Autumn Vibes by Kiersten Tate

she was never a bad person, she did her best, she was a good girl

vi. she met a man who changed her view of herself and what she could be and how she loved

she thought they loved each other in the right way but it wasn’t the right way it was messy

messy— messy— messy—

that word doesn’t begin to describe it

she wanted to block it out of her memory but the thing about that sort of thing is that you can’t always shake off the dust from your shoes and walk away

she felt so upset she forgot

she was never a bad person, she did her best, she was a good girl

vii. and then she stopped being a good girl because she stopped being a girl and then she stopped being she because they had no use for that pronoun anymore

and they felt bad because they had put her through so much she had been through so much she was never a bad person, she did her best, she was a good girl viii. i did my best to love you little one, small child, big child, adult, but i never gave you a proper send off

because you were good it wasn’t your fault all those bad things happened to you

you were the deacon’s daughter, the good girl, the one who had so much ahead of you and i never gave you a proper send off

my baby, myself, i should have held you more it would have made it easier to love me now and that’s not fair for me to say

without giving you a proper send off

i love you. it’s too late for me to say it because i’m someone else now. i’m new. you’re my past. i would look fondly on it if all those bad things hadn’t tainted it.

but those bad things didn’t taint you you will always be a good girl

you were never, ever, ever a bad person you did your very best and you were a good girl and i can finally love you and let you go.