Fenuxe issuev9 i04 issuu by Fenuxe Magazine Management

02.23.18 V9-04

So Fresh & So Clean

Spring Trends

Where Have All the Gay Spaces Gone?

Grooming: Clean Up Your Act New Column: Ask Daddy

Preserving cultural and landmark locations important to gay Georgia Untitled-1 2

2: February 23, 2018

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Contents

FENUXE

SPRING TRENDS

14 BEASTLY 16

ASK DADDY

GROOMING: CLEAN UP

GAY SPACES

26 PHOTOSHOOT 38 PITTS

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EDITORIAL Mikkel Hyldebrandt - Director Contributors - Alexander Cheves, Mary Edith Pitts/Richard, Tyler Scruggs

GRAPHIC DESIGN Rodney Belcher - Graphic Designer

ATLANTA MARKETING Jeff Anderson | 404.835.2016 - Sales Manager Andrea Dwyer - Sales

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Published by Fenuxe Magazine Management, LLC Â© 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 925B Piedmont Ave NE Suite 168, Atlanta GA, 30309 Phone: 404.835.2016 | Fax: 404.835.2356 Opinions and claims made by advertisers are those of the advertisers only. Fenuxe accepts no liability for any claims made by advertisers. The views and opinions expressed in this issue are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency of Fenuxe Magazine Management, LLC.

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Model: Jake Photography: James Critchley

from the

note It seems winter has finally let go of Atlanta and Spring is starting to make its approach. So, this issue is dedicated to getting all freshened up and ready for the warmer season.

Speaking of new, we are also introducing a new advice column – Ask Daddy – where our anonymous Daddy supreme will tell all you boys how to handle your kink and many other issues that may arise – just be We have lined up some trends to prepared to do as Daddy says! give your spring wardrobe a fashion boost, and now is also the time to As always, we have you covered – start prepping your skin for more from cover to cover! sun and time spent outside. Even Beastly is onboard with a warming of, well, maybe not the weather, but encourages you to use the upcoming season to once and for all come out of your slut closet. Our newest addition to the Fenuxe team of talented writers, Tyler Scruggs, talks about where all the gay bars have gone now that Atlanta is experiencing a little bit of a shakeup in that regard.

6: February 23, 2018

Mikkel Hyldebrandt Editorial Director

KILLER BODY CLEAR CONSCIENCE Try Vegan Obesity, heart disease, and Alzheimer’s are on the rise, and meat’s the prime suspect. It’s not too late to revive your health and get in shape with tasty plant-based foods. For bigger guns without the bloodshed, try vegan!

V EGA N FI T NES S BUFF

ZACHARY KOVAL for

Spring Trends

By Mik Hyldebrandt Photos: PR

It’s about time that you break out your Spring wardrobe and dust off those Summer items – and if you add these fresh trends in the mix, you will feel as new as a daisy!

Daddy-esque Denim The skinny jeans haven’t quite left us yet, but are now being flanked by more leg-friendly variations that have a more basic and straight cut with a light wash – so basically the kind of jeans your dad would wear! Zara Basic Straight Fit Jeans, $40

Check That! Of course, checks never really left, but this season they mix it up a little with bolder prints and mixes of different patterns. River Island Burgundy Check Short Sleeve Shirt, $44

Floral for the Win Florals are a great way to give your look a touch of fun – this year, keep the floral print tropical for added cool factor. All Saints Nahiku Short Sleeve Shirt, $130

Chunkier Footwear The trend dips into retro footwear by reviving classics from the 80s and 90s where the soles are significantly chunkier than the past years of finely knitted sneakers and diminutive soles. Nike Air Huarache, $120

8: February 23, 2018

Spring Trends Sports Utility Jackets No, we’re not talking hardcore trekking gear but rather fashionable outerwear that has weather-fighting properties as well! Think fashionable raincoat or sporty anorak. New Look Rust Hooded Rain Coat, $50

Keepers From Last Year Sporty Spice The trend dubbed as athleisure is not bound to go away this season either – and thank the gods for that because we are still here for the retro vibe and extreme comfort of these items! Tommy Jeans Lightweight Bomber, $130

Pink is Still Here Dusty pink – or Millenial Pink – is still here! The flattering hue looks good with practically any skin tone, so it’s a keeper this season too. Todd Snyder Made In L.A Pocket Garment Dyed T-Shirt in Dusty Pink, $68

Vertical Stripes A strong contender to fashionable checks is stripes. The vertical stripe is no longer just for towels and deck chairs but can be seen everywhere in men’s fashion this Spring H&M Oxford Regular Fit Shirt, $25

Even More

ADDICTED by Mik Hyldebrandt

Addicted, the popular sportswear, is adding sting to the coming of Spring this year with AD Fetish, it’s sexy new collection of kink wear. “Customers were craving a harder line of gear that re-imagined the Addicted brand for the S&M scene,” explains founder Eduardo Suner. “Our new AD Fetish collection blends fashion with erotica. It offers the same quality, fit and comfort found in our popular sports collection, but takes the fun to an edgier, naughtier playing field.” The AD Fetish collection features tank tops, jock straps, harnesses, singlets, lingerie, and leather items, finely and meticulously crafted by Addicted’s superior artisan team. “It’s been fun to innovate and create with no limits,” says designer Carmen Monforte. “The AD Fetish collection allows us to go beyond the cotton, lycra and mesh in our sports collections. We’re able to incorporate exciting new materials like rubber, leather, and transparencies into our creations.” All AD Fetish pieces are fashion first, they’re also interchangeable; perfectly suited to be worn at the start of an evening —while dining at a restaurant or mingling at a bar — and through a night’s finish in bed or at the bathhouse. The AD Fetish collection is sold directly at fetish.addicted.es, as well as at select retail partners worldwide.

Photos by: Danniel Rojas

10: February 23, 2018

TAKE THE LEAD

Take an active role in your health. Ask your doctor if an HIV medicine made by Gilead is right for you.

EVENTS THIS

February 22-24 Star Wars: A New Hope In Concert Experience the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra perform the film score of Star Wars: A New Hope while the movie is screened in HD at Symphony Hall! Costumes are encouraged! MORE INFORMATION: Atlanta Symphony Hall

February 24 Leather & Lace ATL Drag Queens and Leathermen combine forces to entertain you for a night of fun with live singing and entertainment. $5 suggested donation at the door - 100% of tips and donations go to benefit Lost-N-Found Youth. MORE INFORMATION: Atlanta Eagle

February 24 The Queeriety Variety Show: The Pilot Atlantaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all LGBTQIA+-identifying comedy group, Queeriety, gives you an old-school variety show with a queer twist jampacked with improvisation, live sketch comedy, stand-up comedy, puppetry, and drag performances. MORE INFORMATION: The Village Theatre

12: February 23, 2018

Office: 678.298.1600 cell: 706.761.2578

MARCH March 6 Atlanta Pride New Volunteer Meet and Greet Grab some food, meet new friends, and learn more how you can get more involved and volunteer at this year’s Atlanta Pride. MORE INFORMATION:

Joe’s On Juniper

March 5 HRC Atlanta Gala & Auction Pre-Dinner Reception The third pre-dinner reception for the 2018 HRC Atlanta Gala & Auction will give you the opportunity to select where you and your guestswill be in the ballroom if you’ve sold your entire table.

MORE INFORMATION: Out Front Theatre Company

featured event March 4 Softball Preseason Tournament Atlanta Wild is the host to the pre-season tournament before the start of the HSL season. Come out and watch some competitive ball in a friendly and fun environment!!

February 24 Housewerk w/ Halogen & Friends A heavily curated lineup with headliner Halogen and special DJ guest stars are the elements of a house extravaganza. Make sure to get tickets in advance.

MORE INFORMATION: The Music Room

MORE INFORMATION: Johnson Park (Conyers)

It’s Time To Come Out Of the Slut Closet Something’s happening and we’re all witnessing it — a reframing of human sexuality and privacy. The next sexual revolution. It’s a good time to be a slut. Our lives are shared more now than ever before. When parents create Facebook accounts for their kids, it can now be safely said that your life can be tracked, digitally on display, from birth to death. This changes the way we view sex. All those private discoveries — that personal journey of sexual development — happens now for an audience of followers who may or may not know you in person. For much of modern history, sex has been a private thing, something pushed out of polite conversation. That’s been changing and challenged in the last hundred years or so, but now we have Twitter and OnlyFans. Privacy is thoroughly, emphatically dead. There are loads of problems with this social media reality. Social media is judge and jury in one, a pillory that crosses national borders and cultures, and can ruin careers and keep one-time mistakes alive for decades to come. But it also holds the reality of redemption and support, second chances and new careers, new lifestyles. Between the cultural reckoning of #MeToo, the seismic shifts happening in the adult entertainment industry, and our frightening era of Trump, sluts are being assigned a new social urgency. 90’s-era AIDS panic has given way to millennial sex panic. Being a slut is again an act of insurgence. There’s no better time to do it. You may have lost your job as a public cumdump in the 80’s, at least in certain parts of the country, but today you have countless digital platforms to make money with, and — as much as I cringe to say it — “callout culture” on your side to fight back, amass followers, and

built support through the power of exposure. There are more ways to make money showing off your body than ever before. In 2018, you can bypass professional studios and do everything with an IPhone. Our digital age requires a fearlessness and transparency never before demanded of sluts. Porn personas are quickly becoming antiquated concepts. People want your real life — they want to know you, and see what you do outside of studios and scripts. Social media is a voyeur’s paradise. We live in an age when dirty online videos are no longer an automatic “NO” at your next interview. Sex and its practitioners — public kinksters, escorts, porn stars, and so on — are more part of our cultural lexicon than ever before. Our Tweeter-in-chief hires escorts and pays them gag money. If you’re queer and want to come out of the slut closet, you’re in good company. You follow a legacy, a culture that celebrates sex — its business and its pleasure. Marsha P. Johnson, the trans woman of color who was the most important figure in the vanguard of the Stonewall Riots, was a sex worker. I’m amazed every day to meet gay men who want to be more explicit about their sexuality, want to be more public about their sluttiness, but hold back because of various fears — fears of losing friends, loved ones, jobs, opportunities, and more. I’m encouraging you to challenge this, to risk it, to own your sexual identity as a public reality. This is how sexual revolutions happen. We live in a boiling, shifting, scary age. Depending on who you ask, we’re on the brink of nuclear war. PrEP has taken away the fear of sex that blanketed queer culture in the wake of AIDS, and has for the first time in fifty years given queer men the freedom to reclaim our sex and start enjoying it without fear. Whatever you’re into, there is space for you. We’re carving it out of a world in flux. For those who push the boundaries of what is appropriate, who fight censorship and advocate for their own visibility, there’s no better time to be alive.

Alexander Cheves (Beastly) is a contributing editor for The Advocate where he writes the sex column Sexy Beast, and he is copywriter and social media manager for Fort Troff. His work has appeared in Vice, Out Magazine, Plus, Pride, Gayety, SheWired, GC Magazine, Mend, and others. He loves group sex and tiny dogs.

14: February 23, 2018

Artwork by: Rob Clarke

What is this? I wanted to create a way to discuss topics that some curious people might not have an audience to ask. I often get pulled aside at parties or at the gym and asked questions like: What’s the deal with assless chaps? What is up with the guys wearing dog hoods, barking, and pawing at bar? Can I wear my own collar? What is BDSM, GoM, CBT, RACK, SSC? What do the colors mean? Does wearing stuff on the right side and on the left side really matter? How do you find a boy / SIR / Daddy / Handler / Master? What do all those titles even mean? First off, Daddy says: stop saying “Assless chaps.” All chaps are assless... that’s what makes them chaps.

16: February 23, 2018

Ask Daddy When I was younger and was exploring my kink, I wish that I had a someone I could turn to - someone who might have been where I was and would be able to empathize and guide me. I wish I had someone who could answer questions about safety in a scene, drugs, shame, aftercare, what is too far? How do I ask for more? Here’s the thing: everyone has an opinion, and for these questions, you will get as many answers as the people you ask. Sex is personal; sex isn’t always about a making a deep connection, it isn’t always about the other person, it isn’t about the toys or the equipment. Everyone has a different “in” to their sex – a different path to the heart of their passion. Successful kink happens when you understand how someone connects to their sex, and you engage accordingly. Here I will address questions within the sphere of RACK, which stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. I will freely admit that I don’t have all the answers, and I have no fear of saying “I don’t know” and in such cases, I will turn to the UDN for answers (Underground Daddy Network). It’s all about perspective.

What are the basics? Let’s start socially, not sexually: IMPACT is more important that INTENT. So, be cognizant of how you are communicating. “What’s the deal with the collar?” and “Excuse me, Sir, may I ask you a question?” can have very different responses. One of those puts the receiver on the defense, the other opens a world of communication, like “I am not the Sir, but my Sir is over there… let me introduce you…” Boundaries are essential in a social context, as well. When it comes to caps, collars, chains, or gear: if you are gawking, grabbing, pulling, or touching without permission, you are basically communicating that you don’t respect boundaries or things that might be very important to someone else. I can promise you that the resulting interaction will probably reflect that, with an equal amount of disrespect being thrown back at you… then you walk away thinking “those guys are rude, cliquish, and flip. I was just trying to flirt.”

Daddy says: next time you have a question, and you truly want an answer, and not a punchline, respectfully approach, and ask. How do I conquer the fears and insecurities about being naked around other men?

Practice. There are lots of places to be naked. Start small, and then take steps to challenge yourself. At home, try puttering around with just your shirt off, then pants off and only in undies. Get yourself a jock just for walking around your place. Now, try being naked. Sleep in your jock one night, then naked.

The next step is the locker room: change clothes and get completely naked right there at your locker, even if only for a moment. Then try going to brush your teeth or walking to the shower with your towel over your shoulder instead of around your waist. Then try hottubs, naked campgrounds, or even sex clubs. And take your cues from other people: if people are naked at the pool, go for it! Maybe don’t be the first, but, definitely don’t’ be the last. Be brave. Everyone has fears and insecurities, but remember, they are yours – they live in you. You manage them, and if they aren’t serving you a greater purpose, fire them.

Daddy says: You know that voice? The one that has the running color commentary and says such horrible things to you about how you look… things you would never say to another person, but you say to yourself… you tell that voice to fuck right off. Show yourself at least the kindness you’d show a stranger.

Daddy’s Final thought This week, be brave, boy. Even if you don’t feel that way. As Dr. Seuss says, “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”

So, do you have a question you want to ask Daddy? Email your questions to questionfordaddy@gmail.com.

Clean Up Your Act

Just Balmy Now that Spring is (almost) here, you need to be aware of the effects of the warmer weather on your skin. If you shave regularly, you want to make sure you treat the skin while letting it breathe.

By Mik Hyldebrandt Before you know it, Spring is here – and that also means your face is going to be out and about even more. So, it’s time clean up your act, and get that mug ready for some sun and fun.

Le Labo After Shave Balm, $35

Dull-Away Easy Breezy

Time scrub away those dull skin cells to reveal fresher and clearer skin! Never scrub too hard, but go gentle and let the product do the scrubbing.

Come Spring and Summer, you want your hair game to be uncomplicated and easy. A texturizing spray is perfect for adding a little grit to the hair.

Kerstin Florian Men’s Clarifying Exfoliating Scrub, $50

Herbivore Sea Mist Texturizing Spray, $20

Scruff Trim Time to forego the full caveman beard and trim it down just a tad – it’ll look more clean-cut and feel more refreshing in the warmer weather. Braun BT3040 Beard Trimmer, $35

Wear Protection The best thing you can do for your skin is to wear SPF sunscreen – no matter what skin tone you have! You may not burn, but there are many other negative effects of exposure to the sun. Malin + Goetz Face Moisturizer SPF, $40 18: February 23, 2018

New fragrance Nothing says new season like a new fragrance – and why not have it smell like a summer on the azure coast of Italy? Tom Ford Costa Azzurra, $145

OUT & ABOUT

PHOTOS

20: February 23, 2018

ATLANTA EAGLE: NEON GLOWBEAR PHOTOS BY: BRIAN McCALL

22: February 23, 2018

Towns at Druid Hills

Gated Community | Townhomes from the low $500s Sign a purchase contract on a select Quick Move-in Home between January 8, 2018 and February 18, 2018 and receive:

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Available only when you close on the purchase of a quick move-in home in the Towns at Druid Hills community pursuant to a purchase contract you sign on or between January 8, 2018 and February 18, 2018. *Up to $5,000 towards closing costs is subject to limits and is contingent upon buyer closing a loan with our affiliated lender, CalAtlantic Mortgage or, where permitted by seller, another seller preferred lender, and obtaining title insurance and closing services from our affiliated title agent, CalAtlantic Title Atlanta, LLC. The offer to pay closing costs does not include payment of prepaid taxes, property or mortgage insurance, or mortgage installments. Pre-payments of HOA assessments are typically subject to lender limits. **Receipt of up to 50% off discount (up to $25,000 value) the costs of unfinished basements is applicable only to quick move-in homes that have unfinished basements. The combined value of seller incentives, credits and other seller contributions may exceed lender limits established for the loan program for which buyer qualifies. Buyer should ask his or her lender about the impact of such limits. Prices, plans and terms are effective on the date of publication and subject to change without notice. Depictions of homes or other features are artist conceptions. Hardscape, landscape and other items shown may be decorator suggestions that are not included in the purchase price and availability may vary. CalAtlantic Mortgage, Inc., NMLS# 203897 , Georgia Residential Mortgage Licensee License #24225, 8660 E Hartford Drive, Suite 200A, Scottsdale, AZ; 1000 Mansell Exchange West, Suite 210, Alpharetta, GA License #68278. CAATL491

Where Have All the Gay Spaces Gone? By Tyler Scruggs

Burkhart’s is closed, possibly for good, and many of us are left asking ourselves questions. What else was supposed to happen? What realistic alternatives could’ve been presented? In 2018 there has (rightfully) emerged a zero-tolerance policy for discriminatory, racist actions and beliefs. It’s just not gonna be accepted anymore; not for financial reasons, cultural reasons, or even community reasons. That being said, has the Atlanta LGBTQ+ community taken too big a hit? Between Burkhart’s and the possible closing of Cowtippers, another admired gay establishment, are we in a state of panic? It should go without saying that gay spaces are vital to the coming-of-age experience for every queer person. Everyone remembers their first toddler-like steps into their first bar that opened their eyes to the possibilities that their own town or nearby city had to offer. That’s important, and that makes it all the more vital to protect these spaces and not take them for granted. Many people have taken the understandable position that a robust, if problematic, establishment is better than no establishment at all. Many people, not just older white gay men, believe that the genuine progress built up over the past few decades can be washed away simply by a series of drunken (consistent and incredibly racist) Facebook posts. Their points are valid, but although the march of progress took many years to evolve into the out-but-weary position we’re in today, it appears as though our velocity is now much faster. Young people, Millennials, whatever you want to call them, simply have no patience or tolerance for hypocrisy or even veiled, layer support of positions and ideas they don’t agree with. Atlanta’s problem with gay establishments evaporating is only a byproduct of greater cultural movements at large. Celebrities whose hypocrisy was exposed during the #MeToo movement

24: February 23, 2018

are being stripped of their acclaim and platform. Politicians whose behavior isn’t aligned with the political platforms they champion are being exposed and are harshly, if arguably rightfully, being forced to step down. This, I feel, is the ultimate reason for Burkhart’s demise. After the infamous vulgar rants and racists posts were brought to a more public light, the call to arms was just too great. Screenshots of the posts spread hundreds upon hundreds of times, each with their own comment of disgust and outrage. Interestingly, many older members of the community simply shook their heads and claimed that this dark underbelly of Burkhart’s was not only a long-known fact — but just the beginning. After a respectable, just about impeccably written letter from the day-to-day general manager, it became apparent that the greatest damage had been done. The performers, previously fearful of their threatened employment at the biggest drag bar in town, had banded together and quit in unison. They’ve now found more welcoming refuge at My Sister’s Room in Midtown. And while the dust has more or less settled from the biggest Atlanta gay scene shake-up of the year so far, many questions still remain. From the haunting murmurs of more shake-ups like this to come—where will they come from? And why? Just before this piece went to print, even, it was discovered that Grant Park’s notably quiet but nonetheless robust gay bar The Cockpit had just as silently changed its name to Grant Park Tavern —a noticeable step back from its distinguished gay bar status and towards an everyman’s, gay or straight, sports bar. Is it disappointing? For sure? Was it the best business decision for a lone bar on a boulevard severely lacking in young foot traffic? Probably. Where have all the gay bars gone, you ask? Well, they’re still here, still queer, but perhaps disappointingly integrated with the rest of the restaurant and bar scene. There’s no fear in stepping into a sports bar as a young queer person, wondering what feelings will be awakened. In fact, the feeling may be fear. The fear of intolerance or even violence looms outside of safe queer spaces, and if they’re evaporating… that threat may be greater. This is the climate for most minority spaces right now, not just ours. The question is, though, is what are we going to do about it?

PHOTOSHOOT PHOTOSHOOT

26: February 23, 2018

Photography by James Critchley British photographer James Critchley specializes in fitness and muscle photography shooting men who have dedicated themselves to sculpting their bodies to perfection. In a sense, Critchley not only captures a body that is transforming, but he also documents his subjectsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; progress in their individual process. If you want to see more photos by the talented photographer, please visit his website, jamescritchley.co.uk, and do check out his incredible Instagram @jamescritchleyphotgraphy.

28: February 23, 2018

30: February 23, 2018

OUT & ABOUT

PHOTOS

32: February 23, 2018

BUCKS BACHELOR AUCTION AT WOOFS PHOTOS BY: BRIAN McCALL

Sign a purchase contract on a select Quick Move-in Home between January 8, 2018 and February 18, 2018 and receive:

5,000

Enclave at Druid Hills

Gated Community | Townhomes from the upper $500s For more information, please call 404-634-4485 or visit CalAtlanticHomes.com.

– PLUS – Up To

in Flex $25,000 Credits**

Towards Design Center options and upgrades, price discounts, closing costs and/or temporary rate buy downs.

Available only when you close on the purchase of a quick move-in home in the Enclave at Druid Hills community pursuant to a purchase contract you sign on or between January 8, 2018 and February 18, 2018. *Up to $5,000 towards closing costs is subject to limits and is contingent upon buyer closing a loan with our affiliated lender, CalAtlantic Mortgage or, where permitted by seller, another seller preferred lender, and obtaining title insurance and closing services from our affiliated title agent, CalAtlantic Title Atlanta, LLC. The offer to pay closing costs does not include payment of prepaid taxes, property or mortgage insurance, or mortgage installments. Pre-payments of HOA assessments are typically subject to lender limits. **Up to $25,000 Seller provided Flex Credits may be applied to available upgrades and options at Seller’s Design Center, price discounts, closing costs and/or temporary rate buy downs. Availability of items may vary, including whether buyer’s lender permits such credits. Offer does not have any cash value. The combined value of seller incentives, credits and other seller contributions may exceed lender limits established for the loan program for which buyer qualifies. Buyer should ask his or her lender about the impact of such limits. Prices, plans and terms are effective on the date of publication and subject to change without notice. Depictions of homes or other features are artist conceptions. Hardscape, landscape and other items shown may be decorator suggestions that are not included in the purchase price and availability may vary. CalAtlantic Mortgage, Inc., NMLS# 203897, Georgia Residential Mortgage Licensee License #24225, 8660 E Hartford Drive, Suite 200A, Scottsdale, AZ; 1000 Mansell Exchange West, Suite 210, Alpharetta, GA License #68278. CAATL491

OUT & ABOUT

PHOTOS

34: February 23, 2018

MORE TO LOVE

PHOTOS BY: BRIAN McCALL

OUT & ABOUT

PHOTOS

36: February 23, 2018

MORE TO LOVE

PHOTOS BY: BRIAN McCALL

Hey Girl Hey! Holler Poodles! Life is full of embarrassing moments and if you can laugh at them, you’re one step ahead of the game. I’ve told this story many times over the years to many friends and to this day, it remains my most embarrassing, disgusting yet hilarious moment in my life. Picture it, Sicily, 19 aught 2. I was a very shy young boy who needed to have two back surgeries in order to correct a hump in my spine. Suffice it to say, the lack of privacy in a semi-private room at 16 years old was less than appealing. From the first indignity of having my pubic hair shaved to the last indignity, I don’t think a kid could be more embarrassed. After enduring two back surgeries 15 days apart and approaching the 28th day of my hospital stay, an old familiar feeling came to visit me. Because the anesthesia shuts down the digestive tract, I had not gone to the bathroom for the last month. I was also laid out flat on my back unable to move. I was also sharing this room with a 16 yo boy from Iran with steel pins in his toes. You know this story will be fraught with tragedy. After putting it off as long as I could, I finally called the nurse and tried to whisper I would need a bedpan. As if whispering would make it less traumatic. The nurse comes happily along, pulls the curtain and places the bedpan under me and says: “Well just call me when you’re finished.” I could only think of my poor roommate at this time because I knew I was getting ready to release the Cracken! Not 3 seconds after I started did I hear my Iranian friend yelling “OH MAN, THIS IS TERRIBLE!!! THIS IS TERRIBLE!!! THE SMELL, THE SMELL, OHHH NOOOOOOOOO.” I felt about two inches tall. I thought how could this get any worse? Finally, I call the nurse back. Now keep in mind she was probably in her mid fifties and had been through everything and seen everything. When she walked in the room, I could hear her say “Oh Lord!” Again, I thought my humiliation was complete. But when she walked over to collect the bedpan, she pulled it from under me and said in her sweetest voice “Honey, are you trying to make soft serve ice cream?” because there was a continuous spiral of poop in the bedpan. I was DONE! My embarrassment was complete!! Love and lashes,

Mary Edith Pitts

Have questions for me, Poodles? If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at maryedith99@gmail.com and add me on twitter @maryedithpitts and Facebook. 38: February 23, 2018

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