Soar Magazine - July | Summer 2015 Issue 5 by Soar Magazine

SOAR HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

5 WAYS

TO HELP YOUR FRIENDSHIP THRIVE WHILE GROWING A BUSINESS TOGETHER

A POWERFUL

BOND….

Issue 5/Summer 2015 Edition

FRIENDSHIPS VITAL OR FATAL FRIEND

FAMINE IN LEADERSHIP

YOU NEED AN OFFICE

BUDDY…

NOW!

FRIENDS

THE SECRET TO ACHIEVING YOUR FITNESS GOALS AND HOW TO AVOID FAILURE

A Center for Emerging Female Leadership Publication www.CEFL.Org

VITALS OF ORGANIZING THE ENTRYWAY

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 2

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 3

FIND INSIDE TABLE OF CONTENTS

LISTING OF OFFICERS, MISSION STATEMENT

PUBLISHER’S NOTES WELCOME TO SOAR!

5 WAYS TO HELP YOUR FRIENDSHIP THRIVE WHILE GROWING A BUSINESS TOGETHER

SPANISH LA AMISTAD

VOICE IT! LET’S FACE IT

VITALS OF ORGANIZING THE ENTRYWAY

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE

FRIEND FAMINE IN LEADERSHIP

A POWERFUL BOND….

YOU NEED AN OFFICE BUDDY…NOW!

FACEBOOK VOICES

FRIENDS: THE SECRET TO ACHIEVING YOUR FITNESS GOALS

DR. LIZ’S LAST WORD

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

A publication of the Center for Emerging Female Leadership. Visit us at www.cefl.org or on Facebook Soar is a member of

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 4

LISTING OF OFFICERS SOAR EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD

Rev. Dr. Toni G. Alvarado Rev. Enid Rios Rivera Grace Church International, CoExecutive Pastor, Primitive Pastor, My Sister’s Keeper Foundation Christian Church, CEFL Advisory for Women, CEO, Targeted Living Board Member Coaching & Consulting, President www.primitivechurch.org www.drtonialvarado.com

Shae Brynes Passionate Storyteller, Teacher, Activator, and Co-Founder of Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur.

Dr. Sheila Cornea Pastor of Leadership, Dwelling Place Church International, and Leadership Coach & Consultant, Gutsy Grace Resources www.gutsygraceleaders.com

SOAR TEAM

Rev. Dr. Elizabeth D. Rios, SOAR Publisher, CEFL Founder

Sandra Almonte Contributing Writer

Rosalind Humphreys Perez Contributing Writer

Candace Sheppard Contributing Writer

Maria Gonzalez Contributing Writer

MISSION Soar Magazine is a digital publication of the Center for Emerging Female Leadership, Inc (CEFL). The mission of CEFL is to help develop leaders of excellence and integrity through education, scholarship, service and networking for personal and professional growth. It seeks to partner with organizations to help identify and develop leadership worth following and help individuals become leaders others want to follow. Soar Magazine targets women influencing others in society be it at home, church, government or marketplace who want to lead from a Christian world-view. Soar equips women to recognize, utilize and maximize their unique calling for such a time as this. Soar Magazine is published four times a year and our vision is to help women’s dreams take flight.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 5

PUBLISHER’S NOTE HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL SISTERS EVERYWHERE! Thank you for taking the time to open up this issue of Soar which is focused on the theme Friendships…Vital or Fatal? This was a pretty important topic to me and to a few people I know. It seems as if we opened up a well every time the topic of friendship came up. Thus, we bring you the question that many women have asked themselves through the years. Some still searching for the answer. Some comfortable with not really knowing yet. And others, just over friendship for good. When we mention friends here we are not talking about that 500th friend on Facebook, but those people around you, those people who at one time in your life walked part of the journey God assigned for you with you.

SOAR Magazine is about and for women, just like you, who believe that God has more for them. If an article touched your heart or ministered to you (or didn’t), if there is something you’d like for SOAR to cover in the future, please let me know at drlizrios@gmail.com

I’ve been reading and studying this thing called friendship since the mid 1990’s as I too searched for this elusive thing that sounded so wonderful and seemed so important. During those years, I’ve met with women one on one, in groups, and even formed an intentional community of women that were on an adventure to be friends with each other. What we learned in that process (and still learning) is that being a friend is hard work. It involves lots of forgiveness, patience, and sacrifice. We are still working this thing called friendship out and I truly value the tiny tribe I have in my corner and they have been my lifeline more than they know. I truly believe these friendships were vital to me becoming who I am, getting to where I am, surviving the things I have, and living the life that I am. That’s pretty vital I’d say!

you will be reinvigorated to believe in the power of friendship despite the disappointments and possibly even horror stories of the past. In the end, while betrayals, lack of loyalty and __________ (fill in the blank) may have left you feeling like it was certainly fatal at the time you are going through it, you survived! Yay! And I am sure if you are honest with yourself, you’ve learned a few lessons that have been valuable in life to you and to the relationships that came after. I believe the ladies who have contributed to this issue all agree, friendship is more vital than we think. We collectively say, love and then love some more. Because in keeping your heart safe from loving, you die in the process and that is not the life that God would want you to live. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts about this issue so please don’t be shy, write to us and let us know how this issue made you think or feel. I leave you with this thought to ponder on and I wish you a life full of people who truly love you, walk with you and never take for granted the value of your friendship. “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves Vulnerably,

It is my sincere hope that after reading the Friendship Edition of Soar this summer,

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 6

VOICE IT! TELL US WHAT YOU THINK, WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY THINK! Yes we want to hear what you think about Soar, what you would like to see in the future and how it is impacting you in any way! We want to be a blessing to the community of women that open up our pages.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

SHARE YOUR VOICE IN THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

Facebook Soar Magazine www.soarmagazineonline.com

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 7

It is Not About You Often we focus on the negatives of a relationship, especially when a friendship ends or goes sour but God wants us to focus on what was good, what we learned, the positive takeaways. This point of view or purposeful focus, keeps us from becoming resentful and bitter. We are called to love and it’s not just any kind of love. It’s the love that puts that other person first before your feelings of hurt. It’s the type of love that asks, what is in the best interest of that other person. Did I love them for who they were and if so, what positives did I get from them. Again, often we focus on the negative and we miss out on the richness of what they brought into our lives, even if it was for moments...a season. It’s not easy. It’s a decisive shift in your attitude, in your posture and in your thinking not to gravitate toward the negative or pain, if it’s present. You have to quiet the mind and purposefully remind yourself the good that they brought and still bring to your table. We often say that we

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

are different and tougher because of the battle scars left by people of our past. What we fail to see is that we are different because of how they touched us deeply, in a good way. That friend changed you and deposited treasures you should not ignore. You are the sum of each friendship that you’ve experienced in your life, whether they are part of your life or not. Life is short here on this earth and so anger should be even shorter and not ever-present. It’s a wasted emotion. I read one time that if you love well, you will also experience deep hurt and pain. You can’t have one without the other however, you and I have been conditioned only to seek love and friendship with the expectation that hurt will stay free and clear from us. It’s not a reality. Eventually hurt sets in because we are chronically human

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 8

GOD MADE US TO BE SOCIAL

BEINGS BECAUSE WE NEED ONE ANOTHER. and because loss is inevitable. Friendships or any relationship can end because it was only for a season due to the dynamics of time, life happens or because of death. God always intended for our spirits to be linked into one another. It goes much deeper than the blood sister ritual back in our childhood. If each of us would realize how tied we are to one another and that it’s not all about “me,” but first and foremost the friend that you’ve been gifted with, your life would be filled with a lot less pain and a lot more gratitude. You have to get to that place where you realize that it’s not about you. It’s not about the consistency of how your friend makes you feel or how important you are because of their words or actions. When you choose to live from this perspective, it forces you to take inventory of the friendship and answer the questions, did I love well and keep them first, their heart first, their best interest first. I believe that is the greatest gift in friendship because it’s not about you but about how you invest in another. To approach friendship in a selfish manner never benefits. When you’re in it only to get your needs met, that is not friendship. That is not what God intended. When you put you to the side and pour yourself recklessly into that person, that friend…that is true friendship.

God made us to be social beings because we need one another. We need to feel connected because in friendship there is value, hope and an eagerness to share life. The greatest part of it all is the learning from one another. You can’t throw that away. It also never goes away because it’s imprinted in you whether you appreciate it or not. All of us have been on both sides of the coin where we have been a vital friend or a fatal friend. To think otherwise would be hypocritical. We all have loved and have also flipped the switch into hatred or disdain. It’s easy to be selfrighteous and say we are the perfect friend in our glass house. Maybe it’s time to step back and see the beauty of friendship, the love that is supposed to reside in it (you know, it’s not about you) and the intense spiritual connection that comes with it, when you love the right way, unconditionally... no strings, just you pouring into that special friend. Some of you will read this and think it’s a fairy tale, and you’re right. For you it will be a fairy tale because that is what you believe. However, for those of you who want to embrace this new approach, I want to challenge you to step out of your old, ragged, wretched rags of bitterness and regret and step into your new garment of being a vital friend in your present or next someone’s life.

Remember, it is not about you. Roz Humphreys Faith Church Women’s Ministry Director www.faithchurch.cc HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 9

Friend Famine in Leadership Before we delve into the very real problem of friend famine in leadership, let’s tackle the elephant in the room first. If you are a leader, or a woman, or, well, human, then you have probably been hurt by a friend. You’ve learned what disloyalty, mistrust, betrayal, or abandonment is through tough, tearful experiences. “Ugh! Why would you bring that to memory!” you may think. Simply, because we must acknowledge the fatality of friendship before we really understand the vitality of it.

Friendships fail because we are imperfect people. The pain of unrealized expectations and lost relationships goes deep, but pain is a good teacher if we are willing to learn from her. Through her we learn to adjust our expectations of others, know ourselves better, and yes, also to forgive others (and ourselves) for poor judgment and behavior. It’s true that some people hurt us out of ignorance, and others out of intention. Either way, our response should be forgiveness for a few of good reasons: 1-The scripture says you must do it. (Colossians 3:13) 2-Because God will forgive you as

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

you forgive. (Matthew 6:14) and 3-It brings praise to God. (Romans 15:7) If you felt a pinch in your heart when we addressed the elephant, take a moment to forgive again. Some broken relationships and shattered hopes take years to grieve. Know that healing may come in waves, and just continue to forgive when you feel that pinch of pain. Disappointments in lost friendships can tempt us to become islands unto ourselves but it is just a trap that leads to loneliness and pushes us toward friend famine. Instead, process through the pain and purpose to form new friendships that are healing and healthy.

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 10

Let’s be honest though, finding authentic friendship is a very real issue for many leaders. Often for women in leadership, there aren’t other women leading with her in the same organization, and forming friendships with superiors or subordinates at work can create unique workplace challenges. Ladies who lead may also experience difficulties of cliques, judgments, and envy even in social circles and church which makes it hard to find and form new friendships. Although this friend famine can feel defeating and disappointing, you can cultivate vibrant and vital friendships as a leader. As you seek and develop new friendships, keep these tips in mind: CLARIFY EXPECTATIONS IN FORMER AND FORMING RELATIONSHIPS. Sometimes friendships face hardships because each person’s expectations of the relationship are incompatible with the other. You cannot be everything to anyone; nor can they you. Some friends may share an interest in a particular hobby, but have very different faith beliefs. Don’t discount the value of their friendship just because you don’t agree on everything. Instead focus on the fun you can have together and what you can learn from each other. SET BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS. Maya Angelou’s advice, “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time,” can help you to understand what you can expect from others. Boundaries help you to set non-negotiable principles in your relationships for what you are unwilling to

compromise, whether that is your time, your emotions, or your finances. As your relationship develops, know whether you should be pursuing a friend, or just being friendly. REACH OUT BEYOND YOUR USUAL PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL CIRCLES. Often it can seem that there is a shortage of available friends when we look only in our usual day-to-day interactions. Don’t let familiarity limit your relationships. Reach out to others who may not be in your day-today routine, but who share professional interests, spiritual beliefs or hobby passions. STAY OPEN TO UNEXPECTED AND UNPLANNED FRIENDSHIPS. New friends can be found through social media groups, community events, and mutual acquaintances. Be mindful when you meet other moms at the playground; strike up conversations at the market; accept (or extend) an invitation to lunch with a casual acquaintance. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that she has been starving for friendship too. Friendship is vital, especially for leaders because“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10) You can be more successful, have support when you need it, and also enjoy the journey more with friends. Reach out to a leader that may be dealing with friend famine this week – it may just bless you both!

DR. SHEILA CORNEA Dr. Sheila Cornea is a coach for ladies who lead. As an author and speaker, her mission is to empower ladies to thrive in leadership with ease and enjoyment. Sheila offers practical wisdom for life and leadership through her Gutsy Grace Resources blog at http://www.gutsygraceleaders.com/ and on Twitter @gutsygracelife.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 11

You Need An Office Buddy…NOW! When we say “friend,” we don’t mean the person you mumble “Good morning” to every day as you make your way to your desk. A friend is also not the person you just so happen to end up with every day as the two of your wait your turn for the microwave. By “friend,” we mean someone in your office who would notice you weren’t there one morning and be concerned, or someone that you’d rush to tell about something exciting happening in your life outside the office.

WHO’S YOUR

“OFFICE BUDDY?” WHO IN YOUR WORKPLACE WOULD YOU

CALL A FRIEND

So again…who is your friend at your workplace? All alone in an office full of people. There are more women than ever before in today’s offices. When we’re not at work, women can be social butterflies. Yet once we’re in the office, we tend to adopt a completely opposite personality. Men in the office may bond together, go out on group lunches, and even organize get-togethers after work hours. The “office guys” usually won’t think to include their female counterparts and team members, chances are because they don’t think it’s appropriate, or that the women would be interested in going. On the other side of this situation, women typically choose to eat our lunches alone (and quickly) at our desks. Why? Typically, it’s because: 1) there are fewer women, 2) women are maximizing their time, and 3) we often put ourselves last. 1. FEWER WOMEN In some industries there are just fewer female employees, especially peers. Many times, those women report to us, which makes developing a deeper personal relationship awkward. In other cases, the women may be reports of our male counterparts who may feel it is not politically correct to build authentic relationships inside the office. For whatever reason, we have seen how difficult it is to come together as women in the workplace, and the fewer the women, the more difficult.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 12

2. WOMEN MAX THEIR TIME The situation doesn’t really change once women leave the office in the evening. Even if a workplace has a higher number of women, it doesn’t guarantee we will naturally all become friends. Women are often focused on getting our office responsibilities done so we can get home to our second job … running a home. While men might go out after work, women make a beeline home, often to make dinner, help their children with homework, and play chauffeur. Nine times out of ten, women have fewer “open” hours than men, so the idea of “hanging out” after work is a social luxury that most women just can’t afford. 3. PUT OURSELVES LAST Another reason our workplace friends may be few and far between is that we simply don’t invest the time and it’s not because we aren’t interested or aren’t excited about the potential. We just simply put ourselves and our needs last. Our relationships at home are much more valuable to us than sticking around the office for one second longer than we need to. Working mothers usually pick up their children after work and head home to a long “mommy do” list. And the mommy guilt that pushes us to not even stop on the way home for a latte … it’s intense at times! Even if you don’t have children, there are still domestic responsibilities, volunteer work, and maybe a spouse or significant other who need you. In the end, we push our own need for workplace relationships to the side and focus on others. 4. FIND YOUR “GROUP.” It’s clear now that women may have a more difficult time justifying spending our free time on social activities. Even so, that shouldn’t stop us from seeking out and forming friendships with other professional women.This dyer need for lasting relationships is one of the driving forces of 4word,

an organization which creates opportunities for professional Christian women to come together in ways that work with our busy lives. No professional woman should feel excluded from gatherings of other women just because she doesn’t have the “right” schedule or social situation. Instead of feeling like an outsider at work, make the choice to find a “club” of your own. 4word: Local Groups (https://4wordwomen.org/4wordlocal-groups/) can be an excellent start in your friendship quest. With Groups meeting across the country at times and places that are respectful of professional women’s schedules, we have plenty of opportunities for you to find and connect with other women in professional and personal situations similar to your own. Just think, your new best friend might be waiting for you at your city’s next meeting. Get out there and find her! If 4word: Local Groups are still not something that fits with your schedule, the 4word Mentor Program (https://4wordwomen.org/mentor/) might be a better option for you. The program’s 10-week session is an invaluable time to interact with a mentor and other mentees across the country, and it doesn’t require much time during your busy day or week. All meetings are virtual and the mentor and mentee pairs determine their own schedule. The end result is guidance of a mentor and the lifelong connection with a like-minded professional woman. 5. TAKE THE REINS. Now that you’ve decided to face your “workplace isolation” head on, you need to come up with a plan that will be easy to implement and maintain. The easiest place to start your”friend search?” Your office! It might seem obvious, but it’s your best bet at developing a lasting relationship. You and your

WOMEN ARE OFTEN FOCUSED ON GETTING OUR OFFICE RESPONSIBILITIES DONE SO WE CAN GET HOME TO OUR SECOND JOB … RUNNING A HOME. HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 13

WE MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY MINUTE IN THE OFFICE SO WE CAN ATTEMPT TO JUGGLE ALL OF THE OTHER PARTS OF OUR LIVES.

friend(s) are guaranteed to spend time together and you automatically have things in common just by being co-workers. Be bold and find a co-worker to befriend. Don’t overthink things. Maybe there’s someone who always heads to the break room for lunch every day. Make a point of joining her next time. Ask if she’d like to sit together and see what happens. With other co-workers, a little more creativity might have to be used in starting friendships. See if there are any common interests among your colleagues that you can use to develop a connection. Whether it’s a love of lunch time walking for health, shared alma maters, or love of chocolate, just find a reason to get a few women together and the rest will happen naturally. Another avenue for finding like-minded female office friends is to seek out a professional association related to our careers or areas of expertise, like PRSA for public relations professionals. Many of these associations have local chapters that hold regular events. Not only do we get a chance to stay up to date on what’s happening in our fields, but it’s also a chance to form lasting friendships with other women like us.

No matter where we have to go or what we have to do, we as women have to make a promise to ourselves to always be on the lookout for friendships. God didn’t create us to live in isolation. He truly wants us to be in community with each other! It’s time to put ourselves first and make the effort, then watch the blessings come. When we are being encouraged by these types of relationships, we are happier at home and at work. WORTH IT IN THE END. We know that professional women can often feel lonely and isolated at work, especially without the support of friends. Our lunches are wolfed down at our desks because there are not otherwomen with whom we are close because they are few and far between and your office environmentmight notencourage it anyway. We make the most of every minute in the office so we can attempt to juggle all of the other parts of our lives.We often end up putting ourselves last and don’t invest the time it takes to develop these relationships. Yes, it may be difficult to make female friends at your workplace, but we promise you the effort will be worth it. If you are intentional, creative, and vow to widen your professional circle, the relationships you create will bless and enrich your workday and your entire life.

SO GET OUT THERE AND FIND YOUR FRIEND!

Soar Guest Contributor Sandra Crawford Williamson COO, 4word Visit: www.4wordwomen.org

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 14

FRIENDS

THE SECRET TO ACHIEVING YOUR FITNESS GOALS AND HOW TO AVOID FAILURE Having a support system is always helpful when you have goals you want to achieve. Fitness is no exception. A Michigan State University researcher found that working out with a buddy increases your fitness success rate. But not just any friend will do. This friend needs to be someone that you perceive as being a little better at exercising than you. Or someone you look up to as a fitness role model. But keep in mind that you should be picking the right workout buddy just like you would a friend. The workout buddy should be close to your current fitness level and have similar goals. This is key in building a solid foundation in the workout relationship. Simply put, if you’re a newbie, you don’t want to ask your figure competing friend to be your workout buddy if your goal is not to join a figure competition. So let’s look at some of the benefits of working out with a friend. ACCOUNTABILITY When you tell a friend what your goals are there’s no turning back. She will be sure to remind you of them when you feel like giving up. A good workout friend helps you stay accountable to your fitness goals by not letting you make excuses. You’ll also be less inclined to skip a workout if you know that your friend is waiting for you.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

If you know that the particular friend you’re thinking of approaching is someone who will cave in when you want to skip a workout, you don’t want to ask her to be your workout buddy. You want to ask the friend that will motivate you to want to exercise.

CELEBRATE SUCCESSES Once you’ve reached a milestone, take the time to celebrate. No one will know how hard you’re working on your fitness goal like your workout friend. Celebrating with a friend makes the milestone worth it. It will motivate you to keep going forward.

MOTIVATION AND SUPPORT A friend that has committed to working out with you will push you out of your comfort zone. A workout buddy will motivate and support you in your fitness goals because she can resonate with what you’re trying to achieve. You’ll find that you’re working out more often than if you were going it alone. You’ll also start to notice that you exercise harder and for a longer time period than if you were on your own.

The celebration can be anything from going to lunch/dinner or shopping for that article of clothing you’ve been eyeing.

The friend you want to avoid here is the one that is always negative and complaining. This is not only an energy drainer; it makes time feel like it’s going by slowly. You want to keep your exercise sessions positive so that you feel energized even if the workout is hard. TIME FLIES It can be tempting to keep looking at the clock when working out on your own. Working out with a friend makes the time go by a lot faster. So not only will your workout be done before you know it, you’ll find you have enjoyed it with a friend.

CONCLUSION If you’re one to make excuses for not exercising in or out of the gym, working out with a friend may be an option to look into. When you schedule time to exercise with a friend, you have a greater chance of keeping that appointment. The more workout appointments you keep, the closer you get to your fitness goals.

SANDRA ALMONTE

(ISSA Certified Personal Trainer, ACSM Certified Health and Wellness Coach)

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 15

5 Ways

to Help Your Friendship Thrive While Growing a Business Together Being in business with a friend is taboo for many people. Even in the instances where the elements for a solid business partnership exist such as complimentary skill sets, shared vision, work ethic and values, a primary concern is that a good friendship will be placed at risk during disagreements, financial challenges in the business, or possibly even business closure. Considering that entrepreneurship is rarely an easy road and that small business failure rates are widely reported to be at least 50%, these concerns about the impact on existing relationships are perfectly understandable. However, the truth is that your friendship can not only survive, but it can also thrive in a successful business partnership.

1. DISCUSS THE HARD STUFF AND HAVE A WRITTEN AGREEMENT UP FRONT While you and your friend(s) may be excited about building a business together, life happens. Things change and seasons shift. It’s important to discuss this up front and have the terms outlined in your company’s documents. What happens when one person is ready to move on? What happens if one of you unfortunately passes away? What percentage of the business is owned by each partner? What happens if both of you decide that it’s time to move on? These are important for any business partnership, but these conversations are too often overlooked or treated informally because of friendship.

I have been an entrepreneur for nearly 15 years, and I’ve been in business with friends for a little more than half of those years with varying levels of profitability. Even in the instances when the business partnerships came to an end, the friendships remained intact and in some cases are even stronger now as a result of the experience of working together on something we were passionate about bringing to the marketplace. Not only did I experience the joys of having someone in the trenches with me in business, but the dynamics and atmosphere created by our thriving friendship was attractive to prospects, customers, and team members.

2. PRAY TOGETHER (AND OFTEN) Prayer is powerful and when you spend time in prayer with your business partner, it helps in so many ways. Whenever my business partner and I are stuck related to a decision that needs to be made, we pray about it collectively and individually and then move forward with the decision that we’re at peace with afterwards. We seek God for His wisdom concerning our business and we keep each other’s families lifted in prayer on a regular basis.

I’ve found that there are a few things that help maintain a strong friendship as you’re working together to build a thriving business and going through the peaks and valleys of the entrepreneurial journey.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

3. BE CLEAR ABOUT RESPONSIBILITIES AND HAVE A CULTURE OF ACCOUNTABILITY Having agreed upon roles and responsibilities clearly defined upfront (and updated as the company needs grow and change) will reduce misunderstandings. Additionally, most entrepreneurs are used to giving

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 16

the direction rather than receiving direction. This can be tricky with partners, and definitely tricky among friends. Have weekly meetings where you make decisions about the priorities for the week and agree on who is responsible for the various tasks. Spend time reviewing the progress each of you have made and hold each other accountable. This time together also gives you an opportunity to work through the decisions that need to be made together as a team. 4. KEEP THE FOUNDATION STRONG The foundation for a thriving friendship and business partnership is one that is rooted in love, trust, and respect for each other. Knowing that you’re loved, trusted, and respected by your partner empowers you to make decisions (even difficult ones) without fear of causing a rift in your partnership. Operate with integrity, cast aside ego and pride when it inevitably shows up, and communicate, communicate, communicate openly and honestly. 5. ENJOY NON-WORKING TIME TOGETHER When you’re doing the work that you love with the

friend(s) that you love, it’s easy to only spend time together in a working environment. Often our time outside of working hours is spent with our immediate families or other personal obligations and interests, which means that our only time with our business partner friend is our working hours. Part of living this life of faith is to operate your business knowing it is covered by grace rather than constantly grinding it out, so invest some of those hours you’d normally spend working on the business to just take a break and spend time together as friends doing activities that you enjoy. Doing these five things cannot guarantee the long term profitability and growth in your business, but they are key factors to maintaining your friendship in the good times and the not so good times. While business experts and others around you will often tell you to steer clear from starting a business with a friend, through faith and an intentional and focused effort to win as a team, you can together have the time of your lives -- having fun, profiting through positively impacting others, and living your dreams.

SHAE BYNES Shae Bynes is a passionate storyteller, best-selling author, engaging teacher, and activator. She enjoys the response she receives when she tells people that she is a Firestarter, igniting fires in the marketplace and in the bedrooms around the world. Shae has authored several books on the topics of God-centered and Spirit-led business and marriage and is the Co-Founder of the Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur movement. Visit ShaeBynes.com to learn more.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 17

LA AMISTAD Los seres humanos hemos sido diseñados para sostener relaciones interpersonales duraderas y una de éstas es la amistad. La amistad es la relación en la que involucramos tanto reconocimiento y familiaridad con la personalidad de otro hasta creer que somos hermanos.

gloria ni contiende. Con amor y respeto comparte lo que le gusta, lo que le disgusta y en tiempos de angustia son las manos y oídos accesibles.

En la amistad encontramos tanta afinidad que compartimos pensamientos y sentimientos sin miedo a ser juzgado o El verdadero amigo es prudente, com- criticado. pasivo, bondadoso, amoroso, reflexivo El amigo te alegra el alma. Este es un y leal. Se arriesga en todo momento buen momento o el comienzo de ofrepasando por alto los errores porque cer tu amor ágape a un amigo. ama incondicionalmente. Su buen consejo es confrontador, veraz, no se vana- Bendiciones Por: Noris Johanna Borges Torruellas

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 20

Vitals of Organizing the Entryway The mudroom, entryway, landing pad – whatever you call it – it can be your biggest ally or enemy in the order department. I have a tiny space in the entrance of my home that almost seems unusable…almost. I took a very narrow wall and made it a functional clutter buster in our home.

A place for keys We always had a key holder but it used to be in the office. The problem was that no one (including me) would walk to the office to drop off their keys. I added a key organizer right next to our entrance and that problem was officially solved.

Maria Gonzalez ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 21

A place for your bag Then there was my purse. I never lost it but it was always on the couch or the chair and it made the entrance look messy. I found this little deer hook and problem number two was no more.

A place for umbrellas Umbrellas – though not used daily, I wanted them handy. Sometimes we notice that it’s drizzling when we are on our way out, and it is really convenient to have an umbrella right there.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 22

Add open and covered bins On the adjacent wall I have this enormous piece of furniture. When we started buying furniture for our home 11 years ago, I wondered if it was too big but now I wonder what I would do without it. It is technically a buffet for a dining room but here it functions as a “mudroom”.

It is decorated the way one would decorate a sofa table but the bottom tier holds a lot of kid stuff. The small drawers hold wallets, notepads and pens and the larger one has extra silverware.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 23

I found these baskets at Target a few years back and they were fancy enough for this piece of furniture but practical enough for my boys. The bottom of the baskets are lined with felt and they are open bins so the boys actually use them. I know that if it had a lid, they wouldn’t but maybe that’s just my kiddos. They place their roller skates and all the safety gear in these baskets.

Add open and covered bins: On either side, I have lidded bins that I use for extra candles.

I hope this inspired you, especially if you have a small entrance like me! I encourage you to use every inch of space to your advantage so that your mornings are smoother and you can enjoy some graceful order at home.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 24

11 AM – 2 PM $80 PER PERSON

BE AT OUR TABLE!

CONTACT US AT WWW.CEFL.ORG JOIN THE LADIES OF CEFL AND LATINAS OF LEGACY AS WE HONOR LATINAS WHO ARE LEAVING THEIR MARK ON THE WORLD. OUR FOUNDER WAS AN AWARD RECIPIENT IN 2014.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 25

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 26

A POWERFUL BOND…. Let me begin by stating that I am not a friendship expert nor do I proclaim to be one but, I AM a woman that craves healthy and diverse friendships and the topic of friendships has always captivated me.

FOR ME, life without friendships is a very lonely place! However, I have two friends who each feel very differently about topic. Both were raised as an only child, both are Latinas and immigrants in this country yet, one deeply craves healthy connections with other women and the other one does not. The concept of people that sometimes did not grow up together, are from different cultures, education levels, different ages, are not blood related yet “get” each other want to share life together is a beautiful thing. There can be a genuine love that surpasses all the differences and brings unity and enrichment to each other’s lives. However, friendship does require personal investment and sacrifice.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

I have read the story about the 3 Hebrew men many times, it was usually in either a children’s church setting or Sunday school class growing up. However, this time the story came alive for me studying the topic of friendships. Who would have imagined it? Here’s a little excerpt of Daniel Chapter 3… Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you refuse to serve my gods or to worship the gold statue I have set up? I will give you one more chance. If you bow down and worship the statue I have made when you hear the sound of the musical instruments, all will be well. But if you refuse, you will be thrown immediately into the blazing furnace. What god will be able to rescue you

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 27

from my power then?” Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you.” While it is clear that these men were devoted to God and what they believed in and although we hear of stories similar to this in our present time (in Middle Eastern countries and some third world countries), what captivated me was their “bond”, their loyalty to one another and clearly their love for one another. That is admirable and honestly, rare! This wasn’t a matter of you’re crazy I am not speaking to you again your recent Facebook post offended me or other pettiness that oftentimes occurs in friendships– NO, it was a matter of life and death! Now, don’t get me wrong, I have been hurt and “burned” in this area of my life (several times) however, I am not willing to give up on it. Scripture reminds us of this type of extravagant love in John 15:13. “And here is how to measure it — the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends”.

I am sure that no one has recently asked us to “die” for them; they just asked for a coffee date! However, the point that spoke to me was the sacrificial love, the willingness to step out of your comfort zone or, do something that may not be convenient for you in order to stand with and for your friends. I believe that friendships, at times an unexplained phenomenon, but a much needed one in our lifetime. So I leave you with some questions to consider: 1. How important is friendship to me? 2. Am I willing to sacrifice my time, money and comfort in order to keep this person in my life? 3. During this stage of my life I can only commit to superficial and noncommittal friendships and is that okay with what I crave and with the desires of my heart? I, my friend, crave that powerful bond that the 3 Hebrew young men had therefore, I have to be willing to do the work and invest in the people that I value and want to keep in my life.

Silvia Arvelo

is a VP at a major financial institution, a Certified Life Breakthrough Coach, Founder of Women’s Empowerment Services, and Co-Founder of Latinas of Legacy.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 28

Facebook Voices In every issue we ask our Facebook friends to answer a question related to the theme. Our question this time was “What Do You Value In A Friend?” These are their voices!

Lily Hernandez - Hollywood, FL I value a friendship that no matter how much time may pass before we hang out and talk again, we can talk as if we had just seen each other yesterday. Lizanne Espina - Bronx, NY I value a friendship that can understand me on my bad days and celebrate my good days. Susana Rivera Leon - Bronx, NY I value a friendship that is authentic, reciprocal and a place of peace for us. Carmen Cruz Quintero - Queens, NY I value a friendship that’s not about what I can give or how I can enhance their vibe but about how we can genuinely be one another’s cheerleader throughout life’s seasons. Eternally grateful for the ones I have - God help me that I don’t ever take them for granted.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

Gladys Rios - Weston, FL I value a friendship that I can freely express myself without being judged or rejected. A friend that will not run away when I’m hurting and rejoices when I’m doing well and is supportive in either case. Cheyanne McGarry Piedra - Fort Lauderdale, FL I value a friendship that is comfortable. A friendship that is effortless, that allows me to be 100% who I am, say what I want to say and for the friend to feel the same way. A friend that is there in the bad as much as in the good. Lindy Lowry - San Diego, CA I value a friendship that nourishes my soul and one in which I don’t have to say anything to be or feel known. Nakisha Thomas - Apoka, FL I value a friendship that knows I’m strange, and celebrates my oddities!

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 29

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 30

Dr. Liz’s Last Words Magazine. Our friendship ladies have become more marketable and even more scientifically relevant. Apparently we are in the “The Age of Girlfriends” with millions tuning in to see shows like Sex and the City, Mean Girls, Bridesmaids, and Orange is the New Black.

The friendship between women— this thing we’ve taken pages to write about—whether we go back to the biblical, historical, literary, or junior high school variety— has always been an alliance in which we share parts of our selves: secrets, fears, dreams, boyfriend stories and where the dead bodies are (just kidding). We enter into these relationships with the belief that what we confide will remain private, protected. We trust friendship, put our faith in it, sometimes forget how precious it is, and occasionally betray it. But when it works (insert violin music here), when the connection is true and safe and heartfelt, it is magic: a hand that calms, a smile that encourages, a voice that soothes, a text or e-mail that urges us to inhale … and then to exhale. In whatever form, friendship is a presence reminding us that we are never alone. Apparently, women and friendships is a hot topic and not just for Soar

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

It also turns out that friendships are good for our physical and mental health too. Associate Chair of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine, Professor David Spiegel, was quoted in a March 2010 presentation, “One of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.” He also documented that women with breast cancer have twice the survival rate when they were in social relationships with other women. In other reports I’ve read, it’s been mentioned that friendships have the potential to decrease chronically elevated stress hormones such as cortisol, and to increase feel-good and protective neurochemicals such as serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. With this information, I would say our friendships with other women are powerful stuff. So ladies? Are we risking our very mortality when we mess up our friendships?!!! Vital or fatal was the question on friendship in this issue. It’s seems it is very much vital or it

can be fatal!!! Given the information about our well-being and the type of year I’ve had with many relationships that bit the dust or redefined, I had been feeling more like friendships are fatal. But I realized it was because when a friendship that has sustained us suddenly disappears, we are left emotionally and physically raw … mourning. I’ve been in mourning! Anaïs Nin wrote that “each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” If, as she says, every friend who comes into our lives introduces us to a new (and wonder-filled) way to live in the world, a new way to be, then finding ourselves suddenly without that connection leaves us staring into a chasm so deep as to appear without end. Perhaps reading these articles will have left you a reminder of how friendship is very often what centers our lives. As I reflect on friendship even with all the pain I’ve endured because of friendship, I still believe in it. I still will be open to new friends. I believe the verdict is in and it is that friendship is vital to our wellbeing in every area. Don’t let the bad outweigh all the good. I pray for many friends in your life. Will you pray the same for me?

Learn more about me at www.LizRios.Com

ISSUE 5 / SUMMER 2015 EDITION | PAGE 31

2015 FALL ISSUE EMBRACING ALL OF YOU Soar Magazine is looking for published or aspiring writers. We are also looking for a Social Media coordinator, Development Director and Editor-in-Chief. This is a good opportunity for High School students that are looking for community service hours, college student majors in Journalism, Marketing or English or anyone looking to use their passion in service to others helping womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dreams take flight. Plus you get to work with really fun and fabulous women!

INTERESTED?