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STAFF Vol. 35 No. 6 © Copyright 2017
TABLE OF CONTENTS SPOTLIGHT......................................... 10
MIND OVER MATTER: Grandparents and Boundaries................. 26
FROM SOUP TO NUTS: The Seasonal Jewish Kitchen.................... 46
GRIN AND BARE IT............................. 64
DIRECTORY OF ADVERTISERS......... 72
Publishers Rachayle Deutsch Suzi Bollag
Sales Representatives Shani Schwebel Miriam Goldbrenner Barbara Gold Pearl Silber Barbara Weinberg Contributing Editors Rachel Rosenberg Shuly Rubel
Beauty Editor Naomi Scheier
Psychotherapists Robin Daar, LCSW, RN Jennifer Mann, LMSW Cover Art: Marina Gershman 917 856 0347 marinagershman@hotmail.com
ESRA Magazine LLC is published monthly and distributed FREE to area residents. No artwork or other material in this book may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher. The advertiser agrees to hold harmless the publisher for publication of submitted copy. ESRA will not be responsible for typographical errors. We reserve the right to refuse advertising or editorial copy that we feel does not fit our policy. Advertising claims are not the responsibility of ESRA. (516) 478-9212. EsraMagazineOnline.com
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M
y sisters and I often bemoan the fact that we never went to sleep-away camp. We've heard the stories, seen the footage, read the books, and know that for most children the sleep-away experience is one that is held dear in their hearts and their memories. We learned that strong friendships were formed during those summer weeks away from home, many that hold firm, even decades later. We've been told about fantastic reunions, nostalgic camp cheers and melodies, inside jokes and a whole, seemingly wonderful world that we missed out on. We are all in our fifties (plus). You would think that we would have gotten over it long ago. But not completely. When two friends start reminiscing about their amazing out-of-town bunkmates, or those incredible overnight hikes, we still get that sinking feeling in the pits of our stomach and can't help feeling that we missed the boat. A particularly fun ride to a wondrous destination. Of course not everyone enjoyed the sleep-away camp experience. I know people who had to drive three hours to the lake or into the woods to retrieve hysterical children who demanded to come home. I've heard some adults tell of how they were sent to camp at the tender age of five and how they cried for six weeks straight. But not many. Most people who share the summer
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sleep-away camp experience have a special bond and history that outsiders like us, supposedly, can never fully appreciate. And we know it. Because, of course, especially for children - but not just for them - the grass is always greener on the other side. Going to sleep-away camp was simply not in the cards for us. My parents couldn't afford to send all five of us so they didn't send a one. Instead we went the bungalow colony route. Now, if I am being honest, as much as I am sure I would have loved going to sleep-away camp, the bungalow colony life was pretty awesome too. For the rental fee of one bungalow (in those days no one actually owed a summer home), the whole family enjoyed. Even dads joined us for the weekends. Our camps were not the most professional and we all went back to our bungalows and families at the end of each day but we did have trips, picture day and color war too. Our fun was perhaps not as sophisticated or as creative as "theirs" but we, too, managed to accumulate wonderful memories from those relaxed, mostly unstructured summer days. We left our bungalows early in the morning and although we popped back in at mealtimes, we were basically out and outdoors until it was dark. We had a freedom that I don't believe even our
JUNE 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
Continued on page 14
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Continued from page 10 sleep-away counterparts experienced. Children of all ages played together on the paddleball courts, in the casino (not the gambling kind), and mostly on the acres and acres of green and sometimes muddy lawn. You know what? If you've never spent a summer cozily cramped in a Catskill or Poconos mountain bungalow, playing Capture the Flag in the moonlight, following fireflies and picking blueberries, you too have missed out. I guess the five of us did enjoy our bungalow colony summers because each and every one of us went back to the mountains at some point with our own children to recapture the experience, introduce them to a simple yet special way to pass the summer days, and to create new memories for them - and us - to cherish.
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When I asked our Grin and Bare It group this month if they were summer camp or country people I got many immediate and enthusiastic responses. And they are all winners. Readers reported on their wonderful summer memories and they included stays in sleep-away camp, weeks in bungalow colonies, beach vacations and more. It's possible that it's not the location that determines the experience but something about the summer itself that puts us all in better place. Perhaps what we need to realize is that the grass is rarely greener on the other side. Maybe just a different shade of green. We hope you find your own patch of green to enjoy this summer.
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MIND OVER MATTER: Grandparents and Boundaries
A
By Robin Daar, LCSW, RN
patient of mine became a grandparent last year. When she shared the news with me she said the following: “Who says there’s no such thing as magic? Something magical truly happened to me when I heard the words ‘You’re going to be a grandparent’. It was an out of body experience that few experiences compare to, except of course for yesterday when my grandchild was born and then well if I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren I would have had them first”. This woman was so full of joy and so indescribably happy. Last week the same woman entered my office in tears “I never realized how difficult it would be to be a grandmother,” she said. I asked her to take a deep breath and explain herself. She continued to tell me that she was starting to feel tension between herself and her son and
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daughter-in-law and was very unhappy about it. She told me the conflict was over her granddaughter and issues that were arising as a result of their different parenting styles. We went on to discuss her expectations as a grandparent and I asked her to give me an example of the type of conflict that had occurred between herself and her children. My patient shared that she felt as a grandparent she wanted to be helpful to her children and develop a great relationship with her granddaughter. I asked her to describe what that would look like to her. Our conversation went like this: “I was hoping I could go over there daily to give my daughter-in-law a break and to play with “my baby. “ I get the impression that they’re not so happy about it so I cut back to every other day, but I still don’t feel so welcome”. I stopped her right there. “You’re baby?” I asked. “Well she isn’t really my baby but my baby’s baby so I refer to her that way some times”. “How do you think that might make your children feel?” “It’s just an expression” she continued. “I understand. But your children might hear it differently than you mean it”. “I never thought about that,” she said almost in tears. My heart went out to this patient. Here she was trying so hard to be helpful and yet was feeling rejected. What I understood, however (that she had yet to realize), was that when we become grandparents we are not parents all over again and therefore we need to learn “our place”. I know it sounds harsh but as soon as we understand the relationship better we can be the grandparents we want to be and everything improves. So here are some guidelines I would recommend to new parents and grandparents (because the relationship goes both ways): 1. Check your expectations – Think about how realistic your expectations about being a grandparent are (after all you were once a new parent). Have you taken the parents’ feelings into consideration? Do you remember how important it was for you to feel autonomous and capable as a new parent? Do your efforts impact the parents’ ability to parent the way they feel is right? Don’t forget there is a fine line between being helpful and being intrusive. 2. Mind your own business. Again, I realize it sounds harsh but there is no better way to say it. If you are not asked your opinion, do not give it. As parents they need to figure things out ( just like we did), and will resent you if you keep interfering. If they ask you – that’s a whole different situation. When responding to their question it would be a good opportunity to help them figure things out by discussing it together and not rush to save the day.
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3. Ask. Ask the parents how you could be of help to them. They will tell you if they need help ( I promise). 4. Don’t drop in unexpectedly. They deserve their privacy and want to feel respected and considered. 5. Get a life. We want to be valued and needed but not at the expense of our children and grandchildren. We’ve all heard this about grand parenting. The beauty of being a grandparent is you can play with them and give them back. Enjoy your life, you’ve raised your children already! 6. Tell your children what a great job they are
doing! (Who doesn’t want to hear that?). Now here’s the other side of the coin (for the new parents): 1. Be flexible. Understand as new grandparents we are figuring it out too. What fun is in being a grandparent if you can’t bend the rules a bit? Remember she’s been waiting for a grandchild to spoil so find a MIDDLE GROUND. 2. Check your expectations. Talk to your parents and in laws ahead of time about your expectations for their role. Get your stories straight before
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5. Positive reinforcement for your parents. Let them know you appreciate them and love them. Recognition and mutual respect can help the whole family bond and grow closer together. Like any relationship this one is not simple. Like any relationship this is a work in progress. Try not to take everything so personally. For all parties, talk to other people and bounce your feelings off them for a little reality check. Expect bumps in the road. Understand it will not be easy. But one thing I can assure you, it’s worth the effort!
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From Soup to Nuts:
The Seasonal Jewish Kitchen
H
ere is a new way to think about Jewish food. In The Seasonal Jewish Kitchen (Sterling Epicure), Amelia Saltsman takes us on a journey to explore a buy. of flavors ideworld Small, family-run al for modern meals. Jewish She traces the delicious bakeries that once lay at the thread cook- urban heart ofofJewish close-knit ing, draws on her neighborhoods own all over rich food history and, America have fallen victim inspired by the Jewish calendar, brings us a beautito the demise of the old-filled with seasonal ful, warm, personal cookbook school bakers, shifting spins on beloved favorites, classics ready to be redemographics and more. economic realities. But discovered, and much Below are some of her June suggestions: Stanley Ginsberg and Norman Berg seek to
keep the memories of these Jewish bakeries "MANTA RAY" alive with their new book,CEVICHE Inside the Jewish Bakery: Recipes and6 servings Memories from the makes Ages of Jewish Baking (Camino • Golden 1 pound firmfleshed, More skinned, Books). than a collection of recipes, very fresh fish Inside the Jewish Bakery chronicles the fillets such as halhistory and traditions—as well as the ibut or white sea distinctive baked goods—of Ashkenazi Jewry bass Eastern and its immigration to • in1 1/2 cups Europe fresh America. lime juiceUtilizing (from a vast array of sources, the authors have crafted an engaging “edible about 6 limes) • history.” 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice (from about 2 lemons) KAMISHBROYT • 1/2 small red on(Jewish Biscotti) ion Makes two to three dozen slices • 1/4 cup snipped fresh chives, in 1/8 inch pieces 2 3/4 cupsvirgin pastry or oil all-purpose flour • 1-2 T extra olive less 1sumac, Tbs. or granulated sugar • 1 1tspcup ground more to taste • 1/2 Aleppo 1/8tsptsp. tablepepper salt or 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes • 1/2 coarse sea salt or more to taste 3/4tsptsp. baking powder • crackers for serving 1 cup chopped pecans, almonds or walnuts Pat dry. egg Check for any hidden bones 2/3 the cupfish beaten and1/2 remove Cutbutter, away the blood line and any cup them. unsalted melted other dark patches and discard. Cut the fish across 1 tsp. vanilla extract the grain into slices 1/8-1/4 inch. Cut the slices into 1/4-3/4 inch pieces. Place in a glass bowl. Add the
90 46
citrus juices, and stir to mix. Cover and refrigerate stirring occasionally until the fish is completely opaque, 2-3 hours. Cut the onion half in half again vertically and then cut each piece crosswise into paper thin slices. In a small bowl soak the slices in cold water to cover for 30 minutes. Drain well and pat dry. Drain the fish thoroughly and place in a clean whiskchives, by hand well bowl. Add the onions, olive until oil, sumac, pepper, sea salt. Toss well. 2Taste adjustAdd the blended, to 3 and minutes. seasoning. Serve with crackers.nuts and continue chopped
mixing for another minute. SPINACH AND3.AVOCADO SALAD Add the eggs, melted WITH A butter LOT OF and LEMON vanilla extract, then8-10 mixservings with a large spoon makes or your hands the dough • 2 bunches New Zealand or Savoyuntil spinach, about 1 1/2 pounds total is smooth and flexible. • 3-4 cucumbers, about 3/4 pound 4. Persian On a parchment-lined sheet pan, form the • dough 1 bunch green onions into a loaf about 4 in. wide and 2 in. • 1/3 cup fresh dill springs, about one small bunch Bake for 40 to 45 minutes, until the dough is • extra virgin olive oil and light brown. • set 1 lemon 5. Reduce • kosher or sea the saltoven heat to 300° F. Remove the loaf from the oven immediately slice it • freshly ground black orand white pepper - optional • to1 desired large ripethickness. avocado Pluck the spinach leaves on from stems and dis6. Arrange the slices thetheparchment and card the stems. Rinse the leaves in several changes return to the oven until browned and dry, ofabout water40 andminutes. pat dry. Remove You should 8-9 and cups let of tohave a rack lightly packed leaves. Coarse chop the large leaves cool. When dip the ends melted and place themcooled, all in a salad bowl. Peelinto the cucumchocolate, if desired. Great with coffee or and tea. bers or leave unpeeled. Cut in half lengthwise
use a small spoon to scrape out the seeds. Cut the KICHELACH halves crosswise into pieces 1/4 inch thick and add to the bowl. Cut the green onions crosswise into veryKichelach thin slices., the green tops. Chop areincluding a food minimalist’s delight— the dill and add it and the onions to the bowl. (The light, airy morsels of crunch that were eaten salad can be made 6 hours ahead up to this point, like cookies or salty snacks. Wherever Eastern covered and refrigerated.) European Jews kichelach became Drizzle the saladsettled, with a healthy glug of olive oil.a mainstay nosh—the perfect accompaniment to Halve the lemon and squeeze most of the juice over a piece herring or abeglass of sweet the salad. of The salad will refreshingly tart.wine, Season the saladtea with and pepper, if using, then schnapps, or salt coffee—a delightful change toss until leaves are Today, evenly coated withalmost a fine from thetheordinary. they’re sheen of oil and the salad has reduced in impossible to find, but their memoryslightly lives on. volume. Put the salad on a platter or shallow bowl. Halve, pit and peel the avocado and cut into thin wedges or chunks. Place the pieces on the salad with their deeper green edges facing up and serve.
JANUARY | EsraMagazineOnline.com JUNE 2017, 2015, Esra | Esra EsraMagazineOnline.com
A PASHTIDA: Baked Pasta with Spinach, Ricotta and Brown Butter makes 8-10 servings • 1/2 cup plus 2 T butter • 1 pound spinach • kosher or sea salt and freshly ground white or black pepper • 1 pound penne, farfalle, or other short pasta • 3 eggs • 1 pound ricotta cheese • 1 1/2 cups grated Parmegiano cheese • 1/2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg Preheat the oven to 350. Butter a shallow 3 quart baking dish with 1 T of the butter. Wash spinach well and drain but do not dry. Stem the spinach. Heat a wide pot over medium heat and swirl in 1 T of the butter. Working in batches if necessary, add the spinach, season with salt and pepper and cook until the spinach has wilted and released its liquid, 2-3 minutes. Transfer to a sieve and drain, pressing out as much liquid as possible. Finely chop the spinach. You should have about 1 1/2 cups. Cook the pasta in generously salted boiling water. While the pasta is cooking lightly whisk the eggs in a large bowl. Stir in the ricotta cheese, half the Parmegiano, the nutmeg, 1 tsp salt and several grinds of pepper. Stir in the spinach. Heat the remaining 1/2 cup butter in a medium skillet over medium heat and cook, swirling the pan occasionally, until the foam has subsided and the butter is fragrant and nut brown, 7-10 minutes. Lower the heat to keep from burning. Stir half the browned butter into the spinach mixture. Just before the pasta is ready scoop out about 1/2 cup of the cooking water and reserve. Loosely drain the pasta and return it to the pot. Add the spinach mixture and pasta water and mix well. Scrape into the prepared baking dish, top with remaining Parmegiano cheese and pour the remaining browned butter evenly over the top. The dish can be prepared up to this point and refrigerated for several hours. Bake the casserole until the top is golden brown, about 30 minutes. If baking a cold casserole allow an extra ten minutes or so in the oven. Serve hot. Reprinted with permission from The Seasonal Jewish Kitchen © 2015 by Amelia Saltsman, Sterling Epicure, an imprint of Sterling Publishing Co., Inc. Photography by Staci Valentine
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L.E.
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GRIN AND BARE IT Did you spend your summers growing up in camp or the coun-
We try? all come to our marriages with flaws. What’s one flaw of yours you would not My parents couldn't afford to send us to camp, so my mother bechange? came camp mother so that my sister and I were able to go. Kids would
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cry on the way up to camp. But I would sob all the way home at the end of the summer.I just loved the camp experience. Sportshusband. all day, assorted I felt the best person to ask was my In activities at night and great food and snacks. That was the simple life. his opinion, I shouldn’t change my unrelenting Miss it.... D.W.
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desire for constant unwavering perfection in I spent my early years in Bradley Beach with my family and extendthose I love. D.R. ed family we rented a house that we shared. L.M.
I went tohave camp any every year and loved I never wanted summer I don’t flaws. I’mit.perfect, lol. the The one to be over. Visiting day was always a highlight, when my parents would flawupIwith won’t change being come plattentorte for theis whole bunk! early and never L.E. being late - having my clocks fifteen minutes In the country... D.H. ahead of real Bungalow time. colony in the Catskills. C.B. My early childhood summers were spent at a local swim club or a
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myMostly marriage I made my inspouse day camp,I’m then asure few years in Moshava Gelatt, Pa.(and Then work Thosebut were Ithehave days... definitely calmed down. E.W. kids)at 15. crazy Still I would not change that “flaw” for Growing up at a Bnei Akiva camp on the beach! We slept in tents anything. R.D. and walked to the beach every day to swim. O.R.
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Mot h er & Si ster Ho u r s : Su n day 1- 5pm Tu e sday 8- 10pm We d n e sday 12-2pm • Br i da l Gow n s by A pp oi ntm ent Pl ease Ca l l f o r Sum m er Hour s
ALTERATIONS/DRESSMAKER Simply Gorgeous............................. 44
EYEGLASSES Optique Elegance............................. 69
Rainbow Lighting.............................. 53 Renaissance Custom Interiors......... 58
BABY GEAR The Baby Store................................ 31
FAMILY SERVICES Elie Cohen, PhD............................... 26
LINEN/TOWELS Elegant Linen................................... 12
BRIDAL NEEDS Be A Bride........................................ 36 Bridal Couture.................................. 66 Bridal Direct...................................... 51 Bridal Dresser.................................. 70 Bridal Elegance................................ 71 Chanie Greenzweig Headpieces..... 20 Cinderbella....................................... 60 Custom Bridal................................... 25 Emerly's Bridal................................. 44 Esti's Bridal........................ Back Cover Expressions...................................... 74 Exquisite Gowns.............................. 63 Finds & Co....................................... 47 Julie's Quality Couture..................... 48 Kleinfeld............................................ 41 Lew Imports...................................... 15 Pessy Blum's Bridal Salon............... 60 Pessy Miller...................................... 34 Sarelli................................................. 9 Simply Gorgeous............................. 44 Teal Couture..................................... 66 Tip Top Bride...................................... 7 Trace of Lace................................... 43 Tznius Princess................................ 19
FLOORING/TILE Boro Rug.......................................... 39 Elegante Rugs.................................. 67
MAKEUP/HAIR /SKIN CARE Reflections ...................................... 43
CATERERS/CATERING HALLS Masores Simcha Hall....................... 59 Skolya Simcha Hall.......................... 36 CHILDREN'S AND PRE-TEEN CLOTHING The Boys Club.................................. 23 Elegant Child.................................... 61 Judy's Nook . ................................... 52 Layette 4 Less.................................. 19 Le Bambini....................................... 65 Little Women.................................... 50 Peanuts Baby+Child........................ 55 Sweet Things................................... 70 Teen Boutique.................................. 32 That's My Boy.................................. 73 CRAFTS M & M Yarn...................................... 62 EDIBLES Ave J Fish......................................... 19 Gourmet Glatt Supermarket............... 3 EDUCATION The New Seminary.......................... 22 Yaffa Academy................................. 35
72
FLORISTS Flower Expressions.......................... 35 FURNITURE Eisenberger's Furniture.................... 14 Kingdom Furniture............................ 28 Loeffler............................................. 13 Regal Furniture................................. 37 Renaissance Custom Interiors......... 58 S & S Furniture Outlet...................... 17 Unique Elegant Seating................... 56 FURNITURE REPAIR/REFINISHING Expert Furniture Repair.................... 27 HOME ACCESSORIES/GIFTS Continental Tablesetting.................. 42 Eastside China................................... 6 Impressions...................................... 45 The Peppermill................................. 40 Royalty Tableware........................... 66 Surrey Lane...................................... 54 HOME DÉCOR/WALLCOVERINGS Boro Park Venetian Blinds............... 11 Elegant Walls .................................. 52 Exclusive Doors................................ 52 Friedman Decorators....................... 57 Home & Stone.................................. 29 INVITATIONS/CALLIGRAPHY Ad Art............................................... 36 JEWELRY All That Glitters................................. 60 Allegra Fine Jewelry......................... 56 Aqua Jewels....................................... 6 Chanie Greenzweig.......................... 20 Exclusive Creations............................ 4 Golden Treasures............................. 30 Kaufman's Jewelry........................... 24 Molly's.............................................. 70 Onyx................................................. 42 Ultimatime........................................ 65 JUDAICA Shaimos L'Gnizah............................ 66 KITCHENS/BATHROOMS Enterprise Wood Kitchens............... 29 LIGHTING Bibi Lighting...................................... 38
JUNE 2017, Esra | EsraMagazineOnline.com
MATERNITY CLOTHING Future Mom...................................... 16 Hindy's Maternity.............................. 30 Mylo Dweck Maternity...................... 43 STERLING SILVER E. B. Estate Sterling......................... 16 TABLECLOTHS Gitta Steinmetz................................. 57 WEIGHT CONTROL/EXERCISE Chaya Stern--Nutrition Spot............. 10 WIGS Estee Wigs....................................... 62 Joseph & Co..................................... 50 Pery Wigs......................................... 49 Yaffa Academy................................. 35 Yaffa Wigs........................................ 33 WOMEN'S ACCESSORIES/HOSIERY Bersel............................................... 44 Head to Toe...................................... 66 Onyx................................................. 42 The Shell Station.............................. 22 Tip Toes........................................... 50 Tip Top Bride...................................... 7 Tiptoe Boutique................................ 16 WOMEN'S APPAREL A Touch of Class................................ 5 Céluette............................................ 24 Couture off the Rack........................ 21 Elegance.......................................... 61 Esti's........................Inside Back Cover Expressions...................................... 74 Fashion Island.................................. 25 Finds & Co....................................... 47 Furs by Kurt...................................... 68 It's You/Lynda's................................ 64 Julie's Quality Couture..................... 48 K Squared........................................ 18 Lew Imports...................................... 15 Pink Label by Rachel Kairy.........Inside Front Cover The Shell Station.............................. 22 Teen Boutique.................................. 32 Ultra Chic.......................................... 34 Unique Boutique............................... 20
COUTURE GOWN DEPARTMENT
Sale
EXPRESSIONS (718) 972-5576 • 1614 57 St., Brooklyn Summer Schedule Closed July | Re-opening August 8 Mon-Tues-Thurs: 11-5:30 • Wed: 11-6:30
SPRING 2017
1888 CONEY ISLAND AVENUE BROOKLYN, NY 11230
718.645.2600
484 CENTRAL AVENUE CEDARHURST, NY 11516
516.374.1054
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