Soar Magazine, May| Spring 2016 Issue 8 by Soar Magazine

SOAR HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

Issue 8: Spring Edition| May 2016

OH RESILIENCE, HOW I LOVE THEE…

E C N E I L I ES EN H W P U G N I T T GE R N. O W F O S D E I U G O STRATEIFE KNOCKS Y L

ARE WOMEN MORE RESILIENT THAN MEN?

FIND INSIDE TABLE OF CONTENTS

LISTING OF OFFICERS, MISSION STATEMENT

BOOST PSYCHOLOGICAL RESILIENCE WHILE WORKING OUT

VOICE IT! LET’S FACE IT

ARE WOMEN MORE RESILIENT THAN MEN?

PUBLISHER’S NOTES WELCOME TO SOAR!

YOUR BOUNCE BACK DNA

OH RESILIENCE, HOW I LOVE THEE…

JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE DOWN, DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE OUT!

PAR CUANDO VUELVAS

3 WAYS TO EXCHANGE LIFE’S MIGHTY BLOWS FOR GOD’S MIGHTY POWER

RESILIENCE FRO M HIS PRESENCE

WOMEN AND RESILIENCE

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

SOAR is a now a publication of Fierce Life Solutions, a lifestyle empowerment and coaching company for women, a division of Passion for Purpose International, LLC. Soar is a member of

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LISTING OF OFFICERS SOAR EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD

Rev. Enid Rios Rivera Executive Pastor, Primitive Christian Church, www.primitivechurch.org

Rev. Dr. Toni G. Alvarado Grace Church International, CoPastor, My Sister’s Keeper Foundation for Women, CEO, Targeted Living Coaching & Consulting, President www.drtonialvarado.com

Shae Brynes Passionate Storyteller, Teacher, Activator, and Co-Founder of Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur.

Dr. Sheila Cornea Pastor of Leadership, Dwelling Place Church International, and Leadership Coach & Consultant, Gutsy Grace Resources www.gutsygraceleaders.com

SOAR TEAM

Silva Perez Arvelo, Contributing Writer

Sandra Almonte Contributing Writer

Rosalind Humphreys Perez Contributing Writer

Wendy Bello Contributing Writer

MISSION Soar Magazine is a digital publication of Fierce Life Solutions, a lifestyle empowerment and coaching company for women. The mission of Soar Magazine is to help fierce women soar by helping their dreams take flight. Soar equips women to find the fierce within themselves and recognize, utilize and maximize their unique gifts and skills as dreamers who are doers seeking to impact this world.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

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VOICE IT! TELL US WHAT YOU THINK, WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY THINK! Yes we want to hear what you think about Soar, what you would like to see in the future and how it is impacting you in any way! We want to be a blessing to the community of women that open up our pages.

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SHARE YOUR VOICE IN THE FOLLOWING PLACES:

Facebook Soar Magazine Visit us online at www.soarmagazineonline.com

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WORD FROM THE PUBLISHER TELL YOUR HEART TO BEAT AGAIN

Dr. Liz Rios, Founder & Publisher

SOAR Magazine is about and for women, just like you, who believe that God has more for them. If an article touched your heart or ministered to you (or didn’t), if there is something you’d like for SOAR to cover in the future, please let me know at drlizrios@gmail.com

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

Do hard times beat us down or make us stronger? The answer depends on lots of things, especially the way we purpose in our heart how we will respond to hard times. Resilience, the theme of this issue is the ability of a material that’s been stretched or compressed to return to its original shape. Stretch a rubber band, let go and you have the same rubber band you started with. It’s the same in women’s lives. Everyone sometimes feels pressed or bent out of shape. Resilient women get through it, emerging from adversity unscathed or even stronger. Although I haven’t liked everything I’ve been through, I know I am stronger for it. What happens when our comfortable world is turned upside down? Some people walk away from faith, from what they were working on and from people. Let’s be honest, the thought sometimes crosses our minds as well. I know it has mine. It would be easier. But here’s the thing, resilient people get up after whatever it is they have experienced, they clean themselves off and keep it moving with whoever is in their squad. And if by chance, they find themselves alone, they go forward alone. Regardless of what they have faced in life and the heartbreak it has caused, they move ahead. When life knocks us flat on our face, when people let us down, when the people we trusted the most betray us, sometimes in the worst way possible, when we pray

and the answer doesn’t come, when we’ve cried so much we feel like we don’t have tears left, the temptation is just to die…inside, to let our heart stop beating. In letting that happen, we also stop believing in the possibilities; in the good; in the amazing. The heart has a lot to do with resiliency in my mind and is something that is on the forefront of my mind lately. I recently went to the hospital because I was having chest pain. They admitted me because of my age. I just found out after all these years of saying my family has no heart condition history that I was actually incorrect. On my maternal side, we have loads of heart condition issues, many family members died young because of it! I was released with an appointment to do a stress test. You better believe my heart is on my mind. The day after I was released, I went to see the movie The Huntsman: Winter’s War, about a sister who was betrayed by her her evil sister Ravenna (Charlize Theron), the heartbroken Freya (Emily Blunt) retreats to a northern kingdom to raise an army of huntsmen as her protectors. Gifted with the ability to freeze her enemies in ice (cool right?), Freya teaches her young soldiers to never fall in love. Because she was lead to believe that in love there is betrayal. There was only one law in her kingdom …do not love. My heart was on my mind here too. Then there is a song I’ve been hearing on the radio in the last month by Danny Gokey, from the album Hope In Front Of Me. The chorus goes like this…

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living when everyone including the enemy of your soul, expects for you to disappear, to lie down and die. Tell your heart to beat again Close your eyes and breathe it in Let the shadows fall away Step into the light of Grace Yesterday’s a closing door You don’t live there anymore Say goodbye to where you’ve been And tell your heart to beat again.

As a child of a single parent mom, growing up in the hood of NYC’s alphabet city before gentrification took over, I had to learn that either I was going to allow life to swallow me up or I was going to get up and show up anyway, every time someone or something tried to bring me down or let me down. If I were allowing anything in my past to determine what was purposed in my heart, I would not have spent the last 25 years in ministry or caring about how other women could rise up from their past hurts. 2 Corinthians 9:7 reminds us that we give (whatever it is not just money) as we have purposed in our heart. I have purposed in my heart to influence, inspire, educate and empower no matter what. But every time we experience the opposite of what we expected, every time people let us down, especially people we love and we believe love us, the easier thing to do is to let our heart stop. To stop, giving to others. Emotionally. Physically. Financially. Spiritually. To be frozen like Freya in the movie to emotion to protect oneself or to fear doing anything in order not to experience any stress or discomfort due to a ‘history’ in the family or to protect oneself from a “heart attack”. But this is not living. Resiliency is the key to

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

Walk Through It There’s a difference between surviving adversity, going through it and rising up stronger. No, I am not always strong. Sometimes I cry washing dishes. Sometimes I need to go get ice cream to make me feel better. Maybe it’s the hormones. But I never, ever let myself wallow in selfpity. So how is it that some people develop the capacity to deal with adversity, while others are simply beaten down and never recover? For me, it’s the things you do in private that help you become resilient through the years: • Time with God. Nothing beats being reminded that you are a child of God, that He has your life in His hands and that you are the apple of His eye. In fact, His favorite. The simplest secret to resiliency is praying and spending time with God. • Self-reflection. Looking at oneself in a metaphorical mirror can’t just be a “sometimes” thing. Resilient women critique themselves honestly with a long-term commitment to selfimprovement. Being honest about their growing edges (not weaknesses). • Tenacity. You have to determine beforehand, “purpose in your heart” how you will handle certain things especially if you are a believer in Christ. What does He say you can do? Who does He say you should believe? Who does He say always has the victory? Determination to be all that God created you to be is a powerful driver towards having a life of

impact and leaving a legacy. • Girl Gang. Wisdom consists partly in not trying to go it alone. When energy and confidence droop in the face of difficulties, resilient women reach out to someone else whose vision isn’t as clouded, whose perspective is more objective, whose energy is intact. They reach out to their girl gang, the sisters in their circle who see them for who they are (no titles, no social status) and still love them. The ones who stayed around when you had nothing to offer but your company. The gift of encouragement can provide individuals with the strength necessary to work through the difficult, dark moments that we all experience in life. Our squad, our Girl gangs rock and help us through many a day. Let Your Heart Beat Again I believe you have everything in you to be resilient. To achieve all that has been ordained for you to achieve before your birth. But you have to be a co-partner with God in this story He is writing for your life. Life will throw you things that will break your heart but as the Journey song says “don’t stop believing”. Remember… Yesterday’s a closing door You don’t live there anymore Say goodbye to where you’ve been And tell your heart to beat again. I’ve been resuscitated a few times in my 51 years. A beating heart is always better than the alternative. Go ahead, don’t be afraid. Let your heart beat again. That’s the mark of resilient women.

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THE FRIENDSHIP CORNER

OH RESILIENCE, HOW I LOVE THEE… BY SILVIA ARVELO

When preparing for this article I battled with two trains of thought on this topic. One was how to build resilience among your friendships and the other was to highlight some of my wonderful friends and the amazing resilience they exemplify each and every day. I chose the latter and enjoy the opportunity to highlight the RESILIENT women that have crossed my path. First, let’s clarify what resilience is. Re·sil·ience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. I think that each of us can identify with the part of the definition of living through difficulties and toughness, but recovering quickly takes special skills. God has allowed me to come across some amazing women in my life that have taught me the true meaning of the word resilience. In no particular order, allow me to introduce you to some of them here: First there is Katherine. Katherine is a single mother to four girls. You see Katherine is a foster mother who works more than one job, studies whenever she gets the opportunity,

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

and serves in her church, while raising her daughters. Katherine gives openly to help raise children that are living in our country’s foster system. I am sure that getting up every day is not easy for Katherine but her determination and resiliency is to be admired. Katherine has taught me to “show-up” in life, even when you may not feel like it. Then there’s Jeannie. Jeannie lived over 20 years in a difficult marriage. She fought the good fight in trying to make the marriage work. She gave it her all, and then some but at the end, divorce was her only option. Jeannie is working hard to rebuild her life while continuing to love and raise three precious daughters. Cathy, also lived through a similar situation but had to fight to keep her head above water in her finances as a single mother of two precious daughters. Cathy and Jeannie continue to push through the challenges of being single women and single mothers during these uncertain times. They have both taught me to push through, even life continues to throw challenges your way. Another friend that comes to mind is Nereida. Nereida lived through the loss of her first husband while raising her son on her own. Nereida later married her second husband and once again faced the fear of losing her

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husband to a serious illness while also raising two very young girls. She taught me how to trust in God in the face of what seems helpless on the surface but a small feat to God.

husband. Yashira has taught me that against all odds continue to pursue your dreams and trust that through it all God that sees you as the apple of His eye.

There is also my partner and friend Liz. Liz wears several hats. She is a mother, an educator, a wife, a pastor, an author and speaker, a businesswoman and so much more. However, Liz always seems to gather up strength to show up and take care of her special needs child DJ. She knows where her priorities are and is enjoying her special assignment to her little angel. Liz teaches me to look at people with disabilities through God’s lenses.

I can’t forget Joanna. Joanna has fought several battles, battles that would take anyone down but she didn’t allow it to take her down. In a short period of time, she fought through several deaths of precious family members and friends, unemployment, her personal health challenges and continued with a smile on her face. Joanne not only survived but thrived through it all while continuing to serve in her local church and inspire and encourage others in the middle of her own challenges. Joanna taught me that when you are going through your own challenges continue to serve God and his people and He will take care of the rest.

There is also my sister-in-love Lydia. Lydia has been an entrepreneur for several years. It was not always success for Lydia. There were very difficult and desert moments for her but her determination and consistency to show up and do her best has paid off for her. Lydia teaches me on a daily basis that consistency matters in all that you do. Show up and do it with excellence. Another person that I love like a daughter is Yashira. Yashira, worked hard to stay close to the Lord even when she was the only one in her household who served Him. She learned to come under the wings of the more seasoned women in her church. Against all odds she put herself through college and married the man of her dreams. Yashira has a level of determination that is seldom found in the younger generation—she will not give up on her dreams. That is not an option she will entertain. Yashira is a teacher, is raising her two handsome boys and has already had the opportunity to pastor a church alongside her

There are so many more women that I can name here, God has been good to me and has allowed these woman, and many others, to teach me the true meaning of resilience. You see, my life has not been easy. I have lived with my husband’s disability for over 27 years and although there are days are that very hard, I hold on to God’s truth and the examples of these precious women. So my friends, friendships are not only great for laughter, food and a good time. Friendships are important for moments when you need to hang on to dear life but need to see exactly what that looks like! When you are faced with moments where you have to choose resiliency to survive—look around you and see it in your friends’ lives

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Silvia Arvelo is an American-Argentinean woman who is passionate about helping women live their best life - at every season and age. She is Co-Founder of Latinas of Legacy and the President/Founder of Women’s Empowerment Services, a coaching company for women seeking to be empowered in life. Read more about her at www.womensempowermentservices.com

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PAR CUANDO VUELVAS BY WENDY BELLO

Incluso si no has leído la Biblia, seguro conoces la historia de Pedro y su traición a Jesús. Por alguna razón nuestras faltas y fracasos se hacen populares más rápido que nuestras virtudes y triunfos.

vivido alguna experiencia? ¿Poder regresar y empezar de nuevo? ¿Borrar días del calendario de tu vida? Yo sí. Y no pocos, por cierto; pero no es posible, por mucho que lo intentemos.

Jesús, que de antemano sabía lo que sucedería, le dijo a Pedro (también llamado Simón): “Simón, Simón, Satanás ha pedido zarandear a cada uno de ustedes como si fueran trigo; pero yo he rogado en oración por ti, Simón, para que tu fe no falle, de modo que cuando te arrepientas y vuelvas a mí fortalezcas a tus hermanos” (Lucas 22:31-32, cursivas de la autora).

Sin embargo, hace unos días, mientras leía ese pasaje de Lucas 22, algo cobró vida ante mis ojos. Aunque hay experiencias de las que sin dudas no nos sentimos orgullosas y preferiríamos que no estuvieran ahí, la realidad es que al volver somos diferentes y entonces podemos fortalecer a otros, tal y como Jesús le dijo a Pedro. Piénsalo. ¿Quién puede hablar mejor del fracaso que aquel que lo ha vivido? Si tomaste decisiones erradas, ¿quién mejor para ayudar a otra persona que pudiera encontrarse en un caso similar? Un viejo refrán dice que fuera del agua se nada muy bien. Muy cierto, ¿verdad? Pues lo contrario también se cumple.

El resto es historia; esa noche, antes de que el gallo cantara, aquel ex pescador, el discípulo más atrevido y dispuesto de todos, traicionó a su amado Señor. Cuando se dio cuenta de lo que había hecho “lloró amargamente” (v.62). Lo bueno es que este no fue el final de Pedro, más bien fue su comienzo. A partir de aquí su vida experimentaría un cambio radical. Pero tuvo que pasar por el momento difícil, ser zarandeado, y luego volver. ¿Alguna vez has deseado no haber

Jesús sabía que Pedro sería zarandeado. Sabía que tú y yo lo seríamos también. Él oró por Pedro, e igual lo hace todavía por ti y por mí: “Cristo Jesús es el que murió, e incluso resucitó, y está a la derecha de Dios e intercede por nosotros”

(Romanos 8:34, cursivas de la autora). Como le dijo a Pedro, nos dice a nosotros, y me permito parafrasearlo: “Cuando vuelvas a mí para recibir perdón y misericordia, cuando te arrepientas y retomes el camino... ve y fortalece al que está débil, háblale del perdón, de la misericordia, comparte tu experiencia”. Como madres sabemos que en muchas ocasiones nuestros hijos harán cosas de las que luego se arrepentirán. Volverán a nosotras para pedir perdón y llorar; y como madres esperamos también que la lección aprendida les sea de provecho en la vida. Dios, el Padre, sabe que como hijos haremos lo mismo; pero también, como todo padre, espera que volvamos a él, busquemos perdón, lloremos si es necesario, y aprendamos la lección para luego fortalecer a otros. Deja de condenarte por las experiencias que le restan belleza al historial de tu vida. Dios no se acuerda de ellas, lo único que espera es que las uses para que otros vuelvan. Casi que escucho a Pedro decir: “Amén”.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR A woman, wife and mother, Wendy’s passion is to help women discover the full and abundant life that God intended for them. Her teaching abounds in applying God’s Word to everyday situations that women face, and to encourage them in the midst of their challenges. Wendy Bello is of Cuban origin, but she lives in Miami with her husband of 20 years and two schoolaged children. She is the author of the book “Una mujer sabia”, and a contributing writer for several online publications such as BibliaVida.com, Crosswalk.com, Whole Magazine in Spanish and “El versículo del día”. You can visit her at wendybello.com.

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RESILIENCE FROM HIS

PRESENCE BY LINDA HUDSON

What does the word “resilience” mean? It is defined as: “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness”. Having been a single mother for fifteen years, I always thought that I was a pretty strong and tough woman, independent and quick to pick myself up from hardships. I thought this about myself, until God had to come and show me that I am still just a woman IN NEED of Him. HE allowed me to become broken and walk through huge heartbreak to reveal to myself my great need of HIM! There will be times in each of our lives that we will be faced with a difficulty where we feel like we will never be able to recover. Some of the hardest difficulties I have had to face in my life were when someone I loved, or someone that was really close to me, betrayed me and our relationship. If you have ever been in ministry or been a Christian for any length of time, you may be able to relate, and church hurt is the worst. What I call church hurt, is when someone you really love and respect and hold to a higher standard, reveal their humanity. However, I believe that my personal relationship with my Father in Heaven has been my strength and my source that gave me the capacity to recover quickly from life’s deepest hurts. The scripture that we sometimes use as a go to for encouragement in times of trouble: Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me” has really proven to be a truth to live by…HE is my source of strength!

husband, who is also a Pastor…and they grew up in ministry together. My son was a teenager when we started to attend this church. My son had just given his life to Christ, and had been filled with the Holy Spirit. God was really moving in his life. Without going into all the really sordid details of what the incident was, I will just say that my son, my husband and I experienced a huge “church hurt” early on in our walk. Needless to say, we were devastated and my son’s heart was crushed!

I would like to share a personal trial, and the strategies that the Lord showed me that I would forever use to help me “get back up” when life knocked me down.

What are we to do when betrayed by those in a position that we trust not only with our heart, but with our child’s heart? My Christian walk would be forever changed.

Early in my Christian walk, my family and I were attending a small country church. The Pastor was a long time childhood friend of my

BUT GOD is good and the Holy Spirit was pushing me and prompting me to find a “secret place”, a quiet place where I could get alone

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

At this point, I came to a “trial of my faith”. I questioned not only where was God, but how could He let this happen to my son and my family. I was really hurt by the Pastor as I had put him and his position as Pastor on a pedestal. I have not experienced that type of crushing blow to my heart and my faith ever! I didn’t know if I, or my family, would come out of this unscathed!

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with Him. On one sunny beautiful day, instead of sitting around licking my wounds, I found myself picking up a Bible, my I-pod of Christian music, and driving to a local state park in the woods. The really interesting thing is that usually this park is pretty crowded with people, especially in the summer. I found a group of cabins that were usually rented out, but this time happened to be completely empty…NO ONE was there, or so I thought. I proceed to take my Bible, my music and go sit on the back porch of one of these cabins, facing the woods…COMPLETELY alone …with God! I quickly discovered HE was there.

place of “SANCTUARY”! Since this time, I still have moments where I experience life’s trials and disappointments, and I know now, I have to return there, …return to “MY SANCTUARY”, for my healing, and allow the Lord to restore me to a place IN HIM, a place of peace!

During this time, I cried out to God, praying, as hot tears streamed down my face. I was completely broken!! Devastated by this deep hurt! What I didn’t know at the time was the Holy Spirit had a “divine encounter” set up for me. I proceeded to play music and worship, and cry some more gut-wrenching tears. I opened my Bible, and the Holy Spirit spoke words of comfort and healing to me in that place addressing me as “Daughter”. HE also spoke the words to me about this Pastor that “he’s still just a man”, which allowed me to come to a place of forgiveness for him. The presence and the glory of the Lord began to fill the back porch where I was, and ultimately I was sitting in another dimension of God’s glory, in His presence, where I received my healing and He restored my peace, my faith and my joy! I felt like I was sitting in a “Heaven on Earth” atmosphere! It was one of the most incredible times I ever spent with the Lord! My Father had to show me that there was a place “in Him” that I can go to for everything that I need…a place to be healed of life’s hurts! HE showed me my own personal

The Holy Spirit revealed to me during this time my strategies for walking in resilience. They are: 1. I can praise/worship (Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified) 2. I can pray (Psalms 4:1-Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou has enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer) 3. I can read His Word (Psalms 107:20-He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions). Three strategies that will NEVER FAIL to bring me into HIS presence, where all I need is there!

Needless to say, the Lord moved my family and me to a new church where we could grow and flourish in the Lord…and they had an active Youth Group where my son got reconnected. God is good, and His plans for us are more than we could ever imagine, bringing us closer to Him.

So when life knocks us down, we need to know that our resilience will come from our heavenly Father, and getting into His presence through these three “Holy Spirit inspired” strategies. May you know that you always have a safe and secret place to go….”A Sanctuary” in HIM!!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Linda Hudson is an ordained and licensed minister with the IFJC- Louisiana Chapter since 2008. She is also Founder/Executive Director for Women of the Vine Ministries, Inc. since 2007. She is a Certified Facilitator and Faculty Member for Living Free, Chattanooga, TN. She has held many positions in ministry: Women’s Director, Children’s Pastor, and Youth Pastor, and Pastor. She has been blessed with a gift of healing and a prophetic intercession and seer anointing. Linda carries an Apostolic mantle to see ALL women equipped, empowered and sent into their God-given calling, and to see lives transformed by the power of the Holy Ghost. Visit her site at www. womenofvine.com

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BOOST PSYCHOLOGICAL RESILIENCE WHILE WORKING OUT BY SANDRA ALMONTE My mother had a stroke a few weeks ago. It’s caused many things in my life to change. If you’ve had a loved one go from being independent to needing care, you understand how stressful it can be. I’m learning many things as I go. But one of the things I’m thankful for in this situation is exercise. Some may think I’m obsessed or selfish for making sure I take time to exercise with all that’s going on. But it actually helps me relieve stress and refresh my mind so I can think clearly. And after doing some research, I’ve learned some interesting things about exercise and resiliency. When I saw the definition of resilience from a published medical journal as the ability to “withstand, recover, and grow in the face of stressors and changing demands” the word “exercise” immediately came to mind. Why? I’ll give three reasons. 1. The ability to withstand When you exercise (stressor) within your your target heart rate your body is physiologically stressed. During exercise you’re withstanding the physical activity. Do the same exercise long enough and it becomes easy. Once that happens, your body can withstand more.

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2. The ability to recover If you’re on an exercise program that includes strength training, recovery should be part of it. Your muscles need to recover in order to get stronger. When you lift weights that are heavy enough to be challenging, your muscle fibers get tiny tears in response. This is where recovery comes in. During recovery the muscles repair themselves to adapt to the stressor that caused the damage in the first place. 3. The ability to grow When the muscles are allowed to recover they grow. This growth is called hypertrophy. Bodybuilders aim for hypertrophy. It’s what makes them grow bigger. If they don’t do the time at the gym, they don’t see the growth they’re aiming for. Likewise, doing time in the School of Hard Knocks helps you grow. Your ability to withstand, recover, and grow physically transfers over to resilience. If you’re on a regular exercise program, you’ll be glad to know of this added benefit. Studies are currently being done that show being physically active can help build and maintain resilience. If you’re not being consistent with an exercise program, it’s never too late to start. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need to. You’ll be glad you did.

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ARE WOMEN MORE RESILIENT THAN MEN? BY LOUISE FARR

ALTHOUGH THERE’S NO DEFINITIVE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION, SOME OF THE EVIDENCE POINTS IN THAT DIRECTION. A retrospective study led by Adil H. Haider, MD, codirector of the Center for Surgical Trials and Outcomes Research at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, found that women who had suffered traumatic injuries were 14 percent less likely to die after surgery than men with equivalent wounds. Women also experienced fewer complications after their operations. “We’re attributing this to differences in hormones,” says Haider. Other researchers are investigating whether administering estrogen and progesterone could improve the outcome for burn, brain-injury and cardiac arrest patients of both sexes. Women are also psychologically strong, and this may be due partly to socialization, says William Helmreich, a sociology professor at City College of

New York whose research has shown that women concentration camp survivors coped better than men after the Second World War. “Often it’s not what happens to you but how you deal with it that determines whether or not you’re going to make it through,” Helmreich says. “Assuming that the degree of trauma is roughly the same, I would say that women have more resilience than men because they are allowed to more freely express their emotions.” Even in business, where 71 percent of senior executives in a global survey conducted by Accenture, the management consulting company, cited resilience as a key factor in deciding which employees to retain, managers saw women as slightly more resilient than men in recovering from work setbacks.

Suggested reading Surviving Survival: The Art and Science of Resilience, by Laurence Gonzales.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Louise Farr has been a Contributing Editor for Written By, the Writers Guild of America, West, magazine. Feature articles have appeared in More, Ladies’ Home Journal, Redbook, W, Glamour, Robb Report, Good Housekeeping, New York, The American Lawyer, Family Circle, TV Guide, Women’s Wear Daily and Los Angeles, among other publications. She enjoys educating and empowering women.

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YOUR BOUNCE BACK DNA BY ROZ HUMPHREYS

Life is about what happens and how you react. There are moments when you can feel helpless, like you cannot stand. There’s the ongoing frustration that comes with each preacher that promises victory, and there’s none in sight. Being resilient is the furthest thing from your mind in those moments. I remember one time when my pastor talked about being able to bounce back from bad experiences. He used the analogy of the Weebles. Do you remember those? “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.” (Yes, I have aged myself.) Weebles were these blown up, plastic dolls that you could kick, punch or hit, and they would wobble, even hit the ground, but they would bounce back up firmly…ready for the next strike. This toy was made to take beatings from every side. It was resilient. It recovered from any outside aggression and was designed to be sort of like a punching bag. Do you ever feel like a punching bag? I think women often forget their limitations, and they become a punching bag. They say yes to many things, when they should be

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

saying no. Their time is no longer theirs. It belongs to their significant other, their children, their jobs, their church, the school board or PTA, to anyone but themselves. The end of their day comes with a nightmarish list for the next day, and exhaustion makes these women pass out before they hit the pillow. These women wear their resiliency badge with pride and point out that the word strong is tacked on as well. But, resiliency was never meant to look like slavery to others, with cost to self. Often our defeat is tied into our do, or shall I say our constant do. We do not slow down long enough to evaluate if what we do, from day to day, is absolutely necessary and beneficial. We do not bother to ask God if our do honors Him, and if it is part of His will in the here and now. We assume that because we are parenting or working in church, for example, it is the right, strategic thing to do. Being strategic in our “do” has everything to do with resiliency. It’s not just about how do you get back up when a tragedy strikes, illness surprises or your child does

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something that mortifies you. The lack in our strategy, or lack of, is that we don’t prepare well. Our choices are reactive, and we have gotten so busy, that we have been trained to live numbly. When something happens, we get even busier to numb ourselves some more. You can’t bounce back, if you don’t acknowledge that you’ve been hit so hard, you have been flattened out. To become or live in a numb state, means you are still flat on your back. Some of you have been in that position for so long, the demons have stopped counting. You and I have been designed to be resilient, to bounce back. It is part of our Godly DNA. So why is it so hard to bounce back sometimes or at all? We are not in the habit of building up our resiliency when things are good. We do not put in place a proactive approach that will prepare us when things get rough. What keeps us from being strategically ready so that we bounce back quicker?

there’s no need to check in with God. Asking the Holy Spirit for guidance is our job. Giving that guidance is His. That’s what He’s here for. 3. The dependency on others grows, because you’re communicating more with people and asking their opinions. Often that becomes detrimental when no one has answers for you. Keeps you stuck too. (See number two about asking the Holy Spirit.) 4. You begin to believe what others say about you… not God. You have to counteract a negative with a positive. If you do not know how to encourage yourself, speak affirmations over yourself, start now. The bible is full of wonderful affirmations. Pick one. Memorize it. Do it again.

1. The prayer life. Often when things are good, it is not consistent. It waivers and becomes an afterthought, a quick recital or last minute chant. A faster bounce back requires you to be hooked up to the source of your resiliency – God.

The bounce back, how quick it happens, has to do with your relationship and trust level with God. When you invest more of yourself into that relationship, the reward is the ability to pull through a bit quicker. It would be a lie to say, that there aren’t any other steps that you can do, but the investment into your primary relationship will always remain the primary one. Steps are just steps and can be temporary. Getting back on your feet when you have nothing left inside of you and being healed (mentally, emotionally or physically) requires divine intervention.

2. Since the prayer life is inconsistent, you have the tendency to become busier than usual because

Want your bounce back DNA? Keep chatting with God and learn from the best.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Roz Humphreys is a author and motivational speaker. For over 30 years, Roz has encouraged women of all ages to recognize their value and potential. Her no-nonsense attitude laced with Latin love, has steered and encouraged women towards wholeness. Her educational resources and women’s forums continue to motivate women to pursue their passion and purpose.

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Just because you’re down, doesn’t mean you’re out! BY SHEILA CORNEA

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

Buoyancy, rebound, and resilience are not the soft-skills that leaders necessarily want to develop. However, we do. As unshakeable as we like to believe that we are, life challenges us. Let’s face it, when we say, “life knocks you down” we really mean that people and situations unexpectedly strike a hurtful blow to us. Leaders are not immune…No, they are actually more vulnerable because of their visibility. If you are a leader, you will likely find yourself in a “hard knock” situation in the most unsuspecting time, reason or relationship. Arm yourself now by knowing how to respond when it happens.

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Stabilize yourself. Reach for something or someone that can help steady you. Dig into the Word like never before, pray deeper than ever, and ask for help even if you never do. Cling to the principles and people who are trustworthy and let them minister to you. Address patterns. Ask God to search your heart, reflect on your own active and passive behaviors, look for any patterns from the past that you may need to address. Examining your situation may be painful, but it can give you insight that will shape a better future. Forgive yourself. Maybe you made mistakes, maybe you didn’t. Even if you were faultlessly blindsided by betrayal, somehow you probably feel responsible. ‘Why didn’t I see that coming?” or “I should have never trusted her” are hints that you are owning the situation. Forgive yourself. You are wiser now. Give yourself permission to move forward. Heal wounds. Knock downs hurt. They can bruise our souls and break our spirits, and sometimes they can even bring physical sickness. Pretending that wounds don’t exist won’t heal them. Nurture your soul and spirit. Focus on rest, mindfulness, and other habits that strengthen your mind and body. Allow yourself time to feel and to heal.

Forgive others. Leaders are tough and they don’t fall easily, but when they do it’s usually hard. Forgiveness isn’t as difficult when someone sincerely asks you for it…but let’s be honest, in these hard knock situations, they don’t ask. Often, they don’t even admit you deserve an apology. Frankly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that your heart must release them. You are not responsible for their actions, but you are responsible for your reactions to them. Forgiveness frees their soul if they welcome it, and it frees your soul if you extend it. Renew boundaries. We don’t enjoy falling down, or getting knocked down, and we surely don’t want it to happen again. The best way to prevent it is to establish boundaries on your time, treasure, and trust. Establish your own limits, non-negotiables, and expectations of others (and yourself ). Be grateful. Yes, grateful. You may not be thankful for the pain, but you can be grateful for the healing. You don’t have to appreciate the experience, but you should value the wisdom you gained from it. Expressing your gratitude through the process expedites your bounce back. Look ahead. At some point you have to stop looking at the ground to where you’ve been knocked and look up to where

you’re going next. You can get up. You will walk again. You must dream again. Your next season starts when you envision your future with hope. Take risks. For you to get up and get going again, risk is required. If you fall off you’re bicycle, it can be a little scary to get back on again because you know the risk of falling and the pain it causes. But you’ll never feel the breeze on your face that comes from a fast coast downhill if you don’t get on the bike. You must take the risk if you want to experience the abundance of life. Trust again. Bike riding is a simple risk compared to befriending someone new after betrayal in a friendship. Relationship risks require trust. You must trust yourself, that you’re making good choices. You must trust the other person, that they are being authentic in their trustworthiness. Ultimately, you must trust God, that He will guide you, protect you, and yes, even heal you if needed. If you have been through some hard knocks, know that you are an over comer. You can rise above the disappointment. The world needs you, so don’t withdraw your gifts and calling. The risk is worth it. Look ahead – You have a purpose to make a difference in the lives of others. God needs you. We need you. Take the risk, trust again, and lead the way for others.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Sheila Cornea is a leadership coach for ladies. As an author and speaker, her mission is to empower leaders to thrive with excellence, ease and enjoyment. Sheila offers free courses, coaching and community for ladies who lead at www.gutsygraceleaders.com/community.

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3 WAYS TO EXCHANGE LIFE’S MIGHTY BLOWS FOR GOD’S MIGHTY POWER None of us are immune to setbacks and challenges in both our personal and professional lives. Sometimes life can give us a truly mighty blow in areas such as our health, relationships, finances, business/career, or family. I can look at the past five years and recall a mighty blow in every single one of those categories. How do you handle these situations? How do you bounce back from these trials and troubles and come out even stronger than you were before experiencing them? I have good news. With the word of God and the Spirit of God as our guide through the process of overcoming a trial, you win! Here are 3 strategies to help you exchange those mighty blows for God’s mighty power: 1. GAIN POWER THROUGH YOUR PRAISE Praise God! The Bible instructs us to “give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). It doesn’t say to give thanks FOR all things, but to give thanks IN all things. This means that despite the circumstances, you will find power to overcome in your praise. Your gratitude isn’t based on your present circumstances, but for the victory that you will see on the other side. Your gratitude is based on His grace and His glory that you WILL see because He makes all things beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Jesus modeled this by giving thanks to the Father before enduring a most brutal and painful death. He saw the joy ahead of him! 2. PRAY AND EXPERIENCE HIS PEACE I remember the first time that I experienced what I believe was a mild panic attack. I woke up in the middle of the night and it felt like the entire room was closing in on me. I could barely breathe and I couldn’t seem to

get back to sleep. I woke my husband up and he said we needed to go for a walk. We went outside and he held my hand as we walked. I started to pray aloud and as I prayed and cried out to the Lord thanking Him for who He was in my life in this moment of panic during challenging circumstances, I felt such a tangible peace. I could breathe again and I knew that everything was going to be ok. I experienced a true revelation of Philippians 4:67: “Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” 3. UNLEASH THE POWER OF COMMUNITY Often times when we’re dealing with difficult situations we isolate ourselves for a variety of reasons that are often (but not always) rooted in pride or shame. The enemy would love nothing more than to bombard you with lies while you’re heartbroken, depressed, or feeling defeated or helpless. We are not built to do life alone. Sure there are times that you need to have fellowship with the Lord alone, but don’t forget about the power that is found in community and unity with others in Christ. You’ll benefit from the power of agreement in prayer (Matthew 18:20), iron sharpening (Proverbs 27:17), and recovery from falling (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). With these 3 strategies you will unlock the power of God Almighty in the midst of your difficult situation, and my prayer is that like the three Hebrew men in the fiery furnace, you’ll emerge from your trial without even smelling like smoke!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Shae Bynes is a passionate storyteller, best-selling author, engaging teacher, and activator. She enjoys the response she receives when she tells people that she is a Firestarter, igniting fires in the marketplace and in the bedrooms around the world. Shae has authored several books on the topics of God-centered and Spirit-led business and marriage and is the Co-Founder of Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur. Visit ShaeBynes.com to learn more.

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WOMEN AND RESILIENCE BY DR. ROSE GANTNER

Resilience is a scientific term that applies to materials that have the capacity to return to their original shape after being bent or stretched. Over time, however, we have come to apply the term to people as well. People who have the ability to recover readily from illness, depression, defeat, or other kinds of adversity. For many women, resilience is a strength considered essential. Both women and men need resilience to deal with difficulties in life. But, women often need more resilience than men to overcome traditional obstacles placed in their way, in order to advance in the business world. Too many women, however, are not aware of the amount of resilience they do possess. My friend, Gail M. Wagnild, Ph.D, is founder the Resilience Center and a national expert on resilience, and she says that when you know your capacity for resilience, it gives you the confidence to deal with whatever life throws at you. Being resilient helps you to cope in variety of different ways, be they personal, professional, or social.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

Dr. Wagnild has even created a “resilience scale” (www.resiliencescale.com) so that women (and men) can determine their level of resilience and from that learn what they need to do to increase it. Of course, all of us face challenges from time to time that seem overwhelming or that knock us back. That’s life. It’s the ability to get back up, get back on track and get back into the game that requires resilience. Dr. Wagnild writes: “Even though we have no control over many events in our life – accidents, natural disasters, crime, illness, the economy, etc. – we can control how we respond to these events and we can choose to do so with resilience.” The Five Characteristics of Resilience 1. A sense of purpose. Without a sense of your purpose in life, you lack a driving force. So, how do you know what your purpose is? Ask yourself: What do I do that others value? In what ways and by whom am I needed every day? What in my life has the most meaning? The answers will reveal your purpose.

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2. Perseverance. Giving up is always the easy way out. Resilient people demonstrate the ability to stick to things and get them done. 3. Equanimity. Stay balanced. Understand that regardless of the situation it is never entirely bleak nor entirely positive. There’s a middle ground that allows you to see all possibilities and will help to give you the optimism needed to make things better. 4. Self-reliance. Belief in yourself needs to be realistic to be helpful. Remember the challenges in the past that you have met successfully and those that were less successfully met. You can learn from both experiences and develop problem-solving skills that help to build self-reliance. 5. Existential aloneness. To be truly resilient, you need to be able to live with yourself. You can also call this, “being comfortable in your own skin.” Truly resilient people need to have this ability. You need the sense that, if necessary, you can go it alone and take a

course of action that may not be popular, but which you believe in. How to Maintain Resiliency 1. Take care of yourself. Feeling good is an essential part of feeling able to be resilient. Eat right, exercise, and try to stay in good health. Dr. Wagnild calls it, “Putting your own oxygen mask on first.” You’re no good to anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself. 2. Seek and give support. Giving back to others is a way to reinforce resilience in your life. 3. Remain fully energized in life. Stay engaged, stay involved, keep doing the things that interest you. 4. Balance work and life. Too much work or too much fun can throw off your balance. Measure your resilience with the resilience scale online tool and see how you measure up. It’s quick and it’s fun, and regardless of your score you can learn something about yourself and learn how to get better.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Rose K. Gantner, EdD, has over thirty years of experience in wellness and counseling psychology. She has worked as CEO for two hospitals for Magellan Health Service and as vice president of managed care, employee assistance programs, and wellness at Corphealth. In addition to founding and directing her own counseling and psychology practice, Dr. Gantner has served as a health management consultant to state government agencies, private organizations, and commercial groups. She is a former Senior Consultant (Health and Productivity) at the WorkPartners Division of UPMC Health Plan in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. An accomplished speaker, she has taught clinical psychology and health education at three universities and presented at several national health care conferences. Dr. Gantner, has also done research in the area of resilience and consults company on resiliency of employees. Read more about her at www.rosegantner.com.

HELPING WOMEN’S DREAMS TAKE FLIGHT

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