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APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
Wishing all our Customers and Friends a Chag Kasher v’Sameach!
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STAFF Vol. 35 No. 5 © Copyright 2017
TABLE OF CONTENTS SPOTLIGHT......................................... 12 SAVVY SECOND-HAND SHOPPING..... 30 FROM SOUP TO NUTS: Passover Extras.................................. 52 MIND OVER MATTER: How Much Control is Too Much?....... 70 HAPPENINGS: Free Jewish History Lecture Series On Touro Campus............................. 77 GRIN AND BARE IT............................. 78 DIRECTORY OF ADVERTISERS......... 88
Publishers Rachayle Deutsch Suzi Bollag
Sales Representatives Shani Schwebel Miriam Goldbrenner Barbara Gold Pearl Silber
Contributing Editors Rachel Rosenberg Shuly Rubel
Beauty Editor Naomi Scheier
Psychotherapists Robin Daar, LCSW, RN Jennifer Mann, LMSW Cover Art: Felice Soifer www.felicesoifer.com theartoftherecipe@gmail.com instagram: @theartoftherecipe ESRA Magazine LLC is published monthly and distributed FREE to area residents. No artwork or other material in this book may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher. The advertiser agrees to hold harmless the publisher for publication of submitted copy. ESRA will not be responsible for typographical errors. We reserve the right to refuse advertising or editorial copy that we feel does not fit our policy. Advertising claims are not the responsibility of ESRA. (516) 478-9212. EsraMagazineOnline.com
M A G A Z I N E 8
APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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I
'm not one for wearing many accessories. I never developed a talent for it. Of course there are all kinds of ways to wear accessories. Some people sport only the "real" stuff. They would never entertain the idea of wearing costume jewelry or a shawl bought off a corner street vendor. They may not wear a lot but everything they do own is top quality. Real diamond studs on their earlobes; designer, buttery leather bag draping from their arm, etc. Some people over-accessorize. Real or not, they can't seem to get enough and often arrive at the scene in a chunky necklace, dangling earrings and several clanking bracelets. With the same ensemble they may also add a scarf around their neck, a wide belt around their waist and perhaps even a jaunty hat on their head. I notice these women often have a penchant for the leopard look. Not my thing but they always look like they are having fun and raring to go. Then there are those who have a natural flair for it. It could be a stunning gold pendant or a funky plastic bangle, a retro chain belt, or cool shades. The real thing or vintage chic, or maybe even something from that corner NYC ven-
dor. Whatever it is that catches their eye is partnered perfectly with the rest of the outfit and just works. I don't even know if they can explain it. I know I can't. I guess that's what having a "flair" is. While I know I don't possess that special fashion sense I can at least spot it and appreciate it in others. But don't think I haven't tried. In my closet there are many pairs of shoes. Far too many. And plenty of boots. Different colors, finishes and heights. Truth be told, however, as I age and value my comfort and hips (both new and old), Aerosoles, Toms and Fit Flops are the footwear I most often rely on to get me through the day. Over the years I have accumulated a hefty assortment of beautiful handbags, good brands, nice detailing. But alas, I've had to downsize considerably over time and now, much to my children's dismay, I usually wear a small canvas crossover. I've got a nice assortment of scarves and shawls – a couple of pretty cool numbers I am sure would pass the fashion police muster – but I've never exactly figured out how to
Continued on page 14
Oif Simchas!
Continued from page 12 get that casual, drapey look going. I've tried belting them and knotting them but they seem to have a mind of their own and are always on the loose. More than once I've had strangers point to a colorful, tail trailing behind me as my scarf was making its sneaky getaway. I don't even try anymore. Now jewelry is a little different. I have been the grateful recipient of many jewelry gifts over the years. From hubby, kids, mom, sisters and myself as well. I have several "important" pieces from some of the fine jewelry stores featured in ESRA, and lots of fun costume baubles picked up at jewelry shows, flea markets, antique stores and your run-
14
of-the-mill fashion boutiques. I have a drawer full of necklaces, bracelets, pins, rings and earrings – both real and not – but I rarely wear any of them. For close to thirty years I wore a gold chain with two birds on a swing around my neck to symbolize my children. Recently it was replaced by an equally simple but very meaningful gold chain sporting a small round initialed disc for each of my grandchildren B"H. Other than that, unless I am at a wedding when I dig into my better stuff, the only jewelry I wear with any regularity is earrings. I do like a nice pair of earrings and have quite a cool collection (I think). Watches bother me, bracelets get in the way. Rings are annoying and necklaces get
APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
Continued on page 22
Continued on page 16 EsraMagazineOnline.com
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Continued from page 14 tangled. On any given day my fingers and wrists are bare but I will be sporting an interesting pair of earrings. However. I was recently shopping at one of the great accessory shops on these pages and spotted a fabulous necklace. It was one of the rather new, large pieces but not heavy or chunky. It was made up of a long chain of uneven, donut-like flat discs, some gold, some silver, some black and some tortoise. The minute I saw it I knew it could work well with and dress up many outfits in my closet. It was really "not me." And yet it was. I just felt it was a great find and have already worn it many times to many admiring compliments.
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Of course the first time I wore it it got caught on the arm of my desk chair and broke. I had to repair it. Last week, my one-year-old granddaughter grabbed one of the "donuts" as soon as I slipped off my coat and it disconnected yet again. Okay, probably not the best babysitting accessory. I still might not have that natural flair for carrying off fashion accessories but, like I said, I do appreciate it in others and can even make a savvy selection for myself once in a while. We are thrilled to bring you this spring 2017 Fashion issue featuring the latest in fashions for every member of your family including the best of this season's accessories. Whatever your style you are sure to find exactly what you are looking for right here. Go for it!
APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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䄀瀀瀀愀洀愀渀 ∠ 吀愀爀愀渀琀攀氀氀愀 ∠ 倀椀挀欀一椀挀欀 ∠ 䰀漀瘀攀搀 䈀愀戀礀 ∠ 䴀椀猀猀 䴀攀洀攀 ∠ 匀椀攀爀爀愀 䨀甀氀椀愀渀 ∠ 䴀愀搀愀洀攀 䌀栀愀爀氀漀琀琀攀 ∠ 倀椀挀渀椀挀欀Ⰰ 倀攀琀椀琀攀 䌀漀挀漀
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䄀瀀瀀愀洀愀渀 ∠ 吀愀爀愀渀琀攀氀氀愀 ∠ 倀椀挀欀一椀挀欀 ∠ 䰀漀瘀攀搀 䈀愀戀礀 ∠ 䴀椀猀猀 䴀攀洀攀 ∠ 匀椀攀爀爀愀 䨀甀氀椀愀渀 ∠ 䴀愀搀愀洀攀 䌀栀愀爀氀漀琀琀攀 ∠ 倀椀挀渀椀挀欀Ⰰ 倀攀琀椀琀攀 䌀漀挀漀
䄀瀀瀀愀洀愀渀 ∠ 吀愀爀愀渀琀攀氀氀愀 ∠ 倀椀挀欀一椀挀欀 ∠ 䰀漀瘀攀搀 䈀愀戀礀 ∠ 䴀椀猀猀 䴀攀洀攀 ∠ 匀椀攀爀爀愀 䨀甀氀椀愀渀 ∠ 䴀愀搀愀洀攀 䌀栀愀爀氀漀琀琀攀 ∠ 倀椀挀渀椀挀欀Ⰰ 倀攀琀椀琀攀 䌀漀挀漀
䔀砀挀氀甀搀攀猀 戀愀猀椀挀猀 ☀ 渀攀眀 愀爀爀椀瘀愀氀猀⸀ 一漀 挀爀攀搀椀琀 猀氀椀瀀猀 漀渀 猀愀氀攀 椀琀攀洀猀⸀ 䄀瀀瀀愀洀愀渀 ∠ 吀愀爀愀渀琀攀氀氀愀 ∠ 倀椀挀欀一椀挀欀 ∠ 䰀漀瘀攀搀 䈀愀戀礀 ∠ 䴀椀猀猀 䴀攀洀攀 ∠ 匀椀攀爀爀愀 䨀甀氀椀愀渀 ∠ 䴀愀搀愀洀攀 䌀栀愀爀氀漀琀琀攀 ∠ 倀椀挀渀椀挀欀Ⰰ 倀攀琀椀琀攀 䌀漀挀漀
APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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Savvy Second-hand Shopping
S
By Beth Honig of The Emperor’s Old Clothes
ome people might consider me a shopaholic, others might say I’m obsessed with clothes. Honestly, I really, really love fashion - not at the expense of what’s truly important in my life - but I always have. Even as a kid, in my school uniform, I had to add my own signature, my personal flair - be it a belt, a scarf or hair accessory -before I left the house. Blending in was never my style. I was born with an eye for fashion and that part of me could never be squelched. Sadly for me, I was always on a tight budget and only dared to dream of one day walking into Bergdorf ’s and buying the latest designer clothes, shoes, and accessories at full price, never bothering to flip the tag to see the price. At 54 that dream has still not been realized, but I’m not disappointed at all. In fact, it was another disguised blessing in my life. Staying true to my passion forced me to get creative and to become a savvy shopper for myself and later for my family. I became the queen of outlets and a frequent visitor of Century 21, Off Fifth, Last Call and other upscale department store outlets were also part of my circuit. However, nothing gave me a greater thrill than finding something outrageously spectacular at a high end consignment store. A super cool vintage hat, fur, or even a unique party dress, was always on my watch list. Years of shopping and creating great ensembles for myself and anyone who asked for my help prepared me for a business that truly let me express myself and share my passion. Sixteen years ago I opened an upscale consignment business online, The Emperor's Old Clothes, and later expanded into retail. My amazing consignors supply me with incredibly gorgeous highend, wearable designer fashions and I have the privilege of selling them greatly discounted to my savvy customers, who, like me, can spot a good deal a mile away! I love what I do and I’m surrounded by beautiful things that really make me happy, especially being able to resell them to customers who appreciate quality fashions but don’t have the budget for them. Both buying and selling over the years have given me insight and experience. Here are some tips: Educating yourself is my number one piece of advice. Antique clothing and accessories usually refers to anything produced before 1920. Vintage clothing usually refers to items produced
30
between 1920 and twenty years before the present day. Retro items usually refer to pieces in a style from a previous era. Consignment shops like mine feature gently used designer fashions. When buying designer bags and shoes, authenticity is key. Online or in a retail store, purchase from a reputable seller. Fakes are very common and are often quite good. It is your responsibility to know that you are buying the real thing. This is not always easy. You can educate yourself before the purchase to look for an authentic serial number or special detailing, such as in a zipper. Check blogs that are helpful in letting you know how to spot a fake. If you are looking for a particular designer item let the seller know. Many keep a customer watch/wish list and if and when the requested item comes in they will contact you. When making a purchase check if it is final sale. Most consignment shops do not take returns and it is up to the buyer to examine the merchandise carefully before making the purchase. A website will note if their sales are final and a retail shop will have a sign posted or a message printed on the receipt. Sometimes even the seller does not notice a small stain or damage. Check your intended purchases carefully. If you are choosing between two items that look similar, buy the one with more resale value in case you choose to turn around and sell it. Keep tags, dust bags, boxes and receipts. All make your item more sellable. As I mentioned above, buy from a reputable dealer. However, again, it is your job to know the reasonable value of your purchase. When buying a used designer dress, for example, go online and see what the current prices are for a similar fashion. The resale price should be considerably lower. The higher end the designer the more expensive the price but there should still be a proportionally lower asking price for an item that has been worn. Be a little creative. If you are saving loads on a gently worn designer outfit, don’t worry it it’s not a perfect fit. If it’s a great buy, even adding an alteration fee makes it a worthwhile purchase. Certain consignment shops like mine, have affiliations with charitable causes which benefit from select store sales. It’s a great way to do something for yourself as well as for others. In addition, instead of giving their high-end designer clothing directly to people in need who may not appreciate or want these particular fashions, some customers choose to sell their merchandise to a consignment shop and earmark the funds made for tzedaka. Another win/win situation. Most importantly, buy what you love! Just because something has a designer label or is a great deal, doesn’t mean it’s the right purchase for you. If you want to pop into my store in Cedarhurst, ask for Beth and I’ll be happy to assist!!
APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
E
The premiere shop for gently loved and authentic, luxury pre-owned fashions. Perfect for Pesach! Huge Backroom sale $100, $50 and even $20 racks filled with designer treasures. Consign with us, call for details. Hours: Mon-Thur 11-5 Fri 11-3 Sunday 12-4 ebay ID: the.emperors.old.clothes Like us on Facebook!! facebook.com/shopteoc Shop our site!! http://www.shopteoc.com Or visit our store at 570 Central Ave Cedarhurst NY 11516
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APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
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Surprise your guests. Surprise yourself. And make your food Perfect for Pesach! NEW H C PESA OOK B COOK
By
Naomi Nachman In this debut cookbook, Naomi Nachman shares her popular recipes from over a decade of Pesach catering. Perfect for Pesach presents easy recipes that use innovative flavor combinations to create fabulous gourmet meals to enhance your holiday table.
More than 125 fabulous dishes Vivid photos accompany every recipe Cooking Tips culled from Naomi’s years of professional experience Freezing Tips ensure ease of prep-ahead cooking Guides to basic ingredients and kitchen equipment
“
I want you to be as excited about cooking for Pesach as I am. These recipes are so delicious, your family and friends will be asking for them all year long. — Naomi
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From Soup to Nuts: Passover Extras
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ooking for Pesach is always a bit challenging. While the main dishes are pretty much the same as year round we are often stumped preparing our menus for other courses. Below are some ways to "accessorize" your Pesach meals.
SILKY WHITE SOUP buy.Dining In on Pesach Judaica Press Small, family-run Jewish yield 4-6 servings bakeries that once lay at the • 1 medium onion, diced • heart 3 T. oil of close-knit urban neighborhoods all over • 5 medium potatoes, cubed havecubed fallen victim • America 1 large parsnip, the demise of the old• to4 cloves garlic, minced • school 1 T dried parsley bakers, shifting • demographics 1 tsp. salt and economic realities. But • Stanley 1/4 tsp. black pepper and Norman Berg seek to Ginsberg • 3 T. lemon juice keep the memories of these Jewish bakeries • Dash of ground ginger (optional) • alive 4 cupswith watertheir new book, Inside the Jewish Recipes andthawed Memories the • Bakery: 1 cup frozen cauliflower, and cut from into small Golden pieces Ages of Jewish Baking (Camino In a 6 quart sauteaonion in oil until Books). Morepotthan collection of translurecipes, cent. Add the next Jewish 9 ingredients. Bringchronicles to a boil. Cook Inside Bakery the over medium for 45 minutes. Blend history andheattraditions—as well soup as with the an immersion blender or in a food processor until distinctive baked goods—of Ashkenazi Jewry smooth and return to pot. Add cauliflower and cook in ten Eastern for minutes.Europe and its immigration to America. Utilizing a vast array of sources, the authors have crafted CELERY an engaging “edible MEAT FILLED ROOT history.” The Passover Gourmet Nira Rousso KAMISHBROYT Adama (Jewish Biscotti) Yield 8 servings Makes two to three dozen slices Filling: • 1 lb. lean ground beef • 4 2 T. 3/4 oil cups pastry or all-purpose flour • 1 1 onion, cup chopped less 1 Tbs. granulated sugar • 2 1/8 T. chopped dill salt tsp. table • 1 tsp. salt 3/4 baking powder • 1/2 tsp.tsp. ground pepper 1 cup chopped pecans, almonds or walnuts • 1 egg, lightly beaten 2/3 cup beaten egg • 4 large celery roots 1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted Sauce: • Juice of 1vanilla mediumextract lemon 1 tsp. • 1/2 tsp. salt • 2 tsp. sugar
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• 4 T. oil • 1 cup water • 2 T. chopped dill Heat the oil in a large skillet. Saute the meat together with the onion, the dill, the salt and the pepper for 15 minutes. Stir frequently with a fork. Peel the celery root, cut into halves, and with a sharp knife make a well in each half. Remove the whisk by add hand meat mixture from the heat and the until beatenwell egg. Spoon meat fillingblended, into celery and make 2 tohalves, 3 minutes. Add small balls with the chopped remaining nuts filling.and continue Place the celerymixing halves for in the sameminute. skillet in another which the filling was cooked and arrange the meat3. Add the eggs, melted balls and the scraps of celery, which were extracted butter extract, in the process of making the and wells, vanilla around the celery then mix with a large spoon halves. or your hands until dough Mix all the sauce ingredients, pourthe over the stuffed celery. Cover and cook over low heat for an is smooth and flexible. hour. 4. On a parchment-lined sheet pan, form the
dough into a loaf about 4 in. wide and 2 in. Bake MOCK for 40 toBLINTZ 45 minutes,SOUFFLE until the dough is set and light brown. Passover Lite 5. ReduceGail theAshkanazi-Hankin oven heat to 300° F. Remove Pelican the loaf from the oven and immediately slice it Yield 6 servings to desired thickness. • Cooking spray the slices on the parchment and 6. Arrange • 1/2 lb. dry cottage cheese to theRicotta ovencheese until browned and dry, • return 1/2 lb. low-fat about 40 minutes. Remove to a rack and let • 1/2 cup orange juice When • cool. 1/4 cup sugar cooled, dip the ends into melted if desired. Great with coffee or tea. • chocolate, 2 tsp. cinnamon
• 3 whole matzahs • 2 cups non-fat plain yogurt KICHELACH • 8 egg whites • 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla Kichelach are a food minimalist’s delight— Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Coat bottom light, airy of crunch that were spray. eaten and sides of amorsels 9"x9" baking pan with cooking cookies or salty snacks. Inlike a food processor process the Wherever cheeses, 1/4Eastern cup of European Jews1 T. settled, kichelach the orange juice, of the sugar and 1 became tsp. of thea cinnamon. mainstay nosh—the perfect accompaniment to Dip theofwhole matzahs in coldofwater one a piece herring or a glass sweetforwine, minute to soften butcoffee—a not to soak, drain. Layer one schnapps, tea or delightful change matzah in the pan and spread with half of the cheese from the ordinary. Today, they’re almost mixture. Layer the second matzah and spread with impossible to find, their memory livesthird on. the remaining cheesebut mixture. Layer the matzah. In a bowl blend together the yogurt, egg whites, vanilla and remaining orange juice, cinnamon and
JANUARY | EsraMagazineOnline.com APRIL 2017,2015, Esra |Esra EsraMagazineOnline.com
sugar. Pour over the matzahs. Bake in the preheated oven for 50-60 minutes or until set. Let sit 10 minutes before serving.
MANGO, AVOCADO AND ROMAINE LETTUCE SALAD Pesach - Anything's Possible! Tamar Ansh Targum Press Yield 4-5 servings Salad • 1 bag romaine lettuce, checked and dried • 1 large fresh mango, peeled and sliced • 1 large avocado, peeled and cubed • 1/3 cup craisins or dark raisins • 1/2 cup candied pecans, crushed • 1 small red pepper, chopped
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Dressing • 1/4 cup oil • 1/4 cup light mayonnaise • 2 tsp. apple cider or regular vinegar • 2 tsp. garlic powder • 2 tsp. onion powder Tear apart the lettuce and place in a large salad bowl. Add the rest of the salad ingredients and mix. Whisk together the dressing ingredients and pour over salad right before serving.
BUTTERSCOTCH CRUNCH BARS Passover by Design Susie Fishbein Artscroll Yield 20 bars • 12 T. butter or margarine • 1/2 cup dark brown sugar • 4 matzah boards • 1 cup chopped pecans • 1 cup shredded sweetened coconut • 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips • 1/3 cup sweetened dried cranberries Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Melt the butter or margarine and brown sugar in a pot over medium heat, whisking until the mixture is melted and smooth. Cover a jelly roll pan with aluminum foil. Line the pan with a single layer of matzah, breaking as necessary to fit. Pour the brown sugar mixture over the matzahs, spreading evenly with a spatula to make sure every surface is covered. Bake for 10 minutes. In a medium bowl toss the pecans, coconut, chocolate chips and cranberries. When you remove the pan from the oven sprinkle an even layer of the coconut mixture over the top. Cut into bars while warm.
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MIND OVER MATTER: How much control is too much?
A
By Robin Daar, LCSW, RN
married woman who recently started to see me for therapy described her husband this way. “He is really a very nice man, he seems to like everyone he meets and people really like him but.. (here comes the but) but I feel like I’m just not good enough for him”. “So your husband is well liked by people and likes many people but you’re not sure you’re good enough for him? “ I asked her to give me more details. “He is just so critical of me - especially the way I dress. He picks at everything and well, maybe he married below himself?” Wow, I thought to myself. This woman certainly has a deflated sense of self. Here in front of me sat a well-dressed, nice looking, articulate woman. What mirror was she looking in at home? After some time talking it seemed clear to me that this woman was living in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage She had been “abused” for so long that she was convinced it was her fault and that it was all true. This is typical of a person who has been beaten down by their spouse. She does not see his part in this dysfunctional relationship and initially did not feel he had any blame in the way it played out. Toxic relationships can sneak up on almost anyone. And controlling behavior on the part of a partner has no boundaries. It is not unusual for a relationship like this to start out like any other with the “spouse” speaking nicely and lovingly to his significant other and then for things to change early on into the marriage. Often there are signs before the marriage but the “other” chooses to ignore them because they do not want to see them. (Before going into what signs you might see if you suspect someone is being controlled by their spouse, let’s review what would make a person become so controlling). Control is often a reaction to fear of losing control. People who struggle with the need to be in control often fear being at the mercy of others and this fear may stem from a traumatic experience that left them feeling vulnerable. As a result they may crave control in a dysfunctional way. The need for control drives people to turn to the external world in order to find things they can control. They may feel compelled to orchestrate the actions of others or maintain rigid rules regarding routine, diet
70
and cleanliness and order. These people are in pain, though this pain is deeply hidden and not acknowledged. Control issues may be related to: • Traumatic or abusive life experiences • Anxiety • Fear of abandonment • Low or damaged self esteem • A lack of trust • Perfectionism and the fear of failure • Emotional sensitivity As we continued to speak, my client filled me in on some background about her husband. He was the oldest child in a family of six children. His father had passed away when he was young and he was therefore put in the position of having to be responsible way before it should have been expected of him. His mother worked long hours to help support his family and his grandparents, who were elderly, helped to raise them. His grandparents meant well but his grandfather was not a patient person and was a yeller. When the two of them dated her husband was very sweet and attentive to her. Things however began to change early in the marriage. She felt she could not do anything right based on his constant criticizing and nitpicking. Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners. Sometimes the emotional abuse is complex enough so that the person who is being controlled actually believes they have done something wrong or that they are extremely lucky to have partners who are willing to put up with them. If you notice more than a couple of these signs take it seriously. One sign that indicates trouble is when the spouse begins to isolate you from your friends and family. It may start out very subtly and then increase over time. He may have what seem like good excuses too but over time you realize you’re not seeing your family or friends anymore. The goal here is for the controller to remove any social support from you so you depend on him and only him. Constant criticism is another blatant sign. Telling you how to dress, talk and sometimes breathe will slowly over time erode whatever self-esteem you have. Again, this contributes to your isolation and loss of feeling of value. When a spouse begins to subtly threaten you with taking away your source of money and your children or hurting you, it’s time to find help. Sometimes these controlling spouses will even threaten to hurt themselves in order to control the situation. Making acceptance/caring/attraction conditional is another sign of a controlling spouse. This patient I mentioned earlier told me her husband told her on occasion “If you lost a little weight you’d be more attractive to me” or “If you can’t bother to make dinner for me I don’t know what I’m getting out of this relationship.”
APRIL 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
Using guilt to manipulate their spouses is often a tactic used by controlling spouses. If they can make their spouse feel guilty all the time they will do whatever is asked of them to not feel guilty. Spying, snooping or requiring constant disclosure helps the controlling spouse gain that control. They may check your phone, your emails or want details of everything you do. They give you absolutely no privacy, believing everything about your life should be an open book. (Of course this is all one sided.) The snooping can lead to jealousy over little things you do (they presume you are guilty until proven innocent). Their arsenal is full of strategies to make you feel less and less confident about yourself, including making you feel you don’t measure up and making you doubt any professional or educational goals you might have. Clearly there can be a range of controlling behavior with a “controlling spouse” but any such behavior is not healthy in a marriage. What a person who feels he/she is being controlled needs to consider is : 1. How bad is the control? 2. How does it make me feel? 3. What are the underlying intentions when he/she is trying to control me? 4. Where is my life at this time as compared to where I thought it would be, because of this control? 5. Can I talk to my spouse about how I feel? If you feel uneasy about your relationship, speak to another person you trust and get their perspective on what they see. Knowing is not enough. Seek out professional help so you can figure out just what to do. It’s not an easy fix because it involves both people and may require work together as well as apart. Addressing control issues in therapy involves figuring out the reason for the person to control. The therapist and client unravel the reason behind the fear, anxiety and the coping methods they’ve developed. Self-awareness helps the person over time relinquish the control. It is the hope that the controlling person will cultivate self-compassion and figure out ways to take care of themselves in a healthy way. For the person being controlled, therapy helps them recognize they are not deserving of this type of treatment. It helps them regain their sense of self over time and understand how they might have accepted this relationship for so long (and how to keep it from happening again). No one deserves to be controlled or to be made to feel “less than.” A controlled relationship is a dangerous one and a sad one and should not be ignored.
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HAPPENINGS:
J
Free Jewish History Lecture Series on Touro Campus
ewish History @ J, an innovative public lecture series, has resumed its weekly schedule on Monday nights from 7-8 p.m. at Touro College’s Flatbush campus at 1602 Avenue J. The lecture series, presented by Dr. Henry Abramson, dean of Touro’s Lander College of Arts and Sciences, is free and open to the community. Abramson, who has been lauded for his-thought provoking and informative presentations, offers dynamic elements that engage and illuminate. In each session Dr. Abramson combines scholarly, indepth historical overviews with Torah insights. The series spotlights the following historic personalities: May 1: Nahmanides Rabbi Moses ben Nachman’s defense of Judaism in a forced Church-sponsored debate earned him exile from his native Spain. Ramban's commentary on the Torah was his last work, and his most well known. May 8: Rabbi Moshe Cordovero Rabbi Moshe Cordovero was one of the founders of Tzfat, attracting still more Rabbis and especially Kabbalists to the mountaintop community, including Rabbi Cordovero’s most prominent disciple, Rabbi Isaac Luria (the Arizal). May 15: Theodor Herzl His vision and determination transformed the millennial aspirations of an exiled people into a political reality. May 22: Yitzhak Rabin “One does not make peace with one’s friend,” he famously said, “One makes peace with one’s enemy.” Rabin’s life was inextricably bound with the relationship of Israel and its Arab neighbors. "Jewish history is one of many paths to the study of Torah, and Torah study is enriched by a deeper understanding of Jewish history,” said Dr. Abramson. For more information, and to register for the free series, visit https://jewishhistorylectures.org/ About the Touro College and University System Touro is a system of non-profit institutions of higher and professional education. Touro College was chartered in 1970 primarily to enrich the Jewish heritage, and to serve the larger American and global community. Approximately 18,000 students are currently enrolled in its various schools and divisions. Touro College has 30 campuses and locations in New York, California, Nevada, Berlin, Jerusalem and Moscow. New York Medical College; Touro University California and its Nevada branch campus; Touro University Worldwide and its Touro College Los Angeles division; as well as Hebrew Theological College in Skokie, Ill. are separately accredited institutions within the Touro College and University System. For further information on Touro College, please visit www.touro.edu/news.
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a comment or review. My husband would rather And shoes. The extremities. C.J. I Earrings. did nothing and kept quiet. He says “your letter won’t change a thing”. which isn’t true. I Earrings, I forget to put some them on feel have had definitely!! marvelousIf results with ofI my like I am not dressed! B.C. “reviews”, “letters”, “comments”, etc. I simply cannot be quiet in the face of stupidity. L.M. S.W. SHOES! My persistence! D.S. A small, delicate necklace with a pop of color. H.R.
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DIRECTORY OF ADVERTISERS ALTERATIONS/DRESSMAKER Simply Gorgeous................................. 85
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MEN'S CLOTHING & ACCESSORIES Shirts Plus............................................ 44 PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT Better Health........................................ 67 STERLING SILVER E. B. Estate Sterling............................. 40 TABLECLOTHS Blossum Bleu....................................... 34 Gitta Steinmetz..................................... 63 TRIMMINGS Katz Trimming Shop............................. 77 WEIGHT CONTROL/EXERCISE Be A Loser--Rochelle........................... 24 Chaya Stern--Nutrition Spot................. 12 WIGS Estee Wigs........................................... 81 Joseph & Co......................................... 62 Pery Wigs............................................. 21 WOMEN'S ACCESSORIES/HOSIERY Bersel................................................... 40 Head to Toe.......................................... 50 Hedy's Hats.......................................... 64 Leggacy................................................ 72 Onyx..................................................... 38 The Shell Station.................................. 26 Tip Toes............................................... 29 Tip Top Bride.......................................... 3 WOMEN'S APPAREL A Touch of Class.................................... 5 Celuette................................................ 83 Chic de Paris........................................ 13 Couture off the Rack............................ 27 Elegance.............................................. 65 The Emperor's Old Clothes.................. 31 Expressions.......................................... 90 Exquisite............................................... 57 Fashion Island...................................... 73 Finds & Co........................................... 53 Furs by Kurt.......................................... 86 Gerry Weber........................................... 9 It's You/Lynda's.................................... 23 Julie's Quality Couture......................... 47 Lew Imports.......................................... 35 Pink Label by Rachel Kairy.... Back Label The Shell Station.................................. 26 Teen Boutique...................................... 20 Tiffany Knits......................................... 84 Ultra Chic.............................................. 42 Unique Boutique................................... 79 Walowitz Furs....................................... 23
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