Out to Lunch

Before I came into FA, I had a terrible work ethic. At one job, when I was scared of dealing with the next customer, I would leave a sign on the door that read “Out to Lunch.” But I wasn’t out to lunch, I was out to binge! I would then spend hours in the bathroom, purging the food I had binged on. I left messes everywhere I went. I just had to throw up. One time, I carried my mess in a trash bag to the garbage outside the store where I worked. I was so ashamed and didn’t want my bosses to find any evidence of my behavior. They found it anyway and let me know.

I came into FA weighing 142 pounds. (My highest weight was about 155.) In the middle of the unmanageable life I had before FA, I binged daily on quantities of sugar, flour, fat, and salty items. After the binge, I purged my food in the toilet and also through exercise. I binged and starved my way down for special occasions or for simple trips to the beach. I was miserable, greasy, pimply, and a ticking time bomb with anyone who tried to get in the way of my eating. My self-esteem and body size suffered from a lack of discipline.

I have been in FA for a while now and have lost around 40 pounds. I was offered a new job last year while I was in Massachusetts at the FA World Service Business Convention. It was completely orchestrated by God. I received a phone message offering me a position. I wanted my sponsor to tell me what to do, but she appropriately refused to do so. I sat with it during the entire convention weekend and made my decision when I got back home and had time to make a solid, non-fear-based decision.

After I made up my mind, my whole world was turned upside down. Program has carried me through the first year at my new job, which is different and far more challenging than any work I have done in the past. I keep showing up and God keeps amazing me, with or without external praise from my co-workers or my superiors. I am happy to help those I serve.

Today, I take about 20 minutes to eat my weighed and measured lunch every day. I slowly eat and finish my meal. Most days I go outside, sit in a peaceful spot, and listen to the sound of the fountain or piano playing coming from the nearby ballet studio.

After making phone calls, writing, or reading FA literature, I go back to work to greet my students and ask God for help to continue my work. I only use the bathroom for what it’s supposed to be used for, except sometimes when I get on my knees and ask God for help to continue my work responsibilities. No messes. No supervisors complaining of my vile behavior. I don’t even have to deal with the trash today, other than reminding students to use it. My classroom is, at most times, orderly and clean, with everything in its proper place, because my mind is in its proper place.