From me, with love

By: Aria de Lima

A few years ago one of my friends gave me a call asking for suggestions on what to get his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. He seemed rather frustrated with the whole concept, questioning why we even celebrate this day. He began listing off pretty typical gift ideas with a level of aggression that was hard to ignore. Flowers that are going to just die anyway, a stupid overpriced stuffed animal, some crazy mini portioned dinner, jewelry she’s never going to wear, you know, the obvious go to list. I remember him saying something along the lines of, “Ugh I’ll just get her some chocolates and flowers. I can’t think of anything good that’s in my budget.” This decision left a funny taste in my mouth. His tone, his word choice, his energy, all seemed to say “I don’t care anymore and can’t be bothered to keep looking.” I simply was not satisfied and was determined to help him find the perfect gift. We continued to brainstorm but couldn’t come up with anything. After a while he said to me, “Why are we still looking? Are chocolates and flowers not good enough? She really likes chocolates and flowers.”

However, immediately I felt a shift. This time, his tone was echoing concern as if to say “I thought she would really like it.” He was right; there was absolutely nothing wrong with chocolates and flowers. I would have been thrilled to receive a gift like that. It was then that I realized the only thing that had changed was his energy. He had gone from frustrated and trying to just pick something, to genuinely feeling like what he had picked would be something she would enjoy. The gift itself had stayed the same, it was being given by the same person and received by the same person but the energy that was being used to select the gift had changed. The choice now felt thoughtful, one made out of joy instead of obligation. That funny taste went away and it was like a weight had been lifted. He was excited to give her his gift. I’m sure she would have loved the gift either way but the experience was different for both of them because he was giving the gift with love.