December 2007

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efore we wish anyone a Merry Christmas this year, we should be wishing each other a good Advent. Even though Christmas decorations began popping up well before the end of October this year and circulars with the festive green-and-red colors began slipping into our newspapers, we should stop for a moment – actually for four weeks of moments – and simply bask in the simplicity and challenge of Advent.

The four weeks of Advent are the perfect counter-balance to the headlong rush to supply a superabundance of answers to the question, “What would you like for Christmas?” If we give ourselves the opportunity to celebrate it, the season of Advent can be an effective vaccine against over-commercialization, because it is the four-week-long answer to what we truly want for Christmas: We want to celebrate and sense the presence and action of Christ in history, mystery and majesty.

Advent always begins with the end – Christ’s triumphant and majestic return at the end of time. It challenges us to be constantly prepared for his return and to act accordingly. When someone says she would like the gift of peace for Christmas, we shouldn’t wait until December 25 to see if it somehow appears. Instead, we should work as good and faithful servants of the Master, doing what we can to reshape our swords and bend our pruning hooks, transforming what can be used to tear down or tear apart into that which builds one another up. Christ comes in majesty as his kingdom of peace and justice continues to come into the world.

Advent always continues with the mysterious arrival of an equally mysterious visitor – John the Baptist. He comes striding out of the desert and into our lives with a strident voice.

His clarion call urges us to open our eyes, ears, hearts, minds and voices to the reality of Christ already present among us. When a child asks if he will see the baby Jesus on December 25, we can live in such a way that assures him Jesus will be seen, not only annually in a manger, but daily in our lives – by the Christ-like fruit we bear into the world each and every day.

Advent always ends with a beginning – the experience of the Annunciation. In a manner beyond our ability to completely comprehend, the coming of the Son of God is announced by an angel. The angel’s words, “God is with us,” bring a renewed sense of purpose into a situation that is fraught with anxiety and fear. Because the Word leaped from heaven to meet us in the flesh, we know that even when our world seems to be turning upside down, God is with us, now and always.

Christmas will be here soon once again. But now it is time for Advent. Now it is time for us to reflect upon and live as a people who experience Christ’s presence in history, mystery and majesty. Have a good Advent. And so our journey in FAITH continues.

“Have a good Advent”

the greeting that leads to a merry Christmas

– Father Dwight Ezop is editor of FAITH Magazine and pastor of the Catholic Community of St. Jude.

FAITH Magazine

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2 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

Liturgical Calendar: St. Francis Xavier, Priest December 3 | St. John of Damascus, Priest and Doctor December 4 |

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Home from war

what you’ll get out of this issue

Matt’s life will never be the same Find out how Matt Falk’s faith helped him get through the hell of war in Iraq. And now that he is home, how is he adjusting to life at peace?

in the know with Fr. Joe

– Marybeth Hicks

marriage matters

6 Dear Fr. Joe: Can I use Ouija boards, crystals and enneagrams?

– Father Joseph Krupp

work life 9 I had an accident and I can’t do this job anymore – how to handle sudden changes in plan.

– Tim Ryan

10 He says: It’s my money. She says: I thought we shared everything.

What do they do? – Tom and JoAnne Fogle

parenting journey 11 Is Christmas making you crazy? How a shift in focus can make you a more peaceful parent.

– Dr. Cathleen McGreal

theology 101 12 Why is Jesus the best teacher?

– Elizabeth Solsburg

spiritual fitness 22 The battle for peace – lessons from the priest who blessed the atom bomb – Father Bill Ashbaugh

b i s h o p ’ s a n n i v e r s a r y On Oct. 16, the people of the Diocese of Lansing gathered at St. Thomas Aquinas Parish, East Lansing, to celebrate Bishop Carl Mengeling’s 50 years of priestly ministry.

Join the celebration in this commemorative photo essay. – Photography by Jim Luning

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m y s t o r y After my abortion, I will never be the same. Kristin was 17, pregnant and scared when she decided to have an abortion. The aftermath was pain and guilt. Find out how she was helped by Rachel’s Vineyard. – Nancy Schertzing

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culture 28 Windows of peace – cathedral cookies for Christmas.

– Michelle Sessions DiFranco

last word 31 Peace in our time – Father Charles Irvin

w h a t d o I k n o w ?

Why Mike came back to the Catholic Church. Mike Lamberjack left the Catholic Church to become an evangelical Protestant. Find out what drew him back and what we can learn from his story. – Eileen Gianodis

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ber 4 | St. Nicholas, Bishop December 6 | St. Francis Ambrose, Bishop and Doctor December 7 | Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary December 8 | St. Damasus I, Pope December 11

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The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing

Most Reverend Carl F. Mengeling PUBLISHER

Rev. Charles Irvin FOUNDING EDITOR

December 2007 • Volume 8: Issue 10

your thoughts: on immorality in the media

Rev. Dwight Ezop EDITOR IN CHIEF

Patrick M. O’Brien MANAGING EDITOR/CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Elizabeth Martin Solsburg EDITORIAL DIRECTOR

Patrick Dally ART DIRECTOR/WEB DESIGNER

Jillane Job EDITORIAL ASSISTANT

Rev. William Ashbaugh Michelle Sessions DiFranco Eileen Gianodis Elizabeth Grodi Marybeth Hicks Shannon Hoffman Rev. Joseph Krupp Dcn. Tom and JoAnne Fogle Cathleen McGreal Rick and Diane Peiffer Tim Ryan Jan Rynearson Nancy Schertzing Lindsey Walter CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Derek Melot Margaret Perrone PROOFREADING

Tom Gennara James Luning (cover) Philip Shippert CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS

Wayne Case Michael Eichhorn Mary Jo Gillilland Michael Marshall Diane Nowak Margaret Perrone Rev. Bernard Reilly James Rhadigan Ricardo Rodriguez Dcn. David Rosenberg Rev. James Swiat Rev. Jerry Vincke Peter Wagner Sharon Wimple ADVISORY BOARD

FAITH Publishing Ser vice Rev. Dwight Ezop CHAIRMAN

Patrick M. O’Brien PRESIDENT/CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER

Enomhen Odigie Abby Wieber GRAPHIC DESIGNERS

Patricia Oliver

Since 1994, I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to get Catholic publications and church spokespersons to express the church’s disdain for immorality in the media. Not only has this not happened, but none of my letters to Catholic publications (including Liguorian, St. Anthony Messenger and FAITH) has been answered. FAITH is a fine publication, with interesting articles. But I believe that FAITH and other Catholic publications have a responsibility to express the position of the church on morality and to actively oppose immorality in the media, especially television.

– Harrison Smith, Williamston

We want to hear from you!

What have you done for your marriage today?

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hat’s the question the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) is asking on its new Web site, www.foryourmarriage.org. Everyday couples shared the big and little things they have done for their marriages – and you can view the videos of their answers on the site. The USCCB is committed to helping Catholics live out the sacrament of marriage – the Web site contains daily marriage tips, information about Catholic marriage, marriage preparation materials and a host of resources for all married or engaged couples. If you are married, or thinking about it, visit www.foryourmarriage. org to find out how to live happily ever after.

Tell us what you think. We want to hear your opinions – about articles in the magazine, happenings in our church or anything you want to share. Send e-mail to: esolsburg@faithpublishingservice.com Or mail us a letter:

SECRETARY

InnerWorkings PRINT MANAGEMENT FAITHPublishingService.com FAITHTM (USPS 019993) is a publication of FAITH Publishing Service, Catholic Diocese of Lansing, 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933.

FAITHTM is a membership publication of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing and is published monthly except for February and August. To purchase a subscription, log onto FAITHmag.com.

If you have a change of address, please contact your parish. Periodicals postage paid at Lansing, MI or additional offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to FAITHTM, 209 Seymour Ave., Lansing, MI 48933 ©FAITH Publishing Service. FAITH is a trademark of FAITH Publishing Service.

www.FAITHmag.com FAITH Magazine

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Editor FAITH Magazine 209 Seymour Ave. Lansing, MI 48933 Please make sure to add a line granting us permission to print your letter or e-mail.

Your thoughts and ideas matter, please share them with us!

4 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

Our Lady of Guadalupe December 12 | St. Lucy, Virgin, Martyr December 13 | St. John of the Cross, Priest, Doctor Dece

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who is the Immaculate Conception?

Hint: It’s not Jesus Mary, the Mother of God Feast of the Immaculate Conception: Dec. 8 Claim to fame: The mother of God, mother of Jesus, wife of St. Joseph and greatest of all Christian saints.

tears, apologies, forgiveness Merry Christmas!

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e’re trying to get into the spirit of the season, but we keep making the mistake of planning idyllic experiences, which, of course, are ruining the coming of Christmas.

Case in point: trimming the tree.

For years, I’ve tried to eliminate all the potential reasons why treetrimming could become – how to put this? – an afternoon in the fires of hell.

Once, when our children were little, we created a fantasy day in which we planned to trudge out to the local Christmas tree farm, choose a majestic fir, spruce or pine (who can tell, really?) and drive home with the perfect Christmas tree tied to the roof of our family van. All the while singing carols in unison (or would harmony be more ideal?)

Don’t be shocked, but it didn’t turn out that way.

If I recall correctly, the temperature was something like 15 degrees. I had wrapped the children in so many layers that they literally were unable to move their arms and legs. I had inexplicably put them in flimsy cotton socks,

inside their snow boots,which were made of a substance not found in nature and unequal to the task of warming their feet.

About seven seconds after we got out of the van and walked (or waddled, as the case may be) toward the wagon that would drop us in the forest of available trees, one of the children claimed to be freezing. From that moment on, our idyllic afternoon on the tree farm deteriorated into an exercise in frozen futility.

“I’m cold,” one child griped.

“At least you have the good mittens. My hands are frozen,” another chimed in.

The complaining escalated.

“You always get the good mittens.”

“That’s because you lost the other mittens.”

Then, one of the children said the wrong thing.

“Why is this taking so long?”

– Marybeth Hicks

Did Marybeth find the perfect Christmas tree? Find out, and read other news and essays, only on www.FAITHmag.com.

What made her a saint: Mary’s life and her role in the history of salvation is prefigured in the Old Testament, while the events of her life are recorded in the New Testament. The archangel Gabriel appeared to her and asked her to become the mother of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Her “yes” is a model of trust and faith. When her cousin Elizabeth acknowledged Mary as the mother of God, Mary burst forth into the Magnificat. Mary was at the foot of the cross when Jesus died, and was present in the upper room with the apostles when the Holy Spirit descended on all of them.

Best quote: Jesus performed his first miracle at Cana in response to his mother’s request. Her words, “Do as he commands,” have meaning for all Christians as they walk their faith journeys.

How she died: No scriptural reference concerns Mary’s last years on earth. According to one tradition, she went to Ephesus; another tradition states that she remained in Jerusalem. The belief that Mary’s body was assumed into heaven is one of the oldest in the church. Pope Pius XII declared this belief to be Catholic dogma in 1950.

The dogma of the Immaculate Conception, that Mary was free of original sin at the moment of her conception, was proclaimed by Pope Pius IX in 1854.

Prayer: Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy! Our life, our sweetness, and our hope! To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve, to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us; and after this our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus; O clement, O loving, O sweet virgin Mary.

Pray for us, O holy Mother of God that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. – Jan Rynearson

r December 14 | St. Peter Canisius, Priest, Doctor of the Church December 21 | Vigil of the Nativity of the Lord December 24 | Nativity of the Lord December 25 | St. Stephen, First Martyr December 26

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Dear Fr. Joe what does the church teach about Ouija boards?

A descendant of Eric the Red, named Rudolf the Red, was arguing with his wife about the weather. His wife thought it was going to be a nice day. He thought it was going to rain. Finally she asked him how he was so sure.

He smiled at her and calmly said, “Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear.”

Q:

A: FAITH Magazine

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What does the church teach about Ouija boards, crystals and enneagrams?

OK, these are three totally different things, so first, let’s define each one and then look at what they purport to do from a Catholic perspective.

First, let’s look at Ouija boards. According to Princeton’s Wordnet, they are boards with the alphabet on it; used with a planchette to spell out supernatural messages.

Apparently, the name comes from combining the French word for “yes” (Oui) and the German word for “yes” (Ja).

In terms of crystals, I assume you are asking about the way some people claim to use crystals for spiritual protection or chan-

6 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

neling, or in any religious way.

The enneagram is a nine-sided shape that is used as a model for different things; the most common being its use as a personality assessment tool. This assessment tool focuses on the imbalance present in each person – their “hidden self.” Integration is essential in this model, and each personality type is shown the way to integration through the use of arrows.

OK, we’ve got them now; let’s take it one at a time.

The Ouija board was introduced as a board game, and was intended to be used as a way to contact the spirits of angels, demons or the dead. This is a dangerous practice. People have approached me about this and expressed their concern over my “hard-line stance on a board game.” This is precisely one of the big problems here: Disguis-

ing a fundamentally evil spiritual practice as a game for kids is, in my mind, the definition of evil.

Take a look at this passage: Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord.

(Deuteronomy 18:10–12a)

The Scripture is clear, and many exorcists in the Catholic Church speak very strongly against the Ouija board. Whether we intend it for “fun” or not is irrelevant. It’s a loaded spiritual gun and we should destroy any of these things that are in our home.

Crystals are a little harder to nail down, as they are used in so

St. John the Apostle, Evangelist December 27 | Holy Innocents, Martyrs December 28 | St. Thomas Becket, Bishop and Mar

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roots of this practice appear to come from the Sufis, who seem to combine Islam and paganism in their worship.

Second, this model is a problem because of its focus on self-improvement through purely human means. In the mind of the church, it is essential Disguising a fundamentally evil spiritual that we base all of our practice as a game for kids is, efforts for “self-improvement” The easiest way to look at these on the person of Jesus Christ and things is to remember the story the power of the Holy Spirit. One of Babel and the story of Adam source I read indicated that Jesus and Eve. In both cases, what the calls us to “die to self,” while this people wanted was right, but model calls us to an almost obsesthey wanted to do it in their own sive focus on the self. way and not in the way God calls Remember, brothers and us to. The desire to have contact sisters, Jesus has given us all we with the divine is holy and good. need to come to him. As he said However, we must do it in God’s in John 14:6, “I am the way, the way. The problem arises when we truth and the life. No one comes act as if our actions can somehow to the Father except through me.” “force God’s hand,” or as if the Enjoy another day in God’s Scriptures and the guidance of the presence!

– Father Joseph Krupp church aren’t sufficient.

There are tons of fights on the Send your Internet about the enneagram. questions to: Some people see it as a helpful “In the Know with Fr. Joe” tool, others see it as an evil New FAITH Magazine Age practice. It appears that, in 209 Seymour Ave. this case, it’s best to avoid workLansing, MI 48933 ing with this model. Why? Or: JoeInBlack@priest.com First, because of its roots. The

in my mind, the definition of evil.

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“Now it’s on. Now it’s off.”

What year did Edison first publicly display the light bulb?

Thomas Edison first illuminated an audience through use of his incandescent light bulb in Menlo Park, N.J., on Dec. 31, WHAT YEAR? To protest against “taxation without representation,” a group of colonial patriots threw 350 crates of tea into the Boston Harbor. An act of defiance attempting to shake Britain’s monopoly of the tea trade, the Boston Tea Party took place on Dec. 16, WHAT YEAR? The birth of the Savior, a holiday known to the world as Christmas, or “Christ’s Mass,” was celebrated many days throughout the year until it was decided, by Bishop Liberius of Rome, that it should fall on Dec. 25 The first Christmas celebrated on Dec. 25 took place WHAT YEAR? “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, save as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist in the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.” The 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery in the United States, was ratified on Dec. 18, WHAT YEAR? Answers: 1879, 1773, 337, 1865

many ways. However, the simple answer is this: I can’t find any circumstance under which a person can or should “use crystals” for a spiritual purpose. Again, its purpose seems quite clearly against the Scripture passage that I cited.

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61

%

of Americans enjoy time with family and friends more than anything else during the holidays.

(Gallup Poll)

Becoming “Channels of peace” Starting in elementary school We asked fifth-grade students at IHM School in Lansing how they act as peacemakers in today’s world.

Maddy

Nicholas

Maddy: I help them solve their problems.

Nicholas: Sometimes, in kickball, we get into fights about who’s out or if they caught the ball, and I just say, “Redo the play!”

Tammy Blanchard and Eduardo Verastegui star in a scene from Bella.

Help promote Bella Bella, the people’s choice winner of the Toronto Film Festival, is a love story with a powerful pro-life message. The movie needs promotion in the mainstream media. To help, visit www.bellathemovie.com.

Jon

Jon I think I’m a peacemaker because I like listening to people’s ideas. I also help solve problems at recess. I also like sharing with other people.

nd Martyr December 29 | Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph December 30 | St. Sylvester I, Pope December 31

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what in the world? the top-10 Catholic News events this month

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Vatican Stamp and Coin Museum opens A new museum featuring all the stamps and coins minted in Vatican City since 1929 is open to the public. Materials illustrating the production of stamps and coins are included.

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Israel tightens policy on re-entry visas The Israeli government is no longer granting routine re-entry visas to Arab Christian religious leaders who travel in and out of occupied Palestinian territories. The new policy means that clergy will no longer be able to move freely between their parishes in occupied territories.

3

Six Arkansas nuns excommunicated Six women religious were excommunicated in Arkansas for their involvement in the schismatic association Army of Mary.

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Prayers for minority Christians Benedict XVI is praying that Christians who are in minority situations may have the strength and courage to live their faith and persevere in bearing witness to it.

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Global cooling A “cooling off” of love and solidarity is even more dangerous than global warming, claims the archbishop of Prague.

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Spirituality over logistics for World Youth Day Youth are challenged to ensure that organization of logistics does not interfere with spiritual preparation for the 2008 event.

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Pope encourages youth to evangelize in hometowns The pope said that missionary work is essential to Christian faith formation.

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Personal development through sports Sports are beneficial when pursued in the right spirit with respect and dignity, Benedict XVI said.

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Nobel Prize winners join the Pontifical Academy of Sciences Klaus von Klitzing, who won the Nobel Prize in physics, and Yuan Tseh Lee, who won the Nobel Prize in chemistry, are now ordinary members of the academy.

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U.N. needs to focus on health care The Pope called for the U.N. to renew its commitment to the preservation of life at every level and in every corner of the world.

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Captive priests found courage in pope’s appeal

ne of the Syrian Catholic priests kidnapped in Iraq for a week said Benedict XVI’s public plea for their release gave them courage in the midst of their situation.

6

FAITH Magazine

Pope Benedict XVI delivers his blessing as he attends the Angelus prayer from a window of his private apartment at the Vatican.

never lost trust, hope, nor a spirit Father Mazen Ishoa, 35, of prayer.” and Father Pius Afas, 60, were The priest expressed his joy kidnapped Oct. 13 on their way and gratitude for the “great solito celebrate a funeral Mass. The darity” that the two received from next day, during his Angelus all parts of the address at the world, for the Vatican, the “The pope’s plea gave many prayers, pope apand for the pealed for their us a lot of courage: pope’s appeal. release. One Father Afas week later, the Holy See said that he and Father welcomed the Ishoa were set news that the free Sunday priests had morning and been set free. immediately took a taxi and “The pope’s plea gave us a lot of headed for their church. That courage: The exhortation for our afternoon, they concelebrated captors to release us was definitely Mass. “There were a lot of people a great, great help,” said Father there to show their gratitude to Afas on Vatican Radio. “We have God. It was truly very, very excitnot suffered torture. … We have lived difficult moments, though I ing,” he said.

The exhortation for our captors to release us was definitely a great, great help,”

8 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com 10/30/07 3:55:43 PM

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One cardinal is using every avenue of technology available to tell the entire world just what the Catholic Church is really about. Cardinal Francis Arinze, Cardinal Francis Arinze from the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Sacraments, has his own Webcast available on the Internet.

The cardinal aims to clarify church teaching. The site promises that he will tell you what the church’s “true message is on living a joyful and fulfilling life.”

Using both podcasting, which is audible, and Webcasting, which includes video footage, the 74-yearold cardinal discusses such topics as theology of the body, Benedict XVI’s encyclical Deus Caritas Est, the Second Vatican Council, family and the liturgy.

Lectures and homilies given by the Nigerian cardinal over the last several years are also available.

Muslim scholars send note to pope Muslim scholars have written to Benedict XVI and the heads of Christian churches to propose that the two faiths cooperate in creating peace and understanding in the world.

The text comes a year after 38 Muslim scholars sent an open letter to the pope in the wake of his address given at the University of Regensburg in September. The discourse had sparked controversy in some Muslim circles. The 138 signatories of this year’s letter offer an open invitation to Christians to unite with Muslims over what is most essential to their respective faiths – the commandment of love. With over a half of the world’s population consisting of Muslims and Christians, the letter’s authors believe that easing world tensions can only come from peace and justice between these two faiths. The document calls for tolerance, understanding and moderation, and is signed by Muslim leaders, politicians and academics.

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I am not able to do this job anymore Now what?

iStockphoto.com

Priest-pod on your iPod

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Bill is in his early 50s and has had a physical job throughout his career.

Q:

My job has had its ups and downs over the years, but, in general, I’ve enjoyed the variety. The physical nature has kept me in good shape and I’m skilled at what I do. I’m outside most of the time, which I enjoy, and I’m more or less my own boss. As much as I like my job, I had been considering retirement in the next few years. However, I had an accident that badly damaged my leg. It’s going to be a long recovery, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to handle the physical nature of my work even after I’ve healed. I may be looking at a significant career change ahead, and may also have to delay retirement. Just when it looked like I had it all figured out, this happened. What do I do? – Bill

A:

Tim says: We’ve all heard stories about God having different plans for us.

Does God plan suffering? I can’t believe he plans it, but it happens, and it’s up to us to put our faith in him to guide us through it. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, our pain is to be joined with Christ’s suffering on the cross. In this way, we grow in faith and trust. In the first chapter of James, its author writes, “... and let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

We must turn suffering into growth and opportunity.

When life eludes our careful planning, we must open ourselves to God’s calling.

Since our talents are not distributed equally, (CCC 1936) we are dependent upon one another. As our abilities change, as in Bill’s case, we still have a responsibility to apply our talents to the service of

others, regardless of what we thought we were supposed to do. “These differences belong to God’s plan, who wills that each receive what he needs from others, and those endowed with particular talents share the benefits with those who need them.” (CCC 1937)

Regardless of what happens, all things work together for good to those who love God. (Rom 8:28) We can follow Bill’s example to learn how we can deal with life’s changes: • He kept a positive outlook on life.

• He realized that our plans are meaningless when it comes to life’s surprises.

• He assessed his skills with his new set of abilities.

• He enthusiastically and thankfully opened himself to the new opportunities that God was placing before him.

When problems arise, God is trying to tell us something.

Life changes are rarely easy, but if we answer his call, we will know the direction he intends for us.

– Tim Ryan

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atherine and David have been married for eight years. Katherine just discovered that David has a bank account in his own name that she had not known about.

Try going on a date in the “next town over.”

Go to dinner or see an attraction somewhere that requires some extra drive time.

Make a little adventure out of it and go just far enough to feel free from the daily stressors.

Have a collection of some of your favorite romantic music on hand. Use the extra travel time to talk and enjoy each other’s company.

That’s entertainment!

Eating out is fun and has become increasingly popular. But a candlelit dinner for two at your own table can be very romantic and save you money. To save a little money, eliminate one dinner out a week and eat in instead.

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It’s my money Katherine says: I have been bothered by David’s secretiveness throughout our marriage; for example, he will never tell me who was on the phone when he finishes a conversation. But I was devastated when I found a bank book in his desk while I was cleaning the office. It’s in David’s name only and there’s a substantial sum of money in it. I thought marriage was supposed to be a partnership.

But I feel marginalized and betrayed. What else is he keeping secret?

I thought we shared everything David says: I don’t understand why Katherine is so upset – it’s not like the phone calls I get are any big deal, but they are mine and not hers. We aren’t joined at the hip – I’m allowed to have some privacy, aren’t I? As it happens, the bank account Katherine found was money I’ve been setting aside to surprise her with a cruise for our anniversary. But frankly, given the big scenes she’s made about this, I’m not sure I even want to go on a trip with her!

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When ideas are not communicated and then discovered inadvertently by your spouse, there is a whole lot of explaining to do! Is it just poor judgment or is it “busted!”?

The first comment made by Katherine was a red flag to Tom. Was David’s secretiveness a continuation of an existing pattern while dating and during the engagement period, or is this a new behavior? Most often, habits and behaviors are a continuation of existing patterns set long before a marriage. Sometimes, our strongest and most endearing qualities and attributes prior to marriage become our major weaknesses after

10 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

He said She said what do they do?

marriage. The one question most couples don’t ask themselves prior to marriage is, “What if the current behaviors and patterns continue for the rest of our married life – can I live with it exactly as I know it today?” In marriage, spouses get to experience the other’s most intimate details – that means it is critical to really understand the person you are marrying prior to the wedding day. What you see is really what you get!

Secrecy is the cornerstone of mistrust – especially within the context of marriage. When the wall begins to form between spouses, you can rest assured the cornerstone will be mistrust. That cornerstone has a way of attracting other building material that would Deacon Tom Fogle is director of fam

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p a r e n t i n g

com m uni ca ti o n

is Christmas making you crazy?

How to be a more peaceful parent

You want to celebrate Christmas in your own home this year. He wants to go to his mother’s for the Christmas he’s always known.

Holidays can be high stress when your expectations are different. Set aside time to discuss your “perfect” Christmas, and make sure both of you get a little of what’s most important.

Maybe this year at home and next year at your mother-in-law’s! time

Shop and spend together.

Develop an ability to shop with your spouse; be it in a clothing store or hardware store. Shopping doesn’t need to be expensive (window shopping is free) and spending doesn’t need to break the bank. Walking together and exchanging ideas and thoughts tend to build strong relationships and lasting bonds.

– Deacon Tom and Jo Anne Fogle

Following God’s will might not feel “peaceful” at first, because it runs contrary to our habits.

iStockphoto.com

normally be given little consideration. But attached to the mistrust cornerstone, they become bonded and meaningful – and part of the wall. For example, David’s phone conversations, by themselves, would not be significant except for the cornerstone of mistrust.

The secretiveness of the phone calls bonds with the cornerstone of mistrust to create a formidable barrier to communication and couple growth. Once the wall begins, people would be surprised at what is put into the mix to make it even more formidable: items such as a letter addressed only to David and not to Katherine; David working unusually late at his job; David wanting to spend a weekend away fishing with his buddies; or a bank book that Katherine didn’t know about. Regardless of how innocent these extra events/items are on the surface, once they are placed next to the cornerstone of mistrust, there is serious work needed by both parties to chip away and remove the wall.

In reviewing both David’s and Katherine’s comments, it struck us that communication is not one of their strengths. It appears there is a lot of “assuming” between them and very little “fact finding.”

It might have helped if Katherine had asked David about the bank account and let him explain the situation. Maybe it was really for a surprise anniversary cruise, in which case Katherine would be delighted and pleased, yet a little embarrassed at discovering his special surprise. Given his reactions at her being upset (not being sure he wants to take her on the cruise) our belief is that his story was not quite accurate and Katherine’s thoughts might have some validity. If it were truly going to be a surprise and a special event, discovery may be disappointing, but it shouldn’t be viewed as a deal-breaker.

j o u r n e y

A

s we pray for international peace during the Advent season, parents often have immediate concerns for preparing a tranquil family Christmas. I’ve found Advent challenging because it coincides with deadlines for exams and grades. When my four children were young, I began spreading Christmas shopping over months, searching for bargains. Now that they make purchases on their own as Christmas nears, I wonder if I’ve done a “good job.” I start balancing amounts in my head. Is this fair? Should I make one more purchase? Even things out?

I have to rein myself in, reminding myself that when the voice cries, “Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him” (Mt 3:3) it doesn’t mean we prepare by shopping for just gifts to give one another in honor of Jesus’ birth! The straight path is an interior preparation, and peace comes from our relationship with God.

Allow time as parents to experience the gentle guidance of the Shepherd.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” ( Isaiah 40:11) Many a stained glass window shows the comforting sight of Jesus carrying a lamb. But it is reassuring to know that he is guiding parents as well.

How is God relating to you as a parent this Advent? Are there discoveries that will lead to stronger relationships or healing in the family? The parenting journey is one that lasts a lifetime. Has a younger generation expressed interest in hosting the Christmas dinner? Has there been a spiraling trend toward more expensive gifts? It may be that, despite the gentleness of the dialogue, there are prospects of change that seem disconcerting. Following God’s will might not feel “peaceful” at first because it runs contrary to our habits.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body ... ” (Proverbs 14:30) There are many physical demands to parenthood, as Mary and Joseph knew well during their journey to Bethlehem, Jesus’ birth in the stable and the flight to Egypt. Parents struggle to get up night after night with newborns, wondering when the baby is going to sleep through the night. Preschoolers have bad dreams and there are long nights tending to feverish children. Parents of adolescents catch catnaps waiting for teens to come home from dates. Sometimes “empty” nests are re-feathered and grandparents help out young families.

Being a parent can be exhausting! This Christmas season, try to find one personal activity that brings your own heart peace.

Make time for prayer and connect with your church community – it may help bring life to your body! – Dr. Cathleen McGreal

of family life ministry, a ministry supported by the DSA.

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t h e o l o g y

1 0 1

Why is Jesus the best

theo lo g ian o f the m o nth

Catherine of Siena (1347-1380)

Jesus taught by doing

T

his year, FAITH is exploring Christology – the study of Jesus Christ. We asked several eminent seminary professors some questions about Jesus. Their answers are enlightening and thought-provoking.

Meet the professors Father Acklin

Father Muller

Father Stevens

Father Thomas Acklin is a monk of St. Vincent Archabbey in Latrobe, Pa. He is a graduate of Duquesne University, St. Vincent Seminary, The Catholic University of Louvain and Pittsburgh Psychoanalytic Institute.

Father Earl Muller is The Bishop Kevin M. Britt Professor of Theology/Christology at Sacred Heart Seminary in Detroit. He formerly taught at Marquette University in Wisconsin.

Father Gladstone Stevens is vice-rector of St. Mary Seminary in Baltimore.

FAITH Magazine

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12 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

Q

FAITH: What is Jesus’ role as teacher?

Father Acklin: Jesus teaches even more by what he does than what he says. It’s like the famous quote attributed to St. Francis: “Preach always – use words when necessary.” Jesus’ whole ministry is like this; he begins with teaching and miracles.

Then, he begins to teach the hard stuff, about giving us his flesh and blood to eat and drink.

There are very few miracles at that point, because miracles are signs pointing toward something, not an end in themselves.

Jesus teaches with parables to break through the resistance to understanding, to prepare us to enter into the mystery. Other-

Catherine had visions and mystical experiences from a very young age. By the time she was 7, she had dedicated her virginity to Christ.

As a teen, she joined the Dominican Tertiary Order and began to live a solitary, consecrated life in her father’s home.

In 1370, she experienced a series of visions of heaven, purgatory and hell – and heard God telling her to leave her cloistered life and enter the world of diplomacy and politics. She did so, beginning a correspondence with king and pope. In fact, her urgings prompted Pope Gregory XI to return to Rome in defiance of France’s king.

Catherine was responsible for a spiritual renewal and had a number of followers.

Catherine was deeply devoted to the Eucharist, existing on nothing more than Communion wafers and water for long periods of time.

What does ‘rabbi’ mean? The word for a person who is ordained as the leader of a Jewish con

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WHO

IS

CHRIST?

A Y E A R - L O N G C O N V E R S AT I O N W I T H T H E O L O G I A N S

Heresy!

Jesus as God, but not as man: the heresy of monophysitism To monophysitists, Jesus had only one nature, and it was divine. It resembles Apollinarianism, in which Christ’s divine nature overcame his human one. But in monophysitism, Jesus was solely and always divine. This heresy mostly affected the Eastern church, which excommunicated the monophysitists in the sixth century.

Like many of the other heresies, this one is problematic because, without incarnation, there can be no true atonement for our sins on the cross.

It was condemned by the Sixth Ecumenical Council in 680-681; the doctrine of hypostatic union was reaffirmed – Jesus is one person with two natures inextricably intertwined. He is fully human and fully divine. wise, you could take this body of knowledge away and think you’ve “got it.” For example, the beatitudes – living them is a mystery; it’s not just about knowing them.

point – and that is where the opportunity for real learning occurs.

For us to really know Jesus, all of his sayings have to become living for us. That happens through faith.

It’s like the famous quote attributed And we have to recognize to St. Francis: that everything Jesus taught Jesus’ whole ministry is like this ... was accompanied by things he did.

We have teaching in the Father Muller: Jesus’ teachScriptures and in other church ing is connected with the Word teaching, like the catechism.

– Jesus is the revelation of But to live through the quesGod. Revelation must touch on tions is where you really learn the human heart and the human to know something. The aposintellect. When you talk about tles fumbled and ran away, and learned through that. Ultimately, the communication of God to our intellect, you’re talking we slip and fall and miss the

“Preach always – use words when necessary.”

w h a t d o e s th a t symbol mean?

Pelican The pelican was believed to pierce its own flesh with its bill in order to feed its young with its own blood. As such, it became a symbol of Jesus and the atonement.

The pelican is seen in paintings, stained glass and murals.

Bible Quiz I heard the voice of God – Who am I?

Turn to page 30 for the answer

My mother, Hannah, asked God to send her a son – and in exchange, she promised to raise him as a Nazirite, totally dedicated to the Lord. I am that son – and as soon as I was weaned, Mother brought me to Eli at Shiloh and that’s where I lived.

When I was about 12 or so, I began

hearing a voice in the night, while I tried to sleep. I kept getting up and asking Eli what he wanted. Eli kept telling me to go back to sleep, but the voice didn’t stop. Finally, Eli told me that it was God calling – and my response, “Here I am Lord”, has become the title of a song that is sung in churches regularly. I served the Lord the rest of my days, and was honored to select the first two kings of Israel, Saul and David.

Who am I?

about a student-teacher relationship between us and God. So Christ, as a revelation of the Father, comes as one who enlightens our intellect. That is the root of what is meant by teacher.

There were also cultural issues in the Scriptures that led to the use of that title – in the first-century Jewish culture, those who gathered disciples and trained them were called “teacher” or “rabbi.” Since Jesus did those things, he was often called by those titles.

Father Stevens: Everything Jesus does is a teaching moment. When does he teach the most? It is when he says nothing – it is in his passion. In that moment, we have the sublime teaching of what it means to be human and God. So, how do we propagate this – how do we teach? We use a combination of words, actions and silence. If Jesus teaches by silence, we should, too.

For example, don’t judge. Don’t cast a stone.

Ultimate teaching is through silence. And teaching is always more than a matter of utterances.

Look at Matthew, chapter 25 – we teach by visiting someone, by giving them water and clothing. This teaching is the way in which the truth of God reaches another human being.

– Elizabeth Solsburg

h congregation; or a scholar who is qualified to interpret Jewish law. From the Hebrew and Aramaic for ‘master.’

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FAITH Magazine

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14 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

Photography by Jim Luning

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Carl F. Mengeling was ordained to the priesthood May 25, 1957 in the newly formed Diocese of Gary, Ind. He has served the church in Lansing as its bishop since January 1996.

On Oct. 16, the people of the diocese celebrated Bishop Mengeling’s anniversary at Mass at St. Thomas Aquinas Parish, East Lansing.

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Msgr. Richard Groshek; Cardinal Adam Maida of Detroit; Msgr. Michael Murphy (standing); Bishop Mengeling; Cardinal Justin Rigali of Philadelphia; Bishop Mengeling’s brother, Bill, at a luncheon before Mass

Bishop Mengeling; his sisters, Elfriede and Carolyn; and his brother, Bill

Left to right: Cardinal Maida (seated, in red), Bishop Sa Bishop Mengeling, Bishop Cooney of Gay

Cardinals, bishops and priests process into Mass at St. Thomas Aquinas.

Well-wishers enjoy the reception following Bishop Mengeling’s anniversary Mass.

Deacons (left) and pastoral coordinators of the Diocese of Lansing listen to Msgr. Murphy’s homily.

The Knights of Columbus honor guard leads the recessional.

FAITH Magazine

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Bishop Murray of Kalamazoo helps Msgr. Richard Groshek vest prior to Mass.

Bishops and cardinals just before Bishop Mengeling’s anniversary Mass

op Sample of Marquette, Bishop Murray of Kalamazoo, f Gaylord, Bishop Hurley of Grand Rapids

s.

Bishop Meneling and friends celebrate the bishop’s 50th anniversary.

Bishop Mengeling greets Msgr. George Michalek’s mother, Frances, after Mass.

Sister Rita Wenzlick, OP, director of the Office of Pastoral Planning, was part of coordinating the day’s celebrations.

Fathers Will Stevenson and Gerry Ploof enjoy a laugh at the bishop’s reception.

To view pictures from the bishop’s life, please visit www.FAITHmag.com.

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FAITH Magazine

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18 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com 10/30/07 3:58:51 PM

c

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By Marybeth Hicks Photography by Jim Luning

S

ergeant Matt Falk is a quiet man. His words are few and deliberate. His delivery is measured; his responses reserved. So it comes as no surprise that he doesn’t say much about his service in Iraq. But, like the saying goes, “Still water runs deep.”

“I can’t really talk about what I’ve seen,” Matt says. “There’s no way to express it.”

Instead, the 23-year-old Michigan Army National Guard veteran keeps his experiences to himself while he sorts out what war has taught him and how it has changed him.

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c o v e r

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att joined the Army National Guard while still a high-school senior in 2002.

Following graduation, he headed to basic training and then went to Big Rapids where he enrolled at Ferris State University. Like all Guard units in post9/11 mode, Matt’s Jackson-based unit continued to train one weekend per month and for two weeks each year while waiting for the inevitable call to active duty.

Other than his regular training for the Guard, Matt enjoyed the his fellow members of 1461st Transportation Company/Heavy typical life of a young adult – school, work and hanging out with Equipment Transportation (CBT HET).

Like most Army National Guard members, Matt’s philosophy family and friends.

At a party in the summer of 2005, mutual friends intro- about serving his country is simple and straightforward: He joined duced Matt to a pretty, single mother named Chrystal. Soon, to do a job. Yet Matt’s quiet nature lends itself to introspection, Matt’s young single life evolved into a committed relationship while the war itself has caused all soldiers to consider what matters with Chrystal and her two children. In February 2006, the most to them. two were married at St. Joseph Shrine Church in Brooklyn, Matt learned what matters most is family.

Matt’s home parish, where the couple had become active pa“I didn’t pray for myself,” he says, “but I prayed for Chrystal and rishioners and where Chrysthe kids. I worried about how tal had joined the Catholic “What’s going on is nothing like what you see she would handle everything. I knew she would be OK, but it Church through the RCIA. on TV,” Matt says. bothered me that I didn’t have While Matt continued as a any control over things.” student at Ferris, he and ChrysChrystal, 24, also found tal were working through the – but many people don’t want help.” herself only able to pray for difficulties of a weekend marher new spouse, not herself. “I riage. He was adjusting to life just prayed for him,” she says. as husband to Chrystal and step-father to Christian, then 4, and Allison, 3, when the inevitable Along with Chrystal, the entire faith community of St. Joseph Shrine prayed for Matt’s safe return home. finally occurred.

“It meant a lot to me to know the parish was praying for me,” he Duty called.

In June 2006, Matt’s unit was activated, destined for COB (Con- says. “That was a big deal.”

In a war many have decried as “God-forsaken,” Matt felt God’s tingency Operating Base) Speicher near Tikrit, Iraq, an American base named for the 1991 Gulf War Coalition forces’ only air-to-air presence each day while serving in Iraq. “Being there changed my casualty, Navy Cmdr. Michael Scott Speicher. Matt’s assignment: opinions, changed my view of things,” he says. “I learned not to mechanic and wrecker driver, following last in convoys behind take my family for granted and I hope I’ll be more expressive with

“There is so much to do – there is so much that’s wrong

FAITH Magazine

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them now.” For a quiet man, this is a spiritual challenge, indeed.

Matt felt God’s protection in Iraq, as well. “We joked that God made it so the insurgents couldn’t shoot straight,” Matt laughs.

On one occasion, Matt’s wrecker wasn’t in its usual place at the end of a convoy; coincidentally, the vehicle at the back was hit with enemy fire. No one was injured, though the wrecker may not have fared as well as the armored gun truck in Matt’s rearview mirror.

During his 14 months in Iraq, Matt’s unit lost one member. “It happened when we were getting close to coming home,” Matt says.

“It was hard. It changed the way I looked at things.”

Matt never felt that God deserted him in Iraq, though the things he saw confounded him. “What’s going on is nothing like what you see on TV,” Matt says. “There is so much to do – there is so much that’s wrong – but many people don’t want help. Maybe they don’t want to change.

I try not to watch [the news coverage on] TV,” he says. “I don’t need to see it.”

The Iraqi people helped Matt to feel he was doing God’s work. “The local people were really nice – really supportive,” he says. “We helped them with supplies and humanitarian aid.” In this way, Matt gained a sense of being a part of a positive mission.

Mostly, though, Matt felt God’s presence in the constant support of his family, including his parents and younger sister. “I got so many packages it felt like Christmas every day,” he smiles. Technology also gave Matt the chance to be a part of holidays and special events back home.

“We used a Web cam and I was able to watch the kids open Christmas presents and find Easter eggs,” he recalls. “In a way, it made it harder because I could see what I was missing, but it was really nice to still be a part of it in a way.”

In August, after only two weeks back home, Matt was enjoying time to relax and regroup. His Guard unit was on leave through the end of the year, and Matt was considering what to do next.

One decision he quickly made was to re-enlist for another threeyear commitment, even though it’s possible he will again be put on active duty. “I’m not worried about being called up again,” he says. “I would know what to expect.”

When it’s hard to come home Many service personnel return home to find that things have changed. Their spouses have had to run households and have doubled up on parenting responsibilities. Sometimes, it’s

For now, the Falks are resuming the process of adjusting to married life. As for most couples, this means altering the way decisions are made and responsibilities are handled in the home. “I was used to doing things my own way while he was in Iraq and I’m really self-reliant anyway,” Chrystal says. Learning to again share decisions is just one aspect of re-entry for veterans that the Falks encountered. Another area that presents a challenge is in communicating about each person’s experiences during the separation.

“There’s no way she can understand what went on or what I went through,” Matt says. “You can’t explain it. I can talk to the guys in my unit who I’m close to, but not to Chrystal.”

During Matt’s absence, Chrystal also went through a tough time with the passing of a beloved grandmother. “It was hard to go through that without him, but we did the best we could.”

Army National Guard veterans’ counselors advised Chrystal and the rest of Matt’s family to let him talk about what he wants to share, but not to press him to discuss his time in active duty. “It’s hard because I want to know all about what he went through, but I can understand that there’s no way to really know unless you were there,” Chrystal says.

hard to know where to fit in and how to make the transition to civilian life. Visit the Michigan Department of Military and Veterans Affairs for information about how to handle this change – and to find out where to get help if you need it. They are on the Web at www.michigan.gov/dmva.

For more information about the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA), contact your parish’s RCIA director or pastor.

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s p i r i t u a l

f i t n e s s

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eace. How truly we need it!

How truly our world needs it. Peace is a sign of our Lord’s presence with us. But there is a mystery here. Jesus’ presence did not always bring peace.

Remember what he said – “Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace, but the sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s enemies will be those of his household.” (Mt 10:34-36) Sounds like war!

So why do we call Jesus the prince of peace? (Is 9:5) Because he is peace and brings peace if one is open to it! When Jesus was born, the angels sang, “Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” (Lk 2:14) When he began his public ministry, the gift of peace was a part of the proclamation of good news. He told his disciples, “As you enter a house, wish it peace. If the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it; if not, let your peace return to you.” (Mt 10: 12-13) After the resurrection, Jesus’ first words to the apostles in the upper room were “Peace be with you.” (Jn 20:19) Jesus is the prince of peace, but many have trouble discovering how to receive it.

When Jesus came to Jerusalem, Luke’s Gospel says, “He wept over it, saying ‘If this day you only knew what makes for peace – but now it is hidden from your eyes.’” (Lk 19:42) Sadly, it still is.

Father George Zabelka, a priest from the Diocese of Lansing, had a deep conversion in terms of understanding Christ’s path of peace. He was the priest who blessed the B-29 bomber named Enola Gay that dropped the first atomic bomb – “Little Boy” – on Hiroshima, Japan, Aug. 6, 1945. He also

What does the Catholic Church teach about war?

Those who are sworn to serve their country in the armed forces are servants of the security and freedom of nations. If they FAITH Magazine

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The battle for peace

a lesson from the priest who blessed the atom bomb blessed the second atomic bomb that was dropped on Nagasaki three days later. Over the next 20 years, God opened up his eyes to see the truth of what he had done. In the 1960s, Father George worked with Martin Luther King, Jr. during the civil rights struggle in Flint. Martin Luther King’s “ ... example and his words of nonviolent action, choosing love instead

carry out their duty honorably, they truly contribute to the common good of the nation and maintenance of peace.

Public authorities should make equitable provision for those who for reasons of conscience refuse to bear arms; these are nonetheless obliged

to serve the human community in some other way.

The church and human reason both assert the permanent validity of the moral law during armed conflict.

“The mere fact that war has regrettably broken out does not mean that everything

of hate, truth instead of lies, and nonviolence instead of violence stirred me deeply. ... after [Martin Luther King, Jr.] was jailed in Montgomery, and this blew my mind ... he said, ‘Blood may flow in the streets of Montgomery before we gain our freedom, but it must be our blood that flows, and not that of the white man. We must not harm a single hair on the becomes licit between the warring parties.” (cf CCC 23102312)

“Every act of war directed to the indiscriminate destruction of whole cities or vast areas with their inhabitants is a crime against God and

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fuel the war machine.

I will let Father George speak for himself. These excerpts come from a speech he gave in 1985:

“ “ “ “

“ “ “ “

War is now, always has been, and always will be bad, bad news.

I was there. I saw real war. Those who have seen real war will bear me out. I assure you, it is not of Christ.

It is not Christ’s way.

The morality of the balance of terrorism is a morality that Christ never taught. The ethics of mass butchery cannot be found in the teachings of Jesus ... So the world is watching today ... What the world needs is Christians who, in language that the simplest soul could understand, will proclaim the follower of Christ cannot participate in mass slaughter. He or she must love as Christ loved, live as Christ lived, and, if necessary, die as Christ died, loving one’s enemies.

head of our white brothers.’”

Father George’s life was turned upside down by the Lord and the witness of Christian peacemakers. he “went through a crisis of faith. Either accept what Christ said, as impossible and silly as it may seem, or deny him completely.” Father George chose complete acceptance of Christ.

That gave him peace of heart. But much more work needed to be done. He spent the rest of his life trying to bring healing, reconciliation and Christ’s peace to others.

He spoke out against war and the incredible economic and political focus of nations that continue to man, which merits firm and unequivocal condemnation.”

A danger of modern warfare is that it provides the opportunity to those who possess modern scientific weapons – especially atomic, biological, or chemical weapons – to commit such crimes.(CCC 2314)

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Now, brothers and sisters, on the anniversary of this terrible atrocity carried out by Christians, I must be the first to say that I made a terrible mistake[in blessing a nuclear weapon].

All I can say today is that I was wrong. Christ would not be the instrument to unleash such horror on his people. ... I was there, and I was wrong. Yes, war is hell, and Christ did not come to justify the creation of hell on earth by his disciples.

We must all become prophets. I really mean that. We must all do something for peace ...

spiritual exercise: being a peacemaker

I

n our spiritual fitness exercise this month, we ask the Christ child to make us like simple children who will be people of peace.

• Peace must begin and reign within us. It starts with a heart that is reconciled to God and others. As a preparation for celebrating Christ’s birth and receiving his peace, take part in the sacrament of reconciliation.

• Pray for peace. The prayer of St. Francis is always a good source of meditation. Try the following image to help you. Think of yourself in a boat tossed about in the waves near a rocky cliff. You are frightened and threatened because the boat is coming close to being smashed against the rocks. Suddenly, you realize that you are not alone in the boat. The Lord is with you.

Your fear blinded you from seeing him. He takes an oar and, with strength, guides the boat along the rocks into a cave along the cliffs. Looking back through the opening of the cave, you see the storm raging and waves bursting all around.

But you are with Christ in the boat, and the waters all around you within the cave are tranquil and calm. You are in still waters.

• Work for justice. Without true justice, there can be no peace. There are many social issues that destroy peace. The violence of war destroys peace.

The violence of abortion destroys peace. The violence of poverty destroys peace. Educate yourself on any of these issues and get involved in being the solution to the problem.

There really is no better way to celebrate the birth of the true Prince of Peace than by being a peacemaker.

– Father Bill Ashbaugh

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p r o f i l e

K

risten Goldsmith has lived a hard life in just 21 years. Since attending a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, she found peace and the strength to share the story of her abortion and its aftermath. She has testified before the Michigan Senate, appeared in Teen People magazine and spoken publicly and privately to encourage women to consider alternatives to abortion when faced with unwanted pregnancies.

Kristen generously shares her story with FAITH: I was a 17-year-old high-school drop-out, living with my boyfriend’s family to escape what I found as a toxic environment at my parent’s home. Drinking about a fifth of vodka and popping Vicodin all day, I didn’t notice that I hadn’t had a period in a couple of months. My boyfriend took me to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test.

after my abortion, I will

How Rachel’s Vineyard helped me heal

be the same FAITH Magazine

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24 December 2007

By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by Tom Gennara

I had never been as scared as when the nurse came in and told me I was pregnant. I went and got my boyfriend, Kevin*, from the waiting room and brought him in.

As soon as I sat on his lap and started crying, he knew. I struggled with the words, but finally got them out, “I’m pregnant.”

The very first thing that came out of Kevin’s mouth was that I was having an abortion.

After four days of thinking about being pregnant, I decided that I wanted to keep my baby, but Kevin had different plans for me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and yelled: “You’re having an abortion, Kristen! I refuse to help you in any way and you won’t have anywhere to go, because you’re not living with me! I don’t want a kid!!”

My parents had always told me if I got pregnant they would never speak to me again. So I never thought I could tell my * Name changed

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parents about the pregnancy, let alone ask their permission for an abortion. The next day, Kevin took me to an attorney. Less than a week later, I was in front of a judge.

He granted me a judicial bypass and Kevin made an appointment for the abortion that Saturday.

To this day, I remember what I was wearing, what the building looked like inside and out, and even how the chairs were set up in the waiting room. After I signed in, I sat in a chair staring at the wall, holding my belly, trying to talk myself into running out of the building ... but that thought was interrupted by the nurse saying she was ready for me.

the emotional pain hit me like a semi-truck.

The next couple of years were filled with self-hatred and moving between Kevin’s and my parents’ homes. I sank into depression and began cutting myself and doing more drugs. Eventually, Kevin and I got an apartment and did hard drugs all day long. After a while, he began having affairs – so I left and moved back in with my parents until I could get help and a place of my own.

Through it all, my aunt was there for me. She saw how much I was hurting and nursed me back to emotional health, even letting me move in with her. She is my

Obviously there are a lot of different factors of why I had the abortion. I was scared of being pregnant, afraid I’d be

homeless and thought I had no one to turn to.

They did blood work, an ultrasound (which they wouldn’t let me see), and gave me a Valium. Then they had another woman and me go into a room where the “counseling” took place. What a joke! The counseling was just prepping us for the procedure and how to take care of ourselves afterward. They put all of us in a room and one by one called each out to have the procedure done.

I have never felt so much pain in my life, and thought that the noise was almost unbearable. When it was finally over, I went to the recovery room and saw a couple of the girls, who were crying. I told myself to keep my composure. The minute I walked out of the clinic and into Kevin’s car, I fell apart.

How could I have just done that!? The only support Kevin gave me was some Vicodin and telling me to sleep. When I woke up,

strong spiritual supporter and the one who found Rachel’s Vineyard for me.

The Rachel’s Vineyard retreat was an extraordinary experience. We really dug deep to get at the hatred and anger. We worked through Scriptures and exercises to come to peace within ourselves. I don’t know how to explain it, but during the second day of the retreat, I really knew for the first time that God had forgiven me for having an abortion. And I understood I needed to forgive myself, too.

Though we’re not together anymore, and he has changed a lot, Kevin came to the closing liturgy of the retreat. He read a poem he had written to our child, and he cried through the whole ceremony.

I know I will never be the same, but by

Project Rachel – Healing for those affected by abortion Project Rachel is the Catholic Church’s healing ministry to those who’ve been involved in abortion. It operates a network of professional counselors and priests trained to provide counseling

to women and men suffering because of an abortion.

In the Diocese of Lansing, Project Rachel also offers a retreat experience called Rachel’s Vineyard. This intensive weekend retreat

the grace of God, I found healing. Rachel’s Vineyard changed my life! I still do think a part of me died the day I had an abortion, but another part of me was born at Rachel’s Vineyard. I know my child now as Kristopher Daniel, thanks to the retreat. I know he is in Christ’s arms, waiting to meet me; and I have learned how to use this for the good.

Now I want women and men to know there are consequences to having an abortion. When a woman goes into a clinic, they don’t tell her she has a choice of keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption. They don’t tell her there may be longterm emotional consequences.

Obviously, there are a lot of different factors of why I had the abortion. I was scared of being pregnant, afraid I’d be homeless and thought I had no one to turn to. I believed I had no choice and that the abortion would end my problem. But it didn’t.

Still, I believe everything happens for a reason. Every negative thing that has happened in my life has made me a stronger person. I believe the abortion has given me my calling – to help other women. Now I am always looking for opportunities to get my voice out when it comes to abortion.

Today, at 21, I’m clean and sober. I won’t have sex now until I get married. I understand some people may judge me negatively, but I don’t care what they think. I’ve learned that if someone wants to judge me, like the Gospel story of the woman caught in adultery, I know they’ve sinned too. They can’t cast the first stone.

I will keep telling my story. And as long as what I have to say gets through to one person, I will have fulfilled my calling.

leads post-abortive women and men through scripturally based exercises that work participants through their shame, anger and grief, to connection with the child they never knew and onto forgiveness, acceptance and peace. Therapy for the soul, Rachel’s Vineyard

restores lives and hope in an ecumenical, non-judgmental, supportive environment.

For more information about this powerful retreat experience, go to www. rachelsvineyard.org, or contact Beth Bauer, Rachel’s Vineyard coordinator, at 734.449.8913.

For more information about Project Rachel, e-mail vgale@ccjax.org or call 517.782.4430.

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Why Mike came back to the Catholic Church

FAITH Magazine

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26 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

By Hicks ||Photography PhotographybybyPhilip Tom Gennara

By Marybeth Eileen Gianodis Shippert

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p r o f i l e

G Welcome Home Sunday is a ministry of the office of adult education, which is supported by the DSA.

enerally speaking, Mike Lamberjack, 37, needs proof. As a corporate auditor for the Internal Revenue Service, proof is part of his life. That’s why it comes as no surprise that he’s done extensive research on Catholic apologetics and his Catholic faith.

But that wasn’t always the case. In fact, six years ago, Mike and his family left the Catholic Church because “we weren’t really getting anything out of it.

We would use almost any excuse in the book not to go to church.”

The Lamberjack family found something they were looking for when they attended an evangelical church.

“There was great music, great preaching, they really spoke to us,” he said. During this time, Mike and his family found that they learned more about the Bible, met great Christian people and strengthened their faith.

Something was still missing though.

After his father unexpectedly died a year ago, Mike and his family regularly accompanied his mother to weekly Mass.

“We began to sense God’s presence more strongly than ever before at Mass,” he said. “So we went to work learning more about the claims of Catholicism.

I never learned them growing up and I needed to know: What’s the proof?”

After several months of extensive reading and research, Mike and his wife, Tracy, returned to the Catholic Church. They chose St. Mary Magdalen Parish because of a Welcome Home Sunday sign they saw.

“I just thought it was great that a church was reaching out, that’s what we wanted to be a part of,” he said. “It was the best of both worlds: fellowship and the Eucharist.”

Coming back to the Catholic Church has been our biggest joy. Before we left the church,

we were Catholic. Now that we’re back, we’re passionately Catholic.

What would you have liked to have told a younger you? Before you do anything, research the claims of the Catholic Church. All the claims of the church are backed up in the Bible.

pulled together. We felt God’s presence and love during that time.

What was it like after you lost something important to you? After my dad died, it was hard. It still is, but I can see how God strengthens us every day through his words and the sacraments.

What is the most interesting thing that you have learned about people? I’ve learned that God puts different people in our lives at different stages. On our walk back to the church, we met lots of ‘on-fire’ Catholics.

Now, I’m meeting people with whom I can share my faith story.

What is the one thing you want someone to know about the Catholic faith? Everything about our faith is real. It’s backed up and true.

What is the one thing you want someone to know about Jesus? Jesus desires a personal relationship with every one of us. It’s up to us to open the door and invite him into our lives.

What has been your biggest joy? Coming back to the Catholic Church has been our biggest joy. Before we left the church, we were Catholic. Now that we’re back, we’re passionately Catholic.

What is the best thing your parents did for you on your faith journey? My parents weren’t especially happy about us leaving the Catholic Church, but they were always supportive of our walk with God whether we were Protestant or Catholic. Also, I’m sure all the rosaries my mom said for us didn’t hurt either.

What question should you ask yourself every day?

Am I doing God’s will?

What do you hope God says to you when you reach heaven? I hope that God says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

What is the best part of being Catholic? Why? The Eucharist is definitely the best part of being Catholic because nowhere else can you truly receive Jesus’ body and blood.

What is it about Jesus that you most want to imitate? I’d really like to be able to imitate his forgiveness.

When have you felt the presence of God the most? When my dad passed away and my family

When have you felt the presence of God the least? In college.

For more information about Welcome Home Sunday, contact your parish’s RCIA director or pastor.

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cathedral cookies for Christmas

FAITH Magazine

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Windows of Peace

28 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

10/30/07 4:02:45 PM

c u l t u r e

I

’ll never forget that first day of being away from home when I went to college. I remember fighting back tears when my folks drove off after a day of helping me move into my campus apartment. I tried to shake it off and get excited about the semesters that were ahead at the fine-arts school I had worked so hard to get into, but my heart sank even more when I caught a glimpse of the Detroit “neighborhood” surrounding the campus. I cringed at all the vacant homes with broken windows and trash littering the yards. My parents weren’t even gone five minutes, and I was already homesick.

In the coming days, I started to acclimate to my new surroundings.

I met a few classmates and found contentment with class projects and decorating my studio apartment.

But what truly brought me a pure and complete sense of peace was something far beyond the distractions of interior decorating, homework and socializing. It was the peace I felt when I went to Mass just a few blocks from campus. There, in the darkest corridors of the inner city, stood a very large, old cathedral that wasn’t in the best shape on the outside. But inside, people who knew, believed and prayed the same parts of the Mass exactly as I knew them surrounded me. And I was listening to the same Gospel and receiving the same Eucharist as my family back home. I truly felt in communion with them.

I once heard the Catholic apolo-

gist Pat Madrid say that the way people see the church can be likened to the stained glass windows that adorn the church buildings.

From the outside, they appear dark, mysterious and non-vibrant. But inside the church, the windows glow, illuminating everything and depicting messages of hope, love and – for me – peace. On that day, I was so glad to be inside that church.

My homesickness was gone.

Do you know of someone who is away at college or even serving our country overseas? Give her a message of hope, love and peace, and something to remind her of home. Send her a dozen or more of these cathedral window cookies. While they are perfect for Christmas, they are also a great reminder that wherever you are in the world, you will always feel at home in the Catholic Church.

Cathedral Window Cookies 1 cup sugar 1/4 cup shortening 1/2 cup softened butter 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 eggs 2 ½ cups flour, sifted 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 package of hard candy, finely crushed.

Church cookie cutter (can be purchased online) More Ideas • Design your own church or cathedral! Easy instructions for making your own cookie cutters can be found online. Using a search engine, type in “making your own cookie cutters.”

• Make them in just minutes using store-bought sugar cookie dough (don’t forget to roll out dough to 1/8”).

Cream the sugar, shortening, vanilla and eggs in a large bowl for one minute. Gradually stir in the flour, baking powder and salt. Cover and refrigerate dough for an hour.

rectangles for the “stained glass” in the center of each cookie. Carefully place cookies on aluminum foil-covered (or parchment) cookie sheet. Fill the small circles and/or rectangles with crushed candy until it touches the edges.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cover cookie sheets with aluminum foil or parchment and set aside. Roll dough to 1/8” (thinner than a typical recipe) on a lightly floured and cool surface. Working quickly, so dough doesn’t reach room temperature, cut out as many cookies as possible. With cookie shapes still in position, cut out small circles or

Bake for 7-9 minutes, or until edges of cookies are slightly brown and candy is melted. If candy has not spread within the cutout design, immediately spread with a metal knife or spatula. Cool completely on cookie sheet and gently remove with a spatula.

Directions:

By Michelle Sessions DiFranco | Photography by Philip Shippert FM1207 layout-back.indd 29

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c o m m u n i t y

things to do: Sacred Heart Mercy Health Care Center is hosting the conference Stem Cell/Cloning: Scientific Issues and Moral Objections. Father Tadeusz Pacholczsyk, Ph.D. is a nationally renowned scientist and bioethicist who will be giving a presentation entitled “Beginning of Life Issues: In Vitro Fertilization, Assisted Reproductive Technologies and Human Embryos.” The conference will take place Dec. 7-8 at the Our Lady of Grace Conference Center in Alma. For more details visit www.sacredheartmercy.org.

St. Isidore Catholic Church of Laingsburg will be hosting Winterfest Café on Dec. 7 from 5 -8 p.m. The cozy café will feature homemade food, nativity displays from around the world and a “Work of Human Hands” gift sale.

All are invited to attend the Holy Spirit High School choir concert on Dec. 7 at 7 p.m.

The Advent/Christmas concert will take place at Chilson Hills Baptist Church in Howell. Admission is free and all are welcome.

Praying with Body, Mind and Spirit: Moving through Advent, presented by Janene Ternes, Dec. 1 from 9:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. at the

Manresa Jesuit Retreat House in Bloomfield Hills. Cost is $40 and includes lunch. For more information, call Janene at 734.429.7754.

Women and Mid-Life: A Mosaic of Transitions for Nurses, presented by Janene Ternes, Jan. 23 from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at the St. Paul of the Cross Retreat Center in Schoolcraft. Cost is $70 and attending nurses may receive six contact hours toward their continuing education requirements. For more information, call Janene at 734.429.7754.

At the Weber Center The following program will be hosted at the Weber Center in Adrian. Please call 517.266.4000 for more information: Dec. 7-9, A Woman with a Story – Mark 14 Spend a weekend probing the story of the woman in Mark 14.

The weekend will include a reflective viewing of the text from varied perspectives and approaches, reflection time and opportunities for group sharing. The process used will reflect our experience with the Dominican women theologians of Latin America. Single occupancy: $175. Double occupancy: $125 (per person). Commuter: $100

At St. Francis Retreat Center Visit www.stfrancis.ws or call 866.669.8321 for more information about the following – Nov. 16 - 18, 2007 Contemplative Retreat - The Art of Journaling as Prayer A quiet retreat for women. Call FAITH Magazine

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n e w s

Gifts for Christmas A Christmas Cantata A musical ensemble from St. Mary’s Parish in Pinckney, known as SILK, is releasing its second CD of Christmas music, entitled A Christmas Cantata. Call 734.878.3161 for more information.

Taste and See Faith: Recipes for the Soul Diocese of Lansing author and catechist Marie Wilson has written Taste and See Faith: Recipes for the Soul, in which she offers ways to celebrate the liturgical year through recipes and prayers. It is available through Bezalel Books at www.bezalelbooks.com.

Understanding in paperback In Understanding Today’s Catholic Parish, authors William J. Rademacher, Rev. John S. Weber and Rev. David McNeill Jr. guide readers through the three fundamentals of pastoral theology, canon law and civil law.

Understanding Today’s Catholic Parish is a Twenty-Third Publication and is available online at www.amazon.com.

Worship through music Christian musician Timothy R. Smith, shares his journey of fear to faith and of doubt to trust in his latest recording, Persuaded. More information can be found on his Web site: www.timothyrsmith.com.

December Café Events St. Martha Parish, Okemos, is hosting an Advent reflection series Dec. 3 and 10, 9:1510:45 a.m. in the bride’s room. The movie, The Nativity Story will be the study topic. Call 517.347.3353 for more information.

Patrick Jordan, managing editor of Commonweal, will present Dorothy Day: Her Message for our Times, Jan. 25, St. John Student Parish, East Lansing. Call 517.337.9778 for more information.

the Retreat Center at 866.669.8321.

small favor to remember the evening by.

Nov. 29, 2007, 7-9 p.m., Advent

by Candlelight Just for women. An evening of prayer, scripture, presentation, story telling, singing and friendship in preparation for the birth of Jesus. Each hostess is asked to invite seven friends to join them and will provide dessert and a

Dec. 6, 2007, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Advent Day of Prayer - Finding our Way to the Manger Msgr. Bill Fitzgerald will present.

30 December 2007 | www.FAITHmag.com

Dec. 7-9, 2007 Married Couples Retreat - A Time for Us and a Time for God. Answer to Bible Quiz (page 13): Samuel

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l a s t

December Readings Sunday, December 2 First Sunday of Advent Is 2:1-5 Ps 122:1-2,3-4,4-5,67,8-9 Rom 13;11-14 Mt 24;37-44 Saturday, December 8 Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary Gn 3:9-15,20 Ps 98:1,2-4(1a) Eph 1:3-6,11-12 Lk 1:26-38 Sunday, December 9 Second Sunday of Advent Is 11:1-10 Ps 72:1-2,7-8,12-13,17 Rom 15:4-9 Mt 3:1-12 Sunday, December 16 Third Sunday of Advent Is 35:1-6a,10 Ps 146:6-7,8-9,9-10 Jas 5:7-10 Mt 11:2-11 Sunday, December 23 Fourth Sunday of Advent Is 7:10-14 Ps 24:1-2,3-4,56(7c,10b) Rom 1:1-7 Mt 1:18-24

Monday, December 24 The Vigil of Christmas Is 62:1-5 Ps 89:4-5,1617,27,29(2a) Acts 13:16-17,22-25 Mt 1:1-25 or 1:18-25 Tuesday, December 25 Christmas Day, Nativity of the Lord Midnight Readings Is 9:1-6 Ps 96:1-2,2-3,11-12,13 Ti 2:11-14 Lk 2:1-14 Dawn Readings Is 62:11-12 Ps 97:1,6,11-12 Ti 3:4-7 Lk 2:15-20 Day Readings Is 52:7-10 Ps 98:1,2-3,3-4,5-6(3c) Heb 1:1-6 Jn 1:1-18 or 1:1-5,9-14 Sunday, December 30 Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Sir 3:2-7,12-14 Ps 128:1-2,3,4-5 Col 3:12-21 or 3:1217 Mt 2;13-15,19-23 Lk 23:35-43

Sharing the Wealth One Stitch at a Time A group of dedicated knitters at St. Catherine Labouré parish in Concord are “making the world a better place, one stitch at a time.”

Not only are their “chemo caps” warming the heads of cancer patients, but the hearts of those affected. Since March of this year, 300 of the caps have been distributed to cancer patients and oncology units in Jackson, Marshall and Coldwater.

Many of the knitters see this ministry as a way of giving back after having experienced chemotherapy themselves or watching a loved one go through treatment. More on this ministry and others that are a part of the “Sharing the Wealth” series can be found through a link on the Diocese of Lansing Web site www.DioceseOfLansing.org.

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w o r d

Peace In Our Time True peace is not merely the absence of tension, but is the presence of justice and brotherhood,” said Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Other reflective thinkers are quoted with similar thoughts.

M

ost of my years have been lived in a world not at peace. World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the long, sporadic war between the Arabs and the Jews, the Balkan War, Operation Desert Storm, Operation Desert Freedom and the present conflict with worldwide terrorism crystallized by the World Trade Center attack have all been a part of my days lived out here on earth.

I clearly remember how much we looked forward to a time of peace following the end of World War II, only to become gradually aware of the fact that we were engaged in a Cold War with Soviet Communism. True, there was an absence of armed conflict, but this came at the price of living with mutually assured nuclear destruction between the United States and the Soviet Union. We lived in a shared state of terror, each fearing the annihilation of the world in an epochal nuclear war. We were quite definitely not living in peace.

The question immediately surfaces: What is peace?

“True peace is not merely the absence of tension but is the presence of justice and brotherhood,” said Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. We need to see peace in terms of presence, not absence. Take, for instance, peace within families. Many homes are filled with cold wars. Oh, maybe there’s an absence of pouting, shouting and open hostility, but all too often there are passive-aggressive daggers being hurled.

Presence is the key. But the presence of what? The presence of fairness, respect, caring and self-sacrificing love for the sake of the others, that’s what. The presence of God we find in Christ, that’s what. The presence of the Holy Spirit’s gifts of wisdom, understanding, courage, and sensitivity to what’s going on inside the hearts, minds, and souls of all those others with whom we share relationships. This is true not only for us as individuals but likewise for us as a family of nations living as we do in this global village.

So, if you find yourself in a relationship that’s flawed, ask yourself what you can bring to that relationship that is of God. When, as, and if you do, you may wake up to find yourself living in peace with those around you. True, you cannot make it happen, but you can bring it to others and offer it to them as your gift of love.

– Fr. Charles Irvin

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notes:

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