Esra February 2017 by Esra Magazine Online

February 2017

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Publishers Rachayle Deutsch Suzi Bollag

SPOTLIGHT......................................... 14

Sales Representatives Shani Schwebel Miriam Goldbrenner Barbara Gold Pearl Silber

FROM SOUP TO NUTS:

Contributing Editors Rachel Rosenberg Shuly Rubel

A Modern Way to Cook...................... 30

Beauty Editor Naomi Scheier

MIND OVER MATTER: Jealousy—A Most Uncomfortable Feeling.................................................... 54

GRIN AND BARE IT............................. 64

DIRECTORY OF ADVERTISERS......... 80

Psychotherapists Robin Daar, LCSW, RN Jennifer Mann, LMSW Cover Art: Chava Roth 718 627 8583

ESRA Magazine LLC is published monthly and distributed FREE to area residents. No artwork or other material in this book maybe reproduced without the permission of the publisher. The advertiser agrees to hold harmless the publisher for publication of submitted copy. ESRA will not be responsible for typographical errors. We reserve the right to refuse advertising or editorial copy that we feel does not fit our policy. Advertising claims are not the responsibility of ESRA. (516) 478-9212. EsraMagazineOnline.com

M A G A Z I N E 8

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My mother called me excitedly the other day. She had been going through photo albums – a pastime she has turned to more and more lately – and had come across some great pictures of me and my children that she thought I would love to have. I told her that I would pick them up when I saw her next, which was a couple of days later. When I stopped by her apartment she immediately reached for an envelope and handed it to me. I opened the flap and took out half a dozen pictures of my family. "Aren't they wonderful? I wanted you to have them," said my mom. I agreed with my mother that they were indeed great. I knew them well. After all, I had taken them myself and given my parents copies. When I explained that I was the photographer and it was me who had given her the pictures my mother was disappointed. I don't think it was as much that she had wanted to give me a special gift as much as she was trying to clear out some clutter and pare down her wares.

She's been doing that a lot lately. I'll walk in to her second floor apartment and there will be several vases on the table, a few outfits folded on the bed, a stack of books on the den side table – all for the taking. "Could you use . . .," she will ask, each time completing the sentence with another item she no longer needs or wants. Her lifestyle has changed over recent years and she simply has no use for many things she previously employed. For example, her pots. She hasn't cooked in quite a while and offers her cookware to her children on a regular basis. I understand where she is coming from. There comes a time in your life when the urge to de-clutter is strong. I am almost thirty years younger than my mom but I'm beginning to feel the same way. I've mentioned several times already how my home is the storage base for my kids, their furniture, toys and books. But I admit, it is not just their stuff that can set off a panic attack when I look around. I've been living in my Five Towns home for

FEBRUARY 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com

nearly three decades and I, too, have accumulated too much over the years. I'm not even talking about the dozens of boxes and whatnot that we allocated to the attic when we moved in and have never – never! – used, opened or even visited. (Why didn't they go straight into the trash bin?) No. I am referring to the items we excitedly purchased and collected from coffee table books to picture frames, ceramic pitchers and throw pillows. In every room I enter I see too much clutter. Even when I eliminate the items that are supposedly only residing in my abode temporarily, there is too much stuff. I, at least, recognize that over the years – I'm sure like every other family – we have amassed a great deal

of unnecessary items – or at least items that at this point are unnecessary. I have been ready for some months now to roll up my sleeves and start getting to work eliminating. My husband, however, refuses. What I determine is clutter he does not. And even if he did it simply doesn't bother him. What's more he does not like getting rid of things, always convinced the minute he does he is going to need them. Outdated law books from nearly thirty years ago? Not to be touched. Receipts that are so yellowed from age you can't even read what store they are from? Don't even think about it! Old work files,

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Dinette Special: Modern or Traditional Table + 6 Chairs $649 Complete Chosson – Kallah packages starting at $4000 Continued from page 15 suits that are a bit too snug, expired passports and drivers licenses? No, no no! So every few weeks I go through my own, more contained things and pare down a little bit. Cookbooks to a foodie co-worker, clothing to a local thrift shop. I would love to get up to the attic and simply clear it all out and call special sanitation but it's a job too big for me at this point and I see I'm on my own for this one. The good news though is that my younger daughter and her husband just bought a house (they should have much mazal and bracha there always

G-d willing), and I see an opportunity not only to finally shift her gear back into her own turf but perhaps to sneak in a few of my own things along the way. It is clearly another of life's cycles. You start off in a small apartment and can't wait to have a house and to fill it with your own taste and furnishings. Those first years the house may remain mostly empty or furnished with cast-offs from various family members. Gradually but excitedly you add select pieces of furniture here and there and fill in with accessories to complement your acquired

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From Soup to Nuts:

A Modern Way to Cook

ccording to Anna Jones, author of the new, wonderful cookbook, A Modern Way to Cook (Ten Speed Press), “There is a real shift in the way we look atbuy. food. More peofamily-run Jewish ple Small, are conscious of what they are putting bakeries that once lay at the into hearttheir of shopping close-knit urban baskets, more people all neighborhoods over are buying seasonalAmerica have fallen victim ly and more people to cooking the demise of the oldare at home. school bakers, shifting home-cooking is For the first time in two generations demographics and economic realities. But firmly back in fashion and an ever-increasing number of people are actively choosing to eat aBerg diet centered Stanley Ginsberg and Norman seek to around vegetables on at of leastthese a few Jewish days of the week. keep the memories bakeries Making vegetables the focus of our diet is widely conalive with their new book, Inside the Jewish sidered to be the single most important thing we can Bakery: Recipes and Memories from the do for our own health and for the health of the planet." Golden Ages Baking A Modern Wayofto Jewish Cook is filled with (Camino over 150 Books). More than a collection of recipes, flavor-packed, quick vegetarian recipes you will enInside Jewish the joy eating,the preparing and Bakery serving tochronicles your family and friends. as: traditions—as well as the historySuch and

distinctive baked goods—of Ashkenazi Jewry Avocado, Cucumber in Eastern Europe and its immigration to America. Utilizing a vast array of sources, the and Fennel Soup authors have crafted an engaging “edible SERVES 2 AS A history.” MEAL OR 4 AS A STARTER • 1 ripe avocadoKAMISHBROYT • 1 cucumber (Jewish Biscotti) • 1/2 large fennelMakes bulb two to three dozen slices • 2 tablespoons Greek or coconut yogurt 2 3/4 pastry or all-purpose flour • juice of cups 1/2 lemon 1 cup less 1 • a handful of iceTbs. cubesgranulated sugar 1/8salt tsp. and table freshly salt • sea 3/4 tsp. baking powder ground pepper • a 1few sprigs of dill pecans, almonds or walnuts cup chopped • a 2/3 few cup sprigs of basilegg beaten • 1/2 1/2green cup chile unsalted butter, melted • a handful of toasted pumpkin seeds 1 tsp. vanilla extract • extra-virgin olive oil • or avocado oil

90 30

This soup couldn’t be easier, and it’s one of the quickest recipes I've ever made. It’s what I eat on hot days or days when I feel like something light, refreshing, and cleansing. I don’t think that this kind of super-fresh food should be banished from the winter, though. I have been known to eat a bowl of this in front of the fire in January. I mention using avocado oil here; if you don’t have it, a good extra-virgin olive oil will be great, hand buttery until well but avocado oil haswhisk such anby amazing taste that it is worth searching out.2Use anywhereAdd you blended, to 3it minutes. might use good olive, to finishnuts soups,and and continue in dresschopped ings. Get all your ingredients together. mixing for another minute. Pit the avocado and scoop the flesh into the jar 3. Add the eggs, melted of a blender. Chop the cucumber and fennel into butter and vanilla large pieces and add these too, along withextract, the yothen mix with a large gurt, lemon juice, ice cubes, and a good pinch spoon of salt until the adough and pepper. Blend or on your high hands until you have completely smooth green soup. Taste the soup and is smooth andpale flexible. add 4. more or salt if needed; thepan, flavor should On lemon a parchment-lined sheet form the be subtle and refreshing, with a back note of lemon. dough into a loaf about 4 in. wide and 2 in. Onceforthe40soup is completely smooth, into Bake to 45 minutes, until the pour dough is bowls and top with fronds of dill, little basil leaves, set and light brown. chopped green chile, some pumpkin seeds, and a Reduceof the to 300° F. Remove good5.drizzle oil. oven If it’s heat a really hot day, you can the loaf from the oven and immediately slice it add a couple more ice cubes too.

to desired thickness. 6. Arrange the slices Noodles on the parchment and Zucchini return to the oven until browned and dry, with Pistachio, Green Herbs about 40 minutes. Remove to a rack and let and Ricotta cool. When cooled, dip the ends into melted SERVES 4if desired. Great with coffee or tea. chocolate,

• 9 ounces/250 g ricotta cheese KICHELACH • 3 unwaxed lemons • a good pinch of dried Kichelach chile flakes are a food minimalist’s delight— • light, 1 teaspoon honey airy runny morsels of crunch that were eaten • like 3 ounces/60 g shelled cookies or saltypissnacks. Wherever Eastern tachios European Jews settled, kichelach became a • extra-virgin olive oil mainstay nosh—the perfect accompaniment to • a small bunch of mint of herring • aapiece small bunch of basil or a glass of sweet wine, schnapps, tea or coffee—a delightful change • sea salt from the ordinary. • 4 large or 6 small zucchiniToday, they’re almost I hesitatedtotofind, include recipe for these vegetaimpossible butatheir memory lives on. ble noodles, as they are on every scene-y or healthy menu and are peppered through raw and healthy cookbooks. But the fact is they are quick and simple and I love eating them. I am not going to insist

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that you go out and buy a Spiralizer if you don’t have one; I do have one but still often use a Y peeler and a knife rather than getting out this gadget. A julienne peeler, which costs much less, will do exactly the same job and take up much less cupboard space. Vegans, leave out the ricotta—or you can bake silken tofu in the same way, if you like. Preheat the oven to 400°F/200°C (convection 375°F/180°C). Fill and boil a kettle of water and get all your ingredients together. Turn the ricotta out of its package onto a baking dish, grate over the zest of one lemon, sprinkle over a large pinch of dried chile, and drizzle over the honey. Put the ricotta into the oven to bake for 15 minutes, until caramelized on top. Put the pistachios into the oven to toast for 3 to 5 minutes. Heat a frying pan over high heat and thinly slice one of the unzested lemons, picking out and discarding any seeds. Add a tablespoon of olive oil to the pan and fry the lemon slices until they are burnished and sticky. Take the pistachios out of the oven and pour into the bowl of your food processor; pick the mint and basil leaves and throw them in too. Add the juice of half the zested lemon and a good pinch of salt. Add 4 tablespoons of olive oil and a tablespoon of cold water, pulse until you have a textured grassy green pesto, then transfer to a bowl. Now for the zucchini. Use a julienne peeler, or a Spiralizer if you have one, to make zucchini noodles. To do this by hand or a mandolin to peel the zucchini into long wide strips. Carefully stack the slices on top of each other and use a knife to cut them into thin strips. This is actually really easy and quick, so don’t be put off. Place in a heatproof mixing bowl, cover with boiling water from the kettle, and leave to sit for 2-3 minutes. Once the fried lemon slices are cool enough to handle, coarsely chop them and stir them through the pesto. Remove the ricotta from the oven. Drain the zucchini noodles well and toss with the pesto. Crumble the ricotta on top and finish with more lemon zest and a drizzle of oil, if you like.

Salted Almond Butter Chocolate Bars MAKES 24 BARS • 7 ounces/200 g almonds • 3 tablespoons runny honey or agave syrup • 2 tablespoons melted coconut oil • seeds from 1 vanilla pod, or 1 teaspoon good vanilla extract • sea salt • 5 ounces/150 g unsweetened desiccated coconut • 7 ounces/200 g dark chocolate (70 percent) • flaked sea salt

A friend said these were the nicest chocolate bars he had ever tasted and that if they were on sale in the shops, he would buy one every day. 1 think I would too. These little bars are a triumph. They are packed with goodness and have just a little sweetness from the honey and the dark chocolate. If you want to keep things really pure here you could use raw honey and raw chocolate for maximum nourishment. These bars keep really well for a few weeks stacked in a container in the fridge and they freeze brilliantly, so a sweet hit that’s full of goodness is never too far away. I make a batch of these every couple of weeks, though they have become a favorite in my house so rarely last more than a few days. Fill and boil a kettle of water and get all your ingredients and equipment together. Line a small square baking pan with baking parchment. Put the almonds into the bowl of a food processor and process for 5 minutes, until the nuts are beginning to turn into a soft butter. Add the honey or agave syrup, the coconut oil, vanilla, and a good pinch of salt and process to combine. Add the desiccated coconut and process again until you have a scruffy dough-like mixture. Tip the dough into the lined baking pan and use clean wet hands to even it out into a square about 3/4 inch/2 cm thick. Put the baking pan into the freezer for a couple of minutes. Break the chocolate into a bowl that will comfortably sit on top of one of your pans. Put the pan on the heat, add a couple of centimeters of boiling water and bring to a gentle simmer. Place the bowl on top of the pan and let the chocolate melt, making sure the bowl doesn’t touch the simmering water. Take the almond mixture out of the freezer and cut it into 24 bars. I do this by making six vertical slices and four horizontal ones. Pop them back into the freezer to chill. Once the chocolate has melted, take it off the heat and allow it to cool and thicken, stirring occasionally. Cooling the chocolate a little is important, so that the bars will be thickly coated. Line a baking sheet with parchment. Take the frozen bars out of the fridge and dip them into the chocolate, using two forks to turn them, then lay them on the parchment. Add a sprinkle of sea salt. Once you have coated all the bars put them into the fridge to set, about 2 hours.

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Jealousy — A Most Uncomfortable Feeling Robin Daar, RN, LCSW “I feel jealous all the time and I can’t seem to control it. I also feel so guilty and awful about myself when I have these feelings.” These feelings were shared with me recently by a client who was distraught over them. She had recently moved to a new community and was finding that she often felt she needed to “keep up with the Joneses”. She also shared that as hard as she tried the feelings kept coming up and she felt captive to them. I validated her feelings as we continued to talk about circumstances surrounding these feelings. Jealousy is one of those emotions that we could live without. However, it is a feeling that is impossible not to have. We are human. One of the Aseret Hadibrot is “Do not covet” and this is because this feeling goes back to the beginning of time. Hashem knows it’s an emotion that’s human and that is difficult to control. So what is jealousy? The exact definition is “an emotion that typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern and anxiety over an anticipated loss of status or something of great personal value, particularly in regard to human connection”. Huh? Simply put, what this means is that jealousy is an emotion we have because we may not feel “as good” as other people and wish we did. Oh! While all people may feel jealous they feel different degrees of it and about different things. In this client’s situation it was about physical possessions that she felt she was lacking. At this point with my client I explained that there is another feeling a person may feel that is similar to jealousy but subtly different and that is the emotion of envy. “Envy is a two person situation where jealousy is a three person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something whereas jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something or someone. This means that when you are feeling jealous you are often feeling envious as well.” Jealousy and envy are often called feelings but unlike anger and depression they have no physiological basis, rather they have a clearly cognitive component. They are thoughts that cause feelings.

(In this article I will use the two words interchangeably). The problem with jealousy is that it masks other feelings and attitudes that are more hurtful to us and those closest to us. According to Psychology Today “Its intensity often shields deep seated feelings of possessiveness, insecurity or shame. The belief is that what lies at the heart of jealousy very often isn’t the threat itself but a drive we have within us to torment ourselves and berate ourselves with self-critical thoughts”. If you read that paragraph once again you’ll see how much sense it makes. When we feel insecure about ourselves “not good about who we are,” we want something else, thinking it will make us feel better about who we are. Think about the thoughts we have when we feel jealous. Thoughts like… “if I had those things they would like me more…find me more interesting… think more of me”. These critical inner voices and the feelings of humiliation that they foster can be more painful to us than the threat itself. They also can be more real. These negative feelings accompany us into our personal relationships and instill in us a level of doubt that keeps us from perceiving ourselves as truly lovable. Where do these negative thoughts originate? There are a number of theories. One is that they can begin in our early lives as children. We might have been witness to a destructive personal relationship or were made to feel bad about ourselves by significant and parental figures. We internalize these experiences identifying with the destructive attitudes that were being expressed. If, for example, we felt ignored as children which made us feel insignificant, it is likely that we have carried these insecurities into adulthood as well. In upcoming sessions with my client I will continue to collect information on her past and how she may have come to have such intense feelings of jealousy (or envy). We will explore those feelings and the meanings those experiences have for her. Through therapy the hope is in time she can understand the origin of her feelings and work through them. By working through them I also mean learning to let go of them. If she continues to focus on these perceived deficiencies or losses these dark feelings will continue. What to do with these feelings? There is no quick fix but here are a few suggestions: 1. Recognize your jealousy – when we name the feeling it loses its power because we are no longer letting it shame us. 2. Learn from your jealousy – we can use these feelings to grow. Ask yourself these questions. Why

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do I feel this way? What is it I want? Then figure out a way to get it (within reason), or do without it. 3. Let it go– tell yourself that you don’t need this emotion in your life. Practice mindfulness to calm these feelings when they arise. 4. Remind yourself of your positive traits. Betty W. Phillips PHD writes in her article “The Green Eyed Stress Monster: Envy and Jealousy,” that the practice of GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION are great tools to use to combat jealousy. Gratitude for what you have in your life instead of what you don’t have. She discusses the difference in the concepts of “upward” and “downward” comparisons. Jealousy is bases on “upward” comparisons a focus on what people have that you don’t have. Continued thoughts about deficits will reinforce an upward comparison. If, however, we focus on things we have that others do not have using “downward” comparisons it will hopefully help us switch from jealousy to gratitude. Jealousy is not an easy emotion to experience or to get rid of but it is possible. Like all other bad habits it requires a lot of energy and consistency to battle, but it’s worth it. Just imagine waking up every day and being thankful for just what you’ve got. That’s got to be a feeling like no other!!

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I felt the askreally was my husband. In Living in abest studioperson apartmenttothere is no favorite spot. Eating his reading opinion, shouldn’t my unrelenting and at the Itable. Relaxing inchange front of computer playing games and watching at the same unwavering time. Then of course there is the bed desire forTVconstant perfection in after all that. Moving on to bigger place soon. E.W. those I love. D.R. My living room. I have a very comfortable club chair and I use it to

I don’t have and anyread. flaws. perfect, lol. The one sit in on Shabbos It's myI’m cozy Shabbos spot. C.J. flaw I won’t change is being early and never My favorite is on a stool at my island infifteen my kitchen. I do my being late spot - having my clocks minutes work there, eat there, use my laptop there and am sitting there right ahead C.B. now. of real time. I.G. No question sunroom…because it has a large window Starting a here…my sentence and not finishing; keeps looking on a park…itwaiting is a very calming scene… A.R. peopleoutengaged, for the end of one of myMycountless stories. B.D. turquoise couch! Curled up on it I feel like I'm out in the midB.K.

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Continued from page 16 style. As the children come and grow different equipment and furnishings are necessary. Other items get relegated to the garage, basement or, yes, the attic. It may take years before you are able to finally acquire a dining room table and chairs or redo an ancient bathroom, update a kitchen. But just as you are "done" or as done as you will ever be, you'll begin to notice things that are a little worn, items you've suddenly outgrown and the fact that you seem to have maybe a few things you don't really need or don't really appreciate anymore. You may even decide it's time to move to a smaller place and downsize. But until you reach that stage of the game there are still the many exciting years of making a home. Whether you are moving out to your own studio apartment, getting married and starting a new life or moving with your family to a new neighborhood, creating and furnishing your own space is a wonderful adventure that this issue will help you explore. From kitchen cabinets to fabrics and tiles, furniture and home accessories to wall paper and linen, we've got it all right here. And if there's something you still need? I'm sure I've got one I can happily part with . . . Enjoy!

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