefits of yoga and how it has been proven to continually lower stress levels. So, there you have it. A holistic weekend event covering every aspect related to the ancient Indian practice of yoga. If attending, it is advisable to wear comfortable loose clothing, bring plenty of water and a towel. Namaste! For more information and a timetable of workshops and classes please visit www. omyogashow.com/glasgow

by Holly Callender h.callender@tsaglasgow.com

A THOUGHT ABOUT DRONE RACING

THE STUDENT ADVERTISER

r e v o t e Targ s t n e d u t s 70,000 T O A D V E RTI S E W I T H U S , C O N TA CT 0 1 4 1 2 2 2 2 2 0 2

In the last few years, an increasing amount of attention have been put to possible use of drones in our lives. We’ve seen proposals for such aircrafts to be used for such means as delivering parcels, or even as just as flashy toys, but would you want to race them for sport? That’s an avenue which is being heavily considered. There is probably such leading idea as the Drone Racing League in America which got underway on 22 February. This concept consists of elevated check points which the drones are required to fly through, with the first round having been at Miami’s Miami Dolphins’ Stadium, through the empty spectator seats and through the indoor tunnels, with a series of points available for the competitors. This interesting concept brings forward the question, could we ever see something like this swooping into the streets of one of our city’s?

Glasgow is seemingly becoming ever focused on technology. For example, even Robot Wars is being held in the city which should whet the appetites of anyone in love with certain technologies. You could imagine a similar scenario with the likes of Hampden Park being used as a venue for the battle of flying objects. Although I don’t know how happy the people would be to see landmarks such as George Square beset by drones instead of pigeons right enough. While it may be a pipe dream or a long time until something like this comes to the UK, if you want to keep up with the emergence of an interesting niche, you can watch videos of the drones flying on the Drone Racing League’s YouTube channel. by Cameron Paterson Twitter:

@PatersonCameron

c.paterson@tsaglasgow.com

MARCH 2016, ISSUE 19

WRESTLING

– IT’S REALLY NOT FAKE

Not long ago one of the biggest names in wrestling Daniel Bryan announced his retirement. This wasn’t a shock to some fans as he has been struggling with concussion, neck and shoulder injuries for the good part of two years. Nearly two years ago Daniel won the most coveted prize in wrestling the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, on the grandest stage of them all - Wrestlemania. He competed not only once but twice, first defeating Triple H then going onto to snatching the title from Randy Orton and Batista in the main event. Bryan had been wrestling for the WWE for the past 6 years and had made his way all the way from the development systemNXT, Daniel also met his wife and fellow diva Brie Bella on his wrestling journey. Daniel announced his retirement via twitter on February 8th then later that night at RAW in front of a packed Seattle Crowd, where he received a fantastic

reception. He revealed that he has been cleared physically fit by doctors to compete, but tests revealed he had a lesion on his brain which had been causing him to take seizures. He further went on to explain that he had even kept these seizures secret from the WWE and even his wife until he took a seizure right in front of her. There are other wrestlers out there just like Daniel who have made it to the top but had to hang up the ring gear due to injury, here are a few names you may recognise: BRET HART WWE hall of famer Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart has to retire due to a string of concussions. The first of many concussions started in a bout with Goldberg in 1999 when a kick to the head put him on the shelf for a couple of months and in the year 2000 he announced his retirement at the age of 42. He is a seven time world champion and has had a fantastic career, he was also part of one of the most

controversial PPV events in WWE history – The Montreal screw job. His legacy is carried on through family members who still wrestle in the WWE today. STEVE AUSTIN Widely known as ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin was one of the pillars of the ‘Attitude Era’. Loved by many, the Texas Rattlesnake put smiles on people’s faces by being a bad ass anti-hero who defied the establishment, he also enjoyed the odd beer or six. Stone Cold is a six time World Champion and a three time winner of the Royal Rumble – the only person to do so. Austin had to announce his retirement at the age of 38 due to an underlying injury. Years prior to Austin’s success he had broken his neck in a match with Owen Hart from a Tombstone Piledriver, he was rushed back into action in only 3 months. In 2002 he was abided by doctors saying if he wrestled again he may face permanent physical damage.

EDGE Edge’s retirement came at the worst possible time as he defended his World Heavyweight title at Wrestlemania only two weeks before, the eleven time World Champion came out to a packed RAW show to announce he had Spinal Stenosis. In his early days Edge used to wrestle in hardcore TLC matches against the likes of The Dudley boyz and the Hardy Brothers, there was a famous moment at Wrestlemania 17 where he literally defied gravity by spearing Jeff Hardy off the top of a ladder. Moments like this forced him to have spinal fusion surgery and he was forced to tone down his style. Wrestling isn’t just entertainment for these athletes, it’s a way of life. They train for years to perfect the moves they perform and put their lives on the line every night for us fans. When people turn around and say “Wrestling is Fake” they are simply wrong, yes it is scripted but the stunts these men and women do are quite real.

ICW BARRAMANIA II AT THE BARROWLANDS THIS APRIL What do you get if you take the wonderfully overblown pretend drama of WWE and crank up the dials marked ‘violence’, ‘alcohol’ and ‘Glaswegian accents’, then put the product right on your doorstep? Probably something pretty close to Glasgow based wrestling company Insane Championship Wrestling, or ICW for short. For context, ICW is a professional wrestling company operating normally out of the Garage nightclub in Glasgow, but not without regular breaks for air in some much larger venues, which we’ll come to later. They’ve been making headlines left right and centre with increasing frequency of late, as they are the posterboys, if you will, of the incredible recent resurgence of the British, and particularly Scottish wrestling scenes.

They’ve been featured on two BBC documentaries (Insane Fight Club 1 and 2), and in November broke records when their ‘Fear and Loathing XIII’ event sold out the 4,000 capacity SECC – the highest attendance at an independent wrestling show in the UK since 1981. It was at this show that owner Mark Dallas was joined by wrestling legend Mick Foley to demonstrate the upwards momentum of the pro wrestling scene in Scotland in the clearest possible terms: by announcing that the host of the NEXT annual Fear and Loathing event would be none other than the SSE Hydro – effectively stating his ambition to shift a previously unprecedented 13,000 tickets. Now, the event at the Hydro is set to take place in November this year, but you won’t need to wait that long if you want

to get in on some ICW action. The second annual ‘Barramania’ – fittingly held at the iconic Barrowland Ballrooms on the same night as Wrestlemania – takes place on April 3rd, and it’s not one you want to miss, wrestling fan or otherwise. So why should you check it out? Well, maybe it won’t have the star power that WWE have within their ranks – John Cena won’t be making any appearances, not this time at least – and the wrestlers aren’t genuinely attempting to kill each other like you might see in UFC (although it might seem like it at times with the amount of real blood flying around.) However, you’re guaranteed two things at an ICW show: an atmosphere unlike anything you’ve ever seen – you’re not going to find 1,800 people singing ‘Like a Prayer’ by Madonna at the top of their lungs in support of a

husky Scottish guy as he prances down the entrance ramp anywhere else, are you? – and the highest, most entertaining standard of professional wrestling you’ll find regularly in the UK. Plus, it’s at the legendary Barras, so naturally everything will be turned up to 11. No matches have been announced for the event as yet, but you can be sure ICW will be pulling out all the stops for this one, with World Champion Chris Renfrew almost certainly defending his new title. ICW Barramania II, April 3rd 2016, the Barrowland Ballrooms. Get yourself along. The event is 18+ only, and tickets are available via Ticketmaster priced at £20 plus £2.50 boking.

by Robbie Copeland r.copeland@tsaglasgow.com

SIE Student Enterprise Summit 2016

Wednesday 23rd March

The Assembly Rooms Edinburgh Tickets: ÂŁ10

(students)

Guest Speakers include:

Employability Panel

What can enterprise skills do for you?

www.

.ac.uk/summit

Scottish Institute for Enterprise @_sie_ #SIEsummit2016