September 2013

parenting journey

Argument or agreement?

Teens and household chores spiritual fitness

Christ’s real presence in the Eucharist my story

J enny’s daughter was killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting How is her family moving from horror to healing

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contents 6 yourlife The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing

Most Reverend Earl Boyea PUBLISHER

Rev. Dwight Ezop

EDITOR AND CHAIRMAN

Sept. 2013 • Volume 14: Issue 7

Patrick M. O’Brien

PRESIDENT/CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER

Elizabeth Martin Solsburg

DIRECTOR OF CUSTOM PUBLISHING/ EDITORIAL DIRECTOR

Cynthia Vandecar

MARKETING MANAGER

Patrick Dally

ART DIRECTOR

Michelle Hildebrandt WEBMASTER

Jillane Job

EDITORIAL ASSISTANT

InnerWorkings

PRINT MANAGEMENT

Jim Berlucchi | Michelle Sessions DiFranco | Kevin Duffy | Doug Culp | Dcn. Tom and JoAnne Fogle | Bob Horning |Rev. Charles Irvin | Paul Jarzembowski | Rev. Joseph Krupp | Dr. Gelasia Marquez | Dr. Cathleen McGreal | Nancy Schertzing | Sister Ann Shields CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Derek Melot

PROOFREADING

Carlson Productions | Tom Gennara (cover) | James Luning | Philip Shippert | Don Quillan CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS

Bob Patten | Chris Sushynski CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS

FAITHTM (USPS 019993) is a publication of FAITH Catholic, Diocese of Lansing, 1500 E. Saginaw St., Lansing, MI 48906-5550. FAITHTM is a membership publication of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing and is published monthly except for February and August. To purchase a subscription, log on to FAITHmag.com. If you have a change of address, please contact your parish. Periodicals postage paid in Lansing, MI and at additional mailing offices.

POSTMASTER: Send address changes to FAITHTM, 1500 E. Saginaw St., Lansing MI 48906-5550. ©2013 FAITH Catholic.

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For advertising information: Call 517.853.7600

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FAITH interview – AJ Michalkin, star of Grace Unplugged

6 work life How do I handle an employee who stole from the company?

8 parenting journey Argument or agreement?

Teens and household chores 8 conflict resolution I have my own life now How can I let my parents know I can’t house-sit like I used to?

9 marriage matters She says: “He has unrealistic expectations of our children.” He says: “I don’t want our kids to turn out unproductive.” What do they do?

12 yourfaith 12 in the know with Father Joe What if we don’t have a Catholic funeral – do we still go to heaven?

14 spiritual fitness Christ’s real presence in the Eucharist 16 theology 101 The celebration of the Christian mystery: Sacraments of Initiation

20 yourstories 20 cover story Marriage matters – an interview with FAITH’s marriage experts, Tom and JoAnne Fogle 24 my story Jenny’s daughter was killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting – How is her family moving from horror to healing

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Liturgical Calendar: St. Gregory the Great, pope and doctor of the Church Sept. 3 | Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary Sept. 8 | Most Holy Name of Mary Sept. 12

3

What I’ve seen in happy marriages

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y brother and sister-in-law were married in 2006. Since that time, they have welcomed two wonderful children, my niece and nephew. Their family life is pretty much what one might expect for a couple with two young kids. There is school for both children with a variety of extracurricular activities. Their mom and dad both have demanding careers and are doing what I consider to be a good job of balancing the kids’ needs with the variety of other responsibilities that are part of family life. The miles are quickly adding onto their minivan’s odometer. From my perspective, they seem like a “normal” family.

T. Gennara

Father Dwight Ezop is editor of FAITH Magazine and pastor of the Catholic Community of St. Jude. E-mail: editor@ FAITHmag.com.

One thing I have noticed over the last several years is that every few months, my brother and sister-in-law make arrangements for the kids to spend a couple of days with their grandparents. This is to the delight of both grandchildren and grandparents. With the children safely cared for, my brother and sister-in-law go away for a few days of time alone. Sometimes they head up north, other times they stay near home. The point is they make time just for themselves as a couple. They have realized that while they have daunting responsibili-

saint of the month

Mimic the mustard seed St. Kieran

Feast Day: Sept. 9

4

from the editor ties as parents, they also have the awesome responsibility of being husband and wife – and encouraging the growth of their marriage requires time and effort apart from their children. I hope and pray this pattern continues as my niece and nephew grow up.

It breaks my heart when I have to visit a husband or wife who has just learned his or her spouse wants a divorce, sometimes after 20 or 25 years of marriage. My experience tells me that this is an increasingly common experience for too many couples. They pour huge amounts of time, effort and energy into raising their children.

Then, one day, after the youngest child is off to college or has moved out of the house, they wake up, look at one another and wonder to whom they are married.

Our culture puts a great deal of emphasis on time spent by parents raising their children. Too often, it seems to me, parents pour so much energy and time into their children and their careers that they can too easily forget to purposefully take time for one another as spouses.

Don’t get me wrong – parents have a responsibility to care for

St. Kieran (or Ciaran), unlike most of the Irish saints, was not of noble birth. Born in 512 or 516 in Connacht, Ireland, he was the son of a carpenter and chariot builder. As a boy, he worked as a cattle herder while being tutored by one Deacon Justus.

Despite his humble beginnings, his holiness at an early age was in clear relief.

And once he arrived at Clonard, he

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

their children and to help them grow to become the people God calls them to become. I also firmly believe every married couple has the equally important responsibility to purposefully nurture and nourish their marriage throughout its lifespan – from the time of engagement until a ripe old age. Our parish communities can be places that support and foster this growth.

It turns out I’m not alone in this way of thinking. The bishops of the United States penned a very challenging document about marriage in 1988 titled Faithful to Each Other Forever.

In that document, the bishops outline a lifelong process of spiritual formation for marriage, marriage preparation, and follow-up care for married couples of all ages. The pastoral challenge of assisting couples to continue to grow in love for one another after they are married is an opportunity for ministry that is filled with possibility and potential. It also can be as simple as making sure each couple regularly takes the time to have a date night, helping one another to continue to grow in the depth and breadth of the married love they share. And so, our journey in FAITH continues.

quickly gained a reputation for being its most learned monk. St. Columba described him as “a lamp, blazing with the light of wisdom.”

After completing his studies at Clonard, he moved to the monastery of Inishmore directed

by St. Enda. There, both he and St. Enda had the same vision of a great and fruitful tree growing in central Ireland. The tree sheltered the entire

St. John Chrysostom, bishop and doctor of the Church Sept. 13 | Feast of the Exaltat

75th CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF LANSING

Anniversar y

of

the

Diocese

of

Lansing

The Diocese of Lansing celebrates its 75th anniversary this year. Throughout the year, we’ll be presenting pieces of our history, thanks to our diocesan historian, Msgr. George Michalek.

The Diocese of Lansing and the U.S. Church

island, its fruit crossed the sea surrounding Ireland, and birds carried some of the fruit to the rest of the world. St. Enda interpreted the vision, saying: “The great tree is you, Ciaran, for you are great in the eyes of God and all people. All of Ireland will be sheltered by the grace in you, and many will be nourished by your fasting and prayers. Go with God’s word to the center of Ireland, and found your church on the banks of a stream.”

In 544/545, he laid the foundation stone for the great monastic school of Clonmacnoise in central Ireland.

In time, the monastery drew students from all over Ireland and Europe and became Ireland’s center of study, art, and literature – a status it enjoyed for more than 600 years.

St. Kieran died – probably of a plague – on Sept. 9 in either 544 or 546, depending on the source you consult.

Regardless of the year, all accounts agree that his death came about nine months after the work on the monastery began. All accounts also agree that he gave the monastery its character – that of a school for the whole nation.

Stegeman

Michalek

Ries

Fogles

T. Gennara

Judith Stegeman is the president of the United States Association of Consecrated Virgins, a voluntary association of American consecrated virgins.

Judith coordinates the activities of the USACV, including editing a quarterly newsletter, overseeing the group’s website, responding to inquiries and working with others to coordinate conferences and writing of materials.

She also serves as a liaison between the USACV and the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. Judith works closely with Bishop Boyea, who is the episcopal moderator of the USACV, and with the other consecrated virgins in the diocese.

Rev. Msgr. George Michalek coordinates the Diocese of Lansing’s archives and is involved in a number of diocesan archives national organizations. Msgr. Michalek has authored seven books. He was named chaplain to His Holiness Pope John Paul II and a prelate of honor by Pope Benedict XVI. Additionally, Msgr. Michalek serves as judicial vicar of the Lansing Tribunal. He has served in several administration and parochial vicar roles at parishes through the diocese. He is a charter member of the Association of Catholic Diocesan Archivists, as well as past president, and has served on its Board of Trustees several times. He is also a member of the the historical societies of Greater Lansing, Michigan, Perry and the American Catholic Historical Society.

Msgr. Michalek holds a bachelor’s degree from Michigan State University and master’s degrees in divinity, religious studies and law from the University of Detroit, St. John Provincial Seminary in Plymouth and the

T. Gennara

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embers of the Diocese of Lansing have made significant contributions to the Church in the United States. Meet some of them here.

University of St. Thomas in the City in Rome, respectively.

Pete Ries, is the RCIA director at St. Thomas Aquinas Parish and St. John Church and Student Center, both in East Lansing. Formerly, Pete directed the Office of Religious Education and Adult Faith Formation for the Diocese of Lansing; later, he was the director of the Office of Evangelization, RCIA and Adult Faith Formation. Pete is a member of the Board of Directors for the National Conference for Catechetical Leadership, where he helps develop vision and direction.

Deacon Tom Fogle and his wife, Jo, live in Charlotte, Mich. They are authors of the FAITH column Marriage Matters. Read a profile of the Fogles as this month’s cover story.

Nationally, Tom is president-elect of the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers (NACFLM).

tion of the Holy Cross Sept. 14 | Our Lady of Sorrows Sept. 15 | St. Robert Bellarmine, bishop and doctor of the Church Sept. 17 | St. Januarius, bishop and martyr Sept. 19

5

yourlife melaniereyesphotography

Jim Berlucchi is the executive director of the Spitzer Center, whose mission is to build cultures of evangelization (www.spitzercenter.org). undermines her already defective conscience. As painful as disclosure might be, it will help her to be truer and wiser in the future.

• You. Be true to yourself.

Justice is an internal virtue that consists in the firm and constant will to give God and neighbor their due.

(CCC 1836) And courage is a virtue that ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy in the pursuit of the good.

(CCC 1837)

How do I handle an employee who stole from the company?

Q

a

One of the employees I manage stole some office supplies from the company.

I talked to her about it, and she returned them. I don’t want to get her fired, but am I obligated to fill out an official report?

You handled the first step well. But your question reveals three points of confusion.

First, you acknowledge that she returned the supplies. What else would she do? Offer to split the loot with you? Be not confused about her character. She stole and it’s probably not the first time.

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Is this the kind of person you can trust and count on to be a credit to your company?

Second, you don’t want to get her fired. That’s commendable. But don’t let your sympathy muddle reality. How can you get her fired? Only her actions can get her fired.

That’s reality. Let sympathy take a back seat to objectivity.

Third, you wonder about

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

your obligation to fill out an official report. It’s deeper than that. Your obligation is to justice – to three parties in this order: • Your employer. If you owned the company (and the supplies) you could handle it as you like. But you don’t, so you can’t. To fail to report the theft to the owner actually increases the deception and further violates the rights of the offended party.

• Your subordinate. Would shielding her from facing the music be a service to her? Protecting her from the consequences of her stealing

Because you’re a kind person, you might want to give her the option to self report and apologize for her theft.

It could increase her chances of keeping her job, and will be good for her soul. If you think this tactic comports with company protocols, require and confirm that she discloses quickly and accurately – telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

So be brave and do the right thing. In the end, all three parties will be well served. You have the enviable opportunity to, in a small way, advance righteousness in your workplace and nudge another soul closer to God. This is precisely the stuff by which Catholic laymen and women fulfill their apostolate in the world.

St. Andrew Kim Taegon, priest and martyr and St. Paul Chong Hasang, and their companions, martyrs Sept. 20

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parenting journey

Argument or agreement?

Teens and household chores

Q

a

I am returning to the work force. I have two teens – ages 15 and 13. What is reasonable to expect them to do around the house in order to help me? simpler ones to others: “That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you.” (Exodus 18:22) Moses followed this advice. Sharing responsibility is a wise idea in a family system, too.

Make a list of household tasks.

What are the key chores that need to be done each week? What activities need to be done now and then, such as cleaning out the refrigerator? Once you have the list, sit down as a family and have each family member choose an hour’s worth of chores. Decide on a time each week to complete household chores together. For our family, “Whole-HouseCleanup” worked best on T. Gennara

As I read your question, I noticed an interesting perspective – you wanted your teens to help you. By rephrasing the question, we get a stronger sense of the team work involved in any family. What if you were to consider: What is reasonable to expect teens to do around the house to keep it running smoothly? It reminds me of the interaction between Moses and his father-in-law, Jethro. Moses was trying to do everything by himself. When Jethro saw that Moses was trying to help others from morning until night, he told him, “What you are doing is not good.

The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.” (Exodus 18:17, 19) Jethro suggested that Moses keep difficult cases for himself and give responsibility for the

Dr. Cathleen McGreal is a psychology professor and certified spiritual director.

Saturday morning due to sports during the week. Remember that the family won’t be cleaning your way. Be supportive and not critical of their efforts.

Plan meals and cooking schedules.

A significant area of change will be in meal preparation, since you will be arriving home as hungry as everyone else. As a family, plan a dinner menu for the week and post it on the refrigerator. One or two slow-cooker meals prepared in the morning will make a big difference at the end of a long day. Perhaps each teen could prepare a meal once a week; in that case, let the cook choose the menu for that night.

Work-family balance can be challenging. But remember what John Heywood wrote in the 1500s: “Many hands make light work.”

I have my own life now

How can I let my parents know I can’t house-sit like I used to?

The best method is to have a direct family conversation where together you can find solutions. Hopefully both par-

8

ties can understand the other’s point of view. 1 Timothy 5:8 reminds families that keeping the faith means we “provide for

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

... especially family members.”

One option may be a post office box. They can fill out a change of address for the time they are gone. You could check their mail at your convenience.

As expected, this clear and direct conversation has to take place with enough time in advance so that your parents have enough time to plan.

S. Kendrick

Every time my parents go away on vacation they expect me to pick up their mail and look after their dog. This wasn’t a big deal when I was fresh out of college, but now I’d like to spend time in my own house.

conflict resolution

Dr. Gelasia Marquez is a psychologist and family counselor.

Feast of St. Matthew, apostle and evangelist Sept. 21 | Ss. Cosmas and Damian, martyrs Sept. 26

She

says:

He

“He has unrealistic expectations of our children.”

“I don’t want our kids to turn out unproductive.”

Sally says: Mark is a great husband, but he has unrealistic expectations of our children – doing chores almost all day on Saturdays, silence when any adults are speaking, quiet dinner conversations. I’m afraid he’s going to ruin his relationships with them, and it’s affecting ours since we argue about child-rearing so much.

U

says:

Mark says: I grew up in a family where children were seen and not heard. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing.

Kids today are too much the center of attention and I don’t want ours to turn out to be entitled and unproductive.

What

do they do?

nrealistic expectations may be a little strong. Couples who avail themselves of a marriage preparation program often have the opportunity to explore this topic before facing it in marriage. When we select a spouse to spend the rest of lives with, most often it is not someone who is a carbon copy of ourselves, but one who is “complementary” to us. That means your spouse is not going to be on the same wavelength or have the identical views as you. This is good news because it makes our life interesting, and it is bad news because they think different and may not always agree and/or change.

We are reminded of two appropriate passages from Scripture: “Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it,” (Proverbs 22:6); and “Discipline your children, and they will bring you comfort, and give delight to your soul.”(Proverbs 29:17)

our formative years and are carried with us our whole lives. Unraveling those behaviors allows us to move forward in creating a new family unit that is unique to the spouses alone.

Once the motives and behaviors are better understood, Mark and Sally should discuss their feelings concerning their respective positions. Instead of focusing on their own position, Sally and Mark also

should discuss the impact their constant arguing is having on their children. Mark and Sally’s arguing over issues, particularly when the issue places their children at the center, will have a greater impact on each child than the issue itself. Children are more astute to the differences between their parents, especially when it comes to discipline, than most of us give them credit. Therefore, it is important for Mark and Sally to have their strong disagreements in private and away from their children. If they have minor disagreements in front of their children, they should not be hateful about it and make sure the children see them at peace with each other.

When spouses are respectful toward each other during conflicts, especially conflicts concerning their children, it will serve to enhance their own relationship and teach their children about healthy conflicts.

T. Gennara

On the other hand, another Scripture passage reads, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they may not become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21) The truth and appropriate actions for Sally and Mark lie somewhere in the middle. This situation has little to do with the children. It might do Mark and Sally well to share with each other their family background and how they were raised in their parents’ home. Often, we pattern our values and philosophies after the environment in which we ourselves were exposed. Good portions of our values and behaviors are developed in

your marriage matters

Deacon Tom Fogle and JoAnne Fogle help prepare couples for marriage.

Pass along FAITH Magazine to a friend. Visit www.FAITHpub.com to purchase a gift subscription

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culture

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Something to offer FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

St. Vincent de Paul, priest Sept. 27 | St. Wenceslaus, martyr Sept. 28 | Feast of Ss. Michael, Gabriel and

d Raphael, the archangels Sept. 29

J

esus loves the poor. Scripture doesn’t just mention that fact; it repeats it over and over in myriad ways. “When you did it to one of the least of my brethren here, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40) “It is easier for a camel to pass through a needle’s eye, than for a man to enter the kingdom of God when he is rich.” (Mark 10:25) “This poor widow has put in more than all those others who have put offerings into the treasury.” (Mark 12:43) etc. Jesus connected with and spent most of his time with the poor.

T. Gennara

Read more culture at:

Every generation throughout history can also testify that the poor in our midst suffer.

They scrape to get by. Their dignity often is compromised and their lives are much less comfortable. And so it is no surprise that our Lord would want to be with them to help them, and love them, and give to them.

But was it always a one-way street? Did Jesus do all the giving, or did he, in wonderful ways, gain from being with them? After all, they are to him, as Scripture also tells us, “the salt of the Earth,” giving flavor and value to our world. So what do the poor, who have nothing, give to us? I believe Jesus would say they give to our world all the many wonderful things that could not be provided by those who have more.

For example, the poor, when they share, demonstrate greater generosity for they have so much less and sacrifice so much more. The poor show us true humility for they so often have nothing left to lose. Cast on their knees and begging for mercy, the poor are often forced to frequently and fervently call upon their Lord. The wealthy can forget their need for Christ while satiated by the comforts of their fortunes.

It often strikes me how many things we enjoy in our lives that are not the contributions of wealthy people in our past, but are the inherited activities, products and culture that were born of necessity where poorer groups of people had to make much of the little they had. As a person who appreciates world cuisine, I find that pattern repeated often in the culinary arts. So many of my favorite recipes find their origins as “peasant food” – dishes made great by those who had to be creative with the scant and simple

Michelle DiFranco is a designer and the busy mom of two children.

ingredients available to them.

I share one such recipe with you here, and I hope you will enjoy it. But, as you prepare and partake, perhaps we might imagine our Lord enjoying simple but lovingly prepared food, made and shared by those who, with less, gave more. Maybe in the dark and lonely alleys where sophisticated comforts were scarce and life gave no joy to the people, our Lord found the people who gave joy to life.

Toasted flour soup Originally from the humble regions of northern Italy, this warming soup is perfect for the colder months that lie ahead. With only a few ingredients, it is so simple and inexpensive to make, yet rich and full of flavor.

• 1 thin loaf of Italian bread • 6 tablespoons flour • 3 tablespoons butter plus more (melted) for croutons • 1 large onion, finely chopped • 6 cups chicken broth • Salt and pepper to taste • Freshly grated Parmesan cheese Begin by making large croutons. Slice the Italian loaf lengthwise down the middle and then across into thick pieces. Lightly brush melted butter over each piece of cut bread and place on a baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for about 5 minutes or until light golden brown. Place 3-4 croutons in soup bowls and set aside.

In a large saucepan over medium heat, gently toast the flour for 6-7 minutes or until it turns pale golden brown (stirring occasionally with a whisk). Remove from heat. In a medium sauté, melt 3 tablespoons of butter over medium-high heat. Stir in finely chopped onion and cook for 2-3 minutes or until onions are transparent. Add onion mixture to toasted flour and then slowly add chicken broth (while stirring) and bring to a boil. Add salt and pepper to taste and simmer for an additional 25-30 minutes or until soup becomes slightly thickened. Ladle the soup over the croutons and top off with fresh grated Parmesan cheese.

Photography by Philip Shipert

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yourfaith in the know with Father Joe

Q

Dear Fr. Joe: I am worried my children will not have a funeral Mass for me – can I still go to heaven?

a

Thank you for your question; it’s really important that we pause and take a look at what the Church says on this, as it seems to me we are in danger of accidently stepping over a treasure when it comes to funerals.

First things first: I’ve got to tell you that the whole “going to heaven or not” thing? I have no idea. When we talk about who is in heaven or hell, we leave that to Jesus.

Instead, what

I’d like to do is describe to you just a few of the blessings of a Catholic funeral Mass and see if that doesn’t help you to have a good conversation with your kids about why you want a funeral Mass. Whatever the results of that conversation, I invite you to trust that God doesn’t judge us for what other people decide for us: He is Justice, Mercy and Love. Finally, I don’t know if this gives you comfort, but in the past, I’ve done a funeral Mass by myself for people I

know would want one but whose kids didn’t do it.

So…with all that in mind, why have a funeral Mass?

First of all, because we pray for the dead. All of us understand that those who have lost loved ones need our prayers, but I think it’s important to remember that those who have died need them, too. I won’t go into purgatory here because I lack the space and have written on it in the past, but a key idea to purgatory is that people there pray for us and we for them. In doing this amazing thing, we continue our relationship with our beloved dead through Jesus.

Father Ron Rolheiser wrote beautifully on this topic: “Praying for the dead, our faith assures us, not only consoles us, but also offers real strength and encouragement to the loved one who has died…

Picture, for example, a young child learning

Why don’t they allow turkeys in church? Because they use fowl language 12

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

T. Gennara

What if we don’t have a Catholic funeral – do we still go to heaven?

If you’d like to submit a question for Father Joe to consider in a future column, please send it to: joeinblack@ priest.com. Father Joe is unable to personally answer questions. to swim. The child’s mother cannot learn for the child, but if she is present and offering encouragement from the edge of the pool, the child’s struggle and learning become easier. Things are more easily borne, if they can be shared. This is true even for a person’s adjustment to the life in heaven.”

Once we realize the utter and complete importance of praying for the dead, the next step is to look at the liturgy because, as a general rule, there simply is no better way to pray than to pray a Mass together. Beyond that knowledge, we can see in the Mass the perfect answer to our grief: the reason for our hope of our resurrection, a means to find and offer comfort to those who mourn and a reflection of the life of heaven.

The funeral liturgy is, before anything else, all about Jesus.

When we celebrate Jesus together in the liturgy, we are celebrating the reason we have Illustration by Bob Patten

hope in our time of loss. There is no life of goodness that we can live which would cause us to earn it. “Being a good person” doesn’t even come close to getting us there – no, the reason we have hope for heaven is the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. In our funeral liturgy, we who know and love Jesus hear and reflect on his life in the Gospel and we participate in his last supper. In this, we draw hope that the love which compelled him to live, die and rise for us is the reality that will bring us to heaven.

The funeral liturgy also helps us to find and offer comfort to those who mourn.

Section 379 of the Catechism reads: “The Church offers the Eucharistic Sacrifice of Christ’s Passover for the dead so that, since all the

members of Christ’s body are in communion with each other, the petition for spiritual help on behalf of some may bring comforting hope to others.”

That really nails it. By standing together with Jesus in defiance of our circumstances, the Christian community can strengthen each other to say, “This hurts, but Christ has conquered it.” We who individually draw strength from our hope in Jesus find that hope strengthened by the community.

Finally, our funeral liturgy is also to serve as a reminder to us of the life of heaven. The funeral Mass is, at its core, an echo of the life of heaven.

Think of it this way: Imagine that you have worked your whole life to be a professional baseball player. You’ve done the drills, worked hard at

knowing that it’s all a reflecstaying fit and strong, you’ve tion of what we’ll experience listened to the wisdom of in heaven. the coaches and experienced So, please explain to your players and, after a long time children, talk to your priest of training and moving up even and put it in writing if through the system, suddenly, necessary how imthe manager points at portant this is to you and says “Go you. Above in”. At that all though, moment, no The funeral remember one would liturgy is, before and rest consider anything else, all about assured saying Jesus. When we celebrate that the “No Jesus together in the liturgy, Lord will thanks, we are celebrating the not judge coach.” reason we have hope in you for We’d our time of loss. something spring over which up and you have no run into the control. game before the In the end, there manager changed his is much more to write but I mind! think we’ve got enough here; In the same way, we who we are so blessed to share our pray personally and comCatholic faith! munally, we who live the Enjoy another day in God’s sacramental life of the Church Presence! in our everyday lives do so,

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Read more spiritual fitness at:

How your life can be transformed through the

Eucharist 14

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

Y O U R

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s I travel around this country speaking in so many parishes and dioceses, and as I participate in large and small conferences bringing Catholics together from all walks of life and nationalities, one of the sad and difficult realizations I have had to face is this: Many do not believe in the true presence of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. Often, it is because of poor catechesis, but often, too, our weak or tentative faith does not survive the painful and tragic events of life in this world. So, in this issue and the next, I want to talk about the power of the Eucharist to nourish and sustain you through the pain and the sorrow of life, so that you may come to know that you are never alone. You are never abandoned.

I am going to ask you to take these sections from the Catechism of the Catholic Church and from Scripture for the next few weeks, ponder them and ask God to resurrect your faith, to sustain and increase it.

Section 1323: “At the Last Supper on the night he was betrayed, our Savior instituted the Eucharistic Sacrifice of his Body and Blood. This he did in order to perpetuate the sacrifice of the cross throughout the ages until he should come again, and so to entrust to his beloved spouse, the Church, a memorial of his death and resurrection, a sacrament of love, a sign of unity, a bond of charity, a Paschal banquet in which Christ is consumed, the mind is filled with grace, and a pledge of future glory is given us.”

spiritual fitness substantially present ... Do I believe?

1374: “The mode of Christ’s presence under the Eucharistic species is unique. It raises the Eucharist above all the sacraments as ‘the perfection of the spiritual life and the end to which all the sacraments tend.’ In the most blessed sacrament of the Eucharist, ‘the body and the blood, together with the soul and the divinity, of our Lord Jesus Christ is truly, really and substantially contained.’”

St. John Chrysostom declares, “It is not man that causes the things offered to become the body and the blood of Christ, but he who was crucified for us, Christ himself. The priest, in the role of Christ, pronounces these words, but their power and grace are God’s. ‘This is my body,’ he says. This word transforms the things offered.”

St. Ambrose: “Be convinced that this is not what nature has formed, but what the blessing has consecrated. The power of the blessing prevails over that which is nature, because by the blessing nature itself has changed ... Could not Christ’s word, which can make from nothing what did not exist, change existing things into what they were not before? It is no less a feat to give things their original nature than to change their nature.” (See CCC Section 1375) Read Matthew 26:26-35 and Luke 22:7-23. See also Luke 24: 1335, where the disciples recognized him in the breaking of the bread.

God’s love is so immense that he gives himself to us truly and really present in his body and blood. He gives himself that we might be nourished on our long journey through life. He gives himself so totally because he loves us and wants us sustained on the journey that will bring us finally to him, to the source of all love forever where there will be no mourning or weeping or pain or death anymore.

Ponder these truths daily; read the Scripture passages daily. Ask God to give you faith or to increase your faith. He will never be outdone in generosity.

T. Gennara

Christ loved us so much that he gave us his own flesh and blood to nourish and sustain us.

He gave himself to us in an external form of bread and wine, but Christ’s body and blood are really

F A I T H

Sister Ann Shields is a renowned author and a member of the Servants of God’s Love. Questions can be addressed to Sister Ann Shields, Renewal Ministries, 230 Collingwood, Suite 240, Ann Arbor, MI 48103 Year of FAITH – Year of PRAYER

The Apostle Paul reminds us to “pray unceasingly.” (1 Thess 5:17) Certainly, we all have concerns we bring to God in prayer. But during our diocesan Year of Prayer, we invite everyone in the diocese to focus on a particular intention for an entire month.

Remember it in your private prayer. Ask the intercession of Mary and the saints when you participate in devotional prayer. Offer your daily labor or a day of fasting. Add an intercession to those you offer in your liturgical celebrations. Use these prayers to begin a parish meeting, class or the school day. Or simply take the time each day to recite the prayer, perhaps adding an Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory be.

September – For all children Lord Jesus, you came into the world as a child and, under the loving protection of Mary and Joseph, you grew in wisdom, age, and grace.

You welcomed little children

to come to you, believed in their dignity, and held them up as a model for all who were seeking the kingdom of God. Send your blessings upon all children.

May they be recognized

as children of our one Father.

Give them health and happiness, protect them from those who would harm them, and help them to grow in faith that they may grow ever closer to you.

Amen.

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theology 101 make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” (Mt 28:19-20) The grace of baptism

Read more theology 101 at:

In baptisim we become members of the Church

The celebration of the Christian mystery:

Sacraments of Initiation

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esus Christ has made it possible for us to share in the divine nature by conforming to him through the grace of the Holy Spirit imparted to us through the sacraments.

This is especially true in the case of the sacraments of Christian initiation – baptism, confirmation and the Eucharist. In baptism, the faithful are born anew; by confirmation, the faithful are strengthened; and in the Eucharist, the faithful are nourished by the food of eternal life.

S. Olson

Baptism

Doug Culp is the CAO and secretary for pastoral life for the Diocese of Lexington, Ky. He holds an MA in theology from Catholic Theological Union in Chicago.

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This sacrament is named after its central rite, i.e. the baptizing (from the Greek to “plunge” or “immerse”) of the catechumen.

This action symbolizes the person’s “burial into Christ’s death, from which he rises up by resurrection with him, as ‘a new creature.’”

Prefigured in the Old Testament, baptism found its fulfillment in Jesus, who gave his apostles this mission: “Go therefore and

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

One of the two principal effects of baptism is the purification from sins. “By baptism all sins are forgiven, original sin and all personal sins, as well as all punishment for sin.” In baptism, the person truly is reborn with nothing remaining that could impede his or her entry into the kingdom of God. However, temporal consequences of sin remain in the baptized, “such as suffering, illness, death, and such frailties inherent in life as weaknesses of character ... as well as an inclination to sin that Tradition calls concupiscence.”

The other principal effect of baptism is new birth in the Holy Spirit. The baptized person becomes a new creature, “an adopted [child] of God, who has become a ‘partaker of the divine nature,’ member of Christ and co-heir with him, and a temple of the Holy Spirit.” In baptism, the baptized receive the grace of justification. This grace enables the baptized to “believe in God, to hope in him, and to love him through the theological virtues”; gives the baptized “the power to live and act under the prompting of the Holy Spirit through the gifts of the Holy Spirit”; and allows the baptized “to grow in goodness through the moral virtues.”

Confirmation The sacrament of confirmation is “necessary for the completion of baptismal grace.”

In confirmation, the baptized is anointed with oil (a sign of abundance, joy, cleansing, healing, and strength) and is thereby consecrated, or imprinted, with the seal of the Holy Spirit. As Christ was marked with his Father’s seal, Christians are marked with the seal of the Holy Spirit, indicating “our total belonging to Christ, our enrollment in his service forever, as well as the promise of divine protection in the great eschatological

Year of FAITH – Year of PRAYER

A view from inside the Second Vatican Council Archbishop Thomas Morris (1914-1997) was an Irish theology professor at St. Patrick’s College for 18 years before he was appointed archbishop in 1960. He attended the Second Vatican Council.

On the implementation of Vatican II “I feel that, at a lot of points, the implementation of the council decisions has gone beyond the council. I think the implementation of the council has been very uneven throughout the world. A lot depended on what was there before the council. You don’t change the practice in a diocese overnight just because there’s been a council.”

On the interpretation of Vatican II by theologians “As to the interpretation of the council, the theologians are the ones who encourage trends and develop theories and if they don’t defend the essentials, then the essentials are in great danger.

But today the theologians have fairly well divided themselves. In America, I think some of the theologians have sold out on the modern favorite questions of morality and sex, abortion and marriage.”

– Excerpts from a 1992 interview by RTÉ’s (Ireland’s national television and radio broadcaster) religious affairs correspondent Kieron Wood.

[end times] trial.”

The primary effect of the sacrament is the “full outpouring of the Holy Spirit as once granted to the apostles on the day of Pentecost.” Confirmation brings an increase and deepening of baptismal grace. It unites us more firmly to Christ; increases the gifts of the Holy Spirit and renders more perfect our bond with the Church; and gives us a “special strength of the Holy Spirit to spread and defend the faith by word and action as true witnesses of Christ ...”

The Eucharist The sacrament of the Eucharist (from the Greek meaning “thanksgiving”) completes Christian initiation. The Eucharist is “the source and summit of the Christian life.” The other sacraments, along with all the work of the Church in her ministries, are bound up with and oriented toward the Eucharist. “The Eucharist is the efficacious sign and sublime cause of that communion in the divine life and that unity of the People of God by which the Church is kept in being.” In short, the Eucharist is the “sum and summary of our faith.”

Christ’s real presence in the Eucharist Jesus Christ is present to the Church in many ways: in his word, in the Church’s prayer, in the poor, the sick, the impris-

oned, in the sacraments, in the Mass, and in the person of the minister. At the same time, he is most especially present in the eucharistic species, i.e. in the bread and the wine.

The whole of Christ, i.e. his body and blood together with his soul and divinity, is “truly, really and substantially” contained in the most blessed sacrament of the Eucharist. This means that Christ is present in the fullest sense when the bread and wine are converted into his body and blood through the power of the Holy Spirit.

It is important to reiterate that the Church does not use this language to communicate that Christ is present in the eucharistic species in a merely symbolic way. The Council of Trent clearly states that “by the consecration of the bread and wine there takes place a change of the whole substance of the bread into the substance of the body of Christ our Lord and of the whole substance of the wine into the substance of his blood.”

The fruits The principal fruit of the sacrament of the Eucharist, or holy Communion, “is the intimate union with Christ Jesus.” This communion “preserves, increases and renews the life of grace received at baptism” and completed at confirmation. It is, indeed, the bread of life that nourishes and sustains us in the Christian life.

The Eucharist also commits us to the poor where, again, Christ is present. Finally, the Eucharist is the sure pledge and clear sign of “the glory to come.” When this “mystery is celebrated, ‘the work of our redemption is carried on’ and we ‘break the one bread that provides the medicine of immortality, the antidote for death, and the food that makes us live forever in Jesus Christ.’”

– Quotes from the Catechism (1212-1405) unless otherwise noted.

Catechism Quiz The faithful are obligated to take part in the Divine Liturgy on Sundays and feast days and to receive the Eucharist… a. on Sundays and feast days b. at least once a month c. at least once a year d. daily Answer: (c) At least once a year, but the Church strongly encourages the faithful to receive the Eucharist on Sundays and feast days, or more often still, even daily. CCC 1389

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Year of FAITH – Year of PRAYER

What is marriage and why is it important?

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here are two ways, one of life and one of death; but a great difference between the two ways.” (Didache, 1) Jesus said something similar: Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 6:13-14)

Bishop Earl Boyea is the fifth bishop of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing.

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We are now living in a world that has two understandings of marriage: political marriage and natural marriage. For centuries, these were understood to be the same. That is no longer the case. Today, political marriage is merely the state’s recognition of relationships.

There is no foundation for this recognition except that someone requests it. In many places, heterosexual and same-sex couples alike can request this recognition. If we follow this understanding of marriage to its logical conclusion, there is no basis for eventually denying political marriage to any configuration of people in relationships – a man and two women, a woman and two men, three or more women or men, or even a brother and sister. The only defining characteristic is that the participants in these relationships request official recognition and sanction. On what basis could they be denied? If they say they love one another and want to commit themselves to each other, who is to say no to them?

But there is another understanding of marriage, one that has always been recognized, and that has stood the test of cultural shifts, of varying religious beliefs and the winds of time. This is the understanding of marriage as defined inherently by nature. There are some who see, or who want to see, absolutely no difference between female and male. But this is not natural. There are differences. Natural marriage recognizes those differences. On a purely physiological basis, this allows for physical union and procreation. It is an amazing element of our very beings that this is the way our species continues. In addition, these differences between male and female allow for a real complementarity within the relationship, pointing to the interconnection and interdependence of seeming opposites in nature.

Thus, natural marriage is about relationship and procreation (Recognizing that some cou-

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

from the bishop ples are infertile does not change the ordinary normal understanding of natural marriage). It follows logically that natural marriage is the best way to link a child to his or her father and mother for the benefit of that child. That these marriages do not always succeed does not change the reality that they are the ideal toward which couples should strive, working with each other and with God to create a stable and loving family.

The Church bases her understanding of marriage on this natural marriage foundation.

Gaudium et spes (#48), one of the final decrees of the Second Vatican Council, speaks of this: The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the Creator. ... a relationship arises which by divine will and in the eyes of society too is a lasting one. For the good of the spouses and their offspring as well as of society, the existence of the sacred bond no longer depends on human decisions alone. For God himself is the author of matrimony, endowed as it is with various benefits and purposes. All of these have a very decisive bearing on the continuation of the human race, on the personal development and eternal destiny of the individual members of a family, and on the dignity, stability, peace and prosperity of the family itself and human society as a whole.

By their very nature, the institution of matrimony itself and conjugal love are ordained for the procreation and education of children, and find in them their ultimate crown.

This is clearly becoming the more narrow way to understand marriage, but it is also the more solid way, one based on human nature and not merely on the desires of those who would like to see any relationship recognized by political authority.

Certainly, many will say we need to be tolerant of one another. And they will define tolerance as agreement with principles that conflict with both nature and God. They will say that tolerance means that any relationship which two or more people want to enter will have to be accorded political recognition. But that is a wide gate and an easy way. Perhaps our society needs to think seriously about the risks of walking down that path.

local news

The Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist, become an institute of diocesan right

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ishop Earl Boyea celebrated the Mass of Perpetual Religious Profession at Christ the King Church, Ann Arbor, July 31. During the procession altar servers, sisters, priests, deacons and the bishop walked to the front of the church. Bishop Boyea thanked everyone who shared in the preparation for the day, which was a great day for the diocese.

During the homily Bishop Boyea said, “The sisters will have a transfigured existence. They will live in communion with a living God. Their mind, soul and body will imitate God’s way of life.”

He shared that they will follow Jesus more closely. They will love with an undivided heart.

First, Reverend Monsignor Steven Raica, chancellor of the Diocese of Lansing read a decree for the “Establishment of the Community of the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist as a Religious Institute of Diocesan Right.”

Then, Mother Mary Assumpta Long, the prioress general of the Community professed her perpetual vows in the new

right. Each professed sister stated her name and together they repeated their vows of poverty, chastity and obedience.

Third, eight sisters took their final vows in front of the filled church. Family and friends traveled from Rome, New Zealand, Michigan, Ohio, Texas and many other states to attend the ceremony.

The newly fully-professed sisters are: Sister Victoria Marie Edge, Sister Mary Regina Whitney, Sister Albert Marie Surmanski, Sister Maria Kolbe Gretencord, Sister Catherine Marie Compton, Sister Stephen Patrick Joly, Sister Maria Fatima Nunes, and Sister Maris Stella Ragetli. Each sister has OP after her name, signifying the Order of Preachers, or the Dominicans.

During the singing of the litany for the rite of religious profession, the eight sisters prostrated themselves in front of the altar.

Thirty-seven sisters had made final vows previously. The newly professed sisters came from different parts of the United States and Canada. Each one had a different story for joining the order, but the main reason was devotion to the Eucharist.

Mother Assumpta said, “I am grateful for the diocese and we are privileged to serve the Church. Bishop Carl Mengeling invited us here in 1997, when four of us started this order.”

After the Mass, a luncheon was provided at the motherhouse for hundreds of children, adults and religious. – Jan Hoffbauer

For more on a vocation to the religious life, visit www.DioceseofLansing.org/vocations

Photography by Don Quillan

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By Betsy Hicks | Photography by Jim Luning

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When Tom and Joanne Fogle said “I do” at

the Dover Air Force Base chapel in 1962, there were only six people in attendance – the presiding priest, Tom’s two airmen roommates, two friends of Joanne’s from the Lansing Business Academy and her landlady, Pearl.

Having no family at a wedding is almost unheard of in the modern age of reality show nuptials and “Say Yes to the Dress,” but, after 52 years, Deacon Tom and Joanne Fogle are definitive proof that marriage is not about a wedding.

For the 18-year-old newlyweds, “it was about the commitment,” Deacon Tom says.

The couple knew of each other in high school in Charlotte, but they did not formally meet until the summer before their senior year. Joanne, a lifelong member of the 4-H club, served as counselor at 4-H camp, while Tom, though not a member of the club, was recruited to be the camp lifeguard. “His mother volunteered him to be the lifeguard without even asking him,” Joanne recalls.

After high school, Tom joined the Air Force, reporting to Dover, Del., for training. Joanne joined him in Delaware when she finished at the Lansing Business Academy and the two were married April 7, 1962.

The Fogles spent six years at the base in Dover and welcomed two boys, Doug and Chris, before being transferred to a base in Turkey, where daughter Connie was born. Two years later, Tom was transferred to San Antonio, Texas, where youngest son Mark was born. After transfers to Louisiana, Illinois and Hawaii, and 24 years in the military, the couple retired to Tennessee.

In 1994, Centennial Farm, Joanne’s family property, became available and the couple moved back to Michigan to run the farm. In 2005, after seven years of study, Tom was ordained a deacon.

Commitment is the glue that has kept the couple

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cover story

Marriage tips from FAITH’s Facebook followers We asked FAITH’s Facebook readers to share some of their tips for a happy marriage. Here are a selection of ideas from their marriage experiences.

Brian: Knowing 4 words – “I’m sorry” and “You’re forgiven” Keri: A willingness to accept each other’s changes and transitions throughout life. Being there to support and guide each other through it all as well as understanding that sometimes changes and transitions may have to be done slowly or with help of others.

Ebeth: Manners and always expressing appreciation for even the small things. For instance, my “knight” always checks to see if I have enough cash in my wallet. Many times he puts a $5 or $10 just to make sure And never, NEVER bad mouth your spouse. One can talk themselves out of loving a person.

together through 52 years, four children, nine cities and Tom’s five advanced degrees. But the couple would say that it is a commitment they did not truly understand until 1976, when they made a Marriage Encounter weekend. “When we made that Marriage Encounter weekend, we’d been married 14 years and, like all married couples, we struggled,” says Deacon Tom. “That Marriage Encounter turned our life upside down. It is the difference between night and day.”

The couple now delineates their marriage into “pre-M.E. and post-M.E.,” and says that is was the Marriage Encounter weekend that brought faith to the forefront.

“It really came together what commitment and being a couple means,” says Joanne. “We aren’t just in this marriage together, there are three of us – he, God and me.”

The Marriage Encounter weekend not only reinforced the couple’s commitment, but it allowed them to communicate with one another more effectively.

“After going on that weekend, we realized that we had no preparation,” says Joanne. “We didn’t talk about a lot of things, we just sort of assumed. We needed to learn to compromise our backgrounds and our ways as we learned to navigate our new relationship.”

Armed with an understanding of open discussion, respectful conversation and a better sense of what they wish they had known when they got married, Deacon Tom and Joanne started counseling engaged couples going through the Church’s marriage preparation program. “We get couples talking about things they didn’t think they needed to talk about, like finances, in-laws and children,” Jo says. “We want to help couples learn to communicate better, earlier.”

Yet, the couple is careful to stress that they are not marriage experts.

“We still find today that some of the things we help our couples talk through strike a chord with us,” says Joanne. “It helps us stop and say, ‘hey, we never really talked about that, did we?’ It’s still enlightening.”

“We got into this not with the idea of solving problems, because we have our own problems to solve,” Deacon Tom says. “We just want to help facilitate conversation.”

The couple do have a few rules to live by, though.

Joanne stresses, “You have to make yourself happy.

You can’t rely on the other person to make you happy.”

“Praying together reminds you of that thing we learned on our Marriage Encounter,” Joanne says.

“This marriage has three people in it, but you have to invite that third person, God, in every day.”

“And you have to wake up and recommit, every day,” Deacon Tom says. “You have to choose to love every single day. Because your marriage is new every single day.”

“It really came together what commitment and being a couple means,” says Joanne.

“We aren’t just in this marriage together, there are three of us – he, God and me.”

For information about marriage and family programs in the Diocese of Lansing, visit tinyurl.com/DOL-Marriage.

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my story

Catherine Hubbard and her mom, Jenny

Jenny’s daughter was killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting How is her family moving from horror to healing

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atherine Hubbard was only 6 when she was killed in the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., that took the lives of 20 children and six teachers last Dec. 14. Catherine’s mother, Jenny, her father, Matt, and her older brother, Freddy, 8., are members of St. Rose of Lima Parish in Newtown, Conn., where Jenny is co-catechist for Catherine’s first grade class. Jenny talks about the tragedy and her family.

wasn’t a time they were yelling at each other, I’d have to go down there and see what they were up to. But I knew that there would be times that I would catch them, and they didn’t know that I was watching, and they were in a big group of kids and they protected each other. He’s such a strong kid. He is processing.

As a family unit, we were four, and it was a perfect mesh. Everybody had their contribution. Not having Catherine here is a huge hole that we struggle with day in and day out.

We’re working hard to figure out what it means to be three instead of four. We’re working hard to help Freddy heal.

In time, he’s going to be fine. We have good days and bad days. The worst days for Freddy are coming. He’s worried about summer. Snow days were awful because he’d get up, and typically we’d get up and they’d start playing. He was lost.

He was really sad.

Catherine and her older brother, Freddy, had the lovehate relationship that’s so innate between a brother and a sister. When they were playing in the basement, if there

He’s already said that he’s very concerned about summer. He’s already said ‘I don’t know how to play soccer with one person,’ or ‘I don’t know how to play wiffle-ball with one

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

Freddy was in school that day. Matt was in Switzerland. Freddy was at the firehouse with me all day that day. He would always look for her red hair. He kept saying, “I can’t find Catherine. I can’t find Catherine.” He worried whether he would know if he was on the right bus, because he always looked for her red hair to make sure he was on the right bus. It’s the tiny things. My heart melted.

person.’ I’m bracing and praying that God’s going to show us the way. It will be a time that will be hard for us, and God will show us the way through it. I figure that all these firsts will be hard, and once we get through them, we’ll know the way.

We’ve felt from the beginning that our most important mission right now and from here on out is, one, to heal our family and move forward so that we don’t get stuck in a place of hate and anger and finger pointing, and two, remembering Catherine as she should be remembered and for what her soul and her being should be remembered. If it’s not about those two priorities, we’re not being distracted by it. And so we pray a lot more.

And we’re quiet a lot more.

When we had to write Catherine’s obituary, we asked that people donate to the Animal Center in lieu of flowers. And we thought that we were sending them to the animal shelter. Catherine would go there and she’d use her bottle money to buy dog biscuits for the dogs there and she just loved that place. The Animal Center is a different organization. We met with them a couple of weeks after the funeral.

During the meeting, they said ‘This was really generous of you.’ And we asked them, ‘How much have you received in donations?’ We honestly thought maybe $500$600 would come in. We had no idea. When they said $125,000 in two weeks, we were floored. They said that a dream of theirs had been to start a sanctuary and that they had been saving for a number of years to start a place where all creatures great and small could come and they would find safe haven.

Whenever we went to the store, Catherine wanted to buy a stuffed animal, and her huge collection ran the gamut, not just dogs and cats. When we moved across town last summer, I told her that she could move all the animals that would fit in this one particular foot trunk. I never dreamed that she could fit them all in. When I walked by her room later, Freddy was standing on the trunk as Catherine worked to snap the closures on the trunk.

She had fit every single one of her animals in. When we buried her, we brought the trunk to the funeral home and we said that they had to put every one of them into her casket with her.

The Hubbard family

We know that God wants us to work through this.

And we know that this is not the end; this is but a breath.

When we see Catherine again, it’s done. We’re never going to have to worry about leaving her again.

Catherine was so shy and so quiet, and when they said they wanted to create a place of peace and quiet that welcomed all animals, we just knew that that was it.

We decided to put all the money [from Catherine’s memorial fund] toward the sanctuary and this will be our cause. Some people raised their eyebrows, wondering if we shouldn’t put the money toward changing gun laws or improving school safety or mental health. We have not regretted our decision a single day.

We know that God wants us to work through this.

And we know that this is not the end; this is but a breath.

When we see Catherine again, it’s done. We‘re never going to have to worry about leaving her again. We’re never going to have to worry about not being a whole cohesive unit again. There will be a day when we are all back together again.

We need to make sure… I will not allow myself or Freddy or Matt to get stuck in a place where when we do see Catherine again she has to say, ‘I’m so sorry!’ I want her to be able to say, ‘I’m so proud of who you were and how you represented us.’

She’s where we all work to get and I wouldn’t take that away from her. I’m a strong believer that her path in life ... she was only given to us for six years, and I’m so glad that we soaked in all those six years. I’m glad that we didn’t get caught up in the hustle and bustle and we didn’t schedule our lives out, so that we do have the memories. It’s hard for Freddy to ask “How do I play wiffle-ball?”, but we thank God that we have memories of us playing wiffle-ball in the back yard.

I stopped working when Freddy was born, and I gave my attention and my life to raising them. They were a blessing to me. I’m so glad I was able to have that time. I wish I had more. There are days that I think “It’s too hard; this is too hard.” I’m so grateful that I have the times that we did have together. If more people can think about what they’re doing and turn to God, that’s all that I can ask for.

By Peggy DeKeyser

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AJ Michalkin, star of Grace Unplugged, has it all: A musical and acting career and a strong faith to keep her focused on what she needs

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race Unplugged is a movie about Grace Trey, who has just turned 18 and aspires to do more than sing in her church’s worship band, which is led by her father, Johnny Trey (James Denton), a one-time pop star who gave up his life in secular music when he became a Christian.

As Grace begins to taste the kind of success she’s always dreamed of, she feels pressured to compromise her Christian values and learns not everyone who says they’re on her side really is.

Grace Unplugged stars AJ Michalka (Super 8, Secretariat, The Lovely Bones), James Denton (Desperate Housewives), Kevin Pollak (The Usual Suspects, A Few Good Men) Michael Welch (The Twilight Saga) and Shawnee Smith (The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Becker).

FAITH recently had the opportunity to talk to AJ Michalkin about her strong faith and life lessons from the movie.

How do you stay strong in your faith? Do you have a daily routine? Every morning before I start my day, I read from the daily devotional book Jesus Calling. My days get so busy it’s easy to get caught up in everything else going on and I can get distracted from God. I want all that I do to glorify God, so starting it in prayer and reading from the devotional keep me focused. It is very important to always start your day in prayer.

How does your faith impact the professional choices you make? Faith is very important to me. It impacts all the decisions I make. [An opportunity] may come along that looks really good or fun and I would enjoy doing it, but it doesn’t match my values, so I say ‘no’ to it. I have found that saying no right away is best. If I don’t say no right away, the project begins to take on a life of its own and can trap you into doing it. It’s best not to let that happen, so I just say ‘no’ right away.

FAITH interview the balance between celebrating your gifts and becoming prideful or arrogant? I keep in mind that the gifts I have come from God. It is easy in this business to lose sight of that, but I am doing what I am doing because of the gifts he gave me. I want to use them in ways that give him the glory.

In the movie, Grace had two very good friends who told her what she needed to hear, not necessarily what she wanted to hear. How important do you think it is for people to have those kinds of friends in their lives? This question hits on one of the things that is really important to me. It is so important, especially in this business where everyone tells you how great you are and no one really tells you the truth, to always surround yourself with people who love you and want what’s best for you. What is best for you may not be what you want or think you want. Something may look good, but it may not be good for you. I need to surround myself with people who will be honest with me and tell me what I need to hear. My sister Aly, who is two years older than I am, is that person for me. She always tells me the truth and I am grateful she does. I can always turn to her.

What would you say to teens and parents who, like Grace and her dad, seem to be fighting all the time and find it hard to talk to each other? Just keep talking. It’s hard on a family when kids are growing up and becoming their own persons. They want to be grown up. Parents need to recognize that their children are becoming their own persons and treat them that way. It will be hard to be on the same page, but just keep talking.

Grace Unplugged is in theaters on Oct. 4.

In the movie, Grace gives up a lot to follow her dream of being a pop star. What would you say to someone who is compromising their faith for what they want? Always remember God is the one in charge. Sometimes, that is hard to remember; we want to be in charge. Sometimes, people have to learn lessons the hard way like Grace. As long as we can ask for forgiveness when we make mistakes, we can turn around from the mistakes.

Who knows, it may be God’s plan for us to go through what we need to go through. It may be a lesson we need to learn – Grace needed to learn it.

Grace battled some issues with her pride. How do you find

By Cami Beecroft

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yourcommun community

things to do: Sept. 7, 10 a.m., there will be another Mercy Walk to benefit Sacred Heart Mercy Health Center in Alma at Sharp Park in Lansing. For information, contact flifeforce@aol.com.

Sept. 13-Nov. 15, Fridays, 7 p.m.8:30 p.m., Divorce and Beyond at St. Mary Magdalen, 2201 Old U.S. 23, Brighton – for those who are divorced or have filed for divorce. Registration, call Sister Maryetta Churches, 810.229.8624.

Fee: $10 for program materials.

Sept. 15, noon-6 p.m., St. Joseph Catholic Church Harvest Festival, 9425 Whittaker Rd., Ypsilanti – $5,000 raffle, chicken dinner, silent auction, crafts and more. For information, call the parish office at 734.461.6555.

Sept. 21, 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m., Christ the King Church, 4000 Ave Maria Dr., Ann Arbor will have a Holy Spirit Seminar. Late registration is at 8:15 a.m. in church. Cost of $15 includes continental breakfast, lunch and materials. Scholarships are available. Information or early registration, call Olga at 734.426.5514 or ortiz4519@earthlink.net.

Attention Catholic single women and men – mid-30s-60s – would you like to meet new people?

Lansing Catholic Singles brings together friends for fellowship and fun in a faith-filled environment. For more information and a complete calendar of upcoming events, visit lansingcatholicsingles.com or call 517.321.7886.

Sept. 22, 11 a.m. Mass celebrating the 125th anniversary of St. Joseph Catholic Parish in Howell with Bishop Boyea presiding. Many priests and former parishioners who served there will be attending. After Mass, there will be a reception for all parishioners

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Retreat Centers: Dominican Center at Marywood, 2025 E. Fulton St., Grand Rapids, 616.454.1241 or dominicancenter.com/ Sept. 17, 6 p.m.-8 p.m., $10, Who Do you say that I AM/What Do Christians and Others Believe about Jesus?; Sept. 21, 2013-May 17, 2014, Foundations in Spirituality; and Sept 29, 2013-May 17, 2014, Dominican Spirituality.

Weber Retreat Center, 1257 E. Siena Heights Dr., Adrian, 517.266.4000 or weber.adriandominicans.org Sept. 13, 10 a.m.-3 p.m., Journeying in Life toward Death: What is Useful? What is Not? Cost: $35 includes lunch; Sept. 20-22, Fri., 7:30 p.m.-Sun. 1 p.m., Piece Work – Soul Work Quilting Retreat, deposit $50.

St. Francis Retreat Center, 703 E. Main St., DeWitt, 866.669.8321 or www.stfrancis.ws/ Oct. 13-17, Catholic Writers Guild will hold a writers retreat, “Your Word is My Delight”; and Oct. 25-27, Retrouvaille Weekend Retreat for troubled marriages. To register, call 517.290.5596. and guests. For information, contact the parish at 517.546.0090.

Sept. 28, 9:30 a.m. registration and event at 10 a.m., nationwide Friends of the Poor Walk hosted by St. Vincent de Paul’s food pantry at St. Joseph Church in Adrian – serving families in Lenawee County. Walkers who raise a minimum of $25 prior to walk receive a T-shirt. Register early – contact Mary at marykspeelman@gmail.com.

Sept. 28, 5 p.m., St. Michael Parish in Flint will celebrate its 170th anniversary with Mass celebrated by Bishop Earl Boyea, followed by dinner, music and a silent/ live auction. Tickets are $15 per person advance or $20 at the door.

For information or tickets, contact Mary Beth at 810.238.2679.

Oct. 5, St. Joseph Church in Adrian will celebrate and commemorate its 150th anniversary with a gala at the Adrian Tobias Center on the campus of Adrian College. Reception at 6:30 p.m., with dinner and a program at 7:30 p.m. Reservations are required. For ticket information, call the office at 517.265.8938.

Oct. 13, 2 p.m., the Divine Mercy Cenacles Choir of Holy Redeemer Church will host the “Let It Be Concert” performed by internationally known Catholic artist Tajci. It is

FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

at Holy Redeemer Church, 1227 E. Bristol Road in Burton. Free will offering suggested. For information, call the parish at 810.743.3050.

Oct. 20, noon-4 p.m., 58th annual St. Andrew Harvest Dinner, 910 Austin Drive, Saline – roast beef, mashed potatoes, sides and homemade pies. $7 adults, $5 seniors (60 plus) and children (6-12). Children under 5 free. For information, contact the parish at 734.429.0680 Oct. 26, 5:30 p.m., St. Paul, Owosso will have its Harvest Festival, dinner, raffle and pumpkin carving contest. Cost: adults $10 and families $25. Questions? Call 989.723.4277.

Nov. 2, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., the Knights of Columbus invite you to a Holiday Craft Show/Swiss Steak Dinner and more at St. Mary Church, 157 High Street in Williamston. Luncheon served from

noon to 3 p.m. and the craft show on Nov. 3, is10 a.m. to 3 p.m., with Swiss steak dinner from noon to 3 p.m. For additional information, call Lynn, 517.490.3241, or Vicki, 517.214.7570.

Nov. 21-23, the National Catholic Youth Conference will be held at Indianapolis. For more information, contact Pat Rinker, 517.342.2485 or prinker@dioceseoflansing.org.

Toward Healing: Coping with the Death of Your Child, 7 p.m.-9 p.m. Mondays, Sept. 23 Nov. 25, Mason United Methodist Church, 201 E. Ash Street.

Ten-week grief support group for parents coping with the death of a child of any age. No church affiliation necessary; no new members after the second session.

Call or email Pat at 676.4232, info@masonfirst.org; or Rose at 676.5513, stjamesros@gmail. com to register.

40 Days for Life Lansing Campaign The 40 Days for Life Lansing campaign is from Sept. 25 to Nov. 3. You are invited to join other Christians for 40 days of prayer and fasting for an end to abortion. Sept. 24 at 6 p.m., Bishop Earl Boyea and Pastor John Hayden of Columbia Road Baptist Church will be the speakers at the kickoff event – which includes free pizza and a film – at Lansing Catholic High School, 501 Marshall Street, Lansing. For more information or to volunteer, email Cecilia Tombelli at 40daysforlifelansing@gmail.com.

nity

world youth day

Tribunal workshop dates and locations 2013 For anyone interested in submitting a nullity case to the tribunal, workshop registration is 8:30 a.m.-9 a.m. If you have questions about a workshop, call 517.342.2560 or tribunal@dioceseoflansing.org.

Sept. 7, 9 a.m.-noon, St. Joseph, 440 E. Washington St., Howell, Emmaus Room, Msgr. George Michalek Sept. 14, 9 a.m.-noon, Immaculate Heart Family Center, 3815 S. Cedar St., Lansing, Deacon John Cameron Sept. 28, 9 a.m.-noon, St. Elizabeth, 506 N. Union St., Tecumseh, Msgr. George Michalek Sept. 28, 9 a.m.-noon, St. John the Evangelist, 711 N. Francis, Jackson, Rev. Phillip Schweda Oct. 12, 9 a.m.-noon, St. John the Evangelist, 600 N. Adelaide St., Fenton, Rev. Nate Sokol

World Youth Day 2013 More than 10,000 volunteers at World Youth Day in Brazil cheered wildly when Pope Francis called upon them to become “revolutionaries.”

“I ask of you to be revolutionaries, to go against the current,” the pope said in his address to volunteers July 28 at the end of his visit to Brazil.

“I could not return to Rome without first, in a personal and affectionate manner, thanking each one of you for your work and dedication ... which made this World Youth Day an unforgettable experience of faith.”

Cheers exploded from the thousands who had been waiting hours in the hot sun to see him.

Read more about World Youth Day in next month’s special report.

Catholic Charities: Catholic Charities of Jackson, Lenawee and Hillsdale counties, 517.782.2551 or www.catholiccharitiesjacksonhlenaweehillsdale.org – Sept. 21, Smart Steps for Stepfamilies, a diocesan marriage prep program for remarriage couples, will be held at Catholic Charities, 1522 Joy Ave., Jackson.

Catholic Charities of Shiawassee and Genesee counties, 810.232.9950 or www.ccsgc. org – Open your heart and home to a child in need.

Loving foster families are urgently needed in Shiawassee and Genesee counties. For more information, call 810.232.3418, or email givehope@ccsgc.org.

St. Vincent Catholic Charities, www.stvcc.org or 517.323.4734, ext. 1700 – Sept. 4, 6:30 p.m. 8:30 p.m., Empowering for Change: Youth Aging Out of the Foster Care System at Delta Township District Library- Elmwood Room. 5130 Davenport, Lansing.

Keynote speaker: John Seita, founder of the MSU FAME Program. The event will include a panel discussion exploring resources available to teens aging out of the system.

Sept. 25, 7:30 a.m.-9 a.m., annual Guardian Society Fundraising Breakfast at Eagle Eye Golf Club, 15500 Chandler Rd., Bath. RSVP to Rhonda, 517.323.4734 ext. 1205 or aboodr@stvcc.org, by Sept. 18.

Catholic Social Services of Washtenaw County, csswashtenaw.org – On the third Thursday of each month, everyone is welcome to celebrate Mass, 8:45 a.m., with us in the chapel of St. Michael, 609 E. Fifth Ave. in Flint.

Open your heart and home to a child in need. Loving foster families are urgently needed in Shiawassee and Genesee Counties. For more information, call 810.232.3418, or email givehope@ccsgc.org.

Livingston County Catholic Charities, 517.545.5944 or livingstoncatholiccharities.org.

– Sept. 13-Nov. 15, Fridays, 7 p.m.-8:30 p.m., Divorce and Beyond at St. Mary Magdalen, 2201 Old U.S. 23, Brighton – for those who are divorced or have filed for divorce. Registration, call Sister Maryetta Churches, 810.229.8624. Fee: $10 for program materials.

Sept. 17, Oct. 15 and Nov. 19, 6 p.m.-8 p.m., 2020 E. Grand River, Ste. 104 in Howell – Do you have room in your heart for one more child? Orientation for people interested in learning more about foster care.

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local news

St. Michael’s 170th anniversary

Be Our Guest Adult Day Service

St. Michael Parish, Flint celebrates its 170th anniversary Sept. 28 with Mass at 5 p.m. celebrated by Bishop Boyea.

There will be a dinner and a silent/live auction following Mass.

Deacon Michael Dear, who has been at the parish for two years and is responsible for managing the parish during the week, says, “We are not closing. We need to let people know we are here.

There are parishioners who have been here for 50 years. …The parish is a giving parish. It has a great sense of community. We care about each other. We are the true Catholic Church.”

Dear, who was ordained in 2007, shared that the parish, with the help of other churches, feeds 150 people every Saturday.

He says, “We do what we can because God is first and family second.” – Jan Hoffbauer

Guests and staff at “Be Our Guest Adult Day Service,” a program of Livingston County Catholic Charities, recently spent an afternoon with a therapy puppy in training and Sugar, a therapy pony, from M & MS Farms, Williamston. Everyone enjoyed the pet therapy – and Sugar and the puppy were the center of attention.

Pinckney Palooza – a free family festival St. Mary Catholic Church hosted its second annual family festival, “Pinckney Palooza, a Community Celebration,” July 27 on the parish grounds. The festival offered fun for the whole family, including live music, children’s activities, an Elvis impersonator, food and much more. There was no admission charge for the festival, but there was a fee for unlimited rides and games.

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FAITH Magazine / September 2013 / www.FAITHpub.com

St. Martha’s 25th anniversary St. Martha Parish in Okemos celebrated its 25th anniversary June 30. Father Jon Wehrle, pastor, held the parish’s first Mass at the old Okemos High School – now the Chippewa Middle School building – on July 3, 1988. Father Wehrle, who was ordained May 13, 1978, also celebrated his 35th anniversary.

To add festivities to these important anniversaries, a parish party was held June 29, which was enjoyed by all who attended.

What is a beautiful marriage?

W

hat’s in a beautiful marriage?

Mutual respect.

Without that, a marriage is likely doomed, because respect means to “to look again,” to be rid of the curse of pre-judging.

Hearing, instead of just listening, means hearing with one’s heart. It means spending time discovering what is deep inside the heart and soul of the beloved. More importantly, it hears what is not said, something that gives greater insight into what’s deep inside the mind and heart of one’s partner.

It takes the partners into the realms of sensitivity. It flows from mutual respect. Insensitivity attacks and can eventually destroy the bonding between marriage partners.

Resentment is a cancer that eats away at the bonding between partners. The cure for resentments is found in forgiveness. Forgiveness, however, is many times

misunderstood. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the wrong never existed, nor does it mean that the one forgiven isn’t obliged to change his or her behavior. It means, rather, that the bond isn’t broken, that love is still present and that the future of the relationship can, with love, be better. Isn’t that what Jesus was all about?

Then there is the matter of children. In beautiful marriages, we find the partners are in agreement when it comes to caring and loving the children. There is agreement on how to discipline the children when they are wayward. There is agreement on where and how they should be educated, who they should have as friends, and what interests they should have in their activities. Furthermore, we find that, in beautiful marriages, both partners are attentive and active in caring for their home.

Times of intimacy are vital for beautiful marriages. Married couples

need to spend time alone with each other when they can be close. It’s good to spend lots of time with the children; it’s good to have “outside” friends; it’s good to have a lot of family activities; but it’s vital to spend time alone together when they can focus on each other and strengthen their bonding. Physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy are elements found in all beautiful marriages.

Which brings me to shared spirituality, that special glue that allows partners to be soul mates. The God who is Love created us so that we might love him, but also so that we can live with each other in love.

Likewise, it is shared spiritual power that is present in all of the other elements that are found in beautiful marriages.

God is, after all, at the center of everything and married couples should, together, immerse themselves in God’s love.

This is why our Church considers it to be one of her sacraments.

Father Charles Irvin is the founding editor of FAITH Magazine and is retired.

Teen volunteers lift hands and hearts through weeklong Catholic Heart Workcamp During the week of July 14-19, more than 300 teens from across the Midwest participated in a weeklong Catholic HEART Workcamp hosted by St. John the Evangelist Parish in Davison. Their week of service included painting, general home repairs, cleaning, landscaping and interacting with children at local daycare centers in low-income communities.

They also assisted at food distribution locations, homeless shelters and local outreach centers.

“This is the fifth year we’ve hosted the camp – the needs of the people in Genesee County are tremendous,” said Elaine Ouellette, director of RCIA and family faith formation at St. John. “It is through the generosity of these young people that we can bring some help and happiness

last word

Angie Atkin – Incito Award winner

to those in need.”

The goal of the workcamp is twofold.

First, it gives teens a chance to serve and give back to the community. Second, it allows them the opportunity to live out their faith. For more information, contact Elaine Ouellette at 810.658.4776 ext.

272 or email meolet@stjohndavison.org.

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Angie Atkin is the 2013 Lenawee United Way’s Young Leader Incito Award winner. She is involved in the community and at St. Mary on the Lake Parish, Manitou Beach, where she is the co-chairperson for the children’s Liturgy of the Word.

Angie said, “Stewardship is a part of my faith and belief system – my husband and I have watched many people care for our children.”

Angie talked about her admiration for her grandmother, Nona, who lost her hearing at age 17, a loss that did not stop her. She became president of a deaf club association and active with the Lenawee United Way. Angie said her husband Scott, and children, Luke and Emily, have learned lessons in life through all the people who have been there for them – and they have tried to share this with others. – Jan Hoffbauer

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notes:

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

St. Mary Cathedral, Lansing | Mass, Bishop Earl Boyea Presiding, at 5:15 p.m. | Dinner at 6:15 p.m.

28th Annual

Red Mass

Presentation of the Award Recipient:

Jonathan E. Maire

of the Catholic Lawyers Guild, Diocese of Lansing

Longtime Friend and Fellow Pillar of the Lansing Christian Legal Community

Invoking God’s Blessing on the Courts of our State and

Honoring

Cassius E. Street of Lansing, Consummate Lawyer, Peacemaker, Gentleman and Man of Faith

As he receives the prestigious Saint Thomas More Award

For more information or to RSVP visit: http://home.catholicweb.com/lansingcatholiclawyersguild/ Or contact Joyce Marx Quasarano at: joyceamarxleadershipkeys@comcast.net or 517.882.7026

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CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF LANSING