Vol. 56, Issue 15

OSAP delays have TMU students ‘forced against the wall financially’

application because there was no correspondence from the school over the delays, despite her multiple attempts to seek more information from them.

“There was no sympathy, there was no warning, there was no email. So, I just thought maybe there was something wrong on my end,” she said.

ServiceHub’s Student Financial Assistance told The Eye that it understands that the wait time can feel long for students with financial need and that it is working “urgently to address any delays, and we expect the process to be smoother for all students as we continue to test and refine the system.”

By Maya Zaid

Students at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) say they are frustrated by the delay in receiving their Ontario Student Assistance Plan (OSAP) payments for the winter 2023 semester.

The Jan. 27 tuition fee deadline has passed, yet students continue to experience funding delays due to a “database system error,” TMU president Mohamed Lachemi told The Eyeopener

In order to receive funding from OSAP, students must have their enrollment confirmed by TMU’s Student Financial Assistance Department, according to its website.

Until confirmation of a sufficient course load is received by OSAP, students cannot receive their grants.

The error came from an outside computer information systems vendor, Oracle, which helps with TMU’s enrolment data. It led to the enrolment confirmation process being delayed until after the winter break, said Lachemi. This resulted in as much as 20,000 students receiving late payments, he said.

rer applied for OSAP for the 202223 academic year in June. She was quoted in August to be receiving her winter semester funding by Jan. 5. She didn’t receive it until Jan. 23.

The Office of The Vice-Provost, Students told The Eye that its records show that no students have missed the winter 2023 tuition payment deadline.

Ferrer added that if her funding had arrived a bit later, she would have had to dip into her savings or ask her parents to pay for half of her tuition.

“I don’t work enough hours to make enough money to live. The fact that it was just getting pushed back and not knowing when you would get your money was really worrisome,” she said.

Funding delays mean more stress for students amid already tense monetary situations in Canada, said Colleen Amato, a counselor at TMU’s Centre of Student Development and Counseling.

However, second-year english and history student Abdullah Zaidi said he didn’t meet the Jan. 27 deadline due to the delay.

The school did not get back to The Eye in time to clarify if this discrepency was due to an unofficially extended payment deadline.

While Zaidi received an email in late January letting him know his financial aid would be delayed another few weeks, Ferrer had no idea there were any issues with her funding at the time.

“For a whole week, I thought [OSAP] already paid TMU,” said Ferrer. “Then I ended up getting an email saying [I] still have outstanding fees.”

“I think more and more people are being forced against the wall financially,” she said.

Without funding, students can sometimes be forced to take semesters off or lighten their course load and work more to make ends meet, said Amato.

“OSAP being delayed is one more hurdle for students to find success, to find their grit and to ask for help,” she added.

Alongside delays in their funding, students also said they had trouble receiving help from the ServiceHub at TMU, which hosts several supports for school-based service issues, including financial assistance.

The Eye also reached out to the Service Hub for comment regarding student complaints about their service. However, we did not hear back in time for publication.

Third-year nursing student Tijana Sumic was also affected by the OSAP delays. Luckily, she was able to receive her funding before the tuition fee deadline on Jan. 23, she said. But that doesn’t mean she wasn’t stressed out during the wait, she said.

Sumic said TMU could have offered more support and open communication to students but did not care to do so.

“There was no sympathy, there was no warning, there was no email”

“The school ultimately wants to get paid. They don’t care how they get paid. They just want the full tuition and OSAP is that mediator between us and the school.”

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In an emailed statement to The Eye, the Student Financial Assistance department, which is run out of the student ServiceHub at TMU, said it is working to confirm enrolments “as quickly as possible” so that funding can be disbursed. It said that it is rare for its processing times to take longer than three to six weeks.

It also said that “by submitting an application on time, students can help speed up the distribution of their funding.”

Fifth-year TMU student Ellie Fer-

Lachemi told The Eye that the school “has a flexible approach” to ensure that students who are dealing with funding delays don’t get penalized for missing winter semester fee deadlines.

But for some students, the government aid program is used for more than just paying their tuition.

Ferrer, who is a full-time hospitality and tourism student, also has a part-time job to make ends meet. She said she does not earn enough to cover all of her day-to-day expenses.

“The extra money that I get from OSAP, I use that to pay for my course packs or textbooks,” she said.

Ferrer said she called the ServiceHub several times after she found out her funding was delayed.

“I was just so frustrated and angry because I kept calling ServiceHub. And all they would tell me was, ‘Just keep waiting. Just keep waiting,’” she said.

Finally, Ferrer decided to go visit the Hub in person. Even then, she was told that there was no one qualified to assist her on OSAP matters on Wednesdays or Fridays.

“They just don’t even acknowledge you,” she said. “I just wished that there was some sort of update.”

She said she originally thought she had made a mistake on her

Lachemi told The Eye that the school “understands the frustration from students” over the wait but the university is working to speed up the process. He said the university has processed “most of the paperwork” by now.

Zaidi also said TMU should have taken a different approach to the delay.

“There should be a little bit more accountability, responsibility and a bit of friendliness in terms of being able to contact and resolve these discrepancies and funding,” he said.

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“OSAP being delayed is one more hurdle for students to find success”

“More and more people are being forced against the wall financially”

“I don’t work enough hours to make enough money to live”

Maybe romance isn’t dead after all

By Stephanie Davoli

Visuals by Vanessa Kauk

I’m definitely no expert in love, sex or romance. After all, I’ve only ever been in a series of short, failed relationships and I’ve certainly never been “in love.”

But as someone who grew up watching Disney movies and maybe loves rom-coms just a little too much, I’ve always been infatuated with the idea of “romance.” Getting swept off your feet, falling in love at first sight—these are the kinds of moments I’ve always yearned for. Despite the desire for romance being so prevalent in my life, I never really thought about what that word truly meant until recently.

For so much of my life, I thought romance could only be acted out in the form of big heartfelt gestures— think Mr. Darcy’s proposal to Elizabeth in the pouring rain kind of big.

I really believed that these big gestures were the standard of romance too and it would consistently leave me feeling disappointed and insecure when my romantic

partners and situations wouldn’t live up to the expectations that I created in my head. Am I just not good enough for him? I’d think on so many occasions that it’s kind of embarrassing to admit.

And while some of my past relationships were certainly lacking in the romance department at times, as I’ve gotten older—and especially as I’ve worked on Love, Sex and Romance…?—I’ve come to see things differently. I’ve realized that my delusions, although sometimes valid, were standing in the way of all the little romantic moments that do exist in my life.

It’s been beautiful to see that romance can be found in the small things, like a friend noticing that you’ve had an especially hard day and doing something sweet to help you out. Or it doesn’t have to include anyone else at all.

I’m a firm believer that “romanticizing your life” is not just a TikTok trend and that slowing down to enjoy the wonders of the little things, like making yourself your favourite coffee every morning,

can be romantic. And while working on this issue has helped me realize all the small ways in which romance can be expressed in our everyday lives, it still hasn’t given me a true definitive explanation as to what the word actually means—but that’s OK, I’ve come to the conclusion that getting the answer isn’t all that important.

I wanted to explore the idea of romance because it’s constantly evolving and the proliferation of hook-up culture, dating apps and even social media have certainly changed the way Generation Z thinks about the elusive feeling. Romance is a broad topic and what it means can vary from person to person, relationship to “situationship” and beyond—but that’s part of what makes it so rich and exciting to explore.

I believe there are a number of students who may also be wondering the same things as me about the phenomenon that is “modern romance.” Does it even exist today?

Sure, these are daunting topics and we’re asking questions that no

Four songs to help you get

through the heartbreak blues

song’s crescendoing bridge and audibly distraught vocals can keep you company as you do some (healthy) post-heartbreak yearning.

“Gone” by TWICE

one really has the answers to but figuring out what romance means to you is part of the fun—especially because it’s such a personal experience. I hope this issue will make people smile, laugh and may even cause

them to shed a (happy) tear or two. But most of all, I want this issue to be a reminder that, while this generation’s stance on love can be difficult to navigate, romance is alive, well and isn’t dead after all.

By Madeline Liao

Whether you’re mourning the loss of a relationship, friendship or even both, navigating a heartbreak is no easy feat. It can feel like an avalanche of emotions is slowly piling up on you, with no escape in sight. Luckily, there are many ways to mend—or at least partially mend— a broken heart. The Eyeopener suggests practicing self-kindness, having a well-deserved crying session and most importantly, using the powerful tool of music to help you get back on your feet. Here is a specially-curated playlist to help you through this emotional rollercoaster. And remember: it’s going to be all right!

“Supercut”

by Lorde

Starting with a song to help get you into the reflective mood, “Su-

percut” by Lorde talks about all the memories that circle through your head as you’re trying to deal with heartbreak. Lorde sings chillingly about “all the love we had and lost” and how “the visions never stop” in this track about what was and what could have been. Whether it’s the good, the bad or the ugly, “Supercut” can act as the dramatic accompaniment to that montage of memories playing through your mind like a scene from an Oscar award-winning film.

“Finally” by Accusefive With lyrics like “maybe it is doomed/ doomed to fail” and “where did you leave my heart,” this track by Taiwanese band Accusefive is a devastatingly pessimistic ballad hidden behind a veil of guitar melodies and haunting background vocals. Even if you don’t understand the lyrics, this

Are you feeling a little betrayed and need to get the anger out of your system? If rage is your presiding emotion, “Gone” is a fitting tune to help you embrace that resentment and remind you that you deserve better. In this track, TWICE sing about never wanting to see someone again after feeling let down. With powerful vocals and an equally commanding instrumental, this song is best paired with some aggressive head-bobbing and an angry text draft—which you definitely should not send.

“Coconut Mall” from Mario Kart OK, maybe you need a breather from it all and you want to empty your mind of the seemingly never-ending spiral of emotions. In that case, the antidote may be to put on those headphones and pretend you’re just a little Nintendo character vibing with the palm trees and tiled floors in Coconut Mall. Sit back, relax and let the serotonin flow through you as you wind through the racetrack.

To read the full story, visit lovesexromance.theeyeopener.com

I’m still trying to figure out what ‘romance’ actually means but that’s part of the fun

As Taylor Swift says, “heartbreak is our national anthem; we sing it proudly”

VANESSA KAUK/THE EYEOPENER

The Simple Things

By Samira Balsara

CONTENT WARNING: This article contains mentions of suicide and rape.

Rojhin Taebi was soaking in the last bit of her summer abroad in a quaint Tuscan town in Italy. The third-year Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) professional communications student had been stuck in her room for about a week recovering from COVID-19, missing opportunities to explore the area filled with cobbled streets and cozy corner cafes.

It was an especially warm July and the town of Cortona, Italy—where Taebi was studying design through a study abroad program with The Creative School—had seen little rain during her two-week stay. So when it finally began to drizzle on her last day there, she seized the moment.

“There was a balcony above the inn we were staying in and I just let the rain come down. It was just such a good feeling, romanticizing that moment. No one was there to see or perceive it except myself,” Taebi said.

The act of “romanticizing your life” has become a huge trend on social media over the last couple years, encouraging people to appreciate the mundane parts of their everyday routines or to enjoy quiet moments alone.

The hashtag #romanticizinglife has 30.3 million views on TikTok as of February 2023, as creators document the aesthetically pleasing versions of their commutes to work, morning routines and quiet Friday nights in.

For Taebi, this need for romanticizing her life has become even more apparent as she’s grown older. “When I became an adult, I noticed that shift between your childhood interests and your adult interests,” she said. “You have to be very mind-

ful and very thoughtful about what you choose to purchase and even how you choose to spend the hours you’re not studying.”

As an adult, responsibilities naturally pile on and it can be difficult to appreciate life in general. Because of this, the concept of romanticizing life has become popular for many stressed university students and young adults navigating the pressures of adulthood.

something as small as adding a little routine or moment of appreciation to her day, she said. “Like making a lovely cup of coffee just to start your day… It’s seeing something and understanding that there’s so much beauty in it,” said Taebi.

Lisa Jeffs, a Toronto-based life and career coach, describes the act of romanticizing life as slowing down and being present in the moment.

“It’s seeing the beauty that is always around us that we often miss because we’re always thinking in the future, what needs to get done, what needs to happen or we’re thinking about the past,” Jeffs said. When it comes to romanticizing your life, “there is nothing but the present,” she added.

Jeffs noted that part of why life is so fast-paced and stressful these days is due to the rise of hustle culture—the idea that working long hours and sacrificing self-care is required in order to succeed—so taking a breather or appreciating everyday tasks can be beneficial to our mental health.

Taebi shared a similar sentiment, adding that when she’s stressed from studying for an exam, enjoying the simple pleasures that life has to offer makes her feel better.

Romanticizing her life can be

For students like Zac Wolofsky, it took some time to pin-point what romanticizing life can look like. The third-year English student was sitting in his gender and sexuality class at Vanier College in Montreal during the winter 2018 semester when one of his classmates got upset during a lesson about depression and mental health. The class was discussing how suicide and depression affects genders differently. The classmate was particularly unhappy when the topic of men’s mental health and its portrayal in the media came up.

“He was upset that people romanticized suicide, depression, anxiety, things like that. That people romanticize all these negative things,” said Wolofsky.

In popular culture, TV shows like 13 Reasons Why have been criticized for romanticizing mental illnesses and suicide.

A Seattle Times article about depictions of mental illness in pop culture highlights an example of this in the show.

At the beginning of the second season, a cheerleader named Jessica returned to school to face her rapist, only to be told “You’re pretty and sad, people love that,” as if her pain and sadness only added to her attraction.

But to contrast this idea, another one of Wolofsky’s classmates put her hand up and suggested that romanti-

cization can be good if you focus on the positive aspects of life, like the scent of flowers or people recovering from dark times. Wolfosky said this was the first time he heard a phrase for the philosophy of finding joy in mundane, everyday moments.

The idea of enjoying the slow moments in life was comforting to Wolofsky, who was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder at the age of 14. “The only way I could survive was by cherishing all the really good things, even if they were like the littlest possible things like when you get a Lego in the first try,” he said.

“I’ve been doing it for a long time because that’s just the easiest way for me to survive the chaos that is life.”

Romanticizing life on social media became prevalent during the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic. People were making dalgona coffee to cute TikTok sounds while filming their everyday walks, essentially finding a way to make doing nothing calm, peaceful and fulfilling.

According to Jeffs, the pandemic exhilarated burnout rates and impacted people’s mental health.

“When COVID hit it was just a whole redesign for a lot of people... People were burning out, we’re still burning out,” she said.

According to a 2022 study con-

ducted by Mental Health Research Canada, more than a third of working Canadians reported levels of burn out, almost two years into the pandemic.

Prioritizing mental health and people’s well-being was especially needed. At a time where vacations to tropical destinations were a no-go and celebratory dinner events couldn’t happen, appreciating the mundane parts of life in a new light was—and still is—a necessity, Jeffs said.

“It’s being here on this planet, to enjoy. To really live to our value.”

Wolofsky said the overall pressures of life have also added to this desire to romanticize the simple things.

“Everything has gotten harder for kids our age and everything has gotten more complicated,” he said. “I think, really, ultimately romanticizing life is just a way for people to deal with the pain of it all.”

Life can’t always be exciting. There are only so many major milestones, vacations, defining moments in relationships, birthdays and holidays to look forward to, while the days in between include repetitive routines of work, school and going to the gym. Slowing down and appreciating the little things can be just as rewarding.

“There can be beauty in it if you change your framing of mind about it,” Taebi said.

Love is in the air: Most romantic spots on campus to sneak around with your boo

By Vanessa Tiberio

Nothing says romance better than sneaking in some quality time with your significant other (s/o) between classes on campus. From dodging the perils of downtown foot traffic to avoiding eye contact with other couples walking hand-in-hand, sometimes you just need a spot to be alone.

Here’s a round-up of the very best romantic spots on Toronto Metropolitan University’s (TMU) campus that are sure to impress your boo the most.

The stairs in front of the Sheldon and Tracy Levy Student Learning Centre Surrounded by student commotion and the concoction of greasy smells

emanating from the food stalls across Gould Street, the stairs leading up to the Sheldon and Tracy Levy Student Learning Centre building make for a wonderful meet-up spot. While sitting on the cold, concrete steps among countless strangers and bird feces, this location is perfect for those wanting to avoid as much eye contact with their partner as possible, as you’ll be too busy pointing out the various absurdities around you. Be sure to embrace the leftover food droppings being devoured by pigeons by offering them to your s/o in case they get hungry—a move that’s guaranteed to touch their heart.

The trash disposal on Gould Street (you know which one) Emitting a pungent odour that’s sure to impress your date and detract from the fact that you just hit a 75-minute leg workout at the gym and have

yet to shower, the trash disposal on Gould Street is a perfect location to sweep your s/o off their feet—literally, because they may pass out from the fumes. Serving as nothing more than a friendly reminder of the exes from your past, these garbage bins provide the perfect backdrop for the most casual date location— surely highlighting that your relationship can only go up from there.

The bridge from Kerr Hall to the Rogers Communications Centre

Unveiled in the fall of 2022, the new and improved walkway from Kerr Hall to the Rogers Communications Centre (RCC) is definitely a very romantic hidden gem at TMU. While embracing the omnipresent cold making its way through the punctured tunnel walls,

you can take your jacket off and pretend to give it to your partner, only to tie it around your waist instead in a gotcha! moment. You can also take turns peering out of the tiny little peepholes that overlook the oncoming traffic below, like you are in a real-life game of Frogger by avoiding the vehicles. Or, you can ditch your partner if they’re getting on your last nerve by stealing their OneCard after reaching the RCC and going back onto the bridge, leaving them stranded and allowing you to contemplate your life choices. This spot’s aura is guaranteed to make your bae feel both appreciated, loved and “made of grit.”

Read the full story at www.lovesexromance.theeyeopener.com

“Everything has gotten harder for kids our age”

It’s easy to get caught up in the bustle of life, but sometimes slowing down and smelling the roses can help you find a new appreciation for the little things

KONNOR KILLORAN/THE EYEOPENER

KONNOR KILLORAN/THE EYEOPENER

Is romance just for the movies?

For better or worse, rom-coms can influence some students’ perceptions of love and identity

“Ihave a theory,” begins the 2021 film The Hating Game . “Hating someone feels disturbingly like falling in love with them. Your stomach twists and flips, your appetite and sleep are shredded, your heart beats heavy and bright, nearly visible through your flesh and clothes.”

That’s the feeling that keeps third-year Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) graphic communications management student Rache Dijamco coming back to a beloved movie genre: romance. More specifically, her favourite trope: enemies to lovers.

Dijamco experiences the emotions of the female lead viscerally even though she’s on the other side of the screen. The nervous jitters, the butterflies in her chest, the knots in the bottom of her stomach. The most exciting part for her is deciphering between a character’s external loathing and their internal infatuation. She loves the way characters can easily go from hating each other’s guts to falling madly in love.

But as much as movies like these excite her, they have also warped her perception of what a real relationship looks like.

In the past, Dijamco says she would intentionally sabotage her relationship by creating conflicts to see how she and her boyfriend would resolve them. On a very average morning, Dijamco woke up after falling asleep on the phone with her boyfriend of six months. She checked in with him before she went to work, wishing him a good day and telling him she loved him. Everything seemed normal.

A few hours later, she texted him saying that she thought he had “changed” and questioned why he was no longer as affectionate as he used to be.

“It is probably the most toxic thing I’ve ever done,” she says. “I didn’t really feel like he changed…but I kind of made it a big deal just to see how he would react.”

Dijamco expected her boyfriend to apologize profusely and

Words by Sahara Mehdi

Visuals by Vanessa Kauk and Zarmminaa Rehman

reiterate how much he loved her but instead, he defended himself and said he didn’t feel the need to constantly show affection when they had only been dating for half a year. “That triggered something in me,” Dijamco says.

Looking back, she can now see how he was speaking logically but all she wanted at the time was reassurance. In her favourite movies, after every big, dramatic fight, there is always a resolution. Dijamco was confused as to why that wasn’t happening in her real life.

In hindsight, Dijamco has realized that her favourite romance movies and books have negative effects. She’s often spent too much time in her past relationships comparing her boyfriends’ actions to the extravagant proclamations of love she sees in entertainment. Dijamco’s consumption of these movies and books have led her to think that grand gestures are the only way to express love, so when she doesn’t experience them, she questions her partner’s affections.

“I have these standards in my head that are so high and then I expect my partner to reach them,” she says. And when they don’t, she wishes she could ask them: ‘Do you even love me?’

Avid consumers of romantic films and novels can tend to base their expectations for reallife relationships on what is presented to them in the media they consume. Fiction portrays a simplified and condensed version of reality, so using it to form one’s expectations will often be unsuccessful because real-life humans are much more nuanced than imagined characters.

Due to the increasing popularity of these portrayals of romance, it’s no surprise that the genre has great influence over some TMU students. Students say while romance movies and novels can offer unrealistic expectations, they also

provide a much-needed escape and outlook on love they don’t always get in real life.

For some, like Dijamco, romance can skew their perception of love and relationships. “The challenge is we have these expectations that are depicted by movies and the media,” says Allison Villa, a psychotherapist and relationship expert based in Toronto.

Villa says many romance stories involve some sort of struggle that the main characters must overcome. But in the resolution, they almost always have a happy ending.

In real life though, “that is not exactly how it works,” she says. For others, the romance genre, while sometimes unrealistic and exaggerated, can allow viewers to live vicariously through the characters they’re watching. A 2019 journal article published in Research in Human Development , explored this in an analysis of Asian American representation in film. The article explained that the media we consume impacts our identity development, which “is a fundamental cognitive, social, and developmental task related to understanding one’s place in the social world.” Romantic films have not always been diverse but shows like Bridgerton and movies like To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before , which feature Asian leads, are changing that.

Still, as TMU students immerse themselves in romance, it’s important for them to understand the difference between which parts of the fantasy are realistic and which parts are fabricated for entertainment purposes. Villa says the conflicts in a story are only relatable to a certain point.

“We do need to have expectations, that’s very important,” Villa says. “But [we need to] tease apart the difference between what you personally expect versus what you have been told to expect.”

As a fan of the romance genre, Amna Ahmed says she finds comfort in seeing people like herself on-screen. Growing up as a young woman of colour in a predominantly white elementary school in Maple, Ont., the firstyear criminology student was always very aware that she stood

out. The shalwar kameez she wore to school or the daal chawal her mother packed for her lunch were strikingly different from her peers who wore t-shirts and brought in Lunchables.

Ahmed never felt like she fit in or was the object of any of her crushes’ desires because she didn’t meet the Eurocentric beauty standards that her classmates were familiar with. That was until she moved to Saudi Arabia with her family in the fifth grade and went to an international school with students from various backgrounds and cultures. She then realized boys were attracted to her.

Ahmed’s experience is why she found the second season of the Netflix series Bridgerton so impactful. It mirrored her own journey of self-acceptance and highlighted the appeal of a main character who looked like her.

“I was so incredibly happy,” she recalls. “When I think of movies that have a Brown girl as a lead, I think they revolve her entire personality [around] her ethnicity.”

In contrast, Kate and Edwina Sharma of Bridgerton, two sisters who are the main characters of the second season, have their own plotlines that have nothing to do with their South Asian heritage. They are both pursued by Lord Anthony Bridgerton, an attractive, affluent and wealthy bachelor, who is desired by every woman in their town. Despite how many other women throw themselves at him, he can’t help but fall in love with Kate Sharma, even when he tries to stay away from her.

“It’s nice to see Brown women who are strong and beautiful and they’re being lusted over,” Ahmed says. “They’re seen as beautiful and their traditions are seen as something beautiful as well. It’s complementary to them but not the only important thing about them.”

Ahmed says having representation where a woman of colour is the object of a man’s desire makes her feel the same way her experience at the international school did: validated. Growing up, Ahmed felt like she’d never experience the kind of romance white female leads did onscreen. Now, shows like Bridgerton are changing that narrative in her mind.

“You realize that you’re not that different, that your ethnicity is something that’s complementary to you and not the only important thing about you,” she says. “It doesn’t set you apart.”

Like Ahmed’s experience watching Bridgerton, researchers found that seeing your culture and ethnicity represented onscreen can change the way you think about yourself. A study published in the International Journal of Communication in 2017 compared the effects of varied representation in ethnic and mainstream media. The data found that when ethnic minorities are exposed to positive representation in the media they consume, both their self-esteem and their pride increases.

Along with adding more ethnic representation, movies and TV shows have also shifted to consider more than just the male perspective.

When Ahmed watched the 2019 film Little Women for the first time, there was one particular scene that stood out in her memory. Her eyes were glued to the screen with awe as Amy, one of the film’s female leads, asked Laurie, the male lead, to unbutton her painter’s apron. Standing behind her, his hands untied the fabric as his eyes gazed intently at the nape of her neck. Ahmed was amazed by how gentle Laurie was and how the scene depicted him as being so soft and tender in his actions.

For Ahmed, this scene is an example of what she loves most about romantic movies: the female gaze. Growing up, Ahmed remembers being aware that there were some things that women were attracted to that men didn’t know of, although she only learned that the female gaze and the male gaze were terms to represent this as she got older.

“The male gaze” is a term coined by author Laura Mulvey

in her 1975 essay titled “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema” to explain how in narrative films, men are usually the ones actively looking for and receiving pleasure, while women are being watched and providing this pleasure. This patriarchal idea means that films have traditionally been made with a primarily male audience in mind, which also skews how heterosexual relationships are presented because they only consider the man’s needs and desires. Villa says that it’s important to represent both roles in a relationship.

“In our design as human beings, there is equal importance to masculine and feminine energy,” Villa says. “What has been missing in representation [in movies] is that the masculine energy can be…the provider, the protector and be emotionally intelligent and communicative.”

In Villa’s opinion, having a balance of perspectives is where relationships find the most alignment and ease. Films that normalize an exaggerated form of masculinity also normalize unequal relationships, which are bound to be unhealthy in real life.

When thinking of the male gaze, Ahmed brings up the Marvel franchise, which has only had two female directors out of its 27 directors since 2008, according to the Internet Movie Database. Ahmed remembers watching the Thor franchise which focuses on the physical strength and violent power of the male lead. In contrast, when she watched the 2021 film Black Widow that had a female lead, she felt the movie focused on her body which was “perfect and not nearly as muscular as the guys.”

The exaggerated use of aggression and violence in these characters is what Ahmed indicates to signify the male gaze. While she says each individual person is attracted to different qualities, she believes the female gaze is deeper and more meaningful than physical actions. In fact, she says overpowering masculinity is unattractive to many women who see that aggression as a scary and dangerous sign in their real lives.

In contrast to the male gaze, the female gaze is a complete reversal which focuses on women as the intended audience. “When I think of the female gaze, I think of the interactions in Little Women which are so wholesome and light,” Ahmed says.

The female gaze embraces male characters who have qualities like thoughtfulness and emotional intelligence. “It doesn’t need to be a big spectacle for it to mean something to the girl,” she adds. “When I think of the male gaze, I think of them making grand gestures and being strong, when that’s not necessarily the things that we always find attractive.”

Third-year social work student Sofia Alda has a vivid memory of her first time watching the 2002 film A Walk to Remember. The movie played on a small TV in the corner of her tenth grade religion class at her high school in Mississauga. Her fellow students chattered away quietly over the TV’s speakers until one particular moment when the class went silent. Everyone’s eyes were glued to the screen as the movie’s main character, Jamie, stood on a deserted road while the male lead, Landon, told her she achieved an item on her bucket list. As she stood on the border between North

Carolina and Virginia, she had accomplished her goal of being in two places at once.

“I bawled in the middle of class. It’s something so small and so pure,” Alda recalls. “The selfless aspect of dating is what really stuck with me, that people can actually do something for somebody else because they love them.”

These small moments of intimacy are not incredibly popular in romantic films but Villa believes they can be the key to a healthy relationship in real life. She says people often undervalue that consistent quality time is the foundation to a long-term relationship. From a psychological perspective, she says most people’s brains return to the first place we experienced love, which was in our homes as children.

“That safety, that consistency, it comes from your parents and we know that it’s not romantic,” Villa says. “It is challenging for many to hold the erotic and the desire with stability and safety.”

Villa explained that stability and safety are not present in the relationships we see in movies and television because all of those storylines require plots with conflict. In her opinion, the exact opposite of a healthy relationship is presented as the norm in the media.

“The fire, the thing you can’t have, that’s where that sexual energy lies,” she says. “But what is missing is the deep intimacy that lives in a healthy long-term relationship.”

Alda also remembers watching the 2010 film Letters to Juliet with her mother and sister when it was released in theatres. She was only eight years old at the time but she immediately became infatuated with the film about a young journalist’s quest to reunite an elderly woman with her long-lost love. As an Italian and a huge Shakespeare fan, she latched onto the beauty of the city of Verona. More than that, she looked to the love story in the movie as an inspiration for her future relationships.

“It’s very unique in the sense that they’re both self-sufficient individuals,” Alda says about the film’s main characters Claire and Lorenzo. “Nobody is fixing each other. Everybody’s meeting each other where they’re at and that’s love.”

Unlike most fans of romantic films and novels, Alda doesn’t subscribe to the traditional tropes presented in the media like enemies to lovers, fake-dating or forced proximity.

“I’m a big fan of when they both fall in love and [have an] equal partnership. I think that’s what I strive for in a relationship, somebody who equally respects me,” she says. “I’m not a big fan of the binaries of good girl and bad boy. I think it’s dumb. People are complex and they’re more than just that.”

Although Dijamco says though experiences in her love life aren’t always like the movies, there have been moments where she remembers feeling like they were.

Once on a second date with a boy she met at the gym, he pulled out his guitar and began to serenade her. They were sitting outside in his backyard under the glittering stars and she remembers being so overwhelmed by how romantic it was.

“No one has ever serenaded me before. I didn’t think that it was still something that could happen,” she recalls. Although that relationship never went anywhere, she still remembers the moment fondly because it was so magical.

Despite how romantic movies may have affected her perception of love, they also inspire her to continue hoping for the future.

She’s aware that many romance movies and books are exaggerated, but still, they help her to believe that love like that is out there. And if she doesn’t find the ideal relationship she’s looking for, Dijamco says she won’t let that stop her from living her dream romance movie.

“If it doesn’t happen to me, I can make it happen for myself,” Dijamco says. “The next relationship I get into, I’m not really gonna wait for them to do cute things for me. I’ll do it for myself.”

Can romance exist in hook-up culture?

By Alexandra Holyk

In July 2021, I had just passed the 10-month mark of casually seeing a guy when out of the blue, he dumped me at the playground in my neighbourhood.

The sounds of children screaming in excitement, their parents making small talk and dogs barking at each other as they crossed paths were drowned out by his softly-spoken words: “I think we should see other people.”

As we walked along the wooded trail, I stopped in my tracks. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry,” I mentally told myself. When I looked up at him again, tears welling in my eyes, I managed to stifle out, “Why?”

Looking back, I realize “Why?” is the question I should’ve been asking myself. Like I said, we were only casually seeing each other—I was never his girlfriend, he was never my boyfriend. We would just hook-up a few times a month out of boredom, convenience or both. So “why” was I upset?

our Western culture tends to really emphasize monogamous, exclusive pairings that are both romantic as well as sexual.”

In a 2012 scholarly article titled, “Sexual Hookup Culture: A Review” from the Review of General Psychology , a study found that out of 681 young adults, more than half of the surveyed college-aged men and women preferred a traditional romantic relationship as opposed to an uncommitted sexual relationship, commonly known as a “hook-up.”

As students explore their sexualities and build relationships, navigating the slippery slopes of romance when in a casual setting can be challenging. For students at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU), it’s important to distinguish between feelings of lust and love and determine if romance has a place in their hook-up. Otherwise, feelings can get messy when both people aren’t on the same page about what their relationship actually is.

Emma* started at TMU last September, she was looking for a partnership “without the commitment of a relationship” that would allow her to express her sexuality and gain sexual experience.

Within a few days of meeting an actor from another school at a party in mid-October 2022, she began a sexual relationship with him. As they kept hooking up, Emma says he started thinking that their casual fling would transition into a romantic relationship. Eventually, they became “friends with benefits”—two friends having casual, non-committed but recurring sex.

In November, the pair were getting hot and heavy in the stairwell on the 20th floor of the actor’s apartment building when he suddenly stopped and said, “I have something to tell you.”

As the lime-green paint peeled off the walls in little flakes beside her, Emma braced herself for the next words that came out of his mouth: “I think you’re really cool… I’m in love with you.”

At that point, Emma and the actor had only known each other for three weeks.

of the partnership.

“If you do not intend to ever have a romantic relationship with this person, at least at this point in time, be very clear about it,” Lee says.

She adds that honestly communicating your intentions with the person you’re hooking-up with throughout the partnership allows them to make informed decisions around their body and feelings.

“You cannot change somebody else’s feelings,” Lee says. “The kindest thing you can do is help the other person to make their own decision by being clear about where you stand with them.”

more misery-inducing process if we tried to pretend feelings don’t exist,” Lee says.

Following that July 2021 encounter, I still keep in touch with my hook-up (and his friends that I became close with), but my feelings and dreams of a romantic relationship with him have faded away. Since then, I’ve formed connections with other people—romantic, sexual or a little bit of both—and find myself having to navigate my feelings to determine what I want in each relationship.

Brenda Lee, a registered psychologist with Vancouver Coastal Health, says it’s quite common to develop romantic feelings toward people with whom you engage in a sexual relationship.

“As human beings, we don’t tend to silo our experiences and we are very much relational,” Lee says. “Our connections to other people are informed by what we see in the relationships around us, which in

Lee explains that when a person engages in physical contact or experiences orgasm with a partner— behaviour typically seen in a hookup-type of relationship—oxytocin is released, which initiates feelings of closeness and intimacy throughout the body.

“In some ways, our bodies are encouraging these bonds that go beyond just a sexual relationship,” she says.

But chemistry between two people who initially enter into a strictly sexual partnership can eventually cause a rift in the relationship, especially if only one of the parties catches feelings.

When first-year film student

“When I didn’t say anything for the first five seconds, he got the idea,” she says. She remembers eventually telling him, “You know, I really care about you as a friend,” as the actor began tearing up.

Based on her experience, Emma says mixing romance with hook-up culture can be dangerous and can “really mess someone up.”

“Romance is more in the heart,” she says. “And when that gets involved, if it’s not reciprocated to hopefully the same degree, it can get really messy and that’s where feelings get hurt.”

I firmly believe that romance has its place in hook-up culture, since feelings often develop whether we want them to or not.

When it comes to transitioning from a sexual relationship to a romantic one, Lee suggests that the two parties engage in self-reflection to help them figure out if they want to take that next step. If not, having a conversation about their feelings will allow for increased clarity at the end

Lee says regardless of how someone feels about the person they’re seeing, it’s important to acknowledge their emotions to determine how the relationship will proceed and to ensure both parties continue to see the partnership as equally beneficial and pleasurable.

“Ultimately, it is not a dangerous thing to have feelings but it can be a

Five tips for a “successful” soft launch

By Bana Yirgalem

“Soft-launching” is a relatively new Gen Z-created practice to help you announce to your social media followers that you’re in a new relationship. It’s usually a step that moves the associa-

tion into its next stage. Its when you subtly showcase your new partner without showing their face to your friends and foes online. The practice is handy when you aren’t ready to say, “here’s my significant other!” with an official tag or mention.

You may be familiar with the classic conspicuous soft launch post or maybe you’re in your first relationship and need some tips on how to curate the perfect debut.

If we’re being completely honest, Gen Z doesn’t always know how to display a relationship in the right way. Well, you don’t have to worry because The Eyeopener has you covered! Here are five tips on how to achieve a super successful soft launch:

1. Make sure that you not only tag your significant other (s/o) but ensure their username is on full display—highlighted right in the middle of the post. Doing this will help people find your s/o on social media and potentially en-

Though, how we choose to address those emotions determines how the rest of the relationship will play out. If you embrace them, then you take the next step in your partnership. But if you invalidate the romance— or the feelings are one-sided—it can leave both parties at a loss.

“Relationships are messy,” Lee says. “It doesn’t matter if it’s sexual, if it’s romantic, if it’s platonic, if it’s familial…we as human beings deal with the messiness.”

And that’s what I plan on doing. *Emma’s last name has been withheld for privacy reasons.

Why not debut your newest love interest the “right” way?

courage them to look your s/o up online, which is what you’re going for! Everyone should be able to easily find their LinkedIn job history because why not?

2. Make your captions noticeable and prominent. If you post a picture on your Instagram story, make the caption classic and sappy—think along the lines of, “home is where the heart is.” I promise you, your viewers will know that this person isn’t just a one-night-stand type of vibe, they’ll know that they’re turning you into a full-on simp! I mean, who doesn’t want to be known as a simp in 2023?

3. Don’t be on the same page with your special someone about what you guys should post. Who cares

how uncomfortable the other person may feel with a massive, personal love note dedicated to them on social media? You’re in love and everyone (including them) needs to know—so do it.

4. Don’t take too long to share your good news with the world! Why wait until the relationship is official to post your soft launch? It’s best to do it as soon as possible—because if you’ve already lasted two weeks, you’re basically in a long-term relationship already! And who knows, maybe professing your love for them on social media will help make things actually official.

Read more at lovesexromance.theeyeopener.com

With communication and clarity, anything is possible, according to one expert

“‘Why?’ is the question I should’ve been asking myself”

“In some ways, our bodies are encouraging these bonds”

KINZA ZAFAR/THE EYEOPENER

OCEANNE LI/THE EYEOPENER

It started with a spark

nites the urge to get to know someone more intimately.

“There’s something right off the bat that’s recognizable, that’s compatible. And then there’s this exciting process of discovering more layers or substance underneath it.”

But the spark isn’t everything, though, according to Knudson. She says some people who may be “serial daters” or otherwise very flirtatious might generate sparks with lots of people but those won’t necessarily lead to a longlasting relationship.

Knudson says a lot of what makes people feel loved and nurtured in long-term relationships feels quite calm and almost boring—things like having shared values, for example. For couples that have an enduring relationship that began with a spark, that electric feeling tends to be replaced by calmer emotions.

By Abby Hughes

Aurora Nind remembers the first time her now-boyfriend walked into the greenhouse where she was working. It was the summer of 2020 and the fourth-year fashion communication student was back in her hometown of Yellowknife.

Nind was busy getting an order of flowers for the city ready when an attractive, younger-looking man walked in to pick them up. His blonde hair and quiet confidence caught her attention immediately.

Who is THAT? she remembers thinking. After an awkward and brief interaction with him, Nind asked a coworker and friend who wasn’t in that day if they knew anything about the man. Because Yellowknife is such a small, close-knit community—with a population of just over 20,000—the idea of an attractive stranger was especially intriguing.

Nind thought about him frequently over the next few days. When she was once again tasked with preparing a flower order for the city, she crossed her fingers hoping they’d send the same employee to pick them up.

Luck was on her side—the man came in once again. This time, the pair made small talk about school and canoeing as they picked out flowers and Nind rang up the order.

This was the kind of interaction where both people knew they were interested in one another but neither addressed the feeling, says Nind. She felt warm—almost sweating—with nerves and a rush of butterflies in her stomach. She knew it was “the spark.”

We know the spark from romantic comedies—that moment when two characters lock eyes from across a crowded room and everything around them blurs, as if they’re the only two people on earth.

While the spark may not always be quite as picturesque in real life, Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) students say it’s still a beautiful experience that’s most certainly played a role in the success of their romantic relationships.

Sarah Knudson, a professor of sociology at the University of Saskatchewan, says the spark is very real in relationships.

“Without realizing it, they’re talking about compatibility,” says Knudson. She explains how, just like two rivers that can flow into one another without causing turbulent waters, the energy of both people is able to flow together when they’re with one another.

Compatibility is largely based on “propinquity,” says

another. For example, two people from rural parts of Ontario might find it easier to connect as they grew up in similar contexts.

Propinquity can also include things like being from the same religious background, having the same level of education and being close in age.

While some of these kinships are identifiable at first glance, it usually takes at least a conversation or two to notice most of these similarities. That’s why Knudson says the spark isn’t defined just as something that happens on the first date. Instead, it’s something that can happen any time in the early stages of knowing someone.

That was the case for Maria Anghel, a fourth-year mathematics and its applications student, who felt the spark with her boyfriend after only a few weeks of getting to know him.

The pair met online while playing the video game Hell Let Loose, a first-person shooter game that takes place in World War II. Anghel, her now-boyfriend and his friends began chatting using the game’s chat function.

Eventually, Anghel and her boyfriend split off from the group, messaging each other privately over Discord and then playing different games without the others. They became good friends before they both realized the romantic connection between them.

“We didn’t have the physical aspect of it involved, [so] the spark was more mental and emotional, which I really enjoyed,” says Anghel. She remembers feeling butterflies and a pulsing in her heart whenever she spoke to him.

I don’t want to lose this feeling, she thought at the time. That feeling made Anghel want to get to know this new friend better.

Knudson says the spark is like the tip of an iceberg—it ig-

With Nind studying in Toronto, she and her boyfriend have had to make long-distance work. Nind says the feeling of nervous excitement resurfaces when she travels back to Yellowknife and again when she’s about to leave. When they’re together though, she says the spark has faded into comfortability.

“I think that’s inevitable, you just get more comfortable with the person,” says Nind. “It’s just nice having somebody that you can text whenever, chat to whenever. It feels better than that nervous excitement.”

While Anghel says she thinks the spark is a necessary part of a lasting relationship, Nind isn’t so sure. Although the intensity can help get a relationship off the ground, Nind says there are other ways for people to bond as long as they’re excited about one another.

Both Nind and Anghel agree that romantic interest in someone might take time to develop before the sparks start flying.

Anghel says most of her past relationships have lasted about four months, at which point she’d end them due to the lack of a spark. In those past relationships, she’d rely on shared interests and a general intrigue in the other person while she waited for a potential spark to form.

Nind, on the other hand, says there’s no set number of dates or length of time one should spend with another person while trying to generate a spark. Instead, she urges others not to overthink their romantic interactions.

“People also take a while to come out of their shell,” says Nind. “Just take it a day at a time and if you enjoy hanging out with them, then that’s all that really matters.”

Knudson says two to three dates is likely long enough to wait for the spark—so long as the other person isn’t being disrespectful, creepy or generating any other negative gut feelings.

“It could be that there is a spark but you’re not seeing it right off the bat because one or both [of] the people are too bogged down and nervous about making a good first impression,” says Knudson.

And despite the research and logic that can explain romantic ideas like the spark, Knudson admits some of the “magic” is simply unexplainable.

Knudson says any professional in the social sciences could quite accurately predict, based on a description of two people’s personalities and lifestyles, whether or not the pair would generally get along. Yet she’s not sure it would be possible to determine if two people are romantically meant to be.

“I think that’s why we are able to still invest in pop culture narratives about soulmates and finding your ‘one.’”

The spark can be a good sign in the beginning of a relationship but it’s not the only necessary ingredient

“Just take it a day at a time and if you enjoy hanging out with them, then that’s all that really matters”

DENISE XIAO/THE EYEOPENER

Not interested: Why

I don’t want

a romantic relationship

Despite how normalized the desire for romantic relationships are, they’re not something that I’m interested in at the moment—or anytime soon for that matter

By Layyan Mohamed-Birhan

I could spend all day listening to love songs like “Moonlight” by Ali Gatie or crying over romance movies like Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham but that doesn’t mean I have any interest in a romantic relationship right now.

I’ve thought about the idea of dating and have come to the conclusion that I simply don’t want to do so. I also don’t even have the time for it.

One of the key reasons for why I feel this way is my faith. As a Muslim woman, I’ve always cherished the notion of getting married and maintaining my purity until then. In my religion, the Western dating culture is condemned since it may lead to many temptations, including sex, where you are in a state of extreme vulnerability. I believe this culture of dating has the potential to harm you in many ways.

I believe relationships outside of marriage can also lead to terrible heartbreak, higher chances of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, children out of wedlock and so on. In Western dating culture, you could be making plans for a future with someone while they could have intentions of abandoning you.

But in Islam, relationships are meant to be formed with the mutual goal of marriage. Refraining from a romantic relationship when I am not ready to get married is only for my benefit.

That’s why I refuse to become attached to somebody who isn’t guaranteed to be mine forever.

The yearning desire many people my age have for romantic relationships is hard for me to comprehend. It can also be mentally exhausting and affect your self-development.

Kristina Schrage, a social sciences & humanities research council postdoctoral fellow in the sexual health and relationships lab at York University, explained that romantic relationships—and the desire to be in one—can affect your mental and emotional health. According to Schrage, we all have a fundamental need to belong and people gravitate towards relationships to feel fulfilled in this regard.

While romantic relationships can provide you with emotional and practical support, they can also be damaging to a person when they go wrong. Schrage explained that breakups can have a detrimental impact on a person, at least in the short run until they adjust to life without that person.

tan University (TMU) marketing student Iris Hernandez, said she has no interest in a relationship right now either.

happy whether they’re single or taken, according to a Social Psychological and Personality Science study published in 2015.

Monique Lucas, a registered psychotherapist and the director of Healing Roots Therapy in Mississauga, Ont., said there are a lot of benefits to singlehood, such as leaning into more friendships and family relationships.

have more unrestricted resources, such as time.

I have always been taught from an early age to never date and I only truly understood why that was recently. I now believe that my decision not to date protects me from so much harm.

I’ve seen people around me in romantic relationships go through heaps of unnecessary pain and conflict that changed them completely. They started having difficulty opening up, became distrusting of others and thought the worst of the people they were dating because of past relationships.

“The end of a romantic relationship is amongst some of the most painful experiences,” said Schrage. She also said by getting into relationships often, you can open yourself up to experiencing that pain more frequently.

Schrage added that some people don’t necessarily desire a relationship because they may have more social-avoidance goals, which is when people try to avoid negative interactions with others. They do this by minimizing drama in their lives and keeping away from tension or conflict.

“It’s mentally and physically exhausting,” said Hernandez, as she explained why discovering new romantic relationships is not a main priority for her right now.

Hernandez’s Filipino family would also prefer if she didn’t engage in relationships as they believe it would interfere with her studies and hinder her ability to be a “good” student.

“There’s so much more to worry about than being in a relationship right now,” said Hernandez.

And since she works part-time at Starbucks and is taking four courses this semester, a romantic partner is not on her mind.

Hernandez also says most times she’s interested in someone, they often do not reciprocate the same feelings, which also makes her believe that romance isn’t for her at the moment.

Lucas also said there is often a push for people to be in romantic relationships but being single does not mean you are going to experience loneliness.

“Being single allows you to explore the things you like and figure out what your needs are,” said Lucas.

This notion is something that also contributes to my reasoning for not having time for a relationship.

At the moment, I don’t have the desire to find my “soulmate” because I still need to work on myself before I commit to anything real.

There is so much I lack in my life that I just don’t think I would be a good fit for anyone yet. Plus, I believe that relationships are the most beautiful when they come and find you unexpectedly and are not a result of aimlessly looking through apps like Tinder or Bumble.

A 2022 study published in Evolutionary Psychological Science conducted experiments to determine what makes singlehood appealing.

However, Hernandez said the lack of a romantic relationship in her life sometimes negatively affects her. She occasionally wishes she had a significant other to rely on, especially when she sees happy couples on social media. “The thought of a relationship sounds better than actually being in one,” Hernandez said. Despite romantic relationships taking over social platforms, Hernandez says the media doesn’t depict reality and that relationships take a lot of commitment.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship—regardless of what the couples we see on social media or the rom-com movies we watch want us to believe.

What’s presented to us in these situations is almost never reality. At least that’s what I think.

According to a 2015 article in Psychology Today, people who set avoidance goals, which are objectives individuals set to avoid conflict, don’t reject the idea of a relationship but rather the messiness that comes along with it.

People with a higher number of avoidance goals tend to be just as

Participants involved in the experiment indicated a top advantage of being single is being able to focus on their goals, which allows them to further their growth and self-development.

The study found that single people are more likely to develop their skills and improve themselves since they

This does not mean that I want to be single forever, but rather, the Western style of dating is not for me.

I won’t ever stress over the fact that I don’t have a romantic partner right now because that time will come when it’s meant for me.

And to whoever my prince charming is, I hope you’re not stressing either.

“I still need to work on myself before I commit to anything real”

“There’s so much more to worry about than being in a relationship”

“ I won’t ever stress over the fact that I don’t have a romantic partner”

“The thought of a relationship sounds better than actually being in one”

“I’ve always cherished the notion of getting married and maintaining my purity”

MIRANDA WHITEHEAD/THE EYEOPENER

When love strikes and stays: the joy of long-term relationships

For some long-term couples, it’s the little things that keeps love alive

By Anna-Giselle Funes-Eng

When Cupid’s arrow strikes the heart of new lovers, the hope is that the excitement of the early days will last well into the future. For some Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) students, finding love that is lasting and healthy involves consistently checking in and communicating.

First-year journalism student Calan Pitts’ relationship has only gotten better with time. Pitts said finding a balance and settling into a life together with healthy communication has helped them and their partner, 20-year-old Casper Soares, thrive together.

Over the past four years, Pitts and Soares have navigated challenges such as a global pandemic. When the two were apart for weeks on end, they would play video games like Minecraft and stream TV shows and movies online in order to stay connected.

When they first got together, the two had to navigate how to openly communicate, especially when someone was upset. Pitts said a lack of open dialogue created a rift in the first few months of the relationship but it has gotten better over time.

The two have developed ways to stay connected and effectively communicate their needs with each other throughout their relationship—especially when it’s difficult. For them, working through tough conversations sometimes takes the form of writing with pen and paper

to sort out their emotions.

“Sometimes saying what’s wrong, like literally saying [it], is really difficult,” said Pitts.

Soares said being together longterm means more than being enamoured and the best part is learning to grow with them.

emotional intimacy, said Ahmad. This foundation will support the couple in continuing to grow together as their lives change alongside each other.

“In order for your partner to feel safe, to be emotionally vulnerable, you’ve also gotta double up on that vulnerability yourself… it has to be a mutual conversation about emotion,” she said.

The effort they have both put into overcoming mental health challenges has also improved their relationship and processes of understanding their own emotions and minds, said Soares.

“I’m much happier in the relationship now than I was at the beginning because [now] it’s consistent contentedness instead of excitement,” said Soares.

“It’s a very consistent, good feeling rather than these massive highs and massive lows.”

Toronto-based psychologist Dr. Saunia Ahmad helps couples better support each other through emotional and physical intimacy. She said becoming comfortable being yourself around your partner is a vital part of being able to experience life happily together.

When couples feel comfortable communicating difficult feelings like anger or disappointment, it builds a healthy foundation of

Third-year media production student Justyn Cao has been with his girlfriend for over four-and-a-half years. Being together since high school means they’ve spent time enjoying and experiencing major life events together, he said. The couple has gotten to enter adulthood together and celebrate milestones like getting their driver’s licenses and starting university together.

“Going into university… I was really nervous about interacting with all these new people. But just talking with her, she subdued those fears that I had and just told me to be myself,” said Cao. “Her confidence in me transferred over.”

The “honeymoon phase,” which is usually a period of intense bonding in the first few months to two years of a relationship according to Healthline, has never really ended for Cao and his girlfriend. He said valuing honesty and not holding anything back makes it easy to talk through anything. For him, being together long-term means comfort is mixed into the initial bliss of the relationship.

“It’s not like one day I just stop feeling all the butterflies,” said Cao. “It’s just different when you’re really comfortable with the person and you don’t have to hide all the little insecurities.”

in a healthy relationship is active listening, where both partners intentionally listen and respond to the other’s needs.

Another green flag is showing interest in one another’s passion, Sharma said. This can create a space where both partners feel comfortable sharing about themselves, which is critical to maintaining any relationship according to Sharma.

Relationship expert and founder of Toronto based therapy clinic, NKS Therapy, Natasha Sharma, said the honeymoon phase is a natural and valuable time for new couples. Being open and vulnerable early on also helps to maintain or regain any spark that might get lost over time.

“Always be interested in your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together. Find a way to learn something new about them,” said Sharma. “Ask them about their lives… spend quality time that’s focused on one another.”

Sharma said a major “green flag”

Date ideas near campus that won’t break the bank

Leonard Cohen: Everybody Knows. On your way out, grab a bite at their bistro! Or you can check out some cool joints in neighbouring Chinatown to fuel your hunger while supporting small businesses!

Board game cafes

By Daniella Lopez

As you go back and forth between your usual date night spots with your partner, you may realize you aren’t picky—just broke. The same rings true when it’s time for you and your friends to decide what your next adventure will be.

Being a student is hard enough by itself but dating and spending money on yourself in this economy?

It can seem impossible.

Luckily, here’s a list of budget-

friendly ideas for your next date or friendship excursion that will surely impress.

Art Gallery of Ontario

The Art Gallery of Ontario is the perfect place to go when you’re trying to feel cultured on a night out. The gallery offers a free pass for anyone under 25, which is perfect for many Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) students. Explore the ever-changing exhibits, including Denyse Thomasos: Just Beyond and

While you can never go wrong with a classic cafe date, spice things up with a board game cafe. Twilight Cafe on Victoria and Dundas Streets offers food, drinks and board games. For those who choose to play a game during their visit, admission is $6—but you could also just go for the food and drinks.

Another option is Snakes & Lattes, which has three locations across Toronto, including one at College and Bathurst Street. Admission is $8 and buying at least one drink is required.

A sporting event

For the sports fans who can’t afford the often outrageous prices on Toronto Raptors or Toronto Maple

Leafs tickets, there are inexpensive options around the city worth exploring. TMU students can enjoy free home games at the Mattamy Athletic Centre, including basketball, hockey and volleyball games.

For those who’d prefer to go off campus, the Raptors 905 and Toronto Marlies, affiliate teams for the Raptors and the Leafs respectively, offer low-priced tickets. In the warmer months, check out Blue Jays tickets, which usually sell for a similar inexpensive amount if you dare to venture up to the 500-level of the Rogers Centre.

Outdoor ice skating rinks

While the temperature’s still below zero, take advantage of the free ice rinks across the city. Nathan Phillips Square offers free skating and you can also rent skates for $15.

Union Station also has an outdoor rink that offers free rentals, though it’s first come first serve. Other free skating locations include The Bentway (where skate rentals are $10),

Pitts and Soares agreed that the key to fostering long-term romantic relationships is the discovery of continual connection and relational stability.

Soares said being together doesn’t require large or extravagant acts but rather sharing small, everyday joys which makes their relationship feel safe and content for both of them.

Finding a love that lasts is something all romance-seeking people aspire to do. “It’s not necessarily big things, but just the little consistent things that calcify into the complete structure of our relationship,” said Pitts.

To read the full story visit lovesexromance.theeyeopener.com

High Park and Christie Pits Park. If crowds aren’t your thing, try skating at TMU’s very own Lake Devo, which is located right in front of the Chang School building and often not too busy!

TIFF Cinematheque screenings

Ready for a twist on the classic movie date? Last year, the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) introduced the TIFF under-25 free pass and the program will continue until 2024.

With the pass, you can view free screenings of a wide range of films including contemporary cinema, career retrospectives and archival films at the TIFF Bell Lightbox, located at 350 King St. W. Members also enjoy a discount on other films not included in this pass along with many other benefits, like pre-sale codes for screenings and events, discounts on concessions at the Lightbox and access to the Bell Blue Room Members’ Lounge located on the third floor.

“It’s not like one day I just stop feeling all the butterflies”

Whether it’s a romantic or friend date, we have some inexpensive spots around TMU for you!

“Sometimes saying what’s wrong...is really difficult”

KONNOR KILLORAN/THE EYEOPENER

KONNOR KILLORAN/THE EYEOPENER