SOUTHERN WITH A GAY TWIST
02.24.17 V8-04
say no to fear 8 Red FlagsTo Avoid When Dating photography: Dmitri Howard
southern boy
WHAT IS GENVOYA®? GENVOYA is a 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in people 12 years and older and weigh at least 77 lbs. It can either be used in people who are starting HIV-1 treatment and have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements. These include having an undetectable viral load (less than 50 copies/mL) for 6 months or more on their current HIV-1 treatment. GENVOYA combines 4 medicines into 1 pill taken once a day with food. GENVOYA is a complete HIV-1 treatment and should not be used with other HIV-1 medicines. GENVOYA does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. To control HIV-1 infection and decrease HIV-related illnesses, you must keep taking GENVOYA. Ask your healthcare provider if you have questions about how to reduce the risk of passing HIV-1 to others. Always practice safer sex and use condoms to lower the chance of sexual contact with body fluids. Never reuse or share needles or other items that have body fluids on them.
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
medicines that should not be taken with GENVOYA. Do not start a new medicine without telling your healthcare provider. • The herbal supplement St. John’s wort. • Any other medicines to treat HIV-1 infection.
What are the other possible side effects of GENVOYA? Serious side effects of GENVOYA may also include: • Changes in body fat, which can happen in people taking HIV-1 medicines. • Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking GENVOYA. • Kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys. If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking GENVOYA. The most common side effect of GENVOYA is nausea. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any side effects that bother you or don’t go away.
What is the most important information I should know about GENVOYA?
What should I tell my healthcare provider before taking GENVOYA?
GENVOYA may cause serious side effects:
• All your health problems. Be sure to tell your healthcare provider if you have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis virus infection.
• Build-up of an acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious medical emergency. Symptoms of lactic acidosis include feeling very weak or tired, unusual muscle pain, trouble breathing, stomach pain with nausea or vomiting, feeling cold (especially in your arms and legs), feeling dizzy or lightheaded, and/or a fast or irregular heartbeat. • Serious liver problems. The liver may become large and fatty. Symptoms of liver problems include your skin or the white part of your eyes turning yellow (jaundice); dark “tea-colored” urine; light-colored bowel movements (stools); loss of appetite; nausea; and/or pain, aching, or tenderness in the right side of your stomach area. • You may be more likely to get lactic acidosis or serious liver problems if you are female, very overweight, or have been taking GENVOYA for a long time. In some cases, lactic acidosis and serious liver problems have led to death. Call your healthcare provider right away if you have any symptoms of these conditions. • Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. GENVOYA is not approved to treat HBV. If you have both HIV-1 and HBV and stop taking GENVOYA, your HBV may suddenly get worse. Do not stop taking GENVOYA without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to monitor your health.
Who should not take GENVOYA? Do not take GENVOYA if you take:
• All the medicines you take, including prescription and overthe-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements. Other medicines may affect how GENVOYA works. Keep a list of all your medicines and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist. Ask your healthcare provider if it is safe to take GENVOYA with all of your other medicines. • If you take antacids. Take antacids at least 2 hours before or after you take GENVOYA. • If you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if GENVOYA can harm your unborn baby. Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking GENVOYA. • If you are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed. HIV-1 can be passed to the baby in breast milk.
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Please see Important Facts about GENVOYA including Important Warnings on the following page.
• Certain prescription medicines for other conditions. It is important to ask your healthcare provider or pharmacist about
Ask your healthcare provider if GENVOYA is right for you, and visit GENVOYA.com to learn more.
GENVOYA does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS.
SHOW YOUR
POWER
Take care of what matters most—you. GENVOYA is a 1-pill, once-a-day complete HIV-1 treatment for people who are either new to treatment or people whose healthcare provider determines they can replace their current HIV-1 medicines with GENVOYA.
IMPORTANT FACTS This is only a brief summary of important information about GENVOYA and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and your treatment.
(jen-VOY-uh) MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT GENVOYA
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF GENVOYA
GENVOYA® may cause serious side effects, including: • Build-up of lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious medical emergency that can lead to death. Call your healthcare provider right away if you have any of these symptoms: feeling very weak or tired, unusual muscle pain, trouble breathing, stomach pain with nausea or vomiting, feeling cold (especially in your arms and legs), feeling dizzy or lightheaded, and/or a fast or irregular heartbeat. • Severe liver problems, which in some cases can lead to death. Call your healthcare provider right away if you have any of these symptoms: your skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow (jaundice); dark “tea-colored” urine; light-colored bowel movements (stools); loss of appetite; nausea; and/or pain, aching, or tenderness in the right side of your stomach area. • Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. GENVOYA is not approved to treat HBV. If you have both HIV-1 and HBV, your HBV may suddenly get worse if you stop taking GENVOYA. Do not stop taking GENVOYA without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to check your health regularly for several months. You may be more likely to get lactic acidosis or severe liver problems if you are female, very overweight, or have been taking GENVOYA for a long time.
GENVOYA can cause serious side effects, including: • Those in the “Most Important Information About GENVOYA” section. • Changes in body fat. • Changes in your immune system. • New or worse kidney problems, including kidney failure. The most common side effect of GENVOYA is nausea. These are not all the possible side effects of GENVOYA. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any new symptoms while taking GENVOYA. Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with GENVOYA.
ABOUT GENVOYA • GENVOYA is a prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in people 12 years of age and older and weigh at least 77 lbs who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before. GENVOYA can also be used to replace current HIV-1 medicines for some people who have an undetectable viral load (less than 50 copies/mL of virus in their blood), and have been on the same HIV-1 medicines for at least 6 months and have never failed HIV-1 treatment, and whose healthcare provider determines that they meet certain other requirements. • GENVOYA does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. Ask your healthcare provider about how to prevent passing HIV-1 to others. Do NOT take GENVOYA if you: • Take a medicine that contains: alfuzosin (Uroxatral®), carbamazepine (Carbatrol®, Epitol®, Equetro®, Tegretol®, Tegretol-XR®, Teril®), cisapride (Propulsid®, Propulsid Quicksolv®), dihydroergotamine (D.H.E. 45®, Migranal®), ergotamine (Cafergot®, Migergot®, Ergostat®, Medihaler Ergotamine®, Wigraine®, Wigrettes®), lovastatin (Advicor ®, Altoprev®, Mevacor ®), lurasidone (Latuda®), methylergonovine (Ergotrate®, Methergine®), midazolam (when taken by mouth), phenobarbital (Luminal®), phenytoin (Dilantin®, Phenytek®), pimozide (Orap®), rifampin (Rifadin®, Rifamate®, Rifater®, Rimactane®), sildenafil when used for lung problems (Revatio®), simvastatin (Simcor®, Vytorin®, Zocor®), or triazolam (Halcion®). • Take the herbal supplement St. John’s wort. • Take any other HIV-1 medicines at the same time.
BEFORE TAKING GENVOYA Tell your healthcare provider if you: • Have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis infection. • Have any other medical condition. • Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. • Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed if you have HIV-1 because of the risk of passing HIV-1 to your baby. Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take: • Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist. • Ask your healthcare provider or pharmacist about medicines that should not be taken with GENVOYA. HOW TO TAKE GENVOYA • GENVOYA is a complete one pill, once a day HIV-1 medicine. • Take GENVOYA with food. GET MORE INFORMATION • This is only a brief summary of important information about GENVOYA. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more. • Go to GENVOYA.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5 • If you need help paying for your medicine, visit GENVOYA.com for program information.
GENVOYA, the GENVOYA Logo, GILEAD, the GILEAD Logo, and LOVE WHAT’S INSIDE are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. All other marks referenced herein are the property of their respective owners. Version date: December 2016 © 2017 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. GENC0126 01/17
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FENUXE
Contents
02.24.2017
8 GREAT 08 CALENDAR: THINGS TO DO
10 22 24 26 36 38
OUT & ABOUT PHOTOS LOVE TRUMPS HATE
10 OF THE SEXIEST GAY BEACHES 8 RED FLAGS YOU CAN’T IGNORE HEY GIRL HEY GAY NEWS AT A GLANCE
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southern boy
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Friday, February 24 For three decades, Brazil’s Balé Folclórico da Bahia has electrified stages with its exuberant interpretations of traditional Brazilian folk dance. The dancers, musicians, and singers routinely bring audiences to their feet—and into the aisles! Don’t miss this “get out of your seat and dance” party at the Rialto! 8 – 10 p.m., Rialto Center for the Arts 80 Forsyth St NW, Atlanta, GA 30303
ORCHID DAZE
Saturday, February 25 Explore the world of America’s favorite plant during the annual Orchid Daze exhibition at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. Step inside the tropical warmth of the largest orchid center in the United States for a special exhibition of thousands of gorgeous orchids.This year emphasizes the contrasts between vibrantly colored orchids and wooden elements COMMUNITY
LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL
Tuesday, February 28 Celebrate Mardi Gras at the Louisiana Bistreaux Decatur, with live music from The Matt Wauchope Trio, the best hurricane cocktail east of the bayou and the restaurant’s famous crawfish, gumbo, jamabalaya and more. Grab a mask and beads at the door and join the Fat Tuesday fun all day, 6 – 10 p.m., Louisiana Bistreaux Decatur, 1496 Church St., Suite E-G, Decatur 08: February 24, 2017
MAR 2
FEB 28
FUN
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
Friday, March 2 Following an acclaimed sold-out tour of the United Kingdom, Cameron Mackintosh’s spectacular new production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s phenomenal musical success, The Phantom of the Opera, is now on tour across North America. Critics are raving that this breathtaking production is “bigger and better than ever before.” Fox Theatre. 7pm.
COMMUNITY FEB 26
FEB 25
PURIM OFF PONCE Saturday, February 25 This Purim Off Ponce is SOJOURN’s (Southern Jewish Resource Network for Gender and Sexual Identity) annual fundraiser. Now in its eleventh year, Purim off Ponce has been known as one of Atlanta’s greatest costume parties, with great drinks, dancing and drag queens! 7:30 – 11:30 p.m., Le Fais do-do, 1611 Ellsworth Industrial Blvd. N.W., Atlanta, GA 30318. Tickets available at www.sojourngsd.org/purim/
CELEBRATE THE OSCARS!
Sunday, February 26 “Moonlight” or “La La Land?” The Academy Awards are tonight and Out Front Theatre Company and Out On Film are hosting an Oscar party/ fundraiser, with an Oscar pool, door prizes, food and drink and more, 7 p.m., Out Front Theatre, 999 Brady Ave. N.W., Atlanta, Georgia 30318, www.outonfilm.org
FUN CHARITY MAR 3 05.03.15
FEB 25
FEB 24
BRAZILIAN DANCE
FUN
FUN
ARTS
SAPPY SONGS
Saturday, March 3 See Alan Cumming at his finest! Don’t miss the highly acclaimed cabaret show, Sappy Songs, which has toured extensively throughout the US, Canada, Australia, and the UK, tonight at Atlanta Symphony Hall, 1280 Peachtree St. N.E., Atlanta, GA 30309, www.aso.org
COMMUNITY MAR 4
CALENDAR
MARCH AGAINST HATE
Saturday, March 4 Join the March Against Hate as local Georgia activists join forces with major groups to show the world that we can overcome the discrimination many people face on a daily basis. As one united front, the community can be a force that cannot be broken. 2 p.m., Georgia World Congress Center, 285 Andrew Young International Blvd. NW, Atlanta, Georgia 30313
OUT & ABOUT
10: February 24, 2017
PHOTOS
PARTY @ TEN ATLANTA PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
“New you, new life”
FENUXE.COM : 11
OUT & ABOUT
12: February 24, 2017
PHOTOS
GO FALCONS PARTY @ WOOFS PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
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OUT & ABOUT
14: February 24, 2017
PHOTOS
GO FALCONS @ LAS MARGARITAS PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
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*Available only when you close on a To-Be-Built home in the Towns at Druid Hills community pursuant to a contract you sign on or between 2/1/17-2/28/17. The offer to pay closing costs does not include payment of prepaid taxes, property or mortgage insurance, or mortgage installments. Pre-payments of HOA assessments are typically subject to lender limits. Seller provided Use How You Choose credits may be applied to price reductions, closing costs, upgrades and options. Upgrades and options available solely through Seller’s Design Center. Availability of items may vary by community. Offer does not have any cash value. The combined value of seller incentives, credits and other seller contributions may exceed lender limits established for the loan program for which buyer qualifies. Buyer should ask his or her lender about the impact of such limits. Prices, plans and terms are effective on the date of publication and subject to change without notice. Depictions of homes or other features are artist conceptions. Hardscape, landscape and other items shown may be decorator suggestions that are not included in the purchase price and availability may vary. CAATL189
FENUXE.COM : 15
OUT & ABOUT
16: February 24, 2017
PHOTOS
GO FALCONS PARTY @ MY SISTER’S ROOM PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
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FENUXE.COM : 17
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*Available only when you close on a To-Be-Built home in the Towns at Breton Ridge community pursuant to a contract you sign on or between 2/1/17-2/28/17. The offer to pay closing costs does not include payment of prepaid taxes, property or mortgage insurance, or mortgage installments. Pre-payments of HOA assessments are typically subject to lender limits. Seller provided Use How You Choose credits may be applied to price reductions, closing costs, upgrades and options. Upgrades and options available solely through Seller’s Design Center. Availability of items may vary by community. Offer does not have any cash value. The combined value of seller incentives, credits and other seller contributions may exceed lender limits established for the loan program for which buyer qualifies. Buyer should ask his or her lender about the impact of such limits. Prices, plans and terms are effective on the date of publication and subject to change without notice. Depictions of homes or other features are artist conceptions. Hardscape, landscape and other items shown may be decorator suggestions that are not included in the purchase price and availability may vary. CAATL189
18: February 24, 2017
OUT & ABOUT
PHOTOS
GO FALCONS @ BLAKES ON THE PARK PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
FENUXE.COM : 19
OUT & ABOUT
20: February 24, 2017
PHOTOS
GO FALCONS PARTY @ TEN ATLANTA PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
COMMUNITY
22: February 24, 2017
Say No to Fear By Hugo Lefferson Photos By: Julie Perry
Why we can’t give into fear during the age of Trump.
At the age of 92, Carter remains dedicated to peace-building and the elimination of neglected tropical diseases, which negatively affect the lives of a billion of the very poorest people on earth. He won the Nobel Peace prize in part for this work. His extraordinary feat in facilitating the Camp David peace agreement between Israel and Egypt in 1972 also serves to show how love works in action. He did not achieve the historic deal by trying to bully Egyptian President Anwar Sadat or Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin, but took the time ― nearly two weeks, in fact ― to sit and listen deeply to each one and to understand their fears and respect their individual truths. It is hard not to contrast this with Trump, who parades his bullying as a badge of honor and believes America can be strong only by withdrawing its compassion and sense of generosity from the rest of the world. So what can we do to marshal our resources to confront the seeds of xenophobia, bigotry, misogyny and nationalism that Trump has been watering?
There are only two foundational forces at play in human development: love and fear. Our choice of which one to live by has the ability to create either harmony and a deep sense of service and community, or hatred and the narrow wish to protect what we believe is ours alone. Fear is loud and bombastic but is empty of true meaning. It creates a dead space that has the power to ultimately generate only selfloathing and guilt, which serves to fuel the wish to project further pain on those around us. In contrast, the true voice of love is softer and quieter but has an inner strength and fierceness that can tear down walls. These two forces can be illustrated by the lives of two U.S. presidents: Jimmy Carter and Donald Trump.
The first lesson is not to succumb to fear ourselves, as this would serve only to create more anger and close our hearts to those who may not share our sense of social, environmental and economic justice. Our only hope of salvation at a time when darkness is seeping back into the land is to band together and fortify what binds us and gives life meaning: love. We are not talking here about the sugar-coated love that the corporate world promotes to fuel its obsession with increasing profits through greater consumption. What we are talking about is the love that we feel in our guts and gives us the courage to stand up and be counted when we know that the foundations of what we hold most dear are being threatened.
First we need to love and respect ourselves, regardless of the messaging society may have given us. As the Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn puts it so simply: “Be beautiful, be yourself.” This is not self-indulgence. It honors a very simple insight ― that we cannot give to others what we do not embody ourselves. There are too many people trying to change the world before seeking to change themselves. We also need to unite. This is essential because we cannot achieve meaningful change in this complex and ever-changing world unless we do so in community. And that means reaching out a hand to those we may traditionally have seen as the enemy. We are increasingly seeing that in the environmental and development worlds, as non-governmental organizations put their mistrust of businesses and institutions to one side to work in partnership to find common solutions. It is easy to get caught up in the heat of this moment in history, but it serves us well to stand back and calmly watch how Trump’s presidency feeds into the greater forces at work in the world. Humanity is at a critical crossroads because we are facing powerfully destructive forces ― from climate change and growing social injustice to the mass extinction of species and the collapse of ecosystems ― that will affect the ability of our civilization to maintain its progress. We can either retreat into our protectionist shells, which will surely speed up the crisis, or we can relearn the ancient insight that everything is connected and that one group or species cannot truly prosper over the long term if others are being made to suffer. So this is a time of great peril and great opportunity. To be able to prosper, we need to recognize that we have to fight for the values we hold most dear or risk losing them. Our only true weapon is love; it has always been so. FENUXE.COM : 23 FENUXE.COM : 23
GIFTS BY: JOHN CAMPELL
10 SEXIES GAY BEACHES IN THE WORLD Spring break is just around the corner - it’s never too early to start planning your sexy escape.
ELIA BEACH, MYKONOS ...and Paradise and Super Paradise beaches. Any of these three are known for the biggest gay crowds, although Elia is currently the gayest one, now that Paradise and Super Paradise have been discovered by straight couples. This is one of the gayest places on earth, attracting gay men from all over the world to its blue waters. The waterfront bars often turn into clubs on summer nights.
1. PINES BEACH, FIRE ISLAND One of the most famous gay destinations in the world, Fire Island offers gay-friendly accommodation, shopping, events and nightlife. Pines Beach and Cherry Grove (where nudity is allowed) are the gayest beaches, especially on summer weekends.
2. ES CAVALLET, IBIZA, SPAIN
SITGES, SPAIN
3.
Sitges’ beaches once seemed to be almost exclusively gay, but today they’re a mix, although gay men are clearly the majority during the warmer months. They’re usually sunbathing at Playa de la Bassa Rodona, across from Hotel Calipolis. Those who prefer nude sunbathing head to Playa del Muerto or Playa de las Balmins. Sitges is just a 45-minute train ride from Barcelona, and is especially popular during Gay Carnival in February.
4.
Ibiza is one of the world’s most popular destinations for sunbathing and partying. On the southern end of the island is Es Cavallet beach, where the cute guys go for some nude sunbathing.
IPANEMA, RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL
5.
The boys from Ipanema are tanned and toned. Home to some of the world’s sexiest bodies, Rio de Janeiro has become a hot gay destination. The gay section of Ipanema is to the east of Rua Farme de Amoedo, where party promoters often give out flyers to the muscle men. The scenery is beautiful, but no one is really looking at the natural beauty.
6.
SOUTH BEACH, MIAMI Miami is a party destination for everyone, gay and straight. Naturally, some of America’s biggest gay parties take place here, on South Beach. Before hitting the clubs at night, gay men work on their tans at 12th Street and Ocean Blvd, where rainbow flags are often seen at lifeguard stations. In Sunny Isles, North Miami, is Haulover Beach, for nude sunbathing.
HILTON BEACH, TEL AVIV This surprisingly open-minded beach city has a spot where gay men have been swimming and sunbathing for years. It’s the beach by the Hilton Hotel, although those who prefer to be clothes-free head to Gaash beach about 35 minutes north of the city. By the Hilton you may also find some gay parties on Saturday nights.
7. 8.
NORTH BONDI BEACH, SYDNEY There are about half a dozen gay-friendly beaches in Sydney, some with secluded spots for nude sunbathing. The most popular for men in speedos is North Bondi just outside Sydney, with white sand and waters that are also great for surfing.
9.
BEACH 19, LISBON, PORTUGAL South of Lisbon is this nude beach that has become predominantly gay. It’s huge, wild and sandy, attracting guys of all ages to the Atlantic and dunes behind it. The scenery has made many say this is the most beautiful gay beach in Europe, and it’s quite a peaceful spot, always with enough space to spread your towel.
LLEVANT, FORMENTERA, SPAIN
10.
Formentera is the alternative to Ibiza, reached by boat from that famous party island. Popular as a nude sunbathing and swimming spot, Llevant is the gayest beach, a sandy and more peaceful section of the island, especially by the dunes. FENUXE.COM : 25
LOVE + DATING
BY: BRAD WALSH
BY CHARLES D. DUNST
8 RED FLAGS THAT YOU
cant ignore
Y
ou are getting ready to meet that handsome guy you met online or through a close friend for that all important first date. Feeling excited and a little nervous, you look hard in the mirror and think to yourself: “Will he like me? What should I wear? Does my breath smell? Is my muffin-top showing?” Seriously, going on a first date can be a bit of a challenge. This is particularly true for gay men who are new to the dating scene or have been off the market for an extended period of time. What follows is a list of 10 “Red Flags” for gay men on a first date looking for a long term relationship that should be thought of as potential warning signs that the guy may not be a good fit for you. Some of these red flags are obvious. Some are funny. Others are ones you may not have heard before and should not ignore. The list is by no means exhaustive. Disclaimer: Not every point here may apply to your situation and is not set in stone. Think of these as general guidelines as opposed rigid rules. #1. He Just Got Out of a Long Term Relationship This point may seem particularly obvious but the truth is that many gay men fall into the trap of 26: February 24 2017
ignoring this red flag. In gay years the phrase “long term” can often differ from straight folks. A long term relationship for a gay man can be subjective at best. As a rule of thumb, 2 years or more is a good yardstick go by, give or take. What is important is this – the amount of time he has been out of his relationship. If he was in a five year relationship and is now out on the market one month after the breakup, he is very likely not going to be emotionally available or emotionally capable of a real relationship again for some time. And if he still lives with his ex and is claiming, “We still live together but are not in a relationship” or anything like that, you need to run. Here are some more tips under this point: • He says you remind him of his “ex” several times during first date • He talks about his ex the entire date or calls you by his ex’s first name(run!) • He tells you he wants a serious relationship (remember, he just broke up) • He is just coming on too strong and acting like you two are a serious couple. #2. He’s Checking Out Other Guys and Flirting Yep, this is one that should seem obvious but is ignored more than you might think. If you are out on a date and you are noticing that the guy you are out with is continually checking out other dudes, flirting or both - it is probably a good indication that this guy is not for you. There is an off
chance that he is trying to impress you by demonstrating how he can attract other people but do you really want to deal with that? And here is another possibility . . . he just isn’t into you. Instead of manning up and telling you that, he is flirting with other dudes. This point sucks and not something you want to hear but checking out other guys on a first date really is not a good sign for something long term. Other tips under this red flag during the first date: • He keeps going on Facebook or Twitter or some other dating app • He talks about how hot another guy is on your first date #3. He Drinks Too Much Too Fast Obviously, this is a subjective warning sign however, there are tell-tale things that you should be looking for under this red flag. One of them is the amount of alcohol he is consuming and the speed in which he is doing it. If you notice that he is pounding back glass after glass of wine (or some other drink) and that he is encouraging you to do the same – run. Look, there is nothing wrong with a few drinks on a first date however, when it gets to the point that he needs to get bombed in order to function, he’s likely not going to be a good match for you. Same holds true if he shows up at your first date high. #4. He Is Rude to Wait Staff and Others If the guy you are with on the first date treats wait staff, box office attendants or others disrespectfully or rudely, he is showing his true colors. He is also
demonstrating that he is a jerk and is likely unaware of how uncomfortable his behavior makes you feel. If the guy you are out on a first date with is treating people like crap, how do you think he will treat you down the road? #5. He Says He Is Straight Acting Whenever you hear a gay man suggest that he “acts straight” or is “straight acting” you need to be concerned. There is a difference between being masculine and “acting” hiding who you are. And what exactly does “acting straight mean” At its core, it’s called internalized homophobia when a gay dude says this. There are many gay men who are masculine and their sexual orientation is not readily obvious. With that shared, if your first date makes it a point to say he “acts straight” and goes out of his way to identify as straight to others around him, you really need to carefully consider if this person is for you. Other points under this red flag: • He emphasizes his religious beliefs that are known to be anti-gay. • He identifies as a die hard republican and supports antigay candidates • He shares that he is “confused” about his sexuality #6. He Is Looking to Hook Up Immediately Before or After the Date If you are getting the vibe on your first date that the guy is looking to hook up or otherwise mess around, this may be a fairly good indication that he is really not interested in dating. This particular point is not to judge but instead, to act as a potential red flag for his agenda. And hey, there is nothing wrong with hooking up – but aren’t you wanting something a little more? #7. He Talks Too Much About Himself
oneself a little. If however the guy you are going out on a date with is going on forever and a day about his life, his job, his car, his family, his dogs …his, his his …. There is likely going to be problems with compatibility. Other tips under this red flag: • He asks very little about you during your first date • He makes you feel like you are being qualified for a car loan • He starts to immediately playing the game of materialistic comparisons • Name dropping of celebrities or well connected people in town • He’s looking waaaay too much at his reflection in his stirring spoon #8. You Ignore These Red Flags and Others Because You Are Hooked on His Look Do his muscles, charm and smile blind you to some of the red flags mentioned here or perhaps other red flags that you have heard of in the past? Does he make you feel overly insecure because you feel he is just too good looking to be with you? Does anything about that first date make you experience negative, familiar feelings from the past where you were in a space that was not good for you? If so, these are important warning signs. Too many get hooked on the look and find themselves in impossible, painful, one-sided and one way relationships. Pay attention to how his physical appearance causes you to feel. If you come away from that date feeling “less than” or “ugly” then you are the person who is not ready to be in a relationship. Other potential red flags: • You won’t talk about yourself because you feel “less than” • You feel the need to brag or go out of your way to impress him • You’ve dated his type before and you keep repeating the cycle • Can you name some other red flags that you ignore?
On your first date, it is only natural and human to talk about
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REVIEW
I
BOOK REVIEW:
By: Terri Schlichenmeyer
“THE ART OF THE AFFAIR”
t’s all about who you know. The guy who bags your groceries might have stock tips for you. A co-worker introduces you to your next best friend. You find a great restaurant from your stylist, a new job from a former classmate, and your neighbor gives you gardening advice. It’s all about who you know or, as in the new book “The Art of the Affair” by Catherine Lacy and Forsyth Harmon, it’s who you’ve dallied with. Somehow, in some way, the people you meet leave fingerprints on your life. A laugh you’ll never forget, a bon mot you’ll quote, or even an attitude can be a memorable springboard for an idea. That goes doubly for creative types, for whom romantic (or platonic) relationships, their “carnage of affairs” could lead to “countless works of art.” These unions, whether legal or otherwise, also left a tangle of threads between many artists and writers.
Oh, and playwright Williams…? He was a friend of Gore Vidal, who also knew Truman Capote and Anaïs Nin…
Essayist and editor Edmund Wilson, for instance, helped launch the career of Anaïs Nin, who later wrote erotica. Nin was “unapologetic about her… affairs,” of which there were many, including a banker, “probably a homosexual,” and novelist & playwright Gore Vidal, who himself had “a short affair” with writer James Baldwin, who called another man “the love of his life.”
Author Catherine Lacey and illustrator Forsyth Harmon play a sort of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon in their book - except, not surprisingly, Bacon isn’t here. Instead, readers are taken back many decades to look at the dalliances and relationships of artists and stars of the early Twentieth century, and because very few contemporary artists grace these pages, there may be many times when you won’t recognize the people among the threads. That can be remedied through inference, but a better explanation (at least for some artists) might have been nice, as would an index.
Louis Armstrong and Duke Ellington both collaborated professionally with Grammywinner Ella Fitzgerald, but it was Marilyn Monroe who helped boost Fitzgerald’s career. Monroe talked the owner of an L.A. nightclub into booking the singer, and she attended each of Fitzgerald’s performances there. Monroe, of course, had her share of affairs, too, as well as a friendship with Truman Capote, who was repeatedly insulted by none other than Tennessee Williams. Williams was no fan of Tallulah Bankhead, and the two publicly snarked at one another for years. Bankhead was an exhibitionist and didn’t care who saw her naked – which, presumably, included her lover, Billie Holiday. 28: February 24, 2017
Did you ever go somewhere with someone who seems to know everybody? That’s what it’s like to read “The Art of the Affair.”
Still, I liked the tidbits in this book, the mini-factlets between ties, and the obvious delight that author and artist lend to the love affairs they so diligently discovered. Light, gossipy, and a little scandalous, “The Art of the Affair” shows that it’s who you know that’s important – and I know you’ll like it. By: Always Overbooked... Terri Schlichenmeyer The Bookworm Sez, LLC bookwormsez@ gmail.com
BY JOHN HOLLYWOOD
STOP HIDING WHO YOU ARE
I
walked into the bedroom of my childhood home and saw my hunting bow case laying there. After eight years, I picked it up, took it out, and started shooting again. I took our ATV and drove it at our cabin in the woods. I breathed in the fresh air and scent of leaves, wood and dirt. I returned to the spot where I shot my first buck and listened to the sounds I had missed for so long. I found clarity. This is where I belong, I realized. I am gay, and I am content here. As the election map in our state lit up red, and as it lit up red all across the country in small towns like my own on Nov. 8, 2016, the doubt I had about sharing this story slowly slipped away. In a time of political and social uncertainty for so many, I have realized there is a power and resistance inherent in owning my role as a part of the LGBTQ community. For too long, I took advantage of the privilege that comes with pretending to be a straight man. I want to help others be their authentic self. That could not fully happen until I became mine. I’m not sure how many people who read this will have been in the woods this past fall, but the smell of pine trees and the crunch of the last leaves falling from the trees is unforgettable. If you remember seeing the ocean for the first time or have been to the Grand Canyon, I promise, it competes. I still remember my first bow hunt with my dad where I was allowed to hunt. So much goes into preparing for a hunt. Scoping out the best spot to put a stand, understanding where the deer will be and when and why. Taking the time to bait at scheduled intervals, and timing it just right so the deer come in where and when you want them to. Hunting is one of the strongest bonds that I shared with my father. It is where we built some of our best memories. There is a camaraderie we all share as hunters, whether in a hunting party or just passing someone the opening morning of deer season in their hunting gear. Hoping they get their buck, as long as it’s not before you and isn’t bigger. Growing up in a small town of 2,000 people and living in a Christian household doesn’t leave you with a lot of gray area. I learned that “being gay was bad, choosing a lifestyle of sin would lead you to Hell.” I was bombarded with the use of the words
“gross” and “wrong” as synonymous to gay. People talked about being gay as if it were a sickness or at best something to be hidden. So that’s what I did — I buried it. In the high school football and basketball locker room and on the baseball field the words “gay” and “faggot” were used as insults to the opposing teams. At the hunting shack the talk was about girls. I worked hard to ignore any “gay thoughts.” I was not gay I told myself. I couldn’t be. Even as I struggled to understand the feelings I had and how it was impacting me, being in the woods was refreshing for my soul. The best part about the deer stand is the quiet. It isn’t dead silent though. You can hear the breeze or the rustle of leaves as a deer walks in and your heart starts beating a little faster thinking it might be a trophy buck. My time spent there in high school brought me peace most of the time. I had so much time to talk with myself and imagine, and more importantly for me as a Christian time, to talk to God. It was also this time to think that made me give up hunting for a period of my life, and made me give up a lot of other things that were important to me. Because I was gay, I thought I will never fit in. A gay man cannot enjoy hunting, or sports, or have a family, I thought. The typical belief about the mentality of a classic American hunter leaves little room for deviation: it tends to skew far to the right and masculine. If you are struggling to understand, try this. Imagine a photo on the cover of “Outdoor Magazine” with a man in camouflage holding his bow in one hand with a monster buck at his feet. Now imagine his other hand intertwined with his boyfriend smiling on the other side. I can vividly picture my parents driving me to college in 2008 and the thought crossing my mind that I would always be alone. I wouldn’t have a family or kids even if I had an incredible career. It wasn’t a self-pitying thought, or one with any sadness in it. It was a belief I had created for myself, and for a very long time it sent my life on a trajectory that brought little contentment. This was also the year I gave up hunting, and I wouldn’t pick up my bow again until that day this summer in my bedroom when I felt I had nothing left.
In college I struggled to connect with people around me. I studied relentlessly and worked tirelessly in the gym on my appearance to make up for what I now know is just a perceived flaw: the gender of the person I will someday have a chance to love. I thought if I could just be perfect in every other way, if I could have a great job, if I could look attractive, make enough money, then someday when I came out it would be easier for people to love me. I pushed myself further away from the things I cared about — hunting, basketball, nature, friendships, family. I never went on dates in college, or had those crazy nights out where you start talking with someone you find attractive and feel the excitement of flirting. I have struggled to feel confident and content in my life, but I am making progress. I have even spoken with a few hunters who are gay and enjoy the sport as much as I do. My friends and mentors in life have responded to my coming out with overwhelming acceptance. I know they have witnessed my struggle to be authentic, and it has made them love me more in my vulnerability and journey to living honestly. I was afraid to come out to my family, who still live in the same town where I was raised. My fear was out of worry of losing them, out of the fear that they will be treated differently because of me being gay. Even still, I have begun creating an identity for myself, as I hid for so long behind the face of who I thought people wanted me to be. It is important for me to share my story, because we live in a world that tells us who we can and cannot be every single day. A world that tells us how we should look and act in certain places if we want to belong — whether we are straight or gay, Christian or Muslim, Black or Hispanic. I’m asking that you stop believing this. I stopped hunting, something I love for too long because of these “rules.” The single most important reason I am happy to be gay is because it has challenged me to look at people and see only someone who is deserving of compassion and kindness, even though the world may tell me to see something else.
PHOTOSHOOT
BY JOSHUAH NEAL
SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
piritual awakening is a sudden shift S in consciousness, sometimes drastic, mainly for a better life and or in a good direction. Webster’s Dictionary defines it as an enlightening realization.
Some of us might be experiencing a spiritual awakening and not know it. Here are 11 signs that indicate that you are experiencing and awakening or enlightening. 1. You are creating new belief systems. 2. You want more freedom and less stuff. 3. A sudden desire or change in life. 4. You find yourself drawn to inspiration & personal development. 5. You have a deep desire to connect with nature. 6. Experiencing usual burst and energy and unusual sleep patterns. 7. You have increased self talks or talks with your creator. 8. You are experiencing synchronicity. 9. You are having a greater feeling of
oneness. 10. You desire to take better care of the whole body. 11. Feeling of really deep emotions! John O’ Donahue has a famous quote: “Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving towards the summit of fulfillment”. This statement is so true. It’s kind of like an onion you begin to peel all the way to the core and begin to live again in a better way with great expression, and for people who don’t understand this it would seem very odd or crazy. That doesn’t matter because when you begin to open and shift your consciousness in a new better direction you begin to really be connected to oneself. When you are connected you are free! Finally when you are free,
connected and awaken you have no interest in judging others are worry about others judging you! Spiritual awakening is also the 12th step (last step) in the TWELVE STEP PROGRAM for Alcoholic/ Substance Abuse Program or Rehab centers. The reason it is the final step is because you have to use the other 11 Steps to become awakened or enlighten. The 1st in the 12 step Program is admitting that you are powerless over alcohol and substance and you life has became unmanageable. Therefore in the 12 Step Program you go from step 1 being powerless to the final step, step 12 being powerful and awaken of your life. Personally I began my spiritually awakening not too long ago at all and still working on it in every single one of my affairs. One my personal quotes that tend to refer to is: “I’m not the same soul I once was. A lot has changed. A lot is still changing. A lot had to have change. Therefore you can not expect out of my what I embodied in the past. For that part of me no longer exist!” My spiritual awakening also includes daily talks with my Creator! I’m so connected with myself right now that all I can do is just smile! Spiritual Awakening may not come when you want it to, but it will come. I promise! You may not realize it at the time it’s happening but once you start see. I hope this helps, Joshua Neal Behavioral Health Coach & Fitness Expert www.TinyHabits.com www.AnytimeFitness.com www.CrisisTextLine.com Behavioral Health & Development 2 Peachtree St NW Atlanta, GA 30303 (404) 657-225photography: Dmitri Howard
southern boy
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Hey Girl Hey! Holler Poodles!
I was very excited this week when Fenuxe Magazine gave me a Valentine’s Day present to check out a new and and upcoming spa in Midtown called Pampers Day Spa. Located across from Piedmont park, it is centrally located amongst the gay mecca that is Midtown. I wasn’t quite sure what to think when I walked in but was pleasantly greeted by a cute twink behind the desk named Twinkie Michael. He got up to give me a hug and it was then I noticed he was wearing a diaper. Oh! Duh!! Pampers Day Spa. I get it! What have I gotten myself into? Michael led me back to a changing room with adult sized changing tables and asked me to get undressed. I was more than a little nervous because I had let my berber carpet grow out like shag carpeting for the winter, thus hiding my lady dick in dreadlocks amongst the hairs. Michael noticed my dingleberries predicament immediately and ushered me into a shower with a depilatory which effectively clogged washed all my body hair down the drain. I now looked like a cross between the Michelin Tire guy and the Pillsbury dough boy with my lady light switch turned on. Michael noticed my lady boner penis and said it was quite normal and don’t be shy. He then laid me on my back and said just relax and let go. I thought he meant pee so I let a stream loose and he screeched “What the hell are you doing?” My stream cut off immediately and my lady parts went back inside my body to finish hibernating for the winter. He then placed me in a diaper and ushered me into the spa room with others in the same attire. Wow, people were just sitting around getting various massages and engaging in casual conversations with the intermittent grunt, frown and facial release. Suddenly, I felt a warmth overcome my body and jolted up. I awoke from my drunken stupor nap and realized Fenuxe magazine had asked me to write about day spas and pampering. Oops. The alcohol must have caused me to have fantasies nightmares. I don’t give a damn apologize if the above content offended you. Love and lashes,
Mary Edith Pitts Mary Edith Pitts
PS. If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please email me at maryedith99@gmail.com or on twitter @maryedithpitts I’m so happy to recommend Dr. Thomas Sparkman, DDS for all your dental needs. I recently went in for some work and was so pleased by my experience I just had to share it with you. First and foremost, his offices are impeccably clean and use the absolute latest in technology which means everything can be done in the office. His staff are warm and welcoming not to mention he has the best disposition of any doctor I know. More importantly, he gives back to the community on a regular basis and is just a great guy. Please give him a call for your next dental appointment located near Perimeter mall. (770) 396-8061
Expert Dentist
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Gay News At A Glance NORMA MCCORVEY, PIONEER OF ABORTION RIGHTS, DIES Norma McCorvey: ‘I never had a right to choose’
Norma McCorvey, the pioneer of American abortion rights has died aged 69. Using the pseudonym Jane Roe, McCorvey won a landmark legal case that gave women the right to safe and legal abortions. In 1970, McCorvey was financially unstable and looking for a way out of her unwanted pregnancy. At the time, abortions were illegal so she took her fight to the Supreme Court. In 1973, the Court announced its historic 7-to-2 ruling, allowing a constitutional right to privacy that included the choice to terminate a
pregnancy. By the time the ruling was handed down, McCorvey had already given birth to her child and put the baby up for adoption. Roe v. Wade is still cited in legal proceedings today, with Hillary Clinton referencing it in her campaign debates. McCorvey identifies as a lesbian but had relationships with both men and women. Her longest relationship was with Connie Gonzalez for 35 years, but they separated before her death. McCorvey embraced the prochoice movement after her landmark case. Immediately following the ruling, she became an abortion rights advocate, working with clinics and advocates. But she became disillusioned with the politics of the movement: ‘I’ve been shunned by quite a few leaders of the pro-choice movement.’ ‘People think that I’m totally stupid and I’m not,’ she said in an interview in 1995.
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COP WAS TOLD ‘TONE DOWN YOUR GAYNESS’ TO GET PROMOTION
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A police officer in St Louis, Missouri, has filed a lawsuit against St Louis County police alleging discrimination. Sgt. Keith Wildhaber is a police veteran with 22 years of service behind him. Prior to this he was in the military. His lawsuit claims that he has been turned down for promotion on multiple occasions. It says his regular work assessments have said his performance ‘exceeds standards’ or is ‘superior’. Despite this, he was turned down when he applied for the position of Lieutenant in 2014. ‘Problem with your sexuality’ He says that he was friendly with the owner of a local restaurant, Bartolino’s, John Saracino, who also happened
McCorvey became a bornagain Christian soon after and did a complete backflip on her views. She started actively campaigning for prolife causes and became the ‘poster girl’ for the movement. Christians heralded her as a successful conversion to the cause. ‘Upon knowing God, I realized that my case, which legalized abortion under man, was the biggest mistake of my life,’ she said.
to be a civilian member of St Louis Police County Board of Commissioners at the time. The lawsuit claims Saracino told Wildhaber, during a visit to his restaurant, that, ‘The command staff has a problem with your sexuality. If you ever want to see a white shirt [i.e. promotion], you should tone down your gayness.’ Saracino denies this, telling the St Louis Post Dispatch earlier this week: ‘I never had a conversation like that. I would never say anything like that. That’s not me.’ Wildhaber was shortlisted for Lieutenant position, alongside eight others, after coming #3 out of #26 in an assessment process. However, of the nine shortlisted, only Wildhaber and one other were not promoted to Lieutenant. As two Lieutenant positions remain unfilled, the department once again sought candidates in 2015. Wildhaber re-applied but was again turned down for promotion, despite ranking highly in written assessments. The lawsuit alleges the police
McCorvey never really fit in to the pro-life movement either, with many thinking homosexuality immoral. . In 2014, a Gallup poll revealed 50% of Americans believe that abortions should be legal under certain circumstances. 28% believe abortion should be legal under any circumstances, and 21% believe that abortion should be illegal in all circumstances.
department passed him over for promotion because he does ‘not conform to the County’s gender-based norms, expectations and/or preferences.’ He is claiming discrimination based on his gender/sex. Working the midnight shift Wildhaber first took his claim of discrimination to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and Missouri Commission on Human Rights Commission in 2016. When he did this, his employer transferred him to work a different precinct and switched him from afternoon duty to midnight shift. The new precinct was approximately 27 miles from his home (his former precinct was much closer). The lawsuit claims this ‘undesirable shift’ in an ‘undesirable location’ was a retaliatory measure against Wildhaber because of his discrimination complaint. In January, the Missouri Commission on Human Rights Commission ruled he had a right to sue his employer.
TEXAS GOVERNOR TELLS NFL TO MIND ITS OWN BUSINESS ON ANTI-TRANS BILL Texas Governor Greg Abbott has come out swinging against the National Football League. The NFL said this week that Texas would put itself out of the running for future Super Bowls if it were to pass the antitransgender Senate Bill 6. This year’s game was played at at NRG Stadium in Houston. ‘For some low-level NFL adviser to come out and say that they
WWII LOVE LETTERS BETWEEN TWO MEN FOUND
Two young men dared to confess their love during a time when homosexuality was illegal. While stationed as an antiaircraft bomber, Gilbert Bradley exchanged heartfelt letters with his lover, Gordon Bowsher. During this time, men in the armed forces who were caught having gay sex could be shot. The letters remained a secret until Bradley’s death in 2008, when a house clearance company found the letters and
are going to micromanage and try to dictate to the state of Texas what types of policies we’re going to pass in our state, that’s unacceptable,’ the Republican Abbott told conservative radio show host Glenn Beck. ‘We don’t care what the NFL thinks and certainly what their political policies are… they need to learn their place in the United States, which is to govern football, not politics.’ Like North Carolina’s hugely controversial HB2, the Texas bill seeks to ban transgender people from using the restroom that matches their gender identity. ‘We want all fans to feel welcomed at our events and NFL policies prohibit discrimination based on age, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, or any other improper standard,’ NFL spokesperson Brian McCarthy said in a statement. sold them to a dealer. Mark Hignett from the Oswestry Town Museum bought the letters for their connection to the local area. He spent lots of money on the collection of letters and discovered the truth. Each letter was signed with ‘G’ and experts assumed it was the initial of a girlfriend. But upon reading the contents of the letters, it became clear ‘G’ stood for Gordon Bowsher. Gay rights activist Peter Roscoe says gay men almost always would destroy love letters for fear of getting caught. Unfortunately, it is believed the couple were not reunited after the war and moved on to live separate lives.
MAN ARRESTED FOR TRYING TO KILL AND BURN A TRANS STUDENT
Mondell Olson, an Iowa man, was arrested for allegedly threatening to murder a transgender teenager.Olson allegedly threatened to kill, brand and cause bodily harm to a transgender student at the targeted school. He left the messages targeting the student on the Nevada School District voicemail.One of the messages, police said, was ‘sexual in nature’.‘This is clearly a hate crime,’ Nevada police Chief Ricardo Martinez II said. ‘I don’t think anybody is going to argue with that.’ The student, who is a freshman at the school, shared his story of being a transgender boy in his local newspaper. When Olson read the article, Martinez said he was ‘offended’, and began to threaten the teen. Police traced the calls back to a cellphone involved in the messages while searching Olson’s apartment. But although he is charged with harrassment, police cannot charge him with a hate crime – something Martinez described as frustrating. ‘I would like to throw more at him than the book,’ he said. ‘But I can only do what’s available to us.’ Some of the evidence that has been recovered from Olson’s aparment was shared with the Story County Sheriff’s Office. According to Iowa State Daily, they are investigating similar reports towards the student from around the county. Additional charges may be filed. FENUXE.COM : 39