November 2000

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t is a paradox. Thanksgiving and Christmas can be times of conflict - times when we want our family to confonn to our dreams. Then, during the holidays. we are confronted with how our dearest loved ones are living their lives ... and we get into conflict.

Conflict, tt seems, Is the breeding ground for things that tum out to be gloriously beautiful. Think of the great works of music, art, sculpture and poetry that have been conceived in the souls of those who were in terrible conflict.

Our Church was paradoxically bom In conflict. As soon as jesus was brought forth by Mary, she and joseph had to flee to Egypt with Him. When jesus later began His public ministry, His own hometown folks in Nazareth would not accept Him. And, of course, He died in the midst of the cosmic conflict between Good and Evil.

The history of our Church Is a history of many, many conflicts. If you go to the Book of Acts (chapter 15), or to Paul's Epistle to the Galatians (2:11-14), you will find the Church taking shape in conflict. And then, of course. we have had 20 Ecumenical Councils in order to resolve conflicting matters both internal and external to our Church.

How do we resolve conflict? That, of course, is one of the principal efforts of jesus. Over and over again He teaches us, and then shows us, how we should go about resolving our conflicts. The big problem, of course, is how we interpret His teachings. That is why we have a teaching ministry in our Church, something we call the Magisterium. Magister, in latin, means "teacher." On fact, its where masters degree is derived).

When we don't know how to resolve conflicts we bash each other - we beat others Into submission.

We do that either physically or psychologically. If we can't do that, then we throw them out - out of our families and even out of our Church. Throwing someone outside of our community is called excommunication. And when we do so, it's not a sign of success- its a sign of failure.

Finally, there's the war going on Inside of each one of us between the conftlcted and convoluted picture we have of ourselves. Am I attractive? Do people like me? Am I admired? Of course there is never a satisfactory answer to those questions because we're always wallowing in our own bad news about ourselves. This becomes the source of how we treat others. We bash others because we bash ourselves.

Did Jesus ever tell us to love our neighbors? No, He did not! He told us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, knowing full well that we'll treat others the way we treat ourselves.

Which Is why Jesus came to give us Good News about who we are. YOU are precious, lovable and beauUful In Hls eyes .. . so much so that He thought you were wonh dying for! And if you really accept that, then you will have found the way to resolve conflicts within your life.

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contents Features: Resolving Conflict

Two Real Survivors' Stories •The Faces of Conflict • Bishop's Council on Alcoholism Sanh Chlldl"'ltts

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From Divorce to Love Again • How Did This Couple Do lt7 • Retrouvaille: Find Love Again N~~ney

Schertzlng

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Holidays with the In-Laws •FAITH's Kathy Funk on Assignment Kathy funk

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6 Fair Fighting Rules Dr. Cathleen McGrnl

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Spiritual Fitness Fr. Bill Ashbaugh

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Culture

Recipes with a Common Ingredient •Tradition: Family Favorites Ronald .. n.... l..lndflllr 20 Contributors

In The Know With Fr. joe Fr. Joseph Krupp

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From The Bishop •Education's True Purpose Bl8ltop c.t Mengellng

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The Last Word ...

Btshop KMnetta Povlsh

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Deparbnents

community

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local news the WOI'kl

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faith Voklme 1 : luue 8

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Most Reverend Carl F. Mengeling PltBUSHIII

Rev. Fr. Charles Irvin

Send ~rour Ieite,.. to: Editor, FAITH Megazlne 300 W. Ottewe Lensing, M14B933 or 1111 •mall fn:lrvln@rc.net

I!DITOA IN C:HIIfl

Patrick M. O'Brien MANAGING 1D1T011 CIIUlM DlltiC'riMt

Kathy Funk AISISTANT I!DfTOit

A woman running a parish, not people in the middle of the pic- l enjoyed your magazine a priest? Presiding at Mass in ture. It is obvious that the boy tremendously. l especially have vestments? Brings more to the sitting in the lifesaver is none enjoyed the Latin Quiz: position than a priest? just other than the bishop concen(September-October 2000) but another job, not a permanent trating on his next homily. unfortunately have not been vocation? ("How Can a Married Bemerd Dahl able to find a good Latin die· Woman Run a Parishr October tionary. Do you have any sug2000) To be a modem Catholic Editor's Note: Actually, the boy gestions? l would appreciate woman, must we all strive to be pictured is not Bishop your help. Maybe I can get my a busy career mom? How Mengeling; it is his uncle. "ancientn brain to worh again. about some support for the Veronica C. 1!111111~•1!1111!1~~!11111..• • • • • • • • Ple,..on stay-at-home mom with one focus as mentioned about Editor's Note: Mary, the mother ofjesus?

We recommend Michelle Rivet A Primer of Ecclesiastical Regarding the Bishop latin published Mengeling snapshot on page

by Catholic 10 of your October issue, University my wife and I were uncerPress. tain of the identity of the

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jillane job IUUCIIIPI'IOHSIHCIIITAIIY

Moille Lauffer CltiAl1VI A IDfTORW. AUISWIT

Rev. Fr. William Ashbaugh Evelyn Barella Sarah Childress Elizabeth johnson Rev. Fr.joseph Krupp Ronald Landfair Theresa Landfair Michael Uberato, Ph.D. Dr. Cathleen McGreal jennifer Niester Most Rev. Kenneth]. Povish Nancy Scheming

Rita Thiron CONTRIBUTING WIIITI!H

Rev. Fr. Dwight Ezop Margaret Perrone PIIOOI'III!ADING

Christine jones James Luning Philip Shippen

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CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGIUPH&H

james Luning, Photography

Too Much Work?

Too Much Drink?

Too Many Arguments?

ONTH!COV!R

Wayne Case Mary Delano David Fenech Patricia Garda Rev. Fr. J. Thomas Munley

Find an End to the Conflict in Your Life

Diane Nowak

Margaret Perrone james Rhadigan Michael Rizik

Ricardo Rodriguez Rev Fr. James Swiat Sharon Wimple ADVISORY IIOAitD

Rev Fr. Karl Pung WEBMINISTIY

Tim Strandberg, Parish SystemS WEB SITI!DUIGN, IIWWIIMIHT

By Gerald G. May, M.D.

CPl Graphics, Lansing

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Addiction & Grace

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An exquisitely written and crafted contribution to human understanding - M. Scott Peck Gerald May's brilliant and classic exploration of the

psychology and physiology of addiction offers an inspiring and hope.filled vision for those who desire to explore the mystery of "Vho and what they really are.

May examines the "process of attachment" that leads to addiction and describes the relationship between addiction and spiritual awareness. He also details the various addictions - not only to substances like alcohol and drugs, but also to work and sex which negatively affect performance, responsibility and intimacy The Anger Workbook

By Les Carter, Ph.D. and Frank Mlnlrth, M.D. There is no way we can be

hun or upset or experience stress in a marriage (or life in general) without some ensuing anger. Until the anger is dealt with in a healthy Christian manner, there cannot be a lot of healing. The Anger Workbook is a 13-step interactive plan to help you; 1) Understand how unmet needs can feed anger 2) Realize how other emolions can Influence anger 3) Find healthy ways to express anger

faith ------ Find theM boob and more onlne from the St. ~ Relrelll Cenlllr Book StDnt at www.f'AITHmag.com

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Diabolic Possession, Unknown Languages, Mld¡Air Levitations:

What is the Story with Exorcisms?

The Exorcist is back on the big screen better than ever in itS digitized glory. So too is the Rite of Exorcism, revised just over a year ago. Does the Church really believe in demonic possessions? Well, ~~ short, yes. Beyond Biblical ~eferences, the ritual aiTirms that God has dominion over

evil spiritS. During baptisms there is an exorcism. But an exorcism of a "possessed person" is performed discretely by a priest appointed by the bishop.

Many dioceses have an exorcist. Arter careful study, if the person is really possessed and not mentally or physically disturbed, the exorcist performs the rite, preferably, in a church: 1) Sign of the Cross 2) Sprinkling with Holy Water 3) LHany of Saints 4) Psalms and prayeB 5) Gospel raadlng 6) lmposiUon of hands and blow¡ lng In lhe face to Invoke Holy Splrtt 8) Creed Is recited 9) Renew baptismal promises 10) Lord's Prayer 11) Show the Crosa 12) Sign of Cross on forahead 13) Command lha devil to leave 14) Thanksgiving and blessing

·n the know with F .Joe The other day at the mall, I was stopped and asked If I would participate In a survey. The question was, "What Is the greatest lnven· lion of the last 500 years?"

I said It was the telephone because of how we commu· nlcate. The guy next to me suggested

It was the television Why should I go to a celibate down to pray. At that because It brought us all priest for help when my moment, whether 1 felt like out t o the l arger world. The marriage Is In trouble? it or not, 1 was a priest. third guy looked real -----------------------Then 1 went down to my thoughtful and then said, I am going to answer your office to look at my day. I "The thermos. You see, yes· question in a roundabout dedicated it to God and terday, I put piping hot cof· way, but it all goes back to promised him 1 would work fee In It and five hours later, word: commitment. hard at being a good priest. one It was still hoL Today, I put I knew that no matter what 1 This morning my alarm chilled milk In there and went off at 5 a.m. Like every had to do, whether I felt like now, five hours later, It's still cold!" day, 1 rolled over, turned the doing it or not, today, 1 was I didn't see his point until alarm off, grabbed a good, a priest. 1 met with some he added, "How the people, got called to the stinky, nasty cup of coffee heck did II know the and started slugging it down. hospital, sat through meetdifference?" Oh, the (My motto on coffee: if it ings, and took communion wonders of being doesn't make my eyes bleed, to someone who was very il flexlblel

it's not strong enough). Then 1 took a shower and sat

at home. Through it all, 1 was a priest - whether 1 felt like it or not.

So there it is: COMMITMENT! 1 know from watching my parents who have been married 41 years that it ls all about commitment. The joy of marriage is not found in maintaining a feeling of love, but in living out a commitment to be who and where God calls us to be - whether we feel like it or not. Priests know a lot about commitment. Their wisdom can be of help.

My daughter Is bringing her boyfriend home for the holidays and Insists on sleeping In the same room wHh him. I'm opposed to thaL What should I do?

Insists? It's your house.

She should insist on nothing but respect for your household and the rules you have.

You are right to be

opposed to what your in this magazine, I believe daughter wants. Too many that the key is to hold fast to ~~~~~W~r! people fall easily into serious what you know to be true.

You can sit her down and sexual sins with no thought of the spiritual or physical gently explain to her why consequences of their what she is doing is wrong and that you can't support it. actions. By forbidding her from sleeping with her You don't do this for any boyfriend in your house, you other reason than love for are protecting her dignity, her. I know this can feel like your house and the sacra¡ you are being too harsh or even unloving. However, l mem of marriage. If they assure you that as long as want to live as married people, they should get married. you do this in love, you are I know, I know! You are doing what is right. thinking, "Yeah, Father, l figEnjoy another day in Gods ured that part out. But how presence! .J do 1 handle the conflict?"

Send your Questions to: l would have to say that, "In the Know with Fr. Joe" in this situation, conflict is FAITH Magazine unavoidable. So, what are 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, Ml 48933 the rules here? Above and or E¡Mall beyond what will be written JoelnBiack@prieslcom

storming a ball field and brawling over an umpire's call while their children watched! This !-ball incident came close on the heel of another story that netted national exposure involving one father beating another to death at a hockey game.

It IHms that hostility at sporting evants has become an accepted way of life. Anger, frustration, and outright violence seem to be not just evident in youth sports but increasingly in all levels of society. What is really curious, though, is that i not the youth involved i the sports who seem to be · fighting - it's their parents and relatives!

Why is it easy for some people to keep their com· posure and so difficult for others? Dave Panici of St. Gerard Parish in Lansing has been a basketball ref~ eree for the past 25 years, av Ronlld Landfllr I lllu•lnltlon by Patrick M. O'Brien a baseball umpire, a foot r The shot was called long. From Ill)' vantage point, it clearly caught the- /Ja;clinc, which woulcl ball coach at both the have put my son and his tcamnwte c•hcacl a full gmnc in tlidr varsity tennis doubles match. My high school and college son glared t1tl1is opponent, then loolzccl over at me. l wc1s proud of him for letting it go, but level, and a golf coach at immediately realized that he was finally learning what his coach had been preaching to him Lansing Eastern High from day one- he needed to lcam to control his emotions on tJJC court.

School. He believes sev· As I sat watching the action, howcvc1; 1felt my fntstration rise but I bit my lip. I lmcw, of 'oursc, eral factors have led to that I wasn't the fii"Sl parent to feel tlwt way while watcl1ing their son or daughter com1Jctc in an violence at youth sport· Ol&anized athletic competition. It can be a nerve-wracking cxpelicncc, one tlwt requires all lng events. "Some parof the self-control that a parent can m1tste1: ents put a tremendous amount of pressure on ecemly, the nightly news left me in disbelief. Footage their kids to be first and some of them do feel that they know more than the coach," he says. urhey don't respect the was being shown of aT-ball game- the same game I coach's abilities, and they often miss the intricacies- the li-..1• remembered my sons playing years ago as 4- and 5-year-old kids. What I didn't remember were the two dozen adults nuances- of the spon. They think that because they may ·~

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know a little something, or may even have played a particular sport before, that they know at least as much or more than the coach or the official."

"The stuff between the lines of play hasn't changed. But off the court, off the ball fields and in the stands ... with the 'Cameron Crazies' (Duke University) and the 'Izzone' (Michigan State University ) pointing at the referees and other coaches- sometimes it gets out of hand," Panici continues. "People see this on television and think that H It's OK to act that way at college events, then I can do the same thing at my child's event In high school, middle school or even lower. The really bad thing is that such behavior represents such a small number of the parents, but its the really overbearing and foul-mouthed ones who get all the attention. Most parents are supportive of the coaches and the efforts of the officials." jack Pratt has coached 43 years in the sports of tennis, basketball, track, baseball, football, or "whatever is in season." Currently the varsity football coach at Powers Catholic igh School in Flint, Pratt says, "You always find changes in e world of athletics. Parental demands are stronger. People don't realize the value of participation- just belonging to something is the value. The values you take fro m participating are what is important- not all the other stu £f.

"Conflict Is much more Involved than It used to be slm· ply because values have changed. Before, participation counted. Today, however, confrontations occur because people/parents are more Individually focused. It's a 'me/1' thing Instead of a 'we' type thing. We, as parents, must understand that the value is for a child to learn lessons that will make him a better person for life, how to be part of a team, and working towards a common goal -not the num· her of points, touchdowns, or home runs they have. • All parents want their children to be successful, but the landscape of parental involvement in sports has changed a lot over the years. "Kids are missing their childhood," says john johnson, Communications Director for the Michigan High School Athletic Association (MHSAA), the governing body of high school and middle school sports. "Some parents are living out their childhood dreams through them, living vicariously through their accomplishments. Sports parents have their kids go through more structured sports and camps than ever before, and invest a lot of money, time, effort and resources into such experiences. They get to have a lot of input into such experiences. Parents then go to hool events having had their way, and discover that they

are not in charge, and are then unwilling to cede control to the schools." johnson feels that the landscape of society has changed.

"Sports used to be a harbor from society- a safe place where we watched our heroes and future heroes play their game. Now both the parents and participants reflect society, and often it is a mirror of a troubled world." johnson notes that it may be a situation of the "chickens coming home to roost." "Our generation learned how to challenge and defy authority, never taking 'no' for an answer," he says. "So now, here we are years later and our kids don't learn it either, whether on the athletic field or in public."

I began to think that maybe prayer before athletic con· tests Is not such a bad thing after aiL It would give pa... ents a reason to pause before the event and reflect on just why we are here. Maybe a little faith is what is needed on the playing fields. "Your faith is you, and your faith is everything," says Coach Pratt. "What I am (as a Catholic, as a child of God) speaks so loudly that it cannot be hidden by what I say l am. The whole concept is believing whatever your beliefs are and be willing to pay a price for it - to act in a way that is consistent with such beliefs. So my behavior, whether on the field or in the stands, does not detract from what I say I am."

I lool:ed out on the court Cit this "num-chi/c/'' who is my old· est son. At 15, he is botlt uwtwing into a young man, bill is in some ways still a boy. l realized that what l tlwugl1t of my own son was just CIS tme for high school athletes everywhere.

Tl1ey are "worlts inpmgrcss, " coming of age in an era w1stly different than my own, facing some prcsswes that arc the same ones that I had, but also facing pressures that I could never have imagined at that age. I smiled to myself, and quiet· ly stood by with a sense of swelling pricle as I watched him serve an tlce to pull tdu:ad in the last game, and chen saw his tcCinnnate hit a winning volley to close out tlte match. His emotions and cleep passion had been well directed- this time.

I lmew he would continue to be challenged in that rcgnrd, as would I. The trick for both of us. I reco&'"izec/, would be to remember who we say that we are, as responsible citizens, CIS Catholics, and as people of God, and thus, e~ct e~cco•dingly. J Editor's Note: For information on Good Sports are Winners kits and What Kids Wish Their Parents Knew About Sportsmanship, contact the Michigan High School Athletic Assocmtion at (517) 332-5046 or visit their Web site: www.mhsaa.com

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Catholic Education Focuses on the Whole Person- Not just on What Students Will Do

and future of human culture and civilization. The happiness and fulfillment of human beings is also The atelned glen windows above are from SL Mary Student Perish, Ann Arbor. They depld Churdt dodors profoundly affected.

St. AuguaUne and St. Aquinas I Phatogreptly by ChrlaUne Jones Most of us link education with the young because our intense collective emphasis ne of the honest topics and issues among Americans today is education. That's good news! Success, failure and efforts are concentrated on their education. Of course, we know that education is not just for the young. The two or mediocrity in education decides and controls the present

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the bis op aims of authentic education are vital for the fulfillment and happiness of the human person.

The primary aim Is the formation of the human person.

Who I become is the heart of the matter. Who I can become as a human person is an ongoing call and challenge that comes from our very nature as human persons. Each person has an immense and vast need crying for fulfillment. St. Augustine finally realized this in his quest as he cried, ~our hearts are restless until they rest in you.H The secondary aim Is Instruction and training In which students receive the knowledge and skills required for what they will do. This equips them to be effective and suc-

cessful participants in the social, cultural, economic and political life of our society.

This, too, is not just for the young. Our "needing" nature demands the ongoing expansion and consolidation of knowledge and skills as a lifetime endeavor. When educan is limited to the secondary aim only, merely providing tudents with the knowledge and skills they need for what they will do, students are betrayed. This has tragic consequences- delusions, above all. Those who think education is merely imparting information and skills are deluded because skills alone do not respond to our deepest need who I can become as a human person. When education is limited to the what, students sense something is missing.

Education Is one of the responses to our human need.

We are all by nature totally needful beings. We are each in immense need. We are a thirst that needs to be quenched.

We are like a hunger that needs to be satisfied. Need, however, means dependence. It also means potential for fulfillment. Our need as human persons is also constant, restless, and always open to more. Physically and materially we need food and drink, shelter, air, water, and all that the earth provides. How needful and dependent we are! As human persons who can know and love, our need is even more vast and profound. We need to love and be loved, we need knowledge and wisdom, joy and happiness. We need meaning, purpose and destiny.

recognizes these needs, it blends the two aims of education in a marvelous harmony in which the whole person is educated. Preparing youth for who they can become as human persons and sons and daughters of God and for what they are to do in this life enables them to become effective and happy citizens of this world and the Kingdom of God, because God is the ultimate response to our immense need.

A Catholic school is centered in jesus who is God's response to our needs. In jesus, our vast needs are answered.

From my encounters wHh youth, It's evident that they are searching for meaning In life and a way to live. They

want to be their own persons with responsibility. They want to find love. They do not seek freedom to do whatever they want. They want truth and guidance from parents, priests and teachers - in whom they see and experience warmth and willingness to walk with them.

They want to know them• selves and others - how to commune and live with others.

They begin to learn that life has meaning when it becomes a free gift. They sense an inner call to love. They search for goodness and beauty in love. Even those who succumb to destructive behavior - out of weakness and the pressures of false models of love - still in their hearts yearn for beautiful and pure love.

In the young there Is an Immense potenUal and desire for good. Enthusiasm and joy

impels them in their search for meaning and destiny. They are searching for God who also searches for them. They meet in jesus, whom the Father sends, and in jesus present in the members of His body, The two Interdependent alms of education enable and the Church. The greatest moment is when a young person equip us to respond to these needs that cannot be denied. (as well as all of us) knows that jesus is the friend who will They are an inherent impulse in our nature crying out to be not disappoint us and on whom we can always count. :) met and seeking fulfillment. Because Catholic education

Remember; vou belong to something - your loc:~~l perl1h

www.FAITHmeg.c:om

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No,¡cmMr 2000

11

FAITH Magazine

Mike took his first drink as a teenager. He

loved the feeling of ecstasy it produced in him, and began drinking increasingly. M I couldn't understand how others could stop at two when I didn't want to stop at l2,n he says.

But when he told his mother this - and saw the horrified look on her face - he realized that what he said must have been wrong. Mike vowed to himself never to speak of his love of drinking again.

But what began as 'love' eventually spiraled out of control into a serious drinking problem. ~ufe was one big shudder," he says. He would often wake up hung over in the morning, full of remorse for the things he had done and said the night before, or of fear from his near-death experiences driving home drunk Mike's greatest sadness, however, came from the pain that his drinking caused his family. His Saturday morning hangovers often kept him from fulfilling his promises to take his children somewhere, and his marriage was suffering.

It was then that Mike realized that nothing external was going to keep him from drinking. He had passed the milestones that usually cause people to cut back- college, mar· riage, turning 30 and having children - and he was still drinking as much or more than he had in his "wild college days." He had crossed the invisible line into alcoholism without realizing it. Drinking was no longer fun • it had become a compulsion. "l didn't keep drinking because I didn't care, because 1 wanted to or didn't try to stop -1 couldn't stop," he says. "l tried everything in my power - in my power."

Fortunately for Mike, there was another power at work In his life. His family had long been concerned about his drinking problem, but because some were afraid of being too Intrusive, they had kept silent - until the fall of 1993.

That was when Mike went to visit his youngest sister, Mary Anne, in Chicago. "I told her half of what 1 was doing, and she was shocked," he says.

'Half' included a drunken driving charge that almost cost him his job at the courthouse.

Deciding that something had to be done, Mary Anne enlisted the help of a professional interventionist, and in January 1994, rallied the family - including their brothers

FAITH Magazine

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Novtm~r 2000

www.FAITHmag.com

and sisters from all over the country - to participate in an intervention.

"1 was shocked," Mike says of his reaction to seeing his entire family at the door early one morning. But rather than an attack, their message was one of love, and its impact was extremely powerful. "They said to me, 'We don't want you to hurt, we want you to stop drinking and go to treatment: And I did. I could not say 'no' to them - they are my family:'

As promised, Mike went into treatment that same day. The interventionist had helped the family make all the necessary arrangements prior to their visit. In 28 days, he had completed the program and began attending regular meetings at a group for recovering alcoholics. Although he has been sober for seven years, Mike still makes the meetings a priority three times a week, because they are not simply about ~ conquering an addiction. As he says, "It teaches me how to~ live- how to be an OK guy when the chips are down."

For Gene, his struggle with alcohol began when he started drinking at 15. His drinking problem continued

while he was in the Navy, where he says jokingly that he became a "journeyman alcoholic." While others could stop after a few drinks, Gene says he didn't know when to quit.

He had a physical addiction which caused him to crave alcohol every day, negle~ting his job and family. "If you ask me right now, my family is the most important thing in the world. You sit me down at a bar with a drink, and they don't matter at all," he says.

With his marriage on the rocks and his relationship with his children strained, Gene knew that he had a problem. But it took his first moving violation - a drunken driving charge - to make him realize that it was time for a change in the way he lived.

Gene decided to go to a meeting for recovering alcoholics much like Mike's group. But it took a while for the meetings to take effect. He remembers sitting In the back and scoff· lng at the other members. "For me to say, 'I'm Gene, and I'm an alcoholic,' was very difficult for me;" he admits.

"For the first few months, I didn't believe a word of IL" But

at the suggestion of his sponsor- a group member who had been sober for more than a year - he kept coming, first once per month, then once per week and finally every day. "1 realized that if I needed alcohol every day, I probably need·

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ed a meeting every day to deal with that,n he says.

But Gene's rec:overy was sUII difficult. He became depressed, and walked out of treatment twice. He even went so far as to consider suicide. "1 even got the gun out," he says. But he was stopped by a phone call from his daughter, who at the time was unaware of his intentions.

Gene credits her with saving his life. "Talking to her, I just realized 1couldn't abandon my family like that." This experience was only furthe r evidence to Gene that he needed others in his life and that he could not deal with his problems alone.

Gene took aside each member of his family and offered " "hem an apology, promising to start over and stay clean. ~ith their acceptance of his apology and their loving support, as well as that of his recovery group, he has been able to stay sober for 25 years.

But even this length of time, Gene says, "doesn't mean a thing." He still struggles against drinking daily. "(Alcoholism) will jump up and bite you when you're not looking," he says, citing a time in the grocery store when he thought about trying a new brand of beer. For this reason, he still attends meetings daily. As he says, "1never leave feeling worse than when 1 came in." Although the members in his group have a variety of occupations and lifestyles, Gene says that they come together as friends. He recalled one situation when one member of the group was in the hospital and unable to attend the meeting. Their solution? "We brought the meeting to him," he says. "They're like that- so giving and generous."

The spirit of Christ In both men's groups, together wllh the loving support of their families, brought them both back to the Church and their faHh, where they were wei¡ corned with open arms. Mike has tears in his eyes as he describes the love that was extended to him from his parish.

"It was a second miracle," he says of his renewal of faith.

Encouraged to become more active in their parishes, both Mike and Gene volunteered to become members of the Bishops' Council on Alcohol and Other Drugs, and have <1)1cted as sponsors for other recovering alcoholics in their group. To them, serving others is an important factor of

recovery. "You have to give sobriety in order to keep it - you have to stand at the mouth of the hole and help bnng other people out," Mike explains.

Both credit first God and then their families and friends for saving their lives. Gene thanks God daily for a second chance at life -something he and Mike feel they have been given. As Mike says, "Sobriety is a gift from God . .. I despaired that I'd drink my whole life, and I'm sober - I'm free."

You are not alone. Help is closer than you think. See page 23 for a name and phone number of a person you can call to confidentially discuss a drinking or drug problem that you or a loved one may have.

They knew they should take more time for themselves. Uke most

â&#x20AC;˘

their youngest child. Her days became a ceaseless struggle for her daughters survival - doctor visits, young famines, however, blood tests, hospital stays, Ume wu something they tears, so much pain. The just didn't have. distance between them grew too wide to measure, too far to cross. She filed for divorce.

Through it all he kept going. His job demanded it. Their children needed it. He prayed for the strength everyone expected him to have. Now that strength became even more essential. He would get his family through this desperate time - even if he had to do it alone.

After three years the battle for their daughters life " ended. They returned home in defeat, each alon~¡ in the midst of their five remaining children.

Though she revoked the divorce papers and he ended his affair for the sake of the children, the vows they took so many years ago seemed as empty as the abyss each felt inside.

They lived together in marriage, raised their children together. Still, each was alone. Too many disappointments, too much pain left her unable to trust him. Too much distance, too many failed reconciliation attempts left him feeling she would probably sever their vows.

When their last chtld graduated, it happened again. A workplace friendship deepened. He found someone he could talk with about work, about life ... about death. He fell in love with a co-worker.

While he was abroad, she learned about this second affair.

She knew she had grounds for divorce. Still, something held her back. Re-evaluating their 32 years of marriage, she had to admit he had tried to bridge the distance. Had she?

She decided to give him one more chance. She turned to _jlii} the Church - a source of strength for them both - and ~~ 1

By Nancy Sdlartzlng 1 Photog111phy by ChrtsUna Jones

I

t had been 13 years since they said their wedding vows.

The demands of work, six children and daily living were leading them down separate paths. A homemaker and mother, she had built her life around their home. An industrial sculptor and father, he worked hard to feed his family and nunure his kids. He shared his passion for Irish folk dancing with his older children. She stayed at home with the younger three.

They knew they should take more time for themselves. like most young families, however, time was something they just didn't have.

Their separate paths were becoming more distant. He found himself in love with a fellow member of his dance troupe. She found herself fighting leukemia for the life of

FAITH Magazine

16

November 2000

www.fAITHmag.com

Remember, you balongto aomatltlng - your local pariah

found a program that could help. Their archdiocese sponsored a program called Retrouvaille (pronounced "retro-vye") for married couples struggling in their marriage. He agreed to go with her.

They attended their Retrouvaille weekend in November 1989. Listening to other couples who had struggled through unhappy marriages made them feel less alone.

Gaining insights into their own behaviors and what prompted them gave them something to think about. learning powerful new techniques for communicating their feelings - without judgment or fear - gave them hope. For the first time in so many years they had a sense of hope about their marriage.

The word retrouvaille means "rediscover," or to "find again." in French. True to its name, the Retrouvaille program has helped thousands of struggling couples rediscover the reason they married in the first place. The program gives couples of all faiths a way to reconnect in a powerful way to save their marriages.

Their weekend was a new beginning for Nick and Virginia O'Shea. In the 12 follow-up sessions, they put their new ~ools to work. They talked about their feelings for the first 'W'ime in years. They listened to each other without jumping

to judgments or dredging up past hurts.

They spoke in terms of what each could do, without blaming the other. They opened themselves up to the presence of God as the binding element in their marriage.

In 1991 the O'Sheas joined Retrovaille as facilitators. Sharing their story with other struggling couples has deeply enriched their marriage. In addition to facilitating Retrouvaille sessions, Nick and Virginia spend much of their time helping other Catholic dioceses throughout the world establish Retrouvaille programs.

Today the O'Sheas are living their wedding vows more deeply than they ever imagined when they made them 43 years ago.

When asked what message they want to share to other couples considering Retrouvaille, Nick answers immediately. ..If they get their marriage back together and working, they'll be happier than they ever dreamed they could be. What Virginia and 1 have now," he pauses and almost sighs, "l wouldn't ever have dreamed we could have."

Virginia adds, ~1 would tell them theres always hope. You can go on to a better relationship.~ You can find love again. J

have celebrated Christmas Eve together ever since my brother married his wife back in 1981. This is so that his family can celebrate Christmas Day with his in-laws. It's worked, and ~ quite well I might add, since their marriage. Its become the traditional Starnes Family Christmas.

The Funk Family Christmas is actually celebrated on New Year's Eve. This is so Doug's brother's family can spend the Christmas holidays with his in-laws. {Yes, there is a pattern developing here ... ) So, every year after the Christmas rush, well, that rush begins again for us. Granted, we take full advantage of the sales when shopping for the Funk Family Christmas. On the downside, Doug's parents usually spend the holidays alone.

The thought of them alone, though, makes me sad. We do make it a point to invite them up to spend Christmas Day with us but there's always something whether it's a travel or weather concern or another get-together (I've often wondered whether they feel like they would be imposing which they wouldn't by Holidays with the ln·Laws any means). One year they did join us so they here's one particular Christmas ornament that holds could watch our son, Adam, open his goodies from Santa. special meaning for me. It's two little bears huddled The other downside is that every New Year's Eve Doug and together in a sleigh under a soft piece of cloth. Inscribed on I have spent together has been with his family. Don't get me the back is Our first Christmas Together. My mother bought it wrong, I enjoy their company. I love my in-Jaws and couldn't for my husband, Doug, and me to mark our first holiday ask for a better family to be welcomed into. It's just that tingseason together. ing in the New Year is a little anti-climatic following the rush ~ While the ornament brings to mind romance and a budding of opening gifts and celebrating Christmas on the same day. love that has grown through the years, ln all actuality the (The truth be known, we are usually asleep before the ornament should be the two of us along with my family and bell drops In Times Square. And, for alii know, Dick Clark his family - all cramped together in that tiny sleigh. •our First might be starting to show his age because I haven't seen

a

_Q~X~~~R;~~~:_ _ _ __ T

@'

Christmas Together' Is actually when most of us try to blend the traditions of two families and, at the same time, begin our own family tradHions.

The first holidays Doug and 1 shared together pretty much set the routine we have followed through the years. In fact, I first met his family at Thanksgiving. He invited me to his parents' home in New Buffalo and I readily agreed - although I was scared out of my wits about meeting everyone. His family - primarily representing his mother's side - gathers at my now in-laws' home for a huge Thanksgiving feast that could make Manha Stewart shake in her boots.

This was quite a change for me since my Thanksgiving holi· days were quiet affairs spent alone with my parents. One of my brothers is a pilot for a major airline so he's usually in Dubuque or some other exotic port of call during Thanksgiving.

The other brother spends the holiday with his in-laws. To Doug's eyes, my family doesn't do anything special for Thanksgiving. But, to me, that nothing special is time spent together.

Our first Christmas was a Ieeming experience for both of us - Doug found out what a traditional Stamas Family Christmas Is like while I was schooled on a Funk Family Christmas. My family, inc1uding the non-pilot brother (the

pilot, of course, is back in Dubuque), his wife and two kids, FAITH Mogazlnt

18

Novtmbcr 2000

lwww.FAITHmlg.com

him In yearsO

1started to want just one New Years Eve for us. 1 asked Doug if we could do something special to ring In the new millennium. This is how he presented it to his mother: "Well, Kathy doesn't want to come down there for Christmas this year." That wasn't exactly right. I did want to take part in the Funk FamilY Christmas - just not on the day we would be ushering in the year 2000. My mother·in-law, being the saint that she is, worked around it and we celebrated the Funk Family Christmas on New Years Day. And what did we do for our very first New Year's Eve together as a family? We went grocery shopping, for one

thing. I was supposed to plan a big, elaborate getaway, but between getting the premiere issue of the magazine completed - not to mention planning the premiere party itself - and working on the second issue, I failed miserably in my task. All I wanted to do was snuggle up at home under a soft blanket with my two favorite guys - Do,ug and Adam. And that we did - just the three of us ringing in the third millennium.

This year, we'll be back on schedule with the Starnes and Funk Family Chnstmases. It's good to learn the Importance of family tradiUons - with the Importance being placed on fam»J fly - even H those tradHlons differ from what you ere used ~ to. It deflnHeJy beats the aHemaUve - an empty sleigh. J

• helntruqulld "G......

and White" pme has been a hdltlon of the Mlchlpnstate Untv.slty foolbaH ..... for years, but

...... ....._WIIIIMis became held c:o11c:h, he Initiated a few chllnges.lbavoldthe lnJurles that Md occurred In the PHI, the q..rterbac:ks ...,.., hit and the special team players ..,..,., tackled. The ftnt string "White" team eai'Md ..x points per touchdown; the "GrHn" teMI earnecl12 points per touchdown. After all, at the end of the pme they would still be on the •me teaml This reminds me of c:onftlct with family and friends - SOIMIImH we forget that we .,.. on the •me team. When we find ounelves light· lng aplnst thoH we love. we want to make sure that we don't lntlct InJury. 'l1lere are stepe we can take to fight r.lr: (1)

"

.

When

we become angry, we get Hi to defend ourselves and our bodies .,.....,. to fight or fiH. So, schedule a time to talk about lighting before tampers flare. ChooH a Mltlng that often privacy - walk through the .-rtc. find a quiet corner In a c:affH shop, or go to your favorite r.taurent.

• H we are told, "'You always do that," It may be true but we aren, likely to admit IL In fKt, we may look for reasons to defend our action because we feel allac:kecL WW... we..._, "'I felt frushled and hurt we..-" then the situation doesn, (3)

escalate.

"

Psychologists study how

our cutnnt moods help us to rec:aU particular memories and It Is amazing how quickly theu old memories can be triggered. You've probebly had the uperlenca In which a Mill puns back memortes from 1ong ago - emotions do the •me thing. So when you are angry It Is Hkely that you will remember other 11mB that you"ve had conflicts with this person. Try to stay focuMd on the luue at hand Instead of dredging up the put.

H...,.. rMher odd to Hi up a faolball pme In which one team earns double the points of the other for each touchdown. But compromise Is an .rr.cttve approiiCh In dealing with c:onftlc:t: (1) §t~':"..iErk'I':IDI'tmriOO':l--vl_rn\lliiDI::l!lli:umJ

W. don, have the power to change our pat actions, but we can choose dllf.-.nt paths for the future. Given the current situation, what do you ......... bast IOiutfon?

one In which the .-uon.hlp Is the winner.

(3) • •

-...n.f'-

lt a.y be a good Idea to mul thlnp over for a while.

Make ...... that the other pei"'IOt knows that you have 1... taned and that you undentllncl the problem that mu.1 be negotiated. Deckle on a lime hme for solving this probo lam: "'I understand what you need and I'd me. to mull It over until tomon'OW. What time would be good for working this through?"

1l1ere Is an old •ylng, "ChooH your battles." Deckle what Is worth fighting for and what Is not. In the Second Epistle to nmothy, St. Paul wrtt... ., have fought a good tight, 1 hllve finished my course, I have kept the r.lth." Are you fighting the "good tight?" Ask God for guidance when dlfo ~ artse and It may be possible for your relationships to grow healthier .. c:onfllc:ts .... .-olwd.

community Year of jub ilee

Sacrament of the Eucharist PARISH DAYS OF EUCHARISTIC ADORATION IN NOVEMBER Nov. 1 All Saints flint Nov. 10 St. Leo the Great fllnl Nov. 13 St. Stanislaus Kotska )acl!son Nov. 20 Christ the K•ng Ann Arbor Nov. 2 1 St. Mary Chelsea Nov. 24 St. Andrew Dung·lac Lansing

Nov. 21 Queen of the Miraculous Medal )achson Nov. 28 St. Catherine Laboure Conconl Nov. 29 Cristo Ray Lansing Nov. 30 Sl Andrew Saline SUNDAY READINGS Novembw5 Tklrty-fttst SIUiday ht Onlfnary :rime Qeu6eronomy 6:2·6 PNJm 18:2:'4,4J7, 51 Hebrews 7:23·28 Mwk 12:28b-84J November12 'J'llfr1y-sc:CD!Id..S~ ht

Onlbsary Time 1 l<inga 1 7 :•1 C>-16 Paalm 148:7·1 0 HebrwM 9:2+28 tMrk 12:88-44 or 12:41-44

NOvember. 19 111frty-dtlnl Stullky fn Ordinary TIIIIC Olrill12:1-3 ~ 18:5,8-11 Hebnlwa 10:1 H4J, 18 Mlrft 13:2<4-32

Office of Pastoral Planning. For more infonnation, call (51 7) 342-2502.

----·-------~-----------

A production of Callln' to Me, a musical written by William Koahelnyk, a regular contributor to FAITH Magazine, will be presented at the Markel Auditorium of Hillsdale College Nov. 1519. The play centers around the story of an agnostic man who is shown his past as weU 88 the past of the Church by a saint who helps the man rediscover his faith. A preview of Callln' to Me will be held Wednesday, Nov. 15, at 8 p.m. The curtain will rise Thursday-Saturday, Nov. 16·18, at 8 p.m. A matinee performance is scheduled for Sunday, Nov. 19, at 2 p.m. For tickets, contact the Sage Center Box Office at (517) 437..()247 or reserve online at www.hillsdale.edu/academicsltaslhtmll events.html

The 1Oth annual Catholic Campaign for Human Development (COHO) Celebration of Justice dinner will be held Thuraday, Nov. 2.

The dinner recognizes thoae who wort< for greater aocial iustice. Retired Bishop Kenneth J. Povish wiU be honored 88 this year's See her of}usdee award winner. The COHO poeter art contest winners as well as the COHO Community Organizing and Business Grant recipients will be acknowledged. Keynote speaker for the event is TimOthy Collins, Deputy Executive Director for the COH 0 in Washington, D.O. The dinner will be held at St Mary Cathedral Hall.

The sixth and final diocesan Regional Mission focusing on prayer and daily Christian life will be held in Ann Arbor Nov. 12· 15, from 7·8 :30 p.m., at St Francis of Assisi Parish. Lord, Teach Us to Pray, the theme of the mission, will be facaitated by the preaching team of Fr. Joseph Krupp, Chaplain, Lansing Catholic Central High School; Fr. larry Delaney, Director, Sl Francia Retreat Center; Fr. J. Munley, Chairman, Department of Formation, Diocese of Lansing; and, Adrian Oom~nS~rOarol~ber.

Nowmber28

~of Ghrist the Kfng DIMI7:18·14 PuJm 93:1·2, 5 RtMietlon 1 ~5·8 John 18:88b-S7

FAITH is available

NOVEMBER EVENTS

on

audiotape by request.

Call (517) 342-2500 •.

Services for youth and young adults will be held on the second and third evenings of the miaaion headed by Fr. Krupp's team. Bishop Carl Mengeling will celebrate Maaa on the final evening, Nov. 15. No registration is neceasary -just •come and bring all your friends - all people of goodwill," says Sr. RitaVV~,D~orofthe

from 10 a.m.-1 0 p.m. at the Lansing Center. Featured pe~ formers include David Eich and Smalltown Poets. Participants can rtlgister through their youth minister or parish.

This year's Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 23, has been deeignated a Jubilee Day for Families. The day has two purposes: to honor families and celebrate their conbibutiona to eociety and the Church, and to reflect with famifiea on their call to contemplate God's love for all humanity. We offer the following prayer to be used 88 a Thanksgiving Day Table Blessing: lord, we thank you for the goodness of our people and for the spirit of justice that fills this nation.

We thank you for the beauty @~ and tho fullness of the land and tho challenges of the titles.

We thank you for our work and our rest, for one another, and for our homos.

We thank you, lord:

The SL Nicholas Ught Display will be held nightly Nov. 17-Dec. 31 at Domino's Farms, Ann Arbor. The display will be (Pausefor other prayers of open Sunday through Thursday thanltsgiving) from 5:30.9:30 p.m., and For all that we have spoken Friday and Saturday from 5:30. and for all that we keep In our 10:30 p.m. The St Nicholas hearts, accept our thanksgiving Ught Display offers a beautiful on this day.

We pray and give thanks drive-through scenic outdoor display featuring over one million through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen. lights. Following the drive, visi(Catholic Household Blessings tors are welcome to take part in and Prayers, copyright 1989, a variety of indoor activities including a children's area and a United States Catholic Conference) Gingerbread Village. New this year will be a walk-through reproduction of the town of Four local Youth/Young Adult Bethlehem. Proceeds will benegrants will be available for up to fit the Make-A·Wish Foundation. $500 each for parish groupe VISitors are also encouraged to · participating in projects that work bring a donation of canned food to change the conditions that that wiN benefit the Ann Arbor cause poverty. To receive an Food Gatherers and Gleaner's application, call Usa Strother or Food Bank of Detroit.

Suzie Wetherell at (517) 3422463. The deadline for aubmis The annual diocesan Youth siona is Jan. 5, 2001. jamboree will be held Nov. 18

1

I

Communities of Hope Contacts If you or a loved one with a drug or alcohol problem need help. too Adrian

St. Mary of Good Counsc:l

Brenda Pick Bernie & Shirley Shusta

517-436·3629 517·263·4880

Ann Arbor

Sl. Mary Student Parish

Grace Givran Doug Cameron Patrick & Judy Kelley St. Thomas the Aposlle Thomaa Silvia Ballewe, St. Ann Deacon Bill Fudge Brtghton, St. Mary Magcilllene Deacon H. David Scharf Burton, Holy Redeemer Richard Tallman Brooklyn, St. joseph Shrine Bob Kerr Charlotte, S1. Mary Bernie & Shirley Sumner Chelsea, St. Mary Ellery Rouster Richard Shanneyfelt Concord, St. Catherine Labourt Joyce & Pat Akara Dexter, 51. joseph Jay LDuviere East Lansing 51. john Student Parish Linda Rachut Rapids, St. Peter Peter Rottenbucher St.john the fvangcll.st Charlene Zahar t Our Lady of Guadalupe Linda Espinoza St. Agnes Sally Conley St. john Vlanney Ray Gorton Fowler, Most Holy Trinity Rosemary Feldpausch Grand Ledge, St. Michael Thraaia Ganga Hamburg, Holy Spirit Flo Hepola Jackson St. john the Evangelist Kiernan & Marilyn Gamel St. joseph Albert Krieger St. Mary Star of the Sea Sue Good St. Stanislaw Kostlra Jesse Kingston Quttn of lite Mlraculow Medal John E. "Jack" Kowalski Lansing Cristo Rey Frank Aguaroa Bill Monroe Holy Cross Eugene Brown Immaculate Hea,.t of Mary Deacon Bill Fudge Resurrtctlon John Abel St. Casimir Joe Murphy St. Mary Cathtd,.al John Kennedy Manitou Beach St. Mary on the Lake Unda Schwalm Mason, St. james Michael Clark Montee, St. Mary D'Anne Saul OVId, Holy Family Gale Price Pinckney, St. Mary Sua Barlage St. Johns, St. j oseph Harold Sheffer Tecumseh, St. Ell:zabeth John Roberta Westphalia, St. Mary Roger Luna sllanU joseph Kevin O'Brien ansftguratlon Fr. David Franco St. Patriclr

Q

r

734·668·6519 734·677-Q258 734·449·8823 734·662·7866 517·887·8505 81 Q-229·8624 81 Q-342·2440 517·547·6792 517·645·2239 517·522·8501 734·475·8193 517·849-401 0 734·665-Q563 51 7·349·348 1 51 7·663·4440 810·629· 1944 81 Q-238·9051 810·736·8878 8Q0-861· 1767 517·593·3543 517·321 · 1479 734·878·5054 517·75Q-4348 517·782·1158 517·788·8730 517·787-4623 517·789·8854 517·484-4986 51 7·484·6715 517·323·9715 517·887·8505 517·487·5752 517·485·7759 51 7·627·6602 517·547·6291 517-244-Q654 517· 625·7751 51 7·862·5817 734·878·9395 517·224·1694 517·423·7762 517·587·4609 734·463· 1732 734·482·6240

A Remembering Our Dead prayer service will be held on All Souls Day, Thursday, Nov. 2, at St. John Student Parish in East Lansing. The service will begin at 7 p.m. with a reception following. Participants are invit· ed to bring photos of those who are to be remembered as part of the service.

A Labyrinth Prayer experi· ence will be held Monday, Nov. 6, from 6:30.9:30 p.m. at St. John Student Parish, East Lansing. All are welcome to aHend.

The Jubilee for Campus Ministry will be celebrated the week of Nov. 12 at St. John Student Pariah, East Lansing.

For details, contact the parish office at (517) 337·9778.

I

The annual Celestial Auction hosted by St. Martha Parish, Okemos, will be held Saturday, Nov. 4, at the Michigan Athletic Club, 2900 Hannah Blvd, East Lansing. A silent auction will begin at 6 p.m., followed by a live auction at 9 p.m. Proceeds

will benefit St. Martha Pariah/School Operating Coate and Building Fund. To reserve a ticket, call (51 7) 349·9921 .

St. Therese Parish, Lansing, presents Hot Food, Hot Topics providing an opportunity for adults to gather in the con· text of an evening meal to help make faith work in their lives as well as the lives of others.

Crime and Punisl1ment - Better Way: Putting a Human face on Crime will be held Monday, Nov. 6, at 6 p.m. in Fr. Murray Hall. An ex-offender, victim, prison minister and a restorative justice expert will suggest ways to serve those connected to a crime. Whose Birthday Is It Anyway? will be the topic Monday, Nov. 27, at 6 p.m. For infonnation, contact the parish office at (517) 487-3749.

St. Gerard P.T.O. will present the 15th annual Arts and Crafts Show Saturday, Nov. 11, from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. For infonnation, call St. Gerard Parish at (517) 323·2379.

We Remember f rom the Office of Cemeteries

-.n

Maues will be offered by • mlaloliary ffiHn the DloceH of Lllnslng ,for those person$ Who were.burted In our dlo~••n cemeteries IIi August.

Missionary of the Month ... Mllrylcnol priest from Holy Crou Pllrlsh, Ltnslng. In 1988, he WH among the first Maryknoll mtuloMrlils aislgnecl to China. stipends to:·Dfocese of Lll~ng, 300 w..t OU.W. StrHt, Lllnslng, Ml 48833. Pleae l'ftllke the check payable to "Miulori•ry of the Month." If you know • son or dllugftter of the Lllnilng Dloc:eH cunently ~ lng In • m~--.. forward their names to the Mlalonary of the Morith Prognm, 300 w..t Ottawli Street, Lllnsl~ Ml 48833.

The Tithing Committee of SL Joseph Pll....... Dextw, will be glftJng • ~ their envelOpe proceeds each month to-the "MiuiOiialry of the Montf1• P.rolll'llm.

or

ELECTION 2000

ELECTION 2000

ELECTION 2000

Diocese of Lansing

Voting Your Conscience: Election 2000 & Catholic Social Teaching

By Michael Liberato, Ph.D.

As members of the Catholic community, we enter the public forum to act on our moral convictions, share our experiences in serving the poor and vulnerable, and add our values to the dialogue over our nation~ future . ... In the Catholic tradition, responsible citizenship is a virtue; participation in the political process is a moral obligation. (Faithful Citizenship: Civic Responsibility for a New Millennium, United States Catholic Conference, 1999, page 8).

In November 1999, the U.S. bishops published a statement on the political responsibility of Catholics entitled Faithful Citizenship:

Civic Responsibility for a New Millennium. It lays out the principles of Catholic social teaching, reminds us of our

religious and social responsibility to be politically active, and identifies positions on contemporary issues that affect our lives.

The following reflections are based on Faithful Citizenship.

Principles of Catholic Social Teaching & Their Implications for Eledion 2000 Life and Dignity of the Human Person We support constitutional protection for unborn human life as well as legislative efforts to oppose abortion and euthanasia.

We encourage solutions to violent crime that reflect the dignity of the human person, urging our nation to abandon the use of capital punishment

ELECTION 2000

ELECTION 2000

Call to Family, Community, and Participation Tax, workplace, divorce, and welfare policies must be designed to help families stay together and to reward responsibility and sacrifice for children.

All parents should have the opportunity to exercise their fundamental right to choose the education best suited to the needs of their children, including private and religious schools.

Rights and Responsibilities We support health care that is affordable and accessible to all.

Concern about violence leads us to support gun safety measures and reasonable restrictions on access to assault weapons and handguns.

Option for the Poor and Vulnerable Efforts to provide for the basic financial needs of poor families and children must enhance their lives and dignity. We support judiciously administered affirmative action programs as tools to overcome discrimination and its continuing effects.

ELECTION

Dignity of Work and the Rights of Workers We support policies that create jobs with adequate pay and decem working conditions, increase the minimum wage so it becomes a living wage, and overcome barriers to equal pay and employment for women and minorities.

Solidarity We urge the United States to ensure the promotion of religious liberty and other basic human rights as an integral part of U.S. foreign policy.

Care for God's Creation We urge that public policies support the practice of sustainable agriculture ~\ and careful stewardship of\6/ the earth and its natural resources.

The full text of Civic Responsibility is available at the Web site of the National

Conference of Catholic Bishops/United States Catholic Conference, Department of Social Development and World Peace at www.nccbuscc.orglsdwp under the heading Faithful Citizenship.

ocalnews the Dloc:eHil ~of ~who PJH1i'aYI• Tom CruiH loOk·. . . In the liCit SIVII the IICI wU ----to~l9the fllcziMIIon of WOUJN iiiiilel

"'f you hllcf HX U I lelnIIICi . . you . . be. pdil!l?"

"How old db you have to be to becOine • nun?"

"'An you ever sa over-

woitCed you Wlnt to qUit?" :rheiewer.~·-of the ............ uked of five priests and one nun who~ In alive Ghat on www.FAJTHmag.aom Sept. 21. il"hhlllve chat, host· eel ltv PAITH -.ztne and tM OffiCe oU5emlnart.ns, II just I portion of I larger, youth-oriented nwrkellng ~n ltv the Dloc:eH of ~ to recruit ..... and ............atudents for. the

witfi,lletlon ~while

pitetithood to combldrlhorl~

that.,.. belngrfelt natiOftwlcle.

AD eye-catching ad that rwllmbiH I movie postw appearacl on the blck cover of the September IUUI of fAITH to help pramote the Jive c:Mt. The theme, M:P-2t or MIMion: Prlesthoodl2000, II 1 takeoff of the .............. fiihest-groulng movie "MMillon: IJ11POIIIH - r feetwlng Tom Cruise.

Fr. J. Munley, Clullnnan Of

Message on educational reform comes from the pulpit

By Evelyn Barella

The Catholic Times As advertisements regarding Proposal 1, or the school voucher issue, hit the airwaves, Catholic voters have also received messages from the pulpit on Sundays since Oct. 1.

Recently, the second of three documents from Michigan's Catholic bishops calling for an amendment to their states constitution to allow financial assistance for parents who enroll their .children in private schools \ ched nearly half a million atholic households in the

state, while pastors and pastoral coordinators received a packet of material from the Michigan Catholic Conference (MCC) that included seven homiletic resources, "Preaching the Just Word for Educational Reform," to inspire social conscience formation.

The kit also contained fact sheets of the most often requested Proposal 1 documents from Kids First! Yes!, a broad-based coalition of urban and suburban parents, educators, churches,

riding on•the wave of the i)opqlarlty of the;riiovlil.

"The kiM .. to Show kldl

that pr~H_ts.... ,..,. , . . . who enjoy lh," Fr. Munley uld.

In addition to the .-..... and live Ghllt, the MIMIOn; Priesthood- 2000 ~ lng GMJpllgn ~ bulletin lnHrtl•thlit Will !be urit· to parlihei•IIKh viHo thlrt an be viewed at www.rAJTH-.com or the DIOceH or·~· Wlib lie at www!_CUC19i•Gft8nlo

Fr. Raymond Goehring Named Monsignor Fr. Raymond Joseph Goehring, judicial vicar of the Diocese of Lansing, was named a prelate of honor to His Holiness with the tide "Reverend Monsignor" in a ceremony held Sept. 26.

Earlier this year, Msgr.

Goehring was appointed judicial vicar for the diocese, succeeding the late Msgr. David Stotenbur.

Charter Schools Challenge

DuKeHe Catholic School

lna;o;a

synagogues and business leaders that supports Proposal!.

Deacon Tom Bousamra, of Immaculate Conception Parish in Traverse City and a ninth-grade language arts teacher at Traverse City West Junior High School, opposes the ballot initiative and the involvement of Michigans bishops.

"It is a real intense source of conflict for me," Deacon Bousamra said. "The approach the bishops have taken has blurred the lines and is most disturbing. The bishops are trying to move beyond what is just a political solution and have presented it as an element of faith."

www.FAITHmag.com

Gail Schneider-Negrinelli is facing a challenge more and more nonpublic innercity schools are experiencing.

Negrinelli, the new principal at DuKette Catholic School in Flint, has seen a drop in enrollment and believes the opening of several area charter schools are to blame.

Though charter schools may have impacted nonpublic schools to some degree, Negrinelli said, in many respects they have helped faith-based schools articulate their mission.

"People are sending their children here because we are teaching them values in a disciplined environment," Negrinelli said.

November 2000

25

FAITH Magulne

eworld Voucher advocates seek other gains for Catholic schools

......... 1!!11•••1111!1!111111!!1'-!~!111

WASHINGTON -

Even though voucher programs are a hot topic, they are not the only thing Catholic school advocates are promoting.

In states across the country where school choice initiatives have become stuck in legislative quagmires, smaller initiatives such as textbook funding, nursing services and special education services for Catholic schools are making headway, thanks in part to the extensive lobbying effons of Catholic school parents.

"These may seem like

small victories, but they are breakthroughs," said Mary Ellen Russell, director of the Office for Catholic School Parental Rights Advocacy at the U.S. Catholic Conference in Washington.

They may also reflect a trend in future benefits to Catholic schools especially since the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in june in its Mitchell vs. Helms decision that students at Catholic and religious schools should have the same right as public school students to computers and other educational materials and instructional materials through the federal Title VI program of the Elementary and Secondary Education Act.

By Carol Zimmmnann (CNS)

Private schools contribute greatly to public good, say educators WASHINGTON -

just over 11 percent of U.S. children - nearly 6 million - are educated in private schools at an average per pupil cost nationally of $6,195, said jesuit Father Joseph O'Keefe at a Washington conference.

"Do some of the math," he told a gathering of 100 public and private educators.

"Minimally. we could say simply providing that service and the relief that it gives to taxpayers is a contribution not to be overlooked."

But private schools have made many other contributions to the public good, said panelists addressing that topic during a recent conference titled "Pierce, Pluralism & Partnership.

Organized by the U.S. Department of Education's Office of Non-Public Education, the meeting marked the 75th anniversary of a milestone Supreme b

Court ruling, Pierce vs.

Society of Sisters (of the Holy Names of jesus and Mary). The 1925 decision overturned an Oregon law requiring children to attend public schools only, thereby securing the right of parochial and other private schools to exist.

Father O'Keefe, associate professor of education at Boston College, said almost half of Catholic schools are urban, with many &in areas with enormously high levels of poveny and crime." These schools help foster neighborhood stability. he said.

More than 13 percent of students now in Catholic schools are non-Catholic, he added , and most of them are African-American Protestants.

The rationale for keeping these schools open is theological, said the priest. It revolves "around issues of ecumenism, questions of racial justice, questions of

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The Las Word ...

Holiday T'lDle, Family Time Celebration and Communication Moat Rev. Kenneth J. Povlsh

social solidarity."

He noted two other private school contributions.

They provide "a quite extraordinary workplace for ~ults, for teachers," he \.)Jid. with teachers at private schools expressing a higher level of satisfaction than teachers in public schools, despite big salary

differences.

Also, a number of studies show that private school students become better citi· zens, with higher civic values and more knowledge of U.S. history than public school students, he said.

"Community-service learning in particular is one of the hallmarks of private education," he said.

Father O'Keefe also listed three threats to private education: fiscal solvency, erosion of mission and economic forces that treat schools and learning like consumer products.

By Nancy Ha11nagd (CNS)

St. Thomas More, Patron of Politicians? john Paul 11 Might Propose His Example on Nov. 5 VATICAN Clli' (ZENIT org) -

Politicians might soon have a patron. The proclamation will be made in Rome on Nov. 5, the jubilee of Rulers and Parliamentarians.

Who would be named the saint to watch over the life and work of politicians? All proposals in Rome point to one single person: England's Sir Thomas More.

More was born in 1477.

Together with Bishop john ~her of York, he opposed .nry VIII on the question of annulment of his marriage. Unable to take the Oath of Supremacy, which made th~ king head of the

Church in England, Thomas More resigned his office. He was later imprisoned in the Tower of London. Despite pressure from his friends to take the oath, More insisted he could not reconcile such a decision with his conscience.

Thomas More was decapitated on j uly 6, 1535, a few days after Bishop Fisher's execution. Canonized in 1935, according to the "experts'" rumors, john Paul II might propose him as model to the more than 5,000 politicians of the world who will celebrate their special jubilee in Rome from Nov. 4-5.

My sisters and I joked for years that, in our family as we were growing up, our mother made the minor decisions that affected all of us, and Dad made the major decisions. For example, it was Mom who decided where the family went on vacation, when it was time to paint the house and what color, when we traded the old car in for a new one, etc. The major decisions? Dad decided whether China should be admitted into the United Nations, whether or not presidents after·Roosevelt should1be limited to two terms, and whether the St. Lawrence Seaway was good for Michigan.

What we realized in our serious recollections was that the system worked because our parents communicated with each other. My earliest and my last memories of them when I left home for the seniinary at the age of 18 was their talldng, planning and decision-making at tlie end of the day after we kids went to bed. In the summer one could hear them talking on the porch swing, tlie rest of the year they could be heard in the living room or behind the closed door of their.bedioom. Once they agreed on a matter, they supported one another all the way; and as they grew olaer they seemed to be able to know what one another thought without discussion.

Life in ~ house moved through the year according to the rhythms of the typical Polish-Ameikan-Catholic: household with the feasts .afui the fasts, the customs and traditions we learned from our imini· grant grandparents. The mid-morning Sunday Mass started the week off, and we all attended it togetlier, l remember that Dad always parked the car in the.alley beside the rectory. and·we always took a pew on the south side of the main aisle, the "epistle side" in those days. It wasn't because of the reading but because the river diviaed.Alpena into the North Side and the South Side, and there was rivalry between the two.

Dad would stand.in the aisle rather than Sit with the North Siders for Mass.

1 was a disappointtnent to Dad li'ecause I was so unlike him. He played sports in high school and was third 0aseman for a county baseball league team when I was growing up. He was·a small-game hunter and a fisherman both in sunutll:r and through the ice. While my cousins were getting letters in football, basketball and baseball in high school, my three letters were in high school debating; and my favorite haunt as a teenager was the public library. But Dad never once showed hiS disappointment or any clisapproval, and lie proudly backed his children in all that they achieved.

Four guys in oui block got drivers' licenses in the spring of my junior year, but my father was the only one who insisttd that I drive our 1940 Plymouth sedan whenever I was going somewhere and the car was idle.

My tliree younger sistm and I have always agreed that our parents made our nome a good place to be, a good place to bring our frlends, and a good place to come back to. They were not as demonstrative as some parents, the reserve being a Slavic trait. .But we knew tliat they loved one another and loved us. At this Thanksgiving-to-Christmas holiday time that is approaching, 1pray that all the children ~ teens growing up in FAHH territory have parents or stepparentS Uke iiline - couples wlio comml!nicate loyally and give the highest priority to their young ones. ~

faith

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Lansan~o

Prnnil 11782

300 W Ottawa Lansing, Ml 48933 This magazinr is a g1r1 lo temind you 1hn1

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