Fish Fingers and Custard - Issue 12 by Daniel Gee

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Is It Christmas Yet? It’s mad isn’t it? For ages I’ve been wondering what to write in this editorial, thanks in no small part to the lack of episodes we’ve seen so far, but as I write this Colin Baker is currently in a Australian jungle, avoiding snakes and poisonous MP’s, I’m listening to more Doctor Who-related audios than I’ve ever done in my life and Doctor Who is about to do it’s annual advertisement stint on Children In Need. Even with 5 episodes in a year (okay, 6 if you count the upcoming Christmas episode) somehow Doctor Who still manages to take over people’s lives! Rassilon knows what it’ll be like in 2013! I think it’s fair to say though that the vast majority of us have been disappointed with the lack of episodes recently. Doctor Who seems to be doing a lot of shifting and adapting with its format and I can understand why people find it hard to follow. Hopefully 2013 will see a glut of Doctor Who, but personally, I do hope that the show isn’t shoved down people’s throats and be all smug with itself. I like my Doctor Who to build up it’s own excitement, instead of a press office doing it. I don’t think the BBC have been handling the show properly recently - we’ve already had them treating it like the proverbial cash cow and I just hope that it doesn’t lose touch with it roots by trying to be something it’s not when the big day comes around.

We only got one chance at a 50 Anniversary. Let’s do it right!

It’s rather sad in a way to see the exit of Amy and Rory. It draws to a close the first chapter of the The Doctor’s life as th his 11 incarnation and there’s a lot of discussion about whether their exit was handled correctly. I think most of us can agree that they at least provided something a little bit different at a time when the show itself was regenerating and that they had a decent enough run. Hopefully with a new companion, (hopefully) a new outlook on things, Doctor Who can move forward and improve. We’d like to wish Karen and Arthur all the best and with the greatest of respect, hope that they never return to Doctor Who ever again, so they won’t spoil their ending! Finally, can I just say a MASSIVE thanks to everyone who has contributed and read the fanzine this year, I wouldn’t be able to do it without you and it means so much when people bother to associate themselves with a publication such as this. We’ll be back in 2013 – so please feel free to e-mail us at fishcustardfanzine@googlemail.com at any time, with any contributions/questions/ you may have! Cheers Danny

This Issue of Fish Fingers and Custard is brought to you by LidlVision Editor: Daniel Gee Contributors: Tim Gambrell, Mike Pearse, Thomas Mills, Kieron Moore, Matthew Kresal, Tim Jousma, Jay McIntyre, Richard Wiggins, Robin Burks, Steve James and Michael M. Gilroy-Sinclair Doctor Who is ©BBC for a limited period only, if certain people get their way FFAC114

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Bye, Bye Ponds: Series 7 Reviews

Though still my favourite New Who series, series five felt like the half way point between a Russell T Davies series and what was to come, with Moffat’s bigger story arc creeping in. Series six was a big step, focusing primarily on one arc. And series seven, so far at least, has been an even more radical step – in the opposite direction. The recent five adventures have all been, on the whole, self-contained stories. They’ve also been ambitious; with “big blockbuster movie” plastered all over the publicity, it was easy to be worried that Doctor Who might be about to lose its wit and charm in favour of Michael Bay style scaleover-substance. Thankfully, this was not the case. Yet. The series started off, as the eponymous mad Daleks would say, eggs… ex… excellently well. Asylum of the Daleks was a fast paced string of memorable set piece action sequences linked

together into a gripping adventure, along with comedy, scares and emotion. Wow, I thought, I’m really enjoying this series. This elation didn’t last long. With way too many characters and no real attempt at making us care about them, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship truly was a mess. It felt like Chibnall was trying to emulate Moffat but failing to add much depth or talent of his own. You know that thing I said about Michael Bay? Things perked up again with A Town Called Mercy, a solidly accomplished mix of Western, sci-fi, and typical Who Britishness. Not one of the most remarkable episodes, but Whithouse’s best yet and one that I’d be happy to watch again and again. Given my opinion on Dinosaurs, I wasn’t overly optimistic for The Power of Three, but it exceeded my expectations. While the invasion plot was empty and

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 arbitrary, its central exploration of the three leads was sufficiently funny and full of character to keep me entertained throughout. Unfortunately, Amy and Rory’s final episode was the plot-hole riddled mess that I was hoping it wouldn’t be. There were just too many contrivances to get involved in the bulk of the episode. Can someone please explain to me why exactly he can’t go back and see them? And the Statue of Liberty, how did that even…

Luckily, Moffat managed to cover up the nonsense a little using that old storytelling tool: emotion. I cried a little at the final scene; a perfect choice of image to end Amy’s story on and the “final page” was a beautiful piece of writing. It is nice not having to keep up with a ridiculously complex story arc – unlike series six, the feelings of “this doesn’t make any sense” are separated into bite-size chunks. There is, however, an interesting bit of arc going on with the Doctor deleting himself from databases across space and time; it’ll be interesting to see where this Moffat masterplan is heading. Ditching two-parters is not a move I support. While many stories fit brilliantly within the 45 minute structure – Blink, Midnight and Vincent come to mind others feel rushed and incomplete. Many

of my favourite longer stories took the time to make the viewer really care about the supporting characters. Whereas Riddell, Nefertiti, Grayle… I neither know much about nor care for any of these. One thing I can say about series seven so far it that, visually, it’s been lovely. The Asylum sets, top-notch CGI dinosaurs, location filming in Almeria and New York, Matt Smith’s hair… the series looks beautiful. A testament to BBC production; let’s hope it can keep this up. So it’s goodbye to the Ponds, and it’s a shame that their exit couldn’t be as strong as their entrance, but, overall, the first married couple on the TARDIS have been a fascinating take on the Doctor Who companion. In ways they’ve been endearing, with character moments such as Asylum’s teleporter scene really making us care about their relationship, although there have been problems with their characterisation – series six’s messy story arc didn’t do them any good. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed following their development from children to young engaged couple to experienced travellers, and feel that now was the right time for them to leave. Farewell Ponds, come along soufflé girl!  KIERON MOORE (check out Kieron’s http://thisisgoodisntit.blogspot.co.uk/)

blog

Asylum of the Daleks: Moffat isn’t overly fond of Dalek stories, and neither am I. It was different in the Virgin Novels era, when you couldn’t have Dalek stories at all. RTD cured that drought and then some. Moffat’s instinct to give the Daleks a year off was, I feel, not a long enough absence, especially when they made a cameo in The

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Wedding of River Song. The idea of the Daleks having a Prime Minister and/or a Parliament is ridiculous. There were some good moments here, mostly the moment when the Doctor “reversed” the Dalek. But the Daleks being made to forget him? Eh... There was also, of course, Oswin, but we’ll see how that plays out in the second “half” of the series.

itself. The Doctor is not a costumed superhero; he kills Cybermen and Daleks all the time. There should have been no moral quandary here, and the way they did resolve it was a cop-out. The Power of Three: Not so much a story as a character piece, this middleof-the-road episode is greatly helped by the return of Rory’s father, Brian. Also the new head of UNIT! They missed an opportunity to have Martha here, but that was more than made up for by Kate Stewart, the daughter of the late, great Brigadier. The Angels take Manhattan: The departure of Amy and Rory is not the problem, though it was unnecessary that they suffer this fate. The problem is that it wasn’t a story at all. Compared to the character piece of Power of Three, which worked well in that format, this is just a bunch of set pieces crammed together with New York City (and, briefly, Ancient China) as a backdrop.

Dinosaurs on a Spaceship: Easily the best story of the lot; the larger “half” of the season will be hard put to match up. A fun adventure in time and space, the way it should be. The fact that the central plot device actually made sense in Doctor Who continuity only made it better. The extra ‘temporary companions’ worked well, not crowding up the story at all. But Brian, Rory’s father, was absolutely brilliant.. The only downside was that the villain, of course, had to be a greedy merchant. I know this is a trope of modern fiction, but please, give it a rest. Nor was there any moral quandary in the Doctor killing him. Which brings us to.... A Town Called Mercy: As with the RTD era Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks, the story’s problem isn’t it’s American setting, but rather the story

The whole “Amy and Rory saved the day with a suicide paradox, only to be undone when Rory looked at a tombstone” is frankly ridiculous, evoking RTD at his worst. And they are not stuck. All they would have to do is leave New York City in a mundane way; take a boat trip back to London, say, and all is good. I’m not going to join the “Moffat must go” crowd here, but for certain he does need someone else to script edit his own stories. Chibnall or Gatiss or Caroline Skinner needs to sit him down and say “No wait, this doesn’t make sense. See the plot hole here? The complete lack of logic over there?” Again, I don’t mind Rory and Amy leaving; they’ve been around for more than two years. I don’t even mind a semi-tragic departure; for example, the horror of the Angels could convince them to finally quit the Doctor’s lifestyle (as they were thinking about doing in The Power of Three) and be somewhat

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 bitter and resentful towards the Doctor. That would have worked just fine. Here’s hoping the new companion snaps Moffat out of his funk.  JAY McINTYRE

When I look at this batch of episodes, I can’t help but think ‘was that it?’ It’s not that the episodes are bad, I really enjoyed Dinosaurs and Mercy but for some reason, I don’t feel that it hit the heights that the hype professed it would do. I still don’t understand what The Power of Three was all about (and why nobody bothered about those poor people that blew up along with the ship at the end!), I don’t like the new Robomen in Asylum (too much fantasy for me – Dalek guns coming out of their hands, do me a favour!) and the ending of Angels was unsatisfying to say the least. First of all, what on earth was the ‘Amy and Rory getting a divorce’ all about at the beginning of Asylum? Even in Pond Life, the pair having an argument was the last episode of a series that had been light-hearted. It felt like it was stitched on as an afterthought. To make it all the more jarring, their differences were resolved at the end of Asylum! How apt, how beautiful, how fantastic would it have been to have this animosity running throughout the 5 episodes until the very end, when Rory is willing to jump off that building? Amy would have joined him, explained her reasons and the pair could have finally sealed their mutual love in a beautiful moment. They didn’t need to be dropped off at home, The Doctor could have picked up on their differences, pretended to try to take them home, only for the TARDIS to go where it wants and the other 4 adventures could have taken place. Instead, what we got was what these episodes amounted too – a rushed resolution that made little sense. Amy

and Rory jumping off that building at the end didn’t mean as much as it should have done and I know people who still aren’t convinced that Amy gives a toss about Rory. Brian Williams. Why oh why, wasn’t he introduced sooner? He’s introduced with 5 episodes to go, written and acted brilliantly…then nothing. Where has he been hiding? Where was he at the wedding? How did The Doctor know his name? All questions which have ran around the heads of Doctor Who fans everywhere. I still don’t understand why that extra scene, which was posted as a storyboard with narration from Arthur Darvill on the BBC website, which saw Brian getting a goodbye letter from Rory, WASN’T filmed. It would have taken a couple of hours at the most, and that includes travel to and from Cardiff! They could have filmed it in Mark Williams’ kitchen for Ood’s sake!

The Angels Take Manhattan was a soso episode for me. There’s some great acting but it constantly just lets itself down. Why could River go and see Amy, give her the book later on, and The Doctor can’t go and rescue them? If the TARDIS doesn’t work, he could always borrow River’s time-travelling device. It made no sense to me why these people couldn’t have been rescued. It isn’t just plot-holes that make the cut though, there’s also the basic cosmetic mistakes. WHY go through the trouble in

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 researching the fact that people in 1930’s America turned over a dollar bill, to prove it was legal tender and then call a hotel Winter Quay. Americans don’t use the word Quay, they call them Wharfs. Basic research will tell you that - you just need to ask any American! Say the word Quay to them and they’d think it’s something you open a door with. Moffat even went to the trouble of explaining that this hotel was in Battery Park – a mere stones-throw away from the Statue of Liberty, so it makes it rather odd that an error like this was made. It might sound like a minor (and ridiculous) point, but its evocative of the Moffat era for me – full of wonderful, well-written moments then spoiled by moments of madness, designed for cheap thrills or made to look impressive. Like having the Statue of Liberty (which is made out of copper, not stone!) walking around! I can just imagine Moffat’s response to this – it doesn’t

matter. It DOES matter when it takes people out of the story, it DOES matter when they don’t bother to be invested in the story because of these errors. And that’s what I was like. Now that the WILLIAMS (never the Ponds!) have gone, their ending rather rushed, let’s hope that Moffat and co can start afresh with Jenna. But has he already written himself in a corner, thanks to Asylum of The Daleks? She WASN’T originally supposed to be in it after all… I must sound like I hated these 5 episodes, I really didn’t. I just want Doctor Who to be the best it can be, but at the moment, it has a long way to go before it’s back to it’s very best.  STEVE JAMES

Why The Doctor should never travel alone

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

ASYLUM OF THE DALEKS also get grabbed and taken to the great Dalek spaceship in the sky, where the Doctor is now awaiting them, having been taken himself.

“Asylum of the Daleks” starts with a scene on Skaro. We already knew the Daleks would be involved in this episode somehow (the episode name sort of gives it away), but in what capacity? Well, lo and behold, they have laid a trap for the Doctor. The woman he is meeting is not as human as she appears: the Daleks are now able to convert people and leave them looking like people. Until that blue-beaming eyestalk comes out of their forehead. Was that creepy or what? Seriously, knowing that this episode was about Daleks, made me question “What? AGAIN?” But this episode puts a whole new twist on the Doctor’s most famous enemy and makes them scary again. I like that. If you’ve been watching the Pond Life miniseries (particularly that last episode), you’ll know that there have been some marital issues with Amy and Rory. Apparently, things were serious enough to warrant divorce papers. I don’t find this as a surprise as it seems the two need the Doctor in their life for Amy to be happy. Yes, I blame Amy. Rory is a saint. Don’t argue that point with me. But the Daleks, in their all-knowing wisdom, know of the Doctor’s affinity for his latest two companions, so Amy and Rory

But then things get wonky. The Doctor, gearing up for a fight, is quite surprised (as I was) to hear the Daleks asking for his help. No “exterminate” is uttered here. The Daleks want the Doctor’s assistance in going down to this thing called the Dalek Asylum. And yes, it is really is as bad as it sounds. Insane Daleks = not good. They’re too afraid to do it, so they ask the Doctor to do it instead. But wait, first, there’s that odd voice coming to them from inside the planet. That voice belongs to actress Jenna Louise Coleman, in the role of Oswin here. Yes, she’s the actress that will be playing the Doctor’s new companion. But … things are about to get even wonkier… Those Daleks beam Amy, Rory and the Doctor down to the planet where the asylum is located underground. And obviously, Rory gets separated from the group. Eventually, they all meet up together, and while surrounded by Daleks and a planet that’s about to go boom, Oswin insists that they come rescue her from where she’s been hiding. So the Doctor does just that. Meanwhile, Amy is slowly turning into a Dalek thanks to the nanites that permeate the air of the planet. There was a bracelet that would protect her that the team were given, but of course, she lost hers. But this is the wonkiest part yet. It turns out that Oswin only thinks that she’s human. She is, in fact, a Dalek herself! A human conscience trapped inside a Dalek. And she has no idea that she’s a Dalek. Meanwhile, Amy and Rory kiss and make up (is anyone really surprised?). Their big

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 problem? Amy is bawling her eyes out and telling Rory that she cannot give him children. So that sums up the episode, but the most important question is what did I think? I thought “Asylum of the Daleks” was a lot of fun. Every time a new season of Doctor Who begins, I am always reminded of what a great adventure the show is. I’m also reminded that Matt Smith is brilliant as the Doctor. I do still feel, however, that too much time is spent on the companions, even in this episode. Although I’ll be sad to see Amy and Rory go, their drama will also go with them – and good riddance. My favorite episodes so far have been the ones without the Ponds because Matt needs to be allowed to carry this role on his own shoulders. And he’s perfectly capable of doing that when left to his own devices. He proved that in “The Doctor’s Wife.” But Matt got some good screen time and he made use of every moment. The absolute look on his face when he finally sees Oswin as a Dalek (although I’m thinking he knew all along because he’s that bloody brilliant) was a moment of heart-wrenching sadness. Tears pooled in my eyes as he told her. And then he said the lines made famous by the 10th Doctor: “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” But there’s another twist, too – this one will affect future episodes with the Daleks. Oswin somehow managed to wipe their memories of the Doctor out of their metal heads. They no longer see the Doctor as a threat and that’s one less thing that he’ll have to worry about (although I’m sure they’re still evil and will turn up again). But the biggest question here is about Coleman’s appearance in the episode. I’m assuming it’s a case of ”actor plays one part and then returns as a companion in a new role” sort of thing. Especially since we know the new companion’s name is Clara.

But I would love to see some sort of connection between the two. Especially with that whole “Remember Me” thing she said while looking knowingly at the Doctor. Or perhaps the new companion is an ancestor of Oswin? I’ve seen that theory a lot since the episode aired. Personally, I’d like to see Oswin, the Dalek, as the new companion. How awesome/funny/terrifying/freaky would it be to have a Dalek running around with the Doctor in his TARDIS? Oh, the possibilities are endless! My beef with this episode is the Ponds’ reason for divorce. Amy pushed Rory away because she can not bear him children. There’s just one problem with that: they already have a kid. Her name is River Song. It’s like the writers forgot a character THEY CREATED even existed. And there was no mention of her anywhere. I found that to be a very weird oversight. Or are we going to find out that we now live in a universe where River Song never existed? Yes, I know that they did something to Amy on Demon’s Run, where she had River. And yes, I know, they didn’t get to raise River. But still, you’d think Amy would say something more along the lines of “I can’t have any MORE children.” Or that the would be happy they had a daughter at all. I don’t know… but I really didn’t get that. Besides, I still stand by what I’ve always said: Rory is too good for Amy. All in all, though, this is still the best thing on television. Ever. I especially liked the punny “Eggs-term-in-ate” jokes and the chanting of “Doctor Who? Doctor Who? Doctor Who?” by the Daleks at the end. Doctor Who indeed.  ROBIN BURKS (Originally published on: http://www.fangirlconfessions.com)

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

DINOSAURS ON A SPACESHIP actually a simple thing to write. It fitted into the story seamlessly and is a far easier concept to understand than say, a scientist cloning them or better than using Time Travel to explain it. What we got was established Silurian history. You could say what were Silurians doing with Spaceships when many of them were under the Earth, or why they were giving a toss about the creatures, but again, it’s something that can’t be explained easily, so why bother wasting time over it? There’s a pastime where I come from. Moaning. I’m not talking about sexy moaning, but moaning about everything from the weather to the state of the music on the radio. Moaning about trivial things that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. This is what I feel that Doctor Who fans are like. (Especially the lack of sexual moaning) One of my main disappointments with new Doctor Who is that I feel that it doesn’t delve into the ‘adventure’ genre enough. True, we’ve had some stories that could potentially fit that mould, but I don’t feel that it’s enough to warrant that tag. Sometimes we need a break from the norm and adventure is something that can be wonderful, yet frightens you to death, and then can be funny again at the same time. Doctor Who has proven that it can do all of those things, but it needs to have them all in one episode from time-to-time. There’s nothing that screams out ADVENTURE than having Dinosaurs in a story – and here we are! Dinosaurs on a Spaceship! I was worried, you know. Worried that the story was just fit around a headline-grabbing title and that the actual contents wouldn’t make any sense. Having the Silurians taking the creatures and plant life away from Earth (which they thought was going to get destroyed) was a stroke of genius, yet if you think about it, is

I can forgive a story a lot if I really enjoy it, DOAS doesn’t really do anything wrong for me. True, there’s the gaping moment when The Doctor leaves Solomon to die, but then again, did he? Solomon had more than enough time to get up and concede defeat and walk out with The Doctor. And it’s not as if The Doctor hasn’t done worse in his past. This scene is something that can be explained by a line of dialogue and the only disappointment was that it wasn’t exercised. Much has been made of Solomon’s death and why The Doctor shouldn’t have done it. Have any of these people complaining ever even seen Doctor Who before? He’s done things like this countless times, to humans AND aliens. Was it because Solomon was a human that it mattered? Do alien beings not count in your morality? Last year, he happily murdered most of a Cyber fleet just to get their leader’s attention. Tennant’s Doctor imprisoned the Family of Blood for all eternity, which is far worse fate than death, in my opinion. And let’s not forget him forcing Adelaide to kill herself just to put history back on track. The Doctor has always had this perceived ‘dark side’, but people only criticise him for it when it suits. Fine, you didn’t love this episode, but saying that it’s out of character for The Doctor to trap Solomon is just wrong, I’m sorry, it’s what he’s always done. One major aspect of the story that hooked me in, was how well-drawn the characters

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 were, we had Neffi, the Egyptian Queen who is clearly bored with her life and finds The Doctor fascinating to be with. We have Riddell, the Victorian/Edwardian hunter who’s values about women are improved as the story goes on. And it’s clear that The Doctor has already had adventures with Riddell before, so it doesn’t require any slowing down of the story to deal with setting up a trust between them. Then there’s the fact that he’s portrayed properly – a (by today’s standards) chauvinist who kills animals for sport. That’s what people in the early 1900’s used to do, and I don’t understand why anyone would have a problem with someone from that era, someone of his background, being portrayed properly. That’s why The Doctor didn’t have a problem with him - he could see past his primitiveness and see the good side in him. Then there’s Solomon, played by the magnificent David Bradley. FINALLY we get someone who is able to play a villain with a real sense of terror. He possibly even threatened to rape Neffi (‘I will enjoy breaking you in’!) Has that ever been done in Doctor Who before? Now THAT was dark and controversial! Again there’s been complaints about how random Riddell and Neffi were, but that’s the point! The Doctor travels with random people, his life is random. I think it’s brilliant that he can take two historical characters (one a Queen who did disappear in mysterious circumstances and another, a hunter, who wasn’t quite as famous!) I can take or leave the two robots – it was funny (and probably more true to life!) in thinking that this space pirate just went out and bought the cheapest ‘help’ possible, just to maximise his profits! I’ve not even mentioned Brian Williams yet, who came into the story as a dismissive, perhaps a tad ignorant of the world and departed as a wide-eyed traveller who seemed to have more respect for his son. That’s what The Doctor can do.

When I reviewed Invasion of The Dinosaurs in Issue 5, I implored Steven Moffat to fit in a Dinosaur episode somewhere. Many people are fascinated with these creatures and they can provide an exciting backdrop to a story if done correctly! Being chased and hunted by Dinosaurs can provide a writer with tools to develop characters in the face of such adversity and I feel that with Brian, Nefertiti and Riddell, they did that. But for me - the episode wasn’t long enough! A longer episode would have fleshed out the characters more and left space to fit in those lines that would have made the story better. This would have been great if it was a Christmas special – they could have slowed down and inserted more into the contents of the opening sequences (which did catch me by surprise with its pace on first watch) and how great would it have been to see the planet that the Dinosaurs ended up on?

And if you’re still not convinced that this is a decent episode, look at Brian, sat on the edge of the TARDIS with his flask and sandwiches, looking at the Earth below in wonderment. Forget time-travel, clever plotting and emotional bumf - that’s a scene that sums up Doctor Who in a nutshell.

 DANIEL GEE

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

A TOWN CALLED MERCY

A man who walks into towns, solves their problems and leaves without revealing his name; a man who saves many but is destined to be a lonely figure. The Doctor shares many traits with the quintessential Western hero. In this way, perhaps it’s a surprise that it took the revived Doctor Who seven series to do a Western episode, the first since 1966’s The Gunfighters. Toby Whithouse’s A Town Called Mercy had the Doctor, along with Amy and Rory, strolling into a town under siege from a mysterious gunslinger - part cowboy, part machine, entirely dangerous. Their investigation led them to another alien doctor, Kahler-Jex, creator of the gunslinging cyborg and escaped war criminal redeeming himself by serving the town of Mercy.

Everything you’d want from a good Western was there. A saloon, a showdown, a stetson, and shot beautifully on location in Almeria, previously used for A Fistful of Dollars, The Magnificent Seven and many more classic Westerns. The episode certainly looked the part, with bright blue skies contrasting with bright orange sands. It was magnificently scored too, with a Western twist on Murray Gold’s usual incidental music making the episode really distinct and underpinning certain dramatic moments perfectly. OK, so a few of the actors overdid the American accents more than others, but Ben Browder made up for them and A Town Called Mercy very much felt like a Western. But this was no ordinary Western, it was a sci-fi Western. The clunking beast of the gunslinger was a finely designed creation, mashing cowboy and robot into something intimidating and powerful. The plotline of a doctor on the run after his cyborg creation had turned against him, a futuristic Frankenstein in the Old West, did feel like it reused some plot elements we'd seen before but fit the setting strangely well, allowing for a series of tense confrontations. But this was no ordinary sci-fi Western, this was a Doctor Who scifi Western. From the moment the Doc and co. walked into the town, the story looked at the typical Western tropes with a strong

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 element of the typical British humour we’ve come to associate with Doctor Who. “Tea. But the strong stuff. Leave the bag in” the Doctor orders in the saloon, in a brilliant piece of comic writing. Besides this, the episode was a very interesting character study. Though Amy and Rory, the focus of a lot of this series, didn’t have a lot to do, the episode, like Whithouse’s The God Complex last year, focused on a particular element of the Doctor’s character. This time it was his anger, as his frustration with always encountering death caused him to take up a gun and throw KahlerJex out of Mercy into the hands of his assassin. I’m not sure I like the direction the Doctor’s been going in this series, first with killing Solomon and now this. I liked the Doctor of series five, who occasionally had mad outbursts of rage, but only in defence of his principles and would never contemplate killing, but this Doctor seems to be becoming more ruthless, a characteristic I don’t want associated with the character. Amy attributed this to too long travelling alone, though I don’t see that as an excuse – that shouldn’t turn anyone into a killer, and besides, he seems to be visiting the Ponds and other friends often enough. Nevertheless, for actually exploring the anger in a well-written, reflective manner rather than last week’s Bond-esque nonchalant smarmy murder, Whithouse gets a lot more of my appreciation than Chris Chibnall.

We've seen the 'enemy is akin to the Doctor' trope before, yes, but some of the dialogue was chillingly effective - “Looking at you, Doctor, is like looking into a mirror, almost. There’s rage there like me, guilt like me, solitude, everything but the nerve to do what needs to be done” taunts Kahler-Jex. And the Doctor flips. Perhaps understandably, though I’m not sure the Doctor as I know him should. Whatever your opinion on the Doctor’s character arc, A Town Called Mercy really was an accomplished mix of Western, sci-fi, and that Doctor Who Britishness, in terms of humour and the prevailing “violence doesn’t end violence” message. Toby Whithouse’s scripts can be criticised for following the traditions of Doctor Who a little too closely, and indeed this episode’s use of well-worn tropes in KahlerJex’s story means that it’s not one of the very best episodes, but it is Whithouse’s best yet and one that this Whovian would be more than happy to watch again and again. Plus, the Doctor rode a transgender horse and wore a Stetson. Stetsons are cool. I just wish he’d worn that gorgeous cowboy coat for longer.  KIERON MOORE (Originally published on: http://thisisgoodisntit.blogspot.co.uk)

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

THE POWER OF THREE

Watching

this episode was like travelling back in time to 2008. The only way it could have been more RTDish would be if they had stuck in Torchwood and Trinity Wells. This however is no criticism, I found it refreshing to be reminded of this take on the show, it lent itself to the feeling of an epic worldwide threat and the good fun of the Ponds penultimate story. Chibnall seems to have been given the two ‘happy’ episodes of the mini-series; this provided a lighter story focused on the Ponds before their heads get chopped off in the following week, it made for exciting family entertainment. Out of the five episodes in the first half of this series ‘The Power of Three’ seemed to be the episode spoiler fans knew

the least about, this mystery continued well into the episode itself as we followed the Doctor, aided by UNIT in trying to discover what these cubes were all about. Kate Stewart was powerful, quirky and the right kind of serious to be considered the brig’s daughter and part of the UNIT family, this character will be what most long term fans will have enjoyed most in the episode. After new-who had revealed the sadness of Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart’s death last series it was refreshing to be given hope in the shape of another long running character to fill his boots and for the audience to warm to. The opportunity to see a betterrounded version of Pond Life was

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 also much appreciated. The fun of The Doctor struggling within this ‘normal’ environment was entertaining; these parts of the episode were approached in a different and new way then both The Lodger and Closing Time with us seeing The Doctor ability to cope with boredom tested. An opportunity for Mark Williams to return as Rory’s dad was also very welcome; I think he is Chibnall’s best creation. We’ve seen a lot of companion’s family over the last seven years, in my opinion Brian joins Jackie and Wilfred as the only ones who have truly stood out and undeniably added to the entertainment. Brian’s realisation of what was to become of his son and daughter in law added a thought-provoking dimension to the tale, these characters will not just be missed in the real world, but in the fictional world too. However, there were disappointments, first of all we never previously knew The Doctor was unable to paint a fence properly, on top of this we were teased but not treated to a Zygon at the Savoy… Like many RTD episodes, it had a fantastic build up and an unsatisfactory resolution, the reveal of the baddy was rushed, nonsensical and embarrassing to watch, by not keeping to the same standard and tempo it let the rest of the episode down. Who on earth is the Shakri? Why have we had no indication that they existed up until this point in the episode? Why is he only on screen for two minutes?

Why is his plan so bloody convoluted? Why does he have that voice? Why? WHY!?

There is no doubt in my mind that this story would have been best served in two parts; Kate Stewart and UNIT could have been explored further and the nemeses would have been better realised and fleshed out. So much of the episode was taken up with the brilliant slow reveal of the cubes capacities and Amy & Rory’s lives that there was no time left for anything else. The fact it comes to only a mere 42 minutes seems to be the maddest fact at all! The thing is – this series has been SO good so far that anything that now doesn’t live up to that brilliant level of expectation is always going to feel like a bit of a let-down. This has been my least favourite episode of 2012, but with 90% of it being great I cannot complain, had it been aired in 2011 in comparison it would have been one of the better ones of the year!  RICHARD WIGGINS

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C74 0=64;B C0:4 <0=70CC0= <ost articles about television shows usually include a basic summary of said episode before the writer injects his two cents into the mix. I’m tempted to do that but being that we’re dealing with sci-fi and Doctor Who fans, I think it’s relatively safe to say that anyone getting their hands on the latest issue of Fish Fingers and Custard have seen this episode multiple times by this point so I will go ahead with my thoughts of the episode.

situation at the end where he feels his death would put everything back the way it should and keep Amy safe, despite being frightened beyond belief he simply does what he has to do. He’d go through the fires of hell if it meant keeping Amy safe and it shows in his performance. In the wrong hands, Rory’s lines could have possibly come across as sappy and melodramatic but Arthur Darvill made everything thing Rory said and did seem realistic.

The goal of this episode was to write off Amy Pond and Rory Williams from the show. With that in mind, I think Steven Moffat did an admirable job sending the pair off in quite a satisfying way. Unless you kept yourself from all forms of communication until this episode premiered, it was declared from day one that we would be seeing the last of the Pond’s. Since the audience knew this coming in, it was up to Steven Moffat to create a story that would end their story in a satisfying way. What stood out to me most of all was the pure love Amy and Rory showed for each other. Karen and Arthur deserve a lot of credit for the chemistry they’ve had since they began involvement in the show because the dynamic they’ve created for these characters is unlike anything I’ve seen on television ever. (Granted, I’ve been used to American television so seeing good acting like this gives me the same reaction folks had when they first saw a movie at the turn of the 20th Century when they were first created). The love Rory shows from Amy is pure. It’s unquestioning. When he’s put into a

Karen Gillian as well should get credit for her performance. While I certainly know that she loves Rory, this was the first time where I felt she understood the depth of Rory’s love for her. When Rory is finally attacked by the Angels and sent back into time, her reaction is heart breaking. You could sense not that we were witnessing an actress pretending she was upset. You felt she was upset over her husband gone. While she has a deep connection with the Doctor, without Rory in her life, life wasn’t worth living. While it was sad she had to say goodbye to the Doctor, the fact that Amy and Rory were able to lead a long life together left a good feeling in my heart, especially as someone who recently celebrated the

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 tenth anniversary of the first date I had with my wife. Another good aspect of this episode was River Song. I agree with some criticism I came across that questioned why she was even in this episode. It did come across like Mr. Moffat felt she had to be there so simply tossed her in. Despite that, Alex Kingston chewed up the scenery. Her interactions with the Doctor were great. I really got the sense that we were watching a married couple. On the surface, I could see where some folks could be a little weirded out that a woman pushing fifty is supposed to be the love interest of an actor not yet thirty. Yet I love how, through Matt Smith’s performance, you get the feeling that he is the older man in the relationship. River comes across like a young woman who fell in love with her intellectual soul mate who just happens to be hundreds of years older than her. And their arguments…they were great. They were also the type of arguments I have with my wife on a regular basis, the small little things that happen in all long term relationships. This episode did fail similar to the rest of the episodes from the beginning of season seven. Without any sort of a story arc, each episode has seen lost somehow. Things are happening to the characters we love for no reason other than to simply have them happen. I get that some folks may not have liked the long term stories that Moffat put together

for seasons five and six but without some sort of arc linking the stories together, the characters just seemed lost. Another issue I had was that this episode, like the others before it, seemed like an edited version of a much longer story. There were definitely some great parts to it but the overall story gave me the impression like there was a lot more they were trying to tell but couldn’t due to it being cut. For all I know, when season seven is in the books, my opinion of my last two critiques may dissolve in a poof of clarity. We may find that there has been something that will link everything together that will allow us to get more meaning from the earlier episodes upon further viewing. Overall, this was a good episode. It had some great elements in which Doctor Who fans will be talking about for years to come. But the critiques I had about this episode and the episodes preceding it brought down what could have been an amazing moment in Doctor Who history down to a normal episode with a decent ending. I hope the rest of season seven will change my view of this episode but as it stands, I am disappointed with what we were presented. It is an incomplete masterpiece in waiting.  TIM JOUSMA

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Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Mary Tamm: The Key To The Key To Time story-arc which would see The Doctor on a quest for the Key To Time. Historically it contains the 100th Doctor Who serial (The Stones of Blood), the 500th episode (episode one of The Armageddon Factor) and what’s more, was broadcast th during the show’s 15 Anniversary.

When I hear people talk about their favourite Classic Who seasons, it’s sometimes one that contains their favourite story. For me, it’s different. I think Series 16 is now my favourite Doctor Who season. It’s a season that doesn’t contain my favourite story, but in terms of quality, it’s pretty much of the same high standard all the way through. Then there’s the characters – all of which are brilliantly written, but perhaps none more than Romanadvoratrelundar, played by Mary Tamm. When we heard the sad news about Mary recently, I wanted to crack open the Key To Time again, partly as a tribute, mostly because I’ve only actually seen it once. I was attracted to it in the first place, not because the key can stop the universe (though that’ll be handy sometimes) but because the plot has an ‘epic adventure quest’ ring to it. It’s 1978 and the production team wanted to do something different, introducing a

Whenever a new female companion is announced these days, the tedious phrase ‘She IS The Doctor’s equal’ always seems to follow. We all know that’s not true, but the only character to ever come close to that moniker is Romana. Mary’s performance had a sort of ‘I’m a strong Woman, don’t mess me with’ vibe, but yet she was very respectful towards The Doctor, patient and understood that he’s a bit of an oddball. What’s more (and probably more importantly) you always get the feeling that the character is alien towards us. Never once did I get the feeling that this person was a human trying too hard to be an alien, I mean, what human lady would willingly go out and walk on rough ground with heels on? She was brilliantly played and it’s a real shame we never saw more. We kick off with The Ribos Operation and when The Doctor gets his orders from the White Guardian, it’s that wonderful shot that introduces us, as the camera pans up to reveal Romana who cuts such a striking figure in her costume. At first she seems aloof and distant, understandable as she was plucked from her duties to go on a mission with this buffoon. She has an air of a classy lady about her, you know like the girls at the school disco, the ones who wouldn’t be seen dead in catalogue clothes. You know you shouldn’t, but you can’t resist in asking them if they want one of your Chewits, or even worse, asking them to dance. They’re out of our league and Romana is

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 quite clearly out of The Doctor’s league, but due to circumstances, the pair work together, get along and by the end of The Armageddon Factor, they are quite clearly great friends. The Doctor’s in there, having fun, whilst we are left sat at the side, trying not to catch the eye of the over-excited teachers who enjoy bullying children to dance to rubbish songs. Ribos is a great start to this series - the characters are beautifully drawn as it turns out that everyone in the story is a thief of some kind! There’s a nice mix of medieval-style language and clothes, yet in the next sentence they’re talking about battle cruisers and strange concepts that aren’t normally associated with the type of clobber they’ve got on! From there we go to Douglas Adams’ The Pirate Planet – and after watching, I was left thinking that technically, this is probably the best Doctor Who story ever. The story of a space-hopping planet that sucks resources out of other smaller planets, is just utter genius and way ahead of its time. This is a far better measure of Adams’ talents - the characters, the plot, the feeling of magic that this story gives off (even though Doctor Who isn’t magic!) And then there’s the fact that this is his first stab at a Doctor Who script! Those characters – The Captain threatens to be this overthe-top Panto villain at times, but STILL manages to maintain that level of creepiness just after he makes you laugh with another ridiculous threat. It’s just perfect Doctor Who and as always, Tom is in his element and it’s a joy to watch him just bounce around in this story, taking the mickey out of the villains before turning on a sixpence when he’s put in a corner and threatened. The Stones of Blood attempts to be the gothic horror of the series and somehow manages to make massive, ancient stones look scary! Yet again, the story

is helped by great characters and Professor Rumford especially is a delight. Sadly the final episode loses that bit of momentum it had built up, but there’s still some nice little moments and lines in there to keep you happy. Probably my favourite of the entire series though, is The Androids of Tara. It’s just a story where everyone and everything was on top form and it’s a joy to watch from the first minute to the last. The villain, Grendel, has to be up there in a list of ‘best one-off Doctor Who baddies’ as he just suited that creepy and murderous role right down to the ground. Maybe the actor (Peter Jeffery) spent his spare time kidnapping and blackmailing, because he was so convincing! Overall though, Tara is a tale of romance, plenty of swashbuckling action and adventure and even sciencefiction mixed with a backdrop of a fairytale setting - they had electricallycharged swords and everything!

The rest of the series, though not being as high in quality, just about manages to tie things up. Power of Kroll has it’s moments, the keeping of slaves in aid of ‘progress’ was a plot that I think could have been expanded upon, instead of having some of the silly and pointless scenes they did with the monster! I really enjoyed some of the performances in The Armageddon Factor (especially John Woodvine as the Marshal), but you get the feeling that this would be better

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 off being a 4-parter as the plot seemed to be stretched out too much. So much so, it feels like we’re in a time-loop with along with some of the characters! Even the cheesy resolution to the Key To Time fails to wipe the gloss off the series. This is Doctor Who after all - it can’t go around being all perfect! I was left thinking after watching these again, would this series have been as half as good if Mary Tamm wasn’t in it? You can see throughout the series that her character develops from someone who is a bit wary of getting involved with the worlds they visit, to getting stuck into the action at every opportunity. Her relationship with The Doctor improves and by the end they’re sharing jokes and working well together. The way she holds herself in that striking first scene, the way she interacts with The Doctor (and other characters and worlds) just sticks out as ‘someone not human’. And that’s the real triumph of her portrayal as I mentioned, never once did I not think she wasn’t a Time Lord (or Lady if you will) nor did I not believe her words or character. I was invested in her and that’s the mark of a great actress, when she can get someone with the attention span of me, engrossed in a story!

Mary says in her autobiography that originally she wasn’t interested in the role and it took a little persuasion from her agent and a phone call to her old RADA friend, Louise Jameson, who despite having a somewhat frosty relationship with Tom at the time, advised her to go for it. Even the producer, Graham Williams, didn’t want to let her go and fudged up the start of the next season because of it. I’m not one to criticise anyone who leaves Doctor Who because of creative issues but looking back, I think Doctor Who needed another series with Mary Tamm. Lalla Ward is brilliant as Romana but I think it’s fair to say that City of Death apart, the next season just pails in comparison and the opportunity for her to develop as someone more than The Doctor’s right-hand girl, didn’t present itself, which is the main reason Mary left. So perhaps Mary was right to leave when she did? Who knows. But I do know that Doctor Who would have been a poorer place if she hadn’t have stepped into that role and made us believe in her character.  DANIEL GEE

Fish Fingers and Custard – 2013 Subscriptions th With 2013 containing Doctor Who’s 50 birthday, we’d like to muscle in like almost everybody else by offering something for sale. But don’t worry – we won’t be ripping you off with expensive tat. It’s cheap tat.

For just £6 (plus P+P) you will receive at least 4 paper Issues of the fanzine PLUS some free gifts we have planned PLUS anything else we can weasel from promoters (hint, hint). If you haven’t purchased anything from us before - our fanzines contain fullcolour covers and are made out of paper. Do YOU want to risk dropping your iPhone down the bog when reading this fanzine? I personally have a 100% feedback rating on eBay, so you know that you’re not dealing with some charlatan. Most of all though, it’ll help us to plan in advance so we’re able to cobble together the best mag possible. Fan productions are important to our fandom, so any support we get is greatly valued. For more info visit: www.fishcustard.bigcartel.com

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Caroline John: The Last Post One sad aspect of early Doctor Who is that the character of the companions were hardly expanded upon. In steps Big Finish, who produce the monthly Companion Chronicles series, which sees one former companion (along with another actor) tell a story about The Doctor, their life after The Doctor or about their own adventures in between. The Last Post is the last performance of Caroline John as Liz Shaw and is more than a fitting epilogue to the character. Set during her time with The Doctor and UNIT, the majority of the story is told through letters and phone calls from Liz to her mother (Emily) and back again. I really enjoyed this format and found it easy to listen to, sometimes the usual way of having an actor just read a story to you and doing voices, can prove to be difficult to follow (especially with some of the plots that Doctor Who provides!) Rowena Cooper is fantastic as Liz’ mother and it’s incredibly sad to learn from the CD extras that everyone was interested in doing more stories with Liz and Emily, but sadly we won’t get to hear them. Taking place throughout her time with UNIT (listen out for all the references!) Liz and her Mother exchange letters about their lives and the story slowly morphs into a plot involving murders, ironically by people receiving letters. As the story goes on, we learn more about Liz’ family and Emily learns more about her daughter’s life at work and the people she works with, especially the strange man that calls himself The Doctor! As the story goes on, we learn that there’s a link with people who have

been turning up dead and Emily Shaw is more involved as she’d like to be… What The Last Post does, is to provide a character for someone who lacked it during her time on the show. It gives her a back-story to invest yourself in, a family, an understanding of why the character was portrayed as she was. The main plot weaves its way into their lives and eventually takes over. making Liz and her Mother work together, despite the pair seeming like polar opposites in terms of their characters. It’s a story that could have easily been fit into Season 7 quite comfortably and works well as a companion piece to that year. The name ‘Companion Chronicle’ has probably never seemed so apt! All that’s left to say is that if you enjoyed that year of Doctor Who, this is a must listen and a perfect footnote to the character of Elizabeth Shaw. Go and get it!  DANIEL GEE

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Review of The Ambassadors of Death DVD I’ve always had a real soft spot for The Ambassadors of Death. I don’t know exactly why: there’s a high frequency of set wobbling, it has two examples of my least favourite cliff hanger, it doesn’t really end properly and it’s always existed in pretty poor quality. I had a copy taped of UK Gold in the early nineties where one of the episodes had such a hissy soundtrack the announcer had to apologise first. On the positives, though, it’s packed full of action, intrigue and incident – too packed, as it turns out, to end properly within its seven episodes, leaving the Doctor to empower Liz Shaw, walk out and leave them to it! It’s gritty, well made (set wobbles notwithstanding), well performed, well directed and the remaining four cliff hangers are cracking. Plus it’s got that extra cliff hanger at the beginning of each episode with the split titles which is a real curio but works SO well. It’s easily Liz Shaw’s best story. She has a proactive and involved sub-plot which utilises her as a scientist, not just as a cipher or a way of the villain getting at the Doctor. Inferno may have given Caroline John the widest scope as an actor, but Ambassadors gives the character her best screen time and shows her mettle when not restricted by Pertwee’s frankly overbearing Doctor. Michael Ferguson is justly proud of the serial as a whole, and over-spending Barry Letts’ budget, but particularly of his cliff hangers and his use of the scream into the closing theme. Personally I have always felt that the ‘scream’ has more impact when it runs over the visuals, but here you immediately cut away to the titles. Yes, there’s shock value, but my brain had already adjusted to the fact that the titles were playing before it had

time to be unnerved by the ‘scream’. I was surprised, reading the productions subtitles, that the episode one cliff hanger was changed from Cornish speaking at an obviously empty capsule to Taltalian pulling a gun on our heroes, shock-horror. This is a real shame as the hopelessness of Cornish’s unheard messages has much more dramatic impact. I have a personal dislike of enemy-pulls-a-gun-on-Doctor-orCompanion cliff hangers anyway, as you rarely believe that they will go through with the action (this is why Caves of Androzani part two succeeds). Also by the time the episode was edited they would have known that they’d be repeating the cliff hanger at the end of part 6. I’ll take a ‘talkie’ cliff hanger over a will they / won’t they shoot ‘em one any day – hence the impact of the famous episode 2 ending. Episode 3, with Liz apparently falling into the water, is very well shot and episode 4 is very well crafted for a Doctor-in-mortal-peril event. Episode 5 is nice, but it’s let down by the visuals. I’d read various reviews about the DVD release before I bought it. My expectations were raised from reading how great the colour restoration work was on it. But, frankly, I could have cried the first time I watched it. I didn’t mind the patchy colour version of Invasion of The Dinosaurs part one in the UNIT boxset, because the BBC were wise enough to promote the B&W version as the primary one, with the best-efforts colour recovery version as an alternative extra. I’ll only watch the colour version now. I just wish they’d done that with The Ambassadors of Death as well. Episode one, of course, looks gorgeous, but the blotchy, patchy colour mapped on to the grainy prints for the other six episodes was so distracting that I forgot about enjoying the story and just scrutinised the images instead. I enjoyed

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 it a bit more the second time around when my expectations had already been shattered but I’d be amazed if this version was ever allowed to be broadcast on TV in its current state. I know re-colourisation from scratch is being applied to The Mind of Evil part one, with colour recovery being used for the remaining five episodes, and it’ll be interesting to see how that release compares next year. I’m also in no doubt that as soon as the technology becomes cheap enough Ambassadors 2-7 and Dinosaurs 1 are bound to be revisited and colourised properly from scratch so that they come a bit closer to the standard set by the frankly beautiful Planet of The Daleks part 3. I think what I object to most about the Ambassadors release is that it was sold to me by both reviewers and the packaging, on a false premise. Yes, it is wonderful that we can see it complete in some sort of colour version at last – but for God’s sake manage people’s expectations. I’ve not been this disappointed in a release since I picked up the early ‘Missing Stories’ releases on cassette and found I’d purchased two tapes’ worth of white noise and hiss. I can only wonder what Ambassadors must have looked like when they were originally going to release it in 2011... As for the extras, the main ‘making-of’ doco Mars Probe 7 is a fine effort drawing the uncanny parallels with the Apollo 13 mission, although I would have liked to see some archive footage of Barry Letts to compliment what Terrance Dicks and Michael Ferguson were saying from the production side. There was a very heavy emphasis on the Havoc team too and although this was fine I felt it over-balanced the piece. We needed to hear from some actors as

well, to round it off. It’s a shame that the timing was out (presumably) on getting contributions from Nick Courtney, Caroline John and Peter Halliday when they recorded the commentary, as even some brief input from these would have made the piece feel more comprehensive and complete. As it was I found myself wanting to revisit The UNIT Family Part 1 doco from the Inferno DVD. Peter Purves does a fine job on Tomorrow’s Times, a series which I feel touches too lightly on the press reactions with its Points of View-style. I’d be happier to see more analysis of the coverage, but it aims for a light overview and that’s what we get. The trailer is another one of those little gems we’re SO lucky to have, and it’s great that it’s got the same energy and intensity as the episodes themselves. Overall this was a release that divided me: I love the story, but the visuals are very distracting in its current format. The extras are fine, but just short of being brilliant. The commentary is an unwittingly emotional affair to us three years down the line. Can I just ask as well, is it only me who finds the ‘courting space modules’ music in episode one uncomfortably perverse? It seems like background music for a sleazy hotel sex scene in a mid-sixties Brit-flick. I know it’s referencing Kubrick and 2001, but it just makes me shudder in its Hammond glory, particularly when the modules ‘join’. OK, so it’s just me then. Fine!  TIM GAMBRELL

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How Do You Solve A Problem Like Ian Levine?

There are some names in the world of Doctor Who that bring up strong opinions in a heartbeat. Some names are new ones likes Russell T Davies or Steven Moffat. Others are old names like John Nathan-Turner and Eric Saward. And then there’s Ian Levine: music producer, collector of DC comics and fan of Doctor Who. The fact is though that Levine is far more than just another Doctor Who fan. He’s hunted for missing episodes, been an unofficial continuity advisor to the show (1980-86), put together DVD extras and, most recently, been involved in the reconstruction of the material edited out of “Planet Of Giants” as well as being the man behind the oft mentioned animated version of “Shada”. He’s also a controversial and outspoken figure who has often been critical of others be they the show’s makers, fellow fans or those involved in putting together the DVD range. The question then is: exactly what is Ian Levine’s role in Doctor Who? Before we go any further I will say two things up front. The first is that I do not know Ian Levine personally. I have never met him or spoken to him in person. Secondly, I have had no contact with him. The most contact I have had is when he quoted a post I made on Gallifrey Base about his recon of Terrance Dicks’ novel The Eight Doctors that he was putting together, and I mentioned that having interviewed Mr.

Dicks for The Terrible Zodin fanzine, he had not mentioned it being turned into a video project as Levine claimed it was being considered for. Levine quoted my post and gave an explanation. So I have no axe to grind, no grudge to bear, no hidden agenda, etc. I am simply going by what has been said in interviews with Mr. Levine both on various DVDs and his recent three hour interview with the DWO Whocast as well as his posts on Gallifrey Base and Twitter. In short: I am a fan trying to make sense of things. For those who might be asking who Ian Levine is well… To begin at the beginning, Ian Levine was simply a fan, like so many of us. But Levine’s family owned a Blackpool club where Levine was able to meet such Who luminaries as Jon Pertwee in the early 1970s. This also meant that Levine was also well off and able to start his own recording company. At this same time, Levine became actively involved in the burgeoning fandom of the series in the UK. He was an early member of the Doctor Who Appreciation Society (DWAS) and in 1978, after getting permissions from various unions and with financial help from other DWAS members, was able to get into the BBC Archives to watch episodes and later purchase them. It was then that the destruction of episodes became apparent and Levine was able to alert Sue Malden, the recently appointed head of the BBC Film and Videotape Library, to stop the destruction of episodes. From there Levine became involved in the hunt for the missing episodes, eventually locating episodes of “The War Machines” and “The Time Meddler” in Australia and in Africa. Events though were soon to give Levine an even bigger role in the show’s legacy. Levine met John Nathan-Turner soon after the latter’s appointment as

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 producer of Doctor Who. Levine soon became an unofficial continuity supervisor to the production team as part of an effort to tie the current series into what was then an almost two decade long run of stories. His role led to changes both minor and major as time went on. The major changes led to an ongoing controversy about Levine’s role (or perhaps lack thereof) in the writing of 1985’s “Attack Of The Cybermen” for example. Levine also became something of a spokesman for the series including appearances on television during the 1985 hiatus crisis. But Levine’s role was soon to change and this brings us to the other side of the story. Levine would end up becoming highly critical of John Nathan-Turner as a result of events during 1985-86. The first of these was on the sixth of April 1985 when, at DWAS event where Levine revealed the news that Season 23 would have a reduced count of episodes and urged the 500 or so attendants to write into the BBC and complain. Levine was accused of “rabble rousing” in DWAS’ Celestial Toyroom and Nathan-Turner soon took to the stage to deny what Levine was saying, though time proved him to be right. The second event was the casting of Bonnie Langford as Mel which, according to Levine’s recent interview with the DWO Whocast, led to a falling out over the phone. In the decades since those events, Levine has continued to be involved in Who fandom. He has been involved on and off with the VHS and DVD ranges ranging from the William Russell narration links for the VHS release of “The Crusade” to such DVD special features as “Genesis Of A Classic” and the recently released reconstruction of the edited out material from “Planet Of Giants”. Yet Levine has no shied away from controversy either as seen recently with the controversy surrounding his animated version of the uncompleted

fourth Doctor story “Shada” and why it isn’t being released on DVD when he offered it for free to 2 Entertain. Or the fact that Levine’s various animated reconstructions of various unproduced television stories aren’t seeing the light of day either despite thousands of pounds being spent on them by Levine. Ultimately, after all this history and controversy, the question is this: what is Ian Levine’s role in Doctor Who, its fandom and ultimately what is his legacy? On the surface, Levine would appear to have been in a position that most fans would give just about anything for. Levine’s parents and his own success as a music producer gave him the financial opportunity to go into the BBC Archives at a time when home video was just getting going (Levine bought his first VCR in the mid-1970s for example) and, as the story goes, stop the destruction of episodes starting with the entire first Dalek story. If that wasn’t enough, he got to be involved with the show itself through his role as continuity supervisor. He got to read scripts, make notes and have an actual influence over the series as it was being made in the early to mid1980s. Yet the question is if this influence over the series was a good thing or not. Levine said in the documentary “The Depths” on the “Warriors of the Deep” DVD that “Being able to make John listen to me, I often wanted to see a fan’s dream come true. He started bringing the Master back and the Cybermen back. And everyone was so knocked out and giving John such adulation, he looked more and more to bring the big things back.” This statement is an intriguing one then for a number of reasons. The first is that it helps to explain the trend that began towards the end of Season 18 and would continue for the

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 next six years. That is the emphasis laid on the show’s past and how it came into play within the ongoing series. Levine’s notes led to changes as mentioned earlier. One of the earliest changes comes in “State Of Decay” where the name of the ship, later castle, was changed from Hyperion to Hydrax due to another spaceship of that name appearing in the story “The Mutants” broadcast eight years before. While this was an insignificant change, others were not to be. Levine, also in “The Depths”, discusses his continuity notes for “Warriors Of The Deep” and how there were “28…major things” and that, when script editor Eric Saward’s attempts to fix these led to even more issues. The result ended up being a twisted version of what writer Johnny Byrne had intended as the story became muddled in continuity from previous decade old stories, creating problems in the process. In retrospect, it almost feels that Saward took his frustrations with Levine’s plethora of continuity gripes out on the script as his rewrites led to an increased body count as characters that lived in the original script were systematically killed off. Given the rushed production of the story, perhaps Levine should have stepped back instead of sending a long list of notes which only served to further complicate matters. In Levine’s own words: “Eric had enough and says ‘I’m not having any more of this. I’m sick of this. Are we making a show for the fans or are we making a show for the public?’” This anecdote ultimately raises the specter of the show’s fall from grace and this era of the show being remembered as one where continuity became so heavy that only a longtime fan could understand some stories. The prime example of this type of story comes in Season 22 “Attack Of the Cybermen”. The story is heavily based in the Cybermen stories of the past including the destruction of their home-

world of Mondas from their debut story “The Tenth Planet”, the Cybermen using the London sewers from “The Invasion” as well as the Cyber-Controller and the titular tomb of the Cybermen from the (then missing) 1967 story of the same name. There’s also Lytton from the previous year’s “Resurrection Of The Daleks” as well as the TARDIS chameleon circuit (which functions on and off throughout the first episode). This was to be televised Doctor Who at its most continuity heavy, having gone from references and occasional flashbacks in stories such as “Earthshock” and “Mawdryn Undred” to instead relying entirely on the show’s past to tell a story rather than trying to move forwards. Perhaps not surprisingly, Ian Levine would appear to be involved. While credited to Paula Moore (who in fact was Paula Woolsey), behind that name lies an ongoing debate about who really wrote the story. Depending on who you believe one of three things happened. One: Paula Woolsey originated the script but Saward had to heavily rewrite it. Two: Levine created the plot, Saward wrote the script and Woolsey took the credit for reasons of BBC and Writer’s Union rules and regulations. Three: Levine and Saward co-wrote the script. All three have given differing versions of events over the years and, as a result of the apparent subterfuge employed by bring Woolsey/Moore onboard, the issue may never be settled. Whoever wrote the story and whatever Levine’s involvement it would appear that, given Levine’s role as continuity supervisor, he must have been involved. “Attack” then seems to be a story where Levine was given free rein to create what was a greatest hit’s album for the Cybermen. While the first episode makes use of continuity (the sewers, the chameleon circuit, Lytton to name the three major examples), it is the story’s second and final episode that the

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 continuity comes on fast and loose. The result is a tangled skein that it is all but impenetrable to many fans, let along members of the general public. Yet for fans, the story served simply as an example of what happens when loose ends and memories of a story thought to be lost forever are forced to fit into a story already too complex for its own good. Levine’s influence had gone from minor to major with results both good (the return of the Master, “Earthshock”) and bad (the continuing emphasis on the show’s past as seen in “Attack”). How did this happen? It’s often been noted by Eric Saward and others involved with the show that NathanTurner sought out the approval of the fans. Perhaps, in catering to Levine’s wishes as a fan, Nathan-Turner believed he would garner the very approval he sought. This in turn led to frustrations for Saward, rewriting scripts not only to serve Nathan-Turner’s insistence on linking stories together but also to cater to Levine’s continuity notes. This could lead to weird moments of misremembered events (see the scene in ‘Warriors Of The Deep” part four where the fifth Doctor and the Silurian leader “remember” events from the Pertwee era) which was something that Levine was there to prevent to begin with. Nathan-Turner has been accused by many (including Levine himself in the Whocast interview) of pandering to the fans to the point of losing the public and, in that interview, Levine takes some of the blame quite rightly. Levine’s power within fandom at the time though is apparent in the events at the DWAS event in 1985 and his actions when he left the series effectively. Levine’s announcement of reduced episodes incurred the wrath of NathanTurner at the time, forcing him to issue an ultimately false denial and led to DWAS’ fanzine The Celestial Toyroom basically denouncing him in their May 1985 issue with the headline “Who Do

You Believe?” as well as its editor likening his effect on attendants to being like “a Hitler rally”. Levine’s falling out with Nathan-Turner led to him taking part in two events that ultimately damaged the reputation of the show both with fans and with the BBC. The first was in setting up the infamous interview in Starburst magazine where Saward attacked Nathan-Turner quite publicly. The second was his involvement with Gary Leigh’s DWB in its “JNT Must Go!” campaign that eventually led to threats of legal action and led to a belief that even the fans didn’t like the show anymore. That isn’t to put all the blame on Levine, but his actions didn’t help what was already a precarious situation. Levine’s involvement continued during the 1990s and 2000s. He supplied the color tapes that he had arranged to have recorded in the US of several Pertwee era stories to allow re-colorization of those stories to take place. Levine became involved with the extras for the DVD range directing documentaries on the DVDs of “The Edge Of Destruction” and “Genesis Of The Daleks”, including the latter’s making of documentary “Genesis Of A Classic”. Yet even here Levine couldn’t avoid being controversial with criticisms of the work of other extras producer’s. This included criticizing the decision not to include a reconstruction of the then entirely missing first Doctor story “Galaxy 4” on DVD as well as being extremely critical of the errors and changes made in animating the two missing episodes of “The Invasion”. Perhaps as a result of his feelings on the animation of “The Invasion”, Levine began to undertake his own animation projects. Perhaps the best known one of these is “Shada”. Costing £24,500 to make, Levine brought together nearly the entire supporting cast of the story (the notable exception of Tom Baker who, once again depending on where you ready, was either unaffordable or uninterested) to create audio for un-

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 filmed scenes, Levine brought together a team of animators to animate those same scenes during 2010 and 2011. In the meantime, word leaked out onto various Doctor Who forums and saw an ongoing conflict between both Levine and his supporters with fans who questioned both the quality of the production and the logic of producing it unofficially with the intention of presenting it for official release in the future. Nevertheless, Levine presented it to 2 Entertain shortly after it was completed in September of 2011. In late October of that year though, 2 Entertain announced that the Levine animation would not be included on their planned DVD set containing the story. While Levine was understandably upset, as was his supporters, this led to anger being directed at members who raised concerns that had been expressed months before. Levine himself laying the blame for the rejection not on the quality of the production (which had been seen by a select handful of member of the Gallifrey Base forum and reviewed by some of them) but on the shortsightedness of 2 Entertain and his previous feuding with others involved in the DVD range. The exact reasons for the rejection haven’t been revealed as of writing. Speculation is rampant, thanks in large part to the lack of reason given and Levine’s own comments in the Whocast interview. Levine’s reasons aren’t the only possible reasons that it was rejected. 2 Entertain announced its own plans as Levine was doing the animation for example. Levine also made the animation without clearing any of the rights (an action he defends by saying “I never would have gotten the clearances anyways,”) or perhaps the lack of Tom Baker participating in the voice work. It might even be the quality of the animation itself that might not be up to the standards set after the animation of

“The Invasion”. It might also be the fact that “Shada” has (between the 1992 VHS reconstruction with Tom Baker’s linking narration, the 2003 Big Finish/BBCi webcast and the recent Gareth Roberts novelization) has been complete different times now. Shada has the status of a lost story but perhaps it doesn’t quite deserve it at this point. Something that came to light as a result of the “Shada” animation was that Levine was also working on animating other missing and unproduced Doctor Who stories. These various unofficial productions including the stories lost from the aborted Season 23, The Dark Dimension, an augmented version of the fan film Downtime now featuring the seventh Doctor and “Mission To The Unknown”. To do this Levine used some of the original actors, voice impersonators and voice actors along with animation to create and recreate stories. Like Shada, these projects were done unofficially but, as a result of that animation, were given public attention and Levine attempting to get these released as well. It would appear that 2 Entertain, perhaps for the same reasons, have rejected these as well. Yet what is troubling is the way that Levine and his supporters took their anger out on fans. While Levine certainly has ruffled feathers prior to this point, how many of the people that were attacked were simply fans who, having looked at the situation from a different perspective, pointed out the same issues that I have above? Levine’s projects are, at the end of the day, fan productions. While some fan productions have ended up on DVDs in the past (such as the section of the fan film Devious featuring Jon Pertwee that was included on “The War Games” for example), does this mean that the door must be opened to every, single production that comes along that someone presents? Of course it doesn’t.

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 There is though one Levine project that has seen the light of day: the reconstruction of what was originally parts three and four of “Planet Of Giants”. This reconstruction, featuring a mix of newly recorded audio, augmented footage from the edited down final episode and computer animation, was released on the story’s DVD release across the world in August and September of 2012. This reconstruction seems to have been well received for the most part though some of the animation and voice work has come in for criticism in some circles. Levine was somewhat angered by some of these criticisms and those criticisms, along with controversy surrounding a script excerpt from one of the unproduced stories he was creating, have led to Levine taking a hiatus from posting the Gallifrey Base forum (though he returned to posting in mid-October). What has been the latest source of controversy is the interview Levine gave to the DWO Whocast that was released in August 2012 as episodes 256 and 257, lasting three hours all together. The interview gave Levine a platform to vent his anger at all corners of the Doctor Who world from 2 Entertain to Big Finish Productions for its range of Doctor Who – The Lost Stories (and Levine’s feelings about what should and shouldn’t be in that range), hints of his production (and the lengths he has gone to in the process of making them), as well as once again telling stories from his hunting for missing episodes, his version of events regarding “Attack” and criticizing Nathan-Turner (revealing that there was a biography of Nathan-Turner in the works). What comes across strongest in the interview is Levine’s bitterness at how his projects will never see the light of the day and a sense of entitlement because of his role in the

hunt of missing episodes and his time as continuity supervisor. The example Levine highlights is trying to get a ticket to the BFI screening of Asylum Of The Daleks and the reaction of people on Twitter when Levine said that his high profile made it impossible for him to queue like other fans. Levine comes across less as a fan of the show than a man who feels entitled to something because he’s a fan. Now given all of this from the recovering of missing episodes to his role in the demise of the old series to his criticisms and controversies he has been involved in, the question remains: what is Levine’s role within the world of Doctor Who? Does he deserve our gratitude or our scorn? Levine’s role within fandom is as complex as fandom itself. He is owed some gratitude for his role in recovering missing episodes but that doesn’t mean he’s owed a ticket to a BFI screening of Asylum Of The Daleks. Levine also played his part in the downfall of the old series as well not to mention how both his vocal criticisms of the DVD range and the way he went about producing and promoting his animation projects have also created a section of fandom left both angry and disappointed by some of the decisions made that didn’t go along with Levine’s vision. Yet or all the good he has done, it seems that in the final analysis, Levine has likely done as much harm. Perhaps there’s an old saying that sums up this situation. And perhaps, if the Whocast interview is to be believed, perhaps Levine himself might feel this way. “Be careful what you wish for…”  MATTHEW KRESAL

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Whostrology There seems to be many fan-written books based on Doctor Who knocking about these days. Many of them seem to tread the same old ground as others have done before, whereas some carve out a nice niche for themselves. Recently the release of Whostrology, a Doctor Whoâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;themed Horoscope guide, has gone down very well due in no small part to itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s humorous entries, originality and excellent illustrations. Here we chat to author Michael M. GilroySinclair about the book, horoscopes and their relation to Doctor Who. Hello Michael! How did the idea to do Horoscopes, based on Doctor Who Horoscopes (Whoroscopes?), come about? And what made you expand it into a book?

saw it as... on some odd level... as connected. I worded out what was on when my best friend Andy was born and the idea grew from there. I sat down and worked out a sarcastic astrology for all of the (then) 200 stories. I did most of those over a few months and then my wife suggested that I send them to a publisher. The most obvious candidate was Telos. Telos have been producing high quality Doctor Who and SF titles for many years and is run by the Uber Fan David J Howe. David rang me up and said that he loved it and suggested that I cange the format from.. what was basically a sarcastic episode guide to something much more in depth. I would take ever single episode (over 780) and work out which day of the year they were shown. Combine the readings for days with multiple episodes and see what happens.

Like most Doctor Who fans, I worked out what story was on when I was born (I arrived 6 hours before episode two of The Sea Devils.) and being a Pieces I

This would involve re-watching every episode of Doctor Who and being sarcastic about them all. Turning that sarcasm into an astrology style reading and seeing what was left. (I say rewatching but you know what I mean...) Due to the broadcast nature of the show, there were more episodes shown in the autumn, winter and spring, leaving the

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 summer relatively sparse in comparison. Dave suggested that I find the birthdays of Doctor Who people and include them. Working out an psudoastrological reading from the character they played. Soon after that came the suggestion that I incorporate a Chinese style astrological reading. But instead of ‘Year of the Rat’ I would have ‘Year of the Meddlesome Teachers’ (1963.) etc. Beyond that was the inclusion of the Illustrations (over 375!) from the tremendously talented Deborah Taylor which gives my words a brilliant gloss. The way that the book is structured – using 50 years of back catalogue means that it isn’t specific to any year and can be used for any year so it isn’t specific to 2013. Though it is the perfect Christmas gift for the fan who has everything… So to answer your question. It simply seemed like a good idea at the time How much research into Horoscopes did you do, and did you find out any interesting facts that you didn't know before? As a child I was ‘into’ mysticism/religion/the power of faith in big way however that was many MANY years ago. So when I started the project I actually did some actual research into ‘real’ astrology in order to get a feel for the language used and the style of delivery. If I could imagine Mystic Meg reading it in her dulcet tones then I knew was on the right track. However it is not a real astrology. It is Whostrology. It was always intended as a humorous book. And hopefully that’s what I have achieved. The book is very much a humorous look at Doctor Who and Horoscopes, however do you think Horoscopes can be a serious guide to a persons life?

I would point anyone thinking that ‘real’ astrology was be used as a guide to running your day to Dave Gormans experiment where he and his identical twin brother chose to live their life by their astrology readings and the subsequent nightmare that brought for Dave. So, basically. No. On a sarcastic note I can’t see how one twelfth of the population of the earth can have roughly the same day. The concept of Horoscopes seems so apt for a show that involves stars and planets (and one that is also into spreading messages of morality and guidance!) are you surprised nobody else picked up on the idea of Whostrology before? I am always surprised that this idea seems to be original. But I am also aware that it took many years to research and write this book so I am not surprised that I have never seen anything like it before. The morality of the show is something I hold very dear and see it as one of the most positive aspects of British Television. The book has a reading for every day of the year, how difficult was it to write entries for any days when a episode of Doctor Who wasn't on? I was tremendously lucky with birthdays of cast members. I could look up the characters they played in which stories and let my imagination run free. Except for October the 3rd where there was no discernable Doctor Who related birthday or event. Thanks to an email I received after asking for help on the podcast alliance forum – and a direct message to Andrew Pixley). It was pointed out that on the 4th of October – 1963. Sidney Newman took Verity and Waris out to a Chinese restaurant to order a reshoot. So on the 3rd of October. There was a booking made at the restaurant. Thus

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 making it the most obscure Whostrology date of the year. Let's test you - If I was, say a gingerhaired lady from Pease Pottage with a loud voice, a fitness fetish and quite alarming shell suits, what would my birthday reading be? Ahhh (best Tom Baker Impression) That would be July 22nd , A date with no episodes shown on but with the birthdays of Tommy Duggan (1909), Geoffrey Durham (1949) and indeed Bonnie Langford (1964). The Whostrology reading for this day is... Something nasty in a jar will show you a secret fear – Until you scream and scream until you are sick. You may be seen as a cruel and cynical attempt to put a beloved show to death or merely as a pantomime villain.

Thanks to Michael for taking the time to answer our questions! You can find out more information on the book at http://whostrology.com

THIS MONTHS HOTS AND NOTS (Sponsored By Angel Travel – “any time, any place”) HOT 13 episodes Teletext Brian Williams Burning soufflés Sherlock Hound Snazzy Cardigans The Key To Time Markets D84 Pencils as a prize Flares at Ice Hockey games Ace Rimmer (what a guy!) Jago and Litefoot Killer robot parrots Bonfire Night – Burning rubbish in the back garden and running around making firework noises Having grass in your garden Harriet Jones (MP for Flydale North)

NOT 5 episodes The Internet Arthur Weasley Fish Fingers and Custard (Better not mean the fanzine! – Ed) Elementary Paul’s Boutique The End of Time Shopping Centres C-3PO Medals as a prize Drums at Ice Hockey games Chuck Norris Holmes and Watson Guns that come out of your hand Bonfire Night – Buying loads of actual fireworks to look good in front of your kids. Having concrete flags in your garden Nadine Dorries (MP for Mid Bedfordshire)

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Big Buster Boozler’s

Doctor Who Quiz

There’s been a sad event in the UK recently – Ceefax has been switched off. To be honest, we only used it for the football scores anyway - the kids who kept it real knew that Teletext is where it was at. We booked a holiday off it and everything. For those not in the know, Teletext was an interactive service on your telly that produced news and personal adverts for you to browse at your leisure. An internet without all the angry people, if you will. Apart from being the pioneers of early 90’s soft-porn and soap operas set in Liverpool, Channel 4 was also host to the legendary Teletext quiz, Bamboozle. Brian Boozler hosted the quiz every weekday, whereas his son, Buster, hosted a kids version every Saturday. So to cut a long story short (and to avoid a possible lawsuit) Buster is now all grown up and is known as Big Buster, and we’re delighted to say that he’s agreed to hosting this Doctor Who-themed quiz for us (nearly) every issue. Sadly, we don’t have a remote for you to choose the answers, nor will we annoy you by sending you back to the start if you get a question wrong and have Buster’s little sister take the piss.

Q1. Which is the only Doctor Who episode NOT to feature The Doctor and his companions? Q2. What is name of Russell T. Davies’ New Adventure Novel? Q3. Which is the only Doctor Who story NOT to feature any incidental music? Q4. What ‘production mistake’ was made with Rory’s name badge in The Eleventh Hour? Q5. During the 1960’s, what was Doctor Who known as in Latin America? (Answers on page 46)

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

The Doctor And The Ripper This article – originally published on my blog - examines how the Jack the Ripper canon has been depicted in Doctor Who media since that initial mention of ‘Jolly Jack’ in The Talons of Weng-Chiang (1977), with particular emphasis on the novel, Matrix. Written by Robert Perry and Mike Tucker, Matrix (BBC Books, 1998) features the return of the Valeyard, and offers yet another contribution, albeit fictional, to the pseudo-science that is Ripperology.

Firstly, some context. Recent interest in the Whitechapel Murders was renewed by the film From Hell (2001), and the case was reassessed by the Discovery Channel’s interactive Trial of Jack the Ripper (2002), were James Maybrick – revealed as a suspect in 1992 – was found guilty by the audience/jury. Many theories and suspects have since been advanced in dozens of books. Even famous crime writer Patricia Cornwell (see Portrait of a Killer, Sphere, and BBC1′s Omnibus, both 2002) named noted

Victorian artist Walter Sickert (first postulated by Stephen Knight in 1976, then by Jean Overton Fuller in 1990) as the Ripper, after spending millions of dollars on research. Two more suspects were revealed in 2005: The 21st Century Investigation (Trevor Marriott, Blake) provided seaman Carl Feigenbaum, whilst Uncle Jack (Tony Williams/Humphrey Price, Orion) cited surgeon Sir John Williams. Three years later, Marriott presented further findings that the Ripper had claimed two more victims in Central London, as early as 1863! In 2010, co-authors David Monaghan and Nigel Cawthorne reasoned that a Victorian pornographer, known only as Walter, was the Ripper (Secret Confession, Skyhorse). Then last year Ripperologist Robert House supported a contemporary suspect, Aaron Kosminski (The Case for Scotland Yard’s Prime Suspect, Wiley), whilst Tom Slemen speculated that Jack was in fact a British Intelligence Agent (Bluecoat). Now, twenty years after the notorious Ripper ‘diary’ surfaced in Liverpool, the killer’s latest ‘memoirs’ also purport to provide his true identity (The Autobiography, James Carnac, Bantam). And the 'Jill the Ripper' theory favoured by Conan Doyle, and first suggested by Inspector Abberline himself - is examined again in yet another new book, The Hands of a Woman (John Morris, Seren). Here, the latest candidate, Lizzie Williams, is actually the wife of another suspect (see Uncle Jack above)! The first series of ITV1′s excellent Whitechapel (2009) even dramatised the murders of a modern-day Ripper copycat. The aftermath of the "Autumn of Terror" is also explored in the forthcoming BBC drama, Ripper Street. Finally, the most recent TV documentaries on the subject were: Killer Revealed (Discovery, 11/10/09), Tabloid Killer (24/6/10), and The Definitive Story (11 & 20/1/11) – both for Channel Five – and Marriott's The German Suspect on National Geographic just last week. Matrix establishes that the infamous murders of 1888 resulted in a bloody revolution (as was feared by the establishment at the time) that caused an alternate timeline, where, by 1966, London is under US-controlled

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 quarantine. The city is beseiged by the walking dead and street-gangs who worship Jack. Here the Doctor and Ace encounter a local couple. Ian and Barbara, who never met Susan Foreman. They and the visiting American President, John F Kennedy, are killed by zombies, and the Doctor determines to put recorded history back on track. When the book's narrative first moves to the 'Autumn of Terror' (page 63), East End local, Jed Barrow has been following "shadows" in the fog for months, and had even heard the "strangled screams" of the second Ripper victim at Hanbury Street [2] (we can actually dismiss the trademark 'pea-soup' fogs because it was never foggy during any of the slayings). Jed also watched the police search of the yard at number 29, and even "found two gold rings". In fact, two brass rings were apparently taken by the killer from Chapman's left hand, but never recovered (two similar cheap rings were discovered amongst suspect Francis Tumblety's belongings after his death in 1903). Jed later meets Jacques Malacroix, the tyrannical circus-owner, at Mitre Square, as the police remove Eddowes' [4] body. Malacroix wants to find the Ripper to display with his other freaks, and so employs Jed as his "eyes". There had already been a murder that night, the first of the so-called 'double event' when a prostitute had been "cut from ear to ear". This was the victim's only injury because the killer was supposedly disturbed by Louis Diemschutz, and he needed to sate his bloodlust by seeking another kill. The murder of this third canonical victim [3] has led to further speculation that she wasn't slain by the Ripper at all, but by a copycat killer (or that this single murder was hidden amidst the series). Nearly six weeks later, Jed witnesses the arrival of the TARDIS at a Thameside wharf, and recalls similar magical scenes at Mr Jago's Palace Theatre (p. 69, see The Talons of Weng-Chiang, 1977). Coming under immediate mental attack, the Doctor explains to Ace that according to the distorted version of history (studied from Barbara Wright's books in 1966), a sixth Ripper murder, one that should never have happened, occurs on the very wharf where the travellers have landed (p. 72).

Coincidentally, John F Plimmer is convinced that the Ripper was based in docklands (In the Footsteps of the Whitechapel Murders, Book Guild, 1998). Trevor Marriott later named a merchant seaman, the German Carl Feigenbaum, as the killer (2005), and even speculated that the murderer had first struck in 1863, then 1872! In channel Five's Mapping Murder (2002), however, geographical profiler David Carter speculates that Jack's lair was in the Middlesex Street area - the actual location of Ripper 'diarist' James Maybrick's London rooms. This would-be victim, a young woman wearing a cream dress (presumably the one that Ace changed into at Gabriel Chase in 1883, see Ghost Light, 1989) was never identified, and the subsequent 'Jacksprite' incidents spiralled out of control. Interestingly, the Ripper episode of The Outer Limits (1999) features a victim credited only as a "woman in [a] cream dress". ITV mini-series Jack the Ripper (1988) also includes a sixth (staged) murder attempt, whilst From Hell (2001) reinterprets the fifth canonical killing by presenting the murder of a French prostitute mistaken for Kelly [5]. The Doctor now transforms fully into the 'Ripper' in "a sudden swirl of wind and leaves" (page 73), an event forseen in Relative Dementias (Mark Michalowski, 2002). He attacks 'Dorothy' with a glass shard and she flees, now cut and bloodied. Ace runs into horse-slaughterer Henry Tomkins, who presumes that 'Leather Apron' [i] has attacked her. "They say he's a medical man" he states, which was a common assumption from 1888 onwards - a Doctor perhaps! Tomkins [ii] is the only real-life person connected with the case who appears in Matrix (although the generic Scotland Yard detective who later questions Ace remains anonymous). Later Ace takes a room in Whitechapel Road, but she finds the area so different to the East End seen in Illegal Alien (also by Tucker and Perry, 1997). When Jed retrieves the TARDIS telepathic circuit he has a vision of the London Blitz, as well as seeing the "Cheetah girl" Ace (see Survival, 1989). The next day sees Kelly's murder in Miller's Court [5] - the only one committed indoors -

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 so we can assume that the time-travellers arrived on Thursday November 8th 1888. Now posing as Dorothy Gale (the heroine of The Wizard of Oz), Ace finds work in service at Treddle's Wharf, whilst the amnesiac Doctor is sheltered and christened 'Johnny' by his new friend, Joseph Liebermann. The funeral conducted at Christ Church, Spitalfields (p. 173) must be Kelly's, since she was buried on November 19th [iii]. In attendance at the graveside are the Doctor, Liebermann, and Malacroix, who remarks that "the Jews will be blamed for this". This echoes the real 'graffito' chalked on a wall at Goulston Street on the night of the double event. Recorded thus (and removed on Sir Charles Warren's orders): "The Juwes are the men That Will not be Blamed for nothing" the mis-spelling is believed to be deliberate. Allegedly scrawled by the murderer, this message was left on a wall above another clue, Eddowes' [4] bloody apron, and has an apparent double meaning. It served as an anti-semitic reference left near Jewish dwellings, besides containing the Masonic phrase "Juwes". Malacroix then acquires Nicholls' [1] bloodstained dress, and states that "some people claimed that Martha Tabram had been the first [victim], nearly a month earlier. They were wrong" (p. 204). He seems well informed because many contemporaries assumed that Tabram [iv] along with at least three other non-canonical victims, was indeed killed by the Ripper. When the Doctor eventually discovers the telepathic circuit, he regains his memory. He recalls his last trial, and even senses his future gunshot injuries and consequent eigth incarnation. The Time Lord then confronts the Ripper in the crypt of Christ Church. The killer is revealed as the Valeyard (see The Trial of a Time Lord, 1986), and his lair is in fact the Doctor's warped TARDIS which now houses the Dark Matrix. They battle on the bell-tower as the corrupted time-ship dies, and the Valeyard falls to his death. As they prepare to leave London, the Doctor tells Ace that "those particular five women had to die. Simply because that's the way it happened". This reinforces the belief that there were indeed five Ripper victims. Notes: [i] Contemporaneous suspect John Pizer was

known in the East End as 'Leather Apron' and was arrested by Sergeant William Thicke on September 10th, but was later cleared of all suspicion. [ii] Tomkins was a witness at the Nicholls inquest, and worked in Winthorp Street at the time of her murder in neighbouring Buck's Row. [iii] Kelly was actually interred at St. Patrick's RC Cemetary, Leytonstone. [iv] Tabram was slain at 37 George Yard (now Gunthorpe Street) on Tuesday August 7th. We now reach the other Jack the Ripper links in Doctor Who media since The Talons of Weng-Chiang was first broadcast in 1977. The serial opens as eight women (not specified here as prostitutes), including Emma Buller, have now gone missing in East London, and the action seems to be set soon after the 'Autumn of Terror' as Casey refers to 'Jolly Jack'. In the draft script, Casey added that the recent disappearances can't be the Ripper's work because he's in Canada. This remark alludes to Prince Albert Victor, a suspect in the Royal conspiracy theory, advanced in Stephen Knight's book, The Final Solution, published just months before the story was broadcast. Location filming for the serial took place in Wapping, whilst it's supposed setting of Limehouse - just east of Whitechapel housed a large Chinese community in Victorian times, and was also the site of Fu Manchu's hideout in the books of Sax Rohmer (surely another influence for writer Robert Holmes). The opium dens of Limehouse seen here as the final refuge of Li H'Sen Chang - inspired Dickens, and featured in the From Hell novel (1991-96, 1999) and film (2001). Both books, The Shadow of Weng-Chiang (David McIntee/Virgin, 1996) and The Bodysnatchers (Mark Morris/BBC, 1997) set a date of 1889 for Talons (the character of Professor Litefoot returns in the latter novel, wherein Sam asks the Eigth Doctor if he knows the Ripper's identity). Knight's thesis that Queen Victoria's own physician, Sir William Gull was the Ripper (expanded from Dr Thomas Stowell's 1970 article in The Criminologist) has been perpetuated by two Jack the Ripper TV drama series (BBC, 1973 and Thames, 1988), and

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 the films Murder by Decree (1979), The Ripper (1997), and From Hell. Nigel Robinson's novel Birthright (Virgin, 1993) is set in the London of 1909. More grisly murders in the East End are apparently the work of the legendary 'Spring Heeled Jack' who first terrorised the capital in the 1830's. Again the seventh Doctor exposes the real killers - the insectoid Chaarl, and Ace even visits Hanbury Street, scene of the second Ripper murder [2]. This flying fiend always evaded capture, and the last account of this 'Jack' came in 1904 when he leapt over the roofs of Everton in Liverpool, to escape yet again (the 2011 series of Luther on BBC1 featured the 'Punch' killer who is obsessed with this other Victorian bogeyman). The Doctor Who play Hellblossom (2000, 2002, 2010) also features an alien 'Spring Heeled Jack', here revealed as the Hybrid. Similarly, in two versions of Johnny Byrne's The Time Lord scripts (1988-90), the Doctor (disguised as a prostitute) despatches the Ripper, in reality the shape-shifting Weazll.

In Excelis Rising (Big Finish, 2002) a parallel series of murders took place on the planet Artaris. Grayvorn tells the Doctor that the "Eastern slums prostitute murderer was identified and hanged... the murders stopped". This reflects yet another theory that the sudden cessation of the slayings was the result of the Ripper's capture, and the truth covered-up. The seventh Doctor was present in Whitechapel prior to Matrix, in Neil Penswick's

The Pit (Virgin, 1993). Here, his companion, the poet William Blake, discovers the date of their arrival from the Evening News. The headline for September 30th 1888 reads: "Jack the Ripper strikes again" which presumably reports the 'double event' of that morning. Stride [3] however is only murdered later on in the book. Then, lost in the alleyways, Blake sees the killer armed with his knife and is scared off by a policeman. Later in the Old Nags Head pub, Blake hears of another murder and proceeds to Berner Street, where the Doctor examines the victim, Stride, and concludes that the killing seems to be ritualistic. They soon encounter the real culprits - the fanatical Fellowship, who sacrificed the women, a nod to the actual Masonic links of the Royal conspiracy. The most recent Jack the Ripper references in Doctor Who media are courtesy of the three-part comic series, The Ripper's Curse. Released last year by IDW Publishing, and written by Tony Lee, this graphic novel offers another fictional interpretation of the Whitechapel Murders. Unlike Matrix, this story features many real-life people involved in the case. Now, the Eleventh Doctor must stop Jack's reign of terror. Part One opens in the early hours of September 30th, 1888. A stranger offers to walk 'Long Liz' home to Spitalfields. Sensing another customer, the prostitute agrees, and on reaching Berner Street she proffers a bag of "cashous" sweets, but he suddenly stuns her with a nerve paralytic. By 1am, Liz lies dead, and as Louis Diemschutz turns his cart into Dutfield's Yard he makes a grim discovery. The killer (now reverting to human form) flees just as the TARDIS materialises nearby. As the Doctor exits, his sonic screwdriver detects Kryon energy, which has pulled his ship to Earth. The police activity in the street attracts the travellers and the Doctor is asked to examine the murdered woman: "her throat was cut, she died... instantly" he comments, and rushes off to confront the same stranger. The Doctor discovers "a reptile in a shimmer suit..." [i] emitting "a lot of... radiation... from the Matrua Nebula." Meanwhile, Amy and Rory introduce themselves as Miss Marple [ii] and Inspector Clouseau [iii], of CSI London! We then witness Sir Charles Warren being quizzed by Tom Bullen of the Central News Agency, about the Ripper and the 'Dear Boss'

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 letter [iv]. Warren declares the correspondence a hoax, then is informed of this victim's details: "Elizabeth Stride, aged 44, throat slashed, killler interrupted" [3]. She had been seen earlier by PC Smith, with a fair-haired man. Warren then reads Rory's ID from the psychic paper: he's the Earl of Leadworth, the actual inspiration for Doyle's Sherlock Holmes!

featured Dr Thomas Cream (1850-1892), another candidaite for Jack. Supposedly, Bell submitted the name of his Ripper suspect to the police, and a week later the murders ceased. Doyle appeared in John Peel's Evolution (Virgin, 1994) and Revenge of the Judoon by Terrance Dicks (BBC, 2008), and he was even known to Redvers Fenn-Cooper, (see Ghost Light, 1989).

Amy now realises the truth - this is "the night of the double murder" and they must get to Mitre Square to save Catherine Eddowes [4] "she's next!" Inspector Frederick Abberline now arrives and deduces that the killer is right-handed, contrary to current opinion [v]. Amy sees the alien Ripper as she enters the Square, but she's too late to prevent the next canonical murder, and is herself stunned by a dart to her neck. The Doctor appears just in time to save Amy by attacking the reptile's noise-sensitive "tympanic membranes" with his screwdriver. The police arrive and arrest the Doctor at this new murder scene. Bullen announces, news-vendor style "...Ripper captured!

[iv] Inspector John Littlechild, who named Dr. Tumblety as a Ripper suspect in 1913, also revealed that journalist Bullen (in fact, Thomas Bulling) and his editor, John Moore, were the true authors of the 'Dear Boss' letter.

Notes: [i] Akin to the 'Shimmer' technology employed by the Vinvocci in The End of Time. [ii] Agatha Christie's English spinster sleuth, Jane Marple, appeared in 12 crime novels and 20 short stories, and in many film, TV, radio, and stage versions (she is also mentioned in The Unicorn and the Wasp by a tactless Donna: "Come on Agatha, what would Miss Marple do?"). [iii] Bungling French detective, Jacques Clouseau, appeared in The Pink Panther films, and was played by Peter Sellers. It's telling that in comic-form, Rory is still percieved as a bumbler, and given the guise of Clouseau. Later however, Rory presents himself (via the psychic paper) as a Dr. Joseph Bell-like figure, who actually inspired the uber-detective, Holmes. There is a long tradition of Ripper/Holmes fiction, and Conan Doyle even theorised a 'Jill the Ripper' suspect - read Dr. Watson's account of the killings in Dust and Shadow (by Lyndsay Faye, 2009) and the new ebook, Whitechapel: The Final Stand of Sherlock Holmes by Bernard Schaffer. Doyle met Bell in 1877, and served as his clerk in Edinburgh. Their working relationship was the basis of Murder Rooms (BBC, 2000-01): the first serial even

[v] Here, Rory compares (the real Inspector) Abberline to (the fictional one, played by) Johnny Depp, as seen in From Hell. Part Two September 30th 1888, and the 'Double Event'. Rory and Abberline arrive at Mitre Square in Aldgate, and the Inspector has the Doctor released. The Time Lord explains that the Ripper isn't a man - "It's a creature. Taloned fingers, some kind of leecher [extracting].. minerals from the deceased.. he's wearing a shimmer suit.. drenched in Kryon radiation.." The culprit could be either of two races, "The Ju'wes [or] the Re'nar.." and the women's missing organs are "..a tasty snack" to him, "The alien needs the victim to be scared.. the tastier.. they become." The Doctor then meets Warren, addding "You're looking for a shape-changing alien.. a Ju'wes hunter, blades for fingers.." The nervy Commissioner tells this friend of 'Clouseau' that his imagination is worthy of H G Wells [i] before rushing away (Wells' first books were only published in 1895). The Doctor deduces that Warren knows what the killer is, but how? The travellers are next seen in Abberline's study at New Scotland Yard [ii]. Amy remembers reading about Jack the Ripper, "Wasn't it someone from the Royal family?" and Rory recalls "one more [murder].. Mary.. we could save her." Naturally, the Doctor disagrees, "Every Ripper victim is a staic point in time and space [that].. can't be altered" (a similar argument occurs at the end of Matrix when the Doctor tells Ace that "those.. five women had to die.. that's [what] happened").

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 They are then summoned to nearby Goulsten (sic) Street to view a new clue - a message [iii] that implicates the "Ju'wes." Warren now appears and orders the removal of the seemingly anti-semitic graffiti, but Inspector Smith protests (hereby voicing another theory), "you're.. defending your Freemason friends." The Doctor concludes that the alien Ripper has feasted enough for weeks, perhaps the reason why no killings occured the next month, October 1888. Back in the TARDIS, the trio again discuss the last canonical murder. The Doctor declares that "..Mary has to die.. there has to be a fifth victim.. All of London would be changed." Rory follows Amy back outside, but the Doctor is stung by a paralysing dart. The Re'nar Ripper tells the Time Lord that these "most horrific murders.. will be blamed on the Ju'wes" (mirroring the double-meaning of the graffito's key phrase). Amy finds the Ten Bells pub [iv] where the landlord Bert is evicting two drunken women, Mary Warner and Mary Kelly. Amy tries to convince Kelly that she'll be slain by the Ripper on November 9th. The two prostitutes stagger off as Rory catches up with his wife. At Scotland Yard, the fully recovered Doctor visits Warren - in reality, the Ju'wes creature (the real Sir Charles is on holiday) who is hunting the escaped Re'nar, Mac'atyde, here in Earth's past. They arrange to meet again in five weeks, when the Ripper strikes for the final time. Back at the TARDIS, the Doctor also tells Abbeline to be ready, at 9pm on November 8th - he now intends to save Kelly! Fast forward to Miller's Court, off Dorset Street - Abbeline is supervising the police surveillance, and at midnight the inspector informs the Doctor that 'Warren' has resigned. Despite waiting all night, Mary doesn't return home, but at 10am, another murder is discovered upstairs in Kelly's room. The Doctor had told the police that Mary Warner, not Kelly, was the next victim. He now realises that Amy's warning has altered time (Kelly's room was indeed at No. 13, but on the ground floor, a subtle but vital change), and the present is fluid again - the Ripper "could kill again, be anywhere." Amy meanwhile, has been captured by the Ripper! Notes: [i] Doctor Who owes much to the stories of H G Wells (1866-1946). The Doctor first met

'Herbert' on screen in Time Lash (1985), and actually became the inspiration for the writer's subsequent works of "science fiction." Wells again assisted the Doctor in The Time Machination (IDW, 2009). In The Ghosts of NSpace (1996), the Doctor claimed to have lent 'Bertie' his ion-focusing coil for his invisibility experiments. When faced with the TARDIS interior in Pyramids of Mars (1975), Laurence Scarman likens it to the "scientific romances of Mr Wells." The Master reads The War of the Worlds (1898) in Frontier in Space, whilst (Professor Chronotis in Shada and) the Doctor prefers The Time Machine (1895) in the TV Movie. In the context of Ripper fiction, the film Time After Time (1979) sees a friend of Wells, Dr. Stevenson (played by Unbound Doctor, David Warner) unmasked as 'Jack' and he escapes to the future in the writer's own time machine. The hero of the US show TimeCop, Jack Logan, is sent back to 1888 to hunt a time traveller who has killed the real Ripper and taken on his identity. Incredibly, this episode, A Rip in Time (TX: 22/9/1997) not only includes a huge gaffe (here Eddowes is murdered on November 7th), but the police inspector, Wells, happens to be the uncle of H G Wells (actually played by William Morgan Sheppard, Old Canton in The Impossible Astronaut). [ii] Only in 1890 did the headquarters of the Metropolitan Police move from Whitehall to a new purpose-built base on the Victoria Embankment. In October 1888, a female torso was discovered at the construction site for New Scotland Yard, but the police ruled out any connection to the concurrent Whitechapel Murders. [iii] At about 3am, PC Long found a dirty, bloody piece of Eddowes' [4] apron in the stairwell of Model dwellings at Goulston Street. On the wall above was the chalkwritten message that is now known as the 'graffito.' Three slightly varied versions were recorded by Long, DC Halse, and Frederick Foster, before Warren demanded it's removal. Here, 'Smith' probably represents the real detective, Halse, who advocated photographing the message, whilst wating for his superior, Major Henry Smith (the City of London Commissioner and Warren's counterpart). Many interpretations of the graffito have been advanced ever since. [iv] The Ten Bells pub still stands on the corner of Commercial and Fournier Streets in

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Spitalfields. A 'victims board' on the wall opposite the bar even cites Martha Tabram as a Ripper target. It is believed that Annie Chapman [2] and Kelly [5] frequented the pub. Part Three: The Doctor and Rory travel to modern-day Whitechapel to question a 'Ripper walk' tour guide. They want to know "how many Ripper murders are canon?" The answer stuns them - twelve! The Ripperologist begins to list the victims Nichols [1], Chapman [2], Stride [3], Eddowes [4], Kelly [5], then Mary Warner and Amelia Marple, ie. Amy! He informs them that the bodies of Marple and Warner were found in a yard off Hanbury Street [2] the night after Kelly's death (ie. November 10th) and "Unlike the others, these two were murdered elsewhere." Meanwhile in 1888, Amy is being held captive in a cellar with Mary. The TARDIS returns to Spitalfields, and now the Doctor tells Abbeline of the night's impending double event. Although officially off the case, Warren arrives and the Doctor persuades him to reveal his true self to the inspector. 'Clouseau' is then put in charge of the manhunt, and the Doctor finds a tracking device (similar to the one used to locate the invisible Krafayis in Vincent and the Doctor). As night approaches, Amy assaults her captor's "tympanic membranes" by making as "much... unbearable" noise as she can, with a metal bar. Amy helps the paralysed Mary from the cellar. The new chief of police gets to the Ripper's house just as the two women escape. The 'Warren' reptile and Mac'atyde

now battle for survival. The Ju'wes cannot reason with his enemy, and so forces the Re'nar back into his lair. Both are then consumed as the alien time portal explodes the 'Ripper' is dead! Abbeline will continue the investigation for now, but with no further killings, the newspapers cannot scare the populace and "the Ripper will be forgotten." As the travellers depart, the Doctor says that the crimes will "never be forgotten.. because [they].. can never be explained." As a neat coda to both this Doctor Who blog and to the programme's links to Saucy Jack, we finally get a definitive on-screen reference in A Good Man Goes to War (June 4th 2011). Here in 'London, 1888 AD' the scene is set for a resurrected Silurian warrior to actually find and execute this legendary killer. On her return home, Madame Vastra asks her maid, Jenny to inform Inspector Abbeline of Scotland Yard that Jack the Ripper is dead! KEY Canonical Murders: [1] Mary Ann Nicholls - Buck's Row, Friday August 31st 1888 [2] Annie Chapman - Hanbury St. Saturday September 8th [3] Elizabeth Stride - Berner St. Sunday September 30th [4] Catherine Eddowes - Mitre Square, also September 30th [5] Mary Jane Kelly - Miller's Court, Friday November 9th

ď&#x201A;ˇ THOMAS MILLS (ecklefecken.blogspot.com)

Big Busterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Quiz Answers

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Hot or Not? Here we consider two characters from Doctor Who and try to decide who’s the sexiest, who would people most want to date – who’s hot and who’s not? This month’s eligible bachelors are Davros and Professor Sondergaard. Davros First appearance Genesis of The Daleks (1975), most recent appearance The Stolen Earth / Journey’s End (2008). Pros Power mad – many people find this attractive in a partner, particularly in the bedroom, negotiating at the bank and when returning goods at department stores. He is driven and single-minded – he gets an idea and he goes with it to the end, regardless of the consequences. He is very old – excellent sugar daddy material. Also free transport and concessions at events is always helpful for extending those tight budgets on the dating scene. Bald – sign of virility? Many think so... Mobility impaired – this is not a con in these enlightened days, and people get the hell out of your way when you’re driving those scooter things so getting places should be quick and easy. Good with his hand – let’s face it, he’s achieved a hell of a lot with one good hand, so any sexual partners are bound to be in for a treat. Clever – a partner who can solve any problem? Eligible bachelors and batchelorettes should be queuing up by now. Glowing third eye – useful as a night light, or for reading at dusk. Not afraid to show his chest off in public – sure sign of self confidence.

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Cons Power driven – mobility chair needs occasional maintenance and a power source from time to time. Days out need to be properly planned and prepped in advance to avoid lifesupport failure and embarrassment. He is very old – quality time together may not be plentiful... What’s his left hand up to? This bothers some people. Dental hygiene – this guy needs some serious work done. Probably dentures at the very least. Could you snog a guy and risk his teeth coming out with your tongue? He is driven and single-minded – if he gets an idea will he have any time for you and your needs? What’s with the third eye? Where do you look in conversation, at it, around it, where? Universally despised, even by his own kids – admittedly this is pretty damning. You’ve got to be the kind of person who sees good in everyone to get past this, or deaf-blind. Verdict Sexual deviancy hot, oral freshness, not.

Sondergaard Only appearance so far The Mutants (1972) Pros Bald – possible sign of virility as noted above. Middle aged – possibly qualifying as a sugar daddy for the under-21’s. Still a bit of good living left in this chap, unless the thaesium radiation has done for him. Might be worth getting him checked over first. Owns his own property – he’s not going to be a sudden financial burden on anyone. Jewellery – this guy is a free spirit, not hung up by social or sexual mores. He is comfortable wearing loose clothing and jewellery, much of which it looks like he’s made himself from local rustic materials. Popular with the natives – at least if he takes you home you won’t encounter any hostility from the locals, which is more than can be said of some.

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Clever – intelligence is just as attractive to some as good looks are to others. If you are one of those then you should check him out. Owns a radiation suit – dresses sensibly and appropriately according to the occasion. This is commendable in any partner. You won’t catch this guy playing with the thaesium core in his hippy slacks and Hawaiian shirt. Buff and tan – well, tanned at least. Doesn’t look flabby after years of living and surviving on his own on Solos. That’s hardship for you! Nice smile – come on, who isn’t impressed with a great Colgate grin? Bit part in Empire Strikes Back – yes, that was Professor Sondergaard playing Lobot on Cloud City. It does mean that with image and merchandise rights, plus film sales, there’s a steady cash flow coming in each month. Cons Property he owns is on a planet where you can’t breathe the air for the next 500 years at least, and you may naturally evolve into an insectoid mutt or beyond by living there. Possibly frail – he didn’t make a good job of reaching Sky Base on the first attempt. Probably should see the nurse and get an asthma pump. Avoid long walks on dates for fear of disappointment or filling out hospital forms - a real passion killer. Spent years living and working alone, in exile – although he did have some native Solonians for company from time to time. Still, you have to wonder, is this man willing to share his life with anyone else? Can he change? Can I change him? Bit part in Empire Strikes Back – yes there’s the money, but he’s bound to be recognised in public. Let’s face it Star Wars fans get everywhere. Days out could be frustrating with autograph hunters and general nerds all wanting a piece of him. Be warned. Verdict Hippy hot, suburban heaven, not. Overall Verdict Get these two out on the lash, then make up your mind. Too close to call on paper.  TIM GAMBRELL

NOTICE DUE TO A NUMBER OF COMPLAINTS, REGULAR COLUMNIST HARRY SEDGEWICK IS LAYING LOW FOR A WHILE. AFTER MUCH FEEDBACK AND DELIBERATION, HIS COMMENTS WERE DEEMED TO BE OUT OF TOUCH, OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN AND SLIGHTLY BELOW THE BELT IN HIS CRITICISM OF TELEVISION PRODUCERS. So he’ll be back next time.

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Stitches: A Bloody Clown I’ve never bought people being scared of clowns. Clowns are supposed to be funny. Yes they look creepy, but so did Mad Mary who used to pick up cig stumps from outside Debenhams. Would a film about a creepy, murderous clown actually try to portray one as a character, rather than the caricature that is rife in this particular staple of horror? I’ve commented in the past how intriguing it’ll be to see how the youngsters from The Sarah Jane Adventures would take those experiences forward as they embark on their adult acting careers. I’ve tipped Daniel Anthony for great things, so it was nice to see another, Tommy Knight (Luke) in something completely different. We attended the final night of the horror film festival, Grimmfest, in Manchester and with Stitches being the final film of the night (along with a Q&A from the main cast members) it was a joy from start to finish. No doubt Tommy’s experiences with the SJA episode Day of The Clown came into play during the filming of this. I’d love to ask him who makes a creepier clown - Bradley Walsh or Ross Noble! Stitches follows a performing clown who, whilst being berated by kids, meets with a very grave accident. ‘Grave’ being the operative word, as he climbs from his and seeks revenge on those who contributed to his demise. Ross Noble plays the title role and you can’t help but enjoy his performance as he goes around, killing teenagers in many interesting ways, like we’ve all wanted to do. From the first couple of minutes, his character is pretty much there for us to latch on to and possibly, to sympathise with. I can just imagine him – a frustrated out-of-work actor, forced to live in a caravan and doing kids parties to pay off his debts, despite him being a bit useless as a clown. Maybe I’m letting my imagination run away with me, but it can be so easy in a film like this to make the kids ‘good’ and the clown the ‘evil’ one. Really, the line between the two are blurred and you can understand why Stitches is so pissed off and is going around knocking them off, which just adds a few more laughs to it all! This is a film that has all the potential to go over-the-top and campy, but it never loses that bit of creepiness that keeps your eyes fixed to the screen The deaths, especially, are spectacular to say the least, but they’re done in a way that isn’t jarring. The chorography of a particular scene got an ovation from the screening crowd which meant everyone missed what Ross Noble described in the Q&A later as ‘the best line in the film’!

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 Tommy Knight heads the cast of the kids and all of them do a decent job playing it straight, which allows Noble to be more noticeable with his creepy, but hilarious performance. Director Conor McMahon does a fine job and the lighting of the film in particular was something that I thought worked well. The film was released across 150 cinemas th nationwide from the 26 October, so be sure to look out for it when it’s released on DVD. If you like your horror to be gory fun, then be sure to go and see it! Even if you’re scared of clowns, the hilarity of it all will actually work to calm that fear a bit. Stitches has all the hallmarks of being a cult horror classic, which not ironically, will leave you in stitches.  DANIEL GEE For more information on Stitches visit http://stitchesmovie.com/

Review taken from:

In the past, many people made many mistakes. There’s simply no excuse and everyone hopes that the people responsible are brought to justice and that we learn from these mistakes and never let them happen again. But for those hoping and campaigning for the end of one of the institutions that makes Britain truly ‘great’, simply because a few evil people decided to take advantage of its good nature, then you can FUCK RIGHT OFF Thank-you 51

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

Targeting The Invasion & The Massacre

I’ve reached that stage that many older fans have been through, where sacrifices have to be made and my Target novelisations just have to go. However, before they do I’ve got a bit of time to catch up on some old comfort reading, and occasionally some that I never got round to reading back in the day. While I’m at it I thought I’d share my views on some of them. This time around it’s Ian Marter’s The Invasion and John Lucarotti’s The Massacre. These days many of us have seen all the extant episodes over and again so it’s a natural reaction to match up the images in your head with the words as you read them. But then occasionally you get the surprise of the books deviating from the televised version – which is true of these two. The Invasion: I was amazed that I’d not read this before, since I tended to favour the ‘monster’ stories as a shallow youth. I had pretty high expectations of this book, I’ll admit. Terrance Dicks was a reliable adaptor but the books by Malcolm Hulke and Ian Marter tend to be

considered slightly more creative and inventive, and I have fond memories of the latter’s novelisations of The Ark In Space and The Ribos Operation as a child. I didn’t really feel that Ian Marter was doing anything out of the ordinary as such here, although I was very surprised when Packer used the word ‘bastard’ – is this the first instance of swearing in a Doctor Who book? I assume the book was based on an early script as well, since Gregory’s death is the abandoned car scene that was never filmed. It’s an interesting scene, and a surprise for the seasoned reader predicting the events before they happen, but I also think it shows very well that what they ended up filming through necessity (having failed to get this scene in the can) was far superior, with Gregory interrogated by Vaughn after the event and then mercilessly (and noisily!) shot down by the Cybermen for his pains. Gregory, as Vaughn’s stooge, should die by Vaughn’s doing, not by UNIT’s. If there’s any overall narrative effect on the story then it’s that Marter makes it a more personal story: we lose the majesty of the cybermen bursting from the Central London sewers and marching through the deserted streets around St Pauls. Instead we get Isobel looking out of a window and seeing them burst out of the sewers locally. For such an iconic moment in the programme’s history, and the obvious opportunities of poetic description this is a real shame and a real loss. Also Vaughn is much more controlled in Marter’s version, so we never see him really losing control and letting rip at Packer as he does in the later episodes on TV. Again, this is an opportunity missed for florid description and creative metaphor as Vaughn’s face should crease in anger, his eyes narrow and with spittle-fuelled fury he yells ‘find him packer, FIND

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 HIM!!!’ Alas, not in the book. What also tripped me up as a reader were the occasions where Troughton’s Doctor is unwittingly written like Hartnell or Pertwee – particularly jarring are the ‘young man’s and ‘my dear’s which don’t quite sit right with the Second Doctor. Also calling the Brigadier ‘Brig’ - that’s not a Doctor-ism at all. It left me wanting to watch the DVD, but only to take comfort in the televised version being better. The Massacre was a whole other kettle of fish. I love John Lucarotti’s scripts for Marco Polo and The Aztecs, they are the quintessential early historicals. What finally went out on TV as his third and final commissioned historical was pretty much entirely the work of script editor Donald Tosh and tried to guide the programme where producer John Wiles wanted to take it. Tosh has been very dismissive of what Lucarotti wrote, so for that alone I am glad that when asked to write the novelisation he chose to base it on his rejected scripts instead. We don’t have the episodes to view, but we have the book to read and the gorgeous off-air soundtrack to listen to for comparison. The two versions are similar in many ways, but vastly different in plenty of others. Tosh’s is both more dramatic and more naturalistic but also daringly frustrating in that it’s impossible to tell if the Doctor is ever pretending to be the Abbot of Amboise. This is also its brilliance. In the novel it’s never in doubt which is the Abbot and which is the Doctor: Lucarotti goes out of his way to make it clear to us and to point out where and why it isn’t clear to Steven and others ‘in the know’. The Doctor has much more to do in this version, which Hartnell may have found a strain, but where it most loses out against the televised story is that there’s a far less palpable fear over the potential religious dangers. Lucarotti is an author

who likes to spoon-feed his readers. The TV version allows the audience to make up their own mind and we would almost always come down on the side of the Huguenots and share their fears and frustrations. The only time I ever got really engaged was when the Doctor and the Abbot eventually met. It’s a nicely crafted scene but annoyingly brief. I found myself distracted for much of the book by the differences between the two versions of the story – which was not to the advantage of the novel, I fear. I also felt on various occasions that it was like reading what was going on behind closed doors in the televised version, in the same way that watching Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead can inform a viewing of Hamlet – yet the two are also mutually exclusive. I also felt that Lucarotti’s novel portrays Steven Taylor as weak, whereas in the TV version he is a very strong character in the absence of the Doctor, moralistic and noble. The fragility of the religious situation is not aided by the author allowing the Doctor to enjoy himself a bit too much in his deceptions. We lose the wonderful soliloquy at the end where the Doctor considers going home; here he’s already at home, relaxing on Gallifrey in Lucarotti’s framing device and answering some nosey Time Lords who’ve accused him of interfering. Been there, done that... If John Lucarotti’s The Massacre was a manifesto for his original script then I feel Donald Tosh wins the election hands down, but I’m certain fandom would be poorer for not having this document at least as a comparison. I wonder if we’ll ever get Lucarotti’s original Ark In Space, or Lewis Greiffer’s Pyramids of Mars instead..? Hooray for Target!  TIM GAMBRELL

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12

To Those We Never Had… Following the surprise appearance of Jenna-Louise Coleman in Asylum of the Daleks, everyone was left as confused as a newspaper journalist when tasked with doing some research. Is this her character, or will she be playing someone else when she joins as a fully-fledged companion? How is her story going to be told?

10 years later) it’s just a bloke in a suit. I know K9 is loved by many, but D84 could have played that role AND would have been able to walk on a beach and admire Leela’s goodies.

With those questions in mind, here are a couple of our suggestions for companions that never were, and probably should have been, instead of what we actually got.

Duggan – Part of me didn’t want to suggest this, as it works so well in City of Death and the problem with Doctor Who (especially today) is that it doesn’t know when to leave something be. However, I reckon having Duggan aboard for at least 2 stories would have been great. Perhaps The Doctor could have shown him the universe in order to educate the more ignorant side of him? It would have been hilarious to see him fighting monsters with his bare fists or The Doctor hitting him over the head every few minutes or Romana taking the piss without him realising.

D84 (to use an old British term for ‘awesome’) is the dogs bollocks. I would love to throw hands at him - a double high-5.

But then again, when The Doctor and Romana say BYE BYE DUGGAN that was (probably) quite rightly the end to a magical story (with science-fiction elements).

D84 – Doctor Who and Robots have a long history, but I don’t think that there’s any doubt The Robots of Death is the best story to portray them. Nothing else seems to pull off that sinister look that these robots give off. Polite, cute and very roboty, D48 would have made a great companion. He even had a bit of character, which ironically, was more than most former Doctor Who companions ever did! It wouldn’t take much budget (or pissing around with electronics – as the production team learnt to their cost with a certain Robot

Lynda Moss – .I’ll level with you here – I didn’t really like Rose. I just found her too selfish and smug, the latter part of Series 2 especially. For me I would pay a fee AND swap Rose to get Lynda on board the TARDIS. In 60 minutes, she showed more companion qualities than Rose ever did. She seemed to be interested in The Doctor, rather than herself, she was always willing to help and just seemed so bright and likeable. But no, sadly she was shot by a Dalek and found herself in Eastenders, where she’s currently wasting away in a sea of mediocrity. You’re better than that love.

Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 12 actress who played her (Sara Griffiths) used to flog stuff on QVC. So to be fair, she probably isn’t losing any sleep over joining the show at perhaps its lowest ebb. Not when you can get away with selling all that tat anyway.

Sally Sparrow – Ah Sally Sparrow, the true success of Blink in our eyes. What we like most about that episode is the feeling that you (and The Doctor and Martha) are intruding on another TV drama, as all the characters are very strongly realised and the story excellent. After Blink aired, message boards were awash with posts asking for her to return, but once Carey Mulligan got involved with those tedious costume dramas, she was lost to Hollywood (and us geeks) forever. Like we had a chance. Rachael ‘Ray’ - Yes, we know that she was originally sounded out, has a dodgy Welsh accent and the name of a boy, but the question you’ve got to ask is, was she better option than Mel? After watching her interactions with The Doctor (where she actually behaved like his companion) you have to think, yes, she is. Delta and The Bannermen is a bit of a dodgy one with fans, personally we don’t mind it - it just needs an iron and a decent editor to sort it out. And maybe some decent SFX and actors too. But on the whole, Delta is a just-about watchable tale of unrequited love, aliens, holiday camps and Ken Dodd being gunned down. It’s much more of a Doctor Who story than some new series episodes we could mention, so it deserves better! Interestingly, the

Glitz – He eventually came back to take Mel off our hands (good luck with that, pal) but how much better would it have been to have this space thief travelling around with The Doctor for a couple of stories? He could have been the one handling all the violence, whilst The Doctor’s softer nature could have come to the fore more quickly and hence possibly saving his job. In fact, the interactions with him and Peri would have been very interesting to watch and with The Doctor in the middle, it could have been a better version of the TeganTurlough partnership a few years’ previously. Obviously, by the end of his time he would have learnt quite a lot from The Doctor. But not so much that it would mend his thieving ways! Rita – The God Complex was an intriguing episode in many ways, but mostly (for us anyway) the characters that were in it. Having rooms that contain each persons fear is an ingenuous way of telling us more about these people, without the need of endless boring dialogue and it can also present us with some action and scary scenes in its place. Out of those characters, Rita was by far the most intriguing, her interactions with The Doctor were great, she had an interesting back-story (her relationship with her father - could have been fleshed out in further episodes) and she just seemed like a dynamic character who didn’t stand around looking all pouty. What’s more, she was the right age and had all the right bits in all the right places, as we all know - a Doctor Who companion NEEDS to be young and pretty…