SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTING: DON’T GIVE OUT AND DON’T GIVE UP

Special Needs Parenting: Don’t Give Out and Don’t Give Up

By Tosha D. Rollins, LPC, ASDCS

AS A PARENT AND PROFESSIONAL IN THE WORLD OF AUTISM, I OFTEN GET ASKED FOR PARENTING ADVICE. MY NO. 1 RESPONSE TO THAT QUESTION IS, “DON’T GIVE OUT AND DON’T GIVE UP.” THIS MAY SEEM LIKE A VERY BROAD RESPONSE TO SOME, BUT THERE IS ALMOST A SECRET SIGH OF RELIEF FOR MANY SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTS WHEN IT IS HEARD. OFTEN, PARENTS STAY QUIET ABOUT THEIR THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS REGARDING SCHOOL OR FAMILY MEMBERS OR EVEN AVOID ASKING FOR HELP FROM OTHERS. FEAR GUIDES THEM TO REMAIN SILENT, OFTEN LEAVING THEM TO FEEL ISOLATED AND ALONE. SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTS HAVE TO WORK EXTRA HARD TO COMMUNICATE THEIR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS TO THEIR OUTSIDE WORLD, AS MUCH AS THEIR INSIDE WORLD. LET ME EXPLAIN.

As a parent of two children on the autism spectrum who are now young adults, I found myself caught between not wanting to be the pebble making the ripples in the pond but desperately wanting someone to hear me, listen to me, and understand my concerns. Support systems can seem very small in special needs families, not because other family members or friends do not want to help, but because they do not know how to help. Sometimes it is hard for parents to accept the help that is offered to them. Here is my advice: 1. Say ‘Yes’ when someone offers to help 2. Communicate with friends and family, neighbors, and coworkers precisely what you need 3. Practice making a list of things that would be helpful if someone else offered to contribute 4. Think outside the box and present your request to them with very specific details regarding how they can help and how their assistance could benefit your family in a big way 5. Schedule a time immediately on the calendar, so there is a firm commitment 6. Say ‘thank you’

Part of parenting is learning to advocate when your child needs a voice louder than their own. Often challenging behaviors can disrupt the educational ecosystem that they attend every day.

Don’t give out yet!

Part of parenting is learning to advocate when your child needs a voice louder than their own. Often challenging behaviors can disrupt the educational ecosystem that they attend every day. Special education services offer a variety of tools to help with accommodations and the academic success of students. 504 Plans and Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) set rules in place with a governing contract that educators rely on as a roadmap to educational services. Those services are often difficult to seek and require a lot of advocacy from the parent and exhaustive proactive communication. This level of advocacy during an entire school year can be mentally draining, frustrating, and can leave a parent running on fumes. Don’t give out yet, Mom and Dad! The summer break is here, but as many parents already know, that is not much of a slowdown. Changes in routine can take some time to adjust. Summer can be a great break from the homework and behavior challenges at school and the constant flow of email communication between school staff and parents. It can also be a time to recharge your voice, reflect on what worked well and what needs adjusted next school year and engage in meaningful communication about your child’s progress at home.

Don’t give up!

Parenting is 365 days a year and a 24/7 job. Sustainable parenting involves taking breaks, implementing self-care, and strategizing to plan. It means embarking on a journey of selfcare that allows you time and space to heal and feel. Self-care is the inner work that recharges our spirit, enables hope to blossom, inspires our actions, and impacts our ability to continue serving the ones we love, our children. Keep the momentum by balancing downtime with your busy time. Nurture yourself as much as you nurture everyone else.

If you are searching for a way to take care of yourself and connect with a supportive tribe of parents, please visit:

Summer Slow Down Parent Support Group

This weekly support group is designed to help parents learn to balance self-care and incorporates real-time ongoing audio support and encouragement from parents, off social media, in a private audio group. Support group participants will receive a weekly email with a workbook that provides them with weekly encouragement, tools, and prompts for self-care. Accountability, support, and encouragement occur Thursday evenings at 7 pm EST walkie-talkie style using the Voxer app. $25 weekly subscription via PayPal Email: tosharollins@uccasc.com.

Tosha D. Rollins is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist, and autism parent. Her experience includes more than 22 years in the autism arena. Tosha also offers autism coaching and consulting outside of her private practice, Rollins Counseling, LLC. Tosha also created the Autism in Action Podcast, which is dedicated to helping families find resources, services, and support. Special interests include advocating for children, special needs families, and autism professional development.

Email: tosharollins@uccasc.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tosha-rollins-ab686227/ Podcast: https://autisminactionpodcast.com/