Day 3
The Story of My Authenticity
On this third day of strengthening your Authenticity Circuit, continue to play in your mind your expectation — I expect myself to connect to the deepest part of myself and, if I am not at One, spiral up and experience Authenticity — or whatever expectation you are using to make Authenticity more abundant and automatic.
To be fully aware of our Authenticity takes clearing some clutter. Take a few minutes to write the history of your Authenticity:
■ Did you experience Authenticity?
■ Was there a time when you had Authenticity but then lost it?
■ If there was, did you get it back, and how did it return?
As you tell the story, grieve your loss, doing at least one spiral up.
When I was a little girl, I was authentic. My thinking brain had not started judging myself or limiting myself yet. I knew I could not be authentic in the 4th grade when I moved to a new school and had no friends. When I was in 7th grade, I realized that my breasts were too big, and I started hunching over and didn’t feel safe. My father distanced me from me, and then I started getting the love I needed from my peers. I was really lonely, and my shame led me to attract a group of bad kids, and it wasn’t until my 20s that I regained my Authenticity, with a really loving relationship with a man,
and I think I borrowed his brain state. I was more at One than I had ever been and started to open up and heal. He broke up with me after a year, and I lost my courage to be authentic. I have more now than I had when I started EBT, but the process is slow. I have more healing to do.
I have always seen myself as pretty authentic, but I am questioning that now. When I started EBT, I thought I was wired at 2, and now, I think I was at 5 and didn’t realize it. I was the good boy in a family with two other children, both girls, who ranged from hysterical to morose. One sister never stopped acting out, and the other expressed herself by being negative and quiet. I was the good boy, and I had no idea that I was harboring a lot of rage until I asked myself why I could never be in a relationship for more than six months, tops one year. I had to keep a distance and be perfect. That pattern has been remarkably consistent, and I’m in my early 40s. I am very committed to clearing those wires and being fully authentic.