MY
Authentic Life
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HONOR THE FATHER
& INSPIRE YOUR DIVINE MASCULINE WITHIN COPING WITH
EMPTY NEST ORDER WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
3 TIPS TO CLARIFY YOUR MESSAGE
PAUL ATTIA
Living Life on Purpose
JUNE 2017
MY
Authentic Life
magazine
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Maria Savoy As the founder of MY Authentic Life Magazine, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read our extraordinary publication. We aspire to empower and inspire you with articles written by our amazing writers. I believe we are all here for a reason greater than ourselves and to serve a divine purpose. It’s how we choose to react to what is placed before us that allows us to succeed.
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MY
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MY Authentic Live is a monthly publication that encourages others to live their best life. MY makes every effort to provide accurate information in advertising, editorial content and placement: however, we do not make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no responsibility or liability for inaccurate information or placement. No content can be duplicated without the permission of MY Media and Publishing Group. For inquiries e-mail maria.mymediagroup.com. 10 | MY Magazine
contributing writers
Kathryn Andries Patrick Andries The Dream Experts
Pat Duckworth
Mella Barnes
Liz Bull
Amanda Butler
Sharon Carne
Wini Curley
Liberty Forrest
Tamara Green
Elaine M. Grohman
Judy Lipson
Lisa Marie Platske
Kate Sholonski
Dr. Kate Siner
Janette Stuart
Gary Stuart
Laura Jack
mymagazinemediagroup.com 11
from the publisher
The Way You Show Up In The World Is Up To You! In the craziness of our day-to-day activities, many of us grow increasingly aware of what seems to resemble the world spinning like a top wanting to put one foot on the ground to stop the vertigo. Keeping up can be challenging. As I try to organize my time in an attempt to slow down, I find myself thinking about what matters most in my life. I have found that it is not about how we came into this world, what family we are born into, what status we have in society or even how we leave it. It is about what we do while we are here that makes a difference.
“I was once afraid of people saying, “Who does she think she is?” Now I have the courage to stand and say, “This is who I am.”
–Oprah Winfrey
It is our choices and reactions that move us forward or hold us back. Life and how we navigate through it is up to us. So what does that mean? It means that we are ultimately responsible for everything that shows up in our life. We control how we think, what we believe, what we say and ultimately what we do. ‘Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it.’ So how do you choose to show up? Are you in service to others or is it all about you? Do you listen, or do you assume things? Do you take personal responsibility for the things that are showing up in your life? Life is about making the world a better place while we have the privilege of living in it. It is important to be aware of what we are doing, how we are treating others, and that while we are here, we are making a difference. The world is a beautiful place, and every day we have the opportunity to touch someone’s life in a positive way, yet, every single day there are so many missed opportunities. The choices that we make and the attitudes that we exhibit touch people in ways that we may not even be aware. Be mindful as to the vibes that you give, always stay in a place where you work from your heart, make your intentions pure. Being in that place is where real change happens. Thank you for visiting MY Authentic Life Magazine. My hope is that you leave our site more empowered and inspired than when you came.
Maria Savoy – Publisher maria.mymediagroup.com mymagazinemediagroup.com
12 | MY Magazine
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Mind n Body Spirit n Busine Budget n HOLISTIC FOR HEALTH, LIFESTYLE AND BUSINESS Looking for holistic products, services and solutions? Find reference-reviewed options here.
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HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
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Paul Attia Living Life on Purpose “Being A Husband and Father Is My Most Challenging Job Yet�
18 | MY Magazine
MY Authentic Life
Simply Spiritual
Wealth Consciousness
34 Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome
46 Honor the Father & Inspire Your Divine Masculine Within
72 The Dream Experts What Does Your Dream Mean
90 How to Regain Personal Power After Losing Your Job
38 We Are Not Blind
52 Order What You Really Want
78 Connecting with Your Soul
40 Better Than Good
56 Staring Wistfully at Closed Doors Prevents You From Seeing the Open Ones
84 Honoring the Masculine
28 Celebrate All of your Senses
42 It’s Time for a Little Fun
Self-Growth
60 Compassion After Loss
74 Talk to Tamara
Healthy Living 96 What’s Eating Clean? 100 Tap Into Your Creativity and Inspiration
66 Living Your Authentic Life
June 2017
Paul Attia
20 | MY Magazine
LIVING LIFE ON PURPOSE
“Being A Husband and Father Is My Most Challenging Job Yet”
–Paul Attia
by Maria Savoy
B
orn of immigrant parents, Paul Attia lives his life with passion and purpose. He is, most importantly, a husband and the father of four beautiful children. Paul’s profession is that of a criminal prosecutor as well as being a partner in his family owned business. He is a brilliant writer and speaker, who passionately speaks the honest truth about living his life on purpose. “Deliberately,” as he describes it. Paul is an ambitious, goal-oriented man who relentlessly works toward excellence as a husband and father as well as in his professional life and financial and athletic goals. Migrating to Canada in 1964, both of Paul’s parents were born and raised in Egypt. As a young couple, Paul’s parents traveled by boat to Europe and then across the Atlantic, to Canada where they currently reside.
“The story of my father’s arrival in Canada says a great deal about his character and personality. As his boat approached the Canadian shores of the 1964 winter, my father laid eyes on the mounds of ice and snow - something that he was seeing for the very first time. Instead of thinking, ‘why did I leave the warm beaches of the Mediterranean for this cold,’ his first thought was, ‘wow, look at all this snow and ice, I wonder how I can get it on a boat and shipped back to Egypt for beach vendors to keep their Coca Cola’s and Fanta’s cold when they are selling them on the beach.
he hopes to pass along to his children, but not the only thing.
FAMILY LIFE As a father of four, Paul credits his wife with having phenomenal character, drive, passion, and compassion, handling life, with extraordinary strength and grace. Together they had four children in 48 months. “My wife is a Champion. A total Champion.
Where everyone else saw a disaster, my parents always saw an opportunity. That lesson has never been lost on me.”
She is one of my heroes in this world and someone I love dearly, but also someone I admire and revere so much. Her capacity to be simultaneous, wise, strong, gracious and tough, is awe-inspiring.” Meeting her changed everything for me.”
It is that optimism that Paul was taught at a young age and that he continues to admire about them. It is one of the things
“On my 30th birthday, I wasn’t even engaged yet, but by the time I was 35, we had met, got married and just had our 4th mymagazinemediagroup.com 21
child. My transition into married live and fatherhood was a fast and furious one.� As ambitious and motivated as Paul is, he is quite candid about the work that it has taken him to transition into family life. He acknowledges that there have been many trials and tribulations along the way. “I have always tried to pursue my goals as relentlessly as humanly possible. From the time that I was very young, I’ve 22 | MY Magazine
had a real addiction to intensity and production. I pushed myself to the extremes in every way that I could. The net result of that has been very positive when viewed in the light of objective productivity and success. Whether as a varsity athlete, a trial lawyer or a business man, being focused,
driven and goal-oriented has served me well. When I decided to get married and start a family, I had very little idea how difficult and challenging that transition would be; the
reality is that it is harder than any athletic or professional goal I have ever had. What I have learned and found to be unique is that family life is not unilateral — a oneway exchange of energy and results — but rather, bilateral. Unilateral goals are not easy to achieve, but they’re simpler. But when goals are combined with someone else - such as family or relationship goals - there are multiple things to consider. They still take dedication, time and discipline but they also take a certain amount of nuance, flexibility, empathy, and patience and those weren’t traits I previously practiced. Being driven is — at its core, often, inherently selfish. Being family-oriented is inherently selfless. That juxtaposition is often where the fault lines are found and then widened, with the intensifying pressures of life. I felt that pressure a lot as a young father. The ambitious, fire-in-thebelly, aspect of me, was perpetually feeling crushed by what I deemed to be the restraints of reduced time to pursue my goals relentlessly. Selfish as that makes me sound, it’s true.”
and make arguments. And I come by it honestly. Ask my wife or anyone who knows me; I can’t stand in line at the coffee shop, let alone attend a dinner party, without wanting to interview and ask questions of the people around me. I’ve been this way for a long time. I am inherently curious about the world around me. And I strongly believe that every human has a unique story to tell. I am always learning from everyone I speak with, and I believe that it is such a significant part of societal development to learn from those around us. What most people usually don’t know is that for every question I have asked someone else, I’ve asked myself ten questions. “What are my true intentions in doing this?” “How will this align with my goals and purpose?” “How will I spend the 168 hours I’ll be given this week.” “Have I called
my mother today to tell her how much I appreciate her? “How many pull-ups can I do inside of 3 minutes?” “What are the greatest questions to ask during a cross-examination in court” “What is the world record for tire flips in one minute?” Those are but a sample of things I think about. As a husband, and as a father, I realized that the life I lead will be directly and inextricably linked, to the questions I ask of myself. Questions are the not on-ly the genesis of growth, but they are the roadmap to your island of fate. Therefore, in order to change my paradigm, I needed to alter my questions. I used my natural and professional inclination for question-asking, to draft a list of questions for myself, in order to lead the life I wanted to lead. They begin with, ‘How will you
A FATHERS PERSPECTIVE: FROM PROSECUTOR TO PARENT “As a trial lawyer, I am paid to ask questions mymagazinemediagroup.com 23
cherish your wife today?’ They include, ‘What character trait do you want to exemplify to each of your children today?’ And don’t worry, my list still includes, ‘How many pull-ups will you do inside of two minutes today?’” The net result is that my questions focus me on my thoughts. And my thoughts focus me on my actions.
FALLING IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN THAT YOU LIKE “I’m really fortunate in that I happened to fall in love with a woman that I also really like, but even with that, marriage takes a lot of work. What an indictment it is of me, that I actually needed to write down the goal, 24 | MY Magazine
and the question, “How will you cherish your wife today?” Perhaps it speaks volumes about the character that I lack. But, I am a strong believer that discipline and strength often arrive in recognizing where you’re in fact weak. I realized once we got married, how important it was to me to stay connected to my wife. And once our children came into play, I realized how challenging that could become if we were not deliberate about it. As the risk of sounding crass, imagine a marriage like opening up a bank account and depositing $10,000 into it. Most people think you can live on the dividends for the rest of your life. What we fail to realize is that the bank of life has many service fees. Ergo, if
you’re not continually investing more capital into the account, the value goes down. What I think people don’t realize, is when they get married and start having children, two things happen simultaneously. First, the needs and demands you and your spouse have for each other increase exponentially and, secondly, your emotional and physical bandwidth available to deal with those needs and demands, has decreased exponentially. It is the widening of that gap that can be the starting point of a breakdown for families. I think it’s natural to have those two things happen, but what we do with that really determines where we are going to end up.”
THE FUTURE YOU “Going back to first principles, the right questions lead to the right thoughts and the right thoughts lead to the right actions. One of the most important questions I ask myself is what would the 75-year-old version of me say to me right now? As a man still in his 30s that question has had a profound impact on me. I can recall a moment early in my fatherhood journey when I came home from work only to “be at dinner, but not be present at dinner” — my mind was elsewhere and focused on my “to do” list for the evening. As I escaped from my family and began working in my office, I could hear, on the floors above a sound I’ll never forget — the effectual laughter of my children. All four of them were upstairs, howling away; and my wife’s laughter soon joined their contagious roar. As I stood alone in my office, working on some task that was so important I don’t even remember what it was, I asked myself, ‘What would the 75-year-old version of me, be willing to give, in order to travel back to this moment in time, just to hear these beautiful sounds, just one more time?’ The question was the right one. My thoughts changed instantly. So too, did my actions.
with, like being tall or having brown hair. Discipline is a character trait; a skill that you actually have to hone. And we all have the capacity to be disciplined. Discipline is not as difficult or mysterious as we often think. A major component of discipline is a) recognizing that it is a skill to develop; and not an immutable quality; b) understanding that strength often comes in seeing where you are weak — and then hedging your bet against it and putting the right steps in place, and c) not giving up when you fail, as we all will. I know where I’m weak. I keep a pull-up bar in my office; a 400-pound tire in my backyard and a jump rope in my truck. Why? So that I’ll never have an excuse to skip a workout. Financially, I put the first 20 cents of every dollar that I earn into my children’s education. Why? Because I know that
investing before you spend is the number one way to achieve your financial goals. And, I keep a list of questions at my side, that I read daily, asking me how I intend to cherish my wife, love my children and lead my life. Why? Because I know that those questions will influence my thoughts, and those thoughts will lead me to my desired actions and outcomes. I don’t bat 1000. I fail all the time. And when I do fail, I ask myself what led to it, and then I work to fix it. I use it as fuel to get better the next day; an incentive to ask better questions; to learn something; to find new ways to be a more a better husband, a better father; a more efficient human; I welcome those challenges and their inherent failures as a chance to make me better. I am forever grateful to be a husband and a father and to be able to learn these lessons daily and to better understand that deliberate questions lead to deliberate living.
Many often ask, how stay so disciplined? “Discipline is not something you are born mymagazinemediagroup.com 25
MY Authentic Life
CELEBRATE ALL OF YOUR SENSES
by Mella Barnes
T
his month, I’d like to explore all of our amazing senses and celebrate each one. They are things we take for granted, yet we use them on a daily basis. Let’s have
28 | MY Magazine
some fun and enjoy what we have*, shall we? *Please note, if you don’t have one of these particular senses, feel free to skip and
celebrate the ones you do have extra hard! I know we all have different gifts and abilities so please don’t think I’m trying to exclude anyone here. Just enjoy what you can!
• Read a book you’ve been wanting to read • Get some extra sleep (give that sense a rest!) • Buy something in your favorite color • Take some eye-healthy vitamins to keep this sense working for a long time
Hearing: This one is
particularly special to me, as I am a session singer and songwriter. It’s also a scary one for me because deafness runs in my family later in life, so I plan to use it as much as I can! Let’s celebrate this sense by trying ‘our favorite album or artist • Find a new artist or genre to enjoy • Download a white noise app to help you relax or fall asleep • Try sitting in complete silence for a bit (I don’t recommend this if you’re like me and have terrible ringing in your ears, but sometimes it’s good to give the ears a break!) • Listen to meditation music, chimes or a singing bowl to clear your mind
Sight: Think about all the
things your eyes do for you. They take in incredible beauty on a daily basis, but they also warn you of danger and give you the greatest sense of where
you are and where you’re going. To celebrate your wonderful eyes, why not try any (or all) of the following: • Go to a museum • See a movie or play
Touch: After cleaning up foster puppy pee and having it soak through the paper towel, touch is not always my favorite sense. But touch can be amazing and is also important. We feel pain as a sign of danger. We feel temperature to maintain a proper balance. Let’s try these to celebrate our sense of touch: mymagazinemediagroup.com 29
breath, noticing what scents you can tell • Take extra time to smell your food before eating it • Wear your favorite perfume or cologne
Taste: I’m
honestly not much of a “foodie.” I could probably eat the same thing everyday, and would forget to eat if it wasn’t a requirement for living. Still, taste is important and I know a lot of people love cooking and eating. Let’s celebrate taste! • Buy something soft (a velvet pillow, silk sheets, whatever you like)
• Cook your favorite food (or buy it, if you’re like me and don’t cook)
• Get a professional massage
• Try something you’ve never had before
• Take a long shower or bath in your favorite temperature • Wear your favorite outfit • Massage your skin with your favorite lotion
Smell: This is another one of
those senses that can be great, but can also be really terrible. Still, if we couldn’t smell the dead mouse or rotten food, we wouldn’t be able to get rid of it, right? We can honor this sense by doing the following: • Light your favorite candle or oil • Go outside and take a deep 30 | MY Magazine
• Order dessert (this is a command! Do it.) • Make your favorite drink and take some time to really enjoy it • Sweet, sour, salty, savory. Aim for all of these in one sitting (or one bite?)
Intuition: The famous
“sixth sense,” this is not one to ignore! We tend to push this sense aside, only to later say, “I should have listened to my intuition.” This one should get some extra TLC, don’t you think? Let’s try these:
• Honor this sense by developing it further. Whether you use prayer, meditation, or any other form of intuition development, spend extra time on this! You’ll be glad you did. • Flex your intuition muscle. Give yourself mini-tasks (such as deciding what direction to take or what to say to someone) and follow your instinct. See how it went and thank your intuition for a job well done. • Journaling is a great way to reflect on your instincts and see what ideas went well and what didn’t. Keep a record of this and see how your intuition grows over time. I hope you will try at least one thing for each sense, as you are able. Feel free to make your own ways to celebrate each of these if you want. If you end up trying any of them, look me up on social media and let me know how it went! Or post to us on Eydis social media, we would love to know how this went for you.
Mella is a session singer, songwriter and producer living in Nashville, Tennessee. Also an animal lover, she has three dogs, a rabbit, and any number of foster animals in various shapes and sizes. She is the author of Way Less Cowbell, a book on communicating with session musicians. If you would like more information or to hire her onto your project, please visit www.mellamusic.com
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Each year 1-in-4 girls and 1-in-6 boys are victims of abuse. Let’s help these children find their voice. Founded in 2007 by Chip and Lisa St. Clair, and based on his bestselling memoir, The Butterfly Garden, the St. Clair Butterfly Foundation utilizes the power of creative arts, literature, and overall well-being to impact the lives of children facing adversity. Listen to Chip and Lisa’s radio show: The Divine Frequency: Turning Your Passion Into Purpose Tuesday at 9:30 am Eastern Time on Empower Radio
Your donation gives the greatest gift to a child! mymagazinemediagroup.com 33 It shows that they are loved and that they deserve to be heard.
COPING WITH
Empty Nest Syndrome
by Pat Duckworth
L
ast month I was talking about preparing your young people to leave home for college or work. This month the question is – how prepared are you for your young person to leave home? How will you 34 | MY Magazine
respond to your empty(ing) nest? Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS) is not a term you will find in many medical textbooks. It is the name given to the symptoms that can affect parents when
their children leave home. Both men and women can be affected by ENS. Single parents of either sex may feel it more strongly if they have dedicated a lot of their time and energy to raising their child/children.
about, but here are some other symptoms to look out for: •
Prolonged feelings of sadness
•
Crying excessively
•
Loneliness and feelings of loss
•
Not wanting to talk or mix with friends or family
•
Feelings of uselessness, or that your life has ended
•
Feeling overwhelmed
•
Change in sleeping and eating patterns
•
Spending obsessive amounts of time in the child’s bedroom
•
Guilt
•
Feeling anxious and disoriented
If you experience two or more of these symptoms for two weeks or more you should consider whether there is another cause. One cause for women may be the changes in the balance of hormones occurring around menopause giving rise to physical and emotional symptoms. You may need to consult your medical practitioner. So what actions can you take now to prepare yourself for the departure of your young person in the Fall? It can feel like a bereavement rather than just one of the many transitions that parents go through in bringing up children. Short periods of sadness are natural and nothing to worry
1. REKINDLE YOUR CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS a. With yourself You are the only person that you will spend your entire life on earth with. The most important relationship you can begin to
rekindle is the one with yourself. Make time for you. Consider what is important to you now. Acknowledge what you are feeling without judging it. Take time to look in the mirror and see that awesome person looking back at you. It may have been a while since you had the chance to spend time with yourself. Send your reflection some love and appreciation. Eliminate the energy-wasting thoughts that hold you back from being your true self. Notice the unhelpful words you use when you talk to yourself such as “could, would, should, but, try, and perhaps”. An approaching empty nest can often feel like a loss, a time of grief. Be patient and open to new beginnings. Think about what you truly want to be next. This can be an exciting time, it is the beginning of your second life. b. With your partner Once you have spent time with yourself, look out at your most intimate relationships. If you have a partner, you now have time to get to know them all over again. Start dating anew from today! Notice the positive things about your partner, the things that you love about them. Make an effort to use your newfound freedom to spend quality time together. Be spontaneous; walk hand in hand, prepare a special candle lit meal, watch a movie together, have a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart, or laugh together. mymagazinemediagroup.com 35
Find time to be together and support each other through this transition. c) With your Young Person Work on changing your relationship with your young person before they leave home. You are moving from the role of nurturer to mentor. A mentor is a person with experience who shares what they have learned with another person, in order that they can gain experience without having to learn by trial and error. Your role as a parent is now one of advising your young person on the ways of being an adult within your society. To fulfill your new role, you may have to work on new skills such as: •
empathy
•
sharing experiences
without giving directives or commands •
giving encouragement rather than criticism
•
being trustworthy and patient
•
being an active listener, creating space so they can make decisions take action and then reflect upon their learnings
•
helping them adjust, re-learn and re-adjust as time goes on
Not much different from watching them learn to walk, ride a bike or drive a car! 2. RE-ENERGISE YOUR FRIENDSHIPS. Your friendships are an important factor in your happiness and emotional resilience. Some of your friendships may have been neglected and fallen by the wayside while you raised your family.
This is a good time to reflect on your relationships. Emotions are contagious so it is important to spend time with people who uplift and support you. Review your address book or Facebook friends list and make a note of the friends who make you feel good. Reconnect with these people so that you can flourish in the next stage of your life. Get in touch with your positive friends and arrange to meet. This can also be a fabulous time to make new friendships. Seek out people who are interested in similar things to you. Look for clubs and meet-ups on subjects that you enjoy. You can make time for your extended family members too. One of my clients once told me that the empty nest years had been the best time to reunite with siblings. Now their children were living independently they were continually planning holidays and time away together, a second childhood! 3. REVIEW YOUR GOALS Once that you have launched your young person, it is the time to plan to do all those things that you have had to put on hold while you were busy parenting. Already in your life, you have had
36 | MY Magazine
who you will need to help. By taking your time to plan before your young person leaves home, you will have something to look forward to.
many roles, both at home and at work. You have learned so much and your skill set is enormous. It is the time to use all that knowledge to your full advantage. Take stock and make changes. Use the time before your young person leaves home to review where you are in your life journey. Is it time to: •
Change your working hours? Work fewer hours to spend more time on your passions, or work more hours to increase your retirement fund.
•
Find a new job? What have you always wanted to do?
•
Study for a new qualification?
•
Start a business?
Is there a course you fancy doing, a musical instrument to learn, a walk you have always wanted to do, or a place you have always wanted to visit? Start planning how you will get there, when you will go, and
If any of the above feels scary, you are not alone. Change can often feel like a scary place yet, if we look back, we have been dealing with scary places all our lives. To feel apprehensive is quite common, but it doesn’t mean that it should stop you from moving forwad. If you find yourself unable to decide what you want or to make a decision you may need help from a life coach. You don’t have to do this alone. 4. AUDIT YOUR FINANCES Having a clear picture of your finances at this stage is important. Before your young person leaves home it is helpful to know whether you can afford to provide any ongoing financial support. They may need financial help with their studies, accommodation or living costs. Discuss their finances with them and agree a budget before it becomes a hot issue. Also consider your financial planning for the future. Have you enough funds saved for your retirement? If not, what can you start to do about it now?.
It may be that you have big dreams that you want to fulfil. Maybe you have always fantasised about traveling the world or living in the wilderness. You may need to consider options such as downsizing from your current home, or renting out rooms in order to finance your future plans. 5. CELEBRATE Moving away from home to live independently is an important time for your young person, a rite of passage. They may be looking forward to it or they may be feeling a bit apprehensive. Be proud of yourself for getting them to this place. Plan a party for them to celebrate their embarking on this stage of life. You can use the event to make those reconnections with family and friends that I have already talked about. But most of all, enjoy it! Pat Duckworth is a midlife coach, author, and international public speaker. After 30 years working in the public and voluntary sector, Pat discovered her entrepreneurial mojo in her mid-50s and retrained as a therapist and coach. Since then she has published three books including the award-winning, ‘Hot Women, Cool Solutions’. Her fourth book, Hot Women Rock; How to discover your midlife entrepreneurial mojo, is published on October 4th. Pat is passionate about inspiring women to get the best from their lives, no matter what their age. Learn more athotwomencoolsolutions.com Twitter: @patduckworth Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ HWRentreprenuers/
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38 | MY Magazine
Blind
WE ARE NOT by Elaine M. Grohman
F
our individuals stood together, three of them men, one of them a Woman. In the unconscious mind of one of the men, a story resided a myth that had become a malignant thought fed by a very old cultural deception, that of the superiority of males over females. This widely held belief of superiority of one over another, always predicated on false information, always leads to dire consequences. The myth in his mind had become a malignant way of thinking. For this particular man, his myths had become his personal story, littering his life in ways he was not willing to see but were blatantly obvious to those “with eyes to see and ears to hear.” This particular myth involved his degraded thinking of women, and his actions and language were about to betray his ignorance. His words were spoken out loud with a bravado that he hoped would bring him some momentary sense of glory, status or rank. Nothing could be further from the truth. The unconscious mind knows little of the benevolent capacity of a Balanced Mind and is often grossly negligent in both accountability and self-examination in a culturally created little mind. This man failed to recognize the fatal flaw in both his timing and language. He failed to recognize that he was in the presence of a Woman of Integrity as he salaciously began to brag about where he would like to be at the moment. With the sudden strike of a Lioness, this Woman of Substance put him in his place and the bravado of a braggart became the truth revealed, his words, comprehended by Her Sharp Mind, instinctively responded with true authority, rendering his misguided language
impotent so that his words would fall to the ground unable to contaminate the environment one moment longer. Her direct, clear and powerful presence shattered the smoke and mirrors created by an illusory persona. Her presence, unwilling to ignore the ignorant, said, “No more!” It is time for us to examine all that we think, all that we say and all that we do. It is time for us to learn that we teach others who we really are through our words and actions. And that if we are really here to live well, we must teach one another about the importance of the Natural World and our equal place in it, and to illustrate that goodness, equality and integrity should be of paramount importance to us all. The survival of our world is dependent upon it. It is time for us to examine what we are willing to permit in our presence. And since the only time we truly have is the Present moment, then we ought to be scrupulously willing to guard our time and our lives, so that true kindness, loyalty, integrity, and joy can become commonplace, rather than mindlessly normalizing pettiness and ignorance. Today we stand in the midst of illusions, and it is important that we learn to discern the difference. Guard your precious time so that misguided myths can no longer have malignant consequences. Elaine Grohman is a speaker, author, energy healer and angel reader. She has a private practice in Farmington, MI. For appointments please contact Lainie Rubio at 248.320.6532 or visit her website at www. elainegrohman.com mymagazinemediagroup.com 39
BETTER THAN GOOD by Kate Sholonski
40 | MY Magazine
A
common impression I receive from a variety of people I meet is that they are hesitant to expect much beyond good in their lives. It almost seems as though expecting a wonderful, fabulous or extraordinary life is out of line or greedy as if there are only so many extraordinary experiences to go around and they don’t want to take more than their fair share. The truth is, holding the bar low for our lives does not make someone else’s life better. If we accept good (or less) as the limit, it does not allow for others to gain more. To be clear, I am not saying that anyone deserves more than another or that sharing your wealth or your gifts should be avoided so you can have more. On the contrary, what I observe in those that welcome an extraordinary life, which may or may not include wealth, are actually an inspiration to those that do not see themselves as worthy. They are living examples of what is possible when one is willing to go beyond the confines of comfort and familiarity. There is also a characteristic of generosity that I see in those that are committed to living more than a good life. Another misconception is that if we don’t expect too much, we can’t be disappointed. . . as if disappointments are to be avoided. The flip side of that perspective is disappointments, or what we sometimes call failures, simply sharpen our awareness and intentions even more. When we can learn to see the blessings in every experience, our lives go from good to better to great and on up the ladder to extraordinary. We also learn what didn’t work or
wasn’t a fit for us as we continue to make choices along the way. Somehow, many of us developed this limited way of thinking, while missing the truth about what truly makes life worth living. The truth is the greater our level of joy is in life and the higher our expectation is to live an extraordinary life, the better we feel. The better we feel, the greater the likelihood we will attract the types of situations and opportunities we are longing to experience. When we are enjoying the whole process, we cannot fail. It is not your life plan, being rich and famous, or the cooperation of others that determines whether or not your life will be fabulous. Seeing the extraordinary in every moment is the simple answer to creating a glorious life and we each have the ability to do that in every moment by simply being present. Kate transitioned from a 28 year nursing career to life coaching and as a personal fulfillment workshop leader in 2001. After many years of coaching people from all walks of life, she and her business partner repeatedly heard requests from their clients to combine joy and fulfillment with leadership principles. It was that concept that led them to create their business, Triumph Leadership Group, where they focus on training teams from all sized businesses to build positive and productive cultures. Kate and her business partner, David Larson have co-authored two books, Wide Awake: Three Minutes a Day to an Inspired Life and Heartfelt Leadership: Creating a Culture of Connection. They believe when relationships don’t work, the business doesn’t work and that workers who share heartfelt connections will help business thrive on every level. mymagazinemediagroup.com 41
IT’S TIME FOR A
Little Fun by Janette Stuart
W
e are all so busy working, trying to get ahead, spending time running our households and our lives that we often forget
42 | MY Magazine
the importance of fun in our lives. The gift of a simple pleasure can go a long way in adding joy to our days and to our lives.
Now that the days are longer and the weather warmer, it’s natural to want to get outside and play. Are you ready for a little play, a little fun in your
busy day, dear one? When was the last time you enjoyed a favorite childhood past time? If it has been far too long or you can’t remember that far back, it is definitely time to sneak a little fun into your day. Even a few minutes of fun can change the trajectory of your day. This self-care not only benefits you, it benefits all of those you encounter during the course of your day. Fun is contagious. What did you love to do as a child? It is a good indication of what you could do to incorporate more fun and joy into your life today. Did you love to dress up, color, explore nature, paint…? Inside us, all is a five-year-old child; our inner child who is aching to have some fun. Perhaps you, like I, neglected that inner child for far too long while trying to be a “responsible adult.” Have you felt the need to “lighten up” and enjoy your life recently? If so, this article is just for you. Here is your invitation today, beautiful one, to enjoy something that tickles your
heart and brings childlike joy to you. I love to go to the park and swing. In fact, just yesterday while on my daily walk with my dog, we stopped at the park and I enjoyed a good swing. I used to be so self-conscious about it, wondering what others would think. Now, I delight in the feeling of creating so much JOY. Maybe my sense of freedom and wonder while in the act will motivate another to go for it, also.
How do you like to go up in a swing, Up in the air so blue? Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing Ever a child can do! Up in the air and over the wall, Till I can see so wide, Rivers and trees and cattle and all Over the countryside— Till I look down on the garden green, Down on the roof so brown— Up in the air, I go flying again, Up in the air and down!
I have fond childhood memories of my mom reading me “The Swing” from Robert Louis Stevenson’s “A Child’s Garden of Verses” and love to think about those words as I swing. Here is his poem below. Perhaps you, too, know this poem and delight in it. What little thing can you do today to delight your heart and bring more FUN into your
–Robert Louis Stevenson
day? Here’s your permission slip to do just that, beautiful one. Here’s to you on a journey of healing love. Here’s to you incorporating more fun into your day and into your life. This article is based on my book “On a Path of Joy”, Volume Two, Day 11. You can find more information here http://bit. ly/2OAPOJbook on ways to seek more joy.
I’m Janette Stuart, Founder of Angel Angles which is my labor of love. I have wanted to express my soul’s work in a more visible way and am now devoting more time to Angel Angles since my retirement in 2015. Angel Angles exists to spread more love, joy and peace into the world. I have always loved to write, I write every day. I write longhand in several different journals as well as type electronically. I have always loved handwriting, the sending of cards and notes, the keeping of a journal or diary. My first book, “On a Path of Joy” will be available in September. I am thrilled. My hope is that the book will help the reader develop or enhance their relationship with their Creator. I am a grateful member of and core blogger for The Wellness Universe. The Wellness Universe is an evolutionary community of members who are positively impacting the world in one or more of the 7 areas of wellness. As a lifelong empath, I have experienced people’s feelings deeply. I have a deep compassion for my fellow man and love deeply. I choose to live a joy filled life each day and hope to help others do the same. Joy is my focus word for 2016. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area with my husband of 33 years, Mark, and our rescue boxer dog, Spike. We have a grown son, Max, who is happily serving in the Coast Guard. I am a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor as well as an angelic practitioner. Besides writing, I am a lifelong learner, who reads daily, I also enjoy walking in nature, sky watching, cooking, RVing along the California Coast and visiting with friends and family. Some of my most requested recipes are Asian Chicken Salad and Sticky Toffee Pudding.
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Self-Growth
44 | MY Magazine
HONOR THE FATHER & Inspire Your Divine Masculine Within by Amanda Butler
J
une is the month for embracing the Masculine energies. It gives us an opportunity to dive into honoring our Fathers as well as the Masculine energy within you. 46 | MY Magazine
Let’s start with Father’s Day. It’s a wonderful time to celebrate your Father and remember all that he has contributed to your life, including your birth. Do you celebrate your Father or do you
struggle with honoring him? One of my favorite memories of my Dad is when he and I were sitting around a campfire in northern Michigan during one
out the different constellations and taught me how to pick out one star and follow it to see the entire constellation, or how one was sometimes connected to another. We stayed out there for what seemed like hours. To this day, it is still one of my fondest memories of him and me, just the two of us. So you might think … well, that’s all fine and dandy for her, but she doesn’t know the painful memories I had with my Dad. Not so. A few years later, my Dad left us. One day I came home and discovered all of his things were gone. I called my Mom to find out what was going on. She didn’t know and sheer panic ensued for all of us. For days, we couldn’t find him and we didn’t know what had happened. The lack of communication and connection activated old energetic patterns within me that were created from past experiences (this lifetime and others) and fear started taking over and ‘running’ my life from that day forward.
of our family camping trips. I was probably only 10 or so. My Mom and brother had gone to bed so he and I had the rare opportunity to share father/ daughter alone time.
I remember the campfire was crackling and warm. The stars were shining so bright and there were what seemed to be millions of them. I had never seen the sky like that before. My Dad pointed
Only a couple of months prior to my Dad’s disappearance, my brother and I had started to witness our parents having trouble, but we had no idea it had come to this. Our family life looked great from the outside, similar to the “Leave It To Beaver” story, you know, with the white picket fence. But on the inside, there was trouble in paradise and now the hidden issues were coming to the forefront. It was like a rug had been pulled out from underneath me. And not only for me, but for all of us who mymagazinemediagroup.com 47
well into my late thirties and early forties. It wasn’t until I discovered energetic healing did my feelings and patterns of abandonment become permanently resolved. Why do I share this with you? Because all of us have our ‘stories’ about how we were let down, hurt, disappointed and even abused by a parent or someone significant in our life. And you have one of two choices: you can choose to hang on to the past OR you can let it go and forgive. It’s what you do with the experience that’s important. What’s the MORE … that you experienced, learned, healed, grew and expanded due to the relationship? Ultimately, what’s the gift it brought you?
Anchor
©2015 Keenawah & Associates, LLC
Power from The Diamond Co-Creative System™
The Universal Energy Form of Anchor from The Diamond Co-Creative System™ provides the energetic vibrations to help you activate your Soul Codes of Destiny and Success. This sacred geometry technology can help you access energies to Anchor in the Highest Order of what you focus upon. It provides the pathway to energetically align with your True desires and dreams while creating through vibrations of love, joy and passion. You become MORE connected with your Soul’s Essence and the Universe’s Highest Potential which is held for you.
were left behind … my Mom was a mess, shaken and distraught, and my brother became angry and shut down. Understand that I was Daddy’s little girl and now he was not with us anymore. I was constantly trying to connect with my Dad and hold onto what I knew. I felt like I was living in a warped reality … the family before he left and the shattered one after he was gone. 48 | MY Magazine
Because I had the energetic pattern of abandonment running subconsciously, my Dad’s leaving triggered deep-seated fears of people not being there for me, of feeling unloved and unwanted, and not knowing who or what to trust. It activated even more co-dependent behaviors in order to survive the destruction of the family I once knew. My abandonment issues continued to play out throughout my life,
It took me years to heal the wounds of the past so they did not be affect me any longer. There were many “ups and downs” with my Dad and other relationships, especially with men. I worked on my issues and healed them by utilizing The Diamond Co-Creative System™ that I developed which includes healing at the core level so they’re complete once and for all. The wounds and issues were mine to heal, not his. AND because I resolved my abandonment and other co-dependent issues, I was able to experience my Dad differently and come to peace both within and with him. In the end, as my Dad began to deteriorate due to dementia, I Truly accepted and loved him not only conceptually, but emotionally. I embraced that he did the best he could; he could only model what
are a female or male, you hold a Masculine energy within you that helps If you withhold acceptance and you to create compassion, then you do so with your Self. your life. So, if you have an If you withhold forgiveness, then again unresolved relationship with you withhold it from your Self. your Father, then He wasn’t able subconsciously enjoying and loving him. I actually to ‘be’ the Dad I wanted, or even and consciously you have an saw the Divinity of who he is had the capacity to do so, just like unhealthy relationship with the and saw him through the eyes of he wasn’t when I was growing up. Masculine. Just like in my ‘story’, unconditional love. I was totally I felt compassion for him and knew my wounded past with the complete before he passed on. he had his own wounds, pain and Masculine also affected my Inner So if Father’s Day is a time of pain demons to deal with and was trying Male energy. rather than happiness for you, let to find love and acceptance too. Do you realize that you hold a it be a time to begin to let go and Masculine, Feminine, Inner Child, During the last five years of his life, forgive. It is possible. By not doing and, of course, Divine energies I was able to totally forgive him. so, you’re only hurting your Self, within you? They are considered I mean really feel the forgiveness not someone else … to be the different aspects of you so there was no pain or negative in which you co-create your life. Understand too, whether you reaction left. I spent time just he learned and could only love me in his own way. His disease propelled me to accept who he was because I could no longer expect him to be a ‘certain’ way.
If you withhold love from someone, you withhold it from your Self.
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When I started to do my Inner Family work, my Masculine looked and felt like a decrepit, worn out, hunched over old man with a cane who could hardly walk. It’s how I felt on the inside too … drained, depleted, overwhelmed, with no passion, joy or creativity left in me. I did things because I ‘had to’ or ‘should do’ in order to survive. Plus, I felt like I had to ‘look good’ on the outside so people would believe I had it together. The truth was … I simply did not.
Within the different aspects, they each hold energetic patterns of thoughts, feelings and beliefs based on past experiences, conditioning and programming applicable to their aspect, thus applicable to you as a whole.
be strong, logical and persevere, no matter what. Feelings weren’t honored and were usually ignored, dismissed or stuffed. If you showed your feelings, you were considered weak. The Feminine typically felt both not heard and not respected.
Think about it. Aren’t there days in which all you want is to do, do, do, while other days you just want to ‘BE’, take a break, relax and even meditate? Other times, all you want to do is explore and play. As you observe how you feel during these times, can you recognize what aspect of “you” are co-creating with?
This shuts down the Feminine, the feeling and intuitive part of you so the Masculine has to take over in order to create, provide and survive. He has to ‘figure out’ what to do and when to do it. If the Feminine had been his partner, she would have helped him with this process. When she’s not, the Masculine feels the burden of having to carry the full load, and then gets overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all.
If you’re in the doing and thinking mode, it’s Masculine. If you’re in the ‘BE’-ing and feeling mode, it’s Feminine. If you’re in the play and adventure mode, it’s the Inner Child. Many of us have had to lead with the Masculine for most of our lives. Why? Because we were conditioned to do so due to the patriarchal world we have lived in. In this world, we were taught to 50 | MY Magazine
So are there days when you feel like you’re swimming upstream? When no matter what amount of energy and effort you put forth, nothing seems to get done? And you feel exhausted, depressed and say to your Self, “What’s the point?” This is when the Masculine is dog-tired and out of sync with the co-creative process.
The Masculine aspect is often trying to prove that he’s good enough so he keeps doing, doing, doing to show he can. If he feels making a ‘mistake’ or ‘failing’ means something about him, rather than a learning tool, then he will continue to try to prove himself over and over again. He usually sets the bar so high that regardless of what he achieves, it won’t be enough. It’s the way he motivates himself to do better, or to do more. The Masculine aspect also keeps himself very, very busy so he feels worthy, useful and like he’s getting some place (even when he’s not). When that part of you is really busy, then you don’t have to truly feel what’s really going on for you. You can ignore when you’re not happy, or when you feel dispassionate or unfulfilled. That part of you feels like “at least he’s doing something” so you fill your space up with busyness versus the business of manifesting what you Truly want. If you continue to lead with only the Masculine energy, your life will look and feel out of balance and out of control. It doesn’t really
work for you and it shuts down your aliveness. If this is the case for you, then it’s time to invite the other aspects in to help you. It will alleviate the stress and pressure you feel when only the ‘doer’ part of you is active. Let the Feminine nurture and support the Masculine by having her engage with him. Allow your Self time to ‘BE’ so you can receive guidance and listen to your intuition. By allowing her to help him, he then knows when to take action and manifest, versus always taking action when it’s not really time to do so. By combining the mind (Masculine) with the heart (Feminine), then you have a better guidance system, and ultimately, a formula to succeed. Invite the Inner Child in so the Male has fun in what he’s doing. He sees his actions as an adventure. Even when he takes a ‘wrong’ turn, you’ll feel it’s a learning experience, rather than judging your Self with negative self-
talk and feeling beat up. It builds towards what you want and, with the experience, you can refine what you’re doing so can achieve the results you desire. The Masculine now can relax, and be less rigid or frustrated. He can let go of the need to control and the need to know the ‘how’ or the outcome. He can start trusting himself as well as the other parts of you to co-create the life you want. He now feels inspired, motivated, passionate and creative again. He is energized in moving forward and feels like he can achieve the goals, dreams and visions you have. Connect with your Masculine energy within you. Support him by communicating and connecting with the other aspects of you; have them join together to work and play as a team. Let him know the great job he’s doing. Celebrate the “wins” with him. This all helps to shift the thoughts, feelings and beliefs he has about himself.
Remember, how I initially described my inner male. Well now, he looks and feels like the knight. He is strong, vibrant and excited about life. Very little overwhelms him. He knows and believes he CAN do and create anything. Plus, he trusts and allows the other aspects within to co-create with him and they feel like they can accomplish anything together! With all of this in mind, how can your Father’s Day be different for you … both with your Father and your own inner Male? How can you Truly celebrate and honor him, even if it’s the contrast of what you don’t want or like, so you see it as a gift? This is your opportunity to experience True love, free of the past and free of conditions … Happy Father’s Day!
Amanda Butler is the Architect of The Diamond Co-Creative System™ and since 2001 has assisted thousands to heal their present and past life energetics, while activating their Soul Codes of Destiny and Success, so they create an integration and vibrational alignment between their Soul’s Essence and personality/egoic Self. The results … they feel connected with their authentic Self, True purpose, passion, joy and love with the ability to fulfill their Highest Potential and live their MORE! For more about Amanda and The Diamond Co-Creative System ™, go to: http://cocreateyoursuccess. com/28dayjourney/ www.CoCreateYourSuccess.com https://www.facebook.com/ createyourdiamondlife mymagazinemediagroup.com 51
ORDER WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
3 TIPS TO CLARIFY YOUR MESSAGES
52 | MY Magazine
by Wini Curley, Ph.D.
R
ecently, something really good happened to me! It was a wonderful surprise and provided a clear response to a request I asked the Universe to deliver to me. I think of my wishes and desires or specific goals as “orders” I am placing for support from Source energy (rather than Amazon). For several weeks I have been asking to meet a certain kind of potential client and to find speaking opportunities where I might reach out to those clients in a group setting. In what I thought was a completely unrelated activity, I scheduled a catch-up connection call with my friend and fellow speaker and coach, Linda. I shared my recent “order” with Linda. It turns out that she had three ideal contacts and volunteered to connect me. Each of her contacts has speaking opportunities for groups of these new potential clients! Jackpot!! I was very excited and happy. This was so easy. It wasn’t going to take me hours of research and a bunch of cold calling. The types of contacts I was looking for and a warm introduction had just been handed to me. If you are an entrepreneur or have your own sales practice, you know exactly how excited I was. It felt a lot like Christmas morning when I was a kid.
If you were in this position, what do you think your automatic, first-thing-out-of-your-mouth response would be? After I finished the call and was literally doing my happy dance, I heard myself saying the following: “I can’t believe it!” I repeated that phrase several times both in my thoughts and out loud before the light dawned. What am I saying? I fully DO believe it. I got exactly what I was asking for and it was easy. And yet, I had to consciously stop myself from thinking and repeating “I can’t believe it.” There I was, unconsciously rejecting my uncommonly good fortune. Yikes! What I was saying and what I was feeling were not aligned. Since the Universe takes what we think and feel literally, I needed to shift my words immediately to fully accept this gift. I did not want my message back to the Universe to be… disbelief. Therefore, I quickly began changing my thoughts and words to: “I am so happy and grateful. Thank you, Universe, for providing exactly what I wanted and needed. Thank you, Linda, for being so generous.” At the same time, I kept doing my happy dance and feeling happy and excited about the opening that I had just received. I could’ve spent a lot of time criticizing my response, and mymagazinemediagroup.com 53
pondering where my automatic “I can’t believe it” programming came from. However, I chose not to go into downer mode by focusing on “What’s wrong with me”, or “how could I still be responding in this way”. Instead, I focused on how to correct it. I consciously embodied and spoke what I did want to align my energy, feelings, and words with as my message going back to the Universe - gratitude and happiness rather than disbelief. The good news is I was clear enough on my initial order to get exactly what I wanted and needed. My response lets me know that I still have some work to do on giving myself full permission to receive success with ease. This point is important because how we respond to what the Universe delivers becomes the next order that we send out. My automatic response was a new order with the message that having success be easy, smooth, and available to me was something I could not fully accept or believe. Think of it like this. When you go into a restaurant and order a meal, you need to be specific about ordering something that satisfies your tastes and hunger. For most people, it doesn’t work well to simply say “I’ll have a sandwich,” or “Please bring me a salad.” That leaves way too much open for interpretation. You could end up with a tuna sandwich when you really meant turkey, or bacon crumbles on your salad when you are a vegetarian. You need to express your specific expectations clearly. At the same time, everything you express reveals your expectations. Your expectations expressed as intentional requests and your expectations revealed by your responses and reactions are all seen by the Universe as orders.
54 | MY Magazine
I offer you an Awareness Challenge. The purpose of this challenge is to take on your next growth level to ask for and receive what you really want. For the next 3 days, a mere 72 hours, use the following 3 tips to raise your awareness about how effectively you are placing your orders. 1. Listen Carefully. Pay close attention to the words and thoughts you use both inside your head and out loud to express your wishes and desires for what you really want. Rate yourself from 1 to 5 (5 being high) on how clearly you express your true wants and expectations in a positive way. Explore how well you ask for what you really want in the following five key categories of your life: relationships, finances, career, health, and relaxation or play time. It is normal to be more comfortable asking for what you want in some areas than others. Use your successes in your comfort zones to build confidence that you can improve your asking clarity in other areas. 2. Asking vs Responding. Notice if there is a distinction between how clear and honest you are when making a specific request (from the Universe, a family member, or coworker) versus when you react to receiving something from those same sources. Your automatic and unconscious responses can reveal underlying beliefs and patterns that block success. Awareness informs where you need to adjust and reset so you can express more clearly what you really want.
3. Alignment. Check to see if your words (expressed inside and out) are aligned with your true feelings, or if what you are saying or thinking is a sabotage thought or related to an old habit or pattern like mine was. If what you express is not aligned with your authentic feelings or desires for what you want, then you know you need to make a correction to your thoughts, words, and energy. You don’t really need to know or understand why you are off-track to make a quick correction. Start with gratitude. Embodying gratitude for some aspect of your experience will shift your energy and alignment in a positive way. Awareness is the first step, and correction is the next. Reframing your thoughts and language into positive messages or orders Involves aligning both the feeling and energy you wish to have present as well as the words. My happy dance helped me anchor and express my authentic feelings while I adjusted my words. It is often difficult to see how to make your own adjustments in either words or feelings. If this is a challenge for you, find a coach or other resource that can give you specific feedback and help you reframe and align words and feelings with authentic wishes and desires. I have been doing my own personal growth work for over 30 years. This experience confirmed to me what I often tell my clients, which
is “Awareness work is never done.” There is always a new level and new depth for each of us to grow into. Use this awareness challenge to take your ordering skills to the next level of success. Practice aligning your words and feelings with positive messages to send out. Your enhanced awareness gives you the power to make corrections so you can place specific orders with the Universe that match your authentic desires and wishes. Happy feasting! Wini Curley, Ph.D. is a Resilience Expert, Speaker, and Executive Coach. She shows leaders and their organizations how to energize their next win - whether they are on a roll or in a hole. In 2002, Wini became an entrepreneur and left a 20-year corporate career cleaning up environmental hazardous waste sites. Now, she helps clients clean up toxic habits, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that contaminate their path to success. Clients say Wini’s keen intuition, judgement-free approach, and energy techniques all help free them to release frustrations and blocks and accelerate toward what they really want. Wini has coached successful leaders and entrepreneurs across 3 continents. Clean up the toxicities big or small at the leadership level, and watch the business and its people grow and flourish. Learn more about Wini and her programs at www.WiniCurley.com and www.GiftsFromWini.com mymagazinemediagroup.com 55
STARING WISTFULLY AT CLOSED DOORS
PREVENTS YOU FROM SEEING THE OPEN ONES
56 | MY Magazine
by Liberty Forrest
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hey say that when one door closes, another opens. It’s true, of course; the ending of one thing automatically means the beginning of another. It is human nature to want things to stay the same, or at least to have them remain within a comfort zone. For many of us, change is not a welcome part of life. Fear prevents us from taking bold steps forward, from taking chances or trying something too new or too big because it might threaten our security, and therefore, our survival. It is instinctive to want to protect ourselves from anything that might cause us harm. And so we cling to what we know, to what is familiar. We cling to the past, to what is comfortable, even if it is painful, even if it causes unhappiness. At least we know what it is, what it looks like, how it feels, and how to live in it. Better the devil you know that the one you don’t, right? On the other hand, that big scary new thing - well, it’s a huge unknown and without any assurance of how it will turn out, we prefer our comfortable discomfort because at least we know what to expect. We’ve learned how to live with the discomfort, the arguments,
the unhappiness or the dissatisfaction. It may not be pleasant but heck, we’re used to it and we just keep plodding along one day after the next. But what if that new thing is wonderful? What if it expands your mind, your life and your joy? What if it stops the pain and the unhappiness? What if it allows new growth and discovery that excite you? As long as you cling to what you know, you’ll never know what you don’t know. And it might just be truly amazing. Staying stuck in familiarity does not automatically guarantee that things will never change. Nothing can guarantee that because change is inevitable. Whatever your situation is right now, at some point it will be different. Or at least, the world around you will be different and you won’t fit into it in the same way you do now. This can leave you feeling as though you have no control over your life. Clinging to the past just makes it harder to accept the changes that will occur naturally, because they will occur whether or not you want them, and whether or not you like them. This leaves you feeling like you have no control over your life
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and it only gets worse the more you resist change. Taking the bull by the horns, seeing what isn’t working, thinking about what you would like to improve, or how you could be happier, and then being proactive about making it happen is far better than staying stuck. As long as you stare at the door that is closed on what was and refuse to accept what is, you will never discover what might be. Changes will then happen to you, not because of you. This increases the likelihood that they will be changes you do not like or want because you didn’t decide any of them for yourself. You cannot return to the past. If whatever was back there was meant to continue, it would not have ended. But it did so 58 | MY Magazine
that’s it; it is over. Accepting that fact and welcoming what comes next is the best way to find happiness and a big part of making that happen is by having a hand in making the decisions that affect your life. I know there are some losses that are harder to bear than others. I understand what it is to lose someone you love, or be forced to leave a home you adore, or to have your dreams blown to smithereens. I don’t mean to trivialize any of that by saying, oh, just accept it and carry on. I understand how challenging that can be. Equally, I know that it is possible to come to a place of healing and peace. Of course, you must first honor what was the joy you experienced before the painful loss. But I know,
too, that looking ahead to what might come next and choosing to believe in a happy future and in possibility makes it easier to cope with what hurts. Stop staring at that closed door behind you. Turn around and walk through the open door that’s waiting for you straight ahead. Liberty Forrest is an award-winning inspirational author and Huffington Post contributor. For five years, she did frequent phone-ins on the BBC as a psychic/medium. With a background in social work and counselling, Liberty’s unique program uses a highly creative multifaceted approach to get people unstuck so that they can move forward in their personal and spiritual evolution.
“Faith Is Taking The Step Even When You Don’t See The Whole Staircase.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
Sometimes it’s not about seeing the whole staircase, it’s about taking the next step.
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Compassion AFTER LOSS by Laura Jack
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wice a month I do an “Ask Laura Anything Compassion Code Call.” It is for people who are struggling with how to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens or how to cope with a personal challenge.
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Here’s an example, “I am grieving. I am so distraught. The stress of this loss makes me feel like taking steps to try to heal just won’t work. I feel so numb and self-care feels hard. Thoughts?” My response was this, “That is so
hard... and it is so normal to feel devastated. Sometimes when we experience loss it can be really hard to wrap your head around what happened, and it can seem like your heart will break even more if you allow yourself to feel the depth of your pain.
What Is, wrote, “A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It is not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” From an early age, we are given quite a bit of misinformation when it comes to dealing with the challenges of life. We attach ourselves to these thoughts and they become our beliefs. Outlined below are the six myths of grief by the Grief Recovery Institute and my take on them. These commonly held beliefs provide great insight into why we have such a hard time recovering from loss and why we have such a hard time accepting the range of emotional experiences that are normal as a human being.
What if you don’t have to take steps to heal yet? What if you can start just by resting and offering yourself some compassion.” While it is normal to feel a mixture of emotions after a loss
of any kind, it can be challenging to treat ourselves and others with patience and kindness because it goes against what we have been taught about dealing with challenging emotions. Byron Katie, author of Loving
MYTH 1- DON’T FEEL BAD. People don’t want you to feel bad because they want you to feel good. That’s nice and it comes from a good place, but the challenge comes from the fact that we do feel bad sometimes. Sometimes we are sad, confused, lonely, angry, and frustrated. Those feelings are valid. When we say something like, “Don’t worry, it’s all going to be okay,” we are trying to be helpful, but it can diminish what the person is saying/feeling. Further, the person may defensively respond that we don’t, in fact, know how things will turn out. Since this is mymagazinemediagroup.com 61
factual, this false prognostication is not valuable. MYTH 2- REPLACE THE LOSS. We often use this one around pet loss, the end of a relationship, or even a job loss. You hear and say things like, “Don’t worry, you’ll find a new position,” or “He wasn’t that great anyway.” People like to say that you can get a new dog, job, boyfriend, car, etc, and while it may be true on an intellectual level, it’s not that helpful to someone who is suffering in that moment. MYTH 3 - GRIEVE ALONE. This myth has been detrimental because it encourages isolation and stuffing emotions deep down. It’s important to distinguish between wanting to be alone and feeling like you need to be
alone because you don’t want to burden someone else. Having the support and love of others can be therapeutic and allow you to see that while our experiences are unique, we are having feelings that are universal. In words, this can sound like, “Call me if you need me,” “Your mother needs to be alone,” or “Go to your room if you are going to cry like that.” MYTH 4 - TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS. This is another cliché that just isn’t true. Similar to “It’s all going to be okay,” this expression entails omniscient hope. Time itself does not create healing; it takes all possibility out of our hands because we can’t control time. When we take action, like participating in the Grief Recovery Method, we are making a choice to heal. Then time can do its job. MYTH 5KEEP BUSY. Similar to time heals all wounds because it insinuates that if you stay busy long enough, time will heal you. This isn’t necessarily going to prove true for everyone. At the end of a busy day, whatever loss or challenge you are facing
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is still there. If you don’t face your pain and difficult unresolved feelings, you can’t heal or grow. “Staying busy” encourages you to continue avoiding. MYTH 6- BE STRONG. This is one of the most common things that people say that is not helpful. What be strong means to me is, “pretend you’re fine,” which is exactly what I was doing wrong in my own grief years ago. This isn’t helpful because it encourages someone to put on a happy face for others so that others don’t have to deal with that person’s emotions. This myth causes isolation and forces, someone, to lie or suppress their true feelings. Understanding these myths and misinformation about grief are vital to upgrading how we treat ourselves after experiencing loss. By knowing that it is normal to feel bad, we can be more compassionate toward ourselves. It is also important to be compassionate toward ourselves when we feel good. This means embracing all of our emotions, not denying ourselves the joy or the sorrow. When we don’t try to avoid our feelings, they pass through us more quickly and easily. We make ourselves bad or wrong for feeling bad (and even for feeling good), and the truth is, the feelings aren’t bad or good, they just are. One of the most common sentiments after a loss is for the person who is grieving to
feel “crazy.” They say, “I am so devastated, but I am supposed to move on.” Compassion after loss means letting go of the “should.” Recovery after a loss is possible, just read the Grief Recovery Handbook. In the meantime, relate kindly toward yourself and know you are doing it just right. You may feel good one moment and distraught the next, and that is okay. In fact, the true definition of grief that we use at the Grief Recovery Institute is, “the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” Conflicting feelings are part of grieving. The more easily we can accept our feelings when they
come up, the more likely we will recover and heal our hearts. The more we avoid our feelings and make ourselves bad and wrong for having them, the stronger they will become. Grief just wants to be acknowledged. Let go of the labels: crazy, a wreck, a mess, falling apart. Instead, remember you are having a normal and natural reaction to loss. The more you can be compassionate toward yourself with your loss experiences, the more likely and easily you will be able to be a compassionate friend and confidant to others. You don’t have to go through this alone. Create a team of people who can support you during your ups and downs, share this article with them so
they are more equipped, and then offer the same to them. We all experience pain; it is part of the human experience. So is compassion. If you struggle to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens, download Laura’s free Compassion Code Starter Kit here: www.laurajack.com/ compassioncode and then you will also be invited to participate in the Ask Laura Anything Compassion Code Calls. Laura Jack is an expert on the topic of compassion, a trainer for the Grief Recovery Institute®, and Mastery Level Transformational Life Coach. Using practices of self-care and self-love, she helps people rediscover their light after loss. Laura’s mission is to cultivate a culture of compassion, starting with self, and to create a better understanding of loss and its accompanying grief.
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The Butterfly Moment What is a “Butterfly Moment?” There is an incredible “HAPPENING” that occurs when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. The caterpillar is encapsulated by a cocoon of its own making. It is imprisoned in a state of total immobility and darkness. Understandably, it must be a time of pain, panic and despair. However, as a certain life force of “allowing” takes over, this creature instinctively “lets go and lets God” an incredible transformation occurs. It is a transformation and struggle that is totally personal. Scientist tell us that if you help a caterpillar by cutting it out of the cocoon it will die because this struggle pushes life giving energy deep into its growing wings. In other words, “no pain…no gain.” As life energies slowly break loose the caterpillar from the cocoon, an incredible moment occurs. This caterpillar has a realization. It is a moment when it finally understands that all of this pain, panic and despair were for a reason. The caterpillar is not what it thought it was! It is one of the most beautiful insects in the world… that can fly!
Can you think of a more “AHA!” moment like this?
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LIVING YOUR
Authentic LIFE
by Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC
“Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Dr. Brené Brown
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L
iving authentically is when the peaceful, confident core of your being directs the inner and outer aspects of your life. It means operating from your truest inner self, so you can be the person who you were meant to be and to experience life empowered. We each have an inner compass, our entelechy, which guides us toward our authentic life. The entelechy is the fullest realized essence of a thing, i.e.: The oak tree is the entelechy of an acorn,
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and a full grown adult is the entelechy of a human infant. Dr. Jean Houston, in her book “The Wizard of Us”, teaches that the entelechy is that Essential Self that longs to be expressed and remains your gentle guide. However, outside forces may interfere with this central guidance. Parents, schools and other elements of society try to mold you to act in a certain manner. This socialization is done with the highest of intentions to keep you protected. Just as
animals seek safety within a herd, most people want to limit others’ differences. They believe that it is safer for you to be like everyone else so that your family and society will support you. In an effort to fit in you might find that you don’t express who you are. You hide yourself from your colleagues, friends, and family. This creates conflict for your authentic self, and when it’s hidden for too long, you might even forget what, and who, you have been hiding.
a child is often your window to your REAL self. So begin now: Join a class, get paper and pastels, pick up that instrument, join a chorus or dance in your home. Do something NOW to begin your journey towards your authentic self. If you don’t know what to do, do anything. If it feels good, do it more. If it doesn’t, do something different. Don’t betray yourself and don’t negotiate your integrity. Compromise is fine when it is done willingly, but if you agree to something out of fear or to try to be “the good girl or boy” your inner self will know. You will be angry with the other person, but your deepest anger and feeling of betrayal is directed at yourself.
Interestingly, unhappiness and anxiety may be the entelechy’s language to return you to your lost self. Instead of avoiding your body sensations and emotions, take a look at them, listen to the message and return to authenticity.
TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR TRUE SELF What did you love as a child art, music, dance, writing, etc? The exuberant joy you felt as
Acknowledge and accept all aspects of yourself including the qualities that you pretend don’t exist (the shadows). Sometimes your shadow is a behavior that you exhibit but won’t acknowledge. Other times it’s a behavior that you don’t demonstrate but unconsciously wish that you would. When these behaviors are seen in others, you will most likely feel anger or annoyance. Once again the deepest anger or frustration is not with the other, but rather the inner disappointment for not honoring the self. Are you in the job you wanted for yourself, and if so, are you still happy with it? If changing your job or career is not a possibility, strive to incorporate your true passions into your life
through hobbies, interests or volunteering. Develop your inner confidence. Ironically, as you become more self-assured you can live more authentically. The more authentic you become, the more confidence you will feel and express. When you respond to others, are you being who others expect you to be instead of being you? While it seems advantageous to fit yourself to the expected molds so as not to be difficult or different, it is much more important for you to be your true self. Dr. Brené Brown reminds you to show up, be real, be honest and let your true self-be seen. At your very core is the driving force to be authentic. Recognizing, acknowledging, and empowering yourself to be who you really are will enhance your confidence, joy, and inner peace.
Don’t ever forget who you really are. Judy Lipson is a licensed, professional counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit SpiralWisdom.net for more information.
This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care. mymagazinemediagroup.com 69
SIMPLY Spiritual
THE DREAM EXPERTS
What Does Your Dream Mean? by Kathryn and Patrick Andries
Dear Dream Expert, I need something for our dinner so I go to the mostly dry creek bed to get an egg from a nest I know is there. I pick up the egg, and as I am holding it, I notice that it is extremely large—and cracked all over as a new hatchling is ready to emerge. The whole egg is throbbing. It is multicolored. The hatchling has already made a small hole in the top through which I can see a small part of its black wing. I think, “oh my goodness, I think this is a Condor egg—I think this is an endangered species bird and I shouldn’t have this egg, I should put it back.” I head back toward the nest, hoping all along the way that the bird will continue to crack the egg and emerge so that I will be able to see it—I so much want to see what is inside-and then I trip! The egg falls and I am panicked that I will have caused it to break before it is ready, and an endangered species might be harmed, yet a part of me almost hopes that it will break, so I can see what is inside. But it doesn’t break. I carefully pick up the egg and return it to its nest. And I wake up. Sincerely, Bird Watcher
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Dear Bird Watcher, Birds are animals, so they represent habits relating to compulsive thoughts about being free or desires of wanting to escape the physical world. You realize this is a special habitual way of thinking that is about to manifest. You fear that you will do something to prevent his type of habitual thinking from manifesting, especially since it is not easy to replicate this type of thinking.
Dear Dream Expert, I am at a party and I have to go to the bathroom. I go to a bedroom and there is only a small potty there, I pee in it but it goes everywhere, on the carpet and my legs. I try to stop the flow of pee, but I can’t. I run to another bathroom and there is a line to use the bathroom. Later there is a man with me and he says he wants to sing to my stomach since I sometimes get stomach aches. He was nice and he wanted to look directly into my face but I turned away. I told him I wanted to take a shower first and then he could sing to me. The first-floor bathroom was full, so I went upstairs and it was large and beautiful up there. The bathroom was elegant and huge and I didn’t know if I should use it. Later I was swimming in a pool, and I realized I was naked. I was afraid to get out because people would see me. Eventually, the lights went out and so I grabbed a towel and put it around me and got out. Sincerely, Inappropriate
Dear Inappropriate, You have the desire to release some thoughts, yet the appropriate manner to release them is not available. You can’t hold the thoughts in any longer, and so you release them in an uncontrolled manner. Once you start expressing
yourself, you can’t stop. It appears you have been repressing the thoughts and once you opened up, you couldn’t stop them. There is a part of you that wants to help you overcome your anxiety by bringing more harmony into your life. You fear to face this part of yourself because you have negative thoughts that you are ashamed of. You want to purify these thoughts, and as you do you recognize an expansive part of your thinking that you have difficulty admitting is yours. Later you realize you were being open and honest in your selfexpression, but later you were embarrassed about that and wanted to hide your thoughts. Examine why you have difficulty freely expressing yourself, and then find a way to express that is comfortable for you. Kathryn and Patrick Andries, the Dream Experts, are teachers and co-founders of the School of Intuitive Arts and Sciences. www.intuitiveschool.com.
Kathryn and Patrick Andries are the dream experts. They are the authors of the recently released book from Ozark Mountain Publishing, Naked in Public: Dream Symbols Revealed, and The Dream Doctor. If you would like a dream interpreted, please send it in the body of an e-mail to: intuitiveschool@sbcglobal.net. Learn more about their books at www.ozarkmt.com.
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Talk to Tamara
Tamara, the relationship whisperer, is like a walking instruction manual for all of your love, dating. and relationship questions. Ask her your burning questions and she’ll guide you in the direction that is right for you. by Tamara Green
Part 2 - The Four Culprits To Eroding Intimacy Welcome to the second edition of a special 3-part series on intimacy. In last month’s column, I explained the different types of intimacy - intellectual, energetic or experiential, emotional, and sexual. Now, I will explain the top four culprits of intimacy erosion in relationships. Go ahead and see which ones you and your partner are operating from.
FOUR MAIN CULPRITS TO ERODING RELATIONSHIP INTIMACY
1
Unintentionally Hurting Each Other Unless you or your partner has tendencies of passive aggressive or sociopathic behaviors, you really don’t intend to hurt one another. In fact, you probably have the same relationship goals of happiness, peace, and joy. Then why do couples hurt one another? The answer is that one or both of you are
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in fear or pain. In fact, the amount of unresolved fear or pain that you feel is the amount of pain that you inflict or project onto the other. For example, I worked with a client who had a childhood history of sexual molestation. It left her feeling trapped and overwhelmed for years. She unintentionally carried these fears into her adult romantic relationships. It wasn’t unusual for her to suddenly announce, without too much provocation from her partner, that the relationship was over, leaving the poor guy confused and left wondering, “What the heck just happened?!” When her fears were triggered, this ‘coping mechanism’ of fleeing the relationship felt mighty powerful. However, with professional help and a ton of inner work, she finally resolved her fears of being trapped and overwhelmed and now has a thriving and loving marriage.
2
Over Reactivity or Drama When triggered, do you and/or your partner fight or flee, or both? Let me explain why the fight or flight phenomena exists. You have more than one almond-shaped area of your brain called the Amygdala. Its job is to sense, prepare and deal with perceived danger via fight or flight. The Amygdala stores memories of trauma and upset from your past. Therefore, 99.9% of the time, the pattern that’s being set off has nothing to do with what’s actually happening between you and your partner in the present moment. As soon as “danger” is perceived, your Amygdala takes over your sensible and logical frontal cortex section of your brain. In romantic relationships, it usually doesn’t take much for the Amygdala to become triggered. Before your rational mind has a chance to engage,
“The fastest road to delicious intimacy is to give your partner exactly what it is that you desire.” – Tamara Green, LCSW
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if there’s a white elephant in the middle of the living room, but no one’s talking about it because it’ll upset the relationship status quo. For example, I have worked with a number of clients who try to avoid the topic of their partner’s addiction problem. They fear that if they bring it up, it’ll either shatter their partner or their relationship.
the Amygdala has already done its quick and dirty work (slammed doors, screamed obscenities, given threats to leave and even verbal and physical abuse). And if that’s not enough, the Amygdala gets addicted to the flood of emotional chemicals that course through your body. So, with each argument, you have to get angrier, scream louder and/or become more abusive to get that rush of chemical soup throughout your system. In the end, the only real danger is that of losing your wonderful relationship!
3
Turning Away or The White Elephant Syndrome Couples who don’t authentically communicate regularly often experience this particular kind of intimacy erosion. They avoid difficult topics and steer clear of disturbing the apple cart. It’s as
It takes courage to talk about difficult subjects, but in the end, it’s the only chance for a happy partnership. My job with these clients is to support them through their fears of speaking up and to stop tiptoeing around the issue. No one ever moved an elephant by walking around it. Actually, you have to walk right up and confront it to get it to move.
4
Taking Each Other For Granted Unfortunately, I seen relationships fail simply because partners take each other for granted. Appreciating the little things that your partner does is vitally important for you to acknowledge every day. Not doing so is a relationship killer. Couples who have a practice of gratitude never take each other for granted. Homework for the month: For the next 30 days, be in the practice of sitting with your fears and pain. Take 10 deep breaths whenever you feel triggered in any way to begin to stop the fight or flight pattern. Compliment yourself for sitting with your feelings because this is not easy to do.
Copyright 2017, Tamara Green, LCSW. All Rights Reserved
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Stay tuned for next month’s edition where I share seven powerful secrets for achieving delicious intimacy. Want free relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s free 45-minute guidance session where you will finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles. Whether you are single or are experiencing relationship upset, by clicking here, you no longer have to figure this out alone anymore. Yay!
Elle Magazine dubs Tamara Green, LCSW “The Soulcentered Love Expert.” She is an author, speaker and trainer, helping thousands of people to navigate the waters of love, dating and relationships – all while falling madly in love with themselves in the process. Trained as a Love Mentor® by Dr. Diana Kirschner, Individual and Couples Psychotherapist, Meditation Practitioner and Hypnotherapist, Tamara’s coaching is highly effective as she combines her many years of professional training with her gifts as an energy healer, intuitive and seer. As a result, Tamara creates an exciting catalyst for deep emotional healing, giving her clients greater success in life and love. She has devoted her life to helping women rise out of pain and fear so they can finally experience the long lasting and loving relationship of their dreams. As well as working 1-on-1, Tamara offers free weekly meditation audios that take you on a journey of love with ease and joy. Join Tamara’s community at tamaragreen.me; Facebook facebook.com TGreenLoveExpert; youtube: youtube.com/channel/ UC9MqTnZEJYNEpKnwrjsZ40A
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Soul
CONNECTING WITH YOUR
by Sharon Carne
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he use of sound for healing is as old as the human family itself. We evolved with sound as a healer. It’s in the genetic memory of every human being on the planet. In these chaotic times, where we are inundated with sound and noise, we’ve lost touch with that memory. 78 | MY Magazine
My passion is to help you trigger your ancient memory of sound. Of how deeply you are wired for sound. And how effective sound is at resetting your entire being too normal, natural healthy patterns. Sound (and music) also awakens
your soul and your soul’s purpose. And, right now, our human family and our beautiful planet needs the collective soul song from every heart to sing a new way of being. Connected to heart and soul. Reminders of who we really are at our essence.
joy, bliss and gratitude are a permanent part of your being. They can never, ever be taken away from you. However, you can forget that these feelings are there. Especially in the hustle and bustle of daily life. Has your soul ever given you a good kick in the “you know where” to get your attention? Several years ago, a badly injured ankle knocked me off my feet for weeks. It stopped cold all of my running around. I had time to sit and contemplate. What began as a great inconvenience became a wonderful gift of time with my soul. Take one really deep breath and hitchhike a ride on it like a slow wave all the way down to your navel and back up. Take a few more like that and you will notice that you have slowed down your heartbeat. You might even have calmed down your mind for a few seconds. If you are wondering what to do with a quiet mind - listen. You have just connected with your soul and the soul has a quiet voice.
Where to begin? With where you are! It is impossible for you to be alive without your physical connection to your soul. It is the source of your life force energy and your soul has a powerful reason for being here.
Whenever you are feeling peace, love, compassion, joy, bliss or gratitude you are connecting with your soul’s essence. You ARE harmony. Harmony is who you are at your core. Peace, love, compassion,
The soul always knows it has a choice. The soul doesn’t often use words to communicate with you. One way to listen to your soul is the experience of a strong feeling about a certain course of action. I often feel this as an expansion in my heart chakra. mymagazinemediagroup.com 79
Then there’s the doubt issue. How do I know this is my soul? Find out. Do what that quiet voice suggests every once in a while. And keep track. Did it work out? How did it compare with the way you usually handle a particular issue? As you discover that listening to that soft voice of your soul actually works out, you learn to trust it. And as you learn to trust it you begin to notice that you are bringing happiness, health, harmony, hope, humor and passion into your life. And you don’t limit your singing to the shower. When you have those moments where you don’t know what to do, bring your awareness to your heart. One of the ways your soul speaks to you is through your heart. Another way your soul speaks to you is through symbols, like those in dreams, or synchronicities. Have you ever thought about someone and then, all of a sudden, they call you? As you learn to raise your frequency, steer yourself out of heavy feelings and use conscious intention, you learn to connect with and work with your soul.
co-pilot has its responsibilities. You’ve still got to keep your eyes on the road. Be aware of what is going on around you, because, on this journey, your immediate environment is a reflection of what is going on inside of you. It is your greatest learning tool. Where are your feelings? Do you feel like you are falling asleep at the wheel? Do something to raise your frequency using conscious intention and you are back in the driver’s seat.
That means that you become the co-creator or director of your life, rather than letting life happen to you.
Many of us are quite content to let someone else drive us around. If something goes wrong or you get into an accident, it gives you someone to blame.
Like driving a car, sitting in the driver’s seat with your soul as
But it’s your car. You can’t be the driver sitting in the passenger seat.
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And when you notice this in yourself, you will begin to notice that there is a quiet song flowing from many hearts. A song of connectedness. And from this place, we begin the song of a new way of being for all of us. Sharon Carne is an author, speaker, musician, recording artist, sound healer, Reiki master and consultant. Sharon is the founder of Sound Wellness and the Sound Wellness Institute. Through the Sound Wellness Institute, holistic health practitioners receive the highest level of competency training in using sound and music to support their practice. Sound Wellness programs are at the forefront of education in how sound and music can be easily applied to your everyday life - to reduce stress, help you concentrate, energize you, inspire you and support your health. www.soundwellness.com
Lynn Darmon PSYCHIC MEDIUM REIKI PRACTITIONER Lynn is a Psychic Medium born with clairvoyant, clairaudient and precognitive abilities. She first became aware of this gift at age five. As she grew older her abilities developed, receiving messages from the Other Side, first from family members who’d passed and then messages from loved ones of people around her. Lynn describes this gift of guidance from Spirit as “Second Sight.” During a reading, Lynn will take you on a journey from your past where she will peek into your childhood, to the present and offer you channeled guidance from Spirit as you continue on your Spiritual Path into your future. Serving as a conduit between the Spirit World and this world, Lynn conveys messages from those who have passed with the intention of providing validation, healing and further guidance to their loved ones here. Most recently featured on
Lynn has been featured on ABC’s 20/20, The Huffington Post, AOL, Yahoo News, The Oakland Press, The Detroit Jewish News, Eydis Magazine, MY Magazine, Body, Mind, Spirit Radio, the Lisa Bousson Show, and has been featured in the recently published book, “Everyday Oracles,” by Ann Bolinger-McQuade.
31224 Mulfordton • Ste. D • Farmington Hills • 248.860.1121 www.heavenswhisper.net • lynn@heavenswhisper.net Facebook: Medium Lynn Darmon SERVICES PROVIDED: In person • By phone • E-mail • Skype
• In home
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“The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe.” 82 | MY Magazine
–Gustave Haubert
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HONORING THE MASCULINE 84 | MY Magazine
by Gary Stuart
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his year is racing by at breakneck speed. Fast & Furious is definitely the movie title for 2017. In May’s issue, we celebrated Mothers and their day now it June and time for Fathers to be honored or at the very least understand the Divine Masculine in a new way. Love them or not, there would be no YOU without them or a future either. So many people I work with on their family systems in my Constellation healing practice have serious judgments and opinions about “poor old dad”. Many fathers are respected and looked up to. Other Fathers in many cases are judged very harshly and critically. What I often see is that Mothers who aren’t happy with Father’s demand Maternal loyalty from children at all cost, most usually through the betrayal of the other parent.
“If you love me you’ll hate your father for me” This happens quite frequently when a father leaves or doesn’t marry their mother of his child. It is also a credit to women who will complete their pregnancy despite less than perfect circumstances. Their resentment in understandable but very often, the children pay for the event of their conception
and the hostility for the man’s departure for the rest of their lives. Let’s not forget that many pregnancies are unplanned and unwanted plus abortion wasn’t always legal or available. So, hats off to mothers and the price they paid to unwittingly become caretakers of the missing man’s baby. This creates many single mothers and children who have to pay a steep emotional price for their existence. No mother would exist without a father married or not. In essence, Fathers create mothers since the dawn of time before science, IVF, Test Tubes, surrogates and the like. Mothers and Fathers Birth the future of our species alone or together. The Universe is being reborn in each child and the child is given the Universe of opportunity to manifest its potential during its lifetime.
“We are Our Ancestors Dreams come True” Your whole existence is a gift whether your parents are present or not. No matter what the home situation, is life goes on for each parent and the child of the union, committed or not. Broken homes, divorce, and single parenting rule the day for many broken families. How we hold the Masculine mymagazinemediagroup.com 85
Be Thankful for Father Be thankful for your father, as you couldn’t have had another. His sweat and toil created your mold, allowing his desire and pleasure to unfold. He gave us half of the gift of our life; don’t ever sever it with your emotional knife. Be thankful, for you inherited a part of his extraordinary mind which was shared at your conception, that moment so divine. Be thankful for your father and for all that you unknowingly received. He shared his mind, his body, his heart for you, and do not be deceived. He imparted to you all that he could; see what only one cell can do? It multiplied by the trillion and eventually created you! Now if that isn’t divine, it is surely sublime! Be thankful for your father forevermore, as he shared the gifts and wonder that life had in store. You may see him as just a father, but he really is so much more. Be thankful for father.
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aspect of our creation has a strong bearing on our future and can affect us greatly. When and if we hate the masculine at the behest of the mother it creates a great injustice to our future. Truth be told your conception was PERFECT! You were born from that perfect moment whether you were wanted or not. The bigger forces of life along with hedonistic lust moved through your parents to bless you with life. that’s the BIG PICTURE!
“It’s YOUR Life baby and LIFE is a GIFT!” Each being born is a balance of masculine and feminine as yin is to yang. Remember all female biology have testosterone and males have estrogen. It’s both biological hormones that balance both genders. Boys will always do better if they can have permission to hold the Father aspect in high esteem, this goes for the daughters too. It’s understandable with the suffering and broken hearts many women as mothers carry for missing fathers deeply hurts. I find many generational effects repeat in successive generations with broken homes and divorces etc... Many couples are situationally put together as parents unintentionally as they chose to do the right thing with the pregnancy and marry for social norms and respectability. The emotional fallout is so common it’s shocking and extends for generations way beyond the present.
RECOMMENDATIONS: To have the best life possible we need to balance both aspects of mother and fathers that reside within us. We are ½ of each of them. Inner conflict over our creation harms us in many ways. We are all born pure and innocent regardless of religious beliefs. Inner harmony and balance are essential to have the best possible life. Let a bitter mother or father carry their own dissatisfaction. Their relationship is part of their fate and destiny as a couple. This is their business and yours is to be the product of their union as your job is to manifest the future. To ensure harmony and balance within yourself plus
health and physical well-being OWN your life no matter how you arrived. Take full possession of your body and mind and soul as an autonomous being. Your FUTURE is in your hands. Focus on the GIFT of your creation and not the parental problems. It’s the parent’s job to sweat the big stuff. Leave that responsibility with your parents, it’s their job. You have plenty of small stuff to worry about in your day to day existence. Try to focus on the GIFT you were given you are HERE and ALIVE. Try to find the joy in that and manifest your potential that’s your god given birthright which is happiness to be alive!
In our history, Parents represent our past as we are their future. Spending a lifetime with I shoulda, coulda, woulda won’t change your creation, opportunity or past. Your history was sealed at the moment of your conception, so make the most of it. Your birth was the launchpad towards manifesting your dreams come true this lifetime. Your LIFE is the greatest gift of all which is why it’s called the PRESENT! Speaker, Author, Constellation Facilitator, Teacher has been documenting his healing experiences over the past several
decades. As a young student of Primal Therapy and Shamanism, his insightful writings provide a unique perspective on the correlation between the micro and macro-cosmos, between our inner and outer worlds. His first book on Constellations Many Hearts, One Soul set the stage for his latest book Master Your Universe: How to Direct & Star in Your Own Life on Kindle or paperback at www.Amazon.com He leads healing workshops and trains nationally and internationally and resides in Los Angeles. Distance Family or Organizational Constellations are his healing specialty! He’s coming back to Detroit in August 2017 to WOW again! Give a GIFT that keeps on giving CHANGE. Constellation Healing GIFT CERTIFICATES plus packages available.His FREE Consultation: www. testyourhappiness.com and online www.ConstellationsWithGaryStuart.com mymagazinemediagroup.com 87
Wealth Consciousness
Manifest your destiny
HOW TO REGAIN PERSONAL POWER After Losing Your Job by Dr. Kate Siner
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hether you lost your job because of a company cut back, a major mistake, or a personal issue, losing your job can cut to the core of how you feel about yourself and can seriously affect your ability to carry on with life as usual. As with any difficult time, it is incredibly important to take action that affirms who you are and allows you to regain your personal power after losing your job. This list of practices will help you figure out how to regain your power after losing your job, but it isn’t only that! This is a list to keep someplace you will see it every day -- to remind you to keep doing things that will help you stay on track, pick yourself up, and move on with your life after challenges. Give yourself a moment to breath: Like any loss, grief is a healthy part of the process of losing your job. It is all too easy to move on too quickly and not give ourselves a moment to feel the impact of what has happened. When you bolt from pain like this it actually holds you back later on in life. Taking some time to grieve now will mean that you will be less likely to get really off track when you start moving forward. Focus on what you did right: Without being defensive or negative, remember that even if you lost your job, there were many things that went right for you and that you did, in fact, do right. Take stock of how you were successful and effective in your job. This will help you to feel better and to better represent yourself when looking for future work. Learn from your mistakes: Again, without being defensive or negative, take an honest inventory of where you might have done better or what you might have done differently. Any “failed” situation provides us with new insights into how we might change our behavior to get better results. Yes, there are situations that are totally out of our control, but it can never hurt to consider how you might do things differently going forward.
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Get support: You will need support in many ways to continue to move forward: emotional support from family and friends, professional development support in getting yourself ready to get back in the job market, networking support in contact the right people, and so on. Independence and self-isolation are not the same things. You cannot do this alone and it is counterproductive to your empowerment and happiness for you to try. Embrace the resources around you! Take action: There is a time to pause and a time to take action. If you want another job, you will benefit from creating an action plan and strategy for getting a new job and moving forward. When you take action you will feel more powerful and capable in your life. This will result in both short and long term gains. Reframe: Is the sudden increase in your free time after the loss of your job a benefit or a detractor from your life? Is it possible that losing your job is actually freeing you to find something better? These are the kinds of reframes that empower you to take action and make the change. As bad as things are, try to open to the potential positive impact of every situation. Ask yourself, what is the good that will come out of this? Keep your Perspective: There is no doubt that losing your job is a life experience that most of us want to avoid. Nevertheless, it is an experience that many of us do have. If you find yourself in this difficult
situation, it does not mean much of anything about who you are or what you are capable of. Keep your self-talk framed around “I lost my job, now what?” instead of “I lost my job, I am worthless.” Avoid making this experience mean more than it does. Stay the course: If you have a difficult time finding work after losing your job, keep practicing this list of suggestions. Each of these practices will keep you feeling more powerful in your circumstance. Do not worry if you have a bad day. Just get back on track as soon as you can. Dr. Kate Siner is an award-winning Entrepreneurial and Personal Development mentor, speaker, author, and radio show host. Kate has a Ph.D. in Psychology and years of both clinical and coaching experience. Her passion is to help people move past whatever holds them back so that they may embrace all they can be. Kate has developed a series of successful personal development programs, newest of which is LifeWork Virtual. Learn more at www.katesiner.com or at admin@katesiner.com. Upcoming Events: Thriving as an Empath: Self-Care Techniques for the Sensitive Person A life of empowered sensitivity is beautifully rich and deeply intimate. It is the world of poets, mystics, and healers. This free online workshop with Dr. Kate Siner will help you learn vital coping skills and become more conscious so you can live without being swept away in others’ emotions and drama, and achieve a life beyond what many others can experience. Join Dr. Kate Siner on May 16th at 6:30 PM EST for this FREE 90-minute online workshop, Thriving as an Empath: Self-Care Techniques for the Sensitive Person. Learn more → http://katesiner. com/thriving-empath-self-care-techniques-sensitive-person/
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Live your authentic life
Healthy Living
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WHAT’S EATING CLEAN? by Liz Bull
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he latest buzz word among the health-conscious is Eating Clean. It’s everywhere - Facebook, Twitter, you name it. And it can actually be confusing. Why? Because frequently, the term is applied to foods which aren’t all that “clean”... like sugary smoothies... or protein bars loaded with hidden sugars. Worse, it has become a new way to shame. The concept of eating healthy, whole, unprocessed foods is not new. Avoiding food additives, preservatives, etc is common sense. Processing of any kind kills off valuable nutrients and enzymes. Cooking changes the chemistry of food and your body’s ability to use it. The less cooking, the better. This approach to eating maximizes your energy. It optimizes your health. It’s also more than just a diet. It’s a lifestyle. Eating “Clean” means kissing Krispy-Kreme Donuts “good-bye”. Still, it can fit most any kind of routine.
So what about this food shaming? I have noticed a kind of snobbery developing around “clean eating”. “What? You don’t go to Natural Food Nirvana Shoppe for a green grass/mango/celery/avocado/flax seed smoothie every morning?” “ Don’t tell me you eat meat? Really?” “ I only eat gluten-free.” “I only eat organic.” The implication here is that there is something WRONG with you if you do/ don’t. This snobbery has been brewing for a while....I think it may even date back to the natural health food movement of the 1960s, which shunned processed foods for the sake of moral and societal values (rather than health and nutrition issues). Everyone was going “back to the land” and forming food co-ops. Mother Earth News was born, along with Erewhon Foods. A host of guides on how to raise or grow your own food sprang up...many published in the Whole Earth Catalog. It was a part of the revolution and sea
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change of the time... a stark reaction to the convenience cooking/ TV dinners of the 1950’s. And there were songs... “Give me spots on my apples but save me the birds and the bees...pleease.” This made perfect sense at the time as rampant, indiscriminate use of pesticides was a threat. It still is, by the way. It was during this era that meat became evil and vegetarianism was popularized... with moral overtones. Eventually, this concept of eating healthy, unprocessed food migrated to gyms, where it gained momentum among bodybuilders and fitness models. Recently, however, it made the jump into... social media! So what are the key concepts of Clean Eating? How can Clean Eating help maintain a healthy weight? How does it fit
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into my Diet FREE Weight Loss Program? Before I give you the core concepts of Clean Eating, I’ll point out that everybody is different! I use applied kinesiology to determine which foods and beverages are suitable (“clean”) for each person. This is based on Dr. Peter D’Adamo’s work Eat Right 4 Your Type. Based on your blood type and individual testing, Clean Eating may mean plenty of beef and no grains for some or plenty of grains and little meat for others, no dairy for some, plenty of dairy for others. Rest assured, not everyone can thrive or be healthy as a vegetarian, no matter how well intentioned. That being said, here are five tips for Eating Clean:
1. Choose whole, natural, fresh foods. Avoid processed foods. Processed foods are anything in a box, bag or can. These are the things found in the middle aisles of the grocery store. Shop in the produce section or the farmers’ market or join a CSA (Community Sponsored Agriculture). Or, grow your own. It’s easier than you think. Frozen veggies are fine as well. Bags of spinach and other greens are fine and handy. Whole potatoes are fine. Potato chips are processed. Organic vs non-organic? Caution here. Many times, the Organic label is just a marketing ploy in order to charge more money. Foods that need to be
Eat lighter at dinner, using more vegetables than meat. This will help your digestive system.
4. Watch out for funky fat, sneaky sugar and MSG.
peeled (avocados, pineapples, f.e.) need not be organic to be safe. Ditto, most root vegetables. Maple syrup is another example.
2. Choose unrefined over refined foods. If your body thrives on grains, choose whole grains like brown rice, millet, amaranth, oats and quinoa. Beans and legumes are also important. Use old fashioned oats rather than instant oatmeal. Clean sugars include honey, maple syrup, and dehydrated sugar cane juice.
3. Eat proteins earlier in the day. Concentrate proteins in meals eaten earlier in the day and at lunch. Protein is an important muscle-builder, and it can also help curb your appetite.
This is easypeasy if you’ve cut out processed foods. Funky fat is anything which has been hydrogenized. Sneaky sugar is high fructose corn syrup (HFC)... and it’s in just about everything. MSG (Monosodium Glutamate) and free glutamates are in 80% of processed foods. It causes obesity.
5. Drink more water. Avoid drinking your calories.
As for those smoothies and green juices, particularly the ones from the supermarket... they are mostly laden with hidden sugars, which reading the label readily reveals. Much of it comes from fruit, which is best eaten in its whole, raw state. For some people, investing in a high-quality juicer for greens may be a very good idea. With her innovative signature program she works with her clients to release their limiting beliefs, doubts, and fears, and helps them tap into their natural abilities and their bodies’ wisdom, making weight loss easy and safe. A Medical Intuitive, Master Theta Healer and Certified Virtual Gastric Band Practitioner , Liz has long been fascinated by the important role mind, body, and beliefs play in our lives. Her other studies and certifications include EFT, Psych-K, Matrix Energetics, Access Consciousness, QiGong, NLP and Transcendental Meditation. She has transferred her successful healing/mindset work with businesswomen to the arena of weight loss because she has experienced first-hand the havoc and misery that obesity creates not only for the sufferer but for their families. www.lizbull.com
Specialty coffees and sodas can tack on an extra 500 calories a day. Avoiding caffeine is also a good idea as its use contributes to human error. Drink more water- 8 to 10 glasses per day. I like adding lemon to it. You can also infuse it with other fruit. For some, whole milk is “clean”. For others, not. Herbal teas can also be “clean”. mymagazinemediagroup.com 99
TAP INTO YOUR
Creativity Inspiration AND
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by Lisa Marie Platske
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ne of the things I love about owning a successful business is the ability to travel first class. It’s not about the food or the roomier seats but the experience I have when working. I’m incredibly productive at thirtyfive thousand feet that even the flight attendants notice my intensity. The uninterrupted time on a plane allows me to focus on projects that I have been putting off as well as projects that need extra bandwidth. After several hours on a cross-country flight, my executive assistant Sheri doesn’t even need to see my calendar to recognize that I’ve been traveling as her inbox tells the story with forty or fifty emails flooding in all at once. The limited time constraints get my creative juices flowing and I’ve written chapters for books, countless Upside Thoughts, and built a year-long strategy and posts for social media on a flight. I’m not alone in this phenomenon. However, I can’t always wait until I’m on a flight to get work done. Here are seven (7) tips for tapping into your inspiration and creativity to keep your project moving forward. mymagazinemediagroup.com 101
1
Get Out. You don’t need to be in nature to benefit from going outdoors. It’s simply about letting your mind wander vs. being heavily focused on something. At my annual Design Your Destiny Live event, I encourage participants to leave the room and stretch, walk around the hotel, or simply go outside. The change
of scenery enables you to get out of your head and get into your body. Distancing yourself from whatever you’re working on provides a fresh perspective where you can see what was once hidden with clear eyes. On a side note, if you do decide to physically get out, research shows it increases your effectiveness by 12%!
2
Go Play. One of my friends and business colleagues, Susan Kerby, holds play in high regard and incorporates it into her work as a master speaker trainer. If you’ve ever worked with me, you understand that I take what I do very seriously. Fortunately, I’ve learned how to not take myself so seriously and having friends like her have increased my “play” muscle. Because I like research and understanding why something is valuable, I’ve discovered that play stimulates creativity which increases your ability to problem solve. Who knew having fun could have such valuable consequences when you’re in the midst of big challenges at work?!?
3
Be Upside. Researchers have learned that people are better problem solvers when they’re positive. This is one of the reasons being creative makes us happy. Literally. In fact, cognitive neuroscientist Mark Beeman said, “The basic idea is that a positive mood loosens the grip of attention so that stimuli and ideas that used to get filtered out can now have a greater impact on processing (thoughts and new ideas).” Who doesn’t want that?!? Stay Upside throughout your day to keep problems away!
4
Work Together. Creativity does not have to be solo work. When I’m having a conversation with a new client, I share the value that comes from working
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with others and invite them to actively participate in group coaching calls. As someone who used to only value one-onone coaching, I’ve learned the immense value that comes from working with others in groups first-hand – and it changed my life and business. Studies also show the benefits that come from the creative power of a team filled with diverse personalities and talents. It’s the number one reason why I offer group coaching in all of my private leadership coaching programs.
5
Remove Options. If there is something you really want, chances are you’ll find a way to get it. When you remove options, you are challenged to work with your available resources. When I am on a flight, my options are limited and distractions are eliminated. This is what happens when you have a deadline or have to operate within a specific budget. Studies demonstrate that fewer options can increase our creativity as we have to come up with a solution to a problem within a given timeframe.
6
Take a Nap. When you sleep, your brain takes what happened to you throughout the day, sorts it by relevance, and categorizes your memories. When you don’t get enough sleep, you miss out on this important process and it affects creativity and formulating new ideas. Studies show that the most creative parts of the brain are at their
peak during and immediately after sleep which is why I always do my most creative work first thing in the morning – and after my afternoon nap (which is when I’m writing this article).
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Imagine That. I’ve taught classes and webinars on tapping into your superpowers that were centered around mindset. Just by imagining you are innovative and resourceful, your creativity can be affected. In a recent study, social scientists had students characterize themselves with a label of an individual that was viewed as extremely creative (artist) or not very creative (librarian) or nothing. (Note: I think librarians are very creative, however, their reputation for setting rules and boundaries is what most people see. Just sharing the research....) The student’s behavior began to change simply by identifying with the label. Amazing! Students who thought of themselves as less creative became uncreative. And, students who thought of themselves with the label of someone who was very creative measured to be more creative. So, if you imagine yourself as someone incredibly creative and you will be! For years, I labeled myself as “uncreative” and noninnovative. When I looked for evidence for something different, guess what? It was there right in front of me!
In examining this simple list, it seems pretty easy to tap into inspiration and creativity. And, this is an important characteristic for a leader to possess - being able to see situations from all angles. I invite you to examine this list of 7 and see which activities you can tap into this month to generate more creativity at work and at home.
How can you see your current situation from a different angle? Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. Lead Upside. Lisa Marie Platske left her action-packed life as a Federal law enforcement officer to become the CEO of international leadership company, Upside Thinking, Inc. An awardwinning leadership expert and #1 best-selling international author of 4 books, she takes her law enforcement journey which began on the piers of New York and ended post 9/11 and shares what exceptional leaders do differently and how to be positioned as an expert in order to seize big opportunities. As a certified master coach, Lisa Marie coaches women in business around the globe. With experience working with clients in over 20 different industries, her proven 7-step formula has resulted in her clients being seen, heard, and recognized for their work without having to change who they are. The founder of Design Your Destiny LIVE (www. DesignYourDestinyLive), she lives in Alexandria, Virginia with her loving and supportive husband Jim and their two pet foxes.
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Believe In Yourself
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