The L-Plate Witch Witchy wanderings

Mind Your Mental Wellness

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Boundaries What do we mean by boundaries?

By Lisa Westgate

There are physical boundaries we can practice. For instance, making sure that you don't answer the phone after a certain hour of the day and letting it go to message bank. Or not accepting work calls on weekends. These are really important boundaries to implement, particularly if, like many of us, you're working from home. It's hard to get a physical distance between your workplace and your home space.

It’s also important to talk about the value of energetic boundaries. An understanding that it is crucial to have a clear definition of what is your responsibility, what originates from you energetically, and what belongs to somebody else. I came to this realisation like I do most things, the hard way.

My development of mental health concerns, including PTSD, was in part due to not having clear boundaries and not being clear on what was my stuff and what was other peoples’ stuff. Over a

period of about 10 years I collected, in my role as an Ambulance Paramedic, the grief and loss and pain of others in an effort to be empathetic in my role. This led me to develop mental health concerns and I became quite unwell. So when I give you this awareness, this insight is from personal experience of what not to do.

Energetic boundaries are particularly important if you do any sort of work or you are in a role that necessitates holding space, or any other transfer of energy between yourself and your clients. And potentially, vice versa. There is a concept called transference, which is essentially the transference of energy or feelings in a working relationship between the client and the practitioner of any sort.

There is an argument to be made that transference can be leveraged for therapeutic reasons. Once in that merged energetic space, great leaps forward can be made in the therapeutic journey. I personally would advise caution in playing in that space. You’ll need a clear understanding of a place that you can retreat to, which is very clearly on your side of that boundary, if and when the need arises.

Boundaries are a key component to self-care. Self-care is often touted as getting a massage on occasion or spending Friday night in the bathtub with a glass of wine. True boundaries and true self-care is much deeper than that and includes the ability to trust yourself to say “no”.

“No” as a complete sentence takes practise. To be able to say no to work, phone calls, commitments or even opportunities and invitations for growth can be very challenging when that mindset of lack rears its ugly head. If you're holding onto an idea that “I can't say no in case nobody ever asks me again” or “I can't say no because I might need this”, then that self-care option becomes almost impossible. For advanced-level self-care or “radical self-care”, one must embrace the idea of a mindset of abundance and appreciate that the universe has your back. There will be other opportunities, there will be other clients, there will be other phone calls. You will be rewarded energetically speaking for managing your time, for managing your valuable energy rather than giving it away to anyone that asks for some of it, born out of a concern of missing out. standpoint. It sees that you are determined to be the best version of you. And part of that is being clear on who you are for and who you are not for. Don't be afraid of setting those boundaries. Be open to saying ‘no’ and practising ‘no’ as a complete sentence.

If you return to society after a prolonged illness or perhaps return from a lovely quiet holiday, coming back into that world of appointments, zoom meetings and coffee catch ups can be very quickly overwhelming. If you have recently spent a lot of time on your own, in your own home or in a safe place, be measured in your return to greater society. Be measured in diving back into that energetic pool where everybody is pulling at you and needing a bit of your time.

It’s like the astronaut who returns from space and is set upon by paparazzi and interviewers. Each would like to speak to her. There are also family and friends who are keen to catch up. Suddenly, the quiet of space might appear very appealing. Be measured in your reintegration into society. Take your time, set appointments for three days a week rather than five. Be clear about those hours that you work during the week, and your unavailability on the weekends for work related topics. All of this will enable you to be a better you for yourself, for your family, and for those that you then choose to serve and work with on your terms.

You are precious. Your time and energy are precious. Stand in your power and be deliberate in who receives your unique gifts.