it made it hard for her to remember she was never a bad person, she did her best, she was a good girl vi. she met a man who changed her view of herself and what she could be and how she loved
viii. i did my best to love you little one, small child, big child, adult, but i never gave you a proper send off because you were good it wasn’t your fault all those bad things happened to you
she thought they loved each other in the right way but it wasn’t the right way it was messy
you were the deacon’s daughter, the good girl, the one who had so much ahead of you and i never gave you a proper send off
messy— messy— messy—
my baby, myself, i should have held you more it would have made it easier to love me now and that’s not fair for me to say
that word doesn’t begin to describe it she wanted to block it out of her memory but the thing about that sort of thing is that you can’t always shake off the dust from your shoes and walk away she felt so upset she forgot she was never a bad person, she did her best, she was a good girl vii. and then she stopped being a good girl because she stopped being a girl and then she stopped being she because they had no use for that pronoun anymore and they felt bad because they had put her through so much she had been through so much she was never a bad person, she did her best, she was a good girl
without giving you a proper send off i love you. it’s too late for me to say it because i’m someone else now. i’m new. you’re my past. i would look fondly on it if all those bad things hadn’t tainted it. but those bad things didn’t taint you you will always be a good girl you were never, ever, ever a bad person you did your very best and you were a good girl and i can finally love you and let you go.
