Tivara’s Trees by Tivara Tanudjaja

any time there was a rain cloud in the sky or a single drop of rain, i would run to the window just to see what was gonna happen as the news forecast played in the background. i’d watch the grey clouds swirl and swirl and swirl until my head got dizzy with anxiety and my mom would sit next to me and rub circles into my back cause she knew that whatever she told me wasn’t gonna help me calm down. so i was banned from listening to the forecast for a couple of years. being from colorado, there’s not a lot of natural disasters that happen other than tornadoes or thunderstorms, and lucky for me, i was afraid of both.

when i was a kid, i had this

terrible fear of thunderstorms

it must have been something about the crack of the thunder or the flash of the lightning that made my heart skip two beats, but whatever it was, i never got over it. i still watch for that single drop of rain every now and again that just might turn sinister. there’s no controlling how quickly my hands begin to shake and how many turns and turns my stomach starts to do. i know i have to grow up. but just…why can’t i stay a kid for just a while longer?