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Tam Lawrence
Roth & Lawrence (866) 611.6341
Publisher of Exposure Magazine
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MANAGING EDITOR CEDRIC NETTLES EDITORS JUSTIN DUKES TONEAL JACKSON MARIA HOWELL E LV I R A G U Z M A N E V O N YA E A S L E Y SHERRI LEOPOLD DEVIKA L. CARR, ESQ. LENORA MILLEN D R , G . D AV I S
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STILL STANDING
Mother to Son BY LANGSTON HUGHES Well, son, I’ll tell you: Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair. It’s had tacks in it, And splinters, And boards torn up, And places with no carpet on the floor— Bare. But all the time I’se been a-climbin’ on, And reachin’ landin’s, And turnin’ corners, And sometimes goin’ in the dark Where there ain’t been no light. So boy, don’t you turn back. Don’t you set down on the steps ’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard. Don’t you fall now— For I’se still goin’, honey, I’se still climbin’, And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
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A Long Happy Life S HE R R I S TR O H EC K ER L EO P O L D H EA LT HY LI FESTY LE EDI TOR
When that became physically too difficult to continue, she moved to working in a daycare with preschoolers. Recently she has seen several of them, and they still remember her as Miss Jan even though it was 12- 15 years ago. When I think about a long happy healthy life, it brings to mind the quote, “It’s not about the breaths we take, it’s about the moments that take our breath away.” Or maybe it’s about that impact we have on others that takes their breath away. Like the 50 hours she spent painting a circus mural complete with clowns and elephants on the wall where the handicapped kids had their play room because she thought it helped make the room happier.
Ever wonder what the key to a long happy healthy life is? Is it proper diet, exercise or lifestyle? My mother turned 80 this past week so I have done some reflection on this. My mother smoked for over 50 years of her life, so that clearly wasn’t in her favor. Thankfully, she has been smoke free for at least 10 years now! She grew up on a farm, so between chores and having to help care for animals and many siblings, she did have plenty of exercise. During her life, one of her jobs was waitressing (for over 30 years), running to and fro carrying large heavy trays of food. She was what I would consider physically strong for most of her life. She loved to be on the go and still goes out as much as she can. She spent much of her life in service to others. She retired from a factory (yet another job), and as an older person went to work with handicapped older kids and young adults. It was one of the most meaningful things she ever did in her life.
Maybe it’s the posters she’s colored and put glitter on, then puts on people’s doors in the retirement center she lives in when they have special birthdays. (And of course, when the Cubs win the World Series!) As I look at her, she has spent much of her life bringing happiness to others because that is truly what gives her the most joy in life. She has always made people laugh and feel comfortable, and she might be the funniest 80-year-old I have ever known. As I see it the prescription for a long happy healthy life isn’t all about diet or exercise, it’s about humor, serving others, bringing and spreading joy, and loving others without expectation of anything in return! I am proud to say Miss Jan is my mom, and she exemplifies living a long happy and healthy life!
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Millennials want more than a matching 401k and an iPad by Jermaine Williamson
Millennials; often referred to as Echo Boomers, Generation Y or the Me, Me, Me, Generation by Time Magazine in 2013 and Generation We by Newsweek. This population of today’s workforce were born in the mid to late 80’s up until 1990. In my opinion, Millennials are simply misunderstood. It’s not their fault for being born into a time of a technological boom when everything became instantaneous. From how we communicate, gather information, shop, learn etc. Millennials had no choice to adapt to these “I want and need it now” way of life once they entered the workforce. That type of mentality isn’t necessarily a bad thing either. Yes, Millennials have high expectations and some lack patience regarding their career progression. There are in fact many millennials who are very mature, hungry, driven, hardworking, flexible and possess an entrepreneurial spirit that is unmatched by most of their peers. Mostly Millennials are willing to wait for success to occur organically over time. They are just a victim of a widespread stereotype that most of them are lazy, selfish and entitled. So why has corporate America become frustrated with hiring Millennials and catering to their expectations and demands? There is no simple answer. One of the reasons is the fact that some of the Baby Boomer and Generation X have challenges catering to those demands communicated by Millennials. They simply can’t wrap their heads around the generation gap and in their minds unrealistic expectations. In some cases, the age difference between a Millennial and Baby Boomer can be as much as 30 years. That’s significant when you think of how much has changed in that time span. Millennials are requesting benefits and incentives as part of their employment packages which seem foreign to the Baby Boomer generation for example.
Things like three weeks’ vacation on day one, a wardrobe allowance, international travel opportunity, the ability to work remotely or from home two or more days per week and many others. To a Baby Boomer, those requests are frowned upon as entitled, spoiled, lacking work ethic, focus etc. Baby Boomers view a work day as going into an office and working for 8 to 10 hours per day, going home and returning the next day to do it again. Millennials don’t want to be confined to an office for 8 to 10 hours per day. They like to travel, attend concerts during the week, spend time with friends and blog about social issues which are important to them….from the beach. These expectations shouldn’t be perceived as lazy, entitled or lacking focus by their Baby Boomer and Gen X counterparts, just different and that’s ok. The companies who understand how to bridge the generational gap between Baby Boomers and Gen X’ers are very successful at hiring talent from some of the nation’s top colleges and universities. These companies understand what Millennials are interested in and it’s not as simple as a matching 401k and an iPad! Some of the companies who have been successful at hiring Millennial talent in recent years are: Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, many Wall street financial firms and a few others. The US Government has increased its efforts to attract and retain millennial talent in recent years. An employment sector known for having a large population of Baby Boomer and Gen X employees on staff. E X P O S U R E - M A G A Z I N E . C O M
Jermaine Williamson JLW Consulting LLC Contact 571.643.2255
The world is changing rapidly. For companies to succeed in the race to hire young, aggressive, focused, driven, motivated, socially conscious, entrepreneurial minded Millennial talent, companies must accept that change is necessary and the rigid, inflexible policies and archaic culture will be on the outside looking in and wondering what went wrong. How did we lose out on so much innovative and forward-thinking talent? Is your company attractive enough to engage the Millennial employee population? Your answer is critical to your company’s current and future success.
JLW CONSULTING LLC 571-643-2255 jermaine@jlwconsultingllc.com www,jlwconsutingllc.com
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Brand Influencer Meet the owner of the Duchess Branding Models
EVONYA EASLEY FASHION EDITOR Former fashion model, Roshi Lawrence, is connecting brands and models through digital and social media for a mutual beneficial relationship with his company, Duchess Branding Models. Lawrence is working with international brands and connecting them with models who have influential social media platforms that gives brands idle placement and generate sales to target audiences! What is Duchess Branding Models and how did you get started? As a former model I wanted to help models break into the industry in a non-traditional way.
Duchess Branding Models Client Model: Lindsey Pelas Book by calling: (347) 630-9501
Therefore, I created a marketing company that is taking a different spin on connecting top brands with social media by way of models. How would you describe your brand and what makes you different than other modeling agencies? The Duchess Branding Model agency focuses on formulating relationships with top-brands and upcoming models who have a great influence. We are the bridge
that brings somewhat unlikely connections together for a mutual benefit.
https://www.facebook.com/Duchessbranding/ https://www.instagram.com/duchessbranding/
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What are some of the challenges of running an agency? One of the main challenges is ensuring the goal of the agency is relayed properly to both parties. We have to ensure everyone feels secure in this business transaction. How do you recruit models and clients to the agency? Through strategic marketing research our company is able to find the perfect social media influencers/models that would be an ideal fit for our clients. The models and our business clients each have specific things they are looking for in each other. We find out the brands wants and make certain to connect them with models that has corresponding needs to ensure this collaboration isn’t a waste of time. What do you look for in a model and a client? We look for businesses and models that are professional, creative and open-minded. We need the models life to somehow correlate with the product the company is selling. For example, if a model is looking for a new facial care product we will align them with a proven client that is looking to influence a group of people they may not be reaching. What is a mistake you have made in business and learned from? As a business owner you should always be learning. However, one major mistake for me was not focusing on details and focusing on the brands needs/wants. As stated before this industry is all about relationships and first impressions. I personally have made an effort to thoroughly know what my clients want and need to make this deal a success.
Duchess Branding Models Client Model: Abigail Ratchford Book by calling: (347) 630-9501
After that I work tirelessly to make certain those are met, if not succeeded.
What’s next for Duchess Branding Models?
Who are creative Influences/ icons in your life?
The next thing for Duchess Branding Model company is to find more ways for models to continue to make residual income after initial collaboration strong promoting period. .
One of many icons that have directly influenced my business is, the marketing guru, Billie Jean. What would you tell aspiring creatives about following their dreams?
Evonya Easley Fashion Editor
I would tell aspiring creatives to go after their dreams early. I found it tougher to be an employee. After reviewing the numbers I saw being a business owner I was making an investment in myself and living my passion. When you are doing what you are passionate about it doesn’t feel like work.
https://www.facebook.com/Duchessbranding/ https://www.instagram.com/duchessbranding/
Digital Public Relations Expert Mobile App Developer Social Media Management Software Book Distributor Marketing Genius
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WHAT I’M FEELING ANTHONY HAMILTON Anthony Hamilton is a successful singer, songwriter, record producer and entrepreneur! He first rose to fame with his platinum-selling album “Comin’ From Where I’m From” in 2003 and since then he’s a Grammy Award and BET Award winner and he’s been nominated for various other awards including: Critic’s Choice Movie Awards, NAACP Awards and Soul Train Music Awards. Most recently he’s going to be inducted into the North Carolina Music Hall Of Fame in October! A few of his big hits are: “Charlene”, “Can’t Leg Go”, “The Point Of It All”, “Best Of Me”. Anthony’s story is one of faith, determination and resilience! We were happy to meet up with Anthony and his manager Eli before his concert in Los Angeles so we can share his inspirational story with you! Enjoy!
INTERVIEW BY
ELVIRA GUZMAN
Cover Story A N T H O N Y H A M I LTO N @anthonyhamilton
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Exposure Magazine: Congratulations on all of your success! I read that you started singing in the church at age 10, did you always know that singing was your gift? Anthony Hamilton: Yes! I knew when I was 8-9 years old. I couldn’t disconnect from it. I had a passion for music. I didn’t know how deep it was until I got a little older. When I was 13-14 I wanted to be in groups. The passion started really heavy then! Exposure Magazine: How did you discover you could sing? Anthony Hamilton: My music teacher in school told me and then my family did.
I loved it! Exposure Magazine: At 21 you moved to New York where you signed with Andre Harrell’s Uptown Records….how difficult was it to leave everything you’ve known to strive for the unknown? What inspired you to do it? Did you have family support? Anthony Hamilton: I had a mentor who had been producing for Mary J Blige, Salt and Pepa and many others and he took me to New York and he showed me another side to music. I had enough love for it to surpass the need for support. Knowing that something bigger than me was leading me allowed me to not fear. Exposure Magazine: You released your first album XTC in 1996 and since then you’ve released a total of 9 studio albums, you’ve been nominated for more awards than I can count and you’ve won BET and Grammy Awards and you’ve performed all over the world including the White House for former president Barack Obama….looking back what have been the keys to your success? Anthony Hamilton: Consistency and passion! Outside of talent you have to have a personality and love for the people.
30 Exposure Magazine: Was there ever a time when you doubted yourself or when you felt fear of chasing your dreams? How did you overcome it? Anthony Hamilton: Yes I’m human and we have those human experiences no matter how much your career elevates! Fear is not necessarily a bad thing. You can turn it around and make it something positive and strong. We all have moments when we doubt and we see things around us changing but if we keep being consistent we will ultimately win because people identify with the truth. Exposure Magazine: How important is God and faith when trying to realize your dreams? Anthony Hamilton: It’s everything! It’s something you can’t see but you believe in because it brought you through so many challenges. Knowing that this amazing being is rooting for me. I don’t want to let Him down. It’s very important to me! Exposure Magazine: Do you feel it’s important to surround yourself with a great team? Anthony Hamilton: It’s very important! You need people to tell you the truth when you’re getting out of line. People who will not fear losing their position in your life because they want you to win. You’re only as strong as your team. Exposure Magazine: You’re a legend yet you’re so humble! Where does that come from and how important do you feel that is?
I’m very excited, happy and humbled that I was chosen! Exposure Magazine: Now that you’ve conquered the music industry I hear you’re now branching off to expand your brand and you’ve partnered with Chef D and you’re coming out with your own meal kit. Tell me about it? Anthony Hamilton: Yes it will be available August 15th! I love cooking. I have a passion for it. I came up with recipes and I sent them over and they took a liking to it! I want to get out of my comfort zone! I’m also working on a hat line, greeting cards and I’m producing The Hamiltones. Exposure Magazine: What advice would you give to people who are striving to pursue their dreams but have fear to actually get started? Anthony Hamilton: I would say to stop putting up walls or roadblocks for yourself! You have to be reckless with your passion. Words of Nipsy Hustle (laughs). He sums it up! You have to go for it! Exposure Magazine: Once again congratulations on everything! I wish you continued success in everything that you do and I thank you for taking the time for this interview! For additional information on Anthony you can go to his website: www.AnthonyHamilton.com To find out more about his tour dates make sure to go to his Instagram page: @AnthonyHamiltonOfficial
Anthony Hamilton: You can’t enjoy a gift or a blessing if you are not humble! When you’re higher than your accolades you are vibrating on a level where you don’t appreciate your blessings! I employ a lot of men and women who can feed their families and that’s bigger to me than boasting or bragging about my awards. It’s taken a lot of people to help get me here. So we have to appreciate the people who put in work alongside of you because you know it’s not just you. Exposure Magazine: You went from singing in the church to writing music for other artist and singing background to being a platinum selling artist …and NOW you’re being inducted into the North Carolina music hall of fame….what does that mean to you? Did you ever envision your career being so huge or is this something beyond what you could have dreamed of? Anthony Hamilton: No you didn’t. I’ve been nominated for 17 Grammy’s and I could never envision that! I’m just a country boy with a dream and I’m just trying to feed my family!
Elvira Guzman
Hollywood Editor
TRYIN’ TO TELL YOU SOMETHING by Maria Howell
According to Webster’s Dictionary, “Alignment” means...the act of aligning or state of being aligned; especially: the proper positioning or state of adjustment of parts. In turn, align means... to arrange things, so that they form a line or are in proper position: to change (something) so that it agrees with or matches some- thing else. There’s something positive to be said about things being aligned, whether it’s your car, your spine...or your soul. A car hits bumps in the road, that cause it to work improperly and have a rough ride. Likewise, we can sometimes take our bodies through over exertion, be it exercise or injury. But when our emotions experience tough times, we can become “pressed”...depressed, suppressed, oppressed, or repressed...take your pick. Any one of the “presses” causes our souls to get out of alignment. Possibly making “not so smart” choices and decisions, which lead to more stress down the road.
One of my personal experiences was, after several relationships with men who weren’t in the
same career field, I decided I’d try something different and be with someone who’d appreciate and understand me and my world, without having to “catch them up” or “explain”, how it all worked. The big- gest problem with this was...I wasn’t aligned with my spirit. He was nice, smart, even handsome... but...and this is a big BUT...again I say, I wasn’t aligned. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine, for not listening to my spirit. Lord knows, he gave me enough clues, but I didn’t listen. Looking back, I can see many of the bumps in the road that caused the rough ride. My stress level even made my body feel over exerted. Actions speak loud, but words speak louder to me. Being a singer and actor, words mean something very special to me, especially how you express those words.
It’s just how I’m built. I heard many words from him, but after a certain point, they were aimed at me personally...telling me what was wrong with me, and falsely accusing me. Not only did the words take root, but so did confusion. (Note: Not of God). They were uncomfortable, hurt deeply, and my soul got further out of line. Today, I spend lots of time, re-aligning with my spirit... putting in the work of “repairing” and “reprogramming” negative wiring. There’s a difference between “chemistry” and “love”. Just tryin’ to tell you something...
Written by contributing writer - Maria Howell (Choir Soloist in the movie version of “The Color Purple) www.mariahowell.com Follow me on Social Media on Facebook - Twitter Instagram: @mariasingsacts
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42% of smartphone users who browse products on the go plan to make a purchase within an hour. 69% of these on-the-go users will convert in the store.
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Beyond A REASONABLE DOUBT
by Devika L. Carr, Esq.
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In light of the recent decision by the NFL to suspend Ezekiel Elliott for unprosecuted conduct allegedly implicating his participation as a domestic violence abuser, it would behoove all of us to ask some critical questions and pose necessary dialogue. Here’s an employee of the NFL, suspended for 6 games because it wasn’t enough for his employer that he somehow “avoided” being found guilty of a crime. He was suspended because he allegedly failed to avoid conduct that impeded the integrity of the NFL and disrupted the public’s confidence in the NFL. You can review the dialogue from the conference call about the disciplinary decision. Is this a disillusioned perspective or an appropriate one? Whatever your answer, one thing is certain: if law enforcement agencies adopted a personal conduct policy similarly worded to the NFL’s policy, people would take notice and perhaps community constituents might find a stronger desire to renew their faith in the public safety purpose that is supposed to be at the pinnacle of law enforcement missions everywhere. According to the National Football League’s Personal Conduct Policy, everyone associated with the NFL is required to avoid conduct that would be “detrimental to the integrity of and public confidence in the National Football League.” The NFL took their policy further by stating, “It is not enough simply to avoid being found guilty of a crime.” In fact, the NFL has a “considerably higher” standard of conduct than that of the criminal justice system. Now, where are all the prosecutors and criminal defense attorneys? How many times have you been confronted with the notion of how high the burden of proof is in a criminal case for someone to be found guilty? To us lawyers, the burden is incredibly high. As it should be, because life and liberty are at stake. And I’ve even gone so far to diminish the civil burden of proof, which is lower than that in criminal court, because that mostly applies to cases involving property and money. And yet here is Ezekiel Elliott, and every other NFL associated person, facing a higher standard than the legal standards people face to avoid losing money, property, or freedom. Aside from the obvious moral compass that the NFL upholds so well, this recent NFL player suspension and the motives behind it can teach the law enforcement community something valuable. Here are just a few ideas, but attach your own value to them. What if every community had a sign as you entered the city or town limits that read, “Everyone associated with law enforcement in this city is required to avoid conduct that would be detrimental to the integrity of and public confidence in law enforcement.”
THE NFL’S HIGHER STANDARD FOR PLAYER CONDUCT WHAT LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES CAN LEARN
Devika L. Carr, Esq. What if every officer received an infographic pocket card that reminded them what they signed up for: to protect and serve ALL the people in the community? And then provide examples of what serving and protecting does not include, such as: harassing people of color and calling it a consensual encounter in their police report or punching a citizen in the head, causing a concussion, arresting them, and then saying they beat on you; stopping someone because their tail light is broken and then shooting them dead while their child watches from the backseat, or shooting someone while their hands are raised in the air just as you commanded, only because you were afraid of dying. What if every officer faced the reality of being held to a higher standard of conduct than the criminal justice system? What if each of them was told, “We hope you never have to be charged with a crime or be put on trial, but if you are, and you are found not guilty, please know our standard of conduct is higher.” What if every officer’s oath included the words, “To be a respected member of this organization, I will care about the each of the people I serve and I know it is my duty to show them all the time, even when I think they don’t care about themselves and even when I think they don’t care about me.” It is hard to think an organization that serves the public by providing entertainment publicly holds its employees to a higher standard of conduct but an organization that serves the public by providing safety fails to do the same. Whatever your perspective, let’s just start the conversation.
Seeking to improve our understanding of the underlying issues within the legal system. Join me as I continue refining society’s legal literacy by discussing hard truths about the system. -Devika L. Carr, Esq.
She’s Conquered Obstacles while Maintaining her Dignity Dr. Renee Fowler Hornbuckle INTERVIEW BY LENORA MILLEN Question: Who is Dr. Renee Fowler Hornbuckle? I like to consider myself a shining example of hope to others. My life experiences have given me the opportunity to be shining examples of resiliency, faith, forgiveness, strength, and courage to stand and rebound in the face of adversity and gross humiliation. I am originally from Little Rock, Arkansas; born into a Middle Class Family, 2 Parent Home, Both Parents in Education; and I’m the youngest of 5 Girls; Born: January 9, 1962 A Fabulous 55! Raised in the United Methodist Church in Little Rock, Arkansas. The same church, White Memorial United Methodist Church, that my family attends today. My 94 year old mother still sings in the choir! Our lives evolved around our church and community in which my entire family served. In fact, I believe it
was my upbringing that causes me to have an unusually deep sense of faith, faithfulness and loyalty. Educated in the Little Rock School System. Graduate of Hall High School. B.S. in Business Administration - Marketing, University of Arkansas (1984) Fayetteville, AR; M.A. in Masters of Biblical Studies – Institute For Teaching God’s Word, Rockdale, TS and Doctorate of Religious Philosophy - Tabernacle Bible College and Seminary, Tampa, FL Question: What inspires you? My mother and father were my greatest inspirations. My family has set the example for me and others in our community. They taught me early to give of myself to others. I’m inspired every day to help others reach
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The key values about life my parents taught me are still my daily inspiration! Again, my Parents were my greatest inspiration…especially my Father. They taught me to push yourself beyond where you are – there’s always something more! With Decision, Determination and Dedication – you can do anything! Stay true to your word. Be a person of integrity and always present yourself with impeccable character! That’s what they modeled. They both were trailblazers in education. My Father was noted in Time Magazine, at the age of 45, as being one of the first Public School Administrators to be able to hire both black and white teachers. http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,839468,00.html My Mother was one of the first teachers to integrate the public schools as an educator. Both are referenced in the book Educating the Masses: The Unfolding History of Black School Admin in Arkansas. They also included us and encouraged us to always give and serve others through community service. What continues to inspire and motivate me today is knowing that I’m building the Legacy that my Father and Mother started. And my 94 year old mother still motivates me today. Question: How long have you been in the ministry? Me and my ex-husband founded the ministry officially in 1991. We started in 1988… so, I guess my tenure could be either 26 or 29 years depending on if you start from the beginning or from the actual time we officially became a church acknowledged by our government. Either way it’s been a long time. Time that I have experiences both good and bad to speak of. But, I’m focused on making certain that I fulfill the call of God upon my life and that I always empower the people that God entrusts into my care! Question: When did you decide to step into the role of the senior pastor? I served as the Co-Pastor starting in 1995 until circumstances in life forced me to step into the Senior Pastorate in 2005. I was officially installed as Senior Pastor in 2007 and have been serving faithfully ever since. Question: Describe the blessings and challenges in your role as a pastor. The blessing is that I get the opportunity to see and challenge people to become what God really intends for them to be. The challenge is getting people to understand
M AG A Z I N E that they must do their part and make the necessary changes. Change must occur: change of thought, effort, focus and priorities. If each of us is going to achieve the success of the cause for which we are here on earth, we must have change. Change must occur in order for the process to be effective so that we achieve the intended outcome that we all will benefit from. We must allow change to occur so that we can arise to the occasion and take our rightful place! Question: Define “Walking in Power!” So, now I get to preach a bit… God has given us the SUPERNATURAL POWER to live an abundant life and given us the ability (the power) to conquer and overcome all obstacles in life spiritually and naturally!! Each of us were created and blessed by God as His offspring with Power and Dominion to: Be Fruitful – Ability to be productive, innovative and creative in order to prosper in all areas of your life. Multiply – You have potential for growth, to produce life – to reproduce naturally and spiritually. Fill the Earth – with your influence and expand beyond where you currently are. In your community, your state, your nation and globally. Subdue – This means take charge and influence your world. If we are to take charge – then we must infiltrate all the kingdoms of the world or we must have a presence: Religion, Families, Government, Business, Education, Health, Science, Media, Arts, Sports and Entertainment. Have Dominion - Take responsibility and rule your world. If you do not like where you are, you can create what you desire! In other words, you were created in the image of God, to prosper, reproduce, fill the earth, take charge and be responsible over all! Able to shape and create our world! How do we do this? By tapping into the POWER that HE has made available to us! Everything you have need of is already within you!!!! It is your right! The Bible reminds us: 2 Peter 1:3-4 says According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
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I like this translation a bit better! It makes it clear: 2 Peter 1:3-4 (Contemporary English Version (CEV) Living as the Lord’s Followers 3 We have everything we need to live a life that pleases God. It was all given to us by God’s own power, when we learned that he had invited us to share in his wonderful goodness. 4 God made great and marvelous promises, so that his nature would become part of us. Then we could escape our evil desires and the corrupt influences of this world. “BY THESE PROMISES” we partake of everything that He has given us pertaining unto LIFE AND GODLINESS! We don’t have to obtain things the world’s way which is governed by lust, greed, manipulation and deceit; but we can receive everything directly from our Father’s hand by partaking of THESE EXCEEDING GREAT AND PRECIOUS PROMISES! We are “in the world” but not “of the world.” We have a different SOURCE than the world has. It is HE (God Almighty) that has given each of us the authority and power to trample on the head of the enemy!!! Again, the Bible is clear: Psalms 68:35 (NIV) says it is HE who gives power and strength to HIS people. Psalms 139:14 says He fearfully and wonderfully made YOU… Gave YOU power…. The Power HE gives, gives YOU the ability or capacity to perform or act effectively; gives you the energy or motive, force to be creative; gives you influence over; gives you the ability to dominate. HIS POWER makes you the Head and not the tail…Psalms 28:13 HIS POWER makes you not just average, but exceptional! (Unusually good) Think about it: If God gives you power and strength, then you should be living an excellent life – a life full of enormous possibilities! The question I usually ask to everyone I encounter is, “Are you living the best possible life? If not, then you need to posture yourself to CHANGE the course of your life. You need to be intentional!!!! You need to TAP INTO THE POWER!!!” Question: Describe life after divorce. Without question, coping with divorce can be one of the most difficult challenges a person faces in a lifetime. Mental health experts say the pain it causes rivals grieving the death of a loved one. You feel betrayed, hurt and very much alone. I tell everyone
M AG A Z I N E while the process may be painful and will take some time, God will be with you step-by-step. I married later in life, and had the intention of never choosing divorce as an option. But after overcoming the shock of divorce, I had to take the steps for me (while raising my children and still working) to begin my healing. Everyone who experiences divorce must walk the road to healing. I highly recommend that those who experience the pain of divorce have a good counselor to help them through the process. Also, a counselor for the children of divorce is important to have as well. Children often need to talk about what they are feeling through this difficult life transition as well. Question: You’ve written a book “Suffering in Silence” How difficult was it to break the silence? Extremely difficult! My life and the life of my children changed traumatically after a real life scandal. Up until 2005, I thought I was living the American dream – Great success – pretty much ready, equipped and prepared for anything. In the eyes of many, I was considered “successful” from the external side of things. Successful marriage, thriving ministry, fruitful relationships and lucrative business! But all of that crashed down after a jolting scandal broke that my then husband and Pastor was facing multiple allegations of narcotics possession and gross sexual misconduct. Me, my children, and my congregation, our communities in which we lived and worked were paralyzed with a real life scandal (that even Olivia Pope couldn’t handle), that included shame, suffering, and sorrow, not to mention the spiraling loss of finances, relationships and possessions. I found myself humiliated, embarrassed, stripped of all dignity, only left with unanswered questions and the barebones of a shattered ministry. I’m here today, because I had to make a choice to either rise above my crisis or collapse into it. The positive impact that it has made on my life and the life of my children is that no matter what happens in life.. as long as you don’t quit… you can still make it! Our everyday prayer is that people will be encouraged and find hope to go on in spite of life circumstances….LIFE GOES ON! So, in the wake of this scandal - as the scandal unfolded, I found myself in the midst of a major crisis. “When you go through a crisis, you sometimes don’t know how to respond, you just need to regroup, reassess and rest.” I took some time to reflect and
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E X P O S U R E rest. I found my new normal and my new why and decided I was going to get up and do what I needed to do to live and take care of my 3 children. My “whys” became my 3 children, because they were impacted by a choice that they did not make. I wanted my three children to know that they were going to make it and live as if nothing ever happened. Not in a pretentious way, but in knowing it was nothing they did, nor anything they could change. What they could do was make the best of the situation and go forward. And forward they did, as I guided them. My children succeeded in school and other outside activities, but reality was I was now a single mom. A single mom with no child support, no alimony. I wondered how I would be able to get my children into and through college. I worked to revamp the ministry and continued in my execution of programs to help women. I wrote a book and thought this was going to be the way I would be able to put my 3 emerging children into college. I was offered a book deal and a financial advance which was just what I needed to get ahead until, the book deal was rescinded due to the publisher not wanting to move forward with the title. I was now once again trying to figure things out. I went to God and asked why? I remember clearly the response I got from God, “He told me that is not the book I want you to write.” I had other books on a list that I was going to get to one day, but God said, write this one. This book, Suffering In Silence, was the one book I did not want to write due to the secrets I had been carrying for years. This one would expose me to the world, this one would make me vulnerable, but now this book, Suffering In Silence, was the one that is now helping thousands of women (and children) break free from domestic violence and abuse. The abuse I experienced was not always necessarily physical (that came at the end), but it included years of manipulation, fear provoking, mental and emotional domination and abuse. But me speaking out and using my voice has helped others to break the silence on secrets in their lives. Please be reminded that domestic
M AG A Z I N E
violence comes in many forms and each have an enormous impact on the victim and their family. I would say to anyone who might be you are reading this and feel that you are in an abusive situation, please know that there is a way out. Please, get help! Question: What keeps you spiritually grounded and centered? Of course, God’s Word is my foundation for all that I do. But the one thing that truly keeps me grounded is knowing I have a responsibility to my legacy (my children, and even to those that are not yet born) to make a difference in the world, leaving a lasting legacy. Being intentional in building my legacy is paramount! You must be intentional. If you look up the word “intentional” in the dictionary, you will find the following: done purposely, deliberate. It means becoming proactive instead of just letting life happen to you. If you put your desire and your faith to work, then you can begin to live and do things intentionally. You begin to understand that you can’t just let things happen to you – you must be intentional/deliberate in making things happen for your children, what you desire. The opposite of being intentional is being haphazard or purposeless about your thoughts, decisions, and actions – merely reacting to life’s unexpected circumstances. If you want change in any aspect of your life, this is part of the process that you must work. If you don’t work it, then you must live with the haphazard results of your choice. It will only work if you work it! So, you must be intentional in building a solid spiritual foundation! This is what I practice every day! Question: What advice do you give women/young ladies practicing celibacy, but faced with temptations while dating? Many of our young women are not taught how to value themselves. Self value comes first. Proverbs 31:10-31 was taught to young Jewish girls as a way of teaching them the qualities and character God expected them to display as a woman and a wife.
So, Proverbs 31 gives hope and a challenge to us as Christian woman of today. It provides a pattern for us to follow as women of value, excellence and influence. For single men, who are looking for an honorable wife, it is an outline of what a godly woman should look like. The scripture states in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs begins by stating that an excellent wife is difficult to find, but when she is found, “she is far more precious than jewels,” (v. 10). She has value. She is a good thing. She is compared to a priceless, precious gem. She is considered to be noble – this signifies that she is dignified, distinguished and operates with an excellent spirit. I believe that the woman is to be found! I know that’s an old-fashioned value, but it’s a biblical value. I tell young women so when YOU are found – YOU should be found knowing and understanding your VALUE! You should be developed as a priceless, precious gem! Like a diamond in the raw! Until we help our young women to see their value, independent of a man and teach them to not compromise, they will tend to compromise and be challenged. Our society gives a different perception on how they should conduct themselves. I say stick to the Bible! The worlds system teaches them in direct opposite of what God’s word says so it’s a struggle for this generation. So, to ALL SINGLE Women, the Bible says: 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 ESV I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly
E X P O S U R E things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. So, as a single woman what is most important? That you become the Proverbs 31 woman FIRST! To love GOD! To know and love yourself and to learn what the will of God is for your life. To become healthy: mentally, emotionally spiritually physically financially socially This requires in-depth work: inner healing, breaking generational patterns and more. You also have to learn how to build healthy relationships; To learn to have healthy relationships with all people (both male and female). We have to learn to Set Guidelines for relationships. To recognize that in any and all male and female relationships, we should ask the questions, “Does this relationship help me to know Jesus better and fulfill what I’m called to do? Does this relationship mutually benefit me?” If not, you may need to reevaluate where you are and who you are connected to. Question: What advice do you give men on respecting women? I take issue with any environment or scenario that discredits and dishonors women. There are
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M AG A Z I N E
even restaurants that I won’t go into because of the exploitation of women. It is my belief that God created the genders to have mutual respect one for the other. I don’t want to be called out of my name, and mistreated in any kind of way. I feel it’s dishonorable and disrespectful. So, to my brothers I say treat all women with respect. Treat them the way you would want others to treat your mother, your sisters and your daughters! Question: Describe a project or accomplishment that you consider to be the most significant in your career. My proudest life, proudest achievements are named Matthew, Rachel and Jordan – my 3 incredible young adults and my granddaughter. I may be divorced but I still believe that family comes first. I take great pride in raising my 3 children (well, now young adults): Matthew, Rachel and Jordan and my granddaughter. And I’m so proud of each of them. Matthew Fowler Hornbuckle, 26, earned his Bachelors Degree in Business Management, an MBA and a Teaching Certification. He recently retired from playing Professional Arena Football and is a History Teacher and Coach, while parenting his 8 year old daughter; Keirstyn Nevaeh Geter Hornbuckle Rachel Renee Hornbuckle, 25, graduated from The University of Alabama Law School (Tuscaloosa, Alabama) this past May. She is the founder of “Belle of the Ball Foundation – Making Dreams Come True”. Pursuing a career in Sports and Entertainment Law. She is currently Miss Colleyville USA and headed to the Miss Texas USA EXPOSURE-MAGAZINE.COM
Pageant. http://www.rachelhornbuckle. com/About.html Jordan Lee Hornbuckle, 23, is currently entering his 3rd year in Pastoral Studies at Hillsong Bible College; Sydney, Australia. Studying for ministry to return and serve alongside me. Our family mantra is that we all strive to see others on the right path fulfilling their destiny regardless of their background or past mistakes. We are serving that example through our family foundation, Life Goes On, Inc. http://www. lifegoesonfoundation.net/ Question: If we’re sitting here a year from now discussing a great year it’s been for you in your role as Senior Pastor, what achievement do you envision? I would like it to be spoken of that I have made significant progress. I would like the church that I pastor to be strong and functional, daily impacting the lives of people and the community in a great way! Personally, I would like it said that I was an example of resiliency. That amid crisis, with the help of God - She kept her family together. She kept her faith together. She kept her mind together. She is serving her community and fellow mankind. Question: How can a person learn more about Dr. Renee Hornbuckle? A person can learn more about Dr. Renee Fowler Hornbuckle by visiting my website at www. ReneeHornbuckle.com and follow me on all social media @ drreneefowlerhornbuckle and by tuning into my weekly YouTube Program, drReneeSpeaks on the Optimal Life Network
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The drive of an individual can often land them in scenarios outside of the comfort zone, in a reality of not being the most qualified, the betting favorite or the most liked. Yet despite all the odds and the detractors that told her to simply go home, Claire Smith’s passion for writing allowed her to soar for over 30 years, maneuvering through the grasps of sexism and racism among many other obstacles to her landing point in the National Baseball Hall of Fame. Speaking to her son Joshua at her July 29th enshrinement of what value entering the hall of fame has to her, Smith concluded her explanation with “It means the world.”, which has been evident since the day she received her first typewriter. With her laptop sitting open, preparing for another production team meeting at ESPN’s studio facilities in her role as coordinating news editor, Smith could probably not have foreseen the preparations to honor her memorable career as a writer. As her peers have noted, Smith is as committed to her craft as anyone, and in this present day in time in her current role, her sole focus would be in organizing and producing compelling sports news for the daily broadcasts. With the call to Smith soon to be made of her selection for the J.G. Taylor Spink award, the highest honor for a baseball writer, it seems a fitting honor for the woman greeted with “No women allowed” notices on tickets to the Baseball Writers Association of America dinners in years past. “First, look at where we are: beautiful memory-encrusted Cooperstown. Can’t you feel the spirit of Jackie Robinson in the gentle breezes? And Doby’s, Mr. Rickey’s and Roberto’s?” said Smith to begin her speech. Taking the audience down a mental trek down the memories and experiences that got her to this point, Smith, gazing into the crowd embraced her moment of reciprocal altruism. “I humbly stand on stage for those who were stung by racism or sexism or any other insidious bias and persevered,” Smith said. “You are unbreakable. You make me proud.” October 21, 1998 featured the San Diego Padres and the New York Yankees in the game four of the World Series. The crowd is on the edge of their seats preparing for Mariano Rivera to pitch what would be a scoreless ninth inning, inciting pandemonium throughout the city, all the while NY Times sports writer Claire Smith at 46 is throwing a poncho over her head, trying to also cover her voice recorder in an attempt to get to the Yankees players for post-game interviews. Strangely enough, the Yankees were the first team Smith had ever covered, with her first time even being in Yankee stadium was as a beat writer for the Hartford Courant.
WRITING FOR THE FENCES BASEBALL IMMORTALIZES THE CAREER OF CLAIRE SMITH ITS 1ST BLACK FEMALE SPORTSWRITER by Justin Dukes Sports Editor
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“The Hartford Courant hired me and I inherited the Yankees beat midway through the ‘82 season, becoming the first woman to cover a major-league team full-time.” mentioned Smith during her hall of fame speech. ”I was recently asked about memories of that first. I had walked into a different reality, alright, but it had nothing to do with gender. Remember, the circus was in town: George employed three managers, six pitching coaches and over 50 players that season.” blissfully smiling as Smith mentioned to the Hartford Courant later at how perfectly timed her induction in New York is considering all the years she worked in the Big Apple. Eventually moving on from beat writer to the Courant’s first national writer, Smith’s career path wasn’t always as free flowing as the champagne being poured that Saturday. Founded in 1975 was the National Association of Black Journalists, an organization dedicated to the empowering of African Americans with the vocation for news reporting who seemed to face dead ends attempting to break through in the industry. Even thicker were the walls to hinder women from entering the sports realm who many felt had no place in the arena whatsoever. After a game in the 1984 championship series between the Chicago Cubs and San Diego Padres, a 32-year-old Claire Smith’s concern attempting to fight through other media members to enter the Padres locker room wasn’t how she was perceived, but how there was a job to be done. Unfortunately, after being physically removed from the locker room moments later, the job at hand seemed to be in question. With news of Smith’s removal from the locker room, Commissioner Peter Ueberroth the next day declared equal access to all media members, which was a giant step forward to the possible large number of undocumented instances resembling this for female reporters.
“Perhaps the enthusiastic young women who called me “Auntie” and asked to pose with me for selfies saw someone who helped open a bit wider a door that had once been closed altogether. They were cherishing these encounters much the way I had when I first met Jane Gross and Robin Roberts.” said a smiling Smith. “Perhaps reporters of color heard of a time when there were no reporters who looked like them. They listened to my story, and hopefully realized that while present-day may not be perfect, times ain’t what they used to be. That’s surely what I learned when listening to parents’ life stories.” Noted as somewhat shy as a child, Smith found her outlet when a typewriter was placed in front of her to which she would be heard hours on end typing away. “I couldn’t put brush to canvas, and I won’t even talk about my grade in chemistry. Yet your grandparents gave a shy elementary schooler an antique typewriter, showing a budding storyteller another way to create.” With her face gleaming with the same bright smile as the school girl entranced by the glory of her first typewriter, Smith still couldn’t help but acknowledge her duty to pay it forward in an instant all about her. “What have the younger generations given me in return? The realization of just how one’s reach can exceed his or her wildest imagination. For someone is always watching, and just may be ready to follow our lead.”
BY JUSTIN DUKES SPORTS EDITOR
Authors Promoting Success By Toneal M. Jackson
In a world where everyone is consumed with movies, music and the latest television and reality shows, those who write books must be good at what they do to capture the attention of their audience. In a world where everything is digital, technological or electronically accessible, authors of physical books must have a dedication and work ethic like none other to be recognized. In a world where hearing “no one reads” and “who buys books?” seems to be the norm, what is it that motivates people to continue to not only write, but aim to make it as a published, professional author? For some, it is the notoriety and prestige. There are those who have the opportunity to be signed with a major publishing house that pays for marketing, promotions, tours, and all associated with building a brand. There are those who publish independently, and ultimately desire the same goal – just on their own terms. For others, it is knowing that their message can be life-changing. When people experience (and overcome) obstacles, it instills a sense of responsibility that motivates them to share their story with the world. Whether it is to reach the masses or just one individual, the impact is the same. Purpose has been achieved. This is, for most people, the true meaning of success; accomplishing the thing which you set out to do. This is the reason people still attempt a profession as an author. As long as there is someone who can be affected positively by the message, an author has an audience. They have someone they can empower or inspire, and for most authors that is enough. This energy is what fuels them to promote their message, regardless of budget. They are devoted to either entertaining, educating, or encouraging all that encounter their work.
Momentum for Managing me Top 6 Things You Should Do Before You Say “I Do” by Relationship Expert G. Davis
One of the biggest problems that most people face in relationships is not just commitment, loyalty or infidelity, but it’s being comfortable with being an habitual procrastinator. It’s one of the secret things that we fight with internally. Nobody recognizes it at first, but it there. In fact, the things that we do every day we do them because they are a priority to us. The things that we constantly ignore, are clear signs that these things are not important enough to capture our undivided attention. Your true potential will require bad habit breaking. There’s thing you and I do habitually that makes us less than perfect in completing what we must do. You are nowhere near your future, as long as you continue to have romantic sentiments of your past. What is it that you want? What do you desire? Your desire has nothing to do with what you do. Your desire is the beginning place for what you plan to do. The reality is, you don’t live in the realm of desire, but you and I cohabitate in the here and now. In fact, you can’t excel in your career or relationships base of your desires. Your desire must mature! What are you doing in your “Down” time? Are you patiently preparing for your future husband or wife? Or are you casually entertaining unwanted prospects that are an enemy to your happiness and future. Here are top 6 things you should be doing before you say “I Do”…
1. Become totally, completely, 100% financially independent You never know what will happen down the road so before you commit to a couple of forever’s, it’s crucial to learn how to make it own your own. That means no more car insurance payments from dad, or mom taking care of your cell phone bill. It’s just you, your checkbook, and a big smile on your face because you made it. The only person you have to depend on now is yourself. And that’s truly liberating. 2. Find a career you love and master it Once you’re married and have kids, switching your career becomes a lot harder. Figure out what your passion is now, while you’re young and only have yourself to worry about, and just go for it. Don’t hold back. When you do find a job you love, be the very best you can possibly be at it. Nothing feels as rewarding as chasing your dreams and catching them. 3.Fall in love with the person of your dreams. If your rush your marriage, you may rush your divorce! Maybe
you’re anxious to get married or fear you’ll never find anyone better, listen, I’m literally begging you, DON’T SETTLE! Wait for the person who has proven to you that they can be trusted. The one who treats you like a princess and lifts you up because he could never tear you down. But most of all, wait for the one who loves you just as much as you love him back and whom you could never, ever in a million, trillion years picture your life without. Then, settle down. 4.Get rid of unclaimed baggage. When you envision the journey from your first love to your last love, you want to see the changes you have made. You should see a trail of progress and progression. By ignoring the obvious baggage in your life you are delaying the opportunity to be completely happy. See yourself letting go of pettiness, bitterness, anger and rejection. I want to see an understanding man. I want to see a man that possesses very little jealously, selfishness or bitterness. Before you dedicate yourself to a woman or a man, make sure you’re mature enough to handle the situations of your past so you can embrace your future without regrets. 5.Let go of parental resentment and past relationship failures. Some of us were blessed enough to have parents with a very strong and loving relationship. Others were not so lucky. Before getting married, leaving behind any resentment and negativity you feel about your parents’ marriage or relationship is really important. Your marriage never has to be your parent’s marriage or long distant relationship, and overcoming these feelings can be a difficult and challenging task, but a crucial one. Properly identify habits, cycles and dysfunctions by tracing it from the root and not just the fruit! 6.To thine own self be true. Build a life with someone, not build yourself in someone! It becomes all too easy to establish a sense of identity in someone else. I know this because I have done it. Before promising yourself to someone for forever, you have to be able to know how special and incredible forever can be with you. You have to believe that first, not wait for someone to tell you. Discover who really are and what you bring to the table before you say “I Do” and make no exceptions. Your future spouse will thank you!
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I must say, the past few years of being associated with the magazine has been some journey. About four years ago the journey was a very gracious opportunity to move forward in ‘exposing’ my work and skill sets to the masses. I often think about the thin thread this happened, and the amazing chance my publicist and CEO of the magazine gave me. As Senior Editor of the magazine, God just keeps blessing me. Yes the accolades are nice, but it goes deeper, I get to do it on my own terms by uplifting and serving others so we all come up together. So I want to discuss the four things we must understand and implement to able to move forward. 1. What you respect and honor will move toward you, what you don’t will move away from you. Let’s talk about the thin thread of how I met Exposure Magazine CEO Tam Lawrence. I was wandering on Facebook and was drawn to a Charlotte Business Group. I saw her graphic design skills and was like… “I wonder if she could do the book cover for my novel Torrential Waters.” Better yet, could I afford it? All I wanted was a book cover design, God wanted different.I had no idea who she was and had no clue of her own accolades. I was awake at 3AM in the morning not sure of why, but I had to meet someone there, I was searching. I inboxed her, we met at her office in Charlotte. Long story short I found my coach, mentor, that entrusted me as Associate Producer of her show All Men Rock, then later Senior Editor of her magazine, and more important, my dear adoptive sister and friend. We share the same values. We share the same view of hard work based on faith based principles, and we are both artists that collaborate and complement the other. You see you attract who you are, so if people don’t sync well with you. Let them go, no harm , no foul. You are assigned to certain people. Just as you may get moved from people you are not in sync with. 2. You won’t do what you do alone. You simply can’t. Yet just in the first point. You attract what you are. There are unseen forces pulling people near you, that are kind of like you in that season. I am a veteran who was a former paratrooper in an elite military intelligence unit. The one thing that was instilled in us was taking care of the person next to you. When you have people beside you that will take the proverbial bullet for you, amazing things happen. I was very bull headed as a civilian, so I learned the hard way.The lone wolf thing was not working. Show honor and goodness and there is little doubt you’ll attract the team you want to share a foxhole with in a firefight. You need the people next to you having your back, and they need you. You will see miracles and blessings happen, and will have many-fold results that you could not do on your own.
3. You are ordained for greatness. I am careful about imposing my faith on people, so I want to share it with you instead. Check this out. “If all the DNA in your body were placed end-to-end, that information would fill the Grand Canyon almost 30 times.”-42 Cellar Doors: The Search for the Answer to the Question Everyone Asks By Dr. Jay Winter
That sounds like you are a complex miracle, a product of a Creator, an infinitely intelligent source. I am not a religious person, but a spiritual person. If we can get back to the concept of an all powerful loving Father that made you and loves and knows every hair on your head, we will truly believe in ourselves more. This leads us to my final point. 4. I was bullied, I had a horrible view of the world, and lacked confidence in myself. I ran into individuals that taught me I had to unlearn those negative things I was taught in my childhood. We get older, and we are more battered and bruised than our more youthful counterparts.The older you are with a negative outlook, the more you have to contend with.The best thing was feeding my mind with uplifting images, music, people. I saturate myself with positive thoughts daily. I am far from perfect, but I will tell you this for insight and practicality.What is there to prosper from speaking negatively? You will profit at least as much from being positive rather than speaking negatively to your circumstances. Watch your attitude and your words. Your mouth will guide every day you dare to take a breath. Words are energy, and they come back. In closing, I truly hope we all leap into our purposes, without comparing ourselves to others. 1.Listen to your inner gut. 2. No man or woman is an island. 3. Know your value and destiny for greatness, 4. Renew your mind. Your journey , is your assignment.I write about these things in my book Torrential Waters. I can go on and on about the miracles and the surrounding energies that are there for everyone to command. Yes I speak as an author but I want to be sure I put the spotlight on the author of my soul, that changed my life’s path, and granted me such things that through Him, the odds won’t ever apply to me…Of course, that goes for you too. Peace and favor to you.
Sometimes the odds
won’t apply to you
YOU ARE NO ACCIDENT Neither are your victories Senior Editor Cedric Nettles
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5 Things I Wish I Knew Before 5 THINGS I WISH IIKNEW BEFORE Said “I Do” ILIVE SAID “ I DO” INTERVIEW LIVE INTERVIEW Tammy Barnett Tammy Barnett
I always wondered what my last Iday always what mylook last as awondered single man would day a single manwhat woulditlook like. like. as I wondered would Ibe wondered it wouldthe be like to like to what fall asleep night fall asleep thewedding night before my wedbefore my knowing it ding knowing would be I the last would be theit last time would time wouldalone. ever sleep alone. MayeverI sleep Maybe you’ve be you’vethe thought same thought samethe thing too.thing Aftoo. After six months of marriage ter six months of marriage I re-I realized howutterly utterly unprepared unprepared I alized how was of of mymy life.life. wasinincertain certainareas areas This chance to This past pastweek weekI had I hada a chance interview “The REAL Coach” to interview “The Wife REAL Wife Tanya Barnett, accomplished Coach” Tanya an Barnett, an ac18-year married authormarried and speakcomplished 18-year auer. Herand transparency me away thor speaker. blew Her transparand it was a clear again that ency blew me away andI wasn’t it was the only one whothat saidI “Iwasn’t DO” totala clear again the ly unprepared. the totaltop 5 only one who Here said are “I DO” things she suggests you bely unprepared. Here areneed the top fore you take that long walk down 5 things she suggests you need the aisle…. before you take that long walk
down the aisle….
1.Prayer Life:
nection in a relationship, it will always lead
She mentions that prayer was the great-
to physical separation. You have to make
est power that kept her marriage togeth-
the effort to spend time with the one person
er.
Start developing communication with
you vowed to love. Nothing, not even your
God privately and publicly. Praying alone is
career, church or kids should block this from
good, but praying together is better! Prac-
happening. Time management and consis-
tice having balance between the “Spiritual”
tent discipline is key.
you and the “Natural” you and your marriage will last forever 5.Being Persistent Don’t Get Comfortable: 2.Men have Emotional Needs:
One of the dangers in marriages that seems
She said her husband had lots of moments
to happen naturally, is becoming extremely
of weakness and she would degrade him in-
common and over confident. We think be-
stead of building him up. He never felt value
cause we are officially legal that we don’t
as a man only wounded and bleeding to
have to date, communicate or impress.
death after every conversation. It’s essen-
Many or sadly mistaken! In fact, everything
tial that you know how to speak and please
you did while dating should only get better
your husband. Understand what his Love
in marriage. Never become relax and pre-
Language is and how you can both co-ex-
dictable in your relationship! Be spontaneous
ist without being a threat to his happiness.
and exciting and amazing things will happen
Finding the right time and tone to use is also
naturally.
essential. You can get more out of a man with sweet words and calming demeanor then you can with sharp words and distorted face. 3.Patience: She repeated over and over that being patient was key for her, because she was dealing with a husband who didn’t know how to communicate effectively. The trick is to remember that people regardless of gender are being “Process” and patience is incredibly essential for all of our survival. Then you have to evaluate how much can you really tolerate in your marriage and then make the necessary adjustments. 4.Prioritizing your Marriage: In her marriage she mentions that she did her thing and he did his, and eventually this cause her to entertain the idea of having an emotional affair. Anytime there’s constant emotional abandonment and discon-
Interview by Dr. G. Davis Relationship Expert
Question: Who is Kate Boccia? First, I am a wife and mother, but deep down I am a compassionate advocate and philanthropic leader. What began as a desperate journey has become my life’s work. My families story underscores the issues we face in America, issues that must be addressed. Question: What inspires you? Humanity. I love to help those who have no voice become strong. I love to advocate for those who live in the desperate world of incarceration by ignoring stigmas and shame. I devote my time wagering strategic battles for them. Question: How did you get involved with National Incarceration Association? My journey began the night I “got the call” that my son had been arrested for armed robbery. At the time, I felt so alone and afraid, not realizing I was part of a growing number of families. As is too often the ignored case, Daniel was a heroin addict, shackled by desperate behavioral tendencies. After many tears and sleepless nights, I adjusted to my family’s new normal and launched myself into an untamed public spotlight. Today I am President and CEO of The National Incarcer-
ation Association, a nonprofit, formed out of a mother’s love that has since become a force in Georgia to advocate and lead families. Question: How does NIA serve the community? The NIA is devoted to pursuing the issues of mass incarceration as experienced by families. We are focused on real life situations that distress the vitality, health and civic potential of families impacted by the necessity of incarceration.Our dashboard of work is focused on connecting the many good organizations and agencies to the issues families are facing to specific, strategic projects. Question: How long have you been an advocate for the incarcerated? I began this work immediately after my son was sentenced to prison. October 24, 2012. Question: What has been your most challenging obstacle? There was nothing smooth about this journey. I had tremendous roadblocks and barriers that I had to, and still must tear down almost daily. One of the most difficult things was to get those who make the decisions that impact my son’s life. They were impossible to get in touch with. I had to show up everywhere for
them to start noticing me. And notice me they did. I am currently involved with Georgia Department of Corrections on many levels. Another struggle was how to help the families navigate the system. I am still working on the concept for a family resource center. The beast of mass incarceration is just that, but one that we are working diligently to change. No family should have to be put through such pain to help their loved one during their incarceration.
THE LIBERTY OF JUSTICE
Positively Impacting the Lives of Others
MEET KATE BOCCIA, CEO OF THE NATIONAL INCARCERATION ASSOCIATION
Interview by LeNora Millen
Question: Describe what it feels like to go from a soccer and PTA mom to a mother advocating for her son and others who are incarcerated? That was no easy feat. For me to start all my speeches with the line “I was room mom, team mom, soccer mom, now I’m the mom of an inmate” hurt tremendously. But I quickly realized I was not alone and the mom’s that came to me for help validated my work. Question: Were there any warning signs that your son had an addiction to drugs?
Nothing was stolen, but nothing good was going on either. Question: What was your son Daniel convicted of? Armed Robbery Question: Describe his sentence; was it mandatory? 15 years and yes it was mandatory. Question: How did you cope?
At the time there were no signs, because I chose to push them away so as not to have to think about the trouble we were in. In hindsight, we had warning signs since he was a little boy.
At first through self-induced wine coma’s. No really, I was so completely distraught that I could only escape in the fog of wine. I eventually pulled myself together and went to work. That is where I found real copping.
Question: Did Daniel enter any recovery programs for his drug addiction?
Question: If we’re sitting here a year from now discussing a great year it’s been for you in your advocacy role, what achievement do you envision?
He ran away from both treatment facilities we sent him to. We didn’t understand that there was much more to getting well and staying in recovery then simply sending him away for 6 weeks. Question: What events led up to your son’s arrest and incarceration? Daniel attended a frat party at Georgia Tech where there was plenty of drinking and drugging going on. The evening ended in a drunken fight with an attempted robbery resulting from it. He was arrested and charged with armed robbery even though he had no weapon. His co-defendant had a PVC pipe that he picked up during the altercation.
I would envision that the NIA successfully launched several of its projects aimed to help families, victims and communities recover from the trauma of crime. Our vision is that the justice and corrections system of the United States becomes a system of dignity, safety and progressive personal improvement for all involved. Question: How can a person learn more about NIA? Simply go to our website www.JoinNIA.com or call me, I’m all about helping people.