I Complete Me...You Don't

By: Priya Ali

The line “You complete me,” uttered by Tom Cruise, was made famous in the movie Jerry Maguire back in the 90’s. Believe it or not, many fairy tales and romantic comedies have set the tone for what people imagine, expect and seek in their relationships. People look to recreate the elements of these fictional storybook romances and often ignore unhealthy patterns, signs of a lack of readiness for commitment or exclusivity, but the biggest aspect they overlook is themselves.

Ideally, being in a healthy relationship with yourself comes long before you even consider coupling with another person. Imagine if you were not financially stable or financially capable of taking care of yourself. Would coupling with another person be a good idea? Some may say “yes,” thinking that if two people can meet their needs by pooling their resources, that is a good thing. The problems tend to start when one party wishes to use their resources in ways other than what was agreed to, or no longer wishes to combine them.

This is similar to someone who is not whole coupling with another who is not whole. This may seem ideal and work for some time but if the energies, focus and attention sways at all, this relationship faces hardship in the long run.

Imagine instead that you took the time to develop yourself until you were whole. By this I mean stable, balanced, capable of self love, able to enforce healthy boundaries, able to process your emotions and self assured to express yourself and communicate in a healthy, assertive and loving manner. Then you find someone who is also complete and can claim the same. This takes the pressure off one another to provide happiness for and/or to complete your partner. This allows you both to just joyfully support each other as you both navigate your way through life.

This doesn’t mean there are no ups and downs, no shoulders to cry on or arms to hold you. It means that whether or not those things are there, you are and will remain complete all on your own.