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1.20.07 PAUL EVERETT i bargained to get out. and take my sister with me. i was ambitious. i wanted to go to college, have a career, get out of this town, have wonderful relationships. wanted to make sure i won’t end up living in a trailer, wearing a day dress, and fuzzy slippers. a reality around here. scary.
i wanted a good marriage. nothing like anything i had witnessed thus far. i wanted to travel and learn many things. i knew with my mother i wouldn’t be able to. she would drive me into the ground with her emotional turmoil. and would eventually defeat me. i needed out. my stepfather was a patient and kind man. he tried to make it better, and succeeded at times, but my mother was too much for him. he taught me a lot and loved me a lot. had frustration rages when i was a kid. was always overtired, since i didn’t sleep well. stressed about how to take care of
my sister, the animals, myself, and the property. one day we, my sister, my stepfather, and i were trying to watch tv. we had one of those old sets in a console. it never worked properly. on a good day, we were able to watch about a half hour to an hour of tv. i liked a particular show called “dark shadows.� it was an afternoon soap with an odd twist. the tv kept going out.
i did my usual fix it things, then got really frustrated. started crying and pounding the top of the console with my hands. my stepfather came behind me, put his arms around me, hugging my arms to my side. i struggled for a while, still caught up in my rage.
integrity patience humility
then calmed. he didn’t let go until i had relaxed in his arms. don’t remember him saying anything. just his bear hug, which said everything.
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