December 2006

THE MAGAZINE

RISTMAC

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December 2006 OF THE CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF LANSING

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t was a number of years ago – at either Christmas or Easter. As the evening of dinner and visiting with family began to draw to its close, I said, “I think I’ll go home now,” intending to return to my apartment in Ypsilanti. My mother, looking pained and somewhat indignant, said, “This is your home,” meaning my parents’ home in Saginaw. Oops.

By “home,” I meant the place where I was living at the time. By “home,” my mother meant the place where she and my father had raised a family. I had just finished college and was working at my first full-time job in Ann Arbor. I was enjoying a new level of freedom and responsibility that came with living in the work-a-day world. The apartment in Ypsilanti felt like the first place that was my own – not student or campus housing. I had my pictures on the wall and other touches that made it into the comfortable place that I called home – just not the home in which I had grown up. As a family, we crossed a kind of threshold that evening. I returned to my home, leaving with a new appreciation for my parents’ home. All of us need a place we can call home. For some, that will always be the home in which they grew up, a place filled with childhood memories. For others, home will be the place where the roots of independence are planted – the place where they hang their hat, so to speak. In either case, home provides us with a sense of security and familiarity. It can be the place of peace and quiet to which we retreat after a long day’s work, or it can be the place that is filled with the energy and activity of living and loving daily. All of us long for a home. Our parish communities can serve as a home for all of us. During the seasons of Advent and Christmas, some will come to church knowing they fit right in, having been a regular part of the place for so many years. Others will approach coming home to church from a different perspective, one of caution or even wariness. For some, a parish church has not felt like home for too long. At some point, something was said (or not said) or something was done (or not done) that opened a rift. The rift eventually grew to become an empty seat or an empty pew. If that is the case, we need to find ways to heal that rift, to encourage those who feel distanced for one reason or another to return home – to reclaim the seat or pew that is rightfully their own. If you have been hurt by the action or inaction of someone at your local parish, please accept my apology. Perhaps you caught someone having a bad day. Perhaps words were said that were understood in a sense other than that in which they were intended. The church can have a painfully human side at times. Please do not let that human side obscure the divine or stand in the way of returning home during these sacred seasons. In other cases, some may simply be new to a particular parish community, and may not yet know the “ins and outs” of that particular place. It’s up to all of us to help newcomers feel at home. Yes, sometimes it may be easier to sigh, sneer or snicker, but that’s hardly Christ-like. It may be more challenging or time-consuming to offer a few words of kindly welcome and ask someone his name or assist her to find the person or place she’s looking for. It means we need to momentarily move out of our place of comfort in order to invite someone to find comfort. I believe that effort is well worth our time, our energy and our prayer. All of us long for a home, especially during these sacred times and seasons. Each of us can play a part in helping one another on the way home. And so our journey in FAITH continues.

All of us need a place we can call home. For some, that will always be the home in which they grew up, a place filled with childhood memories. For others, home will be the place where the roots of independence are planted

Where is home?

everyone has a different answer

– Father Dwight Ezop is editor of FAITH Magazine and pastor of the Catholic community of St. Jude

FAITH Magazine 2006Priest and Doctor Dec. 4 | St. Nicholas, Bishop Dec. 6 | Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Holy Day of Obligation in the US Liturgical Calendar: St. John December of Damascus,

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Coming home – a faith journey from Mormon to Catholic Betsy Baron was raised a Mormon, but felt something was missing in her life. Her husband’s paralyzing gunshot wound sparked a faith journey that led to the Catholic Church. Read about Betsy’s FAITH walk here.

inside

what you’ll get out of this issue in the know with Fr. Joe 6 Dear Fr. Joe: How does the church pick bishops? – Fr. Joseph Krupp

work life 9 I just don’t understand you – how to work with someone you just don’t “get”. – Tim Ryan

– Theresa McWilliamsWessels

your marriage matters 10 She says: Smoking is a “deal breaker” for me. He says: I need to smoke to reduce stress. What do they do? – Cheval Breggins

p r o f i l e Safe harbor – Chuong Than Nguyen found a new home in Lansing. After a hazardous escape from Vietnam, including capture and torture, Chuong Than Nguyen found a new home in Lansing. Find out how his faith saw him through – and how he gives back to the church.

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FAITH Magazine talks to Mike Rich, screenwriter for The Nativity Story, which will be in theaters Dec. 1.

– Nancy Schertzing

m y s t o r y Happily ever after – Kathleen lost her sister and brother-inlaw, but gained a daughter. When Kathleen McGlinchey’s sister and brother-in-law died of cancer within17 months, Kathleen became guardian of her 7-year-old niece. Find out how Megan turned Kathleen’s sorrow to joy.

20 – Marybeth Hicks

the parenting journey 11 Role reversals – when your parent comes to live with you – Dr. Cathleen McGreal

theology 101 12 A step-by-step guide through the church’s liturgies – Elizabeth Solsburg

my story 22 Welcome back – Karen’s journey home to the Catholic Church – Nancy Schertzing

spiritual fitness 24 Are you harboring pirates? Don’t let your emotions steal your will. – Fr. Bill Ashbaugh

culture 26 A tasty tradition – part deux Galette des Rois, an Epiphany cake – Michele DiFranco

the last word 31 Strangers or members of the family – how do we welcome new parishioners? – Fr. Charles Irvin

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The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing

Most Reverend Carl F. Mengeling PUBLISHER

Rev. Charles Irvin FOUNDING EDITOR

December 2006 • Volume 7: Issue 10

Rev. Dwight Ezop EDITOR IN CHIEF

Patrick M. O’Brien MANAGING EDITOR/CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Elizabeth Martin Solsburg ASSISTANT EDITOR/STAFF WRITER

Patrick Dally ART DIRECTOR/WEB DESIGNER

Jillane Job SUBSCRIPTIONS/SECRETARY

Rev. William Ashbaugh Cheval Breggins Margaret Ann Cross Michelle Sessions DiFranco Marybeth Hicks Elizabeth Johnson Rev. Joseph Krupp Tom and JoAnne Fogle Bob Horning Cathleen McGreal John Morris Rick and Diane Peiffer Tim Ryan Nancy Schertzing Allena Tapia Sara Teller Theresa McWilliams-Wessels CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Derek Melot Margaret Perrone PROOFREADING

Tom Gennara Christine Jones James Luning (cover) Phillip Shippert CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS

Vicki Bedard Wayne Case Michael Eichhorn Mary Jo Gillilland Diane Nowak Margaret Perrone Rev. Bernard Reilly James Rhadigan Ricardo Rodriguez Dcn. David Rosenberg Rev. James Swiat Peter Wagner Sharon Wimple ADVISORY BOARD

FAITH Publishing Ser vice Rev. Dwight Ezop CHAIRMAN

Patrick M. O’Brien PRESIDENT/CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER

Beverly Sherman SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGER

Enomhen Odigie GRAPHIC/WEB DESIGN

Abby Wieber GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Patricia Oliver SECRETARY

Elizabeth Grodi Shannon Hoffman EDITORIAL INTERNS

InnerWorkings PRINT MANAGEMENT FAITHPublishingService.com FAITHTM (USPS 01993) is a publication of FAITH Publishing Service, Catholic Diocese of Lansing, 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933. The Diocese of Lansing edition is published monthly except for February and August. National and parish editions are published bimonthly. To purchase a subscription for the Diocese of Lansing edition, log onto FAITHmag.com or to purchase a subscription for the national/parish edition, log onto FAITHcatholic.com. If you have a change of address, please contact your parish. Periodicals postage paid at Lansing, MI or additional offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: FAITHTM, 209 Seymour Ave., Lansing, MI 48933. © FAITH Publishing Service. FAITH is a trademark of FAITH Publishing Service.

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Dear Editor: Why did Pope Benedict have to stir things up? He must have known that this would only incite violence by Muslims. Of course, the pope is no stranger to conflict. He grew up in Germany while it was ruled by another tyrant. He knows what happens when you appease them, and how fear can intimidate a population to do inhumane things. Certainly, he sees many parallels between Nazi Germany and present day Iran. Hitler was bent on world domination, as is Iran’s Ahmadinejad, whose goal is to preside over what amounts to Armageddon. Both garnered public support masterfully. Both persecuted Jews and Christians. But the similarity ends there. In the 1930s, Germany was experiencing the worst of an interna-

Dear editor:

your thoughts on Pope Benedict’s comments on Islam tional depression. Oil-rich Iran has enormous wealth. They have the means to obtain arms that would make them and their allies a formidable foe, and they are lining up allies. Hitler’s plan was spelled out in Mein Kampf. Islam’s plan is in the Quran, which calls for conversion or death to non-Muslims. The pope is trying to separate the sword from the faith; an insurmountable task? To a degree, the pope’s chances of succeeding depend on world opinion.

On that front, there is a considerable amount of confusion. This is where the local priests must step in. The pope should have explained his intentions to priests worldwide, and instructed the clergy to sermonize on this topic to compare and contrast the two faiths and to clarify his goal. With no coherently reinforced message, rumors and half-truths abound. We need to pray for the pope and for our leaders because if this effort fails the only other answer is unspeakable. – Frank Venuto, Lansing

We want to hear from you! Tell us what you think. We want to hear your opinions – about articles in the magazine, happenings in our church or anything you want to share. Send your letters to: Editor FAITH Magazine 209 Seymour Ave. Lansing, MI 48933 Or send us an e-mail: esolsburg@ faithpublishingservice.com Please make sure to add a line granting us permission to print your letter or e-mail. Your thoughts and ideas matter – please share them with your brothers and sisters in FAITH. St. Peter Canisius, Priest and Doctor Dec. 21 | St. John of Kanty, Priest Dec. 23 | The Solemnity of the Nativity of the Lord (Christmas) D

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St. Francis Xavier Apostle to the East Saint: Francis Xavier Born: April 7, 1506 Died: Dec. 2, 1552 Feast Day: Dec. 3

Dinner with SpongeBob… on vacation with a “stalker”… the saddest day of summer… these are just some of the experiences you’ll read about in Marybeth Hicks’ new collection of family columns, The Perfect World Inside My Minivan – One Mom’s Journey Through the Streets of Suburbia, now available from FAITH Publishing Service and the University of Chicago Press. Through heartwarming and hilarious detail, Marybeth paints a familiar picture of family life. Now, FAITH Publishing Service brings her insightful columns together in a book that’s both entertaining and inspiring.

Claim to Fame: Known as The Apostle to the Indies and Japan, St. Francis Xavier is the patron of all foreign missions. Through his missionary efforts, St. Francis Xavier is said to have converted more people to Christianity than anyone else since St. Paul. Little-known fact: Even though he was a co-founder of the Society of Jesus (Jesuits) with St. Ignatius Loyola, St. Francis used to make fun of St. Ignatius for his love of poverty and his strict religious observances. He later apologized for his teasing. What made him a saint: St. Francis Xavier was one of the first Jesuit missionaries. Arriving in Goa, India in 1542, he preached to the natives, living among them and adopting their customs. Over the next 10 years, he taught and converted more than 10,000 people to Christianity. He traveled to the Paravas, the Moluccas (now New Guinea), Morotai (near the Philippines) and Japan. Despite obstacles with language, poor funding and resistance from authorities in the countries to which he traveled and from European explorers, he persevered in spreading the Gospel and teaching people about Jesus. Best quote: “The dangers to which I am exposed and the tasks I undertake for God are inexhaustible springs of spiritual joy, so much so that these islands are the places in all the world for a man to lose his sight by excess of weeping; but they are tears of joy.” How he died: A decade of missionary work took its toll on St. Francis Xavier. In December 1552, as he was preparing to visit the mainland of China to spread the Gospel there, he became ill with a serious fever. He spent his final weeks on an island off the coast of China in a hut. He was buried in a shallow grave there; his body was later taken to Goa, where it was enshrined in a church belonging to the Jesuits. Prayer: Lord God, by the preaching of St. Francis Xavier you brought many nations to yourself. Give his zeal for the faith to all who believe in you, that your church may rejoice in continued growth throughout the world. May this prayer fill us with the same love that inspired Francis Xavier to work for the salvation of all. Help us to live our Christian calling and to inherit the promise of eternal life. We ask this in the name of Jesus the Lord. Amen. – Elizabeth Johnson

mas) Dec. 25 | St. Stephen, First Martyr Dec. 26 | St. John the Apostle, Evangelist Dec. 27 | Feast of the Holy Innocents, Martyrs Dec. 28 | St. Thomas Becket, Bishop and Martyr Dec. 29

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Dear Fr. Joe: How does the church pick bishops?

his was a great question for me! I stared at it for a long time and realized I really had no idea how it is done. I researched and found some great stuff, but none was more helpful than the Web site: http://frpat. com/bishopchoice.htm. It was fantastic resource, and most of my information for this will come from that site. The first point Father Pat makes is that the Holy Spirit makes the choice. I like that. It would be too easy to simply delve into the process while forgetting the most important part. We believe the Holy Spirit guides the church in a holy and special way. We can trust that Jesus does not leave his flock abandoned, thank God! Finding the right priest begins with the bishop of a region submitting names of priests with the right gifts to the local metropolitan bishop. In the Diocese of Lansing, Bishop Mengeling would supply the names to Cardinal Maida in Detroit. The next step is when the bishops of an area meet with their metropolitan and make a list to give to the papal nuncio.

A bishop called in one of his priests and said, “While celebrating Mass the other day, I noticed that you changed the words of the Eucharistic Prayer. Instead of saying, “We pray for our bishop,” you say, “We pray for our bishop, God’s unworthy servant.” The priest was shocked, saying “Well, Excellency, that is what you say when you get to that part. It sounded so humble and beautiful, I thought I should say it, too. Why is it okay for you to refer to yourself as an unworthy servant, but wrong for me to refer to you that way?” The bishop paused and said, “Well, because when you say it, you mean it … “

The papal nuncio is someone the pope appoints to do two things: • to serve as the ambassador to a country and • to represent the pope for all the Catholics in that country. The papal nuncio for the U.S. is an Italian archbishop named Pietro Sambi. In the next step, Archbishop Sambi checks out the priests on the list – he prays and discerns to identify their strengths and weaknesses. The priests’ friends and family receive a confidential form to fill out to assist in Archbishop Sambi’s investigation. The result of this process is that the nuncio has a solid understanding of the various priests whom the bishops consider good prospects for the episcopacy. This way, when a diocese opens up, the nuncio can send the Congregation for Bishops in Rome a shorter list of priests whose particular gifts and talents will fit that diocese best. Now that the Congregation of Bishops has a list, they pray about it and discuss it together. The end result is that they send the pope an even shorter list. The pope sits down with the congregation and

Dear Fr. Joe

how does the church pick bishops?

FAITH Magazine

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the nuncio to pray and discuss who the Holy Spirit is calling them to appoint. Now, as I understand it, neither the papal nuncio nor the pope are slaves to this list: They can choose whomever they feel the Spirit is calling them to appoint. Thanks for this question.

Dear Fr. Joe: If I don’t like my priest, can I switch parishes?

nother good question. First of all, I think it’s important to keep in mind that you are not enslaved to any location for

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FAITH asks:

The Wright brothers invented the first successful airplane in what year?

What’s the best part of going home at the end of the day?

Wilbur and Orville Wright, two of five children raised in a household which revolved around the importance of stimulating intellectual curiosity, put their upbringing to good use when they conducted the first successful airplane flight on Dec.17, WHAT YEAR?

As Christmas approaches, and we remember Mary and Joseph searching for a place to take shelter in the night, we reflect on what makes our own homes special. We asked students at St. Casimir School, Lansing “What’s the best part of going home at the end of the day?” Corbis

It’s a bird, it’s a plane…!

Civil War Union General George Armstrong Custer was born in Harrison County, Ohio on Dec. 5, WHAT YEAR? This renowned cavalry leader was defeated at the Battle of Little Big Horn in 1876, where he met his demise at the hands of the Cheyenne. In the early morning hours of Dec. 7, WHAT YEAR? the United States officially entered World War II when the Japanese bombed the nation’s naval base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, without warning, killing thousands of servicemen and destroying numerous ships and aircraft. Though it is well-known that Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ on Christmas Day, the year of his birth is often debated due to the lack of exact historical information. However, it is widely believed that the son of God was born on Dec. 25, WHAT YEAR?

Jodi (age 13) It’s being able to go home and see my family for dinner, and just to spend time with them after we all come home from school or work.

Ben (age 13) The best part is when I see my family and set my stuff down. I also enjoy talking to them about my day.

Katrina (age 13) I like going home at the end of the day because I get to relax. There’s nothing to worry about and I get to be myself.

Answers: 1903, 1839, 1941, 6 B.C.

attending Mass. Although parishes are defined geographically, you may participate in another parish’s worship and activities. In some dioceses, you may register in a parish of your choosing; in others, your registration is restricted to the parish where you are technically a member – which is the parish in which you reside. Under canon law, whether you regiser or not, you are a member of that parish. I know my family drove 45 minutes to go to a church because the priest there was an incredibly holy, rare man and we didn’t want to miss out on that gift. That helped my spirituality immensely. I do think it’s important to go to the Catholic parish that feeds your soul best. A buddy of mine commuted a significant distance to his church and had a bumper sticker that said, “A church alive is worth the drive!” That sums it up well. I believe that our reasons for

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switching parishes or not switching are important. If we are switching because Mass is shorter somewhere else, I think that is a bad idea. God deserves our time, talents and energy – basing our worship on how quickly we can get out sends our souls a bad message. Switching parishes is a big deal and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Make sure that you pray and talk this through with friends before making your choice. Just like in the previous question, trust that the Holy Spirit will guide your open heart. Enjoy another day in God’s presence!

The Diocese of Lansing Online Check out all the great happenings and news in our diocese at the new Diocese of Lansing Web site: www.DioceseOfLansing.org.

“In the Know with Fr. Joe” FAITH Magazine 209 Seymour Ave. Lansing, MI 48933 Or: JoeInBlack@priest.com

of white, non-Hispanic Catholics favor making it a criminal offense to assist an undocumented immigrant to remain in the U.S.

(CARA, Spring 2006)

What do you think?

– Father Joseph Krupp

Send your questions to:

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Keeping FAITH on the Web FAITH’s website is hosted by RC.net. which provides family friendly internet service. visit www.rcnet.

Log on to FAITHmag.com then click FAITH forums to discuss this and other interesting topics.

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what in the world? the top-10 Catholic News events this month

Pope welcomes Dali Lama Pope Benedict’s Oct. 13 audience with Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dali Lama and Buddhist spiritual leader of Tibet, was described as a private meeting “of religious contents.”

Limbo no more? To say that babies, regardless of baptism, will go to heaven makes more sense than the idea that they go to limbo, says the papal-appointed International Theological Commission; the Catechism of the Catholic Church does not mention limbo.

Protestant Paisley meets Archbishop Irish Protestant leader, Dr. Ian Paisley (right), who famously called Pope John Paul II the anti-Christ, had a historic first meeting with Northern Ireland Catholic Archbishop Sean Brady.

Bishop Skylstad speaks about immigration

Prelates Urge Bush to Veto Secure Fence Act

REUTE RS/Kieran Doherty

Pope to ease Latin Mass restrictions Pope Benedict XVI loosened restrictions on use of the old Latin Mass; it is a major compromise with schismatic groups that split with the church to protest Vatican II.

Vatican calls for anti-terrorism convention The Holy See has requested that the United Nations pass an anti-terrorism convention that will not violate human rights in the name of security.

“The Spirit of Generation Y” Research conducted at Australian Catholic University found that 48% of Generation Y (those born 1976-1990) believe in God, 20% do not, and 32% are unsure.

Movie examines Jesus’ ethnicity The movie Color of the Cross, which portrays Jesus as an African Jew, is written by, directed by and stars Jean-Claude LaMarre.

Random snow storm damages parishes The record breaking snow storm of Oct. 12-13 in New York damaged half of the parishes in the Diocese of Buffalo.

‘Celestial evangelist’ says Big Bang Theory proves God exists “God said, Let there be light,” says James Mullaney, director of the DuPont Observatory at the University of South Carolina in Aiken, S.C.

NFL quarterback thanks Catholic schools Bruce Gradkowski, starting quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, has publicly thanked his former Catholic schools for their support. FAITH Magazine

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REUTERS/Shaun Heasley

U.S. bishops’ conference official asked President George Bush to veto a bill that would authorize construction of up to 700 miles of fencing and barriers along the Mexican border. Bishop William Skylstad, president of the U.S. conference, made his request in a letter sent to Bush regarding the Secure Fence Act of 2006. “To be clear,” Bishop Skylstad wrote, “the U.S. Catholic bishops are supportive of efforts to enforce immigration law and secure our borders, so long as the mechanism and strategies applied toward this end protect human dignity and protect human life.” “However,” the bishop of Spokane added, “we are opposed to this legislation because we believe it could lead to the deaths of migrants attempting to enter the United States and increased smuggling-related violence along our border. We also believe it would send the wrong signal to our peaceful neighbor to the south, Mexico, as well as the international community.” Bishop Skylstad, 72, also noted that a recent study from

the Government Accountability Office found migrant deaths have doubled since 1995, about the time the government began a series of border enforcement initiatives designed to stem illegal entries at ports-of-entry and other traditional crossing routes. Since this time, close to 3,000 immigrants have died in remote portions of the U.S. Southwest. The bishop continued: “In our estimation, the erection of a border fence would force migrants, desperate to find employment to support their families, to seek alternative and more dangerous ways to enter the country, contributing to an increase in deaths, including women and children. ... “We strongly feel that the development of just global economic and trade policies designed to help create living wage jobs in countries of origin would permit persons to remain home and support themselves and their families.”

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Pope Benedict XVI proclaims four new saints Pope Benedict proclaimed four saints, including the first bishop born in Latin America and the founder of an American college, on October 15, reported the Vatican. The new saints are: • Rafael Guízar Valencia, Mexican bishop of Veracruz, Mexico, first bishop born in Latin America (1878-1938). • Filippo Smaldone, Italian diocesan priest, founder of the Congregation of the Salesian Sisters of the Sacred Heart (1848-1923). • Rosa Venerini, Italian founder of the Congregation of Religious Teachers Venerini (1656-1728). • Teodora Guérin, born Anne-Thérèse, French founder of the Congregation of the Sisters of Providence of St. Mary of the Woods College in the United States (1798-1856).

Religion not an excuse for hatred Benedict XVI prayed that God may bless every effort to eliminate from the world “any misuse of religion as an excuse for hatred and violence.” The pope expressed this October 12 in the Apostolic Palace when he received in audience a delegation of the Anti-Defamation League, a U.S.-based association established in 1913 to combat anti-Semitism. Benedict XVI emphasized that “in our world today, religious, political, academic and economic leaders are being seriously challenged to improve the level of dialogue between peoples and cultures.” The Second Vatican Council declaration Nostra Aetate, in deploring “all forms of hatred or persecution directed against the Jews,” appeals to Christians and Jews “to overcome the conflicts of the past and to create new bonds of friendship and collaboration,” the pope said. --Zenit

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I just don’t understand you how to work with someone you just don’t “get”

arol says: Chuck drives me nuts! When we have a problem, we need to figure out a fix and get things working again. But Chuck wants to talk about root causes and longterm solutions; he over-analyzes everything. We have to fix the problem right now, and he’s wasting time! Chuck says: Carol doesn’t get it – we keep fixing the same problems over and over again. Unless we step back and figure out why these things are happening – and try to come up with permanent solutions – we will continue to waste time and money, and lose quality. She can make me so frustrated!

Carol and Chuck have worked together for five years, but aren’t sure they could handle five more. They disagree about most workplace situations.

The expert says: We all know people are different – but sometimes it’s difficult to tolerate those differences. Isabel Myers and her mother, Katherine Briggs, did a lot of work in the area of understanding personalities. They proposed that we need to honor our own gifts as well as the gifts of others. For example, one of the personality characteristics they clarified has to do with how we process information. Some people are more sensing: They look at the facts in front of them and focus more on the “now”. Others are more “intuitive”: They identify patterns and focus more on future possibilities. Neither is better than the other, but together they provide a better perspective on the big picture. So – if Carol recognizes that Chuck is more intuitive, and Chuck understands that Carol is more sensing, they can combine their strengths to come up with a better solution. For example, standard problem-

solving techniques instruct us to first develop a quick fix to alleviate the effects of a problem, and then we need to perform a root-cause analysis, in order to develop a long-term solution. In this context, it’s easy to see how Carol and Chuck can be more effective together rather than separately. “Good teamwork calls for recognition and use of certain valuable differences between members of the team.” Myers , Type and Teamwork (1974)

Long before Myers and Briggs, St. Paul taught the same thing. In his first letter to the Corinthians, he describes how the Holy Spirit has given us all unique gifts. (1 Cor 12) Individually, our gifts are of limited value, but together we are the Body of Christ; we strengthen one another and God’s presence in the world. In order to grow in this spirit of oneness, we need to follow St. Francis’ advice to seek first to understand others – and their gifts – rather than be understood. – Tim Ryan

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Romantic Meditations Seek out inspirational literature. Read your favorite passages together or take turns reading to each other. Some suggestions: Moments Together for Couples, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey and Rekindle the Passion While Raising Your Kids, by Anthony Garcia. money

Put your home to work Home equity loans or lines of credit can be a good way to put your home’s equity to work for you by consolidating existing debt. FAITH Magazine

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ark and Sharon have been married for five years. Mark has recently started smoking again, over Sharon’s objections.

He said She said what do they do?

Smoking is a “deal breaker” for me

I need to smoke to reduce stress

Sharon says: Mark was a smoker when I met him, but stopped when I told him it was a “deal breaker” for me in a relationship. My grandfather and two uncles died of smoking-related cancers and I don’t want to watch anyone else I love, particularly my husband, go through that nightmare. Also, although he’s been hiding it from our children, they’re going to find out – and it’s setting a horrible example for them.

Mark says: Look, I know I should quit. I started smoking again because I was stressed out by a huge new project at work, and almost everyone else there smokes. I try not to do it in front of Sharon or the kids, but smoking is a relaxing thing for me. I only stopped in the first place to please Sharon, but now I am getting tired of her nagging. I’ll quit as soon as this big project at work is over – I can quit whenever I want.

The counselor says: Sharon was initially aware that Mark was a smoker while they were dating and December 2006

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p a r e n t i n g

– Cheval Breggins

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role reversals when your parent comes to live with you Loyal and true Unquestionable loyalty to a spouse is a hallmark of a good marriage: Loyalty that places our marriage partner above all others. Loyalty that has a blind eye to their faults. Loyalty to be there during good times and in bad times. Loyalty to honor the pledge of commitment made on the wedding day.

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did not accept Mark as he was. What she also did not factor into her ultimatum, or “deal breaker” equation, is that Mark quit smoking to keep her and that smoking becomes a progressively addictive behavior. Mark quit smoking to make Sharon happy. Changing one’s behavior to please someone else usually is not an everlasting change because the reason for quitting is externally motivated. Even Jesus Christ wants us to be internally inspired to change our behavior. Through counseling, Mark can come to the understanding that smoking reduces his life expectancy and his second-hand smoke may lead to serious health problems for Sharon and their children. Mark may also have issues with an addictive personality trait that could be addressed through counseling. Oftentimes, eliminating one addictive behavior will only allow it to be replaced with an alternate addictive behavior because the underlying problem is not addressed. Addictive personalities enslave us to the behavior that controls us. The behavior becomes the master and we become the slave. Look at 2 Peter 2:19: “They promise them freedom, though they themselves are slaves of corruption, for a person is a slave of whatever overcomes him.” While Mark says he can overcome smoking at any time, it is far too easy to slide back into bondage. Mark should pray daily and ask God to give him the strength to resist temptation to smoke and ask for forgiveness if he should slip. Sharon needs to understand that this will be a daily challenge for Mark and he’ll rely on her support and forgiveness. There are physiological, psychological, and spiritual, challenges ahead for them both as Mark overcomes this battle.

j o u r n e y

time

Multi-task for more time Learn to multi-task. Multi-tasking is good if done for the right reason. Multitasking aimed at strengthening a family, thereby allowing greater time to be spent together, is good. Multi-tasking aimed at squeezing yet another activity into an already busy schedule is wrong and selfdestructive.

W What are some ideas for adult children when their parents come to live with them?

hen I was knee-high to a grasshopper – as my grandma would sometimes describe my state in life – I couldn’t imagine a better living arrangement than having grandma, siblings and parents all together under the same roof. My parents were happy to be able to take quiet walks after dinner, knowing that we were safe and sound. My memories of tension are few, but I do recall comments about too much salt slipped into the stew! In talking to my mom recently, I discovered that there were behind-thescenes conversations about house rules. My dad told his mom that when “push came to shove,” it was Patty’s home. The adults then decided to become an extended family: My parents sold the three-bedroom home they had just built and purchased a four-bedroom “fixer-upper.” What are some other ideas for adult children when their parents come to live with them?

Discuss the reasons for becoming an intergenerational household Researchers talk about “intimacy at a distance.” A preference among many older adults would be to live close to their adult children but not with their adult children. Talk about why you are making the choice to become an intergenerational household. Is this a financial necessity? Is it an alternative to an adult-care facility? Make sure that expectations are clear. Don’t assume that a grandparent is eager to become a full-time baby sitter – discuss it ahead of time. Be clear about disciplinary roles, cooking responsibilities and other dayto-day tasks. See how this discussion goes before you make any major commitment to share a household. Plan to have casual household meetings on a regular basis, perhaps when you make up the grocery list.

Encourage relationships outside the family Difficulties are compounded if your parents have had to relocate and come live with you. Family and friends provide emotional support in different ways. Friends are more likely to be confidants and to share generational experiences. Encourage your parents to remain in contact with friends and to meet new friends through church groups or senior centers. If they are physically able, your parents can become integrated into the community through the Foster Grandparent program, by helping the frail elderly through Senior Companions, or even following former President Jimmy Carter’s lead and volunteering for Habitat for Humanity! Giving to others will increase life satisfaction for your parents. Allow your family the freedom of reevaluating your decision now and then to make sure it remains the best choice for all. – Dr. Cathleen McGreal

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t h e o l o g y

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Eucharistic adoration and benediction a step-by-step guide through the church’s liturgies

B Reuters/Pawel Kopczynski

y the second century, Christians were reserving a small portion of the Eucharist to bring to the sick and homebound. As time went on, they devised various containers for carrying the sacred bread and kept it in a cupboard in their homes.

silence: Our liturgies beautifully balance the elements of our lives – speaking and listening, offering and receiving, singing and silence. Silence has an important part in the Mass; we reflect deeply and silently during the penitential rite, before the opening prayer, before the first reading, after the first and second readings, after the homily and after all have received Communion. Moments of silence allow us time to ponder the states of our souls, the truth we have heard and to express gratitude. Silence is also appropriate prior to Mass in order to compose ourselves to prayer; after parishioners have greeted each other and shared conversational fellowship, there can be a few moments of silent prayer before Mass begins. FAITH Magazine

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who ’s in the s anctuary?

Sacristan: The sacristan is “behind the scenes.” He or she is the person responsible for setting the appropriate cloths and vessels in place before Mass, for cleaning the altar, and for taking care of the sacristy. The sacristan usually manages the laundry of vestments and altar clothing. Also, he or she often arranges and maintains the altar flowers.

Eucharistic reservation and adoration, as we are familiar with it today, arose in the 13th century. Because the laity received Communion very rarely, the high point of their worship was seeing the host being elevated during the Mass. From this theological understanding, the practice of private and silent adoration of the Eucharist in a tabernacle – or exposed – developed. The church encourages private prayer, and prayer in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament is a time of intense quiet and meditation. It should lead us to the Lord present in his people, his church and the offering of the Mass. Another form of adoration occurs during exposition. Exposition is a public display of the Eucharist, outside the tabernacle, in a ciborium or a monstrance. Exposition is part of a liturgical rite and follows liturgical directives. It has a beginning and an end; includes congregational prayer, music, and private prayer; and concludes with a special blessing. Expositions generally fall into two categories: annual solemn exposition and brief periods of exposition. Annual solemn exposition takes place,

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b i b l e

q u i z

w h a t ’ s

h e

w e a r i n g ?

tell me a story the meaning of the parables 1. Upsets our expectations of strict fairness at the final judgment. All who respond to the call of Jesus, whether early in life or late, will inherit the kingdom. It is a pure gift and cannot be earned. 2. Probably Jesus’ first parable and the central thought on which the Sermon on the Mount was based. Inflexibility of traditional systems can’t adapt to the freedom of Jesus’ new way. 3. Dangers of putting out trust in possessions, instead of recognizing our dependence on God.

a. The Rich Fool (Luke 12: 16-21)

b. Workers in the Vineyard (Matt 20: 1-6)

c. The Sower and the Seed (Matt 13: 1-13)

4. Refers to the reception given to God’s revelation. Some accept it; others do not.

d. I am the Vine

5. Union with Jesus is necessary for fruitfulness.

e. New Wine in Old Wineskins

Answers: 1:b; 2:e; 3: a; 4:c; 5:d

as its name suggests, once a year. It can last one or more days and should focus on enriching the life of the community and the community’s participation in the Eucharistic liturgy. It should include readings, prayer, preaching and music. If the solemn exposition takes place in the body of the church, Mass may not be celebrated there. If it takes place in a side chapel, Mass can be celebrated in the church, but some members of the community must remain with the exposed sacrament. Another option is for brief periods of exposition, perhaps weekly or monthly. The The church ensame liturgical directives apply. courages private Specifically, exposition cannot prayer, and prayer take place simply to enable the in the presence of celebration of benediction. the Blessed SacExposition usually ends with rament is a time benediction, a rite which inof intense quiet cludes the singing of the hymn and meditation. Tantum Ergo Sacramentum and a blessing of the assembly with the exposed sacrament. The priest or deacon lifts the monstrance, his hands covered in fabric called the humeral veil, and makes the sign of the cross over the people in silence. There are two reasons for eucharistic reservation. First, through Communion, to nourish those who are unable to participate in the Mass, especially those who are sick and homebound, and foster their unity with the community. Second, it encourages meditative prayer and devotion, which should draw us back into a fuller expression of our faith within our family of faith.

(John: 15: 1-8)

(Mark 2: 21-22)

w h a t ’ s t h e s e a s o n ?

Christmas Christmas is the celebration of the Nativity of the Lord. Many people believe the early church fathers chose to co-opt the pagan celebrations surrounding the winter solstice and commemorate Jesus’ birth in December. Recent research suggests, however, that Dec. 25 is actually an accurate date. The Christmas season in the modern church lasts until the Sunday after Epiphany, the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord. The liturgical color for Christmas is white.

Dalmatic: The dalmatic was a calf-length tunic with wide sleeves – beltless – which first made an appearance in third-century Rome. It originated in Dalmatia and was a senatorial status symbol when it was first seen in Rome. In the 11th century, the church appropriated the dalmatic as a liturgical vestment and it is now worn by deacons when they are serving at Mass.

w h a t ’ s

i n

t h e

c h u r c h ?

Crèche:

he crèche, or manger scene, was introduced by St. Francis of Assisi as a way of explaining the birth of Jesus. It became a popular symbol of Christmas, found in homes as well as churches. Various traditions have arisen surrounding the crèche – French manger scenes have tiny figures representing various occupations, for example. In many households, it is customary to set up the crèche with an empty manger – the children in the house do good deeds during Advent and add a straw to Jesus’ bed for every one performed. On Christmas Eve, the statue of the baby is ceremoniously laid in his crib.

By Elizabeth Solsburg | Illustrations by Bob Patten

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r y

By Theresa McWilliams-Wessels Photography by Jim Luning

n her first day of work in Los Angeles, Betsy, an inactive Mormon, met Jon Baron, an inactive Catholic, as they entered the building at the same time. After a couple months of dating, Betsy flew across the country to meet Jon’s parents and he introduced her as his mother’s “future daughter in-law.” They were married five months later. Tragedy struck the newlyweds 10 days shy of their first anniversary. Jon was gunned down by a former employee’s disgruntled spouse in the parking garage behind his office building. Miraculously, a colleague of Jon’s named Dick heard what he thought were gunshots from inside the building and ran straight to Jon, without knowing which level of the five-story garage he was on. “Dick later said he felt guided to the spot where Jon lay. Almost immediately, paramedics from the fire station across the street from the office arrived there and tried to suppress the bleeding,” says Betsy softly, “Jon was taken to the trauma center at Harbor UCLA.

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‘‘A

s the first gunshot victim of the night in south L.A., he had the best surgeons perform his various surgeries,” Betsy says. His aorta, the largest artery in the human body, had been punctured twice on either side of the heart. “ He received 50 units of blood during surgery and his doctors told me that he had a 1 percent chance of survival,” says Betsy. The first of three bullets also struck his spinal cord, paralyzing him from the waist down.

As a woman and a mother, I like having Mary as a guide and think she deserves respect as the mother of God.”

FAITH Magazine

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“Jon said he felt an incredible peace as the surgeons worked on him, and since there was not enough time to give him anesthesia, he drifted in and out of consciousness during surgery. He said he just kept thinking that he needed more time with me and that he couldn’t let his mother bury her son.” He could only communicate in writing the first two weeks, since he was on a ventilator. The first words he wrote to Betsy were, “We have to be strong.” “That has become our family motto,” Betsy recounts.

Betsy grew up in Salt Lake City where Mormonism is more than just a religion – it’s a lifestyle. Mormons, or members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, comprise 60 percent of Utah’s 2.5 million people. Mormons adhere to a strict code of conduct; they also avoid tobacco, alcohol and caffeine. Mormons are required to give 10 percent of their net incomes to the church. But by the time Betsy moved to Los Angeles at the age of 23, she was no longer an active Mormon. After the shooting, the Barons at-

tended Mass quarterly – “Christmas, Easter, and a few in between,” Betsy explains. After she became pregnant with their first son, Nick, she decided to try the Mormon church again. She had been inactive for eight years and wanted to see if it was right for her. The Barons moved to Ann Arbor, where Jon attended St. Francis and Betsy took Nick, and later Eric, to a Mormon church. Since Mormons are designated a specific time to come to services, worshippers see the same people every week and develop friendships very easily. However, the friendships weren’t enough to give Betsy the spiritual uplift she needed. Eight years later, Nick was the age that Mormons baptize their children. But Nick was adamant that he did not want to be baptized Mormon; he wanted to attend his father’s church. That same year, the Ann Arbor Mormon ward closed due to renovation and Betsy didn’t want to travel to the Ypsilanti church from Dexter for a 3 p.m. Sunday service.

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After Betsy and the children began attending Mass, they decided, as a family, that the Catholic faith was right for them. When they moved to Dexter in 2001, Betsy began attending RCIA sessions at St. Joseph and was baptized, along with her children, during the 2002 Easter Vigil. Jon’s entire extended family came to town from Albany, N.Y., to witness the sacrament. Betsy’s Mormon friends from her former ward also showed their support by attending. However, Betsy did not tell her parents of her conversion until a week before her baptism. Her mother still refuses to talk about it, while her father was more accepting. “When I first started attending Mass, I was shocked that the whole service celebrates Christ – which is exactly what I was looking for beyond Mormonism. When I leave Mass, I have a very peaceful feeling within and also for my family. I feel the biggest joy is going together as a family. I’ll never forget the night we were all baptized at Easter Vigil; the ceremony was so serene and spiritual. Fr. Brendan always brings in a little pool to use for the baptisms. “I was ‘dunked’ first, then Eric (who was 4 years old) was to come in, but hesitated. I held out my arms for him and he ran to me. I just burst into tears because I felt it

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was so right. Father gently poured the holy water over Eric. “Then Nick, who was 9, plugged his nose as Father dunked him – everyone laughed. “The best part was looking at my husband while we were all standing there in drenched robes: He had the proudest look on his face with tears in his eyes. “I felt called to focus on Jesus Christ, and while there are many aspects of the Mormon church I liked, and Mormons do regard Jesus as the Messiah, they believe the Trinity to be three separate entities rather than three in one.” The Mormon belief that there are three separate levels of heaven – telestial, terrestrial and celestial – was upsetting to Betsy. “The idea of families being separated in heaven was something I couldn’t accept. I feel that we have a loving God that would want us to be with our families and loved ones [even if they weren’t Mormon],” says Betsy. Since Mormons only use the King James version of the Bible, as well as the additional Book of Mormon, the Catholic Bible has taken some getting used to. Regarding the Virgin Mary, Betsy says “I always felt like she was ignored in the past. As a woman and a mother, I like having her as a guide and think she deserves respect as the mother of God.” “When we first attended St.

r e s o u r c e

Finding a new home in the Catholic Church Betsy became a Catholic through participation in a process called the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, or RCIA. During this faith journey, those who are unbaptized or baptized in other faiths explore Catholicism and prepare to be welcomed into the church at the Easter Vigil Mass. For more information about the RCIA, to volunteer as a team member or a sponsor, or just to find out more about the Catholic faith, contact your parish’s RCIA coordinator.

Joseph’s, it was not wheelchairfriendly. However, we met Fr. Brendan and really thought he was an awesome priest. And the people were friendly and helpful trying to find a place for Jon to fit the wheelchair. We are in the process of building a new, larger and handicap accessible church,” says Betsy warmly. The Barons have added to St. Joseph’s population: They welcomed twins Amanda and Luke in January 2006. “What a blessing these sweet spirits have been to our family. First of all, they were very healthy at birth, which was a huge blessing and relief. Nick and Eric help a lot with Luke and Amanda. Since Amanda is the only girl in the family, they have nicknamed her ‘Precious’. There seems to be a lot more laughter in our home now with the babies,” says Betsy. “They were baptized in April – which is the first traditional baptism any of our children have had. It was extremely special. “I felt so blessed that we were now truly together as a family. I felt like I was home.”

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p r o f i l e

Chuong Than Nguyen found a new home in Lansing

arborless. In the late ’70s and early ’80s, this word would have conjured images of Vietnamese boat people crammed into fishing crafts or refugee camps. People like Chuong Than Nguyen.

The oldest child of a South Vietnamese airman, Chuong enjoyed a comfortable childhood away from the horrors of the war. Family, school, church and freedom formed the pillars of Chuong’s early life – especially his Catholic faith. When Saigon fell, Chuong’s comfortable childhood FAITH Magazine

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December 2006

fell with it. The Nguyens chafed under the harsh totalitarian regime. Schools indoctrinated students, brainwashing them into becoming Communist “Ho Chi Minh Children.” The government banned

religion and dictated devotion to Ho Chi Minh. Personal freedoms fell to endless rules brutally enforced. The Nguyens had to get out. Chuong attempted to escape Vietnam four times. Once, he was captured and imprisoned in a cargo box under the tropical sun. “They put me in a12’ X 12’ metal box, one of those they drop supplies for soldiers. They put me in, with 100 degrees Fahrenheit and humid,” Chuong recalls. “They put me in there for three days and torture me to tell them who organized escape. Finally my parents get me out of there. They bribe. If you have money they get you out – the more money the better.” But the torture didn’t stop him. In 1981, just before his 18th birthday, Chuong was desperate to leave Vietnam. Communist Army draftees faced horrific death rates on the Cambodia or Laotian fronts. Chuong believed he had no more than a 5 percent chance of survival if he was drafted With his 15-year-old brother, Chuong slipped away after dark. They each carried one change of clothes and one gold ring their mother gave them to sell when they needed money. From their river village, they smuggled themselves aboard a 30-foot water taxi working its way along the rivers toward the sea. “Is very dangerous. We had to hide away from the police because if they see you they shoot you or put you in jail and torture you or beat you up. They don’t treat you like human.” This time Chuong and his brother made it aboard a 40-foot fishing vessel departing Vietnam for the open seas. Its cargo of 45 refugees hid in a tiny compartment under the cabin. Chuong explains, “Where they keep the ice and the fish, we were sitting down there, not with our feet straight. We had to squeeze ourselves in so we could fit under the cabin.” For seven days, the refugees sat curled up – chins to their knees,

By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by Tom Gennara

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Is very dangerous. We had to hide away from the police because if they see you they shoot you or put you in jail and torture you or beat you up. They don’t treat you like human.

their arms holding their thighs to their chests. Enduring tropical heat and open seas, they rejoiced when their boat reached Malaysia. Malaysia, however, did not rejoice. Overrun by Vietnam’s escapees, Malaysia quarantined the Vietnamese boat people to protect its own population from illness or other refugee-related issues. They sent Chuong and his boat-mates to a camp on a deserted island off the Malaysian coast. They ordered their fishing boat sunk, and before Chuong could swim back to rescue his clothes and his mother’s gold rings, Malaysian authorities torpedoed the fishing boat. Chuong and his brother watched in horror as their clothes and money sank to the bottom of the South China Sea. “At that time I did not have anything,” Chuong says looking back. “No money. The only thing I had which is my shorts. That’s it.” With nothing, Chuong and his brother began their new life. Their camp was run by U.N. workers who checked in early mornings and cleared out by 8:30 a.m. They provided fresh water and food rations once a week, but little more. The island’s few tents and shacks went to women and children, leaving young men to fend for themselves amid the island’s sand, rocks and trees. “I sleep on the roof of a shack for six months with a piece of the roof over my body to protect it from the dew.” For the next eight months, Chuong and his brother lived on this desert island. A stream

in the center of the island provided water to bathe and occasionally wash their shorts. Some months after their arrival, UN workers gave them new clothes. Mostly, they lived on hope for a better life. Because of their father’s war service, Chuong and his brother applied to the U.S. for asylum. They were accepted – and after eight months in Malaysia, transferred to a U.S. refugee camp in Kuala Lumpur, then to the Philippines. In the winter of 1982, they landed in New Jersey and quickly headed across country in a Greyhound bus to join cousins in California. There, Chuong and his brother worked to send money to their parents, funding their refugee journey. “I tried to find money to send to my parents to support them,” Chuong recalls. “If they don’t have money it pretty tough for them. So I tried to work in a restaurant. You know, I just tried to do a little bit here, you know, here, help out.” In 1983, Chuong reunited with his family in Mason. He studied English and worked on his GED at night, while working maintenance by day in the county courthouse. Within months, he had earned his GED and enrolled in Lansing Community College. From there he went on to a PC/LAN management bachelor’s degree program at Davenport University. Despite challenges, Chuong achieved every academic goal, earning a GPA of 3.46 while working full time. “When I struggle in school because of language, because of family,

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St. Andrew Dung-Lac A home for the Vietnamese community During the late ’70s and early ’80s, many Vietnamese refugees settled in the Diocese of Lansing, especially in the Flint and Lansing regions. In 1982, the community was blessed with the pastoral care of Father Joseph Tran, who celebrated Mass for them at St. Mary Cathedral. Beginning in 1984, Bishop Povish began the tradition of Lansing bishops celebrating the vigil Mass of Christmas with the Vietnamese community, which continues with Bishop Mengeling. In 1998, St. Andrew DungLac Parish was formed and Father Tran installed as pastor.

because of financial problem, I had no way out,” he recalls. “I came to the adoration and I sit down and talk about it with God. I say ‘I give up. I don’t have the strength to do anything more. I give up.’ “But then I look up and I say, ‘Well I’ve already go this far, and I won’t reach the destination. Why I give up?’ I kind of talked silently to Jesus in the Eucharist, and I just suddenly have a bargaining in my mind. I say, ‘God if you really want me to go through this, please help me and make me go through this. I don’t think I have the ability or enough strength. But if I go through this I will do whatever you want.’ At that time I feel something. I feel spiritually. And it all happen. You know, you just fall into the path.” In 1992, after earning his U.S. citizenship, Chuong took his mother back to visit Vietnam. While in the old country, he met his future wife through a series of “coincidences” arranged by his family and his pastor, Father Joseph. For two years, she and Chuong got acquainted through calls and letters. They married in 1994. Today, they have two beautiful daughters. Looking back over his journey from harborless Vietnamese boat person to grounded middle-class American, Chuong smiles, “I really just thanks God a lot for what he done for me. Because I realize other people don’t have the opportunity like me to get out of Vietnam and from here to better myself. And I know all of my life I didn’t realize it, but I think God lead me step by step.” “Sometime I didn’t realize that and I asked God where is he in my life. Especially when I was in that camp, I have that feeling. But because I believe in him, I keep asking, ‘God please lead me and guide me.’ “And now I look at my past, and I say ‘Oh My God! He really did it to me!’” God had been his harbor all along.

For more information about refugee services, visit St. Vincent Catholic Charities at www.stvcc.org.

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p r o f i l e

nce upon a time, there was a little girl named Megan who lived in suburban Detroit with her mommy and her daddy and her cat, Squirt. The little girl was her parents’ pride and joy – an unexpected surprise who made their lives complete. They lived in a lovely farm house, where aunts and uncles and cousins gathered for birthdays and holidays and even for no reason at all. Megan’s home was happy, and her story was just like a fairy tale.

chey Courtesy of Kathleen McGlin

But one day, doctors started to use the word “cancer,” and within the span of 17 months, Megan had lost both her father – to an insidious brain tumor – and her mother – to an aggressive and relentless form of breast cancer. At only 7, Megan’s life was forever changed. But thanks to an unshakable faith in God, a large and loving family, and, most of all, to her mother’s dear sister and brotherin-law, Megan found “happily ever after” isn’t just a fairy tale ending… Kathleen McGlinchey wipes the tears from her eyes as she tells the story of her sister’s death from breast cancer. “Maureen never complained, she never felt sorry for herself,” Kathleen says. “She just did what she had to do.” As sisters, Kathleen and Maureen were particularly close, especially since they both became parents at around the same point later in life. Maureen and her husband, Dick DeShetler, welcomed Megan into the world in October 1987. Both parents were in their 40s and were thrilled that God had blessed them with a daughter to join a family that included Dick’s three children from a prior marriage. Just a year later, after waiting for nearly 10 years, Kathleen and husband Mark Graham became the adoptive parents of a son, Matt. The young cousins became pre-school playmates who loved to spend time together, just as their moms enjoyed sharing the journey of motherhood. As Kathleen remembers, the early years with Megan and Matt were idyllic – trips to the zoo and countless family parties – just the sorts of events that make for a happy childhood. FAITH Magazine

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Kathleen lost her sister and brotherin-law, but gained a daughter

ever after ... But the “idyllic” of comforting a grieving widow. life they enjoyed Not for long. The next month, changed in Maureen learned that the results May of 1993, of her annual mammogram were when Dick was suspicious and warranted further diagnosed with investigation. Once again, Kathleen a glioblastoma found herself in a hospital waiting multiforme – a room, pacing the floor and worrying pervasive tumor about her beloved sister. that attacks “We couldn’t believe this was both sides of happening,” Kathleen says. “It just the brain. A biopsy revealed the seemed surreal.” When the doctors worst; Dick’s condition was inoper- finally emerged to tell the family able and, at only 51, he would the outcome of Maureen’s surgery, have only about six the news was horrible. Unlike most firstmonths to live. Cancer already had graders, Megan The shock of the crept into her lymph diagnosis left the entire already had said nodes, which meant her family reeling. The next goodbye to one treatment would need parent and she was to be aggressive and her several months found about to say good- prognosis was guarded, Kathleen, her siblings and their spouses all ral- bye to the other. at best. lying to help their sister “The worst part was Maureen through a grueling experiwatching her suffer,” Kathleen ence. Dick died in January 1994, recalls with tears pooling in her and the family set about the business eyes. For better or worse, Maureen’s By Marybeth Hicks | Photography by Tom Gennara

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S Sadness did not win out. Megan’s arrival in the McGlinchey-Graham home only meant adjusting to a new reality, not living in the e reality that was lost. For the most part, Megan’s arrival brought more music, laughter and love into a home that already brimmed with affection. alit n.

Support during sorrow Megan, Kathleen and their family were supported during their sorrow by friends and relatives – but they also found a source of strength through a communitybased grief support group called Ele’s Place. If you are in need of a shoulder to lean on during a time of bereavement, contact your local Catholic Charities agency for help.

Adrian: Catholic Charities of Lenawee, 517.263.2191 Ann Arbor: Catholic Social Services of Washtenaw County, 734.971.9781 Davison: Outreach East, 810.663.7711 Flint: Catholic Charities of Shiawassee and Genesee Counties, 810.232.9950 Howell: Catholic Social Services of Livingston County, 517.545.5944 Jackson: Catholic Charities of Jackson, 517.782.2551, 517.782.4430 Lansing: St. Vincent Catholic Charities, 517.372.4700 Owosso: Catholic Charities of Shiawassee and Genesee Counties, 989.723.8239

suffering didn’t last long. The cancer that had invaded her lymph system had worked its way to her spine by Christmas. The extended McGlinchey family gathered to celebrate the birth of the Savior, but their holiday was spent in the somber realization that they faced an unspeakable loss. Amid all this suffering and sadness was Megan, a first-grader with a winning smile and an endearing charm. A beginning Irish dancer, Megan managed to bring smiles to her family as she danced jigs and reels in the living room. She cuddled with her mom while they read to each other. She went to school and played with her cat and did what first-graders do. But unlike most first-graders, Megan already had said goodbye to one parent and she was about to say goodbye to the other. Kathleen and Mark knew they had been chosen by Maureen to take

‘‘

I always sense Maureen and Dick are with me, guiding me as I raise their daughter. And I often pray that they’ll intercede and help me to make the right decisions for her.

Megan into their home. “She tried to talk to me about raising Megan once, but I couldn’t do it. I cried and told her that having that conversation meant I’d have to give up hope that she’d get well, and I just wasn’t prepared to do that,” Kathleen says. “I regret it now, but thankfully she talked to Mark and told him what she wanted for Megan.” Clearly, while Megan’s loss would be the most profound, her circumstances would impact an entire family. “I realized then that my life was not my own,” Kathleen says. “God was using me as an instrument to assemble the family that he was creating for us. “The day of Maureen’s funeral was the saddest, worst day of my life,” Kathleen says. After consulting psychologists and childhood grief experts, Kathleen and Mark determined the best thing for Megan was to bring her to her new home after the funeral. So they packed up two vans with her clothes and toys and all her belongings, and then Kathleen rode back to Lansing with her mother, her sister Marge, Megan, and Squirt the cat. The ordeal left Kathleen questioning God’s mercy. How and why could he let this couple die? What was his purpose in leaving their daughter without her parents? What good was all the suffering they had witnessed? “I was always a prayerful person, but it was very tough by this time,” Kathleen admits. She struggled with her faith because she didn’t see the point in all the sadness. But sadness did not win out. Megan’s arrival in the McGlincheyGraham home only meant adjusting to a new reality, not living in the real-

ity that was lost. For the most part, Megan’s arrival brought more music, laughter and love into a home that already brimmed with affection. “I definitely have made some mistakes – like our first Christmas when we decorated the tree and Megan went to the basement in tears rather than hang ornaments with us. I asked her what was wrong and she said, ‘None of the ornaments belonged to me.’ I felt just awful! How I wished I had thought to get her Christmas ornaments before then.” Kathleen still fights the guilt of knowing that Megan felt hurt. Yet she knows in looking out for Megan, she’s not alone. “I always sense Maureen and Dick are with me, guiding me as I raise their daughter. And I often pray that they’ll intercede and help me to make the right decisions for her.” On reflection, Kathleen sees God’s hand in so many details that always work out for the best. Megan was adopted by Kathleen and Mark after a few years, though she chose to keep her parents’ name. Somehow, Megan never succumbed to the grief her early life suggested. At Lansing Catholic Central, she was an excellent student and cheerleader, known as a positive presence in her community. A beautiful girl inside and out, Megan was chosen “prom queen” last spring, just before graduating with honors. She’s now a freshman at St. Mary’s College at Notre Dame and thinks one day she’ll be a doctor. “All her life, people have commented on Megan’s joyful spirit,” Kathleen says. “They say she never seems to have a bad day – but of course, she’s already had more bad days than most kids see in a lifetime. She has a perspective many people never learn.” A fairy tale ending? If there is such a thing, Kathleen thinks it’s all due to the family and friends who supported them through an unthinkable tale of woe, and to the faith and prayers that sustain them as their remarkable family story unfolds.

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Visit the new diocesan Web site at www.dioceseoflansing.org.

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y dad had a beautiful, blue marble engraved with the words “Do Unto Others As You Would have Done Unto You.” He kept it on his dresser, and I wanted that marble with all my might. I was very selfish in those days, and he told me I couldn’t have it until I understood what the engraved words meant. I can remember Dad coming home from work and going into his room, carefully emptying his pockets and placing each item in a box on his dresser. I loved to sit on the bed watching him, talking and trying to convince him to give me that marble. But no matter what I guessed, I never got the meaning quite right. As time went on, the marble captured less of my attention, but I still enjoyed sitting and talking with my dad. I’m sure I came pretty close to the right answer a few times, but the marble stayed on Dad’s dresser. I think it was the day I left for college, Dad surprised me and said, “You know, I think it’s time I gave this to you.” I was so shocked that I’m not sure I knew what to say!

Karen’s journey home to the Catholic Church FAITH Magazine

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Today, I keep that marble in a tiny glass sitting on my desk next to the computer. My sons love it and ask me to tell them the story. It’s a story I cherish, and now I think I understand what it really means. I started out Catholic, but when I was in sixth grade, I told my mother I didn’t want to do this

December 2006

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Welcome Home Sunday is always. Always. It should be for everyone, because everyone is worthy of God’s love.

[Mass and religious ed.] any more. Since my little brother had made his first Communion, she agreed. We went to Mass at Christmas sometimes, but after that, faith wasn’t really emphasized. We lived the beatitudes and Ten Commandments without really knowing it. My dad was never religious. Mom and her family were the only Catholics – her sister was my godmother, but I never felt any of them were influencing me. I never went back to church regularly, and I didn’t build Catholicism into my adult life. In December 2004 I got a call that changed my life. My husband, Ken, had collapsed at work. I had to rush to the hospital. When I got there I found out Ken’s heart had stopped. The paramedics had tried to resuscitate Just feeling him. But he welcome helps was lying you remember unconscious, you’re not alone. balancing I’d rather engage between life in a two-second and death.

conversation than let a person walk by me thinking they don’t belong in our church.

The hospital staff kept asking if I practiced any faith. I must have told them I was Catholic, because a priest came into the room. He asked if I wanted him to pray with me and I answered yes. But I told him I had no idea what I was doing. He started reciting some prayers as I sat with my hands folded, looking down at Ken. The prayers had a familiar feel, but seemed foreign and kind of hazy. Then the priest said one prayer – I can’t remember what it was to this day, but I remember looking up and saying, ‘I believe that.’ And I really did. I looked back down at Ken, and he opened his eyes for a brief moment.

Later, the doctors diagnosed Ken with sudden cardiac death syndrome. At any moment, his heart could stop and he may or may not be resuscitated. There is no cure, but we’ve worked as a family to strengthen his heart and take better care of ourselves.” My husband’s condition has led our family to pray together and try to be thankful for every minute we have. We’ve all developed a deeper faith because we realize in the end it’s just between Jesus and ourselves. When I pray each day I remind myself it’s not my plan. It can’t be my plan. No one knows what’s going to happen at any moment. But that’s exciting and part of how it’s supposed to be. It is how you deal with what you are given that really matters. We’re all vulnerable. I’ve been able to appreciate the joy and peace of this truth by connecting more deeply with my faith. Prayer is such a part of my life. It keeps my faith alive and fertilizes the joy that has blossomed even in the face of Ken’s condition. Both our sons have been baptized. I was confirmed in October 2005 and I sponsored Ken in the RCIA process. At that time, I was just bursting! I wanted to do more

and kept asking, “Where can I go?” r e s o u r c e

Welcome Home! Welcome Home Sunday is an opportunity to invite Catholics to remember, reconnect and renew. It’s your opportunity to say, “We’ve missed you. Welcome home!” Here are some tips for evangelization: • Be nice. You know the old saying: “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” • Don’t judge, don’t preach, don’t expect. • Do invite, do encourage, do pray. • Let people know how faith enriches your life. • Love your neighbor as yourself – put yourself in their shoes: How would you feel if you were pressured?

The people at St. Gerard invited me to join the Evangelization Committee and I was very excited to be involved with preparation for Welcome Home Sunday. I feel I can understand what others might be going through if they’re returning to Mass after being away. If you don’t go all the time, you can easily forget when to sit, stand and pray. I remember not knowing what to do before and after Mass, so I try to make visitors feel comfortable. I went to every Mass on Welcome Home Sunday, inviting people back and welcoming them. Just feeling welcome helps you remember you’re not alone. I’d rather engage in a two-second conversation than let a person walk by me thinking they don’t belong in our church. Welcome Home Sunday is always. Always. It should be for everyone, because everyone is worthy of God’s love. It’s crucial that people strong in their faith share – just share, not persuade. I can’t imagine not sharing my faith! If everyone in the church worked at sharing their faith, every Sunday would be Welcome Home Sunday.

By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by Tom Gennara

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strange thing was happening at the parish. The poor box was almost always empty. Unfortunately, it was not because we were distributing money to the poor. It was just empty. Yet we knew our parishioners were generous. Something fishy was going on. Could it be we had a pirate aboard the ship? If so, how could he get at the poor box? It was located 10 feet beneath the floor of the church. People dropped money for the poor down metal tubes and it was collected in the box located in the church utility tunnel. How could the thief get at it?

In one experiment, we dropped a $10 bill down the tube just to see if it made it to the collection box. Yep! It was there alright. But within a few days it was gone. About the same time, our maintenance man was exploring the tunnels and came upon something very unusual. Someone had managed to crawl through a small opening in one of the tunnels and had set up a little home down there; pillows and blanket from the rectory, a clock from the school, candles from the sacristy, and a little jug from the kitchen. Incredibly, someone was actually living there from time to time. Our pirate became known as Tunnelman. Tunnelman was a genius at slipping in and out of the church tunnel undetected and grabbing what he could from the poor box or other places in the church and school. Like a pirate, he had collected quite a treasure. As sympathetic as we could be to the man’s plight, it was not a good thing to harbor Tunnelman. He had to go. Before too long, the man was caught. He had broken parole and was sent back to jail. Please

Are You Harboring Pirates?

don’t let your emotions steal your will

FAITH Magazine

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pray for Tunnelman. Well, there is a little bit of Tunnelman in all of us. We can grab and hold on to things that will hurt us in the end. Tunnelman got into trouble – not because he was living in the church tunnels – but because he was a thief. He stole and harbored things he felt “entitled” to. At a base level, he loved the wrong thing. We all can do that. The problem is our feelings. As good as they can be, they can also pirate our

reason and move us to make bad choices. Anger can overtake a person and move him to do violence to another. We can even feel good about it. “After all, she hurt and offended me. I am entitled to be angry.” We can love our own pride, and brood over our injuries. Anger can overWe can take a person and be moved move them to do by pleasure violence to anothuntil we are er. We can even caught in feel good about it. addictions, “After all, they hurt or drown and offended me. in sorrow I am entitled to be until we put angry.” ourselves in the grave. We get into deep trouble when we love the wrong thing. Our emotions can pirate our reason and will – and take the whole ship down. What can we do? Make your emotional pirates walk the plank!

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Spiritual exercise: ending emotional piracy efore we dive right into this, it may be good to review briefly the role of emotions in the moral life. Emotions, considered apart from actions, are morally neutral. We are designed to feel joy, sorrow, fear, anger, love, hate, desire and many other emotions. The problem lies in how those emotions get associated and attached to behaviors.

We all know times when we did bad things that were fueled by our emotions. We also know times when the opposite was true; we were moved to do good for another because we felt love or compassion for them. Emotions are good when they move us to good behavior, and evil when they contribute to evil actions. Sadly, it is possible to have an emotional love for evil. That occurs when a person loves sin: loves things more than God or people. St. Paul writes that the love of money is the root of all evil. (1 Tim 6:10) Jesus said, “From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly.” (Mark 7:21) We can see many emotions, especially a love of evil, in all these. At Christmas, we think of the birth of Jesus our king. That event brings joy to those who believe – but for others, like King Herod, a very different emotion arises. Herod wanted the child dead. One wonders what emotions were consuming him? Be attentive to your emotions: Take some time at the end of the day and review the role emotions played in your behavior. Name the emotions and consider how they helped or hindered you in following Jesus and keeping his commandments. Could you identify any that were “pirates”, thieves of your reason or your will to do good? We need to be attentive to our emotions. There was a story of an old monsignor who would grow angry if the phone rang late at night. But he had grown in spiritual maturity and grace. So, fortunately for the soul on the other end of the phone, whenever this priest answered a late-night call, he would be as sweet as could be. You would think he was talking to the Blessed Mother. He knew his anger was out of line, and he really did love people. He did not let his emotions rule his behavior. Read Matt 21:28-31. Consider the emotions that each son might have been experiencing. Their father asked them to go and work in the

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vineyard. The first son did not like the request and said, “No.” What emotions could possibly be at work? He changed his mind. Why? The second son said, “Yes, sir!” but never went, probably because he did not “feel” like it. When have we acted like the first son? Or the second son? What emotions were we dealing with? Read Luke 22:39-46. Consider Jesus’ agony in the garden. What role did emotions play in his agony? Consider his words, “No greater love is there than this than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Also ponder, “My soul is sorrowful even unto death.” When have we been in agony about something? What moral teaching of the church do we most struggle with and how do our emotions affect our view? Remember, emotions

are morally brainless. We don’t want monkey pirates steering our spiritual ship! Our actions are right or wrong depending on how well they conform to the heart and mind of Jesus Christ, not how we “feel.” We have to use our reason and look to Jesus Christ and his church for moral guidance. Surrender your emotions to Jesus. Come before the cross of Jesus, or go before the Nativity scene and pray: Jesus, I love you. Jesus I adore you. Help me to receive your love so that I may love. I surrender myself to you, my Lord and my king. You are my God and all. I surrender to you today all of my emotions. Purify them, Lord. Strengthen and deepen emotions that will lead me to you, and free me from evil loves. May I love what you love, desire what you desire, feel joy in what makes you happy, and sorrow for what sorrows you. My happiness resides in you alone. Jesus, grant me your peace. Amen. I know one person who struggled with the emotion of fear. She was afraid to be in front of a group of people, and so did not lector, even though she had a good speaking voice. After a prayer of surrender, she went ahead and volunteered to lector. She went through a mini-agony in the garden on her first time up, but after that Jesus made things much easier for her. Her fear diminished greatly. Jesus will do that for us, no matter what we are struggling with. Trust him. In time, as God converts us and our hearts and minds become more like Jesus’, our feelings will change. We will more readily love what God loves, not just with our minds, but with our emotions as well. As the psalm says “My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God.” (Ps 84:2) – Fr. Bill Ashbaugh

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ast year, as you may recall, I shared a bit (or should I say, bite) of my Grandma Lucy’s delicious coffee cake recipe, along with its family tradition. It was a cinnamon-raisin, wreath-shaped creation, with the unexpected ingredient of mashed potatoes in it. This year, I thought it would be neat to revisit another family tradition that ties in with the season and tastes great.

In France, this pastry, Galette des Rois (king’s cake), has been baked for centuries to celebrate the Feast of the Epiphany on Jan. 6.

I was introduced to this particular treat shortly before I married my husband, David, while at his extended family’s Christmas gathering. His family meets every year on the Feast of the Epiphany – so his cousin, Marlene, thought it would be neat to start bringing an Epiphany cake to help mark the occasion. The recipe and tradition do not actually originate in Italy, which is where my husband’s family is from. This tasty treat is from France. I found it surprising they would even bother with such an endeavor since their philosophy is: If it’s not Italian, it’s not worth cooking. In any case, I remember taking that first bite and I must say, the taste was an epiphany – absolutely scrumptious. I had never eaten anything like it. In France, this pastry, Galette des Rois (king’s cake), has been baked for centuries to celebrate the Feast of the Epiphany on Jan. 6. Traditionally, it is made of a puff pastry, with a feve (or bean) hidden inside. Who-

ever gets the piece of cake with the bean gets to be king or queen for a day and wear a paper crown. The cake, along with its age-old tradition, varies from region to region in France and the bean itself is often replaced by other small trinkets. The significance of the tradition, however, is to remind us of the importance of the day. With cake in hand, we joyfully reflect on the manifestation of Christ to the Three Kings, and we pause to consider the majesty of Christ to whom the mightiest kings all bow. Cousin Marlene gave me enthusiastic approval to share her simplified version of this seasonal staple of classic French cuisine. It is quite easy to make for such a delicious dessert – and one you may want to include in your family gathering. So, whether you put a bean or some other trinket inside, you can be sure that this tradition honoring the three kings has a taste worthy of royalty. More Ideas

A Tasty Tradition Part Deux Galette des Rois

Ingredients: • 2 sheets of puff pastry (found in the freezer section of most grocery chains) • 8 oz. almond paste (one store-bought can) • 2 eggs (set one beaten egg aside for glaze) • 1 kidney bean or small china figurine (to place inside) Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix the almond paste with one egg until smooth, and set aside. On a floured, cold surface, roll out two 12-inch circles from the defrosted puff pastry sheets. For a nice even circle, use a dinner plate (face down) as a template. Place one of the pastry circles on a greased and floured, or parchment-lined, baking sheet. Evenly spread the almond paste mixture

on the pastry, starting from the center and leaving a one-inch border all around. Drop the kidney bean or trinket anywhere in the filling and place the other pastry circle on top of the first one. Press the edges of the two circles tightly to seal (so no filling leaks out). Brush the top with that extra beaten egg and use a knife to lightly score a design into the top. Cut a small cross in the center of the pastry (for steam to escape during baking). Place in oven and bake for 20-25 minutes until golden brown. Allow to cool slightly and sprinkle top with powdered sugar before serving.

For a decorative touch, place a gold or silver paper crown on top of the cake before serving. It can later be given to the person who gets the bean or trinket. Making your own almond paste is inexpensive, using ingredients you may already have in the pantry. Go online for recipes.

By Michelle Sessions DiFranco | Photography by Phillip Shippert

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AITH Magazine spoke with Mike Rich, screenwriter for The Nativity Story, which will be in theaters Dec. 1. Mike has had a string of great movies, including Finding Forrester, The Rookie and Miracle. We talked to Mike from one of the movie’s locations in Morocco. What prompted you to do a movie about the nativity? I think the seed was planted in December 2004. Newsweek and Time came out with stories the same week on the nativity. As a storyteller and screenwriter, I’ve always been attracted to those stories that really delve into character. When I was reading these pieces, it struck me that that approach had rarely been taken when it came to this particular story. There’s very little source material on it. It’s only been in two of the Gospels, and it’s a short narration at best. I began nosing around doing research and found myself fascinated at the dynamics of what Joseph and Mary must have been dealing with.

The Nativity Story a new take on the original Christmas tale

How much of it draws on the scriptural accounts and how much is fictionalized? We used everything we could from Scripture. One of the choices I had to make very early on was whether I was going to blend the two Gospels, or stick with either Matthew or Luke exclusively. If I were to just go with Matthew and the Magi, we’d have audiences asking, “Where are the shepherds.” And if I were to go with Luke and the shepherds, they’d say the opposite. I’m just like millions of other individuals – the day after Thanksgiving, I get out the nativity set and put it on the coffee table – and we’ve got all of those characters. So we used all of the Gospel accounts. However, for example, in Luke it says, “Joseph took Mary and they traveled from Nazareth to BethleFAITH Magazine

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December 2006

hem.” That’s one sentence that encompasses 100 miles. So that needed to be expanded. It was difficult and challenging to write those speculative scenes, but my intent was to be as faithful and show as much devotion to the tone of those two Gospels as possible – and I’m really pleased to say that we’ve done that. Why was the filming done in Italy? Is it a place where time stood still? Yes. It allowed us the opportunity to set up a number of sets that had that feel already without having to do a lot of work. The production team did

an incredible job basically constructing the town of Nazareth in about three weeks’ time. And then, while we were filming, they constructed the town of Bethlehem. It was so inspiring. The woman who plays Mary’s mother, Hiam Abbass, was born in Nazareth. She told me that Matera felt more like Nazareth than Nazareth. Is it true that part of what prompted this was the death of your father? Yes. Early in 2005, my dad passed away and certainly it was an emotional time for me. I’m immensely proud of the films that I’ve made, but the one common theme they’ve By Elizabeth Solsburg

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I got some advice when I started writing screenplays – “Write films you’ll be proud to show your grandchildren.”

had was a sports backdrop. I had been looking for an opportunity to find a different genre to write a character-driven piece. I got some advice when I started writing screenplays – “Write films you’ll be proud to show your grandchildren.” After my dad passed away, it was a time of soul-searching about what I wanted to do about this next project. I wanted it to be something that was close to my heart and also about that theme I’ve pursued before – ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Who were your expert consultants on the film? Well, I had a few contacts beforehand, but I’d done a lot of heavy lifting when it comes to textbooks. One of the main ones was what I consider a seminal text on the story, Father Raymond Brown’s The Birth of the Messiah. Every road leads to Ray Brown! And we had Jewish, Catholic

and Protestant scholars. It was incredibly gratifying to see them affirm that the script was passing muster. Did writing this movie impact your personal faith life? Sure; how could it not? When I sit down to write a script – and they are hard to write – it takes me about four months to write a first draft. I have to say that this was such a pleasure to write. I finished it in about five weeks, which was very quick for me. And I felt an innate sense of peace while I was writing it; that came from my own faith. For me, it was an incredibly spiritual experience. Your own story is interesting – what did you do before writing Finding Forrester, the screenplay that started your career? I lived in Portland, Oregon and was a morning news anchor at an

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For a longer conversation with Mike Rich, visit www. faithmag.com

FM radio station. I had long had an interest in creative writing, but it was more like a hobby. I mostly wrote short stories, and then started dabbling in screenplays. Like a lot of folks, I really love movies. I wrote a couple of scripts, and I submitted Finding Forrester to the Nicholl Fellowship competition. I’ll always be grateful because that competition allowed my work to be read by people who could do something with it. So, a radio career turned into a screenwriting career in my late 30s, and I don’t know many folks who have done that. It’s been a real blessing for our entire family. My wife, Grace, and I have three kids – Jessica is 22, Caitlin is 19 and our son Michael is 16. Any special plans for Christmas? Christmas is something that’s always been special in our household and this one we’re looking forward to for a very different reason. I think it’s going to be a really special season for us as a family.

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At St. Francis Retreat Center

Diocesan Coordinating Commission

Please call the Retreat Center at 866.669.8321 for more information about these events. Dec. 1 - 3, Married Couples Retreat - Come Journey With Me Dec. 2, Exploring a Great Spiritual Practice-Meditation With Dr. Richard and Doris Strife 9 a.m. - noon Dec. 8, Advent Day of Prayer. Moving into the light through this Advent season, take some time to catch your breath and not miss the moments of grace that surround you as you prepare for Christmas. 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. Msgr. Bill Fitzgerald.

things to do: St. Patrick Parish, Brighton Catholic Men’s Spiritual Movement will host Kevin Walters, baseball coach at Detroit Catholic Central, Thurs., Dec. 21 from 7-9 p.m. They will also host Deacon Alex Jones from the Detroit Diocese Catholic Men’s Night, Thursday, Jan. 18 from 7-9 p.m. For more information, call Mike at 810.229.9863. St. Mary Cathedral parishioners will celebrate their annual Eucharistic Days Dec. 3 -5. Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament will take place each day following noon Mass and conclude with Vespers and Benediction at 5:15 p.m. Sunday and Monday. St. Joseph Shrine, Brooklyn will host a Nativity Gala and display at the family center Dec. 8 -10. The next Ladies’ Retreat for St. Joseph Shrine will be held Feb. 17, 2007 with a theme of Beauty Within. Wedding gowns, pictures and stories are needed for this event. For more information, call Marcia at 517.467.2961. Right to Life of Michigan will be sponsoring a bus trip to the March for Life Rally in Washington, D.C., Jan. 21 and 22. For more information, please contact Michelle Burke at mburke@rtl.org or 517.265.4802. Adults and teens welcome.

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Dec café events Sister Ann Shields will speak at St. Gerard Catholic Church, Jan. 14, 7:30 p.m. Her presentation is entitled For God so loved the world – and you. Everyone is invited to the presentation in the church and refreshments following in the parish center hall. Sister Ann is the superior of the Servant’s of God’s Love, based in Ann Arbor. The Heart of Jesus Prayer Center in St. Clair Shores will host Praying with Body, Mind and Spirit: Moving Through Advent, Dec. 2, 10 a.m.2 p.m. For more information, visit www.prayer-inmotion.com.

In the fall of 2005, four study days were held during which participants were informed of clergy statistical and parish demographic information. Based on the information presented, Bishop Mengeling appointed the Diocesan Coordinating Commission (www.dioceseoflansing. org/pastoralplanning) to design a process whereby the sacramental, pastoral and leadership needs of our 97 faith communities would be reviewed. The commission began meeting in February 2006. Having defined its mission and guiding principles, it began to study the process by which other dioceses engaged similar projects. A decision was reached that our process and review instruments would be modeled after those of the Archdiocese of Detroit. The instruments are now ready and it is time for our faith communities to begin the first phase of the review process. The pastor/pastoral coordinator of each faith community will name a committee who will assist in the completion of the review instrument. These committees will then be involved to attend a training session which will familiarize them with the instrument, timelines and other important information. The schedule for these training sessions is posted on the Web site. It is the intention of the commission that faith communities complete the review by April 2007. The second phase of the process will be led by our regional vicars and will take place at the regional level. At this level, the information provided by each faith community will be validated and clarified. Recommendations will be formulated based on the needs of the parishes, the needs of the region and our diocesan pastoral plan. Finally, the information will be reviewed by the Diocesan Coordinating Commission, whose task it is to make final recommendations to the bishop. It is anticipated the process will be completed by the middle of 2008. For more information, see www. dioceseoflansing.org/pastoralplanning.

Album celebrates pope Composer and musician Jay Weigel released The Mass of Pope John Paul II: The Great to commemorate the anniversary of the pope’s inauguration on Oct. 16, 1978. The album raises funds for the landmark Cathedral of St. Louis, King of France in New Orleans, which was damaged in Hurricane Katrina.

New novel profiles Pope John Paul II This fall Papercutz will publish the firstever graphic novel to tell the incredible story of Pope John Paul II. This beautifully illustrated comic details the entire story of his life, from his youth to his leadership as Pope. For ordering information, please see www.papercutz.com.

St. Matthew Parish, Flint, offers guided tours of their church to enhance interfaith understanding of who Catholics are and what they believe. Read mo

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Here comes the judge Heidi Krupp of Mt. Zion Catholic Pastoral Center in Flushing graduated May 13, 2006, with a License in Canon Law, or JCL, from Catholic University of America. Heidi was the first woman to earn this degree since the school implemented the new program required by Rome. She is currently employed by the Diocese of Saginaw as canonical assistant in the tribunal.

Holy Trinity groundbreaking ceremony Following the 5 p.m. Mass on Sept. 24, Holy Trinity Student Parish in Ypsilanti held a groundbreaking ceremony for the expansion of the Blessed John XXIII Campus Center. The chapel serves students, faculty and alumni of Eastern Michigan University, as well as members of the Ypsilanti community. For more information, visit www.catholicsoncampus.org. December Readings Sunday, December 3 First Sunday of Advent Jer 33:14-16 Ps 25:4-5,8-9,10,14 1 Thess 3:12-4:2 Luke 21:25-28,34-36 Friday, December 8 Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary Gen 3:9-15,20 Ps 98:1,2-4 Eph 1:3-6,11-12 Luke 1:26-38 Sunday, December 10 Second Sunday of Advent Baruch 5:1-9 Ps 126:1-6 Phil 1:4-6,8-11 Luke 3:1-6 Sunday, December 17 Third Sunday of Advent Zeph 3:14-18A Isa 12:2-6 Phil 4:4-7 Luke 3:10-18

Sunday, December 24 Fourth Sunday of Advent Micah 5:1-4A Ps 80:2-3,15-16, 18-19 Heb 10:5-10 Luke 1:39-45 Monday, December 25 Solemnity of the Nativity of the Lord (Christmas) Isa 52:7-10 Ps 98:1-6 Heb 1:1-6 John 1:1-18 or 1:1-5, 9-14 Sunday, December 31 Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph Sir 3:2-7,12-14 or 1 Sam 1:20-22, 24-28 Ps 128:1-5 or 84:2-3,56,9-10 Col 3:12-21 or 3:12-17 or 1 John 3:1-2,21-24 Luke 2:41-52

w o r d

Strangers or members of the family

how do we welcome new parishioners?

If you think that the Greeting of Peace during Mass is just an empty formality, think again. You may be presenting the first impression of your parish family.

hroughout our country, there are many places where old parishes are being closed or consolidated with others, and new parishes formed. It is a wrenching experience for older parishioners, some of whom come from families who have worshipped in a particular parish for generations. Imagine that you are a seventh-grader and your family has just moved into a new city or neighborhood. New kids surround you; you’re living in a new and unknown territory. With the onset of fall, you have to enter a school where you will find yourself among new schoolmates. Imagine what that feels like and how tentative you are about saying or doing anything that would make you “different.” Well, much the same goes on in adults as they leave their old parish family to become members of a new one. Perhaps the most significant person in the transition to a new parish is the parish secretary or the volunteer who is taking phone calls. The warmth of their voices and their gentleness in fielding questions is of terrific importance. The greeters who stand at the doors or in the gathering space of your parish church are also important. A lot depends on their friendly helpfulness. If you think that the Greeting of Peace during Mass is just an empty formality, think again. You may be presenting the first impression of your parish family. Then there is the “Coffee and Holy Doughnuts” following Mass in your parish hall. You are making an impression by talking there with a new parishioner or prospective new parishioner. For you folks who are going to be new parishioners somewhere, remember that you cannot expect things to be done the way they were in your old home parish. I know that seems obvious. Yet I have had new parishioners tell me, “I don’t like it here because that isn’t the way we did things back in my old parish.” On the other hand, I’ve heard some of my old parishioners speak rather harshly to newer ones, telling them, “That’s not the way we do things around here!” St. Paul had to deal with the way parishioners treated each other. In fact, perhaps it would be good to close with some of his most famous words: “Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful.” (1 Cor 13:4-5) Be kind, be gentle, be caring, be helpful – not just to new parishioners, but to everyone. We all have bruised hearts. – Fr. Charles Irvin

d more about it at www.dioceseoflansing.org – Share the Wealth.

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