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STAFF Vol. 35 No. 2 © Copyright 2017
TABLE OF CONTENTS SPOTLIGHT..............................................................12
BEAUTY BULLETIN: Bridal Style..........................................................42
Publishers Rachayle Deutsch Suzi Bollag
Sales Representatives Shani Schwebel Miriam Goldbrenner Barbara Gold Pearl Silber
Contributing Editors Rachel Rosenberg Shuly Rubel
Beauty Editor
FROM SOUP TO NUTS: The Silver Platter — Simple Elegance....................52
MIND OVER MATTER: 6 Things Every Couple Needs to Talk
Naomi Scheier
Psychotherapists Robin Daar, LCSW, RN Jennifer Mann, LMSW Cover Art: Patricia Orshan soundviewyoga@gmail.com
About Before Their Wedding Day..........................62
GRIN AND BARE IT..................................................78
DIRECTORY OF ADVERTISERS..............................88
ESRA Magazine LLC is published monthly and distributed FREE to area residents. No artwork or other material in this book maybe reproduced with out the permission of the publisher. The advertiser agrees to hold harm less the publisher for publication of submitted copy. ESRA will not be re sponsible for typographical errors. We reserve the right to refuse advertising or editorial copy that we feel does not fit our policy. Advertising claims are not the responsibility of ESRA. Offices are located at 1075 East 21 Street, Brooklyn, NY 11210. (516) 478-9212. EsraMagazineOnline.com
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know this is an issue about weddings but I need to talk about shoes, or, more specifically, the shoes we wear to weddings. Used to be when a wedding invitation came in the mail there was the initial excitement, the call to the friend or family member to wish them a heartfelt mazal tov and the marking of our calendars to note the special event. It was always about 6 weeks between the receiving of the invitation and the simcha itself, although lately I've noticed that that period has acceptably been shortened by a week or two. In any case, as the wedding neared thought was eventually given to the outfit we planned on wearing to it. Of course this only applied if you were a woman or young lady. If you were a man it was usually about fifteen minutes before you had to leave to the event that you reached for a suit – almost any suit would do – and were good to go. A more fashion conscious male may have asked his spouse to choose a coordinating tie. But even he did not think about this until he was dressed and nearly in
12
the car. But getting back to the women. At some point way before the wedding – often many weeks in advance – depending on how close we were to the bride or groom, we started thinking about what we are going to wear. If it was a season where we had, thankfully, many occasions to celebrate, we may have found ourselves systematically rotating our dressy attire – to give both them and the overlapping guests a break. If it was a close relative or friend we may have even gone out and bought a special ensemble exclusively for the event. Even for the wedding of a distant relative or acquaintance, even if we were just stopping by and not remaining for the main meal, we knew well before the date rolled around what we would be wearing. Spontaneity rarely plays a role for women in getting ready for a wedding. Hems fall, zippers burst, buttons pop. Weight gain. Weight loss. There is no way we can just reach in and grab an outfit. Too many factors are in-
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Continued from page 12 volved. Too much potential drama could unfold. And then there were the shoes. For every outfit laid out there had to be the perfect pair of dressy shoes to match. A wedding meant the shoes had to be fancy, which of course meant they needed to be of high heel, which, in turn, translated into eventual discomfort and often even agony. Ah. The shoes. So I'm noticing that things are a little different now. The phase of wearing a beautiful, slimming pair of heels for the duration of a wedding has passed. There has been a transition. The first change was that we would wear our
14
pretty and painful footwear to the affair but we would carry an elegant, unobtrusive bag with us containing our lower heeled dressy shoes to which we would change into at some point when we could not dance another step without tears flowing from our eyes. That phase was relatively short lived as even our lower heeled accessories eventually did not offer enough relief. The shoes we switched into might still be pretty but they now needed to be flat. Another phase arrived when even travelling to the wedding and walking into the hall was difficult to do in the high heels. At this stage we wore the lower heeled shoes or flats to the event and when absolutely necessary
JANUARY 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
pulled the torture chambers from out modest bag and made the switch to heels. Perhaps we managed to circulate at the shmorg in them, sit at the chupah with them and even dance a hora round or two around the bride before making the switch back again. Phew! So I'll tell you what stage I'm at now. I took my sister to Tanger mall in Deer Park this afternoon as she had never been and was curious and I had some Israel purchases to return. In each store I visited I made my way to the shoe department. I needed dressy shoes, boots and casual shoes but for each of those categories I went straight for the flats. Suede or leather, rhinestone or chain, solid or multi-colored. There was only one detail that mattered.
That it was flat and that I could walk in them without wobbling or wincing. A new low? Perhaps a new high. So here's what I find interesting and frustrating. It took me and most of my friends (although, there are a few holdouts who still wear high heels, look great and claim they feel no pain), about forty years to realize what not only the men in our lives knew but now even the vibrant young ladies in our lives understand. We have got to be nuts squashing our feet into dainty little uncomfortable footwear and then proceeding to stand and dance on them for hours. At every wedding I attend now the teenage girls, bride's friends and young mothers all wear
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Continued from page 15 stunning outfits and with them, cute, sensible flats. Why couldn't we be so smart? In this issue you will find the perfect guide to all your wedding needs – from bridal gowns and outfits to beautiful headpieces. From florists and wig salons, to makeup artists and flower girls’ dresses. From gifts to give the happy couple to those for them to give each other. Whether you are the guest at an upcoming wedding or are the lucky one hosting or starring in the event, mazal tov! Enjoy every moment. But do it comfortably!
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BEAUTY BULLETIN: Bridal style
M
by Naomi Scheier
azal tov! You just got engaged. Now it's time to create your 'bridal style'. Here are two popular bridal looks: The natural bride – If your dress style is clean and simple and understated a "natural makeup look" is best. Stick with earth and flesh tones to create the appearance of a flawless complexion. Your makeup should look transparent, not mask-like. Oil-free foundation is suggested, unless your skin is extremely dry. This look is great for brides who normally don't wear a lot of makeup. Natural makeup is fitting for a daytime wedding and works well for outdoor photography. For your
42
daytime look try pink blush to give that fresh glow and bronzer to enhance your face and neck. Try Benefit Light Beam Luminescent Complexion Enhancer and Smashbox bronzer in Baked Starburst. The modern bride – if you're a fashion forward bride who keeps up with the latest styles, a modern look is for you. For your makeup the aim is to bring attention to your eyes and mouth. Add depth to the eyes with black eyeliner and black mascara and a well defined eyebrow. Try Laura Mercier's Instant Ink 24 hour brush eyeliner and "IT Brow Power" universal brow pencil and Super Hero volumizing mascara. Don't forget that pop of color on your lips. Now you're ready for your wedding. Relax and enjoy and always remember to smile. Mazal tov again, Naomi Scheier
JANUARY 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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From Soup to Nuts: The Silver Platter – Simple Elegance
D
aniella Silver, author of the best-selling The Silver Platter: Simple to Spectacular, once again teams up with Noreen Gilletz – the acclaimed "matriarch of kosher cooking" – to bring a whole new level of elegance to our tables in The Silver Platter: Simple Elegance (Artscroll). Simple Elegance offers Daniella Silver's many devoted fans food that is as beautiful to look at as it is healthy to eat. The food isbuy. magnificent and surprisingly oh-so-simple to preSmall, family-run Jewish pare. From creative appetizers through gorgeous main dishes and that show-stopping bakeries once lay desserts, at the all the recipes in this beautiful cookbook feature accessible ingredients, heart of close-knit urban easy-to-follow instructions, make-ahead and freezing neighborhoods all over tips, nutritional analysis and mouth-watering photoAmerica have fallen victim graphs to ignite your imagination. See below for a sento the sampling. demise of the oldsational
school bakers, shifting demographicsGlazed and economic realities. But Balsamic Strawberry Ribs Stanley Ginsberg and Norman Berg seek to meat • gluten-free • freezes well • yields 6 servings keep the memories of these Jewish bakeries alive with their new book, Inside the Jewish Bakery: Recipes and Memories from the Golden Ages of Jewish Baking (Camino Books). More than a collection of recipes, Inside the Jewish Bakery chronicles the history and traditions—as well as the distinctive baked goods—of Ashkenazi Jewry in Eastern Europe and its immigration to America. Utilizing a vast array of sources, the authors have crafted an engaging “edible history.” KAMISHBROYT (Jewish Biscotti) Makes two to three dozen slices 2 3/4 cups pastry or all-purpose flour 1 cup less 1 Tbs. granulated sugar 1/8 tsp. table salt 3/4 tsp. baking powder 1 cup chopped pecans, almonds or walnuts 2/3 cup beaten egg 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted 1 tsp. vanilla extract
90 52
My friends and readers know that I love adding the freshness of fruit to my dishes. Strawwhisk by hand untilbring well berries a popAdd of blended, 2 to 3pretty minutes. to these chopped nuts color and continue Miami ribs, mixing for another minute. while the gar3. Add the eggs, melted lic and onion butter and vanilla in theextract, glaze then mix with balance a large spoon out or your hands until dough the the sweetness. is smooth andofflexible. Great any time year, but especially in summer.
4. On a parchment-lined sheet pan, form the
• dough 12 Miami beef into a ribs loaf about 4 in. wide and 2 in. • Bake 1 largefor onion, halved and sliced until the dough is 40 to 45 minutes, • 2 cloves garlic, minced (about 1 tsp) set and light brown. • ½ cup balsamic vinegar Reduce thejam oven heat to 300° F. Remove • ½5. cup strawberry the loaf from the oven and immediately slice it • 1 Tbsp water to desired thickness. • 1 cup diced fresh strawberries
6. Arrange the slices on the parchment and
Coat atolarge pan with nonstickand cooking return theroasting oven until browned dry, spray. about 40 minutes. Remove to a rack and let Arrange ribs over onion slices in a single layer in cool. When cooled, dip the ends into melted prepared pan. chocolate, desired. Great with garlic, coffeebalsamor tea. In a smallifbowl, whisk together ic vinegar, strawberry jam, and water. Pour mixture KICHELACH over ribs. Cover; marinate for 1 hour or up to 24 hours in the refrigerator. Kichelach are a food minimalist’s delight— Preheat to 350°F. light, airyoven morsels of crunch that were eaten Bake, covered, 1½-2snacks. hours, or until meatEastern is tenlike cookies or salty Wherever der. Baste occasionally. European Jews settled, kichelach Transfer to a serving platter; garnish became with fresha mainstay nosh—the perfect accompaniment to strawberries. a piece of herring or a glass of sweet wine, Norene’s Notes schnapps, tea or coffee—a delightful change You can substitute regular flanken, which are a thicker Miami ribs;Today, just increase the cooking from cut theofordinary. they’re almost time to 3 hours. This is even betterlives the next impossible to P.S. find, butdish their memory on. day! Change up this recipe by using apricot or mango jam; garnish with chopped dried apricots or dried mangoes.
JANUARY2017, 2015, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com JANUARY Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
Smoked Salmon Salad
Spaghetti Squash Lasagna
pareve • passover • gluten-free • do not freeze • yields 4 servings Smoked salmon always adds a touch of elegance to a menu, especially for brunch. If you want to go beyond the traditional bagel option, this salad is a great alternative. With healthy fat that’s full of flavor, you really can’t go wrong.
dairy • passover • gluten-free • freezes well • yields 6 servings
• 8 cups mixed greens (or 1 head romaine, torn into
bite-sized pieces) • 2-3 baby cucumbers, thinly sliced (do not peel) • 1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved • ½ cup thinly sliced red onion • 8 oz/250 g good-quality sliced smoked salmon or lox • 1 firm ripe avocado, peeled, pitted, diced • 2 Tbsp sesame seeds • ½ cup toasted slivered or sliced almonds (optional) Dressing • ⅓ cup extra virgin olive oil • ⅓ cup lime juice (preferably fresh) • 2 Tbsp rice vinegar • 1 Tbsp soy sauce or tamari • 2 Tbsp honey • 1 Tbsp toasted sesame oil (optional) • pinch salt
In a large bowl, combine salad greens, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, and onion. Cover; refrigerate. Dressing: Combine dressing ingredients in a glass jar; seal tightly and shake well. Just before serving, drizzle dressing evenly over salad; toss to combine. Roll up salmon strips to form “roses.” Add to salad along with avocado, sesame seeds, and almonds, if using. Mix gently to combine. Norene’s Notes Smoked Salmon or Lox — What’s the Difference? Authentic lox is made from only the belly portion of the salmon, the richest and tastiest portion. It is salt-cured or brined, but never cooked or smoked. However, smoked salmon can be made from any part of the fish. It is usually covered in spices or a dry rub after curing and has more of a smoky flavor. Either one can be used in this salad — or as a topping on a crusty bagel (but not on Passover)!
A simple comfort-food dish that’s layered with creamy mozzarella, Cheddar, and Parmesan, it’s easy to forget there’s actually no pasta in this lasagna at all! This is a great dairybased dish to serve for company, yet is easy enough for weeknight suppers. Perfect for Passover! • 1 medium spaghetti squash (about 3 lb/1.4 kg) • 2 cups marinara sauce • 2 cups chopped fresh spinach • ¼ lb/125 g mozzarella cheese, sliced • ¾ cup grated Parmesan cheese • 2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper. Cut squash in half lengthwise; discard seeds and pulp. Place squash, cut-side down, on prepared baking sheet. Bake, uncovered, for 35-45 minutes, until tender. Coat the bottom and sides of a 12-inch round glass or ceramic quiche dish with nonstick cooking spray. Use a fork to separate squash strands. Place a layer of squash strands into prepared baking dish. Spoon on 1 cup of marinara sauce. Sprinkle with half the spinach and half the cheeses. Repeat with a second layer, ending with cheeses. Bake, covered, for 30 minutes, until piping hot. Uncover; bake an additional 10 minutes, until golden. Norene’s Notes Using your Noodle: For short strands, cut spaghetti squash in half lengthwise. For long strands, cut it into 1-inch rings. Discard seeds and pulp. Place on baking sheet and bake, uncovered, for 3545 minutes, until tender. Separate squash strands with a fork. Reproduced from The Silver Platter Simple Elegance by Daniella Silver with Norene Gilletz, with permission from the copyright holders ArtScroll/Mesorah Publications, LTD.
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A Toast To The Bride & Groom!
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MIND OVER MATTER: 6 Things Every Couple Needs to Talk About Before Their Wedding Day
W
by Jennifer Mann LCSW
hen you meet Mr. Right, a natural phenomenon sometimes occurs in which women feel swept off their feet and even euphoric. It is easy to forget the importance of having serious conversations about shared values and life goals. I have compiled a list of the important topics every couple must discuss before they are engaged and find themselves in the commitment of a lifetime. 1. How Will We Fight? All couples disagree at times. After all, you are two individuals, from different backgrounds, with different ideas and different temperaments. And even if you were identical clones of each other, you would still probably argue about something at some point. So, the question cannot be “how do we avoid disagreement?” but “how will we handle ourselves when we disagree?” Included in this conversation should be how each of your parents handled arguments. Ask yourself, “What did I see in my home growing up? How did my parents argue? What can I learn from my parents and what behaviors do I want to avoid?” Though couples do become closer and share more intimate details with each other once married, it is very important to be open and honest about these details before you are engaged. 2. Parenting. I know, I know… who is even thinking about parenting style? Yes, we have discussed how many children we want to have, but parenting? As a couple’s therapist, I will share with you that one big issue for many couples is their difference in parenting style. They lament that they wished they had spoken about this when they were dating. Ask each other, “How do you want to parent your children?” Will he be laid back, rule with an iron fist or be more authoritative? How do you want to parent? Do you want to hand over the discipline to Dad or take the lead? This should naturally lead into a conversation about how each of you were parented by your parents. 3. Boundaries. This is a big one! What boundaries will we have for our marriage? Will we be talking about each other to our parents? If you are particularly close with your mother, will you be telling her every intimate detail about your husband and marriage? If you feel as though his parents are asking too much of him and in turn this is taking him away from you, how will he respond? Is he planning on spending Thursday nights with his buddies from here until eternity? How do we feel about being on the phone with our friends when the other comes home from school
62
or work? What is our vision of how much time we will be spending together once we are married? It is important to have a similar vision or be able to compromise in such a way that both of you are satisfied. 4. Career/Lifestyle/Raising a Family. It is so important for couples to talk about this one. People often take this one for granted and don’t get into the nitty gritty details. How much money is it necessary for us to earn to live in the Orthodox community? How will we meet this goal? Often times, couples are helped out by their parents because of the impossibly high cost of the Orthodox lifestyle. How comfortable are we accepting help from our parents? If you do not want to accept help from the parents, voice your concern now. When we have a baby, do I want to take off from work, quit my job indefinitely or go back to work? And how does he feel about it? How driven are each of us to succeed at our careers? What are we willing to do to reach that goal? Will we be on our phones at night answering work emails? Or, do we want to set aside an hour a night with our phones off? Will we take our phones into bed with us or will we have a “no phones in the bedroom” policy? If life in New York is too expensive, how do we each feel about the possibility of moving out of town? 5. Responsibilities/Chores. Talk with each other about your ideas about responsibilities and chores. What are both of your thoughts about who will be doing the dishes, cleaning up after Shabbos lunch and vacuuming? Do you see yourself with a man who takes it upon himself to fold his own socks and mop the floor? If you were raised by a father who pitched in at home, it is likely that your expectation will be that your husband pitches in. If the guy you are seeing was raised by a father who sat like a king at the head of the table and never lifted a finger, it is more likely that he will do the same. 6. Displays of Affection Due to laws surrounding shomer negiah, frum couples not only refrain from touching each other before marriage, but often refrain from talking about their expectations for intimacy and affection. Somehow, we must make space for this conversation. Different people have different needs for affection and intimacy. Somehow, we have to be able to talk about this before marriage. For example, “I know I am a cuddly person, so I will probably be the same with you.” Or, “I don’t really like being hugged too much.” Of course, it is impossible to know what your level of desire will be or how affectionate you will be without having any prior experience. Men and women can have anxiety about this before marriage. And this is completely normal! If you are experiencing some anxious thoughts or concerns, please talk to someone. Whether it is your mother, your sister, an aunt, a married friend or a therapist, you don’t have to keep these feelings bottled up. Some couples find they have no problem talking about these things. They feel at ease and completely comfortable discussing these important matters. They know they don’t have to be exactly the same as their partner and also know where to compromise and where they cannot compro-
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GRIN AND BARE IT What was the most enjoyable wedding you ever at-
We allWas come toown? our marriages with flaws. tended? it your What’s one flaw of yours you would not change? The Mock 10th Wedding Anniversary that my sisters threw for me.... It was amazing!!
D.H.
I felt the best person to ask was my husband. In first cousin got married a few weeks and I had his My opinion, I shouldn’t change my ago unrelenting an amazing She is like my sister andperfection because I have desire fortime. constant unwavering in not been part of a wedding party in a few years it was excitthose I love. D.R. ing and fun to be so involved in her special day. O.J. I don’t have any to flaws. I’m perfect, The one I guess I'd have say my own. The joylol. of being surflaw I won’t change is being never rounded by the love and warmth of allearly of ourand family and friends promise of ourclocks future lives together made being and latethe - having my fifteen minutes for a magical night. D.R. ahead of real time. C.B. Of course my own. My husband would be insulted if I Starting a sentence and not finishing; keeps said anything different! In reality, who remembers? It was people engaged, waiting for the end of one of so long ago... bli ayin harah! T.B. my countless stories. B.D. My Aunt and Uncle have a 'change of life baby' who is years younger (lol). than the rest of the cousins in ourB.K. large I20am exacting extended family. When she got married, it was long after we all had gotten married we had a ball! We still talk Expecting everyone toand be on time. D.H. about it. B.D.
I like things clean and neat. At the beginning of my marriage I’m sure I made my spouse (and kids) crazy but I have definitely calmed down. Still I would not change that “flaw” for anything. R.D. Flaws, me??? O.K. I am impatient and expect everything to be done right away, perfectly and without a fuss. My bar is very high in these areas. I know I could/should work on the impatient piece of it
hard say.like My siblings, mine, my children's or my all,It'sbut I to still running a tight ship, being grandson's.... E.W. responsible, having high standards, and getting
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A recent one, combo Persian/non-Persian couple really blended the cultures and it was a lot of fun. P.F.
When I read something unjust I write a letter to theI'meditor. When I see Itsomething canwedbe answering anonymously. was our 1st child's improved, I writeIacouldn't letter to the company. When ding. I was delirious. believe I was given this gift of marrying off child. I had such a good time. never something is abeyond inappropriate I willI'llwrite forget such happiness. Anonymous a comment or review. My husband would rather I did nothing and kept quiet. He says “your Probably my kids' weddings. The whole experience of letter won’t change a thing”. which isn’t true. I those special days can't compare to anything. B.H. have had marvelous results with some of my “reviews”, “letters”, etc. I simply I enjoy most weddings“comments”, if I'm wearing comfortable clothcannot be quiet in the face of stupidity. S.W.is ing and shoes. They are all beautiful. But if something bugging me – a tight zipper, a pinched toe - it doesn't matter how the bride and wedding is. All I can think D.S. about My beautiful persistence! is getting home and getting out of the torturous item. You would think I would learn from Sadly, no. B.S. I’m overly organized andexperience. detail oriented and
myMy husband is certainly not. I shudder think own wedding over three decades ago wastonice but what our lives would look like if I didn’t it passed in a blur. It's easier to enjoy when you are close to organize everything for the two of us! the couple but not too involved with all the details. B.A. T.B. I've been to a few smaller weddings lately, which I enjoyed so much more than the more common 600+ guest I’m flawless!! C.I. ones. I was even at a beautiful second marriage that had maybe fifty people. It was so meaningful. R.D.
All of them.
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My daughter's wedding was such joy!
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Though not real life, if I could be flawless - that would This be pastgreat. year I was privileged to be a guest at theE.M. wed-
dings of 2 girls who were in their mid- thirties and had met their basherts. and Eachdetermination. one was a lovely young man and evPersistence B.K. eryone attending (including myself),was so happy to be at these weddings. Telling the truth. Often undiplomatically.... C.J. I would say my first child's wedding.
E.W. L.M.
I’mYes. not good at most making plattentortes, H.S. and Myso own was the enjoyable. can’t seem to stop complaining about that. Is
I would have to say mine and my kids' weddings. Besides Continued on page 110 for the obvious reason that they were our simchas, we are the only ones who serve plattentorte at a wedding. L.E.
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Continued from page 62 mise. And yet, others have a more difficult time with this. They don’t know when or how to have these conversations. Maybe they grew up in a home where things weren’t discussed, or maybe because they have such limited experience with the opposite sex, they simply cannot bring themselves to talk about such intimate topics. Whatever the reason, I recommend speaking to a couple’s therapist to help guide the process. Remember, relationships and marriages are ongoing conversations about feelings and negotiations. Both of you should be in the game of making the other feel heard and validated. You don’t have to have identical visions for your future, but there should be a healthy dose of flexibility and openness and a commitment to open ended discussion. Happy dating, happy engagement, and happy wedding days to all! Sincerely, Jennifer Mann, LCSW
Jennifer Mann, LCSW works with individuals, couples and families in private practice in Hewlett, NY. She can be reached at 718-908-0512. Like Jennifer Mann, LCSW on FB. Together with her mother in law, Esther Mann, LCSW, they are The Navidaters, providing dating and relationship coaching to individuals and couples. Packages include but are not limited to Date Debriefing and Dater’s Tool Kit. Curious about what type of dater you are? Set up a Dating Profile Analysis. To learn more, visit their website thenavidaters.com. Sessions are held in person, by phone or Skype. The Navidaters can be reached at 516-224-7779. You can follow The Navidaters on Instagram and FB for dating and relationship coaching and inspiration.
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