02.09.18 V9-03
Getting Warmer
The Lost Art of Cruising Per Verse: Nervous by Judas
Zhana Roiya is Fierce Rides Beyond A to B
EVENTS THIS
February 10 Stoplight Party Join Neon the Glowgobear for another edition of the popular Stoplight Party that will set the dancefloor aglow. MORE INFORMATION: Atlanta Eagle
February 10 Art Party: Material Girls / Flamingo Shadow / MonteQarlo Gallery opening, all-night performances by Material Girls, Flamingo Shadow, and MonteQarlo plus light art by various artists. MORE INFORMATION: The Mammal Gallery
February 13 Mary J. Blige – Strength of a Woman LIVE The iconic Grammy Awardwinning singer, songwriter, actor, and philanthropist visits the Fox with a show about inspiration, transformation, and empowerment. MORE INFORMATION: The Fox Theatre
2: February 09, 2018
Office: 678.298.1600 cell: 706.761.2578
FEBRUARY February 19 Deep South: Horse Meat Disco Deep South presents Horse Meat Disco for the first time in Atlanta. The evening will also feature DJ sets by Vicki Powell and Brian Rojas. MORE INFORMATION:
The Heretic
February 18 Love on the Rocks Joining Hearts kicks off the season with their annual fundraising Valentine’s cocktail party. Tickets and info at joininghearts.org.
MORE INFORMATION: The Wimbish House
featured event February 17 St. Vincent Fear The Future Tour St. Vincent visits Atlanta to perform her multi-instrumental talents for song-writing and singing!
MORE INFORMATION: Tabernacle Atlanta
February 16 Heartthrob in Atlanta Michigan native and now longtime Berlin resident, Heartthrob, has visited Atlanta before – an event that is talked about in underground party lore.
MORE INFORMATION: The Music Room 3
FENUXE Contents
02.09.2018
8
RIDES BEYOND
14
ZHANA RIOYA
16 CRUISING 18
BOOK REVIEW
24 PHOTOSHOOT 30
JUDAS KANE
38 PITTS
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EDITORIAL Mikkel Hyldebrandt - Director Contributors - Alexander Cheves, William Cooke, Judas Kane, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Mary Edith Pitts/Richard
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5
One of the most important life lessons is that nothing is really free and that all relationships are somehow transactional — we exchange money, sex, energy, time, experience, etc. When the transaction works, it’s rewarding, and the exchange can be practically seamless. When the transaction is imbalanced, it’s up to the both of you to even it out or else… In this issue, we explore different transactions. Alexander Cheves gives you the dos and don’ts of hiring a sex worker – one of the oldest transactions of the world – and his column in this issue is about why you should learn the art of cruising. We also bring you the unabridged version of the poem/ spoken word piece by Judas whose account about a highly imbalanced relationship will have you thinking about rhinos and unicorns differently (it’ll all make sense once you read it).
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from the
note
A strictly monetary exchange could have you driving in our lineup of cars that go beyond being just for transportation, and dance diva Zhana Roiya is back with a new song that will no doubt reward you on the dancefloor. As always, we have you covered – from cover to cover!
Mikkel Hyldebrandt Editorial Director
© Tony Veloz www.tonyveloz.com
KILLER BODY CLEAR CONSCIENCE Try Vegan Obesity, heart disease, and Alzheimer’s are on the rise, and meat’s the prime suspect. It’s not too late to revive your health and get in shape with tasty plant-based foods. For bigger guns without the bloodshed, try vegan!
V EGA N FI T NES S BUFF
ZACHARY KOVAL for
Rides that Take You Beyond A to B By Mik Hyldebrandt Photos: PR
Your basic automotive need is to take you from A to B – but your car represents so much more than mere transportation. Style, power, and speed are just a few of the things that are infused into owning and driving a car – and the rides on these pages give you all of that and much more beyond taking you from point A to point B.
Range Rover The body shape has been slightly softened to make the new range rover look sleeker, as the overall styling is not revolutionizing but simply improved. As with any Range Rover, it is the refined firstclass experience that gives you the best in style and comfort. The new Rangey starts at $87,350.
Porsche Panamera Sport Turismo The body style sits somewhere between a wagon and coupe which offers more versatility regarding space and the same sporty handling when it comes to driving. The ‘wagon styling’ works surprisingly well on the body of the new generation Panamera, and the interior has been vastly improved, so it isn’t a button overload anymore. Starts at $96,200. 8: February 09, 2018
Rides Beyond Infiniti QX50 The new generation of the luxury crossover gives the design an overhaul, so it looks sleeker and more elegant than the wide-eyed predecessor. Almost every aspect of the new model has been redesigned to evoke emotions that the previous model so sorely lacked. This model will be a favorite in the mid-size SUV/ crossover segment. Starts at $36,550.
Mercedes-Benz CLS The third generation of the CLS continues the four-door coupe styling, and although the silhouette is recognizably CLS, the styling is more minimal and sophisticated. The simplicity of the lines start with the front grille and headlights and swoop back to the rear lights. The inside of the car features the all-digital display and infotainment system that creates a comfort-oriented ambiance. The Mercedes-Benz CLS will be available end of 2018 and starts at around $75,000.
Kia Stinger You can get a real GT experience at a budget price with the new Kia Stinger. The sports sedan has a sleek overall shape with aggressive headlights and a handsomely curved back-end. The real kick is the performance which matches and even surpasses many of its competitors – again at a fraction of the cost! You can get a Kia Stinger from $32,000.
Tesla Model 3 There is still a waiting list for the Model 3, Tesla’s ‘entry-level’ choice in their lineup. It is set to go against other mid-sized vehicles in the luxury segment, and with an all-new platform, a range of 220 miles per charge, and a price around $35,000 it will represent some serious competition. Like its bigger sister, Model 3 has a large touchscreen to control all instrumentation and comfort features of the car. 9
DON’T FORGET TO PICK UP YOUR COPY OF GOLIATH FEBRUARY 2018 • v4 i01
SHOW YOUR LOVE! CUPID’S OUTING
SUGAR & SPICE V-DAY GIFT GUIDE STREAM MY VALENTINE AROMATIC FOREPLAY
SCENTSUAL ATTRACTIONS AMANDA LEPORE’S NOD AT BOWIE
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Why You Should Learn the Lost Art of Cruising
S
hortly after moving to L.A., I deleted Grindr on the pier at Santa Monica. I can’t say why. It just seemed like a good move, a fresh start, a cleansing. The idea was very chic and interesting to everyone I told it to, including my editor at Advocate, who asked me to do a series of two op-eds, back to back, about the experience — the first at the outset and the second at the end of my thirty-day app hiatus. I agreed. And in the end, I went significantly longer than thirty days. But my first doubt hit me at the end of the first night. A sinking realization settled in. I had no idea how to meet guys outside the apps, and L.A. wasn’t exactly a sociable city. People there spend a painfully exorbitant amount of time in their cars, barely poking along from one locale to another, home to gym, gym to work, work to home. Each of those trips can take two or more hours on the 405. And I was in the valley. No one wanted to come to the valley. It wasn’t that far away, not really, but to the piggy guys in Silver Lake it was an automatic no. I had to go to them if I wanted it to happen. The notion of lackadaisical wandering through the city, tipping your hat at friendly and handsome strangers on the sidewalk, was a privilege reserved for those fortunate enough to live in West Hollywood. And even they mostly had to drive or Uber anywhere else — the long trek to SaMo, or Burbank, or anywhere. There seemed no organic way to meet men. I could not bump into someone at the coffee shop and walk around with him, chatting, till we found ourselves at his place. You can do these things in New York. One moves through the city on foot there — everywhere is connected to everywhere. In L.A., his place is an hour away through honking cars and bottlenecks, and you’re parked in the 5-minute spot out front. Discovering cruising in its original form, without swiping or sending “woofs” or blocking blank profiles, was like learning a primordial language. It has been around decades before me, it was ancestral. I felt like those Spartan children thrown into the wild. It was time to be a man. I went for thirty days, then longer. After a month, I didn’t miss Grindr — in fact I had started to make cruising a weekend treat. Lift at the gym, then bum down Santa Monica Boulevard and make eye contact with the right stranger in WeHo. Once, a beefcake muscle daddy got
out of the car and started walking to me, and too late I realized he was doing the same thing. He was not wearing underwear, and the biggest, most bulbous cock outline was swinging in his shorts. I made eye contact too late, and at the time I didn’t know to look back over my shoulder. The opportunity was missed, and I walked on. There were cruising zones all over the city — I just had to find them. I hooked up in one of the Arclight movie theatres, at Rough Trade Gear, a fetish store in Silver Lake (pretty easy) twice, at various bars, in shopping mall bathrooms, and once a guy took me back from Runyon Canyon in his Tesla to a condo nearby. Night was better, but during the day was not without its results. Yes, the sex was less, but its experience was richer and more authentic than I was expecting. My skills surprised me. Now it’s your turn. Delete, delete, delete. Delete Grindr and its compatriots from your phone. Avoid websites. Find sex the old-fashioned way. You’ll surprise yourself. You need to learn cruising, because its language is vital. Not long ago, we only did this, and did it well. We are masters of street sex. Before Gay Rights, before Stonewall, before this revolution, we cruised — dangerously perhaps, but through it we evolved a culture and practice born of need and necessity. We likely wouldn’t have leather without park cruising. Most of our bars would not be here if they had not been pre-app meccas for sex. Cruising is a rite, a passage into an otherworld, an underworld. Like Dante, you’ll arrive in Heaven if you go deep enough — go all the way, to the mall bathroom, where he’s waiting wordlessly in the stall with his cock out. No ifs or buts — no talking, no hesitation. You suck it, or you lube it up with spit, bend over, and let him push in. Fast and hard, clean or dirty, he’s dumping a load. The lost art of cruising is nearly destroyed by these little things on our phones that ping when someone says “hey.” The language of texting is not the one you need to learn, because it’s 2018, and you know it. The language of bodies and eye contact is your new tool. I’m terrified of looking guys in the eye — along with anyone, really. I’ve been labelled Aspergic twice by two well-meaning doctors, and both diagnosis I completely disregard and don’t give the slightest credence to. The only slightly Aspergic trait I have is a lifelong attempt to evade gaze. To compensate, I glare. I force myself to look at people when they’re talking, taking occasional breaks to look at their ear or the wall behind them, before refocusing back. The result, I am told, is somewhat angry, head-down. In photos from high school, it’s almost a snarl — I’ve gotten better. It might be too much over a dinner date, but in Hollywood, at the LA Fitness, in the locker room, or passing you on the weights, it reads as focus and hunger: “Breed me. Now.”
Alexander Cheves (Beastly) is a contributing editor for The Advocate where he writes the sex column Sexy Beast, and he is copywriter and social media manager for Fort Troff. His work has appeared in Vice, Out Magazine, Plus, Pride, Gayety, SheWired, GC Magazine, Mend, and others. He loves group sex and tiny dogs.
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Amsterdam Atlanta
Performances By:
February 9 8pm - 3am
Penni Posterior DJ Chris Gris
Much Love to the Following Sponsors: Makeup & Hair Provided by: Nat Brown • Scott Miller • Leo Satkovich
Zhana Roiya is Fierce By William Cooke Zhana Roiya is one of the biggest dance divas you may not know… but you’ve definitely heard her! She’s been featured on some of the biggest club hits since the early nineties; songs like “Waiting for Algeria,” the Groovalicious track “Take My Heart and the dance floor staple, “I’ve Got My Pride.” However, many of her hits have been recorded under different names. “The first club hit I was featured on was ‘Sanctuary of Love,’” she recalls. She recorded the track under the name Zhana Saunders. “I remember being so angry in the booth because the producers kept telling me I wasn’t getting it,” she laughs. The irony is those ‘not quite getting it’ vocals have featured on a slew of compilations including one made famous by the Pet Shop Boys. Zhana returns to the dance floor this month with “U Sexy Mutha U,” the follow-up to last summer’s “Lick Me Up,” her #1 Billboard smash produced by Tony Moran and Dani Toro. Written and produced by Barry Huffine and Stevie F, “U Sexy Mutha U” is a high-energy retro pop record infused with gospel house. We took the opportunity to sit down with the dance diva while she was promoting the new single. You’ve had so many hits through the years but fans don’t know because they’ve been recorded under different names. Why? Zhana Roiya: I started singing as myself. I was signed to Groovalicious at the time and another label requested my services. My label agreed to loan me out but under a pseudonym. Back in the day, a company could own an artist’s name. If things went south with one singer, they would simply replace the person and keep the name. Sometimes, you might have five or six people recording under the same name! Inda Matrix was one of those scenarios. The label created Inda Matrix, however, I did Inda Matrix so well, there was no way to replace me with someone else. I was irreplaceable (laughing). So that one stuck with me and only me, but the moniker was not really mine to own. Where did Zhana Saunders come from? Zhana Roiya: My last name is Saunders. My middle name is Roiya so I eventually just dropped Saunders and used Roiya. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? It does! When did you start recording under Zhana Roiya? Zhana Roiya: I started using Zhana Roiya when I started working with Tony Moran. I was toying around with names. Coming off of Inda Matrix, I didn’t want to have to make a name for myself that I could not totally own. I felt my real name was unique enough. I could have simply used Zhana, like Madonna, but I like the ring of two names. Nowadays, you think your name is unique until you click on the internet and you find so many people with
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the same name. However, I don’t know too many others with the name Zhana Roiya. Is it true the inspiration for your new song came to you in a dream? Zhana Roiya: Yes, it’s true! I still remember the dream pretty vividly: I was running through a maze and I saw these three girls walking down a road and the girl in the middle was singing “U Sexy Mutha U.” She was confident and coquettish. I remember the pounding melody being so driving and infectious and funky. The girl was so sexy and fly. I was mesmerized so much so that when I woke up, I remembered the whole melody and the music and the girl, ‘cause she was me! Do you often dream about songs? Is that where your inspiration comes from? Zhana Roiya: Sometimes, but not often. What happens to me is I hear songs playing in a store or somewhere and maybe one line will stand out that I then make a song around. The inspiration for most of my songs comes from real life. If you sit back and just watch and listen, you can see stories unfold that no one talks about. Your last single, “Lick Me Up” climbed to #1 on Billboard. Is there pressure to do it all over again with “U Sexy Mutha U?” Zhana Roiya: No, there is no pressure on me to replicate “Lick Me Up.” You see, I don’t chase Billboard charts. I appreciate the status of being there but I do what I do ‘cause I enjoy making people dance. I also like to make myself dance. I like giving the DJ’s something to have fun with. Give them something to feel. I’m chasing radio this time around. There is nothing like hearing your favorite song on a podcast, or radio show, or playing in a gym or store while shopping. Is that your goal this year? To conquer the air waves? Zhana Roiya: I want to do things on a much bigger scale this year but I’m not really looking for fame as much as longevity. As you get older, you learn that being successful is more about being able to do what you love and still make a good living from it. It does not always equate to celebrity. Sometimes it’s just nice being a voice that can be heard over someone’s sound system. My catch phrase for this year is: I’m not here to be shady, ego-driven and self-absorbed… just fierce!
16 DOs and DON’Ts of Hiring A Gay Sex Worker By Alexander Cheves
I prefer getting paid upfront — most do. It’s on me to communicate that and ask for payment when we first meet. Last week I slipped up and forgot. It bit me. At the end of a three-hour session, my client only paid for one. When I protested, he was flustered and said he thought we had agreed on one hour only (we hadn’t). He thought the rest was free because “we had a real connection.” “Sorry,” he said, “I feel like an asshole.” When I asked if he could pay a little bit — not the full amount, just a fraction — he said, “I don’t have it. Money’s tight right now.” Let’s call this often-heard “connection” fabrication what it is — a way of coercing and underpaying sex workers. Don’t be like him. Be good to the guys who are good to you so that you can have repeat great experiences with great guys. Here’s 16 DOs and DON’Ts of hiring a gay sex worker.
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Dos & Donts 1. DO be clear about his rate, and understand rate is non-negotiable. In the beginning, I did not have an account on either two sites guys used at the time — RentMen and Rentboy — and when Rentboy got raided by the feds and shuttered, I got scared. I decided I’d go without an online ad a little longer and continue organizing meetings over apps and in-person. You can actually do good business this way, but it’s nothing compared to the work you can generate with RentMen, which is what most guys use now. The site lets you set your rate on your profile, and many guys include their rate in their “About” section. Some may shoot you to their personal websites, which seem completely needless to me, but if you’re a big enough name, you can avoid paying account fees to RentMen. Be clear on a rate before you message him unless it’s not displayed anywhere. If that’s the case, ask him what his rate is with your first message.
9. DO leave a good review if you enjoyed your time. Good reviews help! People read them. I must remind you here with this packaged disclaimer: all services are for time only. Anything we do in that time is a private and consensual agreement between two adults.
10. DO refer him to potential clients — with his permission first. I’m a fan of referrals. “Hey, I know someone who I think would be interested in hiring you. Can I give him your number?” When that question is asked, how I answer depends on my history with the client — how much I trust him. I might say, “No, please send him to my RentMen profile, which has my contact info,” or, “Sure, go ahead. Thanks!”
11. DON’T hire others without asking first.
2. DO read his profile in full before sending a message.
An hour before our meet time, I’ll get a message: “I hired someone else to come too. You cool with that?” No, not with an hour’s advance notice.
Most questions you have will be answered on his profile, including his rate, condom policy, drug policy, interests, skills, and so on.
12. DO put down a deposit for an overnight or travel plans.
3. DON’T ask for birthday discounts. Guys really do this. This isn’t Applebee’s. You wouldn’t want your boss to pay you less money because it’s his birthday. Come on.
4. DO be respectful if you see him in public. Doctors don’t like discussing your back problems outside the office. In the same way, we’d rather discuss work via our preferred method of contact, not while we’re at the gym.
Not every escort requires this, but they should. It’s good policy. People flake out. If you’re going to schedule an overnight or require him to travel, that’s time he reserves for you — time he’s taken from other potential clients. If you flake out or cancel at the last minute, he might not be able to fill that time with work. For this reason, many guys ask for a nonrefundable upfront deposit that will be added to the full amount once you meet.
13. DO cover his travel and lodging if he lives far away.
I’ve met clients through polite exchanges at Starbucks, at bars, and at house/pool parties. But after polite introductions, I always ask them to please message me through my profile, or I give them my number and suggest we talk on the phone or text at a later time. We need healthy work-life balance too.
This should be obvious. If he lives in another state and isn’t traveling to your area anytime soon, you can always ask if he’s willing to travel to you, with the understanding that you will pay for his travel in full.
5. DON’T message him on his personal social media.
Many escorts are sober. Others just prefer not to meet high clients, for various reasons. Don’t assume he’s going to be fine with drugs. Ask.
You may find his Facebook featuring his real name. That’s pretty easy to do. Don’t message him there — stick to his escort profile. A common exception is Twitter, since many guys have Twitter accounts under their escort names.
6. DO tell him if you’re seeking a specific experience. We want to know what you like, and what you’re into. Tell us! That way, we’ll be able to tell you if we’re the right — or wrong — person for the job, and possibly refer you to someone who is.
7. DO reply promptly. Time is money — literally.
8. DON’T talk about his work in public. We respect your privacy and discretion. Keeping client identity secret is the “golden rule” of escorting. Many — if not most — of my clients are closeted or partnered. Respecting their privacy is more than essential job policy — it’s unethical to do otherwise. Please do us the same service. Many of us have day jobs or family members who don’t know what we do on the side. Respect our privacy.
14. DON’T assume his drug policy.
15. DON’T assume he’s comfortable with groups. If I arrive and more guys are there than were communicated to me, I will likely leave. Not that I don’t like groups — I love them — but that must be communicated beforehand.
16. DON’T ask about your “connection” with him. “Connection” is a hair-raising, prickly little word. We may have an authentic connection — we may like spending time with each other, and have a nice time — but this is work. Its transactional nature needn’t take away from the value of the work we do, the service we provide, the space we foster, or — I’ll say it — the connections we make. You need to face this fact: Most connections in your life are reciprocal and transactional. Your friends care about you and get something good out of you, and you get something good out of them. “Transactional” doesn’t always mean monetary, but ours is. And that’s OK. The worst conversation you can start with a gay sex worker goes something like this: “Hey, are you getting anything out of this, or is this just work for you?” I love talking to new people, learning about them, peeking into their lives, helping them, caring for them, and offering what I can to make them feel better. In various capacities I teach, coach, comfort, and mend. I think what I do is valuable — all the more because of the massive stigma attached to it — and I don’t do it for free.
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BOOK REVIEW sharp today. YouThislook morning, you dressed with
determination, putting confidence on your body in order to put it in your mind. You chose your outfit deliberately but in the new book “Black on Both Sides” by C. Riley Snorton, there may be reason for a different direction.
> CREDIT | Author:C. Riley Snorton > “Black on Both Sides: A Racial History of Trans Identity”
When the Cornell University Library recently assembled a display of “queer and trans performance” items, there was a singular piece of paper that caught Snorton’s eye: it was a French postcard depicting two black “transvestite” performers, possibly in a minstrel show or at a cakewalk, which was likewise a popular form of entertainment, circa 1900. The Library called it a “rare” piece, but Snorton shows that African American history is rife with examples of transgenderism. During the Civil War, for example, archives indicate that many slaves, particularly women, dressed in men’s clothing in order to be seen as male and to avoid bondage. Even Harriet Tubman disguised herself as a man to deter arrest. Ellen and William Craft took it a bit further when Ellen dressed as a man, and her husband as her manservant, in order for both to escape slavery. Black sex trade workers sometimes dressed as women, often to great mocking and even greater scandal. One was nicknamed “The Man-Monster,” a frightening 1836 moniker for Peter Sewally, also known as Mary Jones. Nearly a century later, Lucy Hicks Anderson, a madam, became “’the first transgendered black to be legally tried and convicted… for impersonating a woman,’” and was sent to prison for it.
don’t mind becoming famous: Snorton cites national media sources for bringing forward the stories of Ava Betty Brown and Annie Lee Grant, both featured in Ebony and Jet magazines, the latter photographed in clothing for men and for women. “Black on Both Sides” falters right from its very subchapter: large parts of the book are about people who temporarily dressed in clothing associated with those of another gender in order to escape situations, not because they were transgender. Here, it’s also about a white man who performed gynecological operations on enslaved women without benefit of anesthesia; they, and a Black cisgender friend of trans murder victim Brandon Teena’s, are included with the thinnest of connections. Even comprehending this book is a challenge: single sentences, which are written in language that may test the most scholarly of readers, can often be measured in inches on a page; readers might also quibble with issues of definition, particularly “transgender” versus “cross-dressing.” Author C. Riley Snorton refers to both in this book, but doesn’t seem to make very strong distinctions between the two. To the good, the research done here is stellar. There’s a wide variety of case studies and interesting stories in this book – much more than the average person might think there’d be - but whether they’re accessible is quite another matter. Overall, unless you like your head to spin, put “Black on Both Sides” down and go in a different direction.
And while some wish to keep their cross-dressing in private, others
By: Always Overbooked... Terri Schlichenmeyer The Bookworm Sez, LLC bookwormsez@gmail.com
18: February 09, 2018
OUT & ABOUT
PHOTOS
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BLAKES
PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
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Towns at Druid Hills
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PHOTOSHOOT PHOTOSHOOT
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Layered black pieces paired with neutral hues like grey and white are perfect to keep it cool in the hottest way possible as the winter season winds down, and heat is on the horizon. Model: Tristan; Shutterstock
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Nervous By Judas
“Nervous” was first performed January 25, 2018 as part of a release party for Wussy Mag at the Atlanta Contemporary. I’m a little nervous,
I try to rhyme the indecision on your lips
But it’s the good kind.
to the bruises on my heart
Nervous like before a first kiss -
Our breaths were shallow
Nervous like before our first kiss
But heavy with potential.
Nervous like eye contact.
So we clung to each other,
Nervous like crotch grab.
Like life rafts - tossing and turning
Nervous like cruising in a public park
In the ocean of all consuming lust
Nervous like our eyes locking in a dive bar packed with
Riding wave after wave after wave
Too many straight people for me to be sure that you even have sex with people like me.
Of desire
Nervous like “God I hope you’re looking at me” and “God I hope you are not” Nervous like you pull up a seat beside me. Nervous like “I hope my gestalt soul isn’t projected through my eyes right now because I am made whole only by fractures and the negative space between them.” Nervous like avoiding eye contact so much that I’ve failed to notice the only patrons left in the bar are me, you, three drag queens and some poor soul singing the world’s worst rendition of “Creep” Nervous like I notice the only thing left in your glass that you could possibly be consuming is indecision. So I offer to buy you a drink - you decline.
Bracing for that moment of final urging, All that I am Wanted all that you are Deep inside of me Shooting every last bit of yourself into me But I guess you weren’t ready for that So you pulled out As our hearts matched up Beat for beat As we beat each other off The cliff of climax. Veins pulsing
I talk about the weather in another city,
To the rhythm of
You talk about a sports team I don’t know
Nightmusic.
Neither of us care, but we nod and smile to give the impression of interest
We sat naked,
Because that’s just what people do. When I too begin to swirl my glass of melted ice and indecision, You tell me we should head to the patio. You lead, I follow. You offer me a joint, I don’t usually smoke with strangers but I suck it in Because that’s just what people do. Our bodies inch. I try to understand the microexpressions I’m reading Our fingers brush Because if you’re not interested I really should be heading Our eyes lock This is too much cat and mouse for me Our blood pressures rise to the occasion as our lips meet for the first time and
30: February 09, 2018
Throbbing, wet, Faces covered in each others’ White tears From cocks’ Sobbing and said, “Goodbye” You were out the door, While I was stuck in after glow. You know Just because you came Didn’t mean you had to leave This vicious cycle repeated with ever-increasing frequency Until I was seriously confused As to why I was waking up lonely. As to why you left my place at 4 When you had to be at work at 9 As to why you only knew me after you had
3 too many drinks and 4 too many men.
Pursed lips and clenched teeth leaving love bites
As to why you never knew I was worth more in the daylight
Across my body,
As to why I had to work so hard for that four letter word that it had nearly lost its meaning coming from you.
Like a trail of breadcrumbs. Tattooing the exact When Where How and Why you wanted me For me to look back on,
Eventually the cons outweighed the pros and
You did this so often,
I brought out Millennial Ghosting - full force. Your unaswered texts became more frequent and more decadent. Your calls began earlier and earlier until I almost caved just So that you could see what my face looks like caught in a sunset. After 6 months of mutual radio silence,
I almost believed it. At the apex of my hips Where my skin stretches thin I swear you tasted me to the bone After three too many nights spent once again clinging to your life raft,
I found myself nervous once again in a dive bar. Nervous like “God I hope you’re looking at me” and “God I hope you are not” Nervous like you pull up a seat beside me. Nervous like “I hope my gestalt soul isn’t projected through my eyes right now because I am made whole only by fractures and the negative space between them.” Nervous like avoiding eye contact so much that I’ve failed to notice the only patrons left in the bar are me, three drag queens and you singing the world’s worst rendition of “Creep” Nervous like the only things left in our glasses that we could possibly be consuming is indecision
My mirror’s image looked too deep into me and said: “Boy, stop tying your heartstrings to your bedposts. Otherwise, you’ll fall in love with Every dick that comes through your open bedroom door Confusing rhinos for unicorns. Just because they have a horn, Does not mean they are the same. There is a difference. You see:
Nervous like
Unicorns are nothing you’ve ever seen before
Falling into arms
And everything you’ve ever needed.
Like old habits Which barely had a moment to die
Rhinos just charge right through you.
Before being brought back by your
Goring your insides out
Liquored breath, soul-filled eyes,
And leave your broken heart on the bedside table.
Lie-covered tongue and nicotine stained teeth, Biting to my base instinct
Doing dirty work
Without so much as breaking skin.
Just to give the devil his due Never did a damn thing for you.
I let you in, because that’s what people do. Because when I set up my concrete battlement,
So close the door.
Prepared to wage war against your carnal connection,
Mend your heartstrings.
I neglected to note that in the floor plan,
Stand tall.
I left you safe havens in the form of our
And Breathe,
Memories:
Breathe deep until you feel
Dimly lit vignettes of people falling in love backwards.
The world healing every lovescar
When playing these back, I forget
The rhinos ever made on you.
the only backdrops we have are bedrooms and dive bars
And
Focusing instead on
Don’t look back.”
Judas (non-binary, they) is the ringmaster of your local cruising ground: a professional heart arsonist who listened to a smidge too much Lana Del Rey in their youth. They got their start writing in the rest stops of North Carolina and honestly still haven’t progressed much beyond that point. When they’re not chasing down truckers, you can find Judas about town body-rolling to house music. Judas wishes people would stop eating Tide Pods, start eating the rich that make them, and seize the memes of production!
31
OUT & ABOUT
PHOTOS
32: February 09, 2018
TEN
PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
Sign a purchase contract on a select Quick Move-in Home between January 8, 2018 and February 18, 2018 and receive:
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Available only when you close on the purchase of a quick move-in home in the Enclave at Druid Hills community pursuant to a purchase contract you sign on or between January 8, 2018 and February 18, 2018. *Up to $5,000 towards closing costs is subject to limits and is contingent upon buyer closing a loan with our affiliated lender, CalAtlantic Mortgage or, where permitted by seller, another seller preferred lender, and obtaining title insurance and closing services from our affiliated title agent, CalAtlantic Title Atlanta, LLC. The offer to pay closing costs does not include payment of prepaid taxes, property or mortgage insurance, or mortgage installments. Pre-payments of HOA assessments are typically subject to lender limits. **Up to $25,000 Seller provided Flex Credits may be applied to available upgrades and options at Seller’s Design Center, price discounts, closing costs and/or temporary rate buy downs. Availability of items may vary, including whether buyer’s lender permits such credits. Offer does not have any cash value. The combined value of seller incentives, credits and other seller contributions may exceed lender limits established for the loan program for which buyer qualifies. Buyer should ask his or her lender about the impact of such limits. Prices, plans and terms are effective on the date of publication and subject to change without notice. Depictions of homes or other features are artist conceptions. Hardscape, landscape and other items shown may be decorator suggestions that are not included in the purchase price and availability may vary. CalAtlantic Mortgage, Inc., NMLS# 203897, Georgia Residential Mortgage Licensee License #24225, 8660 E Hartford Drive, Suite 200A, Scottsdale, AZ; 1000 Mansell Exchange West, Suite 210, Alpharetta, GA License #68278. CAATL491
OUT & ABOUT
PHOTOS
34: February 09, 2018
FRIENDS FRIDAY 80’S CHARITY SHOW AT MIXX PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
OUT & ABOUT
PHOTOS
36: February 09, 2018
AV RIDER RECRUITMENT HOSTED BY JERUSALEM HOUSE AT HENRYS PHOTOS BY: ANDREA DWYER
February 18, 2018 • 5:00PM - 8:00PM The Wimbish House • 1150 Peachtree St NE $45 adv • $50@door | 21+ • ID Required
Beats by DJ MIKE POPE Cocktails by
joininghearts.org 37
Hey Girl Hey! Holler Poodles! Well, now that the year is well under way, its time to get back to laying around the trailer goals! I hate when people say “Don’t you just have a feeling 2018 is gonna be a great year?” I was pissed I rolled over and squished my doughnuts so excited when Fenuxe magazine called and offered to set me and my best friend Selma B. Hole up to meet a trainer at Piedmont Park to ascertain our fitness levels. While not everyone has my broken hourglass figure, poor Selma looks like a Build a Bear stuffing goat stuck in her ass and was left on for a week. Bless her heart! I love her like a sister. In preparation, Fenuxe was kind enough to send us a variety of Fabletics from that skinny Kate Hudson lady but we couldn’t figure out how to get them on. I wore the leggings as a headband and Selma wore hers as a thong. I didn’t have the heart to tell her to put something else on. When we were ready, we told Lyft to drive as close to the park as possible walked a mile to the park. Selma and I had to sit down and eat a 3 piece, fries and shake catch our breath. Finally, our trainer called and asked us to meet him on the track. Our trainer was a hot man named Marcus who was decked out in his spandex and what looked like a nice piece of pipe. I wondered if he might like to unclog my sewer. Selma and I were doing all kinds of exercises trying to show off our feminine wares when Marcus asked us to do jumping jacks. Well all of a sudden Selma’s tube top snapped and hit me in the head causing me to fall forward and Marcus to impale his manhood in me. It felt like he had popped a pimple and I screamed out of disappointment. Marcus was visibly shaken clearly turned on but slightly embarrassed and asked if we could find someone else because he didn’t sign up for this shit reconvene at a later time. Selma and I cannot wait to continue with our fitness goals.! Love and lashes,
Mary Edith Pitts
Mary Edith Pitts’s Pro Tip: Sponsored by Norcostco Atlanta Costume Since running out of Pan Stick foundation, I’ve been looking for something with the same kind of coverage. Clint at Atlanta Costume recommended I try Kryolan’s TV Paint Stick. Girls, it is THE BOMB!!! It will give you all the coverage you need and then some!! Plus, for the price, you get double the amount you would from other stick foundations. Mary Edith Pitts Grade A+++
38: February 09, 2018
Depression is Real. So Are Your Options...
A clinical research study is currently evaluating an investigational drug for its safety and effectiveness in the treatment of Major Depressive Disorder.
IF YOU CAN ANSWER YES TO THESE QUESTIONS, YOU MAY BE ELEGIBLE TO PARTICIPATE.
Are you 18 - 65 years old? Not getting adequate results with your current antidepressant therapy? Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder?
TO LEARN MORE: 770-319-8025 x305 www.ifbm.us/mdd_adultstudy
INSTITUTE for BEHAVIORAL MEDICINE 696 Concord Rd SE, Smyrna, GA 30082-2629
BY: ____________________________
O.K. WITH CORRECTIONS BY: _________________________
EFULLY • SUBMIT CORRECTIONS ONLINE
100%)
TITUTE OF BEHAVORIAL
MAM015
PROOF CREATED AT: 7/12/2017 3:23:01 PM NEXT RUN DATE: 07/30/17 PROOF DUE: 07/30/17 19:00:00
A-COBB LIFE MAGAZINE
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