A Ted Lasso Christmas I
recently started watching Apple TV’s Ted Lasso and I don’t typically promote stuff, but I am a word person. I love how the characters sometimes create one-liners that require a bit of thought, however goofy. For instance, if you live in England and you get fired, you might put your footwear in the trunk of your car when you pack up your office. In other words, you got the boot so you put your boots in the boot. So… just for fun, here are some Christmas Lassos. When Santa Claus calls to see if you need more chips for your party, it’s a Kringle jingle for a Pringles mingle. On Christmas Eve, when you’re running around getting last-minute gifts and you get into an argument with your driver, it’s a swift gift Lyft rift. If your canine pet left a mess on the floor because he knocked over and drank your Christmas drink, you’ll be cleaning up a dog nog log. Realizing that trimming your cheerful robot with a green garland was a mistake is a jolly Wall-e holly folly. When you really want to spontaneously swat a person who doesn't like Christmas, you're making a Grinch flinch an inch in a pinch. Your friend in Georgia who enjoys orange soda and volunteering at the mall is an Atlanta Fanta Santa. When your cat is enjoying the scent of the perfume you spilled on her, the myrrh on her fur sure made her purr.
If your mom wants you to add more silver icicles to your holiday greenery you need tinselmo' the mistletoe. When the street market guide says you can buy decorations from the man in the booth with all the wind damage, they are in the gent’s bent Advent ornament tent. My brother, who agrees Die Hard is the best Christmas movie ever, and invites me to his house to drink his brewed beer while we watch the movie will throw me a homey foamy and show me Nakatomi. When the former President decided to go to a holiday singles party, it was Nixon fixin' to do some Vixen mixin'. Santa's wife was annoyed when the manicurist wouldn't affix her sharp fingernails until after Christmas, citing the Claus claws pause laws clause that she do nothing to scare children during the busy season. My friend was trying to flirt with the sales guy to get a discount on a BB-gun for her son but the insider Red Ryder provider denied her. When you are concerned for the safety of the kooky man who guards the Nativity scene in a national park, you are aware of the stranger manger Ranger danger. Yes, Belle knows your eyes are rolling but I really had fun doing them. Feel free to send your own Lassos to us and have a wonderful, blessed Christmas season!
A TOILET BRUSH CHRISTMAS Artificial Christmas trees first appeared in America during the late 19th century. These early trees did not resemble live pine trees; they were made of metal wires covered in dyed-green feathers. In the 1930s, the Addis Brush Company, an American toilet bowl brush manufacturer created the first brush artificial tree. This tree was actually manufactured using the same equipment as the company’s toilet brushes. The introduction of these trees increased the popularity of the artificial tree. (Patentplaques.com)
22
D E C E M B E R 2021 LIBER T Y HILL D IGES T
E
