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The Harmful Power of Keeping Secrets
COMPASS Family Counseling 1001 16th St Suite 155 Denver, CO 80265 (720) 897 7151
Keeping secrets is normal. Everyone does it and people have been doing it since the dawn of time. For one, it’s good to be mysterious to some people and trimming the truth may help people deal with what’s real a little better. Then, there are things people shouldn’t know as to avoid trouble. The thing is, as long as there’s good purpose to keeping quiet, secrets is just fine. On the other hand, when keeping secrets serve the purpose of just confining someone’s troubles to himself, it becomes harmful. People have seen what it does to men everywhere, and they recognize its devastating effects on groups. Especially in families, where the older members feel that they have to keep secrets from everyone to make it seem that everything are all right.
For Adults It’s normal that adults in the families know most of the secrets in the group. They are the ones emotionally capable of handling confidential information and most times, are the ones capable of solving it. What they don’t see is how it’s estranging other family members and restraining others to sharing information outside of the family. Those who know secrets have to be cautious as to whom they talk and how far a conversation can go. While many handle such tasks with ease, many feel keeping secrets come with crippling restriction that prohibits them to socialize. It can even stop people from forming intimate relationships.
For Adolescents Whatever the motivation is, young people will do what young people do. Maybe it’s drinking alcohol, exploring their sexuality, or family heritage, but what’s sure is they will keep secrets. On one hand, it helps them build connections with people of their age when they tell secrets. It, however, forms a triangle that keeps one entity out; which are their families, mostly. Most Damaging Most times, the way people got hold of the secret does the most damage. Some people take it the wrong way when said in an unruly manner, while others handle knowing a secret by keeping their knowledge a secret and being distant to other people. There will come a time when secrets will start damaging relationships. Unluckily, many people cross that threshold all too often and create rift with the people they are supposed to be most open. While family therapy helps when it gets too worse, it’s hard to ignore the damage done at that point.
Sources: http://familycounselingdenverco.com/counseling-services-denver/family-counseling-denver/ http://www.psmag.com/health-and-behavior/why-men-kill-themselves-in-such-high-numbers http://greatist.com/happiness/secret-keeping-harmful-young-adults http://www.calhr.ca.gov/documents/eap-article-repairing-damaged-family-relationships.pdf https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200909/the-power-secrets