a complicated mind 2 by lauren dubuque

a play about me by aidan allen

I’m left in the dirt with my scrapes and bruises as my only friends. Cuts of self doubt and loneliness dig deep into my skin to be seen as a constant reminder that I am playing a role, a fiction A giant play that has lasted for 16 years and I'm about ready to pull the curtain I feel as if I cannot feel but I’m forced to express my emotions so there can be “character development” but I wish I didn't have to feel because feeling would be accepting and I’m too god damn stubborn to accept so I continue to feel as if I cannot feel I’m playing a role in a play where I didn’t even look at the script and I have to improv every line that is thrown my way and i’m so incredibly good at it that no one can recognize the pure panic that I put behind every single word. I’m the only character in a play that I had no say over, decisions weren’t run by me to check if I was okay with them because I do not get to decide decisions I merely get to watch as the actions of the play where I am the only character casted unfold. I might as well be in the audience to a play about me but not in the VIP section because I did not receive an invitation I get the luxury of sitting in the back and laughing at the punchlines of my life with the other guests who had to pay to get in Anybody can be a critic and right now it looks as if everybody has decided to critique every breath I take, every movement I make Every little thing I do that I try to make my own so I don't have to feel like I'm stuck in a play with a script i didn’t write. I swear it feels as if I've been stuck in a giant play that has lasted 16 long years and it feels as if I'm about ready to pull the curtain.