BAD ADVICE Ask the expat 44SPORT From Chris Wright.

Health BAD ADVICE... Ask the Expat

Not all advice is good and not all people are as genuine as you may think. Enjoy our 'bad advice' column from the expert we have all met, know and love... the Expat.

This month we are seeking advice for all you foodies out there with an association of East Algarve Expats who The 'Finest of the Foodies Association' seeks to bring a 'heightened awareness' of delicacy Nothing is ever right or good enough for them, We are joined by Malorie Contante, a French American food critic who describes Paris and Los Angeles as her previous 'culinary hometowns'. Joining her is Master Tate Tachebrewski, a digital nomad working at his travelling website, 'Hairy Hipster Eats', a blog he originally started on a portable 1920s typewriter on the Metro in Ontario. MAGAZINE: Welcome Malorie and Master Tate. Please tell us more about your association and why it should matter to our readers in the East Algarve. MALORIE: Monsieur, wherever we go in the world, food is the music of the soul, and as a customer, I am the composer. I consider any restaurant or snack bar my orchestra and they TATE: Yaaaah. Take this as an example. We for something every time they come to the table or happen to walk by. 'Do you have a bamboo straw? I need more spice but without any chilli. Can I have more butter but one that is low fat and uses sodium free Himalayan pink rock salt? Can I have onion soup without onions? MALORIE: TATE: Yaaaaaah. It is our duty to leave verbose and scathing reviews on Tripadvisor, Facebook and any social media websites if MALORIE: The Portuguese must understand we will not eat peasant food unless it comes price tag and only if Vogue has reviewed it (Glares furiously). MAGAZINE: I… TATE: That attitude Sir is exactly why we according to my Astral Healer, I am allergic MALORIE: I once had a very serious issue, when I went to a Sushi restaurant. I made it VERY clear to those illiterate idiots I have an Four bottles of wine on a table for two, I They dared argue with me and say I was only ill because of the wine I drank. I am still with a psychologist for trauma about the incident tears)... 'With the translator, they dared to say I am MASTER TATE: (patting her on the back MAGAZINE: about what you require in a restaurant? MASTER TATE: picky but about being a champion for the If I have a burger, I bring my bun, demand only homemade sauces and each topping is potatoes, so I require air-fried root vegetable fries. It is not that hard, is it? by the time I have left, I consider my mission failed. If they cannot speak perfect English (Malorie chimes in 'or French') my patience has already worn very dangerously thin. Though the mask mandate is over, waiters had better wear masks and disinfect their hands every time they look at me, bringing out food in medical gloves and hazman suits. I also do not want to see their insolent faces. I need to speak to the chef at least four times during a meal and the manager many more. The busier the better for the audience. I must MAGAZINE: That sounds, well… So what do you consider reasonable? MASTER TATE: If I go to a vegan restaurant, I should be able to demand an Argentinian steak. MALORIE: And not just any steak, a Patagonian, organic grass-fed cow, who also has been chocolate fed with a cocoa composite of over 80%... MASTER TATE: Yaaaaah. And intermittently across our meals, we demand the right to switch our declared dietary preferences. For example, at 6 pm I am a pescetarian on Wednesday, I am a fruitarian on Thursday and vegan from midday on Saturday. Delays in the food disrupt my culinary identity and cause havoc with my constitution and being neurodivergent, I'm extremely triggered by that lack of foresight in service even MAGAZINE: Essentially you expect any MALORIE: Ah you stupid man, it is about MASTER TATE: The plebiscite never understands. I could hand you crap on a plate… MAGAZINE: Okay, I must be, but have you eaten? MALORIE: I think once in Los Angeles but I could have been my Doctor changing my I seek only perfection and am always let down. MASTER TATE: Yes, let's leave Malorie. A lowly local magazine doesn't have the international reputation of taste our inner intestinal tract requires. May I keep your pen?

Moncarapachense (green/white) and Olhanense drew 0-0 in the promotion

MONCARAPACHENSE

FOR PROMOTION?

As the magazine went to press Moncarapachense were travelling to Lisbon where victory against Os Belenenses in season would see them promoted to Liga 3 from the Campeonato de Portugal. This would be their highest ever placing and one

Brought to you by Chris Wright level above their more illustrious neighbours SC Olhanense who only eight years ago were playing in the Primeira Liga alongside the likes Moncarapachense have punched above their weight, promotion favourites Olhanense have had a wretched month without a single victory promotion group of six.

Ukra recently visited Olhanense where he is still fondly remembered Leonardo Lelo, a product of the Olhanense youth system

FORMER OLHANENSE PLAYERS ON THE RIGHT TRACK

How Olhanense could have done with some of their former in 2009 it was a certain André Filipe Alves Monteiro – known to the football world as Ukra – who bamboozelled opposition defences. He made 67 appearances for the Olhão team before being signed by FC Porto. Ukra has subsequently had spells at Braga and Santa Clara before joining Rio Ave this season and helping them to the Segunda Liga title and promotion to the Primeira Liga. Also promoted are runners-up Casa Pia (Lisbon) who featured three former Olhanense players Leonardo Lelo, Vasco Fernandes and Zach Muscat. Olhão born Leonardo Lelo came up through the youth ranks and made over 70 appearances for Olhanense before signing for Portimonense at the start of last season and then moving on to Casa Pia at the start of this season. Another Ukra at Olhanense has committed to another season with SC Braga. League before losing to Glasgow Rangers.

The youngsters and their mothers enjoyed the swimming pools and animals

CENTRE ALGARVE WELCOMES REFUGEE CHILDREN

More than 14 million people are since Russia's invasion of Ukraine, according to the United Nations. Every Ukrainian child becoming a refugee almost every single second since the start of the war. UNICEF spokesperson James Elder went on to say: “This refugee crisis is, in terms of speed and scale, unprecedented since the Second World War and shows no signs of slowing down.” Centre Algarve in Moncarapacho, believed to be Europe’s only residential holiday centre solely for people with special needs, was, therefore, only too pleased to throw open their doors to over 20 young children from the war zone. The bewildered youngsters and their mothers – the fathers remaining in Ukraine – were soon enjoying the swimming pools and being introduced to a wide range of animals, including meerkats and exotic birds. The children, all being hosted and cared for by families and the local authority in the municipality of Loulé, face an uncertain future, but they certainly enjoyed their time at Centre Algarve.

RETURN TO WINNING WAYS

After missing out on silverware at the EuroCopa in Albufeira at the end of April, East Algarve Walking Football (EAWF) bounced back to victory at the 5th Browns Walking Football Festival in Vilamoura in early May. Teams from Billericay (Essex), Carnoustie Panmure (Scotland), Clitheroe (Lancashire), SC Farense, EAWF Olhão and EAWF Tavira competed in the Over 50s section with EAWF Olhão being crowned Champions in a tightly fought competition. Army (Belgium), Preston North End, Farense (Faro), Billericay, Carnoustie Panmure and East Algarve Walking Football (EAWF) competed in the Over out, it was SC Farense who triumphed over EAWF Olhão. The EAWF over their feet, while the EAWF over 60s have been strengthened by former over 50s winners moving up an age group. The over 60s in particular will only get stronger in the coming years, with the newcomers in the over 50s squad already starting to gel as a good team. A special mention should be Algarve Walking Football’s continued success. Walkingfootballalgarve.com

Neil Morris with the Over 50s Trophy

PORTUGAL APPROVES SALE OF CHELSEA FC

The £4.25bn sale of Chelsea Football Club by the Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich, who is a Portuguese government. Boehly, who owns stakes in the Los Angeles Lakers basketball team and the LA Dodgers baseball side, masterminded the takeover backed by California-based investment company Clearlake Capital, Swiss billionaire Hansjörg Wyss and Guggenheim Partners chief executive Mark Walter. American investors now control four of the so-called Big Six clubs in the Premier League, the richest domestic competition in Europe. Portugal was nervous about approving the sale without the blessing of Brussels, which has drawn implemented. Portugal’s foreign minister, João Gomes Cravinho said: “In relation to Chelsea, of course, there is an absolutely fundamental point here: Portugal applies the sanctions that were decreed by the European Union”. The deal signals an end to Abramovich’s two-decade-long stint bankrolling a team that he Premier League titles, two UEFA Champions League trophies and one FIFA Club World Cup. Fifteen days before Russia invaded Ukraine, Abramovich had property valued at 10 million euros frozen in Quinta do Lago when Caixa Geral de Depósitos alerted the authorities.