06.15.18 V9-12
Impressions Last Fighting Serophobia Gay Hip-Hop Artist Roy Kinsey Reports
Celebrating Pride Across Europe
Ask Daddy Mary Edith Pitts
Contents
FENUXE
8
ROY KINSEY
17 SEROPHOBIA 18
INTERNATIONAL PRIDE
22
BOOK REVIEW
24
ASK DADDY
26 PHOTOSHOOT 38 PITTS
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5
It is clear that we have come a long way in terms of gay rights and that our collective LGBTQ experience is evolving day by day. Yes, we are afforded many more social privileges and rights than previous generations of LGBTQ-identifying people ever were, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop fighting or that new issues won’t arise. Tyler Scruggs describes just one of those issues – serophobia – which is the fear of or aversion to those living with HIV. Medical advances and treatment options have changed many of the risk factors that have created the stigma in the first place – and many are still uninformed or miseducated about how and when HIV is transmitted. So yeah, the experience is over-evolving.
from the
note
Another kind of gay experience is to participate in one of the many Pride celebrations across the world, and we have listed some of the more significant Pride events in Europe this summer. What started as organized demonstrations at the oneyear anniversary of the Stonewall Riots in Greenwich Village, has evolved into massive parties and parades that celebrate diversity and love and commemorates the movement that was sparked back in June 1969 - and no matter where you go, it is a beautiful experience. As always, we have you covered – from cover to cover!
Mikkel Hyldebrandt Editorial Director
6: June 15, 2018
Kinsey Reports An Interview With Gay Hip-Hop Artist Roy Kinsey By Gregg Shapiro It’s no exaggeration to say that 2018 looks to be Roy Kinsey’s year. The release of his brilliant new album Blackie: A Story by Roy Kinsey (roykinsey.com) is followed by attention from NPR and Billboard Magazine. And rightfully so. The gay Chicago-based rapper (and librarian) has crafted an album representative of the way that queer rap artists are evolving as their rapidly straight counterparts. Roy was kind enough to answer a few questions about the album and his career back in April. You first crossed my radar in 2013, when you were putting out your debut album. How would you say that your songwriting has progressed since then?
This time around, there was a lot more editing. I now look at it as me reviewing my life, and my work. When I would create in the same ways that I was used to in the past, I found myself growing increasingly frustrated. This is also the first sober album that I made. So, coming into that realization that I personally had to have a clearer mind to create in the ways that I wanted to was something I needed to learn. I am still learning how to set time aside to rehearse. As I’ve aged, there are changes in vitality, and energy, and responsibility. Life has informed my creations. It took a more disciplined me to create the blackie album. If I remember correctly, you were also scheduled to do a show with queer rap duo Yo Majesty at that time. Do you recall what that experience was like for you? It was so long ago, but to be able to share the stage with black queer hip-hop legends was great.
As a queer male voice in hip-hop, what can you tell me about your personal musical influences? I can say that every influence that I have had, as everyone in hip-hop, has delivered a detailed account about how life was where they grew up. You learned about their neighborhood, what worried them, and how those things shaped their lives and who they are. I wanted to take that model and superimpose it on my work. Specifically, in this political climate, where black men are killed by the police, and nobody has to be accountable for it, which is not new, I was influenced by Kendrick Lamar, using his artistry and creativity to bring light to violence in his community, and his country. Interview con’td on pg.10
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STORY TIME:
A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo
SATURDAY, JUNE 23 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM
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Would you say that calling your new album, blackie: a story by roy kinsey, a “story” is a bit of a nod to your day job as a librarian, where you are surrounded by stories in books? Absolutely, it is. I’m glad you caught that. It’s also the fact that I wanted to tell the story of black folks in America from the time of my grandmother’s birth to the present. The album highlights the Great Migration, which is how my, and millions of other black folks got to the north from the south. Not feeling at home in their own homes, being pushed out of the south after slavery and sharecropping, escaping lynchings and discrimination, the place they had known was uninhabitable. I was influenced to create this art, to tell my grandmother’s story after she passed away in 2016. When I began researching her life and times, I began researching my own.
What did it mean to you have the song “Mississippi Mud” chosen as one of Heavy Rotation’s “10 Songs Public Radio Can’t Stop Playing” in March 2018? It meant a lot. I get much support from public radio in Chicago; to be recognized by NPR was just fantastic. My music is played daily on public radio and that feels so good.
Speaking of “Mississippi Mud”, Mississippi is a presence throughout the album. Please say something about the role of Mississippi in your daily life and your creative life. Well, my grandmother and mother were born in Mississippi. Black folks left Mississippi to come to places like Chicago, New York, and California. Chicago is a blues city, and that sound and those stories shaped the feeling here. The sadness, depression, trauma in the souls and sounds of my ancestors has had a big influence on me as a person; in ways that I see, and new ways that I learn. Those are just a few.
Earlier I mentioned influences. Can you please say something about the song “Jungle Book”’s reference to the Grandmaster Flash song “The Message”? The song begs the question, “What do you do to keep from going under?” Not to sound cliché, but hip-hop saved me. I can’t imagine what I would do if I watched black folks being killed in America, as they are, and didn’t have a way to release that anger and that energy. It’s saddening and maddening. Chuck D called hip-hop, the Black man’s CNN, since many of our stories are not told by corporate media. We created hip-hop to acknowledge our ancestors and to tell the stories that we know that people like to forget. So, it’s an homage to hip-hop mixed with the latest black stories that are inaccurately told on the news.
Please say something about the James Baldwin samples in the songs “Great Aggin” and “For Colored Boys”. Without my voice, I felt that none of these stories were being told as I could tell them. James Baldwin also had a way of cutting through to the heart of a situation, without all the bullshit and superfluous details that we tend to receive on a daily. When I talk about these issues, I talk about them and the dignity that God gave every human. The thoughts that James delivered, that I chose for this album, show how things have not changed from the time he said these quotes. And one must wonder, how two black queens
10: June 15, 2018
from different lifetimes and time periods are saying the same thing. These messages are the same. Where you question what your role and future is in a country that you have given so much to. The contributions to American culture. It’s overlooked. James says this. I say this.
“MRMR” contains a couple of samples, the first being from the movie Willie Dynamite. Please tell me something about the inclusion of that. In my healing and my transformation, I wanted to highlight the importance of what he was saying. The importance of vision. It was also part of black stories that I wanted to add. The entire story is a trip through being a black American from negro spirituals to blues to jazz and rap, blaxploitation eras, and afrobeat. I wanted it to be audio genealogy.
Singer/actor/author, and former Harlette, Jenifer Lewis is also sampled in “MRMR”. Please say something about your connection to Jenifer. She represents a divine black feminine that is able to discipline and love you and be funny at the same time. She reminds me of my mother and grandmother. I learned that message and wanted to show that it was a key in my development.
What’s involved in your selection process of music samples? My producer actually chooses many of the beats and sends them to me; or plays them in a session. It just has to feel right. If my mouth and body start moving to the beat, that’s how I know that’s the one.
During April 2018, you did some live dates at Chicago Public Libraries. April also happens to be National Poetry Month. Have any of your lyrics made their way into any literary journals? I never thought about submitting to any publication. I would like to put them into a book of my own at the end of the year, though. Ablackie book of some writings and lyrics. Mainly lyrics.
The music video for your song “BSAYF” is incorporated in Aymar Jean Christian’s Hair Show. How did that come to pass? They -- Aymar, Wallace and Saya -- created a show, and the story I wrote for the video fit perfectly. Through conversations between Wallace and Aymar, and all of us, we were able to collaborate and link our visions in a video directed by Aceb00’bap and produced by Aymar and Futurehood..
Do you have plans for additional videos for songs from blackie? I have plans to make videos for the story that is blackie. I’ve been talking with Aymar about getting back to work.
Finally, would you say that homophobia is on its way out when it comes to hip-hop? I’m not sure. Homophobia would have to be on its way out in America first. When people are discriminated against at their jobs, through government, and healthcare systems, those are things you can’t take. People can make music and tell their own stories. That’s what hip-hop is. When homophobia is affecting people’s access to humanity and their livelihood, there’s a bigger issue there.
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EVENTS THIS
June 15-17 Peach Party Atlanta Three days with circuit parties all over Atlanta that will bring international DJ talent to town and have us dancing all weekend long. Tickets at universe.com.
MORE INFORMATION:
Heretic, Midtown Tavern, XION, and District
Saturday, June 16, 7 pm Evening for Equality 2018 Join Georgia Equality for their 14th Annual Evening for Equality. The dinner reception celebrates past achievements and honors outstanding community individuals and leaders who will be the evening’s Equality Awards recipients. More at georgiaequality.org.
MORE INFORMATION:
Intercontinental Hotel Buckhead
Saturday June 16 11th Annual Wacky Hat Party For the Kid In All Of Us asks you to don your craziest hat and finest outfit for a night of fun and fundraising. Party and give back in style! More info at forthekid.org.
MORE INFORMATION: Piedmont Park Visitors Center
12: June 15, 2018
Office: 678.298.1600 cell: 706.761.2578
JUNE June 24, 1-6 pm DRENCH Pool Party GAGA and #IAmMidtown present Drench (rescheduled from May 20th) – The pool party with a purpose. Drinks specials and DJ sets by Neon the GlowGoBear and Ron Pullman – become a GAGA member and get free access at gagapac.com.
MORE INFORMATION:
W Hotel Downtown
June 23 at 10 am Drag Queen Story Time Join HRC Atlanta, For the Kid in All of Us, PFLAG Atlanta, and Edie Cheezburger for a delightful and fun reading of “A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo” – the book that satirizes our current VP. Tickets at hrcatlanta.com.
featured event
MORE INFORMATION:
Out Front Theatre Company
Wednesday, June 20 Atlanta Pride Presents Wanda Sykes and Tig Notaro
June 20-24 Southern Fried Queer Pride 2018 The 2018 Southern Fried Queer Pride Festival is here with a whole menu of appetizing events, and five days of deep-fried, heavily battered queer art, music, workshops, films, and community!.
As part of the Atlanta Pride’s annual Stonewall Celebrations, Wanda Sykes and Tig Notaro perform at the Fox with their stand-up shows. Tickets at foxtheatre.org.
MORE INFORMATION: The Fox Theatre
MORE INFORMATION: The Bakery Atlanta
13
What is BIKTARVY®? BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS.
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION What is the most important information I should know about BIKTARVY? BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects: � Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. If you have both HIV-1 and HBV and stop taking BIKTARVY, your HBV may suddenly get worse. Do not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to monitor your health.
Who should not take BIKTARVY? Do not take BIKTARVY if you take: � dofetilide � rifampin � any other medicines to treat HIV-1
What are the other possible side effects of BIKTARVY? Serious side effects of BIKTARVY may also include: � Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking BIKTARVY. � Kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys. If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking BIKTARVY. � Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death.
Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat. � Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain. The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (5%), and headache (5%). Tell your healthcare provider if you have any side effects that bother you or don’t go away.
What should I tell my healthcare provider before taking BIKTARVY? � All your health problems. Be sure to tell your healthcare provider if you have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis virus infection. � All the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements. BIKTARVY and other medicines may affect each other. Keep a list of all your medicines and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist, and ask if it is safe to take BIKTARVY with all of your other medicines. � If you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if BIKTARVY can harm your unborn baby. Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking BIKTARVY. � If you are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed. HIV-1 can be passed to the baby in breast milk. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Ask your healthcare provider if BIKTARVY is right for you.
Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including important warnings, on the following page.
Get HIV support by downloading a free app at MyDailyCharge.com
KEEP EMPOWERING. Because HIV doesn’t change who you are. BIKTARVY is a 1-pill, once-a-day complete HIV-1 treatment for adults who are either new to treatment or whose healthcare provider determines they can replace their current HIV-1 medicines with BIKTARVY.
BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS.
BIKTARVY.COM
IMPORTANT FACTS
This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY® and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and your treatment.
(bik-TAR-vee) MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including: • Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. If you have both HIV-1 and HBV, your HBV may suddenly get worse if you stop taking BIKTARVY. Do not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to check your health regularly for several months.
ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS. Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains: • dofetilide • rifampin • any other medicines to treat HIV-1
BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY Tell your healthcare provider all your medical conditions, including if you: • Have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis infection. • Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. • Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed if you have HIV-1 because of the risk of passing HIV-1 to your baby. Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take: • Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-thecounter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist. • Ask your healthcare provider or pharmacist about medicines that interact with BIKTARVY.
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF BIKTARVY BIKTARVY can cause serious side effects, including: • Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section. • Changes in your immune system. • New or worse kidney problems, including kidney failure. • Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat. • Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain. • The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (5%), and headache (5%). These are not all the possible side effects of BIKTARVY. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any new symptoms while taking BIKTARVY. Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with BIKTARVY.
HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.
GET MORE INFORMATION • This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more. • Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5. • If you need help paying for your medicine, visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.
BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, DAILY CHARGE, the DAILY CHARGE Logo, LOVE WHAT’S INSIDE, GILEAD, and the GILEAD Logo are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. Version date: February 2018 © 2018 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. GILC0396 04/18
Fighting Serophobia in Atlanta By Tyler Scruggs
The other day a friend of mine, freshly out of the closet and in their early thirties, told me that coming out later in life felt like going back to college. Many, especially today’s youth, are transitioning more or less straight from high school (no pun intended) and flourish into their beautiful, young queer selves with little pushback from the people around them. They’re accepted. They’re free to explore, experiment, and find their true selves in college. At that point, the queer experience is congruent with adolescence. Sex, love, and relationships are meant to be explored at this time, but that’s a privilege taken far too often from our LGBTQ brothers and sisters unable to come out. However, as new as this phenomenon is - being openly accepted for who you are in the mainstream many older queer-identifying people are simultaneously taking their first steps into this new brave, gay world with the college kids, and it can feel intimidatingly like going back to school to get your degree. There’s history, science, philosophy, religion, English, a whole world of subjects meant to better inform you as a man who has sex with men, and the societal implications that come with that. All the while, no one is teaching these courses or introducing these ideas to you except for other members in the community. Learning about Pride and the civil rights battle that’s got us to where we are is vital to our experience. Understanding and empathizing with others who weren’t afforded the same social privileges as others. Reading new texts like The Velvet Rage or The Ethical Slut help us to understand ourselves and our experience better because it wasn’t until
quite recently that we stopped feeling lonely and it was revealed that there are millions just like us. There are millions of people, of various ages and backgrounds, opening their eyes for the first time to new realities they had never considered before. This is important to keep in mind when interacting with each other, gay men especially, because not quite understanding RuPaul’s Drag Race or being flabbergasted by the mass appeal of Britney Spears will continue to rise as more and more individuals identify as queer or gay. The stereotypes will muddy and being gay will be as intense of a personal character trait as any other preference or trait. It doesn’t determine who you are, or what you’re interested in; it’s merely a facet of the self that you have in common with millions of strangers. Which brings me to my main subject; serophobia, the fear of or aversion to those living with HIV, and how it affects not only those living with HIV, but those who simply don’t know the science behind how it’s transmitted, why it’s transmitted so rapidly in Atlanta, and what we can do to reduce and eventually eradicate the epidemic. All of our experiences are different, but this is something that affects everyone, and to go misinformed or miseducated on the subject not only hurts the cause but can be dangerous as well. Let’s look at some facts. The good news is that generally speaking, HIV diagnoses are on the decline, down 18% from 2008 to 2014. Unfortunately, it’s no secret that Georgia and Atlanta specifically, has one of the highest HIV rates in the world. More than half of new cases in the US in 2016 were from southern states. In Georgia specifically, 31.8 cases are found per 100,000 people. One thing that should be stressed is patience. You may be well versed on PrEP, PEP, and the latest in HIV testing and diagnosing, but that means nothing if you’re a jerk to people who don’t. Yes, HIV is still an epidemic in Atlanta, but so is serophobia and misinformation. Just like the fight for equality and acceptance that will result in our expressive individuality, taking on health and education is vital to our survival.
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Celebrating Across Europe International Pride Lineup By Mikkel Hyldebrandt
June Barcelona Pride June 23-30 The festival takes over the city with parties and programs all over the city with offerings for just about everyone. The festival concludes with a spectacular parade on Saturday, June 30, and major circuit parties all weekend long. Check out pridebarcelona.org for more info. London Pride June 9 – July 7 Pride is celebrated for almost a month in London and includes special exhibitions, performances, a film festival, and many, many more events. The festival concludes with a massive parade on July 7 through the streets of London and a slew of pride parties and events that same weekend. Check out prideinlondon. org for more info. Madrid Pride June 28 - July 08 Madrid hosted the world pride last year, so if any city knows how to throw a pride in style, it’s Madrid. This year’s pride will also take over the streets of the city with outdoor concerts, parties, expositions, culture, and sports events. The colorful parade will take place on July 7, and the massive closing party will conclude the pride on July 8. Check out madridorgullo.com for more.
18: June 15, 2018
LGBTQ rights are a part of the global landscape, and pride celebrations happen all over the world. If you start now and plan it right, your European pride circuit will take you to some of the major celebrations on the continent.
Paris Pride June 25-30 The pride week celebrates pride in Paris with arts, culture, and plenty of circuit parties and balls across the gay district, Marais. The absolute highlight of the week is the incredible Pride parade which goes through Paris and ends up at the Place de la Republique where the around 700,000 participants have an epic after party. See gaypride.fr for more. Oslo Pride June 27-30 This short and sweet pride celebration opens a Pride Park in the middle of Oslo where you can celebrate gay culture in a safe environment. The parade is June 30 and will celebrate diversity and solidarity in the streets of Norway’s capital. See more at oslopride.no.
July WE Pride Festival in Madrid July 4-8 Although not an official pride celebration but rather an electronic music festival, WE also celebrates diversity and attracts dance-happy gay people from all over the world. Check out lineup and ticket information at wepridefestival.com. Berlin Pride Christopher Street Day Pride July 27-29 Berlin is known for its great parties, and the pride is no different with amazing, hot, and kinky parties all over the city. The absolute highlight is the impressive pa-
rade that will travel down Strasse des 17. Juni to Brandenburger Gate. After the parade there will also be a street party – check out csd-berlin.de for more. Amsterdam Pride July 28- August 5
this the one Pride you shouldn’t miss. Check out copenhagenpride.dk for more. Mykonos Pride August 22-29 The Greek and gay destination, Mykonos, throws a fun and party-filled pride week and festival with lots of circuit and beach parties. See more at xlsiorfestival.com.
The main events – street and circuit parties – take place August 3-5, but the major event is the Canal Parade which is the pride parade on actual floats in the canals of Amsterdam. Absolutely spectacular! Check out how you can experience the celebrations at amsterdamgaypride.nl.
September
Stockholm Pride July 27- Aug 5
Berlin Folsom Europe September 5-9
Ever since Stockholm hosted EuroPride in 1998, the city has put on one of the biggest Northern-European prides – and even hosted another EuroPride in 2008. Stockholm is set to host EuroPride 2018 in collaboration with Gothenburg. All activities pretty much extend from the Pride Park in the heart of Stockholm, and the parade takes place August 4. Check out stockholmpride.org and europride2018.com for more.
This festival is a lot of fun if you are into BDSM and kink, and you are ready to expand your sexual horizon.– see more at folsomeurope.info.
August Reykjavik Pride August 7-12 This is a beautiful way to experience Iceland with a nice sprinkle of pride to compliment the spectacular nature. More info at hinsegindagar.is. Copenhagen Pride August 13-19 Copenhagen Pride has grown to be the biggest Scandinavian pride celebration. The city square is the focal point of the celebration, which will be transformed into Pride Square for the week. Arts, culture, and numerous circuit and street parties parties along with a huge parade through the city all makes
October Magical Pride at Disney October 11-14 To close out the pride season in Europe, Disney in Paris offers three days of pride-sprinkled celebrations that welcome the LGBTQ community from all over the world. A dedicated pride team and special events will make sure that this is the place where your dreams come true. See magicalpride.com for more.
What You Need To Know About Celebrating Gay Pride In June of 1969, a group of LGBTQ people in New York City rioted following a police raid of the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar located in Greenwich Village. The riots marked a turning point for the LGBTQ community and are heralded as the series of events leading to the modern gay rights movement. The following year in June the Stonewall Riots were marked by organized demonstrations in New York City, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, and as time progressed additional cities in North America and Europe began to host their own pride celebrations, which is what we today as pride marches, parties, and festivals.
19
OUT & ABOUT
PHOTOS
DOGGIES ON THE CATWALK RAISING FUNDS FOR CANINE ASSISTANTS PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
20: June 15, 2018
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BOOK REVIEW
I
t’s official: you now belong.
Being a member of a certain club was something you’ve wanted since you knew of its existence. Joining was a dream come true and now you’re a part of the group but, as in the new memoir “Given Up for You” by Erin O. White, what part of yourself did you relinquish to join? Missing the last train back to her home was no problem. Actually, Erin White was glad for it. She was anticipating what could happen next.
> “Given Up for You: A Memoir of Love, Belonging, and Belief”
Although it’s already pretty short, “Given Up for You” could have been shorter. Maybe that’s because it’s too much: author Erin O. White offers a three-pronged memoir of love, faith, and motherhood, and that’s a lot to pack into such a small space. And yet – what could be eliminated? Since each prong is dependant on the others – probably, alas, nothing.
What would she tell her therapist? She “knew he would disapprove” – and he did, but they rarely discussed White’s relationship. Mostly, they “talked about God.”
Still, while readers may struggle with overabundance of story, there’s a lot to come away with. White’s search for faith is universal and easily understood; although she might have explored homophobia a bit more, the subject of gay Christians and her experiences are presented in a way that’s calm and thoughtful.
It was difficult to explain, she says. She was a lesbian, but she wasn’t; in fact, there were times when “lesbian” just felt wrong. As for God, she needed to know Him better. White wanted “to love a woman yet avail myself of the opportunities… of straight culture; to break the rules of the church but still feel myself beloved by it.”
By: Always Overbooked... Terri Schlichenmeyer The Bookworm Sez, LLC bookwormsez@gmail.com
22: June 15, 2018
Two kids, fights, triumphs, and a strong marriage later, she sees things in a different light. Church is comfort now. It’s home. But to get to that point, it took the courage to say “I loved that crazy Church, I loved those wild ideas about God, and I gave them up because I also wanted you.”
She’d never slept with a woman, had never even considered it but, on that night she met Chris at a dinner party, it was all she could think of. It was odd but thrilling, so by the time Chris told their hostess that White could stay at her apartment that night, White was “already in love.”
For some time, White had been exploring that which her soul seemed to crave and, at her therapist’s urging, she read the Gospels and was “stunned” by the words. She cautiously attended Catholic services and began learning more about God and religion; eventually, she broke up with Chris, who’d been raised in the Church and avoided it as an adult, but White couldn’t stay away. > CREDIT | Author: Erin O. White
But since nobody can have everything both ways, she made her choice.
Enter into this book knowing that it’s sometimes slow. Beware that it’s a bit long. Read it with a perfectly happy willingness to (gasp!) skip paragraphs and “Given Up for You” may belong on your bookshelf.
Artwork by: Rob Clarke
Ask Daddy
What is this? I wanted to create a way to discuss topics that some curious people might not have an audience to ask. Sex is personal; sex isn’t always about a making a deep connection, it isn’t always about the other person, it isn’t about the toys or the equipment. Everyone has a different “in” to their sex – a different path to the heart of their passion. Successful kink happens when you understand how someone connects to their sex, and you engage accordingly.
Daddy, I’m interested in kink, but my boyfriend isn’t. Any ideas on how to bridge that divide? That’s never an easy one. You should start small and specific. If you have a particular fetish you want to explore some, talk to your partner about it. Tell him what you enjoy about it and how it makes you feel. Tell them how they can play in to it and be a part of it. If you are comfortable with it, share some pics or videos of what you like. Even tiny hints of it gets you moving in the right direction – leaving out clothes you want them to wear, or simply saying “Yes, Sir” to help the momentum. Start slowly… for instance, if you want to explore piss… try showering together. In the end, you may need to work on your intimacy and trust, and time is the only solution for that.
term one – without growing and changing with it. A breakup is hard. If I can offer six pieces of advice, it would be these: 1. Set rules of engagement: when and how you are going to talk. You may need to not communicate for a bit. Then, when you have some perspective, you will have a better understanding of why you want to engage again. 2. Give yourself some time. It’s gonna suck. But it will get better, but then it will suck again… it will go on like that for a bit, but eventually, it will get “more” better and “less” worse. Like trust, it just takes time. 3. Don’t play it out on social media. You’re Social Media’ing wrong. Your friends already know, and you are probably doing more damage than healing. You may want to Defriend your previous partner for a while… it isn’t about trying to shut them out, it is for your own health. 4. Change your passwords. All of them: Netflix, bank, Facebook, work. This one may seem silly, but it does two things… protects your privacy, and is the first step in getting started with your “new reality.” 5. Make it a clean break. Do it at precisely as you can. 6. Don’t cloister yourself away. Reach out to your friends and force yourself to be social.
Daddy says: Just breathe. Get through this moment, this hour, this day, and before you know it, you are getting better.
I have been using some of the “dating” apps and they aren’t working… any advice there, Daddy? As with resumes, people are looking for a “no.” Take a look at your profile. Does it accurately reflect who you are and what you want? If privacy is important to you, and no pics, then find images that you do like and share those on there. When I see stuff like Masc4masc, it feels toxic – that’s just my opinion and comes off as an immediate judgement. That’s a bigger discussion, but do you have language in there that is incendiary or even tacitly bigoted? Stay away from that. Also, take a moment to look at the door to your room… is anyone knocking? No? Then maybe it’s time you start doing the knocking. Find profiles you like with interests that match yours and reach out. If anything, they can point you in the right direction.
Daddy says: Actually, Emily Dickenson said it best, “The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.”
Daddy says: No need to jump in the deep end… wade
Daddy’s Final thought
Daddy, my relationship just ended. I think it’s over. What should I do?
It’s summer in Atlanta and it’s a FANTASTIC place to be in with everything going on from hikes to nightly dance parties to Sunday Funday. Get out there. Meet some new people. Say, “hello.” Be bold, boy.
out slowly. You may discover new common ground.
First, it’s going to be okay. Relationships do that… they, like us, grow and change. Sometimes relationships are just there for the purpose to teach us something. The problem comes when you try to make a short-term relationship a long
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So, do you have a question you want to ask Daddy? Email your questions to questionfordaddy@gmail.com.
PHOTOSHOOT
A touch that lingers A feeling that lasts An impression that is tangible even after they left The imprint is on you You have been invisibly touched Photography: Henry Wu @hello.henry Models: Evan Patz @evanpatz
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OUT & ABOUT
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PHOTOS
SUNDAY SERVICE WITH BRIAN ROJAS PHOTOS BY: MH
ATLANTA PRIDE’S
STONEWALL CELEBRATIONS Wanda Sykes
Tig Notaro
WEDNESDAY JUNE 20
Comedy Night
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PHOTOS
EXTRA INNINGS STOPLIGHT BEACH PARTY PHOTOS BY: SHER PRUITT
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GEORGIA EQUALITY’S 14TH
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PHOTOS
CHRIS 180 WHITE PARTY PHOTOS BY: MH
Hey Girl Hey! Holler Poodles! Surprisingly, Selma hadn’t had enough fun yet so we headed over to the Hurl ‘N Whirl which is like the Spindletop (the ride that spins you around while the floor drops down). I could only think that a tragedy was about to occur but Selma said it would be fine. As we got into the cylindrical space and lined up against the wall, we both pulled our tube tops tight and mini skirts tighter. Selma was on my right and an older gentleman and his wife were on my left followed by what looked like a gaggle of their grandchildren. Selma and I looked at each other hoping everything would turn out ok. With a sudden jolt, the ride started slowly spinning to the left and increased speed. It was then I realized this was not going to end well. Now just in case you aren’t familiar with the concept of centrifugal force, it’s basically when things speed up to the point everything is pinned against the outer wall of whatever is spinning. (I should write a drag queen technical manual). So while my legs and hands are pinned against the wall and can’t be moved, all of a sudden, in tandem, my boobs, Selma’s teeth and the old man’s teeth next to me start to wiggle out of their confines and into broad daylight. As if someone had choreographed a dance, the teeth, my boobs and the other teeth start a conga line whilst we were all spinning helplessly and horrified at the display. Then, with another jolt, the floor falls from under us and the barrel tilts on its side. Selma and I both looked at each other in horror as we realized the centrifugal force was pulling our mini skirts down exposing our hairy mounds to the crowd. I was mostly horrified. This continued on for what felt like hours but must have been just a minute. The ride soon ended and so began Selma’s search for her teeth. Whilst I was attempting to cover up, I realized the old man next to me was gumming my nipple to which his wife said “Henry! How could you?” to which he replied “They were so low I thought they were yours!” Selma quickly grabbed my hand and rushed me off to tell me she had found a newer, nicer pair of dentures. Bless her heart!!! While our time at 3 Flags Over Here had come to an end, we could only look back fondly at our time together.
Mary Edith Pitts
Have questions for me, Poodles? If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at maryedith99@gmail.com and add me on twitter @maryedithpitts and Facebook. 38: June 15, 2018
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