May 2013

parenting journey:

our story:

conflict resolution:

Who should walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding?

Parenting tips from a priest and his wife Father Steve and Cindy Anderson

Should my neighbors pay me for fixing their technology issues?

contents 6 yourlife The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing

Most Reverend Earl Boyea PUBLISHER

Rev. Dwight Ezop

EDITOR AND CHAIRMAN

May 2013 • Volume 14: Issue 4

Patrick M. O’Brien

PRESIDENT/CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER

Elizabeth Martin Solsburg

DIRECTOR OF CUSTOM PUBLISHING/ EDITORIAL DIRECTOR

Cynthia Vandecar

MARKETING MANAGER

Patrick Dally

ART DIRECTOR

Michelle Hildebrandt WEBMASTER

Jillane Job

EDITORIAL ASSISTANT

InnerWorkings

PRINT MANAGEMENT

Derek Melot

PROOFREADING

Bob Patten | Chris Sushynski CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS

FAITHTM (USPS 019993) is a publication of FAITH Catholic, Diocese of Lansing, 1500 E. Saginaw St., Lansing, MI 48906-5550. FAITHTM is a membership publication of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing and is published monthly except for February and August. To purchase a subscription, log on to FAITHmag.com. If you have a change of address, please contact your parish. Periodicals postage paid in Lansing, MI and at additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to FAITHTM, 1500 E. Saginaw St., Lansing MI 48906-5550. ©2013 FAITH Catholic. FAITH is a trademark of FAITH Catholic.

Most Rev. Carl F. Mengeling FOUNDING PUBLISHER

Rev. Charles Irvin FOUNDING EDITOR

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12 yourfaith 12 in the know with Father Joe Is it really wrong to cheat on exams? Isn’t it just ‘helping’ each other? 13 morality everyday The mistake of a lifetime 14 spiritual fitness How to pray to the Holy Spirit 16 theology 101 Pentecost – How the Church began

20 yourstories

What can you do about bullies?

table of contents

6 work life I am the victim of office gossip – What can I do about the co-worker who started the rumor? 8 parenting journey Who should walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding? 8 conflict resolution Should my neighbors pay me for fixing their technology issues? 9 marriage matters He says: “Sally is negative about everything!” She says: “I’m just practical. Why can’t Patrick see that?” What do they do? 10 culture A little change for a malt

20 cover story A house full – Beth and Gerry’s lives as foster parents 24 our story Parenting tips from a priest and his wife – Father Steve and Cindy Anderson

20 24

Liturgical Calendar: St. Joseph the Worker May 1 | St. Athanasius, bishop and doctor of the Church May 2 | Ss. Philip and James, apostles May 3 | Sixth Sunday of Easter May 5

The Holy Spirit’s quiet gifts

from the editor

s a teenager preparing for the sacrament of confirmation, I often wondered when I would have my “upper room” experience like the one recalled in the first reading for the celebration of Pentecost. I figured that if confirmation is all about the descent of the Holy Spirit into a believer’s life, then that gift should be accompanied by some sort of overwhelming experience in order to reassure the one to be confirmed that the desired gift of the Spirit had indeed been received. And so I prayed and I waited. And then I waited some more. And then I prayed some more and waited even longer. No strong driving wind blew through the house, and I didn’t see any tongues of fire descend upon me. Confused by all this, I decided to seek out the counsel of the wisest people I knew at the time – my parents. and used in quiet ways, in the ways of everyday life. Mom assured me that the gifts that enable each of us to accomplish God’s work in our lives are there when we need them – but we have to be willing to ask for them correctly and then put them to use. Like any gift, the Spirit’s gifts are not meant to be hoarded or jealously kept to

saint of the month

Pay attention to the fruit

St. Rose Venerini Feast Day: May 7

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

We have all no doubt heard that a tree can be known by its fruit. However, if we do not pay attention to the fruit, it will be more difficult to diagnose the health of the tree and to respond accordingly. The same is true of the life of holiness. The life of holiness is

wisdom and insight in order to respond to them. In a way, I can begin to identify more clearly with those first followers of the Risen Christ. In the years ahead, there will be times of great joy and instances of great challenge. There will be new opportunities to grow as a priest and to serve as a pastor. In goodness, God does not let me perceive those coming opportunities in their fullness. If God did, I would likely shrink back in fear. Instead, I see this as an opportunity to trust that God’s abiding presence of the Spirit will accompany me each of the days ahead, sharing with me the gifts I will need in order to serve Christ, and his body, the Church, especially as it is known and lived in Fenton. Come, Holy Spirit! And so, our journey in FAITH continues. T. Gennara

After I explained my predicament to my mother, she assured me that the gifts of the Spirit, promised at Pentecost, would indeed be part of my life. But, as for so many other believers, the experience of the descent of the Spirit into my life would most likely not be earthshattering for me. Instead, those gifts would be given

ourselves – they are meant to be shared, just as they are shared so abundantly by God with each of us. That made sense to me 30 years ago, and it still makes sense to me today. As I prepare at the end of June to make the transition from pastor of St. Jude in DeWitt to pastor of St. John the Evangelist parish in Fenton, I am aware that some of the Spirit’s gifts which have served me well at St. Jude will still be needed in order for me to serve a people and a place that are new to me. I also realize that this year’s celebration of Pentecost will have a special meaning for me, as I ask for the Spirit’s gifts to help me to meet pastoral challenges that I cannot yet begin to imagine but which will require the Spirit’s

Father Dwight Ezop is editor of FAITH Magazine and pastor of the Catholic Community of St. Jude. E-mail: editor@FAITHmag.com.

a life in the Holy Spirit. We can do nothing to “produce” this fruit. When we are joyous, loving, peaceful, patient, kind, faithful, generous, gentle and in self-control, we trust that we are in communion with the Spirit, for it is only the Spirit who produces this fruit.

Ascension of the Lord May 9 | St. Damien de Veuster of Moloka’i, priest May 10 | Seventh Sunday of Easter May

75th CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF LANSING

Anniversar y

the

Diocese

Lansing

The Diocese of Lansing celebrates its 75th anniversary this year. Throughout the year, we’ll be presenting pieces of our history, thanks to our diocesan historian, Msgr. George Michalek.

Our World War II chaplains

n Sept. 1, 1939, Nazi Germany invaded Poland and began the second World War. On Sept. 7, Bishop Joseph Albers instructed that every parish institute public prayers for peace. As the conflict escalated, and young men and women began volunteering for military service, the bishop asked that parishes provide the military men with a small crucifix, a rosary, a prayer book and religious medals.

Bishop Albers had been a chaplain in World War I, and so was particularly sensitive to the spiritual needs of soldiers in battle. He was strongly supportive of the 11 Diocese of Lansing priests who entered the Armed Forces as chaplains. In addition to these 11, two priests served as auxiliary chaplains at military facilities in Battle Creek. Father John Day had been a Protestant chaplain during World War I, and served as a Catholic chaplain during World War II. Father George Zabelka was a chaplain with the Army Air Corps unit that dropped the bomb on Hiroshima. That experience and its aftermath led him to become a lifelong peace activist. Lansing’s chaplains were:

The life and work of St. Rose Venerini (1656 - 1728) witness to this truth. After the death of her fiancé and, later, her father, St. Rose found herself teaching the rosary to women and girls in her neighborhood. She soon opened a preschool for girls in Viterbo, Italy, after being encouraged by Father Ignatius Martinelli, a Jesuit, who convinced her that her vocation was as a teacher. The first objective was to give poor girls a complete Christian formation and to prepare them for life in society. The success

• Father John Day – Army • Father Gilbert Gruss – Navy-Marines • Father George Higgins – Army Field Artillery • Father John Madden – Army Air Corps • Father James McCann – Army • Father Alphonsus Olk – Navy • Father Francis Timmons – Army Air Forces • Father Norbert Wheeler – Army Air Forces • Father Joseph Whelan – Army Infantry • Father Joseph Wieber – Navy-18th Marines • Father George Zabelka – Army Air Corps

of the school caused her reputation to spread and she was invited to organize a number of schools in various places – often against heavy, even violent, opposition. By the time of her death, she had established 40 schools – all by the invitation of ecclesial and civic leaders who recognized the fruit of the formation she provided. Her lay school teachers were eventually organized as a religious congregation known primarily as the Venerini Sisters. The main fruit of the education provided by St. Rose was moral in nature.

Day

Gruss

Higgins

Timmons

Wheeler

Whelan

Wieber

Zabelka

Wherever a new school sprang up, in a short time a moral improvement could be noted in the youth. So much so that on Oct. 24, 1716, St. Rose and her teachers received a visit by Pope Clement XI, accompanied by eight cardinals, who wanted to observe the lessons. At the end of the morning, he addressed these words to Rose: “Signora Rosa, you are doing that which we cannot do. We thank you very much, because with these schools you will sanctify Rome. ” The tree will absolutely be known by its fruit. Pay attention to the fruit.

yourlife melaniereyesphotography

Jim Berlucchi is the executive director of the Spitzer Center, whose mission is to build cultures of evangelization (www.spitzercenter.org). This approach has its downsides. According to Proverbs 15:12, “A scoffer does not like to be reproved.” (Proverbs 15:12) If she denies it, simply end the conversation. You’ve made your point and gotten it off your chest. And it might at least inhibit her. If she apologizes, graciously accept it.

work life

I am the victim of office gossip

What can I do about the co-worker who started the rumor?

One of my co-workers is always gossiping, and it borders on slander. She told a number of people in the office that I was in trouble because she saw me come out of my boss’ office crying. In reality, I was telling him about a serious health issue. Is there something I can do about her?

Your colleague didn’t just border on slandering you; she slandered you. Slander is making a false spoken statement damaging a person’s reputation. Depending on how noble

and energetic you feel, there are three courses – each one more difficult and honorable than the previous. RATIFY. Don’t do anything. She is who she is and she’ll do what she does. Proverbs 20:19

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

REFORM. If you don’t get reminds us, “Whoever goes satisfaction from talking with about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate your colleague, take your grievance to a higher level. Gossip with one who speaks foolishly.” and slander wreak havoc on This approach has its merits. the workplace, underminYou’re not likely to change her. ing trust, teamwork, Her habit is driven by retention and a bigger set of isproductivity. sues. A gossip is “Strong See if your a small minded minds discuss boss would person with ideas, average be willing to low selfminds discuss events, address this esteem. Just weak minds discuss issue. Your ignore her. people.” colleague But realize – Socrates. could be talked that in doing so to privately and you’re ratifying or asked to upgrade giving sanction to her her professional conwrongdoing. duct. Or the boss could even advance a no-gossip policy RECTIFY. She did you to your team. He could quote wrong. Give her a chance to physicist Marie Curie: “Be less do right. Be straightforward. curious about people and more Tell her that she spread a false statement about you and curious about ideas” If they’re a damaged your reputation, and top-flight team with good character, this could work. If they’re ask for an apology. Don’t be not, don’t touch the touchy emotional or confrontational, subject. It will backfire. but very matter-of-fact.

St. Christopher Magallanes, priest and companions, martyrs, May 21 | St. Rita of Cascia, relig

Prayers for Boston Bombs exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon April 15, killing several people, including an 8-year-old spectator. Bishop Earl Boyea responded to the tragedy: “Exactly in the area where some of the Newtown families were being honored at the end of the Boston Marathon we have been again visited by violence. From the daily violence in our city streets to A woman is comforted by a man near a triage tent set up for the Boston Marathon after explosions went the silent violence against off at the 117th marathon April 15. Two bombs exploded in the crowded streets near the finish line of the children and women to marathon, killing at least three people, including an 8-year-old boy, and injuring more than 140. these acts of terrorism, we injured and the restoration of peace for all of us unsettled seem to be beset by the forces of evil seeking our ruin. Let by the bombings at a world renowned sporting event. us pray ever more that the Prince of Peace, our Lord Jesus Our special prayers are with the Archdiocese of Boston Christ, may penetrate the hearts and souls of those who and the people there who are working in the aftermath of sinfully turn to any form of violence and thus show complete this crisis to address those wounded in so many ways by disregard for the sanctity of human life.” these events. The growing culture of violence in our world and even Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York, the president of in our country calls for both wise security measures by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, issued this government officials and an examination by all of us to statement: see what we can personally do to enhance peace and respect for one another in our world. “ “The tragic end to the Boston Marathon April 15 reminds us all that evil exists and that life is fragile. The people of the Diocese of Lansing extend sympathy to The deaths and injuries of people gathered for the the victims of the bombing and all our brothers and sisters in celebration on Patriots Day in Boston calls on all of us Boston. We pray for their safety and for peace. to pray for the souls of those killed, the healing of those

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gious May 22 | St. Mary Magdalen de’Pazzi, virgin May 25 | Most Holy Trinity May 26 | St. Augustine of Canterbury, bishop May 27 | Visitation of the Blessed Virgin Mary May 31

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ceremonies because of its contrast to the liturgical meaning of the sacrament.

parenting journey

Who should walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding?

My daughter does not have a close relationship with my ex-husband, and now that she is getting married, she does not want to have him walk her down the aisle. Do you think it’s appropriate if it’s just me or should I encourage her to include him?

In second grade, I dressed as a bride for Halloween. Looking into the future, I knew that the death of my father meant that I would never walk down the aisle in the traditional way. When I got engaged, I pondered how to handle his absence and finally decided to walk down the aisle alone. Why don’t you encourage your daughter and her fiancé to explore the significance of this decision as part of their marriage preparation?

Dr. Cathleen McGreal is a psychology professor and certified spiritual director.

Should my neighbors pay me for fixing their technology issues? I work in information technology and I am always getting calls from neighbors in my apartment building to fix their wireless routers. How can I get them to understand that this is what I do for money? Shouldn’t they be offering to pay me?

plumbing work. You could post your contact information and hourly fee in a common area – like the entrance of the building or the laundry room. Your neighbors would understand that your

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

services are available for a fee. Finally, when a neighbor knocks at your door or calls your home, you could express your availability, as well as your fee per hour and then your neighbor can decide if he or she will use your services. According to 1Timothy 5:18, “A worker deserves his pay.” Your work has value. How you receive that value is your choice.

conflict resolution

S. Kendrick

These possible scenarios may be solutions to your questions: You could exchange “favors.” For example, you know to how to fix the Internet, while your neighbors may know how to do

T. Gennara

Cultural traditions: a long history There are many traditions associated with the wedding ceremony. Most

of us know the Victorian good-luck verse – a bride should carry something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a lucky sixpence for her shoe. In today’s bridal shops, it is still possible to buy a sixpence to wish the bride well. The tradition in which the bride is given away goes back much further in time. When women were considered to be property, this was an exchange between the father and the groom. The verbal expression of this act, “Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?” wouldn’t be asked during Catholic

Bride and groom give themselves Msgr. Rick Hilgartner, executive director, USCCB Secretariat of Divine Worship, notes that the bride and groom enter freely into the marriage and thus are the ministers of the sacrament. He explains that the entrance procession should reflect their equal entry into marriage: “The rite of marriage suggests that the liturgical ministers (priest, deacon, reader, servers) lead the procession, followed by the bride and bridegroom, each escorted by ‘at least their parents and the witnesses.’” (foryourmarriage.org) Catholic wedding processions also differ from other ceremonies because, as the liturgy begins, all rise in the presence of God: “The assembly stands at the beginning of the liturgy, when the entrance song is announced and the procession begins – in other words, the assembly should not remain seated until the bride enters the church.” (www.catholicweddinghelp.com) As your daughter considers the options for the entrance processional, encourage her to pray with her fiancé. “The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:5-6)

Dr. Gelasia Marquez is a psychologist and family counselor.

says:

She

“Sally is negative about everything!”

“I’m just practical. Why can’t Patrick see that?”

Patrick says: Sally is a real Eeyore – she seems to see the negative side of everything. I am much more upbeat, but it’s beginning to get me down as well. What can we do to resolve this difference in attitude?

says:

Sally says: I don’t feel as if I’m negative – I’m practical! You need to see all the possible consequences of an action before you do anything. I just don’t understand why Patrick doesn’t get that.

What

do they do?

t has been our experience that spouses seldom have the same worldview and see opportunities and challenges in the same light. This is good, because it makes life interesting – even when it forces each of us to consider using a different lens in examining something outside of our own sandbox.

on changing the other, to win them over to their side (their view), with the hope of adopting the same life attitude, little progress toward a mutually beneficial relationship is possible. However, when they focus on understanding the other, on working with the other in spite of conflicting views, a mutually life-giving relationship is not only possible, but highly probable. Within the context of marriage, a balanced approach is needed because it isn’t about me, it is about us. Our primary role as a spouse is to help our spouse get to heaven and we cannot accomplish that unless we place them first; we do that through understanding, caring, communications, and commitment. It is possible that Patrick and Sally complement each other more than they realize. If Patrick has a propensity to jump into

new ideas or activities too fast, Sally’s caution may be just what their relationship needs. If Sally is overly cautious to the point she doesn’t recognize opportunity when it knocks, Patrick’s enthusiasm may be just what their relationship needs. In reality, Patrick and Sally need to communicate more about their feelings and being honest with each other. There always will be some conflict in a good marriage relationship. Praying to the Holy Spirit for strength will help keep their focus on what brought them together in the first place and will help them build trust and respect for the other. Being sensitive to each other’s feelings and keeping a sense of humor will help in their communication skills. There are three persons in a marriage relationship: husband, wife and Christ. All three will be needed to keep the marital relationship afloat and alive. T. Gennara

In a committed relationship, it can also be a source of irritation because our decisions, our worldview, our perspective and our very essence are being challenged more frequently than we think they should. The reality is that some people see a glass half-full and others see the same glass as half-empty; it is a matter of perspective. Our attitude is a learned behavior and reflects a philosophy of life. In a marriage relationship, it can be very difficult if one has a positive outlook on life and the other has a more pessimistic view because they will spend the bulk of their time arguing about the glass being half-full or half-empty. In spite of their apparently different worldviews, Sally and Patrick still can have a life-giving marital relationship; it will just take time, love and a commitment to make it work for the “other.” Scripture helps us to remember, “... Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous ... it does not seek its own interest.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5) If Sally and Patrick focus

your marriage matters

Deacon Tom Fogle and JoAnne Fogle help prepare couples for marriage.

Pass along FAITH Magazine to a friend. Visit www.FAITHmag.com to purchase a gift subscription

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

very day after school, at pick-up, I ask my kindergartener the same question as he gets into the car. “Well, did you get a sun or a cloud?” At the beginning of the school year, his usual answer would be “a cloud.” There is a system put in place to help teach the children appropriate behavior in the kindergarten classroom. If the child exhibits good behavior, he or she gets a sun. For notso-good behavior, there are colored clouds. There are green clouds for not listening, orange clouds for being disrespectful and so forth. Our son, the social and passionate comic who loves to make the other kids laugh, was prone to falling in the pink cloud category, which is for talking too much. We had to firmly remind him on a daily basis that there were appropriate and inappropriate times to talk at school. But

he would forget and, well, hence the pink clouds. But then one day, the mention of a chocolate malt changed everything. We had shared with my in-laws our struggle to get our son to change his talkative pattern. They pulled an old trick from the playbook, offering him “the world’s yummiest chocolate malt” if he went two weeks straight with no clouds. Two weeks? A high wager. We scoffed at their untenable ambition, even if it was dripping with affirmations of how proud they would be when he succeeded. But what my in-laws knew from experience is what God understands in all of us. Our own behavior cannot be forced on us. We are free spirits with the freedom to do what we choose. Unless we decide that we want to change our behavior, the behavior won’t likely

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culture change. For our boy, “having a sun” was just not incentive enough. But pleasing his grandparents and getting a chocolate malt was something else. The plan worked. Our son not only went two weeks without a cloud, but in that time he fell into a different pattern of behavior and it’s been “all suns” ever since. But the best part is that when he got his reward, his excitement for the malt was not as great as his excitement for having pleased both his grandparents and parents. He was truly proud to have their approval and beamed with a sense of self-worth. As adults, we, too, misapply our own free will at times. I wonder how surprised we might be to find that heaven has less to do with earthly pleasures and sweet rewards, but the simple joy and sense of worth that come with having pleased our Father! T. Gennara

A little change for a malt

Michelle DiFranco is a designer and the busy mom of two children.

Banana split chocolate malt • 3 large scoops vanilla ice cream • ¼ cup milk • 2-3 tablespoons chocolate sauce or syrup • 1-2 tablespoons malted milk powder • 2 tablespoons diced pineapple • 2-3 strawberries quartered • ½ banana, thinly sliced • whipped cream topping • chopped nuts • cherry In a blender, mix the ice cream, milk, chocolate sauce, malted milk powder and most of the sliced banana until well combined and smooth (it’s OK if the sliced banana isn’t totally pureed). Pour into a tall glass, leaving about an inch of space (from the top of the glass). Top off with remaining sliced banana, strawberries, pineapple, whipped cream topping, drizzled chocolate sauce, chopped nuts and a cherry. Photography by Philip Shippert

Read more theology 101 at:

S. Olson

Pentecost How the Church began

Doug Culp is the CAO and secretary for pastoral life for the Diocese of Lexington, Ky. He holds an MA in theology from Catholic Theological Union in Chicago.

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

he Catechism describes the Church as both the “means and the goal of God’s plan” of communion. The word itself means a convocation or assembly (Latin ecclesia, from the Greek ek-ka-lein, to “call out of”). In the Old Testament, ekklesia designated the assembly of the Chosen People, especially on Mt. Sinai where Israel received the Ten Commandments and was established by God as a holy people. The early Christian community adopted the name because it recognized itself “as heir to that assembly.” In terms of Christian usage, the word “church” has three inseparable meanings: the liturgical assembly, the local community and the whole universal community of believers. Origin, foundation, and mission God, the Father, created the world for the sake of communion, a communion brought

Above: Pentecost, by Jean II Restout

about by the “convocation” of people in Christ, or the Church. The Church then is “the goal of all things” that was prepared for in the Old Testament and instituted by Christ in his work of accomplishing the Father’s plan of salvation in the “fullness of time.” The Church “is the reign of Christ already present in mystery.” It is a kingdom that is presented to all humanity in word, in deed, and in the presence of Christ. It is “born primarily of Christ’s total self-giving for our salvation, anticipated in the institution of the Eucharist and fulfilled on the cross.” On Pentecost, the Church was revealed to the crowds and the work of spreading the Gospel throughout the world began. “... The Church in her very nature is missionary, sent by Christ to all the nations to make disciples of them.” However, the Church is also ultimately a mystery – in history and visible while at the same time outside of history transcending it and invisible. Quoting the Vatican II document, Sacrosanctum concilium, the Catechism states, “The Church is essentially both human and divine, visible but endowed with invisible realities, zealous in action and

Year of FAITH – Year of PRAYER

Pope Benedict XVI on Vatican II Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI (Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger) is the Catholic Church’s 264th pontiff. He is the first pope in modern times to renounce the papacy. He was elected on April 19, 2005, and resigned on Feb. 28, 2013. On the convocation of Vatican II – “It was a moment of extraordinary expectation. Great things were about to happen. The previous councils had almost always been convoked for a precise question to which they were to provide an answer. This time there was no specific problem to resolve…This was the greatness and, at the same time, the difficulty of the task that was set before the ecclesial assembly.” – Address of Aug. 2, 2012: L’Osservatore Romano

On the authentic interpretation of the documents of Vatican II – “reference to the documents saves us from extremes of anachronistic nostalgia and running too far ahead.” [The Second Vatican Council] “did not formulate anything new in matters of faith, nor did it wish to replace what was ancient… [rather, it was concerned that] the same faith might continue to be lived in the present day, that it might remain a living faith in a world of change.” – Opening Mass for the Year of Faith on Oct. 11, 2012. On the fundamental lesson of Vatican II – “The age in which we live continues to be marked by forgetfulness and deafness towards God. I believe, then, that we must learn the simplest and most fundamental lesson of the council: that the essence of Christianity consists in faith in God ... and in the individual and community encounter with Christ who guides our lives. ... The important thing today, as was the desire of the Council Fathers, is for us to see – clearly and anew – that God is present, that he concerns us and responds to us. And when faith in God is lacking our essential foundations give way because man loses his dignity. ... The council reminds us that the Church ... has the mandate to transmit God’s salvific word of love, so that the divine call which contains our eternal beatitude may be heard and accepted”. – Oct. 11, 2012 as reported by the Vatican Information Service dedicated to contemplation, present in the People of God is distinguishable from commandment to love as Christ loved us world, but as a pilgrim, so constituted that in all the other religious, ethnic, political and its mission is to be salt of the earth her the human is directed toward and and cultural groups of history. and light of the world. Its destiny is “the subordinated to the divine, the It is a “chosen race, a royal kingdom of God which has been begun visible to the invisible, action priesthood, a holy nation.” by God himself on earth and which must “…The to contemplation, and this (1 Pet 2:9) Membership is be further extended until it has been Church in her present world to that city gained not by physical brought to perfection by him at the end very nature is yet to come, the object of birth, but by faith in of time.” missionary, sent by our quest.” Christ and baptism, The People of God likewise particiChrist to all the nations In short, the Church i.e. of the Spirit and of pates in the three offices of Christ: priest, to make disciples of is the mystery of humanwater. Its head is Jesus prophet and king. It bears responsibility them.” ity’s union with God. Christ and the Holy for the mission and service that flow from The Church’s structure is Spirit flows through it. these offices. completely ordered to the holiThe People of God has ness of its members as its purpose – Quotes come from the Catechism (748-865) unless the dignity and freedom of the otherwise noted. is this communion with God. It therefore sons and daughters of God. Its law is the is like a sacrament – a sign and instrument – of communion with God and of unity among humanity. It is Christ’s instrument for the salvation of the world, the visible plan of God’s love for humanity because The Immaculate Conception refers to ... God “desires that the whole human race A. the conception of Jesus by Mary through the power of the Holy Spirit. may become one People of God, form one B. the conception of Mary by Ann through the power of the Holy Spirit. body of Christ, and be built up into one C. the conception of Mary, preserved by grace from the stain of original sin. temple of the Holy Spirit.” D. the conception of John the Baptist, preserved by grace from the stain of original sin The People of God Answer: C. Mary conceived without the stain of original sin. CCC 491 According to the Catechism, the

Catechism quiz

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Year of FAITH – Year of PRAYER

No meat on Fridays all year long?

Carlson Productions

n my pastoral letter of Holy Thursday 2012, I invited the active Catholics of the Diocese of Lansing – those already in the Household of Faith – to a deepened commitment to prayer and purification. As we prepare to reach out to inactive Catholics and those who do not yet know the Lord – the Lost Sheep and those in the Court of the Gentiles – we first need to prepare our minds and hearts. We must know Jesus well, if we are to be his authentic disciples in this confused and troubled world.

Bishop Earl Boyea is the fifth bishop of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing.

As this Year of Prayer continues, my heart is encouraged by the many signs of the Spirit’s work among us. Changes great and small are taking place. Among the many stirrings in the hearts of the faithful, I sense an increased desire to renew the Church’s ancient practice of year-round Friday abstinence from meat. Allow me to share a little history about this practice. In the days before the Second Vatican Council, Catholics in good health abstained from meat on Fridays throughout the year. This sign of Catholic identity was understood and respected even by non-Catholics. Ever wonder why McDonald’s decided in 1962 to put a piece of fish into a hamburger bun? Friday abstinence has ancient roots. The 1907 Catholic Encyclopedia credibly documents the practice all the way back to “the dawn of Christianity.” That same source also indicates that failure to abstain was viewed as grave (mortal) sin. The American bishops addressed this practice after the council. They knew that abstinence from meat was, for many individuals, no hardship at all. Some persons eat meat rarely or never, and many others find a seafood dinner to be every bit as appetizing a meal as a meat dish. Further, one of the goals of the council was to encourage individual Catholics to grow in personal spirituality and responsibility. It was thought in those days that Catholics would benefit from forms of penance that best fit the personal circumstances of each individual. In November 1966, the National Conference of Catholic Bishops (today’s USCCB), issued its Pastoral Statement on Penance and Abstinence. This document covered a wide range of topics related to penitential practices. About halfway through, the bishops addressed the matter of Friday abstinence. The bishops stated that the practice of

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

from the bishop abstaining from meat would no longer be binding under pain of sin. American Catholics were asked to continue abstaining from meat, OR to find an alternative form of personal penance. The bishops wrote, “Among the works of voluntary self-denial and personal penance which we especially commend to our people for the future observance of Friday, … we give first place to abstinence from flesh meat. We do so in the hope that the Catholic community will ordinarily continue to abstain from meat by free choice as formerly we did in obedience to Church law.” We know what happened next. The great majority of American Catholics began eating meat on Fridays, and have continued doing so for almost five decades. This rejection of Friday abstinence and – let’s be honest – the wholesale failure to substitute an alternative penitential practice fail to honor either the spirit of the American bishops’ 1966 statement or even Christ’s call to a life of penance. As an increasing number of persons are becoming aware, the 1983 Code of Canon Law provides in canon 1251 that “Abstinence from meat, or from some other food as determined by the Episcopal Conference, is to be observed on all Fridays, unless a solemnity should fall on a Friday.” Canon 1253 permits a national conference of bishops to “determine more precisely the observance of fast and abstinence as well as substitute other forms of penance, especially works of charity and exercises of piety, in whole or in part, for abstinence and fast.” It is the latter provision that recognizes the 1966 decision by the American bishops. The sense of the faithful – the sensus fidelium – can sometimes be hard to gauge with exactitude. The hearts of many Catholics are moving toward a resumption of Friday abstinence. It is hard to foresee that it would ever again be required on pain of sin, but rather it would be restored in joy as the great sign of Catholic unity that it has been for most of the centuries since apostolic times. Many Catholics haven’t eaten meat on Fridays for years. Some never have. I myself am trying to change my own habits in this regard. This is sometimes difficult, especially when eating at other’s homes. Yet, it is pulling my mind more and more to the goodness of that Friday when Christ died on his cross for you and me. As we await the upcoming discussion by the American bishops, let’s each reflect on how best to make Friday a day of penance.

D. Quillan

CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF LANSING

Holy Thursday Chrism Mass at St. Mary Cathedral in Lansing

Bishop Boyea: A year of grace The celebrations of Holy Week and Easter were powerful, moving and Spirit-blessed again this year. Among the many joys of those days is the gathering of the Diocese in St. Mary Cathedral on the morning of Holy Thursday for the Chrism Mass. Looking out over a packed church, filled with priests, deacons, religious and laypersons of all ages, I found myself thanking God for the privilege of serving this wonderful diocese. And I was mindful that, just a year ago, I issued my pastoral letter on the New Evangelization, Go and Announce the Gospel of the Lord. In that letter, I wrote of the Household of Faith, the Lost Sheep and those in the Court of the Gentiles. For all these persons, but initially focusing particularly on our own Catholic faithful, I asked for a Year of Prayer. All across our Diocese, the response has been generous, and we are already seeing the fruits of the Spirit in our parish communities. Shortly before Holy Week, we had a midweek gathering of the men and women who are the chairs of our parish pastoral councils. The evening was spent sharing experiences, perspectives, and hopes for the months to come. It was exciting to see how the Spirit’s work, effective in our many parishes, is taking such diverse forms. These preliminary steps are being bolstered by other important initiatives. We have hired a director of New Evangelization, Craig Pohl. Our budget process and our internal staff deliberations are now structured to keep evangelization always before our eyes. We have had some good conversations about the real-world mechanics of spreading the good news in a digital age, and about the realworld obstacles, including limited parish resources and a belligerently toxic popular culture. In the months to come, we will continue to explore means – both familiar and developing – for introducing a confused and downcast world to the Son of God. But always we must continue to understand the primary importance of first getting our own house in order. I am pleased to hear, from priests all over the Diocese, that Catholics are returning in numbers to confession. In some parishes, we face the happy challenge of long lines on multiple days. Confession and prayer. Prayer and confession. On our knees is how we can prepare for the work of discipleship. The Spirit is at work all around us. He found Pope Francis in Buenos Aires, and called him to do a great work. He found you and me, and called us to do another part of his work. With courage, humility and hope, let us continue to pray for the Spirit’s outpouring of grace, here in the Diocese of Lansing.

COME HOLY SPIRIT Presider: Let us pray that every person within the Catholic Diocese of Lansing will come to know and love our Lord Jesus Christ in a personal way, Grow in maturity as a disciple of Christ, Become actively engaged in the full life of the Church, and joyfully utilize his or her gifts for the building up of the kingdom of God and the salvation of souls.

ome Holy Spirit, fill the hearts

of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created and you shall renew the face of the earth. O God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit, we may be truly wise and ever enjoy his consolations. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Aug. 2012 - Dec. 2013

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

cover story

his is a love story between a man and a woman – and 66 children who have shared their lives and home over the last 37 years. With their two sons, Gerry and Beth Munsell have welcomed 64 foster children through their doors on the way from heartbreaking lives to brighter futures. They share parts of their story here.

Beth smiles at Gerry, her husband of 42 years. “When I went away to school, I had just broken up with my high school boyfriend. I was determined I was going to have fun in college, date a bunch of boys and focus on my education. At the orientation party I danced one time with him and instantly fell head over heels in love. I knew Gerry was the one I wanted to marry.” “I didn’t know quite that fast,” Gerry laughs, “but pretty soon we were making plans to spend our life together.” “I thought Gerry and I would get married and have a house full of kids. After a while, my sisters-in-law and friends were getting pregnant, but not us. We fell into years of fertility testing and heartbreak,” Beth recalls. “During this time, we saw an article in our church bulletin asking couples to consider becoming foster parents. We decided fostering

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

might be a good opportunity to see if we could love someone else’s child with our whole heart.” She smiles, “It turns out we could!” “After our seventh anniversary, we adopted our son Chris. Twenty-one days after he was born, his birth mother signed off on his adoption and he came home to us. We raised him alongside many foster brothers and sisters. Six years later, I became pregnant with Brian and our family grew some more!” “Over the last 37 years, we’ve had between one and five children in our home almost constantly. We feel most comfortable fostering babies and medically fragile children. We tried to retire twice, but it didn’t stick,” Beth explains. “Both times, Cindy talked you into taking another child,” Gerry teases Beth, smiling. Laughing now, Beth exclaims, “I can’t say no to that woman!

Cindy is our licensing and placement worker at St. Vincent’s Home “The first goal of fostering children for Children. I just love her! We’ve worked with St. Vincent’s now is reunification with the birth for the last 16 years, and they have been fantastic.” parents. We really want the birth parents Growing more serious now, Beth concedes, “But we’re getting to the point that age and physical stamina are having an effect on our to get it together and get their kids back. ability to foster. I have to respect that I’m older. Carrying babies and Until they do, we provide their children toddlers is tougher than it used to be. I told Cindy that when she love and a stable home.” retires we probably will, too.” “In addition to caring for each child’s needs, we bring our foster children for visits with their birth parents multiple times if that goes well, maybe they will host us at their home. All the while, each week. The state of Michigan mandates that babies have three visits a week with each of their birth parents; toddlers have our foster child doesn’t realize the potential adoptive parents are testing and considering whether the child will fit into their family or not. two visits; and school-age children have one mandated visit per We will not put the pressure on our children of hoping for a permaweek. By the time I get the children ready, drive into Lansing nent home, so discussion of adoption doesn’t come up until a few and then wait for them during their parents’ visiting time, it takes a big chunk of my day – especially if the birth parents can’t successful interactions between the potential adoptive parents and our child. When our children are welcomed into a permanent, loving see their children together.” home, we celebrate with them. “We are constantly in the “People will often tell me ‘I process of working with birth could never be a foster parent parents, case workers and the because I could never let the lawyers for the children,” Gerry kids go.’ But that doesn’t make explains, “because the first goal sense. You don’t get to keep of fostering children is reunifiyour own children. They grow cation with the birth parents. St. Vincent Catholic Charities (STVCC) Foster Care up and move on to lives of their We really want the birth parProgram provides temporary foster care services for own. Whether you’re a birth, ents to get it together and get abused and/or neglected children (birth through 18 adoptive or foster parent, your their kids back. Until they do, years) petitioned for out-of-home placement by the local job is to prepare your children we provide their children love Family Court. STVCC Foster Care works with the child, for the next step in their lives. and a stable home.” their biological family and foster family toward empowFor us that step comes sooner “Lots of times parents see us as ering the biological family to establish a safe and loving than for most parents, but the the enemy because we have their home so the children can return to their care. reality is the same.” children, but we really do want Foster parents can be married or single, and may Gerry smiles in agreement: them to succeed in whatever the own or rent their own home. To foster a child, you and “Anybody can be a foster parent. judge decides they need,” Beth members of your immediate family will need: You just have to be open to acsays. “That could mean drug cepting a child into your home. counseling, parenting classes, an•A dequate bedroom space. (approx. 40 square feet You don’t have to be perfect. ger management, finding good per child per bedroom); You just have to know that housing or a job. Of course, the • To provide references from people other than relatives; when it’s time for them to take parents have to participate and •T o successfully complete interviews; their next step you’ve done the show they have benefited from •T o pass a criminal background check and best you could while they were the services before their children fingerprinting; and in your care.” can return to their care.” •T o complete required training to help empower and “You have to accept foster Gerry nods. “Probably the support you as a foster parent/family. children for who they are and be worst part of fostering a child able to meet their basic needs,” is not knowing whether their If you are interested in being a foster parent, contact Beth agrees. “These children are parents have done enough to Chris Ball at 517.323.4734 ext. 1601 Monday through a product of all the experiences take proper care of them. We Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., or visit the STVCC Foster they’ve had before they came work so hard to get our kids so Care website at tinyurl.com/STVCCFosterCare to you. It can be challenging to they’re not scared any more ...” accept them where they are and his voice trails off. give them a core-knowledge that “We do what’s best for our children,” Beth pipes in. “Don’t mess with my kids because I will go they are loved. But we have always found that it’s worth the effort.” Gerry sums it up: “By enriching a child’s life we enrich our own.” to bat for them with anybody!” Thinking back on the years of marriage and 66 children she’s “When and if parental rights have been terminated, our job turns parented with Gerry, Beth says, “I think being able to fall in love into preparing our foster children to be adopted by another faminstantly is part of being a foster parent.” ily,” Gerry continues. “The last thing we want our children to go Recognizing how richly this blessing has rewarded them, Gerry through is a failed adoption, so we do a lot of transitioning from our and Beth smile over the head of their current foster child. Clearly home to potential new parents.” there are more chapters of this love story to be written. Beth explains, “We might invite them to dinner at our place then,

St. Vincent Catholic Charities Foster Care Program

By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by Jim Luning

our story

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

Parenting tips from a priest and his wife Father Steve and Cindy Anderson

ather Steve Anderson was ordained in 2003. He is the first married priest in the Diocese of Lansing. Previously, he was a priest in the Charismatic Episcopal Church. He and Cindy have been married 34 years, and have three sons – Christian, 15, Steven, 18, and Austin, 28, who is married and has two sons. Father Steve is the pastor of Holy Redeemer Catholic Church in Burton.

Does being a priest and having a family impose a time crunch on you? Everyone these days has a time crunch. When I worked for Office Depot twenty years ago, I had less time with my family than I do now. I am in the same position that Protestant pastors are, most of whom are married. Life is a challenge, but it is doable. I try to do the best I can as a pastor and as a father and husband. My position is a double blessing, both getting to be a priest and seeing the smiling face of my wife and sons when I get home, which refreshes me. How do your children feel about you being a priest? Christian, our youngest, says it seems normal, like having any job, and that mine just happens to be as CEO of the parish. Of course, I’ve been a priest since he was born. For Austin, it was a bit more of an adjustment. Cindy, are you involved much in ministry at the church? I’ve found my gift of ministry in music. While at Good Shepherd in Montrose, I was blessed to be their youth minister when asked, and also helped lead music. I’ve played guitar and sang in the music group at the parishes where we have been, and I lead contemporary Christian songs for religious education in our middle school. But I am the typical soccer mom. We have always encouraged our boys to get involved in what interests them. We want to empower them to develop the gifts God has given them, which requires getting them to the different activities. That reduces our number of sit-down dinners together, but it also can lead to increased communication time in the car. What would you say kids need the most? Father Steve: Number one is Jesus. The world has lost a sense of the sacred, so kids need to become believers. Everything we do as parents should point them to Jesus. Cindy: Next, we need to love them in a way that they know they are loved. They are looking for our support of what they are involved in, which is why I assist driving them to events. One son told me the other day, “You really go out of your way to help me.” They also need faith formation and prayer. As their mom, this is my parenting role, and was primarily my job when they were little. They especially liked

getting a blessing from me at bedtime. Father Steve: Yes. If I was the one blessing them at night, they would tell me they didn’t want my blessing; they wanted Mom’s. Once when I asked God what to do with one of our children during a difficult time, he said, “Love him.” I had him start sitting on my lap a lot when we were doing things. That helped our bonding. Kids need love, but they also need clear rules, and consequences that fit the rules when broken. Parents have more power in this area than they think they do. For example, parents ask me how to get their children to clean their room or do homework. Simple. I tell them that children don’t like pain and will avoid it. If they consider homework and chores painful, they will avoid them. But if Johnny loves to ride his motor scooter, Mom can hang the scooter key around her neck until the work is done. Along with that, of course, Dad needs to make sure the kids are doing their work and are respecting their mother. How about rules for the parents? Father Steve: The number one rule for parents is to be humble. No parent is perfect because babies don’t come with a manual. We constantly ask God, ‘How do I do this’ We want our kids to walk in the faith. So if we teach the faith at home, we have hope, not just wishful thinking that they will not stray when they leave home. Many parents give their children the choice whether to continue to go to Mass after they are confirmed. I don’t think that’s a good idea. They don’t have a choice of dropping out of school at that age. It is our responsibility to take them to church and to have them actively participate. Cindy, do you have strategy sessions with your husband regarding the children? At times, we will discuss what’s going on with them so we are up to date and on the same page. That serves also as a safeguard from them playing one of us against the other. They feel good and safe when they see we are committed to God, to one another and to them. Does it help in dealing with parents and kids in the parish to be parents yourself? Father Steve: You learn a lot being a parent, especially that all kids are not alike. But the fact that I’m a parent doesn’t automatically make me an expert on parenting. A celibate priest can have more gifts in the area than someone married with several children. How does parenting extend into the youth program at Holy Redeemer? We have many parents that don’t come to church themselves, but will drop off their kids at our program, so we try to connect them all to Jesus, just as we do with our three boys. We give them the Church, a rock to stand on, stability. They say that every youth needs 10 positive human influences, be it parents, teachers, grandparents, coaches, etc. They don’t always get that, so we try to provide some of it. We take our youth program seriously, invest in it, and have a full-time youth minister. The kids are looking for answers, meaning, substance. When we take them to conferences at Steubenville in the summer, their favorite part is eucharistic adoration. We also provide pizza and fun since they like that, too. Parenting is not easy. We need to care, to be open and to be thinking. Children don’t want us to be mainly a friend. They are looking for parents – parents who care, are real, and who love them. By Doug Culp | Photography by Tom Gennara

special report

What can you do about bullies?

hen A. O. Scott reviewed the movie Drillbit Taylor for the New York Times he noted that the advertisements promised, “You get what you pay for.” Scott retorted, “I saw it free, and I still feel cheated.”

It’s too bad that the film didn’t meet the mark, because its theme addressed an underlying issue that hits home every fall. Three freshman are eager to have school get off to a good start, but they end up being

victimized by bullies. Not knowing which way to turn, they hire a military veteran as bodyguard. The movie reflects the desire of anyone who was ever been bullied. If only there was someone who would be there by

my side, defending me at all times, then I could go about my daily routine without fear. Of course, life is never that simple. Teens need to have each others’ backs. Parents and school personnel need to be aware of the different types of bullying. What exactly is bullying? It involves repeated, unprovoked efforts to dominate, harm or intimidate another person. We usually think of physical aggression, such as hitting or ripping clothing. But the old saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” just isn’t true. Words are powerful and verbal bullying, such as taunting and teasing, can make a person suffer more than a slap in the face. Finally, some bullies rely on social methods, such as relational aggression. By shunning victims, and encouraging others to exclude them as well, these bullies isolate their victims socially. For example, Regina and the “Plastics” in the movie Mean Girls encouraged Cady to shun her close friends Damien and Janis. A key part of bullying is that it occurs over and over in a series of encounters. It would be unusual to reach adulthood without being teased or hit. I’m sure most of us have wished for an invitation to a birthday party that never came! When negative interactions occur now and then, we learn how to de-escalate the situation. But when it feels like a systematic effort is being made to harm us, then a sense of helplessness sets in and there can be long-term consequences. The self-esteem of victims undergoes a significant drop. Most victims become withdrawn, but some actually become aggressive and retaliate. In that case, a victim also becomes a bully. One would think that bullies would be disliked by all their peers. Often, however, they have a group of supporters. In addition, many by-standers are uncomfortable, but don’t speak up. Are bullies happy? No! Usually bullies become that way because of their own problems. They might not have been taught how to deal with aggression in a way that is socially appropriate. It takes effort to control emotional outbursts and hostility. Sometimes bullies are repeat-

Where can you find help? – The Diocese of Lansing is participating in a virtue-based restorative discipline program developed at the Archdiocese of St. Louis. This is a way to focus on positive virtues rather than the negativity of bullying – parents are expected to be active in the program, and the emphasis is on deciding what virtues to work on building up. For more information, visit www.virtuebase.com/discipline.html

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

By Doug Culp

ing behaviors that they have observed at home. Punishment might be harsh in a bully’s home. For example, if a teen broke a window playing softball, then a logical consequence might be, “You have to earn the money to buy a new window.” A punitive form of discipline might be to strike the offender with a belt as a reminder not to play ball by a window. Other families might not use physical punishment, but might use relational aggression, such as teasing or taunting at home. There are other reasons why a person becomes a bully, but none of them are healthy, positive explanations. The victims are miserable, the bullies aren’t healthy, and the by-standers are distressed! This is definitely a situation that needs to change. Our faith calls us to improve these relationships. In the Catechism of the Catholic Church we read about the spiritual works of mercy. These might sound like something that you do when you go help out at a food bank or volunteer time at a parish event. But the works of mercy are meant to become integrated into our daily routines, too. “The works of mercy are charitable actions by which we come to the aid of our neighbor in his spiritual and bodily necessities. (242 Cf. Isa 58:6 7; Heb 13:3) Instructing, advising, consoling, comforting are spiritual works of mercy, as are forgiving and bearing wrongs patiently.” (CCC #2447)

What can I do to make a difference? • Work to change the culture at your school. Make sure that adults know what is going on. It is their job to protect teens from bullying. If you know that someone is being attacked, taunted, having lunch money taking away or anything that makes you worry, then inform an adult. You will be helping change the atmosphere of the whole school. Don’t laugh when someone is victimized or do anything to encourage a bully. • If there are places that aren’t safe, then let your parents and school officials know that supervision is needed in those areas. It is important that adults know that taunting is taking place in restrooms, for example. • Be on the lookout for anyone who seems lonely; try to befriend him or her. It is more difficult for a bully to target a person in a group. Can you and your friends make room at lunch? Is there a seat by your group on the bus? Some shy individuals want to be included, but have a difficult time with social interactions. Try initiating the interaction. • If you are a victim, then let your parents and teachers know. Explain that you want to stay in the same classes. Have your parents suggest that the bully be moved away from you rather than the other way around. Retaliating is not an effective strategy. If your school has a counselor, then he or she can help you with strategies on learning to defuse situations and developing stronger relationships with healthy peers! • It is painful to be a bully, too. If you want to talk about it, then give this column to an adult you trust and say that you want to talk to a counselor!

What is your perspective on bullying? Adults need to change their perspectives about bullying and its consequences. Even the president has experienced this. President Obama shared memories of bullying from his own childhood, saying, “As adults, we all remember what it was like to see kids picked on in the hallways or in the schoolyard. And I have to say, with big ears and the name that I have, I wasn’t immune. I didn’t emerge unscathed. But because it’s something that happens a lot, and it’s something that’s always been around, sometimes we’ve turned a blind eye to the problem. We’ve said, ‘Kids will be kids.’ And so sometimes we overlook the real damage that bullying can do, especially when young people face harassment day after day, week after week.” (The White House Blog, 3/10/11) President Obama noted that modern technology has given bullies the opportunity to reach their victims beyond school itself. First Lady Michelle Obama emphasized that parents need to be supported by other adults: “We all need to play a role – as teachers, coaches,

as faith leaders, elected officials, and anyone who’s involved in our children’s lives. And that doesn’t just mean working to change our kids’ behavior and recognize and reward kids who are already doing the right thing. It means thinking about our own behavior as adults.” (The White House Blog, 3/10/11) The American Psychological Association produced a pamphlet, How Parents, Teachers and Kids Can Take Action to Prevent Bullying, giving specific suggestions for parents, school administrators and teachers. In Michigan, Matt’s Safe School Law has been in effect since 2011. The law is named after Matt Epling, who committed suicide after being bullied in 2002. Matt’s father, Kevin Epling, works diligently to create safer environments for children and teens through the prevention of bullying. Societal changes are needed and there are signs that adults are recognizing these needs. In February 2013, the Jackson County Intermediate School District arranged to show the movie “Bully” to thousands of students. Epling, speaking at one of the showings, encouraged students to ask their own parents about childhood experiences of bullying. Take the time today to reflect on what role you can play in preventing bullying.

Numbers About 56 percent of students have witnessed bullying. 15 percent of students who don’t show up for school report the reason as fear of bullying. About one out of every 10 students drops out or changes schools because of bullying. One out of every 20 students has seen a student with a gun at school. 90 percent of students report being the victim of some form of bullying between the fourth and eighth grades. Among students of all ages, homicide perpetrators were found to be twice as likely as homicide victims to have been bullied previously by their peers. More than half of adolescents and teens have been bullied online. More than half of young people do not tell their parents when cyberbullying occurs.

yourcommun community

things to do: May 3-4, 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Craftsman to Craftsman Tool Sale at Holy Redeemer Church, 1227 E. Bristol Road in Burton. Items include hand tools, lawn and sport equipment and more. For information, contact Marv Birchmeir at 810.348.6080. May 4, 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Christ the King’s Council of Catholic Women, 1811 Seymour Ave. in Flint, will have a Hat Show. For information, call 810.233.0402. The Livingston County Community Alliance is holding its 10th annual Run Against Drugs May 4, 10 a.m., in Howell. Funds generated from LCCA’s run provide support to adolescent drug awareness and prevention activities. Early registration is $25 before April 15. For information and to register, visit www.lccarun2013.wix.com/runagainst-drugs or call Kaitlin Fink at 517.545.5944. Lansing Catholic Singles invite all singles 30s-60s to their upcoming events: May 4, 7: 30 p.m., Contra Dance at Central United Methodist Church, downtown Lansing. Ticket $10 at the door. May 17, 5 p.m.-7 p.m., Happy Hour at Sir Pizza Grand Cafe in Lansing’s Old Town. June 29, noon-5 p.m., third annual Statewide Singles Picnic in Burchfield Park’s North Bluff picnic shelter in Holt. Bring a dish to pass and your own beverage. Cost $7 plus park entrance fee. For information, email lansingcatholicsingles@live.com or call 517.321.7886. New members always welcome. May 5, 4 p.m., the annual Flint Urban Ministry Interfaith Gospel Choir concert will be hosted by Christ the King Parish, 1811 Seymour Ave. For infor-

Catholic charities Livingston County Catholic Charities, www.livingstoncatholiccharities.org or 517.545.5944 – May 3, 6:30 p.m.-9:30 p.m. and May 4, 9:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m., a WE C.A.R.E. marriage preparation class will be held at St. Patrick Parish, Brighton. Cost is $75. Catholic Charities of Jackson, Lenawee and Hillsdale counties, 517.782.2551 or www.catholiccharitiesjacksonhlenaweehillsdale.org – May 17, 6 p.m.-9 p.m. and May 18, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., a WE C.A.R.E. marriage preparation class will be held at Queen of the Miraculous Medal Parish, Jackson.

mation, call 810.233.0402. All are welcome. May 7, 6 p.m.-7 p.m., Lansing Catholic High School’s 29th annual Father Mac Scholarship Dinner at the Kellogg Center in East Lansing. Matthew Kelly is the keynote speaker; and the 2013 community service recipient is Father John Byers. Ticket $125 per person. For information, contact Colleen Murray at 517.267.2109 or murray@ lansingcatholic.org. May 11, 5:30 p.m.-7 p.m., Steak and Song will be held at St. Thomas Aquinas Parish, East Lansing, in the school gym. Reduced price tickets are available beginning April 22. Contact the parish office at 517.351.7215. May, 11 a.m.-1 p.m., St. Louis Center in Chelsea is hosting a 1-mile walk/run to raise money for its Fitness for Life program.

St. Vincent Catholic Charities, www.stvcc. org or 517.323.4734, ext. 1700 – May 1–June 22, Spring into Giving Donation Drive – STVCC is collecting household items such as pots and pans, towels and twin sheets for those it serves. Please drop off donations at 2800 W. Willow St. in Lansing or contact Kelly Voisinet at voisink@stvcc.org or 517.323.4734 ext. 1203 if your office or business wants to get involved in the collection effort. May 5, Adoption Art Exhibit – What We Really Need – children STVCC serves through foster care will share artwork they created with hopes of finding a forever family at Absolute Gallery in historic Old Town, 307 E. Grand River Avenue. Contact Whitney Banks, WWK adoption recruiter for information at banksw@stvcc.org or 517.323.4734 ext.1635.

To register for the race, visit stlouiscenter.org/St.LouisCenterFitnessForLife1MileWalkR un_000.html. May 16-19, St. Peter Catholic Church, 515 E. Knight St., Eaton Rapids, will have its annual parish festival and carnival beginning with the Mi Casa Fiesta Thursday night and ending with the melodic sounds of Steve Berkemeier on Sunday. For a full schedule of events, please visit www.catholicstpeter.com or email office@catholicstpeter.com. May 17, Family Trivia Night at Holy Family Parish, 11824 S. Saginaw St. in Grand Blanc. For information or to reserve a table, email Carrie Pilarski at cpilarski@ holyfamilygrandblanc.org May 18, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., the Guild of Gardeners from St. Joseph Parish in Dexter is holding its perennial plant sale at

the church, located at the SW corner of Mast and North Territorial Roads. It will have a variety of Michigan plants for sale at reasonable prices. For information, call 734.255.3605. May 18, 9:30 a.m.-4:45 p.m., conference by “Good Girl Comeback” founder Chelsea Gheesling speaking on topics of dating, virtue, self-respect and more for high school/college girls at St. Robert Bellarmine Parish, 310 N. Cherry St. in Flushing. Cost is $80, includes lunch, snacks, beverages and materials. To register, visit goodgirlcomeback.com/event-registration. For information, call 810.639.7600. May 18, 6:30 p.m., St. Joseph Shrine in Brooklyn will have Couples in Christ, a marriage support and enrichment group, in the family center. For information, contact Diane Dover at ddover@ frontiernet.net.

Diocesan VIRTUS facilitator training for Protecting God’s Children: Aug. 5-6, 9 a.m-4 p.m., VIRTUS facilitator training will take place at St. Francis Retreat Center in DeWitt. Parishes, schools and agencies are encouraged to have a certified VIRTUS facilitator on site to lead Protecting God’s Children for Adults awareness sessions. The Diocese covers the cost of the training, including overnight stay at the retreat center and the facilitator’s manual. Contact Sally Ellis, 517.342.2551 or sellis@dioceseoflansing.org, for an application form. Diocesan Protecting God’s Children for Adults training: May 22, 6:30 p.m., Holy Family, 11824 S. Saginaw, Grand Blanc; June 9, 1 p.m., St. Andrew Dung-Lac, 5430 S. Washington Ave., Lansing; Aug. 6, 1 p.m., St. Francis Retreat Center, 703 E. Main St., DeWitt; Oct. 16, 6:30 p.m., Holy Family, 11824 S. Saginaw, Grand Blanc; To register for a training session, visit www.virtusonline.org.

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

nity

local news

St. Robert students raise more than $700 for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital

May Café events Wednesdays, May 1, 8, 15 and 22, 7 p.m.-8:30 p.m., a Scriptural Update Seminar led by Bob Marek will be held at St. Thomas Aquinas Church, East Lansing, in the Baraga Room. All are welcome to attend. For information, contact Al Weilbaecher at 517.351.5460 or al@elcatholics.org. May 2, Sacred Heart, Hudson, will have a Senior Day of Reflection: 10 a.m., workshop; 11 a.m., liturgy; noon luncheon and 1 p.m., workshop. Guest speaker will be Father Joseph Krupp. For information, contact Catholic Charities at 517.263.2191. May 31, 5:30 p.m., St. Francis of Assisi Catholic School will have an ice cream social and car raffle – drawing at 8 p.m. rain or shine – at 2270 E. Stadium Blvd., Ann Arbor. For information, call 734.821.2200 or email school@stfrancisaa.org. June 7-8, Sacred Heart Church, Hudson will have a Spring N2 Summer Festival – Friday, Swiss steak dinner, Saturday, barbecue chicken dinner; both nights – Vegas room, live music, raffles, kid’s games and more. For information, contact the parish at 517.448.3811 or 517.448.6405. June 12-13, 9:30 a.m.- 6 p.m. and June 14, 9 a.m.-11:30 a.m., St. Francis of Assisi Parish, Ann Arbor’s annual rummage sale in the school gym, 2250 E.

At St. Robert’s sixth annual Mock Rock in February, students showcased their talent and raised money for charity. Mock Rock is put on by the student council and mentored by teach-

ers. Acts were judged by their performance, ability to lip synch and how well they engaged the audience. The event raised more than $700 for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, whose mission is to advance cures and means of prevention for pediatric catastrophic diseases through research and treatment. The student council chose St. Jude as a way to show their faith through action and helping others. They also collected money for “Bracelets for Ben,” a nonprofit charity for families affected by spinal muscular atrophy and funding research for a cure. For more information, visit www.team-ben.org.

Bishop Boyea announces the following pastoral appointments effective June 26, 2013: •R ev. David Rosenberg from parochial vicar of St. Andrew, Saline to pastor of St. Mary, Charlotte and St. Ann Oratory, Bellevue. •R ev. Mathias Thelen from parochial vicar of Queen of the Miraculous Medal , Jackson and Our Lady of Fatima, Michigan Center to administrator of St. Mary, Westphalia. •R ev. Pieter Van Rooyen from parochial vicar of St. Gerard, Lansing to administrator of Catholic Community of St. Jude, DeWitt.

Bishop Boyea’s May 2013 confirmation schedule: • May 1, 7 p.m., St. Patrick, Ann Arbor (Holy Spirit, Brighton) • May 2, 7 p.m., Holy Redeemer, Burton (St. Pius X, Holy Rosary, St. Matthew, Flint, St. Mary, Mt. Morris and St. Thomas More Academy) • May 5, 2:30 p.m., St. Mary Cathedral (Cristo Rey, Lansing, St. Mary, Charlotte and St. John, Ypsilanti) • May 6, 7 p.m., St. Joseph, Gaines (St. Augustine, Howell) Stadium. For more information, call 734.769.2550 or www. stfrancisa2.com. Find out how to change your prayer life and enter into a deeper and closer relationship with Christ. Unbound: Freedom in Christ conference will be held at the Church of the Resurrection, 1531 E. Michigan Ave., Lansing, the evening of July 12 through July 13. Neal Lozano, the author of the book Unbound, and his wife Janet will be presenting at the confer-

•R ev. Paul Erickson, after priestly ordination, to parochial vicar of St. Gerard, Lansing. •R ev. John Whitlock, after priestly ordination, to parochial vicar at Queen of the Miraculous Medal, Jackson and Our Lady of Fatima, Michigan Center. •M sgr. Bernard Reilly relieved from serving as administrator of St. Therese of Lisieux Parish, Lansing. •R ev. John Fain from parochial vicar of St. Mary Cathedral and St. Therese of Lisieux, Lansing to administrator of St. Therese of Lisieux. • May 7, 7 p.m., St. John Vianney, Flint • May 8, 7 p.m., St. Dominic Chapel, Siena Heights (St. Mary of Good Counsel and St. Joseph, Adrian, Light of Christ, Deerfield, St. Joseph Shrine, Brooklyn and St. Elizabeth, Tecumseh) • May 9, 7 p.m., Christ the King, Ann Arbor • May 19, 2:30 p.m., St. Mary Cathedral (St. Mary, Manchester, St. Mary, Morrice and St. Mary, Swartz Creek) • May 20, 7 p.m., St. Patrick, Brighton • May 21, 7 p.m., Holy Family, Grand Blanc • May 30, 7 p.m., St. Peter, Eaton Rapids

ence. For more information, call the parish office a 517.482.4749 or email Ann Berger at liv4him2011@hotmail.com. June 2, Corpus Christi Sunday, Father Mark Rutherford will process with the Blessed Sacrament from the Church of the Resurrection to Lansing Catholic High School and then to the WomanCare abortion clinic, 1601 E. Grand River Ave. To participate, gather between 12:45 p.m.-1 p.m. in the school

parking lot, 501 Marshall St. For information, email fettig@msu. edu or call 517.285.9926. Aug. 13-15, Summer Scripture Days at St. Francis Retreat Center in DeWitt, will study the First Evangelization. Join us as Kevin Perrotta opens our eyes and hearts to grasp the love of Christ in our everyday lives. Register prior to Aug. 2. Brochures are available in your church vestibule or contact Diane at 517.342.2465 or darzberger@dioceseoflansing.org

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local news St. Paul School has unusual fundraiser The Blessed Mother rode on a donkey into Bethlehem, Jesus rode on a donkey into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday and, on Feb. 1, St. Paul School in Owosso rode on donkeys to play basketball. The event was held to raise money for iPads for the school. It was the first time in more than 45 years that donkey basketball was played there. Approximately 400 spectators had a great time watching the event, which raised $1,500; even though sore muscles were felt the next day, those attending enjoyed themselves.

Clinton County farmer wins $5,000 for area nonprofits Jane Sisung of St. Johns was selected as a winner in America’s Farmers Grow Communities, sponsored by the Monsanto Fund. Grow Communities offers farmers the opportunity to win a $2,500 donation for their favorite local nonprofit organizations. To further support counties that have been declared disaster areas due to drought, winning farmers in these counties were able to double the donation – a total of $5,000. Clinton County was declared a disaster area, giving Jane Sisung the opportunity for two $2,500 donations. Sisung selected Most Holy Trinity School in Fowler and Clinton County 4H. This program is part of the Monsanto Fund’s overall effort to support rural America. For a complete list of Grow Communities winners and program information, visit growcommunities.com.

Daddy Daughter Dance The pre-K to sixth-grade students from Sacred Heart in Hudson hugged their friends as they entered the balloon-decorated room for the “Evening in Paris” dance. The beautifully dressed daughters danced with their dads for the slow dances at the 18th annual Daddy Daughter Dance. The Sacred Heart Parent Group sponsors the dance each year. Co-chairwomen Dianna Marry and Jen Brezvai arranged for a photographer to take photos of the daughters and their dads. Each family received a 5 x 7 photo.

Bishop Boyea celebrates Guanellian anniversary with Servants of Charity Feb. 24 at St. Mary Church in Chelsea, Bishop Earl Boyea, Father William Turner, pastor, and priests from St. Louis Center concelebrated at 10 a.m. Mass in celebration of the 100th anniversary of St. Louis Guanella’s visit to the United States. Of the 400 attending the Mass, there were 40 St. Louis residents and staff members and many families from the St. Louis Guanella Council of the Knights of Columbus. At the end of Mass, Father Joseph Rinaldo, administrator of St. Louis Center, presented Bishop Boyea with a gift of a relic of St. Louis Guanella in a new reliquary. The relic is a bone fragment of St. Guanella, which, according to Catholic teaching, is worthy of veneration by the faithful.

FAITH Magazine / May 2013 / www.FAITHmag.com

Quinn Heiser wins Huron Valley Catholic School National Geographic Bee Quinn Heiser, a sixth-grade student at Huron Valley Catholic School, won the school-level competition of the National Geographic Bee on Jan. 15 and a chance at a $25,000 college scholarship. The school-level Bee, at which students answered oral questions on geography, was the first round in the 25th annual National Geographic Bee. This year’s Bee is sponsored by Google (visit www.google.com/educators/geo). The National Geographic Society will provide an all-expense-paid trip to Washington, D.C., for the state champions and teacherescorts to participate in the Bee’s national championship rounds May 20-22, 2013. The first-place national winner will receive a $25,000 college scholarship, a lifetime membership in the Society and a trip to the Galàpagos Islands, courtesy of Lindblad Expeditions and National Geographic (visit www.expeditions.com).

How can I evangelize?

ow can I evangelize? Well, there are many answers but the model that occurs to me is found in the fourth chapter of St. John’s gospel. There, we find Jesus evangelizing the woman at the well. His method was gentle. Gently, he asked the Samaritan woman questions that engaged her curiosity and caused her, in turn, to ask him some questions. He didn’t embarrass her, or condemn her, or otherwise put her down. Take a look at John 4:1-42. To me, all Catholic evangelism begins with some fundamental “first questions” – questions about ourselves and what we are doing with our lives, questions about God and how we ought to relate to him. When people see how we live and notice how we treat people and conduct ourselves in our lives, particularly in adversity, they frequently ask us why. This gives us the opportunity to ask them questions in return. When that happens, we can ask them: “What kind of a God is God, if there is a God, and what does he expect of us, if anything?” The next question we can ask them is:

“If in his love he created us, would God be inaccessible and aloof, or would he somehow attempt to reach us? This would lead to a third round of questions: “How does God reach us? How does he offer himself to us? Where can we encounter his presence?” As in all things, asking the right questions is critical in terms of the conclusions that we eventually draw out from

last word those questions. In most cases, people have an awareness that we are destined to live a life after our life here on earth is over. Every culture, Christian or otherwise, deals with “what is the meaning of human life” and the life-after-death question. Engaging conversations with good questions offer us many opportunities to be active in the New Evangelization and be effective Catholic evangelizers. With our new Holy Father, Pope Francis, we have a wonderful opportunity to share with others our thoughts about what God expects of us. With his actions and example, Pope Francis is giving us some clear and unambiguous answers. God is, he is telling us, infinitely compassionate, forgiving and loving. This is good news to everyone of good will, especially so in the world in which we now find ourselves.

Father Charles Irvin is the founding editor of FAITH Magazine and is retired.

Renewal Ministry – parish mission

March 17-20 Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church hosted a parish mission conducted by three Renewal Ministry speakers. They were Dr. Ralph Martin, Sister Ann Shields and Peter Herbeck, all of whom are well known in Catholic media. Their mission was to awaken in the faithful the grace of baptism so people may more confidently and courageously live their Catholic faith.

Ralph Martin

Sister Ann Shields

D. Quillan

The enormous CH53E Super Stallion helicopter lifted off the flight deck in front of Deacon John Amthor, St. Joseph Shrine, Brooklyn. Piloting the aircraft was his son, Captain Justin Amthor. Filming the trip was another son, Aaron. John proudly listened from the control tower of the USS Boxer – an amphibious assault carrier. Aaron and John were among the guests of the U.S. Navy on a “Tiger Cruise.” They boarded the Boxer in Pearl Harbor and sailed to its home port in San Diego. Bishop Boyea had provided his “Letter of Testimonial of Suitability” to the Archdiocese of the Military Services. Deacon John Amthor said, “I found Christ amid a Navy warship.” He told of the unselfish sacrifice of the Marines and sailors aboard the Boxer defending freedom and their humble service to make the world a better place to live, regarding others as more important than themselves, was a shining example of what it means to be a servant leader, what it means to be Christ to others. – Jan Hoffbauer

D. Quillan

Finding Christ aboard a Navy warship

Peter Herbeck

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