SEPTEMBER 2020
THE
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EVOLVING WOMAN MAGAZINE
DUQUESA D. DEAN
It’s time to reclaim your power!
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Ways To Turn Your Tragedies Into Triumphs
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LIVING CREATIVELY & MORE...
TABLE OF CONTENTS
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W EL C O M E
EDITOR’S NOTE DUQUESA D. DEAN
06 W H O ’S I N YOU R V IL L AG E? DR. GIAVANNA JONES
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3 WAYS TO TURN TR AGED I ES I NTO TRIU M P H JORI MUNDY
CONTACT US T HE EVO LV IN G WOM AN M AG A Z IN E
13 TO P 3 SEL F -C ARE TI P S D URI NG C OV I D -1 9 SANDENA O. NEELY
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duquesa@duquesadean.com
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www.duquesadean.com
FB:
ThePowerOfHERGlobal
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E D I TO R I A L D U Q U ESA D . D EA N Editor
CO N T R I B U TO R S Raquel Clarke Simmone L. Bowe Sandena O. Neely Dr. Giavanna Jones Jori Mundy Dr.Ghandi Thompson
18 L I V ING C REATI V ELY RAQUEL CLARKE
21 5 WAYS TO B EC O M I NG A RESI L IENT WO M A N SIMMONE L. BOWE
26 TH E P OW ER O F SO U L C A RE DR. GHANDI THOMPSON
SUBSCRIPTIONS SU B SC RIB E O NL I NE www.duquesadean.com
WELCOME Maybe it’s time to reclaim your power?
You have the power inside of you to make your dreams come true. There are times when we know what we want to do but we do not have all the answers we need to make our goals reality. Connecting the dots makes the pursuit of our dreams, easier. That is exactly what we intend to do via The Evolving Woman Magazine. Women have immense power! We are focused, resilient, and gifted in the art of balancing many tasks and responsibilities. These attributes are the root of our power. Wherever you are on your journey, believe that you can harness that power and create the life you dream of. Today, I live a beautiful life not always an easy one but truly a purposeful one. There was a time when I thought the life, I live today was an impossible dream. As a mom, Nana, the owner of 5 businesses, I sometimes wonder if I really did it all. There was a time about 17 years ago, when I sat on my bathroom floor, ready to take my own life. At that point, in my life I felt abandoned. I was depressed and felt hopeless. Rebuilding my life took work BUT more importantly it took getting help when I did not even believe I needed it. It took learning lessons that I did not even know I needed to learn. The truth is you do not even know what you do not know until you know it. In this edition, we will share our knowledge and tools to help every woman who wants to accomplish their dreams and goals. You are can achieve your dreams if you are committed to sticking to the process/journey. I believe in you.
D U Q U E S A D. D E A N Editor - duquesa@duquesadean.com
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Michele Thompson, Country Managing Partner, Ernst & Young has been awarded The Power of HER Business Leadership Excellence Award 2020. The Business Leadership Excellence award recognizes a wom-
an who has demonstrated achievement, growth and success in a particular industry. The recipient of the Business Excellence Award understands the important of innovative ideas, education, competent de-
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cision-making, mentoring and community service. She is known to many as a woman who has made a difference in the business community and in her profession.
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Dr. Giavanna Jones
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Who’s in Your Village? W
hen I started thinking through the idea of profile of The Strong One, I realized that what I had considered strong for so long was the epitome of weak, empty and unsustainable living. I realized that as difficult as it is, authenticity and vulnerability in safe spaces are healthy and key to thriving in life. From my interactions with clients, those I have mentored or otherwise journeyed with, I understand that this statement sounds unrealistic to many. Being vulnerable is difficult and identifying safe spaces to be vulnerable in is even harder. The reality is, many of us chose to not be authentic or vulnerable not because we want to constantly live masked up, but because we haven’t created a community that surrounds, supports and builds us up. Betrayals, abuse and other negative life experiences burn us out. Add to that prior experiences with being judged harshly, confidences being breached
and sometimes, attacks to our self-worth which devalues our voice, and we are left feeling that we are unable to trust anyone but ourselves and sometimes Jesus! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pointing fingers or trying to make anyone feel any shame, instead my goal is that you take inventory. Do you have safe spaces? Who is in your village? For those who have a village, are you pouring only and blocked from receiving? Ultimately, are you seen and known? You see, it’s not only those who have significant breaches, there are some of us who have learned, whether from explicit or indirect messaging that you shouldn’t trust others. I’ll go further to suggest that there is a constant message that women in particular aren’t to be trusted and so we keep acquaintances but never really invest the time and energy required for meaningful and authentic relationships. The relationship where you can be seen and accepted. The ones in which, you can vent and
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rest when you are fatigued and worn. Yep! These exist outside of Jesus, but healthy relationships take a lot of work, and I’ll briefly outline three C’s that are required. To build and maintain healthy relationships you need: Courage, to begin the process of opening your heart in spite of the risks. Commitment to communicate and forgive when there are disagreements and misunderstandings. And a conscientiousness to not sabotage or undermine the ebbs and flow that occur in human relationships. Simply put, it takes maturity to maintain authenticity in relationships. And while it’s easy(ier) to throw tantrums, disconnect and hide, those three C’s require much strength. The strong one is the one who is embedded and engaged in a healthy community. Grace, peace and love, Dr. Gia
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WOMAN IS THE FULL CIRCLE. WITHIN HER IS THE POWER TO CREATE, NURTURE AND TRANSFORM.
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Ways To Turn Your Tragedies Into Triumphs Each one of us has dealt could involve a serious your life for the worse losing a loved one.
with tragedy in our lives at some point. It financial downturn, an event that changed like a severe accident or even unexpectedly One of the worst tragedies a person could experience is heartbreak from losing someone close to them. I know exactly what that feels like. I had that experience when I received a phone call one Friday morning that would change my life. My dad called me when I was headed to work and he told me that my mother had a massive stroke. Completely shocked at the news and not knowing what to do or how to respond, I hung up and headed to be by her side. Unbeknownst to me that the next six days I spent with her would be her last. My mother who was my heart, soul, role model and biggest cheerleader would slip away from me less than a week later taking her last breath.
By: Jori Mundy
At that time, I was a soon to be bride who had planned a wedding that was one month after her tragic death. I was also enrolled to attend graduate school the following month. At that moment I felt like I had lost everything. All of the questions that would plague a person during such a difficult time swarmed my mind. But the main question was, can I go on? When we experience tragedies, we often think of how it’s hurting us at the moment. During that time, it’s almost all we can think about. Believe it or not, the tragedies that we experience always come with a hidden treasure of a lesson. Even something as heartbreaking as losing one’s mother. I’ve learned to leverage the pain from tragedy and use it to triumph in every situation. Here are the top three I want to share with you: 1. Use the tragedy as motivation Shortly after burying my mother my heart wanted to honor her. She became my motivation. Using our tragedies as motivation can become a focal point to triumph. Use
the tragedy to ignite you. 2. See yourself succeeding after it When facing a tragedy, we must push ourselves to see beyond it. Take time to see yourself overcoming the event. Only look back to see how far you’ve come. When you can imagine it becomes a goal post that you’re destined to reach. 3. Recognize the power you’ve gained Every tragedy brings suffering, but with suffering comes strength. After losing my mother I gained the power of living in the present and never taking any moment for granted. What power have you gained from your tragedies? Tragedies are bound to happen, but it’s what we gain from them that can make us relentless. Don’t let the tragedy stop you from greatness, use it to become unstoppable. I believe in your power.
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Top 3 Self-Care Tips During COVID-19 “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.”
13 TO P 3 S E L F CA R E TIPS DURING COV I D - 19
By: Sandena O. Neely, Certified Health Coach
By Sandena O. Neely, Certified Health Coach
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Sounds familiar? This phrase is a part of the safety demonstration on an airplane and will be used as a backdrop. Self-care is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being (health) and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” Read and say it out loud. Anyone who has not been living under a rock for the last 7 months should be acquainted with the terms, quarantine, curfew, lock down, social distancing, new normal, and COVID-19. These terms give an accurate picture of the current state of the world. With so much going on, it is critical to place self-care as a priority. Here are 3 Self-Care Tips to serve us during COVID-19: 1.
Set Intentions
Jennifer Williamson states that “Intention is more than wishful thinking—it’s willful direction.” During these COVID-19 times the importance of setting intentions cannot be overstated. Organizing our schedules is a good practice, however, setting our intentions goes deeper. This speaks to actualizing our days and wilfully deciding how we show up. There is much uncertainty from one day to the next, so setting our intentions can give some level of certainty as to our mindset and reactions. 2.
adorning the mask to ourselves first is the highest priority and it enables us to serve those around us more effectively. 3.
Detox and Sleep
Detox isn’t a dirty word. Detox is essential. We have all become more tense, eating more, our circadian rhythms are out of sync, and our usual absorption of information and toxins is at an all-time high. Consider scheduling regular detox: smartphone (turn off your phone for an entire day, resist urge to use phone while eating or talking to people), physical (eating whole foods , increasing water intake), social media, (unfollowing negative people, turning off push notifications), spiritual (fasting, praying), surroundings (declutter home, workspace and car). The benefits of detoxing and getting adequate sleep are immeasurable. Benefits include improved energy, weight loss, stress reduction, less brain fog, clearer skin, enhanced immune function, reset of bodily systems and so much more. American Poet, Audre Lorde in A Burst of Light: And Other Essays, is particularly firm and instructive: “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is selfpreservation and that is an act of political warfare.”
Set Boundaries and Time
Boundaries is an act of self-care. It decreases our susceptibility to unhealthy environments and its effects. Knowing your limits is increasingly important during COVID-19. Be direct and firm with your boundaries. Limit your availability to all forms of media and even certain people. Look honestly within yourself and set achievable boundaries. Use this time, guilt-free, to do the internal work if you have not done it before. Guilt often creeps in when we practice self-care. Reconcile those feelings and remember our overall well-being; T H E E V O LV I N G W O M A N - 1 4 -
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By Sandena O. Neely, Certified Health Coach
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Bonds of love never make the weak weaker they give him greater strength! - WONDER WOMAN
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18 L I VI N G C REATIVELY RAQUEL CLARKE
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- RAQUEL CLARKE-
LIVING CREATIVELY I did not know I was creative until that day at work when my then boss was leaving my office, after a brief chat. From the door, she looked back at me, and smiled. She was so graceful and so considerate. She could discuss your gaps without making you feel criticized. She was all about honoring and valuing.
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o, when she looked back that day, I looked up to see what beautiful nuggets would fall out her graceful mouth. She looked at my desk with papers everywhere, not in neat piles but in disrupted chaos, and she said, “You can always tell the desk of a creative” she said, before she glided away. I am not sure whether she intended a course correct, like get this mess cleaned up, which was not her style, or a polite bidding to make my desk neater. I had the highest regard for her insight and experience. If she said I was a creative, then dammit I was. I was about 35 then, and until that day, no-one had ever even suggested that I was creative. In fact, I never even thought about it. How I wish she had walked into my office sooner. So, what is creativity? So many definitions exists for this ‘action word’ which means to produce something of value in a unique way. For me being creative is my ability to decide the types of experiences I want to enjoy and then make them happen. My second belief about creativity, is that it is usually always inspired by some-
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thing someone else already gifted to the universe. Let me make this real. As a coach, I am taught to look at life as a pie, and on this pie, the eight slices represent areas of my existence: my marriage, my career, my health, my finances, my spirituality. Looking at my life this way helps me imagine what I need to make each dimension in my life vibrant and fulfilled. Creativity is not one of those raw talents like being a singer, or an artist; although those persons must also become creative in their expressions of their talents to really feel fulfilled and produce beautiful art. Creativity is born out of a desire to experience MORE. To live your life beyond the boundaries that have been presented to you, beyond the threshold of your personal lens. Creativity then, which is an action word, is reliant on our ability to do the work. It is becoming clear about what experiences you want in life, what problems you are helping to solve, what relationships you are trying to cultivate. The first step then is to be clear about the need you are trying to address in your creativity. The next step is exploring
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the ideas and possibilities, those in your head and using external inspiration to determine what creative ideas you wish to explore. The most important step is to have the energy, enthusiasm, and drive to make it happen.
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5 WAYS TO B E CO ME A R E S I L I E N T WO MAN By: Simmone L. Bowe
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5 Ways To Become A Resilient Woman —
The power of a woman is undeniable. Women are influential, empathetic, and creative. Does this mean that women do not face their share of challenges? Not in the least. The human spirit is quite resilient, and the female human has her own brand of strength.
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he can work incredibly hard, create a home, nurture her loved ones, and pursue her dreams. Even if she feels like she is falling apart, she may never show it. One of the keys to true strength, I believe, is resilience, which is our human ability to bounce back from hardship, tragedy, pain, and stress better and stronger than before. Here are five strategies I use to become more resilient. Face your feelings. Like that little dot on the shopping mall’s directory, “You are here”, acknowledging where you are, why you are, how you are all form the stepping stones to healing and understanding. “I am divorced. I am childless. I lost a loved one. I lost my job. I hate my job. I hate my life. I’ve lost hope. I’m not happy. I feel like a failure. I feel ashamed. I feel guilty. I’m angry. I’m depressed.” Feelings are tools. They are important indicators of what is going well and what is not going well. They allow us to dig deeper into ourselves so we can be more self-aware, expressive, and self-
managed. Re-frame your perspective. The journey to resilience will cause you to reframe your perspective and let go of how you think about things. Crisis and change will be lessons rather than death sentences. You ask yourself empowering questions like what has this experience come to teach me? How can I grow from this? Rather than questions like why does this always happen to me? Why does my life seem to be cursed? Why can’t I ever be happy? Communicate courageously. In 1978 Gloria Gaynor released a song that became a timeless anthem of power and freedom, ‘I Will Survive’. Funnily enough, ten years later Karyn White came out with another song with a similar theme: ‘I’m not Your Superwoman’. These songs speak to creating boundaries and finding voice in the face of pain. This was an area that I struggled with for a very long time. Fear kept me silent for years. When I started to speak up for myself, not just in a confrontational way, simply saying what I want and feel, it was increasingly easier to do so and my resilience grew.
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Embrace self-care. Just because you are strong doesn’t mean you should keep going until you crash. You may be saying, shouldn’t being resilient make me able to do more? Yes and no. Being resilient gives you the ability to withstand more but bouncing back is hinged on how mindful and still you can be. You must unplug and reflect on your current circumstances. If you don’t, your very strength will be merely an illusion.
Seek support.
THE RESI LENT WO MAN
I am encouraged by people that realize seeking help is not a weakness. We are wired as humans to need connection. Successful people have affirmed that even though they had to go it alone, it was also with the help of supporters that they achieved their greatness. Sometimes the depth of our pain can be overwhelming and knocks us to the ground. It is okay to take the outstretched hand of a supporter whether that is a friend, a loved one, a mentor, a coach, a therapist - to get back on your feet. The more resilient you are, the easier it becomes to bounce back from the inevitable struggles of life.
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Dr. Ghandi Thompson
26 TH E P OW ER O F SO UL C A RE
BY: DR. GHANDI THOMPSON
What does soul care even look like in a world focused on numbers, titles, likes and followers? To achieve the Power of Soul Care one must possess faith, time management, spiritual disciplines and fortitude. Faith or our belief system is the foundation of soul care. To initiate our journey on the path of soul care, we must first sort through our convictions. We must have clarity about what we believe and why we believe it. Faith requires maintenance and because it affects our character we should periodically analyze how we are integrating our faith into our daily activities. There ought to be a direct correlation between what we believe and what we consistently do. This synchronization between thoughts and actions is critical to sustaining inner peace. The next vital step in achieving the Power of Soul Care is time management. Time is said to be our greatest asset and thus it must be carefully managed. Soul care requires time. The amount of time needed, varies based on where we are on our spiritual journey. Despite our daily responsibilities, the demands of our outer world should never force us to avoid allocating time to care for our inner world. John Wesley aptly highlighted the importance of prioritizing soul care over other daily obligations
Julie Sunne once wrote “All the success of this world is futile if our souls are not cared for”. How then can successful women possess the power of soul care?
when he said, “I have so much to do that I spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it.” Once we have made time for God in our lives we must be prepared to partner with Him. Caring for our souls requires a great level of discipline. Although God is often behind the scene working on our behalf, we too must cooperate with His will for our lives. Spiritual disciplines such as prayer, detachment, journaling, meditation, Bible study and gratitude are some of the ways we can make space for transformation in our lives. These spiritual disciplines allow us to detox our souls; allowing light and grace to illuminate our path. Now that we have put the hard work in by practicing spiritual disciplines we must persevere. I cannot emphasize enough the significance of fortitude in soul care. Australian long-distance runner, Derek Clayton was quoted saying, “The difference between my world record and many world class runners is mental fortitude; I ran believing mind over matter.” Courage allows us to sign up for a marathon, training improves our resilience, but fortitude keeps us running when we feel we can’t go any further. Soul care is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Fortitude is essential for this race called life.
helps us achieve success, but rather it redefines the parameters of success. As women we exude power when we maintain a wellnourished soul. We become more positive, confident, resilient, focused and influential when we tap into the Power of Soul Care. The Power of Soul Care makes us limitless; breaking barriers previously defined by numbers, likes, followers and titles. So embrace your inner strength today by pursing the Power of Soul Care.
Courage allows us to sign up for a marathon, training improves our resilience, but fortitude keeps us running when we feel we can’t go any further.
The power of Soul care not only T H E E V O LV I N G W O M A N
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THE POWER OF SOUL CARE
THE POWER OF SOUL CARE
