EVS in Kocani Page 10
How to prepare Turkish Eggsplant Page 2
July 2014 No.12
Eggplants
Ibrahim Mihcioglu
Eggplant’s last stand before the winter arrives. Did you guys know that the eggplant is a close cousin of tomatoes? Did you know that the Ottomans prepared hundreds of dishes with this vegetable? Did you know that it contains nicotine? Maybe that’s why Turks like it this much. Keywords: nicotine, Turks, smoking… Karniyarik literally means “slashed belly”. It’s not a very complicated recipe, especially if you consider how sophisticated the final outcome looks,and of course tastes. Here’s how to make this famous Turkish dish:
Eggplants - Recipe Ingredients: For the stuffing: 100 grams of butter, 1 large onion, chopped finely, 300 grams of ground meat (lamb, beef or a mixture of both), 2 tomatoes, peeled and grated, 1/2 teaspoon of ground black pepper, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, For the rest: 9-10 eggplants, preferably oval-shaped small variety, make sure they are firm and shiny, Vegetable oil spray, 4-5 teaspoons of salt (for degorging, optional), A pinch of ground nutmeg (optional), 1/2 cup of boiling water, 1 tomato grated, A pinch of salt, 4 small green peppers, halved, seeded.
Eggplants - Recipe Peel the aubergines (peel the skin in vertical stripes if you like), remove the green bits around the stems but leave the hard stalk on top, just like you see in the picture, this helps hold them intact through the whole process. Make a deep lengthwise slit along each eggplant, 1 inch apart from both the top and the bottom. Make the slit on the inside of the curve if the eggplants are curved. Carve out some of the flesh inside the slit. Salt the eggplants generously, hold for about 15 minutes and then rinse, drain and squeeze to remove any excess water. Dry with paper towels. The ones harvested in summer sometimes even don’t need any degorging, but I still recommend this step after “slashing their bellies�, salting and rinsing, then draining and drying with paper towel.
Line the eggplants on a shallow tray and spray with vegetable oil, then bake for 15-20 minutes at 180 degrees Celsius. Remove from the oven when soft. The original recipe calls for frying the eggplants, but this way it’s healthier and tastes way better. Sprinkle with grated nutmeg.
Eggplants - Recipe To prepare the filling, melt butter in a non-stick skillet on medium heat, bake the onions till soft and brownish. Put the heat on high setting, then add ground meat. When cooked add salt, black pepper and tomatoes. Continue stirring until tomatoes are cooked and the sauce thickens. Stuff the eggplants with the meat filling. Put green pepper halves on each stuffed eggplant. I haven’t listed it in the ingredients but at this point I place 1 teaspoon of cream on top of each eggplant. This is optional, though. Bake at 180 degrees Celsius for about 15-20 minutes. Serve warm with plain rice pilaf, fresh parsley leaves and yoghurt.
Finish Product
The coffee plant Hande Beklen
Coffee grows as a green-leaved tree or bush with blossoming white flowers. The coffee shrub originally comes from Ethiopia but, in the course of time spread to Southeast Asia and South America. There are two basic types of coffee. Arabica accounts for about 70% of the world’s coffee production. It is grown in the higher regions of central and South America and is popular for its flavor and fragrance. Robusta has spread throughout central and eastern Africa. Although it makes up only thirty per cent of the total coffee production it has become more important because it can resist diseases better. It also has smaller beans and can grow at lower altitudes than Arabica.
World Coffee Production World Coffee Production r=robusta a=arabica m=both Coffee plants grow in the warm and moist climate of the tropics and subtropics. Most coffee trees grow best between 1000 and 2500 meters above sea level. Coffee trees produce fruits called berries. At first they are yellow, and then become red as they mature. An average coffee tree can produce enough berries to make about a pound (half a kilo) of roasted coffee. Coffee seeds are grown in nursery beds. After a year they are planted in specially prepared fields. It takes a coffee tree about six years to produce a full harvest of coffee berries. The largest ones can get up to six meters tall, but they are normally trimmed to a height of 1.5 to 4 meters.
History of coffee Coffee originated in the east African highlands in the 6th century. It was then brought to Arabia where people used it as food and medicine. During the 11th century the first coffee drinks came up. In the 16th and 17th centuries coffee became widely popular in Europe when the Turks brought it to Central Europe. In the 17th and 18th century coffee conquered North and South Amercia Coffee houses soon became popular all over the world. In the 1900s chains of coffee shops developed in Europe and America. Today, Starbucks is the largest coffeehouse chain in the world, with over 20,000 stores in 60 countries.
Types of Coffee • Espresso is probably the most popular coffee drink in the world. It is made by forcing hot water through a pad filled with dark ground coffee. Although there is not much coffee in the cup an espresso is very strong. It is usually drunk black, with no milk added. • Americano is an espresso with hot water added to make it weaker. • Café Latte is an espresso with a lot of hot milk and foam added on the top • Cappuccino is a cup of espresso, together with warm milk and a lot of milk foam at the top. In some coffee shops it is decorated withflaked chocolate or cocoa. • Cafe Mocha is a cappuccino with chocolate or cocoa added • Frappe is a cold espresso that you can get at some coffee shops during the hot summer months • Turkish coffee is usually thicker than normal coffee. It is made by combining ground coffee and water to a muddy mixture
Written By: Furkan Turkmen
LeslieClimbing Thomas Story is a successful writer in England who’s been in the business for more than 40 years. He has written more than 30 novels and several travel books, such as Some Lovely Islands, My World of Islands, and The Hidden Places of Britain. Given his interest in islands, we thought he was the natural source for naming the ten best islands.
• Nantucket, Massachusetts Nantucket was once one of the richest places in America, built on the profits of the whale oil industry. Even today in the delectable old town there are fine brick houses with silver mailboxes. Old-time sailors used to call Nantucket “The Little Grey Lady of the Sea.” On the misty morning I first arrived there, I could understand why. A woman was riding a horse along the beach to the utter delight of her family aboard my ferry, and she bore a banner that said “Crazy Aunt Rides Again.” It is a unique place • Isles of Scilly, England These are the outriders of England, a clutch of tiny islands off Land’s End, Cornwall, awash in the Atlantic and in a world of their own. Five are sparsely inhabited, and hundreds more islets, skerries, and rocks stretch out to the Bishop Rock Lighthouse. The next stop is America. Balmy Atlantic air supports the spring flower industry. Part of the Duchy of Cornwall, the isles are owned by Prince Charles. • Saba, Netherlands West Indies During my years of island finding, I have been to most places in the Caribbean— Barbados, Antigua, Jamaica, and many islands much smaller. But the most unusual is Saba, east of the U.S. Virgin Islands, rising almost 873 meters (2,864 feet) above the sea. It is home to 1,500 inhabitants, many of whom have the same family name: Hassell.
• Canary Islands, Spain Europeans flock to the Canary Islands in winter in search of a little sun. Temperatures range between 70°F and 75°F through January and February. On Tenerife stands one of Europe’s loftiest peaks, Mount Teide, snowcapped in winter against a the deep After Lopezblue sky. You can watch whales or sail over to Gomera, which was the final stop Elvira and Tonny married and Columbus made before he set out and discovered America. they became multi-millioner Tonny was charged with money laundering and tax evasion • Fair Isle, Scotland Sosa offered to use his power to keepisland Tonny outin of Britain. jail if He Fair Isle is the most isolated inhabited It is assasinates a journalist intendhome to only about 70 people, but ing hundreds of thousands of to expose Sosa
birds reside here as well. Most of the visitors to this wild and wonderful place are bird-watchers. Sheep placidly graze on the steeply angled meadows.
Little Beer Diary
Kardelen Kücük .
Tuborg Green: Together with Carlsberg, Tuborg is one of the
most recognisable Danish products. •City: Copenhagen •Country: Denmark •ABV: 4,6% •Ingredients: water, barley malt, hops •Tuborg Green is a typical pilsener, meaning that it looks, smells and tastes like a typical pilsener. So, your glass will be filled with a pale golden liquid, topped with a meadium white head with basically no retention. The nose will pick up a mild grainy aroma, as well as some hoppiness. You will enjoy a taste that follows the nose. The start is malty and grainy, but it’s not really sweet as is the case with some others. This nice start is followed by a mild bitterness in the body, not too much of it but still enough to taste it. The finish has some hops in it, but only just.
Zlaten Dab: The most delicious Macedonian beer. Acquired in
the beautiful, in the gorgeous city of Ohrid, although the beer originates from the city of Prilep. A clear, golden color, and a relatively small white head that settles down quickly. The aroma is malty. The taste is similarly watery and pretty neutral. It starts more on the sweet side, but it perhaps finishes with a slightly higher level of bitterness than its Dutch lookalike. • ABV: 4,5% • Ingredients: water, barley malt, unmalted grains, hops
Skopsko: Skopsko or with the name in cyrillic alphabet
СКОПСКО, named after the country’s capital of Skopje, which is by the way a very interesting city. Although Skopsko beer probably isn’t anything you haven’t tasted before, it goes damn well with some burek (savoury cheese-filled pastry of a sort). Skopsko looks like a typical lager – a clear, golden color with a finger of white and quickly disappearing foamy head. The aroma is pleasantly grainy and slightly hoppy. The taste is very nice, and quite expected and familiar. Slightly sweet at the beginning, followed by a nice bittery finish. Skopsko is a very nice and refreshing lager, slightly watery but still with enough taste to make it run down very smoothly. I can’t say for certain that it is the best Macedonian beer, but it certainly is one tasty drink. • ABV: 4,9% • Ingredients: water, unmalted cereals, barley malt, hops, yeast
Efes Pilsen: It can be said that Efes Pilsen is the best Turk-
ish beer. The aroma is sweet and grainy, pleasant although not to distinct. Efes Pilsen is light and not watery like some others. It starts with the malty sweetness plus some grains, and it finishes with a decently bitter aftertaste. To me, Efes tastes almost like a perfect lager. It’s got everything you want. It’s sweet, it’s bitter, it’s got a pleasant aroma, it’s refreshing, and it has the smoothness to run down your thorat in seconds. I don’t know if I would call it my favourite lager, but it’s definitely in the top five. • ABV: 5% • Ingredients: water, barley malt, hops, rice
Nikšićko: One of the Montenegro beers, clearly the more
popular one is Nikšićko. In the recent years, radler-like beers have become extremelly popular in our part of Europe, especially during the summer months. You can find all sorts of combinations, such as orange, grapefruit, black currant, etc. But the most popular is still the original lemon radler. This cool lemon pours out with a cloudy golden color and just a little bit of white head. The lemon aroma dominates the smell, with almost nothing else to add here. The taste is sweet (lots of sugar) as well as bitter thanks to the lemon. It really does feel like you’re drinking lemonade and beer mixture. Although radlers are not really beers per say, I still count them amongs beery drinks. If looking for taste, grab a regular Nikšićko beer. But if you need a break away from beer, and are just looking for some nice refreshment, radler will do just fine. And as radlers go, Nikšićko is definitely a very fine one. • ABV: 2% • Ingredients: water, barley malt, hops, lemon extract
Another Way To Say “I love you” Gamze Gül
Some of you think that it is hard to talk to person whom you fall in love. Maybe you can show your love with your hands and gestures. It is optional. However if you are either deaf or mute, you have one choice that to use sign language. Although this language can be insufficient in some areas, it actually helps people to get connection with community.
The definition of this term is that A sign language (also signed language or simply signing) is a language which uses manual communication and body language to convey meaning, as opposed to acoustically conveyed sound patterns. This can involve simultaneously combining hand shapes, orientation and movement of the hands, arms or body, and facial expressions to fluidly express a speaker’s thoughts.This indicates that the people who made some stranger movements around you were using sign language. It is possible but you assume that they have mentally disorders. Deaf people only use sign language to communicate with others.In case you have a deaf friends, then you should learn sign language too. However, the percentage of the individuals who know sign language and are not deaf is unfortunately low. This leads to comunicational breakdowns since deaf people can only understand other deaf people. You should handle with this concern to create a healthy society and start to learn the signs of your mother-tongue.
It is a little bit weird that there is no universal sign language but if you make a brainstorm you will realize that the picture behind words can change from a culture to another one. We have many terms which is shown similarly in many sign languages but some of them are not represented in every language. I have learned Turkish Sign Language to reach people who have to use sign language. During the course, I have seen the difficulties about being deaf or mute.Therefore, I recomended this course to all my friends. Now, many people can find another way to say I LOVE YOU.
TECHNOLOGY’S DAMAGE AND ADVANTAGE Abdullah Memis Time ıs 2014 and we’re living on the age of technology. We can see wıth thıs way: Almost each of person use smart phone, there ıs a computer every home and there are a lot of example lıke that. For Example I am lıvıng ın thıs age and I lıke technology. When I want to a song, Suddenly I can fınd thıs song wıth my phone or computer. Or When I want to go to somewhere, after I looked my onlıne map. Thıs ıs great because wıth thıs way I wıll not lost where place I don’t know.
But there ıs another sıde. Sometımes technology mıght hurt you. How? Everybody knows, each of technology devıce has radıatıon. The radiation may harm you permanent. I thınk Nobody mustn’t use very much. Especıally you don’t use whıle you’re sleepıng. Everythıng ıs good If how to use!
TRAVELING TIPS
Büsra Bayram Here are some very useful traveling tips for your vacation: If you’re going to a place you’ve never been to, do a little research before getting there: the internet makes it really easy to find useful information about the weather, currency, how to get to your hostel, and places you should definitely visit… Waking up early gives the opportunity to avoid crowd while visiting main tourist attractions and sketchy areas are less dangerous in the morning Make it a point to avoid other travelers from time to time and start conversations with local people. Basic English is spoken widely all over the world, so it’s easier to communicate with them than you might think, especially when you combine hand gestures and body language. Learn from those who live in the country you’re visiting. People enrich your travels more than sights do.
Couchsurfing is a large online community of travelers who share their spare rooms or couches with strangers for free. I think couchsurfing is a great idea. It gives you the chance to really meet the locals and to see parts of the city that 99% of tourists never experience. It also gives you the chance to meet people on a deeper level and hopefully you’ll make life-long friends. I also don’t think it is a great long-term solution for accommodation because it isn’t always possible to find somewhere to stay. I suggest a mix of hostels and couchsurfing. Taste a bit of everything when you travel, especially if you don’t know what it is. Ask local people for recommendations. Eat street food. Don’t be scared of the food. Travelers have fallen victim to overcharging by a number of dishonest taxi drivers around the world, and these folks are usually successful in taking extra money from travelers because most times travelers are unaware of the unscrupulous thieving tactics they use.
So you should make a research about taxi fares and before get in the taxi ask for approximate price Many cities offer free tours. While no payment is required for these tours, tips are encouraged if you enjoy the experience. Join a free tour or any tour for that matter, it’s guaranteed that you’ll meet people as you’ll be spending time with stranger for hours. It’s highly likely that you’ll find someone to have a lunch or dinner with later. Enjoy every second of your trip, no matter how tired you feel! You’ll be thankful for having seen as much as you could!
Written by: Gertrud Kõima Maailma avastamas - Gertrudi aasta Makedoonias Nagu juba pealkirjas märgitud, siis minu nimi on Gertrud Kõima. Kui kellelgi on soov avastada maailma, huvi midagi õppida ning tutvuda uute inimestega, siis tasub valida vabatahtlik töö ning mõnes sellises välisriigis, mis pole Eestis nii „ära turundatud“, nagu on seda näiteks Egiptus, Türgi ja Hispaania. Oma EVS-i (Euroopa vabatahtlik teenistus) tegin ma Makedoonias ja seda juba 12 kuud, see tähendab, et tulin siia tervelt üheks aastaks. Makedoonia Vabariik on merepiirita riik Kagu-Euroopas Balkani poolsaare lõunaosas, piirnedes Serbia, Bulgaaria, Kreeka, Albaania ja Kosovoga. Minu EVS leidis aset suhteliselt väikses linnas nimega Kocani (makedoonia keeles Кочани), mis asub Makedoonia pealinnast Skopjest (makedoonia keeles Скопје) umbes 120 km ja Bulgaaria piiri äärest umbes 80 km kaugusel. Makedoonia põhjaosas Vardari jõe kaldal asuv Skopje on korduvalt saanud kannatada suurte maavärinate tõttu, viimati näiteks 1963. aastal, kui surma sai üle 1000 inimese ja hävis 80% linnast.
Makedoonia põhjaosas Vardari jõe kaldal asuv Skopje on korduvalt saanud kannatada suurte maavärinate tõttu, viimati näiteks 1963. aastal, kui surma sai üle 1000 inimese ja hävis 80% linnast. Aga Kocani on kena linn, mis saanud ka tiitli „Puhtaim linn Makedoonias“. Minu algus Kõik sai alguse ajast, mil käisin noortevahetuses Türgis Erzurumis. Kohtasin seal palju erinevaid inimesi, kaasa arvatud oma praeguse organisatsiooni (Association of law students and young lawyers Pavel Satev Kocani) presidenti Blagoj Ristovi. Algselt leidsingi endale vastuvõtva organisatsiooni ning seejärel alles saatva MTÜ Persona, kelle prioriteetideks on haridus, noored ja sotsiaaltöö. Organisatsioon Pavel Satev Kocani edendab ja arendab vastastikust austust, koostööd ja isiklikke kontakte noorte vahel kodu- ja välismaal; aitab kaasa hariduse arengule ja õpetab lapsi; hoolitseb keskkonna eest; arendab spordivaimu noorte hulgas jne. Minu kahjuks pole Makedoonia Euroopa Liidu liikmesriik ning kui eurooplane tahab siin elada ja töötada üle 90 päeva, on viisat vaja. Siinne viisaprotsess pole just väga lihtne ega kiire.
Minul võttis see aega kolm kuud, et suursaatkonnast (konsulaarosakonnast Stockholmist - Embassy of the Republic of Macedonia) vastav dokument saada. Hiljem Makedoonias elades juba, et kohalikku elamisloakaarti saada, läks umbes kuu. Kokkuvõtvalt võibki öelda, et ametialane asjaajamine Makedooniaga ja Makedoonias on aeganõudev. Pikemaajalised tegevused Põhiliselt tegelesin lastega. Neli korda nädalas käisin lasteaias inglise keelt õpetamas ning kaks korda nädalas nende sporditundides. Samuti külastasin lähedal asuvas külas ühte kooli (kaks korda nädalas), kus õpetasin taas inglise keelt. Kocani linnas Nikola Karevi koolis õpetasin tüdrukutele (12-15aastased) kaks korda nädalas käsipalli. Kolm korda nädalas käisin kohalikus raamatukogus, aidates uusi raamatuid sorteerida, korrastada ja süstematiseerida. Kohalikele noortele (20-25-aastased) õpetasin meie kontoris (Pavel Satev Kocani) inglise keelt.
Organisatsioonil Pavel Satev Kocani on ka oma online ajakiri ning sinna kirjutasin ma iga kuu ühe artikli, mis endale parasjagu huvi pakkus ning mida oluliseks pidasin kajastada. Ka kohalik telekanal (Kanal 8) hoiab vabatahtlike töödel-tegemistel silma peal ning kajastab neid, mistõttu tuli ka minul anda mitmeid intervjuusid.Vahepeal tegime koostööd ka ühe teise kooliga - Gošo Vikentiev. Osalesime selle kooli õpilasomavalitsuse koosolekutel ning panustasime nende tegevustesse.Viimaseks pikaajaliseks ettevõtmiseks oli pensionäride ja invaliidide klubi Mobilnost külastamine. Seal õmblesin riidest poekotte ning tegin mänguasju.Alates jaanuarist aitasin ka ühel noorel organisatsioonil vabatahtlikega töötada - leida neile tegevust ning elada sisse linna ellu. Teiste vabatahtlike projektid Osalesin ka teiste vabatahtlike projektides. Näiteks esimesel nädalal käisime järveäärset randa prügist koristamas. Võtsin osa tantsuprojektist, kus valmistasime ette ühe kava ning esitasime seda Kocani kesklinnas. Käisin ka vene keele tundides
Juulis toimus UNICEF-i korraldatud tervisliku toidu päev, kus aitasime paika panna menüü, toidud, katta lauad ning hiljem need koristada. Mobilnostis tegime maketi, kus näitasime roheliste ja punaste tuledega, kuhu saab ratastooliga ligi ning kuhu mitte ning missugused oleksid võimalused parandada ratastooliinimeste olukorda. Elust üldiselt Alguses poolteist kuud elasin ma korteris koos Tšehhi, Türgi, Moldova, Eesti ja Leedu tüdrukutega. Hiljem kolisin majja, kus elasin Tšehhi ja Eesti tüdrukutega ning mitme Türgi vabatahtlikuga. Maja on suur, kolm korrust ning minul oma tuba, kusjuures mõned teised vabatahtlikud jagavad tuba omavahel. Minu arvates on mul väga head elamistingimused. Projektist ja Makedooniast Minu vabatahtlik teenistus algas augustis 2013 ja lõpeb nüüd juulis. Oma projektiga olen ma rahul: minule on tegevust jagunud. Olen õppinud ka makedoonia keelt: saan enam-vähem hakkama, muidugi, aru saan rohkem, kui rääkida oskan.
Kuna elasin pidevalt mitme vabatahtlikuga koos, kes enamasti on olnud türklased, siis olen ka türgi kultuuri ja tavade kohta päris palju õppinud. Selle 12 kuuga olen saanud reisida nii Makedoonias kui ka veidike väljaspool avastada Balkanit (kokku ju 12 riiki). Enda karakterit olen paremini tundma õppinud. Kohanen palju kiiremini uute inimestega, ka nendega, kellega pole võimalik väga inglise keelt rääkida, kuid hakkama oleme saanud ikkagi. Makedoonia riigina on nagu iga teine lõunapoolne, kuid ainuke vahe on selles, et pole just kõige arenenum. Kokkuvõtvalt võibki öelda, et lühiajaliselt Makedoonias olla, elada ja töötada on hea, kuid mina isiklikult ei tuleks siia terveks eluks elama, kuid seda aastast kogemust ei vahetaks ma ka millegi vastu.
Written By: Esfer Furkan Tepe This is a story of the person climbing to prosperous from the mud Tony Montana ,who is Cuban refugee , was sent to refugee camp with his best friend Manny and their associates Angel and Chi-Chi. In exchange for assassinating a former Cuban government official at the request of wealthy drug dealer Frank Lopez ,the group are released from the camp and given green cards. Becoming one of the bravest man of Frank , Tony met with the underground-life. Business life with Lopez Tony made his first dirty job with Columbians Lopez sent Tony and his right-hand man Omar to Bolivia in order to deal with cocaine kingpin Alejandro Sosa who is opened the way of being number one to Tony.
Tony accepted Sosa’s offer without Lopez approval and He was warned by Sosa about he should never betray him. Tony was attempted to being assasinated by Lopez’s men after he heard Tony pursued Lopez’s wife Elvira. Tony established his own organisation and informed Elivra about his intentions about her Tony occupied Lopez’s company and killed both him and detective Mel who wanted Tony to pay him in return for police protection and information After the Lopez Elvira and Tonny married and they became multimillioner Tonny was charged with money laundering and tax evasion Sosa offered to use his power to keep Tonny out of jail if He assasinates a journalist intending to expose Sosa Elvira couldn’t be no longer with Tonny because of his insults about Elviras addiction to Cocaine
Something made angry Sosa Tony and his mates planned an assasination . Unexpectedly journalist was appeared with his family and Tony stopped that operation and was contacted Sosa over his failure Sosa reminded Tony that he shouldn’t have betrayed him. Tony kills his buddy He captured Manny and his undressed sister in the same hause and He shooted Manny for no expected explanation However They were going to tell Tony that They married
Tonny Killed by Sosa’s team While Tony was sitting with his friends complaining that Tony had too much precautions about Security Sosa’s team made an operation and killed all the staff of Tonny
Written By: Ibrahim Halillulah Erbay Once upon a time, there was a great and noble king, whose heart was darkened when his beautiful wife was taken ill and passed away, leaving only their daughter, Snow White. In time, Snow White grew to become a stunning young woman, with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, hair as black as ebony, and breasts as large as melons. Eventually, the king remarried, this time to a haughty and beautiful Lady, Queen Esmeralda. Little did the king know that Esmeralda was actually a mighty sorceress, and secretly, in the bowels of the castle, held a magic mirror of great power.
“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” she asked the mirror one day. The mirror replied, “Surely you are very hot, but the fairest of them all, sadly you are not. That honor goes to one far more tight, and that would be your stepdaughter, the fair Snow White.” Esmeralda screamed in fury, vast torrents of dark magic flowing from her. The stone walls melted and the nearby guards fell dead. Esmeralda’s hatred of younger, more fair women was always in her dark heart, and now it exploded forth like a fiery volcano. Once calmed, she made plans to do away with Snow White. Later that evening, while in the throes of passion with her king, Esmeralda slew him with a poisoned dagger. Using her sorcerous powers, she enchanted the guards, making them believe the foul deed was committed by an assassin from a rival kingdom.
As first act as Queen and sole ruler of the kingdom, she enlisted one of her paramours, the Huntsman, to take Snow White out into the forest and murder her. While eyeing the Queen hungrily, the Huntsman obeyed. However, once out in the forest, alone with the stunning Snow White, he began to doubt his orders. True, his Queen was beautiful and satisfied his loins like no other woman, but this Snow White was even more fair. Snow White sensed his hesitation, and gleaned his true purpose, and slowly undressed for him.
In moments, the Huntsman and Snow White were doing the funky funky, Snow White bent over a fallen tree. When the Huntsman was spent, he bade Snow White to flee into the forest, and hide there forevermore. He then returned to the Queen, deceiving her and informing her that Snow White was indeed dead. Lost and frightened, Snow White wandered alone in the great forest, until she came across a small cottage. Entering slowly, she saw no one was within. Happy with something to do, she immediately started cleaning the home, and within a few hours, everything was spotless.
Such is when the owners of the cottage arrived home, the seven dwarfs. Though initially surprised to see Snow White, they were happy to have a professional maid who charged no money for her services. They introduced themselves as Hairy, Scary, Larry, Ugly, Studly, Budly, and Ralph. “You can stay with us,” said Hairy, “As long as you cook and clean for us.” “And pop my zits,” snorted Ugly. “And hold my mirror,” said Studly, flexing his biceps. “I have new socks on!” said Ralph. And so it was that Snow White agreed to their terms, and all were happy. A short time later, Queen Esmeralda was again before her mirror. “Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” she asked. The mirror replied, “Like I keep saying, it ain’t you with the goods. That would be Snow White, who hides in the woods.” “OMG that Huntsman!” cried the Queen, “God I hate men!”
With a fiery fury, she dashed from the dungeon. Soon she had the Huntsman brought before her, and she hurled a bolt of deathly magic at him. The Huntsman was fast, however, and dodged her foul attack. He leaped out the castle window, and using the pennons on the outside walls, dropped safely to the ground and escaped. Her anger white hot, the Queen killed a few of her guards, calming her ire somewhat. Then using her foul magic, she created an Apple of Sleeping Death. One bite from it would send anyone into an eternal, deathless sleep, only to be awakened by love’s first kiss. At the cottage, Snow White continued to live a blissful life with her seven dwarfs, cooking and cleaning, and often having dwarf-threesomes with Larry and Studly, much to the chagrin of the other less attractive dwarfs. They found it difficult to sleep while Studly was screaming loudly during the lovemaking, constantly yelling “Hi hoooooooooooooooo!”
One day, with all seven dwarfs away at the mine, an old crone came knocking. Snow White answered, and befriended the old woman, who convinced her to take a bite of a shiny apple. Only too late did Snow White realize it was indeed the Queen, and as the Queen laughed her victory, Snow White fell into an eternal sleep. Just then the dwarfs arrived, and a titanic battle ensued between the the Queen and her dark magic and the dwarfs, armed with their axes and hammers. Spurred by their anger at the removal of their free housekeeper and blowjob-provider, the dwarfs prevailed, the battle culminating with Hairy decapitating the Queen with his axe (with Scary subsequently wearing the Queen’s head as a hat).
Tearful and sad, the seven dwarfs interred Snow White within a glass coffin at the edge of the forest. As they paid their respects, Prince Poindexter arrived, passing through the forest on his pristine white horse, on an errand for his father, a king in a neighboring kingdom. Looking upon the sleeping Snow White, the Prince instantly was struck with oneitis, um, I mean, love. Approaching her and removing the top of the coffin, he pronounced, “I shall give this angel, love’s first kiss.”
The dwarfs watched expectantly as the Prince kissed Snow White lightly on the lips. And nothing happened. As the confused Prince looked quizzically down at Snow White, the Huntsman emerged from the brush of the forest. “Get out of my way, candy ass,” he snarled, and shoved the Prince aside, who fell into mud puddle and started crying. The Huntsman picked up Snow White’s sleeping body, grabbed her little face, and said, “Time to wake up,” and made out with her with full tongue. Instantly Snow White’s eyes shot open, her arms snaking around the Huntsman’s neck, and the two of them did the funky funky right there in the glass coffin, to the cheers of the happy dwarfs. The dwarfs promptly enslaved the Prince, forcing him to wear an apron and serve as their new housekeeper. Snow White and the Huntsman were married, and lived happily ever after…
…until a two years later when Snow White found the Huntsman having an affair with two woodland elf maidens. She was furious, but eventually the Huntsman made her see reason, and Snow White, the Huntsman, and the two elf maidens lived happily ever after… …until Snow White gave the Huntsman too much drama, to which the Huntsman responded by kicking her out of their house, and Snow White lived the rest of her days with her dwarfs and their now gay Prince housekeeper.
The magazine was created in cooperation with EVS volunteers in Association Pavel Satev - Kocani and eWorld community
Association Pavel Satev - Kocani Karl Marks 64 2300 Kocani Macedonia Editor: Sara Gorgieva