dentist appointment by ann maree gammell

“Please make sure to numb my mouth.”

That’s all I could muster up as I trembled in the seat that was able to fold into an almost bed-like shape. I clenched my fists together. ‘Numb it so I feel nothing as you poke and prod. Make it so senseless that I can’t feel the pain that was already engraved in me, long before this dentist appointment.’ I thought, secretly adding onto the short colloquy we had.

The dentist nodded before leaving my view, almost blinding me with the glaring light that helped her see into the dark abyss that was my mouth. Inside, she would see a cave filled with the lies I gave you. She would view the enormous amount of deception I would relentlessly try to appease you with. Inside that cave there were mostly phrases that said ‘I’m fine’ or foretold how ‘exultant’ I was.

“Open wide, sweetie.” The dentist cooed as I was struggling to keep my mouth open. Then, with hesitation- I gulped and opened my mouth for the lady who was trying to cleanse my closet of plague, fibs and the desire to be loved by you. Instantly, she came back into view and placed a rubber block inside my mouth to keep it pried open. At this point, she could see all the decay. What our love once was, what it could have been, is now rotted in my gums.

“Be still, this’ll make sure the needle doesn’t hurt.” She said, her voice almost muffled behind the mask she wore. Nodding my head, I trusted this woman who I didn’t even know for thirty minutes. ‘This is batshit.’ was all I could think as she spread the pink syrup over the spot she would enter her needle. ‘How can I rely on her more than I can you?’

“Time for the needle. it’s okay to close your eyes, hun.” She mumbled as she stopped applying the only thing that could save me from any pain. Ambivalently, I closed my eyes. My stomach churned as I waited for what was described as ‘a small pinch that would only hurt for a couple of seconds.’ Once again, I started squeezing my fists. While waiting, I queried the possibility of this being more excruciating than our amity that wasn’t so cordial.

Almost when I least expected it, I felt the woman wrench the small needle into an area in my mouth. I wasn’t exactly sure where but I knew that all I could feel was an unpleasant pressure. A whimper reached past my lips as I fought back tears from leaving my bagged eyes. Almost as quickly as the needle found its way into my gums, it exited. I looked up at the woman before feeling my body lightly shake. My lips trembled and before I knew it, tears were sliding down my cheeks.

"You lied to me.” I whispered to the dentist. After trying so hard to win me over and make me believe that the short procedure would be painless, I was still greeted with something much worse than a squeeze at my gums. Peering up at the tiny woman who was supposed to help me, I could almost see the smirk plastered onto her shadowed face.

"Darling, you started it.” She whispered, taking a dental mirror and scaler to clean off anything attached to the web of lies that was attached to my teeth and the roof of my mouth. A wave of confusion hit as I tried to think of what the woman could have possibly meant.

Surprisingly, years later I admit I still don’t know what that woman was talking about. I pondered about it for months and even almost a whole year but eventually, I had forgotten about the whole experience. Just like I had forgotten about my unrequited love for him.