Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 by Daniel Gee

PRESENTING: THE NEXT DOCTOR

(The ONLY option that fills every fanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s criteria)

INSIDE: Thanks Matt Smith. 2013 Episode Reviews.

Cyberman No3: The Five Doctors. Who Holidays. Doctor Who Proms and Much More!

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14

The Modern Way This editorial has been through more revisions than a Stephenie Meyer novel eventually the editor (me) just got pissed off and left me to it. I was honestly struggling for something to write, what with nothing but the ordinary happening (the BBC imploding and fans being ripped off) and banging on about that again just wouldn’t make a decent read (or even a crap one). Then low and behold - we get a new Doctor! And still, I’ve got nothing new to say. Just substitute ‘Matt Smith’ (too young, too white, too ugly) with ‘Peter Capaldi’ (too old, too white, too ugly) and it’s exactly the same. What I am talking about? The very thing that makes up 99% of our ‘material’ – fan reactions. I don’t know how (and why) Doctor Who fans constantly tred the same ground, maybe it’s due to a new generation seeing their first Doctor go? Who knows, but me trying to come up with something new to try and persuade any fan who may stumble across this, to calm down, give it time, the production team (generally) know what they’re doing, is the writing equivalent to pissing on an electric fence. Plus nobody reads this anyway. So instead, I’m going to give my reaction to the casting – I’M ABSOLUTELY FU**ING (fudging) DELIGHTED. Is it because he’s old? Because he’s white? Because he’s not as good looking as me (okay, better looking)? NO! It’s because he’s the best actor for the role. Have a peep at his career and look through his work, he’s played everything. From shooting his kids to shooting oscarwinning shorts, from hilarious, laugh-outloud comedy to the most heart-breaking drama. All of it, utterly believable. Doesn’t Doctor Who strive to produce all of those things I’ve mentioned? Apart from shooting children. (Then again, watch The Twin Dilemma. You’ll change your mind) The fan reactions, despite their samey nature to the casting of Matt Smith (even the BRING DAVID TENNANT BAAAACK comments are still knocking about) seem to have militarised those fans who get

cheesed-off by such things and are rounding on their foes like the ravenous hyenas they are (that’s an apt description, if I say so myself - they’ve been LAUGHING their tits off at most of the comments). Is this what we have now? Is there yet another divide within Doctor Who fandom? Those that profess to love Doctor Who and will watch it no matter what, against those that love the idea of a character who runs about the universe, being all handsome and commercial and selling them product? It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Whatever happens, Doctor Who will change and carry on like it always does. If you profess to be a ‘Doctor Who fan’, or whatever you call yourself, and want to invest yourself in the programme, you must get used to it. That’s what keeps it fresh, rather than being a pint of milk that needs to be thrown out when it’s past its sell-by date. Many have pointed to some infamous videos on Youtube of fan ‘reactions’ to the casting of The Doctor, as an example of these types of ‘fans’ who they like to ridicule. There’s been many a revelling in the perceived ‘Death of the Fangirl’, due to many of their number claiming that they ‘won’t watch it again’. Those in that particular group always seem to be the same – angry young women. Before I continue, I think it’s important to remember that not all those who fit the description of a ‘Fangirl’ (long hair, jewellery, smell like flowers) have been throwing their teddy bears around in fits of anger due to Capaldi’s casting. In fact, I’ve heard from many who are just as delighted as me. It’s only a relative handful and I think it’s dangerous to go around labelling this ‘group’ of fans, because of the (online) actions of a few. Remember the reputation that male Doctor Who fans had? (‘nerds’ who live with their Mothers, keep their wee in a jar and hang around conventions smelling of BO) – it just isn’t true, is it? I’ve been a wearer of Brut for nearly 10 years, for example. Even most of that select few’s anger was limited to a week. Okay, 2

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 weeks. But for every violent teddy-thrower, there’s 10 more who are intelligent, polite and will nurse their teddy back to health if it picks up a niggle. Why am I even talking about ‘groups’ of fans? Aren’t we all ‘Doctor Who fans’ regardless of sex, age, race and shoe size? What does it matter anyway? Yes, we may lose one or two fickle youngsters along the way, but without trying to be patronising (BUT, I will anyway…) that’s what young people are like. They grow up and discover new interests, or get banged up in prison. Most of them will be back soon enough though (I’m THAT confident!) because Doctor Who has always adapted to the times and will always pick up new viewers along the way. Let’s face it though – Doctor Who, like the 4-5-6 in Capaldi’s Torchwood, does need its young fans (male AND female) to keep it going when we’ve all got bored and/or are dead. It’s been intriguing to learn in recent years how much people of today are so easily influenced by the media and it’s up to Doctor Who, perhaps one of the last television programmes that families of all ages can sit together, watch and enjoy, to try and educate, as was its remit 50 years ago. Imagine when (not, if) Series 8 hits its stride - so what if the actor looks old? He’s around a 1000 years old, or whatever and you know what? This guy is a great actor and I’m really enjoying the show, despite his age, wow, I really respect anyone over 50 because The Doctor is just as cool as *some little shit from High School Musical etc* I wonder if Mum will let me read that Fanzine? You see how it works? I’m not saying that casting Capaldi is an infiltration

by ‘Pensioners For Justice’, but perhaps, with their television idol not being your typical 20/30-something dashing hero, perhaps it might open their eyes to the real world? Not all ‘heroes’ are those young, good-looking, plastic inventions that television and films say they are, they’re everyday folk. For me, that’s what The Doctor should be - an everyday-looking ‘hero’, for everyone. That’s what Doctor Who has taught me and I hope that it continues to do that for every new viewer, young or old. I guarantee – 9 out of 10 of those that said ‘I won’t watch it again’ will be tuning in when Capaldi takes over and will be just as enamoured as ever. It’s a real positive move and I’ll say it once again – I’m absolutely delighted that he’s been cast. We have a man with genuine proven quality and one with a great technical knowledge and a real love of Doctor Who. He’ll be great. I just hope he gets some decent scripts… Once again I’d like to thank you (and question your sanity) for buying/downloading this. It’s been a barren couple of months Doctor Who-wise, so I’m just delighted to be able to bring out a new Issue! If you’d like to help us out by contributing, please e-mail us at fishcustardfanzine@googlemail.com The deadline for the next Issue is the 1st December. Cheers, Danny.

This Issue of Fish Fingers and Custard is brought to you from the depths of despair and the heights of delight. At the same time. Editor: Daniel Gee Contributors: Mike Pearse, Emma Donovan, Jay McIntyre, Hamish Crawford, Kieron Moore, Thomas William Spychalski, Robin Burks, Steve James and Harry Sedgewick Doctor Who is ©BBC. The same BBC who have been keeping Ben Elton in work since the mid 1980’s.

FFAC116

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14

Goodbye Matt Smith

Editors Note: This article was written before Peter Capaldi’s casting as The Doctor. I have no links with the BBC. If I had, I would have whacked some money on him at the bookies (like a few ‘important fans’ did). I haven’t edited it for posterity. Plus I’m lazy.

I don’t think the word ‘shock’ is the right word to use to describe Matt Smith’s exit as The Doctor – we’ve been hearing rumours for the past year or so, maybe ‘surprise’ is the best way to describe it. At first I felt a bit sad, I must admit, but that was quickly forgotten in favour of gratitude to a young actor who gave his all in what is, the most demanding acting role in television. We’ll always have a soft spot for Matt here at the fanzine – in those early days, way, way back in 2010, he was The Doctor who was up against a tidal wave of disgraceful abuse from some fans, whom tended to judge him on looks, videos of filming and the fact that he wasn’t David Tennant. BEFORE they even saw one of his episodes. So naturally we (well most fans really, we won’t take credit that we don’t deserve) rallied behind him and the series, as it was those run of episodes that made us fall in love with Doctor Who all over

again and start this mag. And you know what? He didn’t turn out to be half-bad did he? Some moments of silly wackiness (which didn’t feel forced) were bookended by moments of subtle feelings. Not many tears, no big speeches, just an understated performance that left us in knots of emotions. I do hope that he bows out in rd the same way! With him being the 3 of the ‘modern-era Doctors’ – I do hope his exit is similar to John Pertwee’s, for me, due to the words mentioned above, the best regeneration scene there’s been. To be fair to Matt (though, it was obviously all our doing) what I like about this announcement is that he’s leaving us wanting more, he isn’t outstaying his welcome, leaving a show that became too self-indulgent with it’s current format (which is ironic, seeing as it’s the 50th year and being self-indulgent is very much the game!) I really enjoyed David Tennant’s performances and I know that

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 RTD is a fantastic writer and producer, but by the end it seemed that Doctor Who was getting tired, as they ran the same race over and over again, but with bigger stakes at the end of each one, with the finish not living up to the start. A change was overdue and when Matt popped out of the TARDIS to say hello to little Amelia, we knew that we were in safe hands – Doctor Who had regenerated. What I enjoyed about Matt’s time as The Doctor was the sense that he was totally unflappable and seemed to take the weight of the show in his stride. It’s no mean feat for an actor who had only first appeared on television 4 years previously. He’s very much a student of film and I reckon these people are the best to have as actors, as they go through a script with an understanding of how a scene technically works and how it can be done better. It might just get an extra 5% of performance out of him – and there’s no denying that, not just the sheer effort, but the quality of Matt’s performance as The Doctor was great. Just watch Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone for evidence of that – it was the first thing he ever filmed on Doctor Who and for some people – it’s his best episode! Thoughts turn to the next Doctor and all the usual names are being mentioned. I’ve no idea who it should be and by now, we should have learnt that it’ll be someone without a massive profile. I’ll prefer an older gentleman (The Doctor is a man, just like River Song and Romana are females – just my personal view) I think at this point in the show’s narrative

we need someone with bags of experience so they can take Doctor Who in a different direction, a new direction. I’m not really a fan of The Doctor being a radical change from the previous one, just a subtle change. I think casting someone older will mean that it’s likely that he’ll stay in the role for a long period of time, they’ll see it as more of a careerdefining piece, whereas a younger actor sees it as a role to build up experience and as soon as it’s collected, they go off and do something else. I’ve no problem with that – Peter Davison did that, but I wouldn’t like it to happen every time. Making Doctor Who a finishing school for actors can only undermine the role of The Doctor and what it means it to be one. th

anniversary With it being the 50 (although with Who fans being Who fans – we’re bickering about that too. Do you celebrate a 50th year before or after it’s birthday?) everything is getting incredibly exciting and this news should add to that. It isn’t a time to be sad, there are more important things to be sad about, it’s a time to say thanks and to look forward to the future. Doctor Who has never been in better shape and a new Doctor will only ramp up interest even more. The show is regenerating again and maybe it’ll give the current writing team another kick to try something different. Change. It’s what Doctor Who is about. Thanks Matt, good luck in the future. Or the past.  DANIEL GEE (@danieljgee)

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Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14

Why Matt Smith Is MY Doctor

April 3rd 2010 is a day I cherish, for two reasons. One, it marked two weeks since my release from hospital after my appendix (and then the ghost of my appendix) tried to kill me. Two, it’s the day I first met my Doctor. They say you never forget your first Doctor. Mine was Christopher Eccleston. I was 17 way back in 2005 when the series was brought back to life by Russell T Davies and I enjoyed that series very much indeed. I’d started watching it because I’d heard it was a national treasure in the UK, and I am so very glad that I did: the show captivated me like none before or since. I loved every second of it (apart from the Slitheen; anyone who says they’re a fan of them is a liar) and found myself very attached to Nine. So much so that I actually hated David Tennant (Barty Crouch Jnr, for God’s sake!) when he started and didn’t catch up on the new series till I found it on sale in HMV. Needless to say I was immediately hooked again; how could you fail to be? Tennant’s boundless energy and enthusiasm and considerable physical charms whisked me away on a joyful four year long adventure (with some notable exceptions: Love and Monsters, I will take every single opportunity to point out what a massive turd you are)

and when I found out he was leaving I wept and wailed and tore out my hair, did a bit more of that while being forced to sit through The End of Time and then a bit more when I realised they’d cast Jedward’s older brother in the role next. The one glimmer of hope at the end of the time vortex was that Steven Moffat, writer of such amazing episodes as Blink and The Empty Child, was going to be the showrunner. I still didn’t want to watch it – who could possibly fill Tennant’s Converse? Then I got very sick and nearly died and ended up living back at home with my family for a few months to recover, and found myself with nothing to do one Saturday evening (I was still too ill to go out drinking – yeah, it was THAT serious). I realised that Doctor Who was starting again. I sat down to watch. It’s very hard for me to describe what I went through while watching The Eleventh Hour. To call it an epiphany sounds like a load of pretentious wank but it’s probably the best word for it. Being on morphine and endless other painkillers for weeks meant that I’d had no real brain stimulation for quite some time, I’d had nothing to catch my imagination. The Eleventh Hour lit a fire in my head. The mystery of the cracks. The mystery of Amy. But most of all the young man who strode through a holographic image of his predecessors at the end of the episode and quietly, confidently proclaimed: “Hello. I’m the Doctor.” I believed him. In under an hour Matt Smith and his incarnation of the Doctor had come to mean more to me than the previous five years. He just got it. He was young and old and timeless and wise and silly and brave and scary and he fitted right into that TARDIS like a

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 glove. He was meant to be there. He embodied the role in a way I hadn’t thought an actor so young would be able to. You looked into his eyes and you saw 900 years of pain and suffering but also hope and a genuine belief in the inherent goodness of every living thing in the universe. I became obsessed with Doctor Who. I connected with it like nothing in this universe. I started a blog, exploring the mysteries of the season. I wrote fan fictions. I analysed each and every episode. I found Twitter, and became really active on it, discussing the series and sharing my theories with countless other fans. I met so many wonderful people that way: I used to look forward to Saturday evenings so much, simply for watching episodes of Doctor Who and then discussing it with people. I’ve never felt so accepted, so much among

my own people. That’s why I’m listing you – every interaction meant so much to me. You made me feel like I belonged. Eleven means so much to me. Eleven’s tenure is where I found myself, where I found people who enjoyed the same things as me, where I found people who enjoyed my writing. To me it means regaining my life, becoming happy with myself, making friends, becoming creative, being truly passionate about something. THIS is why I am so sad about Matt Smith leaving, and why I will always remember him as the Doctor. Thank you for reading, and sorry for the rambling!  EMMA DONOVAN (@flaysomewench)

A Letter To Matt Smith Matt, if you’re reading this… I just want to say you’re a brilliant, wonderful, talented, and quite sexy man. Your first series remains one of my favourite Who memories. You were so different, so alien, so playful yet with that very carefully judged dark and manipulative edge. You were so… The Doctor. And even though your next series was a mess, the one after that has had its ups and downs, and your hair wasn’t as good after 2010, you’ve continued to give stunning, funny and touching performances throughout. The Eleventh Doctor has been great. Except for the awkward misogyny and that bit where you killed David Bradley. But that’s just about cancelled out by the way you said “look at the detail on that cheese plant!” in The God Complex.

I’ll be very sad to see the Fall of the Eleventh. But change is what keeps the show going and change is something for us both to be excited about. Honestly, I’d prefer to see you and Steven Moffat leave the show together, so that we could bring in an entirely fresh new take on Doctor Who, a new take on the character rather than another Moffat Doctor – a whole new era, just like in 2010, in 2005, and, well, in 1963 (some of the show’s best years, in my humble opinion). But Steve’s sticking around. Despite my issues with his recent showrunning, I promise that, in the spirit of the Doctor, I’ll remain open-minded and optimistic about what the future may bring. And, of course, I’ll look forward to your two final adventures. Come along, Geronimo, bow ties have been cool, etc. Kieron xxx

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14

Why Peter Capaldi Is The Perfect Choice

Why’s 

Has had a long career playing many different characters: Need I say more? Okay then…



Is a director and has won an oscar: Possessing a technical knowledge will only enhance his approach to scenes and bring the best out of the scripts.

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Is a Doctor Who fan: This isn’t a perquisite, far from it, it’s just that his lifelong love of the programme may add that little bit extra to his characterisation. And he’s already prepared to deal with weird fans.



Could bring out the best in Moffat: When he took over as producer, Steven Moffat went on record as saying that he ‘wanted to cast an older Doctor, but Matt walked in. The rest is history.’ Moffat also had Capaldi in mind previously, but it ‘wasn’t the right time’. Now is the right time. Whatever your view on The Moff, I think it’s fair to say that IF he gets to write to what his idea of what a Doctor is (older, wiser, not as energetic) maybe the stories, that would need to fit around the new Doctor’s character, would be better?



May Stay On For Longer: It’ll be nice for someone to have a genuine crack at overhauling Tom Baker’s 7 years as The Doctor, as long as the scripts were good. I’m not saying Capaldi should do it, but staying on for longer gives him a better chance to really flesh out his Doctor, under as many different writers as possible. With him being older, he’s less likely to treat Doctor Who as a leg up for his career, it’s more of a career-defining piece for him, so it would make sense for him to want to stay on for as long as possible. Or maybe I’m completely wrong, but hope is all I’ve got!

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 Not’s 

Netmums getting their knickers in a twist over his role as Malcolm Tucker in The Thick of It, which may include the odd swearword: The key word to look for here is ‘actor’, that’s what his job is. I can understand if he used to be a porn (when Mummy’s and Daddies cuddle) actor but he isn’t he just played a role that just happened to have a few choice words in the script. Is it his fault that people on YouTube are making videos of him swearing? Of course, they have failed to notice that the Mum’s ‘favourite’, David Tennant, played a creepy stalker in Secret Smile, which aired barely weeks before The Christmas Invasion and sees him utter the line ‘I’ve come in that mouth’. Explain that one to your little angel. Or maybe Daddy can. How about, I don’t know if this is a radical concept but, why don’t you supervise your child on the internet? That way, they won’t come across any Peter Capaldi swears. Or David Tennant being creepy. Or any Captain Jack sex scenes in Torchwood. It’s acting. It’s about as real as your grip on reality.

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He’s been in Doctor Who AND Torchwood, where he MURDERED his family!!! A) Again, he’s an actor playing a role. A different role. B) Many people have played different roles in Doctor Who, most notably Colin Baker, Freema Agyeman and Karen Gillan. They’re actors. C) See the above. And let’s face it, they deserved shooting.



He’s Too Old: The Doctor is around 1000 years old. Peter Capaldi is 55. He’s actually too young to play The Doctor. He’s also the same age as William Hartnell when he took on the role. And let’s face it, with us living in modern times and all that – he looks younger than Hartnell and is much more physically fit.



He isn’t black/gay/a woman: Congratulations. Your eye sight works fine. As I’ve mentioned previously, the man is an actor and Steven Moffat thinks he’s the best for the role. In my view, whatever you are, be it gender, race or sexuality – it shouldn’t matter in castings like this. It’s right to have a debate about this subject but are you seriously suggesting Doctor Who should go out of its way to cast someone different for the sake of it? Do you not think that’s a bit hypocritical? You’re kind-of defeating the ‘equality’ point if the role isn’t open to everyone, including white males. The day will come when a nonwhite/gay/woman (or all 3) actor will be cast, and it’ll be the person that is A) Interested and B) The best for the role. Oh and for the record, Peter Calpadi is a Scottish actor of Italian ancestry. And is 55.

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 (To avoid arguments over what the latest series should be named):

Some Fans’ Views On That Run Of Episodes That Aired On Television For The First Time In Early 2013

Doctor Who and The Beast of Inconsistency I must admit that I was somewhat slightly underwhelmed by the consistency of the recent run of episodes. The highlights for me were Cold War, Hide, The Crimson Horror and The Name of The Doctor. I didn’t mind Rings of Atakten so much, but for me The Bells of Saint John wasn’t a great opener by any stretch. Although attempting to make the Cybermen more ‘scarier’ in Nightmare In Sliver, the episode didn’t really work and only achieved in making Cybermen the generic robots you see in every sci-fi show, rather than those disgusting halfhumanoid-half-robot monsters that they’re supposed to be. Why the series hasn’t gone back to do a ‘proper’ ‘origins of the Cyberman’ story, I’ve got no idea. It seems every single Cyberman story has been a letdown and offered nothing but throwaway stories and ideas that

won’t be used again. For me, Doctor Who should be trying to detach itself from being ‘fantasy’ - and the Cybermen were once the total opposite to that genre, but now they’ve become something that the show will dust off once in a while because creativity is lacking. Please, put them away for a couple of years before their ‘legacy’ (or what’s left of it) is nothing but a spot to pick (and laugh) at. Hide, what with its supernatural overtones, had all the potential to pierce the fantasy balloon and drench us all with its unwanted water, but it didn’t. Like all great Doctor Who stories, it toyed with us, led us into the bedroom, before explaining what is going on with cold, cool and calculated measure. Thankfully, we only invested our thoughts in the episode, rather than a £100 and a lift to the train station. With its small cast, great-looking sets and genuine creepiness that infiltrated the

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 story, Hide was the perfect vehicle to showcase Doctor Who. The shining light of the series for me has been Jenna-Louise Coleman’s Clara. I like how the whole saga of who she is has been wrapped up already, so we can move on with the story and not get bogged down with over-plotting that’ll only make any future stories all the more confusing. Sometimes I think that Moffat and Co write themselves into a difficult place and their exit from these corners always seems to be fishy. It’s like they’ve been locked in this fanzine (watch it! – Ed) I don’t understand why plots need to be as confusing as they are – I’m all in favour of a season of serial episodes. Wouldn’t a two-part story be better than individual 1-episode stories, where there is never enough time to flesh out a story?

presented with what we’ve got. I must sound I hated this series, but I don’t. If I hated it, I would be able to come up with a more coherent review – but the end result is what I believe Doctor Who to be these days – inconsistent. HOPEFULLY a new Doctor will give the show a kick up the backside, because all the good bits are there. Just not in any order.  STEVE JAMES Of Cybermen, Matt, and Moffat Nightmare in Silver seems to have seriously divided fandom. Count me as being on the “pro” side. The best story of this series (including the Karen and Arthur ‘half’, which surprised me; I didn’t think anything was going to beat Dinosaurs on a Spaceship), and maybe the best of Moffat’s tenure. Yes, it’s even better than Neil Gaiman’s previous effort; while The Doctor’s Wife was well put together and executed, it was based on an essentially bad idea, a talking TARDIS. It was a poor creative choice when the novels did it, and it’s no better now. Making proper Cybermen, on the other hand, is an excellent idea, and this story delivers on that front. The kids bothered me not at all, and as for the Cyber-planner being evilly emotional, that’s entirely in keeping with the 80s era Cybermen I know and love best. But of course, Matt is leaving, and I’m sad to see him go. I wanted him not just for one more season, but also to outlast Moffat entirely.

Inconsistency is the biggest criticism I can level at the show at the moment, even during the episodes you can see it. Nightmare in Sliver was a prime example of that – some creepy moments that were surrounded by some ridiculous set-pieces. It’s been disappointing to wait for months upon months and being

Because yes, it’s Moffat that needs to go. Not for an RTD reprise, no; thankfully that looks like something Davies wouldn’t want anyway. (Side note; the same goes for Tennant returning to the role permanently. His screaming legion don’t seem to understand how the show works). As I’ve said before, the problem with Moffat is that he’s too much like RTD. Better,

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 yes. But not by a wide enough margin. And now his ideas are growing stale; and refusing to have any Classic Series Doctors in the so called 50th Anniversary special is completely unacceptable. The cold comfort is that the Twelfth Doctor, whoever that is (don’t even get me started on Hurt’s non-Doctor; Hurt is a great actor, but this is a mistake and a poor use of him) will almost certainly outlast Moffat. I recently made the mistake of visiting a certain online forum that shall remain nameless, and I’ll say again here what I did there; whoever it is will be subject to the incessant whining of Tennant fans who will hate that actor for the simple crime of not being Tennant; I feel sorry for that person, whoever they are, already. (My 12th Doctor pick would be Dominic Monaghan, which means it won’t happen.) Before now, one of the reasons I hesitated to say Moffat must go is because I feared who would replace him; conceivably, we could get someone worse than RTD. We still might; but it’s clear that Moffat’s well has run dry. The time is now. Farewell Matt, I shall miss you; Moffat, you should follow him quickly. Series 8 should be Moff’s last, so that the Twelfth Doctor might have a fresh writer to work under.  JAY McINTYRE A Disentanglement of The Name of The Doctor It is difficult but necessary to disentangle The Name of the Doctor from the surrounding clutter of rumours, expectations, and ‘leaks’. Like many fans, I watched it in the unhealthy glow of Steven Moffat’s pre-transmission hype—you know, the bit where he mused that 2013 would be “the most

exciting time to be a Doctor Who fan” and so on. Also unwisely, I interpreted this comment—and Time Crash, and his effusive praise of The Five Doctors in 2011’s Doctor Who Magazine 433—as a hint that a similar reunion was coming in November. As we now know, only David Tennant will return (along with John Hurt) and in fact, we are losing Matt Smith.

The Name of the Doctor technically made good on the anniversary promise—its opening minutes were an orgy of archive footage (for some reason only going up to McCoy—extras conspicuously doubled for Colin, Eccleston and Tennant, while McGann was a split-second of running velvet). I’m not sure whether a DVD/Netflix-savvy audience really needs clip shows anymore, and I was distracted by its haphazard narrative explanation (to explain Clara’s temporally fractured existence) and the amateurish greenscreen effects (the hilarious fanproduced ‘Farmergeddon’ Five Doctors mash-up incorporates post-2005 clips and Basil Fawlty much more professionally—check it out on YouTube). But my dismay was more than technical, and I ultimately realized the answer lay with Laura Mulvey and her inspirational essay, “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema” (1975). In an argument that has shaped much of film theory and feminism, Mulvey argued

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 that mainstream cinema embodies the male gaze and that women are frequently portrayed as “objects of to-belooked-at-ness”. With The Name of the Doctor, Moffat treats the Doctor(s) the same way. While to the untrained eye, there may be quite a difference between William Hartnell clutching his lapels and, say, Ursula Andress emerging from Jamaican waters in Dr. No (1962), consider how the various clips are insulated from the surrounding story by Clara’s monologue. Only one past Doctor gets a proper, clearly-heard line—Hartnell’s “What are you doing here?” from An Unearthly Child. The fact that Colin et seq are doubled encapsulates the whole concept: the other ten Doctors really mean nothing more to the story than props. Clara—and by extension, the viewer—is required to do nothing more than stare at Troughton running, Baker striding, Davison floating, Pertwee driving. Nothing more is intended, no involvement demanded. And thus the clips are utterly devoid of poignancy or affect. The remainder of The Name of the Doctor’s script sets up at length the idea of the Doctor’s experiences forming a collective, tangible construct—both in the TARDIS that now acts as his gravestone, and the ball of light within, replaying Doctoral soundbites. The nearest this concept gets to thematic resonance is with the Richard E. Grantembodied Great Intelligence, whose machinations to undo the Doctor’s history theoretically motivate the story. I couldn’t avoid a nagging sense that much of the action is marking time between two whacking great narrative (and, fair warning, spoiler-filled) levers: the visit to the Doctor’s grave at Tenzelore, and Clara’s decision to jump into the Doctor’s past. It does so by nowoverplayed Moffat standards: attempts to place a call to the Doctor (this time a séance), a planet represented entirely in gloomy grey catacombs, dashing up and down from implacably advancing foes,

and sassy heroines exchanging stereotyped quips (with Clara, River Song, Madame Vastra and Jenny doing the bulk of the chores while the Doctor is pushed to the story’s periphery; if Amy had been around the story’s ‘sass meter’ might have gone critical). Was Moffat, in writing The Name of the Doctor, creating a paean to the ultimate emptiness of nostalgia? If so, he did it well. Previous anniversary team-ups have made a virtue of the actors’ fundamental differences: playing Pertwee and Troughton as a Laurel/Hardy comedy duo undoubtedly enriches The Three Doctors, while Davison meeting his simultaneously younger and older self (Richard Hurndall) in The Five Doctors is no less fascinating, and now has a poignant flipside in Tennant clasping Davison’s now-aged face in Time Crash. In a fanpleasing way, clips save the dull inevitability of pondering why the actors look older (explained in Time Crash!), but at what price? Simply having (not quite) all the previous actors on screen is a taxonomic butterfly mounting of different faces rather than a meaningful celebration of eleven actors’ unique contributions to the series. Worse, it’s crummy drama—a fan-since-2005 or 2010, who doesn’t recognize the former Doctors’ faces, is liable to find the replaying of the same few seconds repetitive and irrelevant; I know I did and they meant more to me. The ten previous performances, and their characters, are nowhere to be seen in this grim spectacle. And that, in my view, only diminishes the Doctor we currently have. It seems a sad meta-textual commentary that two locations theoretically overflowing with emotion and resonance—the Doctor’s grave and the Doctor’s mind—are utterly empty and desolate. Beyond the hype over the series’ 50th anniversary, there is a palpable need for stronger and more original stories, and

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 less mythological navel-gazing. The very title, The Name of the Doctor, could only ever set up a feeble anti-climax, and I was amused to read that many actually expected some revelation. Reading Moffat’s words about the 50th anniversary—that it must move the series forward and not be a “fanfest”—I fervently agree, but strongly wish that he would take his own advice. In amongst the encores of Daleks, Cybermen, Ice Warriors—and rehashes of Rose, The End of the World, Inside the Spaceship by way of the 1996 TV Movie, The Talons of Weng-Chiang by way of The Green Death, and others—this season has proved worryingly thin on new ideas and a confident future direction for Doctor Who. These are anniversary presents I, for one, would have far preferred to all the hollow spectacles of old faces and monsters.

Flash forward to Victorian England. A mass murderer has been captured, but he seems to know more about The Doctor’s nature than anyone else. Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax create a conference call and have a virtual meeting through space and time with Clara and post-library River Song (who still exists in the library’s database). They discover that The Doctor has to go to some place he’s not supposed to go – the planet where he is buried. Meanwhile, Jenny is killed (I freaked out) and Madame Vastra and Strax are captured by the Great Intelligence, who is obsessed about learning The Doctor’s real name.

 HAMISH CRAWFORD The Name of The Name of The Doctor So we have finally come to the end of The Doctor’s journey for this season of Doctor Who – an end that segues right into the 50th Anniversary Special that will air later this year. The journey so far has been mostly a wonderful one (with some minor missteps) that takes us into the very heart of The Doctor and his biggest secret. “The Name of The Doctor” begins with Clara seemingly floating in and out of The Doctor’s timeline. As she narrates and tells us that she was born to save The Doctor, we get to see all of the wonderful previous incarnations of The Doctor (save the 10th – did anyone catch that?). This is obviously an explanation of things to come in the episode, but it also gives us a good synopsis of the 50 years of the series that we have all grown to love. Who would want to steal a faulty TARDIS? Who… indeed?

Clara comes back to the present and tells The Doctor about what happened. As expected, The Doctor goes where he’s not supposed to in order to save his friends. Clara and The Doctor find his grave, inside the TARDIS. There, they face the Great Intelligence. It seems the only way to open the grave is by using The Doctor’s name, which explains why

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 the GI wants it so desperately. The Doctor refuses to say it, but as River Song knows it, her incorporeal being mutters the magic words and the doors to the grave open. Inside The Doctor’s tomb is the energy that comprises him and all of his timelines. The Great Intelligence jumps into it to destroy all of the good things The Doctor has accomplished. Everyone he has saved begins to die – including whole planets. Clara has begun to remember the events of Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS, and knows that it is her fate to save The Doctor by jumping into the time stream and getting splintered into The Doctor’s timeline. In the future, part of her becomes the Dalek in the asylum. In the past, part of her becomes Victorian Clara. Other parts of her scatter throughout the universe and become other versions of who she is.

point of season 7.5, and is definitely my favorite Matt Smith episode of all time. This particular story played on every emotion I have – I laughed (oh, Straxx, I adore you), I cried (Jenny!) and I cheered (Clara!). This was the story I had hoped for and serves as a very good teaser and prequel to the 50th Anniversary Special. Let’s start with the story. Moffat loves his overreaching storylines in Doctor Who. And usually, I’m not fond of them. But this time, he got it right. The story of Clara and why she keeps popping up did get a little bit tiring by “Nightmare In Steel,” but seeing where the writers were going with it and finally getting that answer felt good. It doesn’t feel convoluted like some of Moffat’s previous big storylines and the way Jenna-Louise Coleman plays the character just made it work. Also, we do not learn The Doctor’s name and for that I’m grateful. That is a secret I never want this show to tell us. I almost feel like if we were to learn The Doctor’s name, he would die.

At the end of this episode, a strange man in the shadows of The Doctor’s mind emerges. He is the one who broke the rule, according to the 11th incarnation. He is… John Hurt as The Doctor. End Scene. Whew – that was a lot, wasn’t it? To say this Doctor Who episode packed a huge punch in just an hour is the understatement of the century. And you know what? I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. This is the culmination, the high

Speaking of which, the idea of The Doctor having a grave somewhere in the future really made this episode dark. I can’t imagine a world without The Doctor, but like all things, he, too, must die. I’m excited that Moffat decided to actually go there with this story. It was ballsy, but paid off in the end. I got goosebumps seeing the large dead TARDIS (I also sniffled a little, I won’t lie) in the middle of this graveyard on this alien world. It was surreal and laid home the fact that no one is truly immortal, not even The Doctor. As always, I adore Jenna-Louise Coleman. She brings to life this character who is also a million other characters. Her pain is palpable as The Doctor lays in front of her suffering. Her insistence on saving him – the strength and courage she shows as she steps

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 into his timeline, is bloody brilliant. These scenes required some heavy acting and Coleman handled them as if they were a walk in the park. Matt Smith is a darned fine Doctor and is still climbing up to the top of my list as one of my favorites. When Clara tells him what’s happened with the “conference call,” the pain and tears in his eyes when he realizes he must go to his own grave was wonderful – I, too, caught myself weeping with him. And how about that final goodbye to River Song? OH!!! I’m getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. Smith felt like a combination of David Tennant and

Christopher Eccleston in this episode – in one moment, he’s extremely human and vulnerable. In the next, he’s an alien who is beyond anything we can ever comprehend. So what’s next? Well, we must live without Doctor Who for a little while – which makes seeing his final resting place all that much more painful. But don’t fret because the 50th Anniversary Special will be airing later this year. I, for one, can’t hardly wait!  ROBIN BURKS (http://www.fangirlconfessions.com)

Some 50th Anniversary Things Technically, the broadcast Anniversary of Doctor Who should start after November 23rd. It’s like celebrating the birth of a child before it’s even born. Many different companies are falling over each other for a licence to produce Doctor Who Merchandise. All of it, utter crap. More celebrities than ever will come out of the woodwork and proclaim themselves as Doctor Who ‘Geeks’, just to get their names/product out there, despite not being able to spell ‘Christopher Eccleston’ correctly. More Doctor Who fans than ever will find themselves in a relationship because of over excitement/boozing at a convention. More Doctor Who fans than ever will get divorced from their long-suffering partners because they have maxed out their credit cards on Doctor Who tat and ran their household into serious financial irregularities. Twitter will experience down time at some point during 23rd November Many Twitter and Facebook users will DEMAND for David Tennant to come back, despite him doing so in the special. The BBC will produce something embarrassing relating to the big day. Steven Moffat will be abused even if the episode is the greatest ever. Old timers will declare ‘An Adventure In Time and Space’ ‘the best thing ever’ and ‘it’s better than that crap (the anniversary episode)’ In 2014, tabloids will run their usual DOCTOR WHO RATINGS DOWN headline, despite them actually being on the rise and smashing iPlayer records. Again.

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Doctor Who Proms 2013

As a music fan, I’ve always seen gigs in places that have barely passed health and safety checks, not to mention the sound being rubbish and suffering the painful indignity of having your shoes stick to the floor. What a treat it was to attend The Doctor Who Proms and be treated to a comfy seat and the lack of something that the kids call a ‘mosh pit’. No, I’ve no idea what it is, I doubt they do either. No wonder they start fighting if they don’t know what it’s called. Oh and the music was okay too, but I’ll back to that. Eventually. We arrived in bright London sunshine, like the postcards they sell across the city in a last-ditch attempt to rip you off even further. The Royal Albert Hall is very impressive, huge and atmospheric. I can see why Adolf Hitler lost a testicle here. The hall, if you didn’t know, was named after Queen Victoria’s deceased husband, Prince Albert and formed part of the memorial gardens, which are now across a road and contain a statue to Albert. It’s another great example of Victorian construction, which can’t be

bettered even now. Look at Torchwood for example, Victorian times – a strong, slick, militarised outfit. Today’s times – a bumbling mess of explosions, innuendos and uneaten pizza from the shop above. Once we slipped inside him, to say the hall was ‘warm’ was an understatement. Sadly, like-minded individuals were thwarted in their battle to keep back the heat, and save some money, when the taps in the toilet only produced hot water, leaving the waiting mouths of our empty plastic bottles as dry as our own. Needless to say, it was the biggest disappointment of the entire evening. Unlike most music halls of the age, there was a surprising amount of leg room, despite us being on the front row of the circle. We had a great view of the stage, but to be honest, the hall is that well built, I presume every seat has a great view. Makes you wonder why people pay more to sit higher up, really. The fabled mosh pit took its place directly in front of the stage and for a fiver a ticket, it was good value. Perhaps standing up for a few hours in that heat must have

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 been a tad uncomfortable, so I’m glad we had the pre-booked tickets. Which being an official BBC event, didn’t cost that much either. As soon as we were admiring the architecture, the orchestra came on along with the conductor, Ben Foster, and he would go on to have a lively battle with a Dalek later on. As soon as they ambled on, they struck up A Mad Man With A Box and you were pushed into believing that you were in a Doctor Who episode, rather than a 200 year-old concert hall that was hotter than the sun. The orchestra were impressive and I genuinely thought that they were being backed up by a track, but no, they wasn’t! Madame Vastra and Strax had the lions share of the early hosting duties, but it was great to see Matt Smith, Jenna Coleman, Peter Davison and Carole Ann-Ford pop up and introduce various pieces.

Perhaps my favourite part of the night, was the ‘Classic Series Medley’ - a spritely Dudley Simpson was flown over for the event and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. My favourite piece from that were the bits from ‘City of Death’, apart from it being a great story, it also contains some of the best music from the series and the orchestra played it excellently. You felt like you were in that ‘running across Paris sequence’ yourself. Maybe punching a few random people like

Duggan does. The Radiophonic Workshop even had a cameo on the night and one thing I will say, was that there should have been more from them featured. Maybe that’s me being a tad greedy, but I think having different types of sound, accompanying the orchestra, would have given an extra impetuous to the music and added more to each song. It would have provided an even more classic series feel to the evening to add th to the 50 celebrations. I would have loved to have seen a Radiophonic ‘take’ on a new series piece, for example! I think it’s fair to say that the music from The Rings of Akhaten was the main standout in that episode, the song ‘Rest Now’ was performed by Allan Clayton and Kerry Ingram (who was fresh from learning Captain Zukov, from the episode Cold War, how to read in the latest series of Game of Thrones. Funny how these things link up!) the pair (along with backing) brought the song to life and I felt that uplifting feeling that perhaps the episode was trying to achieve. Shame about the giant pumpkin. It was a beautiful song and, for me, the standout of the most recent compositions by series composer, Murray Gold. Another intriguing fact (well for me anyway) was that the original ‘Queen of Years’ from the episode was played by Emilia Jones – the daughter of the original-child-tenorprodigy, Aled Jones. That’s Aled Jones, who involved himself with a creepy Snowman in his youth. Was it an inside joke, coincidence or am I reading too much into it and I’m going mad? (The latter – Ed) The mosh pit behaved themselves, mostly because the monsters, who constantly appeared from absolutely nowhere, would have got them if they didn’t. To be honest, I was a bit disappointed by the monsters – I don’t think they were threatening enough. The magic was lost when some kid (or bigger kid) screamed before they

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 actually jumped at them. Personally, if it were me in one of those costumes, I would have made good my escape with their ice creams for good measure. That’ll make them cry. Seriously though, it was great to see such a huge amounts of families there, enjoying the music and learning about Who history.

of quid, or a mucky lady voucher, I don’t know. But being a Doctor Who fan, I AM incredibly greedy and would have sat through another couple of hours. Well, with a drink, anyway. It was hot in there. Don’t think I’ve mentioned it.

Before long, which wasn’t that long at all, it was time to go. We stayed on for a minute or two for any potential encore, but it didn’t arise. Maybe someone should have slipped Ben Foster a couple

 DANIEL GEE

Harry’s Game Quick thoughts from Harry Sedgewick. Doctor Who Actor/Expert, Doorman and veteran of an open prison Hello. I had to write in to wish you Whooers a very happy 40th Anniversary, even though you have got nothing to do with the show. Congratulations. I must say that I’ve been thoroughly enamoured by the latest series of the show. I’ve not really had a clue what’s going on, but the new companion, Clare, played by Gemma Coleman, has been a fine addition to the cast. She seems to have a fine pair of lungs on her and I’m sure that’s the main reason she was cast by The Muff. Recently, I’ve been engrossed in Tony Hadoke’s ‘Who’s Round’ which you can download from the Big Finish website. Despite learning that ‘Big Finish’ wasn’t an adult website, I was pleasantly surprised with the content. Who’s Round is a Potcast that interviews actors from the show, so obviously my phone is constantly switched on, waiting for Tony to call. He hasn’t yet, but I’m sure he will. I can offer my thoughts from The Greatest Show In The Galaxy and offer Tony a pie or two at the Gentleman’s Lounge I’m currently employed at. Let him know. Anyway, enjoy whatever you’re doing. And remember – when you’ve finished, delete your internet history, including your digestives. All the best

Harry @HARRYSEDGERS

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#WhoHolidays

Seville – The Big Small Package  

Dress up as a Sontaran Stumble about in hot weather in a small town outside Seville. No height restrictions. Like the story.



London – The Invasion Package 



Paris – The Fun Punch Package    

Run around like a lunatic, shouting DUGGAAAN! Punch random people without fear of reprisals. Take the piss out of posh women Optional extras include the opportunity to experience a physical assault by a grufflooking, violent butler and free water in a ridiculously-posh Café, whilst you have a caricature of you drawn by a man who has the look of someone that you wouldn’t leave your kids with.



Find out the answer as to why this city is so important to aliens, even though some parts don’t even have bins outside their houses Ride on the underground, being chased by monsters. Or ‘ticket inspectors’ as they’re generally known Get ripped off

Manhattan – The Mystery Package 

 

Race across the city looking for a Quay, despite nobody in the country knowing what the hell a Quay is. Or how to say it. A guided tour of every cemetery in the New York area. DON’T bring a spade. Free picnic in Central Park plus a reading of a popular novel, where the reader will patronise you and treat you like a child

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This Month’s Hots and Nots (Sponsored by Neil Gaiman’s herbalist) HOT

NOT

Being vague with references that only 2 people will get. It’s big and clever.

Trudging up the same old ‘joke’ that everyone else has told about 500 times. It’s boring and wasn’t even funny the first time. Most Haunted Using your credit card at the checkout to pay for 3 items Nightmare In Sliver (oooh, we’ll get angry letters! – Ed) No more JLC jokes, ruining our making fun of an ex-television presenter. Bad times. 20,13 Reading your own iPad on public transport

Hide Paying for things with change at the checkout Cyberman No3 Jenna Coleman (quicker to write) 2000 AND 13 Reading someone else’s iPad on public transport Doctor Who ‘Staying Out For The Summer’ Where’s Wally PJ’s People who start a YouTube comment with “fucking adverts” Running after ice cream vans Having no hair Doctor Who Proms GTA 2 Red Weddings Dancing on the top of a bar, with a cone on your head, having beer thrown at you. Whilst wearing a leg cast.

Dr Who ‘Here Comes The Sun’ Batman PJ’s People who start a YouTube comment “Thumbs up if you came here from…” Being outpaced by a milk float whilst out running Having too much hair Any major music festival GTA 5 White Weddings Being in bed on Christmas Day, wearing another man’s pyjamas whilst aliens invade the Earth

PENSIONERS FOR JUSTICE. Showing all the youngsters ‘some respect’ Free classes! Walking stick combat, MP3 workshops, Internet Deletion, Moaning For Dummies, Onesie Camouflage, Zumba Plus much more! www.killallyoungpeoplewhoabuseus.com 27

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14

Gorilla Warfare: A Doctor Who Fanzine Round-Up Yes I do mean ‘Gorilla’s’ because let’s face it, Doctor Who fans still look and smell like them. Apart from the ladies. They’re alright. Well, they’re less hairy anyway. We’ve not featured anything like this before (apart from an interview with a couple of fanzine editors) so in recompense, we sum up what new fanzines are out on the cyber streets in this anniversary year (although technically, the anniversary year should really be after November 23rd). We love all fanzines and sometimes we fanziners fight a difficult battle for the attention of Doctor Who fans against the likes of DWM, Hustler and Cosmo, because we’re not glossy enough or there’s too much writing. We want you to check out as many as these fine publications as you can. And we need to fill up these pages somehow. The Terrible Zodin By the time you read this, TTZ will probably have a new Issue out. I’d imagine it’ll be similar in content to this, except it’ll be quite intelligent, won’t contain ‘the language of snooker hall’ nor will there be spelling mistakes littered around. You can download all TTZ issues from doctorwhottz.blogspot.co.uk I’d also recommend you search for their group on Facebook, as they play this game where they take stills from Doctor Who episodes and people have to guess where it’s from. Personally, I think it’s the Doctor Who equivalent to trainspotting (the pastime, not the film), but each to their own. Whotopia Remember Due South? Well this top detective show hasn’t got anything to do with this publication from Canada, but I needed a lazy stereotype to impress you with my knowledge of Canadian culture, and it was either that or lambasting the whole country for the music it has produced in recent years. Eh. Whotopia’s 2013 Summer Special is out now (obviously) and contains many thoughtprovoking articles, including pieces on the 4th Doctor, The Mind of Evil and The Sarah Jane Adventures. You can download Whotopia at www.whotopia.ca

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 Relative Dimensions Producer Matt Powell has been busy. I’ve just nicknamed him ‘The Bee’ because he’s always busy doing something, except he does fanzines and audios, instead of buzzing around flowers and stinging people for only having the audacity to violently bat them away (it’s not like they ever do anything to warrant a stinging, is it?) Anyway, if you’re not fond of tangents like these, be sure to check out Matt’s website at www.polaritycreative.co.uk where, like an honeycomb, it’s full of stuff. His latest fanzine is Relative Dimensions which is available to purchase or download from the web address above. The latest Issue is a UNIT Special and contains interviews with many of those involved in that era of the show. Myth Makers Do you like stories? Like Big Finish, these guys do. Myth Makers is a fan-fiction fanzine by Canada’s DWIN (Doctor Who Information Network) that can be purchased from www.clarksbury.com/mythmakers/ and all proceeds go to the Canadian St Johns Ambulance. The Gallifrey Archives This is an upcoming fanzine that will be launched in November. We’re not sure why. The fanzine is produced by the website The Doctor Who Archive who specialise in preserving and reproducing information about the classic series. Each Issue of The Gallifrey Archives will focus on a year in the history of Doctor Who. So already, you can see the potential intriguing depth with this fanzine. You can find out more information at http://doctorwhoarchive.com/fanzine/ The Fourth Dimension Not quite a fanzine (it’s actually a book) but fan-written nonetheless. It describes itself as a ‘true insight into Doctor Who fan scene of the early 90’s’ Bloody hell. Included are short stories, reprints of episode and novel reviews and much more. Proceeds will go to Unite Against Cancer. If stuff like that floats your boat, visit http://fourthdimensionbook.weebly.com/ for more information.

If you have something fan-made Doctor Who that you’d like to plug, e-mail us at fishcustardfanzine@googlemail.com 29

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STEVEN MOFFAT

THE FEAST OF STEVEN THE NEW COMPILATION ALBUM – COMING SOON

Tracklisting: 1. Burl Ives “I’m The Boss” 2. “With A Little Help From My Friends” (Wet, Wet, Wet version) 3. Avril Lavigne “Complicated” 4. Motley Crew “Girls Girls Girls” 5. Johnny Cash “Walk The Line” 6. Muse “Erased Caroline” (Citizen re-mix) 7. Limahl “The Neverending Story” 8. Cat Power “No Sense” 9. Gloria Gaynor “I Will Survive” 10. The Moff “I am The Doctor” (Jon Pertwee cover) AVAILABLE ON CD, CASSETTE & LP – NO DOWNLOADS.

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Icelurian (No it isn’t one of those rubbish Syfy films) I don’t often buy into fan speculation, mainly because it’s mostly ridiculous, but I heard something the other week that made me think – and put hand to keyboard - what if The Ice Warriors are a branch of The Silurian family? I think it’s fair to say Cold War gave us more of an insight into Ice Warriors than we’ve ever seen on-screen before. Both races are reptilian, possess great technological knowledge and more importantly, you could make a strong argument to say that they coexisted in the universe at the same point in time, before Humans came to be. In Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, it was established that some Silurians escaped Earth by the means of space travel. Obviously the particular group in the episode never really made it, but I would imagine that other groups followed their lead. Maybe another ship only went as far as Mars and the inhabitants settled there? We’ve seen how cultures develop in Doctor Who - The Face of Evil is the prime example. We see how Leela’s tribe and their enemies were descended from the same crashed spaceship and how their whole culture was based on that fact and even on some of the debris that was scattered around. It’s a brilliant plot and it’s something that’s easy for the viewer to think about and accept. I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to believe that the origins of The Ice Warriors has been forgotten by that race, maybe shed through shame or hatred of their beginnings, in favour of a new backstory - a race of lizards that evolved on the Red Planet (as they call it!) We’ve seen allsorts of different ‘branches’ of the Silurian race, so again, it’s not so unbelievable to think about how differently they developed living on Mars, rather than staying on Earth, asleep for millions of years. As mentioned, both races are reptile-like and are both technologically advanced with seemingly, very little to use on their planet of origin. We learn that the modern Ice Warriors have been technologically-altered (perhaps to help them to survive on their ever-frosty planet) and we already know that the advanced tech in a Silurian colony would leave any geek with an erection And let’s face it – if Doctor Who can pass off the modern Silurians as being ‘another branch of the

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 same race’, what with their extremely long tongues and all (and no third eye…) then the concept of Ice Warriors being evolved from them, should be easy to explain, really! With the mixed reception of the modernera versions of both of these classic monsters, maybe this idea would be a step too far. Then again, it could provide a new spark to both races and make their stories interesting again. Let’s face it – both of their returns are basically a re-hash of their previous stories, especially the Silurians. And in Doctor Who, I feel that there isn’t a sense of trying something different, being brave and seeing how it turns out. It’s happened a mere handful of times and each time (Evolution of The Daleks and the numerous Cybermen stories spring to mind) those plots haven’t been expanded upon, just thrown away and forgot about. A human Dalek WAS an interesting idea, okay it didn’t come off too well, but I believe it was worth another opportunity. A year later, the Daleks were being easily defeated and pushed around a basement in Davros’ lair. It takes a bit away from their character, when our heroes are taking the piss out of the shows’ ‘most feared’ monsters. I realise there’s probably zero chance of my (stolen) idea happening (much like my idea of visiting the dinosaur planet The Doctor set up after the events of Dinosaurs on a Spaceship!) but it’s always healthy to discuss these things. I just want Doctor Who to try something different, challenging us, making us think more about the characters, rather than coming up with increasingly-ridiculous plotpoints and story-arcs each year. Who knows? Maybe it’ll make a decent, but controversial, novel someday!  DANIEL GEE Do you have any similar theories on other races or plot-points in Doctor Who? Feel free to e-mail them us at fishcustardfanzine@googlemail.com

Fish Fingers and Custard on Facebook & Twitter: www.facebook.com/fishcustardfanzine @fishcustardzine

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14

Doctor Who and the Anniversary of Fear The six year old in me would have jumped for joy (and did, I know my Tom Baker and I know something about being both grown up and childish) at this selection in 1983, when if you wanted anything outside of a copy of Doctor Who magazine or a Target novel you had to go to a specialty shop or expensively order items from overseas.

As we approach the fiftieth anniversary of Doctor Who I cannot tell you how different it is from my last really ‘big’ anniversary, that being the twentieth anniversary in 1983. The Five Doctors would soon be broadcast and all of the hoopla about a science fiction series lasting twenty consecutive years brought all kinds of new merchandise and publications. However, from where I stood the view might look a little different then most of you present back then might recall it. I was living in the United States, turning the ripe old age of six the month before the special aired at the time, in the days before teenage angst and known miseys. As I recounted in previous articles for Fish Fingers and Custard, being an American Doctor Who fan in the eighties was an experience all it’s own. Very few people knew of the show outside of the geek culture and those that dared watch their PBS stations late at night or very very early in the morning. Recently I was walking through the Fox Valley Mall in Aurora Illinois when I spotted at least three shops with Doctor Who merchandise, everything from a Sonic Screwdriver pen to Dalek socks!

When the twentieth anniversary special arrived it would make up for the shortage of trinkets and baubles though, it would make up for the year gap we in America sometimes suffered waiting for new episodes after they were broadcast in the UK. The Five Doctors was being shown in America first. WTTW in Chicago had arranged for The Five Doctors to be shown in Chicago and other PBS stations in the States on rd November, 23 , 1983. In my young life as a fan of Doctor Who, only this and the repeats of the surviving Hartnell and Troughtons a couple years later rank as two of the best early memories I have with the show. The reason for the delayed broadcast in the UK was so the special could coincide with Children In Need, and so it was broadcast on the 25th of November, two days later then the States. Six year old me however, knew nothing of Children In Need, worthy a cause as it is, and only focused on being able to see Doctor Who first, or at very least in a timely fashion with the rest of the civilized world. Of course there was the matter of the missing corpse, namely the corpse the Master discovers in the Death Zone on Galifrey, which was deemed too horrific

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14 for an American audience that now count The Walking Dead among its standard viewing fare. Seems like a small thing now, but it shocked me when I got The Five Doctors BBC Video VHS release, as I had never seen it before. That night in 1983 I sat before the television set in our living room, staring at the screen with anticipation. PBS may not have made me a wait a year to see the latest Doctor Who, but it sure made me wait an hour during that horror of horrors, the PBS pledge drive.

Being the start of the VCR and home video age, I had captured the event on tape, and for years that tape would get a healthy work out. I watched the special countless times, so much so that I could probably tell you most of the lines today if I tried hard enough. Part of the reason was the scarcity of Troughton material available to me at that time and seeing monsters like the Yeti, who I had only seen in still pictures (not that the footage in The Five Doctors helped quench my curiosity much).

I wrote about those abominations from the void in a previous article (Issue 1), so letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just say that although public television depends on donations and rightly so, to a child waiting for his latest fix of his favourite television show, they might as well have been laughing at me as they answered phones and hawked overpriced Doctor Who premiums.

Multiple Doctor episodes were always my favorites as a kid, they always seemed so different and special and exciting, like the issues of comics where two superheroes meet. I imagine this why the idea of a multiple Doctor special in November of this year fascinates us so much and is a constant subject for debate and speculation

When the show finally started, it seemed to go by in a flash. Much like those elusive Christmas mornings it seemed to be over in an instant, the months of hype had been bigger then the actual event. I sat in the comfort of my childhood home, surround by the strains of the original Doctor Who theme coming form my television, hardly remembering most of what I had seen.

As we approach the fiftieth I can only hope the upcoming special is half as memorable as the twentieth. I may not be getting it first, but I do hope it packs the same atmosphere of fun and celebration. ď&#x201A;ˇ THOMAS WILLIAM SPYCHALSKI

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Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14

Doctor Who ”Rumour Lottery”

(For websites) As we’re always ahead of the game here at the fanzine, we’d like to offer some patronising help to any websites or social networking groups who need all those important ‘hits’, in order to look important and to cause unnecessary panic amongst vulnerable and gullible fans. Here we present DOCTOR WHO RUMOUR LOTTERY DIRECTIONS: Grab a piece of paper, any colour, any size. Write out numbers 1 to 12, cut them out (ask your parents permission to use scissors, or get them to do it if they don’t trust you) Fold each number and place them in a hat (or a cup), close your eyes and pick one piece of paper out of your chosen dispenser. Open your eyes (this is important), unfold the paper and look at the number displayed. Next you’ll need to look at the guide below and match the corresponding number (that means the same number as on your piece of paper). Now you have your rumour to publish on your website of choice to hoodwink fans and newspapers alike. You little devil!

1. The Next Doctor will be a Woman 2. Steven Moffat has resigned because he’s too busy producing three episodes of Sherlock every 2 years 3. 90 missing Doctor Who episodes have been found. 4. Doctor Who is racist 5. There will be a Doctor Who Movie in 2014 6. David Tennant has been approached to take over from Matt Smith 7. None of the ‘Classic’ Doctors have been approached to return, but they will if asked, despite not looking and feeling the same as they did 25-40 years ago. 8. 90 missing Doctor Who episodes have been found. Honest. 9. Doctor Who will be axed after 2014 10. The Queen is a Doctor Who fan 11. Benedict Cumberbatch has been approached to play The Master 12. 90 missing Doctor Who episodes have been found. We’re certain.

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 14